Love Bombing, Brainwashing, Trauma Bonds, Narcissists and Borderlines, Part 2
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- Опубликовано: 4 окт 2024
- Dr. Tara Palmatier, PsyD - www.shrink4men.com
contact: shrink4men@gmail.com
Facebook: / shrink4men
Twitter: / shrink4men
In part one of Love Bombing, Brainwashing, Trauma Bonds, Narcissists and Borderlines, I examine brainwashing techniques used by cults, POW camps, political movements and manipulative personalities such as narcissists, borderlines, histrionics and psychopaths. I also explore where and how the brainwashing tactics differ and diverge between cults and abusive individuals.
Specifically, cults break down a member’s identity and belief system. Then rebuild the member’s identity in accordance with the cult’s belief system or ideology. Once an individuals forgoes their former identity, relationships and life, the abuse stops and “salvation” is reached. For as long as the individual adheres to and acts in accordance with the cult ideology, that is.
Read the full article here: shrink4men.com/...
You saved my mind and educated me out my npd relationship its almost a year since I last saw her...at times I really miss her but I'm happy to be free thanks so much...happy xmas
You're welcome and Merry Christmas to you, too!
you will never change a rattlesnake into a Golden Retriever ......LMAO .....
That's the killer , the moments when they appear almost human.
It's like meeting a long lost friend and is a potent weapon .
Very true!!! They use the kindness from the beginning of the relationship to keep you under false hope they're nice people. In reality they are exactly who they show you.
So true it's like seeing Jesus or summat. Many times she fooled me
Right...... There are cruel, Horrible People in the World........I went my whole life up until 2 and a half years ago thinking that everyone had some good in them ......We all Know now that's not the case...
best therapist in the whole Universe.
That's kind of you, but hyperbole and certainly not true -- or at least not quantifiable! ;)
I love the content you post up Dr Palmatier, and I've absorbed tons of it, but I have to admit that my favorite parts are the cuckoo clock and the dogs. 😊
The dogs are truly awesome, but noooooo, not the cuckoo clooooock, noooo lol
Thanks Dr T! I have been waiting for part 2 of this since you released part 1. This is things that I wish I was taught 25 years ago.
You're welcome. Sorry for the wait. November was a difficult month.
Helloooo Dr Palmatier.....I have seen so many of your Videos and this is unrelated but ....I LOVE YOUR LIVING ROOM....It reminds me of when i was a Kid....
I love my living room, too. Cozy to the bone.
Best channel for mental health topics specially if you are men
I met the BPD narc after I had divorced and then just got out of a Narc relationship a year prior and I had FINALLY found myself and my confidence and my personality and focus! I was glowing with life. Met him didn’t remember giving him my number he called me non stop for a week determine no matter how many times I blew him off as I didn’t even know who he was. Finally day 5 I caved and met up with him. Since then the roller coaster ride began, “ I had never met a girl like you confident, real, comfortable with your self, beautiful”…now 1.5 years I’m like who tf am I and picking up several pieces in my life that my tie with this toxic individual caused. SMH I’ll come out of it but ugh he saw my energy and his was low vibrating damaged insecurity with false confident and he needed me as supply to suck and swallow into his dark empty soul to try to fill it. He’s still empty to this day. My love and self respect and time was wasted in a false world, lies, and future faking love. This is like the umpteenth discard he has performed so I’m not buckled over sobbing. Just smh and trying to erase the last ounce of love and care I had for him as it wasn’t real because he wasn’t. The flying monkeys as well as he kept saying “you guys are the same people”…DUH HE WAS MIRRORING ME!!! SMH sick and sad.
I look forward to your articulate, insightful and humorous videos. It gives me a sense of peace that I haven’t felt in decades due to being raised by a Narc father, codependent mother and having a golden child sibling who seems both Narc and Borderline. 🙏🏾
Thankyou, Dr. Palmatier for helping us victims understand our value and the support and understanding of what we've been through it's a true blessing when you feel down and you can be uplifted again by confirmation of the horror in order to move forward💞
I dragged her BPD ass out of my house almost 4 months ago. Thankfully, she is heeding my warning to NEVER contact me again. Lying, cheating, accusing, criticizing, blame shifting, mooching, sleep depriving, manipulating, gorgeous, best sex I have ever experienced....etc. Knew her for 10 years. Got together 9 months after I left my 20 year marriage. Intimate relationship lasted 10 months with 13 breakup/get back together cycles (hoovers).
Your explanations are bullseye. Making me feel so much better. However, I still weep and sob and struggle. I return again and again to your videos. One day the pain will stop I hope...
Thank you for investing in us with these ever helpful videos.
