I was going to over-share but I won't. I'm learning to ask myself more questions about my choices. All I'll say is I am learning how to "Chew on the meat and spit out the bones" when it comes to complaints from my adult children who have chosen to cut me out of their lives. They need validation, respect and love but I can set boundaries for my own emotions and that means not taking everything they say as a clear reflection of who I am. Some of it, yes, but much of it is more about who they are, their needs, and where I lacked meeting those needs. It is about what they are experiencing or have experienced both with me as their mom and others in their lives. I am still a valuable human being who knows how to rise above hardship and learn from it. I hope to learn much through this process and become the best reflection of Christ that I can be, which means dying to self every day and speaking truth over the lie that my children's rejection is idicative of my value. It is not. I am loved and accepted and of worth.
Maryanne, LOVE YOUR VALUABLE WORDS OF WISDOM. I have 6 grandchildren who live in the same city. Never see any of them. Who your kids marry can ruin your family.
Maryanne, Another fun fact. After 1 yr. no contact from my 21 yr old granddaughter, one of the first things she asked me was, "Grammy, is your condo paid for?" I'm so done with trying to communicate. DONE
Nothing will ever take the pain away of not being able to talk to your kids and have them present when you want them they have to have their own lives, but they should keep in touch and visit regularly
I have cried till I can't anymore, and then I cry again. BOTH of my daughters are estranged from me. I gave them EVERYTHING, and yet they say I was a bad mother. I am DONE with them! I am so glad they have not been to turn my son against me. I lost my granddaughter too, which is especially cruel. There is something seriously wrong with this generation!
How about my mother has plotted this intricate scheme to victimize her and has turned everyone against me. My sister and her kids, my 19 year old daughter, her co-workers, and Lord knows who else! It is extremely painful. I have absolutely no one. So don't feel bad; because You are Not Alone!!!
Kate, You are so right....There is something SERIOUSLY WRONG with this generation!!!!! I have 6 grandchildren & have been alienated from all of them. My youngest son was found dead last year. Morbid Obesity. My oldest son has 2 wives, which I couldn't comprehend or accept. Who your kids marry can destroy your family.
Kate, speaking from experience. You will never have their sympathy until you understand their blame they've put on you. They are a child, but maybe now they're an adult. Their feelings are just as valid as yours. Try seeking the opposite point of view, the view from your daughters eyes. No matter what, you won't earn them back until likely you understand what their grievances are ownership is taken from both sides. I am not a therapist, but a son who is estranged from his family. None of us are close with each other. There are always reasons. Communication is key. It is not this generations fault, this generation just respects boundaries.
I’m grateful for this video . I am experiencing estrangement from my adult daughter & it is so painful when they go no contact. I will only send one text saying I hope you are doing well & leave it at that as to push them causes further estrangement. But I need to learn how to be happy in my own life without depending on my adult child for my happiness.
Dear K: I'm so sorry you are going through this with your daughter. Please do your best to be around those who love and value you. Get support and do things every day that say you matter. You're not alone!! Warmly, Marie
Have you thought of getting a therapist? Also pick up my ebook that is a good source of tips to help step forward. Keep me posted on how you are doing. Every day wake with the intention to get through the day with self compassion and intention to keep going. I’m so sorry you’re going through this - try these suggestions please
I heard from my 21 yr. old granddaughter after 1 yr. Of no contact. One of the first things she asked me was "Grammy, is your condo paid for?" Unbelievable. I didn't have the heart to tell her she'll never see a dime. I could never, would never, ask my grandmother that question!!!!!
@@eileencorcoran3090 Thanks Eileen! I have 6 grandchildren & never see any of them. The 2 daughter-in-laws did not like my close relationships I had with my 2 sons. Phil Donahue summed it up as "2 women, 1 man" Who your kids marry can destroy your family. My youngest son died 2 yrs ago & my oldest son does what his wife tells him to do. If they want no contact with me now, why would they want anything to do with a part of me when I'm gone.........my money. Sad.
I wrote a goodbye letter to the ED. It has been four months since I got that "Official Letter" and two years of not seeing the ED. It's time to hand over this estrangement situation to the Universe and stopped expecting and waiting for the ED to decide to reconcile. After writing the letter I felt the heaviness in my heart released. I am preparing to move on with my life without the ED and her children, if that's what she wants.
