Your not my friend.. endless i see you face to face an call you one i wouldnt dare give you the privilege of a having one friend.. till then farewell..
I sincerely don't understand people who's afraid of staying single. I mean, imagine all bad, horrible, abusing marriages wouldn't happen. All loveless unwanted kids wouldn't be born. All people who just cannot build a healthy relationship wouldn't start one. World would be a much better place. And I always recall the words of some man secluded on a tiny island somewhere in the Pacific: «First I was scared I'll go crazy alone; time has passed and now I'm enjoying to be alone»
Depends how old one gets. The general trend I have seen is that in the 20s people don’t care. In the 30s and 40s people really care. And then after that they resign themselves to it in their 50s.
That’s coming from a male perspective. Men have the upper hand now a days with all the thirst desperate women that just hook up and don’t expect to be dated or committed to. So men love being single and I see why! You guys just run around hooking up with no strings and living your best life. Now for women it’s not so great. If you have any sort of moral compass you end up alone because men can just drop you and move on to the next tinder girl who will deliver herself to your house, hook up and leave. It’s is a sad society for females right now and I blame women not men! We need to have more self respect and I wish men would value relationships a bit more. Just my opinion please don’t come for me in the comments lol 😂
I didn't meet the person of my dreams until I had grown enough myself first. I had to grow out of those old patterns of not loving myself enough, not valuing myself enough to name a few. I believe you get a reflection in this world of what you are and I couldn't meet an amazing person until I turned into something more amazing myself first, and then it happened effortlessly.
How long did it take you to grow out of these patterns? I thought the exact same thing that you need to love yourself first but now I’m in my 20s and the fact that so many of my friends are in healthy relationships and I’m single makes me feel even more worthless
This gives me a sense of relief thank you for this, I'm going to keep working on myself. I think there's so much to work on and dating will come along the way when I am ready.
@@ddppo8065 For me personally, I didn't feel that good about myself until I was 25-26 or something. With that said, we're all on our journeys and where we start and what we have to deal with is going to be different so comparing to another person doesn't make sense at all. Doing so will just lead to confusion. But it can be easier said then done, I did it myself also so I get it. I just focused on me and stopped waiting for a better day to come around cause that way, it was never going to come.
@@ddppo8065 you're still young. To echo what others are saying, use that single time to take ownership in becoming a better version of yourself. Discover your hobbies - get out and explore new hobbies on your own - and lean into them. Don't compare the length of your journey to anyone else's. You're on a different path
Being single just means that you still have improvements to explore and focus on yourself before the universe brings you together with someone. Mental health is one to focus on always before involving ourselves with someone's life.
I get your point but think of all the people in toxic marriages. Saying that single people need to work on themselves can be a myth. Many married people can be jobless, directionless, unhealthy, DV, and substance abuse problems. Hence why the marriage ends. Not all people get and stay married for love.
I think finding your favorite person is a numbers game and that's all there is to it. Falling in love is easy-- people are beautiful. Staying in love and finding someone your heart would choose again and again is where it gets tricky
So true Mia. After the first few months once the butterflies wear off, it becomes about compatibility especially after discovering and getting to see the other person's imperfections because we all have them. From there, it's about how much were willing to accept/change for that person and vice versa. Like they say...love ain't easy lol
I only fall in love with girls that don't share the same interest...Pattern often being : she is interested in me but I don't have any romantic interest => her interest disappear => I fall for her.... Your situation is different but the main problem is the same. If you can't get into relationships or long ones it is highly likely that you are the problem. There are things you need to fix with yourself.
Depends on your stages and experiences in life. Before committing to a serious relationship, I prefer to find my own purposes and lifestyle. It will be much easier to spot what is compatible with me if I truly know what and why I want it. Instead of investing time in a serious relationship, as I am in my 20, I enjoy building friendship first and see how it goes
You may spend your whole life searching for your purpose and lifestyle. If that's the case then you're forever single. But hey, whatever floats your boat.
I am single because I don't have a strong personality. I am single because I am emotionally immature. I am single because I don't have a job. I am single because I am way too nice. I am single because I am not happy with myself. I am single because I don't like myself. I never understood and perhaps never will. I have been kind, loyal, and generous but at the same time, I was not emotionally mature. Despite meeting great people I left in the cold because I was always lacking something in my personality. I tried to fix certain things but nothing worked. The biggest takeaway is that loving someone is not just enough you got to have resources( finances ) to make it work.
You’re right in that most of my friends in successful relationships just picked someone they liked and were attracted to and both parties made the choices necessary for the relationship to flourish. I’m still single (kinda) and recently realized I have a paralysis of choice combined with a desire for freedom (of time, money, etc.) that keeps me by myself. Truth be told if I want a successful relationship I should just pick someone who treats me well (and who I’m decently attracted to), put in the effort and make good choices for the relationship. Not a guaranteed formula as you said but is the best bet. Thanks for the video Lana :)
been single for 18 years…. im 18 lol, no but seriously, it’s taken me a while to feel content about being “alone”. There’s a difference between being alone and feeling alone. And i do feel alone sometimes, but for the most part i am content w it.
"Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry "If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing." ~ W. Edwards Deming
The soulmate myth stays a myth till the moment you realize that you have to grow to their level or that maybe to have the true soulmate relationships you have to build this mateship with a person😉 and just as we build a friendship we have to look carefully if the other party response on our effort to grow with them. Because the opposite also exists: when one person gave all that they have hoping that this would help to move relationships forward while another party don’t demonstrate adequate response Middle way kids, we all have to choose the middle way. Don’t broke up with the first sign, but if you see that a person doesn’t response on your efforts to solve the problem… don’t waist your time believing that if you’ll be better than they will EVENTUALLY change No no no no
Being single is not a bad thing but sometimes is difficult because is difficult these days to find a person with values and with interest in commitment ❤
It is always ok to be single. There are a few things you can do to help ease your mind and stop worrying about being single. First, try to stay positive and focus on the good things in your life. Second, make sure to keep busy and engaged in activities that you enjoy. Third, spend time with friends and family members who make you feel happy and loved. And lastly, remind yourself that there is no rush to find "the one" - the right person for you will come along when the time is right. In the meantime, enjoy your single life!
okay advice time from someone who is the last person who should be giving it but: *the right person for you will come along when the time is right* - yes and no. They may come but if you don't play the lottery you don't have a chance to win it. aaand there are ways to increase your chances
I'm 24. In my culture, women my age marry between 22 to 24. My elder sisters had many suitors when they were my age but I haven't had any, and then several guys I've been interested in have rejected me. My three dreams in life are to marry, build a house, and graduate college (I have depression and thus still in undergrad 6 years later). Absolutely no guy looks my way, I make very little money because I don't have a degree, and I keep failing my classes. I am actively attempting to heal myself. I've been on antidepressants for 3 years now. They've helped tremendously but not in studying. I keep failing when I try to make more money, find a person to marry, and to succeed in classes. It is so difficult to not give up and just...well, not live anymore. People say it's okay to be single, but it is not easy to want to have a partner by your side and you don't have that. My friends are now either out of state to fue school, getting married, or are just really focused on their family. I have a great relationship with my parents and siblings, but I am just so ready to find a life long companion in a man. But it's just not working out. My issue is that I am rushing myself because I have been focusing on other things people have said, and I've failed. Things are bad, and I'm stuck.
Hey I hope you are doing better and there is always Light at the end of the tunnel Even If you can't see it Keep moving forward and I believe in you For me sports help me too feel good or listening to music I like helps me (Muay thai and football makes me happy most of the times) Keep going and do thing you feel are positive for you and others
i think cause we are born alone, it's ok to die alone, it's better to be on your own than being with someone who dont understand you and dont accept who you are
I agree with the growth mindset, the only thing you have to be aware of about 'being the right one' is just whether your personalities/ ideal lives clashed with each other's or not. That being said, I never tried to get into relationships because I simply don't feel attracted to anyone. Sometimes, I do try my best to observe how my friends feel attracted to someone, but I can never fathom it so I think it is fine.
The song is harsh but spits the truth! Strong relationships are built, I don’t believe in soulmates either. Sure, some of us are lucky pairings that have an easier time getting along, but there is no doubt that there are other possibilities out there. A partner is special because you CHOOSE them and continue to choose them over those other possibilities. These days there are so many options available with dating apps and technology as a whole, many people continue searching for someone better, instead of trying to make an existing relationship better.
"Many options" is just an illusion. We don't really have as many as we tend to think. The fact that you can see thousands of people on a dating app, doesn't mean you can create thousands relationships. And do you need thousands or just one which is working? Yeah milions of people have dating apps while being lonely or single.
@@cheekymonkey5150 exactly! It’s an endless pool but most will only get nothing but a glance. Fewer deeper relationships are good for both platonic and romantic relationships in my opinion. The dating apps can be a cool tool, but most users tend to be pickier because of how many people are on there. Idk it a tough one.
Not everyone wants to be in a relationship. There was days where all I could think about was being in a relationship again. But deep down I knew I didn't want that. At least not for a long time. There is more to life than being in a relationship. So for anyone that is single, don't feel bad about yourself.
@@matteobertaggia True. But I'm just speaking from my experience, that's why I said "Not everyone" and I was also just encouraging others not to feel bad about them selves for being single.
I think the reason most people's live fails is that they view "themself" as a quantifiable thing. They believe that they need to meet someone who fits them as if they are something that should not be changed. So many people operate under the belief that it's important to be "true to themselves". In reality, the key to any good relationship is compromise. If you aren't willing to do that, you will never be happy.
Such an insightful video! Having a soulmate is fun to believe in, and definitely an easy way to justify not having success with a person, but I do agree that every relationship, and every love, requires a willingness to grow on both sides. Thanks Lana :D
Because of my problematic addiction, it was tough for me with girls but this year has gave me some good news. As a 25-year-old young man, i'm still doing what i can to be a way better man than what i was in the past.
I had to laugh at your opening song because I immediately thought of The Blowers Daughter song which ends after a series of obsessive love lyrics: "Till I find someone new." I believe in multiple compatibility for sure, but I also believe in the soulmate myth having experienced the intangible lightning strike moment as well as ridiculous fondness for someone that made no sense, but the thing people miss is there's a lot of tragic myths with soulmates that often end in heartbreak and disaster due to star-crossed. So I do not recommend holding out for that person seeing they'll come along regardless, but just be wary of what it all entails. And it can be magic, like for example a waitress interrupting our lunch outing to say "this man loves you and you should marry him" for absolutely no reason and a ridiculous energy between us just by being near - but again, charms are not always good and can end in disaster. It still takes two responsible individuals who want to make it work and stay with one another but often timing and the trappings of life can interfere in even a solid relationship. For me it was always leaving things with ex-lovers on a positive note or rather owning my part in the failure or just recognizing it was time to let each other go due to life goals such as she wants to move to x and I don't want to because family or career. If you start viewing your potential love interests as someone you want to be happy and healthy and you have the ability to enhance their experience, besides just the hookup physical mindset which is not love or even a relationship, then you'll stand a better chance of forming a long lasting relationship that you both enjoy. I usually tell people you're 100% responsible for 50% of your relationship and don't be afraid to lead or lean in. I've had both friends that became lovers (which is the best result ftr) and dating success where we got to know one another, but the whole forward projecting and approaching it like some contest (like when people say "we've been together for 15 years..." and I just think how friends of mine have slandered their partners consistently in private with me - it can be one-sided and last sadly) is just a tell that you're concerned more about the viewed perception than the experience. The way I know people aren't in a healthy relationship is when they refer to everything as "we." Also the thought process of "take me as I am" is a huge red flag/cop out just the same because I'll put to you: would you take the crack addict that is prone to sleep around behind your back as they are because love? No. Get over yourself and start to be the person you'd want to date because like does attract like.
