In case you need them. 1. Don't feel guilty of who you are 2. Don't rely on others to know how you feel 3. Try journaling (writing things down) 4. You may fit in with more than one group 5. Being alone is good 6. Try not to be alone too much 7. You must learn to say no 8. You're probably clumsy and that's ok 9. Watch out for perfectionism 10. Watch out for procrastination 11. The INFJ door slam is real...and normal 12. Try not to burn bridges 13. Take time for self-care 14. INFJs learn differently than other people 15. Don't be afraid to ask for help 16. Don't over explain 17. Don't help those who don't want it 18. Don't share your opinions with randoms 19. Beware of overthinking 20. Be on the lookout for narcissists 21. Practice self-compassion Thank you The INFJ Circle!
Has taken me till my 70s to learn to say no. The sooner INFJs learn to do this, the better for us. Caring for others is a delight but we must remember ourselves. This is all so accurate, thanks.
My WORST is taking care of everyone - and there's nothing left for me. I'm 67 and still continually destroy my life. I keep thinking I've realized I shouldn't, but I keep doing it. And after listening to the rest of the video - I need to set this up so it can play in a repeating loop so I can play it all night. Sadly - most would think these traits are noble - but I think I'm a stupid jerk. Jerk to myself - not anyone else. BUT I'm thinking that 2024 is my year of transition. Still want to help others - but want to have a little something left for me. Oh yeah - you mentioned over explaining. This was my short version....
Yes! as INFJ's we definitely are prone to take those "noble traits" to unhealthy extremes that actually can destroy us. We are often too conscientious. I'm seeking the healthy balance. This has been quite a year for me. Just now learning these things at almost 60. Praying that 2024 will be a healthier year for both of us. Oh, and I wanted to write several more paragraphs, but I'm trying to work on that "over-explaining" thing too. :)
It's the first time I've heard anyone talk about being clumsy. I get so frustrated sometimes I could just scream. Running into things, dropping things, cutting my fingers when I'm crafting. It's unbelievable!
I had a real problem with this until I decided to look at it differently, I started to laugh at myself when it happens. It sounds silly, but we tend to overthink if we get angry at ourselves as to the why of it all. So I will laugh and walk away, it works.
Great video! Thanks❤❤❤ Heck, I will be 67 this year. I grew up totally in the dark on all this...had to figure out all these things on my own. Stoicism WORKS! I trip over invisible things. Not good at my age...hehehe And most definitely learn to set boundaries early! It will save your sanity...so will not over thinking.. still a perfectionist though...oh well...
Yes, please set boundaries early! INFJ needs to remember to put yourself first. My life would've been so different if I hadn't felt too guilty to do that. Age 72 here.
The door slam!! I haven't done it often and I couldn't do it at all until I spent three years with a really good therapist. It's easier to say no now that I'm older, but it took me years to learn how.
I am a highschooler and i swear when I'm in school i end up in different groups each lunch time it may seem like i fit in but i know i dont belong. Too cool/not smart enough for the nerds and too smart/not as cool enough for the cool kids. Wow it feels nice to finally get this out of my chest and know that u guys can relate❤
I was the same way in high school, but I was also an athlete that was pretty good. I was in Honors/AP classes, so I was viewed as part of the "in" crowd. I was very quiet in school, & that also led people to believe I was unapproachable. I decided to use public opinion to my advantage, & started reaching out to the other kids that I didn't really know or talk to. I never stuck with one group, & I was careful about who I hung out with outside of school (when I had the time to). I'm getting ready to turn 40, & I'm still like that. I've intentionally forced myself into dealing with uncomfortable/unnerving situations/people for so long that I've gotten past some of those hang ups. People think I'm an extrovert, but I really just enjoy finding out new & surprising info about people. We are able to have an enormous impact on the lives of the people we interact with, & there's no greater feeling than getting feedback that your words or actions were exactly what someone needed most in that moment. You are a friend to all, & truly known by few. It's a difficult path to walk at times, but it's also very rewarding to your entire being. Just being equipped with this knowledge & advice on how to navigate the world as an INFJ at such a young age is a blessing to you, & you'll be much better for it. Don't doubt yourself & what you know to be right for you, & don't compromise yourself to make someone else happy (never works, & bites you in the ass every time). Good luck, my friend ❤
@@amezfires9247 wow it's so crazy how i once thought i was just some defective kid. I scourged the internet looking for what was wrong with me but i didn't know what to search for. And where I'm from being a guy means being rash, outgoing and not what i am. Even my friends tease me and say I'm girlish. And believe me i have just a few. This channel has helped me more than you imagine as im currently in my first year university and im going use ALOT of jays advise😁
How I see my clumsiness: I am absent and far far out sometimes. Let's say my partner asks for the knife in the kitchen, I will hand it while already having turned my head to the other side away from him and I even already started moving away BEFORE I really handed the knife, which results in it falling down. I am always already at the next project, in the far future, always ahead, ahead of everyone's reaction. The "doing" bores me, I am a visionary to the core. This is what results in my clumsyness, it is rather that the density of this matrix is not fast enough for my internal software hahahahahaa or I often hit the door frame with my left shoulder, cuz I get up in my room but already see myself sitting in the livingroom, so, the door was kind of too slow to follow my vision lool
Excellent video! As you get older you do become more selective and therefore, more isolated. I hate drama and have had so much in my life with narcissists, one being my mother. At 53, I have become content to being alone forever. Of course, I would love to be in a committed relationship, but it's too late for me and my heart has been shattered countless times. I'm beyond tired. Also, people always think I *missed the point on things because I have a different perception so I just get ignored, especially at work. Oh, and yes, I'm so clumsy! Always have been--hahaha :) Happy New Year and many blessings for 2024!
Everyday thank Him... Psalm 37:4 delight yourself in the LORD He gives you desires of your heart He's always watching... Hebrews 4 13And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account. James 1 5If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
God does NOT like religion... John 2 Jesus Cleanses the Temple 13Now the Passover of the Jews was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. 14And He found in the temple those who sold oxen and sheep and doves, and the money changers doing business. 15When He had made a whip of cords, He drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and the oxen, and poured out the changers’ money and overturned the tables. 16And He said to those who sold doves, “Take these things away! Do not make My Father’s house a house of merchandise!” But He says you must be born again John 3 The New Birth 1There was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews. 2This man came to Jesus by night and said to Him, “Rabbi, we know that You are a teacher come from God; for no one can do these signs that You do unless God is with him.” 3Jesus answered and said to him, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” 4Nicodemus said to Him, “How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother’s womb and be born?” 5Jesus answered, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. 6That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. 7Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’
Romans 10:8-13... 9,10 is all that's needed... 8But what does it say? “The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart” (that is, the word of faith which we preach): 9that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. 10For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. 11For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.” 12For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. 13For “whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.”
Isaiah 45:4-7 4For Jacob My servant’s sake, And Israel My elect, I have even called you by your name; I have named you, though you have not known Me. 5I am the Lord, and there is no other; There is no God besides Me. I will gird you, though you have not known Me, 6That they may know from the rising of the sun to its setting That there is none besides Me. I am the Lord, and there is no other; 7I form the light and create darkness, I make peace and create calamity; I, the Lord, do all these things.’
Door slammed someone I deeply loved (probably a narcissist), I’ll never be happy again. But I’m not miserable anymore. I’ll also never enjoy female companionship again, Now that I know it’s just my turn with her.
Fitting in but not belonging hits harder than I'd like to admit. So many things made sense once I realized that I was an INFJ. I'm so clumsy that I have tripped over shadows on the floor. Absolutely love my "boring" life.
My best takeaways from this: 16. Don't over-explain 19. Beware of overthinking These are the two main things that I have suffered from this past year. I had to learn that over-explaining doesn't work the hard way. I'm grateful that I've got a reminder on that today, and I'll do my best to keep that in mind next year. Also, I've pretty much never stopped overthinking in my whole life. I'll make it one of my main goals to ensure I reduce overthinking as much as possible this next year. All other tips were very helpful too, but these were the ones that really hit home for me.
