Been scrolling through RUclips videos just to get my mind off my depression ever since my boyfriend left me. I can’t believe I wasted 6 years of my life. I hope I get past this stage. What do you all do when you can’t get over someone? I still want him back.
Losing someone you’ve been with for 6 years can be very difficult. I’ve been in a similar situation, so I understand your pain. My marriage of 7 years was on the verge of ending before a spiritualist helped me restore the love we had. I hope you get through this pain.
Thank you. I want him back-I can’t get over him. Is it possible to share information about who helped you? I’d be glad if they could help me too. I hope this goes well.
I don't know when the break-up happened, but even if reuniting is on the table, it's usually not a good idea to reach out for that when things are still fresh, but after long enough have passed for both parties to process everything and get some distance from it. It puts you in a position to see things with greater clarity, and will make you better equipped to see if getting back together is something you really want. In the meantime, you can work on yourself. I see that your current perspective is that you wasted six years of your life, but if you genuinely believed that, you wouldn't want to get back with him. Regardless of what happens, that's six years' worth of experience, and that's experience that makes you wiser. That's something to be grateful for, isn't it? And that's not even talking about all the memories you made together.
I don't have a partner but I do enjoy the content that you give give out and I think this is good for all relationships not just people who have a partner
You know, when our partner is venting or expressing something heavy, and our first instinct is to just… pacify, right? We end up saying something like, “It’s okay,” or “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine.” But does that really help? I mean, think about it. When you’re in the middle of feeling something intense, and someone tells you, Relax, it’s not a big deal, how do you feel? It’s like, Wait, but it is a big deal-to me! And that’s the point: we sometimes miss out on validating each other’s feelings because we’re so focused on fixing the situation, or making it seem smaller. The thing is, giving a genuine response isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about listening. Instead of brushing things aside, a genuine response could be something like, “Hey, I hear you. That sounds really tough, or I can see why that made you upset. And yeah, it might feel uncomfortable at first because you’re letting the other person sit in their emotions, but that’s what makes them feel truly seen and heard. Like, imagine this: Your partner comes to you and says, I’m really stressed about work. I feel like I’m not doing enough. Now, a pacifying response would be, Oh, don’t stress about it, you’re doing great! Sure, it’s well-meaning, but it kind of glosses over what they’re actually feeling, right? Instead, a genuine response could be, That sounds really tough. Do you want to talk more about it? Or even just a simple, I’m here for you, no matter what. You’re acknowledging their experience instead of dismissing it. And it’s not just about heavy conversations. Even with smaller things, being genuine can go a long way. Let’s say your partner’s telling you about a bad day, and they say something like, I felt so ignored in that meeting. Instead of saying, Oh, it’s just one meeting, try something like, That must’ve been frustrating. It’s these little shifts in how we respond that make the other person feel like you’re really there with them, not just trying to make the conversation end on a positive note. So, next time your partner shares something, resist the urge to just smooth things over. Instead, lean in, really listen, and acknowledge what they’re feeling. It’s not about solving their problems-it’s about showing up for them and letting them know it’s okay to feel what they feel. Being genuine in your responses isn’t about having perfect words. It’s about giving your partner the space to be real with you. And when you both can do that, that’s when the connection deepens. Try it. It will certainly help! Peace
I wish my ex and I found your content before we started having issues. I felt like we were slowly getting here with couple’s therapy but we were both very much not aware of our defense mechanisms that destroyed everything we were working on. I need to heal and see how I feel about the lost relationship. Maybe one day I’ll want to reach out and we can try something completely new. Of course if she is willing and has worked on herself too. But for now. I have to keep building upon myself to be a better partner for myself and whoever else will want to give it a go. I feel so much more confident in myself and can depend on myself better than I have in the past. I feel ready for the future and am excited for the process. Can’t hold onto hope, but I can see how much we’ve grown with each other. And it’s not about comparing each other’s growth. It’s the willingness to put in the work and admire your partner for the work they are putting in.
Hi Steph 😊 needless to say that I love your content. It’s so so helpful! A question I have: have you ever considered doing a video (or a series) on long distance relationships? :)
At the risk of coming across as negative, from what ive seen, they don't work. (And I don't just mean me) Although i have been there too. I really wish you all the best however I have yet to see it work long term.
