Struggling with your decision to put your loved one in a dementia nursing home? Watch this.
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- Опубликовано: 16 июн 2024
- Welcome to the place where I share dementia tips, strategies, and information for family members caring for a loved one with any type of dementia (such as Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia, etc.)
Today’s video is all about the struggles involved in deciding whether to place your loved one with dementia in a nursing home. No matter what type of dementia your loved one has (Alzheimer’s disease, Lewy Body dementia, or Frontotemporal dementia), there may come a time when you have to think about whether your loved one may need nursing home care. This is no easy decision and today’s video walks you through how a fellow careblazer came to terms with deciding to place her husband with dementia.
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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacaregiver
Which of the 4 tips do you like best?
Careblazers: dementia care heroes all of the above!! Today is 1/13/18 and I did watch your other video. These are such great tips. My mother began passing out due to A-Fib about three hrs ago. Perhaps the first fall she had resulted in an undetected concussion and shortly thereafter we were faced with the dementia diagnosis. It has progressed rapidly and almost from the onset she began falling. I have Fibromyalgia and cannot pick her up due to pain. I cannot count how many of the falls resulted in a head injury needing stitches. Finally I was questioned on the possibility of placing my mom in nursing home care. The culture I come from sees that as a horrible thing! My mother fell yesterday and was rushed to the ER for stitches. Today I came home from Sunday School(my husband and I trade places going to church, it’s been a year since we’ve gone together) 😢 and I watched this video... thank you, now I know that what my culture thinks of me is non of my business! Your videos are a blessing, my best to you.
Careblazers: dementia care heroes My favorite tip is all of them.
What other people think of me is none of my business.
Number 1. Thinking of my dad's safety.
Safety comcerns
As a neurologist and son of a Alzheimers patient, I want to say how amazingly in tune you are with the issues surrounding Alzheimer’s patients and their caregivers and how well you communicate that knowledge to others. You are a fantastic resource. Great work!
David Duncan thank you so much. That means a lot. 💕
We're just getting started with this journey. My husband is probably about 2 years into it, but I've only been noticing it for sure these past 4 to 6 months. Other friends have told me they've been seeing it for the past 2 years.
I happened to cross Dr Natali's online helpful videos, and I am so thankful the Lord led me to her. She is such a kind and considerate person, and speaks with such a caring attitude. I plan to keep listening as my dear husband continues his journey with me at his side.
When u have family telling you your wrong and make u feel guilty it makes it harder ..people who have no idea how hard its been
Forget them. I have the same stuff happening.
Forget them. I couldn't care less because they're not in the situation. It's easy to say something without knowing
❤️❤️❤️
Tell them to walk in your shoes and see if they feel the same way
Invite them to step into the caregiver role, if they know so much about it. They will run the other way.
5 years after you posted this, finding myself asking these same questions about my mom. Struggling with guilt, self-blame, feeling like I should be doing more for her, exhaustion, depression, lack of focus, lack of motivation all combined. My mom and I were so close and it's really hard to be going through this without her to be there for me. I miss her so much even though she's still here in body.
Sending you a hug I know it's hard. Be strong to your loved one.
❤
I am in exactly the same situation as I have a beautiful mother who has been my best friend but who I no longer can talk to. This is the saddest thing ever to go through. Wishing you all good wishes with your mum.
Hello. I can relate to this story. I also have been married to my husband for 50 years. I was caring for him as his dementia increased without help or support from our children who live too far way to help out or even his brothers who lived nearby. It took me a long time to convince myself that I had to help myself to be able to help him. After months of crying and having panic attacks, I finally took the decision to find help for him. He is now in a "home" where he is doing very well as they have him on a daily routine. As for me, people tell me that I look very rested and even happy. I still feel guilty once in awhile but know that I have to be healthy to be able to care for him. Thanks for all your excellent help for we Careblazers.
The hardest thing for me when it was time for the nursing care facility was, he would no longer have the one on one care. At the nursing facility he would be one of many. He would have to wait his turn. At home I was able to take care of his needs immediately and sometimes even foresee what was coming and be ready with the clean shirt or warm washcloth, etc. I knew where to set his glass so he wouldn't spill his drink and what spoon he needed and when to step in and help or let him do it on his own. His daughters taking care of him every once in a while, without me there did three things. It gave them one on one alone time with their dad, gave me a break and let them know close up and first hand the progression of the disease. I had their full support when the time came to enter the nursing facility. I am a Lewy Body Careblazer. Thank you for these videos. I wish I had them before I became a caregiver.
