Holy Matrimonies | Our America with Lisa Ling | Full Episode | OWN
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- Опубликовано: 15 апр 2024
- For most Americans, first comes love, and then comes marriage. But for some, it's the opposite. Is arranged marriage archaic and loveless, or is it a rational approach to life-long commitment? We explore this ancient approach to love in modern America. (Original Air Date: July 17, 2012) Watch more of Our America with Lisa Ling on the WatchOWN app. For more information visit www.oprah.com/app/our-america...
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Holy Matrimonies | Our America with Lisa Ling | Full Episode | OWN
• Holy Matrimonies | Our...
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Marriage is hard work regardless of how two people come together. Best wishes to all couples.
Definitely!
I love watching Lisa Ling... She just puts it out there, good or bad with food for thought from various perspectives..
Me too..!! When I see her I know it’s gonna be something deep and real
I would never be able to move into my husband’s family house with his brother, his parents and his grandmother. What a difficult way to start a new life together
That practice is common in Asia, Middle East, and many parts in Africa.
Exactly!!
They don't see it as difficult. They see it as a joyful way of adding a new family member.
Agree I would cry too just like Nadia ..scary ..hope they don’t abuse her
Try living with your mother in law. She made life terrible.
Akhbar was very sweet. He knows that his family will never replace Nadia’s, but he will always try to be there for her when she’s misses them ❤
Naive. Love will grow, love will grow...
He needs to provide a good income - so either she can go visit her parents or they can fly the parents out to visit.
The conclusion of the documentary: 'divorce is discouraged '. It's not that these relationships last longer it's just that divorce is not part of the equation in case they don't work.
So what's so wrong with that?
@@rabiariaz2112 Well, if the husband is abusive and you can't get divorced you have a huge problem. You can't allow abuse only to stay married.
@@blue8710 Abusive marriages are very infrequent. They are not the basis to judge arranged marriages. In a vast majority of marriages both partners are satisfied with eachother. The relationship is not based on flimsy changeable things such as emotions. They are built on common values, familial and financial compatibility, religion etc. These values make marriage more sustainable. And in case hot emotions are threatening to end marriages then the pressure not to divorce comes in really handy. People can't just break off and destroy lives of their children, create trauma just because they are not in love with their spouse or because they are angry
@@rabiariaz2112 On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.-CDC
Infrequent, huh?
The fact that you think people should stay in loveless marriages/partnerships to benefit their kids is crazy. My husbands parents did that and it ultimately wrecked their marriage, their relationship with their kids, and continues to harm their children to this day because they stayed in a toxic and abusive marriage for way too long.
You are either some how a victim of abuse and are in complete denial (likely because of religious beliefs), or you are truly ignorant of abuse, or you’re an abuser yourself who is looking for validation. Could be a mix of all 3. Who knows. But thank GOD you don’t have the power to keep women trapped with men like you. (I’m assuming you’re a man because women don’t usually support women staying with abusers).
@@rabiariaz2112 Many hasidic Jewish women endure physical and emotional abuse. If they try to leave, they are hounded by the Jewish community.
The marriages last as the wife is too afraid to leave, because to leave her husband would mean to disgrace her family. Are these people truly happy
Ofc they're not truly happy. Happiness is for sinners & the afterlife
A marriage cannot be purely based on emotions. People change... sometimes it's based on principal and fighting for the union whether for spiritual reasons or to combat our world's desire to destroy the practice.
Different starting grounds abut happy endings
My husband and I married after meeting twice. We are celebrating 9 years TODAY! He is a perfect match for me. I have never felt more loved and safe and respected. Skipping dating really deepened our relationship. The commitment was real and was made in earnest.
I had the same observation, especially when it came to Audra and John.
Blessed be the man or woman who never wanted this because they are complete already as single and thriving
Sometimes parents can make a mistake in choosing.
Of course parents can make a mistake because they don't even know themselves. AND most parents don't spend enough time with their children to learn about them.
The parents in the film did not make a mistake. The parents in the film seemed very devoted to their children and it was obvious that they knew their sons and daughters extremely well. These were very close-knit families.
Hmmm…maybe parents shouldn’t be choosing for their children.
The way that the dating scene is these days, I don’t have much negative to say about this. I just hope these women are truly happy and that they get to keep a sense of self, individuality and personality. I don’t believe in losing who you are, even in a marriage.
