I’m 60. When I was 50, I got cancer, and had intense chemotherapy. Ever since then, my autistic issues got Very pronounced. I just found out I’m autistic this year. I’m convinced that chemo made my autism worse. Btw, chemo also gave me neuropathy in my limbs, hands, and feet, as well. Halfway thru my treatment, I had a breakdown and said I was quitting chemo because it was “getting into my brain”… They said it wasn’t, but I kept insisting it was…that I could tell it was affecting my brain! They said I must be depressed because I had cancer. UM, NO, idiot…listen to me! I did switch chemo drugs, at that point. 10 years later, I still have permanent nerve damage, hypersensitivities…and about five pages more of symptoms. I TOLD YOU IT WAS AFFECTING MY BRAIN! Curiously, I read a report last year that said side effects of chemo can sometimes mimic autism. Well, I think it doesn’t Mimic autism…it brings it out because you already have it, and makes it more pronounced!
trauma definitely triggered my autism. I was always sensitive but I was pretty outgoing and normal even without masking. My trauma has effected the way i value and enjoy relationships and I'm trying to change it because relationships are the only thing that makes life worth living
Thanks for the validation. Age, burnout, stress, unmasking, illness, and for us women, often hormonal changes. We can't, or won't, cope with the stuff we used to. there is also often the realisation later in life that we have been accommodating everyone else; but nobody has been accommodating us., and we're jack of it.
I've definitely been experiencing this "increase in sensitivity": more intolerable to loud noise, finding the company of people to be more irritable, having a difficult time being in crowds, would rather be alone, more intolerant of mistakes and errors, etc. I'm finding my thought life to be more peaceful than living out here. The patience just isn't there as much as before.
This is definitely the story of my life. When I was a kid it's like I did not even have asperger's at all, now at 24 it has gotten so bad that I have not been able to take care of myself for years. I just look back to how I was as a kid and to now and I ask myself, WHAT THE HELL WENT WRONG?!?! Well a few months ago I finally found out the answer. I developed panic disorder so I started researching it online like anyone would. I then found out that literally 100% of all my "autistic traits" are actually symptoms of severe anxiety. See the way anxiety develops is you reach a stress threshold, the stressor could be anything. Your nervous system becomes more sensitive, thus creating the anxiety/autistic traits. It is possible to reverse this if you retrain your nervous system to what's a threat and what isn't. Best way I can describe autism is that it makes you extremely vulnerable to anxiety and anxiety related disorders. I think autism becoming worse overtime is probably more common in people with high IQ autism. I learned about everything you would ever need to know about anxiety and how to get out of this from a RUclips channel called "Shaan Kassam", if you are struggling with this like me then it is very important you check out his channel. I figure if I can help one person out their save themselves from these horrific symptoms then I've done my job.
Me too 100% but please don’t get me wrong I share this vulnerably but sometimes I am afraid I won’t ever be able to do “great” things as I once were able to.
It did "get worse" for me - I was able to keep everything together and even had myself deceived until I hit a wall at 53. I no longer had the capacity to manage everything and now I am forced to deal with things in a more healthy way now. It's like being a teenager all over again - who am I? what do I like? what should I do? - From the outside and inside things are getting worse, but I hold out hope that as I learn this "new normal" that things will get better for me. It must be really confusing for those around me - including my lovely wife - as I seem to be a different person. However, I am becoming more authentic, and thankfully she has been VERY understanding as I work through this.
OMG I'm going to be 53 next year and have just been referred for testing and it all started because I haven't been able to hold my mask on anymore and thought I was just sliding into dementia with how bad it's been! And recent deaths in the family have mad things so much worse.
Hold on brother, masking is a survival tactic and like getting an adrenaline boost that temporarily helps, there is also a crash when it wears off. After you get your diagnosis, I highly recommend getting some dialect behaviour therapy if can. Also, get the book " the chimp paradox" by Dr Stephen Peters, you can find two great videos on here (diary of a CEO, pod cast) about his books. Not specifically aimed at autistic folks but I found it helpful, you may too. Good luck brother, You'll never walk alone!
For people going through menopause, diagnosed or undiagnosed, aware or unaware of their neurodiversity, the drop in estrogen can make autistic symptoms and resilience to meltdowns and burnout objectively worse.
@@BabyBobRossJalapeno oh that's awful! I just thought I had early onset Alzheimer's. The brain fog was horrible and I lost speech fluency. It still fluctuates a lot but I am much better now I am on HRT.
@@princesspikachu3915 periods becoming less frequent is a much later stage of perimenopause. In the early stages mood and memory symptoms are common, gradually including cycle length fluctuations of up to a week more or less than your usual cycle length. The later perimenopause stage includes cycles that are twice your usual length (typically 60 days or more) and this stage is when hot flashes and night sweats start. Menopause itself is the one year anniversary of your last period, and hot flashes and night sweats usually continue beyond this point, just to remind us how much having a female reproductive system bites! 😅😣
@ I think I am in the early stage. I’m regular but there’s a definite shift in how they are. I didn’t used to cramp during them before but now I do. I used to have painless short but heavier ones. They’re still heavy-ish but they are longer and those cramps are awful. 😢
Fortuitous timing. I just got my autism and ADHD diagnoses. I had already figured out I was AuDHD a couple years ago (thanks in large part to your videos), but I was somewhat surprised to learn I'm level 2 and not level 1. But now that I'm reflecting on it, it actually makes sense. Because I actually haven't been able to achieve the level of functioning I've been telling myself (and other people have told me) is my potential. I hit a massive burnout a few years ago and I just have not been recovering properly. It's taken me several years of sick leave and I'm still not remotely functional. Though in part that's because I haven't been able to eliminate a lot of my responsibilities, nor do I have the support I would need to recover fully. It's like my I'd been borrowing from my future and overclocking my CPU, and my body just decided I can't do that anymore. I reached the lending limit and now there is nothing left to borrow. I simply can't live in survival mode all the time anymore. If something is too much, then it's too much. I can't "give it 110%" to try and push through anyway. My cognitive capacity has declined significantly and my memory has gone to shit. This is despite the fact my mental health has actually been significantly improving over the last several years. It wasn't until after my diagnosis that I realized that I'm never going to "recover" to the level I was at before, because, 1) it wasn't sustainable; pushing myself like that was what led to burnout, and 2) I wasn't actually as capable as I was pretending to be. I was hiding how much I was struggling. Like, I would just miss huge chunks of the things people said because of my auditory processing difficulties and delayed processing... and I would just pretend I didn't miss anything and try to respond appropriately anyway. I did a lot of "smile and nod" type interactions. I just faked so much more competence and capacity than I actually had. It's so weird to live so much of my life believing I'm "defective," feeling really ashamed of it, and doing everything I can to overcome it, and to hide any struggles I couldn't overcome. Only to turn around and go, "actually, maybe it's okay to be disabled. Maybe I can stop trying so hard to hide it and to compensate, and start asking for accommodations instead." It's really hard to wrap my mind around the idea that I ought not be in constant discomfort and stress from pushing myself to my absolute limits all the time. Like, maybe it's okay to just live comfortably. And if that means I need a good deal of support, well that is simply my reality.
This has touched me deeply into my heart. In my case it's most probably autism+giftedness, but it's been a struggle all my life. Lately I have almost caused fire hazards trying to cook (I was always good at it) and forgetting where I put the simplest stuff and having my head hurt while I try to remember. It's being glued to the phone switching tons of message recipients trying to find something meaningful and getting EXHAUSTED to the point I'll doze of with my phone in my hands. I am become a mess.
You've literally just described my journey and DX. I have nothing, absolutely nothing, left for the world. I have zero desire to have anything to do with the world anymore. It's too painful - emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally - and I don't mind. Turns out, a life without another soul near me is preferable, comfortable, quiet, authentic and SO MUCH FUN! People took all the fun away from being alive.
Oof, that was relatable. I'm trying to come to terms with this as well. I was a ball of lightning, completely consumed with anxiety trying to function through all the overstimulation and burnout. I'm trying to understand what peace and rest feel like and hoping to figure out what I can do to support myself financially through life. I hope you find what you need to live as comfortable and happy a life as possible ♥️
I literally teared up when you compared the burnout with the marathon racer at the end of their race... Thank you for the validation! I love having found a community with you all!
Figuring out I am autistic sent me into a regression. It really threw a lens on my traumas and made them real rather than just a shapeless feeling of deep distress. It validated my often dismissed feelings of fear and isolation. I am far less self sufficient and less capable than I was when I was younger.
@indysanders4079 me too. I'm afraid it's getting worse. Sometimes I wonder if I should have ever found out ( in my FIFTIES!).. bc Sometimes I obsess over it too much, go figure. I have to keep telling myself that ADHD and Autism don't define me. It helps to think about the positive things bc the world always focuses on our " negatives" I'm afraid...and that , for me, makes it worse.
This is definitely the story of my life. When I was a kid it's like I did not even have asperger's at all, now at 24 it has gotten so bad that I have not been able to take care of myself for years. I just look back to how I was as a kid and to now and I ask myself, WHAT THE HELL WENT WRONG?!?! Well a few months ago I finally found out the answer. I developed panic disorder so I started researching it online like anyone would. I then found out that literally 100% of all my "autistic traits" are actually symptoms of severe anxiety. See the way anxiety develops is you reach a stress threshold, the stressor could be anything. Your nervous system becomes more sensitive, thus creating the anxiety/autistic traits. It is possible to reverse this if you retrain your nervous system to what's a threat and what isn't. Best way I can describe autism is that it makes you extremely vulnerable to anxiety and anxiety related disorders. I think autism becoming worse overtime is probably more common in people with high IQ autism. I learned about everything you would ever need to know about anxiety and how to get out of this from a RUclips channel called "Shaan Kassam", if you are struggling with this like me then it is very important you check out his channel. I figure if I can help one person out their save themselves from these horrific symptoms then I've done my job.
The battery metaphor is so useful for explaining burnout to other people. I like to add that my battery takes exponentially longer to charge the lower it gets. Going from 80% to 100% takes far less time than going from 30% to 50% and so on and so on, so the more drained I am, the longer it takes to get back up to a normal functional level.
I actually think that's probably true for everybody in general, but either our batteries have a smaller capacity or we endure much greater draw on them during a normal day, exhausting them quicker.
@ Allistic people don't experience the kind of burnout autistic people do. They don't get to a point where it takes months on end to recover back to 100%, and that's the thing that I think a lot of them have trouble understanding
Thank you so much for all the effort you put into these videos. It has really helped me understand my husband and this video helps even more since his bad stroke. Thank you thank you thank you. ❤
@@janicetasker1854 You accidentally replied to my comment instead of making one on the video itself. If you want him to see it, you're going to need to re-post it as its own comment instead of a reply. I'm so happy his videos have helped you like this, though, so I'm glad I got to see the comment too :)
I realised in July 2023 at 45 that I could no longer sustain the pressures and stress. I never felt so flat and scared. I was afraid then that I might be having a new bout of depression. I got my ASD diagnosis in August 2024. It all made sense with the burnouts. I wasn’t depressed. I had been going through autistic burnouts for decades! I could see everything starting to align and make sense. I have been relearning and reshaping my life. It’ll take at least 12 months for the first run and to heal from CPTSD, but I have never been better. As they say, you can’t unsee what you’ve seen. I am so grateful to be where I am at. I hope that everyone will find their sweet spot in evolving a healthy life.
