COMMUNICATING YOUR NEEDS IN A RELATIONSHIP: How to Maintain Healthy Communication | Lanz MacDonald
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- Опубликовано: 13 мар 2021
- It's important that you receive love in the way that you individually need, so here are some ways to effectively communicate that to your partner. :)
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IG: / lanzmacdonald
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Hello hello - today’s video is all about communicating your needs in an effective way to your partner. As we've talked about many times on this channel, communication is the make or break for any type of relationship (romantic, platonic, etc.) so it's crucial that we learn how to do this! We all have different love languages and ideas of feeling cherished by our partner, so I'm here to help you figure out what your individual needs are and articulate it to the person you love. Also, remember that your needs are always valid, and you may just be with someone who is incapable of meeting them at this point in their life. A wise person once said: you can be the full package but be at the wrong address!
#relationships #communication #needs #lovelanguage #lanzmacdonald #2021
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Thank you so much to everyone for your DMs, kind comments, and video ideas for future content! I'm excited to make more videos - this has been such a fun & rewarding experience so far :)
As a Therapist, this phrase was gold for my patients: "Is not you against your partner, it is you both against the problem". Thank you so much
I'm so glad you liked it!!
I just got out of a relationship with a girl who didn’t communicate her needs (apart from the bedroom stuff). She wanted me to text her more and come up with adventurous date ideas but expected me to just know. She broke up with me and told me this only after the fact. Had she told be before, we’d still be together.
Always remember that your job is NOT to be a mind reader in your relationship! Your partner needs to own their end of the communication if they feel they are missing something or want something to change.
A tip that's worked for me is to do regular check-ins and ask one another what's been working well in the relationship and if they have any needs they feel aren't being met. This gives each of you the floor to speak your mind and build open & honest two-way communication. Best of luck with everything!
This helped a lot. I didn’t think to tell my previous partner that I needed to be loved in my love languages. I felt so dissatisfied in the relationship cause I like to receive small gifts from time to time. I would literally shower him in gifts all the time until I felt depleted cause I wasn’t receiving anything back from him. He just had this excuse that it was difficult to get gifts for me because there was so much stuff I wanted. Not that I’m materialistic or anything but I was like “at least it’s better than not knowing what I want at all.” I broke up with him not too long ago and said we need some self work to do. We were so good at communicating in the beginning of our relationship but it faded over time. I started to bottle things up from feeling unsatisfied. It’s so weird cause he was an amazing guy overall. Maybe that’s why my love for him started to fade??? 🤔
I definitely understand that struggle, it seems like so many relationships face this obstacle! Similar to what I mention in the video, we project our ideal version of love/affection onto our partner when in reality, the idea is to understand how they feel most loved and vice versa. But this takes a great deal of self reflection and initiative for both people. In your case, since you articulated your needs to your partner and he continued to neglect them and make excuses, it's completely understandable that you felt a sense of defeat.
I hope you're feeling a bit better than before! I know that breakups are awful, especially when you two loved each other deeply.
Definitely my girl was the same way I never payed attention 2 what her love languages and what makes her happy it’s not hard u just have 2 pay attention I never realized that Till later in the relationship when it was almost 2 late I’m so glad I did tho
omg! Are you me? :)
So let’s recap…you became dissatisfied with a good guy because you did not communicate effectively with him and left. Story of many modern day women. The other side is, men are not able to be mind readers and tend to deal with facts vs. emotions….I know it sounds crazy but that is why many men are not taking the risks of marriage anymore. It’s simply not worth LTR’s anymore…legally and financially speaking.
Definitely agree with you! ❤️ avoiding “you always” “you never” phrases are what I’d do too, every confrontation, fight or discussion because it feels like an attack. I need to be clearer with my communication because I struggle to communicate my emotions clearly and asserting my own boundaries, I’m still trying to figure out what I need in both friendships and relationships to balance it out with their love language and way of being and seeing if we’re compatible. I’m very young so I’m also figuring myself out haha
This was such an excellent reflection! Proper communication and understanding your own/your partner's needs is an ongoing process. The fact that you're already thinking about this is a HUGE step. Wishing you all the best!
