As an INFJ, I'm very risk averse. I'm always trying to evaluate whether having the person in my life will be worth the cost. And since I don't know for sure, I always default to no.
Interesting. I'm also an INFJ according to official MBTI tests. According to tests specifically designed to determine Carl Jungian personality archetypes, on which MBTI is based, I am the Jungian "Warrior" archetype with a 30/30 match - which is anything but risk averse. Coming in second at 29/30 came "The Seeker" and "The Sage", and the Seeker is also anything but risk averse, actually the Seeker probably is even more adventurous and curious than the Warrior archetype. So it feels very strange to me to hear that you as fellow INFJ are "evaluating the cost" of having a person in your life and that you default to no - this is not me, at least not when I feel true attraction. All my relationships, without exception, were based on a very specific feeling that I had when I met the person for the very first time; it happens very rarely and it's also not a guarantee that it will result in an actual relationship. You could call this love at first sight, if you will, even though it's not a feeling of love - it's KNOWING that this person/woman WILL play an important role in my life, sometime only for a short period of time, sometime for 20 years or more (for the record, that relationship is with a female INFJ). The feeling was never wrong. In any case - I don't rationalize relationship options or evaluate potential costs. I don't play games and physical attraction alone was never enough to put me into "hunting mode" - I only pursued and had relationships with women where I have felt this very specific sensation in the first few seconds. Again, it's interesting to see that there are very major differences even between INFJs.
@@winfriedmaus I totally understand your point, but I'm kind of operating on a "once bitten twice shy" model. And feelings don't play a huge part in it.
No not all INFJs are single. But we need partners that understand our need for solitude . We do need forever love . Some one who thinks deeply. And we definately dont need narcs .
Agree. If I meet someone and they mention early in that they are going try to get me to go out more often then it’s not going to work .. I’ve had friends and girlfriends do this in the past even after explaining my need for solitude - very hard to deal with
It’s amazing how many times I have been criticized by others for having the qualities of an INFJ! These videos help so much to understand who I am. Thank you
This man understands me more than any man I've ever met in life!!! I love his videos I've been single for over 10 yeas, just uninterested in "sharing" my life with someone who doesn't understand me. It has been an amazing time for research in Baltimore!!! My love in life is history, my current status is reliving it.
Sigh...i fell victim to a female narc. 10 long years and 2 kids later, im still paying for it😔. Im single still because of the betrayal trauma and there is a shift happening in modern society right now. If you know, you know😥
I was married to a Narc too. I have always felt that even though I escaped him and became happy post 23 years of marriage a scene from The Lord of The Rings resonates with me - The one where Gandalf overcomes the demon Bel and pushes it into the abyss ( very apt for a Narc ) BUT it grabs him as he escapes and pulls him down too........Although I have escaped - the stinger of the Bel demon is that I have never been able to regain my trust in men - too much damage done. So I choose to live alone. So not entirely victorious hey? You are younger than me so I hope that you find a way to heal and move on xxx
I have been single for 12 years and I have zero desire to date anyone at this point. I really like my peace and I have yet to meet someone that I can bring into my space and maintain that. Probably because I'll never find another INFJ. lol I thought I was such a weird person until I started learning more about INFJs. Thank you for your amazing channel. It helps me understand myself so much more. Hope you're writing a book!
OMG. I also realized recently that I am an INFJ and have been educating myself. One thing that I can say is that it really cleared up a whole lot of things for me. And, I no longer think I am (so) crazy :). Some of the videos I watched really got me laughing because I sooo recognized myself in the descriptions. I was like... Yup, that's me, over and over again Wishing you luck in your research! Enjoy the day!
quality over quantity. Your peace and contentment is more valuable to your soul than having a poorly matched partner or a friend group that hold conflicting values. As an older INFJ I can wholeheartedly recommend trying out activities you always wanted to do, follow what you love and you will find likeminded people. The best people show up when you arent actively seeking them but rather enjoying the freedom to be yourself. Peace and love to you sister 💖
I am an INTJ, and my husband is an INFJ. We were both completely averse to relationships prior to meeting - we even tried to fight our feelings towards one another! But as you guessed, we both lost that fight 😂❤
Coming up on 5 years and not excited about the potential out there AT ALL 😶 "My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude." - Warsan Shire
Great video!😊 As an INFJ I was lucky to meet a INTP at 15 years old. We have been together since 17 years old, we married at 20 years old and are still going strong at 32 years old (we have the same age). He is such a kind, funny, deep and intelligent soul and we both love our alonetime and we like to be alone together doing our own things😅 ❤
I have come to the conclusion that it is near impossible for us INFJs to find that perfect soulmate partner we desire. The only one who will ever really "get" you, is yourself. So I have been working on being my own soulmate and just loving myself. I enjoy experiences with myself, no need to share it with anyone else. Me just being there and living each moment is enough. I can self generate my own love
Most people are more social leaning than introverted types of people. Introversion is unfortunately still frowned upon even though it’s completely normal to be introverted, but most social people don’t have the intelligence to figure that out nor the ability to know how to interact with introverted people. I have no problems being around social people but they ALWAYS have a problem with me and it is so frustrating to deal with extroverted people being so uncomfortable around quiet people that they default to judgment and being mean. It’s that age old lesson of people fearing what they don’t understand and then attacking it. That’s a huge part of why it’s so hard for me to even think about meeting people to try and make friends and then there’s the trust on top of that. People are mean in general and they are even meaner against those that make them uncomfortable…why is that my problem that other adults don’t have the confidence in themselves to be able to hang out with someone who isn’t super vocal?
i will never understand why attacking someone who makes us uncomfortable is a default for some people. How about just leaving quietly ? At least we know who the aggressors are without saying a word.
so true, i have to put my precious energy into signaling these people im no threat to them. So draining. I sense that they sense me sensing them to "stay in control" which is toxic infj behaviour. Its also a survival mode for our nervous system that we learned from childhood and trained to perfection, we know we wont be accepted if we dont fit in with others. But the key is we need to be ourselfs and let people sort them selfes out for us, because there arent many people who can deal with us without being triggered. We need to relax and show we are relaxed. Tense energy will be felt by everyone and you will feel judged cause thats what people do automatically. Its the same with a a pack of dogs. A pack of dogs will immediatley spot the dog that has the unsure or fearful energy that makes him a threat. The whole pack will react to that energy and they will start to either attack him or force him to calm down and integrate him into the pack. We need to let go of the need for control and the fear to be seen for who we are. We need to put the spotlight on what makes us different even tho we dont want to be different, we just are and its a curse and a blessing. People want to put us in a box so badly and they cant accept we just dont fit. it makes them hate us xD but its basically their problem at the end. They are missing out on us if they avoid us. Because we can show them a truth that not many can handle. Our truth. Many people would rather live a comfortable lie and we will let them.
From my earliest memories, I felt like I was watching the world and not really part of it. I'v always been very intuitive in different ways. So, I found comfort in nature and being by myself. I love being alone to this day. I played the game of being married twice but only to please my parents or someone else. I was taught that's what you're supposed to do. Pff. I'm glad that I have discovered that I'm an INFJ. Now I know and love who I really am . Because I wear the lable as an artist, people accept me more for my unusual behavior. But now I understand. Thankyou .
I have a policy and people always find me odd because of it. "People date for one of these two goals 1- To break up 2- To marry" Take your pick and get it rolling.
i am single for 15 years. i am more happy than ever after i stay out of life of my narcissic family. me and my daughter love learn, this summer we learn spanish together! and after we learn sign langage! we know already french (our first langage) and english. i prefer to be alone, with youtube, not social media, just youtube because i have choice to see and talk at who i decided to! i have no friends, i talk with many people on the road when i go out, not often but enough to my daughter was happy, and i smile all the time! i am happy, i have already said that? hehe big hug
I’m an INFJ who’s been in a 6 year relationship with an ENFJ. We match like peanut butter and jelly. We are so similar but our introverted and extroverted differences balances us out beautifully. It’s definitely hard to find someone who is compatible to our unique personality but they’re out there somewhere. Cheers 🥂
Always thought I'd stay single forever. Then met my husband. Never knew such happiness could exist with another person. 😊❤ I recommend doing things you like and holding to your standards. You'll find someone. Prayer helps too, divine intervention is an amazing phenomon.
