I thought the same thing to myself when I was in a trauma bond with my family. I became addicted to my trauma bond with them for 27 years. It was a nightmare.😞
Stage 1 - Love bomb Stage 2 - Trust & dependence Stage 3 - Criticizing you Stage 4 - Gas lighting Stage 5 - Giving up control Stage 6 - Lose yourself. Lose your confidence. Stage 7 - Addiction to Narcissist. Looking forward to the love bombing again. Narcissist are commonly created by emotionally abusive parents who do not allow their children to express their emotions and criticize or ridicule their kids for normal things like crying.
7 years I lived with a covert narcissist but God! God showed me who and what I was dealing with. Thought I was crazy! I’m free , healing, loving myself🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
My ex was emotionally abused as a child. He stated love bombing right away, gas lighting and trying to seperate me from my friends. To make it worse he flirted with other women in front of my face. I left very early in the relationship!!! After a month & half I said bye bye!! I know my value. I can do much better! I put myself first because I have selfworth! 😁
I'm glad you left early. It sounds like your ex and my ex are twins and it took me 2 years to realize and leave.. I couldn't stop holding onto how it was in the beginning.
That all happened to me, but the difference was I didn't know my self worth. I'm finally finding it maybe for the first time ever. But now it's been two years since any contact with the outside world. No social media, no friends, no relationship with my "adopted parents" and I feel lost. I'm still wondering if it's slightly my fault and feeling guilty about considering "abandoning" him.
A truly therapeutic sermon. I think its important to see the places where psychology and spiritual life meet. As someone who has been the victim, I pray for recovery for all who suffer.
That was short and sweet. Very insightful, had a lot of flashbacks as he went through all stages. I'm now trying to be kind to myself, not blame myself, allow myself to move on, and acknowledge that it's hard to move on because it was physiologically addicting and not because I missed out on something that was supposed to be the best for me.
I didn't even know there was a name? Oh my god I feel so upset for everything I've gone through. I thought it was depression but it's been the trauma I've suffered
This comment really hits home. I have truly convinced myself that this abusive relationship is the best thing for me but im starting to see that I am maybe just addicted to the cycles.
@@kiaparanihi9834 I used to go to a church like this, then I moved to America then it was hard to find a church that doesn’t see the world as black and white. I am very happy to see a pastor preach like this though. We need more real churches that preach words with real value and not some impossible ideologies of their view of perfection. Ugh I probably shouldn’t be commenting like this but tho cares it’s the internet. Spirituality is not equal to religion. Peace. Love. Unity. Respect. Just being random now
I have a degree in counseling. What's important to understand is that weather you are the victim or the perpetrator, both of you are in that relationship because both of you have unresolved issues. If you are a healthy person, you won't even go into relationships like that. Trauma bonded partners would never be someone or something you will be attracted to if you are a healthy person.
In a matter of 5-6 months I experienced every single last one of these stages. It got to the point where I thought I was literally losing my mind. I started writing down the conversations we would have bc they always ended up in a argument because of my lack . It got so bad that I was going to start recording our conversations to make sure I wasn’t the one lacking honesty and integrity. God made a way out for me & I thank God because any longer and I would’ve completely lost it. Everyday I would wake up feeling drained and tired even after 8hrs + of rest, I had no peace and everytime I looked in the mirror it was like I was aging very quickly . Everything was just gloomy to me and I didn’t even fight to be heard anymore I just obeyed to avoid confrontation. A trauma bond to me is like spiritual warfare . It’s horrible ! Really get to know a person before dating them or rushing into anything. If they rush you into doing things and do not respect ALL of your boundaries (including saying no) then run like little Red Robin Hood ! 😅 and do not look back by all means , please! It’s not your job to change them, it’s not your job to fix them and if you have to stoop down to be a people pleaser then please get rid of them it only gets worse from there.
I was with her for 7 months and it was horrible after 3 moths. It all changed the moment she moved into her own place. Was as if the demon came out of her. I regret ever meeting tbh.
I thank him Soo much for making this video and describing it tha way that he did. Because a lot of ppl look at survivors as dumb and weak and ask the question why didn’t you leave them alone? Or whatever. But it’s not that easy and he explained it Soo perfectly the narc abuse cycle that ppl suffer from. It’s literally a mentally. Emotional. And psychological abuse on the human body and brain to train you into submission!
Wow 😳 he just totally described my life and my relationship with my mother. I am 53 years old. I’ve done lots of research on narcissism and nobody has ever explained it (the trauma bond, the root of the problem) better than he did in this four minute video. Thank you.
So, I when I was 4 years old I watched my dad attempt to murder my mom twice ...but I was daddy's girl. He had love bombed an otherwise almost invisible child. Then he abdicated, reappearing in his role as father only occasionally. In his absence, I was able to create the father I needed. So I continued to be daddy's girl despite the violence, abandonment, neglect and fear. I finally see the disconnect and realize that I may have had a trauma bond with my dad but have no idea how to process that likelihood
Wow!! Incredible and to the point. #6 brought tears to my eyes. No more vicious cycle for me. Ended the relationship last night!!! Thank you for this. I dont even know the date it released but it's amazing how God put this here for me to see today, spoken through the voice of a pastor. God bless.
Are you still not together? Just checking, I'm at a point where I first said it's over and now we are still looking if it could work. We separated physically though, which was a blessing I can see three months in.
Wow, that’s exactly what happened to me with my ex.. needless to say she left me high and dry and 6 months on I’m still struggling while she has a new man 😳. And my ex who did this is a Christian
Omg I had the most impactful realization watching this! I just ended my relationship three days ago and have been really reflecting on what happened to me over the last 5 years and THIS was it!!! I’m so shocked to finally understand how I was abused! 💔
This is the best explanation of being in a relationship with a toxic person or psychopath narcissists I have seen and I have 100s of hours researching this topic and he breaks it down barney style in 4 minutes and 40 seconds thank you for this
I thought I was the only one , I thought I was crazy but im finding more and more of these messages and researching trauma bonding it's so real. Now I'm looking for a support group close to me .