Agree, over explaining wastes so much energy too. Most people don't know how we tick. Overthinking is harder to crack but past year have managed to do so.Takes a lifetime
Yay! This video is perfect for me, who is a teen INFJ. I have family issues and people around me are not mentally stable or they're often not very happy. I understands that we all lives in a hard life right now, and we all have our problems and demons. But the fact that sometimes I look at other people who is struggling from work, school, daily life is just a harsh truth for me. (And it made me sad too :C) Especially when nowadays, most teenagers and friends around me is just addicted to their phones, and it is making them feeling worse, not making their mental health any better at least. I am also part of them, which is I'm also addicted too, to my phone. Is it where I found people like all the INFJs here, and Jay who made this video, who understands and help me get through my life. I hope that I'll keep on improving and find a way to distract myself from spending time on my phone too much. Thank you Jay for sharing! And wish me the best of luck haha (´▽｀)ノ♪
Jacei _i. Please take heart, all of this personal identification wasn't the norm for my teenage years in the 80s (where 1950s values were still expressed) . I'm so happy for the gen Zoomers in that aspect. (Please accept my sincerest condolences regarding the environment, economy, political landscape- the legacy of your elders). But you Zoomers, when not shackled to the Matrix - are superior in kindness. Might I suggest reading a few books, and watching a few movies to switch the brain to "Critical Thinking Mode". My go-tos are George Orwell Animal Farm, 1984 (Probably more resonant with millennials) sci-fi is great for "what if" questions.... seriously, devote 50% of your online time to books, you won't regret it 😊
@@angeladawn805 Thank you very much for your detailed reply!! It's so heartwarming that someone took time to wrote this. ♡ I admit, it is difficult for me to sit down, and read a book without getting distracted. I think I can read for about 5-10 minutes, and in the end getting bored or getting distracted by something else. Or that I would think, 'that's all for today' and move on. Because I don't wanna push myself to read if I don't like or want to. For me, it's like a task. Which made me feel like it's a task, that I *have* and *need* to finish. It stressed me out if I doesn't get to finish or accomplish what I wanted in the first place. Plus, when sometimes the content is too hard or complicated for me to understand, (for example, something that requires you to think deeply or isn't written straightforwardly.) I found myself spending time on trying to get what's the meaning of the texts, and eventually got overwhelmed, ending up giving up. My phone is the easiest way to kill time + it comforts me + a way (probably only way) of reaching to my real life friends + it understands me the most. And it's there with me when during lonely, hard times. I often spend most time alone, and I don't dare to seek help, just wanna try on my own. Because it would takes time to explain my problem with other people, which make me rather deal it with myself. In this not so good situation, (+ environment?) I still believes in myself, even just for a tiny bit, that I can be a health state someday. It's what keep me moving on now… Thank you *so* *so* much, if someone actually read through to here, I know it is long haha. And I appreciate you for reading my venting comment ♡.
Sup mate! I am a teen INFJ too and yeah I feel you, we may be struggling with all the things around us whether its school, home or your inner-self, but time-to-time we learn how to face these struggles if we try to become our best selves i.e. being confident and believing in yourself. You could try having a cozy time, talking to your parents about normal things, picking up a hobby, do something you like, read a book or inspiring stories about people, and believe that you can reach your ultimate goal in life.
@@Txtholic_MOA0405 Ayy supp! Thank you so much for replying and giving suggestions. ♡ I'm now trying to distract myself with other things like playing chess? And I think I should really try reading… at least for a while, even if I can't focus for long. I'll definitely keep on trying and improving!! *\(^o^)/* Thank you again! And I wish things are going well for you too! If not, it's okay and I believe you'll keep on fighting. Don't worry I'm with you if you're struggling. xD Go INFJs!~ ^^
I feel you so hard when it comes to seeing the problem (addiction) very clearly and also being the problem. It results in some self-hatred if you aren't careful. Also, I have struggles when it comes to reading, and you described it well. Feeling like it's a task and then feeling dumb when you don't comprehend what you've been reading. Books are written by people, and in the same way that people are difficult to process, so can their books be, unless it's that rare one that's different. For me, I really started to "exercise my demons" when I took up painting in my 20s. I learned that I was a visual learner and I could understand the world more easily when took the time to just play with colors and shapes and create "vibes" on canvas and paper that I could relate to or at least see as something I had produced that was outside of myself. I'd love to talk more with you about getting into art if your interested. Its great therapy for us lonely souls.
Thank you for making these videos. It's very nice to have an actual face behind videos like this and not an AI voice like other INFJ channels. Love your content
As an INFJ-T, I identify with all of this though not the clumsiness. I did attract one narcissist and made the mistake of staying in a relationship with her on and off for six years. Each time she clipped my wings more and caged me. Not only did she destroy my very being but tried to kill me before I eventually slammed that door for good.
I’m alone ALL THE TIME! I love it. I occasionally go somewhere just to be alone somewhere else. Spot on for the clumsiness, perfection and procrastination are my Trinity!
Incredibly clumsy, we are at times. Could be due to mulling over existential questions or analysis of the way we answered to a Starbucks worker. But also creative and clairvoyant I would say.
Clumsy hits right on me very obvious. I was always the one that spilled their milk carton in elementary school, and it has not stopped. You are one of the best explainers of INFJ. Thank you!
The ‘door slam”. Wow this describes a tendency of mine over the past 10 years. I’m early 60s. I have slammed doors on several friendships. I can see the pattern. I feel toxicity, games, lack of respect. There is always a trigger, a confrontation of sorts and by then I’m worn through managing my conflicted feelings. Boom. I’m sad about the loss of some ‘friends” but I feel better that I have stood up for my values. I know there are 2 side to every story and as an INFJ I know I’m hard to read for a lot of people. Im working on that too. As I get older I’m more careful about the slam. I try to leave words of compassion and love and let the ‘slamee” (?) know that what I’m doing is based on my need for my space. The popular term is ‘boundaries’…..
11:28 another tip - dont assume itd about you. We are empathetic and can sense somekne elses frustratioon, sometimes it has nothing to do with us. I was out with a friend and i could sende a growing frustration in them, completely nonverbal but i picked up on queues. Later when we were eating he shared that his spouse was supposed to pick him up soon and he hasn't been able to get a hold of him. Thats why he was frustrated. He was frustrated at his hisband, not at me.
I did not learn I was an INFJ until I was almost 50. It's been life changing and has helped me overcome childhood traumas and have better relationships with others. My partner learned that he is an INTP and learning about each others type and how we think and process information and emotions has improved our understanding of each other 100%. Great video.
I love my alone time. That’s why I am so nervous about having kids and that being taken away. Yes I drop my phone and stub my toe too often. Love the helpful tips, thank you!
I absolutely can understand. We decided to not have kids. It’s not because of that reason, but sometimes I think it was better for me because of this too. Having alone time is really difficult when you have children, especially as a mom.
1. Empathy is the vicarious experience of another’s thoughts and emotions. If your friend has a headache you think you need to take an aspirin. Sympathy on the other hand is the realization in thought about how your friend is feeling in which case you will suggest your friend take an aspirin if he has a headache. Those two words have gotten conflated since I was in school and hypocrites will often use empathy without realizing the true meaning of it. Empathy is useless for the sufferer. What sufferers need is true sympathy. 2. Over thinking is not possible. What you describe is obsessive emotional fixation. Emotion directs thinking. You think about what you care about. What one should watch for is emotional dis regulation where unwanted emotions rule your thoughts leading to obsessive fixation. Obsessing is not thinking any more than spinning your wheels in the sand is traveling.
You’re very relatable and personable and your content is on point. I like you. 😊 I’m an INFJ and I’ve heard a lot about our kind. I appreciate your concise suggestions. I agree with everything you said. As you predicted, there were a handful of reminders that really hit me right now. I need to get back into my journaling. I used to journal weekly and it really does help to get my thoughts onto paper. I’ve been neglecting that. As someone who works from home, it’s been heaven to have that introvert solitude. But I know social interaction is encoded into us humans and I need to curb this self imposed hermitting… The narcissist is something I’m currently dealing with, so thank you for that video as well. I think I need to learn more about stoicism. Thank you for your thoughtful content!
Every one of these points is so spot on, it is comforting to hear them articulated. It took me forever to figure out why I attract narcissists. During Covid lock down, I took a long deep dive into narcissism to the point of obsession. I truly wanted to get this lesson so that I could protect myself in the future. So glad I found this channel. Thanks for the video.
Many comments in here are written by INFJs who are more than 50, which made me realize how people took it too late to find about this, so I better giddy up and try focusing on how to utilize my "INFJ Energy" on what and what not to because I am young. Welp thanks to this amazing man Jay, for letting us know about these great life changing facts, May this year will go great for everyone❤
Truly. I don’t know how or why Jay popped up on my feed, but he summed up my entire life (of 70+ years!) in a flash. I’m centering a bit these days, but things shouldnt have had to be so crazy. I was an “aim to please and understand…”narc magnet” for far too many years. And raised by an ESTJ, as well. Though I think my Dad was an INFJ, and I always connected with his “life philosophy” I think. I don’t have lots of years ahead of me now, but I feel validated of late and am so happy for anyone finding Jay’s thought processes earlier than I could. But I have a calmer life these days finally understanding “how the world works”. So…trust yourselves fellow INFJs. The big mouth, bossy people are faking it. Listen to your self. You have your answers you need.
