I’d been suppressing anger my whole life until I got to the therapy. I developed a lot of tension in my body and some psychosomatic issues. When my therapist explained that I had been living life as an animal whose teeth were removed so it can’t bite I started crying because this was the best description of me someone has ever given. Moreover, I couldn't ever growl and was pleasing people all day long, all year round. I feel blessed to recognize it so early on in my life (I’m in my 20s) and I hope to stop this vicious circle of trauma in our family. Mental health awareness is extremely important. If someone is in doubts whether to start therapy, don't hesitate! It will drastically improve your life.
I'm so glad someone else is saying this out loud. There's so much heavy abuse in therapy and there are many therapists that are a terribly detrimental influence.
@@gill426 I was hit on verbally by my therapist multiple times when I was recovering from sexual abuse. He was 30 years older. He said I have an erotic aura and wanted to touch me. Just one negative example. Do not trust peoples recommendations, always.... ALWAYS be careful.
I can relate so much to your story since I was also brought up to be the perfect princess who never got angry and never fought back, except no one else protected me either. I'm so glad you found a therapist who is helping! And that you found your way to Teal who has helped me more than any therapist I have tried. Cheers to our healing journey!
@@vanessak7069I'm so sorry you went through that. That's disgusting. And not at all about you (edit: rather it's showing what type of person they are), so don't make it mean anything negative about you!!!
”We need to feel as though we live in a social environment where our pain (such as hurt, fear, powerlessness and vulnerability) matters”. Teal Swan 🌎 thank you Teal 😘
I actually as an adult tried to communicate my fears and vulnerabilities and how i feel with my family but they made me regret it by throwing all those vulnerabilities at my face during arguments. Now i do not know what to do.
The trick is to accept your own vulnerabilities fully. If you do that then you take their ammunition away. Do you get what I mean? How can they ever use something against you to hurt you if you already accept it 😉
A Course in Miracles says there are only 2 real emotions, love and fear. I understand that concept so much better now because of this video. Thank you Teal!
in the example he falling asleep when she tells him about her worries also seems to be a trauma reaction. he has learned to withdraw from stressful situations by freezing, falling asleep or dissociation. perhaps he grew up in a family where there was a lot of fighting. So her violent urge for connection causes his passive aggressive withdrawal. it's a trauma bond between them.
The other possibility is that he had a very long day and is exhausted. She (in the example) would have chosen a bad time to engage with him about what is going on. I have personally been in both situations. I have been exhausted as well as disengaging due to my own background growing up.
I need the video about checking out. I always feel, why waste the energy of getting angry. I shutdown and physically leave the situation, and just engage in something positive. I now see that person as no help to me emotionally. I'll still engage with that person in other things, but never emotionally. I truly didn't realize this came from early trauma until watching these videos 😢.
Everytime I listen I am more n more memorized by her intelligence. Teal has made such an impact to my soul, my parenting, relationships through the years. I really hope as time goes by more people become more aware. I have watched many therapists podcasts gurus ted talks etc no one has ever compared. Most beautiful soul💜
When others are angry it is not usually at us but at the pain we may have caused, usually by reinjuring a preexisting wound again. So I have learned to react to that blizzard of rage from an angry person completely neutral (not a smile or a frown, those are defensive strategies that usually incites more anger), and to invite them to tell me how to help them make the pain go away. This puts me in a centered space where I can react from my wisdom and speak from that space. This doesn't offend them nor threaten them, and they usually can then go towards asking for the help they need. Then in this space of calm neutrality I can see if they are trying to help stop the pain that has caused them to be angry, or are actually trying to attack, control, or gaslight.
Yep I'm learning that if I'm angry and it's within my POV (as they keep telling me I'm angry all the time yet I don't feel it so there maybe a disconnection to my anger yet they could also just be saying that) so if I'm aware of my anger & I'm ready to rage on them I ask instead what are they hitting inside of me? Chances are high I can find what it is now so I don't need to rage at them as in alot of cases it's something that isn't a present/present but a present vs past situation. In the rare case they're doing something that I can't find in my childhood and it's a true new wound & insult that was made right now or at least last week then I can see what is the emotions under the rage anyhow though I find these present vs present ones harder to cool down I still have lots of emotions it seems but they feel like a hot wall which heat = fear and I take way longer to understand what is happening as its multi dimensional it seems. Same with anxiety and fear someone hit something inside you so deducing what it is, when you last felt it, then how far in your past did you feel it can very much help though I also do emotional release healing as well so if I trace the pain point back to I was in the womb & it's mine I can release it.
But that's the thing about our own childhood trauma, is that we kind of cause our own pain; by having flashbacks or triggers from things other people say or do right? Like they can take responsibility but only partly because we have to take responsibility for our reactions assumptions and feelings towards what other people say, do or don't. Assuming it's what is most common which is that people aren't trying to cause us pain they end up being the trigger.
True, owning an issue or trauma doesn't necessarily mean keeping it and hanging on to it, it can mean releasing it. Because it is yours, you have that power.@@destroyraiden
I can totally relate. People always complain about “my anger issues” and it took me a long time, and I mean a long time to understand that anger is actually a response to something. I took all the blame for my anger, for years. You don’t know how painful that is, to accept the blame and be the bad guy most of my life. Because I got angry. And the most painful thing to realize, is that not many people have the patience and the empathy and the love to give me the space to process whatever happens underneath all that anger. Those kind of people have their own issues and they are not worth my time. It is said that if they can’t handle my worst then they don’t deserve my best, right? And some closed doors are better stayed closed.
did you have that same empathy for others that you claim you wanted from others? often people are oblivious to their own lack of the same behaviors they expect from others
Everybody has issues to deal with. It is important to recognize that we are all fighting in some battles and dealing with the challenges of life. And we feel we need to be this strong person, covering up our vulnerabilities and hence suffering pain. This, in fact, is the common ground that can join us together and hence have empathy and compassion for each other, without which there will be no understanding. It is really sad that when you opened up yourself and told people about your pain, which was not an easy thing to do and required courage, it fell on deaf ears. This actually brought you the ultimate pain, the feeling that you were like totally on your own and no one cared and understood. I guess the lesson here is that we have to be more careful in selecting the people we show our vulnerabilities and revealing our pain. Some people simply lack sensitivity and empathy for you because they don't have that for themselves.
I needed this video ten years ago. But I’m grateful that I have it now. It’s never too late to begin to heal and change. ❤ thank you for helping understand a part of myself that is so deep rooted.
Hi Teal, you are absolutely right, I needed to hear this conversation. I like how you went all the way back to childhood to describe what might have happened to cause such violent and intense reactions, and the feeling of betrayal of the self and the need to draw boundaries to make sure it won't happen again...that anger snaps so fast that it makes extremely difficult to go underneath it in an exploring mode...only later, after the fact, there's always a movie replay showing me what I could have done or said instead...However, by studying Human Design I learnt that when confronted with someone with a Defined Root Chakra I feel very pressured in a sort of competitive way. Thank you!
