I'm a man who has been dating a narcissist. Her behaviour has caused me such pain. I used to be confident and happy. I felt like I was broken. Your videos have been amazing! I feel a wave of relief. I've just been discarded again. Now I understand why and know what to do. Thank you again so much!!
Rejection, because it triggers a deep childhood fear of being unsafe. Everything stems from that, and their entire existence revolves around trying to control the outside world to soothe their distorted and underdeveloped inner world, controlled by fleeting, underdeveloped and misunderstood emotions, rather than asking themselves why does everything seem like an existential threat and doing something about that.
My sister is a narcissist. She can not tolerate criticism, and will shut it down with hostility and aggression. And will simply walk away. She has never apologized to anyone in her life, and has literally never accepted responsibility for anything. She pulls out all the defense mechanisms when confronted. She struggles with compassion and empathy, and will front she is with these things, but you can see how painful it is for her. She'll expect praise and reward for doing anything that resembles kindness, and won't let you forget about it. On a superficial level, as a grandmother she can't even find a proper noun for her grandson to identify her because she's so vain about her age. She's lost friends, destroyed relationships with family, and finds solace in vice. Last year, I had to walk away from trying to maintain a relationship with her. She flew into a rage, and created a narrative that I was crazy, and went on a campaign to smear me. She's a horrible human being. Pity.
@@emotionalarmor Cluster B personality traits do run through my family. Our mother is histrionic, and is wholly unaware of it. I became very attuned to things at an early age. I didn't come away clean, believe me. But I wasn't so prideful, either, in thinking none of it could affect me. I've been in therapy for over a decade, and it has helped, immensely.
If you want to get underneath a narc’s skin, be ALOOF & INQUISITIVE. You’re pretty much untouchable if you are, since they’ll be so frustrated by you, and won’t be able to do anything to hurt you back with their words, as you’ll likely not pick up on their passive-aggressive insults (esp. if you’re good-natured, because you may inadvertently interpret their words to mean something positive or constructive 🤣). I’m an INTJ, and make VERY poor supply for a narc. I was born into an all-narc family, but once I learned enough about narcs & healed substantially, I haven’t allowed new ones into my life-for the most part, I can repel them energetically. As an empath, I still do attract some, but I know what to say to them to make them go away -just observe them & ask something that hints at their shortcomings…and there are PLENTY to choose from! 😂
So many applicable answers in the comments! Well done everyone. 👌🏻 It took me a long time to figure out why my narc sibling was so hell bent on announcing her annual various "holidays" visits to the cemeteries of deceased family. First of course to make herself look thoughtful and sanctimonious. (only SHE cares enough) And secondly, and most importantly because she didn't have to worry about the interred- correcting, arguing, debating, contradicting her in any way. In the cemetery she had absolute power and control over the "dialogue" with the dead, unlike with her vocal, opinionated, intelligent living family members, whom she could never quite fully control. 😄😄😄
Thank god I found this channel. I'm male to female best friends. Although depending on who she's talking to that definition changes. She's got more best friends than fingers on one hand. To be shown the light and having that penny drop is mind blown. I've been told I'm a fairly intelligent person numerous times by various people but I've never felt so stupid after 2 years investment in a lost cause. I feel so dumb and to be honest humbled. They hook you in then after that nothing is good enough for them so you try and try and try... but still not enough. I now see her as a foe now and a game of chess. I think she knows something is up but I can't go no contact until next year. Until then I'll learn. My overwhelming sympathy and empathy to all you with a deeper connection to these so called people... husbands, wife's, family members etc. 💔 That Triangulation cuts so deep 😒
Edit... I have other relationships and friendship and a massive support network but yet 90% of my time was dedicated to someone who wouldn't even actually care if you dropped down dead... well they would they'd call you selfish and attention seeking. But seriously... Good luck everyone and stay safe
Being average- I’ve never understood why people don’t like that. I always tell people I’m average, because I am. I have my quirks, but my definition and perception of extraordinary or super affluent is athletes, engineers, architects, builders, and artist (all types not just music). I am none of those things- but that’s also OK. so it makes sense that a narcissist feels offended or entitled that they are simply average.
