🧡 Thank you to everyone who has watched, liked, subscribed or joined the autisti-cats community over the last year. It's been an incredible journey. I put together a highlight reel of the best moments of 2023-24; I hope you enjoy it! ✨ ruclips.net/video/_qyfhFxVoIU/видео.html&ab_channel=AutisticAF
I realised that when I thought about how I am able to deal with my spontaneous side (diagnosed ADHD, in the process of getting an autism diagnosis). After I realised how much it set me back to have people cancel on me, even when I was able to see why they did it, I started to plan that together with the plan on meeting someone. I planed what I would do if they had to cancel or reschedule. Depending on the day and how far into already getting ready I am it still sets me back but it's so much less because of the fact that I factor it in as a possibility. With friends who are bipolar, have bpd or some other circumatances that lead to them struggling sometimes with sticking with the plan I saw that it is a relief for them too and it even helps some of them to keep calm and be able to attend more often ☺️.
I used to think I couldn't be autistic because I don't follow rigid itineraries, but I later realized that my routines are so rigid that my life looks like an introvert's Groundhog Day. Same breakfast, same lunch, same wardrobe, same clock-in and clock-out time at work (7 minutes late and 7 minutes early 😅), etc. I track what day of the week it is by how many bagels I have left in the bag because I optimize every aspect of my day to day life so that I can expand my mental capacity to handle unavoidable variations and changes.
I'm AutDHD and I say HECK YES! to some routines/rituals. My morning routine/ritual is especially necessary for my brain to start functioning in manageable steps - it eases the transition from asleep to awake considerably. And it is important for me that nobody else is awake yet, I really need my alone hour in the morning, even when it means waking up at 06:00. The most ritualistic part for me is the first kitchen task: cleaning the stovetop. There is something deeply satisfying with transforming it from greasy to squeaky clean. After that comes opening the dishwasher and taking out what is needed for making and serving breakfast. After those two "subroutines" are done I have become capable of actually thinking and the remaining tasks can vary a bit without that feeling stressful. Thanks for yet another excellent video and congratulations on your first Tubeversity! 🎉
That is the last thing I want to do first thing in the morning omg! Or have to do at any time. I don’t even use my cooker every week , but my son uses it most days and we always have a military stand off about who is going to clean it. It’s usually me even though I hardly ever use it. So I detest doing it.
That sounds like such an anazing morning! And I feel the need for a morning ritual/routine. So important, it's the basis of the day and I also get up way earlier that I would need technically speaking but mentally I need that time and the propper transition. I even have differences in the rituals/routines that I do on a workday and an off day which also helps to distinquish those and the mindset I start with.
"These routines are not signs of rigidity, but tools of empowerment." You said this right at the end. I think it is a very significant observation. I need to go away and process it. It fits with things I've been doing recently with my therapist - allowing my brain to do what it wants to do.
Thank you for getting the word "ritual" correct. You have no idea how many times I've been called "stupid" for reciting the actual meaning of Ritual when everyone else only wants to associate it with religious centers. Just like "Religion" is a specific set of rituals for a specific purpose.
How ironic they're calling you stupid for it, sounds like you just met people who aren't open to new information... hmm i wonder if theres a word for that... hehe...
My cat cries and cries oh so pitifully at my bedroom door until I get out of bed to let him in. Most days anyway - today he decided to wail at our neighbour's elderly cat instead.
I cuddle with my little dog every day after we wake up and before we fall asleep. He never wakes me up, we both like to sleep as long as we need to. He is the love of my life and the best thing ever happened to me. 🐕❤🙏
I think the ADHD in us AuDHDers makes us have micro routines rather than full on schedules. I suppose non ADHD auti people might be more prone to having the later.
@@linam.9675 I will make a to do list and schedule time for the list lol Or allow myself options within boundaries, like "I don't know where I want to eat, but I will go to this specific street with 5 restaurants and see which one looks most inviting in person". That may sound chaotic, but I'd still get upset if a parameter to my not-quite-a-specific-plan got changed, such as the street or the time I plan to be there, or the order of things done on the way :P
The way I differentiate this is routines vs habits. Routines are algorithms for tasks I perform a lot, and are executed in response to something else. I just used the toilet? Time to wash my hands, and think about something else cause the autopilot brain is doing the handwashing. Habits, on the other hand, are task sequences that are supposed to run unprompted, like doing exercises at a specific time of day without feeling the need for it. I can generally form routines no problem, but establishing habits is basically impossible due to my ADHD. It's why having a dog is helping me go outside more - now it's not an arbitrary idea, but rather my companion's need, and I can skip the habit part and go straight into routines.
@@OutfrostI think you’re mixing up what habits are scientifically with what toxic productivity bros say habits should be. What you describe as a routine is what a habit is supposed to be. An action that follows a certain prompt automatically. It’s incredibly difficult to build „should be“ habits with ADHD, but our brains do form habits
@catagecat Do you have any sources I could study? I'll be honest I've just been following how the words are used in informal language, and trying to find a useful distinction. And if habits are what I describe as routines, then how would you describe routines and rituals, and how do they differ?
@Outfrost You got routine and habit mixed. Routine: (can be negative too like overtraining/ overworking) -delibrate and conscious decision. - clear shedule and pre planned and followed - external influcen or guide by time tables and appointments - can be changed Habit: (can be negative drinking to much alcohol/nail biting - less cognitive effort - repetive - automatic response (Close to reflex)
This video feels quite like me, I am horrendous at decisions. I get severe analysis paralysis, and have been told I overthink so much. Feel like if i have to make the 'perfect' decisions and its so painful and then I don't often end up making the decision because it stresses me out.
Apologies in advanced for this long ass comment 😅😂 The current code I'm trying to crack on my (formally undiagnosed) AuDHD journey is parsing and identifying all my pre-existing routines and rituals and trying to impose some kind of schedule for myself/make adjustments in my routine while I'm unemployed and at home with my parents. So far, an important finding for me has been: a lot of important rituals for me can only really be triggered by certain pre-existing conditions. For example, most of my hygiene rituals can only be easily carried out if I'm going out that day. If I'm walking out my front door, anywhere for longer than 5-10 minutes, brushing my teeth, combing my hair, and a quick wash if needed before getting dressed is non-negotiable. If I don't have that pre-requisite, suddenly, brushing my teeth is a decision I have to manually make. Despite it being such a simple and necessary thing, having to force myself to do it is so much harder than it has any right to be, and when you spend a lot of time at home, that can be really problematic. It also extends into my eating habits. My household tends to focus more on having ingredients to make meals with instead of having snacks to readily grab, but if the kitchen is a big mess and the components I need to make something to eat aren't available to me (i.e. clean pan, cooking utensil, clean plate, clean cutlery, counter space), a lot of the time, I just won't eat because in order to clean the kitchen up enough to be able to use, I have to use up energy that I don't really have yet because I'm hungry. Then, it'll end up being pushed to the point where the only way I can muster up the will to tackle the dishes and cook is to be so hungry that the only way to quell it is to use the discomfort as momentum to get the task done. It's definitely an unhealthy habit, but despite all my efforts, it's the most effective way to get it done: Needs must. Something I feel that's worth keeping in mind for any peeps who are in the same boat as me for the time being, even if you aren't doing an awful lot with your days because you're not relying on a schedule that's decided for you, you will almost certainly still follow some kind of routine. Mine, generally speaking, looks like this at the moment: - Wake up - Check the time - Either go back to sleep or check up on phone notifications - Spend an additional 1-3+ hours in bed - Go to the bathroom - Go back to bedroom - Spend another 1-3+ hours on my own - Emerge from room to fulfil obligatory daily greeting and check in with the parental - Maybe eat something - Go back to room - Amuse oneself for another 2-4+ hours - Check in with parents - Return to isolation chamber - Check in on parents/make dinner for the fam - Retire back to my room for the evening - Fall asleep after the sandman has persisted-hunted you for several hours Something I'm eager to figure out is how to adjust my standard routine without forcing myself, and I think I've figured it out while I was pacing around my room earlier. Getting dressed. Just going from pj's to a different set of indoor clothes a few days ago caused me to have the most productive day I've had in months. It was so obvious, but I just completely missed it after wondering why, for the last three days, why I couldn't get myself to sit at my desk despite having such a good time and the answer was draped over the back of my chair 🤡 Now that I've had the realisation, I'm really hoping it'll help keep some things clicked into place. Beyond that, I also have this schedule planning method that Hey, Spark shared on her RUclips channel a bit ago, where you plan your day/week around how you want to feel on a given day. She explained it and demonstrated it really well, it's her start "to-feel" instead video, if you haven't spoken about i"ntuitive planning" before. Either way, despite the struggles, I'm still able to acknowledge that I am getting better at certain things despite not having a schedule to keep me regimented: - This is perhaps the longest stretch of time I've kept my room consistently clean/tidy - I'm brushing my teeth more regularly, even if I still have to force myself a bunch (the goal is to hopefully start overriding the "going outside" pre-requisite and link the ritual with the first bathroom visit of the day) - I'm making the effort to actually try to "start" my day with a meal, thanks to help from my mum :) Sure, sometimes I feel kind of crappy for not just being able to do the basic stuff easily, but I also know that in a lot of ways, I've essentially had to do a hard reboot on myself for the sake of accommodating myself better in the future, and I'm doing it at 25. I will get there, and it will all be worth it. Anyway. Essay over. Congratulations and well done on your one year anniversary! I can't believe it's only been a year, I feel like you've already been around so much longer (in a good way). You're channel is such a massive help and a consistent comfort watch of mine, so thank you for all that you've put out here and shared with us
@@K.Voyence I don't think I struggle as much but if I don't go outside and don't change clothes I also tend to have difficulties with doing anything any given day. That's probably why, even with bullying, I didn't hate school as a child.
Thought before watching: I’m AuDHD, I’ve struggle for years with routine and ritual. Before getting diagnosed common advice and rigide planning caused me so much pain. It destroyed my already established ritual and replaced it with anxiety and burnout. Now i’m trying to establish rituals again but it’s so link to past suffering i've practically given up, leaving me dysfunctional and constantly trying to catch up. Maybe i’ll eventually get out of this draining cycle.
AuDHD twice-exceptional here; this is the only part of autism that doesn’t apply to me, because ADHD makes routine impossible to maintain. We can have rituals for things like bathing, or eating/taking meds, or dressing, but struggle to fit all that into one morning. Bottom line is, we cannot do as much as fast as NT’s can. Hence “disabled”. It’s not that we are lazy or not trying; our brains work less efficiently! 🤷♀️
I've been in the same spot as you going on two decades after a string of burnouts and still trying to crawl out of it. I have to rewire so much stuff I had already trained myself to do, like showering. The basic rituals that neurotypicals take for granted. But I'm not giving up. And I hope you don't either! Eventually, the shit-show has to end.
@@misspat7555 I definitely relate to somehow not being able to do as much as NTs in a given timespan, and how alienating it can feel. Everyone is confused how I spend so much time in the shower. The way I understand it, the source of the difference might be that our routines are established from careful and deliberate decision making, and they might follow a slower process, in a way that's not obvious and difficult to optimise. What I personally find ADHD to prevent from happening tho, is habits - starting sequences of uninteresting tasks unprompted and without additional driving factors. I can generally form routines no problem, but establishing habits is utterly Sisyphean.
