3 RUTHLESS Ways Narcissists End Relationships
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- Опубликовано: 9 фев 2025
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They are the ultimate score keeping, revenge plotters. They are not emotionally capable of letting things go. It only builds, with interest.
I started getting closure when I realized I’d never get closure, 16 years after she’s died I still did not realize I needed closure. She left me with alot of damage and unanswered Questions and I could not ask for that when she was dealing with a terminal disease because I was her only care giver. Believe me when I say tried everything to get resolve, I went through all the narcissistic abuse trauma bond and even lost myself. I pray for those who are dealing with this type of mentality. Run away for your own good.
That's a very difficult situation. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, and I hope you feel like there's some closure now. It's always an internal job 🙏♥️
I had a best friend of 40+ years. He dated women etc but we (guy friends & our wives) never really met them... He met this one girl. After a few weeks of dating her. He approached me & said "you guys (my wife & I) gotta meet her". We met her, she was great. Outgoing, nice looking, grounded, smart, successful etc. She became friends with my wife over a period of months, along with being friendly with my wife's girlfriends as she was from the midwest. He loved everything about her. He dated her for a year then ghosted her 2 weeks before Christmas. A few weeks later & I asked him we were out watching football in Hoboken, Where's Lauren... He replied with "I don't know I haven't seen her in a few weeks". I said "a few weeks???" He cited his reasoning as blah blah blah... I pointed out to him that everything he just said to me was what he previously loved about her! WTF? You aren't 21 years old, You're 40! & you just do this to a grown woman? My wife & I were shocked. She was really upset with him & I told him never bring another woman around us because this is what you do & it ridiculous. This is the reason why we've never met any of his previous relationships (if you could call them that) all through our 20's & 30's. He was very secretive about all that stuff. Turns out he's a malignant NARC. He'd come to our home @ the beach & show up on Sunday night, not Friday night (Holiday weekend) & we'd got out dinner., get some drinks & come home go to bed @ 1am. Then Monday morning @ 5:00am we'd hear him slip out the rear sliding door. No goodbye, no nothing, just gone. This happened 2 or 3 times before my wife asked me "What's wrong with your friend"? I asked him "WTF are you doing?" He gave some word salad BS response... All in all... He won't answer the phone or reply to texts. After years of this, our entire group of friends has written him off. A guy we've been tight with for 40+ years, gone. We stopped inviting him to the beach & I haven seen or spoken to him in 7 years. I deleted his contact info & that's that.
@@Sideler74 I’m struggling to understand where and how in this story you realised he was narcissistic. He could have commitment issues. He could have body image issues. He could have another mental health condition. Is there more to the story?
I just lost my parents 6 months apart, and home this October, and im scheduled for serious dental surgery. My narc of 10 years hoovered me in again before my dad died and took me in after he passed, and waited till I was most vulnerable and dependent on them to recover just before surgery to discard me. Your videos have helped me understand how to respond correctly and see what's really going on... It's like you got her number. I feel like I've been bit by a zombie and now I'm a zombie too.
I was able to walk away first… I was brutally honest with myself and realized nothing was ever going to change, and it would only ever get worse. This really rocked their world and she went out of her way to try to get me fired and ruin my reputation - but it backfired and she got fired instead. It took a long time to recover but at least I was finally on the right track again.
My narc discarded me after 10 years together with a dear John letter! Even though just a few weeks before she was professing her undying love for me!
Never got an adequate reason for it, and so closure never came to me. I just had to accept that I'll never really know.
That was 3 years ago, and I'm still messed up from it.
It'll be 3yrs for me in November. She Never let go of her HS Love and went back to him. Getting Married this Summer
This video is so relevant to me. After several years of being with a woman who I believe had covert narcissism and BPD, I was replaced and discarded. After two months of no contact from her, I went over to see her, a few times, to ask her what she wanted. Each time, she refused to answer: she refused to give me closure -- and that was despite the fact that I'd spent most of the relationship as a prisoner. Yes, "cruel" is very much the word -- how can anyone be *that* selfish?! The whole relationship was about her. Nevertheless, I'm glad that she's gone: I had no life with her, and so I've been set free. Whenever I feel angry, I try to remember that the experience has been a blessing because I've learnt so, so much -- wish I'd learnt all of this years ago. Thank you SO MUCH, Christina -- I found your channel fairly recently, and it has answered some questions that I had; your vids on the empath-vs-narc issue are great! Exceptional content. ❤🌈🌈
Absolutely no accountability
Thank you.
Follow you, Lise LeBlanc, Dr. Ramini and Dr. Carter.
Michele Lee Nieves is also awesome. These experts are helping us a lot. I pray for them everyday for their good works.
My 4 favorite channels on Narcissism: Common Ego, Lise LeBlanc, Danielle Radin, Dr. Ramani
Sam Vatkin is also excellent. Very academic but painfully honest.
@@justasimplesomeone He is the best. To know narc from the core, Sam Vaknin is the best. And to get healed, Dr. Ramani and others are best.
@@justasimplesomeone thanks for the suggestion!