Answer to question. Us. A narcissism educated former target. Makes the power dynamic switch. Silence is narc's sign you know their shtick and you are cold turkey done with them. It is a narcissistic injury and good supply loss. That hurts more than we care to know. It never should have gone on one day past that first day of realization of oh crap. All the criteria is there. Let the experts guide your discernment.
currently dealing with one now. I accidently exposed one before i realize who they are. Any tips/tricks/guides to stop them from going full crazy to end my life or career?
they need to rid themselves of all those fears you mention, something they can't do. So what do you see humanity doing about all these narcs roaming between us and tearing the fabric of family and society apart?
Mine did not fear criticism but it made him angry and offended. He literally would say he was being attacked and berated no matter how sweet I would say.. "you know maybe a really nice way to handle XYZ could be___"
MOCKLIMENTS are a fun way to “criticize” them. Just say the opposite of what they are, and even if they pick up on what you’re doing, what are they gonna say? Will they protest and demand that you stop giving them false compliments? 😂 It’s a win for you, since you don’t have to say anything negative, and you get your revenge by “insulting” them thru kind words. Very cathartic…you can feel the levity increasing & becoming lighter, even just thinking about it!
Could you do a video/do you have videos on dealing with a narcissistic employee as their supervisor? Your videos are helpful but sometimes not transferable to working relationships. For example, “no contact” is not an option when I’m trying to hold her responsible 😅 I have a narcissist employee who is constantly trying to manipulate her working schedule/tasks to her benefit, enjoyment, etc. Finding ways to avoid doing tasks she doesn’t want to do, etc. Doesn’t respond to emails when I ask for specific things, and then claims she didn’t see it, etc. I’m very aware these are attempts to control and manipulate. Can you offer tips on how to reapond/deal with this in a work relationship?
The last two on this list I can picture myself in. However, I'm not intentionally trying to manipulate people to be my "puppets."" What does that mean? is it just a sense of aspiration or something else?
Listening to this video, a non-narcissist guy have to accept to be disrecpected in front of others, accept to be ridiculised in front of others, accept to be exposed on anything, accept to be view of below average : all this by his gf ^^ Well in that case, better to be a little narcissist in my view, period. And I guarantee you not a single wooman will accept any of these things, it's ridiculous
So if I were to, say, publish a book about how I discovered what NPD was and used my past relationship as an example and named the pathologies and patterns and experiences I had before I had that understanding, that would be very bad for the person I wrote about if they truly had NPD? I wonder what I would title the book… How about The Sword that Divides as symbolic of a serpent’s forked lying tongue? Maybe someday. I guess I’d have to have no fear of being sued for defamation. Wouldn’t that be something?!? Imagine if I was even prepared for that. LOL THAT would be the days of days wouldn’t it?
I think I met a narcissist my new neighbour he will say something today and tomorrow he will deny and accuse me I am delusional. He drains me every time I speak with him. I was beginning to question my reality. it is so easy for him to do this. scary
Ha ha! My narc family is like that. I refuse to have anything than written communication whit them. So you can show black on white they are bs-ing at least themselves...
My wife practices "triangulation" with me in a difficult and very jealous way.. I can't stand her behavior. At the same time, I can't do anything.. She sticks to my friends, delivery men, salesmen, and strange men.. She does very cruel things towards me with men.. How do I resist that?
Christina, I think there needs to be a clarification on "criticism". Asking someone to eat at a table versus the couch is not criticism, but a desire or perhaps a complaint. A narcissist may interpret a complaint that way, but that does not make it criticism. You also mention criticism as something an emotionally stable person may use to improve themselves - but it is not. Gottman defines criticism as the first of the Four Horsemen, "criticism is an ad hominem attack on your partner’s character. In effect, you are criticizing not a specific action or behavior, but your partner as a whole person."