How can you be truthfully happy with a virtual stranger with absolutely no say. And individualism is out the door.
You sound like a complete FOOL. Even with evidence clear as day, you still comment "I hope they are happy". Use your brain. They are PROPERTY. Marriage is the enslavement of women.
Dating these days is scary and seems to be a waste of time for the most part. I’m sure that they learn to love one another and their marriages are not driven by our hyper sexual culture
@@user-pl6ou5fn3m you dont learn to love somebody who is not a match for you... you learn to live next to them. Shut yourswlf out, dim your light and your true sense.
These weren't forced marriages, their parents just helped them to find the person to marry. The girls didn't have to say yes@@SimbaRobyn
As a devout member of my religious denomination, I understand that my lifestyle is a lot different from folks of other religious backgrounds. It's nice to see people from other walks of life and how they go about finding a life partner. Even though our beliefs are different, we share the common goal of healthy and prosperous marriages. I wish those couples well.
Audra's husband saying it was difficult to sympathized after her miscarriage makes me think he blamed her for it. I bet he was cruel to her when she was grieving.
With compassion is a kind way to see him, his words and reactions.
Nadia is super lucky to have the in-laws that she has. You don't always end up with ones as loving, kind, inviting, even joyful to have you. I hope she realizes that
Are those bedrooms soundproof😟
When the wife moves into the husband’s homes, many times his family changes up and attacks the wife if her dowry was displeasing to them, etc. it isn’t all rosy.
In muslim culture that Nadia comes from, the bride doesn't pay dowry.
It's hindu culture that the women pay dowry.... Not Muslim
This was first broadcast several years ago--would love an update in the couples.
I believe Nadia is in another match making show on Netflix????
I actually found her online. She is indeed a makeup artist for Diem Angie in Chicago. Good for her.
@@gkhwpgmomIS Nadia still married?
@@Spasiuka Not sure. I only found that she is working in Chicago as a makeup artist. I don’t think she was on that match show on Netflix. It was a different Nadia.
I’ve known Chava since before her marriage. She is still happily married with several children
Father giving his daughter a heart necklace is CREEPY! And as far as lower divorce rates in arranged marriages, I wonder how much of it is because of truly good matches, and how much has to do with familial/societal pressure to stay married, even in bad matches/marriages
I love this documentary about arranged marriages from three different couples, three different religions and three different cultures and I hope all the marriages work out.
I moved 1200 mi to live in my husbands house in 2016 and I cry seeing Nadia miss her parents and brother. I miss my parents and siblings so much 😢
So sorry to hear that ❤
Are you happy?
@@virginiamorales1591 do you expect an honest response to that question?
I am not a religious person and I could never deal with there way of live .
Been married for 55 years to the same man.
I am a recovering Catholic and still married. 40 years!
@@MNP208born and raised Catholic and truly happy discovering the faith, layer by layer, coming to put Christ before myself. Married for a few months short of fifty years to a non Catholic who died to young. Read "Rome Sweet Home" by Scott and Kimberly Hahn, the Eucharist is Christ Himself, no where else can we fully commune with Him! Few achieve that in this life, impossible to do without Him. Praying for you 🙏
Good job, Lisa. Very respectful and coming from an open mind.
The most important thing to remember is that we don’t know what we don’t know.
These people are unable to find their own way so they rely upon their family members to help them.
Let’s wish them all the best of everything in their lives.
I have so much respect for u Lisa, your shows are so deep and different.
I really appreciate your efforts.
I envy the simplicity and commitment of their process. As a person of divorced parents, it's one of the most heart ripping experience to go through leaving everyone traumatized and damaged.
So true. Getting divorced was the biggest failure of my life. I feel like no matter how hard I tried - I still caused my kids to be from a broken home.
Simplicity?
The Pakistani/Indian couple actually seem like a very cute/silly couple :)
I knew a lady from Argentina that was married by proxy in New York while she was still in Argentina. It was an arranged marriage and when i met her she had already been married for 25 years. She said she was one if the lucky girls as hers turned to a love match.
What a beautiful practice for some. I love the relationship between faith and love.
Well said 😊
As a Muslim Asian woman, I cracked up when I heard the words “Muslim speed dating” that’s conducted in a mosque! 😂 I love Americans in all their colors.