My family have pushed me out as I spoke the truth about my older brother whom now is 60 . He has lied to his own gain and made my life a living hell whilst I have battled my cancer twice ( now cancer free ) nursed my dad who. Passed 3 years ago and my mum whom was my best friend I thought has sided with him and his son .. my hearts been broken. My mum cried to my friends and I’m allowed back if I accept marks nasty ness and selfish ways as he has said we are all dying not just you !! ❤
Thank you Teal Swan. This video helped me so much. From watching this video, I realized a lot of my bad habits and fights in relationships have happened because I was raised in a dysfunctional family. I like how Teal Swan explained, if I acknowledge anger as covering up feeling emotionally vulnerable because there is a fear of rejection that I experienced as a child (when my emotional needs were not met), I can now deconstruct my anger because I understand it is a defense mechanism. I would like to emphasize how valuable it is to be mindful and see anger as an illusion cast by someone generating a defense mechanism so they do not get rejected and hurt while they are emotionally vulnerable. If you deeply understand this, it can help you feel compassion toward someone you witness experiencing anger. After acknowledging where and how anger and avoidance techniques stem from, I thought of ways I could love and comfort myself. I think awareness and acknowledgement is the first step, but taking action in a loving and healthy way is the second. I hope others may find this information helpful as well. *Ways to feel loved and comforted (giving yourself attention when feeling emotionally vulnerable):* *Holding your pet* *Lighting candles (I like Eucalyptus, Sage or Cedarwood - I always use soy based and avoid chemical fragrance)* *Listening to comforting music (I listen to Nature Sounds, Meditation music, Indie Soul or Bossa Nova on Spotify)* *Write a Love Letter to yourself - which acknowledges emotional vulnerability by giving loving attention to yourself* *Put flowers in your space that smell and look beautiful (I like Rose, Peony or Hyacinth)* *Take a relaxing shower or bath (I like to add Dr. Teal's Eucalyptus or Lavender epsom salts)* *Massage your body with a luxurious sweet smelling oil (I like Jason Vitamin E Skin Oil - a blended oil that is organic)* These ways to feel loved and comforted by yourself can be utilized when you are fighting bad behaviors and addictions as well. I'll explain why. Looking back, self-soothing behaviors children develop in dysfunctional families (where the child is not tended to enough [by physical contact, receiving emotional love or acknowledgement of emotions]) can show in many ways for the rest of the child's life. As I already mentioned, Teal Swan talked about expressing anger and how it can really damage relationships, but she also mentions learning to be avoidant through isolation or distraction (for example, playing video games). From personal life experience, I think the idea of being avoidant through distraction from being raised in a dysfunction family can also look like this: using drugs (even marijuana), smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, sex addiction (whether in person, with pornography or in your mind), social media scrolling and TV/Netflix binging. Even food addiction is an example of bad self-soothing behaviors generated by utilizing distraction. Food addiction may present as eating when you do not even feel hungry or reaching out for sugary treats or caffeine in excess. Really so many of these bad habits and addictions can be avoided by acknowledging you grew up in a dysfunctional family and this is how you are trying to give yourself attention through distraction because you did not learn how to love and comfort yourself in a healthy way. I know it's sad but the behavior you are acting out through distraction is because you are in pain that no one showed up for you when you needed them to. Now that you know this, you can show up for yourself in a loving and comforting way (reference my examples listed above of ways to feel love and comforted when feeling emotionally vulnerable) instead of using avoidance or distraction. In other words, to stop bad habits and addictions, acknowledge them as avoidance and distraction techniques you learned in childhood to avoid feeling the pain of not having your emotional needs met. You can evolve as a person now by understanding as a child you developed avoidance, distraction and defense mechanisms to avoid pain. As an adult you can give yourself the love and attention you deserve and lead a happy and healthy lifestyle. I hope you found this information helpful on your Spiritual healing journey. *P.S. I put together some guidelines to write yourself a Love Letter:* *Always write with pen and paper *Write a love letter to yourself that makes you feel loved, comforted and your vulnerability acknowledged (this happens innately because you are spending time giving yourself loving attention) *Write as if you're writing to the love of your life *Express gratitude and kindness *Bring up a treasured memory ("Do you remember when...") *Give yourself words of encouragement *Talk about what's going on in your life *Express hopes and aspirations *Try to give yourself a compliment that makes you smile (term of endearment for example "my dearest, my forever love, my whole heart") *Tell yourself the little details that make you, you. For example, attributes or charming habits *Sign with love *Here's an opening "Love Letter to Yourself" example:* "My Dearest, I miss you so much. You are my whole heart. It's raining here in New York City. I have three candles lit as I write to you." .... Happy writing and healing! *Love,* *Moon Feather* *If Teal Swan would like to hire me as her assistant she can e-mail me at moonfeatherwildlife@gmail.com. *There are a lot of other ways you can cultivate healthy love, comfort and attention but this post was long enough. Comment with your ideas to contribute.*
Thank you for your insightful comment! It not only assisted me in crafting a lovely letter but also encouraged me to delve deeper into my emotions. I do have a minor point to add: it's natural to seek moments of distraction, such as watching TV, as we're not always equipped to confront vulnerability and powerlessness all at once. We're only human, after all, with finite emotional energy to navigate emotions. Nevertheless, I do agree with your overall idea. Thank you very much. Teal must accept your invitation to work with her :)
Yes anger is a smoke screen. A Naracisstic mother where anger was my way of protecting my gentle beautiful sensitive soul that she constantly violated ridiculed and took advantage of and gaslit. Then the anger was the problem and gave more fuel for abuse. I was the scapegoat. Cut the whole family off now and working on my anger - it's actually easier now because I have less need to protect myself. Thank you ❤
This is me 100% I tried very very hard to do this in both past relationship. Doing my processes on trauma working through it. First time I have ever heard this before yes I need to look after my vulnerabilities.
This was totally me. I have been working on angry issues for more than a decade. I realized some time ago that my anger response was just a way to protect myself and push people away because somehow I felt safer. When you called her Tanya, it was as if you were telling my story 💜 Thank you for sharing your insights. Much food for thought and very appreciated.
This brought up something in me. When you talked about the partner's responsibility I felt very cornered, like there was no way I was allowed to ask that of someone--support, taking accountability for their end, etc. Like, my triggers are my problem and if those pains rear their ugly heads around anyone then thats solely my problem too and everyone else gets to walk away unburdened. That has been how much of my healing journey has been where other people are involved.
Wow Teal! That was the most powerful and concise and practical explanation of the connection between anger and vulnerability I’ve ever heard! ❤ And my back ground is a degree in mental health!!!! That was awesome!!! Thank you girl!!!
Thank you. This is going to help me heal a generational trauma on my mum's side. We would argue for hours each night and eventually did lead me to run away from home. I've since seen myself blowing up in the same way to friends and boyfriends I know what you're saying has worked for me in the past. This breakdown has made it so clear. It's even helped me to understand my mum. Perhaps one day I can teach her to heal this pattern too. Will be processing some pain and vulnerable feelings now. Thank you!!!