This is right on target, as usual. I am probably older than most of your subscribers, and my stance on revealing myself is opposite what it was when I was young, so I don't match the video on that point. I am going in right away with my whole intimidating self, ie. deep talk, lots of personal questions, total openness and calling you out if need be. I am not wasting a lot of time to see if you can be trusted; I want to know right away so I can do a door slam if you are a liar. When I was young I fell for that narcissistic mirroring act and got badly hurt 3 times in a row. I saw good intentions where there were none and did not confront people soon enough.
Yes, not caring what others think is a useful skill. The mirroring is a real thing and something we have to watch out for. It gets easier as we get older I think.
@@INFJcircle - Yes, I made the common mistake that young women often make of mistaking confidence for competence. People on the narcissistic and psychopathic spectrums are often very charming and confident. We didn't have all the information that this generation has to help us spot them. Being very empathic, as INFJs usually are, I attracted that type of men. They like to eat empaths for breakfast! When I got older I stopped worrying what others thought of me, since I realized they are mostly not thinking of me at all. People spend most of their time thinking about themselves. I also saw that the people who did not like me were almost always people whose values were so far out of line with mine that if they did like me, I would have to wonder what was wrong with me!
@Infjcircle as an INFP, I’m still struggling with the whole “not caring what others think” thing, but I’m trying. I use to not care mainly cuz I was so lost in my own world I didn’t seem to notice. 😆 Nowadays a little more aware that people can judge, so I’ve kinda shied away from being my full self out in public or around new people.
@@DoofenSpyroDragon16- If people are judgmental towards you, doesn't that say more about them than about you? I see finding that out as helpful in identifying the people you don't want to give your time to, leaving you time to find your real tribe....those people that really "get" you.
We don't do casual sex or polyamory, because there is no promising future in that dynamic. That's why we're selectively socialize, like the social introvert people we are because we don't settle for inauthentic and shallow connection. It's spiritually unhygienic because personal growth and self improvement, allows us to learn and discover the significance of our connection with you ( we digital read and watch podcast too). Jim Henson quote is true: people don't like to learn, but they hate what they don't understand. We don't like to be surrounded by envious people only supportive ones. We don't like being around rude people with no manners or any tactfulness like home training. We don't mask, we just withhold our energy back until we are sure about you with our personality without being fake to lure us out because once we devote to you we are riders until you get yourself door slammed
I don't know that I could date another INFJ, I need someone who pushes me outside of my comfort zone, otherwise I just stay inside it and that's not good for me.
@@Squintillions most of em are in my bedroom 😂 but luckily they do have an auto night silence feature so they turn off at night. There are some that start up at 6am though, I sleep through those, I don’t know how 😆
That so true. I am happy I found that channel and understood I am not alone. But I had to learn to be more careful about letting people in my life. First I was way too open and thought everyone wants real connection like myself and - oh boy was I wrong. Now I am way more selective. But also more often alone. But I prefer it that way because it is psychologically safer. Thanks for your videos!
I’m also very open. I long for deep connections. I thought I had to be the one to select but from experience people tend to make it easy by not moving forward with me. I figured the real ones will stay. I just have to train myself to not overshare and become sad when I feel rejected.
"The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude." - Aldous Huxley Thank you, Jay, for helping us all feel 'seen' and perhaps a little less insane (by society's standards). Excellent video as always.
Amen, my brother. Amen. Thankfully (& not so thankfully) I've been feeling invisible to those who wouldn't match up, anymore. Spares the bs...but also spares the hope of finding a match. To all my fellow INFJs, I love you all and you're perfection! ❤
You are 1 of 3 INFJ coaches that I watch. Love your sense of humor. In relation to this topic, I personally believe that this might be one of the most important things or ideas in any INFJ's life. We may be unique and different, but we are not much different than any person on the planet. No matter your personality type or how you feel about the world or yourself. We all need love and acceptance. It simply boils down to the decisions you make. Don't worry about the rest of society, it's little more than sound and fury. Choose yourself and be happy. Thanks for the content
I attracted narcs all my life ...i tend to have at least 7 years between each relationship which may i add has never lasted longer than 7 years .... I am happy alone ...unless a narc comes into my life and fools me. I am getting better .....in time ...eventually I may just give up
They are very good at mirroring, and that makes them so hard to resist for us INFJs. They are attracted to our empathy as well, so it's a dual magnetism.
SO so true! I have been alone now for 25 years and I am relatively happy with this after divorcing a Narcissist after 23 years of marriage. I am alone partly due to loss of trust in the opposite sex and also because I dont fully trust myself to not go out a find another Narc. I have also learned to LOVE having my own life.
The part you said about learning and trying to share with people because it excites you, is so true. I find that my real friends don’t get offended, but others do and it’s you being your authentic self.
This is so spot on! I have been single for 10 years since I finally divorced my narcissistic ex. Every point you list is true in my experience. It would be great to find a partner like the one you describe, but then again....I don't go out to bars and clubs, I am rarelly invited to parties anymore (people in Sweden don't really have that many parties after 50) and datingapps gives me the creeps (they are horrible!). People often tell me that I am very beautiful, but even that doesn't seem to help! 😅 I notice that men (and women) often stare at me, but never come up to say hello (swedes are extremely reserved, I mean it - extremely!). And I feel uncomfortable taking the first step, since I, sadly, often end up with the narcissist! That is both sad and hilarious. Anyhow....I really like to be alone, so I just take it as is it. Thank you so much for this video!
@@temirin7134 My wife is an INFJ, too, and trust me when I say that she does not know what procrastination is - she's relentless to herself and constantly builds or creates something to improve "the nest".
Loving this INFJ comment section....Hi there tribe! The best thing that has happened to me as an INFJ is getting older. The way that we consistently build on our wisdom combined with all the hard lessons we learn as we are growing up means our lives get better and better with age. As time passes we can begin to accept and love ourselves as we are without fear of other's judgement because we know that we are right to follow our heart and intuition and we stop giving a shit about what society's toxic ways say we should or shouldnt be or do. We can trust ourselves and we see through all the crap. And being content with being single, is totally cool for as long as thats true. Peace and love INFJs xxx
Yes, yes, and yes. I was married to a narcissist for 15 years, and have been single again for 15 more. And I despair sometimes of ever finding anyone who is 1. available, 2. close to my age, 3. interested, and 4. compatible. 😮💨
Right on about the educational videos! I got duped a couple times because many times when people I met said they liked certain science topics, it was more of a "status topic" rather than one of pure interest. And that's ok, I can totally understand why. As for romantic love, I'm not gonna lie, it terrifies me. If I ever felt safe with someone enough to be vulnerable... oh man I could get destroyed so bad. So I just keep embracing that nice, safe, calm and stoic life approach.
I’m with you. About learning, yes, the status topic is real. Also, watching others do or learn something is something that most other types do, but the INFJ wants to “know” things so they can influence humanity, and help the social dynamics of the world (or at least their little part of it).
@@INFJcircleExactly! Also I chuckled when I read the part in parenthesis because that was almost word for word what I was thinking when reading "when helping the social dynamics of the world." My part may be really small but I'm going to do it with gusto, gosh darn it! Thank you so much for giving us comfort, validation and guidance. I hope you know how much you are appreciated!
