The SECRETS To A Healthy RELATIONSHIP EXPLAINED | Dr. Nicole LePera & Lewis Howes
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- Опубликовано: 24 мар 2020
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Dr. Nicole LePera is a Holistic Psychologist who believes that mental wellness is for everyone. She evolved her more traditional training from Cornell University and The New School to one that acknowledges the connection between the mind and body. Dr. LePera founded the Mindful Healing Center in Center City Philadelphia where she works with individuals, couples, and families. She takes gut health, sleep, movement, cellular health, belief, and mindfulness into treatment.
Dr. LePera views mental and physical struggles from a whole-person perspective and works to identify the underlying physical and emotional causes of pain. She understands that balance is an integral part of wellness, and she empowers individuals to heal themselves, supporting them on their wellness journeys.
On May 1st, her new healing community SelfHealers Circle will launch and provide teaching, resources, and challenges to help people on their journey to healing. It will be a private community of self-healers (away from the public eye of Instagram) who are here to support and hold each other accountable for their journeys. In addition, Dr. LePera will give a monthly Q&A session, lead meditations, provide workshops, and host special guests.
Often times, creating boundaries is a central factor in maintaining balance within our lives. Having relationships is vital to mental and emotional health, but if we are constantly letting people control us, then the balance is impossible. In the worst cases, these types of relationships can cause some level of trauma which continues to affect a person throughout their life. Sometimes, in order to stay healthy, we have to say “no” to people without apologizing.
Are you struggling to create boundaries in your own relationships? Do you feel weighed down by trauma? Do you want to learn how to self-heal?
Join me on Episode 932 to learn how to set healthy boundaries in your relationships, how to find peace within yourself, and how to live a more balanced life with the Holistic Psychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera.
You can follow Dr. Nicole at:
Website: yourholisticpsychologist.com/
Instagram: / the.holistic.psychologist
RUclips: / @theholisticpsychologist
Facebook: / the.holistic.psychologist
Twitter: / theholisticpsyc
You can follow Lewis at:
Website: lewishowes.com/
Instagram: / lewishowes
Facebook: / lewishowes
Twitter: / lewishowes
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Lewis Howes' New Book - The Mask of Masculinity
lewishowes.com/man
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Lewis Howes is NY Times Bestselling author, entrepreneur, and former professional Arena League football player. He hosts The School of Greatness, a talk show distributed as a podcast. Learn and hear the stories of various successful people around the world, become inspired, motivated and educated with the SCHOOL OF GREATNESS. lewishowes.com/book
You can follow me at:
Website: lewishowes.com/
Facebook: / lewishowes
Twitter: / lewishowes
Instagram: / lewishowes
Tiktok: / lewis
Linkedin: / lewishowes
What's The #1 Thing You Pulled From The Interview?
#1 There is a practical formula for reprogramming ourselves that starts with grace and kindness towards ourselves as beautiful, powerful, flawed human beings.
#2 Does she have a book I can buy?
#3 Lewis is a skilled and engaging interviewer. I want more. I subscribed.
#4 I can't count. :)
The core wound of childhood: not being seen or heard. Being seen, heard and valued as “I matter” is at the very basic core need, want of a child. Her work is profound and the most healing process you can ever put into practice. This is the best interview and most informative presentation I’ve seen with healing childhood trauma. I’ve been doing this work for years and still do, it is life changing! Thank you for sharing Dr. Nicole ♥️
I'm breaking the rules and commenting before finishing the interview😆 but Dr. Nicole has been a huge source of support and a driver for some changes I decided to make in my life at the end of 2019-the evolution of consciousness is constant and a worthy pursuit if you want to be engaged in life and experience abundance in the present moment...thank you for having her Lewis!
My biggest take away:
The best way to help co-regulate someone (a child/a partner) whos in the midst of reactivity --- to ask. Ask how they are feeling, what's going on with them, why they are feeling this way, etc.
Always have the mindset of inquiry, ESPECIALLY at things that you think you are very familiar with! Because everyone experience reality in different ways. :) Love that!
Question though ---
What if the person we are asking about has difficulty verbalizing their feelings or experience? How can we help understand someone who struggle with explaining how they feel?
Acknowledge negative thoughts but do not accept them. thank you
Lewis (and team) thank you so much for having me on. I really appreciated this conversation and thank everyone who took the time to watch.
