So, to summarize, my ex-girlfriend cheated on me, and she begged for my forgiveness when I caught her. I decided to give her another chance. However, after being together for four years, she randomly made the decision to end our relationship. Following the breakup, she did her thing for a little over a year. Surprisingly, she approached me to get back together. She confessed that she quietly cheated on me a second time before she ended the relationship. She went on to reveal other details about her other flings and then claimed that she had changed, expressing a desire to reconcile. Naturally, I strongly refused. I'm gonna have to side with Sadia on this one.
You just described the pattern of a woman with a narcissistic personality type. And there are men with the same personality type and ofc same pattern in relationships. I think the dating world is just simply split between people (men and women) with narcissistic personality types and people with different personality types. And totally different advice in dating should be given according to that.
Absolutely. I'm with Sadia on this. A person, especially a woman, in love would never cheat. Also there must be trust in the relationship. Without it, better call it quits.
Matthew talks about possibility and Sadia talks about probability. Everything is possible, but after a betrayal, the odds are against the relationship. If you’re to make your informed decision and bet on the highest probability, you know what to do.
Sadia talks about men and women being so different it's okay for men to cheat vs women. Matthew says that neither is okay but both deserve respect if they forgive, which she disagrees with.
Sadia thinks like a scientist, generally focusing on theories and differences. I also have a university degree and used to speak in the same manner until I became a healer/therapist and began to understand human souls and their stories more deeply. That's when I realized I should think more like Matthew because a theory does not represent the whole truth, but only a part of it. Humans are not simply black and white; that's not the truth. While differences between sexes do exist, they are not as stark as some try to portray. Both healthy men and women share similar values and desires as humans in general.
@@Dua373still in this discussion, she is correct. Man and women do have difference take and needs on cheating. Its essentially similar with how body count of man and woman tells different story about them.
@@Dua373you approach doesn’t make any sense.. her “theories” hold across men and women from every continent.. if I lined up thousand of men and thousands of women.. on average women forgive cheating more than men.. she’s just pointing to the biological nature of why that happens
@@Dua373she is ideological, don’t be fooled. She doesn’t even understand how shame works. I actually can’t believe she mentions that she’s read Esther’s work. Esther is the expert in this area, yet Sadia perpetuates problematic stereotypes.
I was married 15 years. Wife disclosed her cheating and I forgave her, we have two children and wanted to save our family. She wasn’t sorry and I knew respect was gone, even after a year of couples counseling. We are now divorced. I’m with Sadia on this.
Michael, it sucks that it happened to you and I can't image how a lawyer must have pointed out it was cheaper to keep her. At least you weren't delusional and you accepted what female adultery means. SHE WOULD RATHER GO TO BED WITH SOMEONE ELSE! There is NO REPAIRING THAT. You CAN'T NEGOTIATE GENUINE SEXUAL ATTRACTION/BURNING DESIRE! It's there or it's not. In her case, it no longer was. You did yourself a favor by leaving. The alternative is constantly mentally torturing yourself wondering if she really enjoys sex with you every other time in the marriage after cheating, wondering if she'll do it again. I'll never understand why some men just torture themselves instead of simplifying their lives and leaving. Unless they're so deluded that they think they can "win a woman back" after she has done this. These are men who don't or refuse to understand female psychology. When people choose ignorance or a seemingly comfortable illusion, it's a sign that mentally they're still a child. An adult is supposed to see reality, accept reality, and move accordingly.
In terms of a marriage, it’s low bar. It’s fascinating that men say these things but marry women who are obviously not virgins. Slowly thru human history, men have slowly began to accept anything from women for less and less return.
@@mroushion100% true. Women used to have to qualify for marriage which included being a virgin. Nowadays it’s so rare that the standard (for those that have some) is low body count. We have to start turning the tides and qualify women for marriage again.
Child support has only really been a thing in the last 20 years. And it’s not even a thing for 40% of women in “western” countries. Going to court takes money, and men still have more of it to begin with. So this whole argument that men will be paying to support while the woman is living in “his house” is such crap.
1:53:08 the way that Sadia was still so positive in the end, and quickly being able to recite what she learned from Matthew is just beautiful. Unfortunately Matthew couldn’t reciprocate that, which says a lot about the both of them. Siding with Sadia here.
Very good point. So basically Matthew learned nothing from Sadia, or was unwilling to express that something was learned. They both made good points throughout the video but Matthew seemed uncomfortable to be there at times.
At 1:16 she nailed it forgiveness isn’t about continuation. You guys seemed to miss the concept she was trying to convey. For general violations of boundaries a distrust has been established between you two. So when you accept to forgive and continue a relationship with them you’re tolerating the things she’s calable of
I think if you are a sensitive person who has high ideals you will be likely to agree with Matthew. If you are a realist and know that both men and women have the ability to be incredibly cruel to those who dont show strength and selfpreservation, you might lean towards Sadie. Their jobs exist becuase relationships are complicated and not a one size fits all.
I agree, i think Matthew has a kinder lens when assessing humans than Sadia and i think it absolutely has to do with their upbringing. Matthew background seems more Disney than Sadia's and so his approach seems to be less about studied human behavior/traumas and more about idealizations.
women that have become humble about Feminism and out of control are Anti Feminist now ..see GYNOCENTRISM enough to realize then tell Sadia or whomever woman get a grip on reality...
I relate to Sadia's side. I have been there and she describes my story to the T. He speaks like a true therapist, where the client is the relationship not the individuals.
@@TheJoaneDI like Sadia too but I don’t think most men and women could truly grasp the realities she paints in terms of male and female behavior .. most people prefer to stay in their blue pill haze and I get it. There is a brutal reality to dating, love and relationships
As a woman who has cheated, i would have to agree with Sadia on this one. I was forgiven but it felt like desperation on his part. I lost respect for him but i knew that i cheated because i had alreasy lost love for him in the first place. Its incredibly embarrassing for me to say this but its true.
How is this incredibly embarrassing to admit but it wasn't incredibly embarrassing to let yourself lose respect for your man in the first place? Letting yourself lose respect for your man is where the incredible embarrassment should be stemming from. Women need to take accountability for letting themselves lose respect for their respective man.
Sadia rocks!!! She killed this!! As a man who is a counselor and study of human psychology while also being married to an unfaithful woman Nadia was spot on. Matthew made good points of what we want to see in REALITY, but Sadia gave what we see in ACTUALITY.
They all have great levels of self-control. Expressing and respectfully feeling emotions, doesn't mean they fail. This is very important topic for them, challenging.
I'm a woman listening from France, and I 100% agree with Sadia. I have cheated before and never truly respected that man, even though I had love for him. Guilt is just an emotion, and it can quickly be overshadowed by stronger emotions. I’m currently in a 16-year relationship, most of which has been long-distance. I have never cheated on him or put myself in situations where I could mislead another man. I respect him too much to jeopardize our relationship and what we’ve built. Even during tough times, when I don’t feel 'in love,' it never crosses my mind to cheat. When a woman respects her man and values the relationship, she doesn’t cheat. NB: All the women I know who have cheated either wanted a way out but didn’t know how to leave, or they were unapologetic in private about their actions.
@@sadiapsychology you did so well sis. I swear your husband is just lucky to have you. Composed and great debator, humble to admit you now see the positive side of self-compassion. Had you not accept that, i wouldn't agree it has it's positive side either
Yep. Sadia gives very bitter red pills that Matthew and most men and women are not going to be able to take in and digest. Most people prefer to live in a blue pill haze
1000% with Sadia. She brilliantly speaks the truth of reality of a strong woman. Mathew is not getting it. Lewis gets it! So much respect for Sadia in this conversation! Big brains and beauty ❤
He makes a living speaking to women, speaking their language and saying what they want to hear. She makes a living listening to people and translating women to men.
I gained respect for both of your speakers because they both had incredible knowledge and experience, and were speaking with passion about their subject that they truly want to help this very difficult human dynamics of relationships
Absolutely! Let's chat about habits that can harm relationships: - Communication is key. Not sharing your thoughts and feelings can cause misunderstandings. - Trust is crucial. Being dishonest can break that trust. - Neglecting your partner's needs can make them feel unloved. - Criticizing or blaming your partner can create a negative environment. - Jealousy and insecurity can lead to controlling behavior. - Respect is vital. Disrespecting your partner's boundaries can damage the relationship. - Appreciation matters. Taking your partner for granted can lead to resentment. Recognizing and addressing these habits can help nurture a healthy and strong relationship.
And though it's implied, this goes for both people. I've heard lots of women say they're uncomfortable with their man having female friends, for example, and expect them to cut those off. A the same time, if their man is uncomfortable with her having male friends, he's deemed controlling. It's a boundary that has to be respected because it's based on the other person's feelings. Have to make a choice on which is more important: the person who'll be with you through everything, or the person that will only be there for select times.
I've been cheated on and I tried to make it work, but the fact that they were not truly sorry about it. It was best to move on and go our separate ways. I never cheated on her but the guy she met told her, that I was cheating on her. We had our disagreements but I realized that she was going through a separation and she was not the one that I should be with. Trust is earned and never given freely. Lesson Learned.
I did the same. For your positive intake, I’m sure you’re a much better person today because of it. You learned the lessons and will select much better. Me too.