I love the way you've explained this. I actually wrote out all my morning subroutines based on different personal care steps. Things like showering vs not showering, etc. I didn't need them written to follow them, but as someone with time agnosia, it was a huge revelation to me to see the variation in the number of steps and therefore time required. I timed them all out, and now I can set my Time Timer and feel more in control of my mornings without a ton of thought and stress.
Believe it or not: I'm just lying in bed with my cat on my lap and finished watching the video and your comment was the first shown to me. I couldn't believe it by myself how accurate you described my situation 😅👍
Best way to enjoy videos! My cat is always there when I watch videos, especially in bed, when I have my tablet because ahe loves to lay right in front of that to block half the screen 😂. I love cats. May you and your fluffy friend have many lovely years together!
The only requirement for an autism diagnosis is differences in verbal (“You use the wrong words, wrong tone, and wrong timing!”) and nonverbal (“Stop staring/ look at me/ what’s so funny/ why do you look mad?!?!”) communication leading to difficulties in socializing. Only two out of four of STIMs, SPINs, sensory differences, and rigid routines are required! 👍 I do agree about doing things the same way every time being a way we save energy in a desperate attempt to cope with a chronically overwhelming world! 😬
Funny I was thinking this exact thing the other day.... I can't stick to a schedule, but I do have routines for some things I do.... Routine at the moment seems to be thinking too much about everything and forgetting to do anything .... This needs to change, but then it's hard to get up when there is a purring, floofy kitten or 2 sat on me as well 😂. Very relatable video as always Mike.😊
Man I never new about these kinds of rituals... just the annoying way I have to do things to feel like I do them right. I could really use a few dozen support demons. For emotional and militaristic support. I think I could really make some change with enough. In my life I mean.
Less safe mode, more blue screen of death 😉 I had the type 2 thinking described to me as a brain tree with the branches representing the options and parameters for a decision. A neurotypical person will go down two or three branches and make a decision. An autistic person will need to go down every branch. I started looking at replacing my car in 2018, still haven’t decided on one yet.
When supporting adults with autism (usually with limited verbal communication skills) and also a learning disability my colleagues and I try to avoid what we call 'brittle' schedules. i.e. schedules that are easily broken. For example, if we always drove a person the same way to visit their parents if we go down that same road there'd possibly be an assumption that they'd be going to visit their parents when outcome doesn't match expectation people with autism can become emotionally dysregulated. This also works in everybody's favour if say the 'road to Mam and Dad's' is closed then alternative routes are more readily accepted. In short: just because somebody has autism does not mean that they can't be supported with flexibility if people supporting those with support needs think through how they provide support. Think about the immediate and deferred effects of what your doing as a support worker.
I get up at 6am, same breakfast daily, 8am head to my garden studio to paint, ride my exercise bike at 11.30am for 30 mins, lunch, paint all afternoon, garage gym for an hour, dinner, paint all evening, 9.30pm I head indoors for half an hour of tv in the lounge and then bed. I do that 7 days a week, done that for years now and it rarely changes. 🙂
This was the biggest thing holding me back from considering myself autistic (now diagnosed!). I thought because I struggle with schedules a lot there was no way I could be autistic, but I have many rituals I follow that fit the criteria instead as well as my special interests. But this way of explaining it as being stuck in type 2 thinking really.. really makes it so clear why not being able to follow a schedule brings me so much distress
All my routines/ rituals have to have flexibility built-in to satisfy the ADHD side....like writing a job list at the start of the day and then spending the whole morning doing something completely different 😂
Clothing/fashion routine didn't work out for me because of neurotypicals around me. I don't even had the same clothes like Steve Jobs, just every piece in my wardrobe was either black or white. And I never had to think about what to wear & if the pieces will fit together or look good at me & I loved it. But people started to complain and/or make fun about my clothes. That I always look like a chess board or like I'm in mourning, or something. So, I started buying other colours. And tbh, I like colours. But it never got easy again what to wear. And I have to waste way more time to think about it, than I'd like to do :/
The one thing that decides whether my day is manageable is having my morning coffee and 2 hours to myself. When i dont get that, the day becomes a total loss because this routine is grounding af for me. My twins have learned (mostly) not to talk too much or bother me during this time, from experience. Lol
There, this video goes into my playlist I intend for infodumping. At least on my birthday it should be me who chooses the activity. So no escape from talking about autism tomorrow 😅 Well worded about rituals being important to feel grounded. My current favourite is to watch my shrimps in the evening with my cat in the lap. He never did that before and I'm taking in every moment of it.
@@Autistic_AF Yes. I'll put it into my coffee mug, so it's the first thing I'll find, when I get up tomorrow 😁 BTW, it always astounds me when you talk about struggles. You seem so well put together. Your wording and communication skills are on top. And then there are quirks like struggling with sticky fingers. For some strange reasons all of this makes me happy, and maybe feel less broken, if that makes sense?
Your discussion on schedules / routines matches my experience. I've never thought of myself as having schedules, but I'm often fulfilling a routine, or doing a ritual. The tea ritual has always helped me. I've tried most of the teas at the local Woolworths supermarket. Japanese green tea. Chinese burdock tea. I go to the Chinese supermarkets and randomly pick tea and repeat if I enjoy it. Same tea ritual but different teas.
Oh, I hear you around rituals and decisions. When I'm in the zone I do things like count eights when I'm washing my hands or cleaning my water bottles. I will shake the bottle for eight times eight because that's the rhythm that feels as if the world is right side up. My sister sometimes gets annoyed with me when I don't make an immediate decision on a little thing like 'Do you want a cup of coffee?' It is not enhanced by her way of asking 'Do you want a cup of coffee or no?' Then I'm caught in the web of indecision because I don't know how I'm supposed to answer. Even worse is when the word 'no' is omitted, as in, 'Do you want a cup of coffeee or ...' Does she actually want to make me coffee or is she hoping I'll answer in the negative? Will I feel guilty if I answer yes, or deprived if I answer no? Aaaarrrgh. Yet, enforced schedules like regular work hours have always been difficult; partly due to my lack of circadian rhythm due to no vision, partly due to 14 years of enforced residential care growing up and partly due to possible autism? That'll be a challenge for the assessor. This video is very helpful in thinking around how we respond to supposed rigidity.
This woke me up to not feeling disappointed in myself. For 20 years now at least, I make very detailed plans for parts of my day. I believed if zi would follow my commitments and adhere to the schedule and plan then I would be "good", what that meant morphed over time but always had a good/bad judgement to it. I would dissolve or veer from the plan in someway in some detail and beat myself up for it. Probably, I just felt safe and more comfortable with my next step and a tiny creative license in that moment. In a way I got mad with demand avoidance from myself and wanted autonomy from my plan. This was a great one.
I agree completely with your advice to carers. It is a dangerous path to walk, if one becomes so rigidly bound to own routines, and schedules. I came with and idea, if I introduce a predictable in outcome, and positive change, while not too often, and not too rarely, I might not be as anxious as I was, when unexpected something happens. So, when it comes to eating habits, where routines are a necessity, in order to be able to manage planning, procuring ingredients, and making meals, I added such introduction, and I called it “Try something new Wednesday” for a dinner, since for me it is less disruptive to everything else, than if it was breakfast.
I felt Defensive watching this. Getting stuck in "Safe-Mode" while wanting to explore. I had a chance to Scuba Dive, but didn't. Thank you, I can't wait for Season Two!
Thoughtful and helpful video. Thank you! Retirement is so much more friendly to my need for routines and predictability…I still start each day asking my husband what his own priorities are for the day and what he needs from my energy reserve. I am startled by any change after that. I really have compassion for those still working 😢 and stuck with artificial time tables, and changing workplace expectations (not to mention family responsibilities). I don’t know how I made it through - undiagnosed (unsuspected on a ‘good day’) and exhausted.
Ordering food in a restaurant is a nightmare for me, and everyone else involved. I usually narrow it down to two or three options, then, about the third time the server asks if we're ready to order, I tell everyone else to order first, and I'll have decided by the time it's my turn. When my turn comes, I have never decided, so I panic order whatever I am looking at on the menu at the time, which usually ends up being something I wasn't considering, and didn't want.
I used to have the same issue - now I read the menu on the restaurant's website the day before and take as much time as I need to decide what I'm going to order - and also have a plan B, in case they don't have the thing I've chosen at that moment.
@@carolinelist-b4p I do that, too. Sometimes it helps, but sometimes I worry when we get to the restaurant that I might not still want what I already picked out, and end up in the same boat as usual.
I relate a lot to your experience with coffee, I started visiting the same coffee shops regularly, ordering the same coffee and now all the baristas know me. I enjoy not just the drink, but also the latte art and the experience of going to the coffee shop.
Although I'm not totally strict with a schedule, I do find reminders definitely help me to get stuff done. Because I can hyper focus on something, or ruminate, and totally forget to do certain things. Like eat food. Like it's 6:30 pm and I haven't ate all day. That's pretty normal for me. I should probably go make food.
Ah, I also found this confusing, I have been diagnosed with it, but I always wondered why this didn't apply to me because I HATE lack of change. I like creating schedules and structure, but I HATE following then for too long. I do have several rituals outside and inside of work but thats a lot more to do with helping me to not forget a step because so often Im zoned out if Im not engaged that my conscious brain cannot recall a missed step, but my unconscious brain will feel the ritual feels off and itll cause my conscious brain to turn back online and assist unconscious brain out and so it leads to less missed steps.
I think the ADHD complicates things for some of us too And the Link between ADHD and Autism isn't fully understood either. So it also complicates the routine/timetable criteria too
Thank you this was very helpful. I struggle to follow my schedules because I see them as burdens, and not mechanisms to reduce decision making. Time to change that :)
I appreciate the fuzzy cat cam, maybe a higher definition one would be a good addition going forward lol. Im working on obtaining a diagnosis for Autism and ADHD, if thats what I actually am, and found myself not being able to understand or relate to the "rigid adherence to routine" because I absolutely hate schedules and being forced to do things I hate and switch from things I want to keep working on or finish and feeling rushed or late all the time... but this video showed me thats waaay too narrow of a definition. I find that when looked at as actual routines/rituals instead of schedules and dividing up every minute of the day into a plan, I fit the description much more accurately. I do have a lot of weird routines, some I would go as far as calling rituals to be honest, that I HAVE to do or I dont feel right. What I do when I first wake up, what I do when I get ready to leave OR what I do going somewhere specific, the way I have to wash my hands, the way I have to wash my hands after doing very certain things, the way I have to go about starting and setting up certain tasks/relaxation periods... Once I started looking at myself through the lens of the video, and being more analytical and less "I dont feel like I am/like I do this" I started seeing how rigid I can be in the way I do things AND how irrationally frustrated I can get when those little things are disrupted or unable to be done MY way. Thanks for these videos, I've self diagnosed, now Im trying to talk to some professionals to get an official opinion and maybe some help finally.
I make a weekly menu on Sunday. My breakfast has been the same for about 5 years coffee, instant oatmeal and toast. It is ritualistic and if I don't have a component, my morning is often ruined. Since doing the menu consistently, my stress level is much lower. My life was in constant chaos because any time I made accommodations for myself it would be destroyed. I could go on and tangent about that but that's a long drawn out story.
