I feel like they thrive on drama. They seem to love the chaos. They target and poke others with gaslighting and passive aggressiveness because they want you to react so they can place all the blame on you. They thrive on their mental games they play.
And not just “so they can place all the blame on you.” They need blame to place. So they set you up to be blamed for something. They were just trying to help you and then you did ___________ to them (fill in the blank). And if you try to explain or defend yourself, you’re blamed for doing even more to them. It’s really quite amazing how they’re soooo different behind the mask than what’s presented to the world. Scary when you finally recognize them for what they are.
I remember one of the many many arguments we had. It was so infantile but also started me questioning who he really was. I ordered 2 pizzas (which I paid for..of course). One of them was a bacon cheeseburger pizza. When it was delivered he flipped out about how he asked for a cheeseburger pizza NOT a bacon cheeseburger. He went off for 20 minutes about how he doesnt like bacon and how I ruined the pizza. I was so happy before the argument because I was treating him and his kids to a pizza party. I felt so embarrassed and deflated. Several months later he and I went out to eat and he ordered a burger with bacon. I said 'I thought you hated bacon'? He said I never said that. He brushed off my reminder of the pizza party, said I took him wrong and he went on to enjoy he's burger. They break you down with every petty argument and get off on it. Evil people.
Oh yeah.. Pitiful creatures of habit.. So insecure and they are doomed to be alone within there misery. The clock is ticking. U were smart to move on valuing yourself. The narc will never value themselves. They need the opinions of the unsuspected to feel that they matter.. God is the only source for validation..
I ordered a takeaway of fish & chips (Uk person here) & I cut the fish exactly in the middle but he went off on one saying I had more than him! I knew I didn’t but I gave him a bit more of my fish & he was still continuing the argument. So I took my food into the kitchen to finish it in peace & he followed me STILL raging about it! He then pushed my plate of food towards me so that it crashed against the wall so in the end my food was inedible which is probably what he wanted. He argued about the most childish of things.. sorry no not argued.. raged! He just loved seeing me upset
@@julieannsheridan6438 sorry that happened to you. Over fish? My God!! They are the most petty infantile things (not humans) to walk the Earth. I hope you've gotten away from him. I'm out 1 1/2 years. He's someone else's problem now.
@@julies7618 Yep! His temper tantrum was vile these people are certainly not human! No normal person would treat another human like that. My divorce was finalised last week & I’m now no contact 👍🏻 I believe he has a new supply so god help her but I’m free now 🕊️🕊️
I used to tell people i could see his mind working overtime when i was happy,it was like he was thinking oh hold on shes too happy I need to cause a riot to get her miserable again, and he did.
Technology abuse attachment they do it to stop their victims from healing and trying to leave their victims in a fake love trauma bond anonymous masonic Illuminati qanon demon Christianity lying abuser church human trafficking darvo Scapegoating lying scumbags Seen it a thousand times healing progression happiness their slave hackers and Flying monkey anonymous cowards show up to rape abuse and pillage as their demon Christianity bible taught them lol
It's as if satan has the same playbook and hands it out to all the Narcissists. It boggles my mind how they all behave the same, say the same lines, have the same timeline. Paula, you explain everything so perfectly. It's all madness but you make it all make sense. So I'm wondering, is it all Spiritual? Are they all being controlled by a dark entity? I mean, normal people are all so different. And complex. But the Narcissist is actually very simple and predictable. I always knew what was coming. If I do or say this, expect this outcome. After many years of torment, I'm on the other side, looking at the psychopathy. And the only logical reason for this would be spiritual interference. Thank you Paula. You're helping so many, including myself. You are a beautiful human.
I think their frequency is so low that they attract negative entities (reptilian ETs, astral demons etc). Ironically, while narcs use us for supply, narcs are used by negative entities for supply too. That is why when we are loving, happy, peaceful, kind, patient etc it triggers them because they and their handlers cannot feed off of the high frequencies
OK, best as I can to make this simple. We are spirit, we have a soul ( mind, will, intelect, personality etc.), and we live in a body of clay temporarily. Eventually we'll be back to spirit, but we're here to learn lessons. The Creator allows us to choose. Love, peace, joy, etc, or hate, lust, rage, envy fear etc. Whew, I know what I want after 40 years with a narcissist! Lol 😂 Peace baby! ✌️
@@sonlightpsalm942 excellent and simple biblical reply. Love it. My ex, still living with him, And my eldest son especially , are believers. How does a Christian become so narcissistic?? I'm s believer as well. And I've moved from my city years ago, yet not root myself yet. Not constantly attending my chosen church to full commitment. But there's so many people with such fully developed personalities stuff damaging together others. Since I've realized this I pray so humbly please God don't let me develop any of these traits. I want no part in this ugliness.
@@aliciaCANDO It really doesn't have too much to do with whether they're in a church or Christian. When we're in childhood, and suffer abuse, we either gravitate to positive energy, or negative energy to cope. Both are victims at that point. If we're empathetic , we think we can fix them ( and that's a hard lesson!) Remember, you control only one person in this life, and that's yourself! We're here to learn lessons as all have freewill to choose. ✨️ 😉 They remain in "hell" until they get tired of being controlled by negative energy.
Because they cannot regulate themselves and are completely co dependent - thus they hurt you to regulate their emotions and become civil again while you feel horrible It’s ALWAYS at your expense
What I've learned is to always respond calmly to their insults and arguments. The moment you react you lose and it will be used against you. But in practice it is super hard.
@@tonyconnor5691 Agree. And the info here is a great reason for gray rock. They get wound up because they aren't really listening to you and they don't really care.
No matter what you reply back; the narcissistic psycho believes they are always right and your always wrong. They will never receive any correction or criticism from you. You are their human punching bag, a tool, pawn, minon and responsible for their wickedness/sins. Their demon possessed minds will NEVER SURRENDER TO THE TRUTH, EVER.
Hard to accept. I lost my beautiful wife to cancer 2+ years ago. Began dating someone from “church” last fall (1st date in 28 years) when after 3 months out of nowhere was discarded.. hurt like hell! I’ve been gaining the wisdom, no contact etc.. but occasionally see her at church and been hovered. I’ve blocked her on fb, more out of self love so that “I” don’t see what she’s doing. Thanks for your Straight strong talk! Be well, Bryan
Lost mine too. My sympathy to you. I met my narc at a church grief group. In short order two sets of grief were constant. Loss and a highly manipulative serial narctriss. In short, a double whammy that changed me completely. One is my wants. I need no other to feel complete. That will never happened again no matter who you try with. I realized before but tried anyway for something mutually comforting. Wrong. Best is self care and immerse in your interests again. Whatever they are, even just a boring day is great. Another thing 8s I will never step foot in a church again. They are full of performative grifters who immediately go back out into the world as if worshipping Satan. Imo, that's where a conditioning starts. Just believe it will be ok....everyone obviously needs to do what is good for them, but I call bullshit. Never been mentally happier being responsible for my own actions and definitely got a moral compass more than most I've seen in those dens of hypocrisy. Just sharing thoughts. I am not trying to convince anyone. But your self care must be a passion. All the best.
I don't know why, but so many narcs at church. I no longer attend a regular church. Too many self righteous, unaware people. And they all have group think. Church is like a cult. Sorry to say this but it's true. God is with us everywhere. The Holy Spirit is in us. This is the good news.❤😊
to devalue; to cause chaos; desire for control; to enhance your fear of abandonment; to deflect from the truth; to deregulate you while regulating himself; to make you small; for narcissistic fuel; resentful that you are peaceful and happy; they hate you; to uphold the mask of superiority; as a set-up to an argument then uses argument as justification to discard you for a new supply. Insults are meant to manipulate you.
Called it when the qanon anonymous tray-tors showed up there to take others victory while they abuse and sabotage your healing and progression which leads you far away from that fake family and fake home human trafficking child molesting mk ultra Rapists scumbag racists lying about everything in jealousy rage
We all dated the same person, it’s like the Matrix! The bottom line is we all fall in love as Empaths way to fast and think it’s our fault when things are going wrong. We want to heal the person we are with and this causes us to stay for a long time which then strengthens the “trauma Bond”.
I asked my female Narcissist what she was look at out the window, she said a hot guy, then she said what would you say if there really was a hot guy outside? I said then we would be having a serious conversation. The next evening I brought it up to her and stated calmly I wasn’t comfortable with what she said. She then threatened to break up with me and when I said fine maybe you should go see what’s out there you’ve threatened it so many times. She then said “that’s a very Narcissistic thing to say”.
The last one hit the hardest. He did that every time he wanted to leave for a while. I did feel like it was my fault, because I didn't know what a narcissist was. The most horrible fight he started was when he accused me of sleeping with his 20 year old son. I totally lost it emotionally and physically! His son is the same age as my youngest. Since I've gone NC, and I know they accuse US of what THEY do, I've realized that he probably slept with daughters of his other supplies. It makes me feel sick when I think about it. His son later beat him to a pulp. He never said why, but I suspect he tried that accusation on his son to start a fight with him. His son is bigger and stronger than I am, so he was able to do more damage. His son has also gone NC with him now.
My sister is the narc from Hell! My mother has dementia and her and her husband have decided they cannot take care of her,she stayed with them for less than 6 months. In a phone conversation during a gas lighting session and devaluation she actually said to me,"If you don't do what I say and take care of mom I will not have a relationship with you when she dies". I always knew she was sick but she's really gone off the rails lately. I'm currently caring for my mother and have no plans to be in my sisters life going forward. I've gone gray rock for now and am planning to disappear when my mother passses. At 55 I've had enough of the abuse.
Wow that it almost exactly what my narc brother said to me word for word. And then he smiled when he observed the pain in my reaction. I was shocked and devastated. I had always been good to my brother. He gave no reason for this statement. Just pure hatred for me. He is absolutely out of his mind. He is still trying to hurt and control me on any way he possibly can. So bizarre. I am a really nice person, too nice actually. I paid for a trip to Hawaii for him and his family one year. Yet he has been back stabbing me to all my family and his friends. Saying I am a horrible person. 🤷 I won't deal with his insanity. I've accepted that we won't have a continued relationship and I no longer want one. He is not the person I loved as a child, nor is he someone I would befriend as an adult. He has lost me. The one person that has cared about him for his entire life. It doesn't make any sense except in his delusions. He has a sick way of thinking and it will cause him great pain. I can't help him. I must walk away.
Imagine spending your life plotting and scheming to go around ruining people, endlessly trying to one-up another even for the smallest of reasons. With the narcs I've encountered - starting with a malignant mother - I've often wondered at the damage they willingly cause along their path and how many opportunities and friendships they have ruined between other people. They are evil.
I thought you were about to say, "You need the narcissist like a hole ... in the head." He would often ask out loud what I needed him for, but by then I had duped myself into thinking for love. I hadn't even realized that he was not in fact showing me love in any way, shape or form. I was doing all the work.