Sadia does not give women credit for knowing that social media is airbrushed…people in general seem to forget that their are consequences for their actions. Relationships are work and if you both are willing to do the work, change and grow together they can be wonderful and last a lifetime. Those that are not willing to put in the work and to change and grow with their partner will have to endure the consequences that go along with that.
@@tarajo4836 felt the same. Twisting her words, trying to make her look bad, shaming her for her opinion, and saying like “I don’t make a distinction between men and women”, “forgiving is brave” to please his audience.
Her words were twisting on themselves. And when he was debating one point she was defending her stance by a completly different argument. Talk about wanting to win instead of coming to an understanding!
I am a woman, but not a cheating woman. I 100% agree with Sadia, and she was unequivocal and respectful, even though Matthew's ego and posture of contempt toward her wisdom and experience, are very obvious. Behavior is language. He wants to be right, continuing to restate the issue of men against women. How frustrating he couldn't actually 'listen' to Sadia. He kept telling her falsely what she was saying and what she was 'meaning'. My experience always has been, that once a woman loses respect for her male partner, there is no health in the relationship. Sadia's clear point is not about forgiveness per se, but trust. Not bravery.
melissa get a handel on reality your narcissitc ego. Gynocentrism is an very unhealthy driving Feminist opiate...get a handle on this...give the guy respect and listen back asap
Wow! I couldn't disagree with you more. I absolutely did not find Matthew to be contemptuous towards Sadia at all. If anything I found Sadia, at times, to be deliberately obtuse as to what he was saying.
Hmmm I'm not seeing how Matthew was disrespectful and not listening. It was a healthy debate to me and we don't need to make it contentious. Sadia said that men shouldn't forgive women when they cheat. Matthew said its possible for anyone to forgive cheating and move on. That's it. Let's not make it anything else than it was.
“Once a woman loses respect” Yes and in my experience, it doesn’t take that much for her to lose that respect for a man. She will also challenge him routinely to make sure that he maintains boundaries . Oh relationships don’t sound that much fun when you see all of this lol
The Ego of the experts took over the most important thing : the benefits for the people by broadening their perspectives, possibilities to see things in diverse ways, nuance, get wiser... (which should be the goal I would assume).
You mean Mathew's ego.. because he was non-stop disagreeable, provided no evidence or examples to make any good points that we can learn from.. He ruined the conversation.
Sadia spoke truth. I've experienced and seen other of my fellow men go through the same situation. Respect is lost, the desperation shows and the females can sense it.
I’ve been cheated on, and he had cheated on others before and after me. I stayed for 5 years as he said he wouldn’t do it again, but that was very short lived. He was happy to cheat again after we meet 5 years later to boost his ego. I forgave him the first time around, but couldn’t do it again, because I realised I deserve better and he was not going to change unfortunately.
Forgiveness is yours, you can grant it to another without ever seeing them again, even if they have passed. If you need forgive another for something they did so you can move on with your life or not because it serves you not to, it’s your to do what you want. It’s not to free them from some bondage you have them in. If they are seeking your forgiveness, it is their own forgiveness they actually seek.
I think matthew has been very misunderstood in this video, because he began this entire discussion on the double standards in forgiving men and women who cheat (because Sadia stated that men who cheat can maybe be redeemed in the relationship and women who cheat never can). His entire stance was that it doesn’t matter if you are a guy or a girl, people will react and respond based on who they are as a person. Because both men and women can be selfish and narcissistic and manipulative, the same way both can feel guilty and shameful, and be grateful and considerate and kind. This is not a situation of masculinity or not, but a situation of are u a fundamentally kind person. And that is not based on gender.
Love your comment I totally agree. I think a lot of people miss this point and a lot of men in the comment section are missing that there’s been a lot of women who have also forgiven men and have been cheated on again. It doesn’t matter about the genders. Love your comment thank you.
I absolutely agree with your comment. I don't know how people are agreeing with Sadia on this...she seems to have tunnel vision on this topic and assumes there's no case in which women who cheat and are forgiven can respect their partner afterwards and become faithful. It's more a matter of personal values than it is about gender. A man who cheats is also likely to repeat the same behavior, so why should the men be given grace by their partner while the woman is completely dismissed and not given a second chance like she's doomed to be terrible after that?
Yes, there are no absolutes. I am sure that there are women who cheated, were forgiven and then continued to respect their man. But I think it's such a small percentage that it's negligible. Why? The biggest reason it is different for men and women is because we look for different things in each other. In most cases, women are attracted to men which are on their level (whatever that means to the woman, but biologically it's protection and provision) or higher. So, respect is a very important factor and it is tied to the emotion of love that the woman feels. Sure, men also must have some respect for their women, but it is not as important as seeking the nurturing and caring traits. Conclusion: is it possible that a woman cheating on you will continue to be in a successful relationship with you? Yes. Is it likely? Astronomically unlikely. So, what Matthew is talking about is just a principle. It is beautiful, but sits mainly in the realm of theory.
Yes, the fact of the matter is that without acknowledging your part in any betrayal, you cannot grow. Sadia’s viewpoint focuses on navigating relationships through familiar habits and patterns, often projecting her own unworthiness if a man forgave her-playing into her pattern of habits around deservability. On the other hand, Matthew emphasizes integrating a higher self that recognizes mistakes as essential for growth, knowledge, and wisdom. Relationships are about growth and unless you’re ready to get rid of old patterns that limit yourself then what’s the point? I mean you can if that what you desire but I want an experience where someone can show me the mirror and elevate consciousness and vise versa.
You could argue Matthews viewpoint is also formed through familiar habits and patterns. He seemed pretty shaken up when the topic was being discussed which leads me to believe it probably hits close to home. You could also argue Matthews viewpoint is a reflection of his own self esteem and deserving a partner who wouldn’t cheat on him to begin with. I completely agree that life and relationships are about growth and learning from mistakes is essential to grow but not all mistakes can allow a relationship to continue. We can acknowledge relationships are about growth whilst also maintaining boundaries and for many men, cheating is a boundary that cannot be crossed.
@@M3NZOTUBEhe was shaken up because the notion by Sadia was quite worrying. And it’s not just here. In general she tends to have a very negative view of women. I recall hearing her with that Andrew Tate and having the same funny views of women.
Women and men look for different things in relationships, that’s why it’s different. Sadia highlights that, Matthew seems to assume love in the relationship means the same thing from both sides.
you are right women and men are very different on most levels biologically, emotionally, physically and historically. Matthew just don't want to loose the clients he is been taking money from by telling it'll workout just forgive 🤣
This is more less the same differences in mentality we have right now between the leftist way of thinking and right wingers. I have the impression Matthew was a bit delusional.
4 years of therapy and personal coaching and I’m proud to say I don’t fawn because I’m attracted to someone. I stand strong in my core values !! Because a quick hook up is not my goal I want something sustainable !! 38 years old and free from my short human gratifications
What’s also great about this is that it shows we all have different perspectives, values and we have to navigate this with eachother. It makes sense why we can get along better with different people.
Sadia stands up for woman by actually holding you accountable and showing you how you can succeed. Not making you feel good and failing you like Matthew.
I was bothered when Matthew was asked if he thinks that it is the men's fault when the women have cheated..he didn't reply a fast "No". Cheating is always a choice. He suddenly insinuated that it's as if what she said is against women. He missed the mark. The point of Sadia is from the evolutionary psychology how it works over and over again that if we tolerate something that breaks our boundaries and values, people would usually repeat it cause they know they can get away with it. She doesn't insinuate in general...she is talking from her perspective as a psychologist. Matthew's lost it this was so difficult to watch. Even if the partner was not able to give the cheater's needs, the cheater could've communicated it properly however, resentment builds and the relationship breaksdown until one looks for gratification somewhere.
Both of them are so good and I actually understand where both of them are coming from. Congrats to Sadia for keeping her calm bc I feel like Matthew was very- very passionately and fiercely proving his point and that can be triggering for some people to "fight" back heavily. But Sadia took it so gracefully. And thank you Matthew Hussey for being such a great teacher of relationship dynamics, you helped me so much with your videos in these last years. Also, Lewis was an amazing interviewer for not taking sides but kept being curious of both perspectives. This was very enjoyable, thank you!
forgiveness is not accepting back the person who cheated. forgive and set accountability measures. remorse is not remorse when caught; because obviously, there was no remorse (or love and respect) when they are planning things behind your back.
@@lamamama41he was cutting her off before she even made her point, they both did actually, kind of sad cause I’ve watched the other episodes and they don’t do that
I personally would not be able to stay with someone who cheated on me. I would not have the strength to work through it would be way too stressful and de stabilizing I just would not have the energy for that. I rather be on my own and be free of torment.
This is a spicy debate. They both have points, but I tend towards Mathew's point of view. Humans are complex and reasons for cheating are also complex and varied
@gabriellaluzpm completely the opposite. She perpetuates what a man should be towards a women in a relationship and in fact supports settle for no less. And when a woman does she it's what she chooses to abuse as a result (overall). None of which is a black and white all encompassing. Matthew is anyone was black and white and refuses to adopt any other perspective, which is quite unfortunate because any therapeutic needs to bend. Humans are shades of grey. Men and women lean their particular directions but there is always, rare at times, the exception
@gabriellaluzpm I think she's being truthful. As a woman, I think it's a complete violation to cheat on your husband because it is the ultimate sign of disrespect.