@@SophieBird07 same for me, I had been a narc magnet and a therapist for everyone .... Even A stranger would come and tell me about his/her hardships and I just couldn't help but giving advice to him/ her, eventhough, I am not appreciated by those who know me, or they don't see how I helped them while overcoming their emotional wounds, they just care for those who are just wild card in their life, and gave a little bit of support.... Now cuz of Jay as an INFJ, I am learning to say no, learning to never expect something from someone, and sometimes being rude is good, Thanks for your wishes and I hope you are doing well and fine
Starting to read the Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday and Stephan Hanselman today. I highly recommend it for all INFJs. It has an entry for each day of the year ❤ Thanks so much! Looking forward to more videos 😀
Thank you - I needed to hear this. I wondered my whole life why I felt so different from everyone despite generally getting along with my peers, but failed to truly connect on a deeper level and feel at 'home'. I also have been suffering from procrastination due to perfectionism. It's such a hard habit to kick. The struggle is real even at 35...
You are welcome! Will have videos up in the future about procrastination. Thanks so much for watching and hope the channel will help you become the best INFJ you can be! Jay
On the clumsy thing, I'm not clumsy, but I'm also not athletic. I've always sucked at sports. However, I do like being physical. I like lifting weights. I used to climb mountains. I used to ride my bike 13 miles to work. I've been practicing yoga on and off since I was a teenager. The thing is, everybody else who works half as hard at any of these things as I have, totally leaves me in the dust.
@@INFJcircle Oh it's real alright!! I've learned to accept it, but sometimes, I still get aggravated when, out of no fault of my own, my Hoodie Pocket grabs a Drawer Handle in the Kitchen when I'm walking by, with a Plate in my hand and jerks me around! All I say to myself is, yes this is so me!!!😅😅
The only thing that's improved my natural clumsiness is 'Mindful Meditation'. If I focus on my movements, keep my mind on my task, then I knock over thigs MUCH less! Lol.
I'm 74 and had to learn all of this advice on my own because these videos were not on the internet when I was 20. Reading other people's emotions - I even knew my son's recently even though he was miles away in another city. A voice inside compelled me to call him and I learned he had been witnessing his 20-year-old cat's dying moments. He was very upset. The advice to avoid Narcissists - my son's father qualifies as one. Fortunately I did not marry him because I saw while I was pregnant his true personality. I've always been very independent so raising my son by myself was difficult but manageable. Clumsy - show me a group of people who are not clumsy and maybe I'll agree. I fell backwards down 7 wood steps recently and didn't break anything - thank God. I tripped over a dictionary on the floor while writing a book and broke my arm - could happen to anybody. Mama says "Look for and pick up the trip hazards before they cause you harm!"
This is on point. I usually find I'm only clumsy because I'm in my head either contemplating or over thinking. Thanks for the tip on the extroverted feelings...I need to work on this. I have been Journaling lately and it helps so it was cool to understand why.
Okay so here is my personal theory about the clumsiness: us INFJS struggle to stay in the present because we are so stuck in the world in our heads. A lot of the time I feel completely detached from reality like I am a ghost walking around. I use to have weird detaching thoughts as a kid like “ I am just my eyes” or reality is just what my eyes see or make me see. So like I detached myself early ( Plus early childhood issues made me learn that) and because of that I don't have as much physical self awareness as I should. That's just my theory
I agree, I had a traumatic childhood and survived in my mind. Spatial awareness - I am graceful and elegant when I'm present in my body but I'm a complete putz when I'm in my head..... it's like something shuts off lol. I guess it's not funny but I try to keep it humorous. I'm also an adrenaline junkie so I often get seriously hurt.... yep sucks sometimes.
Exactly unstable emotional life.... setting boundaries very hard... procrastination the worst... to much time alone... to many narcissists around. Burn bridges deleted contacts... smh
I think about 19 of these are 100% bang on for me and things I needed to hear. Thank you so much... It feels so good to find a place where I finally feel understood. Learning about my INFJ personality has helped me make so much sense out of the world around me. This channel has helped me learn and grow so much! A mature and confident INFJ is unstoppable! Thank you for your content and I will keep watching every thing you put out in 2024 to keep me going on my journey of self discovery and understanding. Thank you for using your skills, talents and abilities to make the world a better place for all us INFJs!
Wow, thank you so much. I’m glad the channel is helping you. One thing to remember is we all are slightly different even as INFJs - but the tendencies are very similar among us. I have a lot of things planned for 2024. Thanks for watching! Jay
That really nailed down some things I’ve experienced. The fitting in but not belonging is a concept I’ve been attempting to describe for a long time-thank you. And when you said INFJ’s are clumsy I laughed out loud. I’m so clumsy I’ve got the bruises to prove it. Which is odd because yoga comes naturally for me and as a child being a ballet dancer was easy for me.
Fantastic video, you really nailed it! I thing the clumsiness you talk about, which I get only sometimes, is when we feel that we're being watched. When I'm alone or unconcerned about what others are thinking I don't seem to have the dropsies as much as when someone is watching me work or do something.
This is a extremely rare occasion where I feel completely understood and represented. Of course I relate to everything you said but wanted to say thanks for saying « many other personality types are not as good as helping as INFJ »… I’ve been trying to explain to others how much unhelpful help I’ve gotten in my life and why I’ve stopped asking for it. Most people don’t get it, but as the rarest personality type who is constantly misunderstood, getting true ‘helpful’ help is rare occurrence and so meaningful when you get it. So thanks for touching on that.
Fitting in but not belonging: whoa this explains why even though I'm introverted, I manage to happily be part of many diverse friend groups throughout stages of my life-- and yet not connect too deeply with any because I'm different. The one group I feel most connection and are always in my thoughts and for whom I truly feel love and caring... are a pair of married couples about my age whom I see only once a year! And yet I consider them my lifelong friends! 😅
It was been a tough year for myself who declared as INFJ back 2023. I found the issue of myself who struggled in life was due to self-limitations defined by other ( etc, walked in to relationship or parents expectation restricted your self decision process). I would say the best way for INFJ to succeed in life is to trust your intuition while considered life path you have been succeed in the past! INFJ is a gift of our world, who balanced so well in combined fulfill heritage while take risk to experiment different opportunities in life. I see INFJ life is to discover the true meaning of living! “Life is exciting journey” defines INFJ!
You were SPOT ON when you said watching INFJ videos (this is happening for me big time watching you!) is like bathing in our own energy. This is AMAZING! Thank you so much!! 🫶🏽🌟🫶🏽🌟🫶🏽 -🌹
All helpful onscreen quotes: 1. Done is better than perfect. (Sheryl Sandberg) 2. Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. (General George Patton) 3. Before you heal someone, ask him if he's willing to give up the things that make him sick. (Hippocrates) 4. Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems. (Epictetus) Signs of a Narcissist: - Lack empathy - Insensitive to others - Never admit they are wrong - Act entitled - Lack of guilt over bad behavior 🙏🏾
Officially apart of the circle. Done not perfect. Thank you man. Felt crazy till I did the MBTI test and realized I was an INFJ-T. Finally felt like I wasn’t an alien. Bless
Wow. Drop things, bump in to things. I break a lot of drinking glasses. I clean up broken glass, often. I’d prefer being deep in thought, and not -paying attention to the little everyday things.
55 and still infj, it's true about clumsy, kitchen attacks every time. Can't multitask at all, spend all day on theory and concepts and proven all true all this point. Now prophetic.
I’d be very interested in knowing if INFJs like me also have many autistic traits as well. It seems there is quite an overlap with many characteristics, and it is not popularly mentioned.
...one of my favorite listed tips, #7: "learn to say no" ....always remember that: "No" is always a boundary "No" can be a one-word sentence. "No" doesn't need further explanation "No" is always a positive (because you are saying "YES" to yourself)
One more idea… the door slam. What I’ve learned is to wish “those” people well but at a distance. Sometimes a long distance. Also, I’m from the south. Just noting on your accent. Or a southern would say “ Bless their little hearts” but at a distance.
definitely how the door slam goes best for me, no announcements, dramas, letters,... still friendly if crossing paths (smile and wave) but no time for sit down, phone calls, emails,...
i wonder if it's normal that listening to your advice actually makes me cry... ? Thank you so much for making these videos. They really help. I door slammed a "good friend" of mine, for the first time this year, I'm fitting in somewhere where i don't feel like I belong, so I decided I start my New year by taking my January off from that place. self care is super high on my list as well...
