Tbh it gets worse when hookup culture gets more normalize, like a lot of people ended up endlessly looking for more more more and even they want to settle down with someone theyre still going to think "I think there's someone better out there"
@@dva5610honestly at the end of the day it’s 18 years of commitment to a kid that’ll take off 2/3 of ur pay so if u get w the wrong freaky person, u might regret it
A lot of women on dating apps are picking men that are too good looking for them so obviously those men won’t want to commit to them because they know they CAN do better. These women just get stuck in situationships indefinitely because they are picking extremely unrealistically and being strung along for a hookup.
Women use this "strategy" on men most of the time. It's called a "neediness test." It wastes so much time. Essentially, the man sends a text and she'll deliberately ignore it for days to see if you text back in quick succession. If you text her back, it's determined that "you're too needy" and therefore lack masculinity. Sick of this bullshit, but as a guy, it's a game you must play. Only thing to do is date multiple people while this neediness shit test comes in order to show her you have options.
@@MegaAvalonna girl was begging to get my snap and everything, me being a 3/10 at the time who never worked out, didn’t even have good hygiene, or cool friends, because I rejected her on the last day of school the year before, never talked to any of her friends all summer. legit surround urself with a videogame every time u feel bored, everyday, everyday a new videogame/new challenge like idk shoot 100 3 pointers in 1 day (basketball) n trust, the baddies will come cuz while other dudes are chasing/playing/available, u doin ur own shi not even aware they exist and they like that
@@MegaAvalonntrust me bro more girls liked me when I had zero social medias, more then the guys w thousands of followers n good looks, just be known for horrendous tales/behavior while being unavailable 24/7 and you’ll be sure to have a girl soon
As a guy, I honestly think the same. Meeting someone you know nothing about with the intent of possibly getting into a relationship IS unnatural, maybe the problem is that we've become so antisocial that people don't even get the chance to develop those connections that could eventually lead to being in a relationship.
Thats how Ive always wanted my relationships to be. A pure friendship that develops into atraction. Is also why I'd have liked to meet a partner during my school years. Now as a 24 yo man, I dont have the mecanisms to meet a girl at that level.
@@Axelmon2000 You can always find girl friends (Like any other friends) in alot of spaces other than school, like hobby related spaces or at work, uni. I found most of my friends, (some of which I've dated) in art hobby spaces, because well, I love art. There are always girls in the world who enjoy the things that you do too. Even if it's like... army stuff, idk... I known girls, both femme and masc who really liked learning about guns and stuff.
And stop watching race bait content in wich we see some women acting on stereotypes acting like it is the norm… or some predatory guys who make all of them look bad. Stereotyping and generalising are literally KILLING all the progress that has been made and will bring us all down into a new dark age very soon if we can’t get this shit under control. Project 2025 for example… Taking back rights of people because we believe some random sterytope and generalisation more than seeing people as individuals with different traits and SPEAKING to them as such.
the problem is so many irl spaces done exist anymore, plus the pervasive sentiment from women online that they fear all men as predators has made most simply never want to apporach one in real life for fear that the woman will make a video about them and try to ruin their lives.
I heard a better saying than the shopping one for modern dating: "Modern dating is like walking in a desert for men, while for women, it's like walking through a swamp. Both want clean water"
Thus according to your words - a regular guy for a woman is a swamp (not quality option). At the same time a regular girl for a man is a viable option. This is disgusting. You girls are telling on yourself.
As a guy, I found that dating apps destroyed my confidence at 19-20 years old. It's like playing a game that's designed for you to lose. After being left dumbfounded and confused by the lack of options I had, I wondered to myself "what is it about me that's so repulsive?" I know my worth, and I have too much self-respect to ever go on those apps again.
As a woman, men in real life are MUCH MUCH more attractive than online. Women value men’s actions and how will you display your masculinity and leadership skills through an app? It’s incredibly hard. Dating apps profit off of insecurity and a dysfunctional society. The more miserable single people they’re the more profit they make so don’t be part of their scheme and go out to meet real woman. Trust me you’ll be surprised after you build your confidence up how many woman you’ll attract. Good luck!
@@MarbleCat. Not true. I’m a young woman and want a young man. In fact I dated a man 4 years younger than me. Older men are fear mongering younger men to think they aren’t desirable so they can hog all the younger women to themselves. DON’T fall for it. As long as you have somewhat of a decent job, good character, healthy and a decent personality you’ll have many young woman open to you.
@@BashaerB-h2c "decent job" when majority of women wont date men who makes less than them nowadays women tend to have better education and paying job than men how is it gonna work? thats why men are opting out of dating market literally 80% of men rn prefer to stay single those men are in dating apps are most likely looking for hook ups and most of them are in relationship too. my first comment just plan to scare men away from dating market. did u notice the pattern yet?
People look for matches, when they should look for friends. I met my partner through a mutual hobby. Used an app to meet people for group activities like picnics, board games, sports. We had great vibes, met up asides our hobby group and got together a few months later and moved together shy before our first anniversary. No match making, no online chatting, no expensive dating. We connected person-to-person through interests and fell in love. People need to get out and touch grass 😅
I met someone recently. she is the spark to my life. I love her so much. She loves me for who I truly am. And I love her too! I met her through a post high graduation program where I live. She came into my life at exactly the right time.
Honestly? Online is the only way I could meet people. I am autistic and queer, and I always felt too different, never able to truly fit in. When I learned to mask better, I was abl to get along with colleagues and peers, but I still wasn't able to make friends from around me. Online friendships were and still arethe first real friendships I had where I felt I could be myself. Ironically, it was also through dating apps that I was able to make friends. I only met one friend by pure chance, but compared to the many other friends I met online, she is the only one I first met irl at a random summer job. Right now, I still wish I could get in a relationship, but dating can be really difficult. I can't seem to actually attract women. It is already difficult for lesbians to date, so imagine me, an autistic queer person with anxiety and an overly intense personality😅many people don't find me romance material, but friendship material. I am not really complaining because I really value and feel extremely grateful for the friendships I made, but I do sometimes wish I could also get to experience something romantic.
ppl in relationships are too busy tryna stay away from the internet so it makes sense that u won’t get any advice from them I mean think about 1 couple that ain’t celebrities who fr giving out daily advice
Every generation had cheating problems it's just significantly easier to get caught now. Shit in 1950s you could have a family in 2 different counties and no one would know the better.
nah people are TOO chill. not commitment or taking dating serious leads to hookup culture and situationships. people need to be MORE serious and LESS chill
I feel its the extremes on both sides shouting the loudest and everyone in the middle is so tired to the point that they either completely checked out or flocked to either side of the extreme. Oh, and the "I can do everything myself" mindset that has been heavily pushed especially after/during the pandemic is one of the root causes of how the dating scene looks now imo.
@@ChristinaAaliyah 1) it’s not just the extremes shouting the loudest, it’s the extremes that are shouted about the most. Channels where young men are shown ridiculously entitled women presented as tho that’s the norm, and channels where young women are shown predatory men and are led to infer that that’s just who men are 2) the broader tendency of men and women to occupy different online places goes far beyond these dating-adjacent channels. It’s as tho… in the past people would often get along best with someone who moved there from the same country or the same state or the same type of location (both from tiny towns with farmer friends etc) … because coming from a similar place helps mean not only that you’ll have similar past experiences but also that you’ll readily identify with their interpretation of new experiences. But in today’s world, the places that we’re from are largely online spaces. Men and women are on average inhabitants of very different online places. It’s a man and woman from the same city having barriers to connection analogous to dating someone from a separate culture.
Hyperindividualism is a problem in so many areas of life.. so horrible. Because it shouldn’t be ”you need to learn everything”, but ”try be as good part of the society you are in.” Which means there are others to make up for your challenging areas and make it easier for you.
Some women have social networks because they work on it. But it's not a given to anyone. Nothing is. No specific gender or person is owed anything in life unfortunately. We all have to work on it. The pandemic made it worse and weakened the connections and social skills of people. But rather than giving up, people need to push past the pain & being uncomfortable. We all have to grow. As you get older, it's more uncomfortable but we can never stop learning or growing. Just because you are an adult, doesn't mean that's it. How you are is not how you always will be.
But most women are taught the proper skills/etiquette, and socialized much more than men are…We really do have to hammer home that it is a personal thing to work on, while also realizing how society is kind of stacked against guys in this one (admittedly very small compared to the privileges they have) aspect of society…and cut some slack/sympathy when necessary
women left behind men a long time ago in the workforce and in social skills . Men cant reach their full potential without women . When a guy doesn't have nothing to fight for he becomes useless. And being useless is like a poison for any man it kills him slowly.
Women learn to socialized better than men do. Theres other things to take into account, like gender bias. Women are the preffered gender in almost every social scenario. Men will side with women 3/4 times, women will side with women 4/4 times. Women dont have to go through the effort of proving themselves, it's just a given unlikely men, men in most scenarios will be scene as a threat of some kind before anything else. Women are seen as valuable and innocent almost regardless of what they do, it's the opposite for men.
I'm 26 and I'm never dating ever again, I've had enough of older people saying I'll find the right one, I don't even want to find anyone, I just want to stay single and be at peace.
I stopped caring about actively searching for a date, it's weirdly liberating but it hurts as well. Given that my goals are longer to complete, I'm flexible with finding a long term partner but it's not something to focus all my efforts on. I used to be so hooked on the idea of finding a a relationship, but i realized i just wanted to not feel lonely.
This is so important and I’m so glad you came to this conclusion on your own. I can’t get any of my single friends to see this. I feel like when we try too hard to find love, we create all this friction, and it becomes even harder for it to come to us. Just let go and be you, do things you enjoy because it brings you joy, treat yourself nicely because it feels good to be treated nicely, you know? Be what you’re looking for, too.
@elizabethrobison3128 agreed, you need to feel 100% good on your own first(not prioritize a relationship so much that it hurts) to be able to better find a quality relationship later that doesn't screw your life up due to desperation making you an easy target for jerks that know they can get away with more due to your fear of being alone, and on the other side of the spectrum, no quality person wants to date a desperate person man or woman solely for the question in their mind of "are they truly dating me because they like me or am I just a place holder and anyone would do to fill that void?" You could be completely genuine, but if desperate, the other person may never know of your sincerity and they will never feel that they are special to you. And bonus, you learn more about what you want in life outside of relationships, so that your identity is not lost when a relationship happensXD
Im turning 33 this year. I met my wife at 29. I was played, cheated on, physically hit, by former girlfriends before and at one point was ready to gove up. But i kept believing that there was someone out there who was going to love me. I stopped listening to the dating advice of my friends and online because at the end of it, all their advice was pretty bad. I went on our date with a full heart knowing that this might get me hurt ot be the one and i picked right. Banking on hope was always better than banking that its going to fail. My advice after now being married this year is go at your own pace. Dont listen to the online discourse because thats the best way to stay single and unhappy. Know that you mught be disapponted, but also have hope that this next person will be the best thing that happened to you. Enjoy the ride, even during the bumpy parts because there will be those times, and most importantly, dating should be fun. It was for me, i hope it is for everyone reading this too. Sorry im not the greatest woth words, but you get my pont lmao
I feel the same way. I don’t even go out that much in order to meet people anymore cause I feel so rejected by everyone. Really caused me to fall back into porn which is incredibly depressing
Women arent struggling. That's the problem. They arent having to pick from a pool of bad choices, the average simply isn't appealing because their pool is so massive. Women don't even consider average. I have yet to meet a man without more redeeming qualities than not. For a man, no matter what he chooses, he has to settle. Very few men get to pick their partner which is why you find men are for the most part, content in relationships while women leave a staggering 93% of the time
😔 just when i thought we could all come together lol. i am sorry for any hurt you/those close to you are experiencing that may have caused this reaction to my comment! i can agree that, at least in regard to dating apps, men do tend to get the short end of the stick🤷♂️ however, my favorite point from this video was how we tend to generalize groups in harmful ways - men do this, women don’t do that, etc. - it builds resentment on both sides because there are absolutely exceptions:) while i have male and female friends that are struggling in the dating scene, i also have male and female friends and loved ones that are in happy relationships that wouldn’t agree that they are settling at all! hope you have a great day and may you/your loved ones experiences improve!
The problem is that guy's struggle is "I'm dehydrated in the middle of the desert without a thing in sight" and girl's struggles are "omg, I'm kind of thirsty in the middle of a lake but the water looks yucky". Sure, both have problems but not really comparable.
@@anika.artistawe have to acknowledge that the issues the sexes faces are different at some point. We have studies & stats to back it up Men will continue to drop out of dating & higher education at increasing rates. Never in history has this ever been a positive thing for a society Usually means the end of a society is near & violence will follow as everyone attempts to create a new one with their visions & ideologies
Yeah. People don't realize that we're way way more similar than you might think. Physically and psychologically. I won't say that we all go through the same things, but almost all issues on one side have a parallel on the other.
I spent about 19-24 on dating apps on and off. They ruined my self esteem. I mean killed it. A complete waste of time…I don’t think men or women should be on them. It’s horrible for society! I’m SO thankful I met my lady through mutual friends back in April! She’s everything I’ve ever asked for in a woman and I love her so much :) I’ll be proposing in the next 3-5 months, and I can’t wait to share the rest of my life with her I love you Abby 💛
Yeah if those apps worked they would go out of business... That's great dude, think about that marriage hard tho, it has no benefits and the numbers are not realy in our favor.
Everyone has extremely high standards and no one is willing to accept that people have flaws or things they won't necessarily like about the other. I feel like my generation is so focused on not being hurt by another person, so we want our partners to be perfect and great all the time. That just wont happen, though. You have to be willing to work with someone's flaws and shortcomings, and accept that they will still have them even when they get better. Not to mention everyone battles with their insecurities and hangups. It's real hard out here
My standards are high with some flexibility. ❤ I feel like so many women sadly are having unrealistic standards that too many men couldn’t meet or exceed
@@christiansnaturestudio6599 Yes, I think that largely comes from women being afraid of being harmed/taken advantage of by men so they become very critical and hyper vigilant. I've met men who just want a companion so they'll date anyone, but this is harmful, too bc that breeds resentment in an unfulfilling relationship. We're in it for the long haul with the loneliness epidemic methinks 😅
@fleurdelalune8745 It’s true that men are more likely to date and stay in a relationship with a woman who really isn’t what he wants, just to be in a relationship. The problem is it comes out in his treatment of her. Eventually she breaks up with him and she’s labeled as being heartless or having standards that are too high.
Married millennial here. As someone who focused looking online to meet someone, 2013-2015 online dating was fun. I met several great people and eventually my wife. Back then it was cheap and had better access to meeting people. Now I’m hearing my friends having the same hard time online dating as it is to get a good job. Which is not good. The truth is, modern internet has made too many people narcissistic without any reason to be that way.
Noticed that as well given they've grown up occupied by what's on mobile devices than in person interaction as generations before them did. Why should kids in the neighbourhood meet up with their BMXs outside going on adventures when you can spend hours sitt8ng in your room on your phone or computer in group chats or scrolling through short form content on social media. No wonder why dating and relationships have turned out a mess for them. 🤷🏾♂️
Communication isn’t the issue. This is simply humans reverting back to primitive mating strategies. The only reason we’re able to build thriving societies is because we artificially intervene with our own mating practices. Nowadays those systems of marriage and duty have been dissolved into materialism and “me me me”.
You have to sift through these: 1. People who are frivolous (not serious) 2. People who chat with multiple people (wasting your effort) 3. People who are just looking for someone better (already has a BF or marrying soon) 4. Girls who likes attention (turns you into one of their "fans" or admirers) 5. Easy come, easy go (ECEG) (ghosting) 6. People who play hard to get (by stonewalling or pretending) 7. People who ignores you or mistreats you
The thing is , me as a Gen Z, I have learned that if someone doesn't want me , then i'm not gonna try to convince them other way( even though there are kids, who have grown up with the idea that they can change another person). Plus, i believe that some of us ain't dating , bcus of at least three things that are going on in our live''s: 1.Insecurity( also believing social media, that someone is toxic bcus of one trait), also the ick lists( like it makes some of us scared that we need to be the perfect version even though no one is perfect) 2.Not having time(school, job, gym) to just get to know anyone or not having the energy to do so 3.The belief that leading on multiple people can get you to your dream partner or it's like ''show him you have options'', or '' don't be yourself'' ''3month rule'' , like everything nowadays is just crazy( I love being myself around that person the first time we meet- like i'm not becoming an entire different person just for someone, whom I've known a month or less. Most important thing isn't getting a boyfriend\ girlfriend, the most important thing is to learn how to love yourself, because it's impossible to love someone else without loving yourself in the first place. Some of us know how to date without following toxic tiktok advice.
I totally agree. Especially with the point 3. People have the pressure to win other the person in front of them. The toxic advice come from attempt of dating toxic people. The goal is to be yourself and love yourself. The rules of how to date will appear naturally
Yeah I couldn't agree less to this. It's true plus Idk why but I've known people who are in long term relationships for years and aren't married and those who've only known each other for a few months and get married right away. I feel like those who get married right away need to step back and ask themselves why are they getting married right away. Is it social media, is it peer pressure from friends and family, feeling behind in life.
