When Is It Time to Move Someone To Memory Care?
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- Опубликовано: 24 май 2024
- Nationally recognized speaker Teepa Snow is an expert in the field of dementia and her Positive Approach to Care has helped thousands of families. If you live in Texas and need assistance getting a loved one qualified for long-term care Medicaid, give us a call at (281) 218-0880.
Today Kim and Teepa will talk about: How to Know When it’s Time for a Move to Memory Care
0:00 Introduction
1:01 How do you know when it is time to move a loved one into a memory care facility?
6:03 Is it better to keep your loved one at home or in a facility?
7:47 What should you look for in a memory care facility?
12:55 What are some tips for a transition to a memory care facility?
17:55 How to contact Teepa Snow
Teepa Snow is one of the world’s leading advocates and educators for anyone living with dementia or other forms of brain change. An Occupational Therapist with over forty years of rich and varied clinical and academic experience, her philosophy is reflective of her education, work experience, medical research, and first hand caregiving experiences. Her advocacy efforts led her to the development of the GEMS® State Model for understanding the progression of dementia and changes in abilities. She also created the Positive Approach to Care® training strategies, which are effective techniques for anyone seeking to optimize care and support for those living with brain change. Her user-friendly approaches provide guidance and leadership to national efforts to promote best practices in care.
Teepa’s company, Positive Approach to Care (PAC), was founded in 2006 and is now collaborating to improve dementia care in over thirty countries worldwide. PAC provides online and in-person services, training, and products to professionals, family members, the lay public, and people living with brain change. Teepa presents with extraordinary expertise and humor to audiences large and small throughout the world. Please join in her mission to improve the culture of dementia care, one mind at a time.
Contact Teepa:
www.teepasnow.com
Email: pollyl@teepasnow.com
Phone: (919) 280-2326
______________________________________________________________________
Contact Kim Hegwood - Elder Law Attorney
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#MemoryCare #Dementia #DementiaCare
If you live in Texas and need assistance getting a loved one into a nursing home or becoming qualified for Medicaid, give us a call at (281) 218-0880 or contact us here: yourlegacylegalcare.com/contact-us/. Our team of elder law professionals can help!
My mother has always been a loner, and she is in a great memory care home with about thirty residents who are all at the same level of dementia (moderate) She is isolating and want to go home to be surrounded by her stuff. She is staying in bed for breakfast. She just wants to be in her beautiful home with all her possessions. She would be unsafe living alone, and would not accept outside caregivers, I cannot live and care for her without her abusing me and treating me like a live in servant. Her desire to go home is getting worse after a year and she says she does not fit in with the other residents, but they do chat to her and everyone is very nice to her. She says she has been “dumped”. I am not sure how to approach this.
Teepa makes a good point.... "If you have the resources". Putting someone in a memory care facility costs between $7k - $10k PER MONTH! I'm living this right now with my Mother. Not enough income to pay for care, and too much income to qualify for Medicaid.
If your mother has too much income to qualify for Medicaid, we recommend speaking with an elder law attorney in your state to see if there are planning options to help her qualify. There are ways to get her qualified while allowing her to remain in control of her assets. If you live in Texas, we would be happy to discuss it with you!
These figure aren’t accurate for all locations. Mom’s current MC monthly, in a good facility, is $5,400/mo. That’s mid-range for the properties in her town.
I'm in the same situation with my husband. Memory care in my area (of Texas) is 9K - $12K per month. Like you, there is not enough income to pay and too much to qualify for Medicaid. Even if I sold my house, there would only be enough $$ for 2 years and I expect him to live quite a bit longer than that as his physical health is good and longevity runs in his family. Plus, I also have to live somewhere.
@@YourLegacyLegalCare I live in Texas and have the same problems as @rlolney with my husband. Some places in Houston charge up to $12k per month. I would be interested in knowing those ways to get him qualified while allowing him to remain in control of his assets - or I guess I mean OUR assets.
@@evalynnchristiansen9430 Absolutely. You can email us at Educate@hegwoodlaw.com and we can discuss it further with you. Since you live in Texas, we may be able to assist you in getting your dad qualified for Medicaid while avoiding spending all of his assets.
This is all great if you have $$$$. Without it, you have NOTHING.
Medicaid is the number 1 payer of nursing homes and can sometimes cover memory care facilities, so it is always a great option for those who may not be able to afford memory care. Even if you are over the Medicaid income threshold, speak with an elder law attorney and discuss how you can spend down assets to qualify for Medicaid.
Keeping your loved one at home can happen if family adjusts to a schedule or you can offer pay to an STNA to help you or low rent for help etc.. Explore Home Health options. For my mom, she couldnt own her home and have medicaid. Im not sure if it is always that way. RM
This is true...mostly.
