GUILT OVER AGING PARENTS? (Dealing with Family Caregiver Guilt)
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- Опубликовано: 23 сен 2019
- Having guilt about elderly parents is almost a right of passage for adult children! But it doesn't have to be that way! Whether you feel like you're not a good caregiver, or your elderly mother puts a guilt trip on you, or you're feeling guilty over putting your parent in an assisted living or nursing home, this video will help you to reduce your feelings of guilt so you can get on with providing care while maintaining your sanity!
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Caregiver guilt is becoming a plague! There is a way out, or at least to lessen it. This video will help you to look at your situation realistically and use some tips to help you deal better with the situation that you've been dealt.
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So far my case is the old dick in household still mobile, but he sucks ALWAYS picking junks and repairing things dangerously! what sort of irresponsible father is this? Still had bills to pay but declared oh din feel like working anymore. I had to report to family service coz in 2015 he was so fucked to threaten me when couldn find some crap. Some social workers made house visits, willing to clear the shit but the idiot in denial. Hes not worthy of respect. NONE of the old junks he fixes can be sold!
I cared for my mom and now caring for my dad. I was sitting here crying because of the stress and lack of sleep. I found your video and it really helped me. I will find a caregiver group iny area. Thank you so much
Found this video today. Trying very hard with caregiver guilt. My mom became a widow almost 3 years ago from a 70 year marriage. Of course grieving and depressed. My Dad did absolutely everything for her when she was capable. I really didn't know the dynamics of relationship until I started caring for my dad when her got pancreatic cancer and passed away. Definitely saw a dependent relationship. I have always lived 15 minutes away. She is now 91 still has her mind and physically healthly. I have been taking care of her so she can stay in her own home. She took care of my grandmother 40 years ago and since then always talks about how she took care of her mother for 40 years. She however wants to live with me or my sister ( who lives far away and would not want her to live with her either). I can see how she could manipulate me into that dependent relationship. She is so good at making me feel guilty she lives alone and wishes God would take her It's a neverending talk with her for almost 3 years. I do everything for her. Visit 3 to 4 times a week. Take her out to get hair done and lunch. I make sure she has social activities with her friends once or twice a week. ( she doesn't drive). She has several widow friends that she socializes with around her age that all live alone. But I just feel so guilty that I do not want her to live with me. I tell her how her talk makes me feel but that has made the talk worse. How do I handle these constant guilt feelings. It is affecting me mentally and emotionally. Thanks
I feal guilty for being tired.ive taken care of my dad for two years. He is bedridden now. I'm just very very tired and I feel guilty about it. Selfish very selfish to worry about myself when my father is dying.
I ALWAYS go grocery shopping with my mom. On Friday, I decided not to go, to take a break because my dog had diarrhea and I was just tired. I am a caregiver to my mom and dad. Well, my mom put a bag of meat and eggs in a spot in the trunk where we normally don't put groceries. When I was helping her unload the car after she came back, we both left the bag in the SUV overnight. My mom was telling me, "see I asked you if all the bags were taken out". Then she began to tell me how much the items cost that she had to throw away. I felt guilty because I let her down. She has commented to my dad that they work me too much, but when I take a break she gets upset when things go awry. I am learning how to not let this get me down. And to not feel guilty for taking a break. Thank you for the video!
Thank you so much for this video! I am so glad I found it! You are very kind and show empathy for the caregiver...very much appreciated.
As another caregiver stated, I am plagued by guilt feelings every single day since I placed my mom in a nursing home a year ago. Now with the virus going on, it's like a nightmare on top of a nightmare. Window and phone visits make me feel even worse. She says she's lonely and my heart can't bear it. If she gets sick and I can't be there for her, I feel like I'll lose it. I also take care of my dad but I live with him in his home. I gave up my job to be both my parents' caregiver and I also get those feelings of just wanting this to be over. It's like a neverending cycle of emotions.
Oh my, you have a double whammy! Both in and out of home care. That’s a lot, especially during this darn virus. I think you’ll find some other videos on my channel that will be helpful, so I hope you’ll follow along. And, please save your guilt for when you maliciously hurt someone, not for trying to do the right thing to make sure your mom is getting the level of care she needs. It’s hard, but you got this!
@@SofiaAmirpoor thank you for that! And yes I have subscribed...I will need to look at this particular video over and over again from time to time! Ive saved it to my playlist. 🙂🤪
I have to provide care from a distance as I live in another city. At times I literally feel like my chest is encased in concrete, from dealing with the hard emotions. Thanks for putting these videos together Sofia, you are valued.
I'm keeping mom at home...all I hear is the homes are under staffed and leave you for hours un attended..not to mention with covid visiting hours are limited....im not guilty...but feel like I can only handle this for so long on my own...and I need to make this transition for her and myself comfortable
Your gentle but truthful way you explain how self inflicted guilt is addressing that in a very understandable way and it helped me understand and helped me in so many ways. Not just in taking care of my taking care of my mother but in every aspect of my feeling guilty! Thank you for your doing your videos. They are very much appreciated
Thank you Astrid! Feel better...this is a No Guilt zone!!
I have so much guilt over not being able to care for my mom. She’s been in the nursing home since Jan. Now with Covid, I can’t physically see her. I hate it.