I have just discovered Dr. LePera, yesterday on @MelThomas’ weekly daily show. Sign up for it here! Curious, I disagree with her connecting with her family, as a Christian, and how I believe scripture and my recovery literature makes it clear that JC/HS who show’s up as my HP. @melthomas, #bestdecadever, which has been a real lifesaver and valuable tool in not only surviving but thriving in this chaotic time period of #socialdistancing #hackberrycreek @hackberrycreek @hishive #Hishive #missmytribe #missmyhugs! #mynumbersaredown #missmyLC4SSAGYposse’ #lc4ss #4ss #healthisyourwealth #powertoliftmeup #harrisonantigravityhammock #usethereal @bettertogether .
You are amazing!
You were amazing and right on as usual...really loved your live with Mel Robbins also! helped me a lot---paying attention more to my conscious mind and responses-very important right now
The Holistic Psychologist Do you work with Twin Flames?
Is there a transcript to this session? Or a work sheet. I need to heal
She’s growing bc of authenticity!!!!
BINGO! 🎯
My exact thoughts!!!
Dr. Nicole confirmed to me what I learned from reading a book by the late, great Louise Hay several years ago. As a middle child I often felt that I was not recognized for who I was but only from what I could achieve. I was very different than the other two kids. Many years later when I read Louises book “how to heal your life “she talks about what we feel may have been an injustice from our parents. Our parents or whoever the personal focus may be, can’t give us something they don’t have within them. Louise states in her book that if you feel an injustice was given to you as a child then start looking at your grandparents and asking questions about them. This blew it wide open for me. What she says about our feelings of resentment anger or frustration toward our parents eventually turns into empathy-she’s 100% correct and it confirms what I learned from other life teachers. I feel sorry for my parents now. Being in my 50s and still watching them stuck in the same pattern, living in a state of unconsciousness and not really liking themselves - I now look at them with empathy. When I feel myself getting off track having what “Abraham and Hicks” refers to as a wobble LOL I will look at my parents and say to myself .....”watch and learn and keep learning.” Because as much as I love them .....I don’t want to live my life the way they have been. Fantastic interview and I’d love to see more!
Love both Abe and Hicks , and RIP Louise Hay... she introduced so many greats on hay house radio to me.
And the part where Nicole mentions about healing the body, the gut, the nervous system, doing the breath work and inner child healing and repeating it for every single day of our life goes on to show that her approach is true to the concept of being holistic. I personally felt the pyramid was deep and very valuable. Helpful but hard to follow. Triggers arise unexpectedly, out of nowhere. Its hard but one should not give up on themself. That's what I try to tell myself everyday. Thank you 🙌
inner child healing an d repeating it for every single day of our lives
I love the way he looks at people and is truly excited to listen to them & their perspective. That’s so refreshing.
Agreed! You can tell he is truly listening and not just waiting to respond.
thanks so much, I care deeply about the people I bring on and especially with Nicole as she is helping heal so many people!
@@lewishowes Love it! Great work. endless prayers to you and your family.
I like that part when Lewis said he reacts with appreciation rather than giving in to the trigger. That was profound. He’s right though. It is so hard.
VERRRRY Hard, but so worth it!
@@lewishowes 🎯‼️💞
I needed this.
I sent the following (modified to my understanding) text message to myself: “I have a crazy capacity to understand people. And to understand why people do what they do - to the extend that I would invalidate my experience of them for so long. And then allow them to do what they want to do around me or to me my whole life. Not helpful. So, I had to evolve into that “and”.
“I can understand (you) AND this doesn’t work for me”.
That’s when you SET BOUNDARIES. You can be very forgiving and understanding. It doesn’t mean you have to be in an active relationship with (him, her, them)” - from Dr. Nicole LePera. That was SO POWERFUL BEYOND WORDS. I am like that and I struggle with setting boundaries. I’m always questioning myself “how can I be so understanding yet feel the urge to cut them out of my life?” I feel like I’m being judgmental or not accepting of them if I set boundaries, but far from it. This interview was so deep and liberating! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I can’t thank you enough! 🙏🙏🙏
I can so relate to your experience. Its like I'm reading my own thoughts. Thank you for sharing this. Im not alone🙏💜🙏
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I totally relate to these as well
Delgado 7777 We are not alone! We are all so much alike! Thank you!
Danqing Dai I’m glad to know that! Thank you! 🙏🙏🙏
Me too! People tell me how understanding I am and I struggle setting boundaries when I am in a new relationship. Good to read that there are people knowing this about themselves, too, and working on it as well! Best of luck everyone!!!
Love his work...& more so...he take a notes...asks the person to repeat, reframe their words....he truly wishes to learn & grow...keep up the brilliant work
Thanks! :)
I appreciate that Lewis acknowledges the pain that a parent feels, not only the trauma that the child perceives.19:10. The trauma that the parents feel when a child accuses them of abuse. The first I've heard anyone acknowledge this.