I'm terrified as well. Been hurt too much. And high expectations so far have clashed with reality. It's a void inside, because we can love very deeply indeed
This was meaningful. Thank you. :) I've been to 36 countries and I'm just so shocked that no one seems to care or even asks about it. Like it's an every day occurence. I guess the irony is I achieve these feats because nobody does or did really make an effort. If I felt loved and listened to I would of probably never left.
Yes, it’s amazing how little people care about others (in general) and how they focus on themselves. If you do share the stories of your travels I’m sure many think you are arrogant or get jealous of you. It is a sad world sometimes. Stay strong!
That is true, we know what we want, and we stick to that idea till the bitter end, so to say. That is, till we reach a point in which it is meaningless to engage in any relationship, for it is already too late for that. But hey, some traits just cannot be changed. Better alone than in unsuitable company, even if that means remaining for oneself forever.
After a number of relationships with narcissists, even if I met the "right" person, I just don't want to do the work required to have the kind of "ideal' relationship I've envisioned. I much prefer hanging out at home with my cat, doing art, and learning about arcane subjects.
So happy to know I'm not weird for thinking of the ideal person to be in a relationship. Better to be single then trapped with someone who doesn't like philosophy.
As an INFJ I've never felt so related. My surrounding 's always changing relationship partners again and again and I'm still the only one who doesn't have relationship. I now know there 's nothing wrong with me nor I'm not lacking something.Thank you for uploading this video.
I added a partner in crime, a pup to give love to and she gives back. I understand it's not the same but it's much better than being alone. IMO. Misses your emails and videos. I'm glad your on the mend Jay. Your awesome‼️
This was exactly the pep talk I needed today after going out of my way to avoid a handsome and charming man who seems to be interested in me. His eye-rolling attitude towards drug addicts in our last conversation let me know he was not right for me, despite my never touching drugs at all. That guy is just too darned conventional to accept me just as I am. You, Jay, "saw me" in point after point on this video. Thank you so much! 💜
I am thankful that I found your channel! I hope that I am not double sending this comment because I accidently clicked at the wrong time. As an INFJ who is now widowed and in my 70s, I find that being alone is comforting at times and yet very lonely. It would be a blessing to have an intelligent, supportive and loving man in my life, someone to love and support and nurture in return.
I'm infj male and dated a enfj histrionic femal, an absolute nightmare, alone we got along great but when out she was on every man in sight, brought fights on from men she was flirting with, and who knows how much she cheated, probably won't date again
I freakin love this video!!!!!! I actually clapped at the Lord of The Rings reference. But, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, I gotta warn you, buddy. You are tempting fate. You are gonna get struck by lightening. You talk about INFJ intuition, bordering on the psychic, I predict you are gonna be in love and making plans for marriage within a year. I'd bet money on it. I could not tell you why I say that. Maybe it's because I feel struck by lightening recently and I'm projecting. But I don't think so. Just consider yourself warned. Cosmic forces are on the move. P.S. Actually I know exactly why I said this.. It's because you are putting out so much great energy for INFJs that that energy is gonna come boomeranging around and knock you on your ass. Lol. Anyway, to any non-INFJ cynics out there, I'm not talking about me. I don't have limerant feelings for Jay. Something else is coming for him. I just feel it.
@@INFJcircle And just so you know. I've never made this kind of prediction before, even for people I actually know. Lol. You are special. I'm feeling 'guided' to tell you that. I can't explain any better than that. And the whole 'guided' thing is new to me too. But my understanding it that when good messages come through, one is obligated to pass them on, even when one looks like an idiot. Lol.
@@INFJcircle I'll just tell you, when you said you wouldn't get married or something to that effect, the gut feeling that hit me hard was, he couldn't be more wrong. It actually made me belly laugh spontaneously when you said that. Which is how I 'know' I'm not wrong.
@@INFJcircle God, the gods, angels, spirit guides, who ever they are 'upstairs' , they are laughing at you right now. Which is why I'm taking this tone. The message being, 'boy, is he gonna be surprised.' They do have a sense of humor, just so you know.
Thanks for all of this. Discovering all this at 34 is fantastic. Not even upset I didn’t learn it sooner, though it certainly would have helped. Probably not a surprise I believe things happen when they’re meant to. Glad I am here now to learn and move forward.
Hypocrisy is one of my top pet peeves, in individuals and in larger institutions. Also when people try to downplay my intelligence because I'm not talking about the things that all the regular people are talking about. It's rare to find people who appreciate your particular interests and talents. I spend long stretches single myself for these very reasons. Not that I mind being alone 😸
I am the most INFJ person ever😵 it’s such a complex or foreign concept to be a complete hermit who is emotionally profound… that’s why I find it difficult to date. I’d rather jump into marriage directly but in this day and age, it’s harder. So I just stay single…
ive been single for some time now, both in friendships and romantic relationships, that is really hard to imagine someone who could match my standards. In my case, while being through a very difficult transition in my life while having no one around me (or online) to support me, i learned to come inside and connect with the most loving energy of the divine where i feel understood and replenished by this connection in a way that humans just cannot offer. When i look outside, no one matches this level and maybe never will and i am ok with it. My source is inside and i will always feel nourished by it.
I understand how you feel! I get more replenished from connecting to the divine energy encompassing and filling humanity at large, (even sometimes through random or brief encounters), than I do from personal relationships with a specific other person. That’s part of why I don’t feel the ‘need’ to have a partner, though I’m sure there would be lovely things about having the right partner… maybe even one who shares this.
Thank you for another great video 🤗. I was single for long times in my life and had only a small number of relationships. I’m married for 7 years now with an ISTP man. He has a good character but it’s often tough too, because we are so different. Sometimes he tries to understand things I feel and I try to explain it. But with his kind of brain he doesn’t seem to understand at all. I don’t blame him for that. To be true sometimes I miss the times when I lived alone. Your channel is really helpful. We might be special and rare but there are still some people out there who understand us ☺️.
The thing is we just can't be with anyone. We have standards and values and that's good. I know we attract narcissists, I had a lot of narcissistic friends and I got rid of all of them. No doubt they still stalk me, they try to be friends with my friends so somehow they can get into my life but you know how it is once we slammed a door on you, it's not opening again.
Perfect and all the reasons you listed i absolutely agree as an INFJ. Also the moment you mentioned attracting narcissists - yeah they have the ability to play the perfect partner so well. So yeah i am begging to settle with the idea that i may remain single forever, although i really dreamed of being in a committed relationship for a very long time. What an informative video!
Infj-t. Fun fact. I like talking about the weather because it is light slightly impersonal and yet deep on a subtle way way to get to know someone. It helps me know if someone pays attention to the moon, what happens in the sky, nature, the seasons and their physical environment and how in tune they are with the rhythms within their surroundings. It is a great way to test for depth of moods and compatibility and values. Without them knowing a simple talk about the weather and I have learned so much about your personality and temperment. Just in case any other infjs out there needed this tip/social hack. Bc yes other things get exhausting and I would rather talk about the weather than hear celebrity gossip of a culture I don't tune into. So moral of the story sometimes weather talk can be deep depending on how you talk about the weather.
You are really spot on, even on the narcissists part. I hope one day I can meet my SO. Never been one for futile relationships, but dealing with CPTSD has affectedy my love life too much. My desire to learn has indeed attracted very nasty comments and behaviours, I made the mistake of thinking we are all One and therefore linked somehow. But this world is based on competition even if it often leads to unhappiness
I'm trying to give myself grace and space to heal for as long as I need while not totally closing myself off to any opportunities, but after spending over a decade in a relationship that became toxic and codependent and seeing my ex do everything I predicted they would do afterwards, it's really hard not to feel jaded and distrustful of people. It feels like most people spend most of their lives chasing other people rather than working on themselves and learning what a healthy relationship is supposed to be like and how to truly care about and be a partner. After doing a lot of self-reflection and study I've had to come to terms with the fact that I can't be in a relationship with someone without that deep emotional connection and deeply emotionally investing in it, and I don't have it in me to put all that heart and care into someone again that can't reciprocate the same level of respect and dedication. I'm not perfect and I don't expect someone to be perfect or to feel as much as I do, but it seems like expecting someone to be an equal partner and respect and accept me is too much to ask. If that means I'll be single for the rest of my life, after everything I've experienced, I think I can live with that.