So glad I’m single and non religious 😊
I’m sorry….maybe it’s just me but Audra looks like she’s trapped! Audra doesn’t seem happy. Her husband only talks about what she can do for him to make him happy
💯
The body language told the story.
VERY IBLP Duggarish
He is creepy
John is maybe highly functioning autistic
Whatever works, but why can’t the Indian Muslim couple find their own place? Super intimidating for the lady to move in with her husband’s entire family.
Even the Hindus move in
That's desi culture
Are real estate prices in the USA very high? Something that came to my mind.
I would agree that there is no love without commitment.
I totally agree with you. I was married twice and my commitment to my husband’s was true BUT, were they truly committed to our marriage? I don’t think so. My first husband was an alcoholic and came from a family that women were submissive. The second time that he laid his hands on me, I warned him that he had to stop drinking, because if he ever tried to touch me again it would be the last time he would see me. He didn’t stop drinking and I was living with the fear that he would slap me again. So I divorced him because I was no one’s punching bag. In my second marriage, in our tenth year together he started to change and I thought that it was me, but two years after that he told me that he didn’t love me the same way and that he wanted a divorce. I couldn’t believe that that was happening, because he never told me that he was in love with another woman. So, was he really committed? NO. It takes two to tango.
Why can't John want to please AUDRA??? Not equal or fair.
That speed dating event was cringe
Liked the fact that Hyna didn't get give in
Audra seems like a slave. She has to put his needs before her own? Nah!!
its exactly that way for all of the marriages... just only with one couple was it stated outloud and not edited out...
he's on the computer surfing the web while she's nonstop cleaning.
That didn’t seem like an ordinary Christian marriage. Maybe they are IBLP. They seem to have some extra rules, not found in the Bible.
Poor Nadia!!! Henna kept it REAL, MUCH RESPECT.
Audra’s dad protecting her “heart” aka virginity is just yuckkk 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
Someday when you're older you'll understand that less is better.
@@bonniebonbasa3257freedom is better. You have to decide what you want. Not your ,daddy,.
@@jarkachalmovianska7812 say it again
Yes it’s kinda cringey
Yeah it would've been so much better if instead she had 20 bodies to her credit before marrying...right?
If this makes the women happy then I support them. A women’s life is so much more than marriage. Marriage should be an option not a requirement.
The one single, professional woman in the film had reached a point in her life where she would disagree with you.
@@virginiaboone8163 she misses love, not marriage.
Do you have an update on where these couples are now? Everyone be safe out there and I really did enjoy the documentary. Thank you again.❤❤
There's nothing holy for a man to have a proxy engagement with his daughter 🤢 it's SOOO crepy, it's really beyond words..
Meh, it’s only creepy if you look at it that way… As a mom, who knows and trusts my daughter’s father, I think it’s an honorable gesture.
@@Jujubean9795 bet you are the type that will call your daughter a liar if she told you she was molested by a close relative or family member
@@Jujubean9795Agreed. I think it’s very sweet and shows he’s a father who cares about his daughters heart
I agree Ingrid. It's creepy. To the others, it's not love. It's ownership. Eff that!
@Jujubean9795 no it's about trying to control your daughter as long as possible. And if use that with fear trough religion.
Not really accepting she is her own individual and not just a "prolonging" off the parent.
If you really care about your children, you will love them flr who they are, nor what they do alone.
You need to accept & understand that you can't control another person's body until marriage. Bcs that may never happen. She might not want it & that should be OK. Expecting that your daughters only part in life is to get married & have kids & obey at first dad & then their husband.
So you literally do a ceremony where the dad takes ownership until HE let's it over to the husband. Her opinion dosent matter as much as dad's & that's SO wrong..
Your daughter is capable of more than being a wife. And should grow up with the knowledge that bo matter what she wants to do in life, she has you left in it.
Sorry but hour views are neglectful, EXTREMLEY sexist and outdated. Hiding behind religion as is not an legit excuse for anything..
Beautifully done!!!❤
I married my husband due to a specific instruction from God. 17 years almost and we love each other soo much. What God puts together , He holds together. We just have to follow His leading each day!
Why can’t they get their house alone together. Living with in laws not ideal situation
Ikr especially the fact that the house issmall to accommodate three generations including newlyweds!! Wonder how they're together because of the thin walls - way houses are built in the USA 🇺🇸!!
