As a 30 yo man, who first was ugly as a teen, then looked amazing in my 20s and now still looks good but suffered from less options because of hairloss: it's because of looks. I've been on both sides of the fence. When you look like the it-girl or it-guy, you will see how shallow the world is. We don't date people, we date avatars of success that we represent like trophy's to our peers. You're not looking for a boyfriend, you are looking for a 6'2'' guy, blue eyes, beautiful hair, nice career who is attractive to many women but somehow ONLY loves you. And men don't look for a girlfriend, they look for a beautiful maid, who has the face of an angel and the body of Aphrodite who he can enjoy whenever he wants and is only loyal to him. Humans don't want to be in a relationship with another human, humans want to be in relationships with ideals.
I think that’s a bit disingenuous. Obviously there are superficial aspects. we want to date people who we find physically attractive and maybe have enough resources to improve (or at least not hinder) our lifestyles. But dating is more than that in a lot of ways as well. People crave vulnerability. We want partners that comfort us and allow us to be human in a world in that otherwise not so generous. Humor, kindness, intelligence, patience, shared interests, etc. There is a lot that we ask from our partners and that’s why finding one takes so much effort. I am a bit worried about your perspective though. If you crave a perfect object from your partners, do you meet your own criteria? I’ve never had trouble dating, but granted, I don’t expect my partners to be anything more or less than human either. Obviously, I offer them my best and I expect the same from them as well, but saying people date to look for “avatars of success” just comes across as really detached from reality. I don’t know how you manage to cultivate healthy relationships with that type of mindset. Anywho, wish you the best. Peace out ✌️🦆
i think this mindset (when healthy) can be good to prevent settling for someone that doesn’t treat you properly but otherwise yeah it seems to be a way to avoid commitment
My Great Aunt was a perfectionist when it came to dating her entire life. She would go on hundreds of dates and refuse the man across from her when the slightest "ick" was detected. Besides one boyfriend who passed early in her life, she never found a partner and never settled down. She is alone and bitter in her late years (well into her 80s). Perhaps she could have genuinely found someone if she allowed her standards to be more realistic.
ranking the value of yourself & others in hierarchies will only harm yourself & alienate others from you. attracting others who also have these rankings of themselves & others will lead to incredibly toxic situations. even if you don't believe it now, work on seeing the value & inherent humanity of yourself & others. everyone is multifaceted, everyone has stories.
I think a lot people self sabotage love… for example the words “ick” or “simp” has definitely made it harder for people to actually be themselves because people are afraid of actually being emotional . A relationship is not being emotional it’s about becoming emotionally intelligent and patience. Yet natural human behaviors or looks are seen as a ick . You’re right people want things to be perfect all the time , and love is beautifully imperfect that’s the point in my opinion
So true. As a man, I’ve noticed a lot of my friends use simping as an excuse to cope with being single involuntarily. I’ve been called a simp for hanging out with my girlfriend of 3 years -_-
Saw a comment of a man, explaining how much he misses his wife, his story and love with her, and that now he can only talk to her grave. Literally he has been called a simp💀 and it had even 40+ likes. Simp, karen, incel... All terms that had lost their meaning.
I wonder if there are people who don't even self sabotage, maybe they have experienced something and they feel their love is damaged. Some people don't wanna put people through something if they experienced something that may not help them. Someone else could have sabotaged their love or maybe some may not wanna put people through things. Then there are people who do self sabotage.
As a hopeless romantic who yearns for a passionate, vulnerable, deep love, it’s easy to fall into the rabbit hole of hopelessness when trying to find your soulmate when your surrounded by people who only want something superficial and short term… It has discouraged me from dating and putting myself out there as much as I want to in fear of being used… but I’m trying stay positive!
@@Simmerdownidc Definitely the movies 🥲 and yet still, I wouldn’t change my standards for anyone if there’s even a 1% chance I’ll find my true love one day!
@@user-vp6cq4sv3d how can you say nobody? Do you know everyone on this earth? I grew up very sheltered and most definitely thought true fairytale love was a thing. Even as an adult I'm drawn to books that have soulmate tropes
0:08 I am 100% convinced that it's never a red flag when someone says that they've never been in a relationship! I hate to hear stories about exes and stuff like "I only date xyz because I have soooooo many bad experiences with others".
It's a red flag if you're looking to be in a relationship. You mean out of these many people on earth, no one wanna date you? Or you can't find someone?
@@sasorah6414 Why is that a red flag to you? I mean everyone has different reasons for being single. Many people are just unlucky and don't have the chance to meet many young people. Not everyone is from a city like Munich.
@@sasorah6414 there is such a thing as waiting for the right person/relationship. not everyone wants to settle for the mid guy who approaches them on the street. voluntarily waiting until you encounter someone special is much smarter than throwing yourself into relationships that you know aren’t the final destination. but maybe not everyone is intelligent enough to be able to estimate how long the relationship will last? don’t shame others for your own inadequacies
I’ve found that friendships often revolve around regularity, proximity, and the interests we have. I’m 36m for reference and I have an entire circle of friends that I made simply by being a deadhead and going to the same venues to see the same local cover bands play for example. It started slow, I made one really good friend and by association with her I made many more. It can be a slow process (especially if you’re a bit reserved and not real charismatic like me) but if you can be consistent by showing up and you keep a friendly demeanor it will happen. Best of luck to you OP, I won’t pretend like it’s easy but if I can do it I know you can do it.
Gen z does know how to Date because dating has always been transactional and there were laws against dating. COURTING is something the modern Era has lost.
Yes!! I want courting 😭 It's also hard in the queer community cause it's hard to find other gay women, and hook-up culture is so rampant. There's a lot of things to consider; are they out or will this be a down low relationship, are then even gay or is this just a flirty straight girl, are they even gay or just "experimenting," are we even compatible, are then even a good person (cause yes, queer people can also be abusive), are they in my area or will this be a long distance relationship and am I ok with this? So many things, some unique to being queer and some not, but man I miss courting. I swear to fuck I hate this situationship, stuff that's become the new norm.
I had my first girlfriend at 22 and married her thinking that this was the best I could get since no one else wanted me. I then spent 7 years in an abusive, sexless marriage where I was reminded that she was the "best thing that ever happened to me". Eventually going to therapy aged 31 led me to realise I had worth and I ended the marriage. Please, young people, take your time and develop yourself. You lose more by rushing than by taking your time. Edit: for those asking further questions, I've told the story on my own channel.
@@katelady1370 true, but she's already lost 70-80% by 20 also. Women have less time and can't really afford to invest in focusing themselves on short term relationship skills if they also want to develop long term relationship skills if that's what they want out of life. But still it's important to filter for the right long term traits in a partner, rather than just jumping at the first thing that comes along. Or just chasing superficial traits.
I have two problems: 1. The guys i want don't want me, and the guys that want me aren't my type 2. I need to know someone for atleast a few months (possibly be friends in those months) to even catch feelings and those develope very slowly.
And about the months thing, it’s so hard to just go on dates with someone I haven’t caught feelings for yet, because it takes FOREVER for me, and by two months if I’m still not feeling it, I feel like I’ve led the guy on.
Great video! Sadly, my two-year relationship ended a month ago. The person I thought was the love of my life decided to leave, and I’m still deeply in love with him. I can’t stop thinking about him, and despite all my efforts to win him back, nothing has worked. I feel so frustrated and can’t imagine being with anyone else. No matter what I do, he’s always on my mind, and I miss him terribly.
Letting go of someone you love is incredibly hard. I went through a similar experience when my twelve-year relationship ended. I couldn't bear to lose him, so I did everything I could to rekindle our relationship. Eventually, I sought the help of a spiritual counselor, who guided us back together.
Chasing perfection is how you stay single forever. Fucking around and finding out, going with the flow, etc, is all part of learning the process. You never know if someone who "isn't your type" could be your next best friend and/or life partner. Look at how many people who met in high school and ended up getting married, for goodness sake. They didn't go into that relationship expecting marriage at all. I'm sure they were both dumb kids when it started, but they grew together. Don't settle for someone who's an asshole, but as long as y'all are in a decent mental space for a relationship, it's okay to be a work in progress. That person could be the one who helps you reach your goals. You don't have to do everything alone.
@@Kokopilau77seems like people get hung up on having a “type” that they talk themselves out of their own feelings. Like, if you’re attracted to a 5’6” dude, don’t talk yourself out of it because you want a 6’ dude. You feel something, so go for it.
yes this, i always swore that blonde guys were not my type and id never date them... here i am with a blonde guy and hes the best thing ever and my future husband lol
that's so true. my longest and most serious relationship started with me dismissing the guy as "cute, but not my type" and him having a crush on someone else. which allowed us to become friends first and show our true selves to each other without the expectations and pressure of a romantic relationship
As a 25-year-old who has never been on a date, never been in a relationship, etc... yeah, it's hard sometimes. I'm going to the wedding of a friend who's only 21 this summer and it really makes me think "where am i going wrong?" But at the same time, i don't meet people and am pretty chronically online, so it makes sense lmao.
@SchittStane-c4t biggest cope. The high divorce rate is highly influenced by people who aren't good partners- those who divorce tend to be repeat offenders. The same people are divorcing multiple times, driving up the numbers. Not to mention that mental health is in the shitter across modern society, so it's unsurprising that people with poor mental health trend towards having unstable relationships. At the end of the day, procreation is the point of biological life, and human beings find relationships, having and raising children to be inherently fulfilling. It only makes sense that our instincts would provide incentive that drives us towards procreative behavior. Being unable to find and maintain a fulfilling relationship is one of the biggest pain points across all people in the modern day. This being true is evidence in its own right that people desire relationships. Studies that suggest that married people are less happy, that being single is better etc. just cannot be accurate findings. If these were true then why do people want relationships? How does it make sense that pursuing our biological purpose would make us *less* happy?
@@user-mr6hc9hy2tmaybe because procreation is *not* our biological purpose. I honestly don't know where people got "having kids and relationships" is the purpose of life. Is it ONLY because we have the capability to do so? Because You can't decide *for* everyone that everyone's purpose is to procreate, and that everyone would be happy to do so under different circumstances "Our biological purpose is procreation" is just the gender-neutral "children make women happy" Because, when you look back in time - you'll realize men and women have been unhappy, For CENTURIES, in marriages. Women fought for divorce because they were unhappy. Alot of wives who were married were high on cloud 9 with coke because they were unhappy Men LITERALLY lobotomized their wives because they hated their women and wanted them to act like a robot This isn't a new thing - the only difference is, is it's accepted to voice and actually do something about it. (Celibacy, high standards, podcast, ect,) "How does it make sense that pursuing our biological purpose makes us *less* happy" is exactly the question; How come people pursuing children and relationships is making alot of women and men so unhappy, if it's our purpose? That's because it isn't, and we're seeing in real time people reject it and find their own way. Which is why we have the statistics today - of women being unhappy, of women being happier single, men being single, ect. People are finding singlehood and realizing that it's okay to *be* single. we don't have to "procreate" or whatever, not everyone wants relationships. You're the one coping by saying "well, those people get repeated divorces, they are mentally ill, ect" which I'm not sure is even backed up by evidence Because first of all, even if women and men were getting re-married at high rates, how would that be enough to make the statistics rise to 56%?, and regardless - what about the half of that 44% That are unhappy, broke, and resent each other? Yelling "cope" just seems like the pot calling the kettle black. 🤷♀️
@@user-mr6hc9hy2tmaybe because procreation is *not* our biological purpose. I honestly don't know where people got "having kids and relationships" is the purpose of life. Is it ONLY because we have the capability to do so? Because You can't decide *for* everyone that everyone's purpose is to procreate, and that everyone would be happy to do so under different circumstances "Our biological purpose is procreation" is just the gender-neutral "children make women happy" Because, when you look back in time - you'll realize men and women have been unhappy, For CENTURIES, in marriages. Women fought for divorce because they were unhappy. Alot of wives who were married were high on cloud 9 with that *zaza* because they were unhappy Men LITERALLY lobotomized their wives because they hated their women and wanted them to act like robots This isn't a new thing - the only difference is, is it's accepted to voice and actually do something about it. (Celibacy, high standards, podcast, ect,) "How does it make sense that pursuing our biological purpose makes us *less* happy" is exactly the question; How come people pursuing children and relationships is making alot of women and men so unhappy, if it's our purpose? That's because it isn't, and we're seeing in real time people reject it and find their own way. Which is why we have the statistics of today - of women being unhappy, of women being happier single, men being single, ect. People are finding singlehood and realizing that it's okay to *be* single. we don't have to "procreate" or whatever, not everyone wants relationships. You're the one coping by saying "well, those people get repeated divorces, they are mentally ill, ect" which I'm not sure is even backed up by evidence Because first of all, even if women and men were getting re-married at high rates, how would that be enough to make the statistics rise to 56%?, and regardless - what about the half of that 44% That are unhappy, broke, and resent each other? Yelling "cope" just seems like the pot calling the kettle black. 🤷♀️
genuinely the recently popular narrative that you should be completely healed as a person before getting into a relationship has had a huge impact on many (including me). there is a constant fear that you have not “upgraded yourself” enough to get in a relationship.
^^^This I(almost) always am too harsh on myself for not being "good enough", not realising the girl won't be either. Social media has had its heavy toll on our generation, making us beat ourselves for no reason. My age(22) my parents were just married. Meanwhile I haven't even asked a girl out for the fear of rejection and "not being good enough". I know it's bad, but it's also really hard to get out of this terrible mentality. Fuck me and my awful social anxiety.
You’re right and that message is toxic too. Truth is as long as you are human; you will always have flaws and shortcomings. Older generations understood this more than the millennial and Gen Z gen ever could.
Yeah, sometimes I think that I don’t have relationships because I'm not conscious enough. But this is another reason to blame yourself and think I will have relationships if I do the right things. The illusion of control:)
@samihamchev9528 The message isnt that youre not good enough. What they mean is that you should be mentally fit for a relationship. If you have trauma that you haven't sorted out enough, it could negatively impact your relationship.
Gen Z's inability to be vulnerable is a massive issue. In highschool, I was in a situationship with a friend, and I wanted us to be official. She was so afraid that she would do/say the wrong thing, or hurt me, or otherwise be a "bad girlfriend" and thus lose me, that she refused to commit to a real relationship. She loved me too, and cared about me deeply, but wouldn't deepen our relationship due to fear. I've had many shallow friendships as well. I usually have 1 or 2 people I can be real with, but for the most part, my "friends" only want me around when I'm in a good mood. If the conversation becomes serious and emotional, they get super uncomfortable and change the subject as quickly as they can, or even criticize me for sharing my feelings (obviously if you're trauma dumping that's different; in this context I mean talking about any personal/emotional issue). And if I ask them about their personal lives, it gets shrugged off or ignored. I am a very sensitive and emotional person, and I really want to have deep and meaningful friendships, but it seems like most people are scared off by this 😢
oh my god, i just went through this. as a sensitive person it just seems bizarre to me how the fear of messing up usually leads to losing such a great connections. i think our generation is doomed with overthinking and things should be more simple. we should just enjoy each others company and try to grow together helping each other to be better people. even if we don't always say the best thing.
The issue is not "inability to be vulnerable", but this pointless demand "to be vulnerable". People are demanding others to do what only they themselves must do. To demand vulnerability from others is to ask to an army to which you are not fighting against to surrender their weapons.
Gen Z is the generation of adult children of emotionally immature parents & it’s why they feel lonely in relationships or keep dating the wrong person far more.
Even before technology really advanced and social media became normalized, my parents would very frequently compare me to others and frequently emphasize my flaws.
The "love yourself first" narrative often sends the message that you're not loved and its your own fault. Everyone deserves love even if they're hard on themsleves. Its possible that you lesrn to love yourself and others better through a healthy and supportive relationship. Realize that some ppl only have know abuse and haven't had the opportunity to develop the skills to express different love languages.
@@Morgyborgyblob Even from their parents? I'm not talking about romantic love exclusively. Feeling loved definitely has a positive effect on one's attitude.
@@Morgyborgyblobwho's talking about rights? You are in fact entitled to other people's affection, specially when they are relatives and friends, otherwise what's the point of relationships? You must have had a really sad childhood. You deserve to be loved.
Maybe it reads that way to you, but that's not necessarily what it means. The way I understand it is "love yourself" means to give yourself value and validation, rather than seeking that from others. If you give yourself love, then you are not defining your value on someone else, and it will remain consistent whether you are in a relationship or not, whether someone else loves you or not. It's not to say "love yourself because no one else will", it's "love yourself because you are worthy of that love, and no one has the power to take that away from you".
@keithcass257 That depends. On personality and attitude. If someone who has a patern of a bad attitude to their partners, I would not want to be with that. Sexual encounters depends on the reason.
This- you never know who's been going thru something serious or unusual at certain stages in their life that most ppl wouldn't have. There's also unfortunate influences that may have come from family, religion, etc. and left long-lasting effects
@@keithcass257of course I think less of them, clearly they either are attracted to the wrong things or such a bad person they can’t put others above themselves. Social media culture has created a massive addiction to sex and sex appeal so people don’t realize sex is ornamental to an actual good relationship and they focus on sex appeal before being a decent human.