This is definitely the story of my life. When I was a kid it's like I did not even have asperger's at all, now at 24 it has gotten so bad that I have not been able to take care of myself for years. I just look back to how I was as a kid and to now and I ask myself, WHAT THE HELL WENT WRONG?!?! Well a few months ago I finally found out the answer. I developed panic disorder so I started researching it online like anyone would. I then found out that literally 100% of all my "autistic traits" are actually symptoms of severe anxiety. See the way anxiety develops is you reach a stress threshold, the stressor could be anything. Your nervous system becomes more sensitive, thus creating the anxiety/autistic traits. It is possible to reverse this if you retrain your nervous system to what's a threat and what isn't. Best way I can describe autism is that it makes you extremely vulnerable to anxiety and anxiety related disorders. I think autism becoming worse overtime is probably more common in people with high IQ autism. I learned about everything you would ever need to know about anxiety and how to get out of this from a RUclips channel called "Shaan Kassam", if you are struggling with this like me then it is very important you check out his channel. I figure if I can help one person out their save themselves from these horrific symptoms then I've done my job.
I find age is a factor. What was just tension becomes stress, and takes a lot of energy. And I've been living an autistic life, one of seclusion. That preserves energy and well-being up to a point, but then lack of social practice makes social activities even more challenging. I found it interesting that, during Covid lockdowns, there were news stories of people saying they felt they were forgetting how to converse in a normal way and so forth. I know how they feel.
@@ProCabs-AzziBeen there, now I am 50+ and much healthier than 10 years ago. Eat anti inflammatory food, get tested for nutritional deficiencies. Lose weight if you need to.
@@faeriesmak Yes, I too feel best at home. The body begins to let you down when you get older and that makes you even more uncomfortable in an overwhelming outside world.
YES! This is 100% true for me. It's been 2 years since I learned I was autistic. And, while the revelation was quite relieving, life has only gotten harder. I notice my triggers more, and they seem to be even stronger. My fatigue is much higher, and I have had a lot of trouble getting back into being active both physically and creatively. Where I used to be very driven, I find it hard to even WANT to pursue creative interests. However, I've also seen how my recovery has progressed to the extent that I've given myself grace and space to just BE who I am, where I am. The more I allow myself be OK with not having the same drive and motivation, the more peace I've found. And that seems to be helping me to get back to engaging with things I actually enjoy again...little by little :-)
You chose a great topic, as always. One factor one might consider is that in today's society, there are more perfumes, more noise and annoying DEL lights. For highly sensitive people, it is harder and harder to live in society. I can't safely drive at night anymore because of the new car headlights. I have to wear two masks to go to my pharmacy because, believe it or not, they have machines on the walls that spray perfume. I sincerely think that I'm the "normal" one and society has gone crazy. I mask less and less. I rock my body in public and I'm brutally honest. I'm tired of faking my life.
Man, do I hate those new headlights. I’ve avoided going out at night since COVID, but lately I’ve had to some, and they are terrible. I share your fragrance sensitivity, it’s my biggest sensory issue. The idea of a pharmacy spraying perfume is just appalling. I traveled for my job some last decade, and had to stay in hotels, and thankfully it was during a time when they were trying to be aware of people with fragrance issues. But it started to reverse the last few years of the decade. My irritable supposition it that the fragrance industry got concerned about lagging sales, and sent more sales reps out. Now it can be hard to buy garbage bags that aren’t scented. I mean, WTF??
Hey, wanted to say that there are yellow-colored night driving glasses that make the lights much much easier for me to tolerate and I can drive at night again. They make ones that fit over glasses too
I think as I gain awareness, I am finally finding actual answers to the periodic burnouts I have experienced in my 46 years on this earth.Therefore, I would not say more autistic so much as I am seeking more avenues of assistance and releasing myself from the burdens that years of high masking have wrought. More "visible" is the word I would use, perhaps.
My experience was like a severely delayed, impossibly long-awaited "A-ha!!" moment. The more I looked into it... The more testimonials I found... from: Channels/videos like this Their comments sections The adjoining communities that I found - all 𝒂𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒆, 𝒔𝒖𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆 and 𝑾𝑰𝑺𝑬 to the same struggle I found myself 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 in the waters of... Every time I said "f***" under my breath every time this isolating, terrifying and (even worse), 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒆 and (seemingly) 𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 situation of mine that only seemed to get deconstructed and demystified by peers I never knew I had, or to what capacity... 𝑰𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 up until that point. I thought myself doomed to succumb to my exponentially increasing inability to pick myself back up from these "depressive episodes". Episodes that only got worse and worse with each recurrence until I couldn't even will myself to get up from the couch for nearly 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒅𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕. Thanks for your comment, and everyone who comments:- you might be helping someone else see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you for looking for ways to support your son more, it's hard to express what this feels like from the inside and I'm sure it means a lot to have someone so proactive on their side.
This is definitely the story of my life. When I was a kid it's like I did not even have asperger's at all, now at 24 it has gotten so bad that I have not been able to take care of myself for years. I just look back to how I was as a kid and to now and I ask myself, WHAT THE HELL WENT WRONG?!?! Well a few months ago I finally found out the answer. I developed panic disorder so I started researching it online like anyone would. I then found out that literally 100% of all my "autistic traits" are actually symptoms of severe anxiety. See the way anxiety develops is you reach a stress threshold, the stressor could be anything. Your nervous system becomes more sensitive, thus creating the anxiety/autistic traits. It is possible to reverse this if you retrain your nervous system to what's a threat and what isn't. Best way I can describe autism is that it makes you extremely vulnerable to anxiety and anxiety related disorders. I think autism becoming worse overtime is probably more common in people with high IQ autism. I learned about everything you would ever need to know about anxiety and how to get out of this from a RUclips channel called "Shaan Kassam", if you are struggling with this like me then it is very important you check out his channel. I figure if I can help one person out their save themselves from these horrific symptoms then I've done my job.
The marathon runner analogy is the thing I related to most. When I get involved in something new, I tend to become compulsive about the things that need to happen, and a job I took in my early fifties caused me to burn the candle at both ends. I believe I’ve reached the point where I’ll never fully recover, and the fact that I’m still not able to rest when I need to all the time doesn’t help. I do think my “symptoms” - not really the same thing as traits - have gotten worse, and this is mostly due to a wrecked nervous system. Someone on another channel quoted an autistic writer who suggested that many of the behaviors that people associate with autism are those exhibited by a certain type of mind when it’s in distress I feel like that, plus loss of function due to persistent high stress, explains a lot about my state. It’s not “more autistic,” but it is more impaired. It involves burnout, but the most dramatic thing has been increased dysregulation.
My autism got worse when I made the decision to stop drinking alcohol. OR at least it appeared to do so. The decision was based largely on the fact that we had taken in foster kids who had come from families where drug abuse and alcoholism was rampant. I simply did not want to expose the kids to more of that. On the other hand, my wife would still have an occasional glass of wine with dinner. Her thinking was that it was important that they see what responsible consumption looks like. SO... as time went by, I became very aware that alcohol was a type of mask I used for social situations. When everyone was drinking, including myself, there was a more level playing field in the interactions. Once I removed that crutch, I noticed that I definitely stood out. I shared this with one of my close friends. He mentioned that a few of them were wondering if my autism had gotten worse. I explained my theory on alcohol being a type of mask and how its removal just showed me in a more "raw" form. He fully agreed. I have to say though. My friends are wonderful people, and despite the perceived changes, they still want me around and have even watched some of your videos to understand me better.
This hit home. Burn out really hit me bad, years of hiding behind a mask and denying my real self to "just be normal". I had an unsupportive partner and ended up wanting to end my life. Instead I ended the relationship, and crashed. Now I'm being true to myself. No longer masking, just being authentic. If people don't like it, I don't want to control their reaction, if they cannot accept the real me then they can choose not to be around, I wish them well. I changed my name, changed my career and rejected my previous negative, false interpersonal relationship and put effort into those who accept my authentic self. Thanks for this its 100 percent what I have been through in the past 8 years, I feel like this part of my life is the second book in a trilogy. Exciting to see whatever is next.
I was diagnosed at 44. I have failed continuously since then. 47 now. The fight I used to have disappeared when I was diagnosed. I miss that guy. He was alright.
@@undercoverchristian1696 I was always self aware. But I just put it down to me just being different and that I just need to persevere. Saw myself in my kids, they'd already had a diagnosis but when I saw specifics I got the diagnosis too. Now there's a reason as to why I am. But at 47 it's difficult to make changes. And autistic people have issues with change.
I love the marathon metaphor. It makes a lot of sense why some things get REALLY hard when I'm in burnout - even things that have nothing to do with my job. And my battery isn't recharging (or as I say in nerd language, my spell slots aren't regenerating), even after a whole day of doing nothing. Even if I can't explain it to others, at least knowing what is happening makes a world of difference. Thank you.
Yes, my self-esteem has been all over the place from the bad treatment and shame for doing nothing all day and being exhausted, not to mention people metaphorically hitting you when you're down calling you 'lazy'
Thanks Paul! One of your earlier episodes had a panel discussion with older folks discussing autism in seniors. It seems now that when I have a hard day, I think “Yeah. Autism gets worse.” But no. I just take longer to recover. I spend a lot of time learning about myself and it really pays off.
This is the most reaffirming and useful video I've seen since my late diagnosis in my mid 40s. It's helped to confirm things and answer the main questions I've had that have led me to doubt my diagnosis. I've often wondered if I have subconsciously started acting more autistic because of my late discovery. This regression has even led me to wonder if I've made it all up and am just "acting more autistic" because I wanted so desperately to have the answers to why I've always struggled to fit in. Thank you for this video
2:47 thank you so much for making this video! The metaphor about marathon runners is particularly helpful in understanding the regression following burnout and the need for recovery.
I've only just discovered your channel and watched two of your videos and they have been life changing. My husband of ten years had a major mental and emotional breakdown last week and decided to go see a psychiatrist. I went with him, thinking the Dr. would tell us he was experiencing anxiety (which was the case) but I was not prepared to hear that my husband was Asperger's. We were just planning on having kids and it came as a major shock to me. I cried many nights thinking about it, and what frightened me the most was that he seemed to become "more autistic" or have a "regression" and I couldn't tell if it was the meds he's on or if this was his new norm. I can't believe a video exactly about our situation came out two days ago. Knowing now that my husband is on the spectrum made so many things click in my mind, in the past I suffered greatly thinking he didn't care about me because he doesn't help with certain things or answer to some of my emotional needs. Now that I know, it's become a blessing, he loves me in his own way and I love him just the way he is.
Yes, definitely! Some days i wonder how on earth i managed to live in this noisy world for 39 years and not go mad. Since the beginning of last year i feel like all i want to do is hide under a rock and have only quiet and calm. The feeling of "i just can't do this anymore" and "i wish i could just move to a cottage on a deserted island and never have to come into contact with this crazy world again"... Some days i feel better but then i go to the office or grocery shopping or something and by the end of the day i can barely keep it together till i get home and can have a meltdown in private. And of course everyone is having the wtf reaction, and i can understand it, only how can you explain to even your own mother that practically all of the time we spent together I was wearing a carefully controlled mask and honestly it's weird she never wondered why i only came out of my room for a couple of hours a day... Also i think the amount of stimulation is going through the roof these days, and finding a bit of calm is almost impossible.
I had complex chronic diseases that pit me in the ICU and yes my autism got worse to the point of maladaptive behaviors and grunting with vocal nonverbal emotional dysregulation.
Absolutely me, yes. Thankfully I realized over the past year what was happening, that this was an outcome of letting me be me more, making the better choices and accommodations I needed to (finally) for my well-being (like environments to avoid), and without feeling a lesser person for it, and, yes, also a degree of experimentation. I've been..."aware," trying to not to look "TOO weird," plus I've had the astounding advantage of my entire autism discovery taking place in "a different country," far from everybody who's known me all my life, surrounded by a new set of acquaintances and, yes, friends, who never had an "old me" to make comparisons with. So there's been a wonderful freedom from self-consciousness for me.