As an infj: dont talk to me about the weather unless you're prepared to talk about the CLIMATE. Of the whole earth. Possibly even some other plabets😂😂😂
Hello! Thank you for the insight!. Generally, I don't date. Not because I am not open to a relationship, but because I don't really come across many men who are kind, fun and interesting/attractive (to me). I can usually get two out of the three, but that third quality is quite elusive. And, while I am not really big on socializing, I do get out and about, following my own interests, alone. So, there is always a chance I might run into some magical creature who peaks my interest along the way. Who knows. I am cool either way. Enjoy the day my fellow INFJs!
I'd be reading The Stand or The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. 😊 I've been single the majority of the past almost 21 years since I split with my ex-husband. I've been told quite a few times that I'm "too picky and I'll be alone forever." None of my "pickiness" is superficial stuff either. I have no problem with being by myself, my standards aren't going to be lowered. I pretty much just "people watch" on the one dating site I'm on because the area I'm currently in is definitely not one that I fit into/would find anyone in this or the immediate surrounding counties.
"Get outta here smegal" had me giggling on a deeper level. Thank you for making this group ❤ I never feel like I can connect with anyone with such fakery this day and age. Your videos make me smile and not feel so alone 😊
You have such a soothing voice. As a fellow INFJ, it can be dreadful to listen to videos with AI (especially when the subtitles are SO OFF!) or someone that is obnoxious or the background music is too loud. So, thank you 🙏🏻. If you are ever in Colorado, hit me up and we can dive into a deep conversations 😊.
That person trying to escape is so real. I usually hang around the exit of after an event for a quick 2 minutes in case I find a little connection with someone and if I don't find anyone and no one walks up to me either within that time window, back to my cave.
Ughhh I Love sharing about articles I've read or information I've learned and I think it comes across as being a know. It all to people. I absolutely hate this because i'm genuinely just excited to share with other people. 😢
Trust your instincts and keep up your high standards and high moral values. There are very few people who will live up to these but NEVER compromise. Also, watch out for narcissists, always ready to exploit us. You are special and deserve to have only equally special people in your life. (Most people bore me mindless and I would rather read a book.)
I actually love talking about the weather because I see weather as the language of the Earth. Weather can effect everything for that day and I enjoy sitting with people admiring nature :) But I realize I’m an oddball
I am an infj who is generally always in relationships. I think it maybe because I don't place a man in a position of needing to understand and agree with my complexities, just acknowledge my uniqueness. It also helps that I am generally always willing to listen to and improve my partner. married 10 years.
In the intricate dance of social interactions, we often find ourselves as silent observers who sit in the shadows, yet our presence is subtly acknowledged. We are the quiet guardians of the emotional climate, sensing when someone is overwhelmed and feeling the tension that others may not perceive. It’s in these moments that we step forward, offering solace with a simple assurance that all will be well. But how can we, as INFJs, navigate these waters with grace and ease? How do we connect with another soul who shares our depth without the prying eyes of the world watching? Consider the power of music, the art form that speaks directly to the soul. In the right place, at the right moment, a melody can transform the atmosphere, and lighten the heaviest of hearts. As INFJs, we understand music's profound impact on the human spirit. So, why not use it as a tool to create a sanctuary within the chaos? A carefully chosen song can be a bridge between two kindred spirits, a way to communicate beyond words. And so, I pose a question to you: In a world where we often feel the need to shield our true selves, how might we use the universal language of music to foster connections that transcend the superficial layers of social interaction?
Can someone just make us a group? I want to just talk to my people.
There are groups on fb :)
YES
...that's precisely what we don't want !
What is the group name
A group is a nice idea... what would you hope to gain?
As an INFJ, I'm very risk averse. I'm always trying to evaluate whether having the person in my life will be worth the cost. And since I don't know for sure, I always default to no.
I understand this. We've been hurt a lot and so we count the cost pretty high I think.
Exactly. Some people are not worth the risk.
Interesting. I'm also an INFJ according to official MBTI tests. According to tests specifically designed to determine Carl Jungian personality archetypes, on which MBTI is based, I am the Jungian "Warrior" archetype with a 30/30 match - which is anything but risk averse. Coming in second at 29/30 came "The Seeker" and "The Sage", and the Seeker is also anything but risk averse, actually the Seeker probably is even more adventurous and curious than the Warrior archetype. So it feels very strange to me to hear that you as fellow INFJ are "evaluating the cost" of having a person in your life and that you default to no - this is not me, at least not when I feel true attraction.
All my relationships, without exception, were based on a very specific feeling that I had when I met the person for the very first time; it happens very rarely and it's also not a guarantee that it will result in an actual relationship. You could call this love at first sight, if you will, even though it's not a feeling of love - it's KNOWING that this person/woman WILL play an important role in my life, sometime only for a short period of time, sometime for 20 years or more (for the record, that relationship is with a female INFJ). The feeling was never wrong.
In any case - I don't rationalize relationship options or evaluate potential costs. I don't play games and physical attraction alone was never enough to put me into "hunting mode" - I only pursued and had relationships with women where I have felt this very specific sensation in the first few seconds.
Again, it's interesting to see that there are very major differences even between INFJs.
@@winfriedmaus I totally understand your point, but I'm kind of operating on a "once bitten twice shy" model. And feelings don't play a huge part in it.
No not all INFJs are single. But we need partners that understand our need for solitude . We do need forever love . Some one who thinks deeply. And we definately dont need narcs .
I married a narcissist but found my way to freedom. Lead me to a path of self-realization. I'm happy now.
@@malibu90265 I am so happy to hear that . Well done . 👏👏👏
@@spmoran4703 Thank you. Be well.
Narcs are why I am terminally single. I am a Proud Childless Cat Lady Livin' the Dream!
Agree. If I meet someone and they mention early in that they are going try to get me to go out more often then it’s not going to work .. I’ve had friends and girlfriends do this in the past even after explaining my need for solitude - very hard to deal with
The perfect partner, someone who can share my misanthropic outlook on humanity while we snuggle together.
You sound like heaven.
I can't make decisions or be motivated by greed. I need to do whatever I do for the good.
Ummm this is perfect sounding ❤
It’s amazing how many times I have been criticized by others for having the qualities of an INFJ! These videos help so much to understand who I am. Thank you
You are welcome! Glad they are helping
This man understands me more than any man I've ever met in life!!! I love his videos I've been single for over 10 yeas, just uninterested in "sharing" my life with someone who doesn't understand me. It has been an amazing time for research in Baltimore!!! My love in life is history, my current status is reliving it.
Same, even criticized a lot from family. These are great videos.
Listen👂🏻 it's okay if you don't fit in, it's because you are meant to stand out. Don't worry about them just happily Be yourself
Oh yes those of us INFJs will get criticized quite often in this society
Causal socializing or dating around is just a waste of time to me.
Sigh...i fell victim to a female narc. 10 long years and 2 kids later, im still paying for it😔. Im single still because of the betrayal trauma and there is a shift happening in modern society right now. If you know, you know😥
I understand- I fell for one as well. Sorry for your experience!
I hear you, fellow infj......
