"Jan's Story" Tells Of Love and Early-Onset Alzheimer's
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- Опубликовано: 22 июл 2024
- CBS News Correspondent Barry Petersen discusses, with anchor Emily Smith, his new book about his life with wife Jan after she develops early on-set Alzheimer's .
Just finished reading Barry Peterson's Jan's Story. Great book. I do not know anyone with Alzheimer's, but learned enough to understand how the disease can affect the family. Thank you, Barry for sharing your personal story.
I highly recommend this book to everyone - both young and old. What a poignant story of love, truth and life's very hard choices.
Barry, You are an extraordinary person. I first saw this story on CBS's Sunday Morning and saw it again recently. Each time brings me to tears. Such a touching love story! I wish you strength for this journey; and Mary is part of that strength.
Thank you so much for sharing the details of the progression of this disease.
My hubby has Alzheimer's, diagnosed six years ago, and I am his sole full-time caregiver. I can so painfully relate to everything Barry has said. And I can say that if I were the one with Alzheimer's and our roles were reversed, I would definitely want my husband to find someone to share the rest of his life with. Unless you've been there, no one can imagine the loneliness and isolation of caring for a loved one with this horrific disease. I ache to have that intimacy (not so much physical as emotional intimacy) and share close companionship with someone again. It has nothing to do with my wedding vows. I will always love my husband, but he is gone - just his body remains alive. And as MaryNell has done with Barry, anyone coming into a relationship with me would have to know and understand that I am a married woman. I am a Christian, by the way, But this is NOT about morality or unfaithfulness, which you come to clearly understand when walking this difficult path where the rules have all changed.
Oh I love this so much. My wife has ms and basically whole invalid but her mind going down. I want to move in ldr. Lots of pushback
Jan and Barry's story is bittersweet. How can a few of you sit in judgment over a situation that you know nothing about? I'd suggest you read his book. I have and purchased a dozen more for friends and family over the last few years.
Our story is similar but quite different.
When my wife was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer's in 2011, she told me that she knew that I'd take good care of her. She then asked a very tough question... "Who will take care of you when I no longer can?"
I laughed it off and refused to talk about it until three years ago when I saw a text on her phone begging one of her friends in our neighborhood to come and visit her. She never saw her again and most of her other friends had distanced themselves.
Again, she wanted us to find someone to be a friend for us both, even to the point of trying to fix me up with some of the single ladies in our community.
At that time, I too, exhausted from the day to day stresses and loneliness of full-time caregiving was at an all-time low and felt my health suffering. It's a well-known fact that all too often, the caregiver dies before the patient with dementia.
I promised my wife that I'd never place her in a facility and she would be with me until the very end. I even wrote a piece on it that is published in a Chicken Soup for the Soul Book.
So, together, we joined a dating site. Both of our photos were displayed and I said that we wanted a companion to enjoy life to the fullest.
I was adamant that it wasn't anything other than a platonic relationship.
My wife sat beside me, paged through over 200 responses and, after weeding out the obvious gold diggers, loonies, and baggage laden losers, we met a few in person. I also said that I would not meet anyone for the first time without my wife present. I wanted to see the compassion in their eyes for her, as well as my wife's response to them.
For one reason or another, we never found anyone who was perfect for our situation so I quit the site and took a few months off. Many of those we met either online or in-person continue to be Facebook friends.
Two years ago, on another site, we met the perfect sweetheart for us both. She and my wife immediately bonded. They're like sisters. They go shopping, visit friends and family, get hair and nails done and, as an alternative family of three, are always together.
We've done a lot of travel and have been giving my wife a quality of life that she'd never been able to have whether in the best facility or just me, a completely depressed, burned-out caregiver. She no longer knows my name, that we're married but she knows that she's surrounded by love and the constant smile on her face tells me we're doing the right thing for her.
Speaking of marriage vows. How does anyone know what was said at a wedding? Traditional vows were written in the 1400s.
"In sickness and in health" ??? Back then, someone got sick then died a few days later. Their bodies were left outside for the wagons to pick up the next morning. There was no such thing as 10 years of 24/7 caregiving.
So, you people can criticize as much as you want from your haughty position of ignorant condemnation. You know nothing, see nothing beyond your own myopic viewpoint and finally, feel nothing in your shriveled little hearts for the thousands of caregivers, both male and female, desperate to find a little affirmation and peace as they watch the loves of their lives taken away by this cruel disease.
... One brain cell at a time.
A beautiful story. we also project our own fears about being in this situation. you have truly met an amazing woman.
I'm so happy for you. You are still a great husband. Your wife and girl friend are special.