@@keithcass257 If their whole personality revolves around how many people they've been with or slept with then that's when it's a problem, I've been with someone like that before and he hated when I called him out about it and I hurt his ego a bit
its just hard to be vulnerable with someone you aren’t close with because it can be seen as attention seeking. Which sucks because to become close to someone you have to open up and be vulnerable.
agree with astay great vid ^^ plus opening up doesn't have to be attention seeking it can be as small as being genuinely honest when someone asks 'how are you' and not defaulting to 'fine'. like if you're tired, exhausted, not having a good day, or you're feeling really good, and it's the opposite, vulnerability can look like being honest about that don't feel like you always have to wear a mask
@@ChristinaAaliyah Thank you! and i totally get what you mean. Sometimes its just like i guess nerve racking because you don’t want people to judge you when you’re vulnerable, which is everyone. ive been called attention seeking for opening up when i already have a hard time speaking up, when i finally thought i was doing better people started judging.
I have noticed gen z not being able to be vulnerable and it's wild. I'm the latest a millennial can be (maybe earliest a gen z can be idk) and I notice it in people a few older and a few younger than me, they communicate incredibly differently. It's so much easier to have deeper friendships with millennials because of how accepting they are of their own flaws, and of others'. They might have the knowledge to be able to admit some of their behaviors aren't good, but they aren't deeply ashamed of them, they're joking around, using self-deprecating humor (which is such a millennial thing), overall being very open about who they are. They aren't embarrassed by being cringe, or seeming stupid as often. I struggle more with that than most of my older friends. Gen Z take things very seriously all the time, and I can definitely understand why, since they're constantly in contact with awful things that terribly influence the world around us 24/7. I feel that as well, like any mistake might be the worst mistake of my life because of how important EVERYTHING seems now. It's not that they want to be perfect just because they are self-involved or anything like that, they want to be perfect because they want a better world, and feel like they need to change everything around them to become that better world as soon as possible. That's a lot of responsibility to place on your own shoulders, though, and an impossible task for one person to achieve. Everyone is imperfect, flawed, and vulnerable. Everyone. Not admitting to it is negating your own humanity, which is deeply unhealthy.
yeah, i'm an older millennial, and i can confirm that a lot of us are either almost proud of being losers and fucked up, or almost embarassed by their success and develop impostor syndrome. so we constantly shit on ourselves, like our parents did when we were young and didn't meet their standards. and we constantly talking about going to therapy, but only a few actually do it. getting therapy is like the millennial dream.
Another reason is lack of patience. Increasingly people are expecting to be compatible in every way from the moment you meet (or within a few conversations) or the person is ghosted
That is usually someone inexperienced in relationships, not dating, and immature emotionally tbh because genuine compatibility takes 3-5 dates to determine once you get past the initial chemistry of a first date.
Exactly! People just want instant gratification and finding love doesn’t work that way. Sometimes you have to be let down many times before you find the one.
Yeees, so many people want everything fast. I am really slow with trusting people. I like comparing things to other so I will write a short story of my life. At the university I met 2 girls: let's call them K and D. After 2 years with K I can genuinely say, that she is really good friend with whom I can talk about good and bad things, who care about our frienship. Then we have D who study and work and she only talks about work and new and new potential boyfriends. Now I am ignoring her, because she never listen to me. When she was talking, I listened, but when I was talking she was watching tiktok... So now imagine they were boys. It would took me 1,5 to 2 years to be sure I trust a person and there are boys who want sex after months if not less. I am not planing to be in a relationship where someone wants everything so fast. We have so many years, why ppl rush?
Wrong For women : they just search for the next best man available and drop the previous one For men : they are aware of the above situation and don't tolerate flakiness. If she wants to she would.
i agree with all your points, i just want to add something i recently realised (as 20 year old who's never dated) : not all of our overthinking and fear of being imperfect is just in our head. i have met many people, from different nationalities and i can tell you: not everyone is nice. most people (gen z) are extremely judgemental. there is no way getting around them except owing your truth and being who you are, i'm just pointing out that it's hard to date nowadays because of the expectations SOCIETY makes us put on ourselves.
Tbf I think also if gen z is more judgemental than others, it’s because people just are more judgemental at that age/environment. I’m a geriatric gen z (born 1998) and when i was in my teens and early twenties, everyone was a lot more judgy of each other yes, because the environments you’re in (school especially but also uni) are hyper about conforming, looking a certain way, trying to fit in. Now i’m in my mid twenties people chill out a bit and become less judgy of each other because u get older and you’re not in an absolutely savage school environment any more
I'm a millennial and I work with some Gen Zers who are super cool, but if you asked me by age group who are the most judgmental people it would be Gen Z and Boomers by far. Everyone else is just super chill. It's actually hilarious how much the young and old dudes hate each other because they're so similar. I'll say Boomers are waaaay more sensitive than Gen Z though and their complaints are all projection.
I think it’s about time to adapt to being awkward because since social media ruin most of our emotions, we shouldn’t have high expectations of behavior.
That's one thing I never understood growing up, being uncomfortable with being awkward. Personally, I always found it adorable in others! And that's a positive emotion, I'd like to be seen as adorable, so therefore awkward not bad. I will say though, I'm not an anxious person and was seen as very weird for not always worrying about how I was perceived. Like I'm conscious of how people will perceive certain actions, but doing things differently doesn't mean I'm doing them wrong. Fortunately people like friendly optimistic folks so things like awkward silences stop being awkward cuz they come to accept that I don't care and just wanna vibe. And everyone needs that friend who'll tell the waiter that they brought the wrong order without combusting from the experience apparently lol
@@sprigganpanda now if I could only meet someone my age which is almost in my 50s, who felt the same way about my awkward moments (all 49 years of it?) 🤞🏻 definitely have had moments where I appreciate bashful awkwardness in others and that kind of humanity/vulnerability is appealing within reason to me. I remember interviewing for a job which I did get but not that interview or they called me back for a second one ha ha ha ha ha ha it was when I first got out of college to be a counselor and, there is a question about how I usually behave or react internally when Some or someone pushes me out of“my comfort zone”. I was completely honest with no filter on my mouth and answered “ I can kill with adversity or sudden changes in environment. I’m not easily vexed in fact, General unused, and a state of discomfort is my comfort zone. If things are going too smoothly, I’d probably think it was the apocalypse and we were all gonna die.” Oh no, how did I ever manage to get hired? I don’t know. I wonder what the other candidates for the position say that was worse than my candor?😂
I can only imagine, but not actually know firsthand what it must be like for people that are in their early 20s and younger because of the social media because of the technology and because of the pandemic and consequential quarantine lockdowns, etc. virtual is virtual that work from homeschool from home. It’s very inorganic and there’s no substitute for being able to read a room because you’re literally in the room not on zoom or texting through it, etc. so it unfair because those are two very big strikes against younger people, the whole culture stay Wade arms length and just being tethered to this little handset of Snapchat and Instagram and Tinder and grinder too many possible paths to worry about taking not taking, etc.. It’s really a paradox of choice and I wish for the sake of my younger kids and, their friends and such that it wasn’t quite so spectacularly rigged to fuel self-consciousness and isolation. The human brain is not even completely mature until around age 25 and goofy awkward, uncertain, but sweetness should belong to those who are born those last years of the other century or after it. The world should be your oyster. Everything just got glitched and weird social media, the Internet and general and the lockdown.
to answer their questions at 21:24 , I'm 26 and never been on a date, never kissed, never been in a relationship. By the end of HS I noticed that the time had passed and nobody had ever approached me, nor did I ever find anyone attractive to even bother with. I thought "I don't feel anything for anyone here bc I've known a lot of them for most of my life and that would be weird. Things will be different in college. I'll at least find someone attractive" (Also kind of resigned myself to the "It will never happen to me" mentality by this point and was so used to doing things alone that it didn't bother me) Went to college and it was not any different. Made a lot of friends and had fun, but again, was not approached by anyone nor was there anyone I wanted to approach. Graduated literally a few months into pandemic lockdowns so who tf was going to be doing anything at that point?? But post grad I did come to the epiphany that I am asexual; I don't experience sexual attraction (and maybe romantic but I'm not sure), looks alone don't do it for me and never will. And currently I'm ok not being in a relationship but I do want to be in one at some point. But most people are expecting sex as part of a relationship and that doesn't interest me🙃
I also feel like people self manipulate themselves into loneliness. "Oh they must already have a partner, oh I'm probably not their type, oh I'm not good enough for them, oh they're in a different league" when you haven't even MET that person yet. Don't assume someones already taken because they're attractive, you might be the only one looking their way. Don't assume they're out of your league when you haven't seen them vulnerable, they're probably just putting on a facade. Don't assume that you're not good enough for when you haven't seen them at their worst, they might be faking their confidence. In conclusion, we're all just human and more similar than we think. You're not the only one thinking low of yourself, you're not the only one feeling lonely. The person you think so highly of is most likely struggling just like you. Stop assuming and ruining your chances, you never know until you've tried it. The worst that can happen is being rejected, but at the same time gaining knowledge about that person that would never have if you didn't ask them. Go for it
i love how this video is supposed to be about why gen z is undateable, but turned into a video about how everyone is on their own timeline and not rushing ourselves into potential misfortunes. 💚 as someone who has had many relationships and a lot of regrets surrounding some of them, i encourage people to take their time and really understand what they want.
I also think that the sexual expectations in dating culture these days make people who have never been in a relationship really nervous. I have lots of friends who get attention and asked on dates, but when the man realizes how long it might be before there is sex involved, they peace out. I feel like it’s harder to find people who want to establish a committed relationship before a sexual one.
A lot of guys feel that way because most of the time if a girl is really interested in a guy the situation will get sexual. Plenty of dudes get used for free food and experiences.
@@dopyday402That’s only said by loser men. Don’t be dating if you can’t afford to, or go on cheaper dates. Most women will happily pay for themselves because of loser thinking like this. Street walkers start at $50/hr, cheaper ones have diseases so good luck!
@@dopyday402 i feel like if you have good discernment you can tell when someone is using you vs when they're actually interested but want to take things slow
@@tm02-s03 you might think that, but sadly, that's just not true for a lot of guys & in a lot of situations. So it's just faster, safer, and cheaper to just move on to find someone else who's more comfortable with their own body. Sometimes you gotta examine yourself and ask: am I making a "preference" choice or am I acting this way because I don't want to confront my own personal issues in order to grow into a person more people would find attractive?
I'm now 24 and I've desired a boyfriend for my whole life. Teenagers around me managed to get someone at 13 already but i cannot imagine my old 13 (or even 20yo self) having a boyfriend. Good for them that they were ready for that, apparently, but i wasn't and maybe I still am not ready. I do wish to love someone and be loved by this person tho, don't let be fooled by the idea that even if you do love yourself you won't still want to be loved by someone else lol
I’m a guy who feels the same. I was never even able to see myself with anybody even casually up until like 17, and not in a relationship until around 21. I think there’s never a right time to do anything though, we should just do it. I look back with a bit of regret for just not being a more daring person when it comes to my social life and whatnot. Don’t get me wrong though, I still think those people who’ve had several relationships already and started young is not good or healthy.
I don’t like the “just love yourself” message. I believe almost everyone would be happier with a good spouse. Also, self love can never replace the love and life you get from spending your life with someone else. Are you gonna marry yourself, have kids with yourself, take yourself out on dates, console yourself when you’re down, hug yourself, kiss yourself? None of that sounds fulfilling and starts to border on crazy
There is no such thing as “ready”. I’m past my prime time to get a girlfriend when I was 16-18. I just had to accept that I’m late to it, I’m 23. If you want one, go out for one, if you don’t want one, stay single
The “perfect” person for you might live in another country and you may never cross paths. Waiting for the “perfect” person to come along makes no sense and waiting for yourself to become “perfect” also makes no sense. The beauty of a great relationship is you both seek to make each other happy and make life easier for each other, regardless of the fact you both have flaws and have had bad moments. You’re a team and can count on each other to shoulder the struggles of life together. But if all you focus on while dating is perfection, you’ll miss out on developing these relationships.
That is definitely true, but in an era of instant gratification coupled with possible unresolved trauma and unrealistic expectations, that requires a lot of emotional maturity and intelligence many do not seem to possess.
There's probably some truth to that. I won't argue that you're wrong. I will say my caveat though: I gotta bring something, and a whole lot of it, to make up for my many stat debuffs, mental, physical and emotional. Why would anyone else choose to deal with it if they didn't have to?
@@thegrimharvest well depending on your debuffs, they may find other things about you worthwhile enough to date you. I will note that of course in practice, someone may not take the time to get to know you are awesome if some shallow characteristics of you make them skip over you; that is unfortunately a part of life, everyone has little biases that might lead to avoiding certain people. This is why you should still strive to make the best version of yourself to help you and any potential partners out. But after people give you a chance, what you consider to be great flaws may not always be seen as much of a flaw to the right person.
@SchittStane-c4tExcerise was always great at clearing out my skin! Assuming that I rinsed my face with water afterwards. Leaving the sweat all day and waiting till I got home just made my hairline breakout (like when I had gym in the morning at school), but my body I could just wait till I got home to shower and it'd be fine. If I had to pick one I'd pick skincare but combining that with excerise really made my skin glow. Also bonus, you can do so much more with a strong body! It sucks to get into it but it really has so many benefits.
Hey man, I’ve been there and honestly still am. It’s not a bad idea to work to to try and feel better about yourself but also that isn’t the only way to do things or maybe what you should do. I did end up going to the gym and still am and I am feeling better about myself but the real thing is that I worked on loving myself BEFORE dating someone. Using someone else to validate or make you feel better about yourself can be a very bad idea and end up making things even worse. Take your time and figure yourself out. No one knows you better than you and take everything at your own speed and date when you feel ready. Remember, how can you love someone else if you don’t even love yourself. Take it easy and I wish you good luck ❤️
Hey man idk if you’ll ever see this but I am also someone who is not attractive who has mad anxiety (both due to a bunch of medical stuff as a child). Just last year I felt like I would be alone forever but now I have the most caring, funny, and cutest boyfriend ever who I genuinely hope I get to grow old with. It may take a long time but there is someone out there for everyone, it just might take some longer than others to find them. One thing to keep in mind is that there is no time limit. It’s ok if you find love well into your 30s, 40s, 50s, or above. You don’t HAVE to find your person in your teens or your 20s, media has lied to you. Your person is out there and you will find them one day. ❤
@@PenguinFairy13 unfortunantely im too old to believe in fairy tales. but thank you for the encouragement XD. unlikely anybody will want to date me. i see how people react when I walk into a room. I'm single for life
hey, some people r into that 🤷♀️ really tho, if ur not already then you should work on both managing your anxiety and changing ur mindset. nobody's going to want to be around someone who is constantly negative. im not saying dont be realistic or dont plan, just dont be so sour! 😅 oh, and also, its hard for people to become interested in someome they dont recognize easily. maybe you should start fully committing to a fashion sense you like or start wearing your hair in a style that makes you feel good. (trust me, fashion and hair really REALLY make a difference. find what you feel comfortable in and what makes you look pretty! be sure 2 experiment) oh, and dont be afraid to completely fuck something up when it comes to relationships. it gives you insight on what to look for in relationships in the future! im not gonna say ure guaranteed to find someone if u follow this cuz then id be lying, but this might help :P
I've been feeling really depressed about dating/being lonely and I feel like this video really brought me up. i've been worrying too much about finding someone when i should focus on myself and wait for the right person to come whether its 1 month or 10 years from now. If anything I should try getting more friends instead to fill the void. the real glow up is putting the puzzle together about what makes you, you
When people say love yourself first it removes the concept that we learn about love from watching how people love others and then how we love people. Its probably closer to the last step to learn self love. Its far easier to love others and really sit with how it feels and what the absence of it feels like so that you can better identify what it feels like when you are being mistreated and unloved
Finally someone said it! I have no idea how tf to get into a relationship in the first place. I dont know how open I can be because when I have before its either made people uncomfortable or they just simply lost interest. But when I clam up the relationship goes nowhere. Im also not the most attractive person so that doesnt help. Yeah society is pooped
Honestly its going to take a lot of shuffling to find the right person. Both of you have to have the motivation to improve for each other or the relationship ends in flames. It hurts but most people aren’t ready and get scared, you have to let them go and take the loss and keep going the way you are. Also, get feedback from your friends? Its easier to know what to do in a relationship when you have some objective viewpoints. Like i would be in a relationship thinking im the crazy one, my friends would step in give their two cents and I wouldn’t break up with them I would go to them with my concerns and usually at that point they break up with me because i “don’t really love them” Bad things WILL happen it’s inevitable, dont see them as your own personal failures see them as opportunities to improve.
I’m 26 and I’ve never had an actual boyfriend. I did have my first kiss at the very end of last year, but he ended up really just wanting sex and had a thing for body shaming me. But no serious relationships. I hadn’t even dated before last year when I was 24. Now that I’ve actually felt what it’s like to actually snuggle up with someone even if it was brief and came with a lot of criticism, it makes my singleness hurt even more than it ever did before.
This makes me very nervous about dating. I'm 25 and never dated, never been in a relationship or even been kissed, and the thought of having that kind of intimacy with someone then being single again at this point kinda scares me. It's not as bad when I don't even know what I'm missing. If I experience something like that, then become single again, it might crush me tbh.
