Holy Matrimonies | Our America with Lisa Ling | Full Episode | OWN
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- Опубликовано: 21 ноя 2024
- For most Americans, first comes love, and then comes marriage. But for some, it's the opposite. Is arranged marriage archaic and loveless, or is it a rational approach to life-long commitment? We explore this ancient approach to love in modern America. (Original Air Date: July 17, 2012) Watch more of Our America with Lisa Ling on the WatchOWN app. For more information visit www.oprah.com/...
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Holy Matrimonies | Our America with Lisa Ling | Full Episode | OWN
• Holy Matrimonies | Our...
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Marriage is hard work regardless of how two people come together. Best wishes to all couples.
Definitely!
Yeah, best wishes😂😂. It's a lot!!
I love watching Lisa Ling... She just puts it out there, good or bad with food for thought from various perspectives..
Me too..!! When I see her I know it’s gonna be something deep and real
Akhbar was very sweet. He knows that his family will never replace Nadia’s, but he will always try to be there for her when she’s misses them ❤
Naive. Love will grow, love will grow...
He needs to provide a good income - so either she can go visit her parents or they can fly the parents out to visit.
He seems like a really nice guy....she was a stunning bride
The conclusion of the documentary: 'divorce is discouraged '. It's not that these relationships last longer it's just that divorce is not part of the equation in case they don't work.
So what's so wrong with that?
@@rabiariaz2112 Well, if the husband is abusive and you can't get divorced you have a huge problem. You can't allow abuse only to stay married.
@@blue8710 Abusive marriages are very infrequent. They are not the basis to judge arranged marriages. In a vast majority of marriages both partners are satisfied with eachother. The relationship is not based on flimsy changeable things such as emotions. They are built on common values, familial and financial compatibility, religion etc. These values make marriage more sustainable. And in case hot emotions are threatening to end marriages then the pressure not to divorce comes in really handy. People can't just break off and destroy lives of their children, create trauma just because they are not in love with their spouse or because they are angry
@@rabiariaz2112 On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.-CDC
Infrequent, huh?
The fact that you think people should stay in loveless marriages/partnerships to benefit their kids is crazy. My husbands parents did that and it ultimately wrecked their marriage, their relationship with their kids, and continues to harm their children to this day because they stayed in a toxic and abusive marriage for way too long.
You are either some how a victim of abuse and are in complete denial (likely because of religious beliefs), or you are truly ignorant of abuse, or you’re an abuser yourself who is looking for validation. Could be a mix of all 3. Who knows. But thank GOD you don’t have the power to keep women trapped with men like you. (I’m assuming you’re a man because women don’t usually support women staying with abusers).
@@rabiariaz2112 Many hasidic Jewish women endure physical and emotional abuse. If they try to leave, they are hounded by the Jewish community.
I would never be able to move into my husband’s family house with his brother, his parents and his grandmother. What a difficult way to start a new life together
That practice is common in Asia, Middle East, and many parts in Africa.
Exactly!!
They don't see it as difficult. They see it as a joyful way of adding a new family member.
Agree I would cry too just like Nadia ..scary ..hope they don’t abuse her
Try living with your mother in law. She made life terrible.
The marriages last as the wife is too afraid to leave, because to leave her husband would mean to disgrace her family. Are these people truly happy
Ofc they're not truly happy. Happiness is for sinners & the afterlife
A marriage cannot be purely based on emotions. People change... sometimes it's based on principal and fighting for the union whether for spiritual reasons or to combat our world's desire to destroy the practice.
Different starting grounds abut happy endings
My husband and I married after meeting twice. We are celebrating 9 years TODAY! He is a perfect match for me. I have never felt more loved and safe and respected. Skipping dating really deepened our relationship. The commitment was real and was made in earnest.
I had the same observation, especially when it came to Audra and John.
The dad crying 'cause he will be away from his daughter forever made me emotional!! So interesting meeting these wedding cultures! Wishing the best for them.
I love this documentary about arranged marriages from three different couples, three different religions and three different cultures and I hope all the marriages work out.
