When I met my husband, we were both in a relationship. There was no spark or anything, but I had the chance to get to know him as a kind, fun person who is loyal to his girlfriend. When we met again years later - both single now - I already knew he was a good one, so I let my guards down quickly and put in some effort to get closer to him.
oo i think it's great that you met your husband in a friendly context because it probably allowed you to see his true character (loyalty, kindness, fun, etc) without the pressure of romantic expectations! it's like you got to see the real him without the rose-colored glasses. and by the time you were both single and ready, you had a strong foundation to build on. that's such a beautiful experience and it just goes to show sometimes the timing that seems 'wrong' at first can be a crucial part of the journey! (:
It's a coping phrase. If you two wanted it bad enough then things would work out. Too bad my partner was both emotionally unavailable and emotionally immature.
i agree-one of my friends said something similar; she said a lot of people use the phrase to comfort themselves for a relationship not working out even though they still have love towards the person. based off your second sentence, i'm assuming it's now over between you and your partner? i understand firsthand how frustrating it is to try and make things work with someone who isn't capable of meeting your needs. my video next week might resonate with you, it's about not settling for uncertain love (:
@texirratalks Oh yeah, it's been four months now. This was the second time because I thought she changed after our first breakup when she left me for another guy. This time she broke up with me and got on dating apps a week later. But yeah, I'm excited to see your next video! I'm going to find some time to binge your videos! But to add to everything else, love is blinding and you don't realize that until everything is over. I didn't realize how much I was doing and not having it reciprocated until now. But I'm happy in my single era. :)
i get how hurtful both breakups must have felt :/ rejection sucks, especially when it seems like the person is able to move on from you without a second thought. but it's important to remember: how someone treats you is not a reflection of your worth or value. i'm glad to hear you're happy in your single era! and if a relationship is something you'd want in the future, i'm positive you'll meet someone who will give you the reciprocation and effort you deserve! 🤍 also thank you sm for watching my videos, i hope they resonate and are able to help!! (:
@@texirratalks they would say to comfort themselves, yeah. Even the "he's NOT the right person, you'll find someone BETTER" is the same thing they say to cope
@user-dv9xx3yy8v yep, so true! it's definitely a comforting and encouraging phrase. i also think that believing you'll find someone better suited for you is more realistic. out of the 7 billion+ people in the world, there's bound to be more than just that one person you couldn't work things out with. finding a balance between comforting ourselves and embracing the lessons we need to grow is essential!
I remember two quotes a lot. The first is that it’s never the right time, and the second is that no love, however short, is a waste of time. I think about those a lot especially when I’m hesitant about enjoying my time with someone thinking about the future.
"Learning to love the person you found" This is something I already knew and was applying before I even knew it's the correct way. I do this with every single person I have interest with or date. One major reason why I'd say I've failed to find the one is because many believe in magically coming across some perfect one for them that they're suppose to fall in love with and spontaneously. And social media of course. I mean I basically agree with every point, but that first one I wanted to acknowledge. There was a second one too but im lazy lol.
i agree. i think the media and socials definitely contribute to this fantasy everyone has that tells them they'll just meet the perfect person out of nowhere, not realizing that a healthy relationship isn't always "perfect," and there needs to be time, effort, consistency, and more to establish a long-term connection with the person you choose to be with. and if only one person is willing to acknowledge that, then the relationship is bound to end in my opinion
i wholeheartedly agree! i became the person i am because of the people that were in my life, and they werent the right people for me and i think if i met the past version of them right now, i would absolutely not engage with them at all. however as much growth as i have had, they mustve had themselves so theyre not the old versions of themselves either. maybe now if we meet again, things might turn out differently? that doesnt mean they were always the right person but the time wasnt right, it means that we both evolved into something and grew individually that helped connect us together better now than it ever did before.
love the way you think! i always go back to this thought-people are constantly changing in some way, so it'd be wrong of me to assume they're the exact same person they were when we were in communication. especially since our experiences can shape our growth. even though there definitely are some people who stay stagnant and refuse to grow/change, it's cool to think how things could be different if you reconnected with someone who has also evolved and put in the work to grow like you have!
I appreciate the positive flip on Bojac Horseman. Usually that show is only used to romanticize disfunction. I enjoyed how you used it to shine a good way to see things from a healthy standpoint.
right! i used to believe it, but i think it gives people a sense of false hope. like, just because it didn't work out romantically could mean they were just the right person for something else in your life. like the right person to help you grow or learn something new about yourself
I’m recovering emotionally from ending a friendship because my friend did not make time for me in her life, and even when she did it was not what I wanted/needed. We once were able to have deep conversations for hours and the last few times we spoke it was always forced like it was done out of duty/obligation instead of joyous mutual consumption. So I texted her that we were not friends after trying in vain to change course. I also around the same time was dealing with the break up of my first and so far only romantic relationship. We have things that are incompatible about each other that may change someday but may never change. Me breaking up with my romantic partner was more painful than breaking up with my friend in terms of sheer intensity of pain. I cried 3 times during the break up. But. Reading up with my friend is less painful in intensity but the pain keeps coming back like a rash that never fully ceases. And this video (and therapy) helps me realize why. My ex romantic partner and I are no longer together as a romantic couple but we still choose to be each other’s friend everyday. We text everyday, and see each other once or twice a week as friends who care about each other. We choose to be in each other’s lives everyday. Whereas my former friend did not. While I may have said the words that ended the friendship she is the one I give the credit for ending the friendship by choosing to neither spend time with me, or open up if there are extraneous circumstances for not being communicative. I doubt my former friend and I will reconcile, I miss her but I also don’t want to reconcile. My ex romantic partner and I are still friends and still love each other. And whatever happens with the two of us I know that I will chose to be there for her and to be there with her, in whatever form that is.