Paul I find it so rare to feel truly seen, understood & validated with my experiences, but every video of yours I find I can relate to completely. Goes to show the value of lived experience & community, right? Just this morning I saw a new dentist who seemed to not be able to understand why I struggled so much with dental care & routine, even when I said I had multiple disabilities I’m not yet supported for. That judgement I felt left me feeling so miserable I wanted to break down. This has been a great antidote ❤
I’m sorry that happened to you. I am needing to go to the dentist after too long and I know I will feel judged there as well. I have read that others tell them before hand of their situation with being ND and apparently they have had a positive experience from taking that route. Maybe try a new dentist and be upfront before the appointment and it will be better for you that way as well?
@@animal_person_thank you, I need to go soon because I know my dental neglect is catching up with me and I'm so scared of the shame/humiliation of bad teeth. That's a good idea
Appreciated this video.. since subscribing to your channel we have learned about autism.. so much we did not understand.. such as masking.. no one should have to mask to fit in.. everyone deserves to be accepted as they are.. We will continue to follow your amazing channel and learn as much as we can.. We are not autistic.. we are introverts.. empaths.. and INFJ personality.. We have been labeled over reactive.. hypersensitive.. shy.. quiet.. and these are the kind adjectives.. Paul.. we want you to know that you do an excellent job with your channel.. you explain things so well and you give clear examples.. you are an amazing teacher.. We do not know much about autism.. and we want to learn.. no one should have to wear themselves out mentally and physically trying to blend in.. no one should live behind a mask.. Thank you for this video and all the others you have done.. you and the work you do are much appreciated.. William and Jen
Yes. It can. I suffered multiple violent traumas and deaths and my autism got worse. Its unbearable; I went from just being diagnosed and high masking to having meltdowns in my bathroom every day.
@@wandoorose It is alright, as I have a therapist and I pretty much just try my best every day just like everyone else. There are people who have it so much worse.
The marathon runner analogy is excellent! There is also some similarities to a runner perhaps finding out they have an injury that running will definitely worsen so they choose to not run anymore and now walk instead. I am very similar with unmasking. I also think during self-discovery that process in itself is taking up so much bandwidth that it's no wonder we have less capacity for masking. The self-discovery, unmasking and experimenting phase we go through is so empowering. I try and encourage newly discovered neurodivergent people to see how fun and liberating that can be. (in amongst the processing and feeling vulnerable etc etc)
Thank you Paul for this insight. I am 55 and was just recently diagnosed with ADHD and ASD. Before that I knew something was wrong with me but I thought that somehow I would grow out of my struggles. But instead, it's getting more and more challenging. Getting diagnosed was such a relief! Most importantly I can now accept myself and my disabilities. It allows me to pace myself and take better care of my physical and mental health.
For me, the discovery that I am likely autistic came with an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion, but also the personal allowance to accommodate the exhaustion with some much needed time off. I didn't have to keep beating myself up for my inability to just muscle through like those around me appeared to be able to do.
I am 33 now, found out that i am autistic 3-4 years ago, but i really started to realize that i am autistic since my left lung wing collapsed.. Since then i am not able to mask anymore.. many things i enjoyed my whole life are just stress to me now, because the mask is gone, and i don't want to use alcohol and stuff anymore to cope with my inability to interact with people.. It is really hard and i feel like i lost myself, my depression (since 16 affected) got way worse and i don't have power to do anything, even hanging with friends is often just a fight.. i am short before i get into a psychiatric facility cause i don't have any enjoyment in life anymore.. i hope that i can learn to live with myself again and to manage my energy levels, because now i just feel lifeless.. I wanted to say thank you Paul, you helped me to understand myself a lot better.. your Videos helped me to understand that there is a way for us too to get along in this world.. without much knowledge i gained here, i propably wouldn't even consider getting therapy or help.. i know i have deficits and special needs, but there is a way to live with that too, i just have to figure out the right way for me.. I think many of us are now in better understanding of themselves and i think that is one of the biggest problems many of us face.. not to know why we don't work anymore like we once did, or why we can't enjoy stuff like other people (anymore).. Thank you for your work.! 💪🏻🖤
This is definitely the story of my life. When I was a kid it's like I did not even have asperger's at all, now at 24 it has gotten so bad that I have not been able to take care of myself for years. I just look back to how I was as a kid and to now and I ask myself, WHAT THE HELL WENT WRONG?!?! Well a few months ago I finally found out the answer. I developed panic disorder so I started researching it online like anyone would. I then found out that literally 100% of all my "autistic traits" are actually symptoms of severe anxiety. See the way anxiety develops is you reach a stress threshold, the stressor could be anything. Your nervous system becomes more sensitive, thus creating the anxiety/autistic traits. It is possible to reverse this if you retrain your nervous system to what's a threat and what isn't. Best way I can describe autism is that it makes you extremely vulnerable to anxiety and anxiety related disorders. I think autism becoming worse overtime is probably more common in people with high IQ autism. I learned about everything you would ever need to know about anxiety and how to get out of this from a RUclips channel called "Shaan Kassam", if you are struggling with this like me then it is very important you check out his channel. I figure if I can help one person out their save themselves from these horrific symptoms then I've done my job.
YES. I have been dealing with burnout since just after Christmas. I think right at the end of May I found the AuDHD combination and that rang so many bells. I've been working on coming back from burnout since then, but I'm also going through the WHO EVEN AM I stage, so every time I think I'm about there, I regress a little more and ohh my goodness it's exhausting. I'm pretty sure everyone who's been watching from a distance thinks I'm falling apart.
oh me too! 😂 Recently I stopped at a friend's house still wearing my big earphones after grocery shopping ( which I despise btw) and one of them said " hey you really look like an Autist today" 😅 ( everyone is neurodivergent there lol) 💜
Thank you! This helps me understand myself so much better! I am currently recovering from a major burnout and was reflecting back on how many burnouts I have managed to get through over the past 20 years without even knowing what was happening to me. Survival mode is no fun but somehow that helped me get to this point where I now understand what is happening and am learning ways to cope with it when it happens. Self compassion goes a long way so we'll see if that helps me though this round as I didn't even know what was happening to me the last time I went through this. Thank you so much for your insights! I don't feel so alone anymore!
When the segment came up where you talked about masking it all made sense. It made sense on why I am struggeling with day to day chores etc. Thanks for this video.
Im 24 and over the last few years i feel like my autism has quadrupled, i can barely be around people anymore and ive been feeling excessively depressed in the recent months
That's pretty normal to feel that way in my personal experience, worth looking into some therapy, if that's something you can face, if not, try reading or listening to " the chimp paradox" by Dr Stephen Peters. It helped me. I also highly recommend painting miniatures, Warhammer ones or any that take your fancy, it's a great calming past time and helps me quiet my chip (as I describe the negative parts of my autistic traits). You'll never walk alone. .
35 and feel similar. I’d say over the last 3 years, probably longer but definitely worse over the last 3, I’ve kind of been cutting everything and most people out my life. I can’t seem to face doing anything anymore, my to-do list just gets longer. I have anhedonia where I no longer feel satisfaction or desire for the things I did. I have no time to myself and always seem, or it feels like, I’m doing just what everyone else wants me to do. A few years ago I had to go away for 3 days for a work thing, I was awkward and anxious but it was fine overall, but I had to go again a couple of weeks ago for 3 days. This time felt more in a panic mode with no recharge time, by the time I got back home for the next 3 days I felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore, like I wasn’t me or what my thoughts were. By the 4th day I felt okay again, but then the 5th went into a depression episode that’s lasted 4-5 days.
This is definitely the story of my life. When I was a kid it's like I did not even have asperger's at all, now at 24 it has gotten so bad that I have not been able to take care of myself for years. I just look back to how I was as a kid and to now and I ask myself, WHAT THE HELL WENT WRONG?!?! Well a few months ago I finally found out the answer. I developed panic disorder so I started researching it online like anyone would. I then found out that literally 100% of all my "autistic traits" are actually symptoms of severe anxiety. See the way anxiety develops is you reach a stress threshold, the stressor could be anything. Your nervous system becomes more sensitive, thus creating the anxiety/autistic traits. It is possible to reverse this if you retrain your nervous system to what's a threat and what isn't. Best way I can describe autism is that it makes you extremely vulnerable to anxiety and anxiety related disorders. I think autism becoming worse overtime is probably more common in people with high IQ autism. I learned about everything you would ever need to know about anxiety and how to get out of this from a RUclips channel called "Shaan Kassam", if you are struggling with this like me then it is very important you check out his channel. I figure if I can help one person out their save themselves from these horrific symptoms then I've done my job.
It resonates a lot. And I still get angry at myself, when I can't be "old" me 😔 I'm still in the process of accepting the thought that there's no way back, only the way forward, which requires building a new life for "new" me. I think my loved ones are very confused too, but they are too polite to comment on that😆
This is such an eloquent way of explaining something that should be common sense but probably isn't for NTs. I would gladly share this video with any NTs in my life that didn't understand. Lucky for me, everyone just takes me and what I'm saying at face value or they already weren't in my life before my discovery. P.S. I really love the term discovery over diagnosis, it absolutely is a gift of discovery and not the negative connotation that comes with "diagnosis". Thank you, Paul! 🦄😎🤓💡
Thank you Paul, your channel has been so helpful to me. This video resonates with me, and my journey over the last two years since my diagnosis at age 62. Taking off the mask and working out who I actually am has been quite difficult. Cheers Paul 🙏
Thank you so much for this video. I discovered I'm AuDHD 3 years ago at 35. I've learned a lot about myself and to understand myself better but over time I've also felt like I was getting "worse" mentally. Like my memory, speech was worse, I feel like I no longer have energy for the things and people I love. I've isolated even more, ignore friends and family more often and then feel bad about it and generally just wondered if there was something else wrong with me that would never get better again. I've just been trying to take it easy, not pressure myself and rest but also constantly feel bad and angry about being that way. Not being able to "be like I used to be" and feeling like I'm failing for it. Now I know not to feel guilty and pressure myself. But I hope I can manage things better soon because it does suck and I hate it. I'm just in "selfish mode" for now, even feel like I've lost empathy because it's just SO HARD to focus on others at the moment even if I wish I could.
Thank you for explaining how what I'm feeling is not unusual! Ever since my self discovery, I've found loud noises (eg: fire sirens) completely unbearable! I couldn't figure out why I was able to tolerate them before I knew I have ASD but now find them utterly grating and nerve-shattering. This explains that I'm not suddenly "worse", just that I'm listening better to my body's messages.
I'm going through this. Paul Micaleff, you're amazing. I admire you so much. Thank you for being here. Cheers from a Brazilian possibly about to be late diagnosed autistic gifted individual who has lived a lifetime of pain and sorrow and wants no more.
Excellent video. It explains so clearly what I have thought for some time. 1. I burnt out. 2. I got covid. 3. I burnt out again, worse. 4. I didn't recover from covid (I still have long covid). My mask, that I've had glued to me for over 60 years, shattered. I am working on clearing away the bits of it and finding out who I actually am / want to be. I'm still burnt out and I still have long covid, so it's a slow process. The battery analogy resonates strongly.
Thanks Paul, I totally resonated with that. I’m late diagnosed following a crisis but, a factor for me now is ageing, I’m in my mid 70s and experiencing more by way of age related physical health problems, all of which is very draining, so autistic features “feel” worse.
I cannot love this enough !! This is word for word my life right now ! It’s been so hard u masking and surviving the breakdown I’ve been through recently I’m not going mad just burnt out Thank you so much ! Late diagnosed on autism spectrum at 50 ❤
Thank you so much Paul, for perfectly articulating my experience. For the last 18 months I've been in severe burn out and unable to work let alone take care of myself and maintain relationships (I've lost a few long and treasured friendships). It's been a massive shock to myself and everyone around me, though (with adequate supports) life and cognition is slowly becoming a little bit easier (I can write and send emails in a day again!). There has been lots of learning and your channel has helped so much, including how to be gentle with myself, thanks again!!