I haven’t spoke to my mother in almost eighteen years. I do not condone her behavior and choices, but I understand it’s because SHE is broken. The understanding gives me peace, but does not mean I should accept it have a relationship with her. I just love that someone else has the guts to put themselves, their true SELF, first.
Curious, did she tell you that you're ungrateful to her (caregiver) like the example they discussed in the video?
wind10miko No, she never said anything actually. She knows she is wrong, but she is too weak to address it.
I agree Rebecca. Many remain Broken because they refuse to say three words, " I WAS WRONG''.
@Lisa R It may seem like that from the outside, and I do agree that some relationships can be mended over time. However, what is really unhealthy is having a relationship with someone who remains married to a man that sexually abused her child. I have forgiven her for my own well-being, but I will never have a relationship with her. Nor should anyone who has been abused. Some relationships just can't be mended. And that's okay.
@@privateuno8897 True! And we have to understand and accept that they may never utter those words. And that's okay.
Isn't Lewis such a great listener and his facial gestures proves them all, he tries to understand if he does not he asks again. he is so genuine and very successful!! Love his programs and guests!! Bravo Lewis!
I'm a great listener :)
This woman's compassion is so touching....I love you Dr. Nicole....thank you for caring.
"I have a crazy capacity to understand people and to understand why people do what they do to the extent that I would invalidate my experience of them for so long and then allow them to do what they wanna do around me or to me."
Us not having to live this way is such a simple concept but it was eye-opening.
@Janet Kipova: Same!💯
That is so powerful! Having the capacity to empathize and understand why a person may be doing things that are abusive and not allowing that knowledge to keep you in the abusive relationship! It's an AND situation. I see why you are doing this AND (insert boundary) I'm not going to stay in this relationship because I don't have to stay, even though I understand the why! HUGE! This kept me in a bad marriage for Way too long!
My body loves being stressed, it's what it knows -> and if a person is around me, when I'm in that unfamiliar peaceful place, I might agitate the situation. Just to get back to the 'Comfort Zone". Bullseye!!! It makes sense and she offers ways to understand & change the patterns. Understanding what to expect is more than half the battle for me.
This was like going to therapy, hearing you both. I've been taking notes, reflecting, it took me three hours to watch the whole interview! This is very inspirational. And I love Nicole. I don't remember when I started following her but she had a very small community and I was so shocked thinking, "but this could help a lot of people!" And I'm so happy to see how she's now impacting almost two million people. I go to her profile once in a while and liked everything to make sure Insta algorithm doesn't mess it up and exclude her from my feed, because her messages are so powerful. Thank you Lewis for an amazing interview!
This is not brand new information.... this is what. Spirituality teaches us on a daily and “the power of the subconscious mind”
I want to see her sit at the Red Table too!!
Omg. I'm just halfway through this interview and I feel shaken to my core (I actually have tears in my eyes right now). I have been doing a LOT of work on myself already and I have grown so much because of that, but this shows me that I still have so much to do and learn to heal myself! Wow! I'm really gonna have to look out for Dr. LePera's book because this is so fascinating and instructive already, I want to know more! Wow!
Your words made me grow :)
Hey did you ever check out her book?
@@Kaprice Yes! I bought it and I'm halfway through it now! There are so many truth bombs in there, it's incredible!
@@myriamcroteau7006 right !!! This book is changing my whole perspective
Everything discussed here is like the Characteristics,traits and solutions of an Adult Child of Alcoholics 12 step program. I can really connect to everything she says. Flight or fight, fried Vagus nerve , adrenal glands, negative self talk and disassociation.
I like how LePera takes concept of healing whole being: nerve system healing,gut health healing,thought healing,soul healing...really smart and I would like to read her book 📚
Thank you! Healthy Relationships take work, realizing our own faults and how we plan to evolve. There is such a need to get back to basics. It starts with ourselves for sure. I truly hope that during this time of isolation across the world that we all can look within ourselves for awakening of what needs to change. 🙏🏻💕
Dr. LePera's work on emotional healing is gaining traction with people and helping so many of us. Thank you for having her back on the show.
Love you Nicole! You've been instrumental in my healing journey
She's been so helpful for me as well!
I claim a beautiful heart-centered healing for the friendship between myself and my best friend.
May all visible and invisible support surround us both in the healing power of love and truth.
It is possible, it is happening and it is divine. And so it is.