i'm somewhere in between, growth plus destiny, I kind of believe in both. I have been single for a long time now but i feel ready for something real now and I think I will be more towards growth idea even if I believe in destiny as well. Great video Lana! Well researched!
Hi Mihaela do you believe true love is real? Let me know. Great smile by the way thank you :) Claudia was this girl in the second grade that was actually my first love ages ago haha :) ... I was missing her a lot when they moved to Germany... Chiao Bella
Meeting love is destiny, but keep it going and growing it requires efforts for sure. I think there is a line between worthwhile effort and deal breaker. It'll depend on each person though, but as an example, an abusive partner is a deal breaker, rather than something you should compromise.
And congratulations for completing 1 million subscribers it's a milestone you have reached here with all your tremendous ardrous work abd consistency!!!! 💜💜💜💜
Thank you so so so much Lana for this video because its truly truly helpful to me in my life and I love your videos a lot you inspired me a lot and I wish you reach 2 Million Subscribers very very soon!💞✨☺️
This is a good video! I’ve never been in a serious relationship but I thought it was a mix of both, you meet this person, you feel it in your gut or feel warm around them and viceversa which makes them your soulmate, then whatever problems that come along (that are logically solvable) are meant to be worked out together, no relationship is perfect, but if you believe this person is worth spending your life with some uncomfortable conversations are necessary right?
Most people remain single just because they lack understanding of many things and each other, and also break ups happen just because of misunderstanding. So I think everyone needs to understand each other and how things go in life in general.
Sometimes I think I want someone just because I am temporarily lonely. The feeling of wanting to be with someone is amplified when you are in your darkest of places. I realize I have that tendency. I have to suppress those impulsive notions of flirting with someone just to feel good without ever thinking how that person may feel once I got bored and eventually let go. I have remained single and will remain such unless I am psychologically healthy and well.
i think thats best honestly, currently im working on myself first, to be the best possible partner for my future spouse should i ever find one. am i perfect? no, will i ever be? no again, but i at least try, like you said, to make sure im psychologically healthy, so that the relationship works best for both myself and for my partner. also, you cant expect others to love you if you dont love yourself!, a quote that really hit me and remind myself of regularly.
Single or not you are a beautiful woman and any man would be lucky to have you in their life. Being single, even though it may seem unfair etc isn't and doesn't always have to be a bad thing. Most people are single and happy.
Why people believe that being in a relationship is the ultimate happiness😅I lived as a single person for almost all my entire life and now in my middle 30’s I wouldnt change my independence and peace of mind for any long term relationship in the world.❤The day when you learn to be happy and love the way you are as a person will give you so much peace in your life ,happiness and joy😊
I think being single is good. I've been this way all my life. What actually wonders me is if people who don't want to stay single are ones who might've experienced societal pressures from whatever influence whether it be parents, siblings or mass media influence. Whenever I see someone strolling down the street with a partner or a kid/s I think: Is this exactly what society told them to have? Apparently, most of the people don't put the effort to be mindful and consider everything before committing to a relationship/having kids. This might explain why the divorce rate continues to soar. The future is not guaranteed. So true!
when you are single, you are given the greatest opportunity to become your best self, to learn to love yourself more deeply, and to be in love with life so when you do meet your balance, you can give love and be love more freely and truly!
The most precious thing in life is to love and be love. I have a friend who walked away from her fiancee because she said she wasn't in love. Until this day she is still single. For some they need that attraction, just like that saying " search your soul, search your heart, search the world but when you see me you will search no more".
I don't believe in soul mates but i do believe in soul matches. Out of 100 people there will be a percentage of those people that fit your puzzle piece a lot better than the rest. But all love requires work, compassion and understanding. Leaving your relationships to fate and destiny is absurd and reckless in the most extreme. I think meeting someone special can have an element of the supernatural, serendipity. But to make it work for years, requires a farmers mindset. For things to grow, they must be nurtured. Sometimes they need constant love and attention, especially at critical junctures. Sometimes it's giving them space so they can flourish on their own.
im at a point where i have to be financially n emotionally stable before having the desire to get into any relationship back in college it was the opposite.. i kept switching gfs n the longest one that lasted was only about 4 months. now i think the more valuable i become (financially, well being etc) the better the chances that i can get to have a solid partner n most importantly not waste my time
Wednesday uploads really surprise me. Normally, I'd wait until Sunday. This video is so interesting that it must be watched multiple times. I appreciate your work so much.
I can be right. I appreciate you. This information is Priceless. I couldn't be more agree with you. You should to keep good work. If you planning to come turkey please share on social media. Sense of structure is very important.
What a nice quote and true words. Not sure where you are living if it’s in Sweden or Norway, just found your channel through Nathaniel Drew. I immigrated to Norway 10 years ago more in Northern Norway and I have to say it’s very difficult to find the right person or person as there are not living so many people here. On the other hand if you got to knew new people they move away. It’s a special clima here and seems not to be for everyone. There is no perfect person I belive but it’s also from what perspectives
I think the term soul mate it tarnished over time. I think the original meaning was it the person who you fall in love with so much, that your bound to them. When they pass away a chunk of your soul goes with them. Its more of a poetic concept than real. It is a risk of sacrifice in the name of love. So far my dog, family that passed have left this mark on my soul and i know my parents will when they are not here.
