I've been having issues lately and found this channel as a result. I ended up using these strategies mid video as a conversation came up and it really helped. Thank you so much!
Praying for irina ifraimova lives longs times goods healthys be healthys bigs healthys Blessings healthys blessings healthys healthys amazing healthys have a great healthys have a great healthys have a great healthys blessing healthys amazing healthys healthys loves healthys marriage healthys relationship healthys loves Blessings money's
The ''repeating back'' thing is something my partner and I already do naturally because we both have a different native language and are communicating in our second/third language. It is really a good thing.
10 TIPS: 1. SET CLEAR INTENTIONS 2. CREATE A SAFE ATMOSPHERE 3. SPEAK SLOWLY 4. BE CONCISE 5. UNDERSTANDABLE LANGUAGE 6. WATCH YOUR BODY LANGUAGE 7. AVOID SARCASM 8. SPEAK FROM THE ''I'' POSITION 9. STAY ON TOPIC 10. AVOID SHIFTING BLAME Barriers to Communication 1. Loud Noise 2. Stress
When my husband and I were teenagers we used to argue a lot and one thing that really helped us talk through our issues without yelling or anything was to talk about things in a book store.
the hardest part of reflective listening is being patient and being non-judgmental of what you're hearing. it is also a hard concept to understand that you can talk to somebody and not have to agree with what they say and you can express it in such a way that it isn't callus or invalidating what they have to say
Hi Steph, I’m wondering if you could do a video (or if you already have?) on couples who have one primarily emotional person and one primarily logical person, and how to meet in the middle so that it’s not all “annoying confusing feelings” or “cold rationality”. Thank you!!
I sort of touch on this in my communication styles video. Take a look at that one and let me know what's missing from that for you and I can make another video!
One BONUS Tip - Try to make your relationships interesting. Play some couple question games like lovify. In this game, you have to guess your partners likes. It helps in two way communication. No Arguments. Pure Feelings. Share Expectations.
Repeating back to the person what you heard/understood is so helpful! I do this at work and half the time I'm not understanding correctly. Lol!! Also, you and your husband's reenactments are too cute! I need y'all to be extras on someone's TV show!
These were some awesome tips. This kind of content literally NEVER expires and is so important. Thank you! And if you ever need to relax, I can help! 💖
Wow, this is the type of content I need in my life🌼🌼. Communication in relationships (platonic or romantic) is so important, and sometimes you might think you are communicating really well, and then, upon further reflection, you realize that there's still room for improvement. Thanks for this😁🙏🏽 Question: do you have some tips on how to maintain healthy communication skills in stressful or highly emotionally charged situations?
Have you gotten a response from Stephanya? In stressful situations with potentially volatile people I found it's best to start by taking a few deep breaths before you say a word, stick with "I" statements. Bring the timber of your voice as low and steady as possible. Avoid the accusative case(you this..., And you that...). There is a scene in the movie Grosse Point Blank where John Cusack deals with a drunk/high ex high school peer who begins to feel anger toward the Cusack character. Cusack questions him by saying something like: do you think there is something going on between us? Because there is no us. I thought that was a great way to diffuse an immenent argument. Hope this helps.
So, if your partner doesn't care to do any of this.. then what? How do you know when it's time to walk away? I'm so sick of being the one to send these types of videos to my husband. Makes me wonder if I'm the problem for staying when his whole demeanor shows he don't care.
Deep down I think you already know the answer to this question. Realistically speaking, what advice would you give YOURSELF for this situation if you were your own best friend in another body? You know you deserve better from the sounds of it, so why aren’t you acting like you deserve better? You’ve spoken your peace and he has spoken his so the next thing to do is a fairly obvious one. People will treat you how you allow them to. You have the power in your hands to take control of the next situation and create the life you want. If he cannot cooperate with that, you know what to do.
Currently going thru a tough situation with my gf of 3 years. We have a kid together. The body language part really hit me because there were times where my Ego would not let me hear her out. I hope that I can become a better man for her and my child at the end of the day. Thanks for this video
Avoiding sarcasm is my personal struggle in relationship communication. I'm trying to share some information for others as well and I found your channel as a result. I'm just starting on this journey but I'm really hoping to give back to couples and familys on healthy relationship tactics! Thank you for sharing!
The crazy thing is I’ve been communicating the right way the whole time! Lol everything you said I’m like “yup” “done” “did that” in my head. My partner does exactly what you say not to do. It’s stressful & draining at the least.