Love the wit and humour Dr T..always a great watch! 💓 From Scotland ✌️
Thank you, Stu. Much appreciated!
One of the most self defeating virtues you could have in the case of what was the unknown at the time is patience. Turning the other cheek came from another cult. In short, all the cultural implied expectations that is assumed, are recognized & exploited. Diabolical need to manipulate. ( let's be real, someone gets their needs fulfilled by mind f'in you ) Just a relatively short stint of this makes you infinitely grateful that it wasn't one day longer.
Brilliant 👏
Fabulous, once again! I love to view first thing in the morning to start the day on the right track with Dr, T, Thank You!
One I experienced from very early on was the implementation of sleep torture.
That's very common among my clients. In most cases, they're the ones who get up and go to work in the morning. Not the sleep deprivers. Natch.
@@shrink4men for a considerable amount of time, I was the only one working. Even when we both worked I was expected to be up no later than 5 to make his coffee/breakfast and I was kept up as late as 3AM with whatever drama like informing me after the fact he charged thousands on my credit card post hence ... Then woken up repeatedly with "I just had a dream you cheated on me...you wh***" "You disrespect me with how you sleep...need to face me" I did not get actual regular sleep for several years after divorcing. I finally realized that depriving me of sleep allowed him to gaslight and confuse me easily.
Oh! My ex narc would keep me awake all night talking about himself non stop, til 4 a.m. He had all night marathons every night doing this. I never realized it was part of the pattern. He wasn't employed, I was.
oOoooOoooh! The Tree is going UP! My apartment is so small, so I love looking at your your decor. I have a single ornament on a door-knob that says "Merry F*cking Christmas."
I admire your minimalist approach! The tree has been up since last week. Between my schedule and exhaustion, I finally rallied to lighting the 11-ft beast. Am looking forward to admiring it in the dark later.
Here we have probably the best post(s) since (at least ,when I first discovered her ) the beginnings.
I'm in total isolation 24/7. I am aware of my situation but can do little to help myself. Why am I stuck in a chair? Where is My Life?
Geeze you always hit me with truth gems 😩
Incoming!
Another zinger Dr P. Thanks again.
You're welcome. Thank you for your support.
I am horrible co dependent but I like to say your hair looks so healthy!
That's kind of you. Thank you.
@@shrink4men I live through your X mas decorations. Your place was awesome last year. It really was.
Merry X mas. Thanks for all you share. Especially the humour.
@@shrink4men Dr. T, your red hair always looks good on camera. I still like your older glasses better 😎, but none of that is why we tune in. We do so to hear the truth from your educated perspective.
Thank you for sharing.
Daze and confused movie quote: “I love those redheads man “
Dr T
Thank you for helping me understand me
Thank you, Dr Palmatier. Great to see you smile, you get more and more beautiful by the day and... your sense of humor crack me up every time!🙌💕🍀😎
So good. Thank you. Again.
You're welcome!
You help. Thanks 💕 They seek status. Fame. I used to be rather headstrong but co-operative. Watch out before it's too late.
Thanks for the reality check. Totally describes my recent narcissist/sociopathic ex and our toxic abusive relationship... as well as my year in a troubled teen behavior modification thought reform cult! Oh and also my family of origin... Damn, will I ever not be actively targeted for brainwashing? Lol
Keep up the great work!
My godson went back to his ex, bout 2 weeks. Man does she have a trauma bond on his shell shocked ass, ha, she is the one firing the artillery though. He ain't gonna make it out alive.
@@shrink4men she has now cut him off from his own mother, myself she dont even try to speak to or about. We work at the same outfit, and she is a worthless piece of parasite, she has even pissed the owner and all the guys and thier wives off( I'm the only single one). I think the final knuckle or head will be very soon either way. Two children together one with Dechutes muscular dystrophy, that's his only reason, they are both still adolescents, long hard road there, she is fucking the one without a death sentence up real bad, he is the younger. I might be able to get him to talk to somebody soon.
Standing ovation dr.T!
I love your videos 👍....
6:30 you called me out so hard 😅 … man. I really need to work on how I approach relationships
interesting i was just saying to someone the other day it feels like i have been in a cult and need to rewash my brain and i also find it interesting that i thought i couldn't be brainwashed, because i fight everyone who tries to control me, so i was in a super bad place when it happened like the perfect storm after a huge loss in my life.
I like the dogs
Recently subscribed. Thank you for helping so many people. Do you have any talks about the body language of manipulative persons? For example duping delight?
Thank you for subscribing. I don't have exclusive material on body language. I discuss the microexpressions of duping delight (i.e., the sociopathic smirk) in several videos and articles.
Oh my gosh yes,
I met my NARC ex husband when I started my degree at university.