I believe a person is meant for you. At the same time, having a good relationship with that person requires compromise and effort. So, in my opinion, a growth-mindset and destiny-mindset are not mutually exclusive. Let me know what you think :)
I think the term soulmate is just a term. We all meet one best suited for ourselves. What is wild is there is 1,000’s of potential people that work harmoniously with us we will never meet. It’s about finding that one person that best fits the criteria.
I disagree with some of the points made here. You can believe in soulmates and still have a growth mindset. Like me. I believe soulmates are just ppl we were destined to meet but that dooesnt mean you were supposed to be together forever. You learn and grow and move along in your journey and you work on the relationship cause thats such a logical thing to do. And the saying "if its meant to be it will be' just means that you shouldnt have to chase someone who isnt putting in the same effort into a relationship which I think is a great way to navigate dating
hmm…i love the description of these two polarised mindsets! however, i do believe that this isn‘t a black and white thing or „growth“ vs. „destiny.“ I do kinda believe in both, i do believe we are destined to meet certain people or be in certain situations in order to grow. meeting your „soulmate“ doesn‘t just stop there. even if i feel like i‘m meant to be with someone, we have to work on our healthy relationship regardless. for me, destiny and growth have to coexist and always go hand in hand, as it is my destiny to become the best version of myself
Aside from the traumas of various situations not working out, I'm kinda stuck in both camps (destiny vs growth)... If you ask me if I believe in love at first sight and soulmates I'd genuinely tell you no, but at the same time my experience is far too aware that we naturally gravitate towards certain people (sexually and platonically) and certain people we don't. I'm so aware of this natural gravitation and how great it feels that I have very little motivation to put effort into creating a connection out of thin air; I suffer from *needing* for moments to happen organically. However, once in it, I'm not under the illusion that you can just ride that organic wave forever. Nor do I believe that she and I are meant to be forever. I believe two people have to grow together and have the patience and communication to do so. Her imperfections can be a great thing, sometimes even a turn on..but I also have my share of insecurities about my own imperfections that give me cold feet, as well as anxiety that I'll be unwanted soon enough no matter how great the honeymoon phase is. I also suffer from hating the societal pressure of making it seem like that instant cupid-esque destiny is inevitable, but me knowing myself well enough to know that I would much prefer an organic, "earned" slow burn...yet me having little desire to initiate the latter because, quite frankly, if we just met then I have very little to read off of...yet feeling pressure to push for something anyway for fear of losing the opportunity (or judged for being uninterested, despite that not being the case, if I don't make a move fast enough), ...yet that pressure being the very thing that can turn me off. If we're both interested and find each other interesting then it should just happen, is what my gut says...but my brain knows that life isn't like the movies. Translation: I can't get a text back lol
I'm such a "destiny believer" and honestly is so difficult because I'm always asking myself if I should be with the person when they do something I don't like. And honestly it can be hurtful for the relationship :(
The first 1,000 people to use my link to sign up will get a 1 month free trial of Skillshare: skl.sh/lanablakely10221
I believe that if its meant to be it will be and love shouldn't be that hard.. I'm not going out of my way.. PS I'm not a sea horse..
@@Warriordan44 good for you, friend
Your not my friend.. endless i see you face to face an call you one i wouldnt dare give you the privilege of a having one friend.. till then farewell..
I'd say everyone beleives in destiny, I'd say some people just value their own effort of trying to change their destiny
I adore these Wednesday uploads 😊
Being single is not as bad as people think. ✌🏼🤴🏻
I sincerely don't understand people who's afraid of staying single. I mean, imagine all bad, horrible, abusing marriages wouldn't happen. All loveless unwanted kids wouldn't be born. All people who just cannot build a healthy relationship wouldn't start one. World would be a much better place. And I always recall the words of some man secluded on a tiny island somewhere in the Pacific:
«First I was scared I'll go crazy alone; time has passed and now I'm enjoying to be alone»
Depends how old one gets. The general trend I have seen is that in the 20s people don’t care. In the 30s and 40s people really care. And then after that they resign themselves to it in their 50s.
@@lordofgingers I'm in my mid 30s, and I couldn't care less. I'm single and the happiest I've ever been
That’s coming from a male perspective. Men have the upper hand now a days with all the thirst desperate women that just hook up and don’t expect to be dated or committed to. So men love being single and I see why! You guys just run around hooking up with no strings and living your best life. Now for women it’s not so great. If you have any sort of moral compass you end up alone because men can just drop you and move on to the next tinder girl who will deliver herself to your house, hook up and leave. It’s is a sad society for females right now and I blame women not men! We need to have more self respect and I wish men would value relationships a bit more. Just my opinion please don’t come for me in the comments lol 😂
@@tektauron perhaps. But what were your 20s like? Out of curiosity?
I didn't meet the person of my dreams until I had grown enough myself first. I had to grow out of those old patterns of not loving myself enough, not valuing myself enough to name a few. I believe you get a reflection in this world of what you are and I couldn't meet an amazing person until I turned into something more amazing myself first, and then it happened effortlessly.
How long did it take you to grow out of these patterns? I thought the exact same thing that you need to love yourself first but now I’m in my 20s and the fact that so many of my friends are in healthy relationships and I’m single makes me feel even more worthless
This gives me a sense of relief thank you for this, I'm going to keep working on myself. I think there's so much to work on and dating will come along the way when I am ready.