I was married to a Narc too. I have always felt that even though I escaped him and became happy post 23 years of marriage a scene from The Lord of The Rings resonates with me - The one where Gandalf overcomes the demon Bel and pushes it into the abyss ( very apt for a Narc ) BUT it grabs him as he escapes and pulls him down too........Although I have escaped - the stinger of the Bel demon is that I have never been able to regain my trust in men - too much damage done. So I choose to live alone. So not entirely victorious hey? You are younger than me so I hope that you find a way to heal and move on xxx
we attract narcissists
@@Scoutbq1l Unfortunately so. They are drawn to our empathy.
Sometimes we know right off the bat if someone isnt right for us. But also don't know how we know, we just know. If that makes sense 😄
I think it makes sense!
Makes perfect sense. I think it’s the combination of our emotional alchemy & pattern recognition.
I have been single for 12 years and I have zero desire to date anyone at this point. I really like my peace and I have yet to meet someone that I can bring into my space and maintain that. Probably because I'll never find another INFJ. lol
I thought I was such a weird person until I started learning more about INFJs. Thank you for your amazing channel. It helps me understand myself so much more. Hope you're writing a book!
You are very welcome! We will see about the book… ;)
OMG. I also realized recently that I am an INFJ and have been educating myself. One thing that I can say is that it really cleared up a whole lot of things for me. And, I no longer think I am (so) crazy :). Some of the videos I watched really got me laughing because I sooo recognized myself in the descriptions. I was like... Yup, that's me, over and over again Wishing you luck in your research! Enjoy the day!
My ideal day, taking a drive in the country, stop to read the Bible in a Park, treat myself to a mom and pop Diner.
Sounds great!
@@INFJcircle
I appreciate your Channel.
We are fine!
That is almost my day.
Sounds like the best day ever and I’m an infp
Same!
I feel as though I’ve been cursed with this personality type. First I can’t make friends now I can’t even get a man it’s sad
It can be tough, but always know your worth and that you deserve someone who understands you.
"Get" a man? Lol. You need a lassoo imo
same lol i wouldnt want to be different but damn it could be easier!!!!
@@jillybe1873 and probably bait too huh? 😂
quality over quantity. Your peace and contentment is more valuable to your soul than having a poorly matched partner or a friend group that hold conflicting values. As an older INFJ I can wholeheartedly recommend trying out activities you always wanted to do, follow what you love and you will find likeminded people. The best people show up when you arent actively seeking them but rather enjoying the freedom to be yourself. Peace and love to you sister 💖
I am an INTJ, and my husband is an INFJ. We were both completely averse to relationships prior to meeting - we even tried to fight our feelings towards one another! But as you guessed, we both lost that fight 😂❤
Coming up on 5 years and not excited about the potential out there AT ALL 😶
"My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude."
- Warsan Shire
10 years here.. and I'm not ugly neither old. It's hard because like what the video said, we crave for that clear perfection that we envision
Great video!😊 As an INFJ I was lucky to meet a INTP at 15 years old. We have been together since 17 years old, we married at 20 years old and are still going strong at 32 years old (we have the same age). He is such a kind, funny, deep and intelligent soul and we both love our alonetime and we like to be alone together doing our own things😅 ❤
There is still hope for me
Sounds beautiful. All I’ve been dreaming of. You are blessed!
and what are your zodiacs?
@@franciscofco aries and scorpio😊
I am your child - I test as an INFJ regularly and recently tested as an INTP.
I have come to the conclusion that it is near impossible for us INFJs to find that perfect soulmate partner we desire. The only one who will ever really "get" you, is yourself. So I have been working on being my own soulmate and just loving myself. I enjoy experiences with myself, no need to share it with anyone else. Me just being there and living each moment is enough. I can self generate my own love
Well said! Thank you for sharing this.
I feel the same way 🙏🏼
I was told in my 20's to lower my standards. Almost 50 now and still single. Better single than being stuck with those kind of men and hating life lol
Most people are more social leaning than introverted types of people. Introversion is unfortunately still frowned upon even though it’s completely normal to be introverted, but most social people don’t have the intelligence to figure that out nor the ability to know how to interact with introverted people. I have no problems being around social people but they ALWAYS have a problem with me and it is so frustrating to deal with extroverted people being so uncomfortable around quiet people that they default to judgment and being mean. It’s that age old lesson of people fearing what they don’t understand and then attacking it. That’s a huge part of why it’s so hard for me to even think about meeting people to try and make friends and then there’s the trust on top of that. People are mean in general and they are even meaner against those that make them uncomfortable…why is that my problem that other adults don’t have the confidence in themselves to be able to hang out with someone who isn’t super vocal?
i will never understand why attacking someone who makes us uncomfortable is a default for some people. How about just leaving quietly ? At least we know who the aggressors are without saying a word.
so true, i have to put my precious energy into signaling these people im no threat to them. So draining. I sense that they sense me sensing them to "stay in control" which is toxic infj behaviour. Its also a survival mode for our nervous system that we learned from childhood and trained to perfection, we know we wont be accepted if we dont fit in with others. But the key is we need to be ourselfs and let people sort them selfes out for us, because there arent many people who can deal with us without being triggered. We need to relax and show we are relaxed. Tense energy will be felt by everyone and you will feel judged cause thats what people do automatically. Its the same with a a pack of dogs. A pack of dogs will immediatley spot the dog that has the unsure or fearful energy that makes him a threat. The whole pack will react to that energy and they will start to either attack him or force him to calm down and integrate him into the pack.
We need to let go of the need for control and the fear to be seen for who we are. We need to put the spotlight on what makes us different even tho we dont want to be different, we just are and its a curse and a blessing. People want to put us in a box so badly and they cant accept we just dont fit. it makes them hate us xD but its basically their problem at the end. They are missing out on us if they avoid us. Because we can show them a truth that not many can handle. Our truth. Many people would rather live a comfortable lie and we will let them.
I have had the same experience especially in work.
From my earliest memories, I felt like I was watching the world and not really part of it. I'v always been very intuitive in different ways. So, I found comfort in nature and being by myself. I love being alone to this day.
I played the game of being married twice but only to please my parents or someone else. I was taught that's what you're supposed to do. Pff.
I'm glad that I have discovered that I'm an INFJ. Now I know and love who I really am . Because I wear the lable as an artist, people accept me more for my unusual behavior. But now I understand. Thankyou .
I have a policy and people always find me odd because of it.
"People date for one of these two goals
1- To break up
2- To marry"
Take your pick and get it rolling.
i am single for 15 years. i am more happy than ever after i stay out of life of my narcissic family. me and my daughter love learn, this summer we learn spanish together! and after we learn sign langage! we know already french (our first langage) and english. i prefer to be alone, with youtube, not social media, just youtube because i have choice to see and talk at who i decided to! i have no friends, i talk with many people on the road when i go out, not often but enough to my daughter was happy, and i smile all the time! i am happy, i have already said that? hehe big hug
Good for you 👍, wish you and your daughter all the best in life❤
@@antonelimgenco5716 thank you! i wish you too! big hug
If I see you on the road, I will smile back! :)
@@clbellue 😁😆😋😘
Good no problems
I’m an INFJ who’s been in a 6 year relationship with an ENFJ. We match like peanut butter and jelly. We are so similar but our introverted and extroverted differences balances us out beautifully. It’s definitely hard to find someone who is compatible to our unique personality but they’re out there somewhere. Cheers 🥂
WOAH!!!! “They don’t like to learn but they hate what they don’t understand.” 🤯 This is exactly what’s going on in our society right now. Crazzzzy!!!
Agree!
Always thought I'd stay single forever. Then met my husband. Never knew such happiness could exist with another person. 😊❤ I recommend doing things you like and holding to your standards. You'll find someone. Prayer helps too, divine intervention is an amazing phenomon.
What do you pray about?
