I worked with a guy who had a milder version of this situation. He was not permitted to use the air conditioning in his girlfriends house unless she was home. He had lots of material posessions, and was afraid she would throw them away or damage them if he tried to move, because it would take quite an effort to get that stuff out of there. At work he formulated a plan involving a half dozen men, several vehicles, and a large truck. Every piece was accounted for. One day when she left for work, this convoy rolled up, cleared the house, and took off. It was all in storage until he could buy his own home. It was fun to watch as he freed himself.
I congratulate him. Our family had just moved into a remodeled house we were buying from my father-in-law. I told my father-in-law that I was leaving his abusive and unfaithful son. I quietly said goodbye to his siblings and nieces and nephews by allowing them to see the kids one last time. I signed off on the house, paid all the bills to-date, took my name off of all the utilities, boxed up the things that I had brought into the marriage, arranged for my children's and my flights to be paid for by members of my family until I could return back to my home state and pay them back, met my in-laws at Mickey Dee's for one last breakfast with the kids where my brother drove from another state to pick us up, and took off with the kids for a better quality of life. Free at last!
Awesome. That’s exactly what you do in a situation like this. Get out of there fast by taking all the power back and not wasting anymore time with a psychopathic narcissist.
That is what I was thinking. If a relationship becomes transactional, I would know that it wasn't a relationship, but but a pro/john situation. And if someone expects me to buy them something expensive, that tells me that they are high maintenance, where I am anything but.
Exactly. That should have been his cue to leave. He should have had a clue that if she actually respected him or cared about him, she wouldn't have demanded something so disrespectful and absurd. Should have told her to buy herself something expensive with her own money with that nasty attitude
People are disregarding the fact that he had low self esteem and was very much a victim in this case. Roles reversed, we tend to afford more kindness and compassion to a woman in an abusive relationship than we do to men. He was in an abusive relationship with a narcissist who manipulated him to the point that he had very low self worth.
The first red flag, that we know of, was her saying that she was 33 when she was 39. Any relationship that starts with lies, no matter how small they may be, is doomed to fail.
LMFAO, I ran across my ex-wife's profile on a dating app, and l couldn't believe it. She claimed to be 37, looking for 37- to 45-year-olds. But she was 45! It was so hard not to message her about how brilliant to start a relationship off on such a HUGE lie!
@@_munkykok_ She's still a liar, RUN! If she lies about something so stupid, that means she will DEFINITELY lie about something REALLY important, like why she was late coming back from whatever she CLAIMED to be doing, when she was really getting her back blown out by Chad. She will also lie to your friends, family and ultimately the cops, when she's ready to take you for all your worth. Women are REALLY good at faking nice, UNTIL they know they have you in their clutches. Then the REAL side comes out, but for most men, it's too late. They're already too addicted to her. But TRULY nice and honorable women, don't lie about something so fundamental as their age. Watch the Movie Dream Lover to see what happens to a guy that ignores the warning signs of the "little lies"
My first girlfriend was on this level. 9 years after I ended our relationship she was stabbed to death by her fiancé, who also took the life of their 5 year old daughter. When unhinged people meet normal people they sometimes make normal people break, and sometimes even normal people break down in very dramatic ways.
I know right!!???? Call me traditional but I believe in at least 5 years of a solid stable relationship before I’m feeling anxious and imprisoned and fearing for my life, thank you very much
Female narcissists are enabled by "female empowerment" and "go girl" sentiments which unfortunately gives a green light to so much acting out by dysfunctional women, and to still have the sympathetic ear of police, courts, other women and other men and the more the man is a "loser" the more odds are against the man. Deep down everyone has a spot where we love to be bullies.
They start changing in such a way that when you step back you are so deep in a toxic relationship , specially when you think you have the greatest person ever and they know this and use against you.
Most likely they are welfare checks. She probably send them to live with relatives so she can be free of them. She knows that stating that she's a mom with six kids will not look good on the dating app. So she had to make herself look as high end as possible.
What's up with that? She sounds like the average American gal to me for the most part. I feel so sorry for any man that would put up with one tenth of what he did. You know, I got tired of the gals we have here when I was 50. Went to the Philippines and married a sweet little gal half my age. Two daughters and fifteen years, absolutely the best decision of my life. Don't put up with any crap guys, you don't have to. Become a passport bro. Do your DD and live happily ever after.
People don't think that a man can be a victim of domestic by his female partner because he is usually the physically stronger one. It just goes to show you the immense power of psychological and emotional abuse.
Society is to blame for this. People are coward, and will not shit storm if they fear consequences. Women, specially beautiful, are abusing because they know they got society's back. I've been there. It's how it works.
well, sometimes a man needs to be strong to handle strong woman. he should power up with weightlifting when his partner need high demand. when he demands ten times a day and she only demand 6 times a day. he basicly saves his relationship with strong will and hardworking at the gymn.
I mean how would you know if there was a love bombing. Also a woman saying she’s going to frame a man for sa or rape gives her a lot of power over a man because even though they will find out it’s fake he would lose his job and everything while the investigation goes on (luckily he went to the police first though).
I live in the West & wouldn't stand for any of her BS. Not even a little bit. You're globalization @ "weak" western men sounds hollow & doubt you really even believe it. Hope your not one of those eastern mama's boys 😬
That’s victim blaming, Gareth is no different from any other human being, he was targeted, manipulated and abused by a psycho. He was not at fault for anything that happened.
Horrible. No one deserves abuse like this. Men, if anything like this happens to you, if any woman starts treating you like shit - you deserve much better. Leave.
It’s easy to say “just leave.” Harder to do. Especially when you already know your partner is nuts, and she issues a threat about false allegations… which, in the current day, will utterly shatter someone’s entire life even if they’re later disproved.
There is no equal access to justice for men. Nothing can be done but take precautions like avoidance of relationships. Most men will never do this so the world is a tragic stage for men.
This is a disgusting woman she should have gone to prison .As a woman having been on the receiving end of this behavior with a lot of physical violence too i do have PTSD and CPTSD and depression from that relationship it broke me mentally completely so i really feel for Gareth and hope he has support
*"she dug her nails into me until i bled, and demanded i buy her something expensive. The only thing this relationship is missing is us moving in together"* Dude was thinking with the wrong head, id rather be homeless than deal with crazy like that. Absolutely NOTHING good could possibly come of it
We men need to stop giving the females attention. Just because they’re not ugly and have a fit body, it doesn’t make them hot. We are giving these 5’s attention and it makes them think they are 10’s. Give the female who puts her personality out front first ahead of looks the attention. Look at all these girls in RUclips shorts, none of them are all that attractive, they’re just not ugly and their comments are just full of simps gushing over them.
Not always, my brother has Schizophrenia.. is aware of it, but still sometimes acts out psychosis.. so the awareness isn’t always the mechanism of stopping a severe chemical state way beyond what the typical person experiences.
It's not insane to have 6 kids if you are married and can care for them. Some people love children and live for family and higher ideals, not just for themselves or for their 10 cats
@@mbb-- exactly. However there are some psychos out there who use children as pawns for monetary gain. We are talking about a single woman with SEVERAL baby daddies. Not a happily married couple with 6 kids!
People expected Sarah to acknowledge the harm she inflicted on Gareth & show remorse for it, but nothing gives a narcissist like her more satisfaction than denying the victim & twisting the narrative to make her look like the aggrieved party. Sadly the lack of custodial sentence only empowered & reinforces her toxic behaviour even further.
It is the UK. Some woman tried to _kill_ her bf, judge says: it would be a shame to ruin this lady's future, 0 sentence, no conviction recorded. Other woman stabs someone, 17th (!) violent offense: the victim was male and so provoked it, _again_ no jail. 17 times.