I love this video!!🙏❤️🔥🐦🔥 This is what it means to rise from the flames. I used to b a very angry person, that was the most accepted emotion in the environment I grew up in which wasnt easy being a highly sensitive person. I empathically took on everyones rejected vulnerabilty because the power of my innocence found that to be the solution. We are loving beings by nature and our innocence is so powerful that we will find a way to love at all cost. As Teal describes we need to learn to be present with ourselves to know the difference between ourselves and others so that we can be present for others in their vulnerability. We cant expect from others what we cannot give to ourselves. Give yourself as much grace and compassion as your can and know that you are the love that you are waiting to receive from others. Then it becomes reciprocal.
100% me you talk about. There is so much tears and soul pain, I am on it, but this pain is deep and feels it will never get less and that it is too much to take. There is much from other Inkarnations. Thank you Teal, you are amazing, superbeautyful inside outside, I adore you ❤
Ouff, this hit home way harder than I care to admit...And yet it felt so, so good to finally be understood. I've felt as though I've been castigated for my anger since childhood. It's made me think that there's something 'wrong' with me more times than I can count. What makes matters worse is that people often fail to see that the sudden anger is similar to the response of a wounded animal - they're not mean by nature, they're just hurting. So thank you, Teal, for making me feel heard and seen. My inner child is a little bit happier thanks to you:)
Thank you teal. Because of you I have started back up my RUclips channel and taken my content back to spirituality. Much love to you! ❤️ you are phenomenal!
Love You Teal. You have helped me save myself many times over the past 6 years. The first vid of yours that came to me was your one on Intermittent reinforcement. You Are My Best & Favourite x
Thank you❤ This is On point! I really needed that today ❤❤❤ I became so angry again because I ignored my anxiety and didn't slow down. I am so alone in my pain all the time I became so angry again after months of being in my pain alone and ignored. It's so damn painful to be alone in my own pain for so long with no one to see. I understand that when I become angry is because my tank is full and I need to rest and slow everything down and just to cry with myself for how long that it will last. The only way out from my hell is through it. Being alone with my pain. And to be angry at him does not work anymore. He doesn't care that I suffer every day because he ignores me for almost a year. Nothing will change that. He doesn't care. I am alone. I will always be alone. I need to be with that pain that he will never see me for who I am. Because this is the truth. And the truth is more important to me then anything.
Speaking from my heart is one of the best things I can do for myself! Just learning how to do this and it’s messy but feels so right. Get ready world I’m about to get my feels feelings and I going to share it with you! (Learn from my mistakes, be kind when expressing the feels)
Thank you for allowing anger be there and let us Connect through Anger and pain. I try Not to escape this Feeling. I think that my Body Stores many Anger cause my muscles are disregulated but every evening i try to Focus on letting Go and relax
Thank you Teal. I had an argument recently and childhood patterns of anger came up. This video was amazing timing, and I will take your advice to heart.
I am so happy I came across this video. Been listening to you for years and this hits home for me ❤. I love your insight on how to recognize the difference between anger and vulnerability and how to handle your emotions when it is recognized 💥💚
When dealing with any protector emotions, we rarely notice them right when they hit. It is usually at some point into that emotion going off, that we notice. If looking to do the techniques she described, when in that emotion, we learn to notice that we are in it, closer to it going off. It is a matter of taking note of the emotion as soon as we do and working backwards towards the point that the protector emotion goes off. Eventually we get to the point of noticing that the emotion will go off soon (before it goes off). Once there, we can learn to divert ourselves from letting it get set off. This is based on a DBT (Dialectal Behavioral Therapy) technique that works from the other end, looking for where the person could have chosen differently. I am not a therapist. This is a technique that I learned to use in my own life. I'm just sharing what I have learned on my own journey.
Wow! This is so well explained. I have to listen to it more than once. Thank you so much. This will help me in so many ways. It has already helped me the first time I listened to it.
i just want to say how beautiful this is & when it fell last nite, perfect timed! there's something about that set, or something i'm seeing that was like a HUGE cup of fruit punch; a huge cup of relief . . .
Fantastic content! Always driven by a version of anger and an I'll show you" attitude, an opportunity was presented to me to dive in and see for myself what motivated me. The first difficulty was to identify the meaning of vulnerable since it isn't always a weak spot or a flaw as depicted in Achilles. Trust, hunger and despair can make us vulnerable. My conclusion has stayed with exactly what was perfectly stated in the video: "anything you truly need or truly value can make you vulnerable." Identifying our emotions through the prisma of vulnerability is a daunting task, especially if anger is the go-to response. Sometimes all you need is to know is, if you can't identify it spontaneously, vulnerabilty is nearby. In the end, learning to pinpoint which part of the vulnerability prism was/is being provoked has made a tremendous change.
This was a stellar analysis. Thank you! ❤I have a regular nightmares with this exact same scenario, I'll have to explore what's going on in my psyche around being scapegoated and deal with that pain.
Wow! Great video! I was that kid whose anger was met with bigger anger from my parents so I learned to direct the anger inward toward myself. I sometimes wonder if this is where cancer gets its start? Buried anger? Interesting that I developed 2 types of cancer in my female body parts. Family didn't want a girl. Boom.
Pain is a natural part of the human experience. We are a social, collective species and cannot thrive without one another, no matter how paradoxical it may seem at times. In my opinion, living life fully and risking pain in the process is astronomically more worth it than seemingly 'protecting' ourselves, but living in a state of constant, subconcious fear. I often remind myself that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself, so I hope this encourages you to open your heart to many wonderful people that this world has to offer!
You’ve never described my son so thoroughly. He’s so angry and frustrated. His birth father abandoned him. Now I’m married to a man who really loves and adores him but has his own anger and traumas he won’t face. He’s such a terribly afraid man of his demons that he suppresses them in a way I’ve never seen before. His go to when my son gets upset is to antagonize him and it really eats me alive. He thinks he’s toughening him up but he’s really preparing him to be unprepared emotionally like him. He’s also very much a toxic positivity kinda guy. He grew up with lots of trauma and had much much more as an adult. He’s only willing to do certain healing things that ‘don’t hurt.’ It’s difficult to watch for both of them. I’ve done sessions of the Completion Process with a practitioner and it’s really given me the ability to step back and see the energy of their interactions. It’s painful but we all love each other. I dono… I guess my only hope is to be who my son needs when it comes to emotions.
@@ebbyoma7008because he will grow. He’s a good man with a good heart. Just very damaged from his own traumas. As it pertains to this video, my comment is true but he also teaches the kids, takes a deep interest in their interests, pays for everything, keeps them in sports, coaches them, plays with them, laughs with them… he just clearly gets triggered when any one of us doesn’t feel peachy keen
❤Thank you?Did you mention me and my sister in the video?Well IT makes soooo much sense.The unrealized emotional neglect and often abuse makes IT impossible/ hard for US to ask for our emotional needs to be met directly..We hide our vulnerabilities cause we were brought up It's shameful to display them. which is so devastating....The/society at large associate angry people with bad people ....and there is no way to work things out .There is blame/shame ping-pong game going on between people and if we do not wake up in time,there's war.