Thought I was the only Lewy Body dementia careblazer... actually that is how I feel. My husband diagnosed with Parkinsonism with Lewy bodies. Thank you for sharing... also a great thank you for all the videos.
It will be helpful to hear more about caring for a Lewy body dementia patient.
Be blessed
I just made this decision and started calling different facilities and was SHOCKED how expensive care is!
I’m in NY. Spent 135K in less than a year. Put her in a medicare aided facility- Amber court in Smithtown NY. The aides have no business caring for anyone. The place gets paid to do what it does NOT do. She broke bones in her back 2 times. I finally had to bring her home because I’m afraid to put her anywhere. But this is getting to be too much for me. The guilt is what motivates me. She doesn’t even know who I am and hates the sight of me. I’m her daughter. Been here for her all her life- she’s always been a loaner. My brother and dad bailed.
Every time I visit my husband in the hospital he is angry at me because I won't take him home. It is breaking my heart. What can I say to him?
This is the BEST dementia support channel ever! I loved the advise on this because it has been 3 years I had to place my mother in dementia care and still struggle with guilt. I placed her for all the right reasons but the guilt has been overwhelming leading to depression. The statements on this video are very comforting and I thank you very much. Please keep doing what you are doing.
I do understand. I placed my Mom in a home a week ago and I am sooo sad about it.
Thank you for giving so much of your time to advise us. I am struggling with putting my husband in a nursing home right now. Your advice is so true. I lay at night beside my husband and grieve for him already. If I put him in a nursing home he will not be beside me when I wake up. Who will comfort him when he is confused? Who will.cover his feet at night when he kicks the blankets off? I could go on and on but all u out there that love your dementia relatives understand. Will they care for him and give him the love that I give him? No but I know I am eventually going to have to let him go. My heart is breaking. Right now I am content laying here beside him as I write this. I can't let him go yet. Soon but not yet.
Just an FYI:
We like to say ‘place’ a loved one vs ‘put’. Love all your videos. My husband, with Parkinson’s & LBD, just passed away and always
appreciate your education and comments. I’m trying to re-enter the world after years of caregiving. Hope your dad is settling in? 🙏🏻
This is an old video, but that's the great thing about RUclips: you make a video once, and it keeps doing its job forever. This video covers an an important topic, and Dr. Natali, you nailed it. Your four points were right on, you're a genius! I loved how you said EVERYBODY is different. If her husband wants that moldy cheese or wine, he's probably bigger, stronger and more aggressive than her, she can't stop him. My mom also goes for moldy food she's hidden. But I'm a man, far stronger and bigger and younger than her, I can take the moldy food away. Also my house is mid century modern with shiny, stained concrete floors throughout - extrememly easy to clean, so when she has her "bathroom accidents" I just use a little blaach and a throw-away towel and its done! Someone with carpeting, or tiles with grooves would have a hell of a time. Also I have no other dependents, no kids, no wife - it's much easier. So I'm no hero, I just have an easier situation than others. I would like to add a #5 and hope it doesn't come off like I think I know everything. But all dementias cause patients to feel extremely fearful of the unfamiliar. The strange new environment of a nursing home would be terrifying. "Memory impairment" is a misnomer. It's more like, they just don't know anything anymore. They're afraid of microwave ovens, unfamiliar chairs and sofas, television sets, houseplants - each patient is scared of different things. Enter: Xanax. The fear buster. Who cares if its a dangerous, addictive controlled substance? Dementia is a one way ticket. On Xanax, their new scary bedroom at the strange nursing home ceases to be a bizarre place of terror in the night. The hanging coat ceases to be a murderer. The unfamiliar chair ceases to be a lion about to kill them. FEAR of the unfamiliar.That's the biggest problem in a nursing home for a dementia patient. Put 'em on Xanax, and the nursing home becomes 90% more pleasant. Thus the careblazer's guilt decreases by 90% too! Forget SSRIs, those should be for anxiety patients without dementia who can't take Xanax because of addiction. But for a dying Alzheimer's patient? What does addiction have to do with anything? They're near the end anyway. Let their final days, if in a nursing home, be free of fear.
Life is full of "new normals" ,this is one of many.
Thank you so much for your videos. No one understands unless they're in it.