@@Seeker0fTruth Unfortunately it was from experience that I had to learn this painful lesson. An entitled girl at work with strong narcissistic traits got caught on crystal clear CCTV stealing stock & when confronted about it rather than do the sane thing, admit mistake, apologise & make a commitment to make up for it, she stood by her denial of ever doing anything wrong & blamed the other employees for it....EVEN AFTER SHE WAS TOLD ABOUT THE INCRIMINATING VIDEO OF HER IN IT. The twisted & sickening thing was it was like she believed it wasn't her, so it made the Boss permanently remove her. Evidence is a narcissist's kryptonite
I was in a narcissistic relationship for 18 months. I can tell you 18 months later I feel so much better. Im a guy and it's hard to admit when your being abused emotionally. The worst part was the double standards in the relationship and lack of respect towards me. It took me almost 9 months to get my head right after the breakup. (I took time out to concentrate on myself with no chasing woman/dating etc.) When I see any form of abuse with other couple's my heart always goes out to the victim. Still makes me shudder to think back to thigs. To other guys going through this, please walk away, your peace and emotional wellbeing are far more important than a relationship that destroys you, the juice is not worth the squeeze. Peace out to all the guys going through this, i can assure you once out of a toxic relationship you have new appreciation for peace an freedom.
I think it's normal for someone not experienced with narcissistic behavior and having to stand up for themselves to easily be overwhelmed and controlled by a predator. They look for people like him. He got out unharmed, that's what is important. As a person raised by an NPD/BPD mother, I think every man needs to know the signs and run the other way when they come into your orbit.
you probably can't, as you haven't grown up vulnerable with this behaviour since childhood. My Dad is a narcissist and it wires your brain from childhood as to how men and relationships are. It takes a lot of therapy to recover and get to a 'normal' level of emotional wellbeing.
Professionally I work with people who are in domestic violence, but I’ve never seen anything to this extreme. My concern is for the children who are exposed to this woman, and the things they have to witness her doing to other people the courts need to remove the children from her care.
The Children's Social Services will do everything in their power to maintain the relationship between the abusive mother and the child. They are clueless and useless - same as Cafcass and courts. These woke institutions facilitate the abuse.
False accusations should systematically lead to prison sentences of the same duration as that of the victim would have been sentenced to if believed guilty.
Yep, TOTALLY agree. Something I came to several years ago, and just recently found that was the Law God gave to the Israelites. Anyone found guilty of a false accusation was to face the same punishment the accused faced. IF the guy ends up serving jail time prior to being proven innocent, then they should add twice the years he served to the original sentence. for her. One case, a college girl did two guys on the football team. They both got sentenced to 10 years. Got kicked out of college and lost their scholarships. Even AFTER it was proven that she lied, they didn't get ANY of it back. She got a year. She should have gotten 20 years, 10 for each guy she screwed over.
It's important not to gloss over the reasons why Gareth would stay in what is obviously an extremely abusive relationship. Dr. Grande tends to do a good job of outlining the mindset of the abuser, but says very little about the mindset of the abused. He hints at this at the end when he says, "How could anyone tolerate her behavior, even for a second?" It should be obvious to everyone that the source of Sarah's disturbing abuse is her own experiences in childhood. This is a complex topic and I don't know enough about her specific childhood to point to specific examples, but from my studies I've learned that people who have an extreme need to control others were themselves originally subjected to extreme control. Her refusal to let Gareth use the restroom in her house "because men are disgusting" is a belief she developed early in life. Men are disgusting because of experiences she had with men (mostly likely her father) when she was a child. And it isn't just that she controlled Gareth, she actually enjoyed it. She was sadistic. So we have to ask ourselves why?? Why this extreme pleasure in causing other people pain? The abuse is her way of symbolically taking back control from what is most likely her father, and getting revenge for all the trauma he put her through. All of Sarah's lovers are transformed into "daddy" in which case she feels justified in her cruel behavior because she is actually the true "victim" of "daddy." The tragedy is that for one part of her life, a long time ago, she WAS the victim. But what about Gareth? What experiences did he have in early life that made him feel like this abuse is the price of love? To get the answer to that question we'd have to look at the relationship his parents modeled for him when he was young. Judging by his behavior he must have held an unconscious belief that "abuse is love." Just think about all of the terrible things Dr. Grande said she did to him. Making him leave the house when she wasn't there! Sleeping on the floor with no blanket and the window open!! Obviously Gareth had very little or no self-respect. He had no concept of his own boundaries and no ability to stand up for himself in the face of extreme abuse. We are drawn to relationships that remind us of the old "at home" feeling from childhood. In some way, Gareth was unconsciously drawn to Sarah because her abuse was familiar. This is a failure of his parents to instill in him, when he was young, a sense of self-worth. And it's this condition that leads to the mindset that "I don't deserve to be treated with dignity." Dr. Grande said it himself when he pointed out that Gareth "couldn't believe she (Sarah) would want to with him." Many men carry around this self-degrading feeling of "less-than." It's because their parents carry the feeling and pass it down to their children in childhood. This is the definition of generational trauma, and if we want our young men and women to be able to extricate themselves from abusive situations as soon as possible, we need parents to model a strong sense of self to show them how to love themselves, and to instill in them the idea that they'll be okay alone. Abuse is not the price of love.
Your comment was all over the place. I think Dr. Grande tries to stick to the facts. He mention her childhood because she mentioned trying to manipulate her way out of the consequences of her actions. It’s no one fault here she turned out the way she is. And it’s alot easier for everybody to say what they would’ve and could’ve did if place in the situation. I’m sure Garath didn’t prepare hisself for his unfortunate mistreatment he was going to recieve. Sometimes we yearn for learn so much that we deceive ourself trying to turn hate into love. Sad.
News flash, some people are just born evil. Not every person that acts like this has been through significant trauma. A great example of this is found in Robert Hare's book, _Without Conscience: the Disturbing World of the Psyychopaths Among Us_ In same, is a case of identical twins who were in a loving, well adjusted family. One twin was clearly psychopathic and the other one clearly wasn't. Neither nature nor nurture applies in this case. Then how else do we explain it? Preexistence of consciousness, and some people just come in very negative.
Man, how would you even last a day with someone like this? She's literally telling you that your entire life with her is going to be emotional and mental abuse when she sets so many rules for everything.
The guy probably hadn't had pussey in years... So his brain got overruled by his coq's decision, 'endure so-and-so until the next bang'. Just speculating, of course.
I mean you could get a new Camry, but some men are going to pick a 10 year old Turbo'd Hayabusa instead. It's going to leak oil, leave you broke down on the side of the road, cost thousands in upkeep, and eventually it will kill you. But damn if it ain't fun to ride. I've learned to stick to the Camry.
I was in a similar relationship as Gareth. She went further though and threatened my family. Big fieaso that took a couple years to get rid of her. Social services put me in a shelter and offered to pay for my move away from the area. As a man I can understand that lack of wanting to leave since embarrassing in a sense for a man not to have control of whats going on.
@@nattie911 yes in the US they will think you are weak or made it up. Police were not much help. The church group that helped me was more compassionate. I left as soon as it got bad although difficult to do since there was a child in the home being abused also. Not my kid so nothing I could do for her.
I´m glad you finally got some support! There is a huge shadow number for men who are abused, and many of these women are just as predatory as men who do the same thing. I hope you and the child find a better future.
Really? The only crime she actually committed was threatening to say he he assaulted her to the cops if he really actually said that. Who knows what's true about this. Nowadays men accuse women of all kinds of things as they take away their rights. He isn't blameless in this and he knew exactly what he was getting into before he even moved in with her. She is very pretty and for someone like him with low self esteem who could al.ost never get someone like her he felt as though he hit the jackpot. Just the facts! Also, he said she "love bombed" him in the beginning of the relationship but didn't sound like that by how the Dr so and so told the story. If it was because she gave him a lot of sex...well, surprise...she showed him what she wanted at the beginning. He was just upset because he couldn't keep her and he wanted some money back. Often times in a relationship the man puts all if his money in...but suddenly its a crime. I want to see some facts!
I have been a male victim of abuse by a romantic partner in college. It's not fun and the fear of law enforcement not taking your side can be quite paralyzing.
codependents will put up with just about anything. add to it the fact that she's out of his league physically and having sex with him 5-6 times a day and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize a lot of men will put up with a lot worse for the same thing.
She love bombed him at first like the proper psycho that she is. Women like her aren't stupid. She's not going to behave like a nightmare from day one, that comes later
The fact she already had 6 children from previous marriages and still wanting to have another child with another man is mind boggling. How can you take proper care of all of these children, spend time with them, teach them anything, feed them and be a decent parent leading such intensive life like she does.
Love of parent to children is different then male and female who are cohabitating. Only one who recognizes the difference would understand how a person can love even from a distance!😊. Took me a long time to recognize!