My point there was that their hypersensitivity causes them to see almost anything as criticism, which they don’t handle well, similar to how they could see anything as rejection or a slight against them. So you can’t always even avoid the landmines 🙏❤️
@@CommonEgo Thank you Christina. I am perhaps sensitive to the topic myself having been on the receiving end of an endless torrent of very calculated "criticism" from a narcissistic ex.
Assuming you are not talking about NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), and are speaking to the idea of someone holding narcissistic traits. I feel that a lot of content creators should make that clear so as to not spread misinformation about a real mental health disorder, especially with a platform as big as yours. It feels a bit irresponsible to not make this distinction clear.
Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
Garlic, holy water, a silver crucifix and sunlight?
Hilarious! And yes- all of those. 👍🏻
😂
😂😂😂😂
Thanks for the laugh...sounds like you know her too lol
😂😂😂😂❤
Being alone
Being found out
Reputation in community
Being labeled as a liar
They think, we think we are better than them. Truth is WE ARE better than them.
Exposure. Self reflection. Telling them no.
That last one explains a lot
I'm a man who has been dating a narcissist. Her behaviour has caused me such pain. I used to be confident and happy. I felt like I was broken. Your videos have been amazing! I feel a wave of relief. I've just been discarded again. Now I understand why and know what to do. Thank you again so much!!
Exposure
Abandonment
Loss of control
accountability, responsibility
Rejection, because it triggers a deep childhood fear of being unsafe.
Everything stems from that, and their entire existence revolves around trying to control the outside world to soothe their distorted and underdeveloped inner world, controlled by fleeting, underdeveloped and misunderstood emotions, rather than asking themselves why does everything seem like an existential threat and doing something about that.
Intimacy, authenticity and accountability.
Abandonment, exposure, criticism, losing in competition, being broke, loss of supply, loss of control.
My sister is a narcissist. She can not tolerate criticism, and will shut it down with hostility and aggression. And will simply walk away. She has never apologized to anyone in her life, and has literally never accepted responsibility for anything. She pulls out all the defense mechanisms when confronted. She struggles with compassion and empathy, and will front she is with these things, but you can see how painful it is for her. She'll expect praise and reward for doing anything that resembles kindness, and won't let you forget about it. On a superficial level, as a grandmother she can't even find a proper noun for her grandson to identify her because she's so vain about her age. She's lost friends, destroyed relationships with family, and finds solace in vice. Last year, I had to walk away from trying to maintain a relationship with her. She flew into a rage, and created a narrative that I was crazy, and went on a campaign to smear me. She's a horrible human being. Pity.
Yikes! Thank you for sharing your story, I hope you can find peace with the efforts and the life you live. I heard NPD can be genetic too..?
@@emotionalarmor Cluster B personality traits do run through my family. Our mother is histrionic, and is wholly unaware of it. I became very attuned to things at an early age. I didn't come away clean, believe me. But I wasn't so prideful, either, in thinking none of it could affect me. I've been in therapy for over a decade, and it has helped, immensely.
They hate the TRUTH!!
If you want to get underneath a narc’s skin, be ALOOF & INQUISITIVE. You’re pretty much untouchable if you are, since they’ll be so frustrated by you, and won’t be able to do anything to hurt you back with their words, as you’ll likely not pick up on their passive-aggressive insults (esp. if you’re good-natured, because you may inadvertently interpret their words to mean something positive or constructive 🤣).
I’m an INTJ, and make VERY poor supply for a narc. I was born into an all-narc family, but once I learned enough about narcs & healed substantially, I haven’t allowed new ones into my life-for the most part, I can repel them energetically. As an empath, I still do attract some, but I know what to say to them to make them go away -just observe them & ask something that hints at their shortcomings…and there are PLENTY to choose from! 😂
My mother is like that with everything you said. She is a Narcissist.