This message from a church pastor has really made me feel validated and understood by someone other than a therapist or another victim. I am in a trauma bond. I have wanted and have attempted to leave this relationship many times, each time failing and coincidentally allowing the abuse to continue, because by staying I am telling him I will tolerate it. The gaslighting, manipulation, control, name calling, belittling, cheating, lying…and more. It is a real nightmare . Thanks for understanding.
This is true. They dont hear anything that is said to them. This is why it does no good to tell them what will not be tolerated, they have to be shown. I moved out after 14 years. I thought being apart would be hard. It has been my greatest blessing. Not divorced yet, but to go back would be a death sentence spiritually & physically. No more excuses for his cruel, insulting, unacceptable behavior.
It's a darkness in them and it commands you to worship it. And when u don't bow down and worship it, you will be punished with unending chaos. I am telling the victims right now- stop looking him/her. Start turning your eyes to the Lord. Tell this individual "I will not worship you anymore" put your words into practice and He will make you strong enough to leave. It took me 47 times and I'm free.
I finally left my abusive ex and of course he moved on pretty quickly and acted as if he discarded me. I never had time to heal after a five year relationship due to him always being around and we have a daughter. When I feel I’m having a better day.. I’m not thinking of him, I just had a nightmare, literally woke up in sweats and scared to get up from bed. I was back in a relationship with him and in the nightmare was reminded of the intense, sick cycle I was in. I’m glad I got out but I want this trauma bond to end.. the scariest part is not knowing how long this will be. Idk if I can make it through
My ex girlfriend told me I was her soul mate & how much she loved me after 3 weeks spent two years with her & I completely lost myself I couldn't do anything right I was left with sever anxiety & depression worst thing is I still think about her & miss her then I have to remind myself of all shit she put me through
Hey! I know how it feels because I been going through the same phase in my life. He was a narcissist and abusive person with whom I fell in love. Took me three years of attempt to finally leave that relationship. Now I am in a stage of grieving , not the relationship but who I became and who I was. It's so intense I can't explain in words. But things changed when I surrendered everything to Jesus. I ran to my creator for healing and I prayed and tried to connect with God everytime through prayers and studying Bible. I don't know you but I know you will heal through Christ if you surrender your broken heart and wounded soul to him. And I will pray your healing. 1 PETER 5:10-11 says : And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
I've been through it all. My narc deliberately played with me. He first won my trust - and then he began to beat on my sorest spots! And he is a psychologist! He perfectly understood what he was doing. But he got a perverted thrill of torturing me. When I left him, he said: "It was a pleasure to torture you." Only a few months later I was able to realize that this is possible: sophisticated and psychologically extremely cruel torturing another human, absolutely for nothing - just because this already severely traumatized person eventually believed you, fell in love with you and began to sincerely care about you!
So many people need to watch this video!! Do you know how many people would benefit from this to be able to walk away from something so demonic from a narcissist
How is this a sermon man this is brilliant. I'd give anything to talk with this guy for 5 minutes, that is, if I still owned anything. My ex-opath took it all. But this sermon dude deadass described what over 1400 scientific articles, ~70 academic handbooks, & countless weeks, literally, units of 168 hours, have been unable to describe.
Wow... it's awesome to hear a pastor understand this soo well... and gives it validation. I have been through this with an extreme narcissist in my past marriage and in 2019 with a covert narcissis who I never seen coming. Since leaving that relationship 3 years ago I've studied narcissistic @bu$e extensively... and this man gets it. God is soo amazing He moved mountains to get me out of that situation... and He can do it for anyone who seeks Him every day to give them strength to get out and to change their circumstances. 🙏
Yep. Just described the last 25 years of my life. Even the part about going to a mental institution. When I exposed his drug use, somehow I was the one who ended up in the mental facility. His alcoholic father was terribly abusive and his mother ran away leaving him behind. As the youngest and most vulnerable, he suffered so much and really had to become a narcissist. Now that I see it, he has moved out. I am not feeding it anymore, and when recent tragic events presented him with a choice of smashing his ego and rebuilding, rather than rebuild into something stronger, he has multiplied all his narcissistic tendencies 100 fold
I am here. This is me right now. Living with a toxic, narcissist and I've lost myself. I have tried to get out and fasted so much to do so but I'm still here. I feel someone placed an enormous spell or performed incredibly powerful witchcraft over my soul and I would do anything to he delivered!!!? Please Jesus Christ send a prophet, deliverance pastor anyone to help me because I'm done Livin.
“A narcissist is created by parents who never let their child have real feelings” This makes a lot more sense why it’s become like a cultural “thing” in some places, why it gets passed on down to the next generation
The giving up of control stage is so profound. I had no more energy to fight or validate why I did everything as everything was wrong, could be done better, even opening envelopes down to what grocery stores I could shop at! It’s Crazy, how Ultimately you just give up fighting. In the end (at the discard phase) I could hardly even breath. If not for crazy threats and my intuition I left with the help of my family. I always think back to the Disney film, The Jungle Book, book scene where the snake (python) who has the little boy wrapped in his coils and is beguiling him into a trance, that’s what it’s like with a narcissistic relationship. Beguiling, you make excuses, overlook and justify Way Too Much-Beware that! If there are red flags, remember them don’t just glide by devalue there existence, if something feels wrong, something is wrong!
That is actually a great analogy. It underscores the spiritual or demonic element in this process. It’s more than manipulation and control, these people are actually demonized (controlled by invisible beings with very dark intent)and many don’t even know it.
True and it also takes time to develop a real honest trusting loving relationship and narcissists move relatively quick after just meeting people its diffinately a red flag if I ever saw one
I'm sorry, I don't know why my daughter is a narcissist but it's not because of her up bringing. Her emotions were a big concern to me and her father. We would stay up for hours talking and hugging. We were a very close happy family and did a lot together. I've been told that maybe we loved her too much.