When you say yes to things some people will literally pile more on you until you break. It's about proper boundaries, but this is difficult for us. Sorry this happened to you (I've been there). Jay
I am a massive overthinker but I am getting better. Also very clumsy 😭 I relate a lot. I think it has to do with being in our thoughts so much (even without realizing it) that we forget about sertain movements (not fully being present in our body sometimes).
I don’t think I’m clumsy tbh. I am an over thinker though! It’s really tough trying to quiet my mind sometimes. I can fit in but I never feel like I belong..it’s good to know I’m not alone thank you ❤
I've been struggling so much lately, that I was starting to become convinced that I'm autistic. While I suppose it's still possible that I could be very mildly autistic, I think that most of my problems are coming from the difficulties that INFjs have fitting into the world.. this channel has been very comforting for me, thank you
I could listen to you all day! You have such a Soothing Voice! I am very good at Door Slamming! I am a very Compassionate individual, but if you Abuse me in any form, I don't care if you are Family....I will Slam that Door so hard, you won't know what hit you! I am exhausted from ALL the Mental, Emotional, Spiritual Abuse. I am EMBRACING my Quiet time to Rediscover myself and Pour into my glass now! Enough is Enough! Thanks for the video! It is very helpful! 🙌
Lol.... over-thinking - that tenacious spectre is your constant companion..... there's gotta be a way to turn it into a superpower...but after half a century, I'm lost for ideas....lots of ghosts though!!!! Maybe it's to make us not fear our mortal demise...we'll welcome death's sweet release😂
I am gobsmacked. I have seen many shrinks over my lifetime and none ever came up with this diagnosis which is perfectly me! All these years thinking I was “weird” and I am just me and INFJ through and through. I really am glad I stumbled onto your podcast while researching. I am going to watch all your videos now. Thanks.
I've tried journalling and to be honest it is one of the most life-changing things I have tried as an INFJ. And by journalling I mean writing out the most raw, unfiltered and straight out of your mind thoughts that you have, and if you can make sense of it, try to but it does not matter if you cannot make sense of it. Sometimes your feelings are a results of thousands, millions of life events that you have observed through out your life and especially the traumatic experiences that could have made you feel that way, and it is okay. Acknowledge your feelings as it is and accept what you are feeling.
My advise for door slaming - you don't have to declare publicly that you are slaming the door, you can even close it slowly and queitly with a cold shoulder - maybe in the future you see things differently, the person have changed, or you just need that specific connection once again for your goals
I'm clumsy as hell 😂and avoid knives as much as possible. Also, as a Grief Coach, I've learned the hard way that most people don't want to heal (and I don't really understand why not...). Anyway, I help a person as much as they let me and then remind myself to keep my hands off.
Soooo clumsy as an INFJ 😂! Mostly when my mind gets distracted and I do not focus on what I do. I also just do practical things in the most difficult way sometimes! 🙈 Learning to drive was a nightmare!! At the same time I am good at playing the piano though 🤷♀️ Thanks for the wonderful video! Going to re-watch in the year to keep following these amazing tips. Happy new year 🎉
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 I see patterns in EVERYTHING! I didn’t realize that was an INFJ trait, but I now realize no one else does this!🤣 Like I can easily look ahead, at different possible outcomes and choose the one I want because I can see the many different patterns each scenario would create.
So good! I’m not necessarily clumsy, but I’ll pay more attention to the tendency. Yes on the alone time to recharge!👍🏽💯 When I door slam, it’s the other person or persons that seem to burn the bridge by not speaking to me anymore at all. (I didn’t cut you off, I was just done 😂). Good to hear that self care, healing and empathy are our jam. I’m a health and transformation coach! 🎯🎯🧡 Thanks for the review
Wow, I am clumsy. I never knew that that was actually part of being an INFJ. There’s not a day that doesn’t pass by where I didn’t walk into a desk and get bruised or slam a drawer on my finger or some thing of that nature. Glad to hear I’m not the only one😂
Thanks to your videos, I have now finally discovered that I'm an INFJ after years of wondering. It's the triggered rage mixed with clumsiness that has cinched it for me. Me at Age 5: an older boy insults my sister so I begin to chase him down to--I'm not sure--beat him up?--when I fail to notice an open window which I immediately smack into and land on the pavement, fracturing my skull. I've blamed that incident for my clumsiness all these years--now I know that my INFJ caused that whole situation in the first place! 😂💡
I'm an INFJ-A 9W1, life path 7, destiny #11/expression #2, cusp of oscillation(cancer💦/Leo🔥) rising Sagittarius. Keep up the good work Jay. I'm definitely feeling the love. Being a life path 7, I do have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and answers to existential questions. You're a big blessing in my research.🤙🤙
Fitting in, but not belonging .... spot on! Great vid. I wish I had know I am an INFJ when I was young ..... I would not have felt like I was stupid in school. I would not have felt like an outcast in college because I loved to stay in the dorm, and knit, rather than go out. I would have picked a better first career (hospital laboratory medicine) - too much interaction, too many conflicting demands, too much perfectionism. Nearly drove me insane. Teaching (elementary), much better fit. Knowing I am an INFJ is helping me figure out my life, as a retired teacher (friends and family want me to travel, join social groups, "get in the swing of things", and I just want to grow a garden, knit, and work out at the gym (by myself) .... thank you, thank you. I needed the permission you grant, to be me.
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
Fitting in but not belonging is such a good way to put it. I have always felt that the only place I really ever feel I belong is in nature.
I too feel at home in nature
I totally agree ❤
we need to make an INFJ nature meetup hahahaha I feel like it could be amazing@@vivien681
Totally agree it is so weird
Same! And I try to communicate and express this through my videos.
In case you need them.
1. Don't feel guilty of who you are
2. Don't rely on others to know how you feel
3. Try journaling (writing things down)
4. You may fit in with more than one group
5. Being alone is good
6. Try not to be alone too much
7. You must learn to say no
8. You're probably clumsy and that's ok
9. Watch out for perfectionism
10. Watch out for procrastination
11. The INFJ door slam is real...and normal
12. Try not to burn bridges
13. Take time for self-care
14. INFJs learn differently than other people
15. Don't be afraid to ask for help
16. Don't over explain
17. Don't help those who don't want it
18. Don't share your opinions with randoms
19. Beware of overthinking
20. Be on the lookout for narcissists
21. Practice self-compassion
Thank you The INFJ Circle!
Thank you for the list!
thanks for sharing this..
Many thanks, our INFJ hero
Thankyou for the list ❤
Love it. Thank you.
Has taken me till my 70s to learn to say no. The sooner INFJs learn to do this, the better for us. Caring for others is a delight but we must remember ourselves. This is all so accurate, thanks.
Perfectionism hides the facts so late... I was 55. But I need both hips replaced so I had to let perfectionism go...
62 and still working on it.
Took me until my 60s, your not alone. We didn’t have access to all the information the internet provides in the past. Better late than never.
59 and still struggling
@@damothepianist keep your chin up! Too bad we didn’t have a chat hang out.
"Fitting in, yet not belonging." -- Could not have been stated any better. Thank you for your hard efforts crafting this channel.
Think we all feel like this as we are chameleons but never feel, wherever we are, that we are with others who understand us.
In the world but not of it...instead of not fitting in I learned I can fit in anywhere
Dang. That hit pretty hard. 51 yrs old.
Still don't fit in. 🥸
The only worst thing than being married to a narcissist is trying to divorce one. They are awful and can be very dangerous.
Absolutely! 💯💯💯💯💯
My WORST is taking care of everyone - and there's nothing left for me. I'm 67 and still continually destroy my life. I keep thinking I've realized I shouldn't, but I keep doing it.
And after listening to the rest of the video - I need to set this up so it can play in a repeating loop so I can play it all night. Sadly - most would think these traits are noble - but I think I'm a stupid jerk. Jerk to myself - not anyone else. BUT I'm thinking that 2024 is my year of transition. Still want to help others - but want to have a little something left for me. Oh yeah - you mentioned over explaining. This was my short version....
Same!
Good to know it's not JUST ME! But at least you seem to have the part about not "over explaining" in control ! ! !@@SimoneWhippArtist
@@boblossie3192 I'm learning! 😄
Yes! as INFJ's we definitely are prone to take those "noble traits" to unhealthy extremes that actually can destroy us. We are often too conscientious. I'm seeking the healthy balance. This has been quite a year for me. Just now learning these things at almost 60. Praying that 2024 will be a healthier year for both of us. Oh, and I wanted to write several more paragraphs, but I'm trying to work on that "over-explaining" thing too. :)
@@92pianokeys40 😊
It's the first time I've heard anyone talk about being clumsy. I get so frustrated sometimes I could just scream. Running into things, dropping things, cutting my fingers when I'm crafting. It's unbelievable!