So many applicable answers in the comments! Well done everyone. 👌🏻
It took me a long time to figure out why my narc sibling was so hell bent on announcing her annual various "holidays" visits to the cemeteries of deceased family. First of course to make herself look thoughtful and sanctimonious. (only SHE cares enough) And secondly, and most importantly because she didn't have to worry about the interred- correcting, arguing, debating, contradicting her in any way. In the cemetery she had absolute power and control over the "dialogue" with the dead, unlike with her vocal, opinionated, intelligent living family members, whom she could never quite fully control. 😄😄😄
Abandonment. Humiliation. Isolation.
Thank god I found this channel. I'm male to female best friends. Although depending on who she's talking to that definition changes. She's got more best friends than fingers on one hand. To be shown the light and having that penny drop is mind blown. I've been told I'm a fairly intelligent person numerous times by various people but I've never felt so stupid after 2 years investment in a lost cause. I feel so dumb and to be honest humbled. They hook you in then after that nothing is good enough for them so you try and try and try... but still not enough. I now see her as a foe now and a game of chess. I think she knows something is up but I can't go no contact until next year. Until then I'll learn. My overwhelming sympathy and empathy to all you with a deeper connection to these so called people... husbands, wife's, family members etc. 💔 That Triangulation cuts so deep 😒
Edit... I have other relationships and friendship and a massive support network but yet 90% of my time was dedicated to someone who wouldn't even actually care if you dropped down dead... well they would they'd call you selfish and attention seeking. But seriously... Good luck everyone and stay safe
The only powerless narcissistic tyrant is the one everyone has left behind. Let them rule over their kingdom of one.
Being alone..A super empath.. a recovery empath who has gone through their healing journey. Welcome to my world.
This one really explains a lot. Thank you Common Ego.
Being average- I’ve never understood why people don’t like that. I always tell people I’m average, because I am. I have my quirks, but my definition and perception of extraordinary or super affluent is athletes, engineers, architects, builders, and artist (all types not just music). I am none of those things- but that’s also OK. so it makes sense that a narcissist feels offended or entitled that they are simply average.
👍🏻
This is so true. Not being okay with being average is a red flag
I love your content, thank you. Also, you have a wonderful sounding voice.
Narcissists worst fear, being alone.
@@racebannon96 And yet- they alienate everyone around them, until they are alone. They're self-saboteurs and don't know it. No sympathy from me.
Answer to question. Us. A narcissism educated former target. Makes the power dynamic switch. Silence is narc's sign you know their shtick and you are cold turkey done with them. It is a narcissistic injury and good supply loss. That hurts more than we care to know. It never should have gone on one day past that first day of realization of oh crap. All the criteria is there. Let the experts guide your discernment.
currently dealing with one now. I accidently exposed one before i realize who they are. Any tips/tricks/guides to stop them from going full crazy to end my life or career?
Not being centre of attention. When they speak everybody else has to stop talking and listen to their Bs bc they superior to everyone
Spiders!
0:40 I TOTALLY CALLED IT!
they need to rid themselves of all those fears you mention, something they can't do. So what do you see humanity doing about all these narcs roaming between us and tearing the fabric of family and society apart?
Mine did not fear criticism but it made him angry and offended. He literally would say he was being attacked and berated no matter how sweet I would say.. "you know maybe a really nice way to handle XYZ could be___"
MOCKLIMENTS are a fun way to “criticize” them. Just say the opposite of what they are, and even if they pick up on what you’re doing, what are they gonna say? Will they protest and demand that you stop giving them false compliments? 😂
It’s a win for you, since you don’t have to say anything negative, and you get your revenge by “insulting” them thru kind words. Very cathartic…you can feel the levity increasing & becoming lighter, even just thinking about it!
Even misperceived criticism, does the trick 🤔
It sure is hopeful to see there are nice, smart, empathetic women like our channel host. Divorce from stbx final in December.
