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Teal, you should create a dating app just for people who follow you and are interested in the inner work needed to have and grow in healthy relationships.
”Emotional neglect is a lack of all of the things that a person needs to feel emotionally good in a relationship and therefore, a lack of a great deal of what a person needs in life to feel emotionally good (because your quality of life is down to the quality of your relationships). It is the affection that isn’t shown. The presence that isn’t granted. The absence of emotional support. The withdrawal of attention. The protection that isn’t being given. The ignoring of needs. The expectation that you meet your needs yourself. The deficiency of nurturing. The total refusal to seek or grant understanding. The disengagement. The indifference that is being demonstrated. The apathy towards the other person and towards the relationship. The emotional dismissal. The unavailability. The disconnection etc”. Teal Swan 🌎 thank you Teal for talking about this 😘
Wander.. am I ? friends house to friends house...showers/ it's camp grounds or truck stops.....they help me / I help them. If math is done....rental ........not being charged for rent...../ not only time but their money. Friends say ''we go way back'' if not for them% I'd be passed on / Thankyou Life for friends''. !!!!! Say ''your different'' .... Hey what ever it ''takes''....Take good care of friendships....that's why they lasted.
Yep- mine told me that he didn't have "space in his brain" to listen to anything about our girls (they were very young at the time)- his head was too full of his job (Navy) and that guys were "losing it - mentally" all around him, so had to be strong for his group. He was home and not away on the ship when he made that comment. It was like he had NO interest in anything to do with me, nor our girls....scary. I decided to leave - a few months later after hearing that - 15 yrs of marriage - and I didn't realize until that moment that he had no interest in being emotionally available for me, nor our children. Took a long time to see and feel the damage....even though it was happening constantly!
tell him..I shouldn't have to ASK you for support, as my husband YOU should know that is part of your purpose. Do you feel supported or unsupported by me when you need attention/support? TAKE IT FROM THERE.
***6 full years, every 3 months of asking, pleading, talking….before I finally filed for divorce. I stayed for 20 years and tried REALLY hard to work it out for my children…it was a decade ago, and this is the first time I’ve understood what was really going on.
KayStevens : ❤ Sounds like a pretty major break through! ❤ Certainly seems its from an honest, authentic place inside u... that u now have the, vocabulary to perhaps express ur regrets to 1st forgive urself for past regrets, if any🙏🏻.....a past important love lost.💔 Or write letter . Don't have to send😉💞 😅 At the very least, a better person 💖👌🏻👍🏻 (By nooo means judging u as bad, etc. ✌🏻☺️) Again 🎉 congratulation on having a break thru that having a positive & sounds like pretty profound shift in ur reprocessing of past relationships & each ones role in the demise ❤ Besutiful*
I have recently discovered that emotional neglect is the root of most of my life’s problems. I wondered for so long what was wrong with me. I hate how invisible emotional neglect is. Everything looks so perfect on the outside but I have always felt so empty. Thank you, Teal. ❤
I just realized within the last year that this was going on and has been all my life but now I'm 64 years old and a hot mess😢 trying to separate from somebody I'm attached to that doesn't care about my own feelings should be so much easier than this
1. Accept that the person will likely continue to neglect you emotionally and take no responsibility for your well-being. 2. Focus on tending to your own needs and seek support from others who can provide emotional nourishment. This means prioritizing self-care and seeking help from people who are available and willing to support you. 3. Refuse to be the scapegoat and maintain pressure on the person to take responsibility for their apathy and lack of effort in the relationship. Make it clear that a good relationship requires emotional ownership and that you will not settle for less. Remember, these steps are not a strategy to change the other person, but rather a way to protect yourself from further emotional harm.
If you say anything to them about the neglect. They end up accusing you of being too needy. I realized in the end that what he was doing was intentional. So I told myself to keep it to myself the pain I felt inside. It feels so lonely. Even though you are living in the same house. It's as uf they aren't there. Better to get out & live on your own, which is what I did. Just fill my life up with true caring people around me. It is so good. But I can't get over the fact that I hung on for years expecting things to change. When I look back on it all, I feel so cheated.
I was nearly brought to tears listening to this. Family scapegoat/black sheep here. I have been in therapy for all my adult life and have isolated myself from 80% of my psychologically abusive relatives. It's been beyond a journey, BUT GOD. He has kept me, he has provided, he has never left nor forsaken me. Thank you for sharing this WORD 💯🎯
I wish i had someone tell me this decades ago. Spent 28 years in misery with my ex before finally realizing he was the problem, not me. I thought i was losing it.
I'm sure it felt like a weight was lifted off your shoulders. For me, after 10 years of this, I left too. Later, I was able to meet someone completely opposite of this, and I thank god every day that I had the strength to finally leave and not to miss this incredible person who came into my life. I don't need to beg for love anymore.
"I don't have the energy to be there for you" and shortly after, I was OUT! Afterwards, I realized how the relationship with him had hurt me and I had to realize he didn't have energy to comfort me through the pain HE was causing me😅 After letting people go, and tending to my own needs, I feel at peace. I will never allow codependency-addiction into my life ever again. It will only be lonely for a while until I attract new people into my life. But you know, nothing is as lonely as being lonely with people, right? Never felt better❤ This pattern is OVER. People have to deserve to be with me.
@empowerment.artist your empowerment, self-worth and patience is refreshing! Good for anyone willing to break the cycle then and there and cultivate the relationships you deserve!
Those who emotionally neglect are likely carrying around a wounding of being neglected themselves, and end up neglecting themselves. They are stuck in a deep abyss of self-delusion. It is impossible to be in a healthy relationship with someone like that; however, it certainly doesn’t stop many empaths from trying to heal them. Hence the destructive cycle 🤕
I was emotionally neglected, was in an emotionally neglectful relationship, now I realize I have been emotionally neglecting my child, I will become better for her
My partner used to forget or ignore my birthdays by choosing to stay at work even after I asked him to spend the day with me ....That's the red flag for me that the relationship is not going to work.I just could not understand how it is possible for a loving partner to be ok with his girlfriend staying in alone on her special day. I felt so deceived and betrayed as situations like that started to happen after we had moved in together.And I used to lose hair too....lots of it...feeling ashamed of my emotional outbursts whilst he's on a computer looking calm....I really felt I was going crazy.That's the message I felt from him.
Holy crap. This is EXACTLY what I have been experiencing in my marriage for at least the past 10 years. The torment, suffering and anxiety/panic attacks from the lack of care and emotion has left me a shell of a human. Fragile for sure. It is hell. Thank you Teal for explaining this dynamic so precisely! 😭
In my experience willful neglectors will also actively sabotage your attempts to meet your own needs/ gain sovereignty once you accept they will never change. Looking back on my relationship with one, I wish I had just pulled the plug and gone no contact right away
This video feels really charged, and I'm glad because it's super validating for those of us who need to hear this message! We aren't crazy for having needs and we shouldn't be the ones trying to supress them to make a relationship work. Thank you, as always, Teal. ❤️
Damn this is my relationship to my dad. I finally realized a couple years ago that he didn't actually want the responsibility of being in a relationship with me and haven't known what to actually do about it other than keep my distance, so this video helps massively.
The number of people that she has saved, without ever picking up the metaphorical sword to destroy anyone else, and IN SPITE of opening herself to a target on her back, she is proof that Gods exist and they walk among us. She’s saved millions, including me. This video shattered me to my core. She’s talked about neglect before, and I thought I understood what neglect feels like, because I experienced it so many decades with parents, romantic partners etc. But today, after watching this video, I understand my suffering from emotional neglect so much more deeply. The emotional flu, confused about how to get a emotional needs met, the bland apathetic and occasionally feigned responses that serve as intermittent reinforcement, the direct conflict with our own happiness because happiness means withdrawal and neglect, my god, feeling mentally ill, lack of follow up with therapy, lack of intimacy just giving them more room to do what’s comfortable for them, the distress, the suffering, the lack of will to live or keep on going…. Teal has yet again outdone herself by brilliantly explaining and helping me understand something so hard to see, recognize and understand. Putting on mute, getting emotional needs met elsewhere, keeping pressure on real issue of how they are falling short of meeting Emotional needs, NOT SCAPEGOATING YOURSELF taking away that option by not playing the victim, accepting the reality of whether one can get emotional needs met from a specific person or not, this is all incredibly well put. Teal as usual was also real about the painful healing experience. Having to accept loneliness, how it can be hard if you don’t have good social resources like friends and family, which was true in my case, accepting the emotional pain of letting go of the relationship…. My favorite part though, is where she explained why it is cruelty to expect ourselves to be resources to our emotional needs after being starved, and the perfect antidote- getting emotional needs met by people that can support and nourish us emotionally I guess the only task now is to find emotional resourced people that feel happy nourishing me 😂 which is again not easy…… but much better than staying stuck in an illusion and chronically malnourishing relationships.