Perfect description of what we went through. It's been a little over 6 months since I ended it. She was trying to discard me and she got dumped by my replacement. I knew something was up. I found out she was cheating with multiple people AGAIN. I'm happy to be free!
It’s what’s just happened to me mate 12 years together 6 married lovely home nice lil family and I know she’s got someone else just have to try and prove it I moved out and left her and my head is a lot clearer and stories are starting to come out about her now it’s only been 3 weeks
Not to mention the "last word" specialism that narcs have. Many times my ex narc would deliver all of her fault finding and disappointment in everything you do and if you dared to attempt a response this would be dealt with by the 'walk away'. Denying your perspective or input on any given situation by literally walking off after insulting you to the limit. Nothing worse than having your voice taken away!
In a bid to be ‘honest’ my ex narc would criticise my home, the town where i lived, not seeing my friends (never met hers), that i was transactional with them (most friends i have known since i was a teenager) and would interpret everything i did as an attempt to control her. It was crazy making and almost got me to doubt myself as every day felt like i was brimmig with anxiety. Arguments would be brought up from nowhere, repetitive and when i eventually lost my cool, it was instant victim and i was a ‘terrible terrible person’.
Yes, Paula, I've been the recipient of the narcissists never ending, extreme cruelty, with vicious lies, false accusations, and unending hate texts, ect!!! Smearing my name and reputation. To God be all the Glory, as He relieved me of, this demon filled, close family member that had live'd with me.
You are so spot on! I just wish we could be equals. I don’t want to be superior. It is so amazing how sick these people are! I can’t wait for the divorce to be over! Unfortunately, it is predicted to be a very long time. God Bless all who are fighting these monsters….
I was married to my ex for 38years and have been divorced now for 18 years so im not a youngster and it still affects me to this day,the silent treatment and the lies are so Cruel and Spiteful,his parents and sister never liked me and i never new why.When his mother died he told me that she never liked me ,but forgot to thank me for paying his share of her funeral....
I was married to a narcissist for 38 years too! Lol I had to be doped up for 25 years to endure my suffering!! Free at Last! Free at Last! Only 6 years out, but medication Free, and living a good life! 👍
@@winning3329 definitely true. And believe every word that shared about you. Hold onto it and throw it in your face. Then self doubt comes. I'm a fighter and daughter of the most high. I have been a beautiful young wife and still young in mind and have my flaws but have served him beautifully and graciously on the best china with the best meals with his health in mind. Serving him hand and foot. Regardless what he had just called me. Showed our coworkers 57 miles away of our jobs, celebrating of his ego birthday, holiday and his lunch of hot meals of love. I've been in our industry 20 years longer. If this is it, and by great God I can't hope any harder, I'm waiting for my escape. Divorced, but see he needs his validation from coworkers. He can have it. I've told him he may have helped in the bills and carried us financially, but I will have the last word. This house is my escape. I have to keep my cool until my days come to run. Sometimes I feel bad for him cause he's old. But I cannot get sucked into anything less than what God has for me. Friend tell me, hell be fine. KUDOS TO ALL OF YOU THAT HAVE ESCAPED. I'M AWAITING MY DAY. I JUST FELL A SECOND AGO AND RELIEVED MY ANGER ON HIM. Uh oh. But it felt good. I'll be getting a call soon. I'll unsend it now that I got it if my chest. Dear Lord!!!
I resisted the urge to let myself be triggered and responded calmly to nearly all baiting and arguing, because I had realised what he was early on but was still infatuated. I thought I could just Grey rock my way through it and he might stop. This was at a huge cost to my anxiety though, (I’m usually a bit more outspoken and fiery) exhausted me and I actually developed a stomach disease and perforated colon. I’m sure because my stomach was constantly twisted in knots. Our bodies are amazing. Another time in my life I felt like I had no voice in a situation and kept developing strep throat, which I never had before or since.
All true. I went on holiday in March with the narc ex, awful behaviour from him on that holiday. Took my 19yr son from a previous relationship to Morocco for this birthday in December. Narc couldn’t come because of work and he tried to ruin our holiday with constant calls and pestering. It all fell apart when we came back because he was acting like we betrayed him by going and having the time of our lives. No regrets! My son is off to university in 2 weeks and he’s still talking about how much he enjoyed the holiday and what a wonderful experience it was, that’s priceless ❤
My Narc sister LITERALLY said these words to me "Let's make a pact okay? I'll never need you, and you never need me!" It was out of the blue and I was SHOCKED! It was probably one of the more hurtful things she ever said to me, mostly because I did not understand what it meant at the time. Now I do and you just confirmed it for me. Namaste.
Today is my 68th birthday and Narc Con showed up in my feed this morning. Thank you RUclips algorithm! Finding these videos has been a great gift already as I watch while waiting for family to come and take me out for a celebratory picnic. I divorced at age 60 and recently was reunited with my ex (at a son’s wedding) for the first time since divorce court. He still tried to Hoover me! I was strong but lots of old stuff has resurfaced since that encounter so these videos are very timely for me. Thank you so much for validating my experiences. It is very helpful to be reminded that I made the right choice when I finally got out. 💜
Still amazed you can nail the narc in my life on the head, bang on, and every situation that has ever happened, exactly. Even more amazed realizing how many narcs are out there! The personality disorder appears to be prevalent worldwide. I wonder what the numbers are; the ratio. It's not one in a million. I'm guessing there's one in every social situation, one in every business, one in every classroom. I'm getting better at spotting them. After 3 years of coming to these type of podcasts, daily, it all seems so obvious now. It's remarkable how predictable they are! If only I had known this 50 years ago, it may have saved me from a lifetime of grief. Unless God meant for me to learn something from it, by God I hope I finally have. Thanks to you and everybody who shares their stories in the comments. Your input means more than you may know. 😘
@@NarcCon Paula, I wouldn't trade my 40 years ( 2 dating, and 38 maried), for all the tea in China! Yeah, sure I feel like Moses in the wilderness! Lol We're eternal, and this is just a moment in time! Yes, I've learned the hard way. But my dad who only loved me conditionally because of his circumstances growing up a cripple, caused me to not love myself, and it was so familiar not being loved, so that's whom I married, someone who was incapable of love, only lust. He used to say experience is a "bitch", but it's a great teacher! Lol Trust me, when I say, God loves them too. We're here to learn lessons, and eventually return to a loving Creator. I have a mind blowing 🤯 adventure with a dark empath. and a twin flame journey! 🔥 I never loved someone as much as her, and I completely forgive her as Christ forgave me.. Now that I've turned my back on her and am allowing the Holy Spirit to deal with her, my prayer is for her deliverance, but that's her choice not mine. She never loved from her heart ❤️ and is a player, that needs to release her demons. In the game of life, we get to choose. All Satan is, is a created being, and an unwilling servant of God. We can choose Satan as a hard taskmaster or a loving God that woos us with love! We're approaching an end of an age and a new beginning here on earth! Death has no meaning, nor sting anymore, as it's swallowed up in the victory of eternal love for our Creator as we wake up to our eternal existence! ✨️ It's a classic battle between good and evil. Let the games begin! We know who wins in the end. The one who created the game, and it wasn't Milton Bradley!!! Lol God bless you, you're a beautiful person created in God's image! We'll fight the good fight and defeat our demons! He came to set the captives free! Whoo hoo...!
"You offended me when you gave me that membership." I apologized for the offense. Then used it to get out of offered shopping for her. I said I didn't want to offend her by taking that responsibility from her. I realize our relationship is toxic. Yes, she said she was jealous that I had a good time with a friend. 😮 I have said I see what she's doing.😅I😂😂
Hi Paula Thank you For Sharing This When Texting With The Narcissist I Get Humiliating Insults Belittling.Called Everything But My Birth Name The Belittling And Insults Have Me In A Corner Crying.For Hours. Narcissistic Abuse Is Brutal
I've been enduring this abuse for two straight years from a landlord (who was sued and one year later still won't return my large deposit) and property management, health insurance entities as well as all those I've reached out to for help, even my own PCP. My health is declining rapidly and due to situation being as bad as it is right now with price gouging and long waiting lists, it's hopeless and not easy to just get up and go somewhere else.
@@winning3329it's not that easy to just get up and go. I wish someone could tell me the steps of how do we just leave what we worked do hard in without the finances to retire our necessities our life and just get up and go. Who has that kind of credit, finances and nothing that belongs to them but their own self. I have my girls Yorkies, my with equipment, my household belongings. No funds, a repo but a car payment I need to get me to work. If like to know the next step. Cody of living exceeds my pay which is very very good, but not enough to restart s new life far away from any of these narcs.
@@nmHispanamy response exactly. I'm 58, have up everything for this man over 32yrs together leaving on my shoulders the responsibilities yet expected me to work more when he never took out kissed a day of work or let his hours go out felt the exhaustion but returned home after each shift with food on the table. I've cleared out retirement fund countless times to make the meet. He's 73 loving the attention he gets when people ask him his age. That's inspiring that keeps him at work. All the validation. Blowsd up his ego
@@nmHispana A social worker can help you. Go to social services and ask to speak to a social worker. OR your doctor can connect you with one. They can help you apply for low cost housing or even just different housing. They know where to look. ❤ They can also help with food and utilities if you are in need.
They want a reaction, to create drama , take your energy and make it all about them. Your life becomes an ongoing treadmill of drama created by them . Its exhausting , no contact, best reaction is no reaction. Its a cycle of the same old same old, never ending crap . Move on . Dont throw your pearls to swine.
My totally triangulated me with his ex, even said those things. He was pretty much everything you’ve said here. Unfortunately I knew what he was but still found myself entangled. 😢
Bravo , Paula ❤ The thing I hated the most was the basic reverse childish playground psychology , using INDIRECT comparison or references to undermine you , and when you challenge them they say you are just being being paranoid or insecure ! I mean ,..what kind of ' human ' does that to another , a truly sick one !!! 🙏❤️❤️
Oh my gosh! You’ve outlined all the things that my ex threw at me, when I confronted him after discovering his infidelity. Somehow, it was all my fault. He even accused me of checking up on what he was buying when I discovered anomalies in our credit card bill, despite the fact that these items were gifts for his lover! He deflected by attacking me!
That argument happens bc that other supply is wanting to come on over or some other supply wants to leave the house to meet the other supply make a phone call or whatever .
You narrated my life with my ex to the tee. I'm happy I came across this because now I know going no contact with him was the best decision I have ever made. Life is so peaceful without him and thanks we didn't have any kids.❤
You'll get there Lisa. It takes time. The tough part is reprogramming ourselves not to fall for the demonic lies ever again. Heal from co-dependancy, abandonment issues, and not loving yourself! ❤😊😊😊😊😊
I have been consistently devaluated and disregulated by a narcisist saga. I wish I had discovered you before. This channel is the best advice ever in all senses
He got mad once because we got lost coming home from a trip. This was before GPS. I was laughing because I was having fun not because we were lost but because I didn't think it was a big deal. He ruined the whole trip.