here's an internet hug because wow, thanks for sharing and opening up 🫂 friendship breakups are tough. i've had a couple hard ones in my life and a couple of them have been reconciled and rekindled after years or months. when the connection feels forced and no longer brings joy or feels natural, sometimes that can mean the two of you just drifted apart and are moving in separate directions. like the other comment said, though, i am curious if y'all talked about your feelings before ending the friendship. was the breakup abrupt and out of the blue for them? i don't think there necessarily needed to be a fight, but were they aware that their behavior was hurting you? regardless, this is probably going to hurt for awhile, and that's ok. allow yourself to feel all the emotions and don't judge or blame yourself for putting yourself first. you deserve to be friends with people who make time for you 🤍 side note, it sounds like you and your ex-partner still have a lot of love for each other (: and i love that you are open to whatever ends up happening and not holding onto a specific outcome
The first time I talked to my former friend about the issues of the friendship was in December of 2021. We did talk multiple times after that about feeling more distant, and not much changed for the better. She would on multiple occasions tell me that she thinks that my dreams for the future are stupid. I was thinking of dropping out of university and I want to live in the wilderness to have a freer life. She said that I was being stupid and ungrateful for the opportunities that higher education and the city brings. I tried talking to her why I was thinking what I was thinking and why I felt as I did. I told her about how reading about the history of the USA, the Atacama of Chile, Penipe in Ecuador, Puerto Rico, and my origin in Mexico and how I connected to these things and how in the long term I want to disconnect from this society. And she dismissed it as being unimportant. So I kept being friends with her for far too long. I think I kept messaging her out of familiarity and sentimentality. Because the conversations had ceased to be interesting. And because I know that if I don’t communicate first I know that she won’t. And on November 18 I sent her my last text message as a friend. I was tired of always needing to initiate these conversations when she put so little of herself into them. I wanted to tell her for months that the friendship was over, and it wasn’t until February 6 that I texted her that the friendship is over. Although I think that the friendship was over either on November 18 or perhaps years ago and we were just going through the motions. I realize that I have a hole in me because of her absence but that even if she did come back in my life, an unlikely thing, that her being in my life won’t fix anything. So I need to move on, and I should have moved on a long time ago.
hmm ok yea to me that definitely sounds like y'all are just no longer compatible as friends. you want two different things, and that's ok. she values higher education and can't understand or respect a perspective that's different from her own, while you want a different life for yourself that would make you feel more fulfilled, free, and happy. i think a true friend would support your wishes and goals, regardless if it aligns with what they would do personally. our friends should be our biggest supporters and cheerleaders! so if she was calling your dreams stupid, that doesn't sound like a very reliable or kind friend to me. i'd say it's probably a good thing you ended the friendship when you did. and try not to blame yourself for not ending it sooner. it's so easy to say "i should have done this instead" but the point is, you made the right choice eventually (: moving on is hard, and there's no timeframe for it. just have grace with yourself, i think you're doing great 🤍
Agreed. It seems like the message breaking off the friendship was more to yourself than to her. You both grew into different people and that is okay. It just took you a while to accept that. I am actively stepping away from a couple of friendships now, not because we don’t spend much time together (i don’t know your age, but once you’re past 30, you learn that what matters is how it feels when you are together, not the time you spent apart). I travel a lot and lived in different countries and, while all my home friends supported and encouraged me from the beginning, hanging with some of them is just not a vibe anymore, different tastes, preferences, vibes, topics of interest. And while the love can remain, you’re just not as active of a participant in each others lives and it’s important to learn to let that be too. I hope you can find more likeminded people in your path, fellow campers and nature seekers. Or simple likeminded spirits that you can connect with. They say people come for a reason or a season, hope you can occupy that space in your mind and heart with nourishing things to yourself and keep the best of what that friendship gave you and what you gave to it :)
I like your content , keep doing what you’re doing . Your one of the only RUclipsrs I know that when speaking about relationships doesn’t only view it in a individualistic way . I like when you said loving someone is a choice you make every day.
The worst part I think is the "seeing positive in a negative situation" Like with the "right person, wrong time" scenario. My ex said something similar to that when she broke up with me and it left me thinking a lot. You can't gloss over every negative situation. This made me confused. But yeah, it was just the wrong person.
i totally get how frustrating and confusing that must've been for sure. sometimes it feels like it's just not the right time, but other times it's really just about the person not being right for us. thanks for sharing your experience, i'm sure you'll meet someone who's willing to be there for you through the ups and downs and not leave when the timing doesn't feel "right" (:
I love watching these random advice videos on the internet and I loved your stance on this argument! Frankly, I think a big reason as to why relationships are so brittle is because people simply don't want to be responsible of things. This is a natural and sometimes good thing, but for someone who want relationships, it becomes ironic because what is a relationship that isn't focused on effort, patience, and investment? A waste of time, money, and energy for both sides of the relationship. It's frankly sadistic how people go into casual relationships headfirst, being optimistic and expecting something more to come out of it when really, it's only an excuse for people to not be lonely. Relationships are supposed to be care-free, enjoyable, without problems... but by that point, that isn't a relationship, that's a dream, and we all know the world doesn't give dreams to people for free. Relationships become exciting and prosperous when both partners have succeeded in getting past their goals TOGETHER
i LOVE this comment; i totally agree with everything you said-so many people want the benefits of a relationship without the actual responsibility of one. it sorta reminds me of "kodak moments," like imagine you and a friend going on a long hike, and when you make it to the end, you take a picture together. the picture is perfect, and you both look accomplished. but of course not everyone is going to know how much effort or challenges went on behind the scenes to get to that picture-perfect moment. in the same sense, relationships also require effort, patience, investment, and responsibility. and a lot of the time, you'll have to work through some challenges together! hopefully my rambling made sense lol but i say all that to say: thank you for watching and sharing your thoughts 🥹
Master piece👌, I like how you can take a topic and bring deeper meaning and value from it. About finding, the right person, there are multiple factor like the maturity (I am able to sustain a romantic relationship) or the attraction but the most important ones is for me the compatibility. Two person can be amazing individualy but are not good as a couple and that doesn't diminish their individual value. It's just that a romantic relation is not for them (there are plenty other kind of relationship that can fit)
thank you!! 🥹 yess that was so well-said! compatibility is a huge factor. and like you said, even if two people aren’t a good fit, that doesn’t take away their individual value!