Trusting Father God for the divine connection! I am definitely believing God is the only one that can do it for me! In Jesus name I pray! Amen
This is right on target, as usual. I am probably older than most of your subscribers, and my stance on revealing myself is opposite what it was when I was young, so I don't match the video on that point. I am going in right away with my whole intimidating self, ie. deep talk, lots of personal questions, total openness and calling you out if need be. I am not wasting a lot of time to see if you can be trusted; I want to know right away so I can do a door slam if you are a liar. When I was young I fell for that narcissistic mirroring act and got badly hurt 3 times in a row. I saw good intentions where there were none and did not confront people soon enough.
Yes, not caring what others think is a useful skill. The mirroring is a real thing and something we have to watch out for. It gets easier as we get older I think.
@@INFJcircle - Yes, I made the common mistake that young women often make of mistaking confidence for competence. People on the narcissistic and psychopathic spectrums are often very charming and confident. We didn't have all the information that this generation has to help us spot them. Being very empathic, as INFJs usually are, I attracted that type of men. They like to eat empaths for breakfast! When I got older I stopped worrying what others thought of me, since I realized they are mostly not thinking of me at all. People spend most of their time thinking about themselves. I also saw that the people who did not like me were almost always people whose values were so far out of line with mine that if they did like me, I would have to wonder what was wrong with me!
@Infjcircle as an INFP, I’m still struggling with the whole “not caring what others think” thing, but I’m trying. I use to not care mainly cuz I was so lost in my own world I didn’t seem to notice. 😆
Nowadays a little more aware that people can judge, so I’ve kinda shied away from being my full self out in public or around new people.
@@DoofenSpyroDragon16- If people are judgmental towards you, doesn't that say more about them than about you? I see finding that out as helpful in identifying the people you don't want to give your time to, leaving you time to find your real tribe....those people that really "get" you.
@@meagiesmuse2334I can relate
We don't do casual sex or polyamory, because there is no promising future in that dynamic. That's why we're selectively socialize, like the social introvert people we are because we don't settle for inauthentic and shallow connection. It's spiritually unhygienic because personal growth and self improvement, allows us to learn and discover the significance of our connection with you ( we digital read and watch podcast too). Jim Henson quote is true: people don't like to learn, but they hate what they don't understand. We don't like to be surrounded by envious people only supportive ones. We don't like being around rude people with no manners or any tactfulness like home training. We don't mask, we just withhold our energy back until we are sure about you with our personality without being fake to lure us out because once we devote to you we are riders until you get yourself door slammed
Yep.
I don't know that I could date another INFJ, I need someone who pushes me outside of my comfort zone, otherwise I just stay inside it and that's not good for me.
I agree ☝🏼
This is scarily accurate, right down to the LOTR reference. Plus, it is just easier to be single.
Love LOTR. lol. I agree about the single life too.
Way easier! You don’t have to share your stuff and I don’t have to worry about people complaining about my clock collection on the hour 😆
@@INFJcircle Have you read The Return of the Shadow, etc? So inciteful on Tolkien's writing process!
@@DoofenSpyroDragon16 LOL, my parents have a few chiming clocks at their house. Very difficult to sleep if I stay there overnight!
@@Squintillions most of em are in my bedroom 😂 but luckily they do have an auto night silence feature so they turn off at night. There are some that start up at 6am though, I sleep through those, I don’t know how 😆
Plz make a group of infj where we can learn or chat together & grow together in this world we feel alone !because everyone r so different for us
It would be nice but would we get enough people to join.
yes an amazing idea❤
@@spmoran4703 Every infj feels alone with this different world so yeah Wherever the reaches, there are chances that infj will join.🌹
@@Dr.Quratulain 🌹❣️let's make it together
Yes!!🎉
That so true. I am happy I found that channel and understood I am not alone. But I had to learn to be more careful about letting people in my life. First I was way too open and thought everyone wants real connection like myself and - oh boy was I wrong. Now I am way more selective. But also more often alone. But I prefer it that way because it is psychologically safer. Thanks for your videos!
Made the same mistake...
I’m also very open. I long for deep connections. I thought I had to be the one to select but from experience people tend to make it easy by not moving forward with me. I figured the real ones will stay. I just have to train myself to not overshare and become sad when I feel rejected.
"The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude." - Aldous Huxley
Thank you, Jay, for helping us all feel 'seen' and perhaps a little less insane (by society's standards). Excellent video as always.
Thanks for watching, and you are welcome!
Amen, my brother. Amen. Thankfully (& not so thankfully) I've been feeling invisible to those who wouldn't match up, anymore. Spares the bs...but also spares the hope of finding a match. To all my fellow INFJs, I love you all and you're perfection! ❤
The older I get the less I worry about it, that’s for sure!
I’ve missed your videos, Jay! You’re my favorite INFJ RUclipsr.
Thank you so much!! That means a lot to me.
You are 1 of 3 INFJ coaches that I watch. Love your sense of humor.
In relation to this topic, I personally believe that this might be one of the most important things or ideas in any INFJ's life.
We may be unique and different, but we are not much different than any person on the planet.
No matter your personality type or how you feel about the world or yourself.
We all need love and acceptance. It simply boils down to the decisions you make. Don't worry about the rest of society, it's little more than sound and fury.
Choose yourself and be happy.
Thanks for the content
Thank you! I agree, we all need love and acceptance.🙏
I attracted narcs all my life ...i tend to have at least 7 years between each relationship which may i add has never lasted longer than 7 years .... I am happy alone ...unless a narc comes into my life and fools me. I am getting better .....in time ...eventually I may just give up
They are very good at mirroring, and that makes them so hard to resist for us INFJs. They are attracted to our empathy as well, so it's a dual magnetism.
@@INFJcircle yup i am learning that sadly .
SO so true! I have been alone now for 25 years and I am relatively happy with this after divorcing a Narcissist after 23 years of marriage. I am alone partly due to loss of trust in the opposite sex and also because I dont fully trust myself to not go out a find another Narc. I have also learned to LOVE having my own life.
The part you said about learning and trying to share with people because it excites you, is so true. I find that my real friends don’t get offended, but others do and it’s you being your authentic self.
This is so spot on! I have been single for 10 years since I finally divorced my narcissistic ex. Every point you list is true in my experience. It would be great to find a partner like the one you describe, but then again....I don't go out to bars and clubs, I am rarelly invited to parties anymore (people in Sweden don't really have that many parties after 50) and datingapps gives me the creeps (they are horrible!). People often tell me that I am very beautiful, but even that doesn't seem to help! 😅 I notice that men (and women) often stare at me, but never come up to say hello (swedes are extremely reserved, I mean it - extremely!). And I feel uncomfortable taking the first step, since I, sadly, often end up with the narcissist! That is both sad and hilarious. Anyhow....I really like to be alone, so I just take it as is it. Thank you so much for this video!
As an infj myself I'm actually dating an infj too lol
Awesome 😎
Who's gonna save who, when the procrastination cycle sets it,😂
But who is going to save the other when the procrastination cycle sets in😂😮
@@temirin7134 My wife is an INFJ, too, and trust me when I say that she does not know what procrastination is - she's relentless to herself and constantly builds or creates something to improve "the nest".
Loving this INFJ comment section....Hi there tribe!
The best thing that has happened to me as an INFJ is getting older.
The way that we consistently build on our wisdom combined with all the hard lessons we learn as we are growing up means our lives get better and better with age.
As time passes we can begin to accept and love ourselves as we are without fear of other's judgement because we know that we are right to follow our heart and intuition and we stop giving a shit about what society's toxic ways say we should or shouldnt be or do. We can trust ourselves and we see through all the crap.
And being content with being single, is totally cool for as long as thats true.
Peace and love INFJs xxx
Yes, yes, and yes. I was married to a narcissist for 15 years, and have been single again for 15 more. And I despair sometimes of ever finding anyone who is 1. available, 2. close to my age, 3. interested, and 4. compatible. 😮💨
Right on about the educational videos! I got duped a couple times because many times when people I met said they liked certain science topics, it was more of a "status topic" rather than one of pure interest. And that's ok, I can totally understand why.