Lack of self-respect didn't keep him with her. Her using threats of false accusations that would ruin his life did. He continues to be an advocate for victims and has gone on with his life. He is very strong imo.
Great video Dr.Grande! Gareth probably had some of his own childhood PTSD that made red flags look so normal to him that her banners barely set off his alarm bells until red was the only thing he could see.
Dr. Grande, you are number one! You used every word that described Sarah to a T! It's sad what Sarah put him through but I'm glad he's finally freed himself from her grasp.It's to bad a BOLO couldn't have been posted on every Dating Site and on Facebook to warn her next suitor/victim.I wouldn't be surprised if Sarah lost custody of her 6 children along with the child support payments that she likely used to buy Sarah the latest trends in fashion bc what Sarah needs and wants Sarah gets.Another great video & analysis as usual!❤ Ontario, 🇨🇦 🐾
Men are so conditioned to not admit that they're in an abusive relationship. It's one of our biggest downfalls. The lack of being able to express vulnerability.
They're also conditioned to not recognize an abusive relationship. It just comes down to "women". "You know women...", "Women are emotional...", "Just put up with her, and she'll get back to normal.", "You just have to say 'yes' to her and put up with her", "You weren't all that great to your ex, so this is as good as it gets.", "You're not exactly Johnny Depp or David Beckham. Let's get serious.", ...
Yes, everything is always the man's fault. If the genders were reversed, would you blame the woman for a lack of assertiveness rather than blaming her abuser?
The people shaming Gareth in the comments need a reality check. Abuse can happen to anyone by anyone, and I'm really glad the justice system sided with him (and the two other men who testified). She should definitely be in jail but this story will follow her for the rest of her life. I really hope he heals and finds more people in his life that bring him peace.
The case is similar in some ways to a Coersive Control conviction of a woman in the UK. Her boyfriend escaped finally on the brink of death basically. He had injuries all over his body, some life-threatening and he was severely malnourished & dehydrated. Remember - it's never too late to reach out to friends, family, Domestic Abuse services in your area, or if you're in immediate danger an emergency room/hospital/clinic, a police station, or call 911/ ur local emergency phone number :)
Getting a notification that Dr G has uploaded is so comforting, he’s super dependable and I think that’s something a lot of us are missing, someone to rely on. I have no idea how he does it, the time and effort it must take is mind blowing, but I’m so grateful he does
His videos usually seem to be a single take, which (while difficult to pull off without mistakes) probably makes editing easier/quicker. It's still impressive, though. My remark wasn't intended to take away from Dr. G's hard work.
@@kingayy9267he sometimes include bloopers so I doubt it. But I’d be surprised if he doesn’t pay for an editor. I’d also be surprised if he doesn’t have help with research and writing. Some of his research is very low effort though like straight up reading without citation wiki or easily accessible (without a login or fee) court docs.
Grateful he left and that he told the police what had happened so that eventually even other victims came forward, we should not put up with controlling and coercive behavior in any type of relationship. Hope he finds peace. 💔
My worst nightmare would be to turn on Dr. Grande and see detailed coverage of my past failed relationships, 'while not diagnosing anyone in the video,' of course.
Those who say this man had no self respect completely missed the part that she threatened to falsely report on him if he ever left. Sadly, the justice system allows this behaviour.
@@g.c.5065He could, but that doesn’t stop them from dragging him through the system at great cost. The only way out of it would be to record her at all times hoping she says it again.
1- You find out they have 6 kids and you stay 2- They kick you out of the house in your underwear, then explain their behavior by saying you have "mood swings" and you stay 4- They call you terrible names and you stay 5- They say they aren't leaving a store until you buy them something expensive, so you buy them something expensive 5- You can fully see that your partner is a terrible person who doesn't treat you well, but they are physically attractive, so you stay Ok I kinda lost track of red flags here.🤦⛳😂
It’s a classic abusive cycle - he was looking for someone to ‘save’, and she was looking for someone to blame. Romance is responsible for 90% of peoples misery.
I’ve been love bombed by someone I thought was better than me. It is hard to see the truth while the relationship still “exists”. Its ending was a singularly painful experience, but priceless lesson on narcissism.
My dad went through something similar with a woman who we live with for 10 years. She would sleep deprive him, physically threaten us, demand money frequently, degrade us. So unbelievably messed up how she's out there living with no consequences, with another new family.
I never thought I would say this but the woman in this story is an extremely amplified version of my first wife. My first wife was diagnosed as having Borderline Personality Disorder. Her behaviors were very similar to those of the woman discussed in this video. In my wifes case she was extremely abusive and she did some measure of harm to everyone who was unfortunate enough to have crossed her path. As expected she was especially abusive to me and our two small children. All of that stuff noted I will say and I will admit that like Gareth Jones (the man discussed in this video) I invited the abuse by being passive and having low confidence in myself and almost no self-esteem. At the age of 18 and 17 concurrently my wife and I were very immature when we took off together to take on the world and to start a family. Nevertheless if not for my own lack of strength and courage I would never have considered leaving my family and everything I knew behind for the sake of running away with my first wife. The upshot is that while my wife was a certified "mental case" I was the perfect willing victim for her - much like the couple in this video. Somewhere along the way (after 13 long years of abuse in that marriage) I discovered my backbone. I had learned (somehow learned) that by making myself a proverbial doormat I should not have been surprised when my wife walked on me - wiped her feet on me in a manner of speaking. For the weakling that I was - I had it coming. Somehow I managed to escape that marriage and able to to develop some self-confidence and to develop albeit late in life something resembling a mature man - no longer a proverbial doormat. I can't honestly blame my former wife for all the misery I took. She was mentally ill and in a manner of speaking so was I...I was the hand that fit her glove for those 13 miserable years. I grew out of it and when I think about it I can't help feeling a twinge of pain and embarrassment for the role I played in my suffering. But I'm much better now.
Congrats man. I guess the brutal part about bettering ourselves as people, is that we have to experience evil in some sort of way, in order to understand how bad things can actually get, and why the first steps of going towards a horrible place are actually bad, even if they don't seem horrific when viewed only by themselves (oblivious to later consequences). Maybe a shorter way to put it would be that we need either extensive experience or great mentorship, or loads of luck, or some combination of those three. Otherwise we're likely to be screwed over by other people as well as ourselves. Anyway, glad you made it out of that hell, and even told the tale, well done!
@@_munkykok_ You said it well - "we need experience, mentorship, or loads of luck, or some combination of those three" Of which I had almost NO experience, zero mentorship and my luck was generally of the bad variety.
I got a sibling with BPD. They beat me to near unconsciousness before they were pulled off of me, my bro from another hoe (the one that pulled my sibling off of me) told me my lips had been turning blue because I hadn’t been able to breathe. My chest was all bruised up for awhile. My sibling (and their bf) state that my sibling both does not recall the incident, but also that they suffered more from it. And that REALLY hurt a lot worse. Because then they were just in a bad state of mind and that could explain it away, right? But nope - calm, cool, and collected as they turn the tragedies in our lives into a Misery Olympics once more. It’s a game they’ve pulled all while growing up and I’m so tired of it. They’ve bullied me all my life, lied about me, took a naked picture of me, told my crushes I liked them when they KNEW it was not reciprocated, stole my medication… hit me CONSTANTLY growing up! I’m SCARED! I loved them, but I want them out of my life. Literally most nights I’m dreaming it’s them or their boyfriend or both of them k!lling me, then I get to wake up to them screaming at each other before the sun’s even up. I’m tired, I’m done, I don’t know what to do.
He couldn’t use the bathroom at the place HE was paying for!😮 I don’t know why that was so shocking to hear after the list of all her other demands and stipulations, but omg! 🌵Thank you Dr. Grande! I always look forward to your videos and analysis of them. 🌵🌵
I'm just going to come out and be very blunt here. Mainly because I lost my best friend to a woman like this. 1. Stay off of matchmaking websites! You will attract the worst of the worst. 2. Don't allow yourself to have intercourse with anyone until you've known them a decent amount of time. I know this can be hard. Male or female... just re-watch this video. You want to be beat or treated like a dog... go ahead. That's your choice. Don't expect the cops to do anything for you.. because you didn't help yourself. Reach out, respect yourself more than that.
@@loose2550 so I guess you're claiming you're not a conniving bitch that would ever manipulate a person. Well good for you then. I still get my opinion with matchmaking websites.
