totally agree with this. social media portrays an unrealistic image of perfection where you have to work to strive for, and it gets very draining trying to conform to societal expectations... I felt better not checking facebook often too. :) Live for yourself, not for others!
it's okay not be perfect. No one is perfect. ☯️ "There's a dark spot on the sun today. There's a little light spot in the darkness today. it's the same old thing as yesterday.🎵"-King Of Pain by Sting and the Police (Yin-Yang/In-Yo mix).
The key to happiness is to look out for and help others. If you love someone you should want them to be happy, but I have found only people who DON'T love me and do things to take away happiness from me -- as though it is their happiness. It's not all about happiness anyways, it's about contentment. It's not that people are unhappy, but not content. There is no happiness without contentment, there is no contentment without feeling part of a community or group, there is no happiness without feeling content in more aspects of your life than not. Some people need to be less happy and find contentment, so that others may feel happiness. While we are all responsible for our own lives, we are here together and must take responsibility for one another.
This talk is the reason why I can say with absolute certainty that I am miserable, unhappy and have been unable to find a reason for living. Yes I am alive, but I am alive not because I want to, but simply because I don't want to hurt the people around me.
Bojan Sarkanjac , caring about those around you is a good reason to be alive. Helping them to feel good or happy might help you feel good, or happy at least a bit and that is generally enough.
Bojan Sarkanjac try to change one habit which will make you slightly happier and add one hobby which can give you some satisfaction.. be consistent with them for at least a month and next month add 1 more or improve the one you have. Reduce negativity and negative thoughts... i too feel depressed at times but it is important to also count your blessings and take ownership of your happiness,satisfaction and well being. Please reply how you feel after doing all this.
Bojan, I am sorry that you feel this way. It is no way to go through life. I hope that you can find one thing everyday that makes you enjoy life. Sometimes changing your perspective, even slightly, can open the world to you in a new way and offer joy where it wasn't before. Not to say that this is an easy thing to do, but when learned can sometimes be an extremely effective tool. I struggle with anxiety and depression and every now and then, I have what I call a "dark day" when it all seems too much and pointless at the same time. But, I know, because over time I have learned coping mechanisms, that these days don't have to be forever. I hope that you are able to learn ways that work for you and you can find something that makes your life a joy for you and you alone.
Heather Mitchell-Adams - Defense mechanisms work sometimes for certain people but not for others. For some people the barrage of mental negativity and over whelming feeling of despair with massive amounts of what if and why easily penetrates that barrier to self protect.
Helping people or leaving the world better than you found it is always a place where a sense of purpose is fulfilled. Being part of something bigger than yourself.
I gave it up three years ago and took up meditation and mindfulness during a personal crisis. My happiness is greater now than even before I lost my job, home, partner, health and future. Facebook is antisocial, not social, in my opinion....
slimfast67 What’s yours? I’m sorry to hear that but hope you’ll get out of it stronger (spiritually). I’ve been going through that process myself, learning the real meaning of “what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger”, mostly 3 years ago with an extreme sentimental crisis... Still not in a great situation today, but a lot happier because you can find everything inside, the rest is just waves upon the depth of the ocean...
Guy Mauve I thought I had found my dream job. Moved to another country. Starting a fairy tale.. But it all went so wrong.. Wish I had never taken this job...
slimfast67 Fairytale... you mean from that job or from a love story? And between which places have you moved? Again, I’m really sorry you regret your decision and feel broken by a situation gone wrong, but do you realise life is made of pain as much as pleasure and we have the possibility to free ourselves from these pain/pressure cycles? Actually, hard and desperate times are a blessing in disguise since we get the chance to switch from external joy to internal one, eventually leading more often than not to more external joy as a result? I know what I’m saying, I’ve been learning and applying it! I hope what I say makes sense to you, as it’s not easy to communicate and explain in just a few sentences...
I disagree......First point, because it's not just an ERROR. It's the most serious and destructive mentality human beings in the civilized world have ever been not only encouraged, but rewarded for having, and secondly, it's not true...IF...you embrace this popular, accepted, rewarded DESTRUCTION OF YOUR HEART, SOUL, AND LIFE PURPOSE🥺😭. There are a growing a number of what I now refer to as cardboard cutouts. They used to be what we are supposed to be, but the darkness that latches on like a parasite and distorts what they otherwise would see in the heart and soul is winning. Believe it or not, getting rich, being validated with instant gratification, disposing of morals, always "loving yourself first", and having no felt empathy, compassion, and remorse for those who loved them and they destroyed because it benefited them is a perfectly happy existence for THEM. These sad people CAN buy happiness. They can't buy love though. To them, that's OK. Lust and quick dopamine hits are all they want. As a profound NDE experiencer that has felt what we truly are and shown love you can't put in words by our creator, the wisdom I was given about our purpose is something these cardboard people that gave in to the dark will never accept, I can assure you that we will never find our purpose anywhere but in the act of loving others like we want to be loved, and without an expectation of material or financial or shallow validation as a benefit.
@@vincec.202 How do you love others when it's hard to love yourself? And how do you begin to start loving yourself or quit seeking the validation of others also don't we need to be validated sometimes? If we never feel valued I feel like it defeats our self worth to begin with I don't think life is the same as giving everyone a trophy some things are either earned or its the luck of the lottery its natural selection but maybe even those of us that feel weak can become strong in many ways I just don't see a road map or blueprint available or haven't yet found the right way to lift myself up like that but I'm trying and I believe what you said we should give others the love that we seek without expectation but it's harder than it sounds when it just feels empty handed and one sided most the time much appreciation for sharing your thoughts 🙏
Interesting talk, very much enjoyed it. The stark contrast here is the people online seeming to care about a stranger's happiness but in real world around me, no one could care less about someone else's happiness as long as theyre happy.
This is the best and most realistic talk on suicide. I like the way the speaker gave an accurate assessment of suicide. After all if America is so great, then why do over 40,000 Americans commit suicide every year. Like the speaker said there is a dark side to happiness.
@@learningsuper6785 are you serious? Have you ever seen 40000 people in one place? That's like a stadium full of people who were so depressed that they decided to take their own lives..