This is very helpful for all relationships, relating in general. Thank you!! I’m saving it and keeping it handy. I have done a couple of these things and didn’t realize how much I contributed and made things worse.
I love your videos, they've really helped me be more introspective with myself. I'm wondering if you have content about long distance relationships- the struggles, how best to keep them healthy, etc? Thank you Dr Steph!
I'm currently mad at my girlfriend. See, we've had arguments so many times, and so far, it's always been my fault. I was always the one who was wrong and had to apologize. The one who had to redeem themself. And I have no problem with owning my mistakes. It's just, I'm tired of being _that guy._ Yesterday, I told my girlfriend that I was jealous of her. Jealous that she was always right and I was always wrong. That it brought me so much pain and self-doubt. And she said, "It's not always about right and wrong." That actually angered me. Can anyone guess why? I don't want to have to explain it. I want someone to understand how I'm feeling without clarification. So again, I told her how I was jealous of her for always being right...how I was in pain by constantly being "the bad guy" while she was "the good guy" in our conflicts...and she said it isn't always about right and wrong. Why do you think that response bothers me?
Has she ever apologized to you? It could be that you always own up to your mistakes, but she never does herself, so when she saids things like that, its like a "practice what you preach" feeling, a feeling of hypocrispy and lack of ownership on her end. But thats just a therapy. I dont want to weave any negative energy into your relationship, try to approach your situation the way the video wants you to do. If shes something, say how it makes you feel.
I have a hard time talking about issues because regardless of whether we give it time to cool it down or not, I get angry or upset pretty easily and then he doesn’t want to continue. I do t know how to stop doing that. It feels like he just wants to let things settle and move on without talking about it. I need to talk through it to get over it, otherwise it feels unresolved.
I needed this so much. I really appreciate the videos you put because even thought I had a vague idea how to handle conflict, your videos help me make it easier for me to be able to express my emotions better. Sure, I use the "I" statement but I'm still unsure how to say it efficiently enough so it doesn't sound like I'm attacking my partner. I love the knowledge you share. Thank you do much!
I enjoyed this-- I think though that these tips are good when you're interacting with someone reasonably emotionally healthy. If your partner is a narcissist or has really limited empathy, these techniques probably won't work. If the narcissist can't take any ownership or accountability for their own role in the conflict (they can't, lol), then one person going above and beyond won't help and might serve as further ammo for them being gaslit/invalidated, etc.
What to do if its impossjble to keep them happy? Theres always a reason for him to be upset or i cant enjoy anything he will make it trash but i truly love him
This right here 👉 Identify your triggers it might be a feeling of rejection it might be you are feeling ignored. Make sure you communicate how you feel and create openness with your partner to avoid conflicts or arguments in your relationship.
Do you find this to be effective even in relationship with 5 plus years of bad communication. One person who shuts down and the other wants to talk about it and gets upset when the other is quiet. Where arguments come easily because of constant frustration to be this better person exists but is not happening the way they are asking it to be.
I get upset and start yelling because he quickly interrupts me doesn’t let me finish my thought. That’s what gets me upset and then hear comes the name calling from him and me threatening to leave the relationship. Bottom line I seem to be at fault during every disagreement he doesn’t see what he did or said to get me to that point. Idk if it’s worth fighting anymore I love him but right now I don’t like him 😢💔
I’m curious to know how someone should interact with a partner that doesn’t share their more vulnerable feelings like if they are hurt feel rejected jealous etc because a lot of people can have a barrier up and just keep talking about the details of something and never express how something made them feel. I have experienced this in friendships with men and woman. So I guess my question is can peoples communication styles in expressing feelings change ? or if they don’t, do we just have to keep putting the pieces together on a feeling they may be feeling but they never directly say because of embarrassment or scared of vulnerability ?
Thank you needed this❤ you mentioned that “and then you yelled at me” was bad communication. Do you have a video further explaining how that is bad communication? I understand from my own sessions with my therapist that I should be focusing on my feelings rather than what the person did because my partner can feel attacked but maybe there’s more to that?