I have been following holistic psychologist on insta since last year. Its been helpful in creating a pathway for healing along with counselling sessions with a therapist. Thank you Lewis and Dr. Nicole for this podcast. Such conversations should become a part of daily routine - - - healing, inner child wounds, the ego, empathy, inner work, breath work, who we are, stillness, silence, patterns 🙌🙌🙌🙌Thank you 🤗🤗👌👌💕
All I can do is cry. Cry listening and feeling the most heard and understood I’ve never felt before.
Dr Gabor Mate is great teacher of childhood trauma.
Lewis said something really profound that I picked up on.....
"Ask with a open mind".
Actually love Lewis! He’s so real, genuine and the school of greatness has changed my life! Thank you
This is great, but there use to be online radio called hay house with nothing but great teachers back to back live, and could call in ask questions. Now it's a money grab shell of itself.
17:53: It's the feeling of being a separate, incomplete, vulnerable and disconnected self that is at the heart of not feeling heard, validated, appreciated and loved. It comes from a deep conviction that there is something lacking, that that I am this small entity I call 'me' and that desperately needs confirmation that it is good enough. At some point we've got to grow-up, and shift our childish perspective on who we really are. And once we've realised who we really are beyond the concept, all the troubles and the problems of that concept seem to vanish by themselves, no need for breathing techniques any more.
As I grew up and had my own life experiences and reflected on my own childhood as well as how and when my parents grew up, I found the space to forgive or at the very least accept that they are human beings as well as my parents. They had a life before me where they were shaped and experienced trauma of their own. I accept that they did the best they could with the tools they were given and what they were emotionally capable of. It is now my job to stop this cycle and try to not carry it along to future generations.
That's a beautiful way of looking at it. It's important to also impart that to our children. To give them their rights as a child and then in their adulthood to impart what we've learnt when it's is appropriate.
Your children are fortunate. :)
Amen. New generations are the King.
I love that Dr. LePera uses herself as examples and has relatable stories, thank you both💜
loved the interview, but I wish Lewis wouldn't interrupt Nicole so much. Sometimes she wanted to develop the idea she was talking about and i didn't always appreciate him cutting her off or finishing her sentences for her - maybe she would've say something else. idk. Other than that, very insightful interview! :)
🎯
Wow!This hit the home run with me.Thank you both.
Wow! Dr Nicole is amazing! Love when she said to "ask ourselves what we were saying to ourselves at the moment another one triggers us"...the narrative/story in our head... it's going to help me a lot now! Thank you! Wonderful interview!
Wow an amazing interview. Thank you for this enlightening information!!
Thank you for the interview!
I extremely relate to all of this I am scared of good stuff to fill good all the times etc
is it me or do these two have chemistry? lewis can’t stop smiling, he’s all dimples
Wonderful! I'm very glad to have found your channel!
Thank you for sharing both of you your experiences and great tools. #stayathome
mil gracias!!!
Totally understood by hearing your story. Thank ya Dr Nicole for your sharing
Learned so much 💖
Can't wait for the book!
she is amazing!
Wow, what a phenomenal interview. Great job. Thank you so much for doing this.
Authentic, deep and real conversation, love it !
Amazing interview! Thank You
Love you Dr. Nicole!
I have followed you on RUclips, since you started it.
I have learned so much from you. You entered my life when I was in need of help and I was ready to hear what you had to say.
I wish I would have had someone like you to follow 40 years ago.
Such a great woman ❤️
you are an inspiration to me by bringing things empowering humanity thanks.you are a real hero to me i learn a lot from you
I loved listening to Nicole. Thank you for being so real and honest. Please have her on again!
This is so packed with precious tools to implement I'll be rewatching it multiple times. Thank you, love both of your work 🙏
Lewis has grown so much. his reflections keep getting better and better. Love both your work and I appreciate it so much. when I see these type of videos my days just get better. I love the point where she mentions that there's growth when you realize that partner doesn't change. you do!!! so good. thank you.
Pulled from the interview ... you researched and had good valid questions Lewis that received good valid responses from Nicole .🤩👍
What I really love about this episode is how hopeful and honest it is! I'm not saying the other ones aren't, but especially in Corona times it's great to hear people believing we're on the brink of a beautiful evolution instead of being one huge step closer to doom as a species. Such beliefs are wonderful and I love how it's spread! Thanks to everyone involved in making this episode happen!
I appreciate her honesty when talking about her trigger. She’s so helpful in the ways she explains herself. I have a question, when you tell someone no, why are the people waiting for a reason as to why you can’t?