It’s been several years since I’ve lost my son, dil and grandchildren. Just when I think I am ok and living life all it takes for me is to hear his name from others in the family and I feel such a punch in my stomach all over again I question my purpose and ability to continue with this pain. Seriously, how can and why does anyone deserve this? And now they have built a relationship with my parent whom I have not contact with due to past childhood abuse and current verbal abuse and I have proof of her lying to them and I’m sure she is encouraging them to continue this with me. This is a repeated cycle in my family also as my parent did this out of spite to her parent so while I have faith I sometimes think the only way to end it for good and to make everyone happy is to either pack up and move really far away or to literally end it.
Kathy I am sorry this happened to you. Yes it’s incredibly painful but please access support from your PCP and mental health provider. Certainly I don’t know the extent of your family history but I know that we can move forward in spite of the choices our family makes. It’s time to get someone to help.
I gave up my car for my daughter after paying for $450 car payments and her letting her car got repossessed. The car I gave her ended up being unsafe so I spent the last $7000 I had on a 2015 Forrester for her, the end of January and the end of June she totaled it. I don’t have a car. I don’t have anybody to go to the store for me or get my mail or even go to doctor appointments and she won’t even talk to me. Thousands and thousands of dollars I have invested in my children for them to eliminate me from their lives.
Dear Christ is Risen Evangelism: I understand how horrible not knowing is for you. I suppose this is where our faith comes to help us trust what we do not see. Please do take care of yourself. Warmly, Marie
Wonderful and just what I needed to hear ,, I have been estranged from my sister for about a year now and it is like having a death ,, worse because there hasn’t been closure ,, I’m becoming to accept the situation and even though she has hurt me and my family,, I realise she has been hurt too ,, it’s a very sad rift especially for our mum
My 2 sisters estranged themselves from me 20 years ago. I am the eldest. I brought them up because our mother was depressed. I tried to keep the family together, but they just ghosted me when I was of no further use to them. They are educated professional people. I did not know the term estrangement 20 years ago. I was heartbroken because they were more my children than siblings. I was also a parent like figure to my depressed mother. I do not let people into my life anymore for fear they will do the same. I did the best that I could, but I am embarrassed to say it might have been all in vain from my point of view. But I gave them a great start in life even if they have forgotten my labour's on their behalf.
Accountability. Every cut off toxic narcissistic parent will claim they did nothing wrong, they have no idea why theyve been cut off etc etc, but kids dont cut off their parents for no reason. No parent, no PERSON is perfect, if you cant think of a single thing youve done wrong as a parent, that 100% shows that you were at fault and in denial. For a lot of us who decided to cut off toxic parents, there is no reconciliation. For a lot of us the damage between us is too great. For those who have any shot though, it all boils down to three As. Accountability, Apology, Action. Accept what youve done, apologize sincerely, and show with your actions that youre willing to change your behavior. Without that there is no hope. The very worst parents will rejoice the break after just being intensively angry at their loss of control, but for those who actually do love their kids despite the mistakes they made as parents, accountability is so key.
therapists dont seem to encourage reconcilliation and or forgiveness. may be why so many hangups are still there . no body is perfect. takes two to tango.😅
What would you advice to my life of grief? My life is unbearable 14 years ago my beautiful 27 year old daughter was killed in a tragic car accident😢💔 Our only daughter, now our only son and his wife have been keeping our 2 young grandsons away from us💔😢 It's been 8 months of unbearable grief💔😢 Unless you have not loss a child, unless you are living without your living child and grandchildren no one can fully understand💔😢
I lost my oldest son 19 1/2 years ago at age 20..I couldn't be there for 16 yr old son..he has cut me off..says it goes back to then..but forgave hid daddy and ex step daddy. I haven't seen grandboys since dec
This is the worst feeling I've ever felt and I'm grieving the loss but I'm also so worried about her when I let myself think about it because she's chosen her abusive boyfriend and she wouldn't let me help!