Hey! Yep. You answered it. Since the meaning of "yelling" is subjective, you want to focus on facts. "I felt scared when it felt to me like you were yelling." Does that make sense?
I feel this so much. When I am in conflict and get anxious my voice gets louder and quicker but I’m not yelling at or about anyone. It’s my trauma response to confrontation
My partner refuses to do anything on the list until I validate her feelings. I do my best to validate her feelings, but sometimes I get triggered when I am judged so harshly for not being a good partner when I'm trying my best. She will not admit her part in the fight, she will not admit her triggers, she will not admit that she could have communicated better before, during or after the conflict, and she will not let me express my needs because she said she can't meet any of them until I validate her feelings the next time it comes up. To me this feels like someone who isn't willing to work with me, and someone who isn't letting love win. I can take accountability and know where I was in the wrong and apologize, but she has not accepted any part of her behavior during the altercation. What can I do if she isn't willing to do the work with me on anything from the list? She told me it's all up to me because it was a problem that I caused. Feeling deflated.
@@devinalexander7415 oh no, I’m so sorry. You express yourself so well, a partner that can appreciate that is certainly on the way. But I know heartbreak is really tough.
What if the things that are bothering your partner aren't what actually happened and they are accusing you of things that are against your character based on feelings despite the facts...
Thank you for this video. Helpful tools. Just a suggestion, as a queer person, I would find it helpful to show examples of queer couples. I noticed that the clips were all straight couples.
Are you married what is your realationship status Mad people be out here giving advice when they are a train wreck in their personal lives particularly therapists
Been scrolling through RUclips videos just to get my mind off my depression ever since my boyfriend left me. I can’t believe I wasted 6 years of my life. I hope I get past this stage. What do you all do when you can’t get over someone? I still want him back.
Losing someone you’ve been with for 6 years can be very difficult. I’ve been in a similar situation, so I understand your pain. My marriage of 7 years was on the verge of ending before a spiritualist helped me restore the love we had. I hope you get through this pain.
Thank you. I want him back-I can’t get over him. Is it possible to share information about who helped you? I’d be glad if they could help me too. I hope this goes well.
Sure. His name is Father Akabu. You can search online for him-I’m certain he can help you.
Thank you for this.
I don't know when the break-up happened, but even if reuniting is on the table, it's usually not a good idea to reach out for that when things are still fresh, but after long enough have passed for both parties to process everything and get some distance from it. It puts you in a position to see things with greater clarity, and will make you better equipped to see if getting back together is something you really want.
In the meantime, you can work on yourself. I see that your current perspective is that you wasted six years of your life, but if you genuinely believed that, you wouldn't want to get back with him. Regardless of what happens, that's six years' worth of experience, and that's experience that makes you wiser. That's something to be grateful for, isn't it? And that's not even talking about all the memories you made together.
My partner and I have been binge watching your content and applying it into our relationship. Thank you Dr Steph 🌸
So glad you two are enjoying the videos! Not a doctor yet haha, but thank you!
@@StephAnya lol manifesting it for you !!! 😂❤
@@StephAnya great video. Question: I’m a fellow psychotherapist (LCSW). Are you interested in pursuing the practice or research doctorate?
I wish 😔
How are things now?
"Never try to win the argument. Win the heart. Then there is no argument to win". -Some dude.
I don't have a partner but I do enjoy the content that you give give out and I think this is good for all relationships not just people who have a partner
Thanks so much for watching ♥️
If you need one im available
I would love if you could do a video on “genuine responses” as opposed to “pacifying responses”. And how to respond in those situations
You know, when our partner is venting or expressing something heavy, and our first instinct is to just… pacify, right? We end up saying something like, “It’s okay,” or “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine.” But does that really help?
I mean, think about it. When you’re in the middle of feeling something intense, and someone tells you, Relax, it’s not a big deal, how do you feel? It’s like, Wait, but it is a big deal-to me! And that’s the point: we sometimes miss out on validating each other’s feelings because we’re so focused on fixing the situation, or making it seem smaller.