Yeah, love it. Simple and sweet. The problem is that only people who have matured enough can accept this. The majority does exactly the opposite, and they cannot receive this.
3:45 "introducing problems instead of solutions." Wow okay so this is why it annoys me lol... perfect way to articulate. It does make someone feel like they need to defend themselves.
I'm glad it helped! Wishing you the best!
That hair thoooo😍
Thank you! Feels good to have it as my natural colour again (:
You have helped me so much. So grateful for all of the videos you’ve posted and I’m hoping you decide to make more in the future! You’ve changed my mindset completely
Great video! Coming from a household that doesn’t communicate well I am learning at the age of 41 to use these skills to effectively communicate to my husband, kids, and family that love and feel safe with. Thank you for giving me the language that I desperately need ❤
That makes me so happy to hear that you found these tips helpful. Sending you and your family so much love! ❤
This was very helpful. What is upsetting is having someone for years not change and start to change when there other options dry up and you are ready to leave. I will be keeping this information to mind.
The apple does not fall too far from the tree. Looks like you've thought through this issue quite well and have all the right answers. Even old fogies like me can appreciate your words of wisdom. Well done!
Haha, so sweet of you! Life is full of lessons at any age 😌
Amazing advice, love that I have all your vids to come back to for anything I need 🥺
The sweetest compliment, thank you hunni, I'm glad they help
Everyone needs to hear this!
I appreciate you!!
Wow wow wow. Thank you so much this was so helpful. I feel like i need help being able to communicate my needs. I often feel too shy, but im pretty sure thats a trauma response to when i was never able to/blamed for expressing my needs as a child. Ive been healing lately. Youve definitely helped me. Thamk you and God bless you Lanz! Im subscribing ❤
I love how clearly you communicated this! Thank you for the helpful tips!
Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it! 😊
This is really a very helpful video ❤
I loved this video Alanna! It is full of wisdom and practical advice that everyone should really reflect on. Whether they are single, in a relationship or considering whether they should keep investing their time and energy into, there is something in this for everyone! Well said :)
I'm so glad you liked it ❤️
This is by far the best best advice. Thank you. Gosh, I’ve lost so many people bc I’ve walked away too soon. But I am glad to know this now so I can do everything that is in my control. But your last point is important too - sometimes it just is not meant to be after the expiration date.
I'm so happy this helped you!! Sending blessings on blessings 🙏
This was the first video that actually gave examples and was very detailed in a short amount of time. Very efficient. I’m not the best at communicating in a relationship and was looking for videos to help me. I got some very helpful tips in this video. Thanks!!
I'm so happy it helped! Wishing you the best :)
Wow! I had no idea I was communicating my needs so inefficiently. I have trauma throughout life and have become a master at negotiating and working through other peoples needs but never my own. I’m communicating them in a deep space of defense and I had no idea till now. Thank you so much.
I'm so glad this resonated with you! I can completely relate to what you're saying too. It really is such a growing process of learning how to communicate effectively while still having your needs and perspectives be heard and vice versa. Best of luck with everything ❤
Thank you so much for this. I appreciate that you took the time making this video to help people! Have a lovely xmas and new year
Such a sweet message! I'm glad you liked the video (:
This is what I need right here. I've been going to therapy and can't articulate what I need from her to help me. But this is it. Very practical. Thank you
I'm so happy this helped you! I feel the same way, I always prefer a practical structure to help articulate my thoughts and emotions. Good luck on your journey, every day is progress ❤️
Such a great video! I’ve made the mistake of not communicating with a partner and I know that this is so key to having a happy relationship
Yes, it's definitely a journey and the fact that you're self reflecting shows major growth ❤Wishing you the best!
I’m going through a really tough time with my partner, just found your channel and your videos are so inspiring! You’ve gave a lot of ideas, directions and courage for me which I need so badly right now😭 I can’t help to watch your videos on a loop over and over again😂hope you’re doing well and looking forward to your new videos update in the near future!!!!