I was looking for this exact comment I have literally tried all of these things consistently knowing that they don't work overnight but my partner does everything these videos say don't do. Then she tells me that I did try to communicate in a healthy way but yet she doesn't try any of the strategies whatsoever. I'm being driven insane to the point sometimes I have serious negative thoughts about myself that I do not want to disclose here. I don't have much patience left and every counseling or therapy video will allude to patience being a very important aspect. I hope me and my partner can make things work. . .
@@bruhman951 yeah it’s super exhausting! Constantly trying & having the convo that you feel will be the break through only for it to go back to the same old disfunction 😔
I recently found this video, and I found this video to be very informative because my wife and I are trying to finds ways to better communicate with eachother. I took notes so I can practice with myself because I'm trying to avoid divorce and I'm trying to keep my family together
I think your channel might actually save my relationship. I can’t thank you enough. We see a therapist in person but you really speak to us. We both understand you and it’s spoken so clearly. Thank you so much!
Hi Steph! I was wondering if you have any tips for long distance relationships, specifically how to adjust to changing to a long distance relationship when you have never done distance with this partner? I will be studying abroad next semester and want to put my best foot forward for my relationship and education.
Just got into my first serious relationship without any toxicity and these videos help me navigate the empathetic way of doing things!! Thank you for the information 💗
I know most advise is speaking from the I position. I found myself often at cross roads where when I do I am told I am selfish when I don't I am blaming. When I am letting my feeling know and tell what makes me sad or anxious I am playing the victim, but when I don't I am always acting as a hero.... 💁🏼♀️I have know Idea how to communicate anymore. I have just discovered your channel. Hope I can get some clarity...
me and my ex have been trying to work on things and its been so incredibly challenging communicating with him. he always cuts me off when i speak and invalidates what i say, as well as not listening to me when i speak. then him speaking to me like this reinforces me to cut him off and do these things and its just a negative cycle. i hate it and it is so stressful. its been tense for 5 months now
Yes, we definitely love these kinds of videos!🙏🙏 Really trying to be better at relationship-ping, and communication is definitely a big part of that, so thank you🙏🙏😁😁 Question: how do you juggle maintaining your relationships (in general) when you, and your loved ones, have busy schedules (like maybe juggling grad-school and work)?
As usual so helpful and therapeutic!! I love the elevation I've seen in the quality of the video with the re-enactment! Content fire as always! Can you please cover how a couple can heal and communicate after infidelity/ an affair?? I would love to hear your expertise and perspective on this!
honestly, this video is very validating, my sister is not comfortable talking with a therapist or almost anyone about anything she feels. I have built a very good relationship using these strategies you mention, though I learned these over a decade ago. I tried to teach my sister some of these strategies since I thought she needed help in this particular area and figured that a lot problems in her life were related to her difficulty in communicating. Years have passed since I started and little by little she ended up improving greatly, she even started thinking "what would my sister say?". Knowing that I gave her the right kind of tools and seeing this video telling me that I used the tools correctly, its nice, really nice. thanks for a great video.
When you've learned all you can and applied all of the advice and you're "partner" STILL doesn't respond with empathy, reciprocity and emotional intelligence; Leaver their ass. They're NOT your person. Ask me how I know 🙃
The speak slowly section got me.I constantly have to give my fiancé a signal that he is losing me (I have a.d.h.d.) due to either a 1.tangent, 2.an analogy that doesn't makes sense to me because it is too far for my literal mind to access or 3. He uses vocabulary incorrectly and I need to stop him to clarify what he is trying to say because, again I am very literal and he is not. It breeds a lot of miscommunication.
Me and my wife have zero communication to the point that we're in trouble. Anything big or new takes these 3 conversations to make decisions. I'm at the crossroads of living separately within the marriage.