I got into a long term relationship my sophomore year of college and that relationship ended recently. Suddenly I’m 25 and have no idea where or how to start dating. I went thru a rough patch in my life outside of the relationship and ended up destroying myself and our relationship which I was blind to until about a few months after it ended and I’m still struggling to forgive myself for losing an amazing woman who gave me years to realize what I was doing and change. That’s why I’m not actively seeking a relationship but Im also not deliberately avoiding opportunities to meet new people. Problem is regardless of if I was looking for something or not there hasn’t even been a chance or opportunity I literally have had no romantic interaction whatsoever. Last time I was single in college and you’d just stumble into flirting or speaking with people all the time but being single at 25 I have no idea where to even begin. I feel weird about speaking to women at work unless there’s a reason to and same thing with the gym cause both those places people are there for a specific reason. I am alright with being single and have grown to enjoy the time to myself, but me as well as everyone who’s said they gave up and want to be single are happy until you get in ur car late at night and there’s no one’s hand to hold while you drive… you get into bed at night and there’s no one there to roll over and cuddle with… You have exciting news and after you tell the group chat there’s no one else to tell… you see a couple just walking enjoying each other and you have no one to share those feelings with.
@@Lexxnoo425 No it isn't. If you make it to 26 with no intimate experience with other people you will naturally come to realize something is wrong with you. Either this dude is extremely shy and needs to start forcing himself to leave comfortable situations or there's something physically and or socially off about him that scares people away. He needs to take initiative now or he will experience major amounts of despair in his later years.
@@ainoskimusic So clearly the solution is to disconnect and dissociate. Aka touch grass. But I think there’s a subset of the population that will never do this and will also always value the very shallow aspects of one another on social media.
Is it? Or does the Internet simply magnify the issue? I'm going with the latter. The real problem is spiritually related. What people seek is inner fulfillment and they think material gain will give that to them when it won't. Humans have been dealing with this problem for all of history. The Internet only makes it visible.
@@famemosterrrrr A lot of Gen Z were not raised on the internet, especially the older ones, and neither were millennials who also have this problem. It doesn’t matter, it’s right now that people are poisoned by social media.
It’s normal to date somebody who you’re physically attracted to but if you are truly in love with somebody you wouldn’t need to “explore your other options” you wouldn’t need to think about it you would know that they’re the one and this is not a gender problem I don’t like it when people say “men are the problem” or “women are the problem” no this is a generation problem if I’m just an option to her then I find that very disrespectful I wouldn’t do that to a woman if I’m talking to a woman that I like she is the only woman that I’m talking to and I expect that same respect back
Exactly. I started talking to this one guy and he kept ghosting me from time to time. I just assumed he was exploring his other options and left. Modern dating is crap. Meeting people in coincidence, becoming friends and falling in love is the best way to go.
@@rimimukherjee4 yeah and since I’m one of her “options” I need to prove my worth to her? So she can choose me over her other options? That’s not how dating works you’re supposed to stick with one person who you’re physically attracted to and who you’re compatible with and if that falls through only then are you allowed to talk to someone else
@@adamg6369that’s not best for women as we have a biological clock, so rotational dating makes more sense as it wastes less of our time. And yes, as mammals, the male has to prove himself before he can mate, are you new to earth?
In my experience, the best healthiest relationships happen when you’re not looking for it. When you are truly comfortable on your own and then some person comes along that you just like so so much as they are that you feel like wanting to spend your time around them. When you choose dating apps, you are actively seeking something with other people actively seeking which while there’s some stories of people finding a great match, that won’t be the case for most of us
What I got from this video: You have so much love inside (abundance mindset) don't be afraid of catching feelings or being hurt, BUT discern properly, just like the way you choose your friends: same morals + having fun together = friend! Meet people and when your needs are met, there is a proper chance there.
Yeah, think that about sums it up, I mean hell I look at my parents and they're are high school sweethearts and have been going strong for a few decades and they both described it as your spouse being your best friend
Everyone isn’t willing to settle but in reality the is the person they claim is settling is on their level, but people think way too highly of themselves
I think a big part is also respecting your OWN boundaries. Ppl get into situationships, dates, etc. getting hurt again & again wondering why it always happens to them. And while there are absolutely a**holes out there, if it becomes almost a routine, you have to start looking at yourself. Are you respecting your own boundaries? If you want something serious, why do you keep talking to ppl that won't in hopes of 'fixing' them? Are you communicating your own needs? It's not always them not respecting us, often it's us not respecting OURSELVES (and the other one just mirrors our behaviour.)
This is so true honestly and I've struggled with this. BUT I've also been on dating apps over and over and over again and I will say that the people who will give attention are (from my own experience) the ones that want to love bomb and play games and confuse you. I've never had a person who had intentions of taking things seriously swipe right and put in the effort and obviously I know I'm not perfect but my friends have experienced the same nonsense. Too many people are avoidant and it's exhausting. But also going back on the self respect. It's also really hard for some people to NOT pursue a relationship because they've never experienced romantic love. I used to prioritize finding romantic love because I never experienced it as a teen and I was excited by the prospect. then I went through 5 situationships and I decided it's better to stay away. but it was really difficult to make that decision because I've always envisioned myself having a healthy and happy relationship and I still crave it tbh🤷🏽♀️ and yes I give my friends so much love and care so I'm not neglecting my platonic relationships. but it's so difficult when you've only ever received rejection in romantic situations and all you've ever wanted is to give out that kind of love to someone.
@@marymarthamacmillan6908the guys a woman has a situationship with are guys that have tons of situationships. Because those are the guys that are desirable. And they are never ever going to commit because they are so rare and women are so willing to share them that they have a constant fresh supply of new short term partners. But only a tiny number are in this category as most guys aren’t desirable enough to have situationships. The men that will commit are now even less desirable to these women because their appetite for a man’s quality has been inflated by their past situationships with men they didn’t belong with if relationships were reserved for commitment instead of non-commitment. Situationships should be looked upon with scorn yet it’s the total opposite. Situationships make a normal world impossible yet the top men that get them and the mid women that subsequently have sexual access to top men are a strong enough allegiance that situationships dominate the world. Everyone is harmed in the long run except for the top men and the about one fifth of women who are naturally promiscuous. You’d think women would wake up to this and change their ways but I’d bet things are just getting started as there’s no indication that the situationship faction, the vast majority of women, are capable of analyzing what’s going on.
@@marymarthamacmillan6908situationships should be looked on with scorn yet somehow it’s the opposite. YT sensors this opinion because the corporate machine relies on weak people with weak relationships. They don’t want people capable of forming deep bonds with another that would allow them to fulfill the top parts of Maslows hierarchy of needs.
Just a reminder to everyone that dating apps don't represent real life at all. 1. Firstly, the gender ratio is heavily imbalanced, there's like 3 men for every woman so. It's impossible for everyone to "win" 2. since you can't present your personality on dating apps, it's hyper focused on looks, and even then it's just still images 3. There's no verification so ppl on there could have criminal records (1 of the main reasons why there're usually less women on the apps) and catfishing is common. 4. And at the end of the day, they're apps designed to make money, and they do that by trying to keep you on there as much as possible and getting you to pay premiums. If they truly worked, the companies behind them would be broke
But they have pulled the mask off of women. When I was young we all really believed that women were less superficial than men, and that they were more responsible and mature. Now there is a generation of men who know that all of that is totally untrue, and the only people around to give them advice can't relate to their situation at all.
@@ryss335women are the issue Nat they are the gatekeepers to relationships and sex mostly😭 they are the ones who imbue these ludicrous and voluminous standards
The apps really do make it harder so you feel like you need to spend money. Like you see a guy or girl you really like. Their profile seems great and they look great but you can say anything them without paying.
I’m not the oldest gen z I’d say bridging the gap and yeah I hate what’s becoming of everybody in my generation it’s become all “do this do that you’ll get people like this money this money that”
@@raikerthedestroyer4092 im on the cusp of genz millenial so I was in high school college when Instagram blew up and I think that's really when it started bc facebook wasn't so bad. Instagram started giving people this heightened sense of reality
I relate to most of what you said, but I feel like, in dating, I fail at the very beginning - I don't text people first, or I ghost them. It's not because I don't think they're worth my time, but because I can't make a deep enough connection with trust and interest (through the internet) to want to meet them. With men I'm also afraid of being assaulted. Apart from apps, real-life dating (meeting through friends, at uni etc.) doesn't exist for me. It might be a bit controversial to say, but I think it's because our generation is super safe with boundaries - we don't want to disturb people, cross their comfort zones, "steal their time" etc. so we don't chat up irl. I relate to that and I've witnessed people backing off from talking to someone at the tiniest sign of them being busy/taken. We might crave someone stepping into our life, but we hesitate to do the same to others. Do any of you relate to that?
1000% as a guy there have been times where I've wanted to approach someone I was interested in but immediately decided not to out of fear of disturbing them or coming off too strong. The last thing I want to do is make a woman feel uncomfortable or like they have to speak to me. It's a fine line to walk.
wow!!! This totally describes what i feel. I also feel like a lot of women in our generations end up a single mom early to late 20's to a point where I can't see myself as single mom at the age 25. I'm just not that strong of a women rn.
I remember back when they were first starting to get traction about a decade ago, how depressing it was to think that hooking up and finding partners was apparently so easy and yet here was I, still without luck. Of course, now I do realize I'm just part of the global trend, but back then, I was really feeling like the odd one out.
I’m a 25 year old black male. Being black, short and ugly has put me on the bottom of the dating hierarchy. I’m worthless in women’s eyes. I’ve stop dating at 22 years old. I keep getting done dirty and rejected. I’m so much happier focusing on myself and bringing everything I have in my career and hobbies ten fold! There’s things I never thought I’d be able to do until I given up dating and it’s so freeing and amazing!
Loose this mindset!! Whether other people find you attractive or not really doesn’t matter and the women that think this way are not the women u want. While focusing on yourself is definitely great, it doesn’t need to happen at the same time as giving up on dating (unless u want it to). But by the sounds of it, u seem to have amazing things going on in ur life and I bet there r countless women out there that would want u🫶🏾
@@kiaradixon1201 I’m a boxing, calisthenics, cosplaying, acrobatic guy. I got in the gym, got completely ripped, got a nice car, and modified it myself. I have a job that lets me comfortably pay rent and live happily in San Diego. I train in multiple different martial arts and weapons of discipline. I’m 5’9 and black. Women can’t look past the fact that I’m short. I can get far enough to even let them in on the things I do or would like to try with them. I don’t care for sex; it’s overrated. I will pay for the first date; it’s how I was raised. I’m done. I can’t keep getting rejected and dismissed because I’m ugly and short. I’m happier without being hated, rejected, or cast aside. Accepting harsh truths is the best way to grow, and I’ve grown a lot from knowing I’m unlovable. Instead of it destroying me. It empowered me. Thank you for your insight.
Incoming unsolicited advice. (Side note: Women are not a monolith, just like men aren’t a monolith. No one is a monolith). There are billions of people in this world, you will meet someone who likes you for you (if that’s what you want)! I’m a 22 year old bisexual and demiromantic dark skin black woman and I’ve dated exactly 2 ppl (both outside of my race), simply because I enjoyed my conversations with them and are respected by them. So trust, I get it. I’m considered “bottom of the dating hierarchy” (not a real thing btw), and I’ve have success. I have faith that you will too, as long as you develop yourself as a person! Maybe work on developing your self esteem and self concept (there is no “bottom of the dating hierarchy”. different people find different things attractive). People loooove confidence and self assured people; looks can get your foot in the door, but they definitely do not keep you in the room. Looks don’t help with conflict resolution, paying the bills, or providing reassurance (all things that are present in almost all relationships). Your personality and character does that!
@@EstherDwomohif he’s genuinely ugly when being lean and only 5’9 whilst being ethnic, it will be very hard for him in dating, being ethnic in the west is a massive disadvantage for both men and women in dating, and to make it worse he’s short, and according to him facially unattractive whilst being at a low body fat % so he can’t even improve the appearance of facial attractiveness. And for ethnic men you need to be in the top percentage or atleast above average in looks height and status to be able to get women whereas white men can afford to be average, which may seem unfair but that’s just reality
I think there’s a big issue of narcissism and transactional love in younger dating. Men and women are in love with the idea of not having an equal partner but someone who’s “obsessed” and will worship the ground they walk on which is essentially a lesser partner unless they also plan on returning that behavior.
@@NebulaSonand some men expect women to be entirely devoted to them and act like a pet instead of their own person. I’ve seen (and unfortunately known) people who expect their girlfriends to stay entirely “pure” or to not talk to any men (not in a sexual/romantic way, I mean in general). However, they are both problems. There are some women who exploit men for money and expect them to provide for every aspect of their life, and some men who exploit women for their ego and expect them to be entirely devoted to them. BOTH are bad. There are these kinds of manipulative people on both sides. I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s one sided, just different (yet similar) issues on both sides. Edit: I also wanted to add that plenty of men use weaponized incompetence to have their girlfriend/wife provide entirely for them. But women do the absolute same to men sometimes. The problem is not men or women, it’s manipulation and narcissism.
@@thewildcardperson I’m personally not sure about arranged state marriages, but I agree that the kids are the real victims in any of these situations. I hate that so many people act like this and have kids. The kids are likely going to be treated the same way, or at least given a poor example of a relationship.
Omg this, I say this all the time. From a male perspective this especially feels true. It’s impossible not to get the general idea that women want an unfair/imbalanced arrangement from men. It seems like an equal partner is a total ick, and that a man needs to be this huge benefit to your life. Like what’s the point of being a successful man (especially money wise) when you just need to give it right back up to a woman? To be fair, a lot of this perception is taken from social media, but it’s just so pervasive I can’t ignore it. It seems like they want a money mule, not an actual partner, companion and friend, and even when they make money we don’t benefit from it 🙄 That’s one of my biggest peeves
People don't really try to find high quality partners on dating apps. They go for looks and superficial things only, that doesn't really bring out the good individuals. Applies to both men and women.
This whole Assimilation Culture in America doesn't help either. We all have our own unique quirks and personality. But we're all told to share the same space with people who don't like us at all. (School, work, dating apps, commuting, etc.) It just causes a lot of confusion. Which attracts the bad people. While the good people either flee. Or face the bullying.
The internet sucks because nobody talks about anything with nuance or grace. Everything has to be one extreme or the other. For example, I think on the "women's standards" thing both 'sides' are right but talk past each other. Women need higher standards for things like moral character (and commitment, kindness, consistency) and lower standards when it comes to trivial things like income and height. But the prevailing attitude on the internet nowadays seems to be "All men are trash, so might as well go for the most attractive/rich one."
I agree with your comment somewhat, but finances are pretty important when it comes to marriage and long-term relationships. No, you don’t need to be a millionaire, but you should be able to provide for a family. Financial issues is one of the leading causes of divorce. Also, take into account that in relationships where the wife makes as much money or more than the husband, it causes more stress on the husband.
I have an avoidant attachment style because I grew up where my mom scolded my mistakes and didn’t like my introversion. And when friends have issues with me they would bring up the issue 3 months later which pisses me off more and I become more avoidant. Those issues come from friends who barely have friends of their own so if I don’t show up for them how they expect me emotionally then get upset. Yet I also go through many irritating issues and they don’t check up on me since I feel like they view me living with family still in my late 20s I’m considered “financially dependent” on them. So therefore my “issues” and “hardships” aren’t taken seriously because I’m not living alone and have limited support from others
Can relate, I'm an avoidant millenial guy (33) who was desperate for space and independence and found it. It all stemmed from the avoidance of nasty adults controlling me, discovering my peace mostly in isolation. Still to this day I love solitude and people tend to bring more chaos into my life than benefit. It's easy for people to assume that my simplistic lifestyle is 'easy' compared to theirs, and so my issues tend to be less important. I'm the person people call when they are having a hard time, but when its my turn to have a hard time they seem unphased.
OMG I thought I was the only one who didn't find men attractive unless I talk to them, and I just NEVER want to show a picture of them to my friends hahaha Good to know I'm not alone
I think this is how women are wired. We are not visually turned on like men. We need time for a connection. I think Hollywood portrays us masculine. So it can get confusing.
Let's see how attractive most women are fresh faced right out of the shower with no makeup or cosmetics on. Most women honestly believe that they're more attractive than most men but they forget that they walk around with tons of makeup and cosmetics on that men don't wear. So if y'all wanna be honest with yourselves, let's compare women's natural state to men's natural state and then see if women are still so bold as to say that most men aren't attractive. I bet women won't be so quick to say that then would they? It's not so easy to feel more attractive than men without your cheater aids is it. And before you say men want women to wear makeup, that's a lie. Most men might think women look better without makeup. But that doesn't mean they *prefer* women to wear makeup. In fact most men would prefer women *not* wear makeup. As in none at all. But since women k own it makes them look better since it's cheating, and they feel the need to compete with other women, the majority of women will never stop wearing it completely. So in conclusion, it's completely women's choice to keep wearing makeup, not men's. You can't put that on men so don't even try.
I'm 21. At 16 I met a man who I'd date for 5 years and be engaged to. I was very happy, but his friends talked him into breaking up with me. Friends he only was close with for about a year or two. There was a lot more to the story but regardless after the breakup I found peace with myself that I never knew I could have. No man to tell me what I can and can't do, can and can't wear, who I can and can't hang out with. I felt free to go head first into a career for myself (he wanted a more traditional lifestyle) I tried to date again recently and I honestly found that my peace is something I don't want to give up. I'm positive one day I'll find someone whos version of peace is the same as mine, but dating just isn't fun. I don't have time to devote to people when I'm just trying to pay my bills.
Btw that traditional lifestyle (which I assume is: he makes money-you stay at home) never existed before in the entire history of mankind. Women have always worked and or had lives outside of staying at home. It's actually a very new thing and is more about controlling your partner than anything else. Don't fall for it.
26 turning 27 never been on a date, online dating destroyed my confidence, if I ever had any, real life feel pretty much invisible. Work, gym, eat, sleep, some hobbies on the side. Take pride in it. Tired of the feeling of needing/wanting someone.