@@ddppo8065 For me personally, I didn't feel that good about myself until I was 25-26 or something. With that said, we're all on our journeys and where we start and what we have to deal with is going to be different so comparing to another person doesn't make sense at all. Doing so will just lead to confusion. But it can be easier said then done, I did it myself also so I get it. I just focused on me and stopped waiting for a better day to come around cause that way, it was never going to come.
@@ddppo8065 you're still young. To echo what others are saying, use that single time to take ownership in becoming a better version of yourself. Discover your hobbies - get out and explore new hobbies on your own - and lean into them. Don't compare the length of your journey to anyone else's. You're on a different path
Right
Being single just means that you still have improvements to explore and focus on yourself before the universe brings you together with someone. Mental health is one to focus on always before involving ourselves with someone's life.
Beautiful
I get your point but think of all the people in toxic marriages. Saying that single people need to work on themselves can be a myth. Many married people can be jobless, directionless, unhealthy, DV, and substance abuse problems. Hence why the marriage ends. Not all people get and stay married for love.
I think finding your favorite person is a numbers game and that's all there is to it. Falling in love is easy-- people are beautiful. Staying in love and finding someone your heart would choose again and again is where it gets tricky
No It isn't. That's easy
Not being able to stay in love is a YOU problem cause It isn't hard at all
@@HibiTeamQueso I agree! It's harder to try to fall out of love with someone who doesn't want you anymore.
@@tyronewilson7890 yeah, females do be suffering from success smh 🤣
So true Mia. After the first few months once the butterflies wear off, it becomes about compatibility especially after discovering and getting to see the other person's imperfections because we all have them. From there, it's about how much were willing to accept/change for that person and vice versa. Like they say...love ain't easy lol
I only fall in love with girls that don't share the same interest...Pattern often being : she is interested in me but I don't have any romantic interest => her interest disappear => I fall for her....
Your situation is different but the main problem is the same. If you can't get into relationships or long ones it is highly likely that you are the problem. There are things you need to fix with yourself.
Depends on your stages and experiences in life. Before committing to a serious relationship, I prefer to find my own purposes and lifestyle. It will be much easier to spot what is compatible with me if I truly know what and why I want it. Instead of investing time in a serious relationship, as I am in my 20, I enjoy building friendship first and see how it goes
THIS
We are on the same page !!
THIS.
Did you just read my mind?🥺
and if it doesn't go well and you realize you are 32 and all great options are taken ?
You may spend your whole life searching for your purpose and lifestyle. If that's the case then you're forever single. But hey, whatever floats your boat.
I am single because I don't have a strong personality.
I am single because I am emotionally immature.
I am single because I don't have a job.
I am single because I am way too nice.
I am single because I am not happy with myself.
I am single because I don't like myself.
I never understood and perhaps never will. I have been kind, loyal, and generous but at the same time, I was not emotionally mature. Despite meeting great people I left in the cold because I was always lacking something in my personality. I tried to fix certain things but nothing worked. The biggest takeaway is that loving someone is not just enough you got to have resources( finances ) to make it work.
You’re right in that most of my friends in successful relationships just picked someone they liked and were attracted to and both parties made the choices necessary for the relationship to flourish.
I’m still single (kinda) and recently realized I have a paralysis of choice combined with a desire for freedom (of time, money, etc.) that keeps me by myself. Truth be told if I want a successful relationship I should just pick someone who treats me well (and who I’m decently attracted to), put in the effort and make good choices for the relationship. Not a guaranteed formula as you said but is the best bet.
Thanks for the video Lana :)
Andrew Keech - Man up put some hitch in you Giddy Up.
Our decisions determine our future that's why our decisions are really important for us
Where are you from Andrew?
Someone asked you a question @Andrew :)
@@shakya00 he likes his freedom to not answer
been single for 18 years…. im 18 lol, no but seriously, it’s taken me a while to feel content about being “alone”. There’s a difference between being alone and feeling alone. And i do feel alone sometimes, but for the most part i am content w it.
Hey babies 🤗 a 27 yo man ♂️ is here
"Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."
~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
"If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing."
~ W. Edwards Deming
Thank you for sharing. I have really loved it
+1 for the quotes.
The soulmate myth stays a myth till the moment you realize that you have to grow to their level or that maybe to have the true soulmate relationships you have to build this mateship with a person😉 and just as we build a friendship we have to look carefully if the other party response on our effort to grow with them. Because the opposite also exists: when one person gave all that they have hoping that this would help to move relationships forward while another party don’t demonstrate adequate response
Middle way kids, we all have to choose the middle way. Don’t broke up with the first sign, but if you see that a person doesn’t response on your efforts to solve the problem… don’t waist your time believing that if you’ll be better than they will EVENTUALLY change
No no no no
@@alanh7247 true
True love relationship is with soulmate, I agree. But it is with the soul, not the person
Being single is not a bad thing but sometimes is difficult because is difficult these days to find a person with values and with interest in commitment ❤
I fuking hate being single it gives me to much freedom to To behave wrong to myself
LoL sure. I am a lifetime single person . Now 31. 🤣
It is always ok to be single. There are a few things you can do to help ease your mind and stop worrying about being single. First, try to stay positive and focus on the good things in your life. Second, make sure to keep busy and engaged in activities that you enjoy. Third, spend time with friends and family members who make you feel happy and loved. And lastly, remind yourself that there is no rush to find "the one" - the right person for you will come along when the time is right. In the meantime, enjoy your single life!