Teal, I would love to hear you talk about the case were he falls asleep after her opening up. I’ve unfortunately been experiencing this too often. Thank you 🙏🏼
Most of what Teal says here is spot on and deeply insightful. However common in self-help circles but unusual for Teal, she presents anger in a too simplified and negative light. Anger like all other emotions may arise with different intensities from the most subtle to the most extreme and loud. Similarly, anger can be expressed in a variety of ways. We speak about anger often when it is too intense and inappropriately or ineffectively expressed. In many situations, though, both the intensity and the expression of anger can be totally appropriate. Subtle anger could look like slightly raising your voice, frowning and speaking up for yourself or others, and sometimes, this is what a situation calls for. In fact, many of the examples Teal makes of constructive ways of behaving in response to anger, still has strong elements of anger in them in the form of assertiveness. The difference is that in the more constructive responses, the actions come based on a greater awareness, are more deliberate and carry more respect for both yourself and others. Otherwise, great video and helpful in taking one more step towards better relationships.
Great points and topic. It’s hard. But I want to note. Those “other” options she had instead of anger and rage at bf sleeping … while better than rage … often come across as threats and ultimatums.
I agree… Teal’s advice has always been balanced and felt fair to both sides of the conflict in her previous videos. This one left me a bit confused. Both sides deserve their emotions and needs to be considered.
@@toidustk4193 yeah. Her core point is spot on. My wife suffers from this and this video is very helpful to help realize things. I have some diverging views but overall I agree with the core concept
Thank you so much🙏❤💐especially on highlighting that not being moved by the other's pain means ultimate unworkability. I didn't realize that before Also the essential thing I usually forget: anger is a cover emotion
Thank you for this amazing and comprehensive video. I love how you combine multiple approaches to create a functioning system of thoughts and provide a practical tips on how to deal with discussed topic. 🙏 It is incredibly helpful ❤️
I spend all of my time alone so my anger and frustration arises when simple everyday things go wrong. This video covers anger as it pertains to relationships and communicating with others, but I need help with getting angry at stupid unimportant things. It's really starting to affect my life, it's scaring me a bit.
I get what you mean. Maybe it's a coded response, in other words - "when I was a child, I was often scolded for making even the tiniest of mistakes. If I have made a mistake (something has gone wrong), I preempt external punishment by immediately punishing myself instead". Like a learned habit, if that makes sense? Almost as though it's better to self-destruct first than be knocked down by someone else:) this was my personal experience. Sometimes it manifested in anger, sometimes in tears, because it's almost as though I was expecting to be yelled at (even if I was alone or with a partner who obviously couldn't have yelled at me in my childhood).
For me personally, I have learned to be attentive to my wife's needs when I recognize she may be exercising vulnerability and confidence in me to be supportive of her needs. Since I'm perfect, however (shields up), I do not always recognize those spontaneous callouts. Additionally, there are times when I do recognize her needs after my arrival home from a tedious and tiring day's work, but instead my aging biological system decides for itself to shut down, AKA fall asleep. And yes, sometimes she attacks. And yes, sometimes I defend. Anyway, my door is open for social correction and digital corporal punishment. Get on with it while I'm still bent over.
It seems common for people to go to anger rather than express the pain that people may actually be able to help with. It takes a very grounded and empathetic person to show compassion toward those expressing anger, especially toward them. We need more containers and more of this practice to heao as a planet
I wish I could express my pain more. I've been hating my whole life (I still ocasionaly do). I hate everything I see. I don't want to do that anymore. But my fear of losing what I have left is on stake. I wish for people to help me, so that I can be at ease and rest. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I do everything within my might to shift our consciousness higher up, so that not only I will experience bliss all the time, but everyone here on earth.
@@S.G.W.Verbeek That's beautiful that you are lofting people up. Self-care practice is important for people who have high empathy and a desire for others to feel safe, healthy and free. I've been learning this and intentionally connecting with my own contracting and expansive feelings so I can be present for the pain and joy of others. It's ok to take your time and really integrate a feeling of self-love so we can be an example of a transformation and vibration that others can emulate if they choose. Peace 🙏
This Woman is wise beyond her years.
I’d been suppressing anger my whole life until I got to the therapy. I developed a lot of tension in my body and some psychosomatic issues. When my therapist explained that I had been living life as an animal whose teeth were removed so it can’t bite I started crying because this was the best description of me someone has ever given. Moreover, I couldn't ever growl and was pleasing people all day long, all year round. I feel blessed to recognize it so early on in my life (I’m in my 20s) and I hope to stop this vicious circle of trauma in our family.
Mental health awareness is extremely important. If someone is in doubts whether to start therapy, don't hesitate! It will drastically improve your life.
Some therapy is retraumatising, some therapists are dangerous so be aware, glad you had good results
I'm so glad someone else is saying this out loud. There's so much heavy abuse in therapy and there are many therapists that are a terribly detrimental influence.
@@gill426 I was hit on verbally by my therapist multiple times when I was recovering from sexual abuse. He was 30 years older. He said I have an erotic aura and wanted to touch me.
Just one negative example.
Do not trust peoples recommendations, always.... ALWAYS be careful.
I can relate so much to your story since I was also brought up to be the perfect princess who never got angry and never fought back, except no one else protected me either. I'm so glad you found a therapist who is helping! And that you found your way to Teal who has helped me more than any therapist I have tried. Cheers to our healing journey!
@@vanessak7069I'm so sorry you went through that. That's disgusting. And not at all about you (edit: rather it's showing what type of person they are), so don't make it mean anything negative about you!!!
”We need to feel as though we live in a social environment where our pain (such as hurt, fear, powerlessness and vulnerability) matters”. Teal Swan 🌎 thank you Teal 😘
The synchronicity of this video is impeccable
Right there with you my friend.
Teal knows it 😉
I actually as an adult tried to communicate my fears and vulnerabilities and how i feel with my family but they made me regret it by throwing all those vulnerabilities at my face during arguments. Now i do not know what to do.
I'm sorry you've been mistreated in this way
Not everybody deserves to sit at your table. Not even family.
The trick is to accept your own vulnerabilities fully. If you do that then you take their ammunition away.
Do you get what I mean?
How can they ever use something against you to hurt you if you already accept it 😉
@@anastassia5822 Thank you!
Find people who come give you what you need.
You just affirmed 4 years of my life, I was about to write myself off as a lunatic. Thank you
A Course in Miracles says there are only 2 real emotions, love and fear. I understand that concept so much better now because of this video. Thank you Teal!
in the example he falling asleep when she tells him about her worries also seems to be a trauma reaction. he has learned to withdraw from stressful situations by freezing, falling asleep or dissociation. perhaps he grew up in a family where there was a lot of fighting. So her violent urge for connection causes his passive aggressive withdrawal. it's a trauma bond between them.