As a devout member of my religious denomination, I understand that my lifestyle is a lot different from folks of other religious backgrounds. It's nice to see people from other walks of life and how they go about finding a life partner. Even though our beliefs are different, we share the common goal of healthy and prosperous marriages. I wish those couples well.
Blessed be the man or woman who never wanted this because they are complete already as single and thriving
I love how this was written
Amen to that! Single life is great!!
Sometimes parents can make a mistake in choosing.
Of course parents can make a mistake because they don't even know themselves. AND most parents don't spend enough time with their children to learn about them.
The parents in the film did not make a mistake. The parents in the film seemed very devoted to their children and it was obvious that they knew their sons and daughters extremely well. These were very close-knit families.
Hmmm…maybe parents shouldn’t be choosing for their children.
Yeah, if your parents are not balanced....please don't let them make decisions for your adulthood (lifelong).😒😒
The way that the dating scene is these days, I don’t have much negative to say about this. I just hope these women are truly happy and that they get to keep a sense of self, individuality and personality. I don’t believe in losing who you are, even in a marriage.
How can you be truthfully happy with a virtual stranger with absolutely no say. And individualism is out the door.
You sound like a complete FOOL. Even with evidence clear as day, you still comment "I hope they are happy". Use your brain. They are PROPERTY. Marriage is the enslavement of women.
Dating these days is scary and seems to be a waste of time for the most part. I’m sure that they learn to love one another and their marriages are not driven by our hyper sexual culture
@@CourtneyGonzales-r1n you dont learn to love somebody who is not a match for you... you learn to live next to them. Shut yourswlf out, dim your light and your true sense.
These weren't forced marriages, their parents just helped them to find the person to marry. The girls didn't have to say yes@@SimbaRobyn
Good job, Lisa. Very respectful and coming from an open mind.
I am not a religious person and I could never deal with there way of live .
Been married for 55 years to the same man.
I am a recovering Catholic and still married. 40 years!
@@MNP208born and raised Catholic and truly happy discovering the faith, layer by layer, coming to put Christ before myself. Married for a few months short of fifty years to a non Catholic who died to young. Read "Rome Sweet Home" by Scott and Kimberly Hahn, the Eucharist is Christ Himself, no where else can we fully commune with Him! Few achieve that in this life, impossible to do without Him. Praying for you 🙏
So glad I’m single and non religious 😊
I envy the simplicity and commitment of their process. As a person of divorced parents, it's one of the most heart ripping experience to go through leaving everyone traumatized and damaged.
So true. Getting divorced was the biggest failure of my life. I feel like no matter how hard I tried - I still caused my kids to be from a broken home.
Simplicity?
Same..I am twice divorced and only 41 I have 4 kids and I am now a struggling single mom..My parents were married for 27yrs and then divorced when I was 25yrs old and even though I was married with 2 kids it still hurt..@@davisholman8149
The most important thing to remember is that we don’t know what we don’t know.
These people are unable to find their own way so they rely upon their family members to help them.
Let’s wish them all the best of everything in their lives.
Nadia is super lucky to have the in-laws that she has. You don't always end up with ones as loving, kind, inviting, even joyful to have you. I hope she realizes that
Are those bedrooms soundproof😟
@@virginiamorales1591 deal breaker😒
They are right now. Who knows....
I knew a lady from Argentina that was married by proxy in New York while she was still in Argentina. It was an arranged marriage and when i met her she had already been married for 25 years. She said she was one if the lucky girls as hers turned to a love match.
As a Muslim Asian woman, I cracked up when I heard the words “Muslim speed dating” that’s conducted in a mosque! 😂 I love Americans in all their colors.
This was first broadcast several years ago--would love an update in the couples.
I believe Nadia is in another match making show on Netflix????
I actually found her online. She is indeed a makeup artist for Diem Angie in Chicago. Good for her.
@@gkhwpgmomIS Nadia still married?
@@Spasiuka Not sure. I only found that she is working in Chicago as a makeup artist. I don’t think she was on that match show on Netflix. It was a different Nadia.
I’ve known Chava since before her marriage. She is still happily married with several children
Audra's husband saying it was difficult to sympathized after her miscarriage makes me think he blamed her for it. I bet he was cruel to her when she was grieving.