It’s like they took my wombs out it hurts but she is independent she is 22 I am proud of her but it is morally wrong to leave your mom behind it’s not right hey it seriously hurts when your kids leave you are facing a life alone I mean I did not have a kid to be estranged in later life it isn’t right kids don’t live with the Ten Commandments iam sure she loves me and doesn’t call me doesn’t make any sense she stays at my mom her grandmother you traumatized me and was absent emotionally but me I was there for my daughter I told her I love you honey etc no it isn’t right to cut contact with your only parent in fact again it is morally wrong
Hi just want to recap my daughter unblocked me she told me she misses me and that she loves me sent me picture and I want to keep this healthy relationship iam not pushing I let her do the first step no pressure iam also changing and working on myself so if you have given love to your children they will come back because mine came back still she coming back in September and will leave again because kids leave home and fly off their own wings but I hope we will always keep a Bond thanks guys and pray and nurture yourself don't forget they need a good exemple
@@LR-yu3mx honey take it from me take it from someone who has been from abuse from an immature teenage and a 22 year old who just told me couple minutes ago that she loves me and calls me and matures up don't grieve your daughter because she is alive just take this time to only put the energy into you nurture yourself yes you are in pain and I understand your pain when it happens it is like you won't be able to face this injustice and life or whatever but kids love their independence remember when we were their age . We wanted out of the home and fly to life's great adventure iam sure your daughter will realize soon and will come back and hug you tight and sweet she must be in another planet right now you have been a good mother to her right?! I mean we are not perfect but we did our best and it happens to the best of us don't get intoxicated by all these new trends of grieving because you grieve the dead not the alive pray for her happiness and please please take deep inhales and exhales oxygène your brain if you need to talk talk unleash it don't sit alone with your pain look at it like a cloud passing by I was estranged for three months I stopped risperidone my choice had only these videos meditations I don't even go to doctor ramani videos or others no distance yourself from all this noise but know that you are not alone and you have god distance yourself from her do not contact her or write her a letter if she doesn't get it then stop all Contact but don't grieve because your daughter is alive. My kindest blessings to you see I hate these guru or influencers who say tho gd like grieve the loss of a daughter or she is a narcissist she might have some traits but now as hard as it is live this life it's all yours now
I find your Channel and your information extremely helpful. I have an issue though everybody says journal and I can't Journal I have had the crap kicked out of me for journalling. So I have a terrifyingly mental block in front of me. Is there another way besides journalling? If you could address that in a future video I would be extremely grateful
Hi Tracy: Thank you for writing. I totally get it. Not everyone connects to writing. Another option may be for you to do a drawing journal. You can use stick figures, brief captions, and color to describe your feelings. I will talk about this in a future video. Let me know what you think. Warmly, Marie
This all sounds great, but how do u find joy when you have a child who has estranged themselves from you. I have found few ppl. Who have experience this nor understand it. Sadly , none of these suggestions have worked. They seem very simplistic solutions.
Parents have to look inward and ask - what role did I play in this estrangement or cut-off. Then, ask the question, what can I do to change myself. Forget about changing your child. How can you change yourself. How can you change your attitude, how can you see your child in positive ways, how can you appreciate them, and what are you so afraid of will happen by changing your own attitude in the first place?
Nonsense. My son had a great childhood with loving parents, no abuse, no alcoholism, no drug addiction, no adultery, nothing but unconditional love and full support. He is a product of this warped generation's fad of estranging from family and core values to indulge in self-interest and woke bullshit. It has nothing to do with how we raised him.
I was going to over-share but I won't. I'm learning to ask myself more questions about my choices. All I'll say is I am learning how to "Chew on the meat and spit out the bones" when it comes to complaints from my adult children who have chosen to cut me out of their lives. They need validation, respect and love but I can set boundaries for my own emotions and that means not taking everything they say as a clear reflection of who I am. Some of it, yes, but much of it is more about who they are, their needs, and where I lacked meeting those needs. It is about what they are experiencing or have experienced both with me as their mom and others in their lives. I am still a valuable human being who knows how to rise above hardship and learn from it. I hope to learn much through this process and become the best reflection of Christ that I can be, which means dying to self every day and speaking truth over the lie that my children's rejection is idicative of my value. It is not. I am loved and accepted and of worth.