Yall are so strange. Human connection and socialization is something you have to do to stay healthy. If you dont make friends or have good close relationships with family then you will crave that connection with another person and that craving will never go away. But it's every person's individual responsibility to create and maintain relationships. You have to put the work in if you don't then you'll be alone. Stop crying about it a do something. It's Like yall forgot life is hard. Suck it up.
@@TychoKingdom Nah, for some guys its just not worth it. Maybe he has friends as well, then hes fine. No need to beat your head against the brickwall of modern dating
Everyone is so closed off and suspicious. For good reason, to be honest, but it really stems from insecurity from childhood. One of my exes grew up without a dad and she ended up not liking men all that much. So she kept men at a distance until she met me because she knew other guys only wanted her body. Another one of my exes literally didn't believe me when I said I liked to read books. She thought I was lying to get into her pants but we developed a thing where we shared books with each other.
16:16 the quality of guys is lacking cus any guy who's attractive enough to get matches is probably sleeping around, where as the quality men are staying off dating apps and focusing on self improvement or just touching grass
As a 20y male, i must say, i never had a serious relationship, not because i haven't tried. In my youth a bunch of stuff happened that really defined me, and with that i am some who needs time. And that is something i've learned is very rare in dating to be given. Many of my experiences are either my interests are moving on, because we are moving on different speeds or it seems like working out, but we realise we work better as friends, than comitting into a relationship. It is like the levels of knowing a person, before deciding to commit, is differing from person to person, but to respect that, that is something very rare, because people don't take the chance to wait on a chance, or only few do so.
@@KevinKevin-qp1lg I'm Not worriing at all. grew up as such a kid, know how stressing it can be. at the same time i know wonderful it can be having active, youthfull parents. Problem only was, that they were not ready for us, especially when we were born. I don't date for sex or children. I date for closure, connection, emotional safety. Something i already have to a certain degree with my close friends, but still lack in parts i feel most vulnerable. And i can wait, living 20 years teaches only so much, but Fomo is managable, once you remember, that you have Friends, Family, a social net, people that can cheer you up and remind you, that the one thing you don't lack is time. One i find we forgot as a Generation. I suspect modern developments, Like Dopamin driven, fast pace social Media, Trends and Advertisement for that. If you are flooded with information, Images or Stories, you most likely are trying to keep up, which means, the attention is hopping from one thing to another, dismissing slow burn developments. Tiktok was like the Essence of that. And honestly that feeling makes me worry more that than my dating life.
Dude, you're 20 years old... you should be focusing on making money and your career. I can see if you were 25 or older looking for girlfriend but you're too young to think about stuff like that.
@@Herozonex200this comment is soooo validating to hear. I’m 18 and i’m worried about not being in my ‘prime’ for dating but I wanna be financially stable before dating anyone 🥲 I hear everyone talking about women being past their prime by 25 and it lowkey had me stressed but this comment made me realise getting the bag comes first
How about all of you just chill the fuck out and focus on life itself rather worrying what imaginary things regarding relationships might or might not happen. Jesus. 🙄
I’ve even tried approaching men myself but then something weird happens. They begin to play games with me as an attempt to dominate me…… then I just immediately lose interest.
It's better to just start chatting with a guy in public. From what I've seen in videos, people are materializing out of nowhere and asking for a number. This is not natural. It's too abrupt. Also, it needs to be places of leisure, not a task-oriented place. Say you go to one of those classic car shows that are everywhere on the weekends. Or a ballgame. Or the rodeo. Or ice skating. Or an amusement park. Just be friendly & chat. If the guy is not interested, there is no insult to you.
@@__Shun I once witnessed an argument where a man complained about his lack of interest from women and a woman automatically assumed that he was turning down dating and opportunities and said 'yOu'RE jUSt WAitiNG oN an ACtreSS or SupErModEl' which, of fucking course, he wasn't. He would take anything he could get. She then remarked on how one of the men in her life gets tons of attention just by 'being respectful' or somthing to that effect; I think that anecdotal evidence informed her entire viewpoint on men's options. I think a lot of women sincerely don't want to grapple with the idea that men could struggle with something that they don't struggle with - e.g. getting the attraction of the opposite sex. They also tend to get the boneheaded idea that we can just 'tell' when they're attracted to us. It all culminates in them seeing us as simply too unrealistic in our standards, when in reality it is, indeed, a desert out here for so many of us.
I may be in the minority here but I don't believe in dating all that much. Auditioning to be in someone's life hoping that they'll let you in just so you can be waiting on hand and foot and satisfy all their wants and needs in hopes they won't kick you out. Huh? As much as people don't want to admit it, dating is an artificial trendy ritual. No wonder people are having difficulties. The foundations are already flimsy. Just my opinion
I dont believe in arranged marriages though. I think courting is the safest way. Find a person you are already friends with and then just date and fall in love.
Courting is just dating with extra steps and the major con is that you might get too focused on one person that everyone in your circle already knows so might actually not see red flags
Women are asking men to grow while holding on for dear life to be courted like it’s the 60’s or outright using incel behavior to say men or worthless while feminist tell women ALL THE TIME this is not true and they need men
A TL;DW for this video guys: (my own interpretation) 1. Get off social media/dating apps so much. 2. Be yourself and try to discover who a person truly is. Love them for who they are, not what they may become / possess. 3. Be vulnerable. Theres nothing wrong with feeling. Feel all of it and express all of it. Just be smart at the same time.
The whole "get off the apps" doesn't work ESPECIALLY for gen z. It's almost night and day hitting on gen z women and millennial women in the wild, and a lot of it has to do with millennial women actually know how to flirt while a lot of gen z women are hyper awkward in person. I assume gen z men are probably more awkward and worse at flirting than millennials too. It's an entire generation of people that have been gaslit into thinking men talking to women outside of hyper safe spaces is a problem, so a majority of men just won't approach a woman in the wild and a majority of gen z women have been brainwashed into not being receptive too it. The solution? Run back to the safe space apps or hope you hit the social circle lottery where you are friends with a lot of attractive people.
@@MajesticFerret I'm in the borderlands between millennial and gen z and i can tell u right now yes gen zs talking skills are horrible and maybe it is because I go after women but their skills are especially bad. I've had to stop approaching a few women when I noticed that they were so anxiety ridden without a group of friends around but I just said screw it I'm not going to feel like a villain trying to talk to this woman 😂
Last one is bullshit. Being vulnerable gets you nothing. Being strong gets you everything. Every man should be somewhat evil and selfish. Only that way he can rise to the top.
Using phrases like 'catching feelings' as if feelings and attraction don't belong and are diseases, when talking about sexual relationships, shows how far our society has fallen.
26, have had two relationships that barely broke past a month in the last 5 years. Abandoned apps, abandoned searching, its just not worth the time sink just to maybe find someone who doesn't see me as a free meal voucher. just focusing on family, friends, and stability is hard enough without a +1.
People think you search for this, you don't, you just optimise your setting to meet good women and someday you might come across someone, in your hobbies or the clubs you are in, through friends that lines up with you a lot after you get to know them and then you can start dating. You can search for hookups but relationships is something special that you can't force.
Saying that men shouldn't be pittied for feeling lonely in this system because "they" created it themselves is wild. It doesn't recognize how the patriarchy harms men who don't fit the very narrow standards for privilege as well as women. The young boys and men who feel alienated from society today have not created the patriarchal system dynamics that dominate our society themselves. That's ludicrous. There's a few thousand years of history predating today. Most of all, how is pointing fingers at each other going to solve the loneliness epidemic? Fighting polarisation with polarisation? Nah
Buy 100% agree with your comment but at the end of the day it is very easy to villainize men. It is so easy to villainize men that I think it's harder to see a man being decent or being good versus it being so easy to see a man as being bad and Evil. I have the same most men are generalized, most women are the exception. I myself have had trouble over the last several years of finding a relationship due to the fact that most women that I've encountered when it comes to forming that relationship they have baggage and Trauma of their past that deals with other men and they often times take it out on the present current guy that they're with even if they don't realize it. And when it's brought to their attention and they come to the realization that they are doing this they don't know how to stop or fix it because they've been doing it for so long.
WRONG. The “Patriarchy” is a LIE. The ONLY Privlege is FEMALE PRIVILEGE. It is THAT NARRATIVE drilled into men and unconscionably boys (since I was a boy in the 90s and earlier, ever since society liberalized)
@@Nightcall411 Society in the West has turned on men and unconscionably boys. The OP must be too full of her female privilege or if it’s a man, must be Stockholmed into thinking that the opposite sex is anything but the most entitled and privleged group to ever walk the face of the earth anywhere on earth. All off the backs of men that they treat like indentured servant class
Introverts still marry. Socially awkward people still marry. It's important to still don the mental work as to what is acceptable or not, in a relationship. The goal is to be in a good marriage. It might take you longer, but you must still have standards. Know what they are & know your own worth.
@@omotayosatuyi252 It's not really socially acceptable to talk to women in real life though. I've been told my whole life that it's never okay to speak to a woman and that dating apps are the only options. Those are the rules that women themselves have established.
The bigger problem is the dating scene as a whole in society. It doesn't matter where you meet people: online or in-person, you're going to run into a level of flakiness that is hard to comprehend and egos with women that make zero sense whatsoever. It's a dating and society problem, not an app or way of meeting problem
As a millennial that just got married, I would say the reason the younger generation is having a hard time finding someone has alot to do with letting go of traditions. Traditions actually brings people together and you find people with the same principles and goals. You actually find people in your community if you participate in traditional events and arrangements.
I find most traditions to be for conformist suckers and yet I found a great partner early in life online, committed to it and had no issues in this relationship/ marriage for almost 15 years now. So idk...
@@AmberyTear Im married too, having traditions has made our family stronger and honestly, more peaceful. I'm so happy and so is my husband. To each is own.
What if your principles and goals go against traditions, or against what your parents are ? I don't want kids, I want someone with feminist and progressive values. I may find someone like that at my work, at a artsy club, or doing voluntarism (and those places can become my communities). But how likely is it to find someone like that at Church? 🤷 Doing traditional stuff works if you have traditional values, but if you don't, that's just kinda dumb 🤷 (I actually got the person I'm looking for, but I got them by precisely looking anti-tradition. Because that was sending them red flags according to their own values)
@@AmberyTearwrong there is a reason why traditions work. Ever since we liberalized our society in the 1960s, society has gone down the tubes and will decline like Rome.
I start seeing the pattern that girls would say I haven’t been on a date in years. Yet they don’t count a date with someone that they weren’t really interested in or knew they were going to reject. So it “didn’t count.” Another pattern is that they aren’t dating as far as relationships go but they aren’t celibate. Hence why bumble had billboard ads calling this out and lots of women po’d. if it was completely false then it would be shrugged off and no f’s given.
💯 genuinely disturbing how she can acknowledge at the beginning that men need to be tall and good looking (or have obvious wealth and status but thats basically prostitution) and then says girls' matches are mostly "low quality" 😂
@@selrox879 oh don’t worry with the boom in Wine Aunts, and the opposite sex crying about being so lonely on TikTok, men don’t have to cry. Because we know it’s the opposite sex that will shed all the tears for everyone
I try to force myself to go on Tinder every once in a few months for the illusion that I'm actually kind of sort of doing something about my incelship, but I always give up on it after a couple of days. I'm a guy so just getting a match is an event, then she doesn't even text me back. I just keep on swiping and heaving a sigh of relief when it's finally over for the next 24 hours. And I just hate the amount of ads, how I constantly click on stuff I had never intended to click in the first place. And worst thing is, Tinder is still pretty legit compared to all that dating shit around. I'm serious, most of the other apps are bot-driven scam holes that will do their best to hook you in and even if you resist, chances are some tracking crap will have been quietly installed on your phone anyway. I don't know what's about dating that attracts the most abusive business practices. Guess because apparently guys do fall for it.
I think some women have unrealistic expectations. I’m never gonna advocate women settle or be with someone they don’t like or men in a completely different tax bracket than them but at the same time there’s a balance of being realistic. I’m all for women finding a financially stable guy let me lay that out😂 but it sounds crazy for a woman to say they need a man to pay them $10k a month for them to consider them and pay all of their bills right after meeting them. I’m sick of being called a pick me for saying women demanding a nanny and a maid when they are married and their husband gives them an allowance for fun money is unrealistic and very entitled to a point where it’s concerning. Any relationship is give and take and to expect a man to give you all of everything and you treat him like trash but he doesn’t expect anything of you is delusional. Sorry long comment but I needed to vent 😂😅
most women know those are unrealistic standards but in my opinion it’s better to be single for the rest of my life than put up with a man for anything less 🤷🏾♀️
You're seriously correct. That's all it comes down to at the end of the day. Equally yolked or at least aspiring to be. Like this perfection or it's over culture is horribly toxic. Some people are just not cut out for the work required to grow with someone more times than not nowadays and it's sad
I think the "If he wanted to, he would" is also very harmful. I've recently saw a video of a girl saying, that she hears this saying and thinks about situations where she wanted but couldn't bc of beeing scared of the reaction, or just not doing it for no apparent reason
This is such an absurd phrase. There's no single universal way to love someone. People grow up in different environments, they are raised differently and they show affection differently. No one is a mind reader, and this whole thing is just a poor excuse of bad communication. And I'm saying that as a woman.
@@selrox879 you can’t do math ….it means many delusional women are on a pump and dump roster …just a booty call. Postponing settling down and having kids for career and buying into a fantasy. When the biological clock comes a ticking they panic there’s no good men left they are all married and nobody wants a chick who’s been a hoe all her 20’s. Then you see the rise of the cat lady with a Chardonnay wine box delivery on subscription. Is that your celebration? Men are choosing to turn their backs on women precisely because of women who profess to hold your views. We built the world you live in gave you all the tech and maintain it. We protect it from enemies and destruction but if you continue to break the social contract as your comment implies the consequences will be dire as you don’t want to see a future without motivated fulfilled men in meaningful relationships who take on their role and responsibility. The price of your cake and eat it approach to celebrating male suffering is bad for society and we all have to live in that society. But ultimately when a hoe phase-Chad-chaser hits “the wall” she suddenly realises I was being used as a sexual object, now I’m discarded, as I no longer any value….but go girl you do you boss bitch sex positive blah blah go work for the man and come home to that empty mansion full of cats 🐈
Met my to be wife on tinder a couple of years ago after sifting through bots and rejection. Almost gave up and made peace with the fact id be alone. It can happen people. However dating apps are mainly garbage. They do not want you to succeed because it loses them revenue. Men and women have been gaslit into hating and distrusting each other
The issue Gen Z has with dating is honestly a lot simpler than I think people realize, and you kind of touch on it at parts of the video. But just like everything else in our society, we have the tendency of overcomplicating things. At the end of the day, because dating apps and social media present this idea of unlimited options, people are unwilling to commit and they think a better option is always available because we’ve put our values on the superficial side of things. Things like looks, materialism, money and finances, status, etc. But I’m 23, and my girlfriend is 21, and we’ve been together five years. On the surface, we maybe aren’t the perfect fit. We don’t have a ton of things in common, but a few key things we love to do together; and some of our core values don’t completely align, but the most important ones do. I say all this to point out that people have this idea that we’re entitled to the perfect partner. The issue there tho is that there’s no such thing as a perfect human so how can there be a perfect partner? Best case scenario, you get 80% of the perfect partner. But then people see someone with that other 20% that they’ve been missing out on, and then find themselves questioning the partner they already have. My girlfriend and I on the surface probably aren’t a perfect fit, but we’ve become that by adjusting to one another and committing to the relationship. Every relationship has ups and downs, and issues that need to be resolved. I’m not saying to stay in a relationship you’re not happy in, but if you aren’t both willing to put in the work for each other, it’ll never work out. The idea that love is easy if it’s right sets a bad precedent imo. Love should be easy most of the time, but relationships are hard. It requires both sides to buy in. And nowadays nobody wants to buy in for one reason or another.
i think a lot of really great points were made here. dating is difficult and peoples' standards are unrealistic. however, i do feel like those (especially women/femmes) that prioritize their relationships with themselves, family, and friends are not in the wrong. as humans, we will crave companionship, but it does NOT have to be with men, and it does not have to be romantic companionship. there's such an emphasis on romantic/sexual relationships that we forget that there's more to life than pondering the possibility of being someone's soulmate/lover/spouse.
this! I have a nice circle of friends and I'm close with them. I have lifestyle I'd like to uphold and goals I'm working towards. I'll never abandon those things or any person because someone wants me to. If someone is not happy with my friends or my life then they can go
I’ve given up on dating till I’m in my 30s because I’m sick and tired of being more like a parent than a partner in my relationships. And before anyone ASSumes, I mean I gotta think for these people. I have zero issue with supporting my partner, paying for dates, and being as lovey as possible, but I cannot be a person’s entire village. Especially when I don’t get that same kind of dedication in return.