I couldn’t agree more. People nowadays are treating sex like a handshake, doing it with anyone. If nature intended for us to do that, STDs wouldn’t exist. Speaking of which, I have seen so many of my friends get herpes, which can be a very painful life sentence.
Pt2. As a childhood abuse survivor, I can attest to the internal loathing I have when comparing myself to those around me. It’s easy to subvert my own value- even when others don’t.
Those were Gareths. In the department store, as she was digging her nails into his arm, she asked for three things. A high end dress an expensive purse and a fur wrap. Gareth was tapped out of cash, but he was resourceful man and made it work.
Terrible. Typical vulnerable/malignant narcissist, quite a list of bad characteristics. He had a low self esteem to stay 🧙♀️Great analysis & points again. Thanks Dr G😊🧡🧡
The biggest red flag in the beginning was demanding he buy her expensive items from that store or she would find someone else to spend the night with. I would’ve walked away right then and there.
Good timing for Father's Day. Men, be careful. You never NEED a relationship. Learn to be happy by yourself. You can have a relationship after that. All the love you need is inside you.
I’m saving this for my son to watch when he’s older. Bc you always hear about men doing this to women, and they DO. But there are few stories of men going thru it.
Ah yes, Plenty of Fish: A smorgasbord of damaged people. For me, PoF was like a university level course in Borderline Personality Disorder. It’s taken me years to recover from the gems I met on there.
I had been talking to a woman on POF for a couple of weeks before we finally agreed to meet. The night before our first date she gives me a heads up that one of her ex-boyfriend’s is living in her pool house. No thanks.
I worked with a guy who had a milder version of this situation. He was not permitted to use the air conditioning in his girlfriends house unless she was home. He had lots of material posessions, and was afraid she would throw them away or damage them if he tried to move, because it would take quite an effort to get that stuff out of there. At work he formulated a plan involving a half dozen men, several vehicles, and a large truck. Every piece was accounted for. One day when she left for work, this convoy rolled up, cleared the house, and took off. It was all in storage until he could buy his own home. It was fun to watch as he freed himself.
I congratulate him. Our family had just moved into a remodeled house we were buying from my father-in-law. I told my father-in-law that I was leaving his abusive and unfaithful son. I quietly said goodbye to his siblings and nieces and nephews by allowing them to see the kids one last time. I signed off on the house, paid all the bills to-date, took my name off of all the utilities, boxed up the things that I had brought into the marriage, arranged for my children's and my flights to be paid for by members of my family until I could return back to my home state and pay them back, met my in-laws at Mickey Dee's for one last breakfast with the kids where my brother drove from another state to pick us up, and took off with the kids for a better quality of life. Free at last!
@@nanettevantriesteharder2469 Rock on!
Awesome. That’s exactly what you do in a situation like this. Get out of there fast by taking all the power back and not wasting anymore time with a psychopathic narcissist.
@@nanettevantriesteharder2469 How did you take the kids without a court order? You could be charged with kidnapping
@@SwimminWitDaFishies An intact marriage needs no court order.
I would've been outta there as soon as she said "we're not leaving the mall until you buy me something expensive."
Yep!
That is what I was thinking. If a relationship becomes transactional, I would know that it wasn't a relationship, but but a pro/john situation. And if someone expects me to buy them something expensive, that tells me that they are high maintenance, where I am anything but.
Yes! Gold digging and obviously not loving in any sense!
I would have never met up after texting. I can sense manipulation and people trying to dominate me.
I'll be like, deuces.
"Buy me an expensive gift or I'll go back on my dating app!"
"Sounds good to me. See if they can give you a ride home."
Exactly. That should have been his cue to leave. He should have had a clue that if she actually respected him or cared about him, she wouldn't have demanded something so disrespectful and absurd. Should have told her to buy herself something expensive with her own money with that nasty attitude
@GameChanger597 And it's not like she was something special anyway. Why tf did she even begin to think that she could act that way!?
People are disregarding the fact that he had low self esteem and was very much a victim in this case. Roles reversed, we tend to afford more kindness and compassion to a woman in an abusive relationship than we do to men. He was in an abusive relationship with a narcissist who manipulated him to the point that he had very low self worth.
Exactly👍
@@autisticlybrēhe kept showing her that she could. This poor guy asked for this. I hope he learned from it.
She tortured this guy and got no jail time. The UK system failed this man
I was incredulous when I heard 35 hours of rehabilitation. I worked for Apple once and we received 120 hours training on iPhones.
No...this mans penis failed him
I thought they were soft on women in the us but wow they have it worse in the uk
Well it is the UK
Yes she was a terrible person, but what was her ACTUAL CRIME?
Ladies and gentlemen, the FIRST time someone is aggressive with you, get the hell out.
Amen.
Only date people who completely repress distress? Healthy ..
Damn straight
@@SerendipityChild you can express distress without being aggressive, or does that not seem possible to you?
I thought women were soft, weak and innocent creatures? 😮
Six kids with different fathers. Run. Fast.
Cumholio
This is common in UK amongst the under class who use kids to shop for benefits. Sickening
Any kids = run
She is a nurse...
Six kids? TWO kids different dads I'd be out.
As my Dad said to me once, “You have to be careful who you get naked with.”
😂 👍
Well said
That's true! Wise words. 😹👍🏻
A wise man was your father. 🙂
Such a great proverb!
The first red flag, that we know of, was her saying that she was 33 when she was 39. Any relationship that starts with lies, no matter how small they may be, is doomed to fail.
What if she says she's 34, when she's actually 37 and a super nice person?
LMFAO, I ran across my ex-wife's profile on a dating app, and l couldn't believe it. She claimed to be 37, looking for 37- to 45-year-olds. But she was 45! It was so hard not to message her about how brilliant to start a relationship off on such a HUGE lie!
@@_munkykok_ She's still a liar, RUN! If she lies about something so stupid, that means she will DEFINITELY lie about something REALLY important, like why she was late coming back from whatever she CLAIMED to be doing, when she was really getting her back blown out by Chad.
She will also lie to your friends, family and ultimately the cops, when she's ready to take you for all your worth.
Women are REALLY good at faking nice, UNTIL they know they have you in their clutches. Then the REAL side comes out, but for most men, it's too late. They're already too addicted to her. But TRULY nice and honorable women, don't lie about something so fundamental as their age.
Watch the Movie Dream Lover to see what happens to a guy that ignores the warning signs of the "little lies"
@@_munkykok_Fitting profile picture, blue pill simp. Go right ahead, live in comfortable lies.
@@_munkykok_she's a liar. Not a nice person
My first girlfriend was on this level. 9 years after I ended our relationship she was stabbed to death by her fiancé, who also took the life of their 5 year old daughter. When unhinged people meet normal people they sometimes make normal people break, and sometimes even normal people break down in very dramatic ways.
Mental illness is contagious!
All of that in a 9 month relationship? Jeez she doesn't waste time!
Can you abuse me mommy
@__logan__duvalier__ I said she was busy! 🤣
👏👏 on doing the math! 🤣
I know right!!???? Call me traditional but I believe in at least 5 years of a solid stable relationship before I’m feeling anxious and imprisoned and fearing for my life, thank you very much
@@nicholassimon1419 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Not to mention she already had 6 kids!
Narcissists are predators, they feed on you.
Female narcissists are enabled by "female empowerment" and "go girl" sentiments which unfortunately gives a green light to so much acting out by dysfunctional women, and to still have the sympathetic ear of police, courts, other women and other men and the more the man is a "loser" the more odds are against the man. Deep down everyone has a spot where we love to be bullies.
They start changing in such a way that when you step back you are so deep in a toxic relationship , specially when you think you have the greatest person ever and they know this and use against you.
So very true..
@@themajesticmagnificent386 thanks for backing me
A simp like that is not easy to find.
One can only imagine what she is doing to her children, mentally.
This is the type of mother that creates a serial killer.
So true
Oh God I hadn't thought about that 😢
Where were her six kids? He was very lucky not to get her pregnant.
No KIDDING geez?! Can you even imagine?! Yikes?!! Agree 💯
Can’t imagine the abuse her children have endured.
Most likely they are welfare checks. She probably send them to live with relatives so she can be free of them. She knows that stating that she's a mom with six kids will not look good on the dating app. So she had to make herself look as high end as possible.