With compassion is a kind way to see him, his words and reactions.
My husband didn't know how to help after lare miscarriage, all the emotions overwhelmed him. He bought me a TV and went back to grad school.
35 Years later he's diagnosed with Asperger's. He did what he was able, but still doesn't understand the grief
@@meman6964 My heart goes out to both of you. I think we can never really understand each other as we cannot know how the other is feeling or thinking. And, like you say, we often do not know what to do with our own strong feelings or how to stop and feel them all the way. And Asperger's probably feels like a completely different world altogether.
I have so much respect for u Lisa, your shows are so deep and different.
I really appreciate your efforts.
I would agree that there is no love without commitment.
I totally agree with you. I was married twice and my commitment to my husband’s was true BUT, were they truly committed to our marriage? I don’t think so. My first husband was an alcoholic and came from a family that women were submissive. The second time that he laid his hands on me, I warned him that he had to stop drinking, because if he ever tried to touch me again it would be the last time he would see me. He didn’t stop drinking and I was living with the fear that he would slap me again. So I divorced him because I was no one’s punching bag. In my second marriage, in our tenth year together he started to change and I thought that it was me, but two years after that he told me that he didn’t love me the same way and that he wanted a divorce. I couldn’t believe that that was happening, because he never told me that he was in love with another woman. So, was he really committed? NO. It takes two to tango.
If this makes the women happy then I support them. A women’s life is so much more than marriage. Marriage should be an option not a requirement.
The one single, professional woman in the film had reached a point in her life where she would disagree with you.
@@virginiaboone8163 she misses love, not marriage.
I moved 1200 mi to live in my husbands house in 2016 and I cry seeing Nadia miss her parents and brother. I miss my parents and siblings so much 😢
So sorry to hear that ❤
Are you happy?
@@virginiamorales1591 do you expect an honest response to that question?
Are you allowed to visit them or are you just allowed to live with your husband’s family?
WISHING YOU ALL CONTINUED L❤VE & HAPPINESS
& FOR THOSE WHO ARE SEARCHING, YR TURN WILL COME. X
There’s was something about the way marriage was described for the Judaism couple’s perspective. I found extremely profound and beautiful I believe there’s something there that has been lost today.
He'll honor her, but she will always walk behind him.
The Pakistani/Indian couple actually seem like a very cute/silly couple :)
Thank you, Lisa, love your programs, all of them. Used to watch on TV but now on RUclips. Your stories are informative, educational and entertaining. I do expect many more of such to come…Best wishes to you.
I hope these people find happiness. I love being married and would not have it any other way.
What a beautiful practice for some. I love the relationship between faith and love.
Well said 😊
I’m happy that my husband and I found radiotherapy through the old fashioned way ATTRACTION and 25 years and going strong 💪
Father giving his daughter a heart necklace is CREEPY! And as far as lower divorce rates in arranged marriages, I wonder how much of it is because of truly good matches, and how much has to do with familial/societal pressure to stay married, even in bad matches/marriages
Pressure to stay in bad marriages as the girls parents will not support her is she chooses to divorce and will ostracise het
The fact that you think a father who provided a gift to her daughter representing his care and protection as creepy is honestly sad.
Also, you cannot judge a culture based on your western lenses. Firstly, personal gratification is a very western concept. In the East and in other cultures, it's a social and communal pact. Self-sacrifice is a virtue that is celebrated. I think the only difference is that most couples in these cultures always choose to stay. There is an understanding that they are part of the community. Their children is always prioritized over personal happiness. This does not mean they are not happy but maybe their metrics of contentment or how they value their life differs from yours.
My husband has bought our daughter heart necklaces since she was old enough to appreciate jewelry. She is almost 30 now & he still buys her a different heart necklace every Christmas to show his love for her.❤
Very creepy! Especially him saying he’d been waiting for her 1st kiss 🤢 cult behavior
Nadia’s in laws are happy to have a daughter in the house, i.e. the mom finally gets a break. Those tears are for the life she knows is coming at her fast.