The thing is, giving a genuine response isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about listening. Instead of brushing things aside, a genuine response could be something like, “Hey, I hear you. That sounds really tough, or I can see why that made you upset. And yeah, it might feel uncomfortable at first because you’re letting the other person sit in their emotions, but that’s what makes them feel truly seen and heard.
Like, imagine this: Your partner comes to you and says, I’m really stressed about work. I feel like I’m not doing enough. Now, a pacifying response would be, Oh, don’t stress about it, you’re doing great! Sure, it’s well-meaning, but it kind of glosses over what they’re actually feeling, right?
Instead, a genuine response could be, That sounds really tough. Do you want to talk more about it? Or even just a simple, I’m here for you, no matter what. You’re acknowledging their experience instead of dismissing it.
And it’s not just about heavy conversations. Even with smaller things, being genuine can go a long way. Let’s say your partner’s telling you about a bad day, and they say something like, I felt so ignored in that meeting. Instead of saying, Oh, it’s just one meeting, try something like, That must’ve been frustrating. It’s these little shifts in how we respond that make the other person feel like you’re really there with them, not just trying to make the conversation end on a positive note.
So, next time your partner shares something, resist the urge to just smooth things over. Instead, lean in, really listen, and acknowledge what they’re feeling. It’s not about solving their problems-it’s about showing up for them and letting them know it’s okay to feel what they feel.
Being genuine in your responses isn’t about having perfect words. It’s about giving your partner the space to be real with you. And when you both can do that, that’s when the connection deepens.
Try it. It will certainly help! Peace
Thank you for being so generous with sharing your knowledge and experience.
Glad it was helpful!
I wish my ex and I found your content before we started having issues. I felt like we were slowly getting here with couple’s therapy but we were both very much not aware of our defense mechanisms that destroyed everything we were working on. I need to heal and see how I feel about the lost relationship. Maybe one day I’ll want to reach out and we can try something completely new. Of course if she is willing and has worked on herself too. But for now. I have to keep building upon myself to be a better partner for myself and whoever else will want to give it a go. I feel so much more confident in myself and can depend on myself better than I have in the past. I feel ready for the future and am excited for the process. Can’t hold onto hope, but I can see how much we’ve grown with each other. And it’s not about comparing each other’s growth. It’s the willingness to put in the work and admire your partner for the work they are putting in.
I normally shut down and am afraid to Express myslef coz I've been mocked lots of time all my life actually by those around me
Very relatable to me too😢
real me too
Hi Steph 😊 needless to say that I love your content. It’s so so helpful! A question I have: have you ever considered doing a video (or a series) on long distance relationships? :)
I second this
Yesss!! I hope she responds
At the risk of coming across as negative, from what ive seen, they don't work. (And I don't just mean me) Although i have been there too. I really wish you all the best however I have yet to see it work long term.
Thank so much. I tend to shut down and just get very emotional
You have the most gracious, eloquent presentation I have ever seen!
You’re so kind! Thank you 🫶🏽
This is very helpful for all relationships, relating in general. Thank you!! I’m saving it and keeping it handy. I have done a couple of these things and didn’t realize how much I contributed and made things worse.
I love your videos, they've really helped me be more introspective with myself. I'm wondering if you have content about long distance relationships- the struggles, how best to keep them healthy, etc? Thank you Dr Steph!
I hope the videos I've watched so far and the notes I've taken help mend the lack of communication in my relationship.
I'm currently mad at my girlfriend. See, we've had arguments so many times, and so far, it's always been my fault. I was always the one who was wrong and had to apologize. The one who had to redeem themself. And I have no problem with owning my mistakes. It's just, I'm tired of being _that guy._ Yesterday, I told my girlfriend that I was jealous of her. Jealous that she was always right and I was always wrong. That it brought me so much pain and self-doubt. And she said, "It's not always about right and wrong."
That actually angered me. Can anyone guess why? I don't want to have to explain it. I want someone to understand how I'm feeling without clarification. So again, I told her how I was jealous of her for always being right...how I was in pain by constantly being "the bad guy" while she was "the good guy" in our conflicts...and she said it isn't always about right and wrong. Why do you think that response bothers me?