You are right about the lessons needing to be learned at those times because it's happened to me and i hate that i met good guy's after being used and abused. I personally don't think it's a myth because it's happened to me several times. Majority of the good guys that liked me i didn't find them attractive, and i noticed i have bad taste in men...i kept falling for emotionally available men..so now i choose to just be alone from too many bad experiences. After i got assaulted an old friend tried coming into my life and it wasn't the right time i just wanted to be alone.
i'm really sorry to hear about what you've been through. i think your perspective is totally valid, and i understand why you might feel that way because of your experiences. it's ok to have a difference of opinion on the "right person, wrong time" saying. and i do hope if you ever feel ready, that you'll find someone who appreciates you and brings joy into your life instead of abuse and mistreatment. 🫂
Great stuff! Love your peaceful energy. I think that was totally on point. No forcing just allowing. Especially the part 6:09 with the guy not willing to invest in a long term relationship but still wanting quick hook-ups. Ladies gotta stop falling for that one. Don’t waste your time and energy on things that will only hurt your soul.
Love the video. Keep up the content. I think 2 people can reconnect and have things work out, but that is not a likely reality for most. Most of the time, relationships ended for a reason, and just because 2 people don't work out, it doesn't mean that one or even both are bad, but there's a lack of romantic compatibility. It might be best that the 2 people stay friends possibly.
thank you!! that was really well said and i agree. it's a comforting thought to think things could work out in the future with someone, but that doesn't mean either people are bad if they don't. i made a video on compatibility vs chemistry awhile back that sorta talked about that too
Wow this video came right on time. I’m a gay guy and I met this guy at a new job I started working at 6 months ago. When I met him, we locked eyes and it was then and there that I knew we were gonna have a strong vibe together. And we did. My eyes constantly met his. It was almost as if most of our conversations were through our eyes. The nonverbal cues were strong. But I don’t normally come out at work unless directly asked. And unfortunately, I ended up finding out he has a wife and kid on the way so that completely destroyed what I thought could’ve been…but he kept up with the nonverbal flirting and asking me personal questions in an attempt to confirm my sexuality. While this man was charismatic, charming, great energy on the outside to our peers, his eyes and body language spoke a different story. They were sad, hurting, and full of pain. He wore different masks depending on who he interacted with. The way he talked about his wife and future family did not sound all too enthusiastic like a husband and to-be father would sound. At one point, I made playful banter that hit too close to home for him and the entire vibe between us shifted. Cold shoulder, avoiding eye contact, silent treatment. I tried to apologize multiple times but it didn’t fix the changed vibe. Long story short, I got confirmation that this man is on the DL. Everything clicked instantly at that point. Over time, I ended up hanging out with him, letting him know that I’m gay and that if there was anything he needed to talk about, he knew how to reach me. Our friendship repaired over time but it never was the same as in the beginning. But I could tell he started to warm up and appreciate me just a bit more. I say all this to say that as much as I wanted this man and what could’ve been between us, I think my purpose in that exact moment was to be that catalyst for him to grow and evolve as a person. To be an example to him that it’s ok to be gay/bi and fully embrace and accept yourself without all the tryhard masks that he puts on. I know what it feels like to be mentally trapped with no way out and no one to talk to, so I could just sense that energy; that pain and hurt from him just by watching him. I know it sounds crazy and deluded but we locked and held our gaze to each other one last time before I left my position. No bad blood or animosity was ever exchanged to each other throughout all of this. I think there truly was a spiritual connection between us. I truly hope he comes around so that I may lend an ear to him and help him better now that I’m no longer in the toxic work environment that we were subjected to. That’s why I really resonated with the first point of this video. As much as I liked him and wanted him (and it was clear he liked me as well), I don’t think he’s the right person for me and that we were brought together to allow each other to grow. It’s so bittersweet but after this video, I’m learning to trust the process. If he does or doesn’t come back around, I can rest knowing that we made a difference in each other’s lives.
i love that you were willing to share this, thank you 🫂 i think your story goes to show how complex our experiences can be; even when things don't turn out as expected, there's always room for growth. trusting the process is so important! your mindset is so inspiring 🤍
Love this video. I cant believe you dont have nore followers. Anyway i immediately subscribed. Also i wanted to say something which i realised after dating all through my twenties. There is no right person because real life isnt like Disney. There is only a right person for now. And that for now may continue till the day i die as an old woman, or it might end next week, depending on if we continue to work on growth in the relationship together and share goals and prospects. This thinking changed my life. What has stopped is my romanticizing of the partner if things ever end.
ahhh thank you sm!! yess, i really want to make a video on disney at some point and how it can influence our perception of love/timing and how both should be. i wrote an essay in college on this a couple years ago and love talking about it lol. i love the way you phrased that and it's such a good mindset to have. especially since there's no expectation-you'd just be living in the present moment, remaining grateful and not clinging onto something or being anxious and romanticizing the other person or putting them on a pedestal!
100% agree with the message of this video. I was just hoping for a little analysis of some of the clips you presented, which could’ve been interesting. But good message nonetheless.
in cases where there's a significant age gap/difference, i wouldn't consider it a matter of "right person, wrong time." as someone who will be 23 next year, i wouldn't be interested in a 16-year-old. i wouldn't even consider dating a 19-year-old, and i'm 22! i'm not calling you stupid for having a crush, and i don't blame you for entertaining the idea of one. the responsibility is on the adult in the situation (the 23-year-old you mentioned who's shown interest) when someone is still a minor, it can create an imbalance in power and experience. but i'm not a therapist or expert and i don't know everything. you could disregard everything i just said and think i'm wrong. i know someone personally who was in a very similar situation to you. we were 16 in high school and she was dating someone in their 20s. it didn't end well. i'd encourage you to talk to an adult you trust or a counselor about it. it's important to prioritize your well-being and make sure any relationship you're in is healthy and appropriate. i can guarantee you that the 23-year-old doesn't have good intentions, and you're better off dating someone closer to your age. those are just my thoughts, though
Sometimes the timing can truly be off though, someone has a partner, people mature, situation makes it complicated,etc. Things change and life is crazy. I think that’s where the saying comes from, not from the fantasy all barrier breaking love that some people think exists in life.
i totally understand where you're coming from! i agree that timing can seem off because of life circumstances, but the point i was trying to make in my video is that even when the timing doesn't work out for a relationship, it can still be right for something else-like personal growth, learning a lesson, or preparing us for something in the future. it's not just about the relationship itself but how these experiences shape us and our journeys. i think timing serves a purpose beyond just two people being together, but i get your perspective too!