0:00 💔 Emotional neglect in relationships can be more tormenting than physical abuse. 0:17 🧠 Emotional neglect is about absence of care and support, impacting life quality. 1:43 🤷♂ Emotional neglect includes lack of affection, support, attention, and understanding. 2:24 🌀 People try various strategies to counteract emotional neglect, often to no avail. 3:02 🚫 Sometimes neglect is unintentional, due to circumstances like career or illness. 4:03 🎭 Willful neglect is when someone consciously avoids fulfilling emotional needs. 5:07 🪤 Willfully neglectful people create a lose-lose situation, causing confusion and insecurity. 6:32 🚶♂ Emotional neglect leads to relationship insecurity and increased neediness. 7:12 😢 Ignoring neglect by striving for happiness can leave damage unaddressed. 8:13 🚨 Emotional neglect can lead to desperation and mental health issues. 8:58 💔 The solution to neglect is recognizing you can't force someone to change. 10:37 🧩 Identify neglect by observing actions, not just listening to words. 11:12 🌪 Emotional neglect causes desperation, anxiety, and circular conflicts. 12:59 🔄 Neglectful partners often fail to follow through on promises of change. 13:59 🛠 A truly caring partner is motivated to improve the relationship and support emotional needs. 16:23 🚧 Example: Jason neglects Brit due to his past trauma and avoidance of responsibility. 17:41 🚫 Despite Brit's efforts, Jason's emotional neglect persists because it serves his avoidance of dependency.
I was emotionally neglected as a child & attracted emotionally neglectful partners my whole life. I’m about to be 53 and I feel more alone in this thing called life more than I ever have because I’m finally feeling my emotions. It hurts & I cry a lot. This video helped clarify that I cannot expect to get my emotional needs met from someone who is willfully neglecting me. Thank you Teal for your service to humanity. I’m so grateful you are here in this now moment willfully loving me unconditionally💪👁️🫶
I am going through the same thing only in my mid 40's and feel a bit hopeless Because I don't even know how to know what a healthy relationship is. I am just now learning what isn't considered healthy..
@@Iris-vo5gd I wish you an abundance of ease & grace as you pour into yourself:) I’m beginning to accept that my soul chose to experience all of this & ultimately I just want to love & provide for myself at this age. I’d like to put my hope in things getting better, however the longer I study myself the harder it feels🤣 I’m great at assisting others through their spiritual journeys yet often feel burdened by my own sadly. I wish I could find that certain someone that feeds my soul the way I feed others. For now though it feels as if I’m discontent for reasons I’m meant to learn through otherwise I just can’t wrap my brain around why the need for so much struggle🤪
@@Gentile212 I’m doing a lot better in life, getting to know myself and and becoming regulated. Taking care of myself. But it is hard sometimes. I had a nightmare last night. I overcame my feelings about it waking up by journaling, processing and praying. Lingering things are still there. I’ll be patient with myself. I am committed to growing through my pains. I feel a sense of relief too. Glad to know you left and are feeling relieved. Thanks for asking about me and stay positive!
Yes put yourself first and find out what you like and don't like and focus on you. We are so used to looking after others that we forgot about ourselves ..am 42 and so excited to start again.. I know its going to be a process and I need to heal from believing am all alone but it is beter than in constant gut churning anxiety and fear ..all the best to you through this. Make it to the other side 🎉🎉
Same. 3 weeks in, I feel like I chopped my own leg off. I wake up often starting my day at 4 am with stress sweat, like withdrawals. But it will be better this way long term. We deserve ppl who show they care.
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
Its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 5 years ended, but i couldn't just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back.
I cried through this, I had a relationship 10 years ago like this to a t, I nearly went crazy and didn’t know who I was, I lost my internal barometer to make good judgment about myself and others, I developed panic attacks whenever I would try and broach the subject. So much gaslighting, thank you Teal for putting this one together, even all these years later I still haven’t really healed, it’s helped understand more what happened to me.
Exactly my 14 year marriage. I had to up and Leave. As hard as it was. I felt it was the best choice for myself and my children. Thank you Teal Swan. 😊
This was me in a relationship. I couldn't meet the girls needs and I was unaware about why it was the case. We lived in different countries and she wanted me to move there and I didn't fully feel like it and couldn't admit to it somehow...I really loved her and was doing mental gymnastics to keep the relationship going - this perspective is only accessible to me from todays perspective.
I feel so validated after listening to this video. I was beginning to think I was crazy and making more of his lack of attention than was necessary, because he did give financially. Thank you!
I was in this kind of marriage, i felt so alone. I ended up meeting a man who gave me attention and i started to have an extramarital relationship. I fell in love with this new man and broke up my marriage, there was a 2 year old child. Everybody condemned me for doing this because on the outside i had a perfect marriage, there was money and status. The new man quickly ran away becuse he was not prepared to handle a real relationship with me, but he was great for romance. I became a single parent, my ex quickly remarried. I struggled financially and worked hard to find my path in life, but i wish my daughter and my family would understand why i had to leave, why i had to save myself. This segment finally validates my experience
This is an awesome explanation of this relationship dynamic. I had both a romantic relationship and a best friend relationship that ended in the last several years due to neglect. It was absolutely crushing to let go of these people, but my mental health is better now than it has ever been before. Staying in emotionally neglectful relationships, where the other person is gaslighting you, telling you there's something wrong with you because you have emotional needs, CREATES mental illness. Now I focus on the dependable, emotionally available people in my life, and I am a new woman. Thanks Teal, for your articulate insights on this important topic.
I agree, if there isn't enough emotional engagement, there can't be a romantic relationship of a real friendship. Doesn't matter if someone calls themeself a partner, it doesn't matter if you live with that person, doesn't matter if you met their family, doesn't matter even if you're married... without the emotional connection, intimacy, honesty, commitment and mutual nurishment, it's still just a situationship,. Same goes for a best friend - if someone isn't actively helping when you are struggling, especially in a crisis, it's not really a friend. Someone who's only there to play with you and only meets you when they want to have fun, ignoring any serious issues and needs, is obviously not a friend, it's only an acquaintance. It's so dissapointing when people try to fill up the role of a partner or a firend in your life, but don't actually step up into that role, as if they only want to fill the space to keep you from having a relationship with anybody else, they want the label but not the actual role. And all of that often starts with parents who want the social approval of being a parent, but don't want to actually nurture a child, provide all the resources and be a rolemodel for their child. No one should ever be forced into parenthood against their will, because no child deserves to be negleted. Even people who really want to be parents fail at their role, because it's such a difficult role. Someone who really wants to succeed might fail, but someone who doesn't even want to succeed at a role has already failed that role. Things don't just "turn out right" magically, some roles require a lot of concious effort and responsibility in order to function. I experienced the kind of parenting Teal mentioned here, where my parents would be okay with bringing me to doctor and aplly "treatments", but never wanting to solve any underlying issue that would "make me sick". My mother would constantly look for different specialists, second opinions, new treatments... she would overmedicate me and even force me into acupunture sessions for being sickly and depressed, but what I actually needed was for her to not be violent and emotionally abusive at home. My father would question my mother's methods and often angrily oppose, telling me to not take some meds and just get outside into the sun or be more physiacally active, which wasn't bad, it was better than being terrorised into various procedures, but what I actiually needed form him, was to be more involved in my life, to be there for me when I needed support, to be understanding of my needs and helping me solve problems, not just to show up once or twice a year for a few days and break all of the rules I had to live by for the rest of the year, it was a ridiculous upbringing. Of course it lead to toxic relationship pattern later on, abusive environments were my "normal", so enduring abuse for years, even in adult relationships, was just the thing to do, the only way to survive, I didn't have a better reference. I was taught that emotionally nurturing relationships were just fairy tale scenarios scripted for tv shows and movies, not a real thing, real life was just enduring constant pain to make others feel better, so they don't lash out and hurt me. It's very convenient for for family and partners to make me ill and prentend to care for me when there's a label fo illness on my head, they can then act like some supportive hero in their story and threat "my ilness" like some natural disaster that no one could forsee or prevent and that no one is responsible for, instead of the ilness being a result of their abuse or neglect. When I started to cut people out of my life, when they were shaming me with their "concern" for my health instead of problemsolving and creating mutually beneficial life circumstances, I only got more backlash and people using my decision to cut off contact with them as yet another confirmation of my "crazy behaviour". It's exhausting. I hope I can also reemerge as a new, healthy person, like you. Thank you for sharing, Your comment is very inspiring :)
Hands down one of Teal's absolute best videos ! To call this video brilliant is simply not enough. Bravo Teal ! Thank you Teal ! I sincerely hope those that us that are still suffering from Emotional Neglect watch this video. Life changing.
I am 10 years into a relationship with an emotionally neglectful woman. I have very limited social resources. The marriage has impacted me so bad that I just feel numb everyday all day. I see no way out. Thanks, Teal, for this video. I better understand what I have been experiencing in my marriage and that it wasn’t all in my head.
I am literally experiencing this in my current relationship. I didn't even know what to call it. 😢 💔 I really don't want to do what I need to. It's scary. It would mean being COMPLETELY on my own for the first time in my 51 years. This sucks. ☹️
Maybe this message is here for you to consider and see whats going on. And sometimes we aren't ready to do what's necessary yet, we can be, and quite possibly this is to start the process of you acknowledging your needs. Who knows but you. Many things that are out of our zone of comfort are scary and the road or path to what you need may not be exactly what you think it will be.
One of the best moves I ever did for myself and mental/emotional health was to step out of and away from my ex 💔 There is a beautiful life awaiting you ~ open up your hand to let go of your past and then to make room for your future!