You inspire me. I wish I had the drive to become a licensed social worker who invests into continuously educating myself through books and whatnot. I’m too lazy and my 6 years of college drained me in many ways… at first what I wanted after deciding to focus my career more on ppl over animals, was to be a therapist but later realized I did not want the baggage that comes with direct cases/clientele/one-on-one sessions (ended up going for SW since it’s a similar but much broader field). Another reason I changed from therapy is I realized how much I dislike all the paperwork aspect and other super tedious elements I did not enjoy in fieldwork. I currently am just a BSW graduate with some things below my belt related to working with animals. I’ve always loved animals & they are my #2 passion after God ❤️ (helping people is #3). My dream job rn would be an animal-assisted therapy assistant or something similar (assistant to avoid the sessions and paperwork 😩🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️). I’m really just tryna make any low-maintenance impact :( almost like an “easy” job that’s still very purposeful and fulfilling. I want a job where I can go home knowing I made a significant difference/impact with my gifts but without having to carry work-related duties out with me. I would love if you could respond although I did leave a whole lot in just one comment 😅🙈 either way, I love your videos and like I said you really inspire me 💕 God bless you ☺️
I think me and my boyfriends problem isn’t so much communicating but figuring out solutions to our problems We don’t give each other tangible/actionable steps to bring change to our problems :( and we just keep having the same conversations about the same things and I can tell he’s starting to get tired of it
How you communicate with someone who isn’t talkative? Only talks here and there and when mad? Am the type of person that I like to talk about anything 😅 when an argument happens, I want to talk right away(which something am working on, to have some space after one) Another thing. We were doing good, but after struggling financially. It’s like we can’t see eye to eye sometimes How you deal with problems when facing financial struggles?
Thank you.. got married really young so I’m finding it hard to communicate with my spouse we are 20/22, no kids just money stressed lol. I see how to do the effective and why but I can’t seem to say* correctly. It never comes out right and I try to think before I speak but it’s just toxic.. I’m in love with them, Im trying to shake this shit but I don’t know what to say.
Well idk .. sometimes I feel like I care so hard that I can get mean when I don’t want too, my last relationship damaged me so bad.. it’s like if I have a problem with something only way I can express is by addressing the issue and sometimes I forget to think about how my partner feels.. and ofc i try my best to watch what I say but sometimes I jus get so riled up inside even if it’s not that deep, because I don’t wanna feel like I’m always the problem.. and maybe I am but im trying yk.. it’s so hard trying to always communicate because I’ve never had no one who wanted to before, now I got this nice girl whose really amazing and I think I’m failing her and I feel terrible, I don’t wanna lose her. What do I do 🤕
So how does one communicate with their spouse that when you say you are concerned about the relationship because of a drastic change on their part, and its 1. what are you talking about and 2. brings up the past and a mistake you made years ago and everything was fine until this change? AND will not go to therapy.😢
I was watching one of your GQ videos where you critique couples fighting in movie or TV scenes and when you got to the part about telling your partner what you need in terms of feeling loved and I have a question. What if you have communicated all that stuff to your partner about what you need for affirmation of love (verbally through compliments vs. showing it through actions) or that you are less attracted because they are not maintaining themselves but they still don't do anything about it? Also, what if they promise to do something but don't? And they keep doing that every time you argue about it? But they are otherwise a good person and you want to make it work? Do you just give up wanting those things?
I have a terrible habit of wanting to talk right away, not considering the environment or the time… so if I don’t get that attention from my partner I get annoyed and walk away with that internal voice telling me “he doesn’t care”. It’s something I am still working on but it can be hard for harder conversations
Hey, thank you so much for your tips. I'm a huge fan of clear communication and really want to try your concept of active listening, but my boyfriend has adhd and therefore a really hard time with this slow process. Do you have any ideas what I can do to make it easier for him? Thank you in advance and have a great week ☺
I agree … this WAS a really helpful video. Thx for creating. I have ADHD as well so have had to learn a few things myself re: communication. Active Listening IS super helpful and it doesn’t have to be super slow; I wouldn’t say it’s your job to make it “easier for him” but rather, he CAN learn how to effectively communicate w you; it’s not impossible even if he has ADHD. (And there’s also non-medication related things he can do to make his ADHD better.) Hope this helped at least a little. Curious as to what Steph Anya has to say as well!
I'm married and my husband and I are always in a argument because I shut down mentally and I don't hear everything he says to me and he asks me what was he saying and I get the whole thing wrong and this happens a lot and the situation gets worse, I'm having a problem with trying to keep my marriage at peace 😢
Thank you so much , this video helped me and my husband so much!!! I prayed for a problem we were having and could not seem to figure out how to resolve it . So I prayed and asked God to help and I felt that God led me to this video !!! And it was the perfect answered for exactly what we were struggling with and we feel it was and is going to be extremely helpful to our commication issue!!!! And not just each other but in all our relationships!! And our own personal growth !!! We subscribed and are looking forward to watching more of your videos!! So we just wanted to thank you again!!!
Wow! Thank you for coming back to share that with me. This sort of comment keeps me motivated to make more videos. I’d love to pin it if that’s okay with you.
@@StephAnya yes absolutely you may pin it!!!! I am so glad this was encouraging to you!!! I actually had to force my self to be as short as possible I could have wrote more!! Because it was truly that helpful!!!! 🙂💖
what if you and your partner are trying to communicate but you end up freezing and going silent, how do you get out of that state how do you stop yourself from going to that state?