We can't do it all. At some point we are all in the same boat.
God bless all
My biggest struggle with this was that nursing home care was NOT superior to what I could do even though I was almost completely alone as my Grandma's caregiver. She had so many other health issues besides dementia and there were several times I had no choice other than nursing home care. It was usually nightmarish and I was actually greatly relieved when she was well enough to come home. They would put her at the far end of the hall and neglect to watch her even though she needed constant supervision to keep her from hurting herself. It would be a wonderful world if a "skilled nursing" facility truly involved skilled and caring people taking excellent care of your loved one. But depending upon where you live, nursing home care can be truly horrible and neglectful.
Laurie McLean I’m sorry to hear of your experience. Nursing homes vary widely with some really great ones and some not so great ones. 😞
I agree,I had to place my Mama in a home a week ago. I feel sooo bad. She will not eat at times. I'm sad
Brenda Gray does it get better after that first week?
I agree with you totally. My mother had alzheimers and was in several nursing homes. First thing they do is put them on anti pyscotics. That makes them dizzy and they fall and hurt themselves. Now I am taking care of my husband who has alzheimers for 10 years. I'm so depressed , crying and feel guilt because I can't handle him anymore.,but don't want to put him in a nursing home. I know he receives better care with me. But I don't think I can do it anymore.
My 85 year old father has dementia. He is cared for tirelessly by my mother but it is a hard slog for her.I help out as does my brother. Luckily she does get occasional respite care here in Australia for him. I'm currently watching ALL these videos to help me deal with the huge resentment I have towards my father for the misery he has made my mother's life. He has always been needy and dependent even when he was well. This to me is the final straw - and the Christmas family gathering was pretty much unbearable. Of course I understand what dementia does to the brain but I am more interested in exploring the themes of frustration and angst that this disease causes for carers and family members. I am impressed with Dr Natalie and have made copious notes for a family meeting.
I didn't care what others thought about my decision. I cared that my husband wanted me 24/7 and when I couldn't physically do that and he did go to memory care, that he was scared and more confused without me. He had a stroke on top of being in the end stages of dementia, but the stroke rapidly sped up the disease. I was able to care for him for about 6 weeks after the stroke, but he wandered, was physically strong, fell a lot, and was aggressive with the caregivers I hired to help me at home. Nothing worked. He is deceased. I still have guilt.
Even if it's not permanent care.... Relizing you have to put your loved one in a nursing home at all is scary. To make it worse, no one talks about it with you, until you have no choice but to put them in one... I'm about to put my mom back in nursing home for rehab... I can't take care of her, work and school at the same time. She had back surgery, went to the nursing home I worked at, came home after two months.... Looking back, that wasn't enough time for her to heal. Got home, refused home health care. Finally when she accepted, it was 8 my later... By then I quit my job working at the nursing home as a CNA. Now after 4 months at home .. I'm at my breaking point. No one tells you it's time, until you have no other choice ....
There are a lot of Veterans not receiving the benefits they earned. If you are caring for a loved one that served our Country during a war. I strongly encourage you to collect their service records and take them to your local VA office. Along with their ID, insurance cards, a detailed medical history and the last four of their social security number. The development of a disability decades after their service, could be the result of a service connected disability. Your loved one that served during a war could be eligible to receive medical care through the VA along with additional tax free monthly compensation.
My Dad retired from the Navy. He served as a Combat Medic during Vietnam. Other than his Military retirement and social security, I had no ideal that he qualifed for disability compensation through the VA. In January of 2018, at the age of 86 he was wearing his Vietnam hat while recovering from triple bypass surgery. When a nurse thanked him for his service. Then she told us that systemic heart disease and diabetes was linked to Agent Orange. Too good to be true. I went to my Dad's house and found his service records. Took them down to the VA office. I filed a claim along with applications to the four VA state nursing homes here in Alabama.
The VA gave me forms to have filled out by his doctors. After returning the forms the VA sent my Dad to see a Endocrinologist. Within six months my Dad was awarded a 100% service connected impairment rating. Along with back pay back dated to March 1, 2018. Followed by additional tax free monthly compensation. Which has more than doubled his monthly income.
Part of the which is Aid & Attendence. For which the VA provides my Dad with a home help aide five days per week until he goes into a VA state nursing home. Due to my Dad being 100% service connected the VA will pay for all of his care. My Dad will get to keep his social security, retirement and VA compensation benefits.