There's often a stressful life transition at the onset of these relationships. Not always, but there's a correlation.
Shrink4Men - Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD I’ve noticed this in my personal situation. His ex before me had just completed a long distance move to an area with no family and just a few friends, I had separated from my husband, and the new supply/wife was a client whose husband died suddenly. He went after us during a stressful transition.
When will you come back?
When I asked my X, "What would be a perfect day with me", she couldn't answer, stated she did understand the question. I then told her my vision of a "perfect day" with her. All she could do is just to say last week, that one day was perfect. She couldn't imagine a day that was perfect to her with me in it.
That's both incredibly sand and incredibly funny all at once.
Sounds like gaslighting to me!
I got very vague answers to questions like that with my borderline EX. Answers to deep questions like that that, which require someone to know you on an intimate level, were always very shallow. If you would have asked her why she loves you, you would have gotten a similar response. "Because you're nice", "because you're funny", etc. They're incapable of knowing you on an intimate level.
A real tree instead of artificial. Nice!
They smell better.
That was a brilliant and fascinating explanation for how these creeps operate. I keep wishing I could understand why they put so much time and energy into all this mind control. This is work, the constant calls, texts, attention they give to this manipulation. It's a tremendous expenditure of their energy and is a big time consuming project for them. And all for what?
The other point is: they are often stupid. Not all, some are very smart. Yet they have this ability to manipulate other down pat. How can such a stupid person be so good at controlling and manipulating a smart person?
Lots of practice makes perfect for these people to continue to manipulate others.
I DID miss those dogs...your place looks great as usual....much better than the Rapunzel/Dark Tower room..
I was in NYC, not the depths of Mordor for goodness sake! Who would've thunk my dogs would one day have their very own small cult RUclips following.
@@shrink4men well...they are unique...be careful of the people that say that your dogs are telepathically speaking to them...which only happens in my case when the cuckoo clock strikes 5... just sayin
The cuckoo only understands Italian.
@@shrink4men punto notato..
Are these covert narcs aware of the abuse that they are causing to those who love them Or is it just part of who they are?
How can they be one person with us and kind to others??
They are completely aware of what they are doing. I know it's impossible to understand why they do it. But they plan it out. It's very deliberate. Let that horror really sink in, that someone you love has done this to you.
@@user-wm4je4ct8y I used to make excuses to myself they allegedly had no idea. As if moment by moment was just organic.
But I am now pretty much in agreement with you.
My husband finally escaped the clutches of his covert narc mother. The damage she has done to him is life-long.
Your videos are great, is love bombing in and of itself a red flag, do you not have to wait until their actions don't meet their words/devaluation ? (your're the most amazing man I've ever meet, we are soul mates/twin flames (early on), I hold you above god)
Lucy broke the Spell . . . but, Love the comic episodes.
Lucy is full of the Dickens (seasonal pun!)
Can a married borderline lure a married man into her trap after a 6 yr “friendship” and cause him to cheat?
For sure but he is still guilty too...
Unfortunately I dont think the friendship was entirely innocent. It may well have been a 6 year affair. I hope you are healing from this most wounding of traumas.
This really is THE Litmus test for relationships with these specimen individuals, and just how fucked up life has become. Many of us are all too aware that many Axis2 folks self-identify with all the PD jargon and have become Adepts at mind twisting these concepts upon their victims. This post blows such variants out of the water.
I love the part around 10:57 ...😂👍🎉
Yes we missed you and doggies. Lol....
Lucy says, "Send bones." Schazti says, "Make sure they're Himalayan Chews."
Thank you Dr. T!
I'm convinced that the reason my overt narc mother became a Catholic in her early 20s was to get her sins forgiven. Wash, rinse, repeat!!
Thank you. It's very hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that people like this exist. Such evil. I know now how important it is to learn more about myself and my family of origins relationships. That's so important so as not to continuously get hooked into such toxic unhealthy relationships.
Dogs are the stars of the show!!..ROFLMAO
Doggie has a lot to say!
Good video but the Abbott and Costello routine with the dog is distracting. Perhaps while you’re recording, the dog goes in another room?
I wasn’t able to hear her suggestion for watching:
My Narcissist by ___ Series
Can someone help me with that?
Dogs sure beat the hell out of a borderline girlfriend.
Before the religions were inverted there was a widespread term and understanding of this all under the umbrella of "false idol worship". All of these things qualify to some degree or another as the belief or worship in a false idol. Today it does not seem that even being supposedly expert in the doctrine of false idol worship is protective against ending up participating in the same patterns! That is proof it has become intellectual and detached from experience.