TBH.. this should be mandatory training in school from preK! And i struggle with not bringing things up bc it's not worth it and if i have said how i feel in a conversation I've regularly been told oh now it's tit-4-tat, eye roll, body shift included. My family didn't talk about things. They were ignored, stuffed, of swept under the rug. 💔🙏
You are very very well spoken and intelligent young person. Eloquent is the word I think! Your clients are blessed to have you! Thanks for the very informative video!
Did not even know how much I needed this! 2a d half pages of notes with applicable & relatable examples and scripts just blew my mind! I definitely have some inner work on #1,#6 & 10! Thank you so much for dropping all of these gems!❤❤
What do I do when my tell fussed all the time tell me she wants a divorce and shows hatred to me I'm not angel I lie to her but I love her what do I do
I needed to see this video because I’ve noticed I do alot of the Dont do’s .this made merealize like I do have things to work on .now I see what my partner was saying .so glad I came across this video…💯🗣️
I was dating someone who I been in there company and early in the relationship I had been curious about what of there health and I peeked in the medicine cabinet that was all.
I've been having issues lately and found this channel as a result. I ended up using these strategies mid video as a conversation came up and it really helped. Thank you so much!
So glad it was helpful for you! ♥️
Praying for my friends lives longs times goods healthys be healthys bigs healthys be loves goods healthys goods loves bigs money's Blessings money's Blessings healthys stay healthys be healthys bigs moneys blessings moneys happy moneys blessings moneys happy moneys blessings loves Blessings loves Blessings loves
Amen Jesus
Praying for irina ifraimova lives longs times goods healthys be healthys bigs healthys Blessings healthys blessings healthys healthys amazing healthys have a great healthys have a great healthys have a great healthys blessing healthys amazing healthys healthys loves healthys marriage healthys relationship healthys loves Blessings money's
Amen Jesus my friends
When you said intellectualizing was a defense mechanism, I almost shut down my computer. I didn't click to be attacked like this 🤣🤣🤣.
😂😂🤣
Hahaha I'm working on these myself, so no judgement!
🤣
😂😂😂😂
🤣🤣
This was so sweet and reassuring. I absolutely loved it and I just subscribed ❤️
Needed this thank you Queen!
The ''repeating back'' thing is something my partner and I already do naturally because we both have a different native language and are communicating in our second/third language.
It is really a good thing.
I'm on the same situation and the number of times it has saved us from a fight loll we realized we're not even talking about the same thing
10 TIPS:
1. SET CLEAR INTENTIONS
2. CREATE A SAFE ATMOSPHERE
3. SPEAK SLOWLY
4. BE CONCISE
5. UNDERSTANDABLE LANGUAGE
6. WATCH YOUR BODY LANGUAGE
7. AVOID SARCASM
8. SPEAK FROM THE ''I'' POSITION
9. STAY ON TOPIC
10. AVOID SHIFTING BLAME
Barriers to Communication
1. Loud Noise
2. Stress
Many thanks!
Thank you 🎉
This is great !!!
Shit just worked for me seriously
When my husband and I were teenagers we used to argue a lot and one thing that really helped us talk through our issues without yelling or anything was to talk about things in a book store.
Oh I love that so much
the hardest part of reflective listening is being patient and being non-judgmental of what you're hearing. it is also a hard concept to understand that you can talk to somebody and not have to agree with what they say and you can express it in such a way that it isn't callus or invalidating what they have to say
Completely agree! People really struggle with how slow paced it can be when you’re first practicing it.
Hi Steph, I’m wondering if you could do a video (or if you already have?) on couples who have one primarily emotional person and one primarily logical person, and how to meet in the middle so that it’s not all “annoying confusing feelings” or “cold rationality”. Thank you!!
I sort of touch on this in my communication styles video. Take a look at that one and let me know what's missing from that for you and I can make another video!
Same .
I agree!
Oh wow! Wow wow I need this too!!
@@StephAnya was this ever made?
One BONUS Tip - Try to make your relationships interesting. Play some couple question games like lovify. In this game, you have to guess your partners likes. It helps in two way communication. No Arguments. Pure Feelings. Share Expectations.
Repeating back to the person what you heard/understood is so helpful! I do this at work and half the time I'm not understanding correctly. Lol!! Also, you and your husband's reenactments are too cute! I need y'all to be extras on someone's TV show!