Sorry Reina20two, this is the worse situation ever. Take one day at a time and know that this situation is totally out of all of our control. Try not to feel guilty over something that you didn't cause and can't control. I hope you get to hug mom soon!
I hope what I'm about to share with you will help you. What Sophia just shared were all of the things that the oldest daughter in my previous care position was experiencing . I was hired to be a full-time caregiver for her mother that had 5 kids & 3 step kids. We all agreed that we would keep her mom at home because of what we were witnessing due to covid. First off ~ Their mom was financially in a position to have me in her home. Not all people are . Secondly, they had me..A very sincere care provider but no matter how much I did ~ The oldest daughter who was consumed with guilt and feelings of anger due to the fact that her siblings didn't step in to help as much as her...Ended up not only making her siblings angry ~ But her constant need to oversee my job & recommendations was absolutely exhausting. I knew what my clients needs were but her daughter had a need to create her own solutions , meanwhile she was there to help maybe once a month. She ignored my suggestions near the end of that position and it completely burned me out ...As well it put her mother's safety at risk . PLEASE 'understand' that you needn't hold onto 'any' guilt where your Mom...is concerned. We didn't foresee the covid thing. Understand that with carrying this guilt ~ You are completely burning yourself out. Sometimes either way...Guilt can produce only burn out. Period . It's hard for me to verbally explain but I pray that you let go of guilt. It's the most destructive thing ever in a care position , not only for you but the very good people providing the care . Peace Be With You ♥️
Wow! I so needed this. Thank you for this video.
Hi Melissa, I’m so glad that it was helpful!!!
I needed to watch this video! Loved it!! So many great points that will help me with my mom's caregiving!!! Thank you!
Thanks so much Jennifer! Glad it was helpful!
Hi Sofia. Thank you so much for this video. I'm struggling caring for my dad with his health issues after my parents recent divorce. I'm dealing with alot and my own health issues while trying to care for him and my unclw. I'm caregiving more temporarily until I go back to work full time, but I always feel guilty if I'm not there everyday. I just always feel inadequate and like I'm not doing enough
Hi Rebecca. Sounds like you have a lot on your shoulders with caring for the gentlemen in your family, your own health and work too! You are doing enough! You are enough! I hope you take a look around my channel, I think there are a lot of other videos that can help you. There's a solution for everything, you just have to be willing to pick from the options. Your Dad is lucky to have you, you sound very caring.
Thank you for your wise and reassuring words of wisdom and soothing tone of voice. I really am benefitting from your suggestions and perspective.
Glad to find your channel, thank you
So glad you found me too!
Thank you for this video!
You are so welcome!
Thank you.
This video was a blessing. I am a single mother of a 4 years old daughter and now of my 84 mother. I want to burn my house down. I am desperate.
Aleida, I'm sorry you've gotten to this point. There is almost always a solution. Please watch this video about what to do when you can no longer care for your parent. ruclips.net/video/uLA_8xpwIGE/видео.html
and there are many other videos here on my channel that will help you. Thinking of you.
I have no siblings just me , and I’m immigration to United state with my husband and two daughters, one of them diagnosed with cancer,
At the first place when I came here my dad stop talking with me for a while because he refused to let me go
and then they accept the situation,after that he become depression and blame me for that because I left him, other wise the relationship between me and him zero I don’t feel anything about fathers
No I feeling guilt and made me have a migraine I know it’s wrong but still voice in my head you did wrong even I live a good life her with my husband and my daughter take a good treatment , beside my original country has no future to my kid , no safe, no jobs
I need help
Sounds like my step parent that helped my mom raise me
Its almost 11am and i couldn't get up this morning. Im just so exhausted taking care of my mother who is a stroke survivor, my frail and eldery father, now my sister is going through a tiresome pregnancy and i need to help her out too. Im utterly exhausted and filled with guilt because i haven't tended to anyone of them yet and it's almost 11am. It doesn't even help that i slept in today because the guilt makes me tired and negates the extra hours of rest i got
Oh Jody, sounds utterly overwhelming! You are only human, and some things are just not humanly possible! Please ease up on yourself. Set boundaries. Call in the troops. Seek help and support. Please.... make Jody a priority, otherwise no one gets the benefits of having you there!
What guilt? The narcissist can't be bothered, in this case, my biological dad, why should I bother with him? I won't. No guilt!
Oh gosh... I need help
I can't take it anymore she has to go 18 years ago her doctor said she was going to die She has lived with my family for 18 yrs
She's nothing but work with enough memory to run her mouth and piss me off
When your loved one is out of control, and you toss them in home, you put them at risk to be hurt. Reason why? They abuse the caregivers-some. You don't care if someone else is taking on this burden, so as long as you have your life back? News flash; A facility has over two dozen residents, and barely any employees. You need to take care of your loved one, or keep them home and hire one on one. Like, they have no compassion. Stop putting your husbands or dads in places where women can't lift them. Some places aren't allowed hoyer lifts. Take care of your family!!!!!!
I stopped listening to your video when you said "you'd give them the finger...." Not very professional.
Sorry, my style isn’t for everyone!
I loved the "finger" joke. It was the TRUTH. It was said with elegance and compassion.
Lol oh wow… you’re a fragile little snowflake… obviously someone can’t take a joke. I have a funny feeling that you’re a Karen 😂