@@RonniV2 exactly! It’s very real. Having just a taste of something great and then having it be ripped away like you’re supposed to just be able to go back to being alone. It’s gut wrenching tbh. I can’t tell you otherwise with my own experience. Even having someone to cuddle up to and get that serotonin boost when you’ve always been depressed from touch starvation and then somehow go back to being all by yourself. I wish I had words of encouragement :(
I’ll tell you an advice based on what i know on that, if you want to have a serious relationship, pick someone who want stability in life, people in their 20’s especially men tend to focus on trying to be successful and just have a relationship here and there, try opening up your age limit instead like check on the 30’s men some of them already achieved what they wanted but they lost the stability they wanted
@@nabi7878 Sadly my first kind of relationship was with a guy in his mid-30’s and he was just as clueless as me (a decade younger). I suppose it depends on the guy really.
I'm a Gen X'er, and didn't get into any kind of relationship, until I was 40. I don't know if it's a "generation" problem. It's not a big deal if someone is in their 20's, and doesn't have somebody.
It is a big deal. Is depressing to see other people with partners, marriages and starting a family, while you just become an infertile woman with every period that comes. Do you understand how hard it is to start a family at 40, specially for women?
moon66487 I firmly agree. I don’t mean to rub it in your face but I’m very glad I got married “young” I’m 26 and she’s 25, we got married last year. We’re trying for a baby but are struggling with infertility. Thankfully we still have some time to figure out what’s going on. I think this whole culture of “there’s no rush, make sure everything in your life is perfect before marriage” is not good and results in people not focusing on what they want when they’re younger. There is no free period in life. Not taking dating seriously in your 20s will affect you in the long run. I wish you all the best and I appreciate your perspective
@@awsambdaman thanks. I don't want to be rude or anything, but saw a couple of tips on insta, about certain things that can cause infertility. Things like pads from big brands, can cause some problems such as pocs, infertility and such, maybe she can switch to organic pads and that can help. I wish this was Ig to tag you on a video with a woman that gives more tips about the subject. Praying for you to have a baby soon🙏
@@moon66487no. It's a big deal to _you_ . Not all women want what you want girlie. This gen xer is right, some people need to chill tf out and dont need this hysteria as it will make them feel like shit, like they're doing something wrong. what's funny is how when you stop trying it all comes your way. Being this desperate is repulsive.
Mental health is important to note! A rise in mental health diagnosis’s among the youth (and individuals struggling to cope or find solutions) is resulting in individuals taking themselves out of the dating space. Or dating later in life once they’ve locked down a “cure”. Yes, one can’t let life pass them by in their attempt to be healed, but how successful can a relationship be if one is not in the proper headspace? Many didn’t date in their youth due to that.
I am 27 and just entered my first relationship after over a decade of being single. We've been having so much fun getting to know each other, going out on cute dates, staying in and having movie nights, chatting about life, and we both feel so comfortable being in each other's company even just sitting in silence. I'm honestly glad I waited because I'm in such a better place in my life in terms of mental/physical health and financial stability than I had been. I feel like now that I have all of that sorted out, I actually have the room to welcome someone else in my life in a healthy way.
It also really doesn’t help when you have that friend who keeps telling you “how come no one is dating you?” Or “I can’t believe someone as great as you is still single” Oh, idk. Maybe it’s because I haven’t met someone I have some feelings for. Or that on the rarest times I do, the feelings are not reciprocated. Even in a flattering tone, this kind of comment sometimes brings more hurt than good.
I'm about to turn 28 this year and I've been single for 5 years. I've had terrible experiences with relationships because I got treated like a dog on a leash by some of my past girlfriends when I was 18-21 years old. I couldn't talk to anybody, I couldn't do this and that. There was one woman who treated me well in the relationship, but we didn't last together because I had to move to another province. That woman made me realize that if I ever look for a woman in a relationship, she needs to be someone like her. I think everyone wants to be in a relationship, but many can't maintain relationships. Some treat their partners like they're not human and put their fantasy expectations on their partner then think about a breakup when those fantasies don't occur.
I pick partners based on how I pick friends. If a romantic partner isn’t measuring up to the same level of respect, trust, loyalty, and love of the friends in my life, then it’s a sign to start raising your dating standards to level of your friendship standards & vice versa if you pick shitty friends but great romantic partners. This is how you weed out the people who are going to be headaches in human form.
As a gen z I think it is so difficult to connect with people, we are so into our own world that the time simply pass. I have very high expectations about my 'perfect partner' and I believe that's why I push people away without even realize it. Like you said we are so tense about this topic. We should stop stressing out and try to open up more!
27 year old man here, whenever I try to talk to women, they single sentence response and shrug. No attempt at conversation, no return question, nothing. Blank wall. How do I talk to you?
man ignore these blackpillers. if you talk to women and they aren’t interested it could be of various reasons. i would first try to max out your physical appearance (changings cloathes, fix your hair, skin, teeth, bodysmell,…) and then try to talk to women without trying to gain something. set the goals very low like just approach a girl and start a convo. then this amount of rejections. then to fix a date. it’s not much of how you look but rather what comes out of your mouth and how you say it.
I'm gen Z, 2004 girlie....and I never had a crush on real life person. Cartoons, books, movies- I can count at least few fictional characters that I had small crush on. But it never worked in real life. I must admit that because of intense bullying in school years I had awfull trust issues and I was in general really antisocial. But then 7'th grade was a 180° turn in my social life. I started making friends and I was finally recovering from depression. I'm 19 now, never had a crush, never been on date, never had a boyfriend, nothing. And it's not like I don't want a boyfriend. I'm not desperate either, but it would be fun to be in relationship. But whenether I try to imagine myself being with someone it's just a big dark BLANK. I feel like I can't fall in love or feel atracted to other people, never. There was one guy in school that liked me, but I didn't feel anything towards him because we barely knew each other. I'm starting college soon. I'll try my forces in dating, but I'm anxious that I won't feel anything to anyone, LIKE COMPLETE NOTHING
i was just like you when i was 19! like, to the point it's a little eerie lol. but anyway, when i was 20 i met someone at work who i instantly felt some way about. it wasn't butterflies, nor sparks... it was curiosity and a gut feeling that i could trust him, so i agreed to go on my first date ever with him. 2 years later we're still together! relax, live your life and good things will come
Wow I heavily relate to this I'm a guy and I feel perfectly fine not being in a relationship. It almost feels like I don't know what to do if I am put in a situation like that. I simply like playing cupid for others but it feels weird to see myself in that position of being together with someone I always prefer chill laid back friendships with no pressure. The idea of relationships make me feel very smothered. I am keeping an open mind though, but I do not feel incomplete not do I feel a lack of something.
You might be aromatic, its a sexuality on a scale, its either impossible for you to find romantic attraction or you struggle in some way. Its not a bad thing and you dont NEED another person (romantically) to be happy. Usually people come out as asexual or aromatic later in life, because they are told constantly “oh its just not right”. But it not being “just right” can also mean you are aromatic. If there are a LOT of subconscious requirements that all have to be checked off before you like someone that is also asexuality/aromaticisim.
Hey, what you're describing sounds like a pretty common aromantic experience. I would look into it if I were you, and if you have any questions for me (an aromantic and asexual person) I would be happy to help you! I hope this helps /gen
I haven’t been in a relationship by 24 till I met my boyfriend, who had gone through the same thing, and the reason for both of us, as well as probably our siblings (also pretty inexperienced) is the same: child emotional neglect. That thing absolutely obliterates your drive to date, you don’t know the pure love because you never experienced it, you feel worthless and are on defence when it comes to other people, making dating very difficult, because not only you feel like you’re never gonna succeed and get the love you want deep down, but also you never want to try. Because people in your life that are supposed to love you didn’t, so why would anyone else? And when you start the relationship, you become really clingy, so you also gotta find a person who will take that for a while. And a lot of kids from gen Z were emotionally neglected by busy parents, going to work for long hours
That woman is so right, that waiting for the right person and loving yourself first and working on the best version of yourself doesn't make any of us behind in life. I'm in the working on myself stage these days in life, have been working on myself for nearly a decade now and there are days I'm not sure who I'll end up with or who I'll meet in the future. I feel lonely a lot of the time, but I have to remind myself that the right man will come along. Sometimes I'll read about these people in their 40s getting married and think, oh good. There's still hope for me to find love.
@@somegrill7561 Who said anything about waiting until I'm perfectly ready? Shouldn't the whole idea of a relationship be to meet someone you can build with?
Just be awkward, it’s a lot of fun, and call your awkwardness out. It’s a good laugh and makes you seem kind and don’t take things seriously. And it’s a good laugh. Both party’s start embracing the awkward and humor of the situations.
I'm 23 and I've had a couple of tiny flings, never had sex. I'm very intuitive with people i meet and have a good vibe-reader. I have kissed like 3 dudes, but none of them were really there for me. My first boyfriend was in HS and he was so genuine and humble until he got popular and basically left me on the back-burner. The second one was just a flirt that acted like i was important only because he wanted 1 thing... The third was the closest i had to a real relationship but he got so busy and he needed to develop love for himself before he could love another, so that one just faded out because he couldn't be there for me either. Idk what the answer is but from my experience people just kinda suck. I've had plenty of opportunities but the people in question just had bad vibes or were emotionally unable to be there for someone else. I think it's immaturity in other people my age tbh.
Same age as you, i can relate to this- some people just give off bad vibes to us because were listening to our gut and many people cant or wont and so they rush into things. Itll happen when it happens ❤
The common throughput for all of these issues is PASSIVENESS AND COMPLACENCY. "I don't think you have to love yourself before others can love you" >Loving yourself = hard/requires effort >Being loved = passive "The ick" >Loving an absolutely perfect person with no flaws = passive/easy > Getting to know someone and loving them DESPITE their flaws = hard "I need to be perfect first" > Not having any flaws and therefore having no reason to be self consciou = easy/passive > Advocating for yourself and your desire for love and affection, despite your flaws and insecurities = hard Hookup culture = easy Getting into a healthy relationship with good communication = hard Not catching feelings = easy Talking about your feelings = hard. Listen to a woman talk about her relationship woes, and she'll basically complain that the perfect guy hasn't just fallen into her lap yet. And men are basically socially prohibited from pursuing women. That's how we got here. The women are passive and picky. And the men can't do anything without being a creep.
So many great points! Something I’d like to add is how much my partner and I have changed over the last ten years, both individually and as a couple. Illness, education, beliefs, careers, chronic pain, weight gain, hair loss, wrinkles, parenting, jfc everything will fucking change. More changes yet to come that I can’t possibly imagine or prepare for. When you meet someone you trust and feel comfortable around, build the love from there, everything else will change.
I use to think that I had to get into a relationship quickly! But there’s no rush to get into a relationship or achieve a life milestone. We’re all on our own path in life. I’m 27 now and I got my 1st relationship at 26 which I’m currently happy in
Personally I also think many isolate themselves and never go out to meet new people. I'm like that too but i don't mind because I'm a nursing student and after a day of work at the hospital all I wanna do is relax at home. I meet new people like colleagues or other students all the time. I've seen way too many ppl in our gen saying they are afraid of meeting new people. We need to push ourselves out of our comfort zones sometimes.
lack of third spaces, not to mention, men have been told thousands of times to NOT approach a woman in public. That we are harassing them by doing so. And they wonder why men dont approach. Good riddance
Honestly really invested in this video. You offered a lot of concise, interesting, and new advice that I feel like our generation just doesn't hear nowadays. Unfortunately it seems like the only options are to hook up a lot, or just be lonely...the normal idea of dating is quickly becoming abnormal. Anyway, I really enjoyed and subscribed, I love your style of content. Crediting creators, commentary that isn't meaningless, actual takeaways that I can think about after the video, as well as a quick outro lol
Point of clarity for 18:55. You DON'T have to love yourself before others can love you. But you DO have to love yourself before you're ready/able to truly love someone else back.
WOMEN CAN ASK MEN ON DATES! Why do so many people not realize this lol Alternatively, you can ask the guy you like to ask you on a proper date if he asks to hangout or whatever* you’d be surprised at how many guys will listen to your request lol
I'm 24 and married. Moved to Poland for work. My wife age 26, was crazy about me until she finally came up to me. We would see each other in passing until she asked me to go to dinner with her! After that, she would more less kinda follow me around lol. Until one day about at three and I was so tired. And she asked if I loved anyone and want to get married. And I said, tired and delirious "I think I love you". Now we're married. Got me tired, delirious, slightly tipsy off wine...and married. She's a damned genius
@@xpmedia8660 lol I did nearly the same to my fiancée 😂 asked him out, after running into him by chance at a bar. -Then I ran into him by chance the day we were supposed to go on a first date (we both white-lied and said we were still on our way back from work) and I happened to be walking behind him lol so I tapped him on the shoulder and started our date early. Then after a year he proposed after being lightly urged by our moms and me after the pandemic😅 but we’re very much in love still after almost 5yrs and I don’t regret a thing! ❤️ happy for you and your relationship ! Edit: I’m 30 but when we can take on kids then I’ll actually get around to planning a small wedding lol
@SchittStane-c4t right! Thanks for validating lol some of my friends are still going about dating wrong, at 30… too many stories to say in the comments section but, I simply don’t understand why women think we need to pretend to have the ego levels of testosterone-filled men lol that’s not how to gain anyone’s respect…
I don't have social media. 22 yrs old and never had a serious date. Still in college and moving quite slowly. Not insecure but i am so intimidated of going to meet a man when all this manosphere stuff is going around. It's very scary and i struggle to emote generally. I'm very monotone and i have a dry sense of humor. It's something people have to get used to or else i just sound completely uninterested. I can't change the way i speak. I don't trust people to make the effort to stay around while they get used to that enough to start getting past that.
You said you don’t have social media but you somehow know what “manosphere” is? If you can’t change the way you act like opening yourself up and being more expressive than its gonna be impossible for you. Learn to adapt.
I can confirm that, for the longest time I've had this "I'll date once I figure my whole life out" because I don't want to burden someone else with my problems and want to be fully present for them when the time comes.
Acting like you too young to commit is one of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships, It doesn’t matter how old you are it matters that you really do like the person you are with, instead of wasting time with people you don’t even like that much for cheap thrills or convenience. When it comes to having real values you should start young! Or you’ll regret it in the future 😢
Sorry - but the people in this video seem broken. Almost robotic. Self-obsessed, materialistic and narcissistic. These qualities are in direct opposition to love. Love is about taking a chance - sharing - loving others - not yourself. You all talk funny - using so many strange and almost mechanical key-words like "better self". It's sad because I don't believe it's your fault. Social media is largely to blame. This is the downside to the internet. You will find "love" (or what you perceive to be love) - but it will be a hollow and shallow experience. Real life experiences will be replaced with insta-pics in an album that nobody will even look at (they are all too busy creating their own "realities"). By the time you realize - it will be too late. There is an escape though - all you have to do - is unplug.
This is it!!!! I completely deleted my social media when I was 19, mostly because I didn't feel as though I was gaining anything from it. I met my husband at 18 and we've been together for 6 years. He's the same age as me and some of the things that have made our relationship last long are very very simple. As partners we simply ask ourselves, "what's at least one thing I can do today, that will make my partner's day a little easier/better?" And we do that everyday. It's not these GRAND displays of love and adoration, it's simply "seeing" the other person and choosing to do something right by them. We're both awkward, and we both have extremely different personalities- but because we choose to be patient with each other and really stay open about communicating our feelings, it's not hard to see why 6 years feels like it's gone by so fast! Relationships are not hard if you're willing to put in a little care and consideration into someone else DESPITE their initial flaws.
@@julisakyani6306Bingo. Relationships are lived experiences. They are not puzzles to be solved or checklists to be filled. Keep on doing your thing. You’re doing it right.
People need to realize dating is an uphill battle and shit will get hard and your person will become unbearable at times, but that's when the relationship starts. Your flaws is what makes you, YOU. Infidelity isn't a flaw, it's a conscious decision. Dating is about finding a way to offset your flaws with other qualities. No one is perfect and never will be.
Your discussion about learning to love yourself first vs. loving someone else is an important one, as I think the age of social media has made self-criticism and self-loathing all the more accessible, as you yourself explained in your video. Something important on my journey towards loving myself was recognizing the way I am able to give love to others, both in vulnerable, close relationships and in more surface-level connections. Seeing the love I was able to give to others clearly helped me see my own self as a person worthy of that self-love... so I fully empathize with this contradiction! For a long time I was staunchly in the camp that I needed to love myself first before love would come along. What I think opened me up to experiencing deeper love, both platonic and romantic, was the DESIRE to love myself (even if I hadn't quite gotten there yet). My mindset shifted to see myself as someone I ought to care for just as much as I did for others around me, and to direct compassion towards rather than criticism. I think this helped foster a sense of self-respect that was incredibly important before being truly vulnerable with others, because I also needed to know when to walk away even from a close friendship I'd developed if that person wasn't showing me the respect I know I deserve. This can be such a "chicken or the egg" dilemma that I find interesting to think about, so thank you for sharing about it in your video!