I had to leave a relationship recently where I felt so alone. I had to take care of my needs alone and asking anything of him felt like criticism to him. I felt sick and anxious all the time. When I left him crying, he was laughing. I knew it was right to leave and yet my mind thinks about him and craves him. This video helped me understand why and take a step towards my freedom. Thank you, Teal.
I am a wife and mother and didn't even realize I was emotionally neglecting all of my loved ones. I had parents who should not have had kids and I had to step up at a very young age. Teal helped me see that I am actually triggered by having to be responsible for the health of a relationship! And she's right by saying that those spiritual people who teach that everyone is responsible for their own emotions is right up my alley! Their Teachings felt right and I couldn't understand why people just couldn't make themselves feel better, especially because I am always busy working and taking care of the house and them. But now I finally get it! I do feel like a complete a**hole now, so that sucks. But I'm glad to finally understand what all these "needy" people are talking about. Thank you so much, Teal, for this amazing insight. I truly feel a switch has been turned on for me and that I finally know what to do to show up for the ones I love.
I WISH I could just accept it for what it is! Instead I end up on the merry go round of hope/delusion. I fool myself, by believing in the love bombs, so desperate for the validation that I actually believe it. Only for the same pattern to continue regardless of the promises. I’ve blamed myself, forced myself, fooled myself… every time I begin to feel good enough to see some hope, I end up feeling abandoned and rejected which just starts the cycle all over again. Ugh.🫣😔
And now we know why going no contact with toxic parents usually happens. I know I am still healing from emotional neglect. It seems most of us are. The extra special bit is realizing that I can still be doing the emotional neglect pattern to someone else while trying to get my needs met. It’s a learning curve and grace to self and others while you try to crawl out of black hole is necessary. This one is such a nasty nugget. Peace and blessings to all ❤️ Please know if struggle with this one, you aren’t alone.
This absolutely nails it. This was my last relationship, which mirrored the relationship i had with my parents & older sister. Really highlighted those wounds Now to continue healing
How sad is it that I have so many times before suppressed my getting back to happy on my own, so he sees that I need him and I can experience his “presence” just a little bit longer?
I never truly understand my divorce until now.. I blamed myself for how frustrated with him I was. I was continually made to feel that problems were my fault due to me having a difficult upbringing as a child (which certainly contributed to the pain and loneliness). Thank you Teal, I needed to watch this, even though it's been 8 years since we split up, I always felt like a failure. Now I know it would never have changed .. breaking up was a blessing not a failure. ❤
I experienced emotional neglect and more in my last relationship and it was the most horrible silent thing I have ever lived . You are right nothing ever changed and it does take 2 to tango. When I realised finally how much impact it had on my physical health (my self worth and esteem and confidence were totally eroded by then), I walked out. It took a while. Best thing I ever did. This was 5.5 years ago, never been as happy as I am now since then. But it did take a while to get back on my feet for sure…,
This is such a good video! Thank you Teal for such a sensitive and in depth explanation. I suffered in this neglect pattern for most of my life, first with my parents and then two husbands. Then I broke free, but not until both parents had passed. I was like sleeping beauty waking up. My dad left me a house in a nearby town and I moved in 2 months later. It took me 7 years of emotional and spiritual evolution to recover, including the realization that many of my friends were an extension of this emotional neglect pattern. It was traumatic working through this painful state of mind, but totally worth it. I finally feel happy, have some really nice new friends and I met a nurturing and loving boyfriend.
Good video. One thing that SOMETIMES (not always) happens, on the other hand, is if one person is emotionally damaged in some way and isn't doing their own work and is just endlessly asking for validation and proofs. In that situation, sure the partner should still be there emotionally, but it's also on the emotionally damaged person to do their own work.
I’ve never had a vídeo Impact me so much for the perfect paralel with my situation right now…this is so important for people who are in these types of situations! We feel awful about ourselves, we think we are crazy and broken, we feel mentally ill and like everything is our fault. I even had hair loss just like Teal said…it’s crazy to hear all of this and understand that it wasn’t all my fault……It wasn’t all in my head…it’s sad but at least it’s freeing and reassuring. Thank you so much Teal for this video, what you do has a wonderful impact on people’s lives ❤
She seems to teach a lot of tolerance for really toxic behavior. There is not a lot of support for those stuck in relationships with dismissive avoidants.
@@johnmaus4408 It actually gets confusing, and you also don't see clearly what is being taken from you. I was in this kind of situation for 12 years. Saying one isn't "stuck" is just word play. It's draining and exhausting, especially when children are involved. Most of Thais' advice is on how to help them, how to give more to them, not on selfcare or monitoring when things have gone too far. Discovering Thais' videos caused me to put even more into trying to work with him, finding more compassion for him. I was simply left more drained- although I did understand him better. Also, that "bit of input" didn't come until I was already 10 years in and living in a foreign country with him with a child, in the beginning of covid. It's rather arrogant to correct the language of strangers, but you do you. I'm glad it was so easy for you to handle your situation once you learned about DAs, but each person's life challenges are different- and it's usually better not to judge or compare. I was stuck, and I didn't realize how bad it was until thoughts of un-aliving myself started popping into my head. It was only then did I begin to understand that I was in trouble, and going about solving it all in the wrong way.
This is hard to hear for someone like me who was neglected in childhood and continues the pattern of self neglect. I really want to be there for my partner but I feel so exhausted and empty by not being able to meet my own needs that I'm unable to give anything to anyone else 😢 My cup is empty
This is me, too! I've spent years trying to figure why I'm so drained, and it's because I've been pouring from an empty cup for 10 years. My family doesn't understand and just call me neglectful and say I don't care. I'm only now understanding pieces of what it is I actually need. I hope you find the time and energy to do so for yourself, too!
Been there, done that, read the book… married 24 years. Completely devastating when you understand the dynamic. It’s like constantly chasing some care, affection and support and then when you finally give up and break up the family… it’s all your fault! Thanks Teal you are spot on … btw I learnt this delightful pattern from my neglectful mother ❤ Now I’m BREAKING that pattern finally 😊 Good luck everyone
YOOOOooooo 😮 Thank you SO much. Mother and husband fit this description. I am only waking up to this now. Deeply appreciating the clarity you are providing here. Absolutely stunned. And relieved that there is a name for what I have wasted decades trying to resolve, to no avail.
Totally resonates with this and is currently in a relationship like this and it’s draining. Feel stuck and need to get out, but that attachment is still there😢
I literally had 2 psychosis episodes from a relationship and many years of emotional abuse. Thank you for addressing this topic. I really felt this was the cause.
Apparently you can get pampered and emotionally neglected by the same parent. You can look into inconsistency. This explains my annoyance and holding my cats against their will... now I don't do that to the cats and not very annoying, but it doesn't mean that I don't have an inconsistent issue.
@alexisscarbrough4083 the strange thing is, is that I am more willing to get close to my pastor. There is some kind of connection some kind of relatability. Oh and the fact that I was told not to do it not because I wanted to... you know being annoying and holding the cats against their will. But other than that it seems rather accurate. Though I also find this similar to how Sigmas are, but there are differences.
It escalated to the point I ended up throwing out a portrait of the two of us through the window. I was never that violent and I felt so guilty, so frustrated as if I was the one to blame because I always wanted more and more, never enough.
Teal…There is no one like you in my life, and I believe there is no one like you on this planet, had I met them all. I love and treasure the love you give, so very much. Thank you sweethearted, most brave soul.
All of my Emotional Neglect has come from my parents, they have shown me that they value themselvse more. they have left with so much Emotional Neglect, and Abandonment issues They have left me with very deep invisible scars that no else can see, but these scars cut very deep with in my soul...
wow… the way i needed this & will be watching through it multiple times. i feel so seen and validated. Thankfully i already got away from the neglect, but everything you said down to the physical illness was dead on… i thought i was losing my mind… but i’m free & taking care of my own needs now 3.5 years & counting. Your videos helped me through it all, thank you so much for what you do!! 🙏🏻
Thank you 🙏 Its been a source of suicidality and depression for me but knowing the truth and accepting your needs must come from elsewhere, is so important
You might call it pampering and acts of self love. Loving oneself without expectations unconditionally is a mindset. Expectations of external fulfillment emanates from expressing gratitudes outwardly and to self. Once we know we have value we don’t expect ego to be acknowledged and validated externally. We are enough. No more, no less. It is. ✨🤍
This is exactly how my relationship was, and although I walked away, I am still struggling with my ego about why I wasn’t good enough and why he wouldn’t be there for me emotionally. This video has really provided a new insight. I was emotionally neglected as a child, so I know where I need to focus my inner work. Thank you so much, and sending love to anyone reading this who is struggling in this situation ❤
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!!! I was just trying to describe every single ioda of what in this video to my therapist regarding my 10-year relationship/marriage to my husband. You just articulated everything perfectly for me. Thank you so much 💖💖💖💖
Wow wow wow!!! This describes my relationship perfectly and why I have started to feel insane. I can't thank you enough for this truth Teal 💟 Endless gratitude for the clarity you have gifted me 🙏 thank you !!