I've actually broken bones twice due to my clumsiness. I even bite my lip painfully when chewing food!
Yeah first time calling out the clumsy! I think it's because we are often so detached from the present moment?
I had a real problem with this until I decided to look at it differently, I started to laugh at myself when it happens. It sounds silly, but we tend to overthink if we get angry at ourselves as to the why of it all. So I will laugh and walk away, it works.
Yup, off and on since I was a kid.
Great video! Thanks❤❤❤
Heck, I will be 67 this year. I grew up totally in the dark on all this...had to figure out all these things on my own.
Stoicism WORKS!
I trip over invisible things. Not good at my age...hehehe
And most definitely learn to set boundaries early! It will save your sanity...so will not over thinking.. still a perfectionist though...oh well...
Yes, please set boundaries early! INFJ needs to remember to put yourself first. My life would've been so different if I hadn't felt too guilty to do that. Age 72 here.
Please do thrive in '24, young one! And perhaps start donning hockey pads daily 😉.
Sincerely yours,
Fellow utter klutz
@@meagiesmuse2334I hope that you are highly successful at defenestrating loitering, unwarranted guilt during your next quarter century.
67 here as well. Ya, clumsiness is a 'thing' chuckles.
The door slam!! I haven't done it often and I couldn't do it at all until I spent three years with a really good therapist. It's easier to say no now that I'm older, but it took me years to learn how.
I am a highschooler and i swear when I'm in school i end up in different groups each lunch time it may seem like i fit in but i know i dont belong. Too cool/not smart enough for the nerds and too smart/not as cool enough for the cool kids. Wow it feels nice to finally get this out of my chest and know that u guys can relate❤
I was the same way in high school, but I was also an athlete that was pretty good. I was in Honors/AP classes, so I was viewed as part of the "in" crowd. I was very quiet in school, & that also led people to believe I was unapproachable. I decided to use public opinion to my advantage, & started reaching out to the other kids that I didn't really know or talk to. I never stuck with one group, & I was careful about who I hung out with outside of school (when I had the time to). I'm getting ready to turn 40, & I'm still like that. I've intentionally forced myself into dealing with uncomfortable/unnerving situations/people for so long that I've gotten past some of those hang ups. People think I'm an extrovert, but I really just enjoy finding out new & surprising info about people. We are able to have an enormous impact on the lives of the people we interact with, & there's no greater feeling than getting feedback that your words or actions were exactly what someone needed most in that moment. You are a friend to all, & truly known by few. It's a difficult path to walk at times, but it's also very rewarding to your entire being. Just being equipped with this knowledge & advice on how to navigate the world as an INFJ at such a young age is a blessing to you, & you'll be much better for it. Don't doubt yourself & what you know to be right for you, & don't compromise yourself to make someone else happy (never works, & bites you in the ass every time). Good luck, my friend ❤
@@amezfires9247 wow it's so crazy how i once thought i was just some defective kid. I scourged the internet looking for what was wrong with me but i didn't know what to search for. And where I'm from being a guy means being rash, outgoing and not what i am. Even my friends tease me and say I'm girlish. And believe me i have just a few. This channel has helped me more than you imagine as im currently in my first year university and im going use ALOT of jays advise😁
As a fellow INFJ, you're freaking awesome, dude. Scarily accurate !! We are secret super heroes. Excellent work.
Yes. We are. ;) Thank you my friend!
Jay
How I see my clumsiness: I am absent and far far out sometimes. Let's say my partner asks for the knife in the kitchen, I will hand it while already having turned my head to the other side away from him and I even already started moving away BEFORE I really handed the knife, which results in it falling down. I am always already at the next project, in the far future, always ahead, ahead of everyone's reaction. The "doing" bores me, I am a visionary to the core. This is what results in my clumsyness, it is rather that the density of this matrix is not fast enough for my internal software hahahahahaa or I often hit the door frame with my left shoulder, cuz I get up in my room but already see myself sitting in the livingroom, so, the door was kind of too slow to follow my vision lool
Yes, I relate to this. We are future oriented (far more productive than past oriented) but causes us to run into these kind of issues.
Jay
This is me! WOW!
In other words when you've had enough, what you say are right on the dot. Thumbs up
Thank you!
Jay
Excellent video! As you get older you do become more selective and therefore, more isolated. I hate drama and have had so much in my life with narcissists, one being my mother. At 53, I have become content to being alone forever. Of course, I would love to be in a committed relationship, but it's too late for me and my heart has been shattered countless times. I'm beyond tired. Also, people always think I *missed the point on things because I have a different perception so I just get ignored, especially at work. Oh, and yes, I'm so clumsy! Always have been--hahaha :) Happy New Year and many blessings for 2024!
Everyday thank Him...
Psalm 37:4 delight yourself in the LORD He gives you desires of your heart
He's always watching...
Hebrews 4 13And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.
James 1 5If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
Lol... that's alot of yous... 😅
God does NOT like religion... John 2 Jesus Cleanses the Temple
13Now the Passover of the Jews was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. 14And He found in the temple those who sold oxen and sheep and doves, and the money changers doing business. 15When He had made a whip of cords, He drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and the oxen, and poured out the changers’ money and overturned the tables. 16And He said to those who sold doves, “Take these things away! Do not make My Father’s house a house of merchandise!”
But He says you must be born again John 3 The New Birth
1There was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews. 2This man came to Jesus by night and said to Him, “Rabbi, we know that You are a teacher come from God; for no one can do these signs that You do unless God is with him.”
3Jesus answered and said to him, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.”
4Nicodemus said to Him, “How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother’s womb and be born?”
5Jesus answered, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. 6That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. 7Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’
Romans 10:8-13...
9,10 is all that's needed...
8But what does it say? “The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart” (that is, the word of faith which we preach): 9that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. 10For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. 11For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.” 12For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. 13For “whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.”
Isaiah 45:4-7 4For Jacob My servant’s sake,
And Israel My elect,
I have even called you by your name;
I have named you, though you have not known Me.
5I am the Lord, and there is no other;
There is no God besides Me.
I will gird you, though you have not known Me,
6That they may know from the rising of the sun to its setting
That there is none besides Me.
I am the Lord, and there is no other;
7I form the light and create darkness,
I make peace and create calamity;
I, the Lord, do all these things.’
Door slammed someone I deeply loved (probably a narcissist), I’ll never be happy again. But I’m not miserable anymore.
I’ll also never enjoy female companionship again, Now that I know it’s just my turn with her.
We're clumsy bc we're intuitives, not sensors. We're more in our head and less in our body, so we don't notice things sometimes 😆😆.
Fitting in but not belonging hits harder than I'd like to admit. So many things made sense once I realized that I was an INFJ. I'm so clumsy that I have tripped over shadows on the floor. Absolutely love my "boring" life.
My best takeaways from this:
16. Don't over-explain
19. Beware of overthinking
These are the two main things that I have suffered from this past year. I had to learn that over-explaining doesn't work the hard way. I'm grateful that I've got a reminder on that today, and I'll do my best to keep that in mind next year. Also, I've pretty much never stopped overthinking in my whole life. I'll make it one of my main goals to ensure I reduce overthinking as much as possible this next year.
All other tips were very helpful too, but these were the ones that really hit home for me.
Two great ones that INFJs know well. It’s a great time of year to take inventory on what we can work on in 2024!
Jay
Agree, over explaining wastes so much energy too. Most people don't know how we tick. Overthinking is harder to crack but past year have managed to do so.Takes a lifetime
Feeling belonged, brings out expectations from the ones you belong to.
"I like him already!" I laughed out loud and found this so endearing 😊
Thank you - lol.
Jay
Yay! This video is perfect for me, who is a teen INFJ.
I have family issues and people around me are not mentally stable or they're often not very happy.
I understands that we all lives in a hard life right now, and we all have our problems and demons.
But the fact that sometimes I look at other people who is struggling from work, school, daily life is just a harsh truth for me. (And it made me sad too :C)
Especially when nowadays, most teenagers and friends around me is just addicted to their phones, and it is making them feeling worse, not making their mental health any better at least.
I am also part of them, which is I'm also addicted too, to my phone. Is it where I found people like all the INFJs here, and Jay who made this video, who understands and help me get through my life.
I hope that I'll keep on improving and find a way to distract myself from spending time on my phone too much.