Yes, very true...I think my burnout and regression shows on how I lost my hair at a very young age. I feel it's from trying to fit in and heavy masking, together with childhood fefear and anxiety
It's a great metaphor. I have followed you since the beginning. You have grown in presentation and backdrop but are still deeply watchable and knowledgeable. Keep educating people. Theres not more autism here in the UK I think There's more people knowledgeable about it
Paul, Thanks for this video - and, serendipity strikes again! I'm female, self-diagnosed, about 1.5 years ago, and I was 75 at the time. Since my big insight about me and autism, I've been re-examining my life; "relearning" who I am. In many ways, my big insight has been helpful. Chiefly, it gives me explanations for the numerous ways in which I've been an outlier in so many situations, and it helps me recognize how well I've been masking. As I've continued this self-reflection process, I feel like my big insight has, if not shattered, at least, significantly frayed my ability *to feel comfortable with masking.* I'm understanding that this is because I've been masking for so long, and my awareness of purposively using masking to fit into (social) situations has always been accompanied by self-identifying as "the outlier" and deciding to "just get on with it and stop questioning why I'm this way." All of which feels to me like what you're describing when you talk about, seeming to be "more autistic" after an adult diagnosis. So, again, thank you; and especially, thank you for the reminder to be gentle to ourselves. Best, Lynn
This was a spot-on video! Since I self-identified this year, at age 53 I have embraced unmasking, stimming, and avoiding things that have caused autistic burnout in the past, especially social situations and sensory overwhelm. But my husband has noted on several occasions that I'm "not the man he married". That's exactly the point and exactly not the point. I am doing these things because I trust him and want to be authentic with him, so of course it's different than pre-identification.
Since I figured out I was autistic at the beginning of the year I’ve struggled to understand burnout and masking. This video resonates deeply with my experience and gives me some language to use to help my friends and family understand better. Moreover the explanation of how the burnout experience might vary for different people was extremely helpful.
I got my diagnosis this year with 42 and I really felt like you said, like getting more autistic and like being no more able to do things I always did. But knowing what is "wrong" helped me lot, now I know WHY I am like I am and why I have some of my problems and I just dont want to hide of all it. I am autistic so I dont look you in the eye all the time, so l leave when it's too noisy, so I am not good with stress, so I need a break after socializing.
Yup, you were right on with that! I was going through a period of overwhelm when I got my diagnosis, and I did a lot of resetting afterward. But the result was I grew in big ways, and feel happier because I'm suffering so much less, like when I can just shut down all the noise around me with noise cancelling headphones, even at a theatre. I am more accommodative of myself and my needs, and it truly helped me to move on.
PAUL! Thank you for providing the perfect way for me to explain to my family why I am not going to the family Thanksgiving celebration this year [I was recently diagnosed at 61 and I related to all you've said here]. I asked my sons and their wives and my brother (not the whole extended family) to watch this video and then to text me back so we can chat about it. When they text back I plan to tell them I am not going. I am hoping and praying that your video helps them understand and not take it personally. Grateful for you, as always!
I find myself protecting my precious energy these days. I have three kids, one on the way, and I have to talk to people for my job(not much thank god), and my special interest is music so I have a band and am constantly having to communicate with them, so I’m in a constant state of burnout. I’m at a point in my life where I just don’t have the energy to even care if I’m odd or “rude” to others. I don’t have the energy for masking. I don’t have the energy for eye contact and small talk. So I just don’t do it anymore. Maybe one day I’ll get recharged and can try that stuff again. Until then, I have to conserve energy for my family and special interests.
This was an incredible video! It resonated with me so very much. I too, have been considering getting overhead earmuffs to help deal with being outside. I feel like my tolerance for noise and people has dwindled at an incredible pace.
Great video ❤ Things that caused my autistic traits to come to the fore more: being hospitalized for a long period (probably because my physical and mental boundaries couldn't be respected, and there was no option to retreat or have privacy) made me enter a constant somewhat dissociated state to sort of retreat into my own head; getting work-related stress over some years; getting medicated for my ADHD (thus no longer having the drive and impulsivity of the ADHD as an opposing force to my autism).
Recently I have been feeling like I am now living someone else's life but the reality is I have started to live my own real autistic life... Thank you so much for validating my experience. ❤
Thanks so much for this video!!! I‘ve watched your videos ever since I started discovering my autism three years ago. Still, I often thought that you were too optimistic about strategies and remedies as I just couldn’t manage to implement them. I‘m in my mid 50s now and my life crashed seven years ago. Half a dozen diagnoses and two long clinical stays later, I am finally in an ambulant programme with a specialist clinic that sounds promissing. Still, there are many things that I used to be able to do that are now often insurmountable (e.g. in the household). Your video is the first I see to acknowledge my outwardly deteriorating condition and encourages me to accept regression with growing age. Thanks again!!!
I was diagnosed high on the spectrum only 5 years ago, I'm 51. Suddenly, my entire life made more sense. This video helped explain the last five years, but I'm happy, and that's all that matters to me. 😊
Yeah I strongly relate to what you’ve shared! Over the course of this year, and especially in the past 3 months, I’ve really come to terms with the strong possibility I’m autistic. I do plan to get a diagnosis, and I’m already in the Q with the NHS but I don’t plan to wait around for that. Then this year in June we (husband, daughter and I) moved into our new home. Between the autism discovery and the big move, I’ve had so many meltdowns and I’m still feeling burnt out. But on the flip side I’m definitely in that discovery phase as well. While I may be having more meltdowns, and pretty close to each other, it’s also giving me an opportunity to learn about myself. I also decided to give myself a haircut (still stuck to my preferred style) and finally decided to get my hair dyed. I’ve wanted to dye my hair red and black for many years but always been too worried of what my family will have to say about it. I didn’t go all out as I had envisioned (I got red highlights added to my dark brown hair) and I’m a little bummed. But I do hope I can try again in a few months time.
Paul, your lectures give me strength and add to my self-confidence 🙏It really helps to accept that I am me. I'm not getting weirder - I've always been like this. Yeah. I'm just looking for new ways of self-preservation, of disguising myself without expending too much energy. Thank you!🙏
This video is so great. It feels incredibly validating. I'll show this video to people in my life towards whom I'm still scared to open up to after my big change. I think think this video summarizes everything so well and can be a good icebreaker to open up.
I am no longer willing to force myself to beat against my limits endlessly. It's useless, harmful, and now that I know the limits won't change I am done. For me what needs to happen next needs to be recovery before I can feel out where the limits are, but the world thinks I don't get to have that so this is going to take a while
I come from an extremely large extended family where we get together all the time and are close to each other. What led to my diagnosis was the loss of 6 family members in one year. My mother, an aunt, an uncle, and three cousins. I didn’t really get pass one death before another came along and the stress was too much. A friend said I might want to look into asd and the more I did the more it seemed like me so I asked my doctor and was tested and I am asd. I have been doing the unmasking lately. Not forcing myself to go out shopping, or out to exercise, waiting for movies to come to tv as theaters are too loud, not holding eye contact more than a couple of seconds. Knowing I’m asd has let me know I’m not alone in how I feel comfortable that’s different from others.
My autistic friend sent me these videos and saw potential overlaps with my ptsd symptoms and I fully agree. It's so interesting how mental health in regards of illnesses and neurological conditions are more than never connected in a way
I've benefited so much from Paul's videos over the years. What I'd like to know is how Paul is more knowledgeable and more helpful than any Mental Health clinician I've seen. I have many symptoms of autism and decided to go try to get an evaluation, the first meet up today was so uncomfortable and I felt like the guy had no idea what autism even is, and he is supposedly a specialist.
I can relate with this. Having burn out and !meltdowns are what ultimately led !e to.seek a diagnosis. Also recognising there was a pattern in my life. I'm exploring unmasking and I'm sure it looks like a big change for people on the outside who are more used to me Just internalizing everything and trying really hard to not react to.things that bother me. Also.for.most.my life.ive.tried.to be like other people by mimicking their behavior and understanding how much stress that puts.me under makes me not want to continue that practice. I can see how people who aren't familiar with these kind of experiences misunderstanding what's happening.
Yes, I had no problems with crowds or noise in my twenties. In my 40s I really avoided crowds but noise didn’t bother me. As a senior I am wearing earplugs and escaping crowds as fast as possible. Also I now enjoy spending months alone in the mountains and forests. I only need villages and small towns for fresh food. Summer of 2024 I learned that I no longer had indigestion when I am away from big cities. For the first time in my life I started dreaming about being a hermit.
Thank you for this.Diagnosed about a month ago and trying to get my head around everything including unmasking and who am I.Very tired and drained.Your explanation is much appreciated and is so helpful
I’ve been diagnosed since age of 5. I’ve recently hit 30, spent my entire 20s masking and working jobs that involve CONSTANT masking and being in the ‘zone’ every single day. Going out partying and constantly socialising, and now I’ve hit the extreme burnout. I can’t handle socialising anywhere as much as I used to, and I often take a step back because I know I’m not able to. But this has come along with also realising who real friends are and has put so much into perspective. I’ve been so lucky to have a husband that is highly supportive and allows me to have my recharging period. The discovery I’ve gone through is I’ve realised I need to also change my job, departing from customer services into something quieter, away from the public, not to mention a lot of other things. I’m at the start of my journey of unmasking. All I can say is this video has genuinely made me feel seen, truly. Because I used to believe I was depleting in my autism, but essentially I’m evolving in a new journey. Thank you for all that you do, Paul! ❤️
Thank you for answering the exact question I was worrying about. ❤ I feel so much better now that I understand why it seems more challenging now. So I'm happy to take my time 🐌 and learn to be me. 🐣
![Noob To Max With DRAGON REWORK In Blox Fruits [FULL MOVIE]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/LnBMOinoOvA/mqdefault.jpg)
Yessss. My autism got way worse when I got older and experienced trauma. It’s like the trauma sparked a cosmic reaction within me.
Thought I was the only one. I don't know of it's me or life gets harder. It shakes my self confidence.
I’m 60. When I was 50, I got cancer, and had intense chemotherapy. Ever since then, my autistic issues got Very pronounced. I just found out I’m autistic this year. I’m convinced that chemo made my autism worse. Btw, chemo also gave me neuropathy in my limbs, hands, and feet, as well. Halfway thru my treatment, I had a breakdown and said I was quitting chemo because it was “getting into my brain”… They said it wasn’t, but I kept insisting it was…that I could tell it was affecting my brain! They said I must be depressed because I had cancer. UM, NO, idiot…listen to me! I did switch chemo drugs, at that point. 10 years later, I still have permanent nerve damage, hypersensitivities…and about five pages more of symptoms. I TOLD YOU IT WAS AFFECTING MY BRAIN! Curiously, I read a report last year that said side effects of chemo can sometimes mimic autism. Well, I think it doesn’t Mimic autism…it brings it out because you already have it, and makes it more pronounced!
@@funniful that's really unfortunate! But very interesting too.
This is how it happened for me.
trauma definitely triggered my autism. I was always sensitive but I was pretty outgoing and normal even without masking. My trauma has effected the way i value and enjoy relationships and I'm trying to change it because relationships are the only thing that makes life worth living
Thanks for the validation. Age, burnout, stress, unmasking, illness, and for us women, often hormonal changes. We can't, or won't, cope with the stuff we used to. there is also often the realisation later in life that we have been accommodating everyone else; but nobody has been accommodating us., and we're jack of it.
This!!
Well said.
I've definitely been experiencing this "increase in sensitivity": more intolerable to loud noise, finding the company of people to be more irritable, having a difficult time being in crowds, would rather be alone, more intolerant of mistakes and errors, etc. I'm finding my thought life to be more peaceful than living out here. The patience just isn't there as much as before.