Only halfway through the video and it's SO good but I gotta tell you I love your hair fixed that way. It's super pretty on you! Now back to the topic at hand... healing!
Thanks! 🙏❤️
This is something my mom did to me. I was finally starting to reach a point in my life where I could say things were beginning to look up for me, I was starting to have hope for the future. That's when she stopped talking to me, calling me...And it crushed me, got me feeling like, maybe I deserved it for some reason? And I got back into old habits, and started doing poorly again both physically and mentally. It's been a few years now, and I am working on my health again, and I plan on getting on the right track again and moving far far away.
#2 was what i went through, absolutely heartbreaking, and despite that discard, i still wish them the best.
Just emotionally exhausting because all i did was care and they used reactive abuse against you
It is exhausting. I hope you're in a better place now 🙏❤️
As always "perfect timing" for your new video.
I love your video content, soothing voice, fashion style and background. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
PS You're wearing my favorite colour 😊.
Thank you! And it's my favorite color too! 😊
Besides the love you share, your hair looks amazing😊
My narc had been doing threats to kick me out, I keep telling him to make the choice, we'll he finally did make that choice, so I got up and gathered all my stuff into my room in prep to leave the next morning, no anger, just leaving. Well, he got really scared and changed his mind because i was grey rocking and he couldn't read me - I was serious.
Call their bluff. They are the scared ones, especially when they can not control you.
That was so helpful ❤thank you.
I’m an avoidant and I would never pack up and leave someone. That’s not avoidant, that’s toxic.
Thank you for your videos, had this kind of relation in the past and he really hurt me. I was tired and at my lowest from this habit of putting me down, blaming me for it, and suddently lovebombing me before starting all over again. Had to go no contact, but the last time she tried to contact me i understood all the manipulative things she tried to use, and it made it a lot easier to stay away from it. Really, thank you
I ghosted the narcissist after he twisted a simple request-asking him to turn off the light-into an accusation that I was trying to control him. His response?
*"You're trying to control me."
*"You're telling me what to do."
*"You're making me angry."
*"You have unrealistic expectations if you think I should turn off the light in my own apartment just because you want to sleep."
And when I didn't want to cuddle and pretend nothing had happened, it continued:
*"You're too sensitive."
*"You're being dramatic."
*"I don’t know if I can be with someone who has such high expectations."
*"You always make a problem out of nothing."
*"I couldn’t have done anything better."
So, I complied. I apologized for asking, comforted him, and cuddled him-while I lay awake all night, unable to sleep.
By morning, I found an excuse to leave early. When I got home, I packed his things, dropped them at the post office, blocked him everywhere, and never looked back.
I refuse to let anyone shame me for voicing my needs, for having feelings, or for thinking for myself. I won’t be with someone who doesn’t give a damn about my perspective and weaponizes my vulnerabilities just to win an argument over the damn lights.
I won’t waste my time explaining something to someone incapable of understanding-because empathy simply isn’t in his vocabulary.
Does it feel wrong to ghost someone? Maybe. But playing fair when the other person never does only makes me the perpetual loser, and I am done with that.
All Facts. I had a Health Scare and my Ex Narc Picked a Bad Argument with me so I could Go Off and tell her I can do this Anymore. The Plot was Twisted that I Kicked her and my Son out when in Actually she was Back Dealing with Old Supply from 25+yrs ago. Now they're Getting Married this Summer and She Will Release all that Narcissim on His Ass unless he one too. Then they'll Both Be Miserable
I feel like the ghosting ones is the easier option, cuz they made NC pretty much all but certain (unless they pop back up randomly)
The narrative about narcissists seems to be way more underdeveloped than it should be in our day and age. Of course these tips are helpful for the people that find themselves dealing with narcissists. But why have we not been able to shift the narrative and help narcissists before they develop. Why are there not enough resources in schools? Why is therapy so expensive and the waiting lists so long? In this world where you can be judged by millions of people online, why are we still talking about narcissists like they’re animals. They are human and the system failed them as much as they have failed you. Walk away, but don’t treat a narcissist like an animal because then who is the one who really lacks empathy?
Wise comments!
empathy for narcissts is what keeps the abusive cycles going
@@SCORPIUSANCTUM I disagree. Empathy is different to forgiveness. I don’t agree that’s it okay to forgive narcissistic behaviour especially if it’s harmful to you, but I do believe empathy can promote more helpful conversations around mental health and supporting people before they become narcissists. There’s such harmful connotations to being called a narcissist that foster blame and shame rather than anything useful. I do believe if there were more support for narcissists in all areas of life e.g. work, school, then I do think that it could be de-stigmatised and more productive conversations around treatment and healing can be encouraged. We’re all human. I’ve watched a lot of these narcissist videos and it seems like everyone speaks of them like they chose to have a mental health disorder.
I don't agree that empathy for narcs is what keeps abuse cycles going; you can end a relationship but still have empathy for that person. Empathy isn't reserved for those who we deem to be good.