Sadia speaks as it is… what people not say to themselves … because we make all the excuses and explanations … or reasons… but actually- it is what it is❤ A lot of love to Sadia❤
I agree with her that women won't cheat on a man they genuinely are in love with - because if I am in love then I don't ever WANT to be with another man !!! ... and I would never want to risk hurting someone I love by breaking their trust and I would never want to risk hurting their feelings PLUS (after my concerns for them) I also would not want to risk losing a genuine love over a casual fling :( ..... so I agree with her that QUALITY women (like me :) who are 'in love' just won't cheat- and if I was not really in love, I still wouldn't want to cheat, because, out of respect for MYSELF!!! ... Out of respect for MY OWN MORALS !!! I would not cheat - I would simply break up and move on politely and openly and honestly and respectfully = BUT I disagree about the forgiveness = disgust opinion. If I ever did cheat and a man wanted me enough to actually forgive me (WOW !!! - because I can't imagine forgiving a cheater !!! ) - so I would be amazed at that level of deeper 'love' and I would feel like I should re-think the 'security' I had walked away from ... I still can't imagine choosing to cheat on a guy, but if I did .... and he forgave me !!! ??? !!! .. then I would love him even more ... or maybe love him again? ... or maybe love him for the first time ever??? But - I'm not a "cheater" type, so I don't know what "cheater" type women think like.... but I think forgiveness is a sign of strengthening a relationship if the forgiveness secures the return of a uncertain partner. However, I still can't imagine how a self-respecting man could ever forgive cheating though ? I don't think I could ever forgive cheating.... I still demand (and expect a man to demand) respect = including "respect in my absence" !!! ;)
But forgiving is not just a sign of bravery or true love in these times people are too insecure, lack of options, divorces are expensive and true lack of self respect plays a huge role. it's not forgiving it's choosing what is easier
But is he forgiving you because he loves you or because it's convenient, he's scared of being on his own, he doesn't want the hastle of divorce etc. Has he really, truly forgiven you or are you going to be subjected to years of aggressive or passive aggressive punishment. Saying you forgive someone because you love them are just words. The reality might be very, very different.
A "cheater type" is just someone with a high sex drive and a low love drive. Love is just another feeling, that's unevenly distributed among humans, some have a lot, some have little. It's the only thing that prevents the incredible pull that sex has on us. Nature wants us to be cheaters on one side, prevents us from doing that on the other and both sides battle each other.
How is she real for saying women can sleep with a man and cheat on her husband and not feel anything, then contradict herself by saying women can't compartmentalize sex the way men can, then say women who cheat are worse than men who cheat, then say she never said that? But Matthew is "softer" for saying it's the same on both sides and has nothing to do with gender?
If you ear the conversation properly, she is talking about 2 different types of women. The one who will cheat is only ever going to think of themselves and will use men for her own wants, and the other woman who is actually a wife.
Matthew seems to have a deeper understanding and perspective of humans and gender with our individualities and similarities. Sadia's a degree does not automatically lead to wisdom or lived knowledge, and I think she still has a lot of growth to do when it comes to the stereotypes and categorical thinking she exhibits in this and other interviews. It's important to have these discussion tho. Bless
I found her to be very evidence based in her viewpoints. Her clients are predominantly male and Matthew’s are predominantly female. They strike a very interesting contrast.
I would say otherwise. It's not about wishful thinking, it's about the honest reality of gender roles and needs, which some people haven't even recognized yet they have it inside their true nature, as a man and a woman. Men's roles are different then women's and therefore they both have very different needs and feelings towards each other. I agree with Sadia, to ignore this basic truth about the true nature of female and male, could create lots of resentments and frustrations.
Lot of ppl dont want to leave because they have kids and they don’t wanna breakup the family. So plz tell your kids to BE CAREFUL who u have kids with. Use protection until you’re completely sure! It could be the difference between a happy or unhappy life.
I think going to therapy might be more important. Someone who doesn’t understand themselves, their childhood, and their relationships might think they are with the perfect person when it’s a bad situation.
I agree with Matthew. He has a way of seeing both sides equally. Not to mention great morals and intellect. I am thankful for his views on life and love. 😊
I think saudia forgot she's a female and she needs to re-evaluate because her argument is not holding and she is looking worse and worse I really like Matthew and I really like him even more and I totally agree with him because apparently saudia has no idea what she's talking about and she needs to talk about men too because she's forgot that she's married to one and when she take up for him too if he did the same thing to her
@@marybeeler501lol she said men cheat too just that women forgive it more.. and tend to leave the man after he forgives her cheating…are those not generally true statements for most human… seeing as in 60% of the world a woman cheating would end in absolute death or some form of physical punishment
@@Heeeresmellie he is clueless. He shouldn’t be teaching anyone about “dating”. He fundamentally misunderstands the biological differences between men and women.
I'm a man and I definitely agree with Sadia. It's not about women being incapable of feeling guilt and shame but rather they can't lie to their inner female instinct of their need to have respect for their men and if the respect is not there, it's going to create resentment and frustration for women. Strength is the word to describe this particular character that every man should have because it is the sign of the capability to lead and to protect.
Thank you Matthew for having a big heart, a big mind, and ability to look at the human experience with such clarity and compassion. You are a gem of a man, thank you.
Good on Matthew for keeping his composer so strong, she kept interrupting him, putting words into his mouth and controlling the situations when his points where coming through. Kudos to him! He keeps on impressing me with his deep knowledge and wisdom over the human psyche and how it affects our relations.
I agree wholeheartedly, he sounded idealistic all the time, she's more grounded... and he just didn't want to realize how he was putting words on her mouth, e.g: He was saying you're saying women is incapable of this.. and she's like: Cheating women... Cheating women...
Plus the forgiveness from a boyfriend made me feel so much appreciation and i was not by far thinking of leaving him or much less lost respect for him for forgiving me.
From an evolved perspective, protection is safety to forgive, to trust again, to grow, learn and change. I have never resonated with Sadia, but I'm grateful for every word Matthew says. Thanks Lewis for getting them together again:)
Thank you Mathew for standing your ground on the issue of taking each situation on an individual level and not just throwing people into categories. I can't believe they spent so much time discussing whether people should be condemned to a category or if a couple in a relationship should review and personally analyze thier relationship before making any changes.
Sadia is saying that if a man forgives a cheating woman, the woman will lose respect for him. but if a woman forgives a cheating man, the man will not lose respect for the woman and MAYBE stop cheating. But michael is saying that he doesn't make a distinction between both sides
There are innate psychological differences between Men and Women that Sadia truthfully expresses but, Matthew doesn't understand or wants to believe when it comes to Cheating. Matthew is not observing that his so called, 'honorable forgiveness' is enabling Cheaters to cheat due to them being forgiven. Matthew is not a Women to truly understand Sadia's view point that are shared by many honest Women.
I actually found him to be defensive and argumentative from the get go. Why can’t it be a conversation rather than a I’m the man; I’m going to take charge and I’ll show you type of attitude. From the beginning I got the impression he can’t stand her. It appeared to me he was very insecure and felt the need to be aggressive with her. I see him differently now.
I did find it interesting that Sadia kept mentioning she draws conclusions "from my own experience" yet tended to generalize "all women, all men, women in general". Yes, we do share patterns of behavior, but human beings are not walking recipes. There are so many nuances to each situation, each partner and each relationship that generalization is quite a dangerous approach. The easy one, for sure, but not one that leads to growing and learning. Its easy to think in black and white and apply ready-made recipes to different situations.
@@Low__KeyYou can’t expect a cheater to take accountability they clearly have zero respect not only for those around them but for themselves. I was cheated on and cut my losses I protected myself from a disrespectful a**hole. We also should do the same. I took accountability for me knowing fully the cheater never will.
Maybe you're projecting? You assume he doesn't respect himself because he cheated vs leaving. Reality is, in most cases, men don't cheat because they want to leave their girl; men just like veriety. They will love and pour all his resources into his girl and also cheat and not give a damn about that female he cheated with. I don't condone cheating, but that's usually how it is with men. Women just like to project themselves onto men and expect men to be just like them, that isn't reality. If you want someone just like you, date yourself and don't drag others down for your happiness.
Thank you someone is finally correcting her. She likes to say that there’s a lot of things happening from the female perspective, but I don’t know any of the women in my life who would agree on half things that she says myself included! She just be talking
@@ChrisLewis-y7f🤣 If you felt the need to respond to me like this without asking me why to have an intelligent conversation, then we know where your value is. Have fun with that.
Sadia speak on reality it would’ve been such a nice world if most people thought like Mathew I wish things were his way but Sadia is just speaking facts
I believe Mathhew looks at things from a secure compassionate point of view, Sadia represents all the insecurity that is present in our world. We have to decide if we are going to choose our character based on what is out there or what is within. I choose within, go Mathhew, go self compassion! ❤
Wrong, choosing not to live in reality will harm you more than pretending things aren't reality. Choosing not to live in reality isnt't secure, it's very insecure as you're not comfortable accepting reality and then navigating as needed.
@@Menelik.videosdefinitely. Matthew is what I call ‘blue pilled’ as are most people .. that is what keeps so many people going into toxic relationships only to get eaten alive and spit out a few times and then at Middle age - they become this hollowed out husk of a person that can’t pair bond at all .. I like reality so I side with Sadia
I have always loved Matthew's work, but I can't ignore here that he does not seem to have the flexibility to accept alternate opinions. Sadia has been very patient to reiterate that it's as per her experience on every point that he's throwing at her like an attack. He acts like it is either myway or highway. Sorry!