E K That’s the worst! Smh, I know this all too well...No! But why tho 🙃
Poor understanding of boundaries very common
Thank you for hosting Dr Nicole. She has such a great message and her work so profound. Always love anything she has to share. So relatable. ❤
Lewis great , informative ,and topics relevant thank you
This!!! Thank you so much
Very helpful .. I saw so much stuff she was saying in myself .. THANK YOU 😁
I love the aliveness you bring in to your interviewing style and it looks and feels very authentic. Very rare !! Thank you 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Thank you so much❤
You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡
I so resonate with what is being shared here
so glad it resonated! thank you for being here 🧡
Excellent interview. She's very intelligent, empathic and relatable.
omg about the forgiving part, so on point! i Went through that and finally could let go when i had distans to the person and could see the entire person: their past experiences and how those could have manifested in the present. doesnt mean at all that youre letting the person off the hook, its more of an out for yourself.
I remember seeing Nicole awhile ago, but I really felt this video is a great reminder to me. I was always trying to be unconscious in some way, escaping mainly through drinking. I decided to stop and work on my self and all the reasons I had gotten into this habit of drinking to cope with everything. Yes there is some pain under there, and I agree that being able to see more clearly and respond instead of react. I realise its everything piece by piece that get us to a better place... its always working on ourselves...
So many great pieces of insights on this one with Nicole. It seems like you two can sit and talk about these topics for hours on end.... and we wouldn't mind that at all.
Trust the process!
This interview has done wonders in my own self healing! All of the themes presented answered some of the most important questions and concerns that I've been dealing with for over 75% of my life. Thank you!
hands down my favorite episode !
❤ thank you both for being couragous enough to share your experiences to help others heal 🥰 my whole world has changed this morning due to this space you have cultivated ♥️
Absolutely loved this interview. I think Tantra is the way to acceptance of self and others.
This is incredible! I am so grateful for this episode! Thank you for your words of wisdom. Thank you for making a difference and sharing awareness. 🙏🏽 Blessings
Dr. Nicole LePera you have a very profond sense of purpose for helping others.😮
You are soooo authentic Nicole! Dive in deep, I’m a huge fan of your work 💫
It resonated so much with my own healing process, thank you❤️
So glad to hear it. You are welcome and thanks for watching. ❤️
Dr. Nicole LePera is so very smart! Thank you for this. What I take from this (the #1 Gems here) is Observe the damaging thought, Remove Focus without Judgement and Affirmations.... and also Heal the Body first... and also it takes time...meditation and morning practice sets up your day for peace thats why it's so important.....
Min 36 very well explained the real transformation process. Thank you very much
Great part!
@@lewishowes I like how you come with beginner mind and takes notes . Your energy bring the best of your guests. Thank you
Guys, you’re absolutely amazing 🙌🏼
Love has ebb and flow, like the ocean...I am so loving letting go, learning! You know! Respecting each other is great! Loving and growing.
This is for sure one of the most important videos on the internet! 😍💪🏼 I really appreciate it
Such a beautiful podcast
Appreciate you for watching! 🧡
Lewis is such a positive man. Love you bro 🔥🔥🔥
Nicole thank you for the diversity of topics covered .🏅❤️
Lewis your interview skills are better and more balanced . The years you have had great guests it’s been nice to see your great skills evolve . Thank you 😊 keep it up 👍
Ih I love the show.
I just loved the way she said, " We need to understand that we are humans trying to raise humans and we are going to fuck up and that's just natural".
What I also understand is, that we are life- a different format, trying to evolve it's own self and we are going to mess us, we are going to fall, as life tries to consciously evolve itself though us, when it brings to our subconscious to our conscious awareness and that's an organic process. The process of Self realization and Self actualization had never been a garden of Roses without thorns.
Thanks a ton Lewis for bringing forth such profound conversations.😊🙏
Wow Lewis, Thank You for inviting Dr. LePera to share her insights! Thank You Lewis!
So glad you kept having Nicole on. She is helping me so much. For the first time it makes sense
I’m on the waitlist!! Love your work and authenticity ❤️
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I love Nicole!
Impeccable. Absolutely impeccable ♥️
❤️
Thank you Lewis so much for this insightful interview. Nicole rocks!!!
Karen Fisher, you must be a kind being 💓 ☺️🤙
I appreciate her because she shares her personal life and what she is talking about being “stuck” It’s the process of healing is universal. It is empowering. ❤️
Awesome!!!! Again I learned so much and can work on me and share in my family. Thank you 🙏🏽 ❣️
Love it! What was your biggest takeaway from this episode?
Thank goodness I came across you Lewis!! You are inspiring. Inspires me to be the person I want to be, to serve others as well as I can with love and compassion. 😁 thank you for what you do in the world.
This means a lot to me. Thank you so much. 🙏
Thank you for interviewing her. But really wish it could have been more personal, rather than general