As for romantic love, I'm not gonna lie, it terrifies me. If I ever felt safe with someone enough to be vulnerable... oh man I could get destroyed so bad. So I just keep embracing that nice, safe, calm and stoic life approach.
I’m with you. About learning, yes, the status topic is real. Also, watching others do or learn something is something that most other types do, but the INFJ wants to “know” things so they can influence humanity, and help the social dynamics of the world (or at least their little part of it).
@@INFJcircleExactly! Also I chuckled when I read the part in parenthesis because that was almost word for word what I was thinking when reading "when helping the social dynamics of the world." My part may be really small but I'm going to do it with gusto, gosh darn it!
Thank you so much for giving us comfort, validation and guidance. I hope you know how much you are appreciated!
I'm terrified as well. Been hurt too much. And high expectations so far have clashed with reality. It's a void inside, because we can love very deeply indeed
This was meaningful. Thank you. :) I've been to 36 countries and I'm just so shocked that no one seems to care or even asks about it. Like it's an every day occurence. I guess the irony is I achieve these feats because nobody does or did really make an effort. If I felt loved and listened to I would of probably never left.
Yes, it’s amazing how little people care about others (in general) and how they focus on themselves. If you do share the stories of your travels I’m sure many think you are arrogant or get jealous of you. It is a sad world sometimes. Stay strong!
Welcome back Jay. I’m glad you’re on the road to recovery.
Thank you!
That is true, we know what we want, and we stick to that idea till the bitter end, so to say. That is, till we reach a point in which it is meaningless to engage in any relationship, for it is already too late for that. But hey, some traits just cannot be changed. Better alone than in unsuitable company, even if that means remaining for oneself forever.
Agreed. We have to learn to love ourselves and our traits!
After a number of relationships with narcissists, even if I met the "right" person, I just don't want to do the work required to have the kind of "ideal' relationship I've envisioned. I much prefer hanging out at home with my cat, doing art, and learning about arcane subjects.
So happy to know I'm not weird for thinking of the ideal person to be in a relationship. Better to be single then trapped with someone who doesn't like philosophy.
As an INFJ I've never felt so related. My surrounding 's always changing relationship partners again and again and I'm still the only one who doesn't have relationship. I now know there 's nothing wrong with me nor I'm not lacking something.Thank you for uploading this video.
I added a partner in crime, a pup to give love to and she gives back. I understand it's not the same but it's much better than being alone. IMO. Misses your emails and videos. I'm glad your on the mend Jay. Your awesome‼️
Thank you! Yep dogs are great!
You had me dying at LOTR! 🤣😂🤣😂 I feel so called out 🤭🧡
This was exactly the pep talk I needed today after going out of my way to avoid a handsome and charming man who seems to be interested in me. His eye-rolling attitude towards drug addicts in our last conversation let me know he was not right for me, despite my never touching drugs at all. That guy is just too darned conventional to accept me just as I am.
You, Jay, "saw me" in point after point on this video. Thank you so much! 💜
Me precisely. Before I knew I was an INFJ…someone described me as perspicacious. Now I know what they meant …and what being an INFJ means 😊
I am thankful that I found your channel! I hope that I am not double sending this comment because I accidently clicked at the wrong time. As an INFJ who is now widowed and in my 70s, I find that being alone is comforting at times and yet very lonely. It would be a blessing to have an intelligent, supportive and loving man in my life, someone to love and support and nurture in return.
I'm infj male and dated a enfj histrionic femal, an absolute nightmare, alone we got along great but when out she was on every man in sight, brought fights on from men she was flirting with, and who knows how much she cheated, probably won't date again
I've had experiences somewhat similar this as well...A little TOO outgoing, lol.
I freakin love this video!!!!!! I actually clapped at the Lord of The Rings reference. But, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, I gotta warn you, buddy. You are tempting fate. You are gonna get struck by lightening. You talk about INFJ intuition, bordering on the psychic, I predict you are gonna be in love and making plans for marriage within a year. I'd bet money on it. I could not tell you why I say that. Maybe it's because I feel struck by lightening recently and I'm projecting. But I don't think so. Just consider yourself warned. Cosmic forces are on the move. P.S. Actually I know exactly why I said this.. It's because you are putting out so much great energy for INFJs that that energy is gonna come boomeranging around and knock you on your ass. Lol. Anyway, to any non-INFJ cynics out there, I'm not talking about me. I don't have limerant feelings for Jay. Something else is coming for him. I just feel it.
Hahaha, we sill see, we will see…. I am trying to put out the INFJ vibe, that’s for sure! LOL!
@@INFJcircle Well, sue me if I'm wrong. But I don't think so.
@@INFJcircle And just so you know. I've never made this kind of prediction before, even for people I actually know. Lol. You are special. I'm feeling 'guided' to tell you that. I can't explain any better than that. And the whole 'guided' thing is new to me too. But my understanding it that when good messages come through, one is obligated to pass them on, even when one looks like an idiot. Lol.
@@INFJcircle I'll just tell you, when you said you wouldn't get married or something to that effect, the gut feeling that hit me hard was, he couldn't be more wrong. It actually made me belly laugh spontaneously when you said that. Which is how I 'know' I'm not wrong.
@@INFJcircle God, the gods, angels, spirit guides, who ever they are 'upstairs' , they are laughing at you right now. Which is why I'm taking this tone. The message being, 'boy, is he gonna be surprised.' They do have a sense of humor, just so you know.
I'm an Intj single male looking for an Infj queen 🎉
Thanks for all of this. Discovering all this at 34 is fantastic. Not even upset I didn’t learn it sooner, though it certainly would have helped. Probably not a surprise I believe things happen when they’re meant to. Glad I am here now to learn and move forward.
The explain why im both blessed and cursed in being single.
Just when i doubt my infj self you explain me without knowing me like a psychic lol🤯
Hypocrisy is one of my top pet peeves, in individuals and in larger institutions. Also when people try to downplay my intelligence because I'm not talking about the things that all the regular people are talking about. It's rare to find people who appreciate your particular interests and talents. I spend long stretches single myself for these very reasons. Not that I mind being alone 😸
Same here as INFP. Wanting a deep, meaningful connection really narrows down the field.
I am intp.
Welp this all resonated. Great video!
Awesome! Thank you!
I am the most INFJ person ever😵 it’s such a complex or foreign concept to be a complete hermit who is emotionally profound… that’s why I find it difficult to date. I’d rather jump into marriage directly but in this day and age, it’s harder. So I just stay single…
True & Funny commentary😊
Thank you!
“All you ever have is opinions” is a hard one to shake off from a partner.
ive been single for some time now, both in friendships and romantic relationships, that is really hard to imagine someone who could match my standards. In my case, while being through a very difficult transition in my life while having no one around me (or online) to support me, i learned to come inside and connect with the most loving energy of the divine where i feel understood and replenished by this connection in a way that humans just cannot offer. When i look outside, no one matches this level and maybe never will and i am ok with it. My source is inside and i will always feel nourished by it.
I understand how you feel! I get more replenished from connecting to the divine energy encompassing and filling humanity at large, (even sometimes through random or brief encounters), than I do from personal relationships with a specific other person. That’s part of why I don’t feel the ‘need’ to have a partner, though I’m sure there would be lovely things about having the right partner… maybe even one who shares this.
Thank you for another great video 🤗. I was single for long times in my life and had only a small number of relationships. I’m married for 7 years now with an ISTP man. He has a good character but it’s often tough too, because we are so different. Sometimes he tries to understand things I feel and I try to explain it. But with his kind of brain he doesn’t seem to understand at all. I don’t blame him for that.
To be true sometimes I miss the times when I lived alone.