It's pure evil! I could feel his excitement and maliciousness! I could feel how happy it made him feel when he pulled his last discard! The Bible clearly talks about how evil walks among us! He will never be happy and go through life destroying everything in his path! Enough is enough! We have to educate ourselves and others to protect ourselves! Keep your boundaries tight! I'm thankful God has helped me to escape! This has saved me years of abuse and suffering!
Narcissists I have known cannot stand anyone else's happiness because they want to be the only special person in the room that everyone admires. When we don't "admire" them but are secure within ourselves they hate it. They want to be the only one who has good things going on to be able to boast about themselves. A good example is when I have shared with my daughter something good that was happening to me she would act disinterested and even question whether it was good. Then when she shared her things they were always embellished over the top special. She ignores my life but wants to continually boast about hers. It is an ugly relationship because it is not two people sharing and enjoying one another it is one person dismissing one and the other person feels completely ignored.
They really love to start a good old argument wen they wanna cheat on you 💯wen iwas with the old narc he started up a hold argument with me telling me I probably wasn't at work calling me disrespectful names told me he was.gonna have the police to help him get his belongings..I was in shock not knowing were all this anger was coming from..once I got home at 12 at night the police knocked on my door with him standing there like I was keeping him from getting his things ....all along he wanted to meet up with one of his. Supply....he went through all that just to return a week later..!!! NEVER TAKE THEM BACK 💯 💯 THEY ARE REALLY TWISTED IN THE MIND !!!
If the first time you researched narcissism and heard these truths and acted, the guaranteed affects would be exponentially shortened. Nothing vlogged here will anyone find wrong. The narcs ability to immediately absurdly counter a thoughtful inquiry to them, or at least in my experience, is a direct tell of affliction. They are definitely poised in confrontation stand by mode constantly. Polar opposites that attract until you have truly experienced the entire cycle, which ofcourse is really quick. Then you evolve past those erroneous ways of attraction. Chaos is a necessity. It is a power trip fueling their dopomine and adrenaline addiction. Targets silenced by coercive control. The constant is not giving a damn about anothers well being. Anybodys, anywhere, anytime. They make you sick. Who the hell wants to be sick. Believe it.
@bradmcewen Your mention of the addiction to chaos, dopamine, adrenaline is an important observation in my opinion. These *stimuli* , in addition to fueling a power trip, are needed to distract from and relieve the tension and agitation of inner emptiness. They use their abuse of others to self soothe. One becomes a "tool" for their masturbatory machinations.
@lisbethbird8268 imo...you are absolutely right on point. Excellent comment ! A realization that can only make one overjoyed to have escaped the dichotomy of the cognitive dissonance debacle. Once that is set straight, so much clarity is realized. All of the knowledge of narc commonality is an awakening like no other. While it conjures up graphic unpleasantness, describing them as mental masturbaters is dead on. Not to belabor the image, but I think it extends to physical aspect as well. Gawd knows what's in their brain of misfiring. I believe from everything I've seen, learned from others that all of them have some level of Cluster b multimorbidity. It definitely keeps the person who has really done their homework to be in permanent no contact. Let them find us boring and unfullfilling in supply acquisition. Be well 🤜🤛
Interesting point on always talking about the narcs ex. Mine did that constantly, EVERYDAY. I found out she started texting with a fella by text messaging 3-4 months into relationship. She tried passing it off that she was being set up by her ex with this person that she was having intimate texts. These texts conversations went over 3 weeks. She of course denied she was cheating. I also learned that she was on a dating app for the entire relationship.
I can't thank you enough. You have given such great insight to the narcissistic relationship I've suffered through for seven years. The torture both phycological and physical is beyond any words I have to describe. I never thought a human being could be so evil. I have seen the mask drop. I looked into the eyes of someone I once loved and saw pure hate. What I saw frightened me to my very core. Not only was my heart broken. I was a broken man as well. A mere shell of what I once was before the evil spirit entered my life. I'm fully aware now that this was not my fault or anything I did. I did not deserve to be treated this way. By God's grace I deserve so much more. I pray every day and ask God to give me strength and to guide me. To help me with "no contact". Again, I want to thank you for giving us hope. Thank you for your knowledge and insight. Thank you for shedding your LIGHT when we're surrounded by evil darkness, and we can't see our own!!
Those arguments!!!! Jesus christ ... They were just mind bending and shocking. The wing mirror on a car, a pair of jeans cut into shorts, accidently breaking a glass in a shop, giving away some old furniture.....THEN he claimed I was a negative person....I can't tell you how many times his behaviour shocked me
I think one of the things that is very much overlooked is that they are quite paranoid and quite cynical. It's almost as if they think whatever you do is to take advantage of them. Perhaps it's a projection of their own behaviours? I don't know, but I found it impossible to live with someone who was like that.
I believe they fear being exploited- so it goes hand in hand. Also the only suitable ideas are their own, just ask them. They must have the upper hand ✋️
Yes they think everyone thinks the same way they do. That means always looking to take advantage and hurt people. They don't realize that they are delusional. They think they are correct about EVERYTHING. 🤷
I found with all the narcissistic people in my life and there’s a lot of them my mother , my brother, who just died this summer so than my narcissistic Aunt attacked me because I know what she is. My family found out I figured them out according to them ,I think everybody’s a narcissist that’s not true just everybody in my family and my narcissistic husband.Every one of them has said to me at one point “yeah it’s all about me you”it’s their favorite things to say to you because they’re the narcissist they are the ones it’s all about them but they’ll accuse you of being selfish I’m least selfish person I’ve ever met. I was never allowed to be selfish so I think it’s hilarious when they called me selfish but it’s all about that they are . All the years they have known me and they don’t know my faults and I am not perfect. I have quite a few faults and I know what they are so I think it’s really funny when they accuse you of what they are that’s how so self focused they are they don’t even see your real faults they put theirs on you.
It has crossed my mind how funny they are also. They are so convinced of their superiority that it's actually funny. Their actions are predictable in a warped way. Once you know what you're dealing with (an out of control child) who unfortunately knows how to manipulate people, they can no longer get their jollies from hurting you. They are so beneath you it's hilarious that they think they can fool you. They are fake through and through. I don't believe a word out if their mouth and they think I should. Hahahaha.......After lying, stealing, abusing, betraying and then telling you you have a bad character. 😂😂😂 Comical really. So stupid. Who else hurts the people that are trying to love and support them ? Not too bright to say the least. Clownish. 🤷🙃🤪
My brother doesn't know who I am. He has made up this person in his head and thinks it is me. He couldn't be farther from the truth. Sometimes I have to laugh when he tries to interact with the person he has imagined me to be. He is so clueless. And convinced by his own bullshit. He had even managed to convince his stupid wife. It's hilarious. Just wait until she finds out he has not been telling her the truth about the money he's been taking from my mom's bank account. 😂 I've got a lawyer to make him account for every cent. 😂 His wifey will be shocked, his boys will be embarrassed and ashamed of him and he will lose his credibility and reputation in his career. He thought he would get away with it. 😂🤪 What an idiot. He risked it all because he wanted more, more, more because he thinks he deserves it 😂 He did it to himself. Isn't there a saying that goes after pride comes a fall ? Something like that.
its pretty awful when a narc friend is enjoying themselves to make ppl rather suffer than make things work out. The entitlement and feeling of being in power makes it really hard for the narcs to keep their masks on, I have experienced that and did NOPE real hard out of that one when I realized she was using me as negative fuel to make herself feel good
Hey kiddo, it hurts because you were lied to and betrayed. Just forgive the goofball as he was demon influenced, and go no contact as it was a mirage. It just wasn't real.
Because you are still emotionally needy and he (sometimes) fulfilled those needs. That is why you have to learn how to fulfill your own emotional needs. It's a skill that can be learned. You should not depend on other people to get your emotional needs met. That leaves you very vulnerable to over attachment to someone who may not be good for you. Learn how to really love yourself so you don't need someone to do it for you. There are books on how to fulfill your own emotional needs. ❤
Very helpful thank you. Was stuck in a toxic relationship for 4 years with a family member. It got so bad, that it only took 10 seconds after entering conversation that my self esteem was being worked on. I now know why, thank you.
He always dismissed anything I said. He would say it was because he was smarter than just believing what he heard. Which is not bad.. but, he wouldn’t ask questions or discuss with me anything I said. He would just dismiss it and stop communication that way. I stopped talking about passions and topics I found interesting, because he made me feel crazy for even entertaining it.
Its the subtle control tactics these people use that still catch me out. Im seeing these subtle minimizing tactics from my therapist. Im starting to get really frustrated and angry with the therapy. And because im in therapy to change my behaviour, i feel in a double bind. Is she really minimizing me or is she helping me? So confusing.😮
Satan is the author of confusion. Thank you for calling it for what it is. Anyone, new here? Make this channel staple! God used this channel (Paula) to save my life aroubnd 18 months ago. I am 13 months post discard, working, wrestling, crying to Christ (my greatest treasure) & by His Grace, learning & growing. Words don't express a fraction of justice and thanks that you are deserving of for "standing in your gift" Paula - to pull back the veil and expose the truth. I continue to pray for your protection and well being!
Unbelievable how you can put it in words, the other shocking thing is how this costume evidently fits all their sizes and shapes , I mean you are actually talking about my wife, in great detail, its mind-blowing
Everything said in this video is exactly right, and I've been subjected to all of it. By the way, domestic violence can be and often is a product of being on the receiving end of narcissistic argumentation games. So, men (especially) need to pay close attention to ways of NOT arguing with them and getting triggered to lash out physically. They'd love nothing more than seeing you on the ground in handcuffs or worse, disgraced for all the world to see, proving for evermore that you are the problem. Maybe the techniques of avoiding an argument with a narcissist are on this channel, but if not here, you’ll find them elsewhere on the Internet/RUclips. My narcissistic adult daughter targeted me with these vile argumentative tactics and was sure to threaten me with abandonment, thus leaving me without an heir. In the last such dustup, she made clear that she never wanted to speak to me again. And I haven't heard from her since, even though I have reached out to her. Three decades of being a good father and this is the thanks I get. But I’m fine since I was already aware of who and what they are. I didn’t argue back. I’ll just go ahead and revise my living trust so the narcissist won’t have to be bothered with it, ever. But my door is always open for her return.