Has she ever apologized to you? It could be that you always own up to your mistakes, but she never does herself, so when she saids things like that, its like a "practice what you preach" feeling, a feeling of hypocrispy and lack of ownership on her end. But thats just a therapy.
I dont want to weave any negative energy into your relationship, try to approach your situation the way the video wants you to do. If shes something, say how it makes you feel.
I’m really enjoying this book so far! Thanks for the recommendation and video. Love reading with you.
🤗♥️
If I were to try this, my husband would become exasperated, start rolling his eyes, and do anything to cease the conversation.
girl…
Same girl my partner would just pick up his phone n ignore me
This is great information I needed this
Great video Steph! I have bought the book. Thank you for all the work that you do.
Thank you!
I have a hard time talking about issues because regardless of whether we give it time to cool it down or not, I get angry or upset pretty easily and then he doesn’t want to continue. I do t know how to stop doing that. It feels like he just wants to let things settle and move on without talking about it. I need to talk through it to get over it, otherwise it feels unresolved.
I can relate to this
Ditto
Relatable
i can relate to this as well
I really appreciate your content. Makes me reflect on myself like nothing else before. Thank you!
She is so intentional. ❤️
Thank God for your ministry
I enjoyed this video, definitely retained some great tips to apply to my currently relationship.
Thank you Steph Anya!
Heyyyy. Usually we give each other space, and then talk when we’re ready. Or we’ll talk right away. And then enjoy a walk.
I love the idea of a walk! They actually suggest that for the date for this section to symbolize moving together in the same direction.
Thank you
Thank you for watching & commenting :)
Could you make a video on handling conflict and keeping the spark for long distance relationships?
Kind and gentle spirit
Hi Anya! Another great video from you!
Amazingly helpful video for me in my relationship.
I’m so glad!
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾❤️👏🏾❤️❤️❤️ excited for this live!!!
Yay! Me too!!
Awesome video thank you 🙏🏾
You hair looks so good lots of love
I love your composure too 💋
Aw thank you!! ♥️
I needed this so much. I really appreciate the videos you put because even thought I had a vague idea how to handle conflict, your videos help me make it easier for me to be able to express my emotions better. Sure, I use the "I" statement but I'm still unsure how to say it efficiently enough so it doesn't sound like I'm attacking my partner. I love the knowledge you share. Thank you do much!
Great message!
Been strangling with finding a partner am alyah and my mom is making it so hard I do belive in prayers make me part of yours
That was great advice. I’m grateful to you
Just joined your group!! So excited!!
Yayyy! Happy to have you!
thanks for this ❤
I enjoyed this-- I think though that these tips are good when you're interacting with someone reasonably emotionally healthy. If your partner is a narcissist or has really limited empathy, these techniques probably won't work. If the narcissist can't take any ownership or accountability for their own role in the conflict (they can't, lol), then one person going above and beyond won't help and might serve as further ammo for them being gaslit/invalidated, etc.
Amazing video 🙌🏾❤️ thank you
Thank you thank you.❤❤❤💯🔥💯🔥💯
@@exavierbland3450 thank you for watching!
Good video!
Watching this for my parents 🤧
What to do if its impossjble to keep them happy? Theres always a reason for him to be upset or i cant enjoy anything he will make it trash but i truly love him
You’re really good!
This right here 👉 Identify your triggers it might be a feeling of rejection it might be you are feeling ignored. Make sure you communicate how you feel and create openness with your partner to avoid conflicts or arguments in your relationship.
Fantastic video 👍🏿
Thank you!
❤Great Video!!
Thank you!
What do you do if your partner doesn’t want to talk about any of this at all, even to tell you what you did that bothered or triggered them?
I can relate to this. I'm learning to accept that if he wanted to he would
Do you find this to be effective even in relationship with 5 plus years of bad communication. One person who shuts down and the other wants to talk about it and gets upset when the other is quiet. Where arguments come easily because of constant frustration to be this better person exists but is not happening the way they are asking it to be.