What's up with that? She sounds like the average American gal to me for the most part. I feel so sorry for any man that would put up with one tenth of what he did. You know, I got tired of the gals we have here when I was 50. Went to the Philippines and married a sweet little gal half my age. Two daughters and fifteen years, absolutely the best decision of my life. Don't put up with any crap guys, you don't have to. Become a passport bro. Do your DD and live happily ever after.
@@johnl9977 because u can't handle an equal. Someone your age who would call you out on yor sh-
People don't think that a man can be a victim of domestic by his female partner because he is usually the physically stronger one. It just goes to show you the immense power of psychological and emotional abuse.
#BelieveAllWomen
Systemic indoctrination is a thing.
Society is brainwashed AF.
Society is to blame for this. People are coward, and will not shit storm if they fear consequences. Women, specially beautiful, are abusing because they know they got society's back. I've been there. It's how it works.
Give a woman power, you wear the flower.
No one thinks that actually.
What they do say is he got no balls which is true
well, sometimes a man needs to be strong to handle strong woman. he should power up with weightlifting when his partner need high demand. when he demands ten times a day and she only demand 6 times a day. he basicly saves his relationship with strong will and hardworking at the gymn.
Her six children needs urgent state protection from this monster mum.
No matter how lonely you are, or much you long for a relationship please please dont allow yourself to fall into such a scenario..
I mean how would you know if there was a love bombing. Also a woman saying she’s going to frame a man for sa or rape gives her a lot of power over a man because even though they will find out it’s fake he would lose his job and everything while the investigation goes on (luckily he went to the police first though).
He wasn't permitted to use the bathroom! I can't imagine agreeing to all her craziness 😮
Abuse creeps up on people.
It always seems crazy on the outside.
No one should
He did use the bathroom. It was her!
@@LilySaintSinthis didn’t creep up on anyone she was doing that from the START
Love your style. No drama, just straightforward facts in an articulate manner. God bless...
Poor bloke! He deserves better. Hope he’s living a better life now… Hugs, Gareth. You’re stronger than what you think.
“Will you walk into my parlor?” Said the spider to the fly.
She had a nice puppy .....
This woman is a real piece of work.
Unfortunately, Gareth lacked self-respect and was subsequently steamrolled emotionally by a psycho.
Sadly for him that exactly the case! You’re right on there!
Yeah, Gareths a tool.
She STOLE his self respect, that's what happens with coercive control
I live in the West & wouldn't stand for any of her BS. Not even a little bit. You're globalization @ "weak" western men sounds hollow & doubt you really even believe it.
Hope your not one of those eastern mama's boys 😬
That’s victim blaming, Gareth is no different from any other human being, he was targeted, manipulated and abused by a psycho. He was not at fault for anything that happened.
Horrible. No one deserves abuse like this. Men, if anything like this happens to you, if any woman starts treating you like shit - you deserve much better. Leave.
It’s easy to say “just leave.” Harder to do. Especially when you already know your partner is nuts, and she issues a threat about false allegations… which, in the current day, will utterly shatter someone’s entire life even if they’re later disproved.
Agree! But is goes both ways. Women leave if men treat you like this and men leave when a women treat you like this!!
@@kaineandrews3790So you're screwed if you stay or if you leave. 😂
Been there.- and it is hazardous to one's life to stick around a woman who acts that way.
There is no equal access to justice for men. Nothing can be done but take precautions like avoidance of relationships. Most men will never do this so the world is a tragic stage for men.
Always record anyone threatening to go to the police with a false allegation. It may be your only defence in court.
Cannot imagine having her as a mother.
And yet she *is* your mother, for real.
Stop denying it, son.
Those kids are in trouble..Many will become narcissist
This is a disgusting woman she should have gone to prison .As a woman having been on the receiving end of this behavior with a lot of physical violence too i do have PTSD and CPTSD and depression from that relationship it broke me mentally completely so i really feel for Gareth and hope he has support
*"she dug her nails into me until i bled, and demanded i buy her something expensive. The only thing this relationship is missing is us moving in together"*
Dude was thinking with the wrong head, id rather be homeless than deal with crazy like that. Absolutely NOTHING good could possibly come of it
I hope this man gets a KIND woman and realizes what true love actually is.
LOOOOL.
only if he stops thinking with his... This is all on him.
We men need to stop giving the females attention. Just because they’re not ugly and have a fit body, it doesn’t make them hot. We are giving these 5’s attention and it makes them think they are 10’s. Give the female who puts her personality out front first ahead of looks the attention.
Look at all these girls in RUclips shorts, none of them are all that attractive, they’re just not ugly and their comments are just full of simps gushing over them.
Unfortunately very unlikely I think.
@@JimmyMon666 yep. 100% correct.
"Plenty of Fish" = "plenty of unhinged people who no-one wants"
That was my first thought too…
Blasphemy!
It's simply a bunch of fish.
Enough to feed a crowd, sometimes.
Plenty of mullets ! 🙄🤭😂
I got lucky with the best fish of the sea in 2008! :) Perhaps fishing has changed. LOL
Exactly
The moment she said she had mood swings was her way of excusing yourself for her bad an erratic behavior going forward
Not always, my brother has Schizophrenia.. is aware of it, but still sometimes acts out psychosis.. so the awareness isn’t always the mechanism of stopping a severe chemical state way beyond what the typical person experiences.
Having six kids is already insane. And having them with different daddies tells you everything about this lady.
A lady she ain't.
It's not insane to have 6 kids if you are married and can care for them. Some people love children and live for family and higher ideals, not just for themselves or for their 10 cats
We're talking about six kids with different daddies.
@@mbb-- exactly. However there are some psychos out there who use children as pawns for monetary gain. We are talking about a single woman with SEVERAL baby daddies. Not a happily married couple with 6 kids!
People expected Sarah to acknowledge the harm she inflicted on Gareth & show remorse for it, but nothing gives a narcissist like her more satisfaction than denying the victim & twisting the narrative to make her look like the aggrieved party. Sadly the lack of custodial sentence only empowered & reinforces her toxic behaviour even further.
Sad but TRUE
Theres culpability for relationships failing on both sides and if a person doesn’t know or understand that they deserve to be miserable and alone!
It is the UK.
Some woman tried to _kill_ her bf, judge says: it would be a shame to ruin this lady's future, 0 sentence, no conviction recorded.
Other woman stabs someone, 17th (!) violent offense: the victim was male and so provoked it, _again_ no jail. 17 times.
@@Seeker0fTruth Unfortunately it was from experience that I had to learn this painful lesson. An entitled girl at work with strong narcissistic traits got caught on crystal clear CCTV stealing stock & when confronted about it rather than do the sane thing, admit mistake, apologise & make a commitment to make up for it, she stood by her denial of ever doing anything wrong & blamed the other employees for it....EVEN AFTER SHE WAS TOLD ABOUT THE INCRIMINATING VIDEO OF HER IN IT. The twisted & sickening thing was it was like she believed it wasn't her, so it made the Boss permanently remove her. Evidence is a narcissist's kryptonite
Yeah that will never happen. It’s not in her.
I was in a narcissistic relationship for 18 months. I can tell you 18 months later I feel so much better. Im a guy and it's hard to admit when your being abused emotionally.
The worst part was the double standards in the relationship and lack of respect towards me. It took me almost 9 months to get my head right after the breakup. (I took time out to concentrate on myself with no chasing woman/dating etc.)
When I see any form of abuse with other couple's my heart always goes out to the victim. Still makes me shudder to think back to thigs.
To other guys going through this, please walk away, your peace and emotional wellbeing are far more important than a relationship that destroys you, the juice is not worth the squeeze.
Peace out to all the guys going through this, i can assure you once out of a toxic relationship you have new appreciation for peace an freedom.
people just refuse to believe women can be psycho crazy and mean as hell ...why, cuz we are supposed to look pretty?
I can't imagine how low his self esteem was to "fall" for someone like that....
I think it's normal for someone not experienced with narcissistic behavior and having to stand up for themselves to easily be overwhelmed and controlled by a predator. They look for people like him. He got out unharmed, that's what is important. As a person raised by an NPD/BPD mother, I think every man needs to know the signs and run the other way when they come into your orbit.
you probably can't, as you haven't grown up vulnerable with this behaviour since childhood. My Dad is a narcissist and it wires your brain from childhood as to how men and relationships are. It takes a lot of therapy to recover and get to a 'normal' level of emotional wellbeing.