Well done. Wonderful topic. Routines are incredibly important, because they keep me from fouling up, forgetting things, and frankly…thinking. I’m always thinking, and it’s exhausting. (Expensive example: I have a specific routine for packing up a piece of equipment. I unscrewed it, and prepared to move, when the soft case, which I rarely use, lid closed. I took three steps, opened it, and totally forgot that the equipment was still on tripod. It fell 5’ to the forest floor. $30,000+ mistake, because I did a single thing differently, and didn’t turn off my autopilot. I take over twice as long as my peers, to complete any job, but my attention to detail helps me create perfect jobs(digital maps), while my peers routinely turn in garbage. I have the almost perfect job, for a person with AuDHD, but it can be overwhelming. My company accommodates me, in many different ways. They don’t hold me to a rigid schedule, and I pretty much do whatever I want, as long as I produce something. Bonus: I’m outdoors, my coworker is a robot, and my human coworker’s task is to bring me water, because I work without breaks.
This a topic I often talk about with my partner because it can be very confusing, especially when it comes to drawing the line between the neurotypical and autistic approach. Thank you for explaining this in simple words!
I have rituals when I wake up and when I go to bed. I have to do it the same way every day. If I don't, I can't do it properly. As a freelancer I have flexible work plans. I have a lot of health problems so it depends on how I am feeling that day. AuDHD here.
It might be the dyspraxia but I don't ever feel that my movement is automatic, I always have to think about it. Less so for walking, but I still have to think about it, the way my feet land, the pace, trying not to bump into things which inevitably I fail at. Driving lessons never got easier, not one bit. Every time I drove felt like the first time. And I had over 70 lessons, each lasting 90 minutes or 2 hours if I remember right. I gave up after failing my practical test with 3 majors in the first 5 minutes. Every time I drove I also went into fight/flight, and on my final lesson/test I had such intense anxiety that I tunnel visioned and after it I couldn't remember what happened, when I was told why I made my majors I didn't even remember it. Then when the pandemic happened I decided I didn't want to go through it anymore.
I have dyspraxia, too, and I definitely relate to this. I don't have automatic (controllable) movement a lot of the time. Some days are better than others. The worst days are when I can't "remember" how to make my morning coffee. I just do kettle, instant coffee, sugar, and milk. I know WHAT to do, but just can't seem to remember how to perform the function of turning the kettle on, getting the sugar from the jar to a cup, etc... Those are the worst days. Diagnosis really helped, though, because I just accept it as normal for me, rather than keep trying to "get better." Still annoying, though! 😂
Congrats Mike for your first youtube anniversary. You are my favourite youtuber. I brew coffee every morning using an aeropress and freshly ground beans and occasionally pour over. Pour over certainly has a stronger flavour, but you can avoid the bitterness by using a larger grind size, which increases the flow rate of water, and by also reducing the total steep time.
It's really cool to learn that the way I've come to understand my own information processing and decision making - "foreground thread" carefully and deliberately considering one thing, and "background thread" running routines - has been studied and described scientifically :) It's doubly important with ADHD, as I have to manage focus and distractions in varying ways throughout the day, for example making sure the background thread has nice music to listen to, and stops poking the foreground one, which is trying to focus on programming.
I used to have a really hard time with the social experience of doing job interviews for dev jobs. Especially being asked to write code on a white board. I would get so terrified in my mind that I would not be able to remember the appropriate syntax that it was almost paralyzing to me. I was used to always being able to look things up as I go. Checking and re-checking in programming are ways I can feel good about my work, like doing my own personal code reviews. It took me until only just recently to realize hey, I've never had bug I've fixed come back to me. My code generally works and doesn't go out with bugs in it for other people to find. I don't usually have a coding problem that ACTUALLY goes unsolved, even though I've spent lots of time in my career worrying that I couldn't solve a certain problem (right up until I could). I've sortof embraced that I need comfort objects around me and tools like active noise cancellation or working from home to be able to work to my full potential, and since doing that, I just feel a lot better about myself and more sure of my process.
I have never done well with schedules. I do have my own routines, but schedules are really hard for me because I'll start doing something I like but when my schedule alarm rings, it throws me off and I don't want to change what I'm doing. I don't know if that's more PDA, but routines are much more flexible and as long as I brush my teeth before bed then that's perfect.
i can't stick to t schedule very well. At least the kind that's the same everyday. I worked for 20+ years in a various biochem research labs and had to work on very different experiments from day to day and each type of experiment was done in a very specific routine way. Any deviation screwed up the data and had to be repeated. Another type of routine/ritual I had was that at each place I worked I went out to eat at the very same place and ordered the very same thing. At UNLV it was a combo burrito no onions . At University of South Carolina it as chicken nuggets, hushpuppies and dirty rice.Went through the drive through and ate in the parking lot. That way I had a quiet break from the people in the lab and didn't have to deal with restaurant staff.
I just spent five minutes after watching this happily going through the process of making turkish coffee in my mind, only to realise we're out of coffee. Am i going to be responsible and go get normal grind, or am i going to go to the specialty shop that does turkish grind? I haven't got out of bed yet. How long will it take me to make this decision?? I need coffee!!
Omg that's exactly how/why my routines work. It's like I make the optimal routine, upgraded every once in a while, and then I do that so I don't have to think. Once I have my routine I can even run it quickly if I need to. And I just do that. It doesn't feel rigid per se, minus my washing and eating routines. This is the area that always has me questioning, but since you've explained it this way it's allowed for more understanding and insight.
I really hate schedules and plans. When I have one I need to go with it. All deviations from plans cause anxiety and it can get overwhelming fast. That's why I am a happy go lucky type of guy with no plans. I am extremely fast at making plans. It is both a curse and a blessing.
In America, we have peanut butter and fruit jelly/jam/preserves sandwiches. xD I grew up on these, it's actually one of my safest foods. Not preserves though. I hate fruit chunks, I'm more of a jam person.
Last year when I didn't give a bigger thought of ASC yet I was thinking to myself "oh dear, my brain loves routines", especially morning one (evening one too, but shhh). And everytime I hear "why you're getting up so early, can't you just..." no, no, no, if I could I probably would. I need time in the morning to prepare, even thinking of just getting up, put some clothes on and in 30 minutes being ready to leave the house - insert hissing sounds here. And speaking about learning new skills like driving a car... when for the first time I was driving a car (during first lesson in a school) I hadn't any idea that people can get sweaty in so many places on a body 😅 I didn't want to hit anything and anybody on the road so badly and at the same time do everything properly that I bearly remember anything except being totally worn out later that day. Well, still long road for me to solve my own jigsaw puzzle, but I'm really happy that there are channels like this.
"about conserving energy" - Wow! Yes! That's kind of all I am about in my life. While I do seem to have more autistic traits than usual for neurotypicals (according to tests), I might not have autism (I have another neurodivergent diagnosis, though - so there will be overlaps anyway). But seeing videos about autism has helped me so much accept and understand myself more - and find coping mechanism and for a nervous system often stuck in freeze mode.
Insight! ❤❤❤ Routines have saved my life. I have a 40 min routine to get up. 1) drink the glass of water with the morning meds (Ritalin et al.) waiting by your bed. Open your eyes. 2) Find bathroom without touching your phone. Have a leak and take a 30 second cold shower. 3) dress up using the sport clothes, socks and shoes you have ready. 4) get out and walk/run to a lamp post or a tree 200-800 meters/yrds away. Return and take a proper warm shower. 5) Check your phone, dress up and get breakfast. I have automated my medication and breakfast so well that might have a butler but notice no difference!
Thank you for this video. Just realised my subroutines are outdated. Changed countries and the old one's don't work here. Struggling to build new ones. I am also stuck in read only mode most days. For me everything is a database with facts and dimensions and needs to be stored and catalogued in the best most efficient way. Writing is my preferred form of communication. And so many channels available to communicate - breaking focus - its exhausting.
I heard a podcast a while ago that suggested using random chance to make decisions. It was really helpful for me. Plenty of times I have the urge to try to maximize the outcome of the decision. While carefully weighing options can be nice, sometimes just randomly choosing can be freeing. Too much type 2 thinking makes the entire situation less optimal because I wasted too much time and mental effort.
Omg love it. Search index, call subroutine, relax..... That is my day!. Worker crying at the door? Call subroutine, run subroutine, end programme. Shallow water cooler encounter? Call subroutine, run subroutine, end
As I have AuDHD I don't tend to develop completely automatic routines/habits (except bad habits) very easily; the only one I do almost completely without thinking about it is brushing my teeth (the process itself; not initiating it; I have to think about it every time; and I regularly lie in bed feeling my teeth with my tongue to figure out if I have brushed them already or not), locking the door when I leave, and bringing my backpack when I leave anywhere, and driving a car. But that only happens with really simple physical actions like brushing teeth and how to steer a car etc. and things that I can decide is completely mandatory every single time, no exceptions. I learned to bring my backpack to school and very rarely went to school without it; and once I decided backpacks (or at least one piece of luggage) are mandatory every time I leave anywhere even if I'm not going to school (since after all it's almost always useful to have a backpack anyway) I stopped forgetting my backpack, because this rule made walking outside without a backpack feel very weird. But because we only had gym class once or twice a week; I never developed a habit for bringing two pieces of luggage, so whenever we had gym class I either brought my backpack and forgot the gymbag or brought the gymbag and forgot the backpack; but around age 14 I realised I could fixe the problem by attaching the gymbag to the straps of the backpack that way I still only had "one piece" of luggage to remember. A lot of my "routines" are just arbitrary but absolute rules I've made up to follow without spending minutes worrying about a decision every time; like after having my electric car for maybe 6 years, and every time I parked I spent so much energy trying to figure out if I need to charge it or not; I finally came up with a completely arbitrary rule that I should always charge whenever the battery had less than an estimated 70 km left. That way I don't need to think about it every time. It does have some logic to it though, my wife's job is about 14 km away; and I often drive her to work whenever she's running late for the bus in the morning; so the round trip is under 30 km; so by always charging before the battery has less than 60 km I still can always make 2 round trips before it complains. So even if the charger occasionally fails to charge (usually because I've pulled out one the other end of the cable without noticing) or if I forget to even consider my charging rule; I will still be fine.
Ugh, routines. This is actually a huge problem for me because I have so few of them, even though I'm in my mid 40s. I have gotten masking routines and some driving routines, but self care routines? Home care routines? Everything else? NOPE. All the decisions all the time, and my significant other wonders why I hate choosing what to have for dinner. I am choosing everything I do all the time and analyzing all the consequences and... I'm tired. I'm so tired.
First time seeing your videos pop up and I am positive god got lazy with me and just hit spawn new instance. Reframing standard neurotypical behavior into tech speak made my night and might help me out in the future. A like & Subscribed well earned!
Not related to the video. But I finally got my chance to speak to my GP earlier this week. I was refused an assessment but not for a normal reason like my age being "42 so they would have caught it by now". Turns out that in the Oxford area at least, the waiting list got so long (7 years) that instead of doing something to fix the problem they just decided to completely remove the assessment service altogether. There's no chance I'll be able to afford to go private as there are far more important things for me to worry about financially speaking. I was wondering how common this is in the UK. Having my mental wellbeing get pushed aside because people like me are considered not important enough to do anything about. 7 year+ waiting list, this must be 1000s of people left in limbo in my one area alone.