Poor Nadia!!! Henna kept it REAL, MUCH RESPECT.
Living with in-laws is the worst idea possible especially for newlyweds.
Whatever works, but why can’t the Indian Muslim couple find their own place? Super intimidating for the lady to move in with her husband’s entire family.
Even the Hindus move in
That's desi culture
Are real estate prices in the USA very high? Something that came to my mind.
I cannot imagine what Nadia went thru after her wedding - so many changes
A marriage lasts longer when the couple feels pressure from a family to stay together, not bc it’s fulfilling.
I’m sorry….maybe it’s just me but Audra looks like she’s trapped! Audra doesn’t seem happy. Her husband only talks about what she can do for him to make him happy
💯
The body language told the story.
VERY IBLP Duggarish
He is creepy
John is maybe highly functioning autistic
I can see in Nadia's face it's " NOT OKAY."
The expectations for the wives would be too great for me to deal with. I'm married but not like this
Same. I would feel trapped and fall into a deep depression.
Yes, that last couple (the couple who had the miscarriage)…the husband creeped me out. He sounds like he’s living in the 50s. Disgusting!
Someone rescue Audra please
John said the first night of intimacy was wonderful...Audra said it was challenging😒
Rushing relationships/marriage is a red flag.
Yap
We met July 1st, Aug 2st he told me we'd get married , Sept 1st, 1974 we did!!! Big 50th anniversary celebration coming soon. No parents, his mother didn't think I was good enough and my mom couldn't afford to travel .
That speed dating event was cringe
Liked the fact that Hyna didn't get give in
"we met at a homeschooling conference" you don't say....
I dont full understand the culture but it seems strange to move in with the Husband's family. Nadia does not seem happy. Every time the inlaws say "we have a new daughter" all I hear is "we have a new servant"😢
This is how it was done in the bible. This is truly traditional marriage.
@@LAVirgo67 But not if she has to work everyday as a contemporary woman......
You can not judge a culture with Western lenses. We might not understand it but it seems an acceptable practice to them.
This story made me sad. Most of these arranged marriages come from a very patriarchal culture. I'm all for an older couple CHOOSING an arranged marriage. I'm against an 18 - 30 year old girl/boy being married off before experiencing life. 😐 I feel for Hava. She is marrying someone 10 years older than her and won't have a choice about the number of children she wants. There is a high rate of domestic violence in her culture. Nadia's parents do NOT look happy together. Why should a young married couple be forced to live with their parents?? Audra's mother-in-law has the Duggar "keep sweet" voice.
Yeah too bad she isn't cursing and yelling and screaming instead..right? So much more pleasant 'eh?
There's nothing holy for a man to have a proxy engagement with his daughter 🤢 it's SOOO crepy, it's really beyond words..
Meh, it’s only creepy if you look at it that way… As a mom, who knows and trusts my daughter’s father, I think it’s an honorable gesture.
@@Jujubean9795 bet you are the type that will call your daughter a liar if she told you she was molested by a close relative or family member
@@Jujubean9795Agreed. I think it’s very sweet and shows he’s a father who cares about his daughters heart
I agree Ingrid. It's creepy. To the others, it's not love. It's ownership. Eff that!
@Jujubean9795 no it's about trying to control your daughter as long as possible. And if use that with fear trough religion.
Not really accepting she is her own individual and not just a "prolonging" off the parent.
If you really care about your children, you will love them flr who they are, nor what they do alone.
You need to accept & understand that you can't control another person's body until marriage. Bcs that may never happen. She might not want it & that should be OK. Expecting that your daughters only part in life is to get married & have kids & obey at first dad & then their husband.
So you literally do a ceremony where the dad takes ownership until HE let's it over to the husband. Her opinion dosent matter as much as dad's & that's SO wrong..
Your daughter is capable of more than being a wife. And should grow up with the knowledge that bo matter what she wants to do in life, she has you left in it.
Sorry but hour views are neglectful, EXTREMLEY sexist and outdated. Hiding behind religion as is not an legit excuse for anything..
I think marital arrangement makes total sense; the idea of permanence with that person is overwhelming though.