okay advice time from someone who is the last person who should be giving it but:
*the right person for you will come along when the time is right* - yes and no. They may come but if you don't play the lottery you don't have a chance to win it. aaand there are ways to increase your chances
I'm 24. In my culture, women my age marry between 22 to 24. My elder sisters had many suitors when they were my age but I haven't had any, and then several guys I've been interested in have rejected me. My three dreams in life are to marry, build a house, and graduate college (I have depression and thus still in undergrad 6 years later). Absolutely no guy looks my way, I make very little money because I don't have a degree, and I keep failing my classes. I am actively attempting to heal myself. I've been on antidepressants for 3 years now. They've helped tremendously but not in studying. I keep failing when I try to make more money, find a person to marry, and to succeed in classes. It is so difficult to not give up and just...well, not live anymore. People say it's okay to be single, but it is not easy to want to have a partner by your side and you don't have that. My friends are now either out of state to fue school, getting married, or are just really focused on their family. I have a great relationship with my parents and siblings, but I am just so ready to find a life long companion in a man. But it's just not working out. My issue is that I am rushing myself because I have been focusing on other things people have said, and I've failed. Things are bad, and I'm stuck.
Hey I hope you are doing better and there is always Light at the end of the tunnel
Even If you can't see it
Keep moving forward and I believe in you
For me sports help me too feel good or listening to music I like helps me
(Muay thai and football makes me happy most of the times)
Keep going and do thing you feel are positive for you and others
being single gives you total freedom and im loving it
i think cause we are born alone, it's ok to die alone, it's better to be on your own than being with someone who dont understand you and dont accept who you are
sometimes, love doesn't mean we'll get along. feelings are just feelings
In my opinion, there is a third mindset, which is the mixture of the two mindsets you’ve explained ✨
I agree with the growth mindset, the only thing you have to be aware of about 'being the right one' is just whether your personalities/ ideal lives clashed with each other's or not. That being said, I never tried to get into relationships because I simply don't feel attracted to anyone. Sometimes, I do try my best to observe how my friends feel attracted to someone, but I can never fathom it so I think it is fine.
Yes, fanthom feelings is never a good idea
I always find an excuse to not socialize and be alone.
Same here, socializing feels like a chore to me.
I also hate socializing tbh, but at the same time I feel lonely often
The song is harsh but spits the truth! Strong relationships are built, I don’t believe in soulmates either. Sure, some of us are lucky pairings that have an easier time getting along, but there is no doubt that there are other possibilities out there. A partner is special because you CHOOSE them and continue to choose them over those other possibilities. These days there are so many options available with dating apps and technology as a whole, many people continue searching for someone better, instead of trying to make an existing relationship better.
Every word of this!!
"Many options" is just an illusion. We don't really have as many as we tend to think. The fact that you can see thousands of people on a dating app, doesn't mean you can create thousands relationships. And do you need thousands or just one which is working? Yeah milions of people have dating apps while being lonely or single.
@@LanaBlakely ❤️ thank you for your thought-provoking videos!!
@@cheekymonkey5150 exactly! It’s an endless pool but most will only get nothing but a glance. Fewer deeper relationships are good for both platonic and romantic relationships in my opinion. The dating apps can be a cool tool, but most users tend to be pickier because of how many people are on there. Idk it a tough one.
Not everyone wants to be in a relationship. There was days where all I could think about was being in a relationship again. But deep down I knew I didn't want that. At least not for a long time. There is more to life than being in a relationship. So for anyone that is single, don't feel bad about yourself.
yeah, but if someone hasn't tried what being in a relationship feels like he/she obviously wants to get into one
@@matteobertaggia True. But I'm just speaking from my experience, that's why I said "Not everyone" and I was also just encouraging others not to feel bad about them selves for being single.
I like to say, we have to love ourselves first to love someone else.
I think love is a mix between the two mindsets you’ve explained. 💕
I agree
Love is something you never experienced yet:)
Sometimes crush becomes love for me. 😀
@@heretichello8253 you change love with time...love happens one time
@@captainjohnbyro2332 That's a myth you feel when you are at teenages or in 20s.. There is no soul mate. We get attracted to different people.
You're a big reason I started my channel. Thank you for always bringing it, Lana! 🍻
Good for you mate.
@@xeclipse9720 thank you 🙏🏻
She is a perfect person
@@deutschmitpurple2918 the male version is loading! 🤜🏼🤛🏼🚀
@@betterwithblake 🥰❤️🥰❤️
I think the reason most people's live fails is that they view "themself" as a quantifiable thing. They believe that they need to meet someone who fits them as if they are something that should not be changed. So many people operate under the belief that it's important to be "true to themselves". In reality, the key to any good relationship is compromise. If you aren't willing to do that, you will never be happy.
I love this. Thank you. Hearing this makes me hopeful that good people exists.
Such an insightful video! Having a soulmate is fun to believe in, and definitely an easy way to justify not having success with a person, but I do agree that every relationship, and every love, requires a willingness to grow on both sides. Thanks Lana :D
Thank you for being a rare young person with a sound and grounded perspective. I totally agree with you on this
The consistency of the uploads 🤌🏽🤌🏽🤌🏽🤌🏽 thank you Lana!!!!!!! Every video is informative as always!
Because of my problematic addiction, it was tough for me with girls but this year has gave me some good news. As a 25-year-old young man, i'm still doing what i can to be a way better man than what i was in the past.