I have been thinking about this issue for some time now. The way I see it, based mostly on my own experience, is that people tend to become unhappy mostly when they don't have big goals and dreams to go for. And I don't mean just visualizing or imagining something, but having something bigger to work for. Let say you want to start a business, write a book on a particular topic, build a house, etc. You may fail in your attempts, but most of the time you won't regret trying. If a person strives toward achieving some bigger goal, his mind will be constantly occupied with thoughts about it, what else he/she must do, what are the urgent tasks at hand, and so on. The problem is that most people after graduating and finding a job never have a bigger goal, their whole life is consumed by the daily routine. And days, months and years just seem to merge. This builds up a feeling of vanity. And that's where a significant portion of the unhappiness comes from, In my own opinion.
Im depressed when I dont feel connected but I should be (like at some workplaces, schools when I was younger), and now Im unemployed, (for years now) I've got no big dreams anymore at 55. Children are on their own, divorced, I live alone, nearly at the end of my savings. But I still like to do lots of things ! It is when I expierence dédain, misunderstanding or when people look down upon me that I feel the urge to flee into isolation. If people accept me how I am than there is a connection. And ...not everyone graduates !
It is strange that lot of people detest happiness research when the ultimate goal of all action is to ascertain happiness. We will be better off if all logic focuses its energy on questioning whether the outcome of any individual or collective action will lead to whose happiness. It's time to be critical about happiness and direct all science in this pursuit. That may be the only hope we have for saving this planet. I am inspired by this talk to make this as the purpose of my life. Thank you Meik.
I think depression is caused by mental stress. So the countries where people push themselves to archive goals related to mental abilities have higher suicide rates. Such things as high competition in education or just having everyone surrounding you do better than you in their life would contribute to this stress. I have heard people say that they are average when it comes to intelligence, but i have never heard anyone call themselves below average. I think the only way to minimize the suicide rates in happy countries is to convince people that it's ok to have below average intelligence. We need to stop people from putting their self-worth in a single thing like beauty or intelligence. When there is one single thing, then the foundation is fragile, no matter what the thing is. I'm an optimist so i believe one day we'll get there.
Every time I ask myself( before writing a comment or giving an advice to a friend ...) a simple yet very powerful question - How would Love respond? and I follow that answer then I feel true happiness, true peace...I feel as if nothing else I need to do in this world.
😔I’m sick and tired of the media, fake news, fake people and social media with all of the social comparisons. Which is exactly why I want to get out of the loop of society and the puppet strings and live simply and minimally off grid while quietly continuing my philanthropy work, happily.
Its very true, we always get inflence with our ambience. we take interest, what our cronies are sharing on social media , and they pretend as happiest person of the world.
Yes I like your focus on the comparison issue. Our general happiness is for good and bad highly influenced by comparing ourselves with people around us. So it is not just an individual way of being, it is highly a matter of feeling alike, feeling commonhood and connectedness.
Humans innately need connections to survive. But even if someone is close to us, but doesn't occupy our reality, it can make us feel completely alone. When you're sad and everyone around you is happy, you're alone. It's extremely isolating. People in poorer countries are so happy because they're all in the struggle together. People are so socially dependant, that when isolated they turn to self destruction.
Happiness is in itself another extreme of the spectrum... the other end is sadness and depression . Being "content" is what actually defines true happiness . get there u have to cultivate gratefulness everyday for ur wins and ur struggles. It's like a muscle that need to be practiced on a daily basis. Listen to Buddhas teachings it's not a religion it's a path to mental liberation.
What you said about social comparison explains a lot about why a certain class in seventh grade has proven itself so unforgettable in my mind over the last 50 years. And that is my belief that I was bullied much worse than anybody else, and that I was lazier than everybody else in that class. Whereas, in an alternative universe, if nothing changed with me, but I saw everybody else as bullied just as much as me, and just as lazy as me, the “social comparison factor” would have never hit me so hard over the years! Thank you.
Social media needs to be conditioned out of society. The internet should be utilized for research and information and having discussions over thoughts and ideas.
I think that unhappiness comes from lacking taking action. Humans are incredible creatures capable of so much more than we think. Getting paralyzed by images of Instagram models, millionaires and their yachts, and even Frank from down the streets new car - is what brings on the unhappiness. For me, I find that if I focus on a list of items I need to take action on, I have much greater overall content.
Gratitude, help others and being a nice person will give a boost in your life! Start from the basic, become the best version of yourself. Don't complicate it, life is good.
Hello World!. what a completely sensible talk!.We need more people like like this Meik Wilking here. By giving himself to existence for the good of humanity. He has conducted meticulous research on our society , our econonmy and our human condition He has somehow lead us to the grocery store at Christmas time...with a box of Eggnog on one hand and a Noose on the other hand.
Fantastic last conclusion! Wrapped up in a light joke but bearing a heavy and reflexion provoking thought. It s said that happiness divided multiplies but as proved, not always. Especially when fabricated and enhanced by the magic of social media it can bring many, many people to such dark places... Amazing and very inspiring TEDx talk!
I find this information to be so true - in the general population. Social and economic comparisons promote emotional states from those who are reasonably satisfied to those who are miserably unsatisfied.
I love this talk and talks like these. I think a big problem though, that I have seen in this talk that I have also seen in others is the Income Gap question. It needs to be clear that it is an analogy of sorts rather than the accurate numbers. $25k is not going to get you through the year in U.S. Georgia. You make it work, plenty of people make it work but without an accurate gauge of location and cost of living it is an error to suggest that people live happily struggling to make it through a day, a week, or a month. Choosing between their bills and their healthcare. Or food. I had to decide if I wanted a roof over my head or if my car would be my home. I have already made the decision two other times. And I am one of the fortunate ones. I live in an affordable housing program of sorts with rooms rented as apartments. The intent of the program is to help you get back on your feet. We all share the same kitchen and bathrooms. I appreciate this place and the connections I have made here and I can say at times I am even satisfied, but this is not where happiness lies.
In Finland though, it's pretty average and you can live comfortably. The middle class makes roughly 30k to 40k per year. Numbers like this depend so much on where you live and the price point. I suppose Denmark is closer to Finland than the US.
Happiness is such a spiritual thing that has to do with being aligned with your spirit within. People try to come at happiness from a physical or material place, and they will never find true happiness this way. It’s about freedom of the spirit and a place of higher consciousness and awareness about life that brings happiness. I believe in many ways social media can be motivating to those who need these reminders by people who have reached these places within themselves first, and can just remind others.