Your self reflection is good. knowing what you need from a woman and early signs that a woman can or cannot provide that is a good step toward achieving it. Seems like women with a strong social network are important to you. Some of the first questions for you to ask a woman who piqued your interest is about her friendships, immediate family, and extended family. Things like "tell me about your oldest friendship"
the type of people that expect something in return for doing something good are no the best people. Maybe that’s why you’re having difficulty with women. Relationships aren’t supposed to be transactional like tht. If the relationship was based on love then none of that would matter
Men feel afraid to talk irl, because if we approach the wrong person, we’ll get called a creep, and likely get screwed over, and the women who would do something like that don’t exactly have a visual warning flag (excluding things that are stupidly obvious of course but that applies to both genders), so we just don’t approach anyone out of fear, overall I think women should be the ones to approach men instead of the other way around, because for us the potential risk, no matter how slim the odds, is too much
Im ngl I prefer a man that can approach me in person over a man that chooses to only approach me online. I feel like there’s better chances of a real genuine conversation and connection coming out of that. Especially since you already see what you like right in front of you.
exactly and their the ones with all the options in the world it makes 0 sense why they wouldnt approach the guy they want.. like make it make sense bruh
It's not going to happen. Women don't want to approach men unless we are desperate. A man is put under a microscope when online dating but he can date above his league if he can get over his rejection sensitivity. The more you approach women the more confident you will be at it. The creepy men are the ones that we notice watching us, following us and hesitating. Women have to be very aware of our surroundings. If you are serious about meeting people just come up and talk. You have to get out of your own way. Gay people have been approaching each other with much more at stake for centuries. A modern man really only has to worry about being too flirty at the workplace.
The thing is most women intentionally look for a Clean glass of water in a swamp. They pass over good men all the time to go after the "chads and "duke dennis" of the world
As a gen z-er, the best advice I can give is: 1. never go on dating apps 2. Stay off your phone. Being on your phone in public makes you very unapproachable. Learn to simply exist without swiping on your phone when waiting on line or waiting for a friend. This is something I had a hard time learning to undo, but trust me, you slowly learn how to put your phone away and just exist. I see sooo many young people in our generation immediately pulling out their phones when there’s a pause in a day, or when they dont want to feel awkward standing around/waiting in public. Be the change you want to see in the world. Also, you’ll instantly make yourself stand out amongst the crowd of youngsters immersed in their phone. You become an approachable person. Make yourself available to others, not to your phone!
As a gen z male, on the older end, I can say there is truly no point to dating right now. Most don’t want anything serious, most don’t respect one another emotionally, immaturity when it comes to arguments, most of us can’t even afford to live. I don’t wanna accidentally bring a child into this world because I get baby trapped and have to struggle to support the child. I just don’t care about it atm, and women like this exist so I’d rather just vibe and make money.
We are all children of our time, every "generation" struggles with something. As a millennial, I was a teenager when Internet became big and have for the past 25 years watched it slowly kill everything that was fun. Meeting people was fun and exciting, I cannot remember people being "introverts" back then, everybody just was, today there are soooo many labels on everything. Watching a movie was more fun, you were committed because you physical had to go to the video store and rent it, you got together with your friends or your family and watched it TOGETHER, today you maybe if you are lucky watch it with one other person. TV-series were fun because they weren't that many and you had to wait for the next episode a whole week, the same with music, you had to go and get the Album of an artist you liked on a physical media and put it in your stereo and actually listen to it, the whole thing! I feel blessed to have experienced life before internet, and feel so sad to see how much it have destroyed human relations..anyway sorry for the nostalgia trip. Unlimited options may seem good but it aint, we cannot grasp it with our minds, you need to fight and struggle for something for it to be worth something to you.
@@chagoriver7159 and they probably had reason to. internet is interactive, tv radio books are all passive, but ofc they were all revolutionary in their time
12:20 this is terrifying. having dated a bunch of men and women, no breakup even came CLOSE to the past 2 breakups i’ve had with avoidants specifically. one day, they’re on fire for you, talking about how they LITERALLY want to marry you, how you’re the perfect person, and how they’ve never fallen in love with somebody so hard, how they could never find somebody else so perfect for them like you, and then the next day, they flip a switch instantly to now saying “yeah i just don’t want to be in a relationship right now, maybe later, idk, i don’t want to put labels on anything right now.” and it’s literally so cruel. avoidants really need to seek therapy before actively pursuing someone, so they can realize their faults that come with their attachment style. for the sake of their mental health, and especially for the sake of their partners, because making someone you’re seeing now, deal with baggage from your past, in the form of your insecure attachment style, is not it.
Check this out, I'm not going to hook up with someone if I don't have genuine feelings for them. And tbh, for the most part my thoughts of a girl isn't very genuine unless I get to know her
if girls find guys attractive based on emotional traits rather than physical appearance, then why do they dismiss plenty of guys in the very beginning before giving them any viable chance? sounds rather contradictory.
@@wokedog1799 i suspect that every individual has their own choices, yet they also tend to act in certain patterns. that’s why the mistakes people make are often repeated and rarely made for the first time.
EVERYONE bases sexual attraction on physicality. Almost no one is sexually attracted to personality traits, are you getting rock hard for ugly girls with big hearts? Lol, get real, it works the same for women.
I saw a post that said "Modern dating is like this: men are wandering through a dry, sandy desert, while women are wandering through a murky, boggy swamp. Both of them are just trying to find some clean water to drink."
Conservative Christian male from GenZ here. Ive just reached the point where i dont care anymore. Sure, i'll never stop wanting to be married, especially since it is the only way my faith allows me to experience sexuality, but emotionally and mentally I no longer am willing to invest the ressources necessary, at least for now. Ive tried and failed too many times. For now, i am focussing on my faith and my career. The only solace is in the fact that i am still young (25), therefore ive still got time, being that i could even start a family at 40 if push came to shove.
Ironically, I'm also a Christian, conservative girl who is also 25, and I'm on the same boat, I'm very disappointed in the last two dates I've ever had, right now I'm also just focused on my faith and job. I hope we both can find someone someday, or else im going to have to take the apostle paul route 😅
@@nahson944 oh, my celibacy ends the moment the women in my church/of my faith start sending interest signs to me first. Because the women in my current church insist on the man making the first move on them even when they themselves never showed any interest to begin with in said guys. But as long as there isnt any woman in my life showing interest, i am probably gonna die alone. And oddly enough, i grow fonder of this prospect by each increasing day. The moment ive naturally lost my Libido (so between 40 and 60 years of age) it is probably over completley.
Some Men are garbage and some Women are garbage but using generalizations is what has led to people giving up on love. On the other hand those same generalizations are also what have created the trash people. It’s no one’s fault but your own that the pool of people you choose to chase are garbage. Most people can be changed or will change for someone when they find the right person and some are hopeless it’s just important to realize who is who. Or entirely just go out of your comfort zone to find someone you can connect with.
As an asexual who has never been interested in dating or finding romantic love, this is fascinating to me. I can't relate obviously, so hearing other people's experiences regarding love or dating is like watching a social/science experiment of sorts
Omg, so heavy on the attraction being more on emotion and not appearance 😆 I used to think for a long time I was bisexual, because I found men and women the same attractive, only to realise after years, that it was just platonic 😭 what you described fits a lot for a demisexual person, which I am 🙌 still figuring stuff out, but I'm always happy to hear, when someone feels the same!
Same here! I’m demiromantic and struggled for the longest with “love at first sight” or being attracted to someone from the jump. Those concepts never made sense to me. Turned out I’m bisexual demiromantic 💚. Having this label and telling others of it has made dating easier
Im 33 yr guy from uk and ive never had a relationship. I was hopeful for 15 years but no woman has ever wanted me, no matter how hard I tried and how much I developed myself, its never been good enough for any woman
I'm Gen Z, will be 23 in a month. My partner and I just celebrated 5 years together. We met in college, very quickly felt a connection, and both agreed to commit to it. We've been together ever since. It's not always easy, we both have our quirks that bother the other from time to time and after about 3 years, we started hitting stretches where we felt more like roommates than lovers, but we're both strong communicators and after 5 years, our relationship is the strongest It's ever been. In looking at friends who have failed at long-term relationship, I've noticed they always leave the second they lose the spark with someone, expecting the right person will give them butterflies forever, and often aren't willing to compromise on issues that come up. Then, when paired with the feeling of endless access to potential partners who could be better, most people just won't commit.
You identified the source of the problem at 3:45. The average man is seen as being on the clearance rack. Social media exacerbates this problem as they see everyone's highligh reels all day every day. Now the guy has to be 6' 5" blue eyes, rich etc
Average women no longer want the average man. So the top 20% of guys that girls find attractive play with them because they have a good amount of options
The problem is many things together. My ex wasn't tall, no blue eyes, no rich, no fit, not handsome (I considered him to be bc I loved him but objectively he's not), he even had a bunch of bad bad habits but I fell in love with who he was. And I talk in the past bc nearly three years being together he starts acting weird and cold sometimes, others not and one day he told me he no longer loved me and changed his personality and attitude completely. He didn't even respect me as a person when the breakup happened, so yeah I fell in love with someone who wasn't really that way once he didn't want or need anything more from me. At least he could have been 6' 5, blue eyes, or be in finance 😉(obv this is a joke I don't care)
@@moses.01it’s funny bc all the girls i know do NOT agree with this, and feel like “average men” are thinking this way about women. if we ALL feel like dating is unrealistic and people have warped standards & expectations, maybe it’s not just the opposite sex that’s the problem… maybe it’s the culture 😥.
@@updownstranger564 This would make sense if for instance an average guy could get matches on a dating app. But we all know that's not the case. The avg guy gets no matches but the avg woman gets matches all day. That's a clear demonstration men are willing to work with the avg woman but the avg woman is not even open to giving the avg man a shot.
We live in a day and age where 80-90% of women swipe right on the top 10% of guys statistics have proven this and are still unhappy wondering why all guys are the same. Let me give you some insight on why from a man’s perspective let’s say you swipe right on the top 10% he’s tall, has educational background, great job rich, not ugly, this is just the bare minimum the list goes on. What do you think 90% of women will do swipe. So now you are competing with 30 other girls for this top guy. A lot of these guys know what they can do doesn’t matter they’re still going to get some. If they cheat or whatever you still have options to fall back on. Then filter out what the vast majority of qualities a woman likes for example more girls of different races are into white guys compared to Asian guy is just one of the things that you will probably also have to deal with. Now imagine the average guy probably will go months until he finds a quality match. What I mean by quality match they’re both interested in each other and it’s more than just a couple text messages. Wonder why man are quitting and this could also give an insight why women are quitting they all think they can attract this type of guy. Yes you can get him to possible sleep with you but can you retain him 2 different things. Men try abroad these woman need a taste of their own medicine. Mind you this isn’t everyone nor in every place but it is a very common issue.
The dating scene has been gamified, and when love is a prisoner’s dilemma where disregarding the other’s feelings means you can get everything you want without obligations, people get burned, and then jaded.
People don’t want to commit because they fear they’ll miss out on “someone better”
Tbh it gets worse when hookup culture gets more normalize, like a lot of people ended up endlessly looking for more more more and even they want to settle down with someone theyre still going to think "I think there's someone better out there"
@@ryss335 absolutely. Social media, fomo, pr0n, and instant gratification has ruined our brains
@@dva5610honestly at the end of the day it’s 18 years of commitment to a kid that’ll take off 2/3 of ur pay so if u get w the wrong freaky person, u might regret it
Or most options are shit.
A lot of women on dating apps are picking men that are too good looking for them so obviously those men won’t want to commit to them because they know they CAN do better. These women just get stuck in situationships indefinitely because they are picking extremely unrealistically and being strung along for a hookup.
“don’t communicate for a week and be amazed at what happens next” you’ll be blocked lol. No I’m joking but at 23 I feel too old for those kinda games.
ikr !! it's ridiculous
Same. I am not tolerating that nonsense.
Women use this "strategy" on men most of the time. It's called a "neediness test." It wastes so much time. Essentially, the man sends a text and she'll deliberately ignore it for days to see if you text back in quick succession. If you text her back, it's determined that "you're too needy" and therefore lack masculinity. Sick of this bullshit, but as a guy, it's a game you must play. Only thing to do is date multiple people while this neediness shit test comes in order to show her you have options.
@@MegaAvalonna girl was begging to get my snap and everything, me being a 3/10 at the time who never worked out, didn’t even have good hygiene, or cool friends, because I rejected her on the last day of school the year before, never talked to any of her friends all summer. legit surround urself with a videogame every time u feel bored, everyday, everyday a new videogame/new challenge like idk shoot 100 3 pointers in 1 day (basketball) n trust, the baddies will come cuz while other dudes are chasing/playing/available, u doin ur own shi not even aware they exist and they like that
@@MegaAvalonntrust me bro more girls liked me when I had zero social medias, more then the guys w thousands of followers n good looks, just be known for horrendous tales/behavior while being unavailable 24/7 and you’ll be sure to have a girl soon
I don't really believe in dating. I believe in a wonderful friendship that naturally progresses into something more.
As a guy, I honestly think the same. Meeting someone you know nothing about with the intent of possibly getting into a relationship IS unnatural, maybe the problem is that we've become so antisocial that people don't even get the chance to develop those connections that could eventually lead to being in a relationship.
Yes dating isn’t natural and it’s too performative.
Thats how Ive always wanted my relationships to be. A pure friendship that develops into atraction. Is also why I'd have liked to meet a partner during my school years. Now as a 24 yo man, I dont have the mecanisms to meet a girl at that level.
@@Axelmon2000 You can always find girl friends (Like any other friends) in alot of spaces other than school, like hobby related spaces or at work, uni. I found most of my friends, (some of which I've dated) in art hobby spaces, because well, I love art. There are always girls in the world who enjoy the things that you do too. Even if it's like... army stuff, idk... I known girls, both femme and masc who really liked learning about guns and stuff.
You're headed to the friendzone and you're never getting out .
The phrase “touch grass” has never been so applicable. People need to get out & talk to people in person.
And stop watching race bait content in wich we see some women acting on stereotypes acting like it is the norm… or some predatory guys who make all of them look bad.
Stereotyping and generalising are literally KILLING all the progress that has been made and will bring us all down into a new dark age very soon if we can’t get this shit under control.
Project 2025 for example…
Taking back rights of people because we believe some random sterytope and generalisation more than seeing people as individuals with different traits and SPEAKING to them as such.
yeeeees!! :(
How old are you
the problem is so many irl spaces done exist anymore, plus the pervasive sentiment from women online that they fear all men as predators has made most simply never want to apporach one in real life for fear that the woman will make a video about them and try to ruin their lives.
Facts but are damn phones get in the way of that it's so sad
It’s unbelievable how many people I’ve seen cheat on their partners and think nothing of it
It's honestly pretty wild
were they women?
Absolutely. Women cheat so much more than the average man realizes. @@gpercreeper9413
@@gpercreeper9413You know they were definitely women.
@@ilikepancakes2368 That may be true but thinking it's just women who cheat is just generalized. Plenty of men cheat too.
“Dating without commitment.” I’m physically afraid of this sentence
I heard a better saying than the shopping one for modern dating:
"Modern dating is like walking in a desert for men, while for women, it's like walking through a swamp. Both want clean water"
Stealing this.
Thus according to your words - a regular guy for a woman is a swamp (not quality option). At the same time a regular girl for a man is a viable option.
This is disgusting.
You girls are telling on yourself.
I.e. The average man looks like crap to most women no matter what she looks like herself.
Except one chooses the swamp.
That makes both situations sound similar when they aren’t
As a guy, I found that dating apps destroyed my confidence at 19-20 years old. It's like playing a game that's designed for you to lose. After being left dumbfounded and confused by the lack of options I had, I wondered to myself "what is it about me that's so repulsive?" I know my worth, and I have too much self-respect to ever go on those apps again.
As a woman, men in real life are MUCH MUCH more attractive than online. Women value men’s actions and how will you display your masculinity and leadership skills through an app? It’s incredibly hard. Dating apps profit off of insecurity and a dysfunctional society. The more miserable single people they’re the more profit they make so don’t be part of their scheme and go out to meet real woman. Trust me you’ll be surprised after you build your confidence up how many woman you’ll attract. Good luck!
@@MarbleCat. Not true. I’m a young woman and want a young man. In fact I dated a man 4 years younger than me. Older men are fear mongering younger men to think they aren’t desirable so they can hog all the younger women to themselves. DON’T fall for it. As long as you have somewhat of a decent job, good character, healthy and a decent personality you’ll have many young woman open to you.
@@BashaerB-h2c "decent job" when majority of women wont date men who makes less than them nowadays women tend to have better education and paying job than men how is it gonna work? thats why men are opting out of dating market literally 80% of men rn prefer to stay single those men are in dating apps are most likely looking for hook ups and most of them are in relationship too. my first comment just plan to scare men away from dating market. did u notice the pattern yet?
@Marblecat. “date younger women” bro, he said he was 19, u want him to become a pedo? 💀💀💀
@@MarbleCat.I disagree with you. Not all young women desire older men.
People look for matches, when they should look for friends.
I met my partner through a mutual hobby. Used an app to meet people for group activities like picnics, board games, sports.
We had great vibes, met up asides our hobby group and got together a few months later and moved together shy before our first anniversary.
No match making, no online chatting, no expensive dating. We connected person-to-person through interests and fell in love.
People need to get out and touch grass 😅
…But you said you used an app? The contradictory 😭
@@rainbofroggiez1303 app for finding people with similar interests. this is wildly different than a dating app.
I met someone recently. she is the spark to my life. I love her so much. She loves me for who I truly am. And I love her too! I met her through a post high graduation program where I live. She came into my life at exactly the right time.
@@rainbofroggiez1303 it wasn't a dating app so it's not really a contradiction
Honestly? Online is the only way I could meet people. I am autistic and queer, and I always felt too different, never able to truly fit in. When I learned to mask better, I was abl to get along with colleagues and peers, but I still wasn't able to make friends from around me. Online friendships were and still arethe first real friendships I had where I felt I could be myself.
Ironically, it was also through dating apps that I was able to make friends. I only met one friend by pure chance, but compared to the many other friends I met online, she is the only one I first met irl at a random summer job.