From what I have read from social media, RUclips, and forums is that it's a thing in the U.K. But that just from my experience of what I've seen. But like Autistic AF said, finding a doctor who knows what they are doing is an issue. A lot don't seem to care enough to look into autism without an issue. I'd say it's the biggest obstacle. I'm in Canada and I got a psych doc that took 8 years to finally realize I was autistic after decades of misdiagnoses from other ones. I'm late diagnosed as well. The quality of care that late dx'd autistics get from the mental health profession is pretty non-existent even when you get the diagnosis.
I'm so sorry, that's terrible :( Unfortunately, from what I've heard and seen, this sort of thing is becoming more common across the UK as the services continue to strain under the high demand, if not the scrapping of whole-ass services, the insane wait lists for sure. I'm not sure how it would go if it's down to area, but if you haven't, perhaps ask your GP to specifically refer you to Psychiatry UK. You'll probably still run into a lengthy wait list by the time you fill out all the questionnaires and hand over all the information, but hopefully it won't be as long as 7+ years! Last I heard, the wait list for an assessment through them was about 2-3 iirc. Good luck! Hopefully you get the support you need, even without a formal diagnosis 🤞
@@bluecheesehasmoldinit The doctor I spoke to was sympathetic to my cause and said I do fit the criteria to go for an assessment. But she was in a position of not being able to refer me due to the fact there is nothing to refer me to.
@@Vandassar Oh wow! I actually brought my known traits to the psychiatrist after I learned about autism. I asked my gp to refer me to one cuz I needed a new one again. I got one but even she isn't up to date fully and I have been overmedicatd for a long time. It's a hit and miss, it seems, when you aren't a kid being diagnosed. I don't understand why your doc said there was no one to refer you to. I guess your doctor forgot that this is the area psychiatrists work in. I didn't need to do a full assessment thingy.
I have diabetes, so when I get an English muffin on Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday I have peanut butter and sugar-free strawberry preserves. But I'm not restricted about that. Sometimes, for a change, I'll use sugar-free raspberry preserves. So variety is as important as predictability. Your description of driving explains why I used to hate driving when I started. It was too overwhelming and I never realized. I thought it was how everyone experienced driving, but others enjoyed the challenge more than I did. It never occurred to me that others didn't have the same experience.
Sure can relate to that coffee ritual. I’ve also never agreed with strict schedules, I change my mind and mood too often to want to be restricted to sticking to a schedule. I wake up feeling quite different day to day, drink coffee and think about a plan for the day, if this is messed with, I go into chaos.
As a student, I remember keeping my class schedule folded up in my pocket for the first month or so of the new term because I simply couldn't remember my schedule without it. As an adult, my wife helps me by writing out the weekly family schedule. Otherwise, I easily forget all the errands I have to run for my kids.
I don't do schedules, I do have rituals and I am big into sameness. I have tried to do a schedule many times, but that would be different and extremely difficult to get into a scheduled new routine. I have to go by feelings. I can't leave to go do ___ if my body disagrees. I can't just go brush my teeth yet if I'm hungry, I'll eat and brush later Also, I'm AuDHD. I do crave some random thing out of the blue. I can be really spontaneous appearing, but it's about being in tune with me as best as I can.
Hit me like a brick wall, especially the part about indecision. Sometimes it's bad enough that I've endearingly been dubbed a "deer in the headlights".
Routines can be very small or very large. Recognizing the small routines within the larger routines can be very stabilizing during times of change. Maybe I have to travel but I can bring my favorite tea and favorite hobby with me. Maybe I'm on a new job but my lunch is what I always bring on the first day and my notebook is at the ready.
I just realized why after i am done talking i almost always say "that's it"... i didnt even realize it until ppl started giggling about it. But without that how will they know im done talking? 🤔
Schedules make me break down because I don’t have the energy to do them and they make me panic 🙀… I do sometimes take shortcuts not because I want to but because I’m too darn tired food is a good exempel of this I’ve learned to keep emergency simple food around esp since have drops in bloodsugar . Rituals however can be a lifesaver ie something like a great enjoyable shower or the perfect cup of tea…
9:53 (Late diagnosed.) Many years ago at first dive class in the pool, I completed panicked. I didn’t have a ‘dive buddy’ going in so I was paired up with the only other person there. We were practicing co-breathing. The second I removed my mouth piece all I could think was I didn’t know this girl. Heck I forgot her name two seconds after she said it. I immediately stood up, red with embarrassment. The instructor came over, made sure I was good, laughed when I explained my knee-jerk reaction and then came back down with us. Trying the second time, I was fine. Then I knew what to expect, the routine.
They make little funnels you can put on your porta filter that do an excellent job of stopping coffee from falling out and getting stuck on the lip. It seems unnecessary but has made a huge difference in keeping my workspace clean and not having to fiddle with it.
tea is very much part of my ritual. i've got a beautiful chinese cast iron pot to brew my eclectic but high quality teas from around the world. at work, i don't get anything done without first taking my cup of tea. i also get the clothes..i wear suits everyday for the simplicity...technically, i would rather wear something else, but considering my job would frown at me wearing shorts and a jacket...there was only one way to go
Right now, i eat a heated bun with chocolate on for breakfast every morning. Before that i ate some toast wit Nutella on (but it started to hurt my teeth, they are super sensitive) Before that i ate bread with marmalade on. I usually like to stick to one thing for breakfast and lunch, but I'm not unable to switch it up, it might jut require more brainpower for me to eat something else if, we say , i run out of what ever i am eating. I like to have a visual schedule, but i don't like to have a set in stone schedule.. if you put time stamps on me and ask me to do specific tasks at a specific time, i will most likely end up not doing anything at all.. But i like knowing "tomorrow I'll clean a bit and i have a list of things to do that i can pick from - one task at a time, in my time" i have a calendar on my wall and on my phone, i write ALL things important in them, even the "mom is coming over to help clean" or "dad visits" it just really helps me also get a visual of how busy i am despite not being able to work an actual job. We have also talked about having a board with tasks on, these are more like hobby projects, so if i don't know that to do, i can look at the board, and choose a task, some of them are hobbies, others are "watch this show and relax" kind of things, this limits my choices so i don't have to think as much. I think it will help me have my choices be visual too. I also write a ton of notes, i love writing a list of things i need to do so i can cross them off slowly during the day or week.
I cannot handle a rigid all the time schedule, but i have routines that happen at certain times of day (morning, evening, pre-bed, afternoon tea) that serve as a sort of scaffolding that the rest of my day hangs off of. Decision making sucks.
This sounds familiar. As I discovered that I am autistic, I experimented a lot with schedules, as it was so often said they should help. Initially they did, and then I felt more and more restricted by them until I just had to break out of them again. Now I rather think ahead, whenever I have the time and energy, and write about what I want to do in my diary. That way my task is clear and my mind is free to adapt in the moment. It only works when there is time and energy available, though.
AuHD; I love surprises, but only when they are EXPECTED. 😂🎉 I love trying new things, but I have to analyse and research them thoroughly beforehand, and feel prepared to do it. I don't like not knowing what to expect or last minute changes, and I rarely change my opinion on things once I have decided on something. It becomes A FACT more than an opinion. But following a schedule would be impossible for me if I was in charge of it, and if it was imposed on me I would feel crushed and imprisoned. But I absolutely have to have the same thing for breakfast in the morning every morning, my mornings are often very "groundhog day" like, and if they are not, I get stuck waiting for the next day so I can start over and get absolutely nothing done.
A lot of it has more to do with being meticulous with details and being really bothered by “fly in the ointment” types of situations. If I plan on doing X, Y, and Z, but a problem arises preventing me from doing X, I might get so upset that I procrastinate instead of doing Y and Z. I don’t like schedules because I’m not good at schedules. I can’t predict how long something will take and absolutely HATE being interrupted before I can finish something. I’m too perfectionistic to enjoy things I’m not good at, so schedules kind of go out the window. Basically, if something feels contrived and interferes with my preferred pace I’m going to hate it.
"Don't think so much, just do it!" The amount of decades this poison has stolen from my life is immense. I'm actually thinking that it is necessary to sign up to do all of school again as an adult so I can get a proper start in life and get all the correct growths and behaviors and correct friend interaction skills this time, like in that Adam Sandler movie. The only way to fail is to give up. Those who were born into that incomprehensibly magnificent and seemingly permanent state of grace and being firmly set within the massive and near universal telepathic hive mind are usually psychopaths regarding those who are not of the hive mind. The gaining of this basic skill is the necessary foundation to all other things in life like opportunities for learning and earning enough money to have shelter and food and security. I do wonder what they'll do if they don't have their "bottom of the two story outhouse" targets to vent their evil at. Maybe they'll at least swap targets.
I call what works for me a cascading schedule. I can't predict how long anything will take me, or what I might suddenly feel the need to get done in between. But setting an order of operations for the day helps me get at least something done. Otherwise I get too overwhelmed to even engage.
Scripting responses for social encounters is routines. If you say A to you get B from me. Sometimes I expect A but get C and give you B when I should give you D in response. I just exit the situation quickly when that happens. It's rather embarrassing. Schedules I don't do well with them at all. They cause me so much stress and exhaust me. Rituals, don't really have any and this is bit weird but if I get ritualistic with something it's like my brain throws wrench into it. Feels it has spice up the ritual for some reason.
🧡 Thank you to everyone who has watched, liked, subscribed or joined the autisti-cats community over the last year. It's been an incredible journey. I put together a highlight reel of the best moments of 2023-24; I hope you enjoy it! ✨
ruclips.net/video/_qyfhFxVoIU/видео.html&ab_channel=AutisticAF
To me, a schedule is a demand, a routine is a standard operating procedure for daily tasks, and a ritual is a recreational activity.
mastery in conciseness :D I love it, to manage to encompass all in one sentence, while making sense, and avoiding missing crucial parts.
@mariuszwisla3230 thank you for the kind words. :)
Yes! I do not need a schedule, I need a plan, so I know what to prepare for.
I realised that when I thought about how I am able to deal with my spontaneous side (diagnosed ADHD, in the process of getting an autism diagnosis). After I realised how much it set me back to have people cancel on me, even when I was able to see why they did it, I started to plan that together with the plan on meeting someone. I planed what I would do if they had to cancel or reschedule. Depending on the day and how far into already getting ready I am it still sets me back but it's so much less because of the fact that I factor it in as a possibility. With friends who are bipolar, have bpd or some other circumatances that lead to them struggling sometimes with sticking with the plan I saw that it is a relief for them too and it even helps some of them to keep calm and be able to attend more often ☺️.
Yes. That's me too.
I used to think I couldn't be autistic because I don't follow rigid itineraries, but I later realized that my routines are so rigid that my life looks like an introvert's Groundhog Day. Same breakfast, same lunch, same wardrobe, same clock-in and clock-out time at work (7 minutes late and 7 minutes early 😅), etc. I track what day of the week it is by how many bagels I have left in the bag because I optimize every aspect of my day to day life so that I can expand my mental capacity to handle unavoidable variations and changes.
I'm AutDHD and I say HECK YES! to some routines/rituals. My morning routine/ritual is especially necessary for my brain to start functioning in manageable steps - it eases the transition from asleep to awake considerably. And it is important for me that nobody else is awake yet, I really need my alone hour in the morning, even when it means waking up at 06:00.