The other possibility is that he had a very long day and is exhausted. She (in the example) would have chosen a bad time to engage with him about what is going on.
I have personally been in both situations. I have been exhausted as well as disengaging due to my own background growing up.
@@Damons-Old-Soul Good point.
I need the video about checking out. I always feel, why waste the energy of getting angry. I shutdown and physically leave the situation, and just engage in something positive. I now see that person as no help to me emotionally. I'll still engage with that person in other things, but never emotionally. I truly didn't realize this came from early trauma until watching these videos 😢.
Teal is a rockstar thought leader! So grateful for her well articulated, much useful perspectives. 🙏
Incredible, thank you!
Everytime I listen I am more n more memorized by her intelligence. Teal has made such an impact to my soul, my parenting, relationships through the years. I really hope as time goes by more people become more aware. I have watched many therapists podcasts gurus ted talks etc no one has ever compared. Most beautiful soul💜
When others are angry it is not usually at us but at the pain we may have caused, usually by reinjuring a preexisting wound again. So I have learned to react to that blizzard of rage from an angry person completely neutral (not a smile or a frown, those are defensive strategies that usually incites more anger), and to invite them to tell me how to help them make the pain go away. This puts me in a centered space where I can react from my wisdom and speak from that space. This doesn't offend them nor threaten them, and they usually can then go towards asking for the help they need. Then in this space of calm neutrality I can see if they are trying to help stop the pain that has caused them to be angry, or are actually trying to attack, control, or gaslight.
Yep I'm learning that if I'm angry and it's within my POV (as they keep telling me I'm angry all the time yet I don't feel it so there maybe a disconnection to my anger yet they could also just be saying that) so if I'm aware of my anger & I'm ready to rage on them I ask instead what are they hitting inside of me? Chances are high I can find what it is now so I don't need to rage at them as in alot of cases it's something that isn't a present/present but a present vs past situation.
In the rare case they're doing something that I can't find in my childhood and it's a true new wound & insult that was made right now or at least last week then I can see what is the emotions under the rage anyhow though I find these present vs present ones harder to cool down I still have lots of emotions it seems but they feel like a hot wall which heat = fear and I take way longer to understand what is happening as its multi dimensional it seems.
Same with anxiety and fear someone hit something inside you so deducing what it is, when you last felt it, then how far in your past did you feel it can very much help though I also do emotional release healing as well so if I trace the pain point back to I was in the womb & it's mine I can release it.
But that's the thing about our own childhood trauma, is that we kind of cause our own pain; by having flashbacks or triggers from things other people say or do right? Like they can take responsibility but only partly because we have to take responsibility for our reactions assumptions and feelings towards what other people say, do or don't. Assuming it's what is most common which is that people aren't trying to cause us pain they end up being the trigger.
Yes, we cause how we feel about stuff so we are the ones that can change it all.@@trippssey
True, owning an issue or trauma doesn't necessarily mean keeping it and hanging on to it, it can mean releasing it. Because it is yours, you have that power.@@destroyraiden
It is true that hurt people hurt people.
And here she is, describing me and my issues.
I can totally relate. People always complain about “my anger issues”
and it took me a long time, and I mean a long time to understand that anger is actually a response to something. I took all the blame for my anger, for years.
You don’t know how painful that is, to accept the blame and be the bad guy most of my life. Because I got angry.
And the most painful thing to realize, is that not many people have the patience and the empathy and the love to give me the space to process whatever happens underneath all that anger. Those kind of people have their own issues and they are not worth my time.
It is said that if they can’t handle my worst then they don’t deserve my best, right?
And some closed doors are better stayed closed.
❤
did you have that same empathy for others that you claim you wanted from others? often people are oblivious to their own lack of the same behaviors they expect from others
@@andrew5222 Why do you assume I always want something when I get angry?
Everybody has issues to deal with. It is important to recognize that we are all fighting in some battles and dealing with the challenges of life. And we feel we need to be this strong person, covering up our vulnerabilities and hence suffering pain. This, in fact, is the common ground that can join us together and hence have empathy and compassion for each other, without which there will be no understanding.
It is really sad that when you opened up yourself and told people about your pain, which was not an easy thing to do and required courage, it fell on deaf ears.
This actually brought you the ultimate pain, the feeling that you were like totally on your own and no one cared and understood.
I guess the lesson here is that we have to be more careful in selecting the people we show our vulnerabilities and revealing our pain. Some people simply lack sensitivity and empathy for you because they don't have that for themselves.
@@GraceRay-b9m ❤️❤️❤️
True, i saw when child tried hold its tears and got angry 😟 i felt really sorry for him that moment 😢
I needed this video ten years ago. But I’m grateful that I have it now. It’s never too late to begin to heal and change. ❤ thank you for helping understand a part of myself that is so deep rooted.
Hi Teal, you are absolutely right, I needed to hear this conversation. I like how you went all the way back to childhood to describe what might have happened to cause such violent and intense reactions, and the feeling of betrayal of the self and the need to draw boundaries to make sure it won't happen again...that anger snaps so fast that it makes extremely difficult to go underneath it in an exploring mode...only later, after the fact, there's always a movie replay showing me what I could have done or said instead...However, by studying Human Design I learnt that when confronted with someone with a Defined Root Chakra I feel very pressured in a sort of competitive way. Thank you!
I was addicted to anger for a long time. I've worked on it for a couole years now.
My family have pushed me out as I spoke the truth about my older brother whom now is 60 .
He has lied to his own gain and made my life a living hell whilst I have battled my cancer twice ( now cancer free ) nursed my dad who. Passed 3 years ago and my mum whom was my best friend I thought has sided with him and his son .. my hearts been broken.
My mum cried to my friends and I’m allowed back if I accept marks nasty ness and selfish ways as he has said we are all dying not just you !!
❤
Thank you Teal Swan. This video helped me so much. From watching this video, I realized a lot of my bad habits and fights in relationships have happened because I was raised in a dysfunctional family. I like how Teal Swan explained, if I acknowledge anger as covering up feeling emotionally vulnerable because there is a fear of rejection that I experienced as a child (when my emotional needs were not met), I can now deconstruct my anger because I understand it is a defense mechanism. I would like to emphasize how valuable it is to be mindful and see anger as an illusion cast by someone generating a defense mechanism so they do not get rejected and hurt while they are emotionally vulnerable. If you deeply understand this, it can help you feel compassion toward someone you witness experiencing anger. After acknowledging where and how anger and avoidance techniques stem from, I thought of ways I could love and comfort myself. I think awareness and acknowledgement is the first step, but taking action in a loving and healthy way is the second. I hope others may find this information helpful as well.