SHE interrupts him continuously, totally unable to get what he is saying. He is way more experienced in this than she is, he is indeed accepting that some people are like that - emphasis on people - both, men and women can act like that. She is glorifying men and downgrading women, implying faithful women would still respect a man after he forgave them - forgave them what? Since there can’t be any forgiveness, it shows she is talking about all women, got it?
Wow so happy you guys did this. I know it was tense but they both brought up so many different points that are really important to consider. Cheating sucks and is way more complicated we can ever really understand. I know from experience. Thanks for sharing, Lewis
Team Matthew here, my partner forgave my infidelity and our relationship has grown and evolved in ways that it would not have had he not forgiven me. Neither did I ever see him as less masculine for having done so!
Yeah. Men will never tell you he is anything but fine, but every time you will not reply to his message, you will not show on time for meeting etc. he will be thinking if you are not cheating on him. He forgave you because his love to you is bigger than his self respect and his conference. He will never really trust you again These are the facts, regardless of what you think.
forgiving doesn’t lead her to lose respect, when a woman cheats, it’s because she already before hand lost respect for the guy, when he forgives, that’s just her confirmation that he’s a low value man, therefore she keeps doing it.
Wow. Great discussion. I see the validity in the viewpoints from both, but I have to say Matthew’s counterpoints really stood out. He was very clear and insightful. A lot of great information in this one. ❤
I have listened to Sadia before and a lot she said didn't sit well with me, she is very biased against woman. I like Matthew's wisdom, he is very wise and unbiased.
He’s not hearing what she is saying. Women do feel extremely regretful for cheating. And they do deserve forgiveness. However, if a woman risks the relationship by going as far as cheating, then she lost a key component to having a healthy relationship. (Feeling securely protected) Men are supposed to provide a level of protection (mentally and physically). If the woman does not feel protected, they unconsciously vet other men. And although, she might feel regretful and seeks forgiveness, it’s only a matter of time before she is triggered into cheating again. Men cheat for other reasons and that’s why you can’t compare the two and make it an equal thing. Sadia was very clear that she was speaking from an evolutionary perspective. Why was Mathew so passively aggressive towards her? Like yikes, it almost felt like an attack! If he really believed what he preaches, he would’ve had more patience and grace for someone simply provided their opinion. He literally couldn’t “forgive Sadia for having a different opinion”🥴
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@@lewishowes love David amazing individual and his story I loved he deserves all the greatness he gets xx
You need to get John Delony to part 4! I think he’d contribute to this conversation is such amazing way! 🙌🏽
She is correct!!!!!!! Women are just wired different from men, simple. She understands women more than that guy.
"I feel like..." women make better decisons than men though
@@joanagain007 I am a woman and it does not ring the bell.
The most important thing I got from this is if you are going to therapy choose your therapist wisely 😅
Great comment.
This deserves more likes
Good point. these therapists can surely confuse us more 😂
Also, 1st research dufferent therapy views & techniques Beto e 1 chooses 1’s therapist(s).
Also, people can study conflict resolution techniques & intl diplomacy techniques.
So, to summarize, my ex-girlfriend cheated on me, and she begged for my forgiveness when I caught her. I decided to give her another chance. However, after being together for four years, she randomly made the decision to end our relationship. Following the breakup, she did her thing for a little over a year. Surprisingly, she approached me to get back together. She confessed that she quietly cheated on me a second time before she ended the relationship. She went on to reveal other details about her other flings and then claimed that she had changed, expressing a desire to reconcile. Naturally, I strongly refused. I'm gonna have to side with Sadia on this one.
She thought she could do better but found out she was just a toy.
I guess Matthew needs to go through your experience so he'll understand a reality that "Forgiveness" cannot fix.
Interesting take. I don't remember hearing anything he said sound like he wouldn't agree with her commenter here. @@EmanuelPerez-it6ky
@@EmanuelPerez-it6ky He doesn't even know what forgiveness is, he thinks it's braveness... smh
You just described the pattern of a woman with a narcissistic personality type. And there are men with the same personality type and ofc same pattern in relationships. I think the dating world is just simply split between people (men and women) with narcissistic personality types and people with different personality types. And totally different advice in dating should be given according to that.
Cheating ruins a relationship and it's hard to forgive and forget. Respect yourself enough to walk away. You deserve more. True lovers don't cheat.
Absolutely. I'm with Sadia on this. A person, especially a woman, in love would never cheat. Also there must be trust in the relationship. Without it, better call it quits.
Problem is that women cheat more.
Modern DNA evidence is uncovering how much they do and get away with it.
Matthew talks about possibility and Sadia talks about probability.
Everything is possible, but after a betrayal, the odds are against the relationship. If you’re to make your informed decision and bet on the highest probability, you know what to do.
Sadia talks about men and women being so different it's okay for men to cheat vs women. Matthew says that neither is okay but both deserve respect if they forgive, which she disagrees with.
Sadia thinks like a scientist, generally focusing on theories and differences. I also have a university degree and used to speak in the same manner until I became a healer/therapist and began to understand human souls and their stories more deeply. That's when I realized I should think more like Matthew because a theory does not represent the whole truth, but only a part of it. Humans are not simply black and white; that's not the truth. While differences between sexes do exist, they are not as stark as some try to portray. Both healthy men and women share similar values and desires as humans in general.
@@Dua373still in this discussion, she is correct. Man and women do have difference take and needs on cheating. Its essentially similar with how body count of man and woman tells different story about them.
@@Dua373you approach doesn’t make any sense.. her “theories” hold across men and women from every continent.. if I lined up thousand of men and thousands of women.. on average women forgive cheating more than men.. she’s just pointing to the biological nature of why that happens
@@Dua373she is ideological, don’t be fooled. She doesn’t even understand how shame works. I actually can’t believe she mentions that she’s read Esther’s work. Esther is the expert in this area, yet Sadia perpetuates problematic stereotypes.
I was married 15 years. Wife disclosed her cheating and I forgave her, we have two children and wanted to save our family. She wasn’t sorry and I knew respect was gone, even after a year of couples counseling. We are now divorced. I’m with Sadia on this.
Some women but not all women is the point
Not to mention the horrible shame you must have felt for forgiving a woman who didn't deserve that grace. Hope you found healing.
She sounds American.
Michael, it sucks that it happened to you and I can't image how a lawyer must have pointed out it was cheaper to keep her. At least you weren't delusional and you accepted what female adultery means. SHE WOULD RATHER GO TO BED WITH SOMEONE ELSE! There is NO REPAIRING THAT. You CAN'T NEGOTIATE GENUINE SEXUAL ATTRACTION/BURNING DESIRE! It's there or it's not. In her case, it no longer was. You did yourself a favor by leaving. The alternative is constantly mentally torturing yourself wondering if she really enjoys sex with you every other time in the marriage after cheating, wondering if she'll do it again.
I'll never understand why some men just torture themselves instead of simplifying their lives and leaving. Unless they're so deluded that they think they can "win a woman back" after she has done this. These are men who don't or refuse to understand female psychology. When people choose ignorance or a seemingly comfortable illusion, it's a sign that mentally they're still a child. An adult is supposed to see reality, accept reality, and move accordingly.
99.9% of the time…facts
Cheating is the ultimate action of disrespect. If you allow disrespectful behavior, it will happen again.
And respect is the very basis of it all.Above it lies friendship and only above that lies love. All else is just temporary lust.
In terms of a marriage, it’s low bar. It’s fascinating that men say these things but marry women who are obviously not virgins.
Slowly thru human history, men have slowly began to accept anything from women for less and less return.
@@mroushion100% true. Women used to have to qualify for marriage which included being a virgin. Nowadays it’s so rare that the standard (for those that have some) is low body count. We have to start turning the tides and qualify women for marriage again.
Exactly and I’m 37 years old and I’ve never cheated and I never will
Child support has only really been a thing in the last 20 years. And it’s not even a thing for 40% of women in “western” countries. Going to court takes money, and men still have more of it to begin with. So this whole argument that men will be paying to support while the woman is living in “his house” is such crap.
1:53:08 the way that Sadia was still so positive in the end, and quickly being able to recite what she learned from Matthew is just beautiful. Unfortunately Matthew couldn’t reciprocate that, which says a lot about the both of them. Siding with Sadia here.
Very good point. So basically Matthew learned nothing from Sadia, or was unwilling to express that something was learned. They both made good points throughout the video but Matthew seemed uncomfortable to be there at times.
At 1:16 she nailed it forgiveness isn’t about continuation. You guys seemed to miss the concept she was trying to convey.
For general violations of boundaries a distrust has been established between you two. So when you accept to forgive and continue a relationship with them you’re tolerating the things she’s calable of
I think if you are a sensitive person who has high ideals you will be likely to agree with Matthew. If you are a realist and know that both men and women have the ability to be incredibly cruel to those who dont show strength and selfpreservation, you might lean towards Sadie.
Their jobs exist becuase relationships are complicated and not a one size fits all.
So you can’t be sensitive and also realistic? How old are you? Relationships are not black and white, one day you will understand that
I agree, i think Matthew has a kinder lens when assessing humans than Sadia and i think it absolutely has to do with their upbringing. Matthew background seems more Disney than Sadia's and so his approach seems to be less about studied human behavior/traumas and more about idealizations.