Your channel is really helpful. We might be special and rare but there are still some people out there who understand us ☺️.
Yes, there are people out there. Glad you found one.
So true! I got married older that average. Next week we will celebrate our 23th anniversary.
Congrats on that!
I legit have no interest in dating whatsoever. And you called me out with the educational videos, I just watched one this morning 😆
Yes. You are right on and I need this sort of explanation to help myself to not feel guilty about enjoying being alone. Thank you!
This is such a great space! Thank you, Jay, for these very helpful videos. Cheers to all my INFJ friends!
The thing is we just can't be with anyone. We have standards and values and that's good. I know we attract narcissists, I had a lot of narcissistic friends and I got rid of all of them. No doubt they still stalk me, they try to be friends with my friends so somehow they can get into my life but you know how it is once we slammed a door on you, it's not opening again.
Perfect and all the reasons you listed i absolutely agree as an INFJ. Also the moment you mentioned attracting narcissists - yeah they have the ability to play the perfect partner so well. So yeah i am begging to settle with the idea that i may remain single forever, although i really dreamed of being in a committed relationship for a very long time. What an informative video!
Infj-t. Fun fact. I like talking about the weather because it is light slightly impersonal and yet deep on a subtle way way to get to know someone. It helps me know if someone pays attention to the moon, what happens in the sky, nature, the seasons and their physical environment and how in tune they are with the rhythms within their surroundings. It is a great way to test for depth of moods and compatibility and values. Without them knowing a simple talk about the weather and I have learned so much about your personality and temperment. Just in case any other infjs out there needed this tip/social hack. Bc yes other things get exhausting and I would rather talk about the weather than hear celebrity gossip of a culture I don't tune into. So moral of the story sometimes weather talk can be deep depending on how you talk about the weather.
You are really spot on, even on the narcissists part. I hope one day I can meet my SO. Never been one for futile relationships, but dealing with CPTSD has affectedy my love life too much.
My desire to learn has indeed attracted very nasty comments and behaviours, I made the mistake of thinking we are all One and therefore linked somehow. But this world is based on competition even if it often leads to unhappiness
I didn’t even know about this INFJs personality, but this explains me so well, this explains me to a tea.
I'm trying to give myself grace and space to heal for as long as I need while not totally closing myself off to any opportunities, but after spending over a decade in a relationship that became toxic and codependent and seeing my ex do everything I predicted they would do afterwards, it's really hard not to feel jaded and distrustful of people. It feels like most people spend most of their lives chasing other people rather than working on themselves and learning what a healthy relationship is supposed to be like and how to truly care about and be a partner. After doing a lot of self-reflection and study I've had to come to terms with the fact that I can't be in a relationship with someone without that deep emotional connection and deeply emotionally investing in it, and I don't have it in me to put all that heart and care into someone again that can't reciprocate the same level of respect and dedication. I'm not perfect and I don't expect someone to be perfect or to feel as much as I do, but it seems like expecting someone to be an equal partner and respect and accept me is too much to ask. If that means I'll be single for the rest of my life, after everything I've experienced, I think I can live with that.
Excellent compilation, as usual Jay 👍😊
Thanks so much
INFJ. Found my guy, but yeah, hitting all the right qualities was rough.
Welcome back my fellow INFJ!!!
As an infj: dont talk to me about the weather unless you're prepared to talk about the CLIMATE. Of the whole earth. Possibly even some other plabets😂😂😂
Yes haha!
Hello! Thank you for the insight!. Generally, I don't date. Not because I am not open to a relationship, but because I don't really come across many men who are kind, fun and interesting/attractive (to me). I can usually get two out of the three, but that third quality is quite elusive. And, while I am not really big on socializing, I do get out and about, following my own interests, alone. So, there is always a chance I might run into some magical creature who peaks my interest along the way. Who knows. I am cool either way. Enjoy the day my fellow INFJs!
Your deep dive into the personality which is in fact your own personality is impressive.
I felt heard after watching this. Just like that it made my day. Thanks!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Anything but the weather or other small topics.
Weather can be a great topic
Especially severe weather conditions and the science behind reading the sky.
@@tribalroselr to each their own. No need to talk about the obvious as we are all experiencing the weather without talking about it.
I'd be reading The Stand or The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. 😊
I've been single the majority of the past almost 21 years since I split with my ex-husband.
I've been told quite a few times that I'm "too picky and I'll be alone forever."
None of my "pickiness" is superficial stuff either. I have no problem with being by myself, my standards aren't going to be lowered.
I pretty much just "people watch" on the one dating site I'm on because the area I'm currently in is definitely not one that I fit into/would find anyone in this or the immediate surrounding counties.
"stand by the exit and see if you can find someone who is trying to escape"... lolol
"Get outta here smegal" had me giggling on a deeper level.
Thank you for making this group ❤
I never feel like I can connect with anyone with such fakery this day and age. Your videos make me smile and not feel so alone 😊
lol! Happy to have you here!
You have such a soothing voice. As a fellow INFJ, it can be dreadful to listen to videos with AI (especially when the subtitles are SO OFF!) or someone that is obnoxious or the background music is too loud. So, thank you 🙏🏻. If you are ever in Colorado, hit me up and we can dive into a deep conversations 😊.
Thank you so much! I appreciate that.
That person trying to escape is so real. I usually hang around the exit of after an event for a quick 2 minutes in case I find a little connection with someone and if I don't find anyone and no one walks up to me either within that time window, back to my cave.
Ughhh I Love sharing about articles I've read or information I've learned and I think it comes across as being a know. It all to people. I absolutely hate this because i'm genuinely just excited to share with other people. 😢
Trust your instincts and keep up your high standards and high moral values. There are very few people who will live up to these but NEVER compromise. Also, watch out for narcissists, always ready to exploit us. You are special and deserve to have only equally special people in your life. (Most people bore me mindless and I would rather read a book.)
jay-thank you for all you do. you make me feel sane in this crazy world.
You are very welcome!
I actually love talking about the weather because I see weather as the language of the Earth. Weather can effect everything for that day and I enjoy sitting with people admiring nature :) But I realize I’m an oddball
I am an infj who is generally always in relationships. I think it maybe because I don't place a man in a position of needing to understand and agree with my complexities, just acknowledge my uniqueness. It also helps that I am generally always willing to listen to and improve my partner. married 10 years.
"The nerve!" 😭😭
Good mirror. This was spot on.
Emmet Otter ROCKS out LOUD!
Yes!
In the intricate dance of social interactions, we often find ourselves as silent observers who sit in the shadows, yet our presence is subtly acknowledged. We are the quiet guardians of the emotional climate, sensing when someone is overwhelmed and feeling the tension that others may not perceive. It’s in these moments that we step forward, offering solace with a simple assurance that all will be well.
But how can we, as INFJs, navigate these waters with grace and ease? How do we connect with another soul who shares our depth without the prying eyes of the world watching?
Consider the power of music, the art form that speaks directly to the soul. In the right place, at the right moment, a melody can transform the atmosphere, and lighten the heaviest of hearts. As INFJs, we understand music's profound impact on the human spirit. So, why not use it as a tool to create a sanctuary within the chaos? A carefully chosen song can be a bridge between two kindred spirits, a way to communicate beyond words.
And so, I pose a question to you: In a world where we often feel the need to shield our true selves, how might we use the universal language of music to foster connections that transcend the superficial layers of social interaction?
Really enjoyed this Jay. You have a great sense of humor and really appreciate your understanding on this whole personality thing. ❤ 😊
Thank you! Means a lot :)
"It's a trap" big love admiral Akbar
He knew what was up 😬
Lol. Yes he did.
100% accurate! Even Lord of the Rings lol. I'm absolutely loving these videos of yours. Keep up the great work!
Glad you like them thanks so much for watching!