Totally Resonates. Empowering And a confirmation that I was neglected emotionally. Sounds exactly like the relationship I walked away from this time I am not running after them . Taking care and meeting my needs I am so happy you made this video …Thank you❤
Thank you for sharing clear and accurate information on this very important topic, this video will change my life, I can already feel it. I now have a much better understanding of how emotional neglect from my family is still influencing my actions, beliefs and decision making, and so, because I understand and see what is going on, I have more power to experience the life that corresponds to my true most important values.
I experience this and now mirror this. Tired of the neglect so i dont feel the need to be touched BY HIM. The need is still there. Really dont know what i would do if any man would only hug me now. This is so bad. He is punishing me for not listening to him. What a monster. We are married and have a baby. So im homeless when its over. Wonderful. Excellent. Pure hell
You dont have to be homeless get a career now. Even waitresses make good money today or get your real estate license or insurance license or learn a trade.
The scenario she gave felt like the experience I lived. It was so painful, and I felt so gaslit and helpless, and it was so hard to explain. Thank you for this.
I have been going through this for 35 years, I am now 59 & can’t take it anymore, so stressed & broken. But after watching this it seems he is not wilful but ignorantly neglecting me. He can’t understand anything. He does try to do anything he can & I know he loves me but has not changed in all these years, can’t connect with me, almost afraid too. I am distancing myself to protect my mind as I’m on the brink of break down.😢he’s a Fawner & too nice, so know one sees my side
People have told me I am projecting because I want them to respond to me and because being ignored is upsetting. They made me feel bad but deep down i felt like the problem wasn't me. Now I can put words to it. The problem wasn't me. They didn't want a relationship with me unless it was me giving to them. When it came tome to reciprocate they made me feel like my needs were a problem. Now I know they were scape goating me and can look for better relationships that do allow me to receive what I need not just give what they need. Thank you so much this is just what I needed!
I suffered severe depression several years ago. I could remember several years ago after divorce with my wife which brought me into my disastrous journey on Alcohol and cigarettes. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Got diagnosed with cptsd. Not until a friend recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.
Yes. It is painful. I've been slowly detaching from the expectation I have towards him as I am turning the focus into myself... 💗 I feel whatever I feel and am present for myself whatever I feel 💗 I cherish my needs 💗 And keep the pressure, yeah! I'm with you ❤ Thank you ❤
I got out after 13 years of what I now understand was emotional neglect. The painful confusion, the carrot dangling just enough to keep me there, the lonelyness of being in the relationship "with" him. I became a shell of myself, my confidence eroded and high anxiety. I am now happier than I can remember being! My inner strength returned. A lightness of being, I could almost float away as a result of no longer being in that dynamic that I'd allowed to swallow me. It's been 6 months, I'm still working things out. This video said it all. Get out of there! It's worth going through the pain once you reach the light the other side! I actually realised I'd done much of my grieving of the relationship while I was still inside it. I just needed to disentangle my life from his. One step at a time, and it worked! 😅 Sending you strength if your reading this and need to take that 1st step ❤
I got out of such a relationship 5 years ago after living it for nearly 20 years. It was down to a T. Just exactly as you described it. There is only one thing to do. Leave. Fast.
Did you find anyone better? I feel like finding a men that is willing to give emotionally is so hard!! 😢 I’m scared of leaving and only finding worse down the road
@@etnalorenao79 sorry to hear. No I’m still single and enjoying my life and working on myself. Should I ever meet someone along the way and we work cool. If not also good 😊. All the best to you
Thank you! Yes, you're right about accepting that they refuse to be there for us, and we need to take care of ourselves. (I think I'm healing by taking care of the needs of my alter egos... They're still me! I think I need to buy another copy of your book.) I like what you said about going towards people who are there for us.
Your videos have been the only thing that has kept me ok. Over n over again…whatever anyone ever tells you - you share something NO ONE does. Thank you for following your calling ❤
IT HURTS... My parents were never present but seeing how my father willfully neglect me is painfull. they are not the people you can rely on.. when i am happy i get abondaned and when i am not i am completely at their mercy and powerless which makes me depressed and confused. such an hell!
Teal is such a amazing human tackling mayor problem's I know there has been no woman like her before and it's hard to believe there will be again one best wishes the angel*
Such a wonderful video! So many points adressed. I have an emotional negkector at home and thinking what the solutions are. And they were all spelled out here in Teals video.❤ thank you
Thank you so very, very much for this one. This is the foundation of my relational experience. I recognize the pattern in both myself and my family members. A lot of our patterns stem from lack of containment from men. There is betrayal trauma present as well. I wish I could more easily resolve my wounds and there is desire to heal the wounds of my family members, but it is a terribly difficult cycle to break. Mainly due to lack of trust. Teal, you have been a pivotal force in my life. I am dedicated to finding time to dive deeper into your work, but as you see from this relational pattern, reliability is not my strong suit. I know I will improve. Over time, with faith and grace, I will meet you at one of your workshops one day
Wow you hit the nail on the head with my 11 yr relationship .. I broke up with him once for a number of months but was so sad and broken and lonely I caved and took him back and it’s not gonna ever change ,, I’m angry at myself and not emotionally strong and normally I’m a pretty strong person . Thank you Teal !! ❤
I have yet to experience a person say they will show up and choose to follow through. I don't remember a time in almost 55 years of life having someone make an attempt to understand and allow us ro have our feelings outside of a therapy session and those are rare. I'm still here, focusing on navigating our feelilngs, allowing others to do the same, practicing healing for our system. Do the best we can.
Thank you Teal. I have come to the realization that my mother emotionally neglected me my whole life. It still feels wrong and an act of betrayal on my part to say so. Thank you for your advice and understanding. You and all of the other people generous enough to share their own stories make me feel less alone and weird for the thoughts, behaviours and coping strategies I have employed to survive emotionally. I will return to this video many times. Thank you again.
might be the most life changing video i have ever watched for my life. right at the exact time i needed it, as i cut my neglectful person out of my life. thank you.
Great information! Thanks 🙏 The more I analyze the video, the more I am getting the idea that substantial incompatibility between partners will very often result in emotional disatachment between the parties! And this is an invitation for an emotional disaster within the relationship....; and much greater suffering than physical abuse....! So the core matter here is partners choosing one another wisely. This is the single biggest decision in your life, so it's your responsibility to proceed carefully about it....
Oh my god, thank you so much. Got into a really painful cycle because of this behavior from another person and always thought it was just me reacting badly and slowly going crazy. This dynamic made me doubt myself and self-destruct. I wished it never happened in the first place. Thank you for helping.
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👉 Heal your deepest wounds and forever transform your life with The Completion Process Course: tealswan.com/completion-process/course/?el=desc&htrafficsource=yt
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@@MarkMcKenzie-ln9wd😊😊😊😊😊😊
Looking forward to this!! Wonderful to be along the path nearby learning.
What a magnificent gift for my birthday. Thank you Teal and Team.
Praise You, Your Majesty. 🙏
Teal, you should create a dating app just for people who follow you and are interested in the inner work needed to have and grow in healthy relationships.
I second this! 🎉
😬
Interesting idea! ❤
I'd be on there so fast!!
Sweet idea! ❤ love it!
”Emotional neglect is a lack of all of the things that a person needs to feel emotionally good in a relationship and therefore, a lack of a great deal of what a person needs in life to feel emotionally good (because your quality of life is down to the quality of your relationships). It is the affection that isn’t shown. The presence that isn’t granted. The absence of emotional support. The withdrawal of attention. The protection that isn’t being given. The ignoring of needs. The expectation that you meet your needs yourself. The deficiency of nurturing. The total refusal to seek or grant understanding. The disengagement. The indifference that is being demonstrated. The apathy towards the other person and towards the relationship. The emotional dismissal. The unavailability. The disconnection etc”. Teal Swan 🌎 thank you Teal for talking about this 😘
Wander.. am I ? friends house to friends house...showers/ it's camp grounds or truck stops.....they help me / I help them. If math is done....rental
........not being charged for rent...../ not only time but their money. Friends say ''we go way back'' if not for them% I'd be passed on / Thankyou Life for friends''. !!!!!
Say ''your different'' .... Hey what ever it ''takes''....Take good care of friendships....that's why they lasted.
But he is a good father for the children 🙈
The most devastating thing to me is to be told by my husband that I am in the wrong for asking for attention or support or anything.
Aww 😢 I know how you feel
Yep- mine told me that he didn't have "space in his brain" to listen to anything about our girls (they were very young at the time)- his head was too full of his job (Navy) and that guys were "losing it - mentally" all around him, so had to be strong for his group. He was home and not away on the ship when he made that comment. It was like he had NO interest in anything to do with me, nor our girls....scary. I decided to leave - a few months later after hearing that - 15 yrs of marriage - and I didn't realize until that moment that he had no interest in being emotionally available for me, nor our children. Took a long time to see and feel the damage....even though it was happening constantly!
tell him..I shouldn't have to ASK you for support, as my husband YOU should know that is part of your purpose. Do you feel supported or unsupported by me when you need attention/support? TAKE IT FROM THERE.
He is an avoidant
@@amberpiccoli6135these can drive you crazy
***6 full years, every 3 months of asking, pleading, talking….before I finally filed for divorce. I stayed for 20 years and tried REALLY hard to work it out for my children…it was a decade ago, and this is the first time I’ve understood what was really going on.