26 F… literally never been in a relationship. Sometimes I think that I’m the common denominator… I always felt like since all I had was heartbreak and rejections I was undeserving of love. I always felt like I should have been fake in high school, I should have followed the norms I should have never been myself. Maybe then I would have had a boyfriend. I saw it work with my sister. I shouldn’t have told the truth.. I shouldn’t have worn my personality as a badge of honor. If it got me 26 and loveless it’s a badge of dishonor. It really hurts knowing that I could potentially be alone forever. It’s nice to see I’m not the only one who’s lonely…
I mean... it depends on what your goal is. If your goal is tocjust date more, presenting a more appealing version of yourself is the logical best practice. If your goal is to get with someone who likes you, right off the bat, then you may just have to accept waiting a bit. It might do you good to change where you're searching, too.
The 'me me me' social media style direction so many people in gen z pursue not realize this makes them lose opportunities I met my husband and had to ask him out AFTER finding another job (to avoid conflict of interest situation) and have been together for 7 years.
im 17 years old, last year i was in a long distance relationship for a few months, sometimes i question whether like it was really a "relationship" however when it ended it really affected how i felt about myself and like my self confidence, it also doesn't help that this girl still stalks my instagram stories despite having a new boyfriend (and has had multiple after me), for times i felt like i was unlovable and completely undeserving, which sucked, recently i started to feel like maybe i possibly know my worth, but stuff like love life makes me question future, not to a point where i don't feel worthy or like it creates a war in my mind, but it pops up occasionally, i used to really question "am i good enough?" "am i good looking enough?" and whatever, but man all i really want is to be loved by someone.
I’m 23 and have been single my whole life. I was terrible about crushing on girls I barely knew and struggling to get to know them because they made me nervous. Somewhere along the way, a girl developed a crush for me. It was really obvious, but I barely knew her and thought I wouldn’t like her. Eventually, she asked me out. At first, I wanted to say no. But then I thought back on all the mistakes I’ve made and decided to give her a chance. Turns out, we have a lot in common. I’m looking forward to getting to know her more.
I've been fat my whole life (even when I wasn't, I still had a curvy figure) and I grew up around skinny, light or white girls/women. Demographic plays a huge role bc I was basically invisible in those circles but I got a steady flow of men when I was around other POC. Demographics will have you convinced you're ugly. I'm 26 and I've never been in a relationship (dated plenty). I'm from a small rural town so pickings have always been slim. I feel like my dating pool would be much larger if I lived in a more populated area bc whenever I visit the city, I get so much attention.
This is so real thanks for pointing it out!! Demographics is important in so many ways- you literally may just not be around the type of people who would love you yet lol
I'm 21, and I have never had a boyfriend, girlfriend, or romantic partner. I'm also autistic and it is hard for me to express my feelings and have gotten rejected by or had people not understand that I was asking them out or had people get mad at me for taking forever to repsond because I was taking my time to think of a proper response to their text. For me, it's because I'm autistic, plus I discovered as a late teen/young adult that I prefer to date women or nonbinary people as opposed to dating men.
Im 22, i've dated my age and older and GOD do women treat me terribly, i've checked out. I dont wanna do it anymore. Im the romantic type, gifting flowers and all that and its never enough for them, i've dated different women of race, creed, skin colour, culture, ect and they're all acting the same, mentally or even physically abusive and nothing is ever enough, it really hurts cuz all i want is to give love but im never given it back. Hell the first time i got a gift from a partner i cried and guess what... she broke up with me a week later.
I feel sorry for you. I actually am the same way but my problem is that I don't open up in the end. There was a girl I wanted to gift flowers to for birthday but I didn't do it bc I was scared xD Now I moved away and our ways are far apart. Maybe I'll see her again and get a grip
It feels like you can only hear “self love” so many times before it sounds repetitive. Being 32 and still on the whole “Self Love til you find someone” path. The door feels like it’s constantly narrowing and it gets harder to keep hope that someone will come along. As a response to this, it becomes so much easier to accept the reality that life really might be just you alone until the end. No matter how hard you try to improve and do better/ connect and try to keep ppl involved and around in your life. The advice to focus on yourself until you’re in a better place is good but after years of practicing it and not making any progress on having anyone interested, the lone wolf mentality truly starts to take place and becomes the mindset to keep a lonely mind still standing on this Earth. Gen Z is still young so there is hope, but there is also needs to be a reality that is recognized that even if nobody loves you, there is the possibility that you will be alone for the rest of your life, and being mentally strong and realizing this sooner rather than later, can be a key concept to grasp.
Y’all keep following all this toxic videos on tik tok or RUclips about how to date and manipulate men. Pretty much how to play games 101 instead of being yourself. And then you wonder why this generation can’t date. Add that in with the terrible attention spans, there ya go ✨
Men....literally do the same. Have you seen the recent waves of incels, Alphas and Sigmas who use the loverboy method? Lets not push everything on women.
@@peachwhite-333incels cannot manipulate women otherwise they won't be incels, they just hate on male improvement because they believe everything is hopeless and predetermined. Alphas by definition would not need to be loverboys however are encouraged to sleep around because girls who just want to party turn 20 every single day, they can just keep going. Sigma's however is a problem I agree because most guys would fit into that category of males who relate to that content. They consume the most toxic content that has real world harms in relationships because they've been scorned in the past or secretly want to be alphas. Incels just don't have that impact, they're ignored in the real world.
I agree with a lot of your points. I think the biggest one for me is the over strategizing and maximization of what you can get out of someone in a relationship. That makes it seem harder to date fr. I will say though it’s a catch 22, because our generation isn’t like this for no reason either, people are just hyper aware and sensitive of being hurt and there’s an overall overcorrection. I think the main thing is finding someone that’s committed to personal growth and growing with you and you’ll be okay because like you said, perfection doesn’t exist.
21 year old Gen Z male here. I’ve never had a girlfriend and still have my V-card. Never done anything with anyone. I’m relatively good looking but I really do feel like I’m going to be alone until I die. I feel like the time to find someone and start a family is running out. While that worries/scares me, I feel that it’s a fact that I’m going to need to accept. Period.
Bro you're 21 not 41. Chill a little, you got plenty of time. Focus on meeting people in real life. Do fun stuff where you're likely to meet people and strike up a conversation or friendship first
@@barbaraw1245 I know personally that this doesn't work. I can make women friends very easilly. They're just never interested in anything more. Legit had one girl tell me "I was interested, but then we became friends." I don't know how to flirt, I was never taught and no one has ever flirted with me so idk how to even do it or what it looks like.
To some dudes in the comments, please stop assuming that being a woman guarantees you dates. It is not true. It is also hurtful to hear people saying this all the time, when my life has been me (a woman) always having to make the first move and constantly being rejected. It makes me feel like I am inherently broken, because women are supposed to always get dates right??? No.
I think the most important reason you talked about is refusal to open up and refusal to get hurt. I'm 22, have never been in a relationship and don't plan to. Like, I'm leaving room for something completely unexpected, but under "normal" circumstances just no. And I don't relate to anything in the video except for refusing to open up. I'm content with who I am, I believe I'm quite likeable from both appearance and personality point of view (at least the personality that I present to others). But I just don't want to open up. I feel like I really need to admire a person in order to accept the possibility of getting hurt by them. And the standards for that are very high and very specific. Otherwise I'd rather stay single.
As a 36yo millenial who has had all of 1 relationship (and LD at that)... yeah, literally all of this is why I have (basically) never dated. Like, all through my 20s, it was because I had depression, and I told myself that I didn't want to put that on another person by entering into a relationship while dealing with mental health issues...even though I wouldn't hold the other person to that standard? I also was overweight and used that as an excuse/shield, like well of course I'm not looking to date because no one would want me anyway. And even though I genuinely am not wanting a relationship right now (I like my free time belonging just to myself...and my cats), I think I use any issues I'm working through as an excuse too. Being open and vulnerable are active things i am working on, too.
Middle aged man here for a different perspective. First, relationships take work and practice, so you’ll only be a better partner after you’ve shared time. Secondly find someone to ‘better yourself’ with as a team, don’t wait to be better first, its not going to happen and you’re missing out on good things (also you’re probably just fine the way you are despite what people selling things tell you). Thirdly you’ll hate me for saying this but checklists for a partner will leave you lonely and unsatisfied. If you feel great when they are around and can have a disagreement then move on, that’s a great start. The rest you can both work on together as a team. Team work makes the dream work.
I see some other comments pointing this out as well but I wanted to make the point a little more poignantly: waiting for the “perfect person” is probably a bad idea, but so is choosing not to date because no one fits the right description and playing it off as “I’m working on myself”. Unless you’re going to therapy or doing some serious reflection, your flaws that will be brought to light in a relationship are REALLY hard to identity by yourself without that input from the other party. This is why dating in teens and twenties is important-you learn the basics when there’s still time to make mistakes and have fun. That doesn’t mean starting to date in your twenties is “behind”, but there is something to be said for having that practice in youth. Above all though, we all just need to go do it (I know it’s not that easy for everyone), our generation needs the practice.
I think the story about the man and the horse is a story from ancient China (technically China didn't exist as a state at this time) set in the warring spring - autumn period (770 - 481 BC). Sai Weng Shi Ma (塞翁失马焉知非福) In story the old man (Sai Weng) lived at a fortress and loved to raise horses, but one day of his horses ran away. His neighbours came to console him, but he said to them we don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing. Later the horse not only returned but brought another horse (A stallion), his neighbours came to congratulate him but he said again we don't know if it a good or bad thing. Later his son was riding that stallion but fell down and broke his legs. His neighbours came to console him, but he said we don't know if it is good or bad thing. Finally a year later there was a call to war, but his son couldn't fight as his legs didn't heal well, so he wasn't drafted. Everyone who fought in that war died. So the morale of the story is that sometimes good things can turn bad, and bad things turn good. So don't be either too optimistic or pessimistic when facing whichever situation.
Oh shoot... The perfect thing is so relatable. I feel such a need to be 'good enough' before i can be with anyone again. I graduated college, but not the job. I can drive, but i don't have my driver's liscenes, so that would just be a burden on someone i was dating. Im a great friend, but i have so much anxiety around dating, and ive only dated one person so far. There is so much i don't have experience with and i don't want to disappoint or fall short on those more 'physical' things that i dont feel comfortable with. Im also autistic, which has its own ups and downs.
The best way to stay single is taking so much advice from social media specifically TikTok. I absolutely despite those TikToks with tarot cards laid out and the creator stating “you came across my video because it was meant for you” fueling so many young people’s delusions. I used to be friends with someone who was chronically online and even went back to an ex because she went on TikTok and took some tarot card bs as a sign to go back to an ex but ended up getting cheated on.
It’s ok to date someone that you know won’t be the love of your life. getting hurt is important to learn from those relationships and figure out what you really need from a relationship. I was in a situationship for 2 years in college thinking I loved this man and stuck in a very toxic environment because I thought who he was, was who I wanted. I’m now married to someone I was friends with for years and he was patient and accepting of my anxiety over my “lack of experience”. We turn 8 years together this year and couldn’t be happier
As a 23 year old man I’ve been trying to date, trying to court woman but a lot of the woman I’ve met have been broken from past relationships or are just playing games, it’s disappointing sometimes but the best thing we can all do is reflect, move on and keep meeting new people.
I'm nearly 30 and I distanced myself from dating at an early age because of my parents and autism. Years of people being rude from first interaction onwards is frequent but it is so much worse if it is when you are trying for friends or a relationship. I live alone and moved out but it seems like living alone is the only option for me when I think about dating.
I’m 16 and I know I’m young and have so much life and experience to come. But it feel like all my life I’ve been watching my friends and my family who are close in age to me be in serious relationships and deeply in love while I haven’t started yet. Despite my best efforts I always feel less than because no one shows me interest. It’s not like people are saying I’m ugly, or annoying, or something I can work on or “fix” they just aren’t interested in me. That does so much damage to how you fell about yourself and can cause that refusal to open up to people. My mindset was always like why would I open up if no one is even showing me interest to begin with, I’m trying to change that but I feel like this is an experience that so much of Gen z can relate to simply because we’re not the white and skinny ideal.
Loving yourself means having standards/boundaries and value for yourself- so, so important. If you don’t respect yourself the power balance is awful. A crappy relationship in my 20s taught me this. ❤the guy was a cheating narcissist jerk but when I didn’t respect/love myself I always avoided conflict and never communicated my needs- I’ve defiantly improved this and now I’m happy 😊
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
As a 30 yo man, who first was ugly as a teen, then looked amazing in my 20s and now still looks good but suffered from less options because of hairloss: it's because of looks. I've been on both sides of the fence. When you look like the it-girl or it-guy, you will see how shallow the world is. We don't date people, we date avatars of success that we represent like trophy's to our peers. You're not looking for a boyfriend, you are looking for a 6'2'' guy, blue eyes, beautiful hair, nice career who is attractive to many women but somehow ONLY loves you. And men don't look for a girlfriend, they look for a beautiful maid, who has the face of an angel and the body of Aphrodite who he can enjoy whenever he wants and is only loyal to him. Humans don't want to be in a relationship with another human, humans want to be in relationships with ideals.
couldnt word it better my friend
Amazing explanation
Bro ate and left no crumbs
I think that’s a bit disingenuous. Obviously there are superficial aspects. we want to date people who we find physically attractive and maybe have enough resources to improve (or at least not hinder) our lifestyles. But dating is more than that in a lot of ways as well. People crave vulnerability. We want partners that comfort us and allow us to be human in a world in that otherwise not so generous. Humor, kindness, intelligence, patience, shared interests, etc. There is a lot that we ask from our partners and that’s why finding one takes so much effort.
I am a bit worried about your perspective though. If you crave a perfect object from your partners, do you meet your own criteria? I’ve never had trouble dating, but granted, I don’t expect my partners to be anything more or less than human either. Obviously, I offer them my best and I expect the same from them as well, but saying people date to look for “avatars of success” just comes across as really detached from reality. I don’t know how you manage to cultivate healthy relationships with that type of mindset.
Anywho, wish you the best. Peace out ✌️🦆
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Another reason: we always think there is someone better waiting for us in the near future.
facts, it's such a bad mindset
i think this mindset (when healthy) can be good to prevent settling for someone that doesn’t treat you properly but otherwise yeah it seems to be a way to avoid commitment
My Great Aunt was a perfectionist when it came to dating her entire life. She would go on hundreds of dates and refuse the man across from her when the slightest "ick" was detected. Besides one boyfriend who passed early in her life, she never found a partner and never settled down. She is alone and bitter in her late years (well into her 80s). Perhaps she could have genuinely found someone if she allowed her standards to be more realistic.
This is the stupidest mindset that we have rn
ranking the value of yourself & others in hierarchies will only harm yourself & alienate others from you. attracting others who also have these rankings of themselves & others will lead to incredibly toxic situations. even if you don't believe it now, work on seeing the value & inherent humanity of yourself & others. everyone is multifaceted, everyone has stories.
I think a lot people self sabotage love… for example the words “ick” or “simp” has definitely made it harder for people to actually be themselves because people are afraid of actually being emotional . A relationship is not being emotional it’s about becoming emotionally intelligent and patience. Yet natural human behaviors or looks are seen as a ick . You’re right people want things to be perfect all the time , and love is beautifully imperfect that’s the point in my opinion
So true. As a man, I’ve noticed a lot of my friends use simping as an excuse to cope with being single involuntarily. I’ve been called a simp for hanging out with my girlfriend of 3 years -_-
Dont forget "pick me".
Saw a comment of a man, explaining how much he misses his wife, his story and love with her, and that now he can only talk to her grave.
Literally he has been called a simp💀 and it had even 40+ likes.
Simp, karen, incel... All terms that had lost their meaning.
@@bune1035TBF they have been highjacked the minutes after first use.
Once mainstream they lost all values or meaning.
I wonder if there are people who don't even self sabotage, maybe they have experienced something and they feel their love is damaged. Some people don't wanna put people through something if they experienced something that may not help them. Someone else could have sabotaged their love or maybe some may not wanna put people through things. Then there are people who do self sabotage.
As a hopeless romantic who yearns for a passionate, vulnerable, deep love, it’s easy to fall into the rabbit hole of hopelessness when trying to find your soulmate when your surrounded by people who only want something superficial and short term… It has discouraged me from dating and putting myself out there as much as I want to in fear of being used… but I’m trying stay positive!
It's rough out here for hopeless romantics. I blame all those disney movies I watched as a kid.
@@Simmerdownidc Definitely the movies 🥲 and yet still, I wouldn’t change my standards for anyone if there’s even a 1% chance I’ll find my true love one day!
@@Simmerdownidc Same dude. I got unrealistically high expectations from them.
And yeah, being a lonely hopeless romantic hurts as hell.
@@SimmerdownidcI deteste this talking point. Nobody watched anything as a child and paid massive attention to the story beats.
@@user-vp6cq4sv3d how can you say nobody? Do you know everyone on this earth? I grew up very sheltered and most definitely thought true fairytale love was a thing. Even as an adult I'm drawn to books that have soulmate tropes
0:08 I am 100% convinced that it's never a red flag when someone says that they've never been in a relationship! I hate to hear stories about exes and stuff like "I only date xyz because I have soooooo many bad experiences with others".
It's a red flag if you're looking to be in a relationship. You mean out of these many people on earth, no one wanna date you? Or you can't find someone?