Could you do a video/do you have videos on dealing with a narcissistic employee as their supervisor? Your videos are helpful but sometimes not transferable to working relationships. For example, “no contact” is not an option when I’m trying to hold her responsible 😅 I have a narcissist employee who is constantly trying to manipulate her working schedule/tasks to her benefit, enjoyment, etc. Finding ways to avoid doing tasks she doesn’t want to do, etc. Doesn’t respond to emails when I ask for specific things, and then claims she didn’t see it, etc. I’m very aware these are attempts to control and manipulate. Can you offer tips on how to reapond/deal with this in a work relationship?
They love to play the victim
Accountability
The last two on this list I can picture myself in. However, I'm not intentionally trying to manipulate people to be my "puppets."" What does that mean? is it just a sense of aspiration or something else?
I have a mild feeling that infantilisation does not support their superiority complex
Listening to this video, a non-narcissist guy have to accept to be disrecpected in front of others, accept to be ridiculised in front of others, accept to be exposed on anything, accept to be view of below average : all this by his gf ^^
Well in that case, better to be a little narcissist in my view, period.
And I guarantee you not a single wooman will accept any of these things, it's ridiculous
Indifference or narcissistic injury.
So if I were to, say, publish a book about how I discovered what NPD was and used my past relationship as an example and named the pathologies and patterns and experiences I had before I had that understanding, that would be very bad for the person I wrote about if they truly had NPD?
I wonder what I would title the book… How about The Sword that Divides as symbolic of a serpent’s forked lying tongue? Maybe someday.
I guess I’d have to have no fear of being sued for defamation. Wouldn’t that be something?!? Imagine if I was even prepared for that. LOL THAT would be the days of days wouldn’t it?
I think I met a narcissist my new neighbour he will say something today and tomorrow he will deny and accuse me I am delusional. He drains me every time I speak with him. I was beginning to question my reality. it is so easy for him to do this. scary
Ha ha! My narc family is like that. I refuse to have anything than written communication whit them. So you can show black on white they are bs-ing at least themselves...
Any advice on Farmer's.....
My wife practices "triangulation" with me in a difficult and very jealous way.. I can't stand her behavior. At the same time, I can't do anything.. She sticks to my friends, delivery men, salesmen, and strange men.. She does very cruel things towards me with men.. How do I resist that?
Get a divorce
@@factomator but i love her
@@magdyahmed5689 But she obviously doesn't love you. That's a hard pill to swallow, but she's shown you who she is.
Christina, I think there needs to be a clarification on "criticism". Asking someone to eat at a table versus the couch is not criticism, but a desire or perhaps a complaint. A narcissist may interpret a complaint that way, but that does not make it criticism. You also mention criticism as something an emotionally stable person may use to improve themselves - but it is not. Gottman defines criticism as the first of the Four Horsemen, "criticism is an ad hominem attack on your partner’s character. In effect, you are criticizing not a specific action or behavior, but your partner as a whole person."
My point there was that their hypersensitivity causes them to see almost anything as criticism, which they don’t handle well, similar to how they could see anything as rejection or a slight against them. So you can’t always even avoid the landmines 🙏❤️
@@CommonEgo Thank you Christina. I am perhaps sensitive to the topic myself having been on the receiving end of an endless torrent of very calculated "criticism" from a narcissistic ex.
😊
A particular former President
" You´re fired !! "
Economy was still better under Trump…. Civilians have no clue what suffering is
Jesus is our only Hope. Jesus is our Healer. Jesus Loves you. Don't forget your first Love.
Assuming you are not talking about NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), and are speaking to the idea of someone holding narcissistic traits. I feel that a lot of content creators should make that clear so as to not spread misinformation about a real mental health disorder, especially with a platform as big as yours. It feels a bit irresponsible to not make this distinction clear.
Abandonment, exposure, criticism, losing in competition, being broke, loss of supply, loss of control.