Maryanne, LOVE YOUR VALUABLE WORDS OF WISDOM. I have 6 grandchildren who live in the same city. Never see any of them. Who your kids marry can ruin your family.
Maryanne, Another fun fact. After 1 yr. no contact from my 21 yr old granddaughter, one of the first things she asked me was, "Grammy, is your condo paid for?" I'm so done with trying to communicate. DONE
You 😊
9😊
😊9o 3:44
Nothing will ever take the pain away of not being able to talk to your kids and have them present when you want them they have to have their own lives, but they should keep in touch and visit regularly
@@tinamallin2570 Absolutely!!!
I have cried till I can't anymore, and then I cry again. BOTH of my daughters are estranged from me. I gave them EVERYTHING, and yet they say I was a bad mother. I am DONE with them! I am so glad they have not been to turn my son against me. I lost my granddaughter too, which is especially cruel. There is something seriously wrong with this generation!
How about my mother has plotted this intricate scheme to victimize her and has turned everyone against me. My sister and her kids, my 19 year old daughter, her co-workers, and Lord knows who else! It is extremely painful. I have absolutely no one. So don't feel bad; because You are Not Alone!!!
Your right
Agree 😢😢😢😢😢
Kate, You are so right....There is something SERIOUSLY WRONG with this generation!!!!! I have 6 grandchildren & have been alienated from all of them. My youngest son was found dead last year. Morbid Obesity. My oldest son has 2 wives, which I couldn't comprehend or accept. Who your kids marry can destroy your family.
Kate, speaking from experience. You will never have their sympathy until you understand their blame they've put on you. They are a child, but maybe now they're an adult. Their feelings are just as valid as yours. Try seeking the opposite point of view, the view from your daughters eyes. No matter what, you won't earn them back until likely you understand what their grievances are ownership is taken from both sides. I am not a therapist, but a son who is estranged from his family. None of us are close with each other. There are always reasons. Communication is key. It is not this generations fault, this generation just respects boundaries.
I’m grateful for this video . I am experiencing estrangement from my adult daughter & it is so painful when they go no contact. I will only send one text saying I hope you are doing well & leave it at that as to push them causes further estrangement. But I need to learn how to be happy in my own life without depending on my adult child for my happiness.
Dear K: I'm so sorry you are going through this with your daughter. Please do your best to be around those who love and value you. Get support and do things every day that say you matter. You're not alone!! Warmly, Marie
Everyone should be together building each other up and keeping families friends strong always
Grief hurts forever
Thank you very much for these thoughts….and recommendations….estrangement…..just unbelievable hard! 😢
I am very shocked right now because I never seen this coming- this video is very helpful-
This was extremely helpful. I fear I’m caught in limbo. My heart is just broken and I struggle to practice the tips provided. I’m just surviving.
Have you thought of getting a therapist? Also pick up my ebook that is a good source of tips to help step forward. Keep me posted on how you are doing. Every day wake with the intention to get through the day with self compassion and intention to keep going. I’m so sorry you’re going through this - try these suggestions please
I heard from my 21 yr. old granddaughter after 1 yr. Of no contact. One of the first things she asked me was "Grammy, is your condo paid for?" Unbelievable. I didn't have the heart to tell her she'll never see a dime.
I could never, would never, ask my grandmother that question!!!!!
💯 😊
@@eileencorcoran3090 Thanks Eileen! I have 6 grandchildren & never see any of them. The 2 daughter-in-laws did not like my close relationships I had with my 2 sons. Phil Donahue summed it up as "2 women, 1 man"
Who your kids marry can destroy your family. My youngest son died 2 yrs ago & my oldest son does what his wife tells him to do. If they want no contact with me now, why would they want anything to do with a part of me when I'm gone.........my money. Sad.
I wrote a goodbye letter to the ED. It has been four months since I got that "Official Letter" and two years of not seeing the ED.
It's time to hand over this estrangement situation to the Universe and stopped expecting and waiting for the ED to decide to reconcile.
After writing the letter I felt the heaviness in my heart released.
I am preparing to move on with my life without the ED and her children, if that's what she wants.