@@sasorah6414 Why is that a red flag to you? I mean everyone has different reasons for being single. Many people are just unlucky and don't have the chance to meet many young people. Not everyone is from a city like Munich.
@@sasorah6414 there is such a thing as waiting for the right person/relationship. not everyone wants to settle for the mid guy who approaches them on the street. voluntarily waiting until you encounter someone special is much smarter than throwing yourself into relationships that you know aren’t the final destination. but maybe not everyone is intelligent enough to be able to estimate how long the relationship will last? don’t shame others for your own inadequacies
@@yuuga109 so out of everyone in the world, you Just can't find the right person? I think the problem is you.
@@yuuga109 it's either you don't go out to meet people or you have a major red flag
At this point, at the age of thirty five, I don't want to be in a relationship. I just want a friend in real life.
I feel you wolf but even friendship are much harder now not easy anymore.
Me too
a real friend someone that actually cares & let's you care for them too. they also let you be yourself as well.
Drizzle drizzle
I’ve found that friendships often revolve around regularity, proximity, and the interests we have. I’m 36m for reference and I have an entire circle of friends that I made simply by being a deadhead and going to the same venues to see the same local cover bands play for example. It started slow, I made one really good friend and by association with her I made many more. It can be a slow process (especially if you’re a bit reserved and not real charismatic like me) but if you can be consistent by showing up and you keep a friendly demeanor it will happen. Best of luck to you OP, I won’t pretend like it’s easy but if I can do it I know you can do it.
Gen z does know how to Date because dating has always been transactional and there were laws against dating. COURTING is something the modern Era has lost.
preach
Facts. People today just "date" without an end goal or plans for commitment.
Agreed
Yes!! I want courting 😭
It's also hard in the queer community cause it's hard to find other gay women, and hook-up culture is so rampant. There's a lot of things to consider; are they out or will this be a down low relationship, are then even gay or is this just a flirty straight girl, are they even gay or just "experimenting," are we even compatible, are then even a good person (cause yes, queer people can also be abusive), are they in my area or will this be a long distance relationship and am I ok with this?
So many things, some unique to being queer and some not, but man I miss courting. I swear to fuck I hate this situationship, stuff that's become the new norm.
@@enchantedlibrary3409 RIGHT!?!? Wtf is going on !
I had my first girlfriend at 22 and married her thinking that this was the best I could get since no one else wanted me. I then spent 7 years in an abusive, sexless marriage where I was reminded that she was the "best thing that ever happened to me". Eventually going to therapy aged 31 led me to realise I had worth and I ended the marriage. Please, young people, take your time and develop yourself. You lose more by rushing than by taking your time.
Edit: for those asking further questions, I've told the story on my own channel.
She was definitely cheating
Good you are out of it now.
Men have more time. A woman has lost about 90% of her eggs by 30. If she wants children you don’t have time to wait around.
@@katelady1370 true, but she's already lost 70-80% by 20 also. Women have less time and can't really afford to invest in focusing themselves on short term relationship skills if they also want to develop long term relationship skills if that's what they want out of life. But still it's important to filter for the right long term traits in a partner, rather than just jumping at the first thing that comes along. Or just chasing superficial traits.
@@dr3725 probably though I never had proof and she was incapable of honesty. She's not my problem anymore fortunately.
I have two problems:
1. The guys i want don't want me, and the guys that want me aren't my type
2. I need to know someone for atleast a few months (possibly be friends in those months) to even catch feelings and those develope very slowly.
Guys that arent my type = anyone that isn't a chad
Exactly my problems
And about the months thing, it’s so hard to just go on dates with someone I haven’t caught feelings for yet, because it takes FOREVER for me, and by two months if I’m still not feeling it, I feel like I’ve led the guy on.
Is your type realistic?
@@palerider2132 no such a thing as having a realistic type. its better to never date than date a guy you are not attracted to
Great video! Sadly, my two-year relationship ended a month ago. The person I thought was the love of my life decided to leave, and I’m still deeply in love with him. I can’t stop thinking about him, and despite all my efforts to win him back, nothing has worked. I feel so frustrated and can’t imagine being with anyone else. No matter what I do, he’s always on my mind, and I miss him terribly.
Letting go of someone you love is incredibly hard. I went through a similar experience when my twelve-year relationship ended. I couldn't bear to lose him, so I did everything I could to rekindle our relationship. Eventually, I sought the help of a spiritual counselor, who guided us back together.
Wow, that’s incredible! How did you find a spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with him?
His name is Fatherabulu, and he’s an amazing spiritual counselor who specializes in helping people reconnect with their ex.
Thank you for sharing this valuable info! I just looked him up, and he seems impressive.
Chasing perfection is how you stay single forever. Fucking around and finding out, going with the flow, etc, is all part of learning the process. You never know if someone who "isn't your type" could be your next best friend and/or life partner. Look at how many people who met in high school and ended up getting married, for goodness sake. They didn't go into that relationship expecting marriage at all. I'm sure they were both dumb kids when it started, but they grew together.
Don't settle for someone who's an asshole, but as long as y'all are in a decent mental space for a relationship, it's okay to be a work in progress. That person could be the one who helps you reach your goals. You don't have to do everything alone.
facts, i'm actually convinced people's 'type' holds them back from actually finding the right person
While I mostly agree, there has to be some attraction, both physically and mentally.
@@Kokopilau77seems like people get hung up on having a “type” that they talk themselves out of their own feelings. Like, if you’re attracted to a 5’6” dude, don’t talk yourself out of it because you want a 6’ dude. You feel something, so go for it.
yes this, i always swore that blonde guys were not my type and id never date them... here i am with a blonde guy and hes the best thing ever and my future husband lol
that's so true. my longest and most serious relationship started with me dismissing the guy as "cute, but not my type" and him having a crush on someone else. which allowed us to become friends first and show our true selves to each other without the expectations and pressure of a romantic relationship
As a 25-year-old who has never been on a date, never been in a relationship, etc... yeah, it's hard sometimes. I'm going to the wedding of a friend who's only 21 this summer and it really makes me think "where am i going wrong?" But at the same time, i don't meet people and am pretty chronically online, so it makes sense lmao.
You are literally female. You have it so unimaginably easy and yet you fail?
@SchittStane-c4t biggest cope. The high divorce rate is highly influenced by people who aren't good partners- those who divorce tend to be repeat offenders. The same people are divorcing multiple times, driving up the numbers. Not to mention that mental health is in the shitter across modern society, so it's unsurprising that people with poor mental health trend towards having unstable relationships.
At the end of the day, procreation is the point of biological life, and human beings find relationships, having and raising children to be inherently fulfilling. It only makes sense that our instincts would provide incentive that drives us towards procreative behavior.
Being unable to find and maintain a fulfilling relationship is one of the biggest pain points across all people in the modern day. This being true is evidence in its own right that people desire relationships.
Studies that suggest that married people are less happy, that being single is better etc. just cannot be accurate findings. If these were true then why do people want relationships? How does it make sense that pursuing our biological purpose would make us *less* happy?
@@user-mr6hc9hy2t people want things all the time that don't end up making them happy baby
@@user-mr6hc9hy2tmaybe because procreation is *not* our biological purpose.
I honestly don't know where people got "having kids and relationships" is the purpose of life.
Is it ONLY because we have the capability to do so? Because You can't decide *for* everyone that everyone's purpose is to procreate, and that everyone would be happy to do so under different circumstances
"Our biological purpose is procreation" is just the gender-neutral "children make women happy"
Because, when you look back in time - you'll realize men and women have been unhappy, For CENTURIES, in marriages.
Women fought for divorce because they were unhappy. Alot of wives who were married were high on cloud 9 with coke because they were unhappy
Men LITERALLY lobotomized their wives because they hated their women and wanted them to act like a robot
This isn't a new thing - the only difference is, is it's accepted to voice and actually do something about it. (Celibacy, high standards, podcast, ect,)
"How does it make sense that pursuing our biological purpose makes us *less* happy" is exactly the question;
How come people pursuing children and relationships is making alot of women and men so unhappy, if it's our purpose?
That's because it isn't, and we're seeing in real time people reject it and find their own way. Which is why we have the statistics today - of women being unhappy, of women being happier single, men being single, ect.
People are finding singlehood and realizing that it's okay to *be* single. we don't have to "procreate" or whatever, not everyone wants relationships.
You're the one coping by saying "well, those people get repeated divorces, they are mentally ill, ect" which I'm not sure is even backed up by evidence
Because first of all, even if women and men were getting re-married at high rates, how would that be enough to make the statistics rise to 56%?,
and regardless - what about the half of that 44% That are unhappy, broke, and resent each other? Yelling "cope" just seems like the pot calling the kettle black. 🤷♀️
@@user-mr6hc9hy2tmaybe because procreation is *not* our biological purpose.
I honestly don't know where people got "having kids and relationships" is the purpose of life.
Is it ONLY because we have the capability to do so? Because You can't decide *for* everyone that everyone's purpose is to procreate, and that everyone would be happy to do so under different circumstances
"Our biological purpose is procreation" is just the gender-neutral "children make women happy"
Because, when you look back in time - you'll realize men and women have been unhappy, For CENTURIES, in marriages.
Women fought for divorce because they were unhappy. Alot of wives who were married were high on cloud 9 with that *zaza* because they were unhappy
Men LITERALLY lobotomized their wives because they hated their women and wanted them to act like robots
This isn't a new thing - the only difference is, is it's accepted to voice and actually do something about it. (Celibacy, high standards, podcast, ect,)
"How does it make sense that pursuing our biological purpose makes us *less* happy" is exactly the question;
How come people pursuing children and relationships is making alot of women and men so unhappy, if it's our purpose?
That's because it isn't, and we're seeing in real time people reject it and find their own way. Which is why we have the statistics of today - of women being unhappy, of women being happier single, men being single, ect.
People are finding singlehood and realizing that it's okay to *be* single. we don't have to "procreate" or whatever, not everyone wants relationships.
You're the one coping by saying "well, those people get repeated divorces, they are mentally ill, ect" which I'm not sure is even backed up by evidence
Because first of all, even if women and men were getting re-married at high rates, how would that be enough to make the statistics rise to 56%?,
and regardless - what about the half of that 44% That are unhappy, broke, and resent each other? Yelling "cope" just seems like the pot calling the kettle black. 🤷♀️
genuinely the recently popular narrative that you should be completely healed as a person before getting into a relationship has had a huge impact on many (including me). there is a constant fear that you have not “upgraded yourself” enough to get in a relationship.
^^^This
I(almost) always am too harsh on myself for not being "good enough", not realising the girl won't be either. Social media has had its heavy toll on our generation, making us beat ourselves for no reason.
My age(22) my parents were just married. Meanwhile I haven't even asked a girl out for the fear of rejection and "not being good enough". I know it's bad, but it's also really hard to get out of this terrible mentality. Fuck me and my awful social anxiety.
You’re right and that message is toxic too. Truth is as long as you are human; you will always have flaws and shortcomings. Older generations understood this more than the millennial and Gen Z gen ever could.
Yeah, sometimes I think that I don’t have relationships because I'm not conscious enough. But this is another reason to blame yourself and think I will have relationships if I do the right things. The illusion of control:)
@samihamchev9528 The message isnt that youre not good enough. What they mean is that you should be mentally fit for a relationship. If you have trauma that you haven't sorted out enough, it could negatively impact your relationship.
@@vishwathayumanavan8777which is a bit ironic because it’s super common to encounter people who are damaged yet are in relationships
Gen Z's inability to be vulnerable is a massive issue. In highschool, I was in a situationship with a friend, and I wanted us to be official. She was so afraid that she would do/say the wrong thing, or hurt me, or otherwise be a "bad girlfriend" and thus lose me, that she refused to commit to a real relationship. She loved me too, and cared about me deeply, but wouldn't deepen our relationship due to fear. I've had many shallow friendships as well. I usually have 1 or 2 people I can be real with, but for the most part, my "friends" only want me around when I'm in a good mood. If the conversation becomes serious and emotional, they get super uncomfortable and change the subject as quickly as they can, or even criticize me for sharing my feelings (obviously if you're trauma dumping that's different; in this context I mean talking about any personal/emotional issue). And if I ask them about their personal lives, it gets shrugged off or ignored. I am a very sensitive and emotional person, and I really want to have deep and meaningful friendships, but it seems like most people are scared off by this 😢
I relate
oh my god, i just went through this. as a sensitive person it just seems bizarre to me how the fear of messing up usually leads to losing such a great connections. i think our generation is doomed with overthinking and things should be more simple. we should just enjoy each others company and try to grow together helping each other to be better people. even if we don't always say the best thing.
You’re on point
The issue is not "inability to be vulnerable", but this pointless demand "to be vulnerable".
People are demanding others to do what only they themselves must do.
To demand vulnerability from others is to ask to an army to which you are not fighting against to surrender their weapons.
I completely relate. We’d make good friends
Gen Z is the generation of adult children of emotionally immature parents & it’s why they feel lonely in relationships or keep dating the wrong person far more.
If this is true then it would explain the rise of narcissism amongst young American adults.
@@WorldlyAuras-ze9yfwhy American? People nowadays are just more self centered.
Even before technology really advanced and social media became normalized, my parents would very frequently compare me to others and frequently emphasize my flaws.
@@skeletonnoise6178 people outside the US just see us as demons for some reason, but i think its just nationalism and media brainwash.
Boomers fucked up America
Bad parenting begets bad parenting begets shitty youngin’
Circle of life 🦁 🐒
The "love yourself first" narrative often sends the message that you're not loved and its your own fault. Everyone deserves love even if they're hard on themsleves. Its possible that you lesrn to love yourself and others better through a healthy and supportive relationship. Realize that some ppl only have know abuse and haven't had the opportunity to develop the skills to express different love languages.
Nobody "deserves" love - you don't have a right to the affections of another.
@@Morgyborgyblob Even from their parents? I'm not talking about romantic love exclusively. Feeling loved definitely has a positive effect on one's attitude.
@@Morgyborgyblobwho's talking about rights?
You are in fact entitled to other people's affection, specially when they are relatives and friends, otherwise what's the point of relationships? You must have had a really sad childhood. You deserve to be loved.
Maybe it reads that way to you, but that's not necessarily what it means. The way I understand it is "love yourself" means to give yourself value and validation, rather than seeking that from others. If you give yourself love, then you are not defining your value on someone else, and it will remain consistent whether you are in a relationship or not, whether someone else loves you or not. It's not to say "love yourself because no one else will", it's "love yourself because you are worthy of that love, and no one has the power to take that away from you".
@@Persewna4 Agreed 👍🏼
I don't think any less of a person if they haven't been in a relationship or are still a virgin. We all live different lives, and things happen.
What about someone who’s been in a bunch of relationships or sexual encounters?
@keithcass257 That depends. On personality and attitude. If someone who has a patern of a bad attitude to their partners, I would not want to be with that. Sexual encounters depends on the reason.
This- you never know who's been going thru something serious or unusual at certain stages in their life that most ppl wouldn't have. There's also unfortunate influences that may have come from family, religion, etc. and left long-lasting effects
@@keithcass257of course I think less of them, clearly they either are attracted to the wrong things or such a bad person they can’t put others above themselves. Social media culture has created a massive addiction to sex and sex appeal so people don’t realize sex is ornamental to an actual good relationship and they focus on sex appeal before being a decent human.
@@keithcass257 If their whole personality revolves around how many people they've been with or slept with then that's when it's a problem, I've been with someone like that before and he hated when I called him out about it and I hurt his ego a bit
its just hard to be vulnerable with someone you aren’t close with because it can be seen as attention seeking. Which sucks because to become close to someone you have to open up and be vulnerable.
You might like the video “A low-risk technique for gaining intimacy with people” by Psychology with Dr. Ana
agree with astay great vid ^^
plus opening up doesn't have to be attention seeking
it can be as small as being genuinely honest when someone asks 'how are you' and not defaulting to 'fine'.
like if you're tired, exhausted, not having a good day, or you're feeling really good, and it's the opposite, vulnerability can look like being honest about that
don't feel like you always have to wear a mask
@@ChristinaAaliyah Thank you! and i totally get what you mean. Sometimes its just like i guess nerve racking because you don’t want people to judge you when you’re vulnerable, which is everyone. ive been called attention seeking for opening up when i already have a hard time speaking up, when i finally thought i was doing better people started judging.
THIS.
@@ChristinaAaliyah and yet YOU WANT PEOPLE TO BE ALONE!
MAKE YOUR MIND, FFS!
I have noticed gen z not being able to be vulnerable and it's wild. I'm the latest a millennial can be (maybe earliest a gen z can be idk) and I notice it in people a few older and a few younger than me, they communicate incredibly differently. It's so much easier to have deeper friendships with millennials because of how accepting they are of their own flaws, and of others'. They might have the knowledge to be able to admit some of their behaviors aren't good, but they aren't deeply ashamed of them, they're joking around, using self-deprecating humor (which is such a millennial thing), overall being very open about who they are. They aren't embarrassed by being cringe, or seeming stupid as often. I struggle more with that than most of my older friends.