In the real world, Sadia's view is exactly how men and women view relationships and how relationships actually work.
@@Mercury688 xcellent !!
women that have become humble about Feminism and out of control are Anti Feminist now ..see GYNOCENTRISM enough to realize then tell Sadia or whomever woman get a grip on reality...
I relate to Sadia's side. I have been there and she describes my story to the T. He speaks like a true therapist, where the client is the relationship not the individuals.
Sadia sounds like some dude hurt her. I can see broken women relating
She’s actually a psychologist aka she studied vs Matt who is quintessentially a life coach
She´s brutally honest. I like her.
Just wow. My mind is blown by her observations and commentary in a good way.
@@PersianDollTarot Doesn't make what she said to be wrong... you're arguing nothing.
I never get enough of Sadia. There is always something to learn from her.
@@TheJoaneDI like Sadia too but I don’t think most men and women could truly grasp the realities she paints in terms of male and female behavior .. most people prefer to stay in their blue pill haze and I get it. There is a brutal reality to dating, love and relationships
As a woman who has cheated, i would have to agree with Sadia on this one. I was forgiven but it felt like desperation on his part. I lost respect for him but i knew that i cheated because i had alreasy lost love for him in the first place. Its incredibly embarrassing for me to say this but its true.
Thank you for laying it out as it is, this is a fact
ahhhh fishy get a handle on your narcissist excuse projection asap...leave the dunce alone.. see Gynocentrism then find a mirror asap
I agree
How is this incredibly embarrassing to admit but it wasn't incredibly embarrassing to let yourself lose respect for your man in the first place?
Letting yourself lose respect for your man is where the incredible embarrassment should be stemming from.
Women need to take accountability for letting themselves lose respect for their respective man.
I agree. The only way we can cheat is when we lose respect for the man.
Sadia rocks!!! She killed this!! As a man who is a counselor and study of human psychology while also being married to an unfaithful woman Nadia was spot on. Matthew made good points of what we want to see in REALITY, but Sadia gave what we see in ACTUALITY.
The Hero here is LEWIS, he has amazing self control to let them debate this with listening and respect their different views. 😃
Lewis is a Learner. He's like me.
He was sitting back there thoroughly amused and entertained! lol
They all have great levels of self-control. Expressing and respectfully feeling emotions, doesn't mean they fail. This is very important topic for them, challenging.
I'm a woman listening from France, and I 100% agree with Sadia. I have cheated before and never truly respected that man, even though I had love for him. Guilt is just an emotion, and it can quickly be overshadowed by stronger emotions. I’m currently in a 16-year relationship, most of which has been long-distance. I have never cheated on him or put myself in situations where I could mislead another man. I respect him too much to jeopardize our relationship and what we’ve built. Even during tough times, when I don’t feel 'in love,' it never crosses my mind to cheat. When a woman respects her man and values the relationship, she doesn’t cheat.
NB: All the women I know who have cheated either wanted a way out but didn’t know how to leave, or they were unapologetic in private about their actions.
"Houston, we've got a problem..." ruclips.net/video/-gO41WlSBkU/видео.html
Love without respect is impossible. Without respect it's like loving cake or a toy.
You’re french. It’s in your bloodline lol.
100% agree Sadia that prolonged affairs could not have that much shame and guilt
thank you for having me❤
@@sadiapsychology 😍😍😍
You are amazing!!! Even when his body language was irritating.. you kept it professional ❤❤❤ I appreciate you🪷🍀
@@sadiapsychology you did so well sis. I swear your husband is just lucky to have you. Composed and great debator, humble to admit you now see the positive side of self-compassion. Had you not accept that, i wouldn't agree it has it's positive side either
Agree w her, Truth hurts bby
I think you are more on the truth side sadly. I listen to both you and Hussey. But I am glad you stand out to him.
Sadia gave a reality check to them and it’s not easy to swallow
Yep. Sadia gives very bitter red pills that Matthew and most men and women are not going to be able to take in and digest. Most people prefer to live in a blue pill haze
Wha?
Sadia's calmness, quietness, readiness to listen to the opposing argument reminds me of JP's interview at channel 4.
She will never remind me of the great JP. She’s a good one, though.
Sadia is great .. I admire her honesty and willingness to call men and women out on their bs
Sadia is not calm at all. She interrupts constantly and doesn't listen well.
@@jewlstah2010 exactly what I thought!!!! He's the most condescending and cocky person
1000% with Sadia. She brilliantly speaks the truth of reality of a strong woman. Mathew is not getting it. Lewis gets it! So much respect for Sadia in this conversation! Big brains and beauty ❤
Matthew is entirely ignoring biology.
That is because she a certified Psychologist whereas Mathew is a dating coach . This just shows how important it’s to choose a qualified professional.
But a strong woman can forgive ans give grace to a cheating man?? Nah she's just appeasing to the manosphere
@@leidysunday5990 You mean "dating coach" not "dating couch".. 1 letter big difference but so funny. Thanks for the laugh ahaha
“Strong woman”
When people say this I automatically think that they think most women are not strong .
This is amazing to see. She is being more logical than him. He is giving an emotional response to her idea which is peculiar.
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
He makes a living speaking to women, speaking their language and saying what they want to hear.
She makes a living listening to people and translating women to men.
She’s a beautiful woman so if she says, “if a woman cheats and the man forgives she will not respect them”, i’d believe her!!
@@actiondefence What a great way to put it!
@@nicolescott1178how does being attractive and put together for a public appearance has any value or weight to validate an argument?
I gained respect for both of your speakers because they both had incredible knowledge and experience, and were speaking with passion about their subject that they truly want to help this very difficult human dynamics of relationships
Absolutely! Let's chat about habits that can harm relationships:
- Communication is key. Not sharing your thoughts and feelings can cause misunderstandings.
- Trust is crucial. Being dishonest can break that trust.
- Neglecting your partner's needs can make them feel unloved.
- Criticizing or blaming your partner can create a negative environment.
- Jealousy and insecurity can lead to controlling behavior.
- Respect is vital. Disrespecting your partner's boundaries can damage the relationship.
- Appreciation matters. Taking your partner for granted can lead to resentment.
Recognizing and addressing these habits can help nurture a healthy and strong relationship.
Great list, screenshotting this! Thank you.
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
Great summary. If it was not for the fact I love listening to Sadia and Matthew talk I wouldn’t feel the need to watch. Hehehe
And though it's implied, this goes for both people. I've heard lots of women say they're uncomfortable with their man having female friends, for example, and expect them to cut those off. A the same time, if their man is uncomfortable with her having male friends, he's deemed controlling. It's a boundary that has to be respected because it's based on the other person's feelings. Have to make a choice on which is more important: the person who'll be with you through everything, or the person that will only be there for select times.
Communication. In many cases women do communicate their thoughts, wishes, needs, but in vain. No one pays attention.
Matthew, im not insulted with Sadia's message. She's referring to women cheaters, not all women.
True 💯💯
And he said it's equal to women cheaters and male cheaters.
sadia is a realist and she speaks facts every time and she’s good at it.
No, you just like what she says.
She’s surface level
@@ThewoowooguruHow so? She's 100 percent correct.
She's not as smart as she thinks. She's very beautiful but......
She speaks facts coming from specific kinds of groups, and putting this to the whole society, culture, and so on.
She is 1000% correct when it comes to cheating. I forgave her… Then lovingly opened the door and said goodbye.
And it’s the same for men. They cheat once, they’ll do it again. That’s not something specific to women. She was being very one sided on that.
We choose partners that tolerate our insufferable behavior and interpret that being love 😮 …mind blown
When coming from an insecure place when looking for love, absolutely
That was a very fked up take of hers.
I've been cheated on and I tried to make it work, but the fact that they were not truly sorry about it. It was best to move on and go our separate ways. I never cheated on her but the guy she met told her, that I was cheating on her. We had our disagreements but I realized that she was going through a separation and she was not the one that I should be with. Trust is earned and never given freely. Lesson Learned.
I did the same. For your positive intake, I’m sure you’re a much better person today because of it. You learned the lessons and will select much better. Me too.
Maybe you made her feel unsafe or had a wandering eye?
Sadia does not give women credit for knowing that social media is airbrushed…people in general seem to forget that their are consequences for their actions. Relationships are work and if you both are willing to do the work, change and grow together they can be wonderful and last a lifetime. Those that are not willing to put in the work and to change and grow with their partner will have to endure the consequences that go along with that.
Wow.@@serinahsharif2255
@@serinahsharif2255 You’re literally blaming the victim.
I am glad she stays strong in her perspectives. He kept trying to try twist her exact words.
@@tarajo4836 felt the same. Twisting her words, trying to make her look bad, shaming her for her opinion, and saying like “I don’t make a distinction between men and women”, “forgiving is brave” to please his audience.
Her words were twisting on themselves. And when he was debating one point she was defending her stance by a completly different argument. Talk about wanting to win instead of coming to an understanding!