Someone rescue Audra please
I dont full understand the culture but it seems strange to move in with the Husband's family. Nadia does not seem happy. Every time the inlaws say "we have a new daughter" all I hear is "we have a new servant"😢
This is how it was done in the bible. This is truly traditional marriage.
This is SOOO lije The Duggars!
The Duggar girls are all given a purity/promise ring from JB as a sign that they will remain pure until marriage. Heard this from several sources so it may be true. I find JB a very creepy man and would never trust him. Than God a few have escaped the control of their stents.
I meant parents. Sorry.
Rushing relationships/marriage is a red flag.
Yap
I'd love to know where all of these couples are now.
Me too!!
Probably miserable
I’ve know Chava since before her marriage and she is still happily married with several children
I hope these people find happiness. I love being married and would not have it any other way.
"we met at a homeschooling conference" you don't say....
This is a torcher
The expectations for the wives would be too great for me to deal with. I'm married but not like this
Same. I would feel trapped and fall into a deep depression.
Yes, that last couple (the couple who had the miscarriage)…the husband creeped me out. He sounds like he’s living in the 50s. Disgusting!
WISHING YOU ALL CONTINUED L❤VE & HAPPINESS
& FOR THOSE WHO ARE SEARCHING, YR TURN WILL COME. X
I feel pity for people forced into an arranged marriage. The LONELIEST people I know call themselves "couples".
Greetings wholeheartedly from Iraq. Thanks for this report
Hope he washed his hands after that 20 min alone time before cutting the bread.
😂😂😂😂😂
😂
I lov seeing 👀 how different religions do it there customs 😮❤MIGWECH from Toronto Canada 🇨🇦
I can see in Nadia's face it's " NOT OKAY."
this was a good one
I'm guessing the Hasidic sect that Chava joined is Lubavitch (that's Crown Heights and I'm betting that grave is Schneerson's). The Lubavitch are by far more modern than most Hasidic groups...by a lot.
This reminds me of a tv show I watched called Arranged. Season one had a young Gypsy couple, Indian couple and a southern couple (I don’t think they were really arranged). From what I’ve heard they are all still married and have children.
that was a great show ❤
Well that does not say anything. They married and conceived kids during wedding night or later... and now they are trapped forever. Not willingly.
Unity is strength.
A marriage lasts longer when the couple feels pressure from a family to stay together, not bc it’s fulfilling.
Nadia got lucky with her in laws
She married down so they're grateful to have her
None of these ladies appear to be truly happy. Two of them seemed devastatingly sad and miserable.
What is happiness? Marriage is service to each other and not a feeling. The reason why 50% have failed. Wanna be happy, don’t get married at all. Just date and play
@@nanakworld a lot of married men and women are out continuing to play and date online and offline with other people so not sure what your point is. Most are in arranged marriages too.
@@GOTravelhannelit’s not taken as seriously as it used to be. I think that’s sad and bad for society but you’re right. Lots of married people keep doing their own things on the side until the other person gets tired and leaves or sticks around bc it’s the status quo. Marriage is cool tho if you need tax breaks or more money in the military.
They all seem happy and fulfilled to me.Of course the ine young lady misses her family.
@@nanakworldyou don’t think God wants us to be in happy marriages?
Love this episode. Yes, God does match make. We dated for year but I told God to pick my mate. Now I’m no perfect person so God did great job for me. I allowed him bc my parents didn’t date but married in the faith as well. They celebrated 50 plus years.
I wonder if John has read the part about love your wife as Christ loves the church
Traditional values and modern individual freedoms is good. However, not one way is the perfect way. One million individuals, one millions ways. One tree, not one single leave is exact duplicate of the other leaves.
Less than a minute in and this is creepy AF
The TN Christians gave me some uncomfortable vibes. John seems creepy. Maybe that sounds judgemental but something there is off.
8 mins 😂 in front of all outside door. I cant...
This PURITY thing implies the DAUGHTER doesn't have enough sense or maturity to choose a mate herself! Sad.
This story made me sad. Most of these arranged marriages come from a very patriarchal culture. I'm all for an older couple CHOOSING an arranged marriage. I'm against an 18 - 30 year old girl/boy being married off before experiencing life. 😐 I feel for Hava. She is marrying someone 10 years older than her and won't have a choice about the number of children she wants. There is a high rate of domestic violence in her culture. Nadia's parents do NOT look happy together. Why should a young married couple be forced to live with their parents?? Audra's mother-in-law has the Duggar "keep sweet" voice.