The most ritualistic part for me is the first kitchen task: cleaning the stovetop. There is something deeply satisfying with transforming it from greasy to squeaky clean. After that comes opening the dishwasher and taking out what is needed for making and serving breakfast. After those two "subroutines" are done I have become capable of actually thinking and the remaining tasks can vary a bit without that feeling stressful.
Thanks for yet another excellent video and congratulations on your first Tubeversity! 🎉
100%!
That is the last thing I want to do first thing in the morning omg! Or have to do at any time. I don’t even use my cooker every week , but my son uses it most days and we always have a military stand off about who is going to clean it. It’s usually me even though I hardly ever use it. So I detest doing it.
@@tracik1277 Was posting your reaction informative, kind, or otherwise necessary? [wondering & slightly sad]
That sounds like such an anazing morning! And I feel the need for a morning ritual/routine. So important, it's the basis of the day and I also get up way earlier that I would need technically speaking but mentally I need that time and the propper transition. I even have differences in the rituals/routines that I do on a workday and an off day which also helps to distinquish those and the mindset I start with.
@@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023 I was just sharing my own experience. It wasn’t meant as any kind of criticism.
"These routines are not signs of rigidity, but tools of empowerment." You said this right at the end. I think it is a very significant observation. I need to go away and process it. It fits with things I've been doing recently with my therapist - allowing my brain to do what it wants to do.
Thank you for getting the word "ritual" correct. You have no idea how many times I've been called "stupid" for reciting the actual meaning of Ritual when everyone else only wants to associate it with religious centers. Just like "Religion" is a specific set of rituals for a specific purpose.
How ironic they're calling you stupid for it, sounds like you just met people who aren't open to new information... hmm i wonder if theres a word for that... hehe...
Religion in general has a habitat of stealing concepts and claiming dominion over it... It's part of the true nature of that beast.
My black cat waits till human first light then head-butts me. Best start to the day.
I wake up to my black cat smacking me in the face and then kneading my blanket…a bit different but still adorable.
@@GhostKestrel
My cat cries and cries oh so pitifully at my bedroom door until I get out of bed to let him in. Most days anyway - today he decided to wail at our neighbour's elderly cat instead.
@@sapiescent My cat only asked me for food 2959373883838 times today. I think she might be sick.
I cuddle with my little dog every day after we wake up and before we fall asleep. He never wakes me up, we both like to sleep as long as we need to. He is the love of my life and the best thing ever happened to me. 🐕❤🙏
I think the ADHD in us AuDHDers makes us have micro routines rather than full on schedules. I suppose non ADHD auti people might be more prone to having the later.
@@linam.9675 I will make a to do list and schedule time for the list lol
Or allow myself options within boundaries, like "I don't know where I want to eat, but I will go to this specific street with 5 restaurants and see which one looks most inviting in person". That may sound chaotic, but I'd still get upset if a parameter to my not-quite-a-specific-plan got changed, such as the street or the time I plan to be there, or the order of things done on the way :P
The way I differentiate this is routines vs habits. Routines are algorithms for tasks I perform a lot, and are executed in response to something else. I just used the toilet? Time to wash my hands, and think about something else cause the autopilot brain is doing the handwashing. Habits, on the other hand, are task sequences that are supposed to run unprompted, like doing exercises at a specific time of day without feeling the need for it. I can generally form routines no problem, but establishing habits is basically impossible due to my ADHD. It's why having a dog is helping me go outside more - now it's not an arbitrary idea, but rather my companion's need, and I can skip the habit part and go straight into routines.
@@OutfrostI think you’re mixing up what habits are scientifically with what toxic productivity bros say habits should be. What you describe as a routine is what a habit is supposed to be. An action that follows a certain prompt automatically. It’s incredibly difficult to build „should be“ habits with ADHD, but our brains do form habits
@catagecat Do you have any sources I could study? I'll be honest I've just been following how the words are used in informal language, and trying to find a useful distinction. And if habits are what I describe as routines, then how would you describe routines and rituals, and how do they differ?
@Outfrost You got routine and habit mixed.
Routine: (can be negative too like overtraining/ overworking)
-delibrate and conscious decision.
- clear shedule and pre planned and followed
- external influcen or guide by time tables and appointments
- can be changed
Habit: (can be negative drinking to much alcohol/nail biting
- less cognitive effort
- repetive
- automatic response
(Close to reflex)
This video feels quite like me, I am horrendous at decisions. I get severe analysis paralysis, and have been told I overthink so much. Feel like if i have to make the 'perfect' decisions and its so painful and then I don't often end up making the decision because it stresses me out.
Apologies in advanced for this long ass comment 😅😂
The current code I'm trying to crack on my (formally undiagnosed) AuDHD journey is parsing and identifying all my pre-existing routines and rituals and trying to impose some kind of schedule for myself/make adjustments in my routine while I'm unemployed and at home with my parents.
So far, an important finding for me has been: a lot of important rituals for me can only really be triggered by certain pre-existing conditions. For example, most of my hygiene rituals can only be easily carried out if I'm going out that day. If I'm walking out my front door, anywhere for longer than 5-10 minutes, brushing my teeth, combing my hair, and a quick wash if needed before getting dressed is non-negotiable.
If I don't have that pre-requisite, suddenly, brushing my teeth is a decision I have to manually make. Despite it being such a simple and necessary thing, having to force myself to do it is so much harder than it has any right to be, and when you spend a lot of time at home, that can be really problematic.
It also extends into my eating habits. My household tends to focus more on having ingredients to make meals with instead of having snacks to readily grab, but if the kitchen is a big mess and the components I need to make something to eat aren't available to me (i.e. clean pan, cooking utensil, clean plate, clean cutlery, counter space), a lot of the time, I just won't eat because in order to clean the kitchen up enough to be able to use, I have to use up energy that I don't really have yet because I'm hungry. Then, it'll end up being pushed to the point where the only way I can muster up the will to tackle the dishes and cook is to be so hungry that the only way to quell it is to use the discomfort as momentum to get the task done. It's definitely an unhealthy habit, but despite all my efforts, it's the most effective way to get it done: Needs must.
Something I feel that's worth keeping in mind for any peeps who are in the same boat as me for the time being, even if you aren't doing an awful lot with your days because you're not relying on a schedule that's decided for you, you will almost certainly still follow some kind of routine. Mine, generally speaking, looks like this at the moment:
- Wake up
- Check the time
- Either go back to sleep or check up on phone notifications
- Spend an additional 1-3+ hours in bed
- Go to the bathroom
- Go back to bedroom
- Spend another 1-3+ hours on my own
- Emerge from room to fulfil obligatory daily greeting and check in with the parental
- Maybe eat something
- Go back to room
- Amuse oneself for another 2-4+ hours
- Check in with parents
- Return to isolation chamber
- Check in on parents/make dinner for the fam
- Retire back to my room for the evening
- Fall asleep after the sandman has persisted-hunted you for several hours
Something I'm eager to figure out is how to adjust my standard routine without forcing myself, and I think I've figured it out while I was pacing around my room earlier. Getting dressed. Just going from pj's to a different set of indoor clothes a few days ago caused me to have the most productive day I've had in months. It was so obvious, but I just completely missed it after wondering why, for the last three days, why I couldn't get myself to sit at my desk despite having such a good time and the answer was draped over the back of my chair 🤡
Now that I've had the realisation, I'm really hoping it'll help keep some things clicked into place. Beyond that, I also have this schedule planning method that Hey, Spark shared on her RUclips channel a bit ago, where you plan your day/week around how you want to feel on a given day. She explained it and demonstrated it really well, it's her start "to-feel" instead video, if you haven't spoken about i"ntuitive planning" before.
Either way, despite the struggles, I'm still able to acknowledge that I am getting better at certain things despite not having a schedule to keep me regimented:
- This is perhaps the longest stretch of time I've kept my room consistently clean/tidy
- I'm brushing my teeth more regularly, even if I still have to force myself a bunch (the goal is to hopefully start overriding the "going outside" pre-requisite and link the ritual with the first bathroom visit of the day)
- I'm making the effort to actually try to "start" my day with a meal, thanks to help from my mum :)
Sure, sometimes I feel kind of crappy for not just being able to do the basic stuff easily, but I also know that in a lot of ways, I've essentially had to do a hard reboot on myself for the sake of accommodating myself better in the future, and I'm doing it at 25. I will get there, and it will all be worth it.
Anyway. Essay over. Congratulations and well done on your one year anniversary! I can't believe it's only been a year, I feel like you've already been around so much longer (in a good way). You're channel is such a massive help and a consistent comfort watch of mine, so thank you for all that you've put out here and shared with us
@@K.Voyence Why is this comment especially relatable for me
my audhd "routine" is pretty much the same at the minute lmao!
@@K.Voyence I don't think I struggle as much but if I don't go outside and don't change clothes I also tend to have difficulties with doing anything any given day. That's probably why, even with bullying, I didn't hate school as a child.
Thought before watching: I’m AuDHD, I’ve struggle for years with routine and ritual. Before getting diagnosed common advice and rigide planning caused me so much pain. It destroyed my already established ritual and replaced it with anxiety and burnout.
Now i’m trying to establish rituals again but it’s so link to past suffering i've practically given up, leaving me dysfunctional and constantly trying to catch up. Maybe i’ll eventually get out of this draining cycle.
🧡
AuDHD twice-exceptional here; this is the only part of autism that doesn’t apply to me, because ADHD makes routine impossible to maintain. We can have rituals for things like bathing, or eating/taking meds, or dressing, but struggle to fit all that into one morning. Bottom line is, we cannot do as much as fast as NT’s can. Hence “disabled”. It’s not that we are lazy or not trying; our brains work less efficiently! 🤷♀️
I've been in the same spot as you going on two decades after a string of burnouts and still trying to crawl out of it. I have to rewire so much stuff I had already trained myself to do, like showering. The basic rituals that neurotypicals take for granted. But I'm not giving up. And I hope you don't either! Eventually, the shit-show has to end.
@@jonathana.1802 what do you mean by "but it's so link to past suffering?"
@@misspat7555 I definitely relate to somehow not being able to do as much as NTs in a given timespan, and how alienating it can feel. Everyone is confused how I spend so much time in the shower. The way I understand it, the source of the difference might be that our routines are established from careful and deliberate decision making, and they might follow a slower process, in a way that's not obvious and difficult to optimise. What I personally find ADHD to prevent from happening tho, is habits - starting sequences of uninteresting tasks unprompted and without additional driving factors. I can generally form routines no problem, but establishing habits is utterly Sisyphean.
I love the way you've explained this. I actually wrote out all my morning subroutines based on different personal care steps. Things like showering vs not showering, etc. I didn't need them written to follow them, but as someone with time agnosia, it was a huge revelation to me to see the variation in the number of steps and therefore time required. I timed them all out, and now I can set my Time Timer and feel more in control of my mornings without a ton of thought and stress.
New autistic af video: move to bed, call cat over, get cozy, watch, enjoy!
Awwwww, watching YT with cats is the best! 🧡
@@Autistic_AF ...or with rats!
Believe it or not: I'm just lying in bed with my cat on my lap and finished watching the video and your comment was the first shown to me. I couldn't believe it by myself how accurate you described my situation 😅👍
Best way to enjoy videos! My cat is always there when I watch videos, especially in bed, when I have my tablet because ahe loves to lay right in front of that to block half the screen 😂. I love cats. May you and your fluffy friend have many lovely years together!