Do you have an update on where these couples are now? Everyone be safe out there and I really did enjoy the documentary. Thank you again.❤❤
I wish them the best. They are so sweet
This reminds me of a tv show I watched called Arranged. Season one had a young Gypsy couple, Indian couple and a southern couple (I don’t think they were really arranged). From what I’ve heard they are all still married and have children.
that was a great show ❤
Well that does not say anything. They married and conceived kids during wedding night or later... and now they are trapped forever. Not willingly.
great to watch all these people
This is SOOO lije The Duggars!
The Duggar girls are all given a purity/promise ring from JB as a sign that they will remain pure until marriage. Heard this from several sources so it may be true. I find JB a very creepy man and would never trust him. Than God a few have escaped the control of their stents.
I meant parents. Sorry.
Why can't John want to please AUDRA??? Not equal or fair.
Because Christian values.
That's what America can look forward to if they vote for the dumb Republicans
Traditional values and modern individual freedoms is good. However, not one way is the perfect way. One million individuals, one millions ways. One tree, not one single leave is exact duplicate of the other leaves.
Why can’t they get their house alone together. Living with in laws not ideal situation
Ikr especially the fact that the house issmall to accommodate three generations including newlyweds!! Wonder how they're together because of the thin walls - way houses are built in the USA 🇺🇸!!
I'd love to know where all of these couples are now.
Me too!!
Probably miserable
I’ve know Chava since before her marriage and she is still happily married with several children
I married my husband due to a specific instruction from God. 17 years almost and we love each other soo much. What God puts together , He holds together. We just have to follow His leading each day!
I don’t understand if you immigrated to a country, yet often they marry their children to only their culture and despise the chance that their child might marry a “western” person? And often find someone from their county of origin for their child 🤔
My Korean stepmother was angry when my Air Force stepbrother announced he was getting married to a Japanese woman. They visited our house for the first time for a formal dinner and after they left my stepmother asked 10 year old me if I planned to marry a girl who wasn't Korean.
27 years later she is still bitter even though she has a granddaughter who unfortunately has cerebral palsy.
Usually people migrate for economic opportunities they dont necessarily love or understand the culture of the place they are migrating to.
My husband and I dated very similar to the Christian couple. We had a similar “Christian Courtship” there was no intimacy before marriage. Being of the same faith/belief, we were both well spoken of by our pastor and Christian leaders who counseled us, our families were in agreement. We’ve been married 9yrs now. I loved this documentary. ❤
Immigrating to a country doesn’t mean you should leave your culture. I’m Ghanaian American. When I wanted to get married I married an African woman with similar culture/traditions. We are celebrating 10 years in November. At a 50% divorce rate, western values and marriage are on a collision course.
@@swallowedinthesea11maybe ask her if there was anything in her life that made her feel a certain way towards Japanese? Then tell her not all people from certain culture/country are the same.
Hearing Audra say she found out she aas selfish and why was so sad to me..
I'm guessing the Hasidic sect that Chava joined is Lubavitch (that's Crown Heights and I'm betting that grave is Schneerson's). The Lubavitch are by far more modern than most Hasidic groups...by a lot.
None of these ladies appear to be truly happy. Two of them seemed devastatingly sad and miserable.
What is happiness? Marriage is service to each other and not a feeling. The reason why 50% have failed. Wanna be happy, don’t get married at all. Just date and play
@@nanakworld a lot of married men and women are out continuing to play and date online and offline with other people so not sure what your point is. Most are in arranged marriages too.
@@OpinionatedGlobalCitizenit’s not taken as seriously as it used to be. I think that’s sad and bad for society but you’re right. Lots of married people keep doing their own things on the side until the other person gets tired and leaves or sticks around bc it’s the status quo. Marriage is cool tho if you need tax breaks or more money in the military.
They all seem happy and fulfilled to me.Of course the ine young lady misses her family.
@@nanakworldyou don’t think God wants us to be in happy marriages?
Love this episode. Yes, God does match make. We dated for year but I told God to pick my mate. Now I’m no perfect person so God did great job for me. I allowed him bc my parents didn’t date but married in the faith as well. They celebrated 50 plus years.