He had none.0.
Sex with a physically attractive woman is a serious temptation for many men.
Because people like this are experts in pushing all the right buttons.
Professionally I work with people who are in domestic violence, but I’ve never seen anything to this extreme. My concern is for the children who are exposed to this woman, and the things they have to witness her doing to other people the courts need to remove the children from her care.
Agreed. Not to mention the behaviours she will pass on to them. She’s teaching a new generation how to treat people. Very sad.
Damn right. I work in a specific area as well and there are so many red flags regarding her behaviour!
IKR?? how can she keep being a mother & no punishment for her agregious treatment of the man, imagine what she does to her sons & kids..🤯
The Children's Social Services will do everything in their power to maintain the relationship between the abusive mother and the child.
They are clueless and useless - same as Cafcass and courts. These woke institutions facilitate the abuse.
The way you deliver those cases = Pure Gold! You need your own TV Show.
This is so sad. Imagine dealing with something so extremely intolerable simply because he didn't want to be alone? This woman is beyond a psychotic.
She's a monster
Trust me, I have no problem imagining it.
False accusations should systematically lead to prison sentences of the same duration as that of the victim would have been sentenced to if believed guilty.
Yupp, 100%.
#FalseAllegationsCounterStrategy
Yep, TOTALLY agree. Something I came to several years ago, and just recently found that was the Law God gave to the Israelites. Anyone found guilty of a false accusation was to face the same punishment the accused faced.
IF the guy ends up serving jail time prior to being proven innocent, then they should add twice the years he served to the original sentence. for her.
One case, a college girl did two guys on the football team. They both got sentenced to 10 years. Got kicked out of college and lost their scholarships. Even AFTER it was proven that she lied, they didn't get ANY of it back.
She got a year. She should have gotten 20 years, 10 for each guy she screwed over.
I like it👍
I 100% agree. 💯
Yes! I’ve been saying that for years!
It's important not to gloss over the reasons why Gareth would stay in what is obviously an extremely abusive relationship. Dr. Grande tends to do a good job of outlining the mindset of the abuser, but says very little about the mindset of the abused. He hints at this at the end when he says, "How could anyone tolerate her behavior, even for a second?"
It should be obvious to everyone that the source of Sarah's disturbing abuse is her own experiences in childhood. This is a complex topic and I don't know enough about her specific childhood to point to specific examples, but from my studies I've learned that people who have an extreme need to control others were themselves originally subjected to extreme control. Her refusal to let Gareth use the restroom in her house "because men are disgusting" is a belief she developed early in life. Men are disgusting because of experiences she had with men (mostly likely her father) when she was a child.
And it isn't just that she controlled Gareth, she actually enjoyed it. She was sadistic. So we have to ask ourselves why?? Why this extreme pleasure in causing other people pain? The abuse is her way of symbolically taking back control from what is most likely her father, and getting revenge for all the trauma he put her through. All of Sarah's lovers are transformed into "daddy" in which case she feels justified in her cruel behavior because she is actually the true "victim" of "daddy." The tragedy is that for one part of her life, a long time ago, she WAS the victim.
But what about Gareth? What experiences did he have in early life that made him feel like this abuse is the price of love? To get the answer to that question we'd have to look at the relationship his parents modeled for him when he was young. Judging by his behavior he must have held an unconscious belief that "abuse is love." Just think about all of the terrible things Dr. Grande said she did to him. Making him leave the house when she wasn't there! Sleeping on the floor with no blanket and the window open!! Obviously Gareth had very little or no self-respect. He had no concept of his own boundaries and no ability to stand up for himself in the face of extreme abuse. We are drawn to relationships that remind us of the old "at home" feeling from childhood. In some way, Gareth was unconsciously drawn to Sarah because her abuse was familiar. This is a failure of his parents to instill in him, when he was young, a sense of self-worth. And it's this condition that leads to the mindset that "I don't deserve to be treated with dignity." Dr. Grande said it himself when he pointed out that Gareth "couldn't believe she (Sarah) would want to with him."
Many men carry around this self-degrading feeling of "less-than." It's because their parents carry the feeling and pass it down to their children in childhood. This is the definition of generational trauma, and if we want our young men and women to be able to extricate themselves from abusive situations as soon as possible, we need parents to model a strong sense of self to show them how to love themselves, and to instill in them the idea that they'll be okay alone. Abuse is not the price of love.
perfectly said
The greatest achievement in my lifetime, was to stop the cycle.
@@TheVersipelis it's great to hear that!
Your comment was all over the place. I think Dr. Grande tries to stick to the facts. He mention her childhood because she mentioned trying to manipulate her way out of the consequences of her actions. It’s no one fault here she turned out the way she is. And it’s alot easier for everybody to say what they would’ve and could’ve did if place in the situation. I’m sure Garath didn’t prepare hisself for his unfortunate mistreatment he was going to recieve. Sometimes we yearn for learn so much that we deceive ourself trying to turn hate into love. Sad.
News flash, some people are just born evil. Not every person that acts like this has been through significant trauma.
A great example of this is found in Robert Hare's book, _Without Conscience: the Disturbing World of the Psyychopaths Among Us_ In same, is a case of identical twins who were in a loving, well adjusted family. One twin was clearly psychopathic and the other one clearly wasn't.
Neither nature nor nurture applies in this case. Then how else do we explain it? Preexistence of consciousness, and some people just come in very negative.
Man, how would you even last a day with someone like this? She's literally telling you that your entire life with her is going to be emotional and mental abuse when she sets so many rules for everything.
Bully, with a Capitol Beitch!!!
She's lucky in the genetics department and that's the only reason she got that far in her life
The guy probably hadn't had pussey in years...
So his brain got overruled by his coq's decision, 'endure so-and-so until the next bang'.
Just speculating, of course.
Love your shirt Dr. Grande!
“Plenty of Fish”? She should have been looking for love on “Plenty of Red Flags”
I mean you could get a new Camry, but some men are going to pick a 10 year old Turbo'd Hayabusa instead. It's going to leak oil, leave you broke down on the side of the road, cost thousands in upkeep, and eventually it will kill you. But damn if it ain't fun to ride. I've learned to stick to the Camry.
All crazy on there
Internet dating isn't for the faint of heart. You go big, or you go home.
Plenty of Whales
@@jackdanson2That's a really good analogy.
If someone is this controlling, run. Get away from them
Thank God he was smart enough to break out of that relationship! Nice shirt Doc!
If I was Gareth, I'd LOVE to go to jail rather than staying with that Harpy!!!
Queen of the harpies 😂
I would rather go to jail than being with Gareth. Who wants a fool. She was obviously more intelligent than him.
@@Louis1059Queen of herpes?
@@BetaBuxDelux probably 😂
wrong, thats a succubus.
I was in a similar relationship as Gareth. She went further though and threatened my family. Big fieaso that took a couple years to get rid of her. Social services put me in a shelter and offered to pay for my move away from the area. As a man I can understand that lack of wanting to leave since embarrassing in a sense for a man not to have control of whats going on.
Very scary.
Was if difficult to find support as a man?
@@nattie911 yes in the US they will think you are weak or made it up. Police were not much help. The church group that helped me was more compassionate. I left as soon as it got bad although difficult to do since there was a child in the home being abused also. Not my kid so nothing I could do for her.
I´m glad you finally got some support! There is a huge shadow number for men who are abused, and many of these women are just as predatory as men who do the same thing. I hope you and the child find a better future.
I am extremely sorry that happened to you. I hope she got done for coercive behaviour. It is good Social Services believed you.
i broke up with a girl when she wouldn't let me have a bottled water out of her refigerator....she said "they are for when we're going somewhere only
Bring your own water 😂
The things people are willing to put up with to avoid being alone
That’s a very common and sad truth.
He was blackmailed
What a horrible, sick and dangerous, damaged woman. I think she should be in jail, 'cos she'll definitely keep doing it.