Right it is so expensive
I live in IL, have already ruled out VA assist and medicaid (few facilities with those beds), so must now face selling our home to pay for Mem Care and move into an apt. My HWA, after almost 7 yrs of diagnosis, still has not accepted he has a problem. I can't do this anymore and his daughter has never helped with his care. She, like her Dad, is in denial. So I am left with finding the right place and placing him there. I can't ask 'what did you think of this one?", because he is not going to understand of it. I need to intuit the right place and take him there. I had thought making it look like home was the right choice, but I guess not. I will tell him I need a vacation and so he too will have a vacation. God help me!
In the part where you ask his daughter and she’s in denial. Simply get her to take him for a weekend as you need help and she is his daughter. This is a family concern.. Get with her when she can start doing this. No excuses. I had to talk to my husband’s son to take his dad a week for thanksgiving. He committed and did it. He wasn’t very happy when picking him up but had a concept what I was going through. If they love their dad; it’s time for them to prove it. I even had such conversation, if they make excuses, I say, well if he passes away, don’t bother coming to his funeral. That’s how I feel about these excuses. They have vacations, days off. One has to be assertive in situations with grown children.
I went through this with my mom last summer. The general advice was to move mom into assisted living first (if they will take them) and they will let you know when it’s time to move them to memory care. In the state she lives in, the person has to be able to walk unassisted to be eligible for assisted living. They have to go through an admission interview. This was difficult because mom had fallen before we moved her and needed rehabilitation. Medicare will only pay for a minimal amount of rehab. Mom did not react well to the move to assisted living and began wandering in the night. The assisted living facility wasn’t secure and they would not allow mom to stay. So I had very little time to find a memory care facility for her. It is expensive, but she is in the right place now. It’s much less stressful for us knowing mom is safe and she’s happy with the activities they provide.
My advice is to do advance work to find facilities. You don’t want to be forced into a decision with no time to do any research. We were lucky in that they gave us a week and we found a facility with space. Many times there’s a waiting list. AL wanted mom out within 24 hours after the 2nd incident of night wandering due to liability. Also, don’t wait to get your loved one into assisted living if there’s any doubt it’s needed. All it takes is one fall and they won’t be admitted. Nursing is much more expensive if you can’t rehab yourself or if the AL facility forces them out at the first sign of needing additional support.
I have finally moved my mother into her third facility with intensive medical care. Unfortunately, she is high functioning right now, but was kicked out of everywhere else. Now, she's fighting it. She doesn't want it locked. She grabbed me to come out with me and I knew she would refuse to go back to the floor so staff took me around to an employee entrance. They finally said it's better if I don't come for a while because of that. I think they saw me sobbing uncontrollably in the elevator on their cameras or something. Anyway, wondering if your mom fought the memory care in comparison to the assisted living? I'd come and take her out every day but I can't handle (nor she can she) one more physical refusal to return to her wing of the home. It's a fantastic place and I was thinking I should give her a few more days to a week for the staff to do what they do best (they've been amazing). I thought the hardest was from home to assisted living. Nope. This is so much worse it's unbearable. I'm sorry you had to go through that. It isn't something I would want my worst enemy to experience. It's just awful.
I wish my dad had gotten almost anything other than dementia. I'm so sad.
I'm so sorry to hear that. Wishing you all the best during this time.
I have studied with Teepa and PAC for over 10 years. For the past 18 years, I've been providing assistance for families looking for dementia care in San Diego County. A Senior Placement and Referral Specialist is the person to work with because, if we have lasted in this trade for more than 2 years - we know how to evaluate the options and we share that with you so that you can choose the best. I care about my reputation and that's what I've built my business upon. Plus I have a passion for dementia care. I suggest your work with an agent so that you don't go to places that are not good, or too much money, or just don't provide the level of sophistication in their care approaches. It's a thought
I've loved Teepa's lecture videos, but non of this accounts for my Mother. Her latent suspicious, stubborn, willful nature has solidified into absolute stone. She doesn't want to be around strangers ir anyone really, thinks everyone wants to steal her things, her home is her castle, no other place is acceptable .
She's stage 5 dementia and yet still way too wiley to be tricked or convinced about setting foot in a facility for any reason. She'd start throwing hands. She'd see it as an absolute betrayal and would hate us "kids" for whatever time is left to her.
I dread this transition like the plague. And yet, we keep inching nearer...
I'm considering (if Medicaid will foot it) to try full care at home, since it's also half the price of facility care. And ride that train for as long as we can...