Right now, I still wish I could get in a relationship, but dating can be really difficult. I can't seem to actually attract women. It is already difficult for lesbians to date, so imagine me, an autistic queer person with anxiety and an overly intense personality😅many people don't find me romance material, but friendship material. I am not really complaining because I really value and feel extremely grateful for the friendships I made, but I do sometimes wish I could also get to experience something romantic.
Generalizations are gonna be the end of us all
Yes because nowadays apparently every man is a narcissist and a manipulator and every woman is a cheater
I would consider that a generalization ...😁
Facts
@@larsf.4756 I thought it sounded like a Norm MacDonald joke
@@ryanmccolloch4734 Yeah, that fits.
The main problem is dating “guru’s”
Omg yes. We listen to so many gurus most of whom aren’t married or in relationships themselves
ppl in relationships are too busy tryna stay away from the internet so it makes sense that u won’t get any advice from them I mean think about 1 couple that ain’t celebrities who fr giving out daily advice
@@sidehustlevikki1066exactly, singles keep people single
Dating gurus are just a reaction to the problem. The problem is and will always be f3mism
Gurus can’t be the problem when the problem was there before them. All they do is capitalize off of whats going on.
Gen Z got a cheating problem as well…
They cant do hookups with multiple people without being in a relationship first 😂
Frr
Every generation had cheating problems it's just significantly easier to get caught now. Shit in 1950s you could have a family in 2 different counties and no one would know the better.
*gen z women
@@RabbiB0Yit’s both sides, get over yourself
Everyone really just needs to chill the fuk out.
Seriously
😂😂😂
this is the one lol
nah people are TOO chill. not commitment or taking dating serious leads to hookup culture and situationships. people need to be MORE serious and LESS chill
Amen to that. And stop being chronically online and just enjoy life because we only have one
Dating apps are declining so bad because of all this, they're desperately marketing themselves
Good, let them fail. Karma for all the damage they've done to modern dating.
Not to mention how they make you freaking pay to see a message or continue swiping…like bro💀💀😭😭😭
about god dam time
@@DeathsGirl 7 swipes on hinge or pay $40 like wtf is that
@@rickyc46 Good
0:28 “you’re gonna be amazed at what happens next” - she’ll never talk to you again 😂 especially that mug 😂
I feel its the extremes on both sides shouting the loudest and everyone in the middle is so tired to the point that they either completely checked out or flocked to either side of the extreme.
Oh, and the "I can do everything myself" mindset that has been heavily pushed especially after/during the pandemic is one of the root causes of how the dating scene looks now imo.
facts
@@ChristinaAaliyah
1) it’s not just the extremes shouting the loudest, it’s the extremes that are shouted about the most. Channels where young men are shown ridiculously entitled women presented as tho that’s the norm, and channels where young women are shown predatory men and are led to infer that that’s just who men are
2) the broader tendency of men and women to occupy different online places goes far beyond these dating-adjacent channels. It’s as tho… in the past people would often get along best with someone who moved there from the same country or the same state or the same type of location (both from tiny towns with farmer friends etc) … because coming from a similar place helps mean not only that you’ll have similar past experiences but also that you’ll readily identify with their interpretation of new experiences.
But in today’s world, the places that we’re from are largely online spaces. Men and women are on average inhabitants of very different online places. It’s a man and woman from the same city having barriers to connection analogous to dating someone from a separate culture.
"I can't date because people are independent"
yea, right
Hyperindividualism is a problem in so many areas of life.. so horrible. Because it shouldn’t be ”you need to learn everything”, but ”try be as good part of the society you are in.” Which means there are others to make up for your challenging areas and make it easier for you.
I feel like this applies to so many other issues as well. Well put!
Some women have social networks because they work on it. But it's not a given to anyone. Nothing is. No specific gender or person is owed anything in life unfortunately. We all have to work on it. The pandemic made it worse and weakened the connections and social skills of people. But rather than giving up, people need to push past the pain & being uncomfortable. We all have to grow. As you get older, it's more uncomfortable but we can never stop learning or growing. Just because you are an adult, doesn't mean that's it. How you are is not how you always will be.
But most women are taught the proper skills/etiquette, and socialized much more than men are…We really do have to hammer home that it is a personal thing to work on, while also realizing how society is kind of stacked against guys in this one (admittedly very small compared to the privileges they have) aspect of society…and cut some slack/sympathy when necessary
women left behind men a long time ago in the workforce and in social skills . Men cant reach their full potential without women . When a guy doesn't have nothing to fight for he becomes useless. And being useless is like a poison for any man it kills him slowly.
No it's just people (men as women) are just more interested and more comfortable interacting with women (specially for friendship).
How many women try to make friends with average men in the world....
Women learn to socialized better than men do.
Theres other things to take into account, like gender bias.
Women are the preffered gender in almost every social scenario.
Men will side with women 3/4 times, women will side with women 4/4 times.
Women dont have to go through the effort of proving themselves, it's just a given unlikely men, men in most scenarios will be scene as a threat of some kind before anything else.
Women are seen as valuable and innocent almost regardless of what they do, it's the opposite for men.
I'm 26 and I'm never dating ever again, I've had enough of older people saying I'll find the right one, I don't even want to find anyone, I just want to stay single and be at peace.
I am 26, I never started lol
I am about to be 26, I fully concur.
i am 23 and i have clocked out
I stopped caring about actively searching for a date, it's weirdly liberating but it hurts as well. Given that my goals are longer to complete, I'm flexible with finding a long term partner but it's not something to focus all my efforts on. I used to be so hooked on the idea of finding a a relationship, but i realized i just wanted to not feel lonely.
that's too bad. i hope ppl will watch this video bcs this is very important
This is so important and I’m so glad you came to this conclusion on your own. I can’t get any of my single friends to see this. I feel like when we try too hard to find love, we create all this friction, and it becomes even harder for it to come to us. Just let go and be you, do things you enjoy because it brings you joy, treat yourself nicely because it feels good to be treated nicely, you know? Be what you’re looking for, too.
Being lonely is hell lol
The thing is most of us aren’t gonna get married until we’re 30 anyway so we still have some years a lot can happen between then and now
@elizabethrobison3128 agreed, you need to feel 100% good on your own first(not prioritize a relationship so much that it hurts) to be able to better find a quality relationship later that doesn't screw your life up due to desperation making you an easy target for jerks that know they can get away with more due to your fear of being alone, and on the other side of the spectrum, no quality person wants to date a desperate person man or woman solely for the question in their mind of "are they truly dating me because they like me or am I just a place holder and anyone would do to fill that void?" You could be completely genuine, but if desperate, the other person may never know of your sincerity and they will never feel that they are special to you. And bonus, you learn more about what you want in life outside of relationships, so that your identity is not lost when a relationship happensXD
Im turning 33 this year. I met my wife at 29. I was played, cheated on, physically hit, by former girlfriends before and at one point was ready to gove up. But i kept believing that there was someone out there who was going to love me. I stopped listening to the dating advice of my friends and online because at the end of it, all their advice was pretty bad. I went on our date with a full heart knowing that this might get me hurt ot be the one and i picked right. Banking on hope was always better than banking that its going to fail.
My advice after now being married this year is go at your own pace. Dont listen to the online discourse because thats the best way to stay single and unhappy. Know that you mught be disapponted, but also have hope that this next person will be the best thing that happened to you. Enjoy the ride, even during the bumpy parts because there will be those times, and most importantly, dating should be fun. It was for me, i hope it is for everyone reading this too.
Sorry im not the greatest woth words, but you get my pont lmao
Lmao doesn’t listen dating advice but gives it. Your marriage is your marriage. Stop polluting the pong
@@smllhllwr "polluting the pond" lol. Ok
@@afrofishog I SAID wtf I SAID
@@smllhllwr ok bud
Your story is encouraging.
Thanks for confirming the challenges that exist, and sharing your attitude to get through, to find happy union!
"Just catch the feelings you're not going to die" THATS SO REAL HOLY.
Men who want a first date in the woods would like to have a chat with you
I given up on dating because it honestly feels like no one wants me so I don’t plan on dating anytime soon
That’s how I feel
I feel the same way. I don’t even go out that much in order to meet people anymore cause I feel so rejected by everyone. Really caused me to fall back into porn which is incredibly depressing
Same here, seems there isn’t anyone out there
Feel same way too
same
i really appreciate the acknowledgment of both sides struggling - I feel like the gap between men and women grows every day and it’s exhausting!!
Women arent struggling. That's the problem. They arent having to pick from a pool of bad choices, the average simply isn't appealing because their pool is so massive. Women don't even consider average. I have yet to meet a man without more redeeming qualities than not.
For a man, no matter what he chooses, he has to settle. Very few men get to pick their partner which is why you find men are for the most part, content in relationships while women leave a staggering 93% of the time
😔 just when i thought we could all come together lol.
i am sorry for any hurt you/those close to you are experiencing that may have caused this reaction to my comment!
i can agree that, at least in regard to dating apps, men do tend to get the short end of the stick🤷♂️
however, my favorite point from this video was how we tend to generalize groups in harmful ways - men do this, women don’t do that, etc. - it builds resentment on both sides because there are absolutely exceptions:)
while i have male and female friends that are struggling in the dating scene, i also have male and female friends and loved ones that are in happy relationships that wouldn’t agree that they are settling at all!
hope you have a great day and may you/your loved ones experiences improve!
The problem is that guy's struggle is "I'm dehydrated in the middle of the desert without a thing in sight" and girl's struggles are "omg, I'm kind of thirsty in the middle of a lake but the water looks yucky".
Sure, both have problems but not really comparable.
@@anika.artistawe have to acknowledge that the issues the sexes faces are different at some point. We have studies & stats to back it up
Men will continue to drop out of dating & higher education at increasing rates. Never in history has this ever been a positive thing for a society
Usually means the end of a society is near & violence will follow as everyone attempts to create a new one with their visions & ideologies
Yeah. People don't realize that we're way way more similar than you might think. Physically and psychologically. I won't say that we all go through the same things, but almost all issues on one side have a parallel on the other.
I spent about 19-24 on dating apps on and off. They ruined my self esteem. I mean killed it.
A complete waste of time…I don’t think men or women should be on them. It’s horrible for society!
I’m SO thankful I met my lady through mutual friends back in April! She’s everything I’ve ever asked for in a woman and I love her so much :) I’ll be proposing in the next 3-5 months, and I can’t wait to share the rest of my life with her
I love you Abby 💛
Yeah if those apps worked they would go out of business... That's great dude, think about that marriage hard tho, it has no benefits and the numbers are not realy in our favor.
Everyone has extremely high standards and no one is willing to accept that people have flaws or things they won't necessarily like about the other. I feel like my generation is so focused on not being hurt by another person, so we want our partners to be perfect and great all the time. That just wont happen, though. You have to be willing to work with someone's flaws and shortcomings, and accept that they will still have them even when they get better. Not to mention everyone battles with their insecurities and hangups. It's real hard out here
My standards are high with some flexibility. ❤ I feel like so many women sadly are having unrealistic standards that too many men couldn’t meet or exceed
@@christiansnaturestudio6599 Yes, I think that largely comes from women being afraid of being harmed/taken advantage of by men so they become very critical and hyper vigilant. I've met men who just want a companion so they'll date anyone, but this is harmful, too bc that breeds resentment in an unfulfilling relationship. We're in it for the long haul with the loneliness epidemic methinks 😅
@fleurdelalune8745 It’s true that men are more likely to date and stay in a relationship with a woman who really isn’t what he wants, just to be in a relationship. The problem is it comes out in his treatment of her. Eventually she breaks up with him and she’s labeled as being heartless or having standards that are too high.
This is the greatest answer I have ever seen
@@raulnatokapa Wow, thank you! You're very kind ☺️
Married millennial here. As someone who focused looking online to meet someone, 2013-2015 online dating was fun. I met several great people and eventually my wife. Back then it was cheap and had better access to meeting people. Now I’m hearing my friends having the same hard time online dating as it is to get a good job. Which is not good.
The truth is, modern internet has made too many people narcissistic without any reason to be that way.
I found my husband online. Online dating use to be fun...
Millenial here too, i found my fiance on tinder. We will marry in 2025 q
Gen Z has a problem with communication in general and the "dating problem" is just an extension of that.
Noticed that as well given they've grown up occupied by what's on mobile devices than in person interaction as generations before them did. Why should kids in the neighbourhood meet up with their BMXs outside going on adventures when you can spend hours sitt8ng in your room on your phone or computer in group chats or scrolling through short form content on social media. No wonder why dating and relationships have turned out a mess for them. 🤷🏾♂️
Communication isn’t the issue. This is simply humans reverting back to primitive mating strategies. The only reason we’re able to build thriving societies is because we artificially intervene with our own mating practices. Nowadays those systems of marriage and duty have been dissolved into materialism and “me me me”.
How do you even get into a relationship without catching feelings?! 😂
Transactional
WTF🤣🤣 what's that suppose to mean😂@@angelantayhua3096
Why is it even called "catching" feelings? It's not a disease
@@angelantayhua3096zo😊
Lots of women use men for “foodie” dates
Women get lots of matches, but the quality isn't there. Men get very few matches, but the quality also isn't there. Bad for everyone all around.
That’s what it all comes down quality over quantity
Worse for men because at least women can get multiple guys to choose from while most men don't have any options
Also women go after the low quality exciting chad/duke Dennis type of guys over the "boring stable" good guys all the time.
@@bfns2353They'd rather take their chances with someone out of their league then "settle" for an equal.
@@bfns2353women go after “low quality” guys but they also “compete for the top 10% of men”. Which one is it?
You have to sift through these:
1. People who are frivolous (not serious)
2. People who chat with multiple people (wasting your effort)
3. People who are just looking for someone better (already has a BF or marrying soon)
4. Girls who likes attention (turns you into one of their "fans" or admirers)
5. Easy come, easy go (ECEG) (ghosting)
6. People who play hard to get (by stonewalling or pretending)
7. People who ignores you or mistreats you
which is soooooooo tiring
You just described most women in everyday life, even outside of dating apps!
As a guy listening to this, this is such a balanced take.
As a girl, I agree I often see one side of the agurment from both sides that lacks nuance but has a lot of generalization
@@mariamejawara Because this is a one-sided issue. Balance means, that you're afraid to talk about the issue.
@@konoko1002k accountability is their biggest weakness
bluepill take
No it isn't lol
The thing is , me as a Gen Z, I have learned that if someone doesn't want me , then i'm not gonna try to convince them other way( even though there are kids, who have grown up with the idea that they can change another person).
Plus, i believe that some of us ain't dating , bcus of at least three things that are going on in our live''s:
1.Insecurity( also believing social media, that someone is toxic bcus of one trait), also the ick lists( like it makes some of us scared that we need to be the perfect version even though no one is perfect)
2.Not having time(school, job, gym) to just get to know anyone or not having the energy to do so
3.The belief that leading on multiple people can get you to your dream partner or it's like ''show him you have options'', or '' don't be yourself'' ''3month rule'' , like everything nowadays is just crazy( I love being myself around that person the first time we meet- like i'm not becoming an entire different person just for someone, whom I've known a month or less.
Most important thing isn't getting a boyfriend\ girlfriend, the most important thing is to learn how to love yourself, because it's impossible to love someone else without loving yourself in the first place. Some of us know how to date without following toxic tiktok advice.
I totally agree. Especially with the point 3. People have the pressure to win other the person in front of them. The toxic advice come from attempt of dating toxic people. The goal is to be yourself and love yourself. The rules of how to date will appear naturally
Yeah I couldn't agree less to this. It's true plus Idk why but I've known people who are in long term relationships for years and aren't married and those who've only known each other for a few months and get married right away. I feel like those who get married right away need to step back and ask themselves why are they getting married right away. Is it social media, is it peer pressure from friends and family, feeling behind in life.
I got into a long term relationship my sophomore year of college and that relationship ended recently. Suddenly I’m 25 and have no idea where or how to start dating. I went thru a rough patch in my life outside of the relationship and ended up destroying myself and our relationship which I was blind to until about a few months after it ended and I’m still struggling to forgive myself for losing an amazing woman who gave me years to realize what I was doing and change.
That’s why I’m not actively seeking a relationship but Im also not deliberately avoiding opportunities to meet new people. Problem is regardless of if I was looking for something or not there hasn’t even been a chance or opportunity I literally have had no romantic interaction whatsoever. Last time I was single in college and you’d just stumble into flirting or speaking with people all the time but being single at 25 I have no idea where to even begin. I feel weird about speaking to women at work unless there’s a reason to and same thing with the gym cause both those places people are there for a specific reason.
I am alright with being single and have grown to enjoy the time to myself, but me as well as everyone who’s said they gave up and want to be single are happy until you get in ur car late at night and there’s no one’s hand to hold while you drive… you get into bed at night and there’s no one there to roll over and cuddle with… You have exciting news and after you tell the group chat there’s no one else to tell… you see a couple just walking enjoying each other and you have no one to share those feelings with.
I'm about to be 26 and I've never been on a date in my life, it's really disheartening
edit: I'm a girl lol
Love yourself and you will im understanding that now and im 26 self love is the key.
@@Lexxnoo425 No it isn't. If you make it to 26 with no intimate experience with other people you will naturally come to realize something is wrong with you. Either this dude is extremely shy and needs to start forcing himself to leave comfortable situations or there's something physically and or socially off about him that scares people away. He needs to take initiative now or he will experience major amounts of despair in his later years.
Haha me too mate
@@tonygabashvili8357 AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
@@tonygabashvili8357 finally someone with sense
Social media and the Internet is the problem 100%
and it's never going away.