I became a lot happier when I stop comparing myself to other people. I still use facebook though, but I always congratulate my friends or say that I'm happy for them whenever they exhibit their achievments in facebook. If you are trully friends with them, their happiness should make you happy too... if their happiness makes you envious, unfriend them, because you are not their friend.
I was once asked, by a friend that was single/without children! Was I ever lonely, I replied how can I be lonely when I'm rarely alone!!! I build my world around my wife and 7 children!
Every individual human being has reasons to be happy and reasons to be broken. For each individual, it boils down to the lack or void of what they hold most important or the abundance of it. For some it's finances, others reputation, but for me...it's love, and without that...well...not much point in continuing in a void of it.
Having a good life and a state of mind is highly correlated with social relationship. Have never felt so lonely since I moved to Dk. As an expat I highly recommend other destinations.
@MM's Not that simple unfortunately. I know for certain that 90 % of expatriates stay no more than 3-5 years when they start to feel miserable. I have a colleague who has been in a company for 25 years and did not do anything with his colleagues out of work. Try to learn Danish and they reply to you in English. As for sports or hobbies the integration is very hard for a non Dane. Much harder than in other countries. A Danish colleague of mine made more friends in France in 2 years than his whole life in Dk. And don't get me started onthe Danish mafia at work ..
@MM's Have nothing against the Danes, they are who they are. Dk was ranked amongst the worst countries for integrating expats (see CphPost). No smoke without fire !
All of u are saying that money isn’t happiness and I agree to some extent but y’all realize that without any money it’s extremely hard to be happy because you have to worry about your survival non stop. So I don’t think that a lot of money is necessary but there is a certain amount of money that is needed to be happy
The study's observation was that less facebook causes (or triggers) more happiness or less unhappiness -- on average. Who knows if it was the absense of positive posts that caused this. Maybe it was the absense of the minority _negative_/drama posts? Or Just less time at the computer and more time out there living life? Were the participants asked, "What _is_ Fb to you? What do you do there (chat, news feed, games)?"
I also had coffee & banana for breakfast which made me quite happy in the moment at least :-} Pretty sure Mr W should be happy on the eudaimonic side of things. His very professional & serious approach is outlining that the subject of happiness & it's lack is not a laughing matter ....
It's amazing how he never mentions the fact that these high suicide places are also places that are very secular in their nature say what you want but it's easy to be happy when you believe that their is a diety batting for you and has your best interests at heart.
i agree with this i love listing to music but there is a message in every song. im a guy we need to change instead of showing we are strong be vulnerable if you feel like crying do it. i cry because it makes me feel better. i don't care what people think about me. i been bullied in my childhood. i just got over my break up. i hate Instagram because its fake. we... just need to change. war is gonna be the end of us i dont have hope to hit the age of 60. im 20 btw
If we are truly satisfied, is that not an ideal time to pull the plug? Are the folks in Copenhagen aware of the blues? Have they ever enjoyed a requiem? The dark side of happiness is that you are missing out on all the rest of life's experiences. Every experience in life should be savored.
I agree. There is a phoniness that seeps into obsessing about "happiness". Learning in life is dependent on its vicissitudes. So is the concept of "interesting". Interrupt a kid having fun to ask if they're having fun and they will usually be brought to a halt. I'm well aware that clinical depression and the like needs to be compassionately dealt with, but I find a lot of this veers into whining about very shallow stuff. Someone's eggs benedict and arugula salad ruins your day?!
@@MrGarysugarman No, not in the short run. But if everything you do in your life gets a thump down (by yourself), is compared to others constantly getting the thumbs up (by yourself and others), it will, in the long run, begin to make you unhappy with yourself and your thump down life. Quite foreseeable, actually.
🤔I’m genuinely happy for other people’s happiness what I don’t like is when people think / judge that I have to live according to their definition and rules of success and happiness and when they judge themselves with my level of success and happiness and think/judge that they have to be more, do more like there is some kind of competition. 😔
Study after study have proven that such studies are useless and a waste of time, conducted for personal benefit by attracting our attention so that we can click on that link. Money is why we study for years and work most of the day fighting for that promotion, and it does indeed influence happiness positively as well as boost your confidence by 10 times, resulting in you have more long term plans and visions instead of worrying to death for your upcoming rent bill and food. Reference: My own experience and that of the people that surround me.
Philip Zeplin - Incorrect. Studies find that money matters a lot up to a point where you are no longer struggling to get your basic needs met, and perfectly having a little more than average. Rich people can be happier, if they spend their money in the right ways. Being generous / filantropic can make you feel even better. Also, spending on traveling and other exciting activities can add a lot towards your happiness. But the rich who focus on buying more and more stuff for them selves and competing with peers in this, will become less happy.
This talk is exceptional... Disappointing that it has garnered only 5K Likes. To bridge the gap of the most basic of human needs in love for humanity would change the world. May we walk toward our purpose in Christ, mending the broken in the world, bringing light into the darkness.
It's time we start thinking about how our social media usage affects others. Let's all choose to show reality as it is rather than hide it under the social media facade. Let's encourage others to share their vulnerabilities and present our own. Maybe, just maybe, that breakfast would taste even better if we don't post it on social media.
Not really. A while ago, there isn't a single user on Facebook who is connected to my account as a friend, but I can still chat with those kind of persons who are important for me. If you would unfollow everyone of your Facebook friends, it could lead to a similar result. There were so many idiots that I met in middle school and I felt like I should get rid of the official connections with people on social media. It is a lot better if you don't follow regular people on social media, but if you feel like you have to prove yourself to people who are foreign to you and have limited capability of thinking, that could still be harmful for you. I follow pages on Facebook and not a single person who regularly posts stuff about his/her personal things, but I'm still, picky, even with that. So just live on the edge of the social media.
Facebook is not for everyone. But whether your friends are on Facebook or you shake hands with them. Just let your friendships grow organically. If they move on or pass on then mentally send them love.