Haha! Being a TV extra would be a dream! Thank you for commenting ♥️
These were some awesome tips. This kind of content literally NEVER expires and is so important. Thank you! And if you ever need to relax, I can help! 💖
I’m glad that you think so! Thank you! I will 🤗
Wow, this is the type of content I need in my life🌼🌼. Communication in relationships (platonic or romantic) is so important, and sometimes you might think you are communicating really well, and then, upon further reflection, you realize that there's still room for improvement. Thanks for this😁🙏🏽
Question: do you have some tips on how to maintain healthy communication skills in stressful or highly emotionally charged situations?
Great question and comment 🤩👈🏽 Happy Friday Friends
Have you gotten a response from Stephanya?
In stressful situations with potentially volatile people I found it's best to start by taking a few deep breaths before you say a word, stick with "I" statements.
Bring the timber of your voice as low and steady as possible.
Avoid the accusative case(you this..., And you that...).
There is a scene in the movie Grosse Point Blank where John Cusack deals with a drunk/high ex high school peer who begins to feel anger toward the Cusack character.
Cusack questions him by saying something like: do you think there is something going on between us? Because there is no us.
I thought that was a great way to diffuse an immenent argument.
Hope this helps.
I found you from GQ’s video ! I wish you had a podcast, I could listen to you talking about these topics for hours. It’s very peaceful 🙏🏻
Maybe one day! I did guest on a great podcast called, 'Art Is Human Nature'. Look for the episode titled, "At Your Best You Are Love"
I think you might have been legit mad at me in those re-enactments. Looks too convincing 👀 🤣 Great video!
*Muahaha* we’ll never know 👀
So, if your partner doesn't care to do any of this.. then what? How do you know when it's time to walk away? I'm so sick of being the one to send these types of videos to my husband. Makes me wonder if I'm the problem for staying when his whole demeanor shows he don't care.
Deep down I think you already know the answer to this question. Realistically speaking, what advice would you give YOURSELF for this situation if you were your own best friend in another body? You know you deserve better from the sounds of it, so why aren’t you acting like you deserve better? You’ve spoken your peace and he has spoken his so the next thing to do is a fairly obvious one. People will treat you how you allow them to. You have the power in your hands to take control of the next situation and create the life you want. If he cannot cooperate with that, you know what to do.
Currently going thru a tough situation with my gf of 3 years. We have a kid together. The body language part really hit me because there were times where my Ego would not let me hear her out. I hope that I can become a better man for her and my child at the end of the day. Thanks for this video
Avoiding sarcasm is my personal struggle in relationship communication. I'm trying to share some information for others as well and I found your channel as a result. I'm just starting on this journey but I'm really hoping to give back to couples and familys on healthy relationship tactics!
Thank you for sharing!
Would you be able to do a video on how to have a healthy relationship when have childhood trauma?
Yes, I’ll try to gather some information on the areas of a relationship that struggle the most. I know that trust is a big one.
Thank you so much, that is really helpful!
Also, I love your hair! ☺️
I’m so glad that you think so. And thanks so much!
The crazy thing is I’ve been communicating the right way the whole time! Lol everything you said I’m like “yup” “done” “did that” in my head. My partner does exactly what you say not to do. It’s stressful & draining at the least.
Exactly. I intellectualize though. lol. Everything else my husband does and it’s getting out of control and driving me insane.
It takes two to make a relationship work to be honest. If one person isn’t cooperating and doesn’t do what they should do. It can’t really work.
I was looking for this exact comment I have literally tried all of these things consistently knowing that they don't work overnight but my partner does everything these videos say don't do. Then she tells me that I did try to communicate in a healthy way but yet she doesn't try any of the strategies whatsoever. I'm being driven insane to the point sometimes I have serious negative thoughts about myself that I do not want to disclose here. I don't have much patience left and every counseling or therapy video will allude to patience being a very important aspect. I hope me and my partner can make things work. . .
@@bruhman951 yeah it’s super exhausting! Constantly trying & having the convo that you feel will be the break through only for it to go back to the same old disfunction 😔
I recently found this video, and I found this video to be very informative because my wife and I are trying to finds ways to better communicate with eachother. I took notes so I can practice with myself because I'm trying to avoid divorce and I'm trying to keep my family together
Thank u so much for your simple, yet counterintuitive perspective. Im am learning so much
Glad it was helpful for you! Thank you for watching!
I really appreciate the communication tips thank you so much
Thank you for watching ♥️
Thank you! This was definitely helpful as I continue my journey to become an MFT. And for personal life.
You're so welcome! Thank you for watching, and good luck on your journey to MFT!