Really? The only crime she actually committed was threatening to say he he assaulted her to the cops if he really actually said that. Who knows what's true about this. Nowadays men accuse women of all kinds of things as they take away their rights. He isn't blameless in this and he knew exactly what he was getting into before he even moved in with her. She is very pretty and for someone like him with low self esteem who could al.ost never get someone like her he felt as though he hit the jackpot. Just the facts! Also, he said she "love bombed" him in the beginning of the relationship but didn't sound like that by how the Dr so and so told the story. If it was because she gave him a lot of sex...well, surprise...she showed him what she wanted at the beginning. He was just upset because he couldn't keep her and he wanted some money back. Often times in a relationship the man puts all if his money in...but suddenly its a crime. I want to see some facts!
Now she is going to up the ante and leave no witnesses, I suspect.
Yes, and she is a mom so what kind of psychological damage is she doing to her children!
I hope the dads have custody.
I have been a male victim of abuse by a romantic partner in college. It's not fun and the fear of law enforcement not taking your side can be quite paralyzing.
That's wild. Who the hell is desperate enough to put up with that?
Garreth
Dumb name
He definitely is a simp
codependents will put up with just about anything. add to it the fact that she's out of his league physically and having sex with him 5-6 times a day and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize a lot of men will put up with a lot worse for the same thing.
She’s hot
😂@suspicionofdeceit
She love bombed him at first like the proper psycho that she is. Women like her aren't stupid. She's not going to behave like a nightmare from day one, that comes later
The fact she already had 6 children from previous marriages and still wanting to have another child with another man is mind boggling. How can you take proper care of all of these children, spend time with them, teach them anything, feed them and be a decent parent leading such intensive life like she does.
She doesn't. Other people do. Like a cowbird.
Love of parent to children is different then male and female who are cohabitating. Only one who recognizes the difference would understand how a person can love even from a distance!😊. Took me a long time to recognize!
Plus SIX sexual encounters a day!!!???
I am pretty sure she is not taking care of the other 6 children herself most likely join custody or something
Love that shirt Dr Grande!👌
Word of the day: SELF-RESPECT!!!!
I'll add another one: Self-love.
I'm so happy her Exes came to the man's defense.
Lack of self-respect didn't keep him with her. Her using threats of false accusations that would ruin his life did. He continues to be an advocate for victims and has gone on with his life. He is very strong imo.
@@MimiRAM0NE What doesn't kill you makes you strong.
Great video Dr.Grande!
Gareth probably had some of his own childhood PTSD that made red flags look so normal to him that her banners barely set off his alarm bells until red was the only thing he could see.
this!
If he didn't, he sure does now.
Dr. Grande, you are number one! You used every word that described Sarah to a T! It's sad what Sarah put him through but I'm glad he's finally freed himself from her grasp.It's to bad a BOLO couldn't have been posted on every Dating Site and on Facebook to warn her next suitor/victim.I wouldn't be surprised if Sarah lost custody of her 6 children along with the child support payments that she likely used to buy Sarah the latest trends in fashion bc what Sarah needs and wants Sarah gets.Another great video & analysis as usual!❤ Ontario, 🇨🇦 🐾
Men are so conditioned to not admit that they're in an abusive relationship. It's one of our biggest downfalls. The lack of being able to express vulnerability.
They're also conditioned to not recognize an abusive relationship. It just comes down to "women". "You know women...", "Women are emotional...", "Just put up with her, and she'll get back to normal.", "You just have to say 'yes' to her and put up with her", "You weren't all that great to your ex, so this is as good as it gets.", "You're not exactly Johnny Depp or David Beckham. Let's get serious.", ...
And a lot of the comments are exactly why men still don't admit to being in abusive relationships.
Yes, everything is always the man's fault. If the genders were reversed, would you blame the woman for a lack of assertiveness rather than blaming her abuser?
It's been overtaken by the aggressive resistance against abused men from governments, press, academics, activists, media etc
Man up!! Loser needs to get some balls! SMH
The people shaming Gareth in the comments need a reality check. Abuse can happen to anyone by anyone, and I'm really glad the justice system sided with him (and the two other men who testified). She should definitely be in jail but this story will follow her for the rest of her life. I really hope he heals and finds more people in his life that bring him peace.
It won't follow her if she changes her name..
Nonsense abuse can only happen once to anyone, after that it's a choice
@@2islamrevert get a vasectomy
@@2islamrevert you are uneducated
The moment she threatened to tell the police a false story, I would talk to a detective. I would document as much as possible.
The case is similar in some ways to a Coersive Control conviction of a woman in the UK. Her boyfriend escaped finally on the brink of death basically. He had injuries all over his body, some life-threatening and he was severely malnourished & dehydrated.
Remember - it's never too late to reach out to friends, family, Domestic Abuse services in your area, or if you're in immediate danger an emergency room/hospital/clinic, a police station, or call 911/ ur local emergency phone number :)
Alex skeel
If she makes ''rules'' for you, you know where you stand.
you also know where you should stand. somewhere far far away.
Being a simpslave
Whew!! Nice shirt, Dr. Grande!
Getting a notification that Dr G has uploaded is so comforting, he’s super dependable and I think that’s something a lot of us are missing, someone to rely on. I have no idea how he does it, the time and effort it must take is mind blowing, but I’m so grateful he does
His videos usually seem to be a single take, which (while difficult to pull off without mistakes) probably makes editing easier/quicker.
It's still impressive, though. My remark wasn't intended to take away from Dr. G's hard work.
@@kingayy9267 He's posted blooper reels before, and they're so hilarious! 😂🤣
Yeah I agree even though this was some crazy glaze
@@Invedian Glaze? Is this Gen Z slang?
@@kingayy9267he sometimes include bloopers so I doubt it. But I’d be surprised if he doesn’t pay for an editor. I’d also be surprised if he doesn’t have help with research and writing. Some of his research is very low effort though like straight up reading without citation wiki or easily accessible (without a login or fee) court docs.
Grateful he left and that he told the police what had happened so that eventually even other victims came forward, we should not put up with controlling and coercive behavior in any type of relationship.
Hope he finds peace. 💔
Hi Dr Grande. Can you please discuss the case of Anna Stubblefield, as depicted in Netflix documentary “Tell Them you Love Me”?
Thank you for bringing back that shirt. It’s iconic and needs its own channel.
Beat shirt 😊
My worst nightmare would be to turn on Dr. Grande and see detailed coverage of my past failed relationships, 'while not diagnosing anyone in the video,' of course.
😂😂😂 TRUE!
You know it's REALLY bad when Dr Grande features you on a video!!
I'm glad Gareth found his way out of this narcistic nightmare.
Those who say this man had no self respect completely missed the part that she threatened to falsely report on him if he ever left. Sadly, the justice system allows this behaviour.
He could still at least contact a lawyer or the police to preempt her doing that?
@@g.c.5065He could, but that doesn’t stop them from dragging him through the system at great cost. The only way out of it would be to record her at all times hoping she says it again.
@@g.c.5065you can pretend the laws arent femnists or be ignorant about it
He was a whimp.
Yeah I am calling BS on that one my guy 😂
1- You find out they have 6 kids and you stay
2- They kick you out of the house in your underwear, then explain their behavior by saying you have "mood swings" and you stay
4- They call you terrible names and you stay
5- They say they aren't leaving a store until you buy them something expensive, so you buy them something expensive
5- You can fully see that your partner is a terrible person who doesn't treat you well, but they are physically attractive, so you stay
Ok I kinda lost track of red flags here.🤦⛳😂
He's getting sex 5 to 6 times a day, probable never noticed what a monster she was.
6-they don't let you use the house bathroom 😂
@@g6ter1 Yeah that's a big one😅
At some point it becomes "an entire forest of burning red flags".
It’s a classic abusive cycle - he was looking for someone to ‘save’, and she was looking for someone to blame.
Romance is responsible for 90% of peoples misery.
OMG, what a wonderful shirt, Dr. Grande!
I’ve been love bombed by someone I thought was better than me. It is hard to see the truth while the relationship still “exists”. Its ending was a singularly painful experience, but priceless lesson on narcissism.
Simp meets sociopath
🎯
Super Simp meets uber-nymphomaniac mommy
He isn't a simp.
@@VendieSolde he didn't value himself enough though. No kitty is worth this.
@@VendieSolde Kinda thing a simp would say tbh
My dad went through something similar with a woman who we live with for 10 years. She would sleep deprive him, physically threaten us, demand money frequently, degrade us. So unbelievably messed up how she's out there living with no consequences, with another new family.