I disagree, sometimes things can be so bad in each other's lives that other things aren't possible. I've had it happen a few times. I was being really flirty with a friend and she loved it, probably loved me. We talked for hours over the phone, in person, shared hobbies, did x-things. But then her sister was murdered. Her family was really dysfunctional and she was being emotionally abused by her parents. So her sister had to step up and be her parent basically. My friend never really had a good relationship with her parents, but a strong one with her siblings. So when her sister died, she fell apart. I can literally point out the moment, she fundamentally changed as a person. Same thing happened to me when my dad died. Then other things happened and she decided to start a new life abroad. So things can be so bad, it is a wrong time.
thank you for sharing your experience and such a personal story, i seriously mean it. 🤍 i'm sorry for what you and your friend went through; losing loved ones and dealing with family dysfunction/abuse can be traumatic and change everything. i understand that can make it feel like the timing is totally wrong because everyone's experience is different. in my video, i wanted to talk about how even when it feels like the wrong time, there might be a purpose or lesson that becomes clear in the future. but i respect your perspective and agree that there are certain circumstances that can make it impossible for things to work out
oo that's a good topic! do you mean how to stop clinging to people, how to set boundaries with people who cling to you, or just clinging behavior in general and the negative impacts it can have in relationships and personal situations?
@@texirratalks it's like finding emotional support from anyone and giving in and cling to people just because you have insecurities and you need validation and this often turns to us giving control to them, and like a remote control their actions affect us. See if it's a he/she thing then it's very very bad, Like take me for an example I'm currently clinging to somone whom I have opened up to, and she is not withdrawing from the relationship but I can't and having a hard time, it's due to the circumstances of my situation which lead me to this, 5 months back i wouldn't have even cared.
okok i get it now! i 100% relate to this and have experienced it firsthand. i already have next week video's filmed (it's going to be on mastering detachment), but i'll start working on your topic and will post the video for it in two weeks (: until then, keep your head up and hopefully my other videos and next week's can help in the meantime 🤍
There are many situations where people meet the love of their life, but they have a lesson to learn still so they can't be together. Think about Jim and Pam in The Office- Pam didn't know how she felt so she was staying with Roy. And that complicated everything for a while. You use your first point as an argument against "right person wrong time" when it could easily be used in support of it. Also, no offense, but I think it's a little weird for someone who's 22 to be making such bold claims on this stuff 😂😂. When I was that age, I felt like I knew nothing about relationships. Now that I'm older, I know a little bit more, but I still feel like I know barely anything. In fact, I now feel like it's impossible to claim to know something in this subject because it's different for everyone. Destiny is in charge. It's like claiming to be an expert in gambling.
i respect your perspective! as for my age, i understand everyone's experiences are different. i'm not claiming to have all the answers-i just like to share my thoughts and perspectives based on what i've learned and seen, with the hope that it might resonate or help others or even spark a conversation like this one. (: it's like my dad once told me, "people say with age comes wisdom but i don’t think that’s right. i think with age comes life, not wisdom. as you get older, you see things more and understand things more because of the experiences you go through." and while i still have a lot more life to experience, i still enjoy sharing what i've learned so far!
@@texirratalks Yes, I also believe that the smartest people proactively clash their ideas against others. But it's good to put it in the format of a question rather than an answer. There's a quote: "Smart people are the ones who ask the most thoughtful questions, as opposed to thinking they have all the answers." All things considered though, I think what you're doing is good.
If I would have met her earlier in life we would have lasted but I had gotten cute and started to mess around I got used to it and ended up betraying her I had never cheated before our relationship
it's not about putting life on pause; it's about emphasizing that mutual effort and commitment are important in relationships. i think a strong relationship requires both people to make a conscious effort to be with each other *even* when life gets challenging. i agree that no one should put their life on pause for someone else (i used to have codependent tendencies that would reflect this!), and i'm definitely not advocating for codependency or for a relationship to work at all costs. my point was more about recognizing the value of making an effort and choosing each other consistently, rather than allowing external circumstances to dictate the fate of a relationship. hopefully this clarifies things, but if not it's ok if you disagree. thanks for engaging! (:
no cuz why was i crying while editing the montage from UP LMAO ;-;
it's a sad story ;-;
I am the wrong person all the time. Checkmate.
😭😭
I’m only wrong on Tuesdays 😉
@@texirratalksit hurts 💔
Same lol
The right person is there through the right and wrong times
When I met my husband, we were both in a relationship. There was no spark or anything, but I had the chance to get to know him as a kind, fun person who is loyal to his girlfriend.
When we met again years later - both single now - I already knew he was a good one, so I let my guards down quickly and put in some effort to get closer to him.
oo i think it's great that you met your husband in a friendly context because it probably allowed you to see his true character (loyalty, kindness, fun, etc) without the pressure of romantic expectations! it's like you got to see the real him without the rose-colored glasses. and by the time you were both single and ready, you had a strong foundation to build on. that's such a beautiful experience and it just goes to show sometimes the timing that seems 'wrong' at first can be a crucial part of the journey! (:
It's a coping phrase. If you two wanted it bad enough then things would work out. Too bad my partner was both emotionally unavailable and emotionally immature.
i agree-one of my friends said something similar; she said a lot of people use the phrase to comfort themselves for a relationship not working out even though they still have love towards the person. based off your second sentence, i'm assuming it's now over between you and your partner? i understand firsthand how frustrating it is to try and make things work with someone who isn't capable of meeting your needs. my video next week might resonate with you, it's about not settling for uncertain love (:
@texirratalks Oh yeah, it's been four months now. This was the second time because I thought she changed after our first breakup when she left me for another guy. This time she broke up with me and got on dating apps a week later. But yeah, I'm excited to see your next video! I'm going to find some time to binge your videos! But to add to everything else, love is blinding and you don't realize that until everything is over. I didn't realize how much I was doing and not having it reciprocated until now. But I'm happy in my single era. :)
i get how hurtful both breakups must have felt :/ rejection sucks, especially when it seems like the person is able to move on from you without a second thought. but it's important to remember: how someone treats you is not a reflection of your worth or value. i'm glad to hear you're happy in your single era! and if a relationship is something you'd want in the future, i'm positive you'll meet someone who will give you the reciprocation and effort you deserve! 🤍
also thank you sm for watching my videos, i hope they resonate and are able to help!! (:
@@texirratalks they would say to comfort themselves, yeah. Even the "he's NOT the right person, you'll find someone BETTER" is the same thing they say to cope
@user-dv9xx3yy8v yep, so true! it's definitely a comforting and encouraging phrase. i also think that believing you'll find someone better suited for you is more realistic. out of the 7 billion+ people in the world, there's bound to be more than just that one person you couldn't work things out with. finding a balance between comforting ourselves and embracing the lessons we need to grow is essential!