There is no god
In my opinion, just because you love something does not mean it is good for you.
I feel pity for people forced into an arranged marriage. The LONELIEST people I know call themselves "couples".
Greetings wholeheartedly from Iraq. Thanks for this report
I lov seeing 👀 how different religions do it there customs 😮❤MIGWECH from Toronto Canada 🇨🇦
The woman leaving her family to live with his is so different that I can’t imagine..
Where are they all now? I imagine at least 2 of the couples split, and the others stayed together for the sake of pleasing their parents smh...
Imagine being gay in a community like that. I wonder how many who tries to hide it & still marry the wrong person, to please everyone else.
I wonder how many kids they have by now
I don't understand why they're going to live with his parents ???
It’s Indian culture. Wife moves in with husband and his family and gets up at 4 am to make chai tea and do all the chores around the house for the entire family. It’s insane and most of the women are miserable
Yes the wife is the servant of the husbands mother. Often severely abused too 😢
@@devonbrianspencerlewis Sick!
@@devonbrianspencerlewis glad most of them are choosing to marry outside their culture
To each his own, but definitely not for me.
I can't imagine if one loses their faith...then what? You hope there's more to their relationship .
Audra seems like a slave. She has to put his needs before her own? Nah!!
its exactly that way for all of the marriages... just only with one couple was it stated outloud and not edited out...
he's on the computer surfing the web while she's nonstop cleaning.
That didn’t seem like an ordinary Christian marriage. Maybe they are IBLP. They seem to have some extra rules, not found in the Bible.
She does everything to make him happy…..WHAT does he do for her? 🤔🧐
@@homeschoolingsisters538what’s IBLP?
I don’t know how I feel. But i know I don’t respond well to rules and regulations 😅 but i id love to marry some i love, a lover that loves me back
It's at least better than online dating.
Audra’s dad protecting her “heart” aka virginity is just yuckkk 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
Someday when you're older you'll understand that less is better.
@@bonniebonbasa3257freedom is better. You have to decide what you want. Not your ,daddy,.
@@jarkachalmovianska7812 say it again
Yes it’s kinda cringey
Yeah it would've been so much better if instead she had 20 bodies to her credit before marrying...right?
This is about 12 years old. I wonder where these people are now.
I am a Christian, and I did not do well choosing a mate for myself. It’s often made me wonder if it would’ve been better for my parents to pick my mate.
This sounds like a horrible idea to me, especially the couple that lives with his parents. There's no way I would do that. Also, what if the husband turns out to be abusive? There's already almost complete control over the wife by the husband, but in some cases, it could come from his parents as well. I think I'd rather stay single than get married by arrangement. I respect that they have different customs in their respective religions, but it's just not something I could do. I'm not comfortable with having someone controlling me, let alone husband and hus parents.
I agree.
Audra was rapidly blinking her eyes when John spoke....a cry for help?
There's no free will here.
Less than a minute in and this is creepy AF
This PURITY thing implies the DAUGHTER doesn't have enough sense or maturity to choose a mate herself! Sad.
The only couple that both look happy are Hava and Mahal.
How can she be happy when she's forced to be a clone having to dress like every other woman in the cult
Worked for my parents.
Beautifully done!!!❤
What's the purpose of obscuring the bride's face?
8 mins 😂 in front of all outside door. I cant...
🤣😂😅
This is EXACTLY what baffled me. 8 mins?? Geeeezzz
"You may kiss the bride, I've been waiting for that..." Uhhhhhh..... 😳
Hope he washed his hands after that 20 min alone time before cutting the bread.
😂😂😂😂😂
😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Unity is strength.
Many cultures live like that. Sons especially have wives move in to parents home etc. I do know 2 girls that in their 20"s had am arranged marriage. Engaged before meeting and both couple have been together one for 3, other for 5years.
The TN Christians gave me some uncomfortable vibes. John seems creepy. Maybe that sounds judgemental but something there is off.
What if they think the particular person is ugly or not healthy looking? Or the scary thing about abuse?
the dude painted the wall her favorite color. come on now im crying