Your videos are helping me with my marriage ministry. Much peace and blessings to you❤
I think your channel might actually save my relationship. I can’t thank you enough. We see a therapist in person but you really speak to us. We both understand you and it’s spoken so clearly. Thank you so much!
Did it help ?
Hi Steph! I was wondering if you have any tips for long distance relationships, specifically how to adjust to changing to a long distance relationship when you have never done distance with this partner? I will be studying abroad next semester and want to put my best foot forward for my relationship and education.
Hi Morgan! That's a great video suggestion! I'll do some research and see if I can make tips video for long distance relationships specifically.
First time viewers. I have been having the most stressful 8 months (relationship wize)in my current 8 month relationship I NEED HELP😢
Just got into my first serious relationship without any toxicity and these videos help me navigate the empathetic way of doing things!! Thank you for the information 💗
Please I really need ur help on how to be supportive to my husband music career,things to contribute in his life
Just subscribed to your channel after watching "10 phrases to avoid in your relationship" helpful and definitely passing the information along.
Thank you!
I know most advise is speaking from the I position. I found myself often at cross roads where when I do I am told I am selfish when I don't I am blaming. When I am letting my feeling know and tell what makes me sad or anxious I am playing the victim, but when I don't I am always acting as a hero.... 💁🏼♀️I have know Idea how to communicate anymore. I have just discovered your channel. Hope I can get some clarity...
me and my ex have been trying to work on things and its been so incredibly challenging communicating with him. he always cuts me off when i speak and invalidates what i say, as well as not listening to me when i speak. then him speaking to me like this reinforces me to cut him off and do these things and its just a negative cycle. i hate it and it is so stressful. its been tense for 5 months now
Such great advice! Beautiful Hair!!
Thanks so much! ♥️😘
Thanks you so much. This video is very helpfull. Also for work. This make me hit the 🔔👍🏿🙋🏿♀️
Awesome! Thank you!
New Sub!!! I Definitely Need Help with Active Listening... I don't " Not Listen " on purpose...
Loved this video thank you! I feel with communication theres always room for improvement very useful to think about these things in the future.
My girlfriend says she gets drained when talking about her day and wants me to change the conversation but I’m not sure how to
🤔🤔
Yes, we definitely love these kinds of videos!🙏🙏 Really trying to be better at relationship-ping, and communication is definitely a big part of that, so thank you🙏🙏😁😁 Question: how do you juggle maintaining your relationships (in general) when you, and your loved ones, have busy schedules (like maybe juggling grad-school and work)?
As usual so helpful and therapeutic!! I love the elevation I've seen in the quality of the video with the re-enactment! Content fire as always! Can you please cover how a couple can heal and communicate after infidelity/ an affair?? I would love to hear your expertise and perspective on this!
Man.... I Love This!!
honestly, this video is very validating, my sister is not comfortable talking with a therapist or almost anyone about anything she feels. I have built a very good relationship using these strategies you mention, though I learned these over a decade ago. I tried to teach my sister some of these strategies since I thought she needed help in this particular area and figured that a lot problems in her life were related to her difficulty in communicating. Years have passed since I started and little by little she ended up improving greatly, she even started thinking "what would my sister say?". Knowing that I gave her the right kind of tools and seeing this video telling me that I used the tools correctly, its nice, really nice. thanks for a great video.
Do have options to having a chat online?
Exactly on time!! This is what I needed, you're a gem ❤️
So glad!
well said
Thank you, found this helpful. This is the sort of thing that should be explicitly covered in grade school.
When you've learned all you can and applied all of the advice and you're "partner" STILL doesn't respond with empathy, reciprocity and emotional intelligence; Leaver their ass. They're NOT your person. Ask me how I know 🙃
I need you. You hit on EVERYTHING!!! I MEAN EVERYTHING! ADHD+ PTSD+ (one other acronym that she refuses to tell me what it is) partners are torcher!
The speak slowly section got me.I constantly have to give my fiancé a signal that he is losing me (I have a.d.h.d.) due to either a 1.tangent, 2.an analogy that doesn't makes sense to me because it is too far for my literal mind to access or 3. He uses vocabulary incorrectly and I need to stop him to clarify what he is trying to say because, again I am very literal and he is not. It breeds a lot of miscommunication.
Me and my wife have zero communication to the point that we're in trouble. Anything big or new takes these 3 conversations to make decisions. I'm at the crossroads of living separately within the marriage.