She wanted so many changes that it seems she just didn’t like him.
Maybe she wanted the control over him, not the changes themselves.
she didn't like him that is the point.
He was/is exactly the type of man she wanted. Think of all the men she tried to control who immediately left.
She thought it was build a bear.
That is correct.
I never thought I would say this but the woman in this story is an extremely amplified version of my first wife. My first wife was diagnosed as having Borderline Personality Disorder. Her behaviors were very similar to those of the woman discussed in this video. In my wifes case she was extremely abusive and she did some measure of harm to everyone who was unfortunate enough to have crossed her path. As expected she was especially abusive to me and our two small children.
All of that stuff noted I will say and I will admit that like Gareth Jones (the man discussed in this video) I invited the abuse by being passive and having low confidence in myself and almost no self-esteem. At the age of 18 and 17 concurrently my wife and I were very immature when we took off together to take on the world and to start a family.
Nevertheless if not for my own lack of strength and courage I would never have considered leaving my family and everything I knew behind for the sake of running away with my first wife. The upshot is that while my wife was a certified "mental case" I was the perfect willing victim for her - much like the couple in this video.
Somewhere along the way (after 13 long years of abuse in that marriage) I discovered my backbone. I had learned (somehow learned) that by making myself a proverbial doormat I should not have been surprised when my wife walked on me - wiped her feet on me in a manner of speaking. For the weakling that I was - I had it coming. Somehow I managed to escape that marriage and able to to develop some self-confidence and to develop albeit late in life something resembling a mature man - no longer a proverbial doormat.
I can't honestly blame my former wife for all the misery I took. She was mentally ill and in a manner of speaking so was I...I was the hand that fit her glove for those 13 miserable years. I grew out of it and when I think about it I can't help feeling a twinge of pain and embarrassment for the role I played in my suffering. But I'm much better now.
Congrats man.
I guess the brutal part about bettering ourselves as people, is that we have to experience evil in some sort of way, in order to understand how bad things can actually get, and why the first steps of going towards a horrible place are actually bad, even if they don't seem horrific when viewed only by themselves (oblivious to later consequences).
Maybe a shorter way to put it would be that we need either extensive experience or great mentorship, or loads of luck, or some combination of those three. Otherwise we're likely to be screwed over by other people as well as ourselves.
Anyway, glad you made it out of that hell, and even told the tale, well done!
@@_munkykok_ You said it well - "we need experience, mentorship, or loads of luck, or some combination of those three"
Of which I had almost NO experience, zero mentorship and my luck was generally of the bad variety.
Are the kids ok?
I got a sibling with BPD. They beat me to near unconsciousness before they were pulled off of me, my bro from another hoe (the one that pulled my sibling off of me) told me my lips had been turning blue because I hadn’t been able to breathe. My chest was all bruised up for awhile.
My sibling (and their bf) state that my sibling both does not recall the incident, but also that they suffered more from it. And that REALLY hurt a lot worse. Because then they were just in a bad state of mind and that could explain it away, right? But nope - calm, cool, and collected as they turn the tragedies in our lives into a Misery Olympics once more. It’s a game they’ve pulled all while growing up and I’m so tired of it.
They’ve bullied me all my life, lied about me, took a naked picture of me, told my crushes I liked them when they KNEW it was not reciprocated, stole my medication… hit me CONSTANTLY growing up!
I’m SCARED!
I loved them, but I want them out of my life. Literally most nights I’m dreaming it’s them or their boyfriend or both of them k!lling me, then I get to wake up to them screaming at each other before the sun’s even up.
I’m tired, I’m done, I don’t know what to do.
the victim NEVER invites the abuse, you were 18 and your brain was not even finished developing
He couldn’t use the bathroom at the place HE was paying for!😮 I don’t know why that was so shocking to hear after the list of all her other demands and stipulations, but omg!
🌵Thank you Dr. Grande! I always look forward to your videos and analysis of them. 🌵🌵
No one should put up with abuse! Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this terrible situation Dr. Grande! Poor Gareth, I hope he finds a nice woman!
I had to rewind to the start after about 3 minutes. That's when I realized I had been thinking about the shirt and not hearing a single word.
Dr. G is rockin that shirt.
😂
The institutional discrimination against men is astounding.
It will only get worse.
MUCH worse.
I'm just going to come out and be very blunt here. Mainly because I lost my best friend to a woman like this.
1. Stay off of matchmaking websites! You will attract the worst of the worst.
2. Don't allow yourself to have intercourse with anyone until you've known them a decent amount of time. I know this can be hard. Male or female... just re-watch this video. You want to be beat or treated like a dog... go ahead. That's your choice. Don't expect the cops to do anything for you.. because you didn't help yourself. Reach out, respect yourself more than that.
And record everything you can if you don't follow these good rules...
@@galaxysurfer1122 be careful don't get yourself killed in the process. I just watched 48 hours.
You're so wrong about matchmaking websites. That is not the issue if you are a self-respecting, healthy person
@@loose2550 so I guess you're claiming you're not a conniving bitch that would ever manipulate a person. Well good for you then. I still get my opinion with matchmaking websites.
I couldn’t agree more. People nowadays are treating sex like a handshake, doing it with anyone. If nature intended for us to do that, STDs wouldn’t exist. Speaking of which, I have seen so many of my friends get herpes, which can be a very painful life sentence.
Every time I hear a story like this, I thank god I am single.
Same
Yea brother.
If it was common behaviour Dr Grande wouldn't have to speculate about a situation like this
@@julieme7927 Not necessarily, the reasons and motivations could differ between perpetrators depending on their own individual personality traits.
@@julieme7927 A comma is a good idea here.
Man I would never allow any of that. The minute she demanded I buy her expensive things I would leave her at the store.
Pt2. As a childhood abuse survivor, I can attest to the internal loathing I have when comparing myself to those around me. It’s easy to subvert my own value- even when others don’t.
I'm speculating about what could be happening with eyebrows like that.
😂😂😂😂😂
I am also speculating about a person displaying eyebrows like that! 😅
Who needs to check for red flags when the eyebrows say it all? RUN!!
Those were Gareths. In the department store, as she was digging her nails into his arm, she asked for three things. A high end dress an expensive purse and a fur wrap. Gareth was tapped out of cash, but he was resourceful man and made it work.
Yep. Anyone with a moderate amount of dating experience should be able to identify a nut job based on those photos alone.
The greatest thing is that Dr. Grande gets to write off all those excellent tropical shirts!
That's a cool shirt, Dr. G!
Thanks for another awesome video!
I was thinking the same thing. Nice shirt.
The thumbnail showed a clown 🤡 complete with eyebrows painted on.
You nailed it.😅
😂😂😂😂☺️☺️☺️☺️😬😬😬
Filing this under, "Reasons I'm glad I don't have to date."
Terrible. Typical vulnerable/malignant narcissist, quite a list of bad characteristics. He had a low self esteem to stay 🧙♀️Great analysis & points again. Thanks Dr G😊🧡🧡
GREAT shirt, Dr. G! Thank you for another informative and fascinating episode!
The biggest red flag in the beginning was demanding he buy her expensive items from that store or she would find someone else to spend the night with.
I would’ve walked away right then and there.
Good timing for Father's Day. Men, be careful. You never NEED a relationship. Learn to be happy by yourself. You can have a relationship after that. All the love you need is inside you.
If this was the other way round he would've been locked up
She pushed his boundaries and he folded like a house of cards. Never let a controlling narcissist get their way, it will never end well for you.
"INCLUDING the timeline of the crime" LOL ... as always another great one. Thanks Dr. Grande 🙌
I feel so sorry for her children!
They're probably going to repeat the patterns. The boys will be subservient and the girls will be controlling.
I’m saving this for my son to watch when he’s older. Bc you always hear about men doing this to women, and they DO. But there are few stories of men going thru it.
Ah yes, Plenty of Fish: A smorgasbord of damaged people. For me, PoF was like a university level course in Borderline Personality Disorder. It’s taken me years to recover from the gems I met on there.
Sounds to me like you couldn't get laid
I had been talking to a woman on POF for a couple of weeks before we finally agreed to meet. The night before our first date she gives me a heads up that one of her ex-boyfriend’s is living in her pool house. No thanks.
First Red Flag, 6 children from previous relationships.
Second Red Flag, she's frigging PSYCHO.