KayStevens :
❤ Sounds like a pretty major break through! ❤
Certainly seems its from an honest, authentic place inside u... that u now have the, vocabulary to perhaps express ur regrets to 1st forgive urself for past regrets, if any🙏🏻.....a past important love lost.💔
Or write letter . Don't have to send😉💞 😅
At the very least, a better person 💖👌🏻👍🏻
(By nooo means judging u as bad, etc. ✌🏻☺️)
Again 🎉 congratulation on having a break thru that having a positive & sounds like pretty profound shift in ur reprocessing of past relationships & each ones role in the demise ❤ Besutiful*
@@tanyabell7748 Yes! Thank you! 💞🦋🫶🏼
Same and I’m being blamed for it all
Because I reacted
I have recently discovered that emotional neglect is the root of most of my life’s problems. I wondered for so long what was wrong with me. I hate how invisible emotional neglect is. Everything looks so perfect on the outside but I have always felt so empty.
Thank you, Teal. ❤
Exactly!!! Omg! So silent I stayed in an emotionally neglect marriage for 20 years!
Same…
Totally
I just realized within the last year that this was going on and has been all my life but now I'm 64 years old and a hot mess😢 trying to separate from somebody I'm attached to that doesn't care about my own feelings should be so much easier than this
@@celestehernandez2000 me too! Hugs! 🥰
THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN LIVING ALL OF MY LIFE. THIS FEELS LIKE A PERSONAL READING. OMFG.
me too
Same. I’m exhausted and will do everything in my power to end this dynamic in my life.
Isn't she the best? No one gets it like Teal 🩵
This is totally my relationship with my mom and my ex.
Life on Earth is so sick. So grateful for Teal articulating truth. ❤❤
1. Accept that the person will likely continue to neglect you emotionally and take no responsibility for your well-being.
2. Focus on tending to your own needs and seek support from others who can provide emotional nourishment. This means prioritizing self-care and seeking help from people who are available and willing to support you.
3. Refuse to be the scapegoat and maintain pressure on the person to take responsibility for their apathy and lack of effort in the relationship. Make it clear that a good relationship requires emotional ownership and that you will not settle for less.
Remember, these steps are not a strategy to change the other person, but rather a way to protect yourself from further emotional harm.
If you say anything to them about the neglect. They end up accusing you of being too needy.
I realized in the end that what he was doing was intentional.
So I told myself to keep it to myself the pain I felt inside.
It feels so lonely. Even though you are living in the same house. It's as uf they aren't there.
Better to get out & live on your own, which is what I did.
Just fill my life up with true caring people around me.
It is so good.
But I can't get over the fact that I hung on for years expecting things to change.
When I look back on it all, I feel so cheated.
No need to feel cheated, it was a learning process. You could not help yourself.
I was nearly brought to tears listening to this. Family scapegoat/black sheep here. I have been in therapy for all my adult life and have isolated myself from 80% of my psychologically abusive relatives. It's been beyond a journey, BUT GOD. He has kept me, he has provided, he has never left nor forsaken me. Thank you for sharing this WORD 💯🎯
I wish i had someone tell me this decades ago. Spent 28 years in misery with my ex before finally realizing he was the problem, not me. I thought i was losing it.
Can you elaborate? What did you experience?
omg I like your name. I used to have a similar handle on ig
I'm sure it felt like a weight was lifted off your shoulders. For me, after 10 years of this, I left too. Later, I was able to meet someone completely opposite of this, and I thank god every day that I had the strength to finally leave and not to miss this incredible person who came into my life. I don't need to beg for love anymore.
"I don't have the energy to be there for you" and shortly after, I was OUT! Afterwards, I realized how the relationship with him had hurt me and I had to realize he didn't have energy to comfort me through the pain HE was causing me😅
After letting people go, and tending to my own needs, I feel at peace. I will never allow codependency-addiction into my life ever again.
It will only be lonely for a while until I attract new people into my life. But you know, nothing is as lonely as being lonely with people, right?
Never felt better❤ This pattern is OVER. People have to deserve to be with me.
@empowerment.artist your empowerment, self-worth and patience is refreshing! Good for anyone willing to break the cycle then and there and cultivate the relationships you deserve!
Those who emotionally neglect are likely carrying around a wounding of being neglected themselves, and end up neglecting themselves. They are stuck in a deep abyss of self-delusion. It is impossible to be in a healthy relationship with someone like that; however, it certainly doesn’t stop many empaths from trying to heal them. Hence the destructive cycle 🤕
I was emotionally neglected, was in an emotionally neglectful relationship, now I realize I have been emotionally neglecting my child, I will become better for her
My partner used to forget or ignore my birthdays by choosing to stay at work even after I asked him to spend the day with me ....That's the red flag for me that the relationship is not going to work.I just could not understand how it is possible for a loving partner to be ok with his girlfriend staying in alone on her special day. I felt so deceived and betrayed as situations like that started to happen after we had moved in together.And I used to lose hair too....lots of it...feeling ashamed of my emotional outbursts whilst he's on a computer looking calm....I really felt I was going crazy.That's the message I felt from him.
Holy crap. This is EXACTLY what I have been experiencing in my marriage for at least the past 10 years. The torment, suffering and anxiety/panic attacks from the lack of care and emotion has left me a shell of a human. Fragile for sure. It is hell.
Thank you Teal for explaining this dynamic so precisely! 😭
I could have written this.
Divorce is soon to follow.
It's taken me 11 years.
Words don't equal actions 💯
Remember that kids.
In my experience willful neglectors will also actively sabotage your attempts to meet your own needs/ gain sovereignty once you accept they will never change. Looking back on my relationship with one, I wish I had just pulled the plug and gone no contact right away
You couldn't have known what you didn't know and you did what you could when you found out❤❤
My family. Negligent. But when I pull away act like I'm the problem/ crazy.
@@alexisscarbrough4083 thank you 💙
Same @@Earthalien89
This video feels really charged, and I'm glad because it's super validating for those of us who need to hear this message! We aren't crazy for having needs and we shouldn't be the ones trying to supress them to make a relationship work. Thank you, as always, Teal. ❤️
Damn this is my relationship to my dad. I finally realized a couple years ago that he didn't actually want the responsibility of being in a relationship with me and haven't known what to actually do about it other than keep my distance, so this video helps massively.
The number of people that she has saved, without ever picking up the metaphorical sword to destroy anyone else, and IN SPITE of opening herself to a target on her back, she is proof that Gods exist and they walk among us. She’s saved millions, including me.
This video shattered me to my core. She’s talked about neglect before, and I thought I understood what neglect feels like, because I experienced it so many decades with parents, romantic partners etc.
But today, after watching this video, I understand my suffering from emotional neglect so much more deeply. The emotional flu, confused about how to get a emotional needs met, the bland apathetic and occasionally feigned responses that serve as intermittent reinforcement, the direct conflict with our own happiness because happiness means withdrawal and neglect, my god, feeling mentally ill, lack of follow up with therapy, lack of intimacy just giving them more room to do what’s comfortable for them, the distress, the suffering, the lack of will to live or keep on going….
Teal has yet again outdone herself by brilliantly explaining and helping me understand something so hard to see, recognize and understand. Putting on mute, getting emotional needs met elsewhere, keeping pressure on real issue of how they are falling short of meeting Emotional needs, NOT SCAPEGOATING YOURSELF taking away that option by not playing the victim, accepting the reality of whether one can get emotional needs met from a specific person or not, this is all incredibly well put.
Teal as usual was also real about the painful healing experience. Having to accept loneliness, how it can be hard if you don’t have good social resources like friends and family, which was true in my case, accepting the emotional pain of letting go of the relationship….
My favorite part though, is where she explained why it is cruelty to expect ourselves to be resources to our emotional needs after being starved, and the perfect antidote- getting emotional needs met by people that can support and nourish us emotionally
I guess the only task now is to find emotional resourced people that feel happy nourishing me 😂 which is again not easy…… but much better than staying stuck in an illusion and chronically malnourishing relationships.
I drew the same conclusion. But until I find them, I will do my best not to neglect myself.
0:00 💔 Emotional neglect in relationships can be more tormenting than physical abuse.
0:17 🧠 Emotional neglect is about absence of care and support, impacting life quality.
1:43 🤷♂ Emotional neglect includes lack of affection, support, attention, and understanding.
2:24 🌀 People try various strategies to counteract emotional neglect, often to no avail.
3:02 🚫 Sometimes neglect is unintentional, due to circumstances like career or illness.
4:03 🎭 Willful neglect is when someone consciously avoids fulfilling emotional needs.
5:07 🪤 Willfully neglectful people create a lose-lose situation, causing confusion and insecurity.
6:32 🚶♂ Emotional neglect leads to relationship insecurity and increased neediness.
7:12 😢 Ignoring neglect by striving for happiness can leave damage unaddressed.
8:13 🚨 Emotional neglect can lead to desperation and mental health issues.
8:58 💔 The solution to neglect is recognizing you can't force someone to change.
10:37 🧩 Identify neglect by observing actions, not just listening to words.
11:12 🌪 Emotional neglect causes desperation, anxiety, and circular conflicts.
12:59 🔄 Neglectful partners often fail to follow through on promises of change.
13:59 🛠 A truly caring partner is motivated to improve the relationship and support emotional needs.