I have chosen to be my mother's carer first and daughter second. My mother is extremely controlling and very critical of others. When in hospital, she will pick a patient and a nurse or two she doesn't like and be disgustingly rude. All those things which were kept in her head are now verbalised, she will often follow this up with physical confrontations. She is also ambulant, and would be in and out of other people's rooms unless she had one to one care. She couldn't eat with others as noise and people make it impossible for her to do so and she needs someone sat with her when she's doing so, to remind her to chew before swallowing and not to keep loading food in to her mouth. I've cared for people with dementia in a variety of settings: community; residential home; nursing home and while nursing in hospital. My mother is a disruptive individual and I couldn't place her anywhere where someone else's loved one would be negatively impacted. I can cope with her, it's as if the last 20 years has been training for this. I'm in the UK for reference.
That’s also part of dementia. I work in an Eden residence. We have 12 Elders to 2 staff in our cottage. 3 staff to 12 in the enhanced care. Ive been there 7 years and absolutely LOVE my job. Some of our elders are just sweet and adorable. Some of them are more difficult and “ spicey”… we love them all.
I appreciate the information. However the questions that are ask by family directed to the facilities are good. The facility knows the questions are coming and do put a dog and pony show on for the families to feel secure about the facility. It’s called Marketing Techniques. When you put you family in a nursing home or the top notch 15,000.00 a month facility, they all do the same show. It usually last the first week and than it changes to the love one sits in a chair all day taking a lot of medications for them to sleep all day. As the staff does nothing but look at them and text in their sell phones. The management excuse is they are short staff that’s why they can’t do the things promise and played out the first week. The family thinks that paying more they will get a better facility. This provides comfort only for the family not the love one. What is being discussed in theory is absolutely how it should happen. However the reality doesn’t workout that way. It’s a waste of money.
Finally remember these facilities operate as a business for profit. They are in for the money 1st.
We definitely think it's important to be wary of facilities that do not provide the quality of care that they promise. We often meet with families who are simply not capable of caring for their senior loved one, and thus a long-term care facility is the best option. At Hegwood Law Group, we make sure that we have visited the facilities that we recommend when our clients need help choosing a facility, and we have a great list of facilities in the Houston area. If you ever need a list of great facilities, please do not hesitate to reach out and we will send a list to you!
@@YourLegacyLegalCare no
Worked in 4 facilities you hit the nail on the head. Here's another little secret The more combative the resident is the more they will get neglected because no one aid wants to deal with somebody who punches kicks spits or my fav finger painting we call it ..covered in feces. Best option is a non-profit facility. Worked in one it was well organized still had issues much better than a for profit home. If your loved one needs memory Care just go ahead and put them in a skilled nursing facility will be better taking care of.
Thank u Teepa for all the information ❤
Excellent advice. Thank you very much.
This is very good advice. My sister and i are actually going to a MC facility tomorrow to sign a contract for our 85 yo mother. We probably should have done it a couple months ago, but we have been using a caregiver for several weeks about 50 hours a week. The facility is very nice, 2 years old, and our point of contact is very knowledgeable. We did not include our mother in this decision because we feel she would fight it. It is $6900 a month and my mother has a long term care policy which will cover appx. half the cost. We are NOT looking forward to moving day. However, the lady at the facility has stated her room should look like her home. We are torn on that aspect.
Thank you!
so helpful thank you
We're so glad you found it helpful!
Wow, that was do good.
Thank you so much. This is so extremely helpful.
I just got my folks into a nice facility, but realize it is not very handicap positive for wheelchairs. The doors are hard to navigate with the autoclose features. The cabinet is the same. We were sold on transportation and doctoring but the transportation is only on Tuesday and Thursday and the doctor is only there once a week with nurses the rest of the time so if they are ever moved I would know what to look for next time but I was ill prepared to see what I needed. Otherwise it is very nice but there are some gaps I was not prepared for on the path of sorting this for my folks. It is also twice as hard for two parents. Also, I was not educated on levels of dementia and I am still navigating this. I wish there was more education on all this. I love Teepa. Thank you for this.
We're so sorry to hear the facility is not a good fit for your parents! We have some great resources for finding the right facility if you live in the Houston area. We also have some great books on dementia and caring for a loved one at hegwoodlaw.com/books/ that will provide you with a ton of helpful information!
⭐️I am here! All things you are saying truth!!
Reviewing all videos . Studiying. Thank you
how about a way to help family get the funding and ram through the hurdles to get mom into a care home.
Medicaid can typically cover the costs of nursing home care depending on the situation. We would have to look at mom's assets and see if a spend-down is required to get her to meet Medicaid's requirements. If you live in the Greater Houston area, feel free to reach out at (281) 218-0880 and we can see how we can help, or search for an elder law or Medicaid attorney.
Thank you very much
It's our pleasure to provide such valuable information!
My MIL is still very good. But she is insistent on finding a retirement home that she wants to choose.
Against my heart wish I am supporting her wishes.
I’ve tried to do respite as a test but she is very independent.
We may get some respite prior to her going in full time. I hope we do.