My inlaws, Brought my husband up like this.. He was told not to Cry or Express his feelings! His Mother was The Matriach in the Family… She was very Dominating. It was her way or The High way! His sister more soo, is a Grandiose Narc… His father was quiet.. But passive aggressive! He hardly had an Opinion.. Which is how my husband is.. He won’t speak up. He stays Neutral…. ! I now sit with a man, whose anger issues are Over the top…. Due to PTSD, ADHD, Narcissistic behaviour… Severe Depression.. !
Omg same thing with my partner I recently met the mother and omg grandiose as all hell and tbh I realize why I was kept away from This family and tbh I grew up with parents like this and now I’m addicted to trauma bonding having never gotten what I needs either I do believe I fall somewhere outside the Marc spectrum As I only Been feeling so much feleings constantly crying but I am aware of others issues and very kind and never judging but that being said it’s like I’m a narc fo myself u til someone else Can be one for me if that’s even possible always been into leading about illnesss I’ve struggles with addictions and basically was told my mother was schizo but now realize she was more than that and that m other parent who was m grandma and both being abused by men and their upbringing and environment makes me feel like the situation was worse than I thought and yet so diffident than I ever could’ve imagined as much as k studied spychology I just learned to say no last year and after this relationship can’t again and go bak and forth and only learned AFTWR this one what a narc even was . And jay THEYRE my parents at that
OMG! You have described my relationship perfectly. I was able to break free and I felt like I was dying. It took 3 years of pain. To this day I still cry when I think about our time together. I fight the urge to reach out to him. I've moved on but maybe not completely free.
John, consider therapy. Here’s some tips: 1. Self care. Set aside time for John, doing things that John likes. Value yourself as important and worthy of love and respect. 2. Find or build a network of supportive people who can validate and encourage you in your healing journey. 3. If you’re still in relationship with your person, ask God in prayer to deliver you. Form an exit strategy and be aware of the opportunity when it arises. Readiness to respond and awareness are both important aspects. 4. As you begin to heal, come back and help others get free. Be part of a supportive community for others. Hope this helps.
I'm currently stuck in this cycle and don't know what to do. She admitted that when we first got together that she saw me as a 4/10 on the "attraction scale". She now says that it was because I was super skinny (which I was, but not anorexic or in anyway unhealthy by height/ weight standards (6'1" @ 165 - 175 lbs). She'll say that "I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had, no one could ever love me like you, you're the only person I could ever see myself with" etc etc. I get so confused because how is that possible if I'm a 4/10 attraction wise?? I completely understand that there are relationships where that works and people legit don't see their significant other as a 10, but a 4??? The relationship started with her gassin me up saying "you're so sexy, how did I get so lucky to find a guy like you, everything about you is perfect" etc etc.. but then we get into an argument about other guys being hotter than me (7s on her attractive scale), and then tell me it's because of his height, and because they're built. I'm literally 6'1" @ 210 lbs right now with a minor gut, but I haven't let myself go as I have served in the USMC for 8 years and I know what a fat body (no offense intended) looks like. I still have definition, and a picture of what she classifies as "built" was literally this scrawny looking kid with smaller arms than me. I asked her if I were as built as them would I be hotter? And she, led me down literally MONTHS of lies, twists, turns, adding and removing scenarios to change the original question, and I end up so confused at the end. I finally caught her when I recorded an argument we had and she admitted that no, they would still be hotter than me if I were built like them. For 3 years she's been leading me to believe that I was this diamond in the rough she "God blessed her with" and that "nobody on earth could take my spot. But I'm a 4?? I do have insecurity issues to an extent, but this just seemed abnormal. The lies, the betrayal, the behind the back shady things she's done. She's never cheated on me (that I know of), but I'm just wondering if I'm in the wrong or if this is what the cycle is?? This is obviously just a FRACTION of what has happened, but I just wanted to know if it was me or did she legit play me for 3 years, lead me on, and things won't change? I love her with EVERYTHING, but I can't bear another single lie over the SMALLEST of things too... I just don't what to do and feel so hopeless. I mean I'm venting this all to strangers on YT lol... I don't know
I went through a similar situation. Literally all the steps on the list in this video. He started off really kind and I genuinely thought he was such a good thoughtful and sweet guy. Then later he suddenly turned. He would accuse me of things I never did and when things would go wrong he would blame me or everyone else but himself. He would compare me to his exs and say they were way better than me. And he would say he could get someone with a way better body and more money. I personally don’t have self esteem or confidence issues so that didn’t really affect me it’s just the fact that he tried to get to me in that way and make me insecure. Then he would turn around and “love Bomb” me and say he’s never felt like this about anyone before and that I’m a gift from God. There is so much more things that happened but I’ll just leave it at that. Despite everything I still do love him, but I’ve come to the realization with the help of God and my close friends that I have to let him go. I still have this urge to stay sometimes and try to work it out again idk why maybe the trauma bond or maybe bc I do truly care about him, but I know it wouldn’t be good for me so I have to leave. You are not wrong in your situation. Someone who loves you will never put you down. To them you will be the most attractive person and they would never even give you the idea that you’re not. I know you love her, but I hope you realize that some people just don’t change and it’s not your job to change them and you literally can’t. If you’re still with her I hope you have the strength to leave her one day and I hope God blesses you with someone who will help you build your confidence back up and truly love again the way people should be loved.
My advice is run, don’t walk. You are literally wasting your time. No one who loves you would do the things you have talked about. She doesn’t respect you
Dude, trust us, do the research. This does NOT get better, only worse. Figure out an exit plan, execute it and when you’re free and healed , come back and help others.
It must be genetic too - my sister is narcissistic but I am not, same upbringing. I left a relationship that was narcissistic, he was the same as my sister it took 4 years to see it
Interesting he notes narcissists come from an upbringing of a lack of empathy/being told to stop crying etc growing up. I've also heard the opposite environment can lead to fostering a narcissists - an upbringing with a lack of boundaries, letting a child have whatever they want, few consequences to one's actions, etc. Also thank you for that description of love bombing. Having experienced that I often question, how did I fall so hard for it? And you're right, if you come from a loving family, that feels normal. And if you don't, then that is something you crave and graciously receive.