16:23 🚧 Example: Jason neglects Brit due to his past trauma and avoidance of responsibility.
17:41 🚫 Despite Brit's efforts, Jason's emotional neglect persists because it serves his avoidance of dependency.
Thank you! ❤
@NumHeut thanks! Did you use AI to do that?
@@wendyhuntsman176 I didn't post it, I just said thank you! And no, I didn't use AI for the "thank you". 😆
I was emotionally neglected as a child & attracted emotionally neglectful partners my whole life. I’m about to be 53 and I feel more alone in this thing called life more than I ever have because I’m finally feeling my emotions. It hurts & I cry a lot. This video helped clarify that I cannot expect to get my emotional needs met from someone who is willfully neglecting me. Thank you Teal for your service to humanity. I’m so grateful you are here in this now moment willfully loving me unconditionally💪👁️🫶
I am going through the same thing only in my mid 40's and feel a bit hopeless Because I don't even know how to know what a healthy relationship is. I am just now learning what isn't considered healthy..
@@Iris-vo5gd I wish you an abundance of ease & grace as you pour into yourself:) I’m beginning to accept that my soul chose to experience all of this & ultimately I just want to love & provide for myself at this age. I’d like to put my hope in things getting better, however the longer I study myself the harder it feels🤣 I’m great at assisting others through their spiritual journeys yet often feel burdened by my own sadly. I wish I could find that certain someone that feeds my soul the way I feed others. For now though it feels as if I’m discontent for reasons I’m meant to learn through otherwise I just can’t wrap my brain around why the need for so much struggle🤪
@@fools_journeyman I feel you, thank you for your kinds wishes, I wish it upon both of us, be well!🙏🏻🫂❤️🩹
I left, it hurt like hell but I’m proud of myself.
Me too how are you coping are you doing okay ? ..I feel relief
@@Gentile212 I’m doing a lot better in life, getting to know myself and and becoming regulated. Taking care of myself. But it is hard sometimes. I had a nightmare last night. I overcame my feelings about it waking up by journaling, processing and praying. Lingering things are still there. I’ll be patient with myself. I am committed to growing through my pains. I feel a sense of relief too. Glad to know you left and are feeling relieved. Thanks for asking about me and stay positive!
Yes put yourself first and find out what you like and don't like and focus on you. We are so used to looking after others that we forgot about ourselves ..am 42 and so excited to start again.. I know its going to be a process and I need to heal from believing am all alone but it is beter than in constant gut churning anxiety and fear ..all the best to you through this. Make it to the other side 🎉🎉
@@Gentile212 I am excited for you! You can do it!
Same. 3 weeks in, I feel like I chopped my own leg off. I wake up often starting my day at 4 am with stress sweat, like withdrawals. But it will be better this way long term. We deserve ppl who show they care.
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
Its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 5 years ended, but i couldn't just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back.
Intriguing! I'm curious, how did you find a spiritual counselor, and what's the most effective way for me to reach him?
Intriguing! I'm curious, how did you find a spiritual counselor, and what's the most effective way for me to reach him?
Thank you for this valuable information.
Do you think it’s limerence more than love that you think you’re feeling? There’s great videos on limerence by Anna Runkle.
I cried through this, I had a relationship 10 years ago like this to a t, I nearly went crazy and didn’t know who I was, I lost my internal barometer to make good judgment about myself and others, I developed panic attacks whenever I would try and broach the subject. So much gaslighting, thank you Teal for putting this one together, even all these years later I still haven’t really healed, it’s helped understand more what happened to me.
Exactly my 14 year marriage. I had to up and Leave. As hard as it was. I felt it was the best choice for myself and my children. Thank you Teal Swan. 😊
This was me in a relationship. I couldn't meet the girls needs and I was unaware about why it was the case. We lived in different countries and she wanted me to move there and I didn't fully feel like it and couldn't admit to it somehow...I really loved her and was doing mental gymnastics to keep the relationship going - this perspective is only accessible to me from todays perspective.
I feel so validated after listening to this video. I was beginning to think I was crazy and making more of his lack of attention than was necessary, because he did give financially. Thank you!
I was in this kind of marriage, i felt so alone. I ended up meeting a man who gave me attention and i started to have an extramarital relationship. I fell in love with this new man and broke up my marriage, there was a 2 year old child. Everybody condemned me for doing this because on the outside i had a perfect marriage, there was money and status. The new man quickly ran away becuse he was not prepared to handle a real relationship with me, but he was great for romance. I became a single parent, my ex quickly remarried. I struggled financially and worked hard to find my path in life, but i wish my daughter and my family would understand why i had to leave, why i had to save myself. This segment finally validates my experience
Same situation
💜💚💜😘I'm so proud of you xxx
ditto ! Sadly, I lost my daughter and grandchildren over it.... life sucks sometimes. scapegoated queen here.
Your daughter will understand more and more and she gets older. Trust me 🤗
Wow, this is the most clear and illuminating explanation of emotional neglect I’ve ever encountered. Thank you, Teal, for offering this 🙏✨
Same 👍🌼
This should have 100 million views by now.
Ì don't see a problem with it worked into health & wellness classes in younger school aged years...
This is an awesome explanation of this relationship dynamic. I had both a romantic relationship and a best friend relationship that ended in the last several years due to neglect. It was absolutely crushing to let go of these people, but my mental health is better now than it has ever been before. Staying in emotionally neglectful relationships, where the other person is gaslighting you, telling you there's something wrong with you because you have emotional needs, CREATES mental illness. Now I focus on the dependable, emotionally available people in my life, and I am a new woman. Thanks Teal, for your articulate insights on this important topic.
I agree, if there isn't enough emotional engagement, there can't be a romantic relationship of a real friendship. Doesn't matter if someone calls themeself a partner, it doesn't matter if you live with that person, doesn't matter if you met their family, doesn't matter even if you're married... without the emotional connection, intimacy, honesty, commitment and mutual nurishment, it's still just a situationship,. Same goes for a best friend - if someone isn't actively helping when you are struggling, especially in a crisis, it's not really a friend. Someone who's only there to play with you and only meets you when they want to have fun, ignoring any serious issues and needs, is obviously not a friend, it's only an acquaintance. It's so dissapointing when people try to fill up the role of a partner or a firend in your life, but don't actually step up into that role, as if they only want to fill the space to keep you from having a relationship with anybody else, they want the label but not the actual role.
And all of that often starts with parents who want the social approval of being a parent, but don't want to actually nurture a child, provide all the resources and be a rolemodel for their child. No one should ever be forced into parenthood against their will, because no child deserves to be negleted. Even people who really want to be parents fail at their role, because it's such a difficult role. Someone who really wants to succeed might fail, but someone who doesn't even want to succeed at a role has already failed that role. Things don't just "turn out right" magically, some roles require a lot of concious effort and responsibility in order to function. I experienced the kind of parenting Teal mentioned here, where my parents would be okay with bringing me to doctor and aplly "treatments", but never wanting to solve any underlying issue that would "make me sick". My mother would constantly look for different specialists, second opinions, new treatments... she would overmedicate me and even force me into acupunture sessions for being sickly and depressed, but what I actually needed was for her to not be violent and emotionally abusive at home. My father would question my mother's methods and often angrily oppose, telling me to not take some meds and just get outside into the sun or be more physiacally active, which wasn't bad, it was better than being terrorised into various procedures, but what I actiually needed form him, was to be more involved in my life, to be there for me when I needed support, to be understanding of my needs and helping me solve problems, not just to show up once or twice a year for a few days and break all of the rules I had to live by for the rest of the year, it was a ridiculous upbringing. Of course it lead to toxic relationship pattern later on, abusive environments were my "normal", so enduring abuse for years, even in adult relationships, was just the thing to do, the only way to survive, I didn't have a better reference. I was taught that emotionally nurturing relationships were just fairy tale scenarios scripted for tv shows and movies, not a real thing, real life was just enduring constant pain to make others feel better, so they don't lash out and hurt me.
It's very convenient for for family and partners to make me ill and prentend to care for me when there's a label fo illness on my head, they can then act like some supportive hero in their story and threat "my ilness" like some natural disaster that no one could forsee or prevent and that no one is responsible for, instead of the ilness being a result of their abuse or neglect. When I started to cut people out of my life, when they were shaming me with their "concern" for my health instead of problemsolving and creating mutually beneficial life circumstances, I only got more backlash and people using my decision to cut off contact with them as yet another confirmation of my "crazy behaviour". It's exhausting. I hope I can also reemerge as a new, healthy person, like you.
Thank you for sharing, Your comment is very inspiring :)
Hands down one of Teal's absolute best videos ! To call this video brilliant is simply not enough. Bravo Teal ! Thank you Teal ! I sincerely hope those that us that are still suffering from Emotional Neglect watch this video. Life changing.
I am 10 years into a relationship with an emotionally neglectful woman. I have very limited social resources. The marriage has impacted me so bad that I just feel numb everyday all day. I see no way out. Thanks, Teal, for this video. I better understand what I have been experiencing in my marriage and that it wasn’t all in my head.
Just WoW
I’ve been suffering for almost 7 yrs in a relationship like this. Thank you for defining it so clearly
Me too. 7 years.