VA benefits are not just for career Veterans like my Dad. If your loved one is a Veteran of war. I strongly encourage you to explore the possibilities by discussing your loved ones service with a VA representative.
I will definitely look into this. Thank you so much
Thank you. My mother was in nursing care for two and a half years. I've never been able to get rid of my guilt. To top it off, she died of covid-19 without her family being allowed to enter the facility.
So much is out of our control. Covid made everything 20 times worse.
Truly evil what nursing homes did to our elderly loved ones bc of covid
My Mom has dementia...I’ve watched all your videos...they’ve helped me and my Mom a lot ....you’re a GREAT person....THANK YOU!
Currently my Wife is in a skill nursing facility after a fall( day 22) , broken femur resulting in partial hip replacement that repaired the break. She a youthful 70 years old , hemorrhagic stroke , left brain in 2016 and as of a year and a half ago diagnosed with dementia after some alarming paranoia episodes we continue to experience related to me stealing things, having girls friends and just sadly her not liking me much from time to time.
Throughout the time caregiving I completely remained dedicated to her recovery from the Stroke , did experience progress yet the dementia I believed was insult to injury that I won't be able to gain a sense of recovery for her. So currently , my family is encouraging me to let Mom ( my Wife ) transition to longer term care so I can begin to resume a life without ( and I can barley write it) the Caregiving lifestyle. Still struggling with the choice tearfully and everything you said fits my dilemma .
This is happening in my life right now. It is the most heart-wrenching, horrible thing I have ever had to do. This was very helpful. I just can’t get over the feeling that he is going to feel like I abandoned him. I wouldn’t want to be abandoned, just because I need care. Thank you for such wisdom.
This is happening to me today
so helpful & right on point. thank you
You are in a right track! For sure . Thanks 🙏🏽
Thank you for all the helpful videos❤️
Thank you for the info. So calming
This video was so helpful for me as I am in this exact situation. Thank you so much xxx
Excellent advice.
Thank you so much, this was so helpful!
Thank you so much This is exactly what I needed Tonight
You're a lovely lady. Thanks for your helpful tips!
thank you !! you are awesome
These videos are amazing. Thank you for all that you do.
Very helpful👍
Thank for this and all the supportive videos you do for all of us caregivers out here...It is such a very hard and isolating job. Bless you.
Excellent!!
Thank you so much for making these videos, we really appreciate you , your time, and your knowledge! So much gratitude and love to you!!!
Love your advice and the way you present it. Keep going, this is helpful to us that are sinking at times, your's is the hand pulling me up. Thank you.
Excellent Advice! Every person & case is totally different situation!!!👏👏👏
All u said was very true and all relatable. Ty
Thank you. You're awesome 💗
You have been so helpful & compassionate with all of your advice. Thank you for all that you do.
Tip #1 and #3 helped most
Thank you SO much for all your videos. I am so glad to have the survival guide now. You are such a blessing!!
Thank you!!!
Thank you Dr. Natalie. I made the difficult decision to place my husband in assisted living almost 4 years ago and the decision was agonizing as I had promised him that would never happen. However safety issues, my own health, etc were major factors in making that decision. I reached a point after placing him in care to let the facility do his laundry even thought the whites and colors were washed together, and shirts weren't ironed. Some parts of life such as laundry really don't need a high priority in my life and whites washed with colors does not bother him at all. I learned my biggest priority is emotional health so I can maintain a loving and kind relationship with my husband. You are spot on and I am thankful I found your videos. My decisions would have been easier to make 4 years ago with your suggestions and advice but even now I find your videos affirming of my choices. Again thank you.
Hello, I appreciate your comment about whites and coloured in the wash together. I've just placed my mother in an aged care home and yesterday I was a bit shocked to see that her singlets are now various pale shades of pink and yellow. But I am tired after years of endless washing. So a huge thankyou for pointing out this is not a priority once someone has dementia.