It’s been several years since I’ve lost my son, dil and grandchildren. Just when I think I am ok and living life all it takes for me is to hear his name from others in the family and I feel such a punch in my stomach all over again I question my purpose and ability to continue with this pain. Seriously, how can and why does anyone deserve this? And now they have built a relationship with my parent whom I have not contact with due to past childhood abuse and current verbal abuse and I have proof of her lying to them and I’m sure she is encouraging them to continue this with me. This is a repeated cycle in my family also as my parent did this out of spite to her parent so while I have faith I sometimes think the only way to end it for good and to make everyone happy is to either pack up and move really far away or to literally end it.
Kathy I am sorry this happened to you. Yes it’s incredibly painful but please access support from your PCP and mental health provider. Certainly I don’t know the extent of your family history but I know that we can move forward in spite of the choices our family makes. It’s time to get someone to help.
@@youtubemariemorinestrangement thank you I am currently.
I really appreciate these videos I get a lot out of them.
Thank you for writing. I’m so glad they’re helpful.
I gave up my car for my daughter after paying for $450 car payments and her letting her car got repossessed. The car I gave her ended up being unsafe so I spent the last $7000 I had on a 2015 Forrester for her, the end of January and the end of June she totaled it. I don’t have a car. I don’t have anybody to go to the store for me or get my mail or even go to doctor appointments and she won’t even talk to me. Thousands and thousands of dollars I have invested in my children for them to eliminate me from their lives.
I just want to know she's alive.
Dear Christ is Risen Evangelism: I understand how horrible not knowing is for you. I suppose this is where our faith comes to help us trust what we do not see. Please do take care of yourself.
Warmly, Marie
Wonderful and just what I needed to hear ,, I have been estranged from my sister for about a year now and it is like having a death ,, worse because there hasn’t been closure ,, I’m becoming to accept the situation and even though she has hurt me and my family,, I realise she has been hurt too ,, it’s a very sad rift especially for our mum
Ditto😢
"and even though she has hurt me and my family"
Did your mum and dad divorce?
My 2 sisters estranged themselves from me 20 years ago. I am the eldest. I brought them up because our mother was depressed. I tried to keep the family together, but they just ghosted me when I was of no further use to them. They are educated professional people. I did not know the term estrangement 20 years ago. I was heartbroken because they were more my children than siblings. I was also a parent like figure to my depressed mother. I do not let people into my life anymore for fear they will do the same. I did the best that I could, but I am embarrassed to say it might have been all in vain from my point of view. But I gave them a great start in life even if they have forgotten my labour's on their behalf.
Yes it's great thank you
Accountability. Every cut off toxic narcissistic parent will claim they did nothing wrong, they have no idea why theyve been cut off etc etc, but kids dont cut off their parents for no reason. No parent, no PERSON is perfect, if you cant think of a single thing youve done wrong as a parent, that 100% shows that you were at fault and in denial.
For a lot of us who decided to cut off toxic parents, there is no reconciliation. For a lot of us the damage between us is too great. For those who have any shot though, it all boils down to three As. Accountability, Apology, Action. Accept what youve done, apologize sincerely, and show with your actions that youre willing to change your behavior. Without that there is no hope.
The very worst parents will rejoice the break after just being intensively angry at their loss of control, but for those who actually do love their kids despite the mistakes they made as parents, accountability is so key.
therapists dont seem to encourage reconcilliation and or forgiveness. may be why so many hangups are still there . no body is perfect. takes two to tango.😅
What would you advice to my life of grief? My life is unbearable 14 years ago my beautiful 27 year old daughter was killed in a tragic car accident😢💔 Our only daughter, now our only son and his wife have been keeping our 2 young grandsons away from us💔😢 It's been 8 months of unbearable grief💔😢 Unless you have not loss a child, unless you are living without your living child and grandchildren no one can fully understand💔😢
I lost my oldest son 19 1/2 years ago at age 20..I couldn't be there for 16 yr old son..he has cut me off..says it goes back to then..but forgave hid daddy and ex step daddy.