*Ways to feel loved and comforted (giving yourself attention when feeling emotionally vulnerable):*
*Holding your pet*
*Lighting candles (I like Eucalyptus, Sage or Cedarwood - I always use soy based and avoid chemical fragrance)*
*Listening to comforting music (I listen to Nature Sounds, Meditation music, Indie Soul or Bossa Nova on Spotify)*
*Write a Love Letter to yourself - which acknowledges emotional vulnerability by giving loving attention to yourself*
*Put flowers in your space that smell and look beautiful (I like Rose, Peony or Hyacinth)*
*Take a relaxing shower or bath (I like to add Dr. Teal's Eucalyptus or Lavender epsom salts)*
*Massage your body with a luxurious sweet smelling oil (I like Jason Vitamin E Skin Oil - a blended oil that is organic)*
These ways to feel loved and comforted by yourself can be utilized when you are fighting bad behaviors and addictions as well. I'll explain why. Looking back, self-soothing behaviors children develop in dysfunctional families (where the child is not tended to enough [by physical contact, receiving emotional love or acknowledgement of emotions]) can show in many ways for the rest of the child's life. As I already mentioned, Teal Swan talked about expressing anger and how it can really damage relationships, but she also mentions learning to be avoidant through isolation or distraction (for example, playing video games).
From personal life experience, I think the idea of being avoidant through distraction from being raised in a dysfunction family can also look like this: using drugs (even marijuana), smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, sex addiction (whether in person, with pornography or in your mind), social media scrolling and TV/Netflix binging. Even food addiction is an example of bad self-soothing behaviors generated by utilizing distraction. Food addiction may present as eating when you do not even feel hungry or reaching out for sugary treats or caffeine in excess. Really so many of these bad habits and addictions can be avoided by acknowledging you grew up in a dysfunctional family and this is how you are trying to give yourself attention through distraction because you did not learn how to love and comfort yourself in a healthy way.
I know it's sad but the behavior you are acting out through distraction is because you are in pain that no one showed up for you when you needed them to. Now that you know this, you can show up for yourself in a loving and comforting way (reference my examples listed above of ways to feel love and comforted when feeling emotionally vulnerable) instead of using avoidance or distraction.
In other words, to stop bad habits and addictions, acknowledge them as avoidance and distraction techniques you learned in childhood to avoid feeling the pain of not having your emotional needs met. You can evolve as a person now by understanding as a child you developed avoidance, distraction and defense mechanisms to avoid pain. As an adult you can give yourself the love and attention you deserve and lead a happy and healthy lifestyle. I hope you found this information helpful on your Spiritual healing journey.
*P.S. I put together some guidelines to write yourself a Love Letter:*
*Always write with pen and paper
*Write a love letter to yourself that makes you feel loved, comforted and your vulnerability acknowledged (this happens innately because you are spending time giving yourself loving attention)
*Write as if you're writing to the love of your life
*Express gratitude and kindness
*Bring up a treasured memory ("Do you remember when...")
*Give yourself words of encouragement
*Talk about what's going on in your life
*Express hopes and aspirations
*Try to give yourself a compliment that makes you smile (term of endearment for example "my dearest, my forever love, my whole heart")
*Tell yourself the little details that make you, you. For example, attributes or charming habits
*Sign with love
*Here's an opening "Love Letter to Yourself" example:*
"My Dearest,
I miss you so much. You are my whole heart.
It's raining here in New York City. I have three candles lit as I write to you."
....
Happy writing and healing!
*Love,*
*Moon Feather*
*If Teal Swan would like to hire me as her assistant she can e-mail me at moonfeatherwildlife@gmail.com.
*There are a lot of other ways you can cultivate healthy love, comfort and attention but this post was long enough. Comment with your ideas to contribute.*
Thank you for your insightful comment! It not only assisted me in crafting a lovely letter but also encouraged me to delve deeper into my emotions. I do have a minor point to add: it's natural to seek moments of distraction, such as watching TV, as we're not always equipped to confront vulnerability and powerlessness all at once.
We're only human, after all, with finite emotional energy to navigate emotions. Nevertheless, I do agree with your overall idea. Thank you very much. Teal must accept your invitation to work with her :)
Teal is a national treasure ❤
Yes anger is a smoke screen. A Naracisstic mother where anger was my way of protecting my gentle beautiful sensitive soul that she constantly violated ridiculed and took advantage of and gaslit. Then the anger was the problem and gave more fuel for abuse. I was the scapegoat. Cut the whole family off now and working on my anger - it's actually easier now because I have less need to protect myself. Thank you ❤
It seems like this video was made for me. Never have I felt this understood at core level.
This is me 100% I tried very very hard to do this in both past relationship. Doing my processes on trauma working through it. First time I have ever heard this before yes I need to look after my vulnerabilities.
Incase you'd Rather Read About It Instead: tealswan.com/resources/articles/the-link-between-anger-and-vulnerability-r588/
Please make the video on the partner sleeping.
This was totally me. I have been working on angry issues for more than a decade. I realized some time ago that my anger response was just a way to protect myself and push people away because somehow I felt safer. When you called her Tanya, it was as if you were telling my story 💜 Thank you for sharing your insights. Much food for thought and very appreciated.
Three decades 🙋
This brought up something in me. When you talked about the partner's responsibility I felt very cornered, like there was no way I was allowed to ask that of someone--support, taking accountability for their end, etc. Like, my triggers are my problem and if those pains rear their ugly heads around anyone then thats solely my problem too and everyone else gets to walk away unburdened.
That has been how much of my healing journey has been where other people are involved.
I thank God, for sending us his angel to help us out ❤❤❤
Teal, you are a God send ❤ thank you!
Wow Teal! That was the most powerful and concise and practical explanation of the connection between anger and vulnerability I’ve ever heard! ❤
And my back ground is a degree in mental health!!!! That was awesome!!!
Thank you girl!!!
Thank you! My anger gets the best of me sometimes and I’ve been struggling. This is very helpful.
I needed this today. Thank you Teal! You've helped me in so many ways. ❤
Thank you. This is going to help me heal a generational trauma on my mum's side. We would argue for hours each night and eventually did lead me to run away from home. I've since seen myself blowing up in the same way to friends and boyfriends
I know what you're saying has worked for me in the past. This breakdown has made it so clear. It's even helped me to understand my mum. Perhaps one day I can teach her to heal this pattern too. Will be processing some pain and vulnerable feelings now.
Thank you!!!
I love this video!!🙏❤️🔥🐦🔥 This is what it means to rise from the flames. I used to b a very angry person, that was the most accepted emotion in the environment I grew up in which wasnt easy being a highly sensitive person. I empathically took on everyones rejected vulnerabilty because the power of my innocence found that to be the solution. We are loving beings by nature and our innocence is so powerful that we will find a way to love at all cost. As Teal describes we need to learn to be present with ourselves to know the difference between ourselves and others so that we can be present for others in their vulnerability. We cant expect from others what we cannot give to ourselves. Give yourself as much grace and compassion as your can and know that you are the love that you are waiting to receive from others. Then it becomes reciprocal.