Alienation or disenfranchisement resulting from social exclusion can be connected to a person's social class, race, skin color, religious affiliation, ethnic origin, educational status, childhood relationships, living standards, or appearance. Such exclusionary forms of discrimination may also apply to people with a disability, minorities, LGBTQ+ people, drug users, institutional care leavers, the elderly and the young. Anyone who appears to deviate in any way from perceived norms of a population may thereby become subject to coarse or subtle forms of social exclusion. The outcome of social exclusion is that affected individuals or communities are prevented from participating fully in the economic, social, and political life of the society in which they live. Wikipedia contributors, 'Social exclusion', Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia
If the control group doesn't have any change but the test group has a change of avoiding social media, then this could be a placebo effect as well. Wouldn't it be better if both groups thought they were in the one that was supposed to be happier in the end? For example, prescribe to the social media group at least 1 h our some funny social media each day and let them think the laughter's effect on happiness is being studied.
Meik, It would be interesting to find out which suicides are " hidden", meaning the deaths appear accidental but they sre really not Your talk is superb! I would like to write more nut I am running out of "juice".
Respectfully, Denmark cannot be "the happiest country in the world." The PEOPLE in Denmark are (said to be) the happiest people in the world. Thank you for the work you and your organization does!
Are we sure that happiness should have a negative correlation with suicide? Many people who commit suicide do so for health reasons. The ability to chose ones time and place and death depends in part on, for instance, financial independence of oneself and ones dependents. I can't afford to commit suicide. This does not suggest that I am happier. I think that the "how happy are you on a scale of one to ten" seems to be a very poor way of measuring anything other than the ability to praise oneself. "You are the best judge and the only person that can tell me what it is like to walk in your shoes." What do "happy people" have in common? They tell themselevs that they are happy.
I rated my happiness a 10. Partly because I feel connected to people, purposeful, and satisfied; partly out of a feeling of obligation. I voted for the first world where I had $50k and other people had $25k since I trust myself. And I know we were looking at the 'happiest countries,' but what about South Korea and Lithuania? Intriguing vid.
Most, almost none, South Asian communities don't realize how much parents who have (to be very honest) unrealistically high expectations from their children contribute to children suffering disastrous mental health issues as they progress into teenage alone. Parents need more counselling than children. You can't save a generation without protecting them from the problems in the previous generation if, in the long term, you want to have a generation to look forward to.
II've chacked his happyness lab and the only weird stuff is that no one of his stuff and reasercher has ever studied psycholgy...i think it's quite unaccettable...zero psychologysts
He didn't focus enough on the issue that people need something to live for. People that have everything they need are more likely to start questioning what is the point of life compared to someone that needs to fight daily for what they need to survive.
Denmark is off course not the happiest fairytale soceity you can imagine, but in comparrison to other countries, you should learn what makes better lifes - Danish filosofos (PH): Remember to live while you do it - remember to love when you dare it
I'm not sceptical of happiness research in general, but I'm very sceptical about any self-reported measurements. Everyone is an expert in self-deception, so, these results could be not quite representative, furthermore, unreplicable. It's good he had mentioned studies of longevity. They actually dug into genetic factors which affect life expectancy. I hope someday happiness research would look deeper into biological relativity, not only social, then measure it not only by self-estimated reports but with modern technologies available to neuroscientists. Knowing about one's susceptibilities can even help to avoid suicides.
![BLACK BAG - Official Trailer [HD] - Only in Theaters March 14](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Du0Xp8WX_7I/mqdefault.jpg)
“It is more difficult to be unhappy in an otherwise happy society”
That hit hard.
I agree. That one hit home. 🤯
And this is coming from a dane battling depression on/off for 30+ years... 😟
Both happiness and depression require fuel, people tend to forget
"Comparison is the thief of happiness"
Sadly, a competitive world...
👍OMG!! Yes!! 💝
It's the thief of joy !!
Yes, true, even though you don't need comparison to quickly feel miserable in Dk.
totally agree with this. social media portrays an unrealistic image of perfection where you have to work to strive for, and it gets very draining trying to conform to societal expectations... I felt better not checking facebook often too. :) Live for yourself, not for others!
To the contrary, it helps to live for others if you want a purpose in Life, live for others, Not for your Image in their mind
it's okay not be perfect. No one is perfect. ☯️ "There's a dark spot on the sun today. There's a little light spot in the darkness today. it's the same old thing as yesterday.🎵"-King Of Pain by Sting and the Police (Yin-Yang/In-Yo mix).
“Comparison is the fastest way to feel unhappy”♥️
Live with gratitude!
The key to happiness is to look out for and help others. If you love someone you should want them to be happy, but I have found only people who DON'T love me and do things to take away happiness from me -- as though it is their happiness. It's not all about happiness anyways, it's about contentment. It's not that people are unhappy, but not content. There is no happiness without contentment, there is no contentment without feeling part of a community or group, there is no happiness without feeling content in more aspects of your life than not. Some people need to be less happy and find contentment, so that others may feel happiness. While we are all responsible for our own lives, we are here together and must take responsibility for one another.
This talk is the reason why I can say with absolute certainty that I am miserable, unhappy and have been unable to find a reason for living.
Yes I am alive, but I am alive not because I want to, but simply because I don't want to hurt the people around me.
Bojan Sarkanjac , caring about those around you is a good reason to be alive. Helping them to feel good or happy might help you feel good, or happy at least a bit and that is generally enough.
Bojan Sarkanjac try to change one habit which will make you slightly happier and add one hobby which can give you some satisfaction.. be consistent with them for at least a month and next month add 1 more or improve the one you have. Reduce negativity and negative thoughts... i too feel depressed at times but it is important to also count your blessings and take ownership of your happiness,satisfaction and well being.
Please reply how you feel after doing all this.
Bojan, I am sorry that you feel this way. It is no way to go through life. I hope that you can find one thing everyday that makes you enjoy life. Sometimes changing your perspective, even slightly, can open the world to you in a new way and offer joy where it wasn't before. Not to say that this is an easy thing to do, but when learned can sometimes be an extremely effective tool. I struggle with anxiety and depression and every now and then, I have what I call a "dark day" when it all seems too much and pointless at the same time. But, I know, because over time I have learned coping mechanisms, that these days don't have to be forever. I hope that you are able to learn ways that work for you and you can find something that makes your life a joy for you and you alone.
Heather Mitchell-Adams - Defense mechanisms work sometimes for certain people but not for others. For some people the barrage of mental negativity and over whelming feeling of despair with massive amounts of what if and why easily penetrates that barrier to self protect.
Helping people or leaving the world better than you found it is always a place where a sense of purpose is fulfilled. Being part of something bigger than yourself.