This described my 8 yrs of nightmare cycles with a narcissist. it was very damaging. it cost my health, my job, and my home, and losing myself. i was lucky after 8 yrs i was able to finally break away. I will never give her another chance to reconnect with me. Now she is making her new boyfriend's life miserable. I thank him for giving me my freedom.🙏
Love is positive and negative. Narcissists don't know they're narcissists because they hurt the people they love. People in positive love don't hurt the people they love.
WARINING : Criticism is NOT manipulation. If you make a mistake and someone criticizes you, it's normal, or at least acceptable. Where the manipulator is twisted is that they will criticize you for things you are not guilty of! "I know you’re having sex with others behind my back," "You’re not using the right pot to cook for me," "You shouldn't use your GPS to go there." When someone criticizes you for things that are normal, that's a big red flag.
I am 71 years old, and she is 70 years old. I feel she is definitely a covert narcissist. All of these stages you have mentioned are exactly true what I went through for three years. I broke up with her last May 2023 going through a smear campaign right now. All of her friends and family despise me. And I did nothing wrong. She was making false accusations. I am going through therapy for trama bonding. Trying to get my life back together. It’s an uphill battle when they tear you down.
A narcissist isn’t created by a parent not allowing them to cry. I have been a victim of narcissistic abuse and my dad always used to tell me, “stop crying or I will give you something to cry about.” That’s what creates a scapegoat, not a narcissist.
How do you break a trauma bond? No one ever really explains that part. When it has been with a parent, you have spent decades going round and round in this toxic cycle with them. Going NC is not enough in itself because they have already wired your brain to have c-ptsd. I have used Dr Caroline Leaf's teaching to break through some of it, through Scripture. However, no one seems to know how to break a trauma bond and fully heal from c-ptsd.
Anyone been through this? Williing to talk to me privately and help me / talk to me? At minimum I need someone to talk to that understands what I'm going through
What started out as a trauma bond on my end quickly escalated into me developing an unhealthy obsession with someone who was never into me to begin with... He made it known to me that he wasn't interested, but I wasn't able to handle his rejection in a way that was healthy, and now, I find that if I'm not careful, bitterness and resentment starts to creep in. It seems like whenever I'm not stuck in any delusions, the reality of what's happening is that I'm just wasting my mental and emotional energy on a guy who didn't care back then, but feels confused about me now. Or maybe I'm the one who's confused... either way, all this negativity and victimization I still get hung up on sometimes is really not a good look on me. If anything, it makes me feel like a hypocrite who's unable to look within and recognize my own flaws and shortcomings.
The easiest part about leaving this type of relationship is the fact that you're not really losing anything you were always alone anyway.
:(
So true. Were really just fighting ourselves
Exactly
It's true isn't it. I've made it this far, right?
So true. They teach you how to make them irrelevant in your life. Once they're gone, it only gets easier.
“You broke me , but you’re the only one who can fix me”…..
Dam, so simple yet so accurate
I had to replay that part
Real eye opener that one
Wow. So accurate!
I thought the same thing to myself when I was in a trauma bond with my family. I became addicted to my trauma bond with them for 27 years. It was a nightmare.😞
He literally told me that he expected me to fix him…glad I left.
Stage 1 - Love bomb
Stage 2 - Trust & dependence
Stage 3 - Criticizing you
Stage 4 - Gas lighting
Stage 5 - Giving up control
Stage 6 - Lose yourself. Lose your confidence.
Stage 7 - Addiction to Narcissist. Looking forward to the love bombing again.
Narcissist are commonly created by emotionally abusive parents who do not allow their children to express their emotions and criticize or ridicule
their kids for normal things like crying.
With me there was no trust...
He went straight for my throat.
Still going thru it
7 years I lived with a covert narcissist but God! God showed me who and what I was dealing with. Thought I was crazy! I’m free , healing, loving myself🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
@@brendafaithful8267 Hope you found a way out. ❣️
I’m going through this now it’s hard to except my transgender ex she did all this tell me nothings ever good enough for you I don’t love myself etc
My ex was emotionally abused as a child. He stated love bombing right away, gas lighting and trying to seperate me from my friends. To make it worse he flirted with other women in front of my face. I left very early in the relationship!!! After a month & half I said bye bye!! I know my value. I can do much better! I put myself first because I have selfworth! 😁
God bless you for choosing a happier life
Good for you! Too many women had confidence and then the narc chipped away little by little very insidious..
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I'm glad you left early. It sounds like your ex and my ex are twins and it took me 2 years to realize and leave.. I couldn't stop holding onto how it was in the beginning.
Unfortunately I didn't and it took me 22 years! don't waste your time like me😢
That all happened to me, but the difference was I didn't know my self worth. I'm finally finding it maybe for the first time ever. But now it's been two years since any contact with the outside world. No social media, no friends, no relationship with my "adopted parents" and I feel lost. I'm still wondering if it's slightly my fault and feeling guilty about considering "abandoning" him.
A truly therapeutic sermon. I think its important to see the places where psychology and spiritual life meet. As someone who has been the victim, I pray for recovery for all who suffer.
That is me.. Thank you for your prayers.
That was short and sweet. Very insightful, had a lot of flashbacks as he went through all stages. I'm now trying to be kind to myself, not blame myself, allow myself to move on, and acknowledge that it's hard to move on because it was physiologically addicting and not because I missed out on something that was supposed to be the best for me.
Kind to my self @ keep going
I don't care why they behave the way that. It's hateful, mean, cruel, and evil. I'm struggling with trying to care about myself.
I didn't even know there was a name? Oh my god I feel so upset for everything I've gone through. I thought it was depression but it's been the trauma I've suffered
This comment really hits home. I have truly convinced myself that this abusive relationship is the best thing for me but im starting to see that I am maybe just addicted to the cycles.
I am so glad the church is teaching on this! Great job pastor
Yes indeed - a pastor who lives in the real world. Very unusual.