Thank you for such an inspiring video ,I know what I have to do now !!! 💯
How amazing you are explaining and how to handle situations with people suffering from dementia
Wise words Natalie❤
Thank you for your support I'm going through with both of my parents with dementia
Thank you dear CAREBLAZER C.E.O! You are my Angel-friend here on RUclips! You came to my rescue in the last month, and TODAY, this morning after 10 am I researched and reached out and Grace listened as I described yesterday afternoon , and into the night(my very favorite time -After all is calm and I get my time……
I really liked your video. You sound very caring and knowledgable on Dementia. I have been caring for my mother in and out of ALF's and nursing homes for 5 years now. I felt I needed to hear what you had to say, eventhough eveything you mentioned I have been through. The only thing that I did not hear is the after-affects of placing your loved one in a nursing home. What I mean to say is that I still feel so very quilty for placing my mother in a nursing home after 5 years and still feel I need to be there for her everyday. I know I need couseling and am working on getting the help. Please inform people that the feelings of guilt take time to go away. It is undetermined how long it takes as I am still working on letting go.
Dr. Natali.... you are the BEST!!! Thanks for continuing to do what you do!! God Bless....😇😇😇😇😇
Thank you for all the work you do on these videos. It has been extremely helpful to my husband and I as we navigate and care for my Mom with dementia.
This is such a great video! Its exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks so much
You are so welcome.
thank you for sharing this video it's all good
I know a simple video can't help take away all the pain of your difficult situation, but I do hope it helps you know you are not alone and all your feelings are completely normal for what you are going through.
Thank you so much. My father is struggling with this situation now. We are all encouraging him to "pull the trigger" as you put it. And he keeps saying he is thinking. In the mean time, it allows time for bad things to happen. I will be sending him this link.
I just watched this video again it's so timely I really needed this advice thank you
My husband has been in care now for two weeks and I feel so sad to think that wonderful man I married 53 years ago had to sink to this level. I haven’t visited him yet as they won’t allow visiting for the first 2 weeks but I am going this week and I’m rather anxious about the reception I will receive and the reaction when I leave. Unless you have been in this situation you can never understand. Your videos are spot on and have been a tremendous help for me. Thank you so much.
Your words were very helpful for someone who is now in the process of making the decision of sending his loved one to a caring home. 😢
Dementia nursing home? How much do they cost? My mom get 720 a month social security and that is it. I have no money to pay for one, I have kids of my own and can’t afford a descent nursing home for her. Nursing homes for the poor are horrible and a nightmare.
THAT'S the dilemma. People always assume you can just go out and find the best nursing home, but that's not always the case. You have to take what's available to you. And that makes the decision VERY tough.
M. Jones,I placed my Mom into a home a week ago. Check with her social worker. She should qualify for a program called CHOICES. Check it out. God bless
I sincerely wish that you would create a video about the relationship between a sincere care provider & the children of the senior that care givers provide for. This is a very real issue . It's not always easy for a care provider to not only provide good care for the parent but to as well deal with the dynamics of his or her family members.
That would be appreciated so much.
The survival guide link didn’t open. Thank you for all your help. I have decided to do it.
Thank you for your clarity and understanding on this topic. It was most helpful! (2024 now, after 3 years of caregiving...)
Thank you for this video! Is memory care a better first step or nursing home? Just in the begining stages and memory care seems great but expensive
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this video. I just put my husband who's 63 with Alzheimer's into Memory Care 2 weeks ago. It really wasn't as bad as the story you shared but I just couldn't do it anymore physically and mentally. We've been married almost 38 years. This great understanding really touches my heart almost to tears. SO right on for me. THANK YOU.
My husband has young onset PD. Diagnosed in 2005. He is in advanced stages. Although he is only 55 he is totally physically and mentally disabled, I’m looking into homes
I clicked on the link to the survival guide and It went to click funnels and I didn’t see it there. Appreciate your videos. They are so helpful for my in-laws.
I'm sorry about that. Here is a corrected link: go.careblazers.com/guide
thanks for letting me know!
You are definitely on the right track 😂❤❤❤❤❤.
After 8 years of caregiving and helping my father in law my husband and I have started the process of getting him into a facility. My soul hurts….
Thank you for sharing this. It’s very supportive and helpful.
This was very helpful. I am right now in the middle of making my decision for my mom. I have those is my life that have lots of opinions from family members that have not seen her for almost one year. I am the only one caring for her.
I'm so glad you found what works best for your loved one! 💖
Thank you for your wonderful advice. My husband is having his MRI on his brain my Husband of 54 years has Dementia. I think he is in the middle stages. He has been showing signs for the last ten years.
Every detail of this video has been my situation the last 4 months and doing it all alone I do not know where to turn. I hate this never asked for it. But took it on and it's taking it's toll on me now. Plz someone help
Thank you. Just, thank you.