This video is worth more that one month of my psychotherapy (every week).
I am so happy that every time I watch one of Teal's videos I notice the number of her subscribers raising 🎉
It's good to get to the problem and fix it rather than stay outside and dismiss the point ❤ thank you 🙏
Finally, someone said something sensible about anger! Thanks 🙏
This one got me a little wide eyed. The universe truly is a mirror. I rlly needed this one. Thank u Teal.
This video ...so timely for me! Not the algorithm...divine intervention. Namaste Teal. 🙏
100% me you talk about. There is so much tears and soul pain, I am on it, but this pain is deep and feels it will never get less and that it is too much to take.
There is much from other Inkarnations.
Thank you Teal, you are amazing, superbeautyful inside outside, I adore you ❤
I'm very happy too know I have a connection that's always there for us to enjoy constantly
This is exactly what I needed to hear! Thank you
Thank you Teal, your explanation helped me to understand my Father, I am able to love and nurture my Father instead of fearing him
Come sempre, mi serviva questo discorso e pubblichi sempre al momento giusto. Perfetto . Grazie Teal.❤
Ouff, this hit home way harder than I care to admit...And yet it felt so, so good to finally be understood.
I've felt as though I've been castigated for my anger since childhood. It's made me think that there's something 'wrong' with me more times than I can count. What makes matters worse is that people often fail to see that the sudden anger is similar to the response of a wounded animal - they're not mean by nature, they're just hurting.
So thank you, Teal, for making me feel heard and seen. My inner child is a little bit happier thanks to you:)
You have truly discovered the key for woman and men to hold respect for each other moving forward
I grew up in a family with an environment like which you are discussing here, Teal. I, myself, never felt safe within the home much less my family.
Thank you teal. Because of you I have started back up my RUclips channel and taken my content back to spirituality. Much love to you! ❤️ you are phenomenal!
Exactly what I realised this days, anger is not the problem. Teal thank you, always in right time always helpful ❤️❤️❤️
Love You Teal. You have helped me save myself many times over the past 6 years. The first vid of yours that came to me was your one on Intermittent reinforcement. You Are My Best & Favourite x
I’ve been dealing with this and this video is just what I needed today. Thank you so much Teal! You always know just the videos to put out. ❤
Thank you❤
This is On point!
I really needed that today
❤❤❤
I became so angry again because I ignored my anxiety and didn't slow down.
I am so alone in my pain all the time
I became so angry again after months of being in my pain alone and ignored. It's so damn painful to be alone in my own pain for so long with no one to see. I understand that when I become angry is because my tank is full and I need to rest and slow everything down and just to cry with myself for how long that it will last. The only way out from my hell is through it. Being alone with my pain. And to be angry at him does not work anymore. He doesn't care that I suffer every day because he ignores me for almost a year. Nothing will change that. He doesn't care. I am alone. I will always be alone. I need to be with that pain that he will never see me for who I am. Because this is the truth. And the truth is more important to me then anything.
Speaking from my heart is one of the best things I can do for myself! Just learning how to do this and it’s messy but feels so right. Get ready world I’m about to get my feels feelings and I going to share it with you! (Learn from my mistakes, be kind when expressing the feels)
I genuinely appreciate your explanation of anger and vulnerability. Thank you !
Thank you for allowing anger be there and let us Connect through Anger and pain. I try Not to escape this Feeling.
I think that my Body Stores many Anger cause my muscles are disregulated but every evening i try to Focus on letting Go and relax
TEAL I HAVE NO WORDS TO EXPRESS HOW PROUD I AM OF YOU
YOUR GUIDING NOW, YOU DIDN'T LET YOUR SPIRIT DISAPPEAR
YOUR A SPIRIT AND SOURCE GUIDE
LOVE TOM
Thank you for this Teal. I’ll now ask myself “What is the pain underneath my fear?” From now on when my anger or fear sets in.
This feels validating to hear. 😊❤
Thank you Teal. I had an argument recently and childhood patterns of anger came up. This video was amazing timing, and I will take your advice to heart.
I am so happy I came across this video. Been listening to you for years and this hits home for me ❤. I love your insight on how to recognize the difference between anger and vulnerability and how to handle your emotions when it is recognized 💥💚
When dealing with any protector emotions, we rarely notice them right when they hit. It is usually at some point into that emotion going off, that we notice. If looking to do the techniques she described, when in that emotion, we learn to notice that we are in it, closer to it going off. It is a matter of taking note of the emotion as soon as we do and working backwards towards the point that the protector emotion goes off. Eventually we get to the point of noticing that the emotion will go off soon (before it goes off). Once there, we can learn to divert ourselves from letting it get set off.
This is based on a DBT (Dialectal Behavioral Therapy) technique that works from the other end, looking for where the person could have chosen differently.
I am not a therapist. This is a technique that I learned to use in my own life. I'm just sharing what I have learned on my own journey.
Wow! This is so well explained. I have to listen to it more than once. Thank you so much. This will help me in so many ways. It has already helped me the first time I listened to it.
Thanks Teal
Good one, thank you Teal
i just want to say how beautiful this is & when it fell last nite, perfect timed! there's something about that set, or something i'm seeing that was like a HUGE cup of fruit punch; a huge cup of relief . . .
Fantastic content!
Always driven by a version of anger and an I'll show you" attitude, an opportunity was presented to me to dive in and see for myself what motivated me. The first difficulty was to identify the meaning of vulnerable since it isn't always a weak spot or a flaw as depicted in Achilles. Trust, hunger and despair can make us vulnerable. My conclusion has stayed with exactly what was perfectly stated in the video: "anything you truly need or truly value can make you vulnerable." Identifying our emotions through the prisma of vulnerability is a daunting task, especially if anger is the go-to response. Sometimes all you need is to know is, if you can't identify it spontaneously, vulnerabilty is nearby. In the end, learning to pinpoint which part of the vulnerability prism was/is being provoked has made a tremendous change.
This was a stellar analysis. Thank you! ❤I have a regular nightmares with this exact same scenario, I'll have to explore what's going on in my psyche around being scapegoated and deal with that pain.
Wow! Great video! I was that kid whose anger was met with bigger anger from my parents so I learned to direct the anger inward toward myself. I sometimes wonder if this is where cancer gets its start? Buried anger? Interesting that I developed 2 types of cancer in my female body parts. Family didn't want a girl. Boom.
OMG. Me too! What an insight!
I never thought about it like this, but the way you explain this is incredible. Thank you ❤
4:40 so true omg that is exactly what happens you are so smart and wise
The best video I ever saw about the subject. You basically explained what I'm learning in my self knowledge process
Best thing I chose it's to remain alone. Encourage others to do the same.
Pain is a natural part of the human experience. We are a social, collective species and cannot thrive without one another, no matter how paradoxical it may seem at times. In my opinion, living life fully and risking pain in the process is astronomically more worth it than seemingly 'protecting' ourselves, but living in a state of constant, subconcious fear. I often remind myself that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself, so I hope this encourages you to open your heart to many wonderful people that this world has to offer!