I gave it up three years ago and took up meditation and mindfulness during a personal
crisis. My happiness is greater now than even before I lost my job, home, partner, health and future. Facebook is antisocial, not social, in my opinion....
Dear @nicki Pauli what was your crisis? In one right now... and feeling so broken...
slimfast67 What’s yours? I’m sorry to hear that but hope you’ll get out of it stronger (spiritually). I’ve been going through that process myself, learning the real meaning of “what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger”, mostly 3 years ago with an extreme sentimental crisis... Still not in a great situation today, but a lot happier because you can find everything inside, the rest is just waves upon the depth of the ocean...
Guy Mauve I thought I had found my dream job. Moved to another country. Starting a fairy tale.. But it all went so wrong.. Wish I had never taken this job...
slimfast67 Fairytale... you mean from that job or from a love story? And between which places have you moved? Again, I’m really sorry you regret your decision and feel broken by a situation gone wrong, but do you realise life is made of pain as much as pleasure and we have the possibility to free ourselves from these pain/pressure cycles? Actually, hard and desperate times are a blessing in disguise since we get the chance to switch from external joy to internal one, eventually leading more often than not to more external joy as a result? I know what I’m saying, I’ve been learning and applying it! I hope what I say makes sense to you, as it’s not easy to communicate and explain in just a few sentences...
@@brunosco Will this moment make sense some day?...
The error in our modern world is chasing material wealth and happiness instead of meaning which is not dependent on happiness or sadness.
I disagree......First point, because it's not just an ERROR. It's the most serious and destructive mentality human beings in the civilized world have ever been not only encouraged, but rewarded for having, and secondly, it's not true...IF...you embrace this popular, accepted, rewarded DESTRUCTION OF YOUR HEART, SOUL, AND LIFE PURPOSE🥺😭. There are a growing a number of what I now refer to as cardboard cutouts. They used to be what we are supposed to be, but the darkness that latches on like a parasite and distorts what they otherwise would see in the heart and soul is winning. Believe it or not, getting rich, being validated with instant gratification, disposing of morals, always "loving yourself first", and having no felt empathy, compassion, and remorse for those who loved them and they destroyed because it benefited them is a perfectly happy existence for THEM. These sad people CAN buy happiness. They can't buy love though. To them, that's OK. Lust and quick dopamine hits are all they want. As a profound NDE experiencer that has felt what we truly are and shown love you can't put in words by our creator, the wisdom I was given about our purpose is something these cardboard people that gave in to the dark will never accept, I can assure you that we will never find our purpose anywhere but in the act of loving others like we want to be loved, and without an expectation of material or financial or shallow validation as a benefit.
@@vincec.202 How do you love others when it's hard to love yourself? And how do you begin to start loving yourself or quit seeking the validation of others also don't we need to be validated sometimes? If we never feel valued I feel like it defeats our self worth to begin with I don't think life is the same as giving everyone a trophy some things are either earned or its the luck of the lottery its natural selection but maybe even those of us that feel weak can become strong in many ways I just don't see a road map or blueprint available or haven't yet found the right way to lift myself up like that but I'm trying and I believe what you said we should give others the love that we seek without expectation but it's harder than it sounds when it just feels empty handed and one sided most the time much appreciation for sharing your thoughts 🙏
The part about summer is the worst season for lonely people is true for me.
mpking1374 same here.....
Is this still the case? And if yes, what would help you to make summer time a better time for yourself?
Interesting talk, very much enjoyed it. The stark contrast here is the people online seeming to care about a stranger's happiness but in real world around me, no one could care less about someone else's happiness as long as theyre happy.
This is the best and most realistic talk on suicide. I like the way the speaker gave an accurate assessment of suicide. After all if America is so great, then why do over 40,000 Americans commit suicide every year. Like the speaker said there is a dark side to happiness.
40,000 is not that much. There are like 0.4 billions ppl in the US.
40,000!?wtf, that’s a lot of lonely people
who said they were lonely? @@Kimchiboy08
GongsunXin 🤦🏽♂️
@@learningsuper6785 are you serious? Have you ever seen 40000 people in one place? That's like a stadium full of people who were so depressed that they decided to take their own lives..
I think what this guy tries to spread through his books is really admirable.
I have been thinking about this issue for some time now. The way I see it, based mostly on my own experience, is that people tend to become unhappy mostly when they don't have big goals and dreams to go for. And I don't mean just visualizing or imagining something, but having something bigger to work for. Let say you want to start a business, write a book on a particular topic, build a house, etc. You may fail in your attempts, but most of the time you won't regret trying. If a person strives toward achieving some bigger goal, his mind will be constantly occupied with thoughts about it, what else he/she must do, what are the urgent tasks at hand, and so on. The problem is that most people after graduating and finding a job never have a bigger goal, their whole life is consumed by the daily routine. And days, months and years just seem to merge. This builds up a feeling of vanity. And that's where a significant portion of the unhappiness comes from, In my own opinion.
Amen brother.
Im depressed when I dont feel connected but I should be (like at some workplaces, schools when I was younger), and now Im unemployed, (for years now) I've got no big dreams anymore at 55. Children are on their own, divorced, I live alone, nearly at the end of my savings. But I still like to do lots of things ! It is when I expierence dédain, misunderstanding or when people look down upon me that I feel the urge to flee into isolation. If people accept me how I am than there is a connection. And ...not everyone graduates !
Abraham Hicks gets it right, this has been my experience.
I used to have depression for years i mean MANY years, most of my life, not anymore.
It is strange that lot of people detest happiness research when the ultimate goal of all action is to ascertain happiness. We will be better off if all logic focuses its energy on questioning whether the outcome of any individual or collective action will lead to whose happiness. It's time to be critical about happiness and direct all science in this pursuit. That may be the only hope we have for saving this planet. I am inspired by this talk to make this as the purpose of my life. Thank you Meik.
I think depression is caused by mental stress. So the countries where people push themselves to archive goals related to mental abilities have higher suicide rates. Such things as high competition in education or just having everyone surrounding you do better than you in their life would contribute to this stress. I have heard people say that they are average when it comes to intelligence, but i have never heard anyone call themselves below average. I think the only way to minimize the suicide rates in happy countries is to convince people that it's ok to have below average intelligence. We need to stop people from putting their self-worth in a single thing like beauty or intelligence. When there is one single thing, then the foundation is fragile, no matter what the thing is. I'm an optimist so i believe one day we'll get there.