You're Welcome!
👏👏👏 thank you 🙏
Thank you, please keep it up! It’s been 4 years since you made this video and my fiancé and I have your survival guide and took your course this last fall, including the VIP extension. At times, you are the only resource we can find that offers not only knowledgeable, but compassionate, and feasible medical guidance on how cope with this disease and care for not only our dementia loved one but ourselves too. We need you Dr.
Natalia!!🙏🥰
Thank you so much! I am glad you are continuing to find everything helpful!
Thanks!
Thank you so much! 💖
You are very wise my husband has mild cognitive problems I have been a carer all my life from working age mother .nursing now my husband .He is such a gentleman and at this moment I’ll take care of him but I know that his condition can get worse but he is mine I’ll do the job to the end for has long as it takes . But who knows what will happen thanks for your understanding.👌
Hello @DementiaCareblazers, thank you for this informative video. I too am a dementia educator. May I share this in a workshop? If so, will it always play with the ads interspersed?
It's the new year and I opened up to my mom how if this situation (my mom and I caring for my dad 24/7 with dementia) continues for another year I won't be able to handle it anymore to the point I feel like I might not even make it to the end of the year (that's how severely stressed I am)
We've discussed and she agreed that putting him in a Nursing Home/ Assisted Living Facility, would be the best for him and our health.
It's only the 2nd day of searching for good nursing homes and I'm here crying watching this 😭 overwhelmed with guilt when we've only just begun planning 🥺
Dr. Natali you just described my current situation. I have been married to my LOWD for 58 yrs and going thru all of those emotions you just said regarding putting him in a nursing home. I keep going back and forth for all the reasons you mentioned. You just get it! Thank you!
The only time he settles down is after I leave and the give him Ativan or halaperodol to get him to sleep. He has been in the hospital from having three ambulance calls in 24 hours. Dr. Thinks I need to have them activate the personal directive. My husband has heart, kidney and liver failure. He wouldn't allow me to have homecare come in. They are not sure what is causing the confusion,delusions and not wanting to lay down to sleep. He says he doesn't want to be alone so he is in a special chair tied in with alarms on him so he doesn't fall. So very sad
Financially not everyone can afford to use a facility for their loved ones.
I'm 100% disabled & the sole family carer & PoA for 2 elderly parents who BOTH have different dementias, in assisted living over the past 17 mos. (before assisted living I RAN 90+ hrs/wk only eating 1 meal/wk many times, breaking down physically & mentally every 6-8 mos., only to be told by my husband that I HAD to keep going since I'm "IT"...my only sibling committed suicide) but I've still neglected my health horrifically & have been burned out for the past 3 yrs. I was just told my dad needs to go to the nursing home next door, & I'm really struggling/grieving separating my parents after 60+ yrs of marriage. I think (know!) assisted living hasn't done it's job to the best of their ability (they let me, knowing I'm 100% disabled, do things I had no idea, nor was it anywhere in their paperwork, that they could do for me, until 17 months of my parents living there & me being told if I don't make significant changes asap I will die b4 both parents). So I'm angry that the assisted living place quite literally has put my life in danger. Then, I'm grieving for my parents & I'm so burned out I can barely handle doing anything, let alone getting dad moved to the $11,000/month nursing home, while paying the $5,450/month for mom. That will eat thru their $ in 3.5-4 yrs. Do I look for less expensive options, do I move both (mom's not ready for nursing home care yet), how do I do this w/o falling apart as I have been? Dad has later stage vascular dementia. Is it wrong to separate them? I'm exhausted & have no1 who will help me! I'm so alone, depressed, have severe CPTSD, chronic pain, fibromyalgia, tumors on my spine, & much more. I'm disheartened that the assisted living place knew about all my severe disabilities yet watched me do THEIR jobs for 17 months til now MY life is in danger! To make it more complicated, my parents were abusive, but I've been caring for them both w/unconditional love, literally acting like we're 1 happy family who loves each other, when it was the opposite. I'm so tired of LIFE!
Only my opinion here. Time for your life.
Thank you for your advice on putting your love one in a nursing home, would you believe me if I tell you that I have the forms in front of me. Thinking how to fill them I can't tell you how hard it is , thank you for your help in me making the decision, Olivette.