@@kiaparanihi9834 I used to go to a church like this, then I moved to America then it was hard to find a church that doesn’t see the world as black and white. I am very happy to see a pastor preach like this though. We need more real churches that preach words with real value and not some impossible ideologies of their view of perfection. Ugh I probably shouldn’t be commenting like this but tho cares it’s the internet. Spirituality is not equal to religion. Peace. Love. Unity. Respect. Just being random now
Much respect to this preacher for shining light on this.
More pastors need to know about mental disorders! Toxic relationships like this cannot be fixed by just Bible verses.
This mess is why I have a rule with people. I give em 3 chances and then that’s it and that rule really saved me this year.
You really just give them one second chance and that's it
This is the real stuff churches should be preaching, not that prosperity crap!
This is a great breakdown of the most toxic kind of relationship.
I guess I experienced this first with my mother
I have a degree in counseling. What's important to understand is that weather you are the victim or the perpetrator, both of you are in that relationship because both of you have unresolved issues. If you are a healthy person, you won't even go into relationships like that. Trauma bonded partners would never be someone or something you will be attracted to if you are a healthy person.
I went to university got a degree yet this is the best lecture I sat through. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
In a matter of 5-6 months I experienced every single last one of these stages. It got to the point where I thought I was literally losing my mind. I started writing down the conversations we would have bc they always ended up in a argument because of my lack . It got so bad that I was going to start recording our conversations to make sure I wasn’t the one lacking honesty and integrity. God made a way out for me & I thank God because any longer and I would’ve completely lost it. Everyday I would wake up feeling drained and tired even after 8hrs + of rest, I had no peace and everytime I looked in the mirror it was like I was aging very quickly . Everything was just gloomy to me and I didn’t even fight to be heard anymore I just obeyed to avoid confrontation.
A trauma bond to me is like spiritual warfare . It’s horrible ! Really get to know a person before dating them or rushing into anything. If they rush you into doing things and do not respect ALL of your boundaries (including saying no) then run like little Red Robin Hood ! 😅 and do not look back by all means , please! It’s not your job to change them, it’s not your job to fix them and if you have to stoop down to be a people pleaser then please get rid of them it only gets worse from there.
Yessss😔i rushed into things and exploited all my personal issues and it hurts so bad. I’m so tired of finding love in the wrong places‼️
I was with her for 7 months and it was horrible after 3 moths. It all changed the moment she moved into her own place. Was as if the demon came out of her. I regret ever meeting tbh.
I need a breakthrough 😭 I feel absolutely stuck, 28 years and I know the facts, why won't my heart break free
I wish I had that same answer, I don't know how to make it stop. I can see myself doing it and yet I can't make myself let go...
I am reading Compelled to Control. This is awesome. Teaches me to use 12 step program for codependent people like me, who attracts narcissists.
I thank him Soo much for making this video and describing it tha way that he did. Because a lot of ppl look at survivors as dumb and weak and ask the question why didn’t you leave them alone? Or whatever. But it’s not that easy and he explained it Soo perfectly the narc abuse cycle that ppl suffer from. It’s literally a mentally. Emotional. And psychological abuse on the human body and brain to train you into submission!
SUPURB EXPLANATION. I am a therapist and I forward this to my clinets. they say it's like looking in the mirror.
That was eye opening. Weirdly enough i learned to use empathy mainly to negotiate. But it changed my heart so much and view of people too.
When these people know you have sussed them out they will hate you and avoid you at all cost ,or want to fight you , that's when you know your right
I think narcissist roots can also stem from parents over indulging and making their kids feel like they're the golden child. He forgot that point.
Wow 😳 he just totally described my life and my relationship with my mother. I am 53 years old. I’ve done lots of research on narcissism and nobody has ever explained it (the trauma bond, the root of the problem) better than he did in this four minute video. Thank you.
How is your life ? How did you manage freedom from traumatic bonding
So, I when I was 4 years old I watched my dad attempt to murder my mom twice ...but I was daddy's girl. He had love bombed an otherwise almost invisible child. Then he abdicated, reappearing in his role as father only occasionally. In his absence, I was able to create the father I needed. So I continued to be daddy's girl despite the violence, abandonment, neglect and fear. I finally see the disconnect and realize that I may have had a trauma bond with my dad but have no idea how to process that likelihood
Wow!! Incredible and to the point. #6 brought tears to my eyes. No more vicious cycle for me. Ended the relationship last night!!! Thank you for this. I dont even know the date it released but it's amazing how God put this here for me to see today, spoken through the voice of a pastor. God bless.
Are you still not together? Just checking, I'm at a point where I first said it's over and now we are still looking if it could work. We separated physically though, which was a blessing I can see three months in.
I hope you are still away from the monster. Guilt and need for that dopamine made me go back to my monster so many times😂
Amazing to see this taught in church! Please continue this!
Wow, that’s exactly what happened to me with my ex.. needless to say she left me high and dry and 6 months on I’m still struggling while she has a new man 😳. And my ex who did this is a Christian
A lot of narcissist are very religious and in religious organizations.
I feel you
Omg I had the most impactful realization watching this! I just ended my relationship three days ago and have been really reflecting on what happened to me over the last 5 years and THIS was it!!! I’m so shocked to finally understand how I was abused! 💔
❤❤❤
this is seriously the best and concise speech i have seen on this tragic topic. this video deserves more views
Omgosh. I can’t tell you how profoundly this hit me. Have to watch again. Holy smokes.
I have trauma bonding with my Mother. I now know that what she has done is all about her, but the damage she caused there's really no words.😢
This is the best explanation of being in a relationship with a toxic person or psychopath narcissists I have seen and I have 100s of hours researching this topic and he breaks it down barney style in 4 minutes and 40 seconds thank you for this
I thought I was the only one , I thought I was crazy but im finding more and more of these messages and researching trauma bonding it's so real. Now I'm looking for a support group close to me .