@@PiaPaola I love all the live for cats here! 💖
The only requirement for an autism diagnosis is differences in verbal (“You use the wrong words, wrong tone, and wrong timing!”) and nonverbal (“Stop staring/ look at me/ what’s so funny/ why do you look mad?!?!”) communication leading to difficulties in socializing. Only two out of four of STIMs, SPINs, sensory differences, and rigid routines are required! 👍 I do agree about doing things the same way every time being a way we save energy in a desperate attempt to cope with a chronically overwhelming world! 😬
Funny I was thinking this exact thing the other day.... I can't stick to a schedule, but I do have routines for some things I do.... Routine at the moment seems to be thinking too much about everything and forgetting to do anything .... This needs to change, but then it's hard to get up when there is a purring, floofy kitten or 2 sat on me as well 😂. Very relatable video as always Mike.😊
Rituals are very important, how else am I going to summon more support demons?
There's a RUclipsr that sells emotional support demon plushies. Your comment just reminded me of that.
@@LadyLenaki I enjoy The Click too
I'm not a plushie person, but it's tempting
😁
@@zeratir7873 hello fellow support demon enjoyer! I hope you get all the support you need from the squishy demon friends you summon 🥰.
@@qlue7881 That's the name! Mostly I just remembered the emotional support demon plushies, because it's so specific.
Man I never new about these kinds of rituals... just the annoying way I have to do things to feel like I do them right. I could really use a few dozen support demons. For emotional and militaristic support. I think I could really make some change with enough. In my life I mean.
Less safe mode, more blue screen of death 😉
I had the type 2 thinking described to me as a brain tree with the branches representing the options and parameters for a decision. A neurotypical person will go down two or three branches and make a decision. An autistic person will need to go down every branch. I started looking at replacing my car in 2018, still haven’t decided on one yet.
When supporting adults with autism (usually with limited verbal communication skills) and also a learning disability my colleagues and I try to avoid what we call 'brittle' schedules. i.e. schedules that are easily broken. For example, if we always drove a person the same way to visit their parents if we go down that same road there'd possibly be an assumption that they'd be going to visit their parents when outcome doesn't match expectation people with autism can become emotionally dysregulated. This also works in everybody's favour if say the 'road to Mam and Dad's' is closed then alternative routes are more readily accepted.
In short: just because somebody has autism does not mean that they can't be supported with flexibility if people supporting those with support needs think through how they provide support. Think about the immediate and deferred effects of what your doing as a support worker.
I get up at 6am, same breakfast daily, 8am head to my garden studio to paint, ride my exercise bike at 11.30am for 30 mins, lunch, paint all afternoon, garage gym for an hour, dinner, paint all evening, 9.30pm I head indoors for half an hour of tv in the lounge and then bed. I do that 7 days a week, done that for years now and it rarely changes. 🙂
This was the biggest thing holding me back from considering myself autistic (now diagnosed!). I thought because I struggle with schedules a lot there was no way I could be autistic, but I have many rituals I follow that fit the criteria instead as well as my special interests. But this way of explaining it as being stuck in type 2 thinking really.. really makes it so clear why not being able to follow a schedule brings me so much distress
Great video! Congrats on your first year 🎉
Thank you, Jacque!!! 😊
All my routines/ rituals have to have flexibility built-in to satisfy the ADHD side....like writing a job list at the start of the day and then spending the whole morning doing something completely different 😂
Clothing/fashion routine didn't work out for me because of neurotypicals around me. I don't even had the same clothes like Steve Jobs, just every piece in my wardrobe was either black or white. And I never had to think about what to wear & if the pieces will fit together or look good at me & I loved it. But people started to complain and/or make fun about my clothes. That I always look like a chess board or like I'm in mourning, or something. So, I started buying other colours. And tbh, I like colours. But it never got easy again what to wear. And I have to waste way more time to think about it, than I'd like to do :/
The one thing that decides whether my day is manageable is having my morning coffee and 2 hours to myself. When i dont get that, the day becomes a total loss because this routine is grounding af for me. My twins have learned (mostly) not to talk too much or bother me during this time, from experience. Lol
This exactly
There, this video goes into my playlist I intend for infodumping. At least on my birthday it should be me who chooses the activity. So no escape from talking about autism tomorrow 😅
Well worded about rituals being important to feel grounded. My current favourite is to watch my shrimps in the evening with my cat in the lap. He never did that before and I'm taking in every moment of it.
🦐🐈🧡
Happy birthday, Lollie 🧡🎂
@Autistic_AF Nooo, not yet. In Germany it's bad luck to congratulate before the birthday 😂 But thank you anyway 🥰
@@plutoniumlollie9574for tomorrow! 😂😅
@@Autistic_AF Yes. I'll put it into my coffee mug, so it's the first thing I'll find, when I get up tomorrow 😁
BTW, it always astounds me when you talk about struggles. You seem so well put together. Your wording and communication skills are on top. And then there are quirks like struggling with sticky fingers. For some strange reasons all of this makes me happy, and maybe feel less broken, if that makes sense?
Congrats on one year! 🥳
Your discussion on schedules / routines matches my experience. I've never thought of myself as having schedules, but I'm often fulfilling a routine, or doing a ritual. The tea ritual has always helped me. I've tried most of the teas at the local Woolworths supermarket. Japanese green tea. Chinese burdock tea. I go to the Chinese supermarkets and randomly pick tea and repeat if I enjoy it. Same tea ritual but different teas.
Oh, I hear you around rituals and decisions.
When I'm in the zone I do things like count eights when I'm washing my hands or cleaning my water bottles. I will shake the bottle for eight times eight because that's the rhythm that feels as if the world is right side up.
My sister sometimes gets annoyed with me when I don't make an immediate decision on a little thing like 'Do you want a cup of coffee?' It is not enhanced by her way of asking 'Do you want a cup of coffee or no?' Then I'm caught in the web of indecision because I don't know how I'm supposed to answer. Even worse is when the word 'no' is omitted, as in, 'Do you want a cup of coffeee or ...' Does she actually want to make me coffee or is she hoping I'll answer in the negative? Will I feel guilty if I answer yes, or deprived if I answer no? Aaaarrrgh.
Yet, enforced schedules like regular work hours have always been difficult; partly due to my lack of circadian rhythm due to no vision, partly due to 14 years of enforced residential care growing up and partly due to possible autism? That'll be a challenge for the assessor.
This video is very helpful in thinking around how we respond to supposed rigidity.
This woke me up to not feeling disappointed in myself. For 20 years now at least, I make very detailed plans for parts of my day. I believed if zi would follow my commitments and adhere to the schedule and plan then I would be "good", what that meant morphed over time but always had a good/bad judgement to it. I would dissolve or veer from the plan in someway in some detail and beat myself up for it. Probably, I just felt safe and more comfortable with my next step and a tiny creative license in that moment. In a way I got mad with demand avoidance from myself and wanted autonomy from my plan.
This was a great one.
I agree completely with your advice to carers. It is a dangerous path to walk, if one becomes so rigidly bound to own routines, and schedules.
I came with and idea, if I introduce a predictable in outcome, and positive change, while not too often, and not too rarely, I might not be as anxious as I was, when unexpected something happens.
So, when it comes to eating habits, where routines are a necessity, in order to be able to manage planning, procuring ingredients, and making meals, I added such introduction, and I called it “Try something new Wednesday” for a dinner, since for me it is less disruptive to everything else, than if it was breakfast.
I felt Defensive watching this. Getting stuck in "Safe-Mode" while wanting to explore. I had a chance to Scuba Dive, but didn't. Thank you, I can't wait for Season Two!
Thoughtful and helpful video. Thank you! Retirement is so much more friendly to my need for routines and predictability…I still start each day asking my husband what his own priorities are for the day and what he needs from my energy reserve. I am startled by any change after that. I really have compassion for those still working 😢 and stuck with artificial time tables, and changing workplace expectations (not to mention family responsibilities). I don’t know how I made it through - undiagnosed (unsuspected on a ‘good day’) and exhausted.
Ordering food in a restaurant is a nightmare for me, and everyone else involved. I usually narrow it down to two or three options, then, about the third time the server asks if we're ready to order, I tell everyone else to order first, and I'll have decided by the time it's my turn. When my turn comes, I have never decided, so I panic order whatever I am looking at on the menu at the time, which usually ends up being something I wasn't considering, and didn't want.
I used to have the same issue - now I read the menu on the restaurant's website the day before and take as much time as I need to decide what I'm going to order - and also have a plan B, in case they don't have the thing I've chosen at that moment.
@@carolinelist-b4p I do that, too. Sometimes it helps, but sometimes I worry when we get to the restaurant that I might not still want what I already picked out, and end up in the same boat as usual.
@@PaulaRoederer flip a coin.
I just order the same thing every time and place. If they don't have my, "go to" meal, then I have no idea what to do.
I relate a lot to your experience with coffee, I started visiting the same coffee shops regularly, ordering the same coffee and now all the baristas know me. I enjoy not just the drink, but also the latte art and the experience of going to the coffee shop.
What coffee do you order? I’m an oat-milk-Mocha-with-vegan-whip kinda guy! 🧡
@ They have a coffee called Tokyo that tastes like the color pink. It’s basically a Latte with cherry blossom flavor.
🩷 I love that idea!
I like the programming metaphors.
Great episode.
Although I'm not totally strict with a schedule, I do find reminders definitely help me to get stuff done. Because I can hyper focus on something, or ruminate, and totally forget to do certain things. Like eat food. Like it's 6:30 pm and I haven't ate all day. That's pretty normal for me. I should probably go make food.
Ah, I also found this confusing, I have been diagnosed with it, but I always wondered why this didn't apply to me because I HATE lack of change. I like creating schedules and structure, but I HATE following then for too long. I do have several rituals outside and inside of work but thats a lot more to do with helping me to not forget a step because so often Im zoned out if Im not engaged that my conscious brain cannot recall a missed step, but my unconscious brain will feel the ritual feels off and itll cause my conscious brain to turn back online and assist unconscious brain out and so it leads to less missed steps.
I think the ADHD complicates things for some of us too And the Link between ADHD and Autism isn't fully understood either. So it also complicates the routine/timetable criteria too
Thank you this was very helpful. I struggle to follow my schedules because I see them as burdens, and not mechanisms to reduce decision making. Time to change that :)
Thank you 🙏🙏🙏.
I can see it clearly now. The tendency towards type 2 decision-making burdens me unnecessarily in small everyday decisions
You are so calming!! Thank you for being a walking, talking,relief package.
Evening Mike, im here and your video is very helpful.
Good evening, Suzanne! Nice to see you here again 🧡
I appreciate the fuzzy cat cam, maybe a higher definition one would be a good addition going forward lol. Im working on obtaining a diagnosis for Autism and ADHD, if thats what I actually am, and found myself not being able to understand or relate to the "rigid adherence to routine" because I absolutely hate schedules and being forced to do things I hate and switch from things I want to keep working on or finish and feeling rushed or late all the time... but this video showed me thats waaay too narrow of a definition. I find that when looked at as actual routines/rituals instead of schedules and dividing up every minute of the day into a plan, I fit the description much more accurately. I do have a lot of weird routines, some I would go as far as calling rituals to be honest, that I HAVE to do or I dont feel right. What I do when I first wake up, what I do when I get ready to leave OR what I do going somewhere specific, the way I have to wash my hands, the way I have to wash my hands after doing very certain things, the way I have to go about starting and setting up certain tasks/relaxation periods... Once I started looking at myself through the lens of the video, and being more analytical and less "I dont feel like I am/like I do this" I started seeing how rigid I can be in the way I do things AND how irrationally frustrated I can get when those little things are disrupted or unable to be done MY way. Thanks for these videos, I've self diagnosed, now Im trying to talk to some professionals to get an official opinion and maybe some help finally.