My husband got tested for dementia it was very helpful, but
Very painful for me, my husband was a very smart man,but after
The third testing, he know nothing, but its funny talking to him
At home was a different story, so the testing was good in some
Way, a terrible experience for me,
Thank you for all your support. Olivette,
i allowed my wife to move her mother in our home, the mother has dementia. i agreed to it becuase i love my wife and it was important to her.. but i am finding it harder and harder to be "ok" with it.. our relationship has suffered. not sure what to do, thank you.
Love to have the PDF
I am not against putting anyone in nursing homes but do please make sure its a good one. Make sure they'll really look after your loved one and they got enough trained staff to do the job and that they have lots of patients and compassion....very important....most nursing homes are a horror....but not all....God bless
I felt so much better after seeing this video. I felt she was talking to me. Because i feel like why can i be that person that took care of her husband at home. Now i know iam not that person and my husband own safety i could not keep him at home. Great program thank you.
Wonderful!
Our biggest problem is that the decision to put my mother in law in a care home sits with 4 siblings and a husband 3 of which won’t accept the safety concerns. It is causing a big problem, family breakdown and stress.
I need to get my husband to watch your videos. His mother moved in with us 4 months ago after a massive stroke that left her paralyzed on one side. She also has dementia. My husband means well, but this situation is not working for anyone.
I just put my mom in a nursing home and I regret it I’m so sad. But then I think about if I didn’t I was cracking up I can’t see her for 2 weeks. I hope she doesn’t die on me yet
I know how you feel. My mother has been in the hospital for almost 1 month and I just saw her today, after they told me no, but I prayed.
We have to wait till she's strong enough and then put her in a care home, or I don't know whats gonna happen. But, it breaks me to put her in a home, but we can't give 24 hour care.
At some point understand God is in control. He always is but it's life circumstances when we realize this.
My situation is different I want to take my grandma out of the assisted living and taking her home. I feel that she should be home. I feel that most facility does not take care of her.
Congratulations! You have a great character. Respect.
In Australia many vulnerable elderly citizens are kidnapped by the state and place in age care and their properties and assets are sold by Guardianship Abuse.
This situation are far the worse trying to get elderly out because time and cost trying to fight the broken system isn't easy.Many people just simply give up.
To me it doesn't matter what other people think especially those that don't help at all, but what matters is what my loved one with dementia thinks because sometimes she's back to her old self and other times she's very confused -it's the times when she's back to her old self that I feel really guilty about, leaving her somewhere where she doesn't want to be 😢
I'm disabled and taking care of my husband with vascular dementia and sundowner syndrome. And now I'm depressed. It been 7 years diagnosed. But think had for 13 years
I went for doctor appointment and came home he wandered of and cops surrounded him. He had on just his underwear.
No no no ...I would now have no problem if my husband developed. Dementia he would be going in a nursing home pretty dam quick...... Why you may ask am I sure about this ..l will tell you...... my dad looked after my mother with dementia ....It wore him out...... he died .!!!!!!..my mother !!!!!is still with us now.... in a nursing home on last stage dementia ....a lot of the family fell out with me @ my sister because we did this ...@ the reason is self preservation I'm sorry but my life is important to me and my family...don't let anybody tell you what's best for you ....just don't be a marter... look after yourself 🙏oh yer we had the cousins who visited my parents once in a blue moon poking their noses in telling us we should not put mum in a home well they can go and do one ...We don't speak anymore after they reported us to social services can you believe what someone people are like .....just unbelievable behaviour untill you have walked the hell that is dementia it's in the title being demented. Then don't judge ...🙏
#1, their safety or your own sanity, when one is compromised both are at risk. everyone has a limit so setting future limits and reviewing them at regular intervals it important. either way we will feel guilt or regret. Its getting through it and over it when it rears its ugly head. I'm just glad I'm not aalone.thank you and God Bless you.
You are not alone Angie. Hang in there. I hope 2018 brings you some peace and sanity!
My husband has dementia but functions okay if he can sleep. Every night is a battle and my own health has been impacted. He woke me up at 3am and I was still half asleep and screaming at him. I have been doing this for a year and I feel absolutely exhausted and miserable.I am 70 and feel perfectly awful most of the time.
Medically, I couldn't take care of my dad. It wasn't dementia that took him away, but a G.I. bleeding internally, which was too far advanced for surgery. I am not qualified to care for him with this. I miss him tremendously.