This is definitely the story of my life. When I was a kid it's like I did not even have asperger's at all, now at 24 it has gotten so bad that I have not been able to take care of myself for years. I just look back to how I was as a kid and to now and I ask myself, WHAT THE HELL WENT WRONG?!?! Well a few months ago I finally found out the answer. I developed panic disorder so I started researching it online like anyone would. I then found out that literally 100% of all my "autistic traits" are actually symptoms of severe anxiety. See the way anxiety develops is you reach a stress threshold, the stressor could be anything. Your nervous system becomes more sensitive, thus creating the anxiety/autistic traits. It is possible to reverse this if you retrain your nervous system to what's a threat and what isn't. Best way I can describe autism is that it makes you extremely vulnerable to anxiety and anxiety related disorders. I think autism becoming worse overtime is probably more common in people with high IQ autism. I learned about everything you would ever need to know about anxiety and how to get out of this from a RUclips channel called "Shaan Kassam", if you are struggling with this like me then it is very important you check out his channel. I figure if I can help one person out their save themselves from these horrific symptoms then I've done my job.
“Living my life on power saving mode” Great analogy! I relate to this very much.
Me too 100% but please don’t get me wrong I share this vulnerably but sometimes I am afraid I won’t ever be able to do “great” things as I once were able to.
It did "get worse" for me - I was able to keep everything together and even had myself deceived until I hit a wall at 53. I no longer had the capacity to manage everything and now I am forced to deal with things in a more healthy way now. It's like being a teenager all over again - who am I? what do I like? what should I do? - From the outside and inside things are getting worse, but I hold out hope that as I learn this "new normal" that things will get better for me. It must be really confusing for those around me - including my lovely wife - as I seem to be a different person. However, I am becoming more authentic, and thankfully she has been VERY understanding as I work through this.
I think you’re right. Takes a bit to adjust, then some things come back. But other things might not, (if it’s no longer needed)
OMG I'm going to be 53 next year and have just been referred for testing and it all started because I haven't been able to hold my mask on anymore and thought I was just sliding into dementia with how bad it's been! And recent deaths in the family have mad things so much worse.
I think this is happening to me right now.
Hold on brother, masking is a survival tactic and like getting an adrenaline boost that temporarily helps, there is also a crash when it wears off. After you get your diagnosis, I highly recommend getting some dialect behaviour therapy if can. Also, get the book " the chimp paradox" by Dr Stephen Peters, you can find two great videos on here (diary of a CEO, pod cast) about his books. Not specifically aimed at autistic folks but I found it helpful, you may too. Good luck brother, You'll never walk alone!
Oh the second book " a path out of the jungle" is also well worth a read or listen, you can get both on Audible.
For people going through menopause, diagnosed or undiagnosed, aware or unaware of their neurodiversity, the drop in estrogen can make autistic symptoms and resilience to meltdowns and burnout objectively worse.
This is happening to me and I thought I was having a psychotic break. 😭😭😭😭
@@BabyBobRossJalapeno oh that's awful!
I just thought I had early onset Alzheimer's. The brain fog was horrible and I lost speech fluency. It still fluctuates a lot but I am much better now I am on HRT.
I wonder if that’s my problem? I’m 36 and I’ve been grouchy lately even though I still have “those things”. 😅
@@princesspikachu3915 periods becoming less frequent is a much later stage of perimenopause. In the early stages mood and memory symptoms are common, gradually including cycle length fluctuations of up to a week more or less than your usual cycle length. The later perimenopause stage includes cycles that are twice your usual length (typically 60 days or more) and this stage is when hot flashes and night sweats start. Menopause itself is the one year anniversary of your last period, and hot flashes and night sweats usually continue beyond this point, just to remind us how much having a female reproductive system bites! 😅😣
@ I think I am in the early stage. I’m regular but there’s a definite shift in how they are. I didn’t used to cramp during them before but now I do. I used to have painless short but heavier ones. They’re still heavy-ish but they are longer and those cramps are awful. 😢
Fortuitous timing. I just got my autism and ADHD diagnoses. I had already figured out I was AuDHD a couple years ago (thanks in large part to your videos), but I was somewhat surprised to learn I'm level 2 and not level 1. But now that I'm reflecting on it, it actually makes sense. Because I actually haven't been able to achieve the level of functioning I've been telling myself (and other people have told me) is my potential.
I hit a massive burnout a few years ago and I just have not been recovering properly. It's taken me several years of sick leave and I'm still not remotely functional. Though in part that's because I haven't been able to eliminate a lot of my responsibilities, nor do I have the support I would need to recover fully. It's like my I'd been borrowing from my future and overclocking my CPU, and my body just decided I can't do that anymore. I reached the lending limit and now there is nothing left to borrow. I simply can't live in survival mode all the time anymore. If something is too much, then it's too much. I can't "give it 110%" to try and push through anyway.
My cognitive capacity has declined significantly and my memory has gone to shit. This is despite the fact my mental health has actually been significantly improving over the last several years. It wasn't until after my diagnosis that I realized that I'm never going to "recover" to the level I was at before, because, 1) it wasn't sustainable; pushing myself like that was what led to burnout, and 2) I wasn't actually as capable as I was pretending to be. I was hiding how much I was struggling. Like, I would just miss huge chunks of the things people said because of my auditory processing difficulties and delayed processing... and I would just pretend I didn't miss anything and try to respond appropriately anyway. I did a lot of "smile and nod" type interactions. I just faked so much more competence and capacity than I actually had.
It's so weird to live so much of my life believing I'm "defective," feeling really ashamed of it, and doing everything I can to overcome it, and to hide any struggles I couldn't overcome. Only to turn around and go, "actually, maybe it's okay to be disabled. Maybe I can stop trying so hard to hide it and to compensate, and start asking for accommodations instead." It's really hard to wrap my mind around the idea that I ought not be in constant discomfort and stress from pushing myself to my absolute limits all the time. Like, maybe it's okay to just live comfortably. And if that means I need a good deal of support, well that is simply my reality.
This is almost copy and paste of my experience. Thank you for sharing.
Unbelievable. Except it's so close to my story I believe it. You. I believe you.
Thank you for sharing your life.
This has touched me deeply into my heart. In my case it's most probably autism+giftedness, but it's been a struggle all my life. Lately I have almost caused fire hazards trying to cook (I was always good at it) and forgetting where I put the simplest stuff and having my head hurt while I try to remember. It's being glued to the phone switching tons of message recipients trying to find something meaningful and getting EXHAUSTED to the point I'll doze of with my phone in my hands.
I am become a mess.
You've literally just described my journey and DX. I have nothing, absolutely nothing, left for the world. I have zero desire to have anything to do with the world anymore. It's too painful - emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally - and I don't mind. Turns out, a life without another soul near me is preferable, comfortable, quiet, authentic and SO MUCH FUN! People took all the fun away from being alive.
Oof, that was relatable. I'm trying to come to terms with this as well. I was a ball of lightning, completely consumed with anxiety trying to function through all the overstimulation and burnout. I'm trying to understand what peace and rest feel like and hoping to figure out what I can do to support myself financially through life. I hope you find what you need to live as comfortable and happy a life as possible ♥️
I literally teared up when you compared the burnout with the marathon racer at the end of their race... Thank you for the validation! I love having found a community with you all!
Yes! It was so validating!
Figuring out I am autistic sent me into a regression. It really threw a lens on my traumas and made them real rather than just a shapeless feeling of deep distress. It validated my often dismissed feelings of fear and isolation. I am far less self sufficient and less capable than I was when I was younger.
@indysanders4079 me too. I'm afraid it's getting worse. Sometimes I wonder if I should have ever found out ( in my FIFTIES!).. bc Sometimes I obsess over it too much, go figure. I have to keep telling myself that ADHD and Autism don't define me. It helps to think about the positive things bc the world always focuses on our " negatives" I'm afraid...and that , for me, makes it worse.
This is definitely the story of my life. When I was a kid it's like I did not even have asperger's at all, now at 24 it has gotten so bad that I have not been able to take care of myself for years. I just look back to how I was as a kid and to now and I ask myself, WHAT THE HELL WENT WRONG?!?! Well a few months ago I finally found out the answer. I developed panic disorder so I started researching it online like anyone would. I then found out that literally 100% of all my "autistic traits" are actually symptoms of severe anxiety. See the way anxiety develops is you reach a stress threshold, the stressor could be anything. Your nervous system becomes more sensitive, thus creating the anxiety/autistic traits. It is possible to reverse this if you retrain your nervous system to what's a threat and what isn't. Best way I can describe autism is that it makes you extremely vulnerable to anxiety and anxiety related disorders. I think autism becoming worse overtime is probably more common in people with high IQ autism. I learned about everything you would ever need to know about anxiety and how to get out of this from a RUclips channel called "Shaan Kassam", if you are struggling with this like me then it is very important you check out his channel. I figure if I can help one person out their save themselves from these horrific symptoms then I've done my job.
The battery metaphor is so useful for explaining burnout to other people. I like to add that my battery takes exponentially longer to charge the lower it gets. Going from 80% to 100% takes far less time than going from 30% to 50% and so on and so on, so the more drained I am, the longer it takes to get back up to a normal functional level.
I actually think that's probably true for everybody in general, but either our batteries have a smaller capacity or we endure much greater draw on them during a normal day, exhausting them quicker.
@ Allistic people don't experience the kind of burnout autistic people do. They don't get to a point where it takes months on end to recover back to 100%, and that's the thing that I think a lot of them have trouble understanding
And batteries degrade over time. So it takes longer to recharge when they get older. This is also true when you get older.
Thank you so much for all the effort you put into these videos. It has really helped me understand my husband and this video helps even more since his bad stroke. Thank you thank you thank you. ❤
@@janicetasker1854 You accidentally replied to my comment instead of making one on the video itself. If you want him to see it, you're going to need to re-post it as its own comment instead of a reply. I'm so happy his videos have helped you like this, though, so I'm glad I got to see the comment too :)
I realised in July 2023 at 45 that I could no longer sustain the pressures and stress. I never felt so flat and scared. I was afraid then that I might be having a new bout of depression.
I got my ASD diagnosis in August 2024. It all made sense with the burnouts. I wasn’t depressed. I had been going through autistic burnouts for decades! I could see everything starting to align and make sense.
I have been relearning and reshaping my life. It’ll take at least 12 months for the first run and to heal from CPTSD, but I have never been better.
As they say, you can’t unsee what you’ve seen. I am so grateful to be where I am at. I hope that everyone will find their sweet spot in evolving a healthy life.
you look fairly young for your age
This is definitely the story of my life. When I was a kid it's like I did not even have asperger's at all, now at 24 it has gotten so bad that I have not been able to take care of myself for years. I just look back to how I was as a kid and to now and I ask myself, WHAT THE HELL WENT WRONG?!?! Well a few months ago I finally found out the answer. I developed panic disorder so I started researching it online like anyone would. I then found out that literally 100% of all my "autistic traits" are actually symptoms of severe anxiety. See the way anxiety develops is you reach a stress threshold, the stressor could be anything. Your nervous system becomes more sensitive, thus creating the anxiety/autistic traits. It is possible to reverse this if you retrain your nervous system to what's a threat and what isn't. Best way I can describe autism is that it makes you extremely vulnerable to anxiety and anxiety related disorders. I think autism becoming worse overtime is probably more common in people with high IQ autism. I learned about everything you would ever need to know about anxiety and how to get out of this from a RUclips channel called "Shaan Kassam", if you are struggling with this like me then it is very important you check out his channel. I figure if I can help one person out their save themselves from these horrific symptoms then I've done my job.
@ thanks for sharing 🙏
@ thanks! That’s the upload photo from 10 years back. I am still looking young, I hope 😂
I find age is a factor. What was just tension becomes stress, and takes a lot of energy. And I've been living an autistic life, one of seclusion. That preserves energy and well-being up to a point, but then lack of social practice makes social activities even more challenging. I found it interesting that, during Covid lockdowns, there were news stories of people saying they felt they were forgetting how to converse in a normal way and so forth. I know how they feel.