You are strong. I commend you for that. I'm sorry. As long as we can see it coming, is s great plus, my problem is engaging in my defense. And I hate that he's always had this picture in his head about me. Which is my opposite. He built that thought up just before cheating on me even he was 65, and that's what he told the other church woman. That's what kills me. I gave up my life, work hours, medical insurance cause of unserviced hours I am now trying to gain back. But mostly I ran the house, home kids, now grown and still at home, except for my daughter who escaped both Dad and her mother in law, and as of today phone call is now going through the beginning of her narcissistic marriage. I feel for her. My eldest son is worse then his father. Covert overt, and I'm so glad to hear this kind of support. I'm in deep with my husband. 32 yrs. Finally divorced 7yrs ago but still living together when he cheated after 25yrs, to find out he never divorced his second ex. Now I'm financially dependent and trying to establish life living still with him. My eldest is depending on us due to an injury also in our industry and a second adult son epileptic and on SSI. I want to leave.RUN!! But cannot retire. Too young, won't make it on my own with pets and lots of vital household responsibilities to take care of. Over dated bills, bad credit BECAUSE I'm left with so little to use and pay bills with often getting shut off. What to do. Can't leave my son and girls that depend on me. How do I hold onto the next few years to run. I need to sell this house but it won't get me what I need to establish elsewhere with my credit.
You sweet, sweet man! ❤ Just don't let her back when she smells death to bamboozle you out of the money. Charity water 💧 or some other organization can use the $ and you'll be helping humanity. Just smile if she come back, and let her kiss up to you. Tell her everything will be alright as your affairs are in order. Lol 😅
@@aliciaCANDOMy heart aches for you. You too are strong in the face of such adversity. You mentioned church. If only you could find the right anointed person to teach you how to apply the Word to your circumstances. Jesus saves! It’s true!
@@dolittle6781 Calvary chapel of Chino hills. I've been seeing s therapist dealing with my marriage for 15 years in therapy. Never did she mention narcism. I've barely started listening to Kris Reece and learning my self worth. Even pastor had mentioned this just recently as I joined his church. God has really been putting people in my path. I'm making plans. Moving toward s goal. It just erks me to hear people say leave. Just get up and go. Some people are really hurting. Don't see a way out. I pray for them as if for me. Sadly, I need to wait till this house gives me the equity I need to stabilize, sell and run. We have to do what we have to do. God knows and I stay in his word. A moment ago for the 3rd time I had to rewrite my husband at work, or whatever he is to me roommate should I say, he thinks everything is just fine. But I have to play it low and slow. I need time to prepare and pray. Thank you for your reply. God knows and had as plan for us. This video and Dr Ramani, the first that I came across every heard of this since then had opened my eyes. I'm not crazy. I changed my message to the old fart of an encouraging note while at work. It's not going to do any good wailing my frustrations. We had an argument the other day. And he stayed in the South Bay while I'm at home dealing with the house. But I tell you, it's peaceful when their gone. I just sent him s message that uplifts him and God protects him. So he can't say I've said anything wrong. He calls everyday if he stays in the South Bay to save gas. It's more of s releif to me and my son when the narcs are gone. Lord bless you and your family. Thank you dearly for posting
Oh yeah the definitley are. They like drama because for them they are the center of attention then. They are easily bored so they create such bullshit ... The best is to step out of that game.
I used to be so BAFFLED how the mood could change so quickly and the diversion of facts when cornered with a question. Ugh. I'm not a stupid person like most of you. HOW they feed on our insecurities!!
Thank you for a great video Pola. What we were in with the narcisist was a total illusion. It is really mind bending when you experience it from your siblings and family and the so called friends.
All you can do is pity a narcissist or anyone who needs to seek out negative or positive fuel and or admiration to feel validation and or that they matter just to boost there fragile egos. Never realizing the only validation they need is from the word of God who keeps you grounded in knowing God has your back to spite rejection and or being forced into isolation. There will come a time when they have burned all there bridgess only to find that they are to old to secure supply to toy with. The external is sure to fade and we all know the internal of the narcisist is shallow empty as well. They are doomed to be alone within the misery that has never left them and will remain in tact. Love your analogy of the narcissist. So spot on..
Pay attention to this, however someone will also start arguments with you stemming from traumatic events, meaning if you went through a traumatized event and he/she expierenced it from you, they will also start arguments with you (PTSD). This can also cause it and doesn´t mean narcisstic...
@@yokoono3990 The Link Between PTSD, Anger, and Irritability: PTSD and Relationship Violence Unfortunately, research has found a connection between PTSD and relationship violence. Research has found that having both depression and PTSD increases the likelihood of relationship aggression. Types of Anger in PTSD People often primarily view anger as a negative or harmful emotion. But that's not always the case. It's true that anger can often lead to unhealthy behaviors like substance abuse or impulsive actions. Triggers can easily set it off and becomes.. Destructive Anger Involves lashing out spontaneously Anger is often unmanageable Creates more problems Increases stress levels I can relate more to this now, as my girlfriend expierenced some serious drama because of me and would lash out at me out of the blue, start arguments, very much like the 4 mentioned above AFTER that event happened. I´ve questioned if she was narcisstic as she was caring andloving at the beginning and no it wasn´t love bombing, as I went through that before...
They sure do love hiding behind that Christian title and church attendance, because they believe it makes them look like a credible human being, when the truth is that they aren't even wired human.
I’ve seen my narc husband rage and suck the energy out of the room … it was literally like a energy exchange , then 5 minutes later come back like he took ( sh ^ t ). And feels better that he dumped on us . 😵💫
As usual a very accurate analysis ,paula I had all of these situations,through my time with the female narc, What I don't get is why go through all this , If someone dosent want to be with someone anymore, just be up front and say so ,end it ,if they hate you so much! Surely they will get positive/negative supply from the next person, Their cake and eat it comes to mind,I suppose... Great video as usual Paula,
I Remember My Narc Ex Wife Saying To Me That I Was Only Half The Man That Her Previous Husband Was. I Was Surprisingly Calm About It. Apart From It Being An Absurd Comment I Was Already Learning About Triangulation Etc
If that was what it thought, then why was or would it want to be there then? Go back to the ex husband and careful not to let the door slam you in the arse on the way out.
Paula, u have me in tears from laughing. I sure needed to hear ur analogy made humorous about the darts . I can identify with that . Then they get the bulls eye and I lose it and succumb to their level of nonsense. Now I'm in trouble, I have a monster on my hands now cause I spoke up , I should not have fed into his accusatory remarks because it' was simply not true . I went to retaliate mode instead of ignoring him. Smh 🙃😤🙄🧐🤔😳
I watched this video in some amazement, you are so spot on, I have a super narcissistic adult daughter and have been to hell and back with her this year. The majority of things you have mentioned here I have lived this year with her. I did not know my own daughter until I myself got very sick earlier in year, and looked to her for help, the controls, and manipulations and down putting came out in a shocking weird way. I myself was shocked. And became much sicker because of the tremendous trauma and anxiety and disbelief I went through. I love this daughter. We were close but her whole personality changed. It has done terrible damage to me and only a miracle will fully heal this. I was nearly destroyed. But God. Much prayer later and visit to a parapsychologist who specialises in NPD, to help me cope with this “thing” and I have got better but oh so wary. It’s a terribly sad situation. Broken my heart. I don’t know how you are so well versed in narcissism controls and patterns, but you are extremely accurate. Thank you. Are you a psychologist yourself or have you learnt this through your own life’s experience? My heart goes out to anyone suffering from narcissistic abuse it’s a demon from hell.
OMG Paul, I so so so helpful Thank you 😢 What I really am upset about is the turmoil I still feel inside, part of me really miss him! It’s brutal to think that. So many memories of moments I guess that we good, never be free if that I guess.
Absolutely spot on. When you are in this phase and you will be as an intimate partner and see any of these signs. Do not try and look for compromise. There won’t be any. Just move on you’ll be so glad you did especially if you don’t. Cheers Paula
Yes Keep the Peace do not distress or alarm for that is criminal insults to cause you distress then the lies or shunning follow to your alarm then you are upset and distr acted they point out that you have mental problems nasty
I feel like they thrive on drama. They seem to love the chaos. They target and poke others with gaslighting and passive aggressiveness because they want you to react so they can place all the blame on you. They thrive on their mental games they play.
They are energy vampires.Doesn't matter if it's positive or negative they just need your reaction.
Push the victim off the cliff so they can blame them mk ultra darvo Scapegoating flying monkey technology abuse
And not just “so they can place all the blame on you.” They need blame to place. So they set you up to be blamed for something. They were just trying to help you and then you did ___________ to them (fill in the blank). And if you try to explain or defend yourself, you’re blamed for doing even more to them. It’s really quite amazing how they’re soooo different behind the mask than what’s presented to the world. Scary when you finally recognize them for what they are.
I remember one of the many many arguments we had. It was so infantile but also started me questioning who he really was. I ordered 2 pizzas (which I paid for..of course). One of them was a bacon cheeseburger pizza. When it was delivered he flipped out about how he asked for a cheeseburger pizza NOT a bacon cheeseburger. He went off for 20 minutes about how he doesnt like bacon and how I ruined the pizza. I was so happy before the argument because I was treating him and his kids to a pizza party. I felt so embarrassed and deflated. Several months later he and I went out to eat and he ordered a burger with bacon. I said 'I thought you hated bacon'? He said I never said that. He brushed off my reminder of the pizza party, said I took him wrong and he went on to enjoy he's burger. They break you down with every petty argument and get off on it. Evil people.
I hate this story. I’m sorry it happened to you.
Oh yeah.. Pitiful creatures of habit.. So insecure and they are doomed to be alone within there misery. The clock is ticking. U were smart to move on valuing yourself. The narc will never value themselves. They need the opinions of the unsuspected to feel that they matter.. God is the only source for validation..
I ordered a takeaway of fish & chips (Uk person here) & I cut the fish exactly in the middle but he went off on one saying I had more than him! I knew I didn’t but I gave him a bit more of my fish & he was still continuing the argument. So I took my food into the kitchen to finish it in peace & he followed me STILL raging about it! He then pushed my plate of food towards me so that it crashed against the wall so in the end my food was inedible which is probably what he wanted. He argued about the most childish of things.. sorry no not argued.. raged! He just loved seeing me upset
@@julieannsheridan6438 sorry that happened to you. Over fish? My God!! They are the most petty infantile things (not humans) to walk the Earth. I hope you've gotten away from him. I'm out 1 1/2 years. He's someone else's problem now.
@@julies7618 Yep! His temper tantrum was vile these people are certainly not human! No normal person would treat another human like that. My divorce was finalised last week & I’m now no contact 👍🏻 I believe he has a new supply so god help her but I’m free now 🕊️🕊️
They need fuel. Negative or positive attention keeps them going. Negative is even better. High tech fuel.
I used to tell people i could see his mind working overtime when i was happy,it was like he was thinking oh hold on shes too happy I need to cause a riot to get her miserable again, and he did.
Yep, I suspected this so once I pretended to be happy and joyful, and sure enough... here comes fire and fury. It's not a coincidence.
Technology abuse attachment they do it to stop their victims from healing and trying to leave their victims in a fake love trauma bond anonymous masonic Illuminati qanon demon Christianity lying abuser church human trafficking darvo Scapegoating lying scumbags
Seen it a thousand times healing progression happiness their slave hackers and Flying monkey anonymous cowards show up to rape abuse and pillage as their demon Christianity bible taught them lol
It's as if satan has the same playbook and hands it out to all the Narcissists.