Gen Z take things very seriously all the time, and I can definitely understand why, since they're constantly in contact with awful things that terribly influence the world around us 24/7. I feel that as well, like any mistake might be the worst mistake of my life because of how important EVERYTHING seems now. It's not that they want to be perfect just because they are self-involved or anything like that, they want to be perfect because they want a better world, and feel like they need to change everything around them to become that better world as soon as possible. That's a lot of responsibility to place on your own shoulders, though, and an impossible task for one person to achieve. Everyone is imperfect, flawed, and vulnerable. Everyone. Not admitting to it is negating your own humanity, which is deeply unhealthy.
yeah, i'm an older millennial, and i can confirm that a lot of us are either almost proud of being losers and fucked up, or almost embarassed by their success and develop impostor syndrome. so we constantly shit on ourselves, like our parents did when we were young and didn't meet their standards. and we constantly talking about going to therapy, but only a few actually do it. getting therapy is like the millennial dream.
Picky, unrealistic expectations, absolutely terrified of commitment, lack of communication, etc.
Another reason is lack of patience. Increasingly people are expecting to be compatible in every way from the moment you meet (or within a few conversations) or the person is ghosted
This.
That is usually someone inexperienced in relationships, not dating, and immature emotionally tbh because genuine compatibility takes 3-5 dates to determine once you get past the initial chemistry of a first date.
Exactly! People just want instant gratification and finding love doesn’t work that way. Sometimes you have to be let down many times before you find the one.
Yeees, so many people want everything fast. I am really slow with trusting people. I like comparing things to other so I will write a short story of my life.
At the university I met 2 girls: let's call them K and D.
After 2 years with K I can genuinely say, that she is really good friend with whom I can talk about good and bad things, who care about our frienship.
Then we have D who study and work and she only talks about work and new and new potential boyfriends. Now I am ignoring her, because she never listen to me. When she was talking, I listened, but when I was talking she was watching tiktok...
So now imagine they were boys. It would took me 1,5 to 2 years to be sure I trust a person and there are boys who want sex after months if not less.
I am not planing to be in a relationship where someone wants everything so fast. We have so many years, why ppl rush?
Wrong
For women : they just search for the next best man available and drop the previous one
For men : they are aware of the above situation and don't tolerate flakiness. If she wants to she would.
i agree with all your points, i just want to add something i recently realised (as 20 year old who's never dated) : not all of our overthinking and fear of being imperfect is just in our head. i have met many people, from different nationalities and i can tell you: not everyone is nice. most people (gen z) are extremely judgemental. there is no way getting around them except owing your truth and being who you are, i'm just pointing out that it's hard to date nowadays because of the expectations SOCIETY makes us put on ourselves.
good perspective
Yes! And the expectations social media has us put on ourselves
Tbf I think also if gen z is more judgemental than others, it’s because people just are more judgemental at that age/environment. I’m a geriatric gen z (born 1998) and when i was in my teens and early twenties, everyone was a lot more judgy of each other yes, because the environments you’re in (school especially but also uni) are hyper about conforming, looking a certain way, trying to fit in. Now i’m in my mid twenties people chill out a bit and become less judgy of each other because u get older and you’re not in an absolutely savage school environment any more
I'm a millennial and I work with some Gen Zers who are super cool, but if you asked me by age group who are the most judgmental people it would be Gen Z and Boomers by far.
Everyone else is just super chill. It's actually hilarious how much the young and old dudes hate each other because they're so similar. I'll say Boomers are waaaay more sensitive than Gen Z though and their complaints are all projection.
I think it’s about time to adapt to being awkward because since social media ruin most of our emotions, we shouldn’t have high expectations of behavior.
That's one thing I never understood growing up, being uncomfortable with being awkward. Personally, I always found it adorable in others! And that's a positive emotion, I'd like to be seen as adorable, so therefore awkward not bad. I will say though, I'm not an anxious person and was seen as very weird for not always worrying about how I was perceived. Like I'm conscious of how people will perceive certain actions, but doing things differently doesn't mean I'm doing them wrong. Fortunately people like friendly optimistic folks so things like awkward silences stop being awkward cuz they come to accept that I don't care and just wanna vibe. And everyone needs that friend who'll tell the waiter that they brought the wrong order without combusting from the experience apparently lol
@@sprigganpanda now if I could only meet someone my age which is almost in my 50s, who felt the same way about my awkward moments (all 49 years of it?) 🤞🏻 definitely have had moments where I appreciate bashful awkwardness in others and that kind of humanity/vulnerability is appealing within reason to me. I remember interviewing for a job which I did get but not that interview or they called me back for a second one ha ha ha ha ha ha it was when I first got out of college to be a counselor and, there is a question about how I usually behave or react internally when Some or someone pushes me out of“my comfort zone”. I was completely honest with no filter on my mouth and answered “ I can kill with adversity or sudden changes in environment. I’m not easily vexed in fact, General unused, and a state of discomfort is my comfort zone. If things are going too smoothly, I’d probably think it was the apocalypse and we were all gonna die.” Oh no, how did I ever manage to get hired? I don’t know. I wonder what the other candidates for the position say that was worse than my candor?😂
I can only imagine, but not actually know firsthand what it must be like for people that are in their early 20s and younger because of the social media because of the technology and because of the pandemic and consequential quarantine lockdowns, etc. virtual is virtual that work from homeschool from home. It’s very inorganic and there’s no substitute for being able to read a room because you’re literally in the room not on zoom or texting through it, etc. so it unfair because those are two very big strikes against younger people, the whole culture stay Wade arms length and just being tethered to this little handset of Snapchat and Instagram and Tinder and grinder too many possible paths to worry about taking not taking, etc.. It’s really a paradox of choice and I wish for the sake of my younger kids and, their friends and such that it wasn’t quite so spectacularly rigged to fuel self-consciousness and isolation. The human brain is not even completely mature until around age 25 and goofy awkward, uncertain, but sweetness should belong to those who are born those last years of the other century or after it. The world should be your oyster. Everything just got glitched and weird social media, the Internet and general and the lockdown.
Social media also makes it hard for people to have normal conversations
Being socially awkward is only appealing until you hit 25
to answer their questions at 21:24 , I'm 26 and never been on a date, never kissed, never been in a relationship. By the end of HS I noticed that the time had passed and nobody had ever approached me, nor did I ever find anyone attractive to even bother with. I thought "I don't feel anything for anyone here bc I've known a lot of them for most of my life and that would be weird. Things will be different in college. I'll at least find someone attractive" (Also kind of resigned myself to the "It will never happen to me" mentality by this point and was so used to doing things alone that it didn't bother me) Went to college and it was not any different. Made a lot of friends and had fun, but again, was not approached by anyone nor was there anyone I wanted to approach. Graduated literally a few months into pandemic lockdowns so who tf was going to be doing anything at that point?? But post grad I did come to the epiphany that I am asexual; I don't experience sexual attraction (and maybe romantic but I'm not sure), looks alone don't do it for me and never will. And currently I'm ok not being in a relationship but I do want to be in one at some point. But most people are expecting sex as part of a relationship and that doesn't interest me🙃
I also feel like people self manipulate themselves into loneliness. "Oh they must already have a partner, oh I'm probably not their type, oh I'm not good enough for them, oh they're in a different league" when you haven't even MET that person yet. Don't assume someones already taken because they're attractive, you might be the only one looking their way. Don't assume they're out of your league when you haven't seen them vulnerable, they're probably just putting on a facade. Don't assume that you're not good enough for when you haven't seen them at their worst, they might be faking their confidence.
In conclusion, we're all just human and more similar than we think. You're not the only one thinking low of yourself, you're not the only one feeling lonely. The person you think so highly of is most likely struggling just like you. Stop assuming and ruining your chances, you never know until you've tried it. The worst that can happen is being rejected, but at the same time gaining knowledge about that person that would never have if you didn't ask them. Go for it
love this i totally agree
you are your own barrier
Love
the point is that most of the time we're right 💀💀💀
@@aaleexbg Ok this statement is both sad and hilarious
i love how this video is supposed to be about why gen z is undateable, but turned into a video about how everyone is on their own timeline and not rushing ourselves into potential misfortunes. 💚 as someone who has had many relationships and a lot of regrets surrounding some of them, i encourage people to take their time and really understand what they want.
She should redo the title of the video
Well, the title is usually clickbait. But I'm really glad for gen Z if they are already aware they need to be cautious.
@@jarred110the title made me click tho
I also think that the sexual expectations in dating culture these days make people who have never been in a relationship really nervous. I have lots of friends who get attention and asked on dates, but when the man realizes how long it might be before there is sex involved, they peace out. I feel like it’s harder to find people who want to establish a committed relationship before a sexual one.
A lot of guys feel that way because most of the time if a girl is really interested in a guy the situation will get sexual. Plenty of dudes get used for free food and experiences.
@@dopyday402That’s only said by loser men. Don’t be dating if you can’t afford to, or go on cheaper dates. Most women will happily pay for themselves because of loser thinking like this.
Street walkers start at $50/hr, cheaper ones have diseases so good luck!
@@dopyday402 i feel like if you have good discernment you can tell when someone is using you vs when they're actually interested but want to take things slow
@@tm02-s03 you might think that, but sadly, that's just not true for a lot of guys & in a lot of situations. So it's just faster, safer, and cheaper to just move on to find someone else who's more comfortable with their own body.
Sometimes you gotta examine yourself and ask: am I making a "preference" choice or am I acting this way because I don't want to confront my own personal issues in order to grow into a person more people would find attractive?
@@tm02-s03Most people don't have good discernment. Period.
As a girl who's 24 and never even kissed a guy, this spoke to me xD
Same, I'm 22 never went on a date or kissed a girl
Heh, same. Just got 23! 😅
Same as a dude and I'm 24, makes me feel a little better that it may just be a cultural, generational issue with us.
@SchittStane-c4tit’s not self control…some people are NOT having a hard time not having sex and a lot of people don’t value your phoney affections
That's your fault. You have life on easiest difficulty setting
1:42 one more cymbal sound and i'm clicking off
Okay okay i watched to the end :) good video
That’s hilarious 😂
I CANT DO THIS
I watched the whole video and was surprised by just how many times the same noise was used lol
😂😂😂
I grew up in a two parent household, and not wanting to be hurt hits real hard. Sets up expectations for happy relationships.
I'm now 24 and I've desired a boyfriend for my whole life. Teenagers around me managed to get someone at 13 already but i cannot imagine my old 13 (or even 20yo self) having a boyfriend. Good for them that they were ready for that, apparently, but i wasn't and maybe I still am not ready.
I do wish to love someone and be loved by this person tho, don't let be fooled by the idea that even if you do love yourself you won't still want to be loved by someone else lol
I’m a guy who feels the same. I was never even able to see myself with anybody even casually up until like 17, and not in a relationship until around 21. I think there’s never a right time to do anything though, we should just do it. I look back with a bit of regret for just not being a more daring person when it comes to my social life and whatnot. Don’t get me wrong though, I still think those people who’ve had several relationships already and started young is not good or healthy.
Geez I’m sorry to hear that
I don’t like the “just love yourself” message. I believe almost everyone would be happier with a good spouse. Also, self love can never replace the love and life you get from spending your life with someone else. Are you gonna marry yourself, have kids with yourself, take yourself out on dates, console yourself when you’re down, hug yourself, kiss yourself? None of that sounds fulfilling and starts to border on crazy
@@awsambdaman I believe you should have both to feel the happiest. Love yourself and be loved at the same time
There is no such thing as “ready”. I’m past my prime time to get a girlfriend when I was 16-18. I just had to accept that I’m late to it, I’m 23. If you want one, go out for one, if you don’t want one, stay single
The “perfect” person for you might live in another country and you may never cross paths. Waiting for the “perfect” person to come along makes no sense and waiting for yourself to become “perfect” also makes no sense.
The beauty of a great relationship is you both seek to make each other happy and make life easier for each other, regardless of the fact you both have flaws and have had bad moments. You’re a team and can count on each other to shoulder the struggles of life together. But if all you focus on while dating is perfection, you’ll miss out on developing these relationships.
That is definitely true, but in an era of instant gratification coupled with possible unresolved trauma and unrealistic expectations, that requires a lot of emotional maturity and intelligence many do not seem to possess.
There's probably some truth to that. I won't argue that you're wrong.
I will say my caveat though:
I gotta bring something, and a whole lot of it, to make up for my many stat debuffs, mental, physical and emotional. Why would anyone else choose to deal with it if they didn't have to?
@@thegrimharvest well depending on your debuffs, they may find other things about you worthwhile enough to date you. I will note that of course in practice, someone may not take the time to get to know you are awesome if some shallow characteristics of you make them skip over you; that is unfortunately a part of life, everyone has little biases that might lead to avoiding certain people. This is why you should still strive to make the best version of yourself to help you and any potential partners out. But after people give you a chance, what you consider to be great flaws may not always be seen as much of a flaw to the right person.
@@j0e3o77 I do agree.
@@thegrimharvest that is the problem you don't see:
NOBODY BRINGS NOTHING - you ARE, not "is".
It's because I'm ugly and have anxiety. A critical hit to my dating life. Not to mention my skin, and that's a tripple threat to my prospects.
@SchittStane-c4tExcerise was always great at clearing out my skin! Assuming that I rinsed my face with water afterwards. Leaving the sweat all day and waiting till I got home just made my hairline breakout (like when I had gym in the morning at school), but my body I could just wait till I got home to shower and it'd be fine. If I had to pick one I'd pick skincare but combining that with excerise really made my skin glow. Also bonus, you can do so much more with a strong body! It sucks to get into it but it really has so many benefits.
Hey man, I’ve been there and honestly still am. It’s not a bad idea to work to to try and feel better about yourself but also that isn’t the only way to do things or maybe what you should do. I did end up going to the gym and still am and I am feeling better about myself but the real thing is that I worked on loving myself BEFORE dating someone. Using someone else to validate or make you feel better about yourself can be a very bad idea and end up making things even worse. Take your time and figure yourself out. No one knows you better than you and take everything at your own speed and date when you feel ready. Remember, how can you love someone else if you don’t even love yourself. Take it easy and I wish you good luck ❤️
Hey man idk if you’ll ever see this but I am also someone who is not attractive who has mad anxiety (both due to a bunch of medical stuff as a child). Just last year I felt like I would be alone forever but now I have the most caring, funny, and cutest boyfriend ever who I genuinely hope I get to grow old with. It may take a long time but there is someone out there for everyone, it just might take some longer than others to find them. One thing to keep in mind is that there is no time limit. It’s ok if you find love well into your 30s, 40s, 50s, or above. You don’t HAVE to find your person in your teens or your 20s, media has lied to you. Your person is out there and you will find them one day. ❤
@@PenguinFairy13 unfortunantely im too old to believe in fairy tales. but thank you for the encouragement XD. unlikely anybody will want to date me. i see how people react when I walk into a room. I'm single for life
hey, some people r into that 🤷♀️ really tho, if ur not already then you should work on both managing your anxiety and changing ur mindset. nobody's going to want to be around someone who is constantly negative. im not saying dont be realistic or dont plan, just dont be so sour! 😅
oh, and also, its hard for people to become interested in someome they dont recognize easily. maybe you should start fully committing to a fashion sense you like or start wearing your hair in a style that makes you feel good. (trust me, fashion and hair really REALLY make a difference. find what you feel comfortable in and what makes you look pretty! be sure 2 experiment)
oh, and dont be afraid to completely fuck something up when it comes to relationships. it gives you insight on what to look for in relationships in the future!
im not gonna say ure guaranteed to find someone if u follow this cuz then id be lying, but this might help :P
I've been feeling really depressed about dating/being lonely and I feel like this video really brought me up. i've been worrying too much about finding someone when i should focus on myself and wait for the right person to come whether its 1 month or 10 years from now. If anything I should try getting more friends instead to fill the void. the real glow up is putting the puzzle together about what makes you, you
When people say love yourself first it removes the concept that we learn about love from watching how people love others and then how we love people. Its probably closer to the last step to learn self love. Its far easier to love others and really sit with how it feels and what the absence of it feels like so that you can better identify what it feels like when you are being mistreated and unloved
Finally someone said it! I have no idea how tf to get into a relationship in the first place. I dont know how open I can be because when I have before its either made people uncomfortable or they just simply lost interest. But when I clam up the relationship goes nowhere. Im also not the most attractive person so that doesnt help. Yeah society is pooped
Honestly its going to take a lot of shuffling to find the right person. Both of you have to have the motivation to improve for each other or the relationship ends in flames. It hurts but most people aren’t ready and get scared, you have to let them go and take the loss and keep going the way you are. Also, get feedback from your friends? Its easier to know what to do in a relationship when you have some objective viewpoints. Like i would be in a relationship thinking im the crazy one, my friends would step in give their two cents and I wouldn’t break up with them I would go to them with my concerns and usually at that point they break up with me because i “don’t really love them”
Bad things WILL happen it’s inevitable, dont see them as your own personal failures see them as opportunities to improve.
@@beingkindapissedoff just seeing your reply now. Thank you so much for sharing your advice and perspective. Will keep in mind.
I’m 26 and I’ve never had an actual boyfriend. I did have my first kiss at the very end of last year, but he ended up really just wanting sex and had a thing for body shaming me. But no serious relationships. I hadn’t even dated before last year when I was 24. Now that I’ve actually felt what it’s like to actually snuggle up with someone even if it was brief and came with a lot of criticism, it makes my singleness hurt even more than it ever did before.