This message from a church pastor has really made me feel validated and understood by someone other than a therapist or another victim. I am in a trauma bond. I have wanted and have attempted to leave this relationship many times, each time failing and coincidentally allowing the abuse to continue, because by staying I am telling him I will tolerate it. The gaslighting, manipulation, control, name calling, belittling, cheating, lying…and more. It is a real nightmare . Thanks for understanding.
This is true. They dont hear anything that is said to them. This is why it does no good to tell them what will not be tolerated, they have to be shown. I moved out after 14 years. I thought being apart would be hard. It has been my greatest blessing. Not divorced yet, but to go back would be a death sentence spiritually & physically. No more excuses for his cruel, insulting, unacceptable behavior.
This is 10000% true… this was my life just 2 weeks ago
Same
Congratulations!! U got out! Don't let them convince u otherwise
Best description ever. Finally have clarity on the dynamics of my family of origin.
This was powerful. Six years I was trauma bonded to my ex wife. Thank you for sharing this.
❤ I'm SO happy that this message is from a church
It's a darkness in them and it commands you to worship it. And when u don't bow down and worship it, you will be punished with unending chaos. I am telling the victims right now- stop looking him/her. Start turning your eyes to the Lord. Tell this individual "I will not worship you anymore" put your words into practice and He will make you strong enough to leave. It took me 47 times and I'm free.
Powerful truth! Thanks for sharing this.
I finally left my abusive ex and of course he moved on pretty quickly and acted as if he discarded me. I never had time to heal after a five year relationship due to him always being around and we have a daughter. When I feel I’m having a better day.. I’m not thinking of him, I just had a nightmare, literally woke up in sweats and scared to get up from bed. I was back in a relationship with him and in the nightmare was reminded of the intense, sick cycle I was in. I’m glad I got out but I want this trauma bond to end.. the scariest part is not knowing how long this will be. Idk if I can make it through
You can make it! We can make it!
God will help! Believe it. It’s a fight between light and dark , good and evil. In the end light and good win.
My sweetheart left me because he was Trauma bonded to his abusive ex wife.
All of these signs are true!!
My ex girlfriend told me I was her soul mate & how much she loved me after 3 weeks spent two years with her & I completely lost myself I couldn't do anything right I was left with sever anxiety & depression worst thing is I still think about her & miss her then I have to remind myself of all shit she put me through
Hey! I know how it feels because I been going through the same phase in my life. He was a narcissist and abusive person with whom I fell in love. Took me three years of attempt to finally leave that relationship.
Now I am in a stage of grieving , not the relationship but who I became and who I was. It's so intense I can't explain in words.
But things changed when I surrendered everything to Jesus. I ran to my creator for healing and I prayed and tried to connect with God everytime through prayers and studying Bible.
I don't know you but I know you will heal through Christ if you surrender your broken heart and wounded soul to him. And I will pray your healing.
1 PETER 5:10-11 says :
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
I've been through it all. My narc deliberately played with me. He first won my trust - and then he began to beat on my sorest spots! And he is a psychologist! He perfectly understood what he was doing. But he got a perverted thrill of torturing me. When I left him, he said: "It was a pleasure to torture you." Only a few months later I was able to realize that this is possible: sophisticated and psychologically extremely cruel torturing another human, absolutely for nothing - just because this already severely traumatized person eventually believed you, fell in love with you and began to sincerely care about you!
Thanks for sharing. May you find healing in your journey.
I’m not religious, but it’s nice to see sermons that are actually meaningful. This is an important message.
Them last two stages....those are so hard ...I'll never be the same...I'm literally addicted to someone who is addicted to hurting me....
I seriously Hate that i feel im in this exact situation...
So many people need to watch this video!! Do you know how many people would benefit from this to be able to walk away from something so demonic from a narcissist
How is this a sermon man this is brilliant. I'd give anything to talk with this guy for 5 minutes, that is, if I still owned anything. My ex-opath took it all. But this sermon dude deadass described what over 1400 scientific articles, ~70 academic handbooks, & countless weeks, literally, units of 168 hours, have been unable to describe.
Wow... it's awesome to hear a pastor understand this soo well... and gives it validation. I have been through this with an extreme narcissist in my past marriage and in 2019 with a covert narcissis who I never seen coming. Since leaving that relationship 3 years ago I've studied narcissistic @bu$e extensively... and this man gets it. God is soo amazing He moved mountains to get me out of that situation... and He can do it for anyone who seeks Him every day to give them strength to get out and to change their circumstances. 🙏
Yep. Just described the last 25 years of my life. Even the part about going to a mental institution. When I exposed his drug use, somehow I was the one who ended up in the mental facility.
His alcoholic father was terribly abusive and his mother ran away leaving him behind. As the youngest and most vulnerable, he suffered so much and really had to become a narcissist.
Now that I see it, he has moved out. I am not feeding it anymore, and when recent tragic events presented him with a choice of smashing his ego and rebuilding, rather than rebuild into something stronger, he has multiplied all his narcissistic tendencies 100 fold
i cried
I am here. This is me right now. Living with a toxic, narcissist and I've lost myself. I have tried to get out and fasted so much to do so but I'm still here. I feel someone placed an enormous spell or performed incredibly powerful witchcraft over my soul and I would do anything to he delivered!!!? Please Jesus Christ send a prophet, deliverance pastor anyone to help me because I'm done Livin.
I made it out early. Leave and get theraphy.
Same way I feel! Need a miracle
I don't want stay the same and come to the end of NOTHING!!! 30 YEARS OF B.S.!!!!!
You're not the only one! I feel ALL of those things!!
Don't stay in this ...do you have children?
But what if no matter where u go you end up back with him and seems like it's by design.
“A narcissist is created by parents who never let their child have real feelings”
This makes a lot more sense why it’s become like a cultural “thing” in some places, why it gets passed on down to the next generation
The giving up of control stage is so profound. I had no more energy to fight or validate why I did everything as everything was wrong, could be done better, even opening envelopes down to what grocery stores I could shop at! It’s Crazy, how Ultimately you just give up fighting. In the end (at the discard phase) I could hardly even breath. If not for crazy threats and my intuition I left with the help of my family. I always think back to the Disney film, The Jungle Book, book scene where the snake (python) who has the little boy wrapped in his coils and is beguiling him into a trance, that’s what it’s like with a narcissistic relationship. Beguiling, you make excuses, overlook and justify Way Too Much-Beware that! If there are red flags, remember them don’t just glide by devalue there existence, if something feels wrong, something is wrong!