I had to laugh at your opening song because I immediately thought of The Blowers Daughter song which ends after a series of obsessive love lyrics: "Till I find someone new." I believe in multiple compatibility for sure, but I also believe in the soulmate myth having experienced the intangible lightning strike moment as well as ridiculous fondness for someone that made no sense, but the thing people miss is there's a lot of tragic myths with soulmates that often end in heartbreak and disaster due to star-crossed. So I do not recommend holding out for that person seeing they'll come along regardless, but just be wary of what it all entails. And it can be magic, like for example a waitress interrupting our lunch outing to say "this man loves you and you should marry him" for absolutely no reason and a ridiculous energy between us just by being near - but again, charms are not always good and can end in disaster. It still takes two responsible individuals who want to make it work and stay with one another but often timing and the trappings of life can interfere in even a solid relationship. For me it was always leaving things with ex-lovers on a positive note or rather owning my part in the failure or just recognizing it was time to let each other go due to life goals such as she wants to move to x and I don't want to because family or career. If you start viewing your potential love interests as someone you want to be happy and healthy and you have the ability to enhance their experience, besides just the hookup physical mindset which is not love or even a relationship, then you'll stand a better chance of forming a long lasting relationship that you both enjoy. I usually tell people you're 100% responsible for 50% of your relationship and don't be afraid to lead or lean in. I've had both friends that became lovers (which is the best result ftr) and dating success where we got to know one another, but the whole forward projecting and approaching it like some contest (like when people say "we've been together for 15 years..." and I just think how friends of mine have slandered their partners consistently in private with me - it can be one-sided and last sadly) is just a tell that you're concerned more about the viewed perception than the experience. The way I know people aren't in a healthy relationship is when they refer to everything as "we." Also the thought process of "take me as I am" is a huge red flag/cop out just the same because I'll put to you: would you take the crack addict that is prone to sleep around behind your back as they are because love? No. Get over yourself and start to be the person you'd want to date because like does attract like.
i'm somewhere in between, growth plus destiny, I kind of believe in both. I have been single for a long time now but i feel ready for something real now and I think I will be more towards growth idea even if I believe in destiny as well. Great video Lana! Well researched!
Hi Mihaela do you believe true love is real? Let me know. Great smile by the way thank you :)
Claudia was this girl in the second grade that was actually my first love ages ago haha :) ... I was missing her a lot when they moved to Germany... Chiao Bella
Meeting love is destiny, but keep it going and growing it requires efforts for sure.
I think there is a line between worthwhile effort and deal breaker. It'll depend on each person though, but as an example, an abusive partner is a deal breaker, rather than something you should compromise.
Wanted to say! Thanks for making these amazing videos with onpoint description! God bless you 🙂
Being single > toxic relationship
And congratulations for completing 1 million subscribers it's a milestone you have reached here with all your tremendous ardrous work abd consistency!!!! 💜💜💜💜
Thanks so much!! xx
Thank you so so so much Lana for this video because its truly truly helpful to me in my life and I love your videos a lot you inspired me a lot and I wish you reach 2 Million Subscribers very very soon!💞✨☺️
This is a good video! I’ve never been in a serious relationship but I thought it was a mix of both, you meet this person, you feel it in your gut or feel warm around them and viceversa which makes them your soulmate, then whatever problems that come along (that are logically solvable) are meant to be worked out together, no relationship is perfect, but if you believe this person is worth spending your life with some uncomfortable conversations are necessary right?
your video brings joy to our lives
Im so blessed i found Lanas account! This has helped me so much, omg
Most people remain single just because they lack understanding of many things and each other, and also break ups happen just because of misunderstanding. So I think everyone needs to understand each other and how things go in life in general.
I am single and simple...Now I know why simplicity is ultimate sophistication!!😊
Sometimes I think I want someone just because I am temporarily lonely. The feeling of wanting to be with someone is amplified when you are in your darkest of places. I realize I have that tendency. I have to suppress those impulsive notions of flirting with someone just to feel good without ever thinking how that person may feel once I got bored and eventually let go. I have remained single and will remain such unless I am psychologically healthy and well.
i think thats best honestly, currently im working on myself first, to be the best possible partner for my future spouse should i ever find one. am i perfect? no, will i ever be? no again, but i at least try, like you said, to make sure im psychologically healthy, so that the relationship works best for both myself and for my partner.
also, you cant expect others to love you if you dont love yourself!, a quote that really hit me and remind myself of regularly.
It hurts, when you feel that someone is soulmate for u, but for him you are not🥲
Im glad I found your channel!!
I love your videos. They are quite relatable. I am also an introvert and reserved. Thanks Lana! Love 🤍from India🇮🇳.
BRO SHE ALWAYS FRAMES MY THOUGHTS INTO SENTENCES WHICH I AM NEVER ABLE TO.
@@pranayblue yep!:) and ur descriptions really nice : D
Don’t feel bad about ending on a dark note, that’s reality sometimes, it’s not all rainbows and sunshines, just got to take the good with the bad 😁
Thank you for ending the video on a happily ever after, and not on a dark note😄😊
Single or not you are a beautiful woman and any man would be lucky to have you in their life. Being single, even though it may seem unfair etc isn't and doesn't always have to be a bad thing. Most people are single and happy.
Why people believe that being in a relationship is the ultimate happiness😅I lived as a single person for almost all my entire life and now in my middle 30’s I wouldnt change my independence and peace of mind for any long term relationship in the world.❤The day when you learn to be happy and love the way you are as a person will give you so much peace in your life ,happiness and joy😊
Your videos open my mind and makes me think about stuff that was always there but I was lost lol
Keep up the good work😎
I'm so lonely. I've lost faith I'll ever find my soulmate.
Mind set concept was good... Thanks Lana
I think being single is good. I've been this way all my life. What actually wonders me is if people who don't want to stay single are ones who might've experienced societal pressures from whatever influence whether it be parents, siblings or mass media influence. Whenever I see someone strolling down the street with a partner or a kid/s I think: Is this exactly what society told them to have? Apparently, most of the people don't put the effort to be mindful and consider everything before committing to a relationship/having kids. This might explain why the divorce rate continues to soar. The future is not guaranteed. So true!