I found that social interaction induces mood disorders in me so I avoid it as much as possible.
Yes!!! I'm 76 and it feels as if I don't have the energy anymore to cope or deal with all the symptoms.
I'm 43 and don't have any energy at all. I dredge reaching your age of 76.🫣😭😭
@@ProCabs-AzziBeen there, now I am 50+ and much healthier than 10 years ago.
Eat anti inflammatory food, get tested for nutritional deficiencies. Lose weight if you need to.
My mother is 76 and pretty much won’t leave the house anymore due to executive functioning, anxiety, and sensory issues.
@@faeriesmak Yes, I too feel best at home. The body begins to let you down when you get older and that makes you even more uncomfortable in an overwhelming outside world.
Absolutely. I’m 69 and have been masking all my life. Just don’t have the energy to do it anymore.
YES! This is 100% true for me. It's been 2 years since I learned I was autistic. And, while the revelation was quite relieving, life has only gotten harder. I notice my triggers more, and they seem to be even stronger. My fatigue is much higher, and I have had a lot of trouble getting back into being active both physically and creatively. Where I used to be very driven, I find it hard to even WANT to pursue creative interests.
However, I've also seen how my recovery has progressed to the extent that I've given myself grace and space to just BE who I am, where I am. The more I allow myself be OK with not having the same drive and motivation, the more peace I've found. And that seems to be helping me to get back to engaging with things I actually enjoy again...little by little :-)
You chose a great topic, as always. One factor one might consider is that in today's society, there are more perfumes, more noise and annoying DEL lights. For highly sensitive people, it is harder and harder to live in society. I can't safely drive at night anymore because of the new car headlights. I have to wear two masks to go to my pharmacy because, believe it or not, they have machines on the walls that spray perfume. I sincerely think that I'm the "normal" one and society has gone crazy. I mask less and less. I rock my body in public and I'm brutally honest. I'm tired of faking my life.
Man, do I hate those new headlights. I’ve avoided going out at night since COVID, but lately I’ve had to some, and they are terrible.
I share your fragrance sensitivity, it’s my biggest sensory issue. The idea of a pharmacy spraying perfume is just appalling. I traveled for my job some last decade, and had to stay in hotels, and thankfully it was during a time when they were trying to be aware of people with fragrance issues. But it started to reverse the last few years of the decade. My irritable supposition it that the fragrance industry got concerned about lagging sales, and sent more sales reps out. Now it can be hard to buy garbage bags that aren’t scented. I mean, WTF??
Hey, wanted to say that there are yellow-colored night driving glasses that make the lights much much easier for me to tolerate and I can drive at night again. They make ones that fit over glasses too
I think as I gain awareness, I am finally finding actual answers to the periodic burnouts I have experienced in my 46 years on this earth.Therefore, I would not say more autistic so much as I am seeking more avenues of assistance and releasing myself from the burdens that years of high masking have wrought. More "visible" is the word I would use, perhaps.
My experience was like a severely delayed, impossibly long-awaited "A-ha!!" moment.
The more I looked into it...
The more testimonials I found... from:
Channels/videos like this
Their comments sections
The adjoining communities that I found - all 𝒂𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒆, 𝒔𝒖𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆 and 𝑾𝑰𝑺𝑬 to the same struggle I found myself 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 in the waters of...
Every time I said "f***" under my breath every time this isolating, terrifying and (even worse), 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒆 and (seemingly) 𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 situation of mine that only seemed to get deconstructed and demystified by peers I never knew I had, or to what capacity...
𝑰𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 up until that point.
I thought myself doomed to succumb to my exponentially increasing inability to pick myself back up from these "depressive episodes". Episodes that only got worse and worse with each recurrence until I couldn't even will myself to get up from the couch for nearly 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒅𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕.
Thanks for your comment, and everyone who comments:- you might be helping someone else see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm undiagnosed but OMG this is such a good explanation of what I mean when I tell people "I'm tired".
Somehow this video explains what my son who is autistic and turned a teenager few months ago is going through. Thanks for that.
Thank you for looking for ways to support your son more, it's hard to express what this feels like from the inside and I'm sure it means a lot to have someone so proactive on their side.
This is definitely the story of my life. When I was a kid it's like I did not even have asperger's at all, now at 24 it has gotten so bad that I have not been able to take care of myself for years. I just look back to how I was as a kid and to now and I ask myself, WHAT THE HELL WENT WRONG?!?! Well a few months ago I finally found out the answer. I developed panic disorder so I started researching it online like anyone would. I then found out that literally 100% of all my "autistic traits" are actually symptoms of severe anxiety. See the way anxiety develops is you reach a stress threshold, the stressor could be anything. Your nervous system becomes more sensitive, thus creating the anxiety/autistic traits. It is possible to reverse this if you retrain your nervous system to what's a threat and what isn't. Best way I can describe autism is that it makes you extremely vulnerable to anxiety and anxiety related disorders. I think autism becoming worse overtime is probably more common in people with high IQ autism. I learned about everything you would ever need to know about anxiety and how to get out of this from a RUclips channel called "Shaan Kassam", if you are struggling with this like me then it is very important you check out his channel. I figure if I can help one person out their save themselves from these horrific symptoms then I've done my job.
The marathon runner analogy is the thing I related to most. When I get involved in something new, I tend to become compulsive about the things that need to happen, and a job I took in my early fifties caused me to burn the candle at both ends. I believe I’ve reached the point where I’ll never fully recover, and the fact that I’m still not able to rest when I need to all the time doesn’t help.
I do think my “symptoms” - not really the same thing as traits - have gotten worse, and this is mostly due to a wrecked nervous system. Someone on another channel quoted an autistic writer who suggested that many of the behaviors that people associate with autism are those exhibited by a certain type of mind when it’s in distress I feel like that, plus loss of function due to persistent high stress, explains a lot about my state. It’s not “more autistic,” but it is more impaired. It involves burnout, but the most dramatic thing has been increased dysregulation.
My autism got worse when I made the decision to stop drinking alcohol. OR at least it appeared to do so. The decision was based largely on the fact that we had taken in foster kids who had come from families where drug abuse and alcoholism was rampant. I simply did not want to expose the kids to more of that. On the other hand, my wife would still have an occasional glass of wine with dinner. Her thinking was that it was important that they see what responsible consumption looks like. SO... as time went by, I became very aware that alcohol was a type of mask I used for social situations. When everyone was drinking, including myself, there was a more level playing field in the interactions. Once I removed that crutch, I noticed that I definitely stood out. I shared this with one of my close friends. He mentioned that a few of them were wondering if my autism had gotten worse. I explained my theory on alcohol being a type of mask and how its removal just showed me in a more "raw" form. He fully agreed. I have to say though. My friends are wonderful people, and despite the perceived changes, they still want me around and have even watched some of your videos to understand me better.
This hit home. Burn out really hit me bad, years of hiding behind a mask and denying my real self to "just be normal". I had an unsupportive partner and ended up wanting to end my life. Instead I ended the relationship, and crashed. Now I'm being true to myself. No longer masking, just being authentic. If people don't like it, I don't want to control their reaction, if they cannot accept the real me then they can choose not to be around, I wish them well. I changed my name, changed my career and rejected my previous negative, false interpersonal relationship and put effort into those who accept my authentic self. Thanks for this its 100 percent what I have been through in the past 8 years, I feel like this part of my life is the second book in a trilogy. Exciting to see whatever is next.
@@T1000-s6l your story is very similar to mine and really good to hear right now.
I was diagnosed at 44. I have failed continuously since then. 47 now. The fight I used to have disappeared when I was diagnosed.
I miss that guy. He was alright.
So, do you think the diagnosis was a bad thing then?
@@undercoverchristian1696 I was always self aware. But I just put it down to me just being different and that I just need to persevere.
Saw myself in my kids, they'd already had a diagnosis but when I saw specifics I got the diagnosis too.
Now there's a reason as to why I am. But at 47 it's difficult to make changes. And autistic people have issues with change.
I love the marathon metaphor. It makes a lot of sense why some things get REALLY hard when I'm in burnout - even things that have nothing to do with my job. And my battery isn't recharging (or as I say in nerd language, my spell slots aren't regenerating), even after a whole day of doing nothing. Even if I can't explain it to others, at least knowing what is happening makes a world of difference. Thank you.
Yes, my self-esteem has been all over the place from the bad treatment and shame for doing nothing all day and being exhausted, not to mention people metaphorically hitting you when you're down calling you 'lazy'
Thanks Paul! One of your earlier episodes had a panel discussion with older folks discussing autism in seniors. It seems now that when I have a hard day, I think “Yeah. Autism gets worse.” But no. I just take longer to recover. I spend a lot of time learning about myself and it really pays off.
This is the most reaffirming and useful video I've seen since my late diagnosis in my mid 40s. It's helped to confirm things and answer the main questions I've had that have led me to doubt my diagnosis. I've often wondered if I have subconsciously started acting more autistic because of my late discovery. This regression has even led me to wonder if I've made it all up and am just "acting more autistic" because I wanted so desperately to have the answers to why I've always struggled to fit in. Thank you for this video
2:47 thank you so much for making this video! The metaphor about marathon runners is particularly helpful in understanding the regression following burnout and the need for recovery.
I've only just discovered your channel and watched two of your videos and they have been life changing. My husband of ten years had a major mental and emotional breakdown last week and decided to go see a psychiatrist. I went with him, thinking the Dr. would tell us he was experiencing anxiety (which was the case) but I was not prepared to hear that my husband was Asperger's. We were just planning on having kids and it came as a major shock to me. I cried many nights thinking about it, and what frightened me the most was that he seemed to become "more autistic" or have a "regression" and I couldn't tell if it was the meds he's on or if this was his new norm. I can't believe a video exactly about our situation came out two days ago. Knowing now that my husband is on the spectrum made so many things click in my mind, in the past I suffered greatly thinking he didn't care about me because he doesn't help with certain things or answer to some of my emotional needs. Now that I know, it's become a blessing, he loves me in his own way and I love him just the way he is.
Yes, definitely! Some days i wonder how on earth i managed to live in this noisy world for 39 years and not go mad. Since the beginning of last year i feel like all i want to do is hide under a rock and have only quiet and calm. The feeling of "i just can't do this anymore" and "i wish i could just move to a cottage on a deserted island and never have to come into contact with this crazy world again"... Some days i feel better but then i go to the office or grocery shopping or something and by the end of the day i can barely keep it together till i get home and can have a meltdown in private. And of course everyone is having the wtf reaction, and i can understand it, only how can you explain to even your own mother that practically all of the time we spent together I was wearing a carefully controlled mask and honestly it's weird she never wondered why i only came out of my room for a couple of hours a day... Also i think the amount of stimulation is going through the roof these days, and finding a bit of calm is almost impossible.
I had complex chronic diseases that pit me in the ICU and yes my autism got worse to the point of maladaptive behaviors and grunting with vocal nonverbal emotional dysregulation.
Absolutely me, yes. Thankfully I realized over the past year what was happening, that this was an outcome of letting me be me more, making the better choices and accommodations I needed to (finally) for my well-being (like environments to avoid), and without feeling a lesser person for it, and, yes, also a degree of experimentation. I've been..."aware," trying to not to look "TOO weird," plus I've had the astounding advantage of my entire autism discovery taking place in "a different country," far from everybody who's known me all my life, surrounded by a new set of acquaintances and, yes, friends, who never had an "old me" to make comparisons with. So there's been a wonderful freedom from self-consciousness for me.
Mine has. It's getting worse faster than society is improving how it deals with me
Same. 😢
Same
Yes
Same
Society seems to get worse because it requires more and more social competence it seems.
Paul I find it so rare to feel truly seen, understood & validated with my experiences, but every video of yours I find I can relate to completely. Goes to show the value of lived experience & community, right?