He wants to be the hero of his book!🤣🤣🤣 Personally i think he likes his own voice!😂😂😂
And i assure you thats exactly why he get mostly female clients. Videos like this will even boost those females now 😭😭
opposite :)
I am a woman, but not a cheating woman. I 100% agree with Sadia, and she was unequivocal and respectful, even though Matthew's ego and posture of contempt toward her wisdom and experience, are very obvious. Behavior is language. He wants to be right, continuing to restate the issue of men against women. How frustrating he couldn't actually 'listen' to Sadia. He kept telling her falsely what she was saying and what she was 'meaning'. My experience always has been, that once a woman loses respect for her male partner, there is no health in the relationship. Sadia's clear point is not about forgiveness per se, but trust. Not bravery.
melissa get a handel on reality your narcissitc ego. Gynocentrism is an very unhealthy driving Feminist opiate...get a handle on this...give the guy respect and listen back asap
@@Sage_puppets sadia seems very sexist if she did something wrong I'm sure she would be begging her husband for forgiveness not the other way around
Wow! I couldn't disagree with you more. I absolutely did not find Matthew to be contemptuous towards Sadia at all. If anything I found Sadia, at times, to be deliberately obtuse as to what he was saying.
Hmmm I'm not seeing how Matthew was disrespectful and not listening. It was a healthy debate to me and we don't need to make it contentious.
Sadia said that men shouldn't forgive women when they cheat. Matthew said its possible for anyone to forgive cheating and move on. That's it. Let's not make it anything else than it was.
“Once a woman loses respect”
Yes and in my experience, it doesn’t take that much for her to lose that respect for a man. She will also challenge him routinely to make sure that he maintains boundaries . Oh relationships don’t sound that much fun when you see all of this lol
The Ego of the experts took over the most important thing : the benefits for the people by broadening their perspectives, possibilities to see things in diverse ways, nuance, get wiser... (which should be the goal I would assume).
Ego?...Your opinion definitely!
No the goal was to bring two opposing views and for viewers to decide which has more merit
You mean Mathew's ego.. because he was non-stop disagreeable, provided no evidence or examples to make any good points that we can learn from.. He ruined the conversation.
Sadia spoke truth. I've experienced and seen other of my fellow men go through the same situation. Respect is lost, the desperation shows and the females can sense it.
Men and Women are not the same and feel different - and that’s good and should be not ignored all the time ❤
It should never be ignored. Its time we all accept that men and women are in fact different and feel things very differently.
1:03:00 I agree with her 100%....when/if I cheat it's been over for a long-time.
I’ve been cheated on, and he had cheated on others before and after me. I stayed for 5 years as he said he wouldn’t do it again, but that was very short lived. He was happy to cheat again after we meet 5 years later to boost his ego. I forgave him the first time around, but couldn’t do it again, because I realised I deserve better and he was not going to change unfortunately.
In my opinion man are doing that because they feel titled
Forgiveness is yours, you can grant it to another without ever seeing them again, even if they have passed. If you need forgive another for something they did so you can move on with your life or not because it serves you not to, it’s your to do what you want. It’s not to free them from some bondage you have them in. If they are seeking your forgiveness, it is their own forgiveness they actually seek.
I think matthew has been very misunderstood in this video, because he began this entire discussion on the double standards in forgiving men and women who cheat (because Sadia stated that men who cheat can maybe be redeemed in the relationship and women who cheat never can). His entire stance was that it doesn’t matter if you are a guy or a girl, people will react and respond based on who they are as a person. Because both men and women can be selfish and narcissistic and manipulative, the same way both can feel guilty and shameful, and be grateful and considerate and kind.
This is not a situation of masculinity or not, but a situation of are u a fundamentally kind person. And that is not based on gender.
Love your comment I totally agree. I think a lot of people miss this point and a lot of men in the comment section are missing that there’s been a lot of women who have also forgiven men and have been cheated on again. It doesn’t matter about the genders. Love your comment thank you.
I absolutely agree with your comment. I don't know how people are agreeing with Sadia on this...she seems to have tunnel vision on this topic and assumes there's no case in which women who cheat and are forgiven can respect their partner afterwards and become faithful. It's more a matter of personal values than it is about gender. A man who cheats is also likely to repeat the same behavior, so why should the men be given grace by their partner while the woman is completely dismissed and not given a second chance like she's doomed to be terrible after that?
@@vaenilvembirainambi1312 Thank you!
@@SuperAlejandro310 Why is it not the same. Pleases enlighten the universe.
Yes, there are no absolutes. I am sure that there are women who cheated, were forgiven and then continued to respect their man. But I think it's such a small percentage that it's negligible.
Why? The biggest reason it is different for men and women is because we look for different things in each other. In most cases, women are attracted to men which are on their level (whatever that means to the woman, but biologically it's protection and provision) or higher. So, respect is a very important factor and it is tied to the emotion of love that the woman feels. Sure, men also must have some respect for their women, but it is not as important as seeking the nurturing and caring traits.
Conclusion: is it possible that a woman cheating on you will continue to be in a successful relationship with you? Yes. Is it likely? Astronomically unlikely. So, what Matthew is talking about is just a principle. It is beautiful, but sits mainly in the realm of theory.
Yes, the fact of the matter is that without acknowledging your part in any betrayal, you cannot grow. Sadia’s viewpoint focuses on navigating relationships through familiar habits and patterns, often projecting her own unworthiness if a man forgave her-playing into her pattern of habits around deservability. On the other hand, Matthew emphasizes integrating a higher self that recognizes mistakes as essential for growth, knowledge, and wisdom. Relationships are about growth and unless you’re ready to get rid of old patterns that limit yourself then what’s the point? I mean you can if that what you desire but I want an experience where someone can show me the mirror and elevate consciousness and vise versa.
❤ well said! absolutely on point!
@@kindershoko thank you 🙏
You could argue Matthews viewpoint is also formed through familiar habits and patterns. He seemed pretty shaken up when the topic was being discussed which leads me to believe it probably hits close to home. You could also argue Matthews viewpoint is a reflection of his own self esteem and deserving a partner who wouldn’t cheat on him to begin with. I completely agree that life and relationships are about growth and learning from mistakes is essential to grow but not all mistakes can allow a relationship to continue. We can acknowledge relationships are about growth whilst also maintaining boundaries and for many men, cheating is a boundary that cannot be crossed.
@@M3NZOTUBEhe was shaken up because the notion by Sadia was quite worrying. And it’s not just here. In general she tends to have a very negative view of women. I recall hearing her with that Andrew Tate and having the same funny views of women.
@@JadeReal her points made sense though. It's more realistic when facing these issues. Cheating is a deal breaker
Women and men look for different things in relationships, that’s why it’s different. Sadia highlights that, Matthew seems to assume love in the relationship means the same thing from both sides.
Mathew is a white dude with an accent that tells old toxic women exactly what they want to hear.
you are right women and men are very different on most levels biologically, emotionally, physically and historically. Matthew just don't want to loose the clients he is been taking money from by telling it'll workout just forgive 🤣
This is such red-pill mentality. It's just so generalising and judgemental towards men.
This is more less the same differences in mentality we have right now between the leftist way of thinking and right wingers. I have the impression Matthew was a bit delusional.
This was such a good conversation, each person making there point respectfully
Appreciate you for watching!
But the guy was really boxed. Fact is biologically man and woman are just not same. We have diff needs diff appreciation.
4 years of therapy and personal coaching and I’m proud to say I don’t fawn because I’m attracted to someone. I stand strong in my core values !!
Because a quick hook up is not my goal I want something sustainable !!
38 years old and free from my short human gratifications
Hope You can have some Beautiful Children’
What’s also great about this is that it shows we all have different perspectives, values and we have to navigate this with eachother. It makes sense why we can get along better with different people.
Someone in chat said Matthew is an idealist, while Sadia is a realist.
Thanks Matthew for standing up for women.
Sadia stands up for woman by actually holding you accountable and showing you how you can succeed. Not making you feel good and failing you like Matthew.
Sadia is a man's guru and Matthew is a woman's guru
That’s Gasighting.
Hussey is Honest.
I was bothered when Matthew was asked if he thinks that it is the men's fault when the women have cheated..he didn't reply a fast "No". Cheating is always a choice. He suddenly insinuated that it's as if what she said is against women. He missed the mark. The point of Sadia is from the evolutionary psychology how it works over and over again that if we tolerate something that breaks our boundaries and values, people would usually repeat it cause they know they can get away with it. She doesn't insinuate in general...she is talking from her perspective as a psychologist. Matthew's lost it this was so difficult to watch. Even if the partner was not able to give the cheater's needs, the cheater could've communicated it properly however, resentment builds and the relationship breaksdown until one looks for gratification somewhere.
Both of them are so good and I actually understand where both of them are coming from. Congrats to Sadia for keeping her calm bc I feel like Matthew was very- very passionately and fiercely proving his point and that can be triggering for some people to "fight" back heavily. But Sadia took it so gracefully. And thank you Matthew Hussey for being such a great teacher of relationship dynamics, you helped me so much with your videos in these last years. Also, Lewis was an amazing interviewer for not taking sides but kept being curious of both perspectives. This was very enjoyable, thank you!
OMG! Forgiveness is POWER! IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO CHEATS MAN OR WOMAN CHEATING IS WRONG!
It's the Forgiveness part I am struggling with!
@@THE-LOVE-LATTEno, she saying forgiveness is undesirable outcome for both parties! Absurd and dangerous notion
And she agreed with that.. she just said women are more willing to forgive it… and leave a man that does.. do you disagree with these things?
Forgive and leave forgive and stay is not power it's simp behavior
forgiveness is not accepting back the person who cheated. forgive and set accountability measures.
remorse is not remorse when caught; because obviously, there was no remorse (or love and respect) when they are planning things behind your back.