It boggles my mind how they all behave the same, say the same lines, have the same timeline. Paula, you explain everything so perfectly. It's all madness but you make it all make sense. So I'm wondering, is it all Spiritual? Are they all being controlled by a dark entity? I mean, normal people are all so different. And complex. But the Narcissist is actually very simple and predictable. I always knew what was coming. If I do or say this, expect this outcome. After many years of torment, I'm on the other side, looking at the psychopathy. And the only logical reason for this would be spiritual interference.
Thank you Paula. You're helping so many, including myself. You are a beautiful human.
I think their frequency is so low that they attract negative entities (reptilian ETs, astral demons etc). Ironically, while narcs use us for supply, narcs are used by negative entities for supply too. That is why when we are loving, happy, peaceful, kind, patient etc it triggers them because they and their handlers cannot feed off of the high frequencies
OK, best as I can to make this simple. We are spirit, we have a soul ( mind, will, intelect, personality etc.), and we live in a body of clay temporarily. Eventually we'll be back to spirit, but we're here to learn lessons.
The Creator allows us to choose. Love, peace, joy, etc, or hate, lust, rage, envy fear etc. Whew, I know what I want after 40 years with a narcissist! Lol 😂 Peace baby! ✌️
@@sonlightpsalm942 excellent and simple biblical reply. Love it. My ex, still living with him, And my eldest son especially , are believers. How does a Christian become so narcissistic?? I'm s believer as well. And I've moved from my city years ago, yet not root myself yet. Not constantly attending my chosen church to full commitment. But there's so many people with such fully developed personalities stuff damaging together others. Since I've realized this I pray so humbly please God don't let me develop any of these traits. I want no part in this ugliness.
@@aliciaCANDO It really doesn't have too much to do with whether they're in a church or Christian. When we're in childhood, and suffer abuse, we either gravitate to positive energy, or negative energy to cope. Both are victims at that point. If we're empathetic , we think we can fix them ( and that's a hard lesson!) Remember, you control only one person in this life, and that's yourself! We're here to learn lessons as all have freewill to choose. ✨️ 😉 They remain in "hell" until they get tired of being controlled by negative energy.
@@sonlightpsalm942 thank you. Is your party of your handle psalm 94:2 or 9:42?
Because they cannot regulate themselves and are completely co dependent - thus they hurt you to regulate their emotions and become civil again while you feel horrible
It’s ALWAYS at your expense
yes
that is so
They attack things that are loved and cared for and it's all covert darvo Scapegoating coward gaslighting abuse
yes they don’t have any issues to argue they just assassinate your character that’s not an argument
paula, they try to make it interesting by telling you that you know what you have done wrong 😂
You describe my mother perfectly
What I've learned is to always respond calmly to their insults and arguments. The moment you react you lose and it will be used against you. But in practice it is super hard.
I tried that, it still winds therm up though
Amen
@@tonyconnor5691 Agree. And the info here is a great reason for gray rock. They get wound up because they aren't really listening to you and they don't really care.
Yes i get insult when he say to me that maybe i not finish my high school education. When i get jelouse to his friend of high school 😓
No matter what you reply back; the narcissistic psycho believes they are always right and your always wrong. They will never receive any correction or criticism from you. You are their human punching bag, a tool, pawn, minon and responsible for their wickedness/sins. Their demon possessed minds will NEVER SURRENDER TO THE TRUTH, EVER.
Hard to accept. I lost my beautiful wife to cancer 2+ years ago. Began dating someone from “church” last fall (1st date in 28 years) when after 3 months out of nowhere was discarded.. hurt like hell! I’ve been gaining the wisdom, no contact etc.. but occasionally see her at church and been hovered. I’ve blocked her on fb, more out of self love so that “I” don’t see what she’s doing. Thanks for your Straight strong talk! Be well, Bryan
Lost mine too. My sympathy to you. I met my narc at a church grief group. In short order two sets of grief were constant. Loss and a highly manipulative serial narctriss. In short, a double whammy that changed me completely. One is my wants. I need no other to feel complete. That will never happened again no matter who you try with. I realized before but tried anyway for something mutually comforting. Wrong. Best is self care and immerse in your interests again. Whatever they are, even just a boring day is great. Another thing 8s I will never step foot in a church again. They are full of performative grifters who immediately go back out into the world as if worshipping Satan. Imo, that's where a conditioning starts. Just believe it will be ok....everyone obviously needs to do what is good for them, but I call bullshit. Never been mentally happier being responsible for my own actions and definitely got a moral compass more than most I've seen in those dens of hypocrisy. Just sharing thoughts. I am not trying to convince anyone. But your self care must be a passion. All the best.
Devils 😈 love church! Lol 😆 Plenty of victims abound!!
🌹🌹
I don't know why, but so many narcs at church. I no longer attend a regular church. Too many self righteous, unaware people. And they all have group think. Church is like a cult. Sorry to say this but it's true. God is with us everywhere. The Holy Spirit is in us. This is the good news.❤😊
Bryan, you were V ERY lucky they discarded you. DO NOT GO BACK.. BEGGING YOU.. IT IS THEIR GAME!!!!!!!!
to devalue; to cause chaos; desire for control; to enhance your fear of abandonment; to deflect from the truth; to deregulate you while regulating himself; to make you small; for narcissistic fuel; resentful that you are peaceful and happy; they hate you; to uphold the mask of superiority; as a set-up to an argument then uses argument as justification to discard you for a new supply.
Insults are meant to manipulate you.
Pretty much sums it up. Simple mind scrambling to get their own needs met.
They pick You up to destroy You ! They always compare themselves to You and they hate You to your core !!! Thank You another great epidode ❤ spot on
Called it when the qanon anonymous tray-tors showed up there to take others victory while they abuse and sabotage your healing and progression which leads you far away from that fake family and fake home human trafficking child molesting mk ultra Rapists scumbag racists lying about everything in jealousy rage
We all dated the same person, it’s like the Matrix! The bottom line is we all fall in love as Empaths way to fast and think it’s our fault when things are going wrong. We want to heal the person we are with and this causes us to stay for a long time which then strengthens the “trauma Bond”.
I asked my female Narcissist what she was look at out the window, she said a hot guy, then she said what would you say if there really was a hot guy outside? I said then we would be having a serious conversation. The next evening I brought it up to her and stated calmly I wasn’t comfortable with what she said. She then threatened to break up with me and when I said
fine maybe you should go see what’s out there you’ve threatened it so many times. She then said “that’s a very Narcissistic thing to say”.
The last one hit the hardest. He did that every time he wanted to leave for a while. I did feel like it was my fault, because I didn't know what a narcissist was. The most horrible fight he started was when he accused me of sleeping with his 20 year old son. I totally lost it emotionally and physically! His son is the same age as my youngest. Since I've gone NC, and I know they accuse US of what THEY do, I've realized that he probably slept with daughters of his other supplies. It makes me feel sick when I think about it. His son later beat him to a pulp. He never said why, but I suspect he tried that accusation on his son to start a fight with him. His son is bigger and stronger than I am, so he was able to do more damage. His son has also gone NC with him now.
My sister is the narc from Hell! My mother has dementia and her and her husband have decided they cannot take care of her,she stayed with them for less than 6 months. In a phone conversation during a gas lighting session and devaluation she actually said to me,"If you don't do what I say and take care of mom I will not have a relationship with you when she dies". I always knew she was sick but she's really gone off the rails lately. I'm currently caring for my mother and have no plans to be in my sisters life going forward. I've gone gray rock for now and am planning to disappear when my mother passses. At 55 I've had enough of the abuse.
Wow that it almost exactly what my narc brother said to me word for word. And then he smiled when he observed the pain in my reaction. I was shocked and devastated. I had always been good to my brother. He gave no reason for this statement. Just pure hatred for me. He is absolutely out of his mind. He is still trying to hurt and control me on any way he possibly can. So bizarre. I am a really nice person, too nice actually. I paid for a trip to Hawaii for him and his family one year. Yet he has been back stabbing me to all my family and his friends. Saying I am a horrible person. 🤷 I won't deal with his insanity. I've accepted that we won't have a continued relationship and I no longer want one. He is not the person I loved as a child, nor is he someone I would befriend as an adult. He has lost me. The one person that has cared about him for his entire life. It doesn't make any sense except in his delusions. He has a sick way of thinking and it will cause him great pain. I can't help him. I must walk away.
Imagine spending your life plotting and scheming to go around ruining people, endlessly trying to one-up another even for the smallest of reasons. With the narcs I've encountered - starting with a malignant mother - I've often wondered at the damage they willingly cause along their path and how many opportunities and friendships they have ruined between other people. They are evil.
It is really hard to understand isn't it
I thought you were about to say, "You need the narcissist like a hole ... in the head." He would often ask out loud what I needed him for, but by then I had duped myself into thinking for love. I hadn't even realized that he was not in fact showing me love in any way, shape or form. I was doing all the work.
Perfect description of what we went through. It's been a little over 6 months since I ended it. She was trying to discard me and she got dumped by my replacement. I knew something was up. I found out she was cheating with multiple people AGAIN. I'm happy to be free!
It's a beautiful thing! 😂 Time for us to wake up! ⏰️
It’s what’s just happened to me mate 12 years together 6 married lovely home nice lil family and I know she’s got someone else just have to try and prove it I moved out and left her and my head is a lot clearer and stories are starting to come out about her now it’s only been 3 weeks
Karma is amazing
Not to mention the "last word" specialism that narcs have. Many times my ex narc would deliver all of her fault finding and disappointment in everything you do and if you dared to attempt a response this would be dealt with by the 'walk away'. Denying your perspective or input on any given situation by literally walking off after insulting you to the limit. Nothing worse than having your voice taken away!
the last word was usually was how much shit they’ve put up with 😮 and i’m a variety of simple singular syllable names like c@#t
In a bid to be ‘honest’ my ex narc would criticise my home, the town where i lived, not seeing my friends (never met hers), that i was transactional with them (most friends i have known since i was a teenager) and would interpret everything i did as an attempt to control her. It was crazy making and almost got me to doubt myself as every day felt like i was brimmig with anxiety. Arguments would be brought up from nowhere, repetitive and when i eventually lost my cool, it was instant victim and i was a ‘terrible terrible person’.
Yeah, same MO for all of us! Lol
Yes, Paula, I've been the recipient of the narcissists never ending, extreme cruelty, with vicious lies, false accusations, and unending hate texts, ect!!! Smearing my name and reputation. To God be all the Glory, as He relieved me of, this demon filled, close family member that had live'd with me.
Same similar story
WHY DID YOUR GOD ALLOW ALL OF THIS AND DID NOTHING?🙄
You are so spot on! I just wish we could be equals. I don’t want to be superior. It is so amazing how sick these people are! I can’t wait for the divorce to be over! Unfortunately, it is predicted to be a very long time. God Bless all who are fighting these monsters….