This makes me very nervous about dating. I'm 25 and never dated, never been in a relationship or even been kissed, and the thought of having that kind of intimacy with someone then being single again at this point kinda scares me. It's not as bad when I don't even know what I'm missing. If I experience something like that, then become single again, it might crush me tbh.
@@RonniV2 exactly! It’s very real. Having just a taste of something great and then having it be ripped away like you’re supposed to just be able to go back to being alone. It’s gut wrenching tbh. I can’t tell you otherwise with my own experience. Even having someone to cuddle up to and get that serotonin boost when you’ve always been depressed from touch starvation and then somehow go back to being all by yourself. I wish I had words of encouragement :(
I’ll tell you an advice based on what i know on that, if you want to have a serious relationship, pick someone who want stability in life, people in their 20’s especially men tend to focus on trying to be successful and just have a relationship here and there, try opening up your age limit instead like check on the 30’s men some of them already achieved what they wanted but they lost the stability they wanted
@@nabi7878 Sadly my first kind of relationship was with a guy in his mid-30’s and he was just as clueless as me (a decade younger). I suppose it depends on the guy really.
@@RonniV2I feel the exact same way. I’ve never dated. I’m so scared of getting into a relationship and being close to someone only for it to end.
I'm a Gen X'er, and didn't get into any kind of relationship, until I was 40. I don't know if it's a "generation" problem. It's not a big deal if someone is in their 20's, and doesn't have somebody.
It is a big deal. Is depressing to see other people with partners, marriages and starting a family, while you just become an infertile woman with every period that comes. Do you understand how hard it is to start a family at 40, specially for women?
moon66487 I firmly agree. I don’t mean to rub it in your face but I’m very glad I got married “young” I’m 26 and she’s 25, we got married last year. We’re trying for a baby but are struggling with infertility. Thankfully we still have some time to figure out what’s going on. I think this whole culture of “there’s no rush, make sure everything in your life is perfect before marriage” is not good and results in people not focusing on what they want when they’re younger. There is no free period in life. Not taking dating seriously in your 20s will affect you in the long run. I wish you all the best and I appreciate your perspective
@@awsambdaman thanks. I don't want to be rude or anything, but saw a couple of tips on insta, about certain things that can cause infertility. Things like pads from big brands, can cause some problems such as pocs, infertility and such, maybe she can switch to organic pads and that can help. I wish this was Ig to tag you on a video with a woman that gives more tips about the subject. Praying for you to have a baby soon🙏
@@moon66487no. It's a big deal to _you_ . Not all women want what you want girlie.
This gen xer is right, some people need to chill tf out and dont need this hysteria as it will make them feel like shit, like they're doing something wrong. what's funny is how when you stop trying it all comes your way. Being this desperate is repulsive.
@@moon66487 im 18 and i wanna get my tubes tied or at least HOPE to be infertile how does that make u feel
Mental health is important to note! A rise in mental health diagnosis’s among the youth (and individuals struggling to cope or find solutions) is resulting in individuals taking themselves out of the dating space. Or dating later in life once they’ve locked down a “cure”. Yes, one can’t let life pass them by in their attempt to be healed, but how successful can a relationship be if one is not in the proper headspace? Many didn’t date in their youth due to that.
I am 27 and just entered my first relationship after over a decade of being single. We've been having so much fun getting to know each other, going out on cute dates, staying in and having movie nights, chatting about life, and we both feel so comfortable being in each other's company even just sitting in silence. I'm honestly glad I waited because I'm in such a better place in my life in terms of mental/physical health and financial stability than I had been. I feel like now that I have all of that sorted out, I actually have the room to welcome someone else in my life in a healthy way.
It's great seeing 2 good looking people in that clip talking about what's wrong with people who have never dated
😂 right?!
😂
Lol
I was like they could easily find one but its probably that they have a high standard to the point they couldnt find a partner
Sarcasm is cringe passive aggressive behavior. You can just say "fuck those people"
It also really doesn’t help when you have that friend who keeps telling you “how come no one is dating you?” Or “I can’t believe someone as great as you is still single”
Oh, idk. Maybe it’s because I haven’t met someone I have some feelings for. Or that on the rarest times I do, the feelings are not reciprocated.
Even in a flattering tone, this kind of comment sometimes brings more hurt than good.
I got rejected hundreds of times back in college and was depressed that I missed out a relationship due to rejection and ghosted
this is exactly my situation
Ugh the way I relate sm to it... Am I gen z as well?😂
I'm about to turn 28 this year and I've been single for 5 years. I've had terrible experiences with relationships because I got treated like a dog on a leash by some of my past girlfriends when I was 18-21 years old. I couldn't talk to anybody, I couldn't do this and that.
There was one woman who treated me well in the relationship, but we didn't last together because I had to move to another province. That woman made me realize that if I ever look for a woman in a relationship, she needs to be someone like her.
I think everyone wants to be in a relationship, but many can't maintain relationships. Some treat their partners like they're not human and put their fantasy expectations on their partner then think about a breakup when those fantasies don't occur.
I pick partners based on how I pick friends. If a romantic partner isn’t measuring up to the same level of respect, trust, loyalty, and love of the friends in my life, then it’s a sign to start raising your dating standards to level of your friendship standards & vice versa if you pick shitty friends but great romantic partners.
This is how you weed out the people who are going to be headaches in human form.
Watch hoe_math
I'm 31 and have never been in a relationship. Git gud, scrub!
@@BorisEysbroek Bro is winning in life 😂
@@XiaoGege I also never lost my virginity, because winners never lose😎
As a gen z I think it is so difficult to connect with people, we are so into our own world that the time simply pass. I have very high expectations about my 'perfect partner' and I believe that's why I push people away without even realize it. Like you said we are so tense about this topic. We should stop stressing out and try to open up more!
27 year old man here, whenever I try to talk to women, they single sentence response and shrug. No attempt at conversation, no return question, nothing. Blank wall. How do I talk to you?
Just don't talk to women. It's not even worth it anymore.
@@charlescastle4533 Yup, women don't care.
Don't bother, women don't care about men.
man ignore these blackpillers. if you talk to women and they aren’t interested it could be of various reasons. i would first try to max out your physical appearance (changings cloathes, fix your hair, skin, teeth, bodysmell,…) and then try to talk to women without trying to gain something. set the goals very low like just approach a girl and start a convo. then this amount of rejections. then to fix a date. it’s not much of how you look but rather what comes out of your mouth and how you say it.
I'm gen Z, 2004 girlie....and I never had a crush on real life person. Cartoons, books, movies- I can count at least few fictional characters that I had small crush on. But it never worked in real life. I must admit that because of intense bullying in school years I had awfull trust issues and I was in general really antisocial. But then 7'th grade was a 180° turn in my social life. I started making friends and I was finally recovering from depression. I'm 19 now, never had a crush, never been on date, never had a boyfriend, nothing. And it's not like I don't want a boyfriend. I'm not desperate either, but it would be fun to be in relationship. But whenether I try to imagine myself being with someone it's just a big dark BLANK. I feel like I can't fall in love or feel atracted to other people, never. There was one guy in school that liked me, but I didn't feel anything towards him because we barely knew each other. I'm starting college soon. I'll try my forces in dating, but I'm anxious that I won't feel anything to anyone, LIKE COMPLETE NOTHING
i was just like you when i was 19! like, to the point it's a little eerie lol. but anyway, when i was 20 i met someone at work who i instantly felt some way about. it wasn't butterflies, nor sparks... it was curiosity and a gut feeling that i could trust him, so i agreed to go on my first date ever with him. 2 years later we're still together! relax, live your life and good things will come
You’re just chronically online. Need to focus on living your offline life.
Wow I heavily relate to this
I'm a guy and I feel perfectly fine not being in a relationship.
It almost feels like I don't know what to do if I am put in a situation like that.
I simply like playing cupid for others but it feels weird to see myself in that position of being together with someone
I always prefer chill laid back friendships with no pressure. The idea of relationships make me feel very smothered.
I am keeping an open mind though, but I do not feel incomplete not do I feel a lack of something.
You might be aromatic, its a sexuality on a scale, its either impossible for you to find romantic attraction or you struggle in some way. Its not a bad thing and you dont NEED another person (romantically) to be happy. Usually people come out as asexual or aromatic later in life, because they are told constantly “oh its just not right”. But it not being “just right” can also mean you are aromatic. If there are a LOT of subconscious requirements that all have to be checked off before you like someone that is also asexuality/aromaticisim.
Hey, what you're describing sounds like a pretty common aromantic experience. I would look into it if I were you, and if you have any questions for me (an aromantic and asexual person) I would be happy to help you! I hope this helps /gen
I haven’t been in a relationship by 24 till I met my boyfriend, who had gone through the same thing, and the reason for both of us, as well as probably our siblings (also pretty inexperienced) is the same: child emotional neglect. That thing absolutely obliterates your drive to date, you don’t know the pure love because you never experienced it, you feel worthless and are on defence when it comes to other people, making dating very difficult, because not only you feel like you’re never gonna succeed and get the love you want deep down, but also you never want to try. Because people in your life that are supposed to love you didn’t, so why would anyone else?
And when you start the relationship, you become really clingy, so you also gotta find a person who will take that for a while. And a lot of kids from gen Z were emotionally neglected by busy parents, going to work for long hours
Shame. You’re describing internalised shame. It’s become almost universal over the last 20 years. This is the root emotion haunting culture.
That woman is so right, that waiting for the right person and loving yourself first and working on the best version of yourself doesn't make any of us behind in life. I'm in the working on myself stage these days in life, have been working on myself for nearly a decade now and there are days I'm not sure who I'll end up with or who I'll meet in the future. I feel lonely a lot of the time, but I have to remind myself that the right man will come along. Sometimes I'll read about these people in their 40s getting married and think, oh good. There's still hope for me to find love.
Waiting for the right person is a myth.
When u realise death is the end of the tunnel maybe you’ll recognise that you’re never perfectly ready
@@somegrill7561 Who said anything about waiting until I'm perfectly ready? Shouldn't the whole idea of a relationship be to meet someone you can build with?
“Loving yourself” is a joke
If it makes you feel better, I know two women who didn't meet their perfect partners until they were 40. It gives me hope too
The transition sound effect is driving me crazy
Right? It's so annoying It makes the video unwatchable for me
It could be reduced, but I liked how suspenseful it was. It kept me excited for what's to come lol
Also that the subtitles are wrong in some words
The reverse cymbal is pretty distracting, and it takes away from the points being made
it literally made me click away lmfao it made me irrationally angry 😭😭😭
Chasing perfection is sure way to getting dissapointed. Look things that work. Functional is the key word.
Just be awkward, it’s a lot of fun, and call your awkwardness out. It’s a good laugh and makes you seem kind and don’t take things seriously. And it’s a good laugh. Both party’s start embracing the awkward and humor of the situations.
This doesn't happen.
What fantasy do you live in? Nobody has ever loved the awkward guy people actively hate and trash them or at the very least treat them as less than.
Honestly such great points especially the refuse to get hurt
Ikkk, we got those walls up
@@ChristinaAaliyah it's honestly so hard to recognise we are doing that at times. feel as if the original setting is avoid
I'm 23 and I've had a couple of tiny flings, never had sex. I'm very intuitive with people i meet and have a good vibe-reader. I have kissed like 3 dudes, but none of them were really there for me. My first boyfriend was in HS and he was so genuine and humble until he got popular and basically left me on the back-burner. The second one was just a flirt that acted like i was important only because he wanted 1 thing... The third was the closest i had to a real relationship but he got so busy and he needed to develop love for himself before he could love another, so that one just faded out because he couldn't be there for me either.
Idk what the answer is but from my experience people just kinda suck. I've had plenty of opportunities but the people in question just had bad vibes or were emotionally unable to be there for someone else. I think it's immaturity in other people my age tbh.
Same age as you, i can relate to this- some people just give off bad vibes to us because were listening to our gut and many people cant or wont and so they rush into things. Itll happen when it happens ❤
The common throughput for all of these issues is PASSIVENESS AND COMPLACENCY.
"I don't think you have to love yourself before others can love you"
>Loving yourself = hard/requires effort
>Being loved = passive
"The ick"
>Loving an absolutely perfect person with no flaws = passive/easy
> Getting to know someone and loving them DESPITE their flaws = hard
"I need to be perfect first"
> Not having any flaws and therefore having no reason to be self consciou = easy/passive
> Advocating for yourself and your desire for love and affection, despite your flaws and insecurities = hard
Hookup culture = easy
Getting into a healthy relationship with good communication = hard
Not catching feelings = easy
Talking about your feelings = hard.
Listen to a woman talk about her relationship woes, and she'll basically complain that the perfect guy hasn't just fallen into her lap yet.
And men are basically socially prohibited from pursuing women.
That's how we got here. The women are passive and picky. And the men can't do anything without being a creep.
So many great points! Something I’d like to add is how much my partner and I have changed over the last ten years, both individually and as a couple. Illness, education, beliefs, careers, chronic pain, weight gain, hair loss, wrinkles, parenting, jfc everything will fucking change. More changes yet to come that I can’t possibly imagine or prepare for. When you meet someone you trust and feel comfortable around, build the love from there, everything else will change.
I use to think that I had to get into a relationship quickly! But there’s no rush to get into a relationship or achieve a life milestone. We’re all on our own path in life. I’m 27 now and I got my 1st relationship at 26 which I’m currently happy in
I'll start dating when I'm bored with my life and I'm ready for someone to mess it up. Lmao
😂😂😂
😂😂😭🤣
Personally I also think many isolate themselves and never go out to meet new people. I'm like that too but i don't mind because I'm a nursing student and after a day of work at the hospital all I wanna do is relax at home. I meet new people like colleagues or other students all the time. I've seen way too many ppl in our gen saying they are afraid of meeting new people. We need to push ourselves out of our comfort zones sometimes.
"Stranger danger" did more harm than good, incredibly ironically now nobody trusts anyone
That's me. Except I don't have an overwhelming routine like nursing. I just don't like going out.
lack of third spaces, not to mention, men have been told thousands of times to NOT approach a woman in public. That we are harassing them by doing so.
And they wonder why men dont approach. Good riddance
How do you even meet people if you know nobody and don't live in a good city lmao
Yeah but not everybody has the time, energy and confidence
Honestly really invested in this video. You offered a lot of concise, interesting, and new advice that I feel like our generation just doesn't hear nowadays. Unfortunately it seems like the only options are to hook up a lot, or just be lonely...the normal idea of dating is quickly becoming abnormal.
Anyway, I really enjoyed and subscribed, I love your style of content. Crediting creators, commentary that isn't meaningless, actual takeaways that I can think about after the video, as well as a quick outro lol
Point of clarity for 18:55. You DON'T have to love yourself before others can love you. But you DO have to love yourself before you're ready/able to truly love someone else back.
WOMEN CAN ASK MEN ON DATES! Why do so many people not realize this lol
Alternatively, you can ask the guy you like to ask you on a proper date if he asks to hangout or whatever* you’d be surprised at how many guys will listen to your request lol
I'm 24 and married. Moved to Poland for work. My wife age 26, was crazy about me until she finally came up to me. We would see each other in passing until she asked me to go to dinner with her!
After that, she would more less kinda follow me around lol. Until one day about at three and I was so tired. And she asked if I loved anyone and want to get married. And I said, tired and delirious "I think I love you". Now we're married.
Got me tired, delirious, slightly tipsy off wine...and married. She's a damned genius
@@xpmedia8660 lol I did nearly the same to my fiancée 😂 asked him out, after running into him by chance at a bar.
-Then I ran into him by chance the day we were supposed to go on a first date (we both white-lied and said we were still on our way back from work) and I happened to be walking behind him lol so I tapped him on the shoulder and started our date early.
Then after a year he proposed after being lightly urged by our moms and me after the pandemic😅 but we’re very much in love still after almost 5yrs and I don’t regret a thing! ❤️ happy for you and your relationship !
Edit: I’m 30 but when we can take on kids then I’ll actually get around to planning a small wedding lol
@SchittStane-c4t right! Thanks for validating lol some of my friends are still going about dating wrong, at 30… too many stories to say in the comments section but, I simply don’t understand why women think we need to pretend to have the ego levels of testosterone-filled men lol that’s not how to gain anyone’s respect…
Never been asked out by a woman ever
@SchittStane-c4t Guess woman are too weak willed
we stan a black video-essay queen
girl if u like christina u would love madisyn brown
@@taylorgisele5874 of course i do, madisyn is one of mx favourites!
slay
it’s a bit weird to see someone talking about race on a really cool video
@@giveupndie4559blame your ppl
I don't have social media. 22 yrs old and never had a serious date. Still in college and moving quite slowly. Not insecure but i am so intimidated of going to meet a man when all this manosphere stuff is going around. It's very scary and i struggle to emote generally. I'm very monotone and i have a dry sense of humor. It's something people have to get used to or else i just sound completely uninterested. I can't change the way i speak. I don't trust people to make the effort to stay around while they get used to that enough to start getting past that.
You said you don’t have social media but you somehow know what “manosphere” is? If you can’t change the way you act like opening yourself up and being more expressive than its gonna be impossible for you. Learn to adapt.
I think we accept our OWN flaws more but each others’ flaws less.