“Isn’t that a sign of bravery according to you earlier in the discussion?” I was like 👀👀
Rude and condescending on her part.
@@lamamama41he was cutting her off before she even made her point, they both did actually, kind of sad cause I’ve watched the other episodes and they don’t do that
I personally would not be able to stay with someone who cheated on me. I would not have the strength to work through it would be way too stressful and de stabilizing I just would not have the energy for that. I rather be on my own and be free of torment.
I agree. Everything you said was spot on, its exactly the same for me.
This is a spicy debate. They both have points, but I tend towards Mathew's point of view. Humans are complex and reasons for cheating are also complex and varied
I really don’t like how she’s more compassionate towards men. She’s perpetuating misogynistic stereotypes in my opinion.
@gabriellaluzpm completely the opposite. She perpetuates what a man should be towards a women in a relationship and in fact supports settle for no less. And when a woman does she it's what she chooses to abuse as a result (overall). None of which is a black and white all encompassing. Matthew is anyone was black and white and refuses to adopt any other perspective, which is quite unfortunate because any therapeutic needs to bend. Humans are shades of grey. Men and women lean their particular directions but there is always, rare at times, the exception
@gabriellaluzpm I think she's being truthful. As a woman, I think it's a complete violation to cheat on your husband because it is the ultimate sign of disrespect.
Exactly! This is a very "nuanced" subject, and Matthew's approach is full of grace and compassion.
I agree with Sadia, once a woman loses respect for the person it's over
Sadia speaks as it is… what people not say to themselves … because we make all the excuses and explanations … or reasons… but actually- it is what it is❤ A lot of love to Sadia❤
Agreed!
💯
She acts like she's a man and attacking women she does realize that she is a female and she looks bad
Well at least we know how Sadia would respond to a man, who would be so "weak" as to forgive her, should she stray.
@@beverlyw6881 it's weakness to forgive cheater who loved and respected the partner
Sadia has amazing insight through growing through emotional dysregulation. In this world, a rare find.
Great discussion! I appreciate the way that Matthew brings a thoughtful and nuanced perspective to these difficult issues.
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
I agree with her that women won't cheat on a man they genuinely are in love with - because if I am in love then I don't ever WANT to be with another man !!! ... and I would never want to risk hurting someone I love by breaking their trust and I would never want to risk hurting their feelings PLUS (after my concerns for them) I also would not want to risk losing a genuine love over a casual fling :(
..... so I agree with her that QUALITY women (like me :) who are 'in love' just won't cheat- and if I was not really in love, I still wouldn't want to cheat, because, out of respect for MYSELF!!! ... Out of respect for MY OWN MORALS !!! I would not cheat - I would simply break up and move on politely and openly and honestly and respectfully = BUT I disagree about the forgiveness = disgust opinion. If I ever did cheat and a man wanted me enough to actually forgive me (WOW !!! - because I can't imagine forgiving a cheater !!! ) - so I would be amazed at that level of deeper 'love' and I would feel like I should re-think the 'security' I had walked away from ... I still can't imagine choosing to cheat on a guy, but if I did .... and he forgave me !!! ??? !!! .. then I would love him even more ... or maybe love him again? ... or maybe love him for the first time ever??? But - I'm not a "cheater" type, so I don't know what "cheater" type women think like.... but I think forgiveness is a sign of strengthening a relationship if the forgiveness secures the return of a uncertain partner. However, I still can't imagine how a self-respecting man could ever forgive cheating though ? I don't think I could ever forgive cheating.... I still demand (and expect a man to demand) respect = including "respect in my absence" !!! ;)
Perfect! Everything you said :)
But forgiving is not just a sign of bravery or true love in these times people are too insecure, lack of options, divorces are expensive and true lack of self respect plays a huge role. it's not forgiving it's choosing what is easier
This whole notion of women and men cheating for different reasons is proving to be untrue and is a dangerous notion to continue perpetuating.
But is he forgiving you because he loves you or because it's convenient, he's scared of being on his own, he doesn't want the hastle of divorce etc. Has he really, truly forgiven you or are you going to be subjected to years of aggressive or passive aggressive punishment. Saying you forgive someone because you love them are just words. The reality might be very, very different.
A "cheater type" is just someone with a high sex drive and a low love drive.
Love is just another feeling, that's unevenly distributed among humans, some have a lot, some have little.
It's the only thing that prevents the incredible pull that sex has on us.
Nature wants us to be cheaters on one side, prevents us from doing that on the other and both sides battle each other.
Sadia is a realist. Matthew just appears to be a lot softer. “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
How is she real for saying women can sleep with a man and cheat on her husband and not feel anything, then contradict herself by saying women can't compartmentalize sex the way men can, then say women who cheat are worse than men who cheat, then say she never said that?
But Matthew is "softer" for saying it's the same on both sides and has nothing to do with gender?
I thought I was the only one who noticed that
If you ear the conversation properly, she is talking about 2 different types of women. The one who will cheat is only ever going to think of themselves and will use men for her own wants, and the other woman who is actually a wife.
Sadia promotes misogyny
He is just trying to understand if women are inherently so cruel that don’t appreciate forgiveness
Matthew seems to have a deeper understanding and perspective of humans and gender with our individualities and similarities. Sadia's a degree does not automatically lead to wisdom or lived knowledge, and I think she still has a lot of growth to do when it comes to the stereotypes and categorical thinking she exhibits in this and other interviews. It's important to have these discussion tho. Bless
Thank you. You wrote exactly what I was thinking ❤😊.
@@loppan4534same here
I wonder if he would be so insightful if he weren't so attractive? I think women fawn over him because he's telling them things they want to hear.
I found her to be very evidence based in her viewpoints. Her clients are predominantly male and Matthew’s are predominantly female. They strike a very interesting contrast.
I would say otherwise. It's not about wishful thinking, it's about the honest reality of gender roles and needs, which some people haven't even recognized yet they have it inside their true nature, as a man and a woman. Men's roles are different then women's and therefore they both have very different needs and feelings towards each other. I agree with Sadia, to ignore this basic truth about the true nature of female and male, could create lots of resentments and frustrations.
As a lady who respects herself and a life coach I agree with Sadia 1000%.
She is being real and brutally honest..
Lot of ppl dont want to leave because they have kids and they don’t wanna breakup the family. So plz tell your kids to BE CAREFUL who u have kids with. Use protection until you’re completely sure! It could be the difference between a happy or unhappy life.
@@Abundance4LL it's a big risk for the children they will have a choice of what character the wish to follow & live by . Positive or negative.
I think going to therapy might be more important. Someone who doesn’t understand themselves, their childhood, and their relationships might think they are with the perfect person when it’s a bad situation.
💯
Absolutely spot on 👌
I agree with Matthew. He has a way of seeing both sides equally. Not to mention great morals and intellect. I am thankful for his views on life and love. 😊
Staying is the harder path -
Thank you sir!!!!
Respecting your partner while they are absent (object constancy ) is key indicator of a healthy relationship. Sadia is spot on ! 👏👌
“I don’t think many women would agree with you” and I’m one of them! Thank you Matthew! 🙌🏼
lol 😂
I think saudia forgot she's a female and she needs to re-evaluate because her argument is not holding and she is looking worse and worse I really like Matthew and I really like him even more and I totally agree with him because apparently saudia has no idea what she's talking about and she needs to talk about men too because she's forgot that she's married to one and when she take up for him too if he did the same thing to her
@marybeeler501 Sadia is basically a red pill bro lol
@@marybeeler501you’re triggered because you dislike the fact a woman hasn’t interpreted something to be in what you perceive as in a woman’s favour…
@@marybeeler501lol she said men cheat too just that women forgive it more.. and tend to leave the man after he forgives her cheating…are those not generally true statements for most human… seeing as in 60% of the world a woman cheating would end in absolute death or some form of physical punishment
Beautiful, Mathew. Cos the only person we ever really cheat on is ourselves🧡
Sadia is on another level (mathew has no idea) we work this way biologically
I agree.
Exactly. He’s refusing to believe women are wired this way.
@@Heeeresmellie he is clueless. He shouldn’t be teaching anyone about “dating”. He fundamentally misunderstands the biological differences between men and women.
100% agree
Talk for yourself
I'm a man and I definitely agree with Sadia. It's not about women being incapable of feeling guilt and shame but rather they can't lie to their inner female instinct of their need to have respect for their men and if the respect is not there, it's going to create resentment and frustration for women. Strength is the word to describe this particular character that every man should have because it is the sign of the capability to lead and to protect.
Thank you Matthew for having a big heart, a big mind, and ability to look at the human experience with such clarity and compassion. You are a gem of a man, thank you.
Good on Matthew for keeping his composer so strong, she kept interrupting him, putting words into his mouth and controlling the situations when his points where coming through. Kudos to him! He keeps on impressing me with his deep knowledge and wisdom over the human psyche and how it affects our relations.
Sadia provided a great example of DARVO
The guy is being idealistic while Sadia is more realistic and fundemental. I agree with most of the points the guy made but I 100% agree with Sadia.
Nah. Thinking less of women is part of her religion. She was being idealistic in her own way.
I agree wholeheartedly, he sounded idealistic all the time, she's more grounded... and he just didn't want to realize how he was putting words on her mouth, e.g: He was saying you're saying women is incapable of this.. and she's like: Cheating women... Cheating women...