I think unhappiness is stamped into my DNA. I get temporary moments of happiness.
Every time I ask myself( before writing a comment or giving an advice to a friend ...) a simple yet very powerful question - How would Love respond? and I follow that answer then I feel true happiness, true peace...I feel as if nothing else I need to do in this world.
yess. I agree !
What do you think love is?
I picked the second world. I dont need to compare how much I make to someone else...I know how much I need to make me happy.
😔I’m sick and tired of the media, fake news, fake people and social media with all of the social comparisons. Which is exactly why I want to get out of the loop of society and the puppet strings and live simply and minimally off grid while quietly continuing my philanthropy work, happily.
Way to go! You have found the philophers stone ;o)
@@mockingbird3564 - 👍I like the idea of what you said. I hope it’s true. This world is sick sick sick. 😫😭
I believe that contentment is much more important than being happy
Its very true, we always get inflence with our ambience. we take interest, what our cronies are sharing on social media , and they pretend as happiest person of the world.
Yes I like your focus on the comparison issue. Our general happiness is for good and bad highly influenced by comparing ourselves with people around us. So it is not just an individual way of being, it is highly a matter of feeling alike, feeling commonhood and connectedness.
OMG when he said on a scale of 1 to 5 how happy are you, I responded and then I almost cried. 😁😥
Ok?
The main reason of my depression and stress is my health problem which restrains every dimension of my life directly or indirectly.
scorpion queen hope ur health problem will be improved, hope u find friends that u can tell ur story to. All the best to you:)
Virkeligt flot og vigtig TED talk. Tak for den!
Humans innately need connections to survive. But even if someone is close to us, but doesn't occupy our reality, it can make us feel completely alone. When you're sad and everyone around you is happy, you're alone. It's extremely isolating. People in poorer countries are so happy because they're all in the struggle together. People are so socially dependant, that when isolated they turn to self destruction.
Happiness is in itself another extreme of the spectrum... the other end is sadness and depression . Being "content" is what actually defines true happiness . get there u have to cultivate gratefulness everyday for ur wins and ur struggles. It's like a muscle that need to be practiced on a daily basis. Listen to Buddhas teachings it's not a religion it's a path to mental liberation.
What you said about social comparison explains a lot about why a certain class in seventh grade has proven itself so unforgettable in my mind over the last 50 years. And that is my belief that I was bullied much worse than anybody else, and that I was lazier than everybody else in that class. Whereas, in an alternative universe, if nothing changed with me, but I saw everybody else as bullied just as much as me, and just as lazy as me, the “social comparison factor” would have never hit me so hard over the years! Thank you.
Thank you! Relative differences matter just as much as absolute differences.
Each and every point of him is considerable .... Looking forward to be happy in real life ❤️
Social media needs to be conditioned out of society. The internet should be utilized for research and information and having discussions over thoughts and ideas.
i've always felt happier out of employment
Unemployment is good as long as you have a way to generate money.
I feel the opposite: the more time i spend at work or school, the less I am depressed
I think that unhappiness comes from lacking taking action. Humans are incredible creatures capable of so much more than we think. Getting paralyzed by images of Instagram models, millionaires and their yachts, and even Frank from down the streets new car - is what brings on the unhappiness. For me, I find that if I focus on a list of items I need to take action on, I have much greater overall content.
For me its about choosing to be satisfied with reality and realising that beliefs and expectations are often fiction
Gratitude, help others and being a nice person will give a boost in your life! Start from the basic, become the best version of yourself. Don't complicate it, life is good.
Help yourself first before helping others, otherwise you'll become drained.
Attitude is everything.
Hello World!. what a completely sensible talk!.We need more people like like this Meik Wilking here. By giving himself to existence for the good of humanity. He has conducted meticulous research on our society , our econonmy and our human condition He has somehow lead us to the grocery store at Christmas time...with a box of Eggnog on one hand and a Noose on the other hand.
Fantastic last conclusion! Wrapped up in a light joke but bearing a heavy and reflexion provoking thought. It s said that happiness divided multiplies but as proved, not always. Especially when fabricated and enhanced by the magic of social media it can bring many, many people to such dark places...
Amazing and very inspiring TEDx talk!
I find this information to be so true - in the general population. Social and economic comparisons promote emotional states from those who are reasonably satisfied to those who are miserably unsatisfied.
Iv'e went throught this myself. And a few friends didn't make it.
I love this talk and talks like these. I think a big problem though, that I have seen in this talk that I have also seen in others is the Income Gap question. It needs to be clear that it is an analogy of sorts rather than the accurate numbers. $25k is not going to get you through the year in U.S. Georgia. You make it work, plenty of people make it work but without an accurate gauge of location and cost of living it is an error to suggest that people live happily struggling to make it through a day, a week, or a month. Choosing between their bills and their healthcare. Or food. I had to decide if I wanted a roof over my head or if my car would be my home. I have already made the decision two other times. And I am one of the fortunate ones. I live in an affordable housing program of sorts with rooms rented as apartments. The intent of the program is to help you get back on your feet. We all share the same kitchen and bathrooms. I appreciate this place and the connections I have made here and I can say at times I am even satisfied, but this is not where happiness lies.
Thank you for your grounded comment.
In Finland though, it's pretty average and you can live comfortably. The middle class makes roughly 30k to 40k per year. Numbers like this depend so much on where you live and the price point. I suppose Denmark is closer to Finland than the US.
Happiness is such a spiritual thing that has to do with being aligned with your spirit within. People try to come at happiness from a physical or material place, and they will never find true happiness this way. It’s about freedom of the spirit and a place of higher consciousness and awareness about life that brings happiness. I believe in many ways social media can be motivating to those who need these reminders by people who have reached these places within themselves first, and can just remind others.
I became a lot happier when I stop comparing myself to other people. I still use facebook though, but I always congratulate my friends or say that I'm happy for them whenever they exhibit their achievments in facebook. If you are trully friends with them, their happiness should make you happy too... if their happiness makes you envious, unfriend them, because you are not their friend.
Thank you so much for sharing it.
excellent. this talk will stay forever
Wow!!! Thank you for sharing. I love happiness research!
another great talk, really motivating and awakening!!! thank you Meik!