I get upset and start yelling because he quickly interrupts me doesn’t let me finish my thought. That’s what gets me upset and then hear comes the name calling from him and me threatening to leave the relationship. Bottom line I seem to be at fault during every disagreement he doesn’t see what he did or said to get me to that point. Idk if it’s worth fighting anymore I love him but right now I don’t like him 😢💔
This is my relationship cycle
Me and my husband talked about everything but things are getting worse and worse! Any other bright ideas?
I’m curious to know how someone should interact with a partner that doesn’t share their more vulnerable feelings like if they are hurt feel rejected jealous etc because a lot of people can have a barrier up and just keep talking about the details of something and never express how something made them feel. I have experienced this in friendships with men and woman. So I guess my question is can peoples communication styles in expressing feelings change ? or if they don’t, do we just have to keep putting the pieces together on a feeling they may be feeling but they never directly say because of embarrassment or scared of vulnerability ?
Beautiful Smile ❤
Thank you needed this❤ you mentioned that “and then you yelled at me” was bad communication. Do you have a video further explaining how that is bad communication? I understand from my own sessions with my therapist that I should be focusing on my feelings rather than what the person did because my partner can feel attacked but maybe there’s more to that?
Hey! Yep. You answered it. Since the meaning of "yelling" is subjective, you want to focus on facts. "I felt scared when it felt to me like you were yelling." Does that make sense?
@@StephAnya yes thank you that does make sense. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 I honestly never thought of yelling as subjective.
@@missjeffersonifyanasty9571 I didn't realize it either until I realized so many of my clients refute with, "That's just how I talk!"
@@StephAnya GIRL! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 it burns my biscuits every time 🤣
I feel this so much. When I am in conflict and get anxious my voice gets louder and quicker but I’m not yelling at or about anyone. It’s my trauma response to confrontation
My partner is found of going out without me and each time I complained, he gets angry and wanted to quit
How do we make an appointment with you?
Can I hire you for my relationship issues???
I wish! I’m only licensed in Georgia and my caseload has been full. I do have a link for you to find another MFT in the description box.
How can I book a session with you?
Hold hands when you have discussions and/or disagreements?
They are running ads about you don’t need couples therapy during your video!
Think before you speak 😊
My partner refuses to do anything on the list until I validate her feelings. I do my best to validate her feelings, but sometimes I get triggered when I am judged so harshly for not being a good partner when I'm trying my best. She will not admit her part in the fight, she will not admit her triggers, she will not admit that she could have communicated better before, during or after the conflict, and she will not let me express my needs because she said she can't meet any of them until I validate her feelings the next time it comes up. To me this feels like someone who isn't willing to work with me, and someone who isn't letting love win. I can take accountability and know where I was in the wrong and apologize, but she has not accepted any part of her behavior during the altercation. What can I do if she isn't willing to do the work with me on anything from the list? She told me it's all up to me because it was a problem that I caused. Feeling deflated.
How is it going now?
@akcr5769 we split up, but it was for the best. I couldn't get my needs met, and she didn't try to meet them.
@@devinalexander7415 oh no, I’m so sorry. You express yourself so well, a partner that can appreciate that is certainly on the way. But I know heartbreak is really tough.
@@akcr5769 thank you. It has been a tough road, as we were planning our lives together but I deserve my needs to be met.
What if the things that are bothering your partner aren't what actually happened and they are accusing you of things that are against your character based on feelings despite the facts...
Tips for Marital Conflict - How We Stop Yelling and Start Laughing Again
ruclips.net/video/IczYqlXQv3M/видео.html
How much do you charge for me and my partner?
❤❤❤❤❤
My wife is on the verge of leaving me I just want her to see my points I care about her feelings
Not my accountability area
You're so gorgeous 😍 ✨️
Could Relationships jess till
Thank you for this video. Helpful tools. Just a suggestion, as a queer person, I would find it helpful to show examples of queer couples. I noticed that the clips were all straight couples.
#DB
You are a Barbie girl ❤
Mute im not attracted to arguing yelling or pain
B4 40 no
Losing my virginity intentions
I dont possess any deadly sin
God
Family
Career
Pem click
Are you married what is your realationship status
Mad people be out here giving advice when they are a train wreck in their personal lives particularly therapists
She's married
She mentioned her husband in the video
Thank you