@@maxpayne232 says a man.
@@geraldomagellajuniornot to mention he used the words "I think" a gazillion number of times.
@@Nitrousedstang yeah. Cause he's "thoughtful". Which is a sign of being realistic rather than idealistic.
Plus the forgiveness from a boyfriend made me feel so much appreciation and i was not by far thinking of leaving him or much less lost respect for him for forgiving me.
Because he's the best you can do. Just make sure you don't make that mistake again
From an evolved perspective, protection is safety to forgive, to trust again, to grow, learn and change. I have never resonated with Sadia, but I'm grateful for every word Matthew says. Thanks Lewis for getting them together again:)
"protection is safety to forgive" please explain.
Lewis had the best response in the end. Flexible and inclusive. He agreed with Matthew and was able to bring Sadia to agreement as well!
Thank you Mathew for standing your ground on the issue of taking each situation on an individual level and not just throwing people into categories. I can't believe they spent so much time discussing whether people should be condemned to a category or if a couple in a relationship should review and personally analyze thier relationship before making any changes.
Thanks for watching!
I have met those women aswell, completely agree with Sadia
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me…
Matthew really has this. He didn’t miss a beat. I’m so glad because she is very persistent.
Sadia is saying that if a man forgives a cheating woman, the woman will lose respect for him. but if a woman forgives a cheating man, the man will not lose respect for the woman and MAYBE stop cheating. But michael is saying that he doesn't make a distinction between both sides
@@reardeltthey know. What Matthew sayin feels better to em. Im with Sadia.
@@reardelt exactly
There are innate psychological differences between Men and Women that Sadia truthfully expresses but, Matthew doesn't understand or wants to believe when it comes to Cheating. Matthew is not observing that his so called, 'honorable forgiveness' is enabling Cheaters to cheat due to them being forgiven. Matthew is not a Women to truly understand Sadia's view point that are shared by many honest Women.
I actually found him to be defensive and argumentative from the get go. Why can’t it be a conversation rather than a I’m the man; I’m going to take charge and I’ll show you type of attitude. From the beginning I got the impression he can’t stand her. It appeared to me he was very insecure and felt the need to be aggressive with her. I see him differently now.
Matthew is spot on. His insight to human behavior and relationships is so accurate.
Lmfao. Hes sells lies to his audience of women. Blue pill lies. Only way to become mainstream
I did find it interesting that Sadia kept mentioning she draws conclusions "from my own experience" yet tended to generalize "all women, all men, women in general". Yes, we do share patterns of behavior, but human beings are not walking recipes. There are so many nuances to each situation, each partner and each relationship that generalization is quite a dangerous approach. The easy one, for sure, but not one that leads to growing and learning. Its easy to think in black and white and apply ready-made recipes to different situations.
She said cheating woman. Not all woman.
Totally thought I’d agree with Sadia on this one, but when I listened more carefully, I’m so glad that Matthew spoke up. Appreciated this.
Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for watching!
Thank you Matthew I loved everything you said in this video!!!! You are amazing human being, with ability to each so much perspective, true wisdom.
I am female and agree 100% with Sadia. How can I respect a man who didn't respect himself to walk away?
@@Low__KeyYou can’t expect a cheater to take accountability they clearly have zero respect not only for those around them but for themselves. I was cheated on and cut my losses I protected myself from a disrespectful a**hole. We also should do the same. I took accountability for me knowing fully the cheater never will.
Maybe you're projecting? You assume he doesn't respect himself because he cheated vs leaving. Reality is, in most cases, men don't cheat because they want to leave their girl; men just like veriety. They will love and pour all his resources into his girl and also cheat and not give a damn about that female he cheated with. I don't condone cheating, but that's usually how it is with men. Women just like to project themselves onto men and expect men to be just like them, that isn't reality. If you want someone just like you, date yourself and don't drag others down for your happiness.
Sadia dammm 😂 always speaking facts . Lover her transparence and authenticity
Thank you someone is finally correcting her. She likes to say that there’s a lot of things happening from the female perspective, but I don’t know any of the women in my life who would agree on half things that she says myself included! She just be talking
I agree 💯
As a woman, I agree with most of what she is saying. It was refreshing to finally hear another woman with my views.
shes talking on behalf of high value women not you
@@tarajo4836 I don’t agree what she says about how women respect things.
@@ChrisLewis-y7f🤣 If you felt the need to respond to me like this without asking me why to have an intelligent conversation, then we know where your value is. Have fun with that.
Mathew explanation at 1h:42min part was emotional. Worth watching this video to get to that part!! ‼️‼️‼️
Sadia speak on reality it would’ve been such a nice world if most people thought like Mathew I wish things were his way but Sadia is just speaking facts
I believe Mathhew looks at things from a secure compassionate point of view, Sadia represents all the insecurity that is present in our world. We have to decide if we are going to choose our character based on what is out there or what is within. I choose within, go Mathhew, go self compassion! ❤
Beautifully put
Yes!!!!
@@akankshasingh6471 well then, with that strategy, the world will eat you up alive.
Wrong, choosing not to live in reality will harm you more than pretending things aren't reality. Choosing not to live in reality isnt't secure, it's very insecure as you're not comfortable accepting reality and then navigating as needed.
@@Menelik.videosdefinitely. Matthew is what I call ‘blue pilled’ as are most people .. that is what keeps so many people going into toxic relationships only to get eaten alive and spit out a few times and then at
Middle age - they become this hollowed out husk of a person that can’t pair bond at all .. I like reality so I side with Sadia
Team Sadia . She’s now my counsellor on RUclips
I have always loved Matthew's work, but I can't ignore here that he does not seem to have the flexibility to accept alternate opinions. Sadia has been very patient to reiterate that it's as per her experience on every point that he's throwing at her like an attack. He acts like it is either myway or highway. Sorry!
100%
SHE interrupts him continuously, totally unable to get what he is saying. He is way more experienced in this than she is, he is indeed accepting that some people are like that - emphasis on people - both, men and women can act like that. She is glorifying men and downgrading women, implying faithful women would still respect a man after he forgave them - forgave them what? Since there can’t be any forgiveness, it shows she is talking about all women, got it?
agree
This was the wrong guy for this debate. Homeboy is more emotional than logical.
Agreed!!
Wow so happy you guys did this. I know it was tense but they both brought up so many different points that are really important to consider. Cheating sucks and is way more complicated we can ever really understand. I know from experience. Thanks for sharing, Lewis
Team Matthew here, my partner forgave my infidelity and our relationship has grown and evolved in ways that it would not have had he not forgiven me. Neither did I ever see him as less masculine for having done so!
Poor guy
Let’s see how long that’s gonna last. Hopefully, your partner doesn’t pay back behind your back
@Leoforlife1808 I'd love to hear if you are comfortable more about the infidelity, the forgiving process, and everything?
Yeah. Men will never tell you he is anything but fine, but every time you will not reply to his message, you will not show on time for meeting etc. he will be thinking if you are not cheating on him. He forgave you because his love to you is bigger than his self respect and his conference. He will never really trust you again These are the facts, regardless of what you think.
I loved hearing both of my fav guests together. Please bring Peterson and Gabor Mate!
I am with Matthew. Every word..
What exactly did he say that you are with?
forgiving doesn’t lead her to lose respect, when a woman cheats, it’s because she already before hand lost respect for the guy, when he forgives, that’s just her confirmation that he’s a low value man, therefore she keeps doing it.
Having been on both sides of the…. I agree with him more !! I have had shame and guilt … she is wrong !!
Not everyone has the shame and guilt though.
You can still feel shameful and not respect that man
Wow. Great discussion. I see the validity in the viewpoints from both, but I have to say Matthew’s counterpoints really stood out. He was very clear and insightful. A lot of great information in this one. ❤
Thank you Matthew
Lord this conversation was quite intense!! Very good to have this out in the open!
This was such a wholesome conversation. Just so so many takeaways from this conversation between these 3 amazing individuals.
I have listened to Sadia before and a lot she said didn't sit well with me, she is very biased against woman. I like Matthew's wisdom, he is very wise and unbiased.
100 percent agree.
Agreed.
U are very wrong.
@@deboraheden6418u are very wrong.
@@michellekalski8823u are very wrong.
He’s not hearing what she is saying. Women do feel extremely regretful for cheating. And they do deserve forgiveness. However, if a woman risks the relationship by going as far as cheating, then she lost a key component to having a healthy relationship. (Feeling securely protected) Men are supposed to provide a level of protection (mentally and physically). If the woman does not feel protected, they unconsciously vet other men. And although, she might feel regretful and seeks forgiveness, it’s only a matter of time before she is triggered into cheating again. Men cheat for other reasons and that’s why you can’t compare the two and make it an equal thing.
Sadia was very clear that she was speaking from an evolutionary perspective. Why was Mathew so passively aggressive towards her? Like yikes, it almost felt like an attack! If he really believed what he preaches, he would’ve had more patience and grace for someone simply provided their opinion. He literally couldn’t “forgive Sadia for having a different opinion”🥴
Exactly. Thanks God someone put the sense in the comments.
Thank you Matthew. Love the way you positioned everything. Very well spoken 😊🙌
Great commentary! Temptation comes, mistakes happen. However, if someone continues to cheat it's a conscious decision, and they are not for you.
Im with Sadia on this. ❤
Lewis!!! Love these debates!!! So enriching! Makes me revisit itching issues