My husband first experienced confusion and loss of memory in March of 2000 while undergoing rehab for alcoholism. Being home seemed to help him until 2006 when he gradually began experiencing Alzheimer’s symptoms. He had four to five hours a day where he wants to get a "greyhound" to "go home." Also, he thinks I am his sister and believes he has rented a car (he hasn't driven in five to 10 years). His personal hygiene was in the tank - it was necessary for him to change two to three times a day. Without long-term insurance for his care, it was becoming stressful to care from him. this year our family doctor introduced and started him on Healthherbsclinic Alzheimer’s Disease Herbal Tincture, 6 months into treatment he improved dramatically. At the end of the full treatment course, the disease is totally under control. No case of Alzheimer’s, hallucination, forgetfulness, and other he’s strong again and able to go about daily activities
thank you geico for delaying me from hearing about the horror of hearing about my diagnosis.
God bless Jan. ❤
I've never heard of early-onset dementia 'till recently...I guess it wasn't recognized by the medical community until a few years ago, leaving doctors saying, "We don't know what's wrong with him (or her)...We just don't know".
Of course I myself will never call it early-onset dementia...I will always refer to it as "accusations disease". Why a.d., you may ask.
I call it that because when a 70 year old person does things like; put the car keys and cell phone in the refrigerator, or forget where they parked the car, or put motor oil in the gas tank of a lawn mower, everyone accepts that as understandable because of how old the person is. Everyone accepts the fact that an elderly person is prone to doing those kind of things, and old age gets the blame for it, where as the blame is not placed on the shoulders of the person himself (or herself). And as far as messing up at work all the time, an elderly person is usually retired and does not work, thus job performance is never an issue.
However, because of the way the mainstream population thinks (or due to the ignorance of the mainstream population), when someone who is in their 40s does those things, along with making mistakes one after another at work, everyone accuses the affected person of just about everything under the sun...And someone that young is still holding down jobs and working, thus job performance IS a relevant issue.
Fellow co-workers will say of someone affected with e.o.d., "I just KNOOOW he's gotta be on some kinda illegal drugs. The company needs to do a drug test so they can fire his ass".
Another co-worker might say, "Naw. He's screwing up on the job site on-porpoisely (a cherub riding porpoise back) to get attention. He keeps THAT up, he's gonna get the kinda attention he didn't expect or want".
Another one might say, Aw, Hell. He's just plain dumb as a box of rocks...He's gonna get someone killed on a job site one of these days".
I've seen it before with a pipe laying company I use to work for, Central Florida Underground. We had a guy who was younger than 40 who seemed like he had difficulty staying focused on the job.
And I once heard Duane Whitman, who was the 2nd in command of our crew, say about that guy, "Anyone who's as stupid as he is has GOT to be on drugs".
Our crew chief, Joe Waterman, use to holler and cuss at him all the time.
Some workers on our crew called him, "The most dangerous thing the company has".
So that's why I will always call such a wicked disease as that "accusations disease", because someone who is still young with those symptoms gets all kinds of accusations launched their way by others of some really crazy stuff.
Thus, I believe I've coined the first nick name for that condition..."accusations disease".
Ironic or not: it's tough not to judge the folks who are judging him. Jan passed a decade ago. Here's best wishes to Barry and Mary Nell... forever.
to put your wife in caring center and than bring to her your mistress is disgusting . I don't know how I feel about You ?
It amazes me how so many play god and think they can attack a man that till the day she died was there for his wife Jan. Have any of you cared for an Alzheimer’s patient? The mind deteriorates so much simple living tasks become dangerous. They cannot be left alone. The caregiver doesn’t sleep. Such ignorant comments from so many that know NOTHING of what he has went through. Shame on you all for being so hateful.
Yes. There nothing more stressful than caring for an Alzheimer's patient. We all need a relationship but with someone in their right mind.
Him putting her in the nursing home is not the problem. the problem is him getting a gf and moving on so fast.
difficult decision to start a new relationship......🤮🤬😡 and takes her to visit his wife........disgusting.
THE ANSWER IS IN THE VOWS YOU TOOK WHEN YOU MARRIED JAN, SIR!! HAVE YOU CONVENIANTELY FORGOTTEN THOSE??
she is in a hospital, it's not like he abandoned her, and does not take care of her. he has lost her to some degree. so in a sense, she is not his partner. i think its hard but he should have another partner.
You will never know what you would do, until it happens to you. Don’t judge. That’s his life’s journey, not yours. Be glad about that.
@@robind.phillips2129 marriage vows.
Karen Miller You will know one day. When your time comes, please be ready to apologize to those people you ignorantly hurt.
WOW! How ignorant you are ... you will eat those words someday
Really
All you wanted was another woman.....your wife is locked in her mind with you as the only man she loved......you should feel ashamed of your self
Did you watch the story stupid? He is a stranger to her?! She doesn’t know him anymore.
do the words" BETTER OR FOR WORSE MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU " MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU
He does not seem genuine at all. I wish she had never goen through this, but at least she doesn't have to know what a jerk her husband is.
Yours is coming. You will suffer and eat your dam words one day. And I will laugh at your suffering.
I Refuse to buy a book from a guy who thinks its okay to cheat on his wife because she has dementia.