I haven't seen grandboys since dec
I can hear your therapist machine humming. I have one for white noise to help sleep.😂😂😂
This is the worst feeling I've ever felt and I'm grieving the loss but I'm also so worried about her when I let myself think about it because she's chosen her abusive boyfriend and she wouldn't let me help!
You have to be able to see your own part in the distance between you.
I'm always afraid to cry because I feel like if I start I'll never stop crying
I promise you will stop. It’s good to let it out.
Enough time went by that it doesn't hurt anymore .
It’s like they took my wombs out it hurts but she is independent she is 22 I am proud of her but it is morally wrong to leave your mom behind it’s not right hey it seriously hurts when your kids leave you are facing a life alone I mean I did not have a kid to be estranged in later life it isn’t right kids don’t live with the Ten Commandments iam sure she loves me and doesn’t call me doesn’t make any sense she stays at my mom her grandmother you traumatized me and was absent emotionally but me I was there for my daughter I told her I love you honey etc no it isn’t right to cut contact with your only parent in fact again it is morally wrong
Hi just want to recap my daughter unblocked me she told me she misses me and that she loves me sent me picture and I want to keep this healthy relationship iam not pushing I let her do the first step no pressure iam also changing and working on myself so if you have given love to your children they will come back because mine came back still she coming back in September and will leave again because kids leave home and fly off their own wings but I hope we will always keep a Bond thanks guys and pray and nurture yourself don't forget they need a good exemple
I grieve her turning her back on me.
@@LR-yu3mx honey take it from me take it from someone who has been from abuse from an immature teenage and a 22 year old who just told me couple minutes ago that she loves me and calls me and matures up don't grieve your daughter because she is alive just take this time to only put the energy into you nurture yourself yes you are in pain and I understand your pain when it happens it is like you won't be able to face this injustice and life or whatever but kids love their independence remember when we were their age . We wanted out of the home and fly to life's great adventure iam sure your daughter will realize soon and will come back and hug you tight and sweet she must be in another planet right now you have been a good mother to her right?! I mean we are not perfect but we did our best and it happens to the best of us don't get intoxicated by all these new trends of grieving because you grieve the dead not the alive pray for her happiness and please please take deep inhales and exhales oxygène your brain if you need to talk talk unleash it don't sit alone with your pain look at it like a cloud passing by I was estranged for three months I stopped risperidone my choice had only these videos meditations I don't even go to doctor ramani videos or others no distance yourself from all this noise but know that you are not alone and you have god distance yourself from her do not contact her or write her a letter if she doesn't get it then stop all Contact but don't grieve because your daughter is alive. My kindest blessings to you see I hate these guru or influencers who say tho gd like grieve the loss of a daughter or she is a narcissist she might have some traits but now as hard as it is live this life it's all yours now
Pomniki
I find your Channel and your information extremely helpful. I have an issue though everybody says journal and I can't Journal I have had the crap kicked out of me for journalling. So I have a terrifyingly mental block in front of me. Is there another way besides journalling? If you could address that in a future video I would be extremely grateful
Hi Tracy: Thank you for writing. I totally get it. Not everyone connects to writing. Another option may be for you to do a drawing journal. You can use stick figures, brief captions, and color to describe your feelings. I will talk about this in a future video. Let me know what you think. Warmly, Marie
This all sounds great, but how do u find joy when you have a child who has estranged themselves from you. I have found few ppl. Who have experience this nor understand it. Sadly , none of these suggestions have worked. They seem very simplistic solutions.
Parents have to look inward and ask - what role did I play in this estrangement or cut-off. Then, ask the question, what can I do to change myself. Forget about changing your child. How can you change yourself. How can you change your attitude, how can you see your child in positive ways, how can you appreciate them, and what are you so afraid of will happen by changing your own attitude in the first place?
I gave way too much of my self, and didn’t set firm boundaries for them to not take advantage of me.
The role strangers have to impact brain washing our young adult children to ignore there parents is relentless
Nonsense. My son had a great childhood with loving parents, no abuse, no alcoholism, no drug addiction, no adultery, nothing but unconditional love and full support. He is a product of this warped generation's fad of estranging from family and core values to indulge in self-interest and woke bullshit. It has nothing to do with how we raised him.