It’s always good to see your videos. I think there’s a lot of value in having new questions as opposed to answers
I make a weekly menu on Sunday. My breakfast has been the same for about 5 years coffee, instant oatmeal and toast. It is ritualistic and if I don't have a component, my morning is often ruined. Since doing the menu consistently, my stress level is much lower. My life was in constant chaos because any time I made accommodations for myself it would be destroyed. I could go on and tangent about that but that's a long drawn out story.
Well done. Wonderful topic. Routines are incredibly important, because they keep me from fouling up, forgetting things, and frankly…thinking. I’m always thinking, and it’s exhausting. (Expensive example: I have a specific routine for packing up a piece of equipment. I unscrewed it, and prepared to move, when the soft case, which I rarely use, lid closed. I took three steps, opened it, and totally forgot that the equipment was still on tripod. It fell 5’ to the forest floor. $30,000+ mistake, because I did a single thing differently, and didn’t turn off my autopilot.
I take over twice as long as my peers, to complete any job, but my attention to detail helps me create perfect jobs(digital maps), while my peers routinely turn in garbage.
I have the almost perfect job, for a person with AuDHD, but it can be overwhelming. My company accommodates me, in many different ways. They don’t hold me to a rigid schedule, and I pretty much do whatever I want, as long as I produce something. Bonus: I’m outdoors, my coworker is a robot, and my human coworker’s task is to bring me water, because I work without breaks.
This a topic I often talk about with my partner because it can be very confusing, especially when it comes to drawing the line between the neurotypical and autistic approach. Thank you for explaining this in simple words!
I have rituals when I wake up and when I go to bed. I have to do it the same way every day. If I don't, I can't do it properly.
As a freelancer I have flexible work plans. I have a lot of health problems so it depends on how I am feeling that day.
AuDHD here.
It might be the dyspraxia but I don't ever feel that my movement is automatic, I always have to think about it. Less so for walking, but I still have to think about it, the way my feet land, the pace, trying not to bump into things which inevitably I fail at. Driving lessons never got easier, not one bit. Every time I drove felt like the first time. And I had over 70 lessons, each lasting 90 minutes or 2 hours if I remember right. I gave up after failing my practical test with 3 majors in the first 5 minutes. Every time I drove I also went into fight/flight, and on my final lesson/test I had such intense anxiety that I tunnel visioned and after it I couldn't remember what happened, when I was told why I made my majors I didn't even remember it. Then when the pandemic happened I decided I didn't want to go through it anymore.
I have dyspraxia, too, and I definitely relate to this. I don't have automatic (controllable) movement a lot of the time. Some days are better than others. The worst days are when I can't "remember" how to make my morning coffee. I just do kettle, instant coffee, sugar, and milk. I know WHAT to do, but just can't seem to remember how to perform the function of turning the kettle on, getting the sugar from the jar to a cup, etc...
Those are the worst days. Diagnosis really helped, though, because I just accept it as normal for me, rather than keep trying to "get better." Still annoying, though! 😂
Congrats Mike for your first youtube anniversary. You are my favourite youtuber. I brew coffee every morning using an aeropress and freshly ground beans and occasionally pour over. Pour over certainly has a stronger flavour, but you can avoid the bitterness by using a larger grind size, which increases the flow rate of water, and by also reducing the total steep time.
It's really cool to learn that the way I've come to understand my own information processing and decision making - "foreground thread" carefully and deliberately considering one thing, and "background thread" running routines - has been studied and described scientifically :) It's doubly important with ADHD, as I have to manage focus and distractions in varying ways throughout the day, for example making sure the background thread has nice music to listen to, and stops poking the foreground one, which is trying to focus on programming.
I used to have a really hard time with the social experience of doing job interviews for dev jobs. Especially being asked to write code on a white board. I would get so terrified in my mind that I would not be able to remember the appropriate syntax that it was almost paralyzing to me. I was used to always being able to look things up as I go. Checking and re-checking in programming are ways I can feel good about my work, like doing my own personal code reviews. It took me until only just recently to realize hey, I've never had bug I've fixed come back to me. My code generally works and doesn't go out with bugs in it for other people to find. I don't usually have a coding problem that ACTUALLY goes unsolved, even though I've spent lots of time in my career worrying that I couldn't solve a certain problem (right up until I could). I've sortof embraced that I need comfort objects around me and tools like active noise cancellation or working from home to be able to work to my full potential, and since doing that, I just feel a lot better about myself and more sure of my process.
I have never done well with schedules. I do have my own routines, but schedules are really hard for me because I'll start doing something I like but when my schedule alarm rings, it throws me off and I don't want to change what I'm doing. I don't know if that's more PDA, but routines are much more flexible and as long as I brush my teeth before bed then that's perfect.
i can't stick to t schedule very well. At least the kind that's the same everyday. I worked for 20+ years in a various biochem research labs and had to work on very different experiments from day to day and each type of experiment was done in a very specific routine way. Any deviation screwed up the data and had to be repeated.
Another type of routine/ritual I had was that at each place I worked I went out to eat at the very same place and ordered the very same thing. At UNLV it was a combo burrito no onions . At University of South Carolina it as chicken nuggets, hushpuppies and dirty rice.Went through the drive through and ate in the parking lot. That way I had a quiet break from the people in the lab and didn't have to deal with restaurant staff.
I just spent five minutes after watching this happily going through the process of making turkish coffee in my mind, only to realise we're out of coffee. Am i going to be responsible and go get normal grind, or am i going to go to the specialty shop that does turkish grind? I haven't got out of bed yet. How long will it take me to make this decision?? I need coffee!!
Omg that's exactly how/why my routines work. It's like I make the optimal routine, upgraded every once in a while, and then I do that so I don't have to think. Once I have my routine I can even run it quickly if I need to. And I just do that. It doesn't feel rigid per se, minus my washing and eating routines. This is the area that always has me questioning, but since you've explained it this way it's allowed for more understanding and insight.
I really hate schedules and plans. When I have one I need to go with it. All deviations from plans cause anxiety and it can get overwhelming fast. That's why I am a happy go lucky type of guy with no plans.
I am extremely fast at making plans. It is both a curse and a blessing.
Okay, how was there NOT a single TCP/UDP joke here about handshakes? xD
In America, we have peanut butter and fruit jelly/jam/preserves sandwiches. xD
I grew up on these, it's actually one of my safest foods.
Not preserves though. I hate fruit chunks, I'm more of a jam person.
Last year when I didn't give a bigger thought of ASC yet I was thinking to myself "oh dear, my brain loves routines", especially morning one (evening one too, but shhh). And everytime I hear "why you're getting up so early, can't you just..." no, no, no, if I could I probably would. I need time in the morning to prepare, even thinking of just getting up, put some clothes on and in 30 minutes being ready to leave the house - insert hissing sounds here. And speaking about learning new skills like driving a car... when for the first time I was driving a car (during first lesson in a school) I hadn't any idea that people can get sweaty in so many places on a body 😅 I didn't want to hit anything and anybody on the road so badly and at the same time do everything properly that I bearly remember anything except being totally worn out later that day.
Well, still long road for me to solve my own jigsaw puzzle, but I'm really happy that there are channels like this.
"about conserving energy" - Wow! Yes! That's kind of all I am about in my life. While I do seem to have more autistic traits than usual for neurotypicals (according to tests), I might not have autism (I have another neurodivergent diagnosis, though - so there will be overlaps anyway). But seeing videos about autism has helped me so much accept and understand myself more - and find coping mechanism and for a nervous system often stuck in freeze mode.
Insight! ❤❤❤
Routines have saved my life.
I have a 40 min routine to get up.
1) drink the glass of water with the morning meds (Ritalin et al.) waiting by your bed. Open your eyes.
2) Find bathroom without touching your phone. Have a leak and take a 30 second cold shower.
3) dress up using the sport clothes, socks and shoes you have ready.
4) get out and walk/run to a lamp post or a tree 200-800 meters/yrds away. Return and take a proper warm shower.
5) Check your phone, dress up and get breakfast.
I have automated my medication and breakfast so well that might have a butler but notice no difference!
Thank you for this video. Just realised my subroutines are outdated. Changed countries and the old one's don't work here. Struggling to build new ones. I am also stuck in read only mode most days. For me everything is a database with facts and dimensions and needs to be stored and catalogued in the best most efficient way. Writing is my preferred form of communication. And so many channels available to communicate - breaking focus - its exhausting.
I heard a podcast a while ago that suggested using random chance to make decisions. It was really helpful for me. Plenty of times I have the urge to try to maximize the outcome of the decision. While carefully weighing options can be nice, sometimes just randomly choosing can be freeing. Too much type 2 thinking makes the entire situation less optimal because I wasted too much time and mental effort.
Thanks Mike, I've saved this to my playlist. Cheers
Omg love it. Search index, call subroutine, relax..... That is my day!. Worker crying at the door? Call subroutine, run subroutine, end programme. Shallow water cooler encounter? Call subroutine, run subroutine, end
As I have AuDHD I don't tend to develop completely automatic routines/habits (except bad habits) very easily; the only one I do almost completely without thinking about it is brushing my teeth (the process itself; not initiating it; I have to think about it every time; and I regularly lie in bed feeling my teeth with my tongue to figure out if I have brushed them already or not), locking the door when I leave, and bringing my backpack when I leave anywhere, and driving a car.
But that only happens with really simple physical actions like brushing teeth and how to steer a car etc. and things that I can decide is completely mandatory every single time, no exceptions. I learned to bring my backpack to school and very rarely went to school without it; and once I decided backpacks (or at least one piece of luggage) are mandatory every time I leave anywhere even if I'm not going to school (since after all it's almost always useful to have a backpack anyway) I stopped forgetting my backpack, because this rule made walking outside without a backpack feel very weird. But because we only had gym class once or twice a week; I never developed a habit for bringing two pieces of luggage, so whenever we had gym class I either brought my backpack and forgot the gymbag or brought the gymbag and forgot the backpack; but around age 14 I realised I could fixe the problem by attaching the gymbag to the straps of the backpack that way I still only had "one piece" of luggage to remember.
A lot of my "routines" are just arbitrary but absolute rules I've made up to follow without spending minutes worrying about a decision every time; like after having my electric car for maybe 6 years, and every time I parked I spent so much energy trying to figure out if I need to charge it or not; I finally came up with a completely arbitrary rule that I should always charge whenever the battery had less than an estimated 70 km left. That way I don't need to think about it every time. It does have some logic to it though, my wife's job is about 14 km away; and I often drive her to work whenever she's running late for the bus in the morning; so the round trip is under 30 km; so by always charging before the battery has less than 60 km I still can always make 2 round trips before it complains. So even if the charger occasionally fails to charge (usually because I've pulled out one the other end of the cable without noticing) or if I forget to even consider my charging rule; I will still be fine.
i can’t believe i’ve only just heard this song. i didn’t know there was so many songs i hadn’t heard yet.