Yeah too bad she isn't cursing and yelling and screaming instead..right? So much more pleasant 'eh?
I don't understand why they're going to live with his parents ???
It’s Indian culture. Wife moves in with husband and his family and gets up at 4 am to make chai tea and do all the chores around the house for the entire family. It’s insane and most of the women are miserable
Yes the wife is the servant of the husbands mother. Often severely abused too 😢
@@devonbrianspencerlewis Sick!
@@devonbrianspencerlewis glad most of them are choosing to marry outside their culture
Worked for my parents.
To each his own, but definitely not for me.
It's at least better than online dating.
Nadia's parents look unhappy and distant.
There's no free will here.
I don’t understand if you immigrated to a country, yet often they marry their children to only their culture and despise the chance that their child might marry a “western” person? And often find someone from their county of origin for their child 🤔
My Korean stepmother was angry when my Air Force stepbrother announced he was getting married to a Japanese woman. They visited our house for the first time for a formal dinner and after they left my stepmother asked 10 year old me if I planned to marry a girl who wasn't Korean.
27 years later she is still bitter even though she has a granddaughter who unfortunately has cerebral palsy.
Usually people migrate for economic opportunities they dont necessarily love or understand the culture of the place they are migrating to.
My husband and I dated very similar to the Christian couple. We had a similar “Christian Courtship” there was no intimacy before marriage. Being of the same faith/belief, we were both well spoken of by our pastor and Christian leaders who counseled us, our families were in agreement. We’ve been married 9yrs now. I loved this documentary. ❤
Immigrating to a country doesn’t mean you should leave your culture. I’m Ghanaian American. When I wanted to get married I married an African woman with similar culture/traditions. We are celebrating 10 years in November. At a 50% divorce rate, western values and marriage are on a collision course.
@@swallowedinthesea11maybe ask her if there was anything in her life that made her feel a certain way towards Japanese? Then tell her not all people from certain culture/country are the same.
I don’t know how I feel. But i know I don’t respond well to rules and regulations 😅 but i id love to marry some i love, a lover that loves me back
Wow!!
The only couple that both look happy are Hava and Mahal.
What's the purpose of obscuring the bride's face?
I think marital arrangement makes total sense; the idea of permanence with that person is overwhelming though.
In my opinion, just because you love something does not mean it is good for you.
Where are they all now? I imagine at least 2 of the couples split, and the others stayed together for the sake of pleasing their parents smh...
Imagine being gay in a community like that. I wonder how many who tries to hide it & still marry the wrong person, to please everyone else.
I wish an African American couple had been featured too.
8 minutes 😮
and they emerged after 20😂😂😂
LOL its symbolic, not physical. They normally just sit, eat, talk or relax until they're ready to come out and celebrate.
@@heebadeeba7279 thanks for educating me on that
♥️♥️♥️
Is Nadia ok? I am worried about her
I know right…she cried way too many times about leaving her family.
Wasn’t she 26 or 27 years old? I know she loves her family but I’m sure she will adjust as she is no longer a child.
She must be very happy with her husband and children.
Future true crime stories.
😂
This is wise idea to listen to older and more expierienced parents.
This is the PURITY MOVEMENT!
I hope the boys have to be 'pure' too
Oh horrors!!!!
This sounds like a horrible idea to me, especially the couple that lives with his parents. There's no way I would do that. Also, what if the husband turns out to be abusive? There's already almost complete control over the wife by the husband, but in some cases, it could come from his parents as well. I think I'd rather stay single than get married by arrangement. I respect that they have different customs in their respective religions, but it's just not something I could do. I'm not comfortable with having someone controlling me, let alone husband and hus parents.
I agree.
Nobody noticed the guy washing his foot in the sink? 🤮
Arranged marriage can be a great thing.
So wearing a wig is acceptable as modest vs. covering your own natural hair with a fabric?
So interesting Lisa!
That first couple….was that a kiss ? Awkward.
That is kind of cruel and public to have your first kiss in front of all those people at the wedding. They should at least let them rehearse it at the wedding rehearsal.
This seems like it might be a interesting topic.