This means so much, thank you! It's so rewarding knowing that my videos help you. Planning to film more soon :)
I needed this, thank you! Subscribed and excited for more!
I'm glad this resonated with you! Much more to come soon :)
i really needed to hear all of this, thank you so so much
You're so welcome!! I'm glad it helped (:
She's back! Mint advice; learnt this the hard one for sure. +1 for being literal and to the point with men.
I'm so glad that you liked it!!
Well said girl, very mature hope you do find a partner worthwhile, because, yes you are so worth it! 😉
I appreciate it, thank you 😊
This video helped me calm down a bit and made me realize how I came off on my romantic partner. Next time I need to not come off so rough. Thank you 😊
You're so welcome! Glad it helped ❤
This is what I need to hear now. Thank you so much!
I'm so glad! All the best❤
This was such an amazing, comprehensive video. Thank you!!
You're so welcome! I'm glad you liked it!
Thank you so much! I’m really bad at this and me and my partner are at a breaking point. I took a ton of notes and plan on hanging them up and studying them daily ! Thanks for sharing !
You're so welcome! I'm glad this resonated with you!
wow, it's very impressive: People can only meet you as far as they've met themselves.
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Um… Where have you been all my life?! This video was incredibly helpful… Both in terms of me thinking differently about the situation, and in terms of having practical steps on how to address it. Thank you!
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it! More content coming soon :)
Thank you so much! I never really thought about this.. it’s my first relationship ❤
You're so welcome! Everything takes time and you're always growing along the way :) Wishing you the best! ❤
Thank you so much. I really needed to hear this
You're so welcome! Glad you enjoyed :)
thank you so much for making this!! i’m realising that i have been doing it all wrong
I'm glad you found it helpful! :)
AMAZING!!! so much information i'm needing rn. You saved me, smhw, and I hope this advice also improve my relationship. Greetings from Argentina🇦🇷💌😭
So glad you liked it!! Super cool that you're seeing this all the way in Argentina - all the best!
This is an excellent video! Great advice. I just subscribed and can't wait for more content. Have a nice day!
Thank you so much! Lots more to come!
Love this. Thank you!
I'm glad you liked it!
I really appreciate this advice
Keep up the great channel!
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it!
So glad I came across your video. I have a months worth of journal entry prompts. 🍵 📓 💜. Time to heal 🩹
I'm so glad this was helpful for you! More to come soon!
I'm trying to get my partner to communicate their needs with me and watching this helped a little
Thank you
I'm so happy this helped! Wishing you guys the best!
Thank you Liz that is my first time listening to your video ❤
I'm so glad you liked it! ❤
Great content. A couple of high value tips
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it :)
thank you for your advice. So helpful
You're so welcome!
Beautifully explained thank you ♥️
You're welcome! I'm glad you liked it :)
Thank you so much. Useful❣️
You're so welcome!
Beautiful ! Thank you so much
You're welcome! I'm glad it resonated :)
Thank you for sharing your thoughts 🙏
You're welcome!! Thanks so much for watching 😊
Love your passion great video, awesome perspective! You are pro, love the feel of your channel, thanks for this info, peace much Love!❤️🍄🙏🏻😍
So kind :) Glad you liked it!
Thank you so much for this. 🙏
You're so welcome! More to come!
This video is amazing and all your advice is very very helpful. Thank you.
Thank you so much! I will be making more videos soon :)
@@lanzmacdonald that’s awesome I’m looking forward to it. I literally just spoke to my partner to address our issues and your tips and advice definitely helped me to not go on full attack mode. ❤️ so thank you!
This was amazing thanks 😊
You're so welcome!!
You have worked really hard on this video thanks
Thank you! More to come very soon!
I'm very impressed with this video
Thank you so much! I'm glad you found it helpful!
I can see parts of this video applying to me and other parts applying to my gf.