I am literally experiencing this in my current relationship. I didn't even know what to call it. 😢 💔 I really don't want to do what I need to. It's scary. It would mean being COMPLETELY on my own for the first time in my 51 years. This sucks. ☹️
You got this 💪 💕
Would probably be the best thing to ever happen for you. ❤️
@@taramarsh5012 that's true!
Maybe this message is here for you to consider and see whats going on. And sometimes we aren't ready to do what's necessary yet, we can be, and quite possibly this is to start the process of you acknowledging your needs. Who knows but you.
Many things that are out of our zone of comfort are scary and the road or path to what you need may not be exactly what you think it will be.
One of the best moves I ever did for myself and mental/emotional health was to step out of and away from my ex 💔 There is a beautiful life awaiting you ~ open up your hand to let go of your past and then to make room for your future!
I had to leave a relationship recently where I felt so alone. I had to take care of my needs alone and asking anything of him felt like criticism to him. I felt sick and anxious all the time. When I left him crying, he was laughing. I knew it was right to leave and yet my mind thinks about him and craves him. This video helped me understand why and take a step towards my freedom. Thank you, Teal.
I’ve known of Teal for a while but at this time of my life, all of her work is the bread of life. 🙏🏾
I am a wife and mother and didn't even realize I was emotionally neglecting all of my loved ones. I had parents who should not have had kids and I had to step up at a very young age. Teal helped me see that I am actually triggered by having to be responsible for the health of a relationship! And she's right by saying that those spiritual people who teach that everyone is responsible for their own emotions is right up my alley! Their Teachings felt right and I couldn't understand why people just couldn't make themselves feel better, especially because I am always busy working and taking care of the house and them. But now I finally get it!
I do feel like a complete a**hole now, so that sucks. But I'm glad to finally understand what all these "needy" people are talking about. Thank you so much, Teal, for this amazing insight. I truly feel a switch has been turned on for me and that I finally know what to do to show up for the ones I love.
I just accepted life for what it was, foster parents neglected too, second marriage too.
Sad but true 😭 🙏
I WISH I could just accept it for what it is! Instead I end up on the merry go round of hope/delusion. I fool myself, by believing in the love bombs, so desperate for the validation that I actually believe it. Only for the same pattern to continue regardless of the promises. I’ve blamed myself, forced myself, fooled myself… every time I begin to feel good enough to see some hope, I end up feeling abandoned and rejected which just starts the cycle all over again. Ugh.🫣😔
The ghosting, the silent treatment, neglect, ridicule endless series of unkindness.
Yes. Exactly
And now we know why going no contact with toxic parents usually happens. I know I am still healing from emotional neglect. It seems most of us are.
The extra special bit is realizing that I can still be doing the emotional neglect pattern to someone else while trying to get my needs met. It’s a learning curve and grace to self and others while you try to crawl out of black hole is necessary. This one is such a nasty nugget.
Peace and blessings to all ❤️ Please know if struggle with this one, you aren’t alone.
This absolutely nails it. This was my last relationship, which mirrored the relationship i had with my parents & older sister. Really highlighted those wounds
Now to continue healing
10 years of this. I kept working on myself thinking I was the problem. Thank you for creating this video
I listened to the “lose lose scenario 5:22” part a dozen times. I needed to hear that. Omg.
How sad is it that I have so many times before suppressed my getting back to happy on my own, so he sees that I need him and I can experience his “presence” just a little bit longer?
I never truly understand my divorce until now.. I blamed myself for how frustrated with him I was. I was continually made to feel that problems were my fault due to me having a difficult upbringing as a child (which certainly contributed to the pain and loneliness). Thank you Teal, I needed to watch this, even though it's been 8 years since we split up, I always felt like a failure. Now I know it would never have changed .. breaking up was a blessing not a failure. ❤
This is exactly how it was with my mom. Spot on. Thank you for this Teal. It resonated deeply.
I experienced emotional neglect and more in my last relationship and it was the most horrible silent thing I have ever lived . You are right nothing ever changed and it does take 2 to tango. When I realised finally how much impact it had on my physical health (my self worth and esteem and confidence were totally eroded by then), I walked out. It took a while. Best thing I ever did. This was 5.5 years ago, never been as happy as I am now since then. But it did take a while to get back on my feet for sure…,
This is such a good video! Thank you Teal for such a sensitive and in depth explanation. I suffered in this neglect pattern for most of my life, first with my parents and then two husbands. Then I broke free, but not until both parents had passed. I was like sleeping beauty waking up. My dad left me a house in a nearby town and I moved in 2 months later. It took me 7 years of emotional and spiritual evolution to recover, including the realization that many of my friends were an extension of this emotional neglect pattern. It was traumatic working through this painful state of mind, but totally worth it. I finally feel happy, have some really nice new friends and I met a nurturing and loving boyfriend.
Good video. One thing that SOMETIMES (not always) happens, on the other hand, is if one person is emotionally damaged in some way and isn't doing their own work and is just endlessly asking for validation and proofs. In that situation, sure the partner should still be there emotionally, but it's also on the emotionally damaged person to do their own work.
I’ve never had a vídeo Impact me so much for the perfect paralel with my situation right now…this is so important for people who are in these types of situations! We feel awful about ourselves, we think we are crazy and broken, we feel mentally ill and like everything is our fault. I even had hair loss just like Teal said…it’s crazy to hear all of this and understand that it wasn’t all my fault……It wasn’t all in my head…it’s sad but at least it’s freeing and reassuring. Thank you so much Teal for this video, what you do has a wonderful impact on people’s lives ❤
Thias Gibson you tube Personal development school is another wonderful source. Truly a gift to mankind.
she's awesome I am finishing her book, Learning Love.
She seems to teach a lot of tolerance for really toxic behavior. There is not a lot of support for those stuck in relationships with dismissive avoidants.
Well no one is stuck. When one gets a bit of input to make sense of an avoidents behavior then they have to decide what's next for them.
@@johnmaus4408 It actually gets confusing, and you also don't see clearly what is being taken from you. I was in this kind of situation for 12 years. Saying one isn't "stuck" is just word play. It's draining and exhausting, especially when children are involved. Most of Thais' advice is on how to help them, how to give more to them, not on selfcare or monitoring when things have gone too far. Discovering Thais' videos caused me to put even more into trying to work with him, finding more compassion for him. I was simply left more drained- although I did understand him better.
Also, that "bit of input" didn't come until I was already 10 years in and living in a foreign country with him with a child, in the beginning of covid.
It's rather arrogant to correct the language of strangers, but you do you. I'm glad it was so easy for you to handle your situation once you learned about DAs, but each person's life challenges are different- and it's usually better not to judge or compare.
I was stuck, and I didn't realize how bad it was until thoughts of un-aliving myself started popping into my head. It was only then did I begin to understand that I was in trouble, and going about solving it all in the wrong way.
This is hard to hear for someone like me who was neglected in childhood and continues the pattern of self neglect. I really want to be there for my partner but I feel so exhausted and empty by not being able to meet my own needs that I'm unable to give anything to anyone else 😢 My cup is empty
This is me, too! I've spent years trying to figure why I'm so drained, and it's because I've been pouring from an empty cup for 10 years. My family doesn't understand and just call me neglectful and say I don't care. I'm only now understanding pieces of what it is I actually need. I hope you find the time and energy to do so for yourself, too!
Im living this right now. 20 years in and this describes my husband perfectly...scary perfect..
Been there, done that, read the book… married 24 years. Completely devastating when you understand the dynamic. It’s like constantly chasing some care, affection and support and then when you finally give up and break up the family… it’s all your fault! Thanks Teal you are spot on … btw I learnt this delightful pattern from my neglectful mother ❤
Now I’m BREAKING that pattern finally 😊
Good luck everyone
YOOOOooooo 😮 Thank you SO much. Mother and husband fit this description. I am only waking up to this now. Deeply appreciating the clarity you are providing here. Absolutely stunned. And relieved that there is a name for what I have wasted decades trying to resolve, to no avail.
Totally resonates with this and is currently in a relationship like this and it’s draining. Feel stuck and need to get out, but that attachment is still there😢
❤
Every sentence of this video felt so personal. I appreciate this channel so much.
The story about Jason was eye opening for me. Thanks Teal.
I literally had 2 psychosis episodes from a relationship and many years of emotional abuse. Thank you for addressing this topic. I really felt this was the cause.
Apparently you can get pampered and emotionally neglected by the same parent. You can look into inconsistency.
This explains my annoyance and holding my cats against their will... now I don't do that to the cats and not very annoying, but it doesn't mean that I don't have an inconsistent issue.
Avoidant attachment is a thing.
@alexisscarbrough4083 the strange thing is, is that I am more willing to get close to my pastor. There is some kind of connection some kind of relatability.
Oh and the fact that I was told not to do it not because I wanted to... you know being annoying and holding the cats against their will.
But other than that it seems rather accurate. Though I also find this similar to how Sigmas are, but there are differences.
It escalated to the point I ended up throwing out a portrait of the two of us through the window. I was never that violent and I felt so guilty, so frustrated as if I was the one to blame because I always wanted more and more, never enough.
Teal…There is no one like you in my life, and I believe there is no one like you on this planet, had I met them all. I love and treasure the love you give, so very much. Thank you sweethearted, most brave soul.