Just this morning I saw a new dentist who seemed to not be able to understand why I struggled so much with dental care & routine, even when I said I had multiple disabilities I’m not yet supported for. That judgement I felt left me feeling so miserable I wanted to break down. This has been a great antidote ❤
I’m sorry that happened to you. I am needing to go to the dentist after too long and I know I will feel judged there as well. I have read that others tell them before hand of their situation with being ND and apparently they have had a positive experience from taking that route. Maybe try a new dentist and be upfront before the appointment and it will be better for you that way as well?
@@animal_person_thank you, I need to go soon because I know my dental neglect is catching up with me and I'm so scared of the shame/humiliation of bad teeth. That's a good idea
Appreciated this video.. since subscribing to your channel we have learned about autism.. so much we did not understand.. such as masking.. no one should have to mask to fit in.. everyone deserves to be accepted as they are..
We will continue to follow your amazing channel and learn as much as we can..
We are not autistic.. we are introverts.. empaths.. and INFJ personality..
We have been labeled over reactive.. hypersensitive.. shy.. quiet.. and these are the kind adjectives..
Paul.. we want you to know that you do an excellent job with your channel.. you explain things so well and you give clear examples.. you are an amazing teacher..
We do not know much about autism.. and we want to learn.. no one should have to wear themselves out mentally and physically trying to blend in.. no one should live behind a mask..
Thank you for this video and all the others you have done.. you and the work you do are much appreciated..
William and Jen
💪🏻🖤
@
💜💙🌹
Magically well-timed. Thank you very much🙏🏼
I love this analogy. It perfectly explains why I struggle with things I used to be able to handle as my burnout gets worse.
Yes. It can. I suffered multiple violent traumas and deaths and my autism got worse. Its unbearable; I went from just being diagnosed and high masking to having meltdowns in my bathroom every day.
😢huge hug to Your heart and mind
Hug, 🤗. I hope things get easier for you.
I’m sorry for your suffering.
@@wandoorose It is alright, as I have a therapist and I pretty much just try my best every day just like everyone else. There are people who have it so much worse.
@@TomoyoTatar 🌻🐞🧚🏻
Thank you. I really appreciate the understanding that autism cant get "worse" or "better", we just get tired of the mask.
The marathon runner analogy is excellent! There is also some similarities to a runner perhaps finding out they have an injury that running will definitely worsen so they choose to not run anymore and now walk instead.
I am very similar with unmasking. I also think during self-discovery that process in itself is taking up so much bandwidth that it's no wonder we have less capacity for masking.
The self-discovery, unmasking and experimenting phase we go through is so empowering. I try and encourage newly discovered neurodivergent people to see how fun and liberating that can be. (in amongst the processing and feeling vulnerable etc etc)
As a runner-turned-walker I appreciate your addition to the analogy 🙌🏼
Thank you Paul for this insight. I am 55 and was just recently diagnosed with ADHD and ASD. Before that I knew something was wrong with me but I thought that somehow I would grow out of my struggles. But instead, it's getting more and more challenging. Getting diagnosed was such a relief! Most importantly I can now accept myself and my disabilities. It allows me to pace myself and take better care of my physical and mental health.
For me, the discovery that I am likely autistic came with an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion, but also the personal allowance to accommodate the exhaustion with some much needed time off. I didn't have to keep beating myself up for my inability to just muscle through like those around me appeared to be able to do.
I am 33 now, found out that i am autistic 3-4 years ago, but i really started to realize that i am autistic since my left lung wing collapsed..
Since then i am not able to mask anymore.. many things i enjoyed my whole life are just stress to me now, because the mask is gone, and i don't want to use alcohol and stuff anymore to cope with my inability to interact with people..
It is really hard and i feel like i lost myself, my depression (since 16 affected) got way worse and i don't have power to do anything, even hanging with friends is often just a fight.. i am short before i get into a psychiatric facility cause i don't have any enjoyment in life anymore.. i hope that i can learn to live with myself again and to manage my energy levels, because now i just feel lifeless..
I wanted to say thank you Paul, you helped me to understand myself a lot better.. your Videos helped me to understand that there is a way for us too to get along in this world.. without much knowledge i gained here, i propably wouldn't even consider getting therapy or help..
i know i have deficits and special needs, but there is a way to live with that too, i just have to figure out the right way for me..
I think many of us are now in better understanding of themselves and i think that is one of the biggest problems many of us face.. not to know why we don't work anymore like we once did, or why we can't enjoy stuff like other people (anymore)..
Thank you for your work.! 💪🏻🖤
This is definitely the story of my life. When I was a kid it's like I did not even have asperger's at all, now at 24 it has gotten so bad that I have not been able to take care of myself for years. I just look back to how I was as a kid and to now and I ask myself, WHAT THE HELL WENT WRONG?!?! Well a few months ago I finally found out the answer. I developed panic disorder so I started researching it online like anyone would. I then found out that literally 100% of all my "autistic traits" are actually symptoms of severe anxiety. See the way anxiety develops is you reach a stress threshold, the stressor could be anything. Your nervous system becomes more sensitive, thus creating the anxiety/autistic traits. It is possible to reverse this if you retrain your nervous system to what's a threat and what isn't. Best way I can describe autism is that it makes you extremely vulnerable to anxiety and anxiety related disorders. I think autism becoming worse overtime is probably more common in people with high IQ autism. I learned about everything you would ever need to know about anxiety and how to get out of this from a RUclips channel called "Shaan Kassam", if you are struggling with this like me then it is very important you check out his channel. I figure if I can help one person out their save themselves from these horrific symptoms then I've done my job.
This is exactly how it is for me. It’s helpful to hear it discussed, thank you.
YES. I have been dealing with burnout since just after Christmas. I think right at the end of May I found the AuDHD combination and that rang so many bells. I've been working on coming back from burnout since then, but I'm also going through the WHO EVEN AM I stage, so every time I think I'm about there, I regress a little more and ohh my goodness it's exhausting. I'm pretty sure everyone who's been watching from a distance thinks I'm falling apart.
Absolutely experiencing this at the moment. So hard advocating for myself at work.
7:00 in. Yes! I often wear ear muffs over my ear plugs at times.
I thought I "discovered" that 😂 😂😂
I do that alllll the time 😂😂😂😂 noice cancellation is NOT Cansellation… it is only reducing 😢
oh me too! 😂 Recently I stopped at a friend's house still wearing my big earphones after grocery shopping ( which I despise btw) and one of them said " hey you really look like an Autist today" 😅 ( everyone is neurodivergent there lol)
💜
Thank you! This helps me understand myself so much better! I am currently recovering from a major burnout and was reflecting back on how many burnouts I have managed to get through over the past 20 years without even knowing what was happening to me. Survival mode is no fun but somehow that helped me get to this point where I now understand what is happening and am learning ways to cope with it when it happens. Self compassion goes a long way so we'll see if that helps me though this round as I didn't even know what was happening to me the last time I went through this. Thank you so much for your insights! I don't feel so alone anymore!
This is the most relatable video I've seen. Thanks Paul ❤
When the segment came up where you talked about masking it all made sense. It made sense on why I am struggeling with day to day chores etc. Thanks for this video.
Im 24 and over the last few years i feel like my autism has quadrupled, i can barely be around people anymore and ive been feeling excessively depressed in the recent months
That's pretty normal to feel that way in my personal experience, worth looking into some therapy, if that's something you can face, if not, try reading or listening to " the chimp paradox" by Dr Stephen Peters. It helped me. I also highly recommend painting miniatures, Warhammer ones or any that take your fancy, it's a great calming past time and helps me quiet my chip (as I describe the negative parts of my autistic traits). You'll never walk alone. .
35 and feel similar. I’d say over the last 3 years, probably longer but definitely worse over the last 3, I’ve kind of been cutting everything and most people out my life.
I can’t seem to face doing anything anymore, my to-do list just gets longer. I have anhedonia where I no longer feel satisfaction or desire for the things I did. I have no time to myself and always seem, or it feels like, I’m doing just what everyone else wants me to do.
A few years ago I had to go away for 3 days for a work thing, I was awkward and anxious but it was fine overall, but I had to go again a couple of weeks ago for 3 days. This time felt more in a panic mode with no recharge time, by the time I got back home for the next 3 days I felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore, like I wasn’t me or what my thoughts were. By the 4th day I felt okay again, but then the 5th went into a depression episode that’s lasted 4-5 days.
This is definitely the story of my life. When I was a kid it's like I did not even have asperger's at all, now at 24 it has gotten so bad that I have not been able to take care of myself for years. I just look back to how I was as a kid and to now and I ask myself, WHAT THE HELL WENT WRONG?!?! Well a few months ago I finally found out the answer. I developed panic disorder so I started researching it online like anyone would. I then found out that literally 100% of all my "autistic traits" are actually symptoms of severe anxiety. See the way anxiety develops is you reach a stress threshold, the stressor could be anything. Your nervous system becomes more sensitive, thus creating the anxiety/autistic traits. It is possible to reverse this if you retrain your nervous system to what's a threat and what isn't. Best way I can describe autism is that it makes you extremely vulnerable to anxiety and anxiety related disorders. I think autism becoming worse overtime is probably more common in people with high IQ autism. I learned about everything you would ever need to know about anxiety and how to get out of this from a RUclips channel called "Shaan Kassam", if you are struggling with this like me then it is very important you check out his channel. I figure if I can help one person out their save themselves from these horrific symptoms then I've done my job.
It resonates a lot. And I still get angry at myself, when I can't be "old" me 😔 I'm still in the process of accepting the thought that there's no way back, only the way forward, which requires building a new life for "new" me.
I think my loved ones are very confused too, but they are too polite to comment on that😆
This is such an eloquent way of explaining something that should be common sense but probably isn't for NTs. I would gladly share this video with any NTs in my life that didn't understand. Lucky for me, everyone just takes me and what I'm saying at face value or they already weren't in my life before my discovery. P.S. I really love the term discovery over diagnosis, it absolutely is a gift of discovery and not the negative connotation that comes with "diagnosis". Thank you, Paul! 🦄😎🤓💡
Thank you Paul, your channel has been so helpful to me. This video resonates with me, and my journey over the last two years since my diagnosis at age 62. Taking off the mask and working out who I actually am has been quite difficult. Cheers Paul 🙏
Thank you so much for this video. I discovered I'm AuDHD 3 years ago at 35. I've learned a lot about myself and to understand myself better but over time I've also felt like I was getting "worse" mentally. Like my memory, speech was worse, I feel like I no longer have energy for the things and people I love. I've isolated even more, ignore friends and family more often and then feel bad about it and generally just wondered if there was something else wrong with me that would never get better again. I've just been trying to take it easy, not pressure myself and rest but also constantly feel bad and angry about being that way. Not being able to "be like I used to be" and feeling like I'm failing for it.
Now I know not to feel guilty and pressure myself. But I hope I can manage things better soon because it does suck and I hate it. I'm just in "selfish mode" for now, even feel like I've lost empathy because it's just SO HARD to focus on others at the moment even if I wish I could.
Fantastic video. A Great one to share with family and friends to help them understand. Thanks, Paul!
Thank you for explaining how what I'm feeling is not unusual!
Ever since my self discovery, I've found loud noises (eg: fire sirens) completely unbearable! I couldn't figure out why I was able to tolerate them before I knew I have ASD but now find them utterly grating and nerve-shattering. This explains that I'm not suddenly "worse", just that I'm listening better to my body's messages.
I'm going through this. Paul Micaleff, you're amazing. I admire you so much. Thank you for being here. Cheers from a Brazilian possibly about to be late diagnosed autistic gifted individual who has lived a lifetime of pain and sorrow and wants no more.
Excellent video. It explains so clearly what I have thought for some time.