I agree with a lot of what you've said, Jaheim; however, I watch a lot of videos about narcs on RUclips, and not all of them are judgemental; some of them take the "moral relativist" approach. Nevertheless, it does need to be acknowledged that some personality types are destructive -- as long as people aren't being demonised, then I think that that's fair. I don't feel that Christina's videos are judgemental; they've answered quite a few questions that I had, and they have proven to be very beneficial to me. I recognise that my ex didn't choose her personality and that I wasn't all good. Nevertheless, it is very, very frustrating to be in a relationship that is 100 per cent about the other person's needs -- and then, you get discarded. A narc needs to realise that it's selfish and cruel to do that to someone. But that does not mean that I see narcs as 'bad'.
I agree. I find your experience quite insightful too. The thing that concerns me is that NPD normally forms through experiences or environmental factors in one’s life, with sometimes a genetic predisposition to the disorder. In a sense, these Narcs tend to walk around unaware of their behaviour until it shows itself in a relationship or the breakdown of friendships etc. And then when they get called a narc, they come on to RUclips and they see video after video saying how terrible narcissists are and how far you need to stay away from them to be happy. I understand not all the videos out there are like that but it seems to be a lot. Where are the videos offering help for the narcs? Where are the videos that teach breathing techniques, that point you in the direction of therapy or that reassure you that it’s okay to not be okay, but it’s important to fix trauma? There’s such a negative stigma around narcissism that I think it takes away from the fact it’s so common and so easy to develop through trauma. I think the language around narcissism is rightfully supportive of the victims, but I think it also does a good job of making the actual narcs even more vulnerable to themselves by confirming how terrible of a person they are.
Christina thank you for being here. I have checked out for two months. I'm very thankful your email hit me today. I hate work.
#4: (all of the above) Filing legal action in the form of an ERPO; no opportunity to gather evidence in your defense, only option to fight back is expensive lawyers, meanwhile you are legally restricted in movement and speech.
pros!
I have a question. How can kids reach out for help? I was betrayed by teachers twice, and then gave up when things got worse for me at home. It cost me years of compounded grief.
I am not finding the link to the older video where you put their actions into words
If you click to open the description and scroll down, it should be there, but here’s the link m.ruclips.net/video/dK_pmWio3ug/видео.html
Can you please make a video of scenarios when this exact description does comeback but what happens to her when you stand up to her.
I’ll share real quick but delete so please read. Everything you said is what happened. Her “reason” was that she fell out of love. We came back from San Francisco two months prior. The only thing I remember in that two months of how talking to her was like pulling teeth. There wasn’t anything leading up to the day of breakup in hindsight. Nothing was discussed once. It wasn’t an official breakup neither. After a week of ghosting she reappeared and said she fell out of love. And she said she needed space. Our relationship was three years. I thought I’d give her space and get in touch after two weeks. When I did, she said, don’t waste your time coming over I’m happily with someone else. Super blunt just like that. I thought she was calling my bluff. Come to find out “in two weeks” there’s a picture uploaded with him and they both have matching outfits. I was in pure shock. I also saw on social media of her relatives talking bad about me. I didn’t know they felt that way. Even worse, I didn’t even know who they specifically were. One of the comments was, “that’s another reason why he’s a douchebag.” Like wtf. Within that first year of break up she would go to places I’ve taken her. But she would send me a snap in caption, “do you still come here?” with her new man in the picture. I couldn’t tell if it was out of spite or if she’s that clueless in the impact she’s disastrously creating. I ignored it. I ignored everything. Ten years later (2024), she shoots a text out the blue asking to catch up but if im uncomfortable she understands. I couldn’t decipher about this “if you’re uncomfortable I understand” comment of where was coming from. I initially played it cool like good to hear from you. But I made an excuse to not meet her. After four months of rumination, it bothered me so much I basically sent a text like thank you, but no thank you. When she said we don’t have to meet if you’re uncomfortable. I knew she was playing it down. Here’s the stinger: I told her, I’m uncomfortable in catching up as if you’re single when you’re not. She was already married. I told her everything about how the break up affected me. She said her reach was just a “friendly hello.” I told her, the way she ended it was cruel. The betrayal was so intense I couldn’t even trust my 😂grandmother at one point - so no it’s not just a friendly hello. I told her boundaries are currently being crossed by all parties involved and that I respected her husbands boundaries. She said she understands and what I said was valid and that she wishes me the best - which I think was really an exist strategy out the conversation. I told her I wish you the best, success and god bless. I told her “even though I don’t believe in God,” as a follow up text coz I know she suddenly now does. That was my way to say, we’re not the same.
No mater how many times her behavior proves to me I can never go back, I still am hopeful for something. I don't know what I'm looking for.
I was discarded 3 times. I tried to be what she wanted to the point of forgetting who I am. Her cheating was my fault. Lol. It was all my fault and a year later I am still fighting with myself Thai it wasn't my fault.
I am sorry for everyone that has or is going through this. Going through this now in America is made harder by having to see the abusive use of gas lighting in our government. I now understand what PTSD means because every time trump or his people speak, I have flashbacks. I now understand triggers and what happens to my brain and my body when it happens. I hope with this new understanding I can learn how to change my reaction.