@@ainoskimusic So clearly the solution is to disconnect and dissociate. Aka touch grass. But I think there’s a subset of the population that will never do this and will also always value the very shallow aspects of one another on social media.
Is it? Or does the Internet simply magnify the issue? I'm going with the latter. The real problem is spiritually related. What people seek is inner fulfillment and they think material gain will give that to them when it won't. Humans have been dealing with this problem for all of history. The Internet only makes it visible.
Nah it’s not internet 😂 it’s how this gen was raised. Because human connection was complicated since day 1
@@famemosterrrrr A lot of Gen Z were not raised on the internet, especially the older ones, and neither were millennials who also have this problem. It doesn’t matter, it’s right now that people are poisoned by social media.
It’s normal to date somebody who you’re physically attracted to but if you are truly in love with somebody you wouldn’t need to “explore your other options” you wouldn’t need to think about it you would know that they’re the one and this is not a gender problem I don’t like it when people say “men are the problem” or “women are the problem” no this is a generation problem if I’m just an option to her then I find that very disrespectful I wouldn’t do that to a woman if I’m talking to a woman that I like she is the only woman that I’m talking to and I expect that same respect back
Exactly. I started talking to this one guy and he kept ghosting me from time to time. I just assumed he was exploring his other options and left.
Modern dating is crap. Meeting people in coincidence, becoming friends and falling in love is the best way to go.
@@rimimukherjee4 yeah and since I’m one of her “options” I need to prove my worth to her? So she can choose me over her other options? That’s not how dating works you’re supposed to stick with one person who you’re physically attracted to and who you’re compatible with and if that falls through only then are you allowed to talk to someone else
@@rimimukherjee4Be grateful you didn’t become a single mother from him !!!
@@missandry2669 Well that would have been her fault, not his!
@@adamg6369that’s not best for women as we have a biological clock, so rotational dating makes more sense as it wastes less of our time. And yes, as mammals, the male has to prove himself before he can mate, are you new to earth?
In my experience, the best healthiest relationships happen when you’re not looking for it. When you are truly comfortable on your own and then some person comes along that you just like so so much as they are that you feel like wanting to spend your time around them. When you choose dating apps, you are actively seeking something with other people actively seeking which while there’s some stories of people finding a great match, that won’t be the case for most of us
What I got from this video: You have so much love inside (abundance mindset) don't be afraid of catching feelings or being hurt, BUT discern properly, just like the way you choose your friends: same morals + having fun together = friend!
Meet people and when your needs are met, there is a proper chance there.
Yeah, think that about sums it up, I mean hell I look at my parents and they're are high school sweethearts and have been going strong for a few decades and they both described it as your spouse being your best friend
Ok woman.
Being an average man is a death sentence in the current dating market 💀
So is being a romantic or anyone who doesn't want to play games of manipulation and actually wants to take it slow
Agreed may I also add mid woman who's not a sex worker to the list
@@sarahaque1382I would say sex workers have it hard(er) finding a partner for a monogamous equal relationship (than non sex workers)
@@LeeGee-p1v Debatable. I enjoy dating them because their way more honest.
@@jclyntoledothat’s a terrible comparison. One typically has options and the other just needs to choose better lmao
Everyone isn’t willing to settle but in reality the is the person they claim is settling is on their level, but people think way too highly of themselves
There's a difference between "Finding Someone Acceptable But Maybe Not Perfect" and "Settling For Someone Who Is Subpar Because You Are Lonely"
I think a big part is also respecting your OWN boundaries. Ppl get into situationships, dates, etc. getting hurt again & again wondering why it always happens to them. And while there are absolutely a**holes out there, if it becomes almost a routine, you have to start looking at yourself. Are you respecting your own boundaries? If you want something serious, why do you keep talking to ppl that won't in hopes of 'fixing' them? Are you communicating your own needs?
It's not always them not respecting us, often it's us not respecting OURSELVES (and the other one just mirrors our behaviour.)
This is so true honestly and I've struggled with this. BUT I've also been on dating apps over and over and over again and I will say that the people who will give attention are (from my own experience) the ones that want to love bomb and play games and confuse you.
I've never had a person who had intentions of taking things seriously swipe right and put in the effort and obviously I know I'm not perfect but my friends have experienced the same nonsense. Too many people are avoidant and it's exhausting.
But also going back on the self respect. It's also really hard for some people to NOT pursue a relationship because they've never experienced romantic love. I used to prioritize finding romantic love because I never experienced it as a teen and I was excited by the prospect. then I went through 5 situationships and I decided it's better to stay away. but it was really difficult to make that decision because I've always envisioned myself having a healthy and happy relationship and I still crave it tbh🤷🏽♀️
and yes I give my friends so much love and care so I'm not neglecting my platonic relationships. but it's so difficult when you've only ever received rejection in romantic situations and all you've ever wanted is to give out that kind of love to someone.
@@marymarthamacmillan6908the guys a woman has a situationship with are guys that have tons of situationships. Because those are the guys that are desirable. And they are never ever going to commit because they are so rare and women are so willing to share them that they have a constant fresh supply of new short term partners. But only a tiny number are in this category as most guys aren’t desirable enough to have situationships. The men that will commit are now even less desirable to these women because their appetite for a man’s quality has been inflated by their past situationships with men they didn’t belong with if relationships were reserved for commitment instead of non-commitment. Situationships should be looked upon with scorn yet it’s the total opposite. Situationships make a normal world impossible yet the top men that get them and the mid women that subsequently have sexual access to top men are a strong enough allegiance that situationships dominate the world. Everyone is harmed in the long run except for the top men and the about one fifth of women who are naturally promiscuous. You’d think women would wake up to this and change their ways but I’d bet things are just getting started as there’s no indication that the situationship faction, the vast majority of women, are capable of analyzing what’s going on.
@@marymarthamacmillan6908situationships should be looked on with scorn yet somehow it’s the opposite. YT sensors this opinion because the corporate machine relies on weak people with weak relationships. They don’t want people capable of forming deep bonds with another that would allow them to fulfill the top parts of Maslows hierarchy of needs.
Just a reminder to everyone that dating apps don't represent real life at all.
1. Firstly, the gender ratio is heavily imbalanced, there's like 3 men for every woman so. It's impossible for everyone to "win"
2. since you can't present your personality on dating apps, it's hyper focused on looks, and even then it's just still images
3. There's no verification so ppl on there could have criminal records (1 of the main reasons why there're usually less women on the apps) and catfishing is common.
4. And at the end of the day, they're apps designed to make money, and they do that by trying to keep you on there as much as possible and getting you to pay premiums. If they truly worked, the companies behind them would be broke
4.5 e.g Apps that offer a Lifetime membership
5. Majority of dating apps are owned by one company, Match Group who’s profits have tanked.
But they have pulled the mask off of women.
When I was young we all really believed that women were less superficial than men, and that they were more responsible and mature.
Now there is a generation of men who know that all of that is totally untrue, and the only people around to give them advice can't relate to their situation at all.
@@michaeldevlin7747 hmmm blaming women when the original post doesn't even talking about it, seems like what a sad Incelss would say
@@ryss335women are the issue Nat they are the gatekeepers to relationships and sex mostly😭 they are the ones who imbue these ludicrous and voluminous standards
The apps really do make it harder so you feel like you need to spend money. Like you see a guy or girl you really like. Their profile seems great and they look great but you can say anything them without paying.
Gen z has a problem with narcissism that’s why
I’m not the oldest gen z I’d say bridging the gap and yeah I hate what’s becoming of everybody in my generation it’s become all “do this do that you’ll get people like this money this money that”
@@raikerthedestroyer4092 im on the cusp of genz millenial so I was in high school college when Instagram blew up and I think that's really when it started bc facebook wasn't so bad. Instagram started giving people this heightened sense of reality
could you explain further
@@raikerthedestroyer4092 we do need money. look at the eco
I relate to most of what you said, but I feel like, in dating, I fail at the very beginning - I don't text people first, or I ghost them. It's not because I don't think they're worth my time, but because I can't make a deep enough connection with trust and interest (through the internet) to want to meet them. With men I'm also afraid of being assaulted. Apart from apps, real-life dating (meeting through friends, at uni etc.) doesn't exist for me. It might be a bit controversial to say, but I think it's because our generation is super safe with boundaries - we don't want to disturb people, cross their comfort zones, "steal their time" etc. so we don't chat up irl. I relate to that and I've witnessed people backing off from talking to someone at the tiniest sign of them being busy/taken. We might crave someone stepping into our life, but we hesitate to do the same to others. Do any of you relate to that?
This 100% !
You should speak to a therapist tbh.
Mhm
1000% as a guy there have been times where I've wanted to approach someone I was interested in but immediately decided not to out of fear of disturbing them or coming off too strong. The last thing I want to do is make a woman feel uncomfortable or like they have to speak to me. It's a fine line to walk.
wow!!!
This totally describes what i feel.
I also feel like a lot of women in our generations end up a single mom early to late 20's to a point where I can't see myself as single mom at the age 25. I'm just not that strong of a women rn.
I’ve had bad experiences in dating and am focusing on building my own life but I’m still open to finding love
me
Bad experience = I only treated men I was attracted to with humanity and it didn’t work for me
@@SnookisInfant-gt8xu men do the exact same thing
@@SnookisInfant-gt8xudo men treat women they’re not attracted to with humanity?
@@SnookisInfant-gt8xu LOL projection much??
Social media and dating apps are ruining us all.
dating apps is hells island 😭 rather off myself than resort to that shit
@@yellgwad4 frfr lmao gateway to hell and the person/ dates/texting is the devil himself haha
I remember back when they were first starting to get traction about a decade ago, how depressing it was to think that hooking up and finding partners was apparently so easy and yet here was I, still without luck. Of course, now I do realize I'm just part of the global trend, but back then, I was really feeling like the odd one out.
I’m a 25 year old black male. Being black, short and ugly has put me on the bottom of the dating hierarchy. I’m worthless in women’s eyes. I’ve stop dating at 22 years old. I keep getting done dirty and rejected. I’m so much happier focusing on myself and bringing everything I have in my career and hobbies ten fold! There’s things I never thought I’d be able to do until I given up dating and it’s so freeing and amazing!
Loose this mindset!! Whether other people find you attractive or not really doesn’t matter and the women that think this way are not the women u want. While focusing on yourself is definitely great, it doesn’t need to happen at the same time as giving up on dating (unless u want it to). But by the sounds of it, u seem to have amazing things going on in ur life and I bet there r countless women out there that would want u🫶🏾
@@kiaradixon1201 I’m a boxing, calisthenics, cosplaying, acrobatic guy. I got in the gym, got completely ripped, got a nice car, and modified it myself. I have a job that lets me comfortably pay rent and live happily in San Diego. I train in multiple different martial arts and weapons of discipline. I’m 5’9 and black. Women can’t look past the fact that I’m short. I can get far enough to even let them in on the things I do or would like to try with them. I don’t care for sex; it’s overrated. I will pay for the first date; it’s how I was raised. I’m done. I can’t keep getting rejected and dismissed because I’m ugly and short. I’m happier without being hated, rejected, or cast aside. Accepting harsh truths is the best way to grow, and I’ve grown a lot from knowing I’m unlovable. Instead of it destroying me. It empowered me. Thank you for your insight.
@@Hinson3000How is 5’9 short? You’re not short. Most men are 5’7. A good percent of women are slightly delusional when it comes to men’s height.
Incoming unsolicited advice. (Side note: Women are not a monolith, just like men aren’t a monolith. No one is a monolith). There are billions of people in this world, you will meet someone who likes you for you (if that’s what you want)!
I’m a 22 year old bisexual and demiromantic dark skin black woman and I’ve dated exactly 2 ppl (both outside of my race), simply because I enjoyed my conversations with them and are respected by them. So trust, I get it. I’m considered “bottom of the dating hierarchy” (not a real thing btw), and I’ve have success. I have faith that you will too, as long as you develop yourself as a person!
Maybe work on developing your self esteem and self concept (there is no “bottom of the dating hierarchy”. different people find different things attractive). People loooove confidence and self assured people; looks can get your foot in the door, but they definitely do not keep you in the room. Looks don’t help with conflict resolution, paying the bills, or providing reassurance (all things that are present in almost all relationships). Your personality and character does that!
@@EstherDwomohif he’s genuinely ugly when being lean and only 5’9 whilst being ethnic, it will be very hard for him in dating, being ethnic in the west is a massive disadvantage for both men and women in dating, and to make it worse he’s short, and according to him facially unattractive whilst being at a low body fat % so he can’t even improve the appearance of facial attractiveness. And for ethnic men you need to be in the top percentage or atleast above average in looks height and status to be able to get women whereas white men can afford to be average, which may seem unfair but that’s just reality
I think there’s a big issue of narcissism and transactional love in younger dating. Men and women are in love with the idea of not having an equal partner but someone who’s “obsessed” and will worship the ground they walk on which is essentially a lesser partner unless they also plan on returning that behavior.
The transactional relationship is one sided with men being expected to pay for everything. Most women want a daddy and not companion.
@@NebulaSonand some men expect women to be entirely devoted to them and act like a pet instead of their own person. I’ve seen (and unfortunately known) people who expect their girlfriends to stay entirely “pure” or to not talk to any men (not in a sexual/romantic way, I mean in general).
However, they are both problems. There are some women who exploit men for money and expect them to provide for every aspect of their life, and some men who exploit women for their ego and expect them to be entirely devoted to them. BOTH are bad. There are these kinds of manipulative people on both sides. I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s one sided, just different (yet similar) issues on both sides.
Edit: I also wanted to add that plenty of men use weaponized incompetence to have their girlfriend/wife provide entirely for them. But women do the absolute same to men sometimes. The problem is not men or women, it’s manipulation and narcissism.
@@goodgrieficarus1217 I agree bring bacl aranaged state marraiages the real victims are the kids in the BS
@@thewildcardperson I’m personally not sure about arranged state marriages, but I agree that the kids are the real victims in any of these situations. I hate that so many people act like this and have kids. The kids are likely going to be treated the same way, or at least given a poor example of a relationship.
Omg this, I say this all the time. From a male perspective this especially feels true. It’s impossible not to get the general idea that women want an unfair/imbalanced arrangement from men. It seems like an equal partner is a total ick, and that a man needs to be this huge benefit to your life. Like what’s the point of being a successful man (especially money wise) when you just need to give it right back up to a woman? To be fair, a lot of this perception is taken from social media, but it’s just so pervasive I can’t ignore it. It seems like they want a money mule, not an actual partner, companion and friend, and even when they make money we don’t benefit from it 🙄 That’s one of my biggest peeves
I think everyone needs to be single and live with that for awhile.
Right. That’s what I’m doing. I don’t care to be in a relationship at this point in my life.
Im living like that since the beginning, whats the point? 💀
@@chomp5558 my point was you need to be okay with it. Be at peace with yourself
People don't really try to find high quality partners on dating apps. They go for looks and superficial things only, that doesn't really bring out the good individuals. Applies to both men and women.
This whole Assimilation Culture in America doesn't help either.
We all have our own unique quirks and personality. But we're all told to share the same space with people who don't like us at all.
(School, work, dating apps, commuting, etc.)
It just causes a lot of confusion. Which attracts the bad people. While the good people either flee. Or face the bullying.
The internet sucks because nobody talks about anything with nuance or grace. Everything has to be one extreme or the other.
For example, I think on the "women's standards" thing both 'sides' are right but talk past each other.
Women need higher standards for things like moral character (and commitment, kindness, consistency) and lower standards when it comes to trivial things like income and height. But the prevailing attitude on the internet nowadays seems to be "All men are trash, so might as well go for the most attractive/rich one."
i agree!!
Can’t agree more!
Damn, pretty balanced and true take.
I agree with your comment somewhat, but finances are pretty important when it comes to marriage and long-term relationships. No, you don’t need to be a millionaire, but you should be able to provide for a family. Financial issues is one of the leading causes of divorce. Also, take into account that in relationships where the wife makes as much money or more than the husband, it causes more stress on the husband.
Finances are one the most important things in a relationship it's not trivial at all especially if you're dating for marriage
We just need friends and money. People don’t need to date because making friends is hard enough
So true. We all have fewer friends today as well.
I have an avoidant attachment style because I grew up where my mom scolded my mistakes and didn’t like my introversion. And when friends have issues with me they would bring up the issue 3 months later which pisses me off more and I become more avoidant. Those issues come from friends who barely have friends of their own so if I don’t show up for them how they expect me emotionally then get upset. Yet I also go through many irritating issues and they don’t check up on me since I feel like they view me living with family still in my late 20s I’m considered “financially dependent” on them. So therefore my “issues” and “hardships” aren’t taken seriously because I’m not living alone and have limited support from others
Can relate, I'm an avoidant millenial guy (33) who was desperate for space and independence and found it. It all stemmed from the avoidance of nasty adults controlling me, discovering my peace mostly in isolation. Still to this day I love solitude and people tend to bring more chaos into my life than benefit. It's easy for people to assume that my simplistic lifestyle is 'easy' compared to theirs, and so my issues tend to be less important. I'm the person people call when they are having a hard time, but when its my turn to have a hard time they seem unphased.
@@ArtEveryday-mm1cg bingo!
OMG I thought I was the only one who didn't find men attractive unless I talk to them, and I just NEVER want to show a picture of them to my friends hahaha Good to know I'm not alone
I think this is how women are wired. We are not visually turned on like men. We need time for a connection.
I think Hollywood portrays us masculine. So it can get confusing.
It's just the opposite for men. They find a woman attractive by looks, but as soon as she opens her mouth....
Let's see how attractive most women are fresh faced right out of the shower with no makeup or cosmetics on.