Thank you Jay for sharing! And wish me the best of luck haha (´▽｀)ノ♪
Jacei _i. Please take heart, all of this personal identification wasn't the norm for my teenage years in the 80s (where 1950s values were still expressed) . I'm so happy for the gen Zoomers in that aspect. (Please accept my sincerest condolences regarding the environment, economy, political landscape- the legacy of your elders). But you Zoomers, when not shackled to the Matrix - are superior in kindness. Might I suggest reading a few books, and watching a few movies to switch the brain to "Critical Thinking Mode". My go-tos are George Orwell Animal Farm, 1984 (Probably more resonant with millennials) sci-fi is great for "what if" questions.... seriously, devote 50% of your online time to books, you won't regret it 😊
@@angeladawn805 Thank you very much for your detailed reply!! It's so heartwarming that someone took time to wrote this. ♡
I admit, it is difficult for me to sit down, and read a book without getting distracted. I think I can read for about 5-10 minutes, and in the end getting bored or getting distracted by something else.
Or that I would think, 'that's all for today' and move on. Because I don't wanna push myself to read if I don't like or want to.
For me, it's like a task. Which made me feel like it's a task, that I *have* and *need* to finish. It stressed me out if I doesn't get to finish or accomplish what I wanted in the first place.
Plus, when sometimes the content is too hard or complicated for me to understand, (for example, something that requires you to think deeply or isn't written straightforwardly.) I found myself spending time on trying to get what's the meaning of the texts, and eventually got overwhelmed, ending up giving up.
My phone is the easiest way to kill time + it comforts me + a way (probably only way) of reaching to my real life friends + it understands me the most.
And it's there with me when during lonely, hard times.
I often spend most time alone, and I don't dare to seek help, just wanna try on my own. Because it would takes time to explain my problem with other people, which make me rather deal it with myself.
In this not so good situation, (+ environment?) I still believes in myself, even just for a tiny bit, that I can be a health state someday. It's what keep me moving on now…
Thank you *so* *so* much, if someone actually read through to here, I know it is long haha. And I appreciate you for reading my venting comment ♡.
Sup mate! I am a teen INFJ too and yeah I feel you, we may be struggling with all the things around us whether its school, home or your inner-self, but time-to-time we learn how to face these struggles if we try to become our best selves i.e. being confident and believing in yourself. You could try having a cozy time, talking to your parents about normal things, picking up a hobby, do something you like, read a book or inspiring stories about people, and believe that you can reach your ultimate goal in life.
@@Txtholic_MOA0405 Ayy supp! Thank you so much for replying and giving suggestions. ♡
I'm now trying to distract myself with other things like playing chess? And I think I should really try reading… at least for a while, even if I can't focus for long.
I'll definitely keep on trying and improving!! *\(^o^)/*
Thank you again! And I wish things are going well for you too! If not, it's okay and I believe you'll keep on fighting. Don't worry I'm with you if you're struggling. xD Go INFJs!~ ^^
I feel you so hard when it comes to seeing the problem (addiction) very clearly and also being the problem. It results in some self-hatred if you aren't careful. Also, I have struggles when it comes to reading, and you described it well. Feeling like it's a task and then feeling dumb when you don't comprehend what you've been reading. Books are written by people, and in the same way that people are difficult to process, so can their books be, unless it's that rare one that's different.
For me, I really started to "exercise my demons" when I took up painting in my 20s. I learned that I was a visual learner and I could understand the world more easily when took the time to just play with colors and shapes and create "vibes" on canvas and paper that I could relate to or at least see as something I had produced that was outside of myself. I'd love to talk more with you about getting into art if your interested. Its great therapy for us lonely souls.
Thank you for making these videos. It's very nice to have an actual face behind videos like this and not an AI voice like other INFJ channels. Love your content
As an INFJ-T, I identify with all of this though not the clumsiness.
I did attract one narcissist and made the mistake of staying in a relationship with her on and off for six years. Each time she clipped my wings more and caged me. Not only did she destroy my very being but tried to kill me before I eventually slammed that door for good.
A relationship with a narcissist can get really, really bad. Glad you came out of it.
Jay
I’m alone ALL THE TIME! I love it. I occasionally go somewhere just to be alone somewhere else.
Spot on for the clumsiness, perfection and procrastination are my Trinity!
Incredibly clumsy, we are at times.
Could be due to mulling over existential questions or analysis of the way we answered to a Starbucks worker.
But also creative and clairvoyant I would say.
Boundaries are important.
Clumsy hits right on me very obvious. I was always the one that spilled their milk carton in elementary school, and it has not stopped. You are one of the best explainers of INFJ. Thank you!
I feel your pain! 😆 Thank you so much!
Jay
The ‘door slam”. Wow this describes a tendency of mine over the past 10 years. I’m early 60s. I have slammed doors on several friendships. I can see the pattern. I feel toxicity, games, lack of respect. There is always a trigger, a confrontation of sorts and by then I’m worn through managing my conflicted feelings. Boom. I’m sad about the loss of some ‘friends” but I feel better that I have stood up for my values. I know there are 2 side to every story and as an INFJ I know I’m hard to read for a lot of people. Im working on that too. As I get older I’m more careful about the slam. I try to leave words of compassion and love and let the ‘slamee” (?) know that what I’m doing is based on my need for my space. The popular term is ‘boundaries’…..
11:28 another tip - dont assume itd about you. We are empathetic and can sense somekne elses frustratioon, sometimes it has nothing to do with us.
I was out with a friend and i could sende a growing frustration in them, completely nonverbal but i picked up on queues.
Later when we were eating he shared that his spouse was supposed to pick him up soon and he hasn't been able to get a hold of him.
Thats why he was frustrated. He was frustrated at his hisband, not at me.
I am not clumsy BUT I’m easily startled because I’m deep in thought!
I did not learn I was an INFJ until I was almost 50. It's been life changing and has helped me overcome childhood traumas and have better relationships with others. My partner learned that he is an INTP and learning about each others type and how we think and process information and emotions has improved our understanding of each other 100%. Great video.
I love my alone time. That’s why I am so nervous about having kids and that being taken away. Yes I drop my phone and stub my toe too often. Love the helpful tips, thank you!
I absolutely can understand. We decided to not have kids. It’s not because of that reason, but sometimes I think it was better for me because of this too. Having alone time is really difficult when you have children, especially as a mom.
It’s so great to have you back. Thank you for another encouraging video. 💜
Happy to be back, and you are very welcome!
Jay
Thank you for this I am what i am . And I like it.
1. Empathy is the vicarious experience of another’s thoughts and emotions. If your friend has a headache you think you need to take an aspirin. Sympathy on the other hand is the realization in thought about how your friend is feeling in which case you will suggest your friend take an aspirin if he has a headache. Those two words have gotten conflated since I was in school and hypocrites will often use empathy without realizing the true meaning of it. Empathy is useless for the sufferer. What sufferers need is true sympathy. 2. Over thinking is not possible. What you describe is obsessive emotional fixation. Emotion directs thinking. You think about what you care about. What one should watch for is emotional dis regulation where unwanted emotions rule your thoughts leading to obsessive fixation. Obsessing is not thinking any more than spinning your wheels in the sand is traveling.
You’re very relatable and personable and your content is on point. I like you. 😊 I’m an INFJ and I’ve heard a lot about our kind. I appreciate your concise suggestions.
I agree with everything you said. As you predicted, there were a handful of reminders that really hit me right now. I need to get back into my journaling. I used to journal weekly and it really does help to get my thoughts onto paper. I’ve been neglecting that.
As someone who works from home, it’s been heaven to have that introvert solitude. But I know social interaction is encoded into us humans and I need to curb this self imposed hermitting…
The narcissist is something I’m currently dealing with, so thank you for that video as well. I think I need to learn more about stoicism.
Thank you for your thoughtful content!
Thank you so much! I’m glad you’re enjoying the videos and that they are helping you. It’s certainly great to work from home as an INFJ!
Jay
This video made me feel so less bad about myself. Now many things make sense. Thank you!
I was feeling hopeless. All these 21 tips are exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.
You are so welcome and you are not alone. Glad the video helped you at this time.🙏
Jay
Every one of these points is so spot on, it is comforting to hear them articulated. It took me forever to figure out why I attract narcissists. During Covid lock down, I took a long deep dive into narcissism to the point of obsession. I truly wanted to get this lesson so that I could protect myself in the future. So glad I found this channel. Thanks for the video.
Glad you enjoyed the video! Yes, the narcissist is one of our worst enemies. Great to know the details of them to protect yourself.
Jay
Many comments in here are written by INFJs who are more than 50, which made me realize how people took it too late to find about this, so I better giddy up and try focusing on how to utilize my "INFJ Energy" on what and what not to because I am young. Welp thanks to this amazing man Jay, for letting us know about these great life changing facts, May this year will go great for everyone❤
Truly. I don’t know how or why Jay popped up on my feed, but he summed up my entire life (of 70+ years!) in a flash. I’m centering a bit these days, but things shouldnt have had to be so crazy. I was an “aim to please and understand…”narc magnet” for far too many years. And raised by an ESTJ, as well. Though I think my Dad was an INFJ, and I always connected with his “life philosophy” I think.