You inspire me. I wish I had the drive to become a licensed social worker who invests into continuously educating myself through books and whatnot. I’m too lazy and my 6 years of college drained me in many ways… at first what I wanted after deciding to focus my career more on ppl over animals, was to be a therapist but later realized I did not want the baggage that comes with direct cases/clientele/one-on-one sessions (ended up going for SW since it’s a similar but much broader field). Another reason I changed from therapy is I realized how much I dislike all the paperwork aspect and other super tedious elements I did not enjoy in fieldwork. I currently am just a BSW graduate with some things below my belt related to working with animals. I’ve always loved animals & they are my #2 passion after God ❤️ (helping people is #3). My dream job rn would be an animal-assisted therapy assistant or something similar (assistant to avoid the sessions and paperwork 😩🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️). I’m really just tryna make any low-maintenance impact :( almost like an “easy” job that’s still very purposeful and fulfilling. I want a job where I can go home knowing I made a significant difference/impact with my gifts but without having to carry work-related duties out with me. I would love if you could respond although I did leave a whole lot in just one comment 😅🙈 either way, I love your videos and like I said you really inspire me 💕 God bless you ☺️
I think me and my boyfriends problem isn’t so much communicating but figuring out solutions to our problems
We don’t give each other tangible/actionable steps to bring change to our problems :( and we just keep having the same conversations about the same things and I can tell he’s starting to get tired of it
How you communicate with someone who isn’t talkative?
Only talks here and there and when mad?
Am the type of person that I like to talk about anything 😅 when an argument happens, I want to talk right away(which something am working on, to have some space after one)
Another thing. We were doing good, but after struggling financially. It’s like we can’t see eye to eye sometimes
How you deal with problems when facing financial struggles?
Thank you.. got married really young so I’m finding it hard to communicate with my spouse we are 20/22, no kids just money stressed lol. I see how to do the effective and why but I can’t seem to say* correctly. It never comes out right and I try to think before I speak but it’s just toxic.. I’m in love with them, Im trying to shake this shit but I don’t know what to say.
Oh man. Im clueless when communicating with someone. I listen. I'm silent. I never speak back and then they keep talking and talking.
This is literally one of the best and most useful channel I’ve found, I’m so happy I came across this by accident 😭💗
yeah, me too
There are many times where I listened to respond instead of actually listening (per my partner).. how do I work on something like this?
Well idk .. sometimes I feel like I care so hard that I can get mean when I don’t want too, my last relationship damaged me so bad.. it’s like if I have a problem with something only way I can express is by addressing the issue and sometimes I forget to think about how my partner feels.. and ofc i try my best to watch what I say but sometimes I jus get so riled up inside even if it’s not that deep, because I don’t wanna feel like I’m always the problem.. and maybe I am but im trying yk.. it’s so hard trying to always communicate because I’ve never had no one who wanted to before, now I got this nice girl whose really amazing and I think I’m failing her and I feel terrible, I don’t wanna lose her. What do I do 🤕
I had no idea that employing certain guidelines would improve communications. Yet, hearing it from you it makes so much sense. I thank you.
So how does one communicate with their spouse that when you say you are concerned about the relationship because of a drastic change on their part, and its 1. what are you talking about and 2. brings up the past and a mistake you made years ago and everything was fine until this change? AND will not go to therapy.😢
My marriage is messing up
My husband wanna follow friends n drinking evey weekend 😮😮
I was watching one of your GQ videos where you critique couples fighting in movie or TV scenes and when you got to the part about telling your partner what you need in terms of feeling loved and I have a question. What if you have communicated all that stuff to your partner about what you need for affirmation of love (verbally through compliments vs. showing it through actions) or that you are less attracted because they are not maintaining themselves but they still don't do anything about it? Also, what if they promise to do something but don't? And they keep doing that every time you argue about it? But they are otherwise a good person and you want to make it work? Do you just give up wanting those things?
This is great, thank you!
Thanks for watching ♥️
Can you please explain gaslighting to me because I can’t take advice from social media
What are you going to do with a man makes you jealous
I have a terrible habit of wanting to talk right away, not considering the environment or the time… so if I don’t get that attention from my partner I get annoyed and walk away with that internal voice telling me “he doesn’t care”. It’s something I am still working on but it can be hard for harder conversations
Thank you I wrote down everything I really appreciate it I want to be able to communicate with her
10:08 that's not gaslighting, what? It's bad, and manipulative and avoidance but not at all gaslighting.