Most women honestly believe that they're more attractive than most men but they forget that they walk around with tons of makeup and cosmetics on that men don't wear.
So if y'all wanna be honest with yourselves, let's compare women's natural state to men's natural state and then see if women are still so bold as to say that most men aren't attractive.
I bet women won't be so quick to say that then would they? It's not so easy to feel more attractive than men without your cheater aids is it.
And before you say men want women to wear makeup, that's a lie. Most men might think women look better without makeup. But that doesn't mean they *prefer* women to wear makeup.
In fact most men would prefer women *not* wear makeup. As in none at all. But since women k own it makes them look better since it's cheating, and they feel the need to compete with other women, the majority of women will never stop wearing it completely.
So in conclusion, it's completely women's choice to keep wearing makeup, not men's. You can't put that on men so don't even try.
thats so weird cause how are yall attracted to 6ft,chisled jawline etc without being attracted 😂be making 0 sense
or the majority of women atleast
I'm 21. At 16 I met a man who I'd date for 5 years and be engaged to.
I was very happy, but his friends talked him into breaking up with me. Friends he only was close with for about a year or two.
There was a lot more to the story but regardless after the breakup I found peace with myself that I never knew I could have.
No man to tell me what I can and can't do, can and can't wear, who I can and can't hang out with.
I felt free to go head first into a career for myself (he wanted a more traditional lifestyle)
I tried to date again recently and I honestly found that my peace is something I don't want to give up.
I'm positive one day I'll find someone whos version of peace is the same as mine, but dating just isn't fun. I don't have time to devote to people when I'm just trying to pay my bills.
Btw that traditional lifestyle (which I assume is: he makes money-you stay at home) never existed before in the entire history of mankind.
Women have always worked and or had lives outside of staying at home. It's actually a very new thing and is more about controlling your partner than anything else. Don't fall for it.
Not sure who told you dating is suppose to be fun...
26 turning 27 never been on a date, online dating destroyed my confidence, if I ever had any, real life feel pretty much invisible. Work, gym, eat, sleep, some hobbies on the side. Take pride in it. Tired of the feeling of needing/wanting someone.
Who told you that a dating Apps can find you a Partner?
To believe that is extremely naive
You need to work on maturing
@@CordeliaWagner1999 The fact that a majority of relationships are formed through apps probably told him that. You need to get with the times.
Are you me?😂😂😂
Yall are so strange. Human connection and socialization is something you have to do to stay healthy. If you dont make friends or have good close relationships with family then you will crave that connection with another person and that craving will never go away. But it's every person's individual responsibility to create and maintain relationships. You have to put the work in if you don't then you'll be alone. Stop crying about it a do something. It's Like yall forgot life is hard.
Suck it up.
@@TychoKingdom Nah, for some guys its just not worth it. Maybe he has friends as well, then hes fine. No need to beat your head against the brickwall of modern dating
Everyone is so closed off and suspicious. For good reason, to be honest, but it really stems from insecurity from childhood. One of my exes grew up without a dad and she ended up not liking men all that much. So she kept men at a distance until she met me because she knew other guys only wanted her body. Another one of my exes literally didn't believe me when I said I liked to read books. She thought I was lying to get into her pants but we developed a thing where we shared books with each other.
As they should be. Have you ever dated a narcissist? That would make you really prudent on who you decide to let into your life‼️
16:16 the quality of guys is lacking cus any guy who's attractive enough to get matches is probably sleeping around, where as the quality men are staying off dating apps and focusing on self improvement or just touching grass
As a 20y male, i must say, i never had a serious relationship, not because i haven't tried. In my youth a bunch of stuff happened that really defined me, and with that i am some who needs time. And that is something i've learned is very rare in dating to be given. Many of my experiences are either my interests are moving on, because we are moving on different speeds or it seems like working out, but we realise we work better as friends, than comitting into a relationship. It is like the levels of knowing a person, before deciding to commit, is differing from person to person, but to respect that, that is something very rare, because people don't take the chance to wait on a chance, or only few do so.
dw bro don’t get a gf or a kid in ur 20s, you’ll only end up broke n stressed unless u can live comfortable w 3 mouths to feed for 18 years (or more)
@@KevinKevin-qp1lg
I'm Not worriing at all.
grew up as such a kid, know how stressing it can be. at the same time i know wonderful it can be having active, youthfull parents.
Problem only was, that they were not ready for us, especially when we were born.
I don't date for sex or children. I date for closure, connection, emotional safety.
Something i already have to a certain degree with my close friends, but still lack in parts i feel most vulnerable.
And i can wait, living 20 years teaches only so much, but Fomo is managable, once you remember, that you have Friends, Family, a social net, people that can cheer you up and remind you, that the one thing you don't lack is time. One i find we forgot as a Generation. I suspect modern developments, Like Dopamin driven, fast pace social Media, Trends and Advertisement for that. If you are flooded with information, Images or Stories, you most likely are trying to keep up, which means, the attention is hopping from one thing to another, dismissing slow burn developments. Tiktok was like the Essence of that. And honestly that feeling makes me worry more that than my dating life.
Dude, you're 20 years old... you should be focusing on making money and your career. I can see if you were 25 or older looking for girlfriend but you're too young to think about stuff like that.
@@Herozonex200this comment is soooo validating to hear. I’m 18 and i’m worried about not being in my ‘prime’ for dating but I wanna be financially stable before dating anyone 🥲 I hear everyone talking about women being past their prime by 25 and it lowkey had me stressed but this comment made me realise getting the bag comes first
How about all of you just chill the fuck out and focus on life itself rather worrying what imaginary things regarding relationships might or might not happen. Jesus. 🙄
I’ve even tried approaching men myself but then something weird happens. They begin to play games with me as an attempt to dominate me…… then I just immediately lose interest.
@Enriquez2222 that's how girls treat guys and u gave up easily
Only a few men are like that talk to more people
It's better to just start chatting with a guy in public. From what I've seen in videos, people are materializing out of nowhere and asking for a number. This is not natural. It's too abrupt.
Also, it needs to be places of leisure, not a task-oriented place. Say you go to one of those classic car shows that are everywhere on the weekends. Or a ballgame. Or the rodeo. Or ice skating. Or an amusement park. Just be friendly & chat. If the guy is not interested, there is no insult to you.
Probably scared to lose you
@@MarbleCat. She couldn't take a few days of the mind games lol
Polygyny. Most men have no options. None. The idea that men have too many options is the apex fallacy
or even a few options 😂 its crazy man women really have no idea what the male experience in dating is like it lowkey feels disrespectful at this point
@@__Shun I once witnessed an argument where a man complained about his lack of interest from women and a woman automatically assumed that he was turning down dating and opportunities and said 'yOu'RE jUSt WAitiNG oN an ACtreSS or SupErModEl' which, of fucking course, he wasn't. He would take anything he could get. She then remarked on how one of the men in her life gets tons of attention just by 'being respectful' or somthing to that effect; I think that anecdotal evidence informed her entire viewpoint on men's options. I think a lot of women sincerely don't want to grapple with the idea that men could struggle with something that they don't struggle with - e.g. getting the attraction of the opposite sex. They also tend to get the boneheaded idea that we can just 'tell' when they're attracted to us. It all culminates in them seeing us as simply too unrealistic in our standards, when in reality it is, indeed, a desert out here for so many of us.
I may be in the minority here but I don't believe in dating all that much. Auditioning to be in someone's life hoping that they'll let you in just so you can be waiting on hand and foot and satisfy all their wants and needs in hopes they won't kick you out. Huh? As much as people don't want to admit it, dating is an artificial trendy ritual. No wonder people are having difficulties. The foundations are already flimsy. Just my opinion
courting is better than dating
I dont believe in arranged marriages though. I think courting is the safest way. Find a person you are already friends with and then just date and fall in love.
Courting is just dating with extra steps and the major con is that you might get too focused on one person that everyone in your circle already knows so might actually not see red flags
@@yo-cb1mjno
Women are asking men to grow while holding on for dear life to be courted like it’s the 60’s or outright using incel behavior to say men or worthless while feminist tell women ALL THE TIME this is not true and they need men
A TL;DW for this video guys: (my own interpretation)
1. Get off social media/dating apps so much.
2. Be yourself and try to discover who a person truly is. Love them for who they are, not what they may become / possess.
3. Be vulnerable. Theres nothing wrong with feeling. Feel all of it and express all of it. Just be smart at the same time.
The whole "get off the apps" doesn't work ESPECIALLY for gen z.
It's almost night and day hitting on gen z women and millennial women in the wild, and a lot of it has to do with millennial women actually know how to flirt while a lot of gen z women are hyper awkward in person.
I assume gen z men are probably more awkward and worse at flirting than millennials too.
It's an entire generation of people that have been gaslit into thinking men talking to women outside of hyper safe spaces is a problem, so a majority of men just won't approach a woman in the wild and a majority of gen z women have been brainwashed into not being receptive too it.
The solution? Run back to the safe space apps or hope you hit the social circle lottery where you are friends with a lot of attractive people.
@@MajesticFerret I can totally see this
@@MajesticFerret I'm in the borderlands between millennial and gen z and i can tell u right now yes gen zs talking skills are horrible and maybe it is because I go after women but their skills are especially bad. I've had to stop approaching a few women when I noticed that they were so anxiety ridden without a group of friends around but I just said screw it I'm not going to feel like a villain trying to talk to this woman 😂
Being vulnerable is suicide with most women. Horrible advice
Last one is bullshit. Being vulnerable gets you nothing. Being strong gets you everything.
Every man should be somewhat evil and selfish. Only that way he can rise to the top.
Using phrases like 'catching feelings' as if feelings and attraction don't belong and are diseases, when talking about sexual relationships, shows how far our society has fallen.
I can not afford a girlfriend, and trying to appease one will just be a distraction. Yeah, loneliness sucks but it is what it is.
26, have had two relationships that barely broke past a month in the last 5 years.
Abandoned apps, abandoned searching, its just not worth the time sink just to maybe find someone who doesn't see me as a free meal voucher.
just focusing on family, friends, and stability is hard enough without a +1.
People think you search for this, you don't, you just optimise your setting to meet good women and someday you might come across someone, in your hobbies or the clubs you are in, through friends that lines up with you a lot after you get to know them and then you can start dating. You can search for hookups but relationships is something special that you can't force.
Saying that men shouldn't be pittied for feeling lonely in this system because "they" created it themselves is wild.
It doesn't recognize how the patriarchy harms men who don't fit the very narrow standards for privilege as well as women.
The young boys and men who feel alienated from society today have not created the patriarchal system dynamics that dominate our society themselves. That's ludicrous. There's a few thousand years of history predating today.
Most of all, how is pointing fingers at each other going to solve the loneliness epidemic? Fighting polarisation with polarisation? Nah
Buy 100% agree with your comment but at the end of the day it is very easy to villainize men. It is so easy to villainize men that I think it's harder to see a man being decent or being good versus it being so easy to see a man as being bad and Evil. I have the same most men are generalized, most women are the exception. I myself have had trouble over the last several years of finding a relationship due to the fact that most women that I've encountered when it comes to forming that relationship they have baggage and Trauma of their past that deals with other men and they often times take it out on the present current guy that they're with even if they don't realize it. And when it's brought to their attention and they come to the realization that they are doing this they don't know how to stop or fix it because they've been doing it for so long.
WRONG. The “Patriarchy” is a LIE. The ONLY Privlege is FEMALE PRIVILEGE. It is THAT NARRATIVE drilled into men and unconscionably boys (since I was a boy in the 90s and earlier, ever since society liberalized)
@@Nightcall411 Society in the West has turned on men and unconscionably boys. The OP must be too full of her female privilege or if it’s a man, must be Stockholmed into thinking that the opposite sex is anything but the most entitled and privleged group to ever walk the face of the earth anywhere on earth.
All off the backs of men that they treat like indentured servant class
I'm single because I have social anxiety, no rizz, and I don't want to download dating apps since everyone I know is using and it has become a norm
The app isn't the only place to meet people go out to talk to people
Introverts still marry. Socially awkward people still marry.
It's important to still don the mental work as to what is acceptable or not, in a relationship. The goal is to be in a good marriage. It might take you longer, but you must still have standards. Know what they are & know your own worth.
@@omotayosatuyi252 It's not really socially acceptable to talk to women in real life though. I've been told my whole life that it's never okay to speak to a woman and that dating apps are the only options. Those are the rules that women themselves have established.
@@MrFish1124so, you’re just gonna talk to the bros then? Then be gay! Idk what to tell you.
@@celestialspartan1176 Ai girlfriends
The bigger problem is the dating scene as a whole in society. It doesn't matter where you meet people: online or in-person, you're going to run into a level of flakiness that is hard to comprehend and egos with women that make zero sense whatsoever. It's a dating and society problem, not an app or way of meeting problem
I 100% agree. Society was gradually in decline before the internet took off.
As a millennial that just got married, I would say the reason the younger generation is having a hard time finding someone has alot to do with letting go of traditions. Traditions actually brings people together and you find people with the same principles and goals. You actually find people in your community if you participate in traditional events and arrangements.
I find most traditions to be for conformist suckers and yet I found a great partner early in life online, committed to it and had no issues in this relationship/ marriage for almost 15 years now. So idk...
@@AmberyTear Im married too, having traditions has made our family stronger and honestly, more peaceful. I'm so happy and so is my husband. To each is own.
@@AmberyTear It's the opposite, now. Tradition is the new sub-culture, and 'non-conformists' are the staid Establishment.
What if your principles and goals go against traditions, or against what your parents are ? I don't want kids, I want someone with feminist and progressive values. I may find someone like that at my work, at a artsy club, or doing voluntarism (and those places can become my communities). But how likely is it to find someone like that at Church? 🤷
Doing traditional stuff works if you have traditional values, but if you don't, that's just kinda dumb 🤷
(I actually got the person I'm looking for, but I got them by precisely looking anti-tradition. Because that was sending them red flags according to their own values)
@@AmberyTearwrong there is a reason why traditions work. Ever since we liberalized our society in the 1960s, society has gone down the tubes and will decline like Rome.
Most of the women who say they wont date men would still do one night stands and then complain about not finding genuine connection!
I start seeing the pattern that girls would say I haven’t been on a date in years. Yet they don’t count a date with someone that they weren’t really interested in or knew they were going to reject. So it “didn’t count.” Another pattern is that they aren’t dating as far as relationships go but they aren’t celibate. Hence why bumble had billboard ads calling this out and lots of women po’d. if it was completely false then it would be shrugged off and no f’s given.
you overestimate the amount of people that are into hooking up. talk to people outside the internet and you'll see that it's rare and frowned upon
When women talk about men on dating apps; they are referring to the top 3-5%.
Most of men don’t exist to them on these apps
💯 genuinely disturbing how she can acknowledge at the beginning that men need to be tall and good looking (or have obvious wealth and status but thats basically prostitution) and then says girls' matches are mostly "low quality" 😂
Dating apps only has 20% - 30% of women. Not all women use those apps
Go cry about it😂
@@selrox879 oh don’t worry with the boom in Wine Aunts, and the opposite sex crying about being so lonely on TikTok, men don’t have to cry. Because we know it’s the opposite sex that will shed all the tears for everyone
I try to force myself to go on Tinder every once in a few months for the illusion that I'm actually kind of sort of doing something about my incelship, but I always give up on it after a couple of days. I'm a guy so just getting a match is an event, then she doesn't even text me back. I just keep on swiping and heaving a sigh of relief when it's finally over for the next 24 hours. And I just hate the amount of ads, how I constantly click on stuff I had never intended to click in the first place. And worst thing is, Tinder is still pretty legit compared to all that dating shit around. I'm serious, most of the other apps are bot-driven scam holes that will do their best to hook you in and even if you resist, chances are some tracking crap will have been quietly installed on your phone anyway.
I don't know what's about dating that attracts the most abusive business practices. Guess because apparently guys do fall for it.
tired of being treated as an option, mental at an all time low. met a girl I really loved on the app and it turns out she was just shopping around.
I think some women have unrealistic expectations. I’m never gonna advocate women settle or be with someone they don’t like or men in a completely different tax bracket than them but at the same time there’s a balance of being realistic. I’m all for women finding a financially stable guy let me lay that out😂 but it sounds crazy for a woman to say they need a man to pay them $10k a month for them to consider them and pay all of their bills right after meeting them. I’m sick of being called a pick me for saying women demanding a nanny and a maid when they are married and their husband gives them an allowance for fun money is unrealistic and very entitled to a point where it’s concerning. Any relationship is give and take and to expect a man to give you all of everything and you treat him like trash but he doesn’t expect anything of you is delusional. Sorry long comment but I needed to vent 😂😅
most women know those are unrealistic standards but in my opinion it’s better to be single for the rest of my life than put up with a man for anything less 🤷🏾♀️
You're seriously correct. That's all it comes down to at the end of the day. Equally yolked or at least aspiring to be. Like this perfection or it's over culture is horribly toxic. Some people are just not cut out for the work required to grow with someone more times than not nowadays and it's sad
I agree!
@@Fatima-ic8kvmatter of fact the women can do that to each other now, have at it hoss
@@hopperstreams4487 thank god i’m bisexual
I think the "If he wanted to, he would" is also very harmful. I've recently saw a video of a girl saying, that she hears this saying and thinks about situations where she wanted but couldn't bc of beeing scared of the reaction, or just not doing it for no apparent reason
I feel that's the point of that phrase. If someone really wanted to, then they would despite being scared of the reaction.
It’s mostly a self serving phrase meant to rationalize and soothe your ego the way I see it used these days.