Might be obvious but nothing like it
Great to see a woman with so much light on speaking
Thank you for your insights and guidance.
You’ve never described my son so thoroughly. He’s so angry and frustrated. His birth father abandoned him. Now I’m married to a man who really loves and adores him but has his own anger and traumas he won’t face. He’s such a terribly afraid man of his demons that he suppresses them in a way I’ve never seen before. His go to when my son gets upset is to antagonize him and it really eats me alive. He thinks he’s toughening him up but he’s really preparing him to be unprepared emotionally like him. He’s also very much a toxic positivity kinda guy. He grew up with lots of trauma and had much much more as an adult. He’s only willing to do certain healing things that ‘don’t hurt.’ It’s difficult to watch for both of them. I’ve done sessions of the Completion Process with a practitioner and it’s really given me the ability to step back and see the energy of their interactions. It’s painful but we all love each other. I dono… I guess my only hope is to be who my son needs when it comes to emotions.
If you know all these things about him, why are you with him?
@@ebbyoma7008because he will grow. He’s a good man with a good heart. Just very damaged from his own traumas. As it pertains to this video, my comment is true but he also teaches the kids, takes a deep interest in their interests, pays for everything, keeps them in sports, coaches them, plays with them, laughs with them… he just clearly gets triggered when any one of us doesn’t feel peachy keen
❤Thank you?Did you mention me and my sister in the video?Well IT makes soooo much sense.The unrealized emotional neglect and often abuse makes IT impossible/ hard for US to ask for our emotional needs to be met directly..We hide our vulnerabilities cause we were brought up It's shameful to display them. which is so devastating....The/society at large associate angry people with bad people ....and there is no way to work things out .There is blame/shame ping-pong game going on between people and if we do not wake up in time,there's war.
Teal, I would love to hear you talk about the case were he falls asleep after her opening up. I’ve unfortunately been experiencing this too often.
Thank you 🙏🏼
Thank you for covering this topic 🙏
Most of what Teal says here is spot on and deeply insightful. However common in self-help circles but unusual for Teal, she presents anger in a too simplified and negative light. Anger like all other emotions may arise with different intensities from the most subtle to the most extreme and loud. Similarly, anger can be expressed in a variety of ways. We speak about anger often when it is too intense and inappropriately or ineffectively expressed. In many situations, though, both the intensity and the expression of anger can be totally appropriate. Subtle anger could look like slightly raising your voice, frowning and speaking up for yourself or others, and sometimes, this is what a situation calls for. In fact, many of the examples Teal makes of constructive ways of behaving in response to anger, still has strong elements of anger in them in the form of assertiveness. The difference is that in the more constructive responses, the actions come based on a greater awareness, are more deliberate and carry more respect for both yourself and others. Otherwise, great video and helpful in taking one more step towards better relationships.
Great points and topic. It’s hard. But I want to note. Those “other” options she had instead of anger and rage at bf sleeping … while better than rage … often come across as threats and ultimatums.
I agree… Teal’s advice has always been balanced and felt fair to both sides of the conflict in her previous videos. This one left me a bit confused. Both sides deserve their emotions and needs to be considered.
@@toidustk4193 yeah. Her core point is spot on. My wife suffers from this and this video is very helpful to help realize things. I have some diverging views but overall I agree with the core concept
Excellent topic for me today!
There's a bright future awaiting our children
What a perfect timing for this video. Whenever I get angry I experience migraines, maybe this video will cure my migraines, let’s see 😅
Thank you so much for this incredible insight and support 🙏💛✨
Okok getting closer to unveiling the process and why i ve been disconnected.to anger n disgust. Thank u.
Thank you so much🙏❤💐especially on highlighting that not being moved by the other's pain means ultimate unworkability. I didn't realize that before
Also the essential thing I usually forget: anger is a cover emotion
Thank you for this amazing and comprehensive video. I love how you combine multiple approaches to create a functioning system of thoughts and provide a practical tips on how to deal with discussed topic. 🙏 It is incredibly helpful ❤️
I spend all of my time alone so my anger and frustration arises when simple everyday things go wrong. This video covers anger as it pertains to relationships and communicating with others, but I need help with getting angry at stupid unimportant things. It's really starting to affect my life, it's scaring me a bit.
I get what you mean. Maybe it's a coded response, in other words - "when I was a child, I was often scolded for making even the tiniest of mistakes. If I have made a mistake (something has gone wrong), I preempt external punishment by immediately punishing myself instead". Like a learned habit, if that makes sense? Almost as though it's better to self-destruct first than be knocked down by someone else:) this was my personal experience. Sometimes it manifested in anger, sometimes in tears, because it's almost as though I was expecting to be yelled at (even if I was alone or with a partner who obviously couldn't have yelled at me in my childhood).
❤ this just came out in the right moment....❤ Love you so 🎉
For me personally, I have learned to be attentive to my wife's needs when I recognize she may be exercising vulnerability and confidence in me to be supportive of her needs. Since I'm perfect, however (shields up), I do not always recognize those spontaneous callouts.
Additionally, there are times when I do recognize her needs after my arrival home from a tedious and tiring day's work, but instead my aging biological system decides for itself to shut down, AKA fall asleep. And yes, sometimes she attacks. And yes, sometimes I defend.
Anyway, my door is open for social correction and digital corporal punishment. Get on with it while I'm still bent over.
That was so wise and helpful, thank you so much ✨💖✨
Beautiful message and action steps. Thank you soo much teal. You have helped me so much
oh gosh, amazing topic! Thank you Teal!!! :))))
Genuine and extremely insightful. Thank you Teal. ❤
Wow!!!! Amazing video. Now I know exactly what to do! So clear and so precise. Love you Teal
Thank you, Teaaaaalll!!!!! 🙏🙏🙏
Great advice, after so many good videos is always good to see notice in which you smile
It seems common for people to go to anger rather than express the pain that people may actually be able to help with. It takes a very grounded and empathetic person to show compassion toward those expressing anger, especially toward them. We need more containers and more of this practice to heao as a planet
I wish I could express my pain more. I've been hating my whole life (I still ocasionaly do). I hate everything I see. I don't want to do that anymore. But my fear of losing what I have left is on stake. I wish for people to help me, so that I can be at ease and rest. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I do everything within my might to shift our consciousness higher up, so that not only I will experience bliss all the time, but everyone here on earth.
@@S.G.W.Verbeek That's beautiful that you are lofting people up. Self-care practice is important for people who have high empathy and a desire for others to feel safe, healthy and free. I've been learning this and intentionally connecting with my own contracting and expansive feelings so I can be present for the pain and joy of others. It's ok to take your time and really integrate a feeling of self-love so we can be an example of a transformation and vibration that others can emulate if they choose. Peace 🙏
@@ryangenereaux1922 beautifully said ^_^
how to love ❤️ i enjoyed listening to this. i used to get angry often