What facility allows a respite 6-8 weeks? None here in Pennsylvania!
As an experienced aged care RN, i find the earlier someone enters aged care, the easier it is for them.
I have a totally different view of this.
My partner and I want to stay together so we were able to stay together in an independent facility setting. The facility wanted my partner to go to memory care.
Are you still at independent living, @Tonyacp99? How is it going now? My wife has Alzheimer’s and I am taking her out of memory care. She is so sweet and just wants to stay with me, but I’m not allowed to stay with her there, so I found an assisted living facility that would take both of us. I believe myself and meds will keep her from wandering.
I am so glad to hear. You will have to make adjustments as time goes on but it is well worth the effort. We both love where we e are and highly encourage anyone that can stay with their loved one independently or in assisted living to do so.
@@Tonyacp99 Thank you, Tony! Your story makes me very hopeful.
Question: Dad's got memory issue(s) and has fecal incontinence. He soils the floor(s) all the time, tracking it through my house. I can't keep up with the carpet cleaning in his room much less the additional parts of the house where he travels unknowingly tracking it all over my floor. Please. Tell me it's time. He has a house but only Medicare and social security. What does it cost him to get into a facility?
Hi @civildk9077! We are so sorry to hear you and your father are going through this. If he lives in Texas, please don't hesitate to call our office at (281) 218-0880 so we can provide some assistance and see what is needed to transition him to a community so he can get the proper care he needs!
Can you please tell me do you have knowledge. to share on not eating
My mum is 90’and has Alzheimer’s & vascular dementia
We are so sorry to hear what you and your mother are going through. While we know that refusing to eat is a common part of the dementia process, we would recommend consulting with a medical professional.
She may be losing the cognitive function to feed herself. She may be experiencing problems with swallowing, which is also connected to loss of brain function. You may need to puree her food and / or feed her. First: Try her with a creamy pudding of favorite flavor. Try a small plate of finger foods....like cubed cheese, blueberries, crackers. Does she do better with those? Watch how she holds a spoon or fork. If she never picks up utensils, she is showing you this skill is almost gone. With alzheimers , she will progressively lose the ability to feed herself. Adapt.
They not safe in a facility, they wont use bedrails to keep them safe from falling out of bed, happens alot
Sandy, not all facilities are the same and you should view more than one and do your homework as well as visit often to ensure the proper care is being given to your loved ones!
@@YourLegacyLegalCare In the state of Ohio, courts say no bedrails allowed, patients are allowed to get up, even if they cant use their legs, and allowed to fall
@@sandybalthis7508 that sounds criminal!
@@YourLegacyLegalCare Right, because facility did not use them for my husband, he fell, broke his hip year ago, not at that facilty anymore, since they let another resident come in husband room while asleep, bashed his walker on my husbands face
@@sandybalthis7508 I am so very sorry! Work in new legislation in your state! Praying for your family!
NEVER!
Do you know why it’s a law that a memory care center cant allow electric blankets or heating pads? That’s honestly going to be a big challenge for my loved one who is 93 and lives that way and it brings her a lot of comfort, which she states out loud. To take that from her, I’m not sure I can. I don’t see why they can’t just be supervised.
Maybe see if they would allow heating bags (filled with rice or flax seed) that you heat up in the microwave. Since those don't have an always-on electrical component they would be safer and have less risk for burns. The danger with the electric versions is people with dementia may not be able to tell if they are becoming overheated until it is a medical emergency. Staffing in most facilities is not adequate to supervise something like that. The rule likely comes from very bad experiences they have had in the facility.
@@lizroxy yes but the warmth lasts maybe 15 min. Max unfortunately. Right now she has a body length (nearly) heating pad and its one of her few joys in life. :( It’s likely what will have to be done though. I live with chronic pain due to MS and live w a lot of heating pads/blankets too. So I sure understand what it’s going to be like for her to give up. Not sure I could.
Hi there. My grandpa is the same way - his heating pad is his comfort and it’s something I worry about too:( We are in the process of looking at places for him to move into but we’re trying to keep him at home as long as possible. Wondering if most memory care facilities have a towel warmer? I would imagine so because a lot of elderly people need warm towels for bathing time. If they do, then you could maybe arrange something with the staff to wrap her with some warm towels and change them out when they start cooling off.
@@lizroxy caregivers at the facility are too lazy to keep doing that every hour.
@blemishfree4821 I think most places do not have the staff to personally check things like that every hour all night. Even the best managed facility would be liable to massive litigation should something happen. If you want that kind of care, hire in home help.
WHAT IF THEY DONT EVEN RECOGNIZE THEIR OWN BATHROOM OR BEDROOM NOW..OR DOESN'T KNOW WHERE THE KITCHEN IS AT HOME😢!
I can't remember what I was gonna say