I can confirm that, for the longest time I've had this "I'll date once I figure my whole life out" because I don't want to burden someone else with my problems and want to be fully present for them when the time comes.
Thing in video: *_Happens_*
Cymbal SFX: *"It's free real estate"*
Acting like you too young to commit is one of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships, It doesn’t matter how old you are it matters that you really do like the person you are with, instead of wasting time with people you don’t even like that much for cheap thrills or convenience. When it comes to having real values you should start young! Or you’ll regret it in the future 😢
this is so interesting
I agree! I’d rather have a solid foundation of people that really can say they cared about me, rather than cheap thrills
Perfectly said
Sorry - but the people in this video seem broken. Almost robotic. Self-obsessed, materialistic and narcissistic. These qualities are in direct opposition to love. Love is about taking a chance - sharing - loving others - not yourself. You all talk funny - using so many strange and almost mechanical key-words like "better self". It's sad because I don't believe it's your fault. Social media is largely to blame. This is the downside to the internet. You will find "love" (or what you perceive to be love) - but it will be a hollow and shallow experience. Real life experiences will be replaced with insta-pics in an album that nobody will even look at (they are all too busy creating their own "realities"). By the time you realize - it will be too late. There is an escape though - all you have to do - is unplug.
funnily enough I agree
This is it!!!! I completely deleted my social media when I was 19, mostly because I didn't feel as though I was gaining anything from it. I met my husband at 18 and we've been together for 6 years. He's the same age as me and some of the things that have made our relationship last long are very very simple. As partners we simply ask ourselves, "what's at least one thing I can do today, that will make my partner's day a little easier/better?" And we do that everyday. It's not these GRAND displays of love and adoration, it's simply "seeing" the other person and choosing to do something right by them. We're both awkward, and we both have extremely different personalities- but because we choose to be patient with each other and really stay open about communicating our feelings, it's not hard to see why 6 years feels like it's gone by so fast! Relationships are not hard if you're willing to put in a little care and consideration into someone else DESPITE their initial flaws.
@@julisakyani6306Bingo. Relationships are lived experiences. They are not puzzles to be solved or checklists to be filled. Keep on doing your thing. You’re doing it right.
Love doesn't exist.
People need to realize dating is an uphill battle and shit will get hard and your person will become unbearable at times, but that's when the relationship starts. Your flaws is what makes you, YOU. Infidelity isn't a flaw, it's a conscious decision. Dating is about finding a way to offset your flaws with other qualities. No one is perfect and never will be.
Your discussion about learning to love yourself first vs. loving someone else is an important one, as I think the age of social media has made self-criticism and self-loathing all the more accessible, as you yourself explained in your video. Something important on my journey towards loving myself was recognizing the way I am able to give love to others, both in vulnerable, close relationships and in more surface-level connections. Seeing the love I was able to give to others clearly helped me see my own self as a person worthy of that self-love... so I fully empathize with this contradiction!
For a long time I was staunchly in the camp that I needed to love myself first before love would come along. What I think opened me up to experiencing deeper love, both platonic and romantic, was the DESIRE to love myself (even if I hadn't quite gotten there yet). My mindset shifted to see myself as someone I ought to care for just as much as I did for others around me, and to direct compassion towards rather than criticism. I think this helped foster a sense of self-respect that was incredibly important before being truly vulnerable with others, because I also needed to know when to walk away even from a close friendship I'd developed if that person wasn't showing me the respect I know I deserve.
This can be such a "chicken or the egg" dilemma that I find interesting to think about, so thank you for sharing about it in your video!
26 F… literally never been in a relationship. Sometimes I think that I’m the common denominator…
I always felt like since all I had was heartbreak and rejections I was undeserving of love. I always felt like I should have been fake in high school, I should have followed the norms I should have never been myself. Maybe then I would have had a boyfriend. I saw it work with my sister. I shouldn’t have told the truth.. I shouldn’t have worn my personality as a badge of honor. If it got me 26 and loveless it’s a badge of dishonor. It really hurts knowing that I could potentially be alone forever. It’s nice to see I’m not the only one who’s lonely…
You are a girl. Life is unimaginably easy for you. Untill you hit 30. And you aren't far away. I'd say it's more or less over for you
I mean... it depends on what your goal is. If your goal is tocjust date more, presenting a more appealing version of yourself is the logical best practice. If your goal is to get with someone who likes you, right off the bat, then you may just have to accept waiting a bit. It might do you good to change where you're searching, too.
@@MomoDearestt it's literally so easy for you. You are girl whether you choose lesbian pan bi or straight so easy
The lonely generation, lmao. Wonder if we will be remembered that way
@@JF-xm6tuNot if you're unattractive + autistic
The 'me me me' social media style direction so many people in gen z pursue not realize this makes them lose opportunities
I met my husband and had to ask him out AFTER finding another job (to avoid conflict of interest situation) and have been together for 7 years.
im 17 years old, last year i was in a long distance relationship for a few months, sometimes i question whether like it was really a "relationship" however when it ended it really affected how i felt about myself and like my self confidence, it also doesn't help that this girl still stalks my instagram stories despite having a new boyfriend (and has had multiple after me), for times i felt like i was unlovable and completely undeserving, which sucked, recently i started to feel like maybe i possibly know my worth, but stuff like love life makes me question future, not to a point where i don't feel worthy or like it creates a war in my mind, but it pops up occasionally, i used to really question "am i good enough?" "am i good looking enough?" and whatever, but man all i really want is to be loved by someone.
I’m 23 and have been single my whole life. I was terrible about crushing on girls I barely knew and struggling to get to know them because they made me nervous. Somewhere along the way, a girl developed a crush for me. It was really obvious, but I barely knew her and thought I wouldn’t like her. Eventually, she asked me out. At first, I wanted to say no. But then I thought back on all the mistakes I’ve made and decided to give her a chance. Turns out, we have a lot in common. I’m looking forward to getting to know her more.
that cymbal sound effect drives me crazy i couldnt finish this video
girl don’t stop making these videos, you’re my favorite person on yt to watch ❤ thank you!!
I've been fat my whole life (even when I wasn't, I still had a curvy figure) and I grew up around skinny, light or white girls/women. Demographic plays a huge role bc I was basically invisible in those circles but I got a steady flow of men when I was around other POC. Demographics will have you convinced you're ugly. I'm 26 and I've never been in a relationship (dated plenty). I'm from a small rural town so pickings have always been slim. I feel like my dating pool would be much larger if I lived in a more populated area bc whenever I visit the city, I get so much attention.
You can easily change that by diet and exercise. Its just mentally hard to change yourself and what you do.
This is so real thanks for pointing it out!! Demographics is important in so many ways- you literally may just not be around the type of people who would love you yet lol
I'm 21, and I have never had a boyfriend, girlfriend, or romantic partner. I'm also autistic and it is hard for me to express my feelings and have gotten rejected by or had people not understand that I was asking them out or had people get mad at me for taking forever to repsond because I was taking my time to think of a proper response to their text. For me, it's because I'm autistic, plus I discovered as a late teen/young adult that I prefer to date women or nonbinary people as opposed to dating men.
Im 22, i've dated my age and older and GOD do women treat me terribly, i've checked out. I dont wanna do it anymore. Im the romantic type, gifting flowers and all that and its never enough for them, i've dated different women of race, creed, skin colour, culture, ect and they're all acting the same, mentally or even physically abusive and nothing is ever enough, it really hurts cuz all i want is to give love but im never given it back. Hell the first time i got a gift from a partner i cried and guess what... she broke up with me a week later.
That’s so sad.
I feel sorry for you. I actually am the same way but my problem is that I don't open up in the end.
There was a girl I wanted to gift flowers to for birthday but I didn't do it bc I was scared xD
Now I moved away and our ways are far apart. Maybe I'll see her again and get a grip
That little cymbal crescendo sound effect makes this borderline unmatchable
It feels like you can only hear “self love” so many times before it sounds repetitive. Being 32 and still on the whole “Self Love til you find someone” path. The door feels like it’s constantly narrowing and it gets harder to keep hope that someone will come along. As a response to this, it becomes so much easier to accept the reality that life really might be just you alone until the end. No matter how hard you try to improve and do better/ connect and try to keep ppl involved and around in your life.
The advice to focus on yourself until you’re in a better place is good but after years of practicing it and not making any progress on having anyone interested, the lone wolf mentality truly starts to take place and becomes the mindset to keep a lonely mind still standing on this Earth. Gen Z is still young so there is hope, but there is also needs to be a reality that is recognized that even if nobody loves you, there is the possibility that you will be alone for the rest of your life, and being mentally strong and realizing this sooner rather than later, can be a key concept to grasp.
People are talking like you can’t become jaded or bitter later on 💀
Y’all keep following all this toxic videos on tik tok or RUclips about how to date and manipulate men. Pretty much how to play games 101 instead of being yourself. And then you wonder why this generation can’t date. Add that in with the terrible attention spans, there ya go ✨
it’s too much content lol
Totally agree, both sides learn how play games of manipulation. If you are your authentic self, your out. I hate it.
Men....literally do the same. Have you seen the recent waves of incels, Alphas and Sigmas who use the loverboy method? Lets not push everything on women.
@@peachwhite-333incels cannot manipulate women otherwise they won't be incels, they just hate on male improvement because they believe everything is hopeless and predetermined.
Alphas by definition would not need to be loverboys however are encouraged to sleep around because girls who just want to party turn 20 every single day, they can just keep going.
Sigma's however is a problem I agree because most guys would fit into that category of males who relate to that content. They consume the most toxic content that has real world harms in relationships because they've been scorned in the past or secretly want to be alphas. Incels just don't have that impact, they're ignored in the real world.
Except most reasonable people widely acknowledge them as clowns, something that does not happen with dating gurus for women. @@peachwhite-333
I agree with a lot of your points. I think the biggest one for me is the over strategizing and maximization of what you can get out of someone in a relationship. That makes it seem harder to date fr.
I will say though it’s a catch 22, because our generation isn’t like this for no reason either, people are just hyper aware and sensitive of being hurt and there’s an overall overcorrection.
I think the main thing is finding someone that’s committed to personal growth and growing with you and you’ll be okay because like you said, perfection doesn’t exist.
21 year old Gen Z male here. I’ve never had a girlfriend and still have my V-card. Never done anything with anyone. I’m relatively good looking but I really do feel like I’m going to be alone until I die. I feel like the time to find someone and start a family is running out. While that worries/scares me, I feel that it’s a fact that I’m going to need to accept. Period.
Bro you're 21 not 41. Chill a little, you got plenty of time. Focus on meeting people in real life. Do fun stuff where you're likely to meet people and strike up a conversation or friendship first
@@barbaraw1245 I know personally that this doesn't work. I can make women friends very easilly. They're just never interested in anything more.
Legit had one girl tell me "I was interested, but then we became friends."
I don't know how to flirt, I was never taught and no one has ever flirted with me so idk how to even do it or what it looks like.
To some dudes in the comments, please stop assuming that being a woman guarantees you dates. It is not true. It is also hurtful to hear people saying this all the time, when my life has been me (a woman) always having to make the first move and constantly being rejected. It makes me feel like I am inherently broken, because women are supposed to always get dates right??? No.
I think the most important reason you talked about is refusal to open up and refusal to get hurt. I'm 22, have never been in a relationship and don't plan to. Like, I'm leaving room for something completely unexpected, but under "normal" circumstances just no. And I don't relate to anything in the video except for refusing to open up. I'm content with who I am, I believe I'm quite likeable from both appearance and personality point of view (at least the personality that I present to others). But I just don't want to open up. I feel like I really need to admire a person in order to accept the possibility of getting hurt by them. And the standards for that are very high and very specific. Otherwise I'd rather stay single.
Confidence and not being too picky are the keys 🔑 🎉
As a 36yo millenial who has had all of 1 relationship (and LD at that)... yeah, literally all of this is why I have (basically) never dated. Like, all through my 20s, it was because I had depression, and I told myself that I didn't want to put that on another person by entering into a relationship while dealing with mental health issues...even though I wouldn't hold the other person to that standard? I also was overweight and used that as an excuse/shield, like well of course I'm not looking to date because no one would want me anyway. And even though I genuinely am not wanting a relationship right now (I like my free time belonging just to myself...and my cats), I think I use any issues I'm working through as an excuse too. Being open and vulnerable are active things i am working on, too.
“I’ll start dating when I have money” super big for myself. I went flat broke with the last one.
Middle aged man here for a different perspective. First, relationships take work and practice, so you’ll only be a better partner after you’ve shared time. Secondly find someone to ‘better yourself’ with as a team, don’t wait to be better first, its not going to happen and you’re missing out on good things (also you’re probably just fine the way you are despite what people selling things tell you). Thirdly you’ll hate me for saying this but checklists for a partner will leave you lonely and unsatisfied. If you feel great when they are around and can have a disagreement then move on, that’s a great start. The rest you can both work on together as a team. Team work makes the dream work.
these are great insights thank you
I see some other comments pointing this out as well but I wanted to make the point a little more poignantly: waiting for the “perfect person” is probably a bad idea, but so is choosing not to date because no one fits the right description and playing it off as “I’m working on myself”. Unless you’re going to therapy or doing some serious reflection, your flaws that will be brought to light in a relationship are REALLY hard to identity by yourself without that input from the other party. This is why dating in teens and twenties is important-you learn the basics when there’s still time to make mistakes and have fun. That doesn’t mean starting to date in your twenties is “behind”, but there is something to be said for having that practice in youth. Above all though, we all just need to go do it (I know it’s not that easy for everyone), our generation needs the practice.
I think the story about the man and the horse is a story from ancient China (technically China didn't exist as a state at this time) set in the warring spring - autumn period (770 - 481 BC). Sai Weng Shi Ma (塞翁失马焉知非福) In story the old man (Sai Weng) lived at a fortress and loved to raise horses, but one day of his horses ran away. His neighbours came to console him, but he said to them we don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing. Later the horse not only returned but brought another horse (A stallion), his neighbours came to congratulate him but he said again we don't know if it a good or bad thing. Later his son was riding that stallion but fell down and broke his legs. His neighbours came to console him, but he said we don't know if it is good or bad thing. Finally a year later there was a call to war, but his son couldn't fight as his legs didn't heal well, so he wasn't drafted. Everyone who fought in that war died. So the morale of the story is that sometimes good things can turn bad, and bad things turn good. So don't be either too optimistic or pessimistic when facing whichever situation.
Oh shoot... The perfect thing is so relatable. I feel such a need to be 'good enough' before i can be with anyone again. I graduated college, but not the job.
I can drive, but i don't have my driver's liscenes, so that would just be a burden on someone i was dating. Im a great friend, but i have so much anxiety around dating, and ive only dated one person so far. There is so much i don't have experience with and i don't want to disappoint or fall short on those more 'physical' things that i dont feel comfortable with.
Im also autistic, which has its own ups and downs.
The best way to stay single is taking so much advice from social media specifically TikTok. I absolutely despite those TikToks with tarot cards laid out and the creator stating “you came across my video because it was meant for you” fueling so many young people’s delusions. I used to be friends with someone who was chronically online and even went back to an ex because she went on TikTok and took some tarot card bs as a sign to go back to an ex but ended up getting cheated on.
It’s ok to date someone that you know won’t be the love of your life. getting hurt is important to learn from those relationships and figure out what you really need from a relationship.
I was in a situationship for 2 years in college thinking I loved this man and stuck in a very toxic environment because I thought who he was, was who I wanted.
I’m now married to someone I was friends with for years and he was patient and accepting of my anxiety over my “lack of experience”. We turn 8 years together this year and couldn’t be happier
That’s so cute!! Thanks for the inspiration :)
As a 23 year old man I’ve been trying to date, trying to court woman but a lot of the woman I’ve met have been broken from past relationships or are just playing games, it’s disappointing sometimes but the best thing we can all do is reflect, move on and keep meeting new people.
Some people have just had enough. So I don’t blame them.
I'm nearly 30 and I distanced myself from dating at an early age because of my parents and autism. Years of people being rude from first interaction onwards is frequent but it is so much worse if it is when you are trying for friends or a relationship. I live alone and moved out but it seems like living alone is the only option for me when I think about dating.
Also an autist, relationships are simply not for us. They locked us out of it.
I'm not gen z, but middle to young side of gen y. And I can tell you all that the perfection is boring. Its your flaws and quirks that sets you apart.
I’m 16 and I know I’m young and have so much life and experience to come. But it feel like all my life I’ve been watching my friends and my family who are close in age to me be in serious relationships and deeply in love while I haven’t started yet. Despite my best efforts I always feel less than because no one shows me interest. It’s not like people are saying I’m ugly, or annoying, or something I can work on or “fix” they just aren’t interested in me. That does so much damage to how you fell about yourself and can cause that refusal to open up to people. My mindset was always like why would I open up if no one is even showing me interest to begin with, I’m trying to change that but I feel like this is an experience that so much of Gen z can relate to simply because we’re not the white and skinny ideal.
Loving yourself means having standards/boundaries and value for yourself- so, so important. If you don’t respect yourself the power balance is awful. A crappy relationship in my 20s taught me this. ❤the guy was a cheating narcissist jerk but when I didn’t respect/love myself I always avoided conflict and never communicated my needs- I’ve defiantly improved this and now I’m happy 😊