This is such an absurd phrase. There's no single universal way to love someone. People grow up in different environments, they are raised differently and they show affection differently. No one is a mind reader, and this whole thing is just a poor excuse of bad communication. And I'm saying that as a woman.
Women say can’t find “a man”, what they mean is can’t keep a top 20% on the app man. That top 20% are monopolising 60-70% of the women.
Y all said we have to pick better men so we did😂. I love male loneliness❤
@@selrox879 you can’t do math ….it means many delusional women are on a pump and dump roster …just a booty call. Postponing settling down and having kids for career and buying into a fantasy. When the biological clock comes a ticking they panic there’s no good men left they are all married and nobody wants a chick who’s been a hoe all her 20’s. Then you see the rise of the cat lady with a Chardonnay wine box delivery on subscription. Is that your celebration? Men are choosing to turn their backs on women precisely because of women who profess to hold your views. We built the world you live in gave you all the tech and maintain it. We protect it from enemies and destruction but if you continue to break the social contract as your comment implies the consequences will be dire as you don’t want to see a future without motivated fulfilled men in meaningful relationships who take on their role and responsibility. The price of your cake and eat it approach to celebrating male suffering is bad for society and we all have to live in that society. But ultimately when a hoe phase-Chad-chaser hits “the wall” she suddenly realises I was being used as a sexual object, now I’m discarded, as I no longer any value….but go girl you do you boss bitch sex positive blah blah go work for the man and come home to that empty mansion full of cats 🐈
@@selrox879 good to see you still take male instruction 😉
Met my to be wife on tinder a couple of years ago after sifting through bots and rejection. Almost gave up and made peace with the fact id be alone. It can happen people. However dating apps are mainly garbage. They do not want you to succeed because it loses them revenue. Men and women have been gaslit into hating and distrusting each other
You said years ago - buddy years ago dating apps were on tutorial mode
@@-schattenpflanze-3755 3.5 years ago is not that long. Calm down friend
The issue Gen Z has with dating is honestly a lot simpler than I think people realize, and you kind of touch on it at parts of the video. But just like everything else in our society, we have the tendency of overcomplicating things. At the end of the day, because dating apps and social media present this idea of unlimited options, people are unwilling to commit and they think a better option is always available because we’ve put our values on the superficial side of things. Things like looks, materialism, money and finances, status, etc. But I’m 23, and my girlfriend is 21, and we’ve been together five years. On the surface, we maybe aren’t the perfect fit. We don’t have a ton of things in common, but a few key things we love to do together; and some of our core values don’t completely align, but the most important ones do. I say all this to point out that people have this idea that we’re entitled to the perfect partner. The issue there tho is that there’s no such thing as a perfect human so how can there be a perfect partner? Best case scenario, you get 80% of the perfect partner. But then people see someone with that other 20% that they’ve been missing out on, and then find themselves questioning the partner they already have. My girlfriend and I on the surface probably aren’t a perfect fit, but we’ve become that by adjusting to one another and committing to the relationship. Every relationship has ups and downs, and issues that need to be resolved. I’m not saying to stay in a relationship you’re not happy in, but if you aren’t both willing to put in the work for each other, it’ll never work out. The idea that love is easy if it’s right sets a bad precedent imo. Love should be easy most of the time, but relationships are hard. It requires both sides to buy in. And nowadays nobody wants to buy in for one reason or another.
Sometimes I think that these problems have always been around, but social media and dating apps just makes it louder
i think a lot of really great points were made here. dating is difficult and peoples' standards are unrealistic. however, i do feel like those (especially women/femmes) that prioritize their relationships with themselves, family, and friends are not in the wrong. as humans, we will crave companionship, but it does NOT have to be with men, and it does not have to be romantic companionship. there's such an emphasis on romantic/sexual relationships that we forget that there's more to life than pondering the possibility of being someone's soulmate/lover/spouse.
this! I have a nice circle of friends and I'm close with them. I have lifestyle I'd like to uphold and goals I'm working towards. I'll never abandon those things or any person because someone wants me to. If someone is not happy with my friends or my life then they can go
Cope
@@sunny74763 don’t care & didn’t ask! hope that helps
I’ve given up on dating till I’m in my 30s because I’m sick and tired of being more like a parent than a partner in my relationships.
And before anyone ASSumes, I mean I gotta think for these people. I have zero issue with supporting my partner, paying for dates, and being as lovey as possible, but I cannot be a person’s entire village. Especially when I don’t get that same kind of dedication in return.
That won't change in the 30s
@@KCville6324the hope is that everyone is a bit more grownup after TEN YEARS 😂
Let me hope.
Your self reflection is good. knowing what you need from a woman and early signs that a woman can or cannot provide that is a good step toward achieving it.
Seems like women with a strong social network are important to you. Some of the first questions for you to ask a woman who piqued your interest is about her friendships, immediate family, and extended family. Things like "tell me about your oldest friendship"
Exactly! I'm not obligated to take care of a grown woman
the type of people that expect something in return for doing something good are no the best people. Maybe that’s why you’re having difficulty with women. Relationships aren’t supposed to be transactional like tht. If the relationship was based on love then none of that would matter
I'm 24 and this is all immature and childish. Whatever happened to just being yourself and being honest and straightforward?
That’s not enough drama for women apparently
@@andrewevans7992 Clearly not lmao
Clearly you can’t be in a generation that normalizes what they think is acceptable when it comes to a persons worth.
@Pokeninja7 23 here. And agreed. It's like somewhere along the way everyone abandoned all moral values
One word clout and the fact that women want 6 everything now
Men feel afraid to talk irl, because if we approach the wrong person, we’ll get called a creep, and likely get screwed over, and the women who would do something like that don’t exactly have a visual warning flag (excluding things that are stupidly obvious of course but that applies to both genders), so we just don’t approach anyone out of fear, overall I think women should be the ones to approach men instead of the other way around, because for us the potential risk, no matter how slim the odds, is too much
This is so true
Im ngl I prefer a man that can approach me in person over a man that chooses to only approach me online. I feel like there’s better chances of a real genuine conversation and connection coming out of that. Especially since you already see what you like right in front of you.
exactly and their the ones with all the options in the world it makes 0 sense why they wouldnt approach the guy they want.. like make it make sense bruh
they already dont want everyone they see outside to begin with smh
It's not going to happen. Women don't want to approach men unless we are desperate. A man is put under a microscope when online dating but he can date above his league if he can get over his rejection sensitivity. The more you approach women the more confident you will be at it. The creepy men are the ones that we notice watching us, following us and hesitating. Women have to be very aware of our surroundings. If you are serious about meeting people just come up and talk. You have to get out of your own way. Gay people have been approaching each other with much more at stake for centuries. A modern man really only has to worry about being too flirty at the workplace.
Dating apps for men is looking for a glass of water in the desert, dating apps for women is like looking for a clean glass of water in a swamp.
Yup I am not on any dating apps I think it’s quality over quantity
@isabella6075 because of hypergamy u wont date an average guy
The thing is most women intentionally look for a Clean glass of water in a swamp. They pass over good men all the time to go after the "chads and "duke dennis" of the world
And I'm not on it because I never find another human being to even acknowledge my existence.
Wanna grab a drink? 🤣
@@CYBER_FunkER I don’t know you but you seem nice lol
As a gen z-er, the best advice I can give is:
1. never go on dating apps
2. Stay off your phone. Being on your phone in public makes you very unapproachable. Learn to simply exist without swiping on your phone when waiting on line or waiting for a friend. This is something I had a hard time learning to undo, but trust me, you slowly learn how to put your phone away and just exist. I see sooo many young people in our generation immediately pulling out their phones when there’s a pause in a day, or when they dont want to feel awkward standing around/waiting in public. Be the change you want to see in the world. Also, you’ll instantly make yourself stand out amongst the crowd of youngsters immersed in their phone. You become an approachable person. Make yourself available to others, not to your phone!
As a gen z male, on the older end, I can say there is truly no point to dating right now. Most don’t want anything serious, most don’t respect one another emotionally, immaturity when it comes to arguments, most of us can’t even afford to live. I don’t wanna accidentally bring a child into this world because I get baby trapped and have to struggle to support the child. I just don’t care about it atm, and women like this exist so I’d rather just vibe and make money.
Also the creator of this video is actually gorgeous, no weird shit.
We are all children of our time, every "generation" struggles with something. As a millennial, I was a teenager when Internet became big and have for the past 25 years watched it slowly kill everything that was fun. Meeting people was fun and exciting, I cannot remember people being "introverts" back then, everybody just was, today there are soooo many labels on everything. Watching a movie was more fun, you were committed because you physical had to go to the video store and rent it, you got together with your friends or your family and watched it TOGETHER, today you maybe if you are lucky watch it with one other person. TV-series were fun because they weren't that many and you had to wait for the next episode a whole week, the same with music, you had to go and get the Album of an artist you liked on a physical media and put it in your stereo and actually listen to it, the whole thing! I feel blessed to have experienced life before internet, and feel so sad to see how much it have destroyed human relations..anyway sorry for the nostalgia trip. Unlimited options may seem good but it aint, we cannot grasp it with our minds, you need to fight and struggle for something for it to be worth something to you.
It's not the internet. People used to blame tv, books, etc for life style changes too
@@chagoriver7159 and they probably had reason to. internet is interactive, tv radio books are all passive, but ofc they were all revolutionary in their time
12:20 this is terrifying. having dated a bunch of men and women, no breakup even came CLOSE to the past 2 breakups i’ve had with avoidants specifically. one day, they’re on fire for you, talking about how they LITERALLY want to marry you, how you’re the perfect person, and how they’ve never fallen in love with somebody so hard, how they could never find somebody else so perfect for them like you, and then the next day, they flip a switch instantly to now saying “yeah i just don’t want to be in a relationship right now, maybe later, idk, i don’t want to put labels on anything right now.” and it’s literally so cruel. avoidants really need to seek therapy before actively pursuing someone, so they can realize their faults that come with their attachment style. for the sake of their mental health, and especially for the sake of their partners, because making someone you’re seeing now, deal with baggage from your past, in the form of your insecure attachment style, is not it.
I think we are a lustful generation thats a good broad way to put it :)
Lust over love is more common than love over lust
I got my shit locked in tho with ma wife 😇 4eeeeevvvveerrrrrrrrr
Check this out, I'm not going to hook up with someone if I don't have genuine feelings for them. And tbh, for the most part my thoughts of a girl isn't very genuine unless I get to know her
@jaheimgilbert4017 ok good for u 👏 ig
this is so true
if girls find guys attractive based on emotional traits rather than physical appearance, then why do they dismiss plenty of guys in the very beginning before giving them any viable chance? sounds rather contradictory.
Human beings are far from consistent, or even smart as a group. It all varies on the individual
@@wokedog1799 i suspect that every individual has their own choices, yet they also tend to act in certain patterns. that’s why the mistakes people make are often repeated and rarely made for the first time.
EVERYONE bases sexual attraction on physicality. Almost no one is sexually attracted to personality traits, are you getting rock hard for ugly girls with big hearts? Lol, get real, it works the same for women.
being attractive is a prerequisite for women, even if they deny it
She's virtue signalling. physical preferences matter a lot more than "emotional traits" whatever that means.
I saw a post that said "Modern dating is like this: men are wandering through a dry, sandy desert, while women are wandering through a murky, boggy swamp. Both of them are just trying to find some clean water to drink."
I disagree. Women HAVE clean water, they just want the luxury sparkling water with a hint of lemon. Men are dying of thirst 😂
Conservative Christian male from GenZ here. Ive just reached the point where i dont care anymore. Sure, i'll never stop wanting to be married, especially since it is the only way my faith allows me to experience sexuality, but emotionally and mentally I no longer am willing to invest the ressources necessary, at least for now. Ive tried and failed too many times. For now, i am focussing on my faith and my career. The only solace is in the fact that i am still young (25), therefore ive still got time, being that i could even start a family at 40 if push came to shove.
Ironically, I'm also a Christian, conservative girl who is also 25, and I'm on the same boat, I'm very disappointed in the last two dates I've ever had, right now I'm also just focused on my faith and job. I hope we both can find someone someday, or else im going to have to take the apostle paul route 😅
@@nahson944 oh, my celibacy ends the moment the women in my church/of my faith start sending interest signs to me first. Because the women in my current church insist on the man making the first move on them even when they themselves never showed any interest to begin with in said guys. But as long as there isnt any woman in my life showing interest, i am probably gonna die alone. And oddly enough, i grow fonder of this prospect by each increasing day. The moment ive naturally lost my Libido (so between 40 and 60 years of age) it is probably over completley.
Some Men are garbage and some Women are garbage but using generalizations is what has led to people giving up on love. On the other hand those same generalizations are also what have created the trash people. It’s no one’s fault but your own that the pool of people you choose to chase are garbage. Most people can be changed or will change for someone when they find the right person and some are hopeless it’s just important to realize who is who. Or entirely just go out of your comfort zone to find someone you can connect with.
No-one changes.
As an asexual who has never been interested in dating or finding romantic love, this is fascinating to me. I can't relate obviously, so hearing other people's experiences regarding love or dating is like watching a social/science experiment of sorts
Omg, so heavy on the attraction being more on emotion and not appearance 😆 I used to think for a long time I was bisexual, because I found men and women the same attractive, only to realise after years, that it was just platonic 😭 what you described fits a lot for a demisexual person, which I am 🙌 still figuring stuff out, but I'm always happy to hear, when someone feels the same!
I’m in the ace space and yeah discovering platonic attraction really helps the confusion 😂
Same here! I’m demiromantic and struggled for the longest with “love at first sight” or being attracted to someone from the jump. Those concepts never made sense to me.
Turned out I’m bisexual demiromantic 💚. Having this label and telling others of it has made dating easier
@@EstherDwomohlol what
@@kjddixon what do you mean by what? Is there anything’s that confusing?
@@kjddixonthey’re bisexual but only like ppl who they have an existing deep connection with
Im 33 yr guy from uk and ive never had a relationship. I was hopeful for 15 years but no woman has ever wanted me, no matter how hard I tried and how much I developed myself, its never been good enough for any woman
Skill issue i guess😂
I'm Gen Z, will be 23 in a month. My partner and I just celebrated 5 years together. We met in college, very quickly felt a connection, and both agreed to commit to it. We've been together ever since. It's not always easy, we both have our quirks that bother the other from time to time and after about 3 years, we started hitting stretches where we felt more like roommates than lovers, but we're both strong communicators and after 5 years, our relationship is the strongest It's ever been. In looking at friends who have failed at long-term relationship, I've noticed they always leave the second they lose the spark with someone, expecting the right person will give them butterflies forever, and often aren't willing to compromise on issues that come up. Then, when paired with the feeling of endless access to potential partners who could be better, most people just won't commit.
What you said about attraction yeah 100% same with women to me which makes dating apps even harder to put up with
Only Bottom of the Barrel people use Dating Apps
@@CordeliaWagner1999 whats bottom of the barrel lol
You identified the source of the problem at 3:45. The average man is seen as being on the clearance rack. Social media exacerbates this problem as they see everyone's highligh reels all day every day. Now the guy has to be 6' 5" blue eyes, rich etc
Average women no longer want the average man. So the top 20% of guys that girls find attractive play with them because they have a good amount of options
The problem is many things together. My ex wasn't tall, no blue eyes, no rich, no fit, not handsome (I considered him to be bc I loved him but objectively he's not), he even had a bunch of bad bad habits but I fell in love with who he was. And I talk in the past bc nearly three years being together he starts acting weird and cold sometimes, others not and one day he told me he no longer loved me and changed his personality and attitude completely. He didn't even respect me as a person when the breakup happened, so yeah I fell in love with someone who wasn't really that way once he didn't want or need anything more from me. At least he could have been 6' 5, blue eyes, or be in finance 😉(obv this is a joke I don't care)
its literal artifical attraction brody all this bs is fake not natural attraction
@@moses.01it’s funny bc all the girls i know do NOT agree with this, and feel like “average men” are thinking this way about women. if we ALL feel like dating is unrealistic and people have warped standards & expectations, maybe it’s not just the opposite sex that’s the problem… maybe it’s the culture 😥.
@@updownstranger564 This would make sense if for instance an average guy could get matches on a dating app. But we all know that's not the case. The avg guy gets no matches but the avg woman gets matches all day. That's a clear demonstration men are willing to work with the avg woman but the avg woman is not even open to giving the avg man a shot.
We live in a day and age where 80-90% of women swipe right on the top 10% of guys statistics have proven this and are still unhappy wondering why all guys are the same. Let me give you some insight on why from a man’s perspective let’s say you swipe right on the top 10% he’s tall, has educational background, great job rich, not ugly, this is just the bare minimum the list goes on. What do you think 90% of women will do swipe. So now you are competing with 30 other girls for this top guy. A lot of these guys know what they can do doesn’t matter they’re still going to get some. If they cheat or whatever you still have options to fall back on. Then filter out what the vast majority of qualities a woman likes for example more girls of different races are into white guys compared to Asian guy is just one of the things that you will probably also have to deal with. Now imagine the average guy probably will go months until he finds a quality match. What I mean by quality match they’re both interested in each other and it’s more than just a couple text messages. Wonder why man are quitting and this could also give an insight why women are quitting they all think they can attract this type of guy. Yes you can get him to possible sleep with you but can you retain him 2 different things. Men try abroad these woman need a taste of their own medicine. Mind you this isn’t everyone nor in every place but it is a very common issue.
The dating scene has been gamified, and when love is a prisoner’s dilemma where disregarding the other’s feelings means you can get everything you want without obligations, people get burned, and then jaded.