I remember two quotes a lot. The first is that it’s never the right time, and the second is that no love, however short, is a waste of time. I think about those a lot especially when I’m hesitant about enjoying my time with someone thinking about the future.
"Learning to love the person you found" This is something I already knew and was applying before I even knew it's the correct way. I do this with every single person I have interest with or date. One major reason why I'd say I've failed to find the one is because many believe in magically coming across some perfect one for them that they're suppose to fall in love with and spontaneously. And social media of course.
I mean I basically agree with every point, but that first one I wanted to acknowledge. There was a second one too but im lazy lol.
i agree. i think the media and socials definitely contribute to this fantasy everyone has that tells them they'll just meet the perfect person out of nowhere, not realizing that a healthy relationship isn't always "perfect," and there needs to be time, effort, consistency, and more to establish a long-term connection with the person you choose to be with. and if only one person is willing to acknowledge that, then the relationship is bound to end in my opinion
i wholeheartedly agree! i became the person i am because of the people that were in my life, and they werent the right people for me and i think if i met the past version of them right now, i would absolutely not engage with them at all. however as much growth as i have had, they mustve had themselves so theyre not the old versions of themselves either. maybe now if we meet again, things might turn out differently? that doesnt mean they were always the right person but the time wasnt right, it means that we both evolved into something and grew individually that helped connect us together better now than it ever did before.
love the way you think! i always go back to this thought-people are constantly changing in some way, so it'd be wrong of me to assume they're the exact same person they were when we were in communication. especially since our experiences can shape our growth. even though there definitely are some people who stay stagnant and refuse to grow/change, it's cool to think how things could be different if you reconnected with someone who has also evolved and put in the work to grow like you have!
I appreciate the positive flip on Bojac Horseman. Usually that show is only used to romanticize disfunction. I enjoyed how you used it to shine a good way to see things from a healthy standpoint.
thank you!!
It's a complete myth.. I never believed it..and grandparents stories I start rolling my eyes 🤣
right! i used to believe it, but i think it gives people a sense of false hope. like, just because it didn't work out romantically could mean they were just the right person for something else in your life. like the right person to help you grow or learn something new about yourself
Don't worry yourself life soon teaches you
The high EQ stat is p a l p a b l e ✨
thank you sm!! 😌
I definitely believe in a right person and wrong person for you. You can’t make a square peg fit into a round hole no matter how much you want it to.
that's fair! i think chemistry and compatibility are huge factors for this (i actually made a video on it lol)
Life ain't black and white.. have you found your round peg yet?
I’m recovering emotionally from ending a friendship because my friend did not make time for me in her life, and even when she did it was not what I wanted/needed. We once were able to have deep conversations for hours and the last few times we spoke it was always forced like it was done out of duty/obligation instead of joyous mutual consumption.
So I texted her that we were not friends after trying in vain to change course.
I also around the same time was dealing with the break up of my first and so far only romantic relationship. We have things that are incompatible about each other that may change someday but may never change.
Me breaking up with my romantic partner was more painful than breaking up with my friend in terms of sheer intensity of pain. I cried 3 times during the break up. But. Reading up with my friend is less painful in intensity but the pain keeps coming back like a rash that never fully ceases. And this video (and therapy) helps me realize why.
My ex romantic partner and I are no longer together as a romantic couple but we still choose to be each other’s friend everyday. We text everyday, and see each other once or twice a week as friends who care about each other. We choose to be in each other’s lives everyday.
Whereas my former friend did not. While I may have said the words that ended the friendship she is the one I give the credit for ending the friendship by choosing to neither spend time with me, or open up if there are extraneous circumstances for not being communicative.
I doubt my former friend and I will reconcile, I miss her but I also don’t want to reconcile.
My ex romantic partner and I are still friends and still love each other. And whatever happens with the two of us I know that I will chose to be there for her and to be there with her, in whatever form that is.
did you communicate your feelings and expectations to your friend before "breaking up"? was there even a fight/offense or you two just grew apart?
here's an internet hug because wow, thanks for sharing and opening up 🫂 friendship breakups are tough. i've had a couple hard ones in my life and a couple of them have been reconciled and rekindled after years or months. when the connection feels forced and no longer brings joy or feels natural, sometimes that can mean the two of you just drifted apart and are moving in separate directions. like the other comment said, though, i am curious if y'all talked about your feelings before ending the friendship. was the breakup abrupt and out of the blue for them? i don't think there necessarily needed to be a fight, but were they aware that their behavior was hurting you? regardless, this is probably going to hurt for awhile, and that's ok. allow yourself to feel all the emotions and don't judge or blame yourself for putting yourself first. you deserve to be friends with people who make time for you 🤍
side note, it sounds like you and your ex-partner still have a lot of love for each other (: and i love that you are open to whatever ends up happening and not holding onto a specific outcome
The first time I talked to my former friend about the issues of the friendship was in December of 2021. We did talk multiple times after that about feeling more distant, and not much changed for the better. She would on multiple occasions tell me that she thinks that my dreams for the future are stupid. I was thinking of dropping out of university and I want to live in the wilderness to have a freer life. She said that I was being stupid and ungrateful for the opportunities that higher education and the city brings. I tried talking to her why I was thinking what I was thinking and why I felt as I did. I told her about how reading about the history of the USA, the Atacama of Chile, Penipe in Ecuador, Puerto Rico, and my origin in Mexico and how I connected to these things and how in the long term I want to disconnect from this society. And she dismissed it as being unimportant. So I kept being friends with her for far too long. I think I kept messaging her out of familiarity and sentimentality. Because the conversations had ceased to be interesting. And because I know that if I don’t communicate first I know that she won’t. And on November 18 I sent her my last text message as a friend. I was tired of always needing to initiate these conversations when she put so little of herself into them. I wanted to tell her for months that the friendship was over, and it wasn’t until February 6 that I texted her that the friendship is over. Although I think that the friendship was over either on November 18 or perhaps years ago and we were just going through the motions. I realize that I have a hole in me because of her absence but that even if she did come back in my life, an unlikely thing, that her being in my life won’t fix anything. So I need to move on, and I should have moved on a long time ago.