3:26 - I let things foster in my head too much. It seems to lead to a distance that grows where there’s a disconnection. We’re not intimate that much and I think it’s a direct reflection of our communication too.
Such good advice. Make more videos! ❤😊
I definitely will soon! Thank you!
I needed this video
I'm glad you liked it!!
Hi there, do you have any books you would recommend reading with regard to relationships and communication?
the type of my friend is avoidant attachment,when I talk about my need they can't meet them,how to help my self in relationship and in the same time be patient with my friend ,and when should I break up with her
Thank you
Wow loved the video
Thank you so much! I'm glad it resonated :)
Thank you for your very helpful video.
You're so welcome!! Thanks for watching :)
lanz mac donald... i always tell him im sorry and i will change when i make a mistake. but then sometimes i fumble and make the mistake again... im really trying not to and i dont want to lose him and i dont want expiry date or anything... when u said "people can only meet u as far as u can meet urself". my mistake was that he told me talking to me feels like a brick wall bc i always change the subject when hes talking abt stuff he likes. so i tried to fix it and i think i do now... but why was i struggling with that? bc i dont meet myself with stuff i am interest in?? i really want to work on myself . and he doesnt like to spend time apart bc he says then people will just cheat in spending time apart so that wont work...
GREAT VIDEO XX
Thank you so much!
Girl you better come back because you were dropping bangers
making new videos super soon!!
Amazing
Thank you! 😊
Thank you so much
You're so welcome!
ia m speechless on that
I hope you found it helpful!
Thank you❤🎉
You're so welcome!
This is helpful I know you gave the example of how to have the conversation but I still don’t see how to start the discussion at first to even get to that place
These conversations can often feel intimidating to start but just remember that you and your partner are a team, and this will be mutually beneficial! If you choose a non-confrontational approach, it can be a very productive and healthy growing experience for you both! Who knows, they may bring up their own perspectives that they may have felt intimidated to talk about too! You got this!
I'm just finding this video now! My wife and I had online couples therapy and communication was basically the key issue. The first thing you talk about is not attacking your partner and how not to attack your partner, and that's how everything seems to be dealt with is her attacking and being aggressive for what feels like nothing, like if I forget to take out the trash or if I forget to do something insignificant, and when I get told to do something there's an urgency like you NEED to do it right at this moment. I'm scared to say anything because it seems to always turn into a bigger issue so I vent in my head and have my argument in my head and let it go, and the issue never gets dealt with. It's super exhausting and I've been so defeated for pretty much the last 2 years...
It's important that you don't harbour your resentment because it will manifest itself into a bigger reaction than necessary. The important thing is to find ways to communicate that are effective for you and your partner. Always approach the situation in a calm state/tone so they don't get defensive, take a minute to pause if you're confused about your partners reaction, and ask for clarification. Try to reach a compromise if you can (eg. the chores will be done in the next few hours/at the end of the day but not right in the moment they demand it). Affirm that you know it's important to them and that it will be done so they know you care.
Healthy communication takes patience and compromise above all else!
onesty is still better, then faking it
I will definitely admit that I am one of those people who have not put their best side out there. I don't communicate well with my partner and started things out on misconception. It was not intentional but I saw myself as one kind of man when my past made me a different one. Now 12 yrs later I'm trying to correct this problem and have become lost. Any advice?
One of the greatest things that have helped me is to remind myself that I need to listen more than I speak. Almost anything can be solved through effective communication, and oftentimes when we are not seeing eye to eye, it's because we're choosing to take a defensive stance based on past conditioning/relationships.
Try not to assume what your partner is saying; allow them to articulate themselves, ask them questions if you need clarification, and recognize if you need to take a moment to collect yourself so you don't risk saying anything you don't mean in the heat of the moment.
@@lanzmacdonald Good points. That being said, would you still make this recommendation for women who lack assertiveness and a 'voice', are shy and passive, or who have reticence to express due to trauma/conditioning etc.? Am genuinely interested to know if the same applies in this scenario, as it seems counterproductive on paper. But perhaps I'm missing something?