Wonderful metaphors used here. I think I am still running in MS-DOS.😄
Ugh, routines. This is actually a huge problem for me because I have so few of them, even though I'm in my mid 40s. I have gotten masking routines and some driving routines, but self care routines? Home care routines? Everything else? NOPE. All the decisions all the time, and my significant other wonders why I hate choosing what to have for dinner. I am choosing everything I do all the time and analyzing all the consequences and... I'm tired. I'm so tired.
First time seeing your videos pop up and I am positive god got lazy with me and just hit spawn new instance. Reframing standard neurotypical behavior into tech speak made my night and might help me out in the future. A like & Subscribed well earned!
Not related to the video. But I finally got my chance to speak to my GP earlier this week. I was refused an assessment but not for a normal reason like my age being "42 so they would have caught it by now". Turns out that in the Oxford area at least, the waiting list got so long (7 years) that instead of doing something to fix the problem they just decided to completely remove the assessment service altogether. There's no chance I'll be able to afford to go private as there are far more important things for me to worry about financially speaking.
I was wondering how common this is in the UK. Having my mental wellbeing get pushed aside because people like me are considered not important enough to do anything about. 7 year+ waiting list, this must be 1000s of people left in limbo in my one area alone.
From what I have read from social media, RUclips, and forums is that it's a thing in the U.K. But that just from my experience of what I've seen. But like Autistic AF said, finding a doctor who knows what they are doing is an issue. A lot don't seem to care enough to look into autism without an issue. I'd say it's the biggest obstacle.
I'm in Canada and I got a psych doc that took 8 years to finally realize I was autistic after decades of misdiagnoses from other ones. I'm late diagnosed as well. The quality of care that late dx'd autistics get from the mental health profession is pretty non-existent even when you get the diagnosis.
I'm so sorry, that's terrible :( Unfortunately, from what I've heard and seen, this sort of thing is becoming more common across the UK as the services continue to strain under the high demand, if not the scrapping of whole-ass services, the insane wait lists for sure.
I'm not sure how it would go if it's down to area, but if you haven't, perhaps ask your GP to specifically refer you to Psychiatry UK. You'll probably still run into a lengthy wait list by the time you fill out all the questionnaires and hand over all the information, but hopefully it won't be as long as 7+ years! Last I heard, the wait list for an assessment through them was about 2-3 iirc.
Good luck! Hopefully you get the support you need, even without a formal diagnosis 🤞
@@bluecheesehasmoldinit The doctor I spoke to was sympathetic to my cause and said I do fit the criteria to go for an assessment. But she was in a position of not being able to refer me due to the fact there is nothing to refer me to.
@@Vandassar Oh wow! I actually brought my known traits to the psychiatrist after I learned about autism. I asked my gp to refer me to one cuz I needed a new one again. I got one but even she isn't up to date fully and I have been overmedicatd for a long time. It's a hit and miss, it seems, when you aren't a kid being diagnosed. I don't understand why your doc said there was no one to refer you to. I guess your doctor forgot that this is the area psychiatrists work in. I didn't need to do a full assessment thingy.
I have diabetes, so when I get an English muffin on Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday I have peanut butter and sugar-free strawberry preserves. But I'm not restricted about that. Sometimes, for a change, I'll use sugar-free raspberry preserves. So variety is as important as predictability.
Your description of driving explains why I used to hate driving when I started. It was too overwhelming and I never realized. I thought it was how everyone experienced driving, but others enjoyed the challenge more than I did. It never occurred to me that others didn't have the same experience.
Sure can relate to that coffee ritual. I’ve also never agreed with strict schedules, I change my mind and mood too often to want to be restricted to sticking to a schedule. I wake up feeling quite different day to day, drink coffee and think about a plan for the day, if this is messed with, I go into chaos.
12:39 you can see someone in the bottom right corner of the frame “smashing the like button”
It Gibby/Gibson (having a shower....)
As a student, I remember keeping my class schedule folded up in my pocket for the first month or so of the new term because I simply couldn't remember my schedule without it. As an adult, my wife helps me by writing out the weekly family schedule. Otherwise, I easily forget all the errands I have to run for my kids.
I don't do schedules, I do have rituals and I am big into sameness. I have tried to do a schedule many times, but that would be different and extremely difficult to get into a scheduled new routine. I have to go by feelings. I can't leave to go do ___ if my body disagrees. I can't just go brush my teeth yet if I'm hungry, I'll eat and brush later
Also, I'm AuDHD. I do crave some random thing out of the blue. I can be really spontaneous appearing, but it's about being in tune with me as best as I can.
😂the cat in the background... Love it. Thanks for the video.
Hit me like a brick wall, especially the part about indecision. Sometimes it's bad enough that I've endearingly been dubbed a "deer in the headlights".
Really thought provoking video, thank you
As always, thanks so much for your video! 💙
Thank YOU for being here! 🧡
Analysis paralysis FTW? That, and if/else/then life decisions
Routines can be very small or very large. Recognizing the small routines within the larger routines can be very stabilizing during times of change. Maybe I have to travel but I can bring my favorite tea and favorite hobby with me. Maybe I'm on a new job but my lunch is what I always bring on the first day and my notebook is at the ready.
I just realized why after i am done talking i almost always say "that's it"... i didnt even realize it until ppl started giggling about it. But without that how will they know im done talking? 🤔
Schedules make me break down because I don’t have the energy to do them and they make me panic 🙀… I do sometimes take shortcuts not because I want to but because I’m too darn tired food is a good exempel of this I’ve learned to keep emergency simple food around esp since have drops in bloodsugar . Rituals however can be a lifesaver ie something like a great enjoyable shower or the perfect cup of tea…
9:53 (Late diagnosed.) Many years ago at first dive class in the pool, I completed panicked. I didn’t have a ‘dive buddy’ going in so I was paired up with the only other person there. We were practicing co-breathing. The second I removed my mouth piece all I could think was I didn’t know this girl. Heck I forgot her name two seconds after she said it. I immediately stood up, red with embarrassment. The instructor came over, made sure I was good, laughed when I explained my knee-jerk reaction and then came back down with us. Trying the second time, I was fine. Then I knew what to expect, the routine.
They make little funnels you can put on your porta filter that do an excellent job of stopping coffee from falling out and getting stuck on the lip. It seems unnecessary but has made a huge difference in keeping my workspace clean and not having to fiddle with it.
tea is very much part of my ritual. i've got a beautiful chinese cast iron pot to brew my eclectic but high quality teas from around the world. at work, i don't get anything done without first taking my cup of tea. i also get the clothes..i wear suits everyday for the simplicity...technically, i would rather wear something else, but considering my job would frown at me wearing shorts and a jacket...there was only one way to go
Right now, i eat a heated bun with chocolate on for breakfast every morning. Before that i ate some toast wit Nutella on (but it started to hurt my teeth, they are super sensitive) Before that i ate bread with marmalade on.
I usually like to stick to one thing for breakfast and lunch, but I'm not unable to switch it up, it might jut require more brainpower for me to eat something else if, we say , i run out of what ever i am eating.
I like to have a visual schedule, but i don't like to have a set in stone schedule.. if you put time stamps on me and ask me to do specific tasks at a specific time, i will most likely end up not doing anything at all.. But i like knowing "tomorrow I'll clean a bit and i have a list of things to do that i can pick from - one task at a time, in my time" i have a calendar on my wall and on my phone, i write ALL things important in them, even the "mom is coming over to help clean" or "dad visits" it just really helps me also get a visual of how busy i am despite not being able to work an actual job.
We have also talked about having a board with tasks on, these are more like hobby projects, so if i don't know that to do, i can look at the board, and choose a task, some of them are hobbies, others are "watch this show and relax" kind of things, this limits my choices so i don't have to think as much. I think it will help me have my choices be visual too.
I also write a ton of notes, i love writing a list of things i need to do so i can cross them off slowly during the day or week.
I know it's weird to say but I love your eyebrows. I like to look at them while listening to you talk.
I cannot handle a rigid all the time schedule, but i have routines that happen at certain times of day (morning, evening, pre-bed, afternoon tea) that serve as a sort of scaffolding that the rest of my day hangs off of. Decision making sucks.
This sounds familiar. As I discovered that I am autistic, I experimented a lot with schedules, as it was so often said they should help. Initially they did, and then I felt more and more restricted by them until I just had to break out of them again.
Now I rather think ahead, whenever I have the time and energy, and write about what I want to do in my diary. That way my task is clear and my mind is free to adapt in the moment. It only works when there is time and energy available, though.
AuHD; I love surprises, but only when they are EXPECTED. 😂🎉 I love trying new things, but I have to analyse and research them thoroughly beforehand, and feel prepared to do it. I don't like not knowing what to expect or last minute changes, and I rarely change my opinion on things once I have decided on something. It becomes A FACT more than an opinion. But following a schedule would be impossible for me if I was in charge of it, and if it was imposed on me I would feel crushed and imprisoned. But I absolutely have to have the same thing for breakfast in the morning every morning, my mornings are often very "groundhog day" like, and if they are not, I get stuck waiting for the next day so I can start over and get absolutely nothing done.
A lot of it has more to do with being meticulous with details and being really bothered by “fly in the ointment” types of situations.
If I plan on doing X, Y, and Z, but a problem arises preventing me from doing X, I might get so upset that I procrastinate instead of doing Y and Z.
I don’t like schedules because I’m not good at schedules. I can’t predict how long something will take and absolutely HATE being interrupted before I can finish something. I’m too perfectionistic to enjoy things I’m not good at, so schedules kind of go out the window. Basically, if something feels contrived and interferes with my preferred pace I’m going to hate it.
"Don't think so much, just do it!"
The amount of decades this poison has stolen from my life is immense. I'm actually thinking that it is necessary to sign up to do all of school again as an adult so I can get a proper start in life and get all the correct growths and behaviors and correct friend interaction skills this time, like in that Adam Sandler movie. The only way to fail is to give up.
Those who were born into that incomprehensibly magnificent and seemingly permanent state of grace and being firmly set within the massive and near universal telepathic hive mind are usually psychopaths regarding those who are not of the hive mind. The gaining of this basic skill is the necessary foundation to all other things in life like opportunities for learning and earning enough money to have shelter and food and security. I do wonder what they'll do if they don't have their "bottom of the two story outhouse" targets to vent their evil at. Maybe they'll at least swap targets.
I call what works for me a cascading schedule. I can't predict how long anything will take me, or what I might suddenly feel the need to get done in between. But setting an order of operations for the day helps me get at least something done. Otherwise I get too overwhelmed to even engage.
We're gonna have to have a video on the Autism OS, aka Linux (btw), because Microsoft engineer. lol
Thanks, Mike. 💖
Scripting responses for social encounters is routines. If you say A to you get B from me. Sometimes I expect A but get C and give you B when I should give you D in response. I just exit the situation quickly when that happens. It's rather embarrassing.
Schedules I don't do well with them at all. They cause me so much stress and exhaust me.
Rituals, don't really have any and this is bit weird but if I get ritualistic with something it's like my brain throws wrench into it. Feels it has spice up the ritual for some reason.