That is actually a great analogy. It underscores the spiritual or demonic element in this process. It’s more than manipulation and control, these people are actually demonized (controlled by invisible beings with very dark intent)and many don’t even know it.
That's exactly what she did to me
How can I see the whole sermon?
Wow!!!!! Thank you so much for this simple breakdown....I'm now searching " how to break the life pattern trauma bond" ❤️🙏❤️
On the money. Thank you for this.
Excellent sermon. I experienced the most rapid-fire trauma bonding experience in my life last year and I am still recovering from that relationship.
I started sobbing and then he said @1:59
How does one STOP being a narcissist? Is it possible to stop being a narcissist?
OMG, I needed to see this video🙏🏽thank you!
Healthy people don't lovebomb
True and it also takes time to develop a real honest trusting loving relationship and narcissists move relatively quick after just meeting people its diffinately a red flag if I ever saw one
I'm sorry, I don't know why my daughter is a narcissist but it's not because of her up bringing. Her emotions were a big concern to me and her father. We would stay up for hours talking and hugging. We were a very close happy family and did a lot together. I've been told that maybe we loved her too much.
Maybe its the frends she hangs around more changed her
My inlaws, Brought my husband up like this.. He was told not to Cry or Express his feelings!
His Mother was The Matriach in the Family… She was very Dominating.
It was her way or The High way!
His sister more soo, is a Grandiose Narc… His father was quiet.. But passive aggressive! He hardly had an Opinion.. Which is how my husband is.. He won’t speak up. He stays Neutral…. !
I now sit with a man, whose anger issues are Over the top…. Due to PTSD, ADHD, Narcissistic behaviour… Severe Depression.. !
At least you're aware hope you can both get a good therapist go to church and get around Good people..
Omg same thing with my partner I recently met the mother and omg grandiose as all hell and tbh I realize why I was kept away from
This family and tbh I grew up with parents like this and now I’m addicted to trauma bonding having never gotten what I needs either I do believe I fall somewhere outside the Marc spectrum
As I only
Been feeling so much feleings constantly crying but I am aware of others issues and very kind and never judging but that being said it’s like I’m a narc fo myself u til someone else
Can be one for me if that’s even possible always been into leading about illnesss I’ve struggles with addictions and basically was told my mother was schizo but now realize she was more than that and that m other parent who was m grandma and both being abused by men and their upbringing and environment makes me feel like the situation was worse than I thought and yet so diffident than I ever could’ve imagined as much as k studied spychology I just learned to say no last year and after this relationship can’t again and go bak and forth and only learned AFTWR this one what a narc even was . And jay THEYRE my parents at that
@@giselleklang1355 Thank you kindly 🙏🏻., It’s now final, he’s turned away from God Completely and in severe Depression. He’s refuses ANY help😂..
@@crystalmclaughlin6528 Sorry you are in similar situation!
God’s Blessings to you🙏🏻
Wow 😢this is me God please help me ! Stuck in a relationship with a narcissist
OMG! You have described my relationship perfectly. I was able to break free and I felt like I was dying. It took 3 years of pain. To this day I still cry when I think about our time together.
I fight the urge to reach out to him. I've moved on but maybe not completely free.
This is great. I've never heard it all explained so efficiently and effectively. Super important to know this too! They are out there...
6 months on from her ending it, how do I recover? Its hell.
John, consider therapy. Here’s some tips: 1. Self care. Set aside time for John, doing things that John likes. Value yourself as important and worthy of love and respect.
2. Find or build a network of supportive people who can validate and encourage you in your healing journey.
3. If you’re still in relationship with your person, ask God in prayer to deliver you. Form an exit strategy and be aware of the opportunity when it arises. Readiness to respond and awareness are both important aspects.
4. As you begin to heal, come back and help others get free. Be part of a supportive community for others.
Hope this helps.
I'm currently stuck in this cycle and don't know what to do. She admitted that when we first got together that she saw me as a 4/10 on the "attraction scale". She now says that it was because I was super skinny (which I was, but not anorexic or in anyway unhealthy by height/ weight standards (6'1" @ 165 - 175 lbs). She'll say that "I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had, no one could ever love me like you, you're the only person I could ever see myself with" etc etc. I get so confused because how is that possible if I'm a 4/10 attraction wise?? I completely understand that there are relationships where that works and people legit don't see their significant other as a 10, but a 4??? The relationship started with her gassin me up saying "you're so sexy, how did I get so lucky to find a guy like you, everything about you is perfect" etc etc.. but then we get into an argument about other guys being hotter than me (7s on her attractive scale), and then tell me it's because of his height, and because they're built. I'm literally 6'1" @ 210 lbs right now with a minor gut, but I haven't let myself go as I have served in the USMC for 8 years and I know what a fat body (no offense intended) looks like. I still have definition, and a picture of what she classifies as "built" was literally this scrawny looking kid with smaller arms than me. I asked her if I were as built as them would I be hotter? And she, led me down literally MONTHS of lies, twists, turns, adding and removing scenarios to change the original question, and I end up so confused at the end. I finally caught her when I recorded an argument we had and she admitted that no, they would still be hotter than me if I were built like them. For 3 years she's been leading me to believe that I was this diamond in the rough she "God blessed her with" and that "nobody on earth could take my spot. But I'm a 4?? I do have insecurity issues to an extent, but this just seemed abnormal. The lies, the betrayal, the behind the back shady things she's done. She's never cheated on me (that I know of), but I'm just wondering if I'm in the wrong or if this is what the cycle is?? This is obviously just a FRACTION of what has happened, but I just wanted to know if it was me or did she legit play me for 3 years, lead me on, and things won't change? I love her with EVERYTHING, but I can't bear another single lie over the SMALLEST of things too... I just don't what to do and feel so hopeless. I mean I'm venting this all to strangers on YT lol... I don't know
I went through a similar situation. Literally all the steps on the list in this video. He started off really kind and I genuinely thought he was such a good thoughtful and sweet guy. Then later he suddenly turned. He would accuse me of things I never did and when things would go wrong he would blame me or everyone else but himself. He would compare me to his exs and say they were way better than me. And he would say he could get someone with a way better body and more money. I personally don’t have self esteem or confidence issues so that didn’t really affect me it’s just the fact that he tried to get to me in that way and make me insecure. Then he would turn around and “love Bomb” me and say he’s never felt like this about anyone before and that I’m a gift from God. There is so much more things that happened but I’ll just leave it at that. Despite everything I still do love him, but I’ve come to the realization with the help of God and my close friends that I have to let him go. I still have this urge to stay sometimes and try to work it out again idk why maybe the trauma bond or maybe bc I do truly care about him, but I know it wouldn’t be good for me so I have to leave. You are not wrong in your situation. Someone who loves you will never put you down. To them you will be the most attractive person and they would never even give you the idea that you’re not. I know you love her, but I hope you realize that some people just don’t change and it’s not your job to change them and you literally can’t. If you’re still with her I hope you have the strength to leave her one day and I hope God blesses you with someone who will help you build your confidence back up and truly love again the way people should be loved.