hmm ok yea to me that definitely sounds like y'all are just no longer compatible as friends. you want two different things, and that's ok. she values higher education and can't understand or respect a perspective that's different from her own, while you want a different life for yourself that would make you feel more fulfilled, free, and happy. i think a true friend would support your wishes and goals, regardless if it aligns with what they would do personally. our friends should be our biggest supporters and cheerleaders! so if she was calling your dreams stupid, that doesn't sound like a very reliable or kind friend to me. i'd say it's probably a good thing you ended the friendship when you did. and try not to blame yourself for not ending it sooner. it's so easy to say "i should have done this instead" but the point is, you made the right choice eventually (: moving on is hard, and there's no timeframe for it. just have grace with yourself, i think you're doing great 🤍
Agreed. It seems like the message breaking off the friendship was more to yourself than to her. You both grew into different people and that is okay. It just took you a while to accept that.
I am actively stepping away from a couple of friendships now, not because we don’t spend much time together (i don’t know your age, but once you’re past 30, you learn that what matters is how it feels when you are together, not the time you spent apart).
I travel a lot and lived in different countries and, while all my home friends supported and encouraged me from the beginning, hanging with some of them is just not a vibe anymore, different tastes, preferences, vibes, topics of interest. And while the love can remain, you’re just not as active of a participant in each others lives and it’s important to learn to let that be too.
I hope you can find more likeminded people in your path, fellow campers and nature seekers. Or simple likeminded spirits that you can connect with. They say people come for a reason or a season, hope you can occupy that space in your mind and heart with nourishing things to yourself and keep the best of what that friendship gave you and what you gave to it :)
I like your content , keep doing what you’re doing . Your one of the only RUclipsrs I know that when speaking about relationships doesn’t only view it in a individualistic way . I like when you said loving someone is a choice you make every day.
thank you!! 🥹
The worst part I think is the "seeing positive in a negative situation"
Like with the "right person, wrong time" scenario.
My ex said something similar to that when she broke up with me and it left me thinking a lot. You can't gloss over every negative situation. This made me confused.
But yeah, it was just the wrong person.
i totally get how frustrating and confusing that must've been for sure. sometimes it feels like it's just not the right time, but other times it's really just about the person not being right for us. thanks for sharing your experience, i'm sure you'll meet someone who's willing to be there for you through the ups and downs and not leave when the timing doesn't feel "right" (:
I love watching these random advice videos on the internet and I loved your stance on this argument! Frankly, I think a big reason as to why relationships are so brittle is because people simply don't want to be responsible of things. This is a natural and sometimes good thing, but for someone who want relationships, it becomes ironic because what is a relationship that isn't focused on effort, patience, and investment? A waste of time, money, and energy for both sides of the relationship.
It's frankly sadistic how people go into casual relationships headfirst, being optimistic and expecting something more to come out of it when really, it's only an excuse for people to not be lonely. Relationships are supposed to be care-free, enjoyable, without problems... but by that point, that isn't a relationship, that's a dream, and we all know the world doesn't give dreams to people for free. Relationships become exciting and prosperous when both partners have succeeded in getting past their goals TOGETHER
i LOVE this comment; i totally agree with everything you said-so many people want the benefits of a relationship without the actual responsibility of one. it sorta reminds me of "kodak moments," like imagine you and a friend going on a long hike, and when you make it to the end, you take a picture together. the picture is perfect, and you both look accomplished. but of course not everyone is going to know how much effort or challenges went on behind the scenes to get to that picture-perfect moment. in the same sense, relationships also require effort, patience, investment, and responsibility. and a lot of the time, you'll have to work through some challenges together! hopefully my rambling made sense lol but i say all that to say: thank you for watching and sharing your thoughts 🥹
Master piece👌, I like how you can take a topic and bring deeper meaning and value from it.
About finding, the right person, there are multiple factor like the maturity (I am able to sustain a romantic relationship) or the attraction but the most important ones is for me the compatibility. Two person can be amazing individualy but are not good as a couple and that doesn't diminish their individual value. It's just that a romantic relation is not for them (there are plenty other kind of relationship that can fit)
thank you!! 🥹 yess that was so well-said! compatibility is a huge factor. and like you said, even if two people aren’t a good fit, that doesn’t take away their individual value!
I don't know how you only have 756 subs; this was very well put together, and a very reasonable and compassionate take. Pray your channel grows!
thank you so much!! 🤍
You are right about the lessons needing to be learned at those times because it's happened to me and i hate that i met good guy's after being used and abused. I personally don't think it's a myth because it's happened to me several times. Majority of the good guys that liked me i didn't find them attractive, and i noticed i have bad taste in men...i kept falling for emotionally available men..so now i choose to just be alone from too many bad experiences. After i got assaulted an old friend tried coming into my life and it wasn't the right time i just wanted to be alone.
i'm really sorry to hear about what you've been through. i think your perspective is totally valid, and i understand why you might feel that way because of your experiences. it's ok to have a difference of opinion on the "right person, wrong time" saying. and i do hope if you ever feel ready, that you'll find someone who appreciates you and brings joy into your life instead of abuse and mistreatment. 🫂
@@texirratalks Thank you for being understanding. 💕
Great stuff! Love your peaceful energy. I think that was totally on point. No forcing just allowing.
Especially the part 6:09 with the guy not willing to invest in a long term relationship but still wanting quick hook-ups.
Ladies gotta stop falling for that one. Don’t waste your time and energy on things that will only hurt your soul.