The only correction I'd make is that "they find out what you want" and then give it to you... I don't think they're discerning what you want so much as finding a hole / weakness. The more powerful they are, the less you need to want anything from them in order for the tactics to work. I don't think materialists (the vast majority of people today) can see or appreciate these finer details because they are caused by spiritual phenomena. It isn't just some rational emotionally detached tactic, but a spiritual aka demonic attack. Sure, someone can be sociopathic just personality-wise, but that's not what we're talking about.
LUCY!
I know, I know.
Dr. Tara, was there anything specific that helped you transcend your nightmare relationship?
NICE!!!!!!!!
Dr. Tara,
Do you think that the Hare Krishna movement is also using the tactics mentioned by you?
Do you think they are a cult?
I was curious about something. I am now well out of that horrible relationship but a friends daughter is connected on social media and they decided to scroll though my exes FB page while videoing it. Yes I saw its contents and it had zero effect on me. Yay me, must be healing and doing good stuff. What I saw though was a completely different person. Our 15 yr relationship had little public images or photos of our togetherness, and when there was, the photo was taken at some distance. Full body shots at more than 30 paces. Now, her FB was non-stop, and I mean non-stop and all the featured stuff was extreme closeups with the new love interest of 2+ years now. Head and shoulders shots. Our conversation about this was viewed by the others as a clear sign of needing constant validation of, or from, people and friends in her circle. I'm not convinced and wondered if its simply showing and maintaining a new billboard image of a different personality and one that attracted the new person to her in the first place. I would be interested in know what the research is regards such displays. I expect its varies greatly with age, education, and social status. I suspect 20-somethings want to show off and its a way to let everyone what cool thing happened each weekend, vs 40 or 50-somethings (like my ex) doing it for ... what reason... being happy in life and also sharing passion projects with friends? When is it healthy and when is it not? Is there any evidence "normal" people do this or go through periods of this just like "problem" people, or is it clear its a more narcissistic pattern associated with some form of emptiness regardless of their personality type?
I would add. Is this display a form of recruiting friends because cool and exciting people are better to hang with and its a method of attracting members? Especially if those new members having skills to be exploited to assist with personal projects like building stuff, or renovating stuff, or getting free / reduced costs for services like mechanic or plumbing.
You're overthinking the hell out of something not worth a dam. Focus more on looking forward.
If someone is that obsessed with showing people how happy they are on social media and concerned with what others think, how shitty must their offline lives be. For the correlation between narcissism and social media, read Dr. Jean Twenge's work.
@@gibham6482 Hi Gib. Yes you are right. But this experience has lead me to really enjoy psychology in a way I never appreciated before. I am fascinated as it has completely opened my eyes to all sorts of people and behaviors and where once I would have dismissed someone as a downer or a hyper person I see subtle ques to other things in their life. Its been invaluable in my work life and negotiating committees. This specific occasion was a one off and in addition to the Q I also think people do what the "popular crowd" does without any real thought. Was I concerned about my ex, no. But it stimulated a discussion and I was curious.
Brilliant. Found the dog extremely off putting though. Your channel, do what you want though I suppose. A few things clicked into place watching this. 👍
Must be referring to 8:48
Agree. Not sure why the dogs can't be put someplace else while she does these excellent talks. It's very annoying and breaks my concentration.
Give Lucy her toy!🐕💜
Not to fear. Lucy and her squeaky were reunited once filming concluded.
When I hear Lucy, I think of John Lennon's (well, The Beatles) Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds:
When I hear Lucy, I think of John Lennon's (well, The Beatles) Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds:
I appreciate your videos and your messages as well as explanations, however your persistence of stating that anyone who was with an individual with cluster B type personalities is a co dependent is absurd to me. Especially the way you used to describe said “codependent.” I have always been comfortable by myself, didn’t have a bad childhood, am confrontational when necessary and hardly ever hold my tongue if I think I need to speak up. Therefore I find it difficult to consider myself “codependent.” With that said, I am having a hard time through this particular breakup even almost 4 months removed from our 5 year relationship with 2 children (2&3 years old). I cannot seem to wrap my head around the whole deal and she seems totally ok most the time with it (I suspect she had BPD) but it did not show until after the first child we had together (year 2-3 of relationship).
My question: am I understanding you correctly on your definition of having to be a co dependent and have deeper issues? Bc I am not perfect but have never considered myself that whatsoever. Also what’s up with the CHRISTMAS tree? The lights are only around the bottom, I do hope you are gonna finish wrapping them around the tree right? I apologize in advance if this is some new fad I’m not aware of but it just bothered me a little. Lol ehh thanks hope to hear something back.
I don't think you are a codependent. I have a real question about your actual role in your ex relationship based on your comment.