The novel perspective in this content is refreshing. A book with like themes offered an invigorating new outlook. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint
Amazing! I will have to check it out.
YOUR HAIR
a natural shordy again 😌
6:00
I have tried asking for what I need. I’ve asked in the nicest way possible and been sooo patient and still just half ass attempts to try to do stuff differently. How long are you supposed to wait?
I've been there before, trust me. One of the biggest things I've learned is that when you're with the right person, it won't feel like a waiting game and you won't need to beg for proper treatment and care. When you stay with the wrong person, you block your blessings from finding someone who will love you fully and doesn't make it feel like a battle. Remember that you feeling secure and valued should always be your first priority ❤
he said not to ask for hugs but i never get them anymore
Act like it’s the norm is solid advice😂
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Thank you!
0:23 communication is important!!!
2:00
4:09
4:25 a convo, not a fight!!
4:44 example: you want more effort..
5:28 be specific!!!!!
What if they just don't even answer back ONCE ever .... None of them
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Communicating your needs to the right person is fine" however when it's done with the ( wrong person) it's often backfires in humiliation!?!..as IV experience over the last 6 months.
That sounds like the wrong partner or friendship then. Because if they do not care enough about you to try to meet your needs, then don't you deserve better?
One of the repeat situations I find with clients is that women often find it difficult to convince their men to bond with them through communication, and I find it hard to suss out how to give them tips on this when they are at a loss themselves. Of course I explain that men's brains do not work the same as women's brains and that they can't force their men to talk to them, but that still doesn't explain how they can convince their men to communicate. I tell them to express their needs without nagging, screaming or yelling in frustration and leave it there even if the guy doesn't respond immediately, which is really hard to do. What is a fool proof method that works most of the time?
Hi! I find everyone's situation is going to be a little different so it's difficult to identify one type of method. However, with that being said - first and foremost, they need calmly explain to their partner that communication is integral to the health and longevity of any relationship and that BOTH people need to put in effort for this to work. The actual intricacies of what that communication looks like will be different for every couple but it's important for them to specifically describe what communication they're looking for/what they feel they need to discuss.
The more difficult thing to tell your clients is having them check their "emotional bank account" so-to-speak. Make them assess if their dynamic with their partner is causing them to have more emotional withdrawals than deposits, and in that case, if this person simply isn't a good fit. ALL relationships require work, compromise, and growth, but it doesn't mean that you need to force-fit a bond. What may be considered "too much" for one partner, can be a completely doable thing for another (speaking from experience). I hope that helps!
@@lanzmacdonald Thank you! It's basically confirming what I have been able to intuit on my own, but sometimes you need to hear it from another person.
How do you accept that your partner is just unable to meet your needs?
I'm going to be posting a video about that topic this week! Stay tuned!
What if I'm a man trying to communicate with a woman
All of these communication techniques still apply! The main takeaway is to approach the conversation from a place of calmness and empathy and to always remember that you're a team! The point about communicating to men was mainly me just touching on my person experiences. :)
How to communicate issues to men
How they approach issues 6:08
This is all nice and sweet and very formula driven like you said but it’s just a recipe for waisting years off your life to realize you’re not compatible and ultimately unhappy. If the deep 💩 doesn’t know that calling is important flowers are nice showing affection and appreciation is good …. Sir you’re a handicapped man and should not be with anyone stay alone!
Cute? ✨🤔🙂
Lanz, not a hater, just observant. I don't think it makes sense to say that someone cannot be appreciative of small gestures because they should expect them. This would also devalue the person giving the kind gesture or feel like they are not enough.
J
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"You need to get granular and specific with men"
my autistic female ass: ⚰
Relationship 24 boyfriend relationship happy Jessica till
Men and women communicate differently....
Me being in love with someone who is non binary: ....Well, fuck, none of those apply to me 🤣
What is that clinking sound ?? So distracting sorry :( otherwise good info
Might be more useful to actually, genuinely, listen. Maybe realise that men are human beings, not things to be used.