I was married to my ex for 38years and have been divorced now for 18 years so im not a youngster and it still affects me to this day,the silent treatment and the lies are so Cruel and Spiteful,his parents and sister never liked me and i never new why.When his mother died he told me that she never liked me ,but forgot to thank me for paying his share of her funeral....
His family didn't like you because your husband was smearing you behind your back.
These narcissist are two faced and will smile in your face and talk really badly about you and lie about you behind your back.
I was married to a narcissist for 38 years too! Lol I had to be doped up for 25 years to endure my suffering!! Free at Last! Free at Last! Only 6 years out, but medication Free, and living a good life! 👍
@@winning3329 definitely true. And believe every word that shared about you. Hold onto it and throw it in your face. Then self doubt comes. I'm a fighter and daughter of the most high. I have been a beautiful young wife and still young in mind and have my flaws but have served him beautifully and graciously on the best china with the best meals with his health in mind. Serving him hand and foot. Regardless what he had just called me. Showed our coworkers 57 miles away of our jobs, celebrating of his ego birthday, holiday and his lunch of hot meals of love. I've been in our industry 20 years longer. If this is it, and by great God I can't hope any harder, I'm waiting for my escape. Divorced, but see he needs his validation from coworkers. He can have it. I've told him he may have helped in the bills and carried us financially, but I will have the last word. This house is my escape. I have to keep my cool until my days come to run. Sometimes I feel bad for him cause he's old. But I cannot get sucked into anything less than what God has for me. Friend tell me, hell be fine.
KUDOS TO ALL OF YOU THAT HAVE ESCAPED. I'M AWAITING MY DAY. I JUST FELL A SECOND AGO AND RELIEVED MY ANGER ON HIM. Uh oh. But it felt good. I'll be getting a call soon. I'll unsend it now that I got it if my chest. Dear Lord!!!
@@winning3329yep
I resisted the urge to let myself be triggered and responded calmly to nearly all baiting and arguing, because I had realised what he was early on but was still infatuated. I thought I could just Grey rock my way through it and he might stop. This was at a huge cost to my anxiety though, (I’m usually a bit more outspoken and fiery) exhausted me and I actually developed a stomach disease and perforated colon. I’m sure because my stomach was constantly twisted in knots. Our bodies are amazing. Another time in my life I felt like I had no voice in a situation and kept developing strep throat, which I never had before or since.
All true. I went on holiday in March with the narc ex, awful behaviour from him on that holiday. Took my 19yr son from a previous relationship to Morocco for this birthday in December. Narc couldn’t come because of work and he tried to ruin our holiday with constant calls and pestering. It all fell apart when we came back because he was acting like we betrayed him by going and having the time of our lives. No regrets! My son is off to university in 2 weeks and he’s still talking about how much he enjoyed the holiday and what a wonderful experience it was, that’s priceless ❤
My Narc sister LITERALLY said these words to me "Let's make a pact okay? I'll never need you, and you never need me!" It was out of the blue and I was SHOCKED! It was probably one of the more hurtful things she ever said to me, mostly because I did not understand what it meant at the time. Now I do and you just confirmed it for me. Namaste.
Namaste
Today is my 68th birthday and Narc Con showed up in my feed this morning. Thank you RUclips algorithm! Finding these videos has been a great gift already as I watch while waiting for family to come and take me out for a celebratory picnic.
I divorced at age 60 and recently was reunited with my ex (at a son’s wedding) for the first time since divorce court. He still tried to Hoover me! I was strong but lots of old stuff has resurfaced since that encounter so these videos are very timely for me. Thank you so much for validating my experiences. It is very helpful to be reminded that I made the right choice when I finally got out. 💜
Happy Birthday! Let it be about you today.❤️
Happy Birthday!
You're catching up to me...
HAPPY 68th B-Day!! 🎂🍹🎈Make it the best day EVER!
Yes you have ESCAPED!! It's never too late. We're are still young. Find happiness within yourself
Happy birthday!!
It’s like you’ve been watching my relationship with my husband for years now- everything you said is exactly how it’s been- it’s been hard
They all act in the same way ! They are identifiable. So strange and bizarre.
Still amazed you can nail the narc in my life on the head, bang on, and every situation that has ever happened, exactly. Even more amazed realizing how many narcs are out there! The personality disorder appears to be prevalent worldwide. I wonder what the numbers are; the ratio. It's not one in a million. I'm guessing there's one in every social situation, one in every business, one in every classroom. I'm getting better at spotting them. After 3 years of coming to these type of podcasts, daily, it all seems so obvious now. It's remarkable how predictable they are! If only I had known this 50 years ago, it may have saved me from a lifetime of grief. Unless God meant for me to learn something from it, by God I hope I finally have. Thanks to you and everybody who shares their stories in the comments. Your input means more than you may know. 😘
You're reading my mind friend. How many? Really, how many!?
Hey, this was a drop in the bucket as your an eternal being made in the image of God! Lol 😊
Thank you for contributing and your support sending you positive thoughts 🌹
@@NarcCon Paula, I wouldn't trade my 40 years ( 2 dating, and 38 maried), for all the tea in China! Yeah, sure I feel like Moses in the wilderness! Lol
We're eternal, and this is just a moment in time! Yes, I've learned the hard way. But my dad who only loved me conditionally because of his circumstances growing up a cripple, caused me to not love myself, and it was so familiar not being loved, so that's whom I married, someone who was incapable of love, only lust.
He used to say experience is a "bitch", but it's a great teacher! Lol
Trust me, when I say, God loves them too. We're here to learn lessons, and eventually return to a loving Creator.
I have a mind blowing 🤯 adventure with a dark empath. and a twin flame journey! 🔥
I never loved someone as much as her, and I completely forgive her as Christ forgave me..
Now that I've turned my back on her and am allowing the Holy Spirit to deal with her, my prayer is for her deliverance, but that's her choice not mine. She never loved from her heart ❤️ and is a player, that needs to release her demons.
In the game of life, we get to choose. All Satan is, is a created being, and an unwilling servant of God. We can choose Satan as a hard taskmaster or a loving God that woos us with love! We're approaching an end of an age and a new beginning here on earth!
Death has no meaning, nor sting anymore, as it's swallowed up in the victory of eternal love for our Creator as we wake up to our eternal existence! ✨️
It's a classic battle between good and evil. Let the games begin! We know who wins in the end. The one who created the game, and it wasn't Milton Bradley!!! Lol
God bless you, you're a beautiful person created in God's image! We'll fight the good fight and defeat our demons! He came to set the captives free! Whoo hoo...!
For me I feel it was all about learning to value myself..that was my lesson ❤
"You offended me when you gave me that membership." I apologized for the offense. Then used it to get out of offered shopping for her. I said I didn't want to offend her by taking that responsibility from her. I realize our relationship is toxic. Yes, she said she was jealous that I had a good time with a friend. 😮 I have said I see what she's doing.😅I😂😂
Hi Paula Thank you For Sharing This When Texting With The Narcissist I Get Humiliating Insults Belittling.Called Everything But My Birth Name
The Belittling And Insults Have Me In A Corner Crying.For Hours.
Narcissistic Abuse Is Brutal
@EbenOzen-tl9ex
Thank U for Sharing
knock you off equllibrium and you seem odd to people if you are knocked off in chaos
block communications
Most certainly been called the most outlandish outrageous & perverse. Sick 🤢
Just my opinion. Don't stay in an abusive marriage. You've got the rest of your life ahead of you. These demonicaly influenced people don't change.
THANK U BEAUTIFUL LADY
She is a beauty 😍
🙏🌹
This happens almost daily. Sure gets old.
You need to leave.
Living with a narcissist is bad for your health.
If I didn't leave my narcissist family I know I would not be alive today
I've been enduring this abuse for two straight years from a landlord (who was sued and one year later still won't return my large deposit) and property management, health insurance entities as well as all those I've reached out to for help, even my own PCP. My health is declining rapidly and due to situation being as bad as it is right now with price gouging and long waiting lists, it's hopeless and not easy to just get up and go somewhere else.
@@winning3329it's not that easy to just get up and go. I wish someone could tell me the steps of how do we just leave what we worked do hard in without the finances to retire our necessities our life and just get up and go. Who has that kind of credit, finances and nothing that belongs to them but their own self. I have my girls Yorkies, my with equipment, my household belongings. No funds, a repo but a car payment I need to get me to work. If like to know the next step. Cody of living exceeds my pay which is very very good, but not enough to restart s new life far away from any of these narcs.
@@nmHispanamy response exactly. I'm 58, have up everything for this man over 32yrs together leaving on my shoulders the responsibilities yet expected me to work more when he never took out kissed a day of work or let his hours go out felt the exhaustion but returned home after each shift with food on the table. I've cleared out retirement fund countless times to make the meet. He's 73 loving the attention he gets when people ask him his age. That's inspiring that keeps him at work. All the validation. Blowsd up his ego
@@nmHispana A social worker can help you. Go to social services and ask to speak to a social worker. OR your doctor can connect you with one. They can help you apply for low cost housing or even just different housing. They know where to look. ❤ They can also help with food and utilities if you are in need.
One of the arguments I got embroiled in was over the way I cut the onions.
The pattern can give insight into when they are grooming or have new supply (or old supply).
They want a reaction, to create drama , take your energy and make it all about them. Your life becomes an ongoing treadmill of drama created by them . Its exhausting , no contact, best reaction is no reaction. Its a cycle of the same old same old, never ending crap . Move on . Dont throw your pearls to swine.
My totally triangulated me with his ex, even said those things. He was pretty much everything you’ve said here. Unfortunately I knew what he was but still found myself entangled. 😢
Bravo , Paula ❤ The thing I hated the most was the basic reverse childish playground psychology , using INDIRECT comparison or references to undermine you , and when you challenge them they say you are just being being paranoid or insecure ! I mean ,..what kind of ' human ' does that to another , a truly sick one !!! 🙏❤️❤️
Evil is right. No lesser word for it. Thanks for regonising this @Narc Con
My ex and good friend told me that ppl like this have "unjustifiable confidence." 💯
Oh my gosh! You’ve outlined all the things that my ex threw at me, when I confronted him after discovering his infidelity. Somehow, it was all my fault. He even accused me of checking up on what he was buying when I discovered anomalies in our credit card bill, despite the fact that these items were gifts for his lover! He deflected by attacking me!
I've been crying for almost a year now
🌹🌹
That argument happens bc that other supply is wanting to come on over or some other supply wants to leave the house to meet the other supply make a phone call or whatever .
You narrated my life with my ex to the tee. I'm happy I came across this because now I know going no contact with him was the best decision I have ever made. Life is so peaceful without him and thanks we didn't have any kids.❤
Soooo TRUE Paula, this is EXACTLY what he did,.
Thank you .. its been a long road back to me. Im about half way there. You really have helped me. Much appreciation
You'll get there Lisa. It takes time. The tough part is reprogramming ourselves not to fall for the demonic lies ever again. Heal from co-dependancy, abandonment issues, and not loving yourself! ❤😊😊😊😊😊
Sounds like a great place you’re heading 🌹🙏
I have been consistently devaluated and disregulated by a narcisist saga. I wish I had discovered you before.