Love the video. Keep up the content. I think 2 people can reconnect and have things work out, but that is not a likely reality for most. Most of the time, relationships ended for a reason, and just because 2 people don't work out, it doesn't mean that one or even both are bad, but there's a lack of romantic compatibility. It might be best that the 2 people stay friends possibly.
thank you!! that was really well said and i agree. it's a comforting thought to think things could work out in the future with someone, but that doesn't mean either people are bad if they don't. i made a video on compatibility vs chemistry awhile back that sorta talked about that too
This is the right video at the right time
i hope your channel grows as wide as a sky ☁️
thank you, that's so sweet 🥹
I like this, no relationship is a waste tbvh
Getting close to right but not getting right is worse than always getting wrong person
right it can be so frustrating honestly
Wow this video came right on time.
I’m a gay guy and I met this guy at a new job I started working at 6 months ago. When I met him, we locked eyes and it was then and there that I knew we were gonna have a strong vibe together. And we did. My eyes constantly met his. It was almost as if most of our conversations were through our eyes. The nonverbal cues were strong. But I don’t normally come out at work unless directly asked. And unfortunately, I ended up finding out he has a wife and kid on the way so that completely destroyed what I thought could’ve been…but he kept up with the nonverbal flirting and asking me personal questions in an attempt to confirm my sexuality.
While this man was charismatic, charming, great energy on the outside to our peers, his eyes and body language spoke a different story. They were sad, hurting, and full of pain. He wore different masks depending on who he interacted with. The way he talked about his wife and future family did not sound all too enthusiastic like a husband and to-be father would sound.
At one point, I made playful banter that hit too close to home for him and the entire vibe between us shifted. Cold shoulder, avoiding eye contact, silent treatment. I tried to apologize multiple times but it didn’t fix the changed vibe. Long story short, I got confirmation that this man is on the DL. Everything clicked instantly at that point. Over time, I ended up hanging out with him, letting him know that I’m gay and that if there was anything he needed to talk about, he knew how to reach me.
Our friendship repaired over time but it never was the same as in the beginning. But I could tell he started to warm up and appreciate me just a bit more.
I say all this to say that as much as I wanted this man and what could’ve been between us, I think my purpose in that exact moment was to be that catalyst for him to grow and evolve as a person. To be an example to him that it’s ok to be gay/bi and fully embrace and accept yourself without all the tryhard masks that he puts on. I know what it feels like to be mentally trapped with no way out and no one to talk to, so I could just sense that energy; that pain and hurt from him just by watching him. I know it sounds crazy and deluded but we locked and held our gaze to each other one last time before I left my position. No bad blood or animosity was ever exchanged to each other throughout all of this. I think there truly was a spiritual connection between us. I truly hope he comes around so that I may lend an ear to him and help him better now that I’m no longer in the toxic work environment that we were subjected to. That’s why I really resonated with the first point of this video. As much as I liked him and wanted him (and it was clear he liked me as well), I don’t think he’s the right person for me and that we were brought together to allow each other to grow.
It’s so bittersweet but after this video, I’m learning to trust the process. If he does or doesn’t come back around, I can rest knowing that we made a difference in each other’s lives.
i love that you were willing to share this, thank you 🫂 i think your story goes to show how complex our experiences can be; even when things don't turn out as expected, there's always room for growth. trusting the process is so important! your mindset is so inspiring 🤍
your videos always come at the right time I needed to be called out like that
everything you said blew my mind. I'm subscribing💕
thank you!! 🤍 welcome to the community (:
Love this video. I cant believe you dont have nore followers. Anyway i immediately subscribed.
Also i wanted to say something which i realised after dating all through my twenties. There is no right person because real life isnt like Disney. There is only a right person for now. And that for now may continue till the day i die as an old woman, or it might end next week, depending on if we continue to work on growth in the relationship together and share goals and prospects. This thinking changed my life. What has stopped is my romanticizing of the partner if things ever end.
ahhh thank you sm!! yess, i really want to make a video on disney at some point and how it can influence our perception of love/timing and how both should be. i wrote an essay in college on this a couple years ago and love talking about it lol. i love the way you phrased that and it's such a good mindset to have. especially since there's no expectation-you'd just be living in the present moment, remaining grateful and not clinging onto something or being anxious and romanticizing the other person or putting them on a pedestal!
@@texirratalks that would be such a good topic! I would love to hear your perspectives on it!! ❤
loved this it has a lot of the same principles as the law of assumption
yess most definitely!
In which; they can be the right person, you just didn't make the time!
This video speaks to me so much, I love it! Thank you 🥰 can’t wait to see your future videos and your channel grow 🎉✨
thank you so much for watching!! 🤍✨
that voice shit you did with the watering plants and shit was pretty funny
Voice is beautiful
thank you!!
Wise words, appreciate the insightful video
such right words, love your thoughts💓
thank you sm!! 🤍
Damn i needed this
First video I’m seeing on this channel, already subbed for peak comedy and genuine wisdom
ahhh thank you!!
Just found you & just subscribed :) I LOVE your editing style & everything you had to say, thank you for sharing!! 🥰🫶🏼✨
thank you so much!! 🤍 welcome to the community (:
100% agree with the message of this video. I was just hoping for a little analysis of some of the clips you presented, which could’ve been interesting. But good message nonetheless.
that's fair! thank you for watching and enjoying the message (:
My goodness. Excellent video. I am just being me all the time. You look so intelligent and beautiful
thank you!!
@@texirratalks My pleasure
Wow this is a well made video. I subbed
thank you!!
Can right person wrong time apply if I'm 16 and she's 23(she has shown interest I'm not stupid with a crush)
in cases where there's a significant age gap/difference, i wouldn't consider it a matter of "right person, wrong time." as someone who will be 23 next year, i wouldn't be interested in a 16-year-old. i wouldn't even consider dating a 19-year-old, and i'm 22! i'm not calling you stupid for having a crush, and i don't blame you for entertaining the idea of one. the responsibility is on the adult in the situation (the 23-year-old you mentioned who's shown interest)
when someone is still a minor, it can create an imbalance in power and experience. but i'm not a therapist or expert and i don't know everything. you could disregard everything i just said and think i'm wrong. i know someone personally who was in a very similar situation to you. we were 16 in high school and she was dating someone in their 20s. it didn't end well. i'd encourage you to talk to an adult you trust or a counselor about it. it's important to prioritize your well-being and make sure any relationship you're in is healthy and appropriate. i can guarantee you that the 23-year-old doesn't have good intentions, and you're better off dating someone closer to your age. those are just my thoughts, though
If you’re struggling with love remember There is no right person because some people are left handed 😃🖖
😭
This is amazing
wish i saw this 7 months ago
I just started the video but I knew already that saying wrong time right person is bs!!!