Hey, thank you so much for your tips. I'm a huge fan of clear communication and really want to try your concept of active listening, but my boyfriend has adhd and therefore a really hard time with this slow process. Do you have any ideas what I can do to make it easier for him? Thank you in advance and have a great week ☺
I agree … this WAS a really helpful video. Thx for creating. I have ADHD as well so have had to learn a few things myself re: communication. Active Listening IS super helpful and it doesn’t have to be super slow; I wouldn’t say it’s your job to make it “easier for him” but rather, he CAN learn how to effectively communicate w you; it’s not impossible even if he has ADHD. (And there’s also non-medication related things he can do to make his ADHD better.) Hope this helped at least a little. Curious as to what Steph Anya has to say as well!
I need help being concise. I tend to just ramble because I feel like I’m not being understood.
I'm married and my husband and I are always in a argument because I shut down mentally and I don't hear everything he says to me and he asks me what was he saying and I get the whole thing wrong and this happens a lot and the situation gets worse, I'm having a problem with trying to keep my marriage at peace 😢
What if you have trouble saying certain words and it makes it hard to talk on the phone cuz some guys rush me to talk to me and they judge
It sounds like the "Clearing the Air" technique.
Thank you so much , this video helped me and my husband so much!!! I prayed for a problem we were having and could not seem to figure out how to resolve it . So I prayed and asked God to help and I felt that God led me to this video !!! And it was the perfect answered for exactly what we were struggling with and we feel it was and is going to be extremely helpful to our commication issue!!!! And not just each other but in all our relationships!! And our own personal growth !!! We subscribed and are looking forward to watching more of your videos!! So we just wanted to thank you again!!!
Wow! Thank you for coming back to share that with me. This sort of comment keeps me motivated to make more videos. I’d love to pin it if that’s okay with you.
@@StephAnya yes absolutely you may pin it!!!! I am so glad this was encouraging to you!!! I actually had to force my self to be as short as possible I could have wrote more!! Because it was truly that helpful!!!! 🙂💖
what if you and your partner are trying to communicate but you end up freezing and going silent, how do you get out of that state how do you stop yourself from going to that state?
TBH.. this should be mandatory training in school from preK! And i struggle with not bringing things up bc it's not worth it and if i have said how i feel in a conversation I've regularly been told oh now it's tit-4-tat, eye roll, body shift included. My family didn't talk about things. They were ignored, stuffed, of swept under the rug. 💔🙏
It definitely should!
Is it possible to talk personally in whatsapp? I have a lot of issues but can't talk publicly.
What's the meaning of how I'm going to get there? Meaning of this question... where is the safety
Discipline.
Administration.
Deliver.
School.learning.
Prayer.
Word of God.
Appropriateness for Gods word and work.Teacher.
Read word of God.
Please I lack how to communicate with people can get help from you
Please I lack how to communicate with people can get help from you
No wonder my wife left me. I did all of these wrong. SMH. Let’s get to work, then.
You are very very well spoken and intelligent young person. Eloquent is the word I think! Your clients are blessed to have you! Thanks for the very informative video!
I’m so guilty of using big words to sound smarter and win. Thanks for calling me out, I’m going to try your tips!☺️
Such great content, thanks for making this information accessible :)
Thank you!!
BYE THE INTELLECTUALIZING PART IS ME 😭
😂😂
Thank you sis! This really helped my relationship.
Amazing tips. So functional… Thank you so much ❤️
Did not even know how much I needed this! 2a d half pages of notes with applicable & relatable examples and scripts just blew my mind! I definitely have some inner work on #1,#6 & 10! Thank you so much for dropping all of these gems!❤❤
Sooo glad that you found it helpful!
i try to communicate ,but she hides under the bed , hisses at me and only comes out when i offer food.
What do I do when my tell fussed all the time tell me she wants a divorce and shows hatred to me I'm not angel I lie to her but I love her what do I do
I wish my partner would even care enough to want to do this 😓
Great video! Reminded me of Imago dialogue
big barrier: both partners are heavily avoidant...
We can’t communicate he hates how I repeat back something different than what he’s saying…he won’t explain further aye like what you even saying man
Where are you based and are you taking on couples
What’s up with the ray j ring that keeps disappearing and reappearing
I needed to see this video because I’ve noticed I do alot of the Dont do’s .this made merealize like I do have things to work on .now I see what my partner was saying .so glad I came across this video…💯🗣️
I love seeing people be able to identify these habits within themselves and opportunities to improve!
I was dating someone who I been in there company and early in the relationship I had been curious about what of there health and I peeked in the medicine cabinet that was all.
Stay on topic better understanding
Very helpful thank you ❤✨