This channel is the best advice ever in all senses
🙏🌹
The story of my life for the last 4 years of my life with my soon to be ex husband… please pray for me. He’s a nightmare in sheep’s clothing.
He got mad once because we got lost coming home from a trip. This was before GPS. I was laughing because I was having fun not because we were lost but because I didn't think it was a big deal. He ruined the whole trip.
Just so nauseating I’m so glad I’m free
“Not needing anybody” except they need a constant flow of new people to suck life and energy from and recycle and harass.
It's pure evil! I could feel his excitement and maliciousness! I could feel how happy it made him feel when he pulled his last discard! The Bible clearly talks about how evil walks among us! He will never be happy and go through life destroying everything in his path! Enough is enough! We have to educate ourselves and others to protect ourselves! Keep your boundaries tight! I'm thankful God has helped me to escape! This has saved me years of abuse and suffering!
Narcissists I have known cannot stand anyone else's happiness because they want to be the only special person in the room that everyone admires. When we don't "admire" them but are secure within ourselves they hate it. They want to be the only one who has good things going on to be able to boast about themselves. A good example is when I have shared with my daughter something good that was happening to me she would act disinterested and even question whether it was good. Then when she shared her things they were always embellished over the top special. She ignores my life but wants to continually boast about hers. It is an ugly relationship because it is not two people sharing and enjoying one another it is one person dismissing one and the other person feels completely ignored.
They really love to start a good old argument wen they wanna cheat on you 💯wen iwas with the old narc he started up a hold argument with me telling me I probably wasn't at work calling me disrespectful names told me he was.gonna have the police to help him get his belongings..I was in shock not knowing were all this anger was coming from..once I got home at 12 at night the police knocked on my door with him standing there like I was keeping him from getting his things ....all along he wanted to meet up with one of his. Supply....he went through all that just to return a week later..!!! NEVER TAKE THEM BACK 💯 💯 THEY ARE REALLY TWISTED IN THE MIND !!!
If the first time you researched narcissism and heard these truths and acted, the guaranteed affects would be exponentially shortened. Nothing vlogged here will anyone find wrong. The narcs ability to immediately absurdly counter a thoughtful inquiry to them, or at least in my experience, is a direct tell of affliction. They are definitely poised in confrontation stand by mode constantly. Polar opposites that attract until you have truly experienced the entire cycle, which ofcourse is really quick. Then you evolve past those erroneous ways of attraction. Chaos is a necessity. It is a power trip fueling their dopomine and adrenaline addiction. Targets silenced by coercive control. The constant is not giving a damn about anothers well being. Anybodys, anywhere, anytime. They make you sick. Who the hell wants to be sick. Believe it.
Thanks Brad good to see you 🌹
Yes. The ex narc of mine always seems to have a bloated response………
to EVERYTHING I ask or say.
Wild.
@bradmcewen Your mention of the addiction to chaos, dopamine, adrenaline is an important observation in my opinion. These *stimuli* , in addition to fueling a power trip, are needed to distract from and relieve the tension and agitation of inner emptiness. They use their abuse of others to self soothe. One becomes a "tool" for their masturbatory machinations.
@lisbethbird8268 imo...you are absolutely right on point. Excellent comment ! A realization that can only make one overjoyed to have escaped the dichotomy of the cognitive dissonance debacle. Once that is set straight, so much clarity is realized. All of the knowledge of narc commonality is an awakening like no other. While it conjures up graphic unpleasantness, describing them as mental masturbaters is dead on. Not to belabor the image, but I think it extends to physical aspect as well. Gawd knows what's in their brain of misfiring. I believe from everything I've seen, learned from others that all of them have some level of Cluster b multimorbidity. It definitely keeps the person who has really done their homework to be in permanent no contact. Let them find us boring and unfullfilling in supply acquisition. Be well 🤜🤛
Interesting point on always talking about the narcs ex. Mine did that constantly, EVERYDAY. I found out she started texting with a fella by text messaging 3-4 months into relationship. She tried passing it off that she was being set up by her ex with this person that she was having intimate texts. These texts conversations went over 3 weeks. She of course denied she was cheating. I also learned that she was on a dating app for the entire relationship.
My Narc was too lazy and uninterested in me to argue, he just jumped straight to the insults !!!
I can't thank you enough. You have given such great insight to the narcissistic relationship I've suffered through for seven years. The torture both phycological and physical is beyond any words I have to describe. I never thought a human being could be so evil. I have seen the mask drop. I looked into the eyes of someone I once loved and saw pure hate. What I saw frightened me to my very core. Not only was my heart broken. I was a broken man as well. A mere shell of what I once was before the evil spirit entered my life. I'm fully aware now that this was not my fault or anything I did. I did not deserve to be treated this way. By God's grace I deserve so much more. I pray every day and ask God to give me strength and to guide me. To help me with "no contact". Again, I want to thank you for giving us hope. Thank you for your knowledge and insight. Thank you for shedding your LIGHT when we're surrounded by evil darkness, and we can't see our own!!
They know exactly wat their doing !!!
I’m glad I’ve reached the point that I’m actually laughing as you’re going through these lol.
These people are absurd
Those arguments!!!! Jesus christ ... They were just mind bending and shocking. The wing mirror on a car, a pair of jeans cut into shorts, accidently breaking a glass in a shop, giving away some old furniture.....THEN he claimed I was a negative person....I can't tell you how many times his behaviour shocked me
I think one of the things that is very much overlooked is that they are quite paranoid and quite cynical. It's almost as if they think whatever you do is to take advantage of them. Perhaps it's a projection of their own behaviours? I don't know, but I found it impossible to live with someone who was like that.
I believe they fear being exploited- so it goes hand in hand. Also the only suitable ideas are their own, just ask them. They must have the upper hand ✋️
Yes they think everyone thinks the same way they do. That means always looking to take advantage and hurt people. They don't realize that they are delusional. They think they are correct about EVERYTHING. 🤷
My narc totally loves me no matter what I do - I have relationships with her friends and she wants to punish me but loves me even more
I found with all the narcissistic people in my life and there’s a lot of them my mother , my brother, who just died this summer so than my narcissistic Aunt attacked me because I know what she is. My family found out I figured them out according to them ,I think everybody’s a narcissist that’s not true just everybody in my family and my narcissistic husband.Every one of them has said to me at one point “yeah it’s all about me you”it’s their favorite things to say to you because they’re the narcissist they are the ones it’s all about them but they’ll accuse you of being selfish I’m least selfish person I’ve ever met. I was never allowed to be selfish so I think it’s hilarious when they called me selfish but it’s all about that they are . All the years they have known me and they don’t know my faults and I am not perfect. I have quite a few faults and I know what they are so I think it’s really funny when they accuse you of what they are that’s how so self focused they are they don’t even see your real faults they put theirs on you.
It has crossed my mind how funny they are also. They are so convinced of their superiority that it's actually funny. Their actions are predictable in a warped way. Once you know what you're dealing with (an out of control child) who unfortunately knows how to manipulate people, they can no longer get their jollies from hurting you. They are so beneath you it's hilarious that they think they can fool you. They are fake through and through. I don't believe a word out if their mouth and they think I should. Hahahaha.......After lying, stealing, abusing, betraying and then telling you you have a bad character. 😂😂😂 Comical really. So stupid. Who else hurts the people that are trying to love and support them ? Not too bright to say the least. Clownish. 🤷🙃🤪
My brother doesn't know who I am. He has made up this person in his head and thinks it is me. He couldn't be farther from the truth. Sometimes I have to laugh when he tries to interact with the person he has imagined me to be. He is so clueless. And convinced by his own bullshit. He had even managed to convince his stupid wife. It's hilarious. Just wait until she finds out he has not been telling her the truth about the money he's been taking from my mom's bank account. 😂 I've got a lawyer to make him account for every cent. 😂 His wifey will be shocked, his boys will be embarrassed and ashamed of him and he will lose his credibility and reputation in his career. He thought he would get away with it. 😂🤪 What an idiot. He risked it all because he wanted more, more, more because he thinks he deserves it 😂 He did it to himself. Isn't there a saying that goes after pride comes a fall ? Something like that.
its pretty awful when a narc friend is enjoying themselves to make ppl rather suffer than make things work out. The entitlement and feeling of being in power makes it really hard for the narcs to keep their masks on, I have experienced that and did NOPE real hard out of that one when I realized she was using me as negative fuel to make herself feel good
I think that’s the hardest part…
Realizing that 9 years was an illusion of what I thought it was…
98% of it was wicked ….why does that 2% hurt 😢
Hey kiddo, it hurts because you were lied to and betrayed. Just forgive the goofball as he was demon influenced, and go no contact as it was a mirage. It just wasn't real.
Because you’ve a warm and loving heart ❤️
Because you are still emotionally needy and he (sometimes) fulfilled those needs. That is why you have to learn how to fulfill your own emotional needs. It's a skill that can be learned. You should not depend on other people to get your emotional needs met. That leaves you very vulnerable to over attachment to someone who may not be good for you. Learn how to really love yourself so you don't need someone to do it for you. There are books on how to fulfill your own emotional needs. ❤
Very helpful thank you. Was stuck in a toxic relationship for 4 years with a family member. It got so bad, that it only took 10 seconds after entering conversation that my self esteem was being worked on. I now know why, thank you.
He always dismissed anything I said. He would say it was because he was smarter than just believing what he heard. Which is not bad.. but, he wouldn’t ask questions or discuss with me anything I said. He would just dismiss it and stop communication that way. I stopped talking about passions and topics I found interesting, because he made me feel crazy for even entertaining it.
Its the subtle control tactics these people use that still catch me out. Im seeing these subtle minimizing tactics from my therapist. Im starting to get really frustrated and angry with the therapy. And because im in therapy to change my behaviour, i feel in a double bind. Is she really minimizing me or is she helping me? So confusing.😮
Satan is the author of confusion. Thank you for calling it for what it is.
Anyone, new here? Make this channel staple! God used this channel (Paula) to save my life aroubnd 18 months ago.
I am 13 months post discard, working, wrestling, crying to Christ (my greatest treasure) & by His Grace, learning & growing.
Words don't express a fraction of justice and thanks that you are deserving of for "standing in your gift" Paula - to pull back the veil and expose the truth. I continue to pray for your protection and well being!