This channels hard and imma dude , your like a black Hilary Duffy 🤣😂❤️🔥
lmaoo i love this comment 😭
Sometimes the timing can truly be off though, someone has a partner, people mature, situation makes it complicated,etc. Things change and life is crazy. I think that’s where the saying comes from, not from the fantasy all barrier breaking love that some people think exists in life.
i totally understand where you're coming from! i agree that timing can seem off because of life circumstances, but the point i was trying to make in my video is that even when the timing doesn't work out for a relationship, it can still be right for something else-like personal growth, learning a lesson, or preparing us for something in the future. it's not just about the relationship itself but how these experiences shape us and our journeys. i think timing serves a purpose beyond just two people being together, but i get your perspective too!
Damn! Video so good, it got me reaching out to my Ex and sh!t…
oop-
This girl so😂😂😂. Great content ❤
Damm not the clown face 😭
No because you ARE my best friend on FaceTime 🤭
thought of you when i said it 😜
I disagree, sometimes things can be so bad in each other's lives that other things aren't possible. I've had it happen a few times. I was being really flirty with a friend and she loved it, probably loved me. We talked for hours over the phone, in person, shared hobbies, did x-things. But then her sister was murdered. Her family was really dysfunctional and she was being emotionally abused by her parents. So her sister had to step up and be her parent basically. My friend never really had a good relationship with her parents, but a strong one with her siblings. So when her sister died, she fell apart. I can literally point out the moment, she fundamentally changed as a person. Same thing happened to me when my dad died. Then other things happened and she decided to start a new life abroad. So things can be so bad, it is a wrong time.
thank you for sharing your experience and such a personal story, i seriously mean it. 🤍 i'm sorry for what you and your friend went through; losing loved ones and dealing with family dysfunction/abuse can be traumatic and change everything. i understand that can make it feel like the timing is totally wrong because everyone's experience is different. in my video, i wanted to talk about how even when it feels like the wrong time, there might be a purpose or lesson that becomes clear in the future. but i respect your perspective and agree that there are certain circumstances that can make it impossible for things to work out
You cute man😢
Hey i have a topic csn you make a vid on it ?
maybe! what's the topic?
@@texirratalks it's on people clinging and how it affects you
oo that's a good topic! do you mean how to stop clinging to people, how to set boundaries with people who cling to you, or just clinging behavior in general and the negative impacts it can have in relationships and personal situations?
@@texirratalks it's like finding emotional support from anyone and giving in and cling to people just because you have insecurities and you need validation and this often turns to us giving control to them, and like a remote control their actions affect us. See if it's a he/she thing then it's very very bad,
Like take me for an example I'm currently clinging to somone whom I have opened up to, and she is not withdrawing from the relationship but I can't and having a hard time, it's due to the circumstances of my situation which lead me to this, 5 months back i wouldn't have even cared.
okok i get it now! i 100% relate to this and have experienced it firsthand. i already have next week video's filmed (it's going to be on mastering detachment), but i'll start working on your topic and will post the video for it in two weeks (: until then, keep your head up and hopefully my other videos and next week's can help in the meantime 🤍
There are many situations where people meet the love of their life, but they have a lesson to learn still so they can't be together. Think about Jim and Pam in The Office- Pam didn't know how she felt so she was staying with Roy. And that complicated everything for a while.
You use your first point as an argument against "right person wrong time" when it could easily be used in support of it. Also, no offense, but I think it's a little weird for someone who's 22 to be making such bold claims on this stuff 😂😂. When I was that age, I felt like I knew nothing about relationships. Now that I'm older, I know a little bit more, but I still feel like I know barely anything. In fact, I now feel like it's impossible to claim to know something in this subject because it's different for everyone. Destiny is in charge. It's like claiming to be an expert in gambling.
i respect your perspective! as for my age, i understand everyone's experiences are different. i'm not claiming to have all the answers-i just like to share my thoughts and perspectives based on what i've learned and seen, with the hope that it might resonate or help others or even spark a conversation like this one. (:
it's like my dad once told me, "people say with age comes wisdom but i don’t think that’s right. i think with age comes life, not wisdom. as you get older, you see things more and understand things more because of the experiences you go through." and while i still have a lot more life to experience, i still enjoy sharing what i've learned so far!
@@texirratalks Yes, I also believe that the smartest people proactively clash their ideas against others. But it's good to put it in the format of a question rather than an answer.
There's a quote: "Smart people are the ones who ask the most thoughtful questions, as opposed to thinking they have all the answers."
All things considered though, I think what you're doing is good.
that's fair! i like that quote, it's important to be open-minded for sure. thank you (:
You should be friends with people first
Holon why she kinda cooked just now
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✅️💟💌
🤍🤍🤍
If I would have met her earlier in life we would have lasted but I had gotten cute and started to mess around I got used to it and ended up betraying her I had never cheated before our relationship
7:06 lol that's toxic, nobody should put their life on pause for anything - thats some codependent qualities fam. :/
7:34 another toxic thought, that's almost intuiting change - shouldn't force anything to work, if it doesn't work it doesn't work lol sheesh
it's not about putting life on pause; it's about emphasizing that mutual effort and commitment are important in relationships. i think a strong relationship requires both people to make a conscious effort to be with each other *even* when life gets challenging. i agree that no one should put their life on pause for someone else (i used to have codependent tendencies that would reflect this!), and i'm definitely not advocating for codependency or for a relationship to work at all costs. my point was more about recognizing the value of making an effort and choosing each other consistently, rather than allowing external circumstances to dictate the fate of a relationship. hopefully this clarifies things, but if not it's ok if you disagree. thanks for engaging! (:
i love love love the use of clips in this video. good work teairra 🫂
thank you kaylani!! 🥹🫂