A lot of men cheat on their wives for no reason other than pleasure. He had a wife who was basically gone and would only get worse.
@@judithwerner5301 That does not mean that he can whore around. I still won't buy his shitty ass book.
knew a man who did the samething to his wife sorry jerk
Should be called “ Soaring Ignoramus”
This man took the easy way out. Sure he's getting care for her but he is making himself feel better. My mom got dementia and had to go into a nursing home but he visited her every day and did not attempt to have a relationship with anyone else.
Why didn’t you care for your mom? Why did she go in a nursing home? If you wanna play god,why didn’t you care enough to take care of your Mom?! See how it feels.
@@Dollygirl66 my stepfather and sister decided to put her in a nursing home...it was not my choice...I was working full time to support myself and my daughter and my stepfather had congestive heart failure and died one year later.
@@Dollygirl66 and I went to her every other day, brought her out and took her places, made sure she had everything she needed for the 11 years she was there!!! I gave her all my extra time because I WANTED to. I worked 50-60 hours a week as a GM for McDonald's and took care of my house, my daughter, my pets and my nephew! Dont preach to me!
@@Dollygirl66 many people with Alzheimer's tend to go wandering as soon as someone's back is turned, endangering themselves. Going into Memory Care somewhere is the best and kindest thing you can do for a person with Alzheimer's simply to protect the affected person.
Sick that they report this perverted story. It’s adultery
Go back to the 18th century where your morals are. No place for it here.
So getting a divorce would be wose than taking your GIRLFRIEND with you to visit your wife?? Not judhing but obe must ask...just how much is Jan Petersen worth? hmmm
Nothing, some sad guy,where did love come into that, I could not see it, at all, Only me, me me, What a sad personification of Love and what Love, is all about, a very sad person WHO KNOWS, HE MAY FIND HIMSELF,,,, with this desease one day good lSo sad Person.
How would divorce make you feel better about it? Is Alzheimer's disease moral grounds for divorce? I don't think so! He still loves her, and always will. That hasn't changed, but she is gone! How would she benefit from him spending the remainder of his life alone?
@@stellabrook9633 yes, you could not see it because you didn’t live it as he did stupid.
This story is disgusting! This man is AWFUL! He took vows when he married to love his wife JAN 'in sickness and in health' and has used her illness as a 'get out of jail free card'. Diseases happen to people in marriages and does not VOID them. Life isn't always easy and many people give love and quality to their spouses lives, even during horrible illnesses. If assisted living is needed or anything for treatment it's fine but bringing a mistress to her room is disgusting! Humiliating his wife by bringing in his lover and knowing Jan lacks the ability to to have an understanding of the situation is nauseating. If your spouse is ill and you want to move on with your life GET A DIVORCE. To bring the person who you have given your spouses place in your life to and to mock your wife by inserting them into her life when she is unable to discern relationships is disgraceful, devaluing, dishonoring, discrediting and humiliating to your spouse as a human, your 'wife', friend as family member to those who love her. So your right to not take it personally, it's not an individual's evaluation that is qualifying but rather a moral and civilized one that stands in judgment. Stand with your spouse or divorce in any situation. Society rejects those who treat people with illnesses or other life challenges with no respect putting them in situations they would have never allowed themselves to be in if healthy. This situation repulse me! I can't believe it was aired, instead it should haven shunned by people aware of the situation. My heart goes out to Jan. She has been violated by a horrible disease and her husband. Both assassins continue to take from her every day... one takes her mind the other takes essence, mocking her inability to express herself regarding treatment that was known to be unacceptable when she was not impaired by illness. Shame on her husband and his lover!
all you people are so ignorant. I hopeif I reach that point of alz that my wife moves on when I no longer can even know who she is that she takes an new person into her life that he'll be as good as this man's new person is. Did I like this man. That' s irrelevant. Excuse my typos, this upset me'
My husband has Alzheimer's. I would never dream of leaving him. He told me himself that he knows..knows..what he wants to say, but it just doesn't come out the way he wants. He understands what's going on, just can't respond. Who knows what these folks are understanding and hearing. And, for how long. I talk to my husband like he understands me. There are moments when he can answer. I will always talk to my husband, and I will care for him, always...
@@Cynthiazigg you don’t know so, shut up. Your husband too will reach a point where he won’t recognize you. You will eat your words one day.
Comes across as smug and self gratifying.
He's still married. No matter what we think he's still a married man. It's wrong to live with another woman.
Life gets complicated. Not everything is black and white.
Hey “grateful” be grateful you don’t live this mans hell. I have been a caregiver also. Stop playing got ignorant person.
@@Dollygirl66 It's wrong. He promised till death.
@@grateful1929 he did take care of her till death! Why is it wrong? Have you cared for a loved one with Alzheimer’s? If not please shut up. You have no say.
@@Dollygirl66 He was having sex with another woman. That is adultery. I'm not being mean. Read the Bible. I'm sure it was terrible but God never said it would be easy. He said He'd be there for us.