Thank you for your prayers I value them..so glad to hear of your journey forward stay blessed 🌹
Unbelievable how you can put it in words, the other shocking thing is how this costume evidently fits all their sizes and shapes , I mean you are actually talking about my wife, in great detail, its mind-blowing
All the narcissist who dealing with the women their behavior is the same that is very interesting 🤯🤯
Everything said in this video is exactly right, and I've been subjected to all of it. By the way, domestic violence can be and often is a product of being on the receiving end of narcissistic argumentation games. So, men (especially) need to pay close attention to ways of NOT arguing with them and getting triggered to lash out physically. They'd love nothing more than seeing you on the ground in handcuffs or worse, disgraced for all the world to see, proving for evermore that you are the problem. Maybe the techniques of avoiding an argument with a narcissist are on this channel, but if not here, you’ll find them elsewhere on the Internet/RUclips. My narcissistic adult daughter targeted me with these vile argumentative tactics and was sure to threaten me with abandonment, thus leaving me without an heir. In the last such dustup, she made clear that she never wanted to speak to me again. And I haven't heard from her since, even though I have reached out to her. Three decades of being a good father and this is the thanks I get. But I’m fine since I was already aware of who and what they are. I didn’t argue back. I’ll just go ahead and revise my living trust so the narcissist won’t have to be bothered with it, ever. But my door is always open for her return.
You are strong. I commend you for that.
I'm sorry. As long as we can see it coming, is s great plus, my problem is engaging in my defense. And I hate that he's always had this picture in his head about me. Which is my opposite. He built that thought up just before cheating on me even he was 65, and that's what he told the other church woman. That's what kills me. I gave up my life, work hours, medical insurance cause of unserviced hours I am now trying to gain back. But mostly I ran the house, home kids, now grown and still at home, except for my daughter who escaped both Dad and her mother in law, and as of today phone call is now going through the beginning of her narcissistic marriage. I feel for her. My eldest son is worse then his father. Covert overt, and I'm so glad to hear this kind of support. I'm in deep with my husband. 32 yrs. Finally divorced 7yrs ago but still living together when he cheated after 25yrs, to find out he never divorced his second ex. Now I'm financially dependent and trying to establish life living still with him. My eldest is depending on us due to an injury also in our industry and a second adult son epileptic and on SSI. I want to leave.RUN!! But cannot retire. Too young, won't make it on my own with pets and lots of vital household responsibilities to take care of. Over dated bills, bad credit BECAUSE I'm left with so little to use and pay bills with often getting shut off. What to do. Can't leave my son and girls that depend on me. How do I hold onto the next few years to run. I need to sell this house but it won't get me what I need to establish elsewhere with my credit.
You sweet, sweet man! ❤ Just don't let her back when she smells death to bamboozle you out of the money.
Charity water 💧 or some other organization can use the $ and you'll be helping humanity.
Just smile if she come back, and let her kiss up to you. Tell her everything will be alright as your affairs are in order. Lol 😅
Your words mean a lot to me.
@@aliciaCANDOMy heart aches for you. You too are strong in the face of such adversity. You mentioned church. If only you could find the right anointed person to teach you how to apply the Word to your circumstances. Jesus saves! It’s true!
@@dolittle6781 Calvary chapel of Chino hills. I've been seeing s therapist dealing with my marriage for 15 years in therapy. Never did she mention narcism. I've barely started listening to Kris Reece and learning my self worth. Even pastor had mentioned this just recently as I joined his church. God has really been putting people in my path. I'm making plans. Moving toward s goal. It just erks me to hear people say leave. Just get up and go. Some people are really hurting. Don't see a way out. I pray for them as if for me. Sadly, I need to wait till this house gives me the equity I need to stabilize, sell and run. We have to do what we have to do. God knows and I stay in his word. A moment ago for the 3rd time I had to rewrite my husband at work, or whatever he is to me roommate should I say, he thinks everything is just fine. But I have to play it low and slow. I need time to prepare and pray.
Thank you for your reply. God knows and had as plan for us. This video and Dr Ramani, the first that I came across every heard of this since then had opened my eyes. I'm not crazy. I changed my message to the old fart of an encouraging note while at work. It's not going to do any good wailing my frustrations. We had an argument the other day. And he stayed in the South Bay while I'm at home dealing with the house. But I tell you, it's peaceful when their gone. I just sent him s message that uplifts him and God protects him. So he can't say I've said anything wrong. He calls everyday if he stays in the South Bay to save gas. It's more of s releif to me and my son when the narcs are gone. Lord bless you and your family. Thank you dearly for posting
Because narcissists are the opposite of peace.
Oh yeah the definitley are. They like drama because for them they are the center of attention then. They are easily bored so they create such bullshit ... The best is to step out of that game.
I used to be so BAFFLED how the mood could change so quickly and the diversion of facts when cornered with a question. Ugh. I'm not a stupid person like most of you. HOW they feed on our insecurities!!
Because they are so weak and insecure that this makes them feel better about themselves
Wow. That last sentence hit like a ton of bricks. 😩 Thank you for sharing this
🙏🌹
Thank you for a great video Pola. What we were in with the narcisist was a total illusion. It is really mind bending when you experience it from your siblings and family and the so called friends.
Absolutely!
Like my narc mother always tell me afther helping her that I newer do something for her.
Amazing, I've been through this, but my logical mind has always stuck with me, they actually get more angry, spiteful, even violent.
All you can do is pity a narcissist or anyone who needs to seek out negative or positive fuel and or admiration to feel validation and or that they matter just to boost there fragile egos. Never realizing the only validation they need is from the word of God who keeps you grounded in knowing God has your back to spite rejection and or being forced into isolation. There will come a time when they have burned all there bridgess only to find that they are to old to secure supply to toy with. The external is sure to fade and we all know the internal of the narcisist is shallow empty as well. They are doomed to be alone within the misery that has never left them and will remain in tact. Love your analogy of the narcissist. So spot on..
I'm now the narcissists worst nightmare. The narcissist brought me to Jesus God, teaching learning testing.
Pay attention to this, however someone will also start arguments with you stemming from traumatic events, meaning if you went through a traumatized event and he/she expierenced it from you, they will also start arguments with you (PTSD). This can also cause it and doesn´t mean narcisstic...
I have PTSD and I’d rather not treat people that way… thanks therapy!
@@yokoono3990 The Link Between PTSD, Anger, and Irritability:
PTSD and Relationship Violence
Unfortunately, research has found a connection between PTSD and relationship violence. Research has found that having both depression and PTSD increases the likelihood of relationship aggression.
Types of Anger in PTSD
People often primarily view anger as a negative or harmful emotion. But that's not always the case. It's true that anger can often lead to unhealthy behaviors like substance abuse or impulsive actions.
Triggers can easily set it off and becomes..
Destructive Anger
Involves lashing out spontaneously
Anger is often unmanageable
Creates more problems
Increases stress levels
I can relate more to this now, as my girlfriend expierenced some serious drama because of me and would lash out at me out of the blue, start arguments, very much like the 4 mentioned above AFTER that event happened. I´ve questioned if she was narcisstic as she was caring andloving at the beginning and no it wasn´t love bombing, as I went through that before...
You are giving textbook examples of what I endured from my "born again Christian ex-wife". May she rot in HELL.
They sure do love hiding behind that Christian title and church attendance, because they believe it makes them look like a credible human being, when the truth is that they aren't even wired human.
Ditto from my soon to be ex modern orthodox Jewish husband!
Demons love to hide in churches!!! 😂
Even Jesus spoke of hypocrites in the church (temple).
Thanks Paula. Every word you've said is the TRUTH!
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Sad for all. Especially complete lives ruined. narc unaware and rest of family just as lost. Horror.
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I’ve seen my narc husband rage and suck the energy out of the room … it was literally like a energy exchange , then 5 minutes later come back like he took ( sh ^ t ). And feels better that he dumped on us . 😵💫
Just love all your videos Paula..
You have certainly put me on my journey of healing❤ NO CONTACT is the best way ever X
As usual a very accurate analysis ,paula
I had all of these situations,through my time with the female narc,
What I don't get is why go through all this ,
If someone dosent want to be with someone anymore, just be up front and say so ,end it ,if they hate you so much!
Surely they will get positive/negative supply from the next person,
Their cake and eat it comes to mind,I suppose...
Great video as usual Paula,
Because the cat loves to play and torture the mouse before tearing it to shreds.
That's a great way of putting it...
I keep thinking that they are normal, and think they'd behave the same,
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Thank you so much Paula. This is so accurate and well explained! So helpful and healing 🙏
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Wow you said a mouthful. Currently going through this
Spot on Paula, that all I had to go through without knowing anything about NPD. I knew that something was wrong. Thanks for your videos.
You are so welcome!
I Remember My Narc Ex Wife Saying To Me That I Was Only Half The Man That Her Previous Husband Was. I Was Surprisingly Calm About It. Apart From It Being An Absurd Comment I Was Already Learning About Triangulation Etc
If that was what it thought, then why was or would it want to be there then? Go back to the ex husband and careful not to let the door slam you in the arse on the way out.
I cant believe everything here happened to me on the other side of this planet thanks again for all this knowledge
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whoa !
you nailed it here 👍
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Paula, u have me in tears from laughing. I sure needed to hear ur analogy made humorous about the darts . I can identify with that . Then they get the bulls eye and I lose it and succumb to their level of nonsense. Now I'm in trouble, I have a monster on my hands now cause I spoke up , I should not have fed into his accusatory remarks because it' was simply not true . I went to retaliate mode instead of ignoring him. Smh 🙃😤🙄🧐🤔😳
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I watched this video in some amazement, you are so spot on, I have a super narcissistic adult daughter and have been to hell and back with her this year. The majority of things you have mentioned here I have lived this year with her. I did not know my own daughter until I myself got very sick earlier in year, and looked to her for help, the controls, and manipulations and down putting came out in a shocking weird way. I myself was shocked. And became much sicker because of the tremendous trauma and anxiety and disbelief I went through. I love this daughter. We were close but her whole personality changed. It has done terrible damage to me and only a miracle will fully heal this. I was nearly destroyed. But God. Much prayer later and visit to a parapsychologist who specialises in NPD, to help me cope with this “thing” and I have got better but oh so wary. It’s a terribly sad situation. Broken my heart.
I don’t know how you are so well versed in narcissism controls and patterns, but you are extremely accurate. Thank you. Are you a psychologist yourself or have you learnt this through your own life’s experience?
My heart goes out to anyone suffering from narcissistic abuse it’s a demon from hell.
OMG Paul, I so so so helpful
Thank you 😢
What I really am upset about is the turmoil I still feel inside, part of me really miss him! It’s brutal to think that.
So many memories of moments I guess that we good, never be free if that I guess.
Hang in there. You will be free, it takes time!
Your videos are by far the best I've played. Thank you, they helped tremendously 😊
Great to hear!
Absolutely spot on. When you are in this phase and you will be as an intimate partner and see any of these signs. Do not try and look for compromise. There won’t be any. Just move on you’ll be so glad you did especially if you don’t. Cheers Paula
Wow! That’s it exactly. Speechless. It’s someone I am working with in a business. This is hugely helpful. Thank you x
You are so welcome
Yes
Keep the Peace
do not distress or alarm
for that is criminal
insults to cause
you distress
then the lies or
shunning
follow
to your
alarm
then you are upset and distr acted
they point out
that you have
mental
problems
nasty