Wow! The video makes you reflect ( Great video message 👍)
I was once asked, by a friend that was single/without children! Was I ever lonely, I replied how can I be lonely when I'm rarely alone!!! I build my world around my wife and 7 children!
You can be lonely within a marriage and family, absolutely. Being lonely ISN'T the same as being alone.
Every individual human being has reasons to be happy and reasons to be broken. For each individual, it boils down to the lack or void of what they hold most important or the abundance of it. For some it's finances, others reputation, but for me...it's love, and without that...well...not much point in continuing in a void of it.
Having a good life and a state of mind is highly correlated with social relationship. Have never felt so lonely since I moved to Dk. As an expat I highly recommend other destinations.
@MM's if you knew Denmark and expatriates living there you would get it. Nevermind.
@MM's Not that simple unfortunately. I know for certain that 90 % of expatriates stay no more than 3-5 years when they start to feel miserable. I have a colleague who has been in a company for 25 years and did not do anything with his colleagues out of work. Try to learn Danish and they reply to you in English. As for sports or hobbies the integration is very hard for a non Dane. Much harder than in other countries. A Danish colleague of mine made more friends in France in 2 years than his whole life in Dk. And don't get me started onthe Danish mafia at work ..
@MM's Have nothing against the Danes, they are who they are. Dk was ranked amongst the worst countries for integrating expats (see CphPost). No smoke without fire !
I can imagine that it's not the warmest, most welcoming place. How does this manifest itself and what country are you from?
Happiness is reading a good book and being able to accept that one of your favorite characters died.
All of u are saying that money isn’t happiness and I agree to some extent but y’all realize that without any money it’s extremely hard to be happy because you have to worry about your survival non stop. So I don’t think that a lot of money is necessary but there is a certain amount of money that is needed to be happy
The study's observation was that less facebook causes (or triggers) more happiness or less unhappiness -- on average.
Who knows if it was the absense of positive posts that caused this. Maybe it was the absense of the minority _negative_/drama posts? Or Just less time at the computer and more time out there living life?
Were the participants asked, "What _is_ Fb to you? What do you do there (chat, news feed, games)?"
Exactly what you say
Thank you, Meik --excellent!
Strive to be mindfully thankful, not happy. The feeling of well being will automatically follow
I am interested in whether Meik Wiling is happy?
Listening to him I'm not sure he is happy.
I also had coffee & banana for breakfast which made me quite happy in the moment at least :-} Pretty sure Mr W should be happy on the eudaimonic side of things. His very professional & serious approach is outlining that the subject of happiness & it's lack is not a laughing matter ....
He had discover what happy and unhappy is, he's one of the happy man in the modern world
He is concerned about others lives
Ставрос Новороссия Did you just claim as a russian that we drink too much?
Tokyo is the most depressing city I've ever lived in. So many social stigmas here
nathanielson , like what can you share ??
Agree👍🏻
Well said
It's amazing how he never mentions the fact that these high suicide places are also places that are very secular in their nature say what you want but it's easy to be happy when you believe that their is a diety batting for you and has your best interests at heart.
I'm closing facebook, I feel so bad because I did post my happiness with out thinking about lonely people ,thanks :)
cathy c you made me laugh. I owe you my gratitude for your sense of humor.
Was this sarcastic? Lol
i agree with this i love listing to music but there is a message in every song. im a guy we need to change instead of showing we are strong be vulnerable if you feel like crying do it. i cry because it makes me feel better. i don't care what people think about me. i been bullied in my childhood. i just got over my break up. i hate Instagram because its fake. we... just need to change. war is gonna be the end of us i dont have hope to hit the age of 60. im 20 btw
If we are truly satisfied, is that not an ideal time to pull the plug? Are the folks in Copenhagen aware of the blues? Have they ever enjoyed a requiem? The dark side of happiness is that you are missing out on all the rest of life's experiences. Every experience in life should be savored.
I agree. There is a phoniness that seeps into obsessing about "happiness". Learning in life is dependent on its vicissitudes. So is the concept of "interesting". Interrupt a kid having fun to ask if they're having fun and they will usually be brought to a halt. I'm well aware that clinical depression and the like needs to be compassionately dealt with, but I find a lot of this veers into whining about very shallow stuff. Someone's eggs benedict and arugula salad ruins your day?!
@@MrGarysugarman No, not in the short run. But if everything you do in your life gets a thump down (by yourself), is compared to others constantly getting the thumbs up (by yourself and others), it will, in the long run, begin to make you unhappy with yourself and your thump down life. Quite foreseeable, actually.
🤔I’m genuinely happy for other people’s happiness what I don’t like is when people think / judge that I have to live according to their definition and rules of success and happiness and when they judge themselves with my level of success and happiness and think/judge that they have to be more, do more like there is some kind of competition. 😔
What I got out of this is, stay away from Facebook and Instagram. Mission accomplished.
Happiness = Enough Money + Enough Free Time
Zanatis + a positive self-image + a positive outlook on the world.
Actually, study after study have proven that money/wealth don't influence your happiness.
Study after study have proven that such studies are useless and a waste of time, conducted for personal benefit by attracting our attention so that we can click on that link.
Money is why we study for years and work most of the day fighting for that promotion, and it does indeed influence happiness positively as well as boost your confidence by 10 times, resulting in you have more long term plans and visions instead of worrying to death for your upcoming rent bill and food.
Reference: My own experience and that of the people that surround me.
Zanatis true
Philip Zeplin - Incorrect. Studies find that money matters a lot up to a point where you are no longer struggling to get your basic needs met, and perfectly having a little more than average.
Rich people can be happier, if they spend their money in the right ways. Being generous / filantropic can make you feel even better. Also, spending on traveling and other exciting activities can add a lot towards your happiness.
But the rich who focus on buying more and more stuff for them selves and competing with peers in this, will become less happy.
This talk is exceptional... Disappointing that it has garnered only 5K Likes.
To bridge the gap of the most basic of human needs in love for humanity would change the world. May we walk toward our purpose in Christ, mending the broken in the world, bringing light into the darkness.
It's time we start thinking about how our social media usage affects others. Let's all choose to show reality as it is rather than hide it under the social media facade. Let's encourage others to share their vulnerabilities and present our own.