Currently going through this and the timing is spot on.
All of my Emotional Neglect has come from my parents, they have shown me that they value themselvse more. they have left with so much Emotional Neglect, and Abandonment issues They have left me with very deep invisible scars that no else can see, but these scars cut very deep with in my soul...
wow… the way i needed this & will be watching through it multiple times. i feel so seen and validated. Thankfully i already got away from the neglect, but everything you said down to the physical illness was dead on… i thought i was losing my mind… but i’m free & taking care of my own needs now 3.5 years & counting. Your videos helped me through it all, thank you so much for what you do!! 🙏🏻
OMG, thank you!! So much validation! 😭❤🙏
Sooo much!!
Thank you 🙏 Its been a source of suicidality and depression for me but knowing the truth and accepting your needs must come from elsewhere, is so important
You might call it pampering and acts of self love. Loving oneself without expectations unconditionally is a mindset. Expectations of external fulfillment emanates from expressing gratitudes outwardly and to self. Once we know we have value we don’t expect ego to be acknowledged and validated externally. We are enough. No more, no less. It is. ✨🤍
Same
This is exactly how my relationship was, and although I walked away, I am still struggling with my ego about why I wasn’t good enough and why he wouldn’t be there for me emotionally. This video has really provided a new insight. I was emotionally neglected as a child, so I know where I need to focus my inner work. Thank you so much, and sending love to anyone reading this who is struggling in this situation ❤
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!!! I was just trying to describe every single ioda of what in this video to my therapist regarding my 10-year relationship/marriage to my husband. You just articulated everything perfectly for me. Thank you so much 💖💖💖💖
Wow wow wow!!! This describes my relationship perfectly and why I have started to feel insane. I can't thank you enough for this truth Teal 💟 Endless gratitude for the clarity you have gifted me 🙏 thank you !!
Totally Resonates. Empowering And a confirmation that I was neglected emotionally. Sounds exactly like the relationship I walked away from this time I am not running after them . Taking care and meeting my needs
I am so happy you made this video …Thank you❤
Hence they'll never be able to have a relationship, a fulfilling one
Thank you for sharing clear and accurate information on this very important topic, this video will change my life, I can already feel it. I now have a much better understanding of how emotional neglect from my family is still influencing my actions, beliefs and decision making, and so, because I understand and see what is going on, I have more power to experience the life that corresponds to my true most important values.
I experience this and now mirror this. Tired of the neglect so i dont feel the need to be touched BY HIM. The need is still there. Really dont know what i would do if any man would only hug me now. This is so bad. He is punishing me for not listening to him. What a monster. We are married and have a baby. So im homeless when its over. Wonderful. Excellent. Pure hell
You dont have to be homeless get a career now. Even waitresses make good money today or get your real estate license or insurance license or learn a trade.
The scenario she gave felt like the experience I lived. It was so painful, and I felt so gaslit and helpless, and it was so hard to explain. Thank you for this.
I have been going through this for 35 years, I am now 59 & can’t take it anymore, so stressed & broken. But after watching this it seems he is not wilful but ignorantly neglecting me. He can’t understand anything. He does try to do anything he can & I know he loves me but has not changed in all these years, can’t connect with me, almost afraid too. I am distancing myself to protect my mind as I’m on the brink of break down.😢he’s a Fawner & too nice, so know one sees my side
People have told me I am projecting because I want them to respond to me and because being ignored is upsetting. They made me feel bad but deep down i felt like the problem wasn't me. Now I can put words to it. The problem wasn't me. They didn't want a relationship with me unless it was me giving to them. When it came tome to reciprocate they made me feel like my needs were a problem. Now I know they were scape goating me and can look for better relationships that do allow me to receive what I need not just give what they need. Thank you so much this is just what I needed!
I think there needs to hold be a whole playlist on emotional neglect
Absolute best description and explanation of emotional neglect I have ever heard. …✨
I suffered severe depression several years ago. I could remember several years ago after divorce with my wife which brought me into my disastrous journey on Alcohol and cigarettes. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Got diagnosed with cptsd.
Not until a friend recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.
Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episode, enough to start working on my mental health.
Can dr.porassss send to me in UK?
@HAMZAPINElook in a forest, under the trees, under the fallen pine needles during the winter
@ToniMonteroromanCan you please provide the full name or the link to their Instagram page here? I can’t find anyone with the name Dr Porassss
Yes. It is painful. I've been slowly detaching from the expectation I have towards him as I am turning the focus into myself...
💗 I feel whatever I feel and am present for myself whatever I feel 💗 I cherish my needs 💗
And keep the pressure, yeah! I'm with you ❤ Thank you ❤
I got out after 13 years of what I now understand was emotional neglect. The painful confusion, the carrot dangling just enough to keep me there, the lonelyness of being in the relationship "with" him. I became a shell of myself, my confidence eroded and high anxiety.
I am now happier than I can remember being! My inner strength returned. A lightness of being, I could almost float away as a result of no longer being in that dynamic that I'd allowed to swallow me.
It's been 6 months, I'm still working things out. This video said it all.
Get out of there! It's worth going through the pain once you reach the light the other side!
I actually realised I'd done much of my grieving of the relationship while I was still inside it. I just needed to disentangle my life from his. One step at a time, and it worked! 😅 Sending you strength if your reading this and need to take that 1st step ❤
I almost vomited listening to this. It was to close to home it really hurt to listen to. Thanks for making this video.
I got out of such a relationship 5 years ago after living it for nearly 20 years. It was down to a T. Just exactly as you described it. There is only one thing to do. Leave. Fast.
No, they can change, they will change, You can help them, you can save them.
No
No you can’t
And
No, they will not change
Did you find anyone better? I feel like finding a men that is willing to give emotionally is so hard!! 😢 I’m scared of leaving and only finding worse down the road
@@etnalorenao79 sorry to hear. No I’m still single and enjoying my life and working on myself. Should I ever meet someone along the way and we work cool. If not also good 😊. All the best to you
Thank you! Yes, you're right about accepting that they refuse to be there for us, and we need to take care of ourselves. (I think I'm healing by taking care of the needs of my alter egos... They're still me! I think I need to buy another copy of your book.) I like what you said about going towards people who are there for us.
Your videos have been the only thing that has kept me ok. Over n over again…whatever anyone ever tells you - you share something NO ONE does. Thank you for following your calling ❤
IT HURTS... My parents were never present but seeing how my father willfully neglect me is painfull. they are not the people you can rely on.. when i am happy i get abondaned and when i am not i am completely at their mercy and powerless which makes me depressed and confused. such an hell!
Teal is such a amazing human tackling mayor problem's I know there has been no woman like her before and it's hard to believe there will be again one best wishes the angel*
Such a wonderful video! So many points adressed. I have an emotional negkector at home and thinking what the solutions are. And they were all spelled out here in Teals video.❤ thank you
Thank you so very, very much for this one.
This is the foundation of my relational experience.
I recognize the pattern in both myself and my family members.
A lot of our patterns stem from lack of containment from men.
There is betrayal trauma present as well.
I wish I could more easily resolve my wounds and there is desire to heal the wounds of my family members, but it is a terribly difficult cycle to break.
Mainly due to lack of trust.
Teal, you have been a pivotal force in my life.
I am dedicated to finding time to dive deeper into your work, but as you see from this relational pattern, reliability is not my strong suit.
I know I will improve. Over time, with faith and grace, I will meet you at one of your workshops one day
Wow you hit the nail on the head with my 11 yr relationship .. I broke up with him once for a number of months but was so sad and broken and lonely I caved and took him back and it’s not gonna ever change ,, I’m angry at myself and not emotionally strong and normally I’m a pretty strong person . Thank you Teal !! ❤
I have yet to experience a person say they will show up and choose to follow through. I don't remember a time in almost 55 years of life having someone make an attempt to understand and allow us ro have our feelings outside of a therapy session and those are rare. I'm still here, focusing on navigating our feelilngs, allowing others to do the same, practicing healing for our system. Do the best we can.
Thank you Teal. I have come to the realization that my mother emotionally neglected me my whole life. It still feels wrong and an act of betrayal on my part to say so. Thank you for your advice and understanding. You and all of the other people generous enough to share their own stories make me feel less alone and weird for the thoughts, behaviours and coping strategies I have employed to survive emotionally. I will return to this video many times. Thank you again.
might be the most life changing video i have ever watched for my life. right at the exact time i needed it, as i cut my neglectful person out of my life. thank you.
Great information! Thanks 🙏
The more I analyze the video, the more I am getting the idea that substantial incompatibility between partners will very often result in emotional disatachment between the parties!
And this is an invitation for an emotional disaster within the relationship....; and much greater suffering than physical abuse....!
So the core matter here is partners choosing one another wisely.
This is the single biggest decision in your life, so it's your responsibility to proceed carefully about it....
really perfectly timed for me. thanks
crazy how this shows up exactly when I need it most
OMG Thank you so much
Definitely feels worse than physical abuse, glad I found this video what I was feeling was real. Thanks
Oh my god, thank you so much. Got into a really painful cycle because of this behavior from another person and always thought it was just me reacting badly and slowly going crazy. This dynamic made me doubt myself and self-destruct. I wished it never happened in the first place. Thank you for helping.