My advice is run, don’t walk. You are literally wasting your time. No one who loves you would do the things you have talked about. She doesn’t respect you
Dude, trust us, do the research. This does NOT get better, only worse. Figure out an exit plan, execute it and when you’re free and healed , come back and help others.
It must be genetic too - my sister is narcissistic but I am not, same upbringing. I left a relationship that was narcissistic, he was the same as my sister it took 4 years to see it
Great work👍
Where can I view the whole sermon?
narcs are also generationally. They are not always created and it's not always the parents
Generational curses maybe? I’d say so.
This was so validating
Love to see this in a church
Keep up the awareness !
Good to see a church dealing with this subject! 🙏🙏🙏
Interesting he notes narcissists come from an upbringing of a lack of empathy/being told to stop crying etc growing up. I've also heard the opposite environment can lead to fostering a narcissists - an upbringing with a lack of boundaries, letting a child have whatever they want, few consequences to one's actions, etc.
Also thank you for that description of love bombing. Having experienced that I often question, how did I fall so hard for it? And you're right, if you come from a loving family, that feels normal. And if you don't, then that is something you crave and graciously receive.
This described my 8 yrs of nightmare cycles with a narcissist. it was very damaging. it cost my health, my job, and my home, and losing myself. i was lucky after 8 yrs i was able to finally break away. I will never give her another chance to reconnect with me. Now she is making her new boyfriend's life miserable.
I thank him for giving me my freedom.🙏
Love is positive and negative. Narcissists don't know they're narcissists because they hurt the people they love. People in positive love don't hurt the people they love.
I had to laugh out loud! …..then comes the blame and criticism. So true!
Excellent content! 👍 Thank you
WARINING : Criticism is NOT manipulation.
If you make a mistake and someone criticizes you, it's normal, or at least acceptable. Where the manipulator is twisted is that they will criticize you for things you are not guilty of! "I know you’re having sex with others behind my back," "You’re not using the right pot to cook for me," "You shouldn't use your GPS to go there." When someone criticizes you for things that are normal, that's a big red flag.
I am 71 years old, and she is 70 years old. I feel she is definitely a covert narcissist. All of these stages you have mentioned are exactly true what I went through for three years. I broke up with her last May 2023 going through a smear campaign right now. All of her friends and family despise me. And I did nothing wrong. She was making false accusations. I am going through therapy for trama bonding. Trying to get my life back together. It’s an uphill battle when they tear you down.
Respect for this material. Thank you.
My GOD .. Thank You SOOOOO MUCH. Coming from you is a blessing. And the fact that you are 100% CORRECT
Incredibly insightful and spot on
Thank you so much.
Negative --- Love --- Positive
Narcissists. Victim
Wow this is the most accurate description of what an addiction may feel like
Yup going through this right now 😢💔
Been through it with last bf
Done so much work on myself that I can’t believe I did this again so mad myself 💔😢
A narcissist isn’t created by a parent not allowing them to cry. I have been a victim of narcissistic abuse and my dad always used to tell me, “stop crying or I will give you something to cry about.”
That’s what creates a scapegoat, not a narcissist.
Do they realize they are doing this?
damn, just damn… 😔
I'm in a trauma bonding relationship with my husband from last 14 years. I don't know how to overcome it😢😢😢😢
How do you break a trauma bond? No one ever really explains that part. When it has been with a parent, you have spent decades going round and round in this toxic cycle with them. Going NC is not enough in itself because they have already wired your brain to have c-ptsd. I have used Dr Caroline Leaf's teaching to break through some of it, through Scripture. However, no one seems to know how to break a trauma bond and fully heal from c-ptsd.
More people need to know this stuff
Anyone been through this? Williing to talk to me privately and help me / talk to me? At minimum I need someone to talk to that understands what I'm going through
What started out as a trauma bond on my end quickly escalated into me developing an unhealthy obsession with someone who was never into me to begin with... He made it known to me that he wasn't interested, but I wasn't able to handle his rejection in a way that was healthy, and now, I find that if I'm not careful, bitterness and resentment starts to creep in. It seems like whenever I'm not stuck in any delusions, the reality of what's happening is that I'm just wasting my mental and emotional energy on a guy who didn't care back then, but feels confused about me now. Or maybe I'm the one who's confused... either way, all this negativity and victimization I still get hung up on sometimes is really not a good look on me. If anything, it makes me feel like a hypocrite who's unable to look within and recognize my own flaws and shortcomings.
Bread crumbs of cortisol… emotional abuse and neglect..
Yep, this is my life over the last three years. 12 step program ideals work really well combating this monster.
Yes