I don’t have lots of years ahead of me now, but I feel validated of late and am so happy for anyone finding Jay’s thought processes earlier than I could. But I have a calmer life these days finally understanding “how the world works”. So…trust yourselves fellow INFJs. The big mouth, bossy people are faking it. Listen to your self. You have your answers you need.
@@SophieBird07 same for me, I had been a narc magnet and a therapist for everyone
....
Even A stranger would come and tell me about his/her hardships and I just couldn't help but giving advice to him/ her, eventhough, I am not appreciated by those who know me, or they don't see how I helped them while overcoming their emotional wounds, they just care for those who are just wild card in their life, and gave a little bit of support....
Now cuz of Jay as an INFJ, I am learning to say no, learning to never expect something from someone, and sometimes being rude is good,
Thanks for your wishes and I hope you are doing well and fine
Starting to read the Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday and Stephan Hanselman today. I highly recommend it for all INFJs. It has an entry for each day of the year ❤ Thanks so much! Looking forward to more videos 😀
Thank you - I needed to hear this. I wondered my whole life why I felt so different from everyone despite generally getting along with my peers, but failed to truly connect on a deeper level and feel at 'home'. I also have been suffering from procrastination due to perfectionism. It's such a hard habit to kick. The struggle is real even at 35...
You are welcome! Will have videos up in the future about procrastination. Thanks so much for watching and hope the channel will help you become the best INFJ you can be!
Jay
On the clumsy thing, I'm not clumsy, but I'm also not athletic. I've always sucked at sports. However, I do like being physical. I like lifting weights. I used to climb mountains. I used to ride my bike 13 miles to work. I've been practicing yoga on and off since I was a teenager. The thing is, everybody else who works half as hard at any of these things as I have, totally leaves me in the dust.
Thank you for being so clear. I found myself laughing out loud in agreement with you. That’s a pleasant experience!
I can vouch for the clumsiness..😅 this video is very helpful. Thank you for all the work that you do brother🙏
You’re so welcome, yeah, I believe the clumsiness is real lol.😂
Jay
@@INFJcircle Oh it's real alright!! I've learned to accept it, but sometimes, I still get aggravated when, out of no fault of my own, my Hoodie Pocket grabs a Drawer Handle in the Kitchen when I'm walking by, with a Plate in my hand and jerks me around! All I say to myself is, yes this is so me!!!😅😅
The only thing that's improved my natural clumsiness is 'Mindful Meditation'. If I focus on my movements, keep my mind on my task, then I knock over thigs MUCH less! Lol.
it is so real but this is the first time I've heard it associated with INFJ! 😅
I'm 74 and had to learn all of this advice on my own because these videos were not on the internet when I was 20. Reading other people's emotions - I even knew my son's recently even though he was miles away in another city. A voice inside compelled me to call him and I learned he had been witnessing his 20-year-old cat's dying moments. He was very upset. The advice to avoid Narcissists - my son's father qualifies as one. Fortunately I did not marry him because I saw while I was pregnant his true personality. I've always been very independent so raising my son by myself was difficult but manageable. Clumsy - show me a group of people who are not clumsy and maybe I'll agree. I fell backwards down 7 wood steps recently and didn't break anything - thank God. I tripped over a dictionary on the floor while writing a book and broke my arm - could happen to anybody. Mama says "Look for and pick up the trip hazards before they cause you harm!"
“The way you said goodbye to the barista at Starbucks” lol why is this me? 😂
I get it, trust me, I get it ;)
Jay
This is me also … with almost every interaction with anyone 😑
This is on point. I usually find I'm only clumsy because I'm in my head either contemplating or over thinking. Thanks for the tip on the extroverted feelings...I need to work on this. I have been Journaling lately and it helps so it was cool to understand why.
This video pissed me off because of how accurate it is and how accurate every little thing was to me. Dude what the fuck man.
Okay so here is my personal theory about the clumsiness: us INFJS struggle to stay in the present because we are so stuck in the world in our heads. A lot of the time I feel completely detached from reality like I am a ghost walking around. I use to have weird detaching thoughts as a kid like “ I am just my eyes” or reality is just what my eyes see or make me see. So like I detached myself early ( Plus early childhood issues made me learn that) and because of that I don't have as much physical self awareness as I should. That's just my theory
I agree, I had a traumatic childhood and survived in my mind. Spatial awareness - I am graceful and elegant when I'm present in my body but I'm a complete putz when I'm in my head..... it's like something shuts off lol. I guess it's not funny but I try to keep it humorous. I'm also an adrenaline junkie so I often get seriously hurt.... yep sucks sometimes.
Exactly unstable emotional life.... setting boundaries very hard... procrastination the worst... to much time alone... to many narcissists around. Burn bridges deleted contacts... smh
What freaks people out about the conclusions I come to, is that I figured it out myself, and wasn't told these things by someone in "authority."
I think about 19 of these are 100% bang on for me and things I needed to hear. Thank you so much... It feels so good to find a place where I finally feel understood. Learning about my INFJ personality has helped me make so much sense out of the world around me. This channel has helped me learn and grow so much! A mature and confident INFJ is unstoppable! Thank you for your content and I will keep watching every thing you put out in 2024 to keep me going on my journey of self discovery and understanding. Thank you for using your skills, talents and abilities to make the world a better place for all us INFJs!
Wow, thank you so much. I’m glad the channel is helping you. One thing to remember is we all are slightly different even as INFJs - but the tendencies are very similar among us. I have a lot of things planned for 2024. Thanks for watching!
Jay
That really nailed down some things I’ve experienced. The fitting in but not belonging is a concept I’ve been attempting to describe for a long time-thank you. And when you said INFJ’s are clumsy I laughed out loud. I’m so clumsy I’ve got the bruises to prove it. Which is odd because yoga comes naturally for me and as a child being a ballet dancer was easy for me.
"Fitting in, yet not belonging" always felt that ...glad that it's not only me. Thank you ❤
...one you realize that "you belong to yourself"...wow! what a feeling!
its so true
Fantastic video, you really nailed it! I thing the clumsiness you talk about, which I get only sometimes, is when we feel that we're being watched. When I'm alone or unconcerned about what others are thinking I don't seem to have the dropsies as much as when someone is watching me work or do something.
Great point. It happens more in stressful situations like that.
Jay
This is a extremely rare occasion where I feel completely understood and represented. Of course I relate to everything you said but wanted to say thanks for saying « many other personality types are not as good as helping as INFJ »… I’ve been trying to explain to others how much unhelpful help I’ve gotten in my life and why I’ve stopped asking for it. Most people don’t get it, but as the rarest personality type who is constantly misunderstood, getting true ‘helpful’ help is rare occurrence and so meaningful when you get it. So thanks for touching on that.
Fitting in but not belonging: whoa this explains why even though I'm introverted, I manage to happily be part of many diverse friend groups throughout stages of my life-- and yet not connect too deeply with any because I'm different. The one group I feel most connection and are always in my thoughts and for whom I truly feel love and caring... are a pair of married couples about my age whom I see only once a year! And yet I consider them my lifelong friends! 😅
It was been a tough year for myself who declared as INFJ back 2023. I found the issue of myself who struggled in life was due to self-limitations defined by other ( etc, walked in to relationship or parents expectation restricted your self decision process). I would say the best way for INFJ to succeed in life is to trust your intuition while considered life path you have been succeed in the past! INFJ is a gift of our world, who balanced so well in combined fulfill heritage while take risk to experiment different opportunities in life. I see INFJ life is to discover the true meaning of living! “Life is exciting journey” defines INFJ!
Others influence our beliefs about ourselves so much. But it's what you believe about yourself that counts. Stay strong!
Jay
oh the clumsy thing, Still recovering from a broken leg back in May. I was just clumsy, but ready to heal up
You were SPOT ON when you said watching INFJ videos (this is happening for me big time watching you!) is like bathing in our own energy. This is AMAZING! Thank you so much!! 🫶🏽🌟🫶🏽🌟🫶🏽 -🌹
All helpful onscreen quotes:
1. Done is better than perfect. (Sheryl Sandberg)
2. Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. (General George Patton)
3. Before you heal someone, ask him if he's willing to give up the things that make him sick. (Hippocrates)
4. Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems. (Epictetus)
Signs of a Narcissist:
- Lack empathy
- Insensitive to others
- Never admit they are wrong
- Act entitled
- Lack of guilt over bad behavior
🙏🏾
Officially apart of the circle. Done not perfect. Thank you man. Felt crazy till I did the MBTI test and realized I was an INFJ-T. Finally felt like I wasn’t an alien. Bless
It took me years to understand myself and I'm 40 now, living my hsp infj story in the best possible way
Wow. Drop things, bump in to things. I break a lot of drinking glasses. I clean up broken glass, often. I’d prefer being deep in thought, and not -paying attention to the little everyday things.