Maybe, just maybe, that breakfast would taste even better if we don't post it on social media.
social media and tv. and commercials and keeping up with the neighbors...no wonder we are whacked out.
Это так. Бросайте смотреть новости, делайте всё "по делу". Создавайте своё, и просто постарайтесь жить не думая на 15~ лет вперёд.
Thank you, Meik. I am happy to learn something profound.
Really thought provoking.
Time to delete my facebook account
Shouheng Liu You can do it! I went from looking at it as a major part of my day to now, where I haven't been on there in months and I don't miss it.
Not really.
A while ago, there isn't a single user on Facebook who is connected to my account as a friend, but I can still chat with those kind of persons who are important for me. If you would unfollow everyone of your Facebook friends, it could lead to a similar result. There were so many idiots that I met in middle school and I felt like I should get rid of the official connections with people on social media.
It is a lot better if you don't follow regular people on social media, but if you feel like you have to prove yourself to people who are foreign to you and have limited capability of thinking, that could still be harmful for you.
I follow pages on Facebook and not a single person who regularly posts stuff about his/her personal things, but I'm still, picky, even with that.
So just live on the edge of the social media.
Did it since 2012 and never looked back. It was life changing!!
Facebook is not for everyone. But whether your friends are on Facebook or you shake hands with them. Just let your friendships grow organically. If they move on or pass on then mentally send them love.
Best thing I ever did was getting off everything and just enjoying you tube
Alienation or disenfranchisement resulting from social exclusion can be connected to a person's social class, race, skin color, religious affiliation, ethnic origin, educational status, childhood relationships, living standards, or appearance. Such exclusionary forms of discrimination may also apply to people with a disability, minorities, LGBTQ+ people, drug users, institutional care leavers, the elderly and the young. Anyone who appears to deviate in any way from perceived norms of a population may thereby become subject to coarse or subtle forms of social exclusion. The outcome of social exclusion is that affected individuals or communities are prevented from participating fully in the economic, social, and political life of the society in which they live.
Wikipedia contributors, 'Social exclusion', Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia
he made some good points!
maybe, just maybe, thats why aristotle said that happiness is knowing and 'exercising' the purpose of life because then people no longer compare
Purpose allows happiness.
absolutely beautiful. great talk
If the control group doesn't have any change but the test group has a change of avoiding social media, then this could be a placebo effect as well. Wouldn't it be better if both groups thought they were in the one that was supposed to be happier in the end? For example, prescribe to the social media group at least 1 h our some funny social media each day and let them think the laughter's effect on happiness is being studied.
Meik,
It would be interesting to find out which suicides are " hidden", meaning the deaths appear accidental but they sre really not
Your talk is superb! I would like to write more nut I am running out of "juice".
Respectfully, Denmark cannot be "the happiest country in the world." The PEOPLE in Denmark are (said to be) the happiest people in the world. Thank you for the work you and your organization does!
Happiness is waking up with my cat lol
Agree Elly, my cat and a great book - and no reason to get up - and I'm ECSTATIC!!
@Jacob C. what does your dog eat?
so true
A cat cheers me, doesn't hurt ne...
you Found your Reason for Happiness
Why does this not have more views?
Are we sure that happiness should have a negative correlation with suicide? Many people who commit suicide do so for health reasons. The ability to chose ones time and place and death depends in part on, for instance, financial independence of oneself and ones dependents. I can't afford to commit suicide. This does not suggest that I am happier.
I think that the "how happy are you on a scale of one to ten" seems to be a very poor way of measuring anything other than the ability to praise oneself.
"You are the best judge and the only person that can tell me what it is like to walk in your shoes."
What do "happy people" have in common? They tell themselevs that they are happy.
he said happiness and suicide have positive not negative correlations, and only within groups
I rated my happiness a 10. Partly because I feel connected to people, purposeful, and satisfied; partly out of a feeling of obligation. I voted for the first world where I had $50k and other people had $25k since I trust myself. And I know we were looking at the 'happiest countries,' but what about South Korea and Lithuania? Intriguing vid.
What does trusting yourself have to with you choosing the first world?
Where can i sign up for survey 👀
well there,s certainly a positive side of social media that creates happiness, thats right im talking about memes
thats more joy
Most, almost none, South Asian communities don't realize how much parents who have (to be very honest) unrealistically high expectations from their children contribute to children suffering disastrous mental health issues as they progress into teenage alone. Parents need more counselling than children. You can't save a generation without protecting them from the problems in the previous generation if, in the long term, you want to have a generation to look forward to.
Everyone always finds it weird that I love winter far more than summer… Well that’s why
II've chacked his happyness lab and the only weird stuff is that no one of his stuff and reasercher has ever studied psycholgy...i think it's quite unaccettable...zero psychologysts
So true.
I'm glad someone is taking interest in this important topic. I agree with everything he said. Well said.
What an interesting Ted!
He didn't focus enough on the issue that people need something to live for. People that have everything they need are more likely to start questioning what is the point of life compared to someone that needs to fight daily for what they need to survive.
💜 amazing
the problem with life is the fact that it's all gonna end
You can't study happiness!
IN THIS AWFUL MANNER!
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
@@martinhasson4942 Yes, I know what you mean. It's a difficult subject because it's so ill defined and amorphous.
Denmark is off course not the happiest fairytale soceity you can imagine, but in comparrison to other countries, you should learn what makes better lifes - Danish filosofos (PH): Remember to live while you do it - remember to love when you dare it
I'm not sceptical of happiness research in general, but I'm very sceptical about any self-reported measurements. Everyone is an expert in self-deception, so, these results could be not quite representative, furthermore, unreplicable. It's good he had mentioned studies of longevity. They actually dug into genetic factors which affect life expectancy. I hope someday happiness research would look deeper into biological relativity, not only social, then measure it not only by self-estimated reports but with modern technologies available to neuroscientists. Knowing about one's susceptibilities can even help to avoid suicides.
Very interesting,
Stop searching for happiness, happiness is the path.
I cant seem to find that path.
It's not a path it's an intended side effect, that's exactly what happiness happens to be. Side effects can be temporal too...
Espesially, if it is the path of neoindustic cults.... or yoga-ashrams). Danish man is very serios and educated enstead of self-made gurus.
@@sednafloating7027 you're already on it
Great work keep spreading knowledge to humanity may Allah bless you =)