1. I burnt out. 2. I got covid. 3. I burnt out again, worse. 4. I didn't recover from covid (I still have long covid).
My mask, that I've had glued to me for over 60 years, shattered. I am working on clearing away the bits of it and finding out who I actually am / want to be. I'm still burnt out and I still have long covid, so it's a slow process. The battery analogy resonates strongly.
Thanks Paul, I totally resonated with that. I’m late diagnosed following a crisis but, a factor for me now is ageing, I’m in my mid 70s and experiencing more by way of age related physical health problems, all of which is very draining, so autistic features “feel” worse.
I cannot love this enough !! This is word for word my life right now ! It’s been so hard u masking and surviving the breakdown I’ve been through recently
I’m not going mad just burnt out
Thank you so much !
Late diagnosed on autism spectrum at 50 ❤
Thank you so much Paul, for perfectly articulating my experience. For the last 18 months I've been in severe burn out and unable to work let alone take care of myself and maintain relationships (I've lost a few long and treasured friendships). It's been a massive shock to myself and everyone around me, though (with adequate supports) life and cognition is slowly becoming a little bit easier (I can write and send emails in a day again!). There has been lots of learning and your channel has helped so much, including how to be gentle with myself, thanks again!!
The comparison with runners is very accurate
Yes, very true...I think my burnout and regression shows on how I lost my hair at a very young age. I feel it's from trying to fit in and heavy masking, together with childhood fefear and anxiety
It's a great metaphor. I have followed you since the beginning. You have grown in presentation and backdrop but are still deeply watchable and knowledgeable. Keep educating people.
Theres not more autism here in the UK I think
There's more people knowledgeable about it
Paul, Thanks for this video - and, serendipity strikes again! I'm female, self-diagnosed, about 1.5 years ago, and I was 75 at the time. Since my big insight about me and autism, I've been re-examining my life; "relearning" who I am. In many ways, my big insight has been helpful. Chiefly, it gives me explanations for the numerous ways in which I've been an outlier in so many situations, and it helps me recognize how well I've been masking.
As I've continued this self-reflection process, I feel like my big insight has, if not shattered, at least, significantly frayed my ability *to feel comfortable with masking.* I'm understanding that this is because I've been masking for so long, and my awareness of purposively using masking to fit into (social) situations has always been accompanied by self-identifying as "the outlier" and deciding to "just get on with it and stop questioning why I'm this way."
All of which feels to me like what you're describing when you talk about, seeming to be "more autistic" after an adult diagnosis. So, again, thank you; and especially, thank you for the reminder to be gentle to ourselves.
Best, Lynn
Just diagnosed AuDHD at 50. This video is so well-timed ! Thank you 🙏
It's amazing how well this video explains my experience, especially since it's only 11 minutes long.
Thanks!
This was a spot-on video! Since I self-identified this year, at age 53 I have embraced unmasking, stimming, and avoiding things that have caused autistic burnout in the past, especially social situations and sensory overwhelm. But my husband has noted on several occasions that I'm "not the man he married". That's exactly the point and exactly not the point. I am doing these things because I trust him and want to be authentic with him, so of course it's different than pre-identification.
Since I figured out I was autistic at the beginning of the year I’ve struggled to understand burnout and masking. This video resonates deeply with my experience and gives me some language to use to help my friends and family understand better. Moreover the explanation of how the burnout experience might vary for different people was extremely helpful.
I got my diagnosis this year with 42 and I really felt like you said, like getting more autistic and like being no more able to do things I always did. But knowing what is "wrong" helped me lot, now I know WHY I am like I am and why I have some of my problems and I just dont want to hide of all it. I am autistic so I dont look you in the eye all the time, so l leave when it's too noisy, so I am not good with stress, so I need a break after socializing.
So glad I found your channel. Thanks so much for sharing all this. ❤
Yup, you were right on with that! I was going through a period of overwhelm when I got my diagnosis, and I did a lot of resetting afterward. But the result was I grew in big ways, and feel happier because I'm suffering so much less, like when I can just shut down all the noise around me with noise cancelling headphones, even at a theatre. I am more accommodative of myself and my needs, and it truly helped me to move on.
PAUL! Thank you for providing the perfect way for me to explain to my family why I am not going to the family Thanksgiving celebration this year [I was recently diagnosed at 61 and I related to all you've said here]. I asked my sons and their wives and my brother (not the whole extended family) to watch this video and then to text me back so we can chat about it. When they text back I plan to tell them I am not going. I am hoping and praying that your video helps them understand and not take it personally. Grateful for you, as always!
I find myself protecting my precious energy these days. I have three kids, one on the way, and I have to talk to people for my job(not much thank god), and my special interest is music so I have a band and am constantly having to communicate with them, so I’m in a constant state of burnout. I’m at a point in my life where I just don’t have the energy to even care if I’m odd or “rude” to others. I don’t have the energy for masking. I don’t have the energy for eye contact and small talk. So I just don’t do it anymore. Maybe one day I’ll get recharged and can try that stuff again. Until then, I have to conserve energy for my family and special interests.
Thank you so much.
The hearing protection and the stimming without shame or masking makes me in such a strange way connect with me
This was an incredible video! It resonated with me so very much.
I too, have been considering getting overhead earmuffs to help deal with being outside. I feel like my tolerance for noise and people has dwindled at an incredible pace.
Great video ❤ Things that caused my autistic traits to come to the fore more: being hospitalized for a long period (probably because my physical and mental boundaries couldn't be respected, and there was no option to retreat or have privacy) made me enter a constant somewhat dissociated state to sort of retreat into my own head; getting work-related stress over some years; getting medicated for my ADHD (thus no longer having the drive and impulsivity of the ADHD as an opposing force to my autism).
Recently I have been feeling like I am now living someone else's life but the reality is I have started to live my own real autistic life... Thank you so much for validating my experience. ❤
Thanks so much for this video!!! I‘ve watched your videos ever since I started discovering my autism three years ago. Still, I often thought that you were too optimistic about strategies and remedies as I just couldn’t manage to implement them. I‘m in my mid 50s now and my life crashed seven years ago. Half a dozen diagnoses and two long clinical stays later, I am finally in an ambulant programme with a specialist clinic that sounds promissing. Still, there are many things that I used to be able to do that are now often insurmountable (e.g. in the household). Your video is the first I see to acknowledge my outwardly deteriorating condition and encourages me to accept regression with growing age. Thanks again!!!
I was diagnosed high on the spectrum only 5 years ago, I'm 51. Suddenly, my entire life made more sense. This video helped explain the last five years, but I'm happy, and that's all that matters to me. 😊
Yeah I strongly relate to what you’ve shared! Over the course of this year, and especially in the past 3 months, I’ve really come to terms with the strong possibility I’m autistic. I do plan to get a diagnosis, and I’m already in the Q with the NHS but I don’t plan to wait around for that.
Then this year in June we (husband, daughter and I) moved into our new home. Between the autism discovery and the big move, I’ve had so many meltdowns and I’m still feeling burnt out.
But on the flip side I’m definitely in that discovery phase as well. While I may be having more meltdowns, and pretty close to each other, it’s also giving me an opportunity to learn about myself.
I also decided to give myself a haircut (still stuck to my preferred style) and finally decided to get my hair dyed. I’ve wanted to dye my hair red and black for many years but always been too worried of what my family will have to say about it.
I didn’t go all out as I had envisioned (I got red highlights added to my dark brown hair) and I’m a little bummed. But I do hope I can try again in a few months time.
Thank you for this helpful and relatable video.
I was literally just pondering on this issue in the kitchen, and here you are explaining! Thank you so much, this makes perfect sense!
Your videos are helping me so much. Thankyou for making them
Paul, your lectures give me strength and add to my self-confidence 🙏It really helps to accept that I am me. I'm not getting weirder - I've always been like this. Yeah. I'm just looking for new ways of self-preservation, of disguising myself without expending too much energy. Thank you!🙏
My only complaint about this video is I wish it was much longer! So helpful though either way-so thank you so much :))
Perfect timing for putting this gem online. Thx, helps to focus!
This video is so great. It feels incredibly validating. I'll show this video to people in my life towards whom I'm still scared to open up to after my big change. I think think this video summarizes everything so well and can be a good icebreaker to open up.
Thank you so much for making these videos. You have no idea how much you've helped me understand what's happened in my life. Keep it going
Thank you for giving the words. I'm going to send this video to my husband and hopefully he'll understand me better. Huge thank you ❤
I am no longer willing to force myself to beat against my limits endlessly. It's useless, harmful, and now that I know the limits won't change I am done. For me what needs to happen next needs to be recovery before I can feel out where the limits are, but the world thinks I don't get to have that so this is going to take a while
I come from an extremely large extended family where we get together all the time and are close to each other. What led to my diagnosis was the loss of 6 family members in one year. My mother, an aunt, an uncle, and three cousins. I didn’t really get pass one death before another came along and the stress was too much. A friend said I might want to look into asd and the more I did the more it seemed like me so I asked my doctor and was tested and I am asd. I have been doing the unmasking lately. Not forcing myself to go out shopping, or out to exercise, waiting for movies to come to tv as theaters are too loud, not holding eye contact more than a couple of seconds. Knowing I’m asd has let me know I’m not alone in how I feel comfortable that’s different from others.
This video was extremely validating omg, thank you for this amazing explanation!
My autistic friend sent me these videos and saw potential overlaps with my ptsd symptoms and I fully agree. It's so interesting how mental health in regards of illnesses and neurological conditions are more than never connected in a way
I've benefited so much from Paul's videos over the years. What I'd like to know is how Paul is more knowledgeable and more helpful than any Mental Health clinician I've seen. I have many symptoms of autism and decided to go try to get an evaluation, the first meet up today was so uncomfortable and I felt like the guy had no idea what autism even is, and he is supposedly a specialist.
It is baffling; very helpful video, with lots of great point!
This pretty much describes the past three years for me. Interesting take. Thank you.
I can relate with this. Having burn out and !meltdowns are what ultimately led !e to.seek a diagnosis. Also recognising there was a pattern in my life. I'm exploring unmasking and I'm sure it looks like a big change for people on the outside who are more used to me Just internalizing everything and trying really hard to not react to.things that bother me. Also.for.most.my life.ive.tried.to be like other people by mimicking their behavior and understanding how much stress that puts.me under makes me not want to continue that practice. I can see how people who aren't familiar with these kind of experiences misunderstanding what's happening.
Yes, I had no problems with crowds or noise in my twenties. In my 40s I really avoided crowds but noise didn’t bother me.
As a senior I am wearing earplugs and escaping crowds as fast as possible. Also I now enjoy spending months alone in the mountains and forests. I only need villages and small towns for fresh food.
Summer of 2024 I learned that I no longer had indigestion when I am away from big cities. For the first time in my life I started dreaming about being a hermit.
Thank you for this.Diagnosed about a month ago and trying to get my head around everything including unmasking and who am I.Very tired and drained.Your explanation is much appreciated and is so helpful
I’ve been diagnosed since age of 5. I’ve recently hit 30, spent my entire 20s masking and working jobs that involve CONSTANT masking and being in the ‘zone’ every single day. Going out partying and constantly socialising, and now I’ve hit the extreme burnout. I can’t handle socialising anywhere as much as I used to, and I often take a step back because I know I’m not able to. But this has come along with also realising who real friends are and has put so much into perspective. I’ve been so lucky to have a husband that is highly supportive and allows me to have my recharging period. The discovery I’ve gone through is I’ve realised I need to also change my job, departing from customer services into something quieter, away from the public, not to mention a lot of other things. I’m at the start of my journey of unmasking. All I can say is this video has genuinely made me feel seen, truly. Because I used to believe I was depleting in my autism, but essentially I’m evolving in a new journey. Thank you for all that you do, Paul! ❤️
Thank you for answering the exact question I was worrying about. ❤ I feel so much better now that I understand why it seems more challenging now. So I'm happy to take my time 🐌 and learn to be me. 🐣