55 and still infj, it's true about clumsy, kitchen attacks every time. Can't multitask at all, spend all day on theory and concepts and proven all true all this point. Now prophetic.
I’d be very interested in knowing if INFJs like me also have many autistic traits as well. It seems there is quite an overlap with many characteristics, and it is not popularly mentioned.
Autism is heavy metal poisoning
Yes we are so complex it’s always possible we have multiple traits
I researched it briefly, we have many overlapping characteristics with autistic people, but that doesn’t mean we are autistic.
...one of my favorite listed tips, #7: "learn to say no"
....always remember that:
"No" is always a boundary
"No" can be a one-word sentence.
"No" doesn't need further explanation
"No" is always a positive (because you are saying "YES" to yourself)
One more idea… the door slam. What I’ve learned is to wish “those” people well but at a distance. Sometimes a long distance. Also, I’m from the south. Just noting on your accent. Or a southern would say “ Bless their little hearts” but at a distance.
definitely how the door slam goes best for me, no announcements, dramas, letters,... still friendly if crossing paths (smile and wave) but no time for sit down, phone calls, emails,...
@@dlcarbonneau3750 That is the perfect door slam in the south.
listening to this is making me feel like that Rockwell song: I always feel like...somebodies watchiiiiiing meeeeeeeeee🎹🎶🎵🎼
i wonder if it's normal that listening to your advice actually makes me cry... ?
Thank you so much for making these videos. They really help.
I door slammed a "good friend" of mine, for the first time this year, I'm fitting in somewhere where i don't feel like I belong,
so I decided I start my New year by taking my January off from that place. self care is super high on my list as well...
Yes we are clumsy. I stub my toes and bump into things, sometimes even drop things
I am an INFJ who emotionally broke because people refused to see that I could not do one more thing.
When you say yes to things some people will literally pile more on you until you break. It's about proper boundaries, but this is difficult for us. Sorry this happened to you (I've been there).
Jay
I am a massive overthinker but I am getting better. Also very clumsy 😭 I relate a lot. I think it has to do with being in our thoughts so much (even without realizing it) that we forget about sertain movements (not fully being present in our body sometimes).
I am INFJ and there is no day that I haven't hit my toe at an edge at least 2 times
I understand lol!
Jay
I don’t think I’m clumsy tbh. I am an over thinker though! It’s really tough trying to quiet my mind sometimes.
I can fit in but I never feel like I belong..it’s good to know I’m not alone thank you ❤
I've been struggling so much lately, that I was starting to become convinced that I'm autistic. While I suppose it's still possible that I could be very mildly autistic, I think that most of my problems are coming from the difficulties that INFjs have fitting into the world.. this channel has been very comforting for me, thank you
You are welcome. Yeah, INFJs have some similarities with autism, but I think it’s totally different overall. thanks for watching!
Jay
I could listen to you all day! You have such a Soothing Voice! I am very good at Door Slamming! I am a very Compassionate individual, but if you Abuse me in any form, I don't care if you are Family....I will Slam that Door so hard, you won't know what hit you! I am exhausted from ALL the Mental, Emotional, Spiritual Abuse. I am EMBRACING my Quiet time to Rediscover myself and Pour into my glass now! Enough is Enough! Thanks for the video! It is very helpful! 🙌
Thank you so much, and you are welcome!
Lol.... over-thinking - that tenacious spectre is your constant companion..... there's gotta be a way to turn it into a superpower...but after half a century, I'm lost for ideas....lots of ghosts though!!!! Maybe it's to make us not fear our mortal demise...we'll welcome death's sweet release😂
I am gobsmacked. I have seen many shrinks over my lifetime and none ever came up with this diagnosis which is perfectly me! All these years thinking I was “weird” and I am just me and INFJ through and through. I really am glad I stumbled onto your podcast while researching. I am going to watch all your videos now. Thanks.
It is a very big day when you figure out that you are an INFJ. I’m glad you found my videos as well, and I truly hope they help you!
Jay
Thank you so much for taking time to create this channel for us. I feel that I belong.
You are very welcome and I’m so glad you feel that way. Thanks for being a part of the INFJ circle!
Jay
I've tried journalling and to be honest it is one of the most life-changing things I have tried as an INFJ. And by journalling I mean writing out the most raw, unfiltered and straight out of your mind thoughts that you have, and if you can make sense of it, try to but it does not matter if you cannot make sense of it. Sometimes your feelings are a results of thousands, millions of life events that you have observed through out your life and especially the traumatic experiences that could have made you feel that way, and it is okay. Acknowledge your feelings as it is and accept what you are feeling.
You are so sweet. This was nice, thanks.
You are so welcome, thanks for watching :)
Jay
I think we all know how to spot a narcissist. So so so easy to find them.
I agree the clumsiness is part of it. Lots of stuff hitting home in this video.
My advise for door slaming - you don't have to declare publicly that you are slaming the door, you can even close it slowly and queitly with a cold shoulder - maybe in the future you see things differently, the person have changed, or you just need that specific connection once again for your goals
Yeah, those doorjambs are the worst. 😁
lol!
Jay
Thanks for the video
Happy new year
I'm clumsy as hell 😂and avoid knives as much as possible. Also, as a Grief Coach, I've learned the hard way that most people don't want to heal (and I don't really understand why not...). Anyway, I help a person as much as they let me and then remind myself to keep my hands off.
Soooo clumsy as an INFJ 😂! Mostly when my mind gets distracted and I do not focus on what I do. I also just do practical things in the most difficult way sometimes! 🙈 Learning to drive was a nightmare!! At the same time I am good at playing the piano though 🤷♀️
Thanks for the wonderful video! Going to re-watch in the year to keep following these amazing tips. Happy new year 🎉
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 I see patterns in EVERYTHING! I didn’t realize that was an INFJ trait, but I now realize no one else does this!🤣 Like I can easily look ahead, at different possible outcomes and choose the one I want because I can see the many different patterns each scenario would create.
So good! I’m not necessarily clumsy, but I’ll pay more attention to the tendency. Yes on the alone time to recharge!👍🏽💯 When I door slam, it’s the other person or persons that seem to burn the bridge by not speaking to me anymore at all. (I didn’t cut you off, I was just done 😂). Good to hear that self care, healing and empathy are our jam. I’m a health and transformation coach! 🎯🎯🧡 Thanks for the review
Brother you’re on fire! 🔥🎯😎
Thanks a lot. Very good tips for me😊
Wow, I am clumsy. I never knew that that was actually part of being an INFJ. There’s not a day that doesn’t pass by where I didn’t walk into a desk and get bruised or slam a drawer on my finger or some thing of that nature. Glad to hear I’m not the only one😂
Thanks to your videos, I have now finally discovered that I'm an INFJ after years of wondering. It's the triggered rage mixed with clumsiness that has cinched it for me. Me at Age 5: an older boy insults my sister so I begin to chase him down to--I'm not sure--beat him up?--when I fail to notice an open window which I immediately smack into and land on the pavement, fracturing my skull. I've blamed that incident for my clumsiness all these years--now I know that my INFJ caused that whole situation in the first place! 😂💡
I'm an INFJ-A 9W1, life path 7, destiny #11/expression #2, cusp of oscillation(cancer💦/Leo🔥) rising Sagittarius. Keep up the good work Jay. I'm definitely feeling the love. Being a life path 7, I do have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and answers to existential questions. You're a big blessing in my research.🤙🤙
Thank you . I’m a yoga enthusiast , caring for my best version . Soothing influence your words. Grateful
Fitting in, but not belonging .... spot on! Great vid. I wish I had know I am an INFJ when I was young ..... I would not have felt like I was stupid in school. I would not have felt like an outcast in college because I loved to stay in the dorm, and knit, rather than go out. I would have picked a better first career (hospital laboratory medicine) - too much interaction, too many conflicting demands, too much perfectionism. Nearly drove me insane. Teaching (elementary), much better fit. Knowing I am an INFJ is helping me figure out my life, as a retired teacher (friends and family want me to travel, join social groups, "get in the swing of things", and I just want to grow a garden, knit, and work out at the gym (by myself) .... thank you, thank you. I needed the permission you grant, to be me.
You certainly have permission from me. Thank you for sharing this.
Jay