EXACTLY I'm asking myself alot do I really want a partner or society wants me to have one
when you are single, you are given the greatest opportunity to become your best self, to learn to love yourself more deeply, and to be in love with life so when you do meet your balance, you can give love and be love more freely and truly!
Your eyes are so beautiful i keep looking at them, i cant focus on what you're saying !!
I am single and I am stronger than you think. Thank you for sharing this fantastic video. You are my idol
You are so beautiful, and have an amazing soft voice!
The most precious thing in life is to love and be love. I have a friend who walked away from her fiancee because she said she wasn't in love. Until this day she is still single. For some they need that attraction, just like that saying " search your soul, search your heart, search the world but when you see me you will search no more".
Thank You!
THIS KIND OF TOPIC IS VERY DEEP
I don't believe in soul mates but i do believe in soul matches. Out of 100 people there will be a percentage of those people that fit your puzzle piece a lot better than the rest. But all love requires work, compassion and understanding. Leaving your relationships to fate and destiny is absurd and reckless in the most extreme. I think meeting someone special can have an element of the supernatural, serendipity. But to make it work for years, requires a farmers mindset. For things to grow, they must be nurtured. Sometimes they need constant love and attention, especially at critical junctures. Sometimes it's giving them space so they can flourish on their own.
badly needed this
as my barber said the other week being single means no one to boss you you save money you enjoy life and work on yourself
Already broken, doesn't feel like having energy to put into another relationship
Amazing quality as always Lana ❤
Just being yourself is what matters. There will always be people who don't like you and those who do. You are the best you.
Omg! I’ve been asking myself all day today and all day yesterday why I’m actually still single and then you post this 😮
im at a point where i have to be financially n emotionally stable before having the desire to get into any relationship
back in college it was the opposite.. i kept switching gfs n the longest one that lasted was only about 4 months.
now i think the more valuable i become (financially, well being etc) the better the chances that i can get to have a solid partner n most importantly not waste my time
Wednesday uploads really surprise me. Normally, I'd wait until Sunday. This video is so interesting that it must be watched multiple times. I appreciate your work so much.
I can be right. I appreciate you. This information is Priceless. I couldn't be more agree with you. You should to keep good work. If you planning to come turkey please share on social media. Sense of structure is very important.
What a nice quote and true words. Not sure where you are living if it’s in Sweden or Norway, just found your channel through Nathaniel Drew.
I immigrated to Norway 10 years ago more in Northern Norway and I have to say it’s very difficult to find the right person or person as there are not living so many people here.
On the other hand if you got to knew new people they move away.
It’s a special clima here and seems not to be for everyone.
There is no perfect person I belive but it’s also from what perspectives
I think the term soul mate it tarnished over time. I think the original meaning was it the person who you fall in love with so much, that your bound to them. When they pass away a chunk of your soul goes with them. Its more of a poetic concept than real. It is a risk of sacrifice in the name of love. So far my dog, family that passed have left this mark on my soul and i know my parents will when they are not here.
I love this!!!! Totally agree on the mindset you have about relationships!!!!!!!
@@Home19888 😂😂
yes you are right
Thank you Lana🥰your an inspiration to many❤
She's not stupid, she knows that it's just a matter of time x
Your valuable share opened my realization sense. Great 👍
Many of us are attracted to people opposite to our attachment style. Can’t do relationships without knowing this 😊
Start Eating right and working out!!!! We are all gonna make it brah
I was destroying myself with the term "If it's written,it will happen".
Thank you so much for the new point of view.
May Gods Peace, Blessings and Protection Be Always Upon You LANA 🖤
By the way being single is the best at teenage. But not problem at adult. My day would go great after watching your video Lana. I'm from India🇮🇳.
Finally RUclips recommend me 😂
Worth to watch ✌
New subscriber
i love you. i love your videos. honestly if there was i thing i could say to describe you, it would be "you saved me"
I believe a person is meant for you. At the same time, having a good relationship with that person requires compromise and effort. So, in my opinion, a growth-mindset and destiny-mindset are not mutually exclusive. Let me know what you think :)
I think the term soulmate is just a term. We all meet one best suited for ourselves. What is wild is there is 1,000’s of potential people that work harmoniously with us we will never meet. It’s about finding that one person that best fits the criteria.
Everyone for its own, but I always thought that I will find my soul mate and I found him ten years ago. Dreams come true.
I disagree with some of the points made here. You can believe in soulmates and still have a growth mindset. Like me. I believe soulmates are just ppl we were destined to meet but that dooesnt mean you were supposed to be together forever. You learn and grow and move along in your journey and you work on the relationship cause thats such a logical thing to do. And the saying "if its meant to be it will be' just means that you shouldnt have to chase someone who isnt putting in the same effort into a relationship which I think is a great way to navigate dating
True 👍
I realized my problem lol i am a “destinated” kind of lover and now I want to work on myself to see love as growth and a builted relationship
Your hair is beautiful ❤️ lana
Thank you so much for your videos babe
The way speak reminds me of someone, it's soothing. Anyways, thanks for the video!
your hair is always slaying omg mashallah queen
Love you Lana
hmm…i love the description of these two polarised mindsets! however, i do believe that this isn‘t a black and white thing or „growth“ vs. „destiny.“ I do kinda believe in both, i do believe we are destined to meet certain people or be in certain situations in order to grow. meeting your „soulmate“ doesn‘t just stop there. even if i feel like i‘m meant to be with someone, we have to work on our healthy relationship regardless. for me, destiny and growth have to coexist and always go hand in hand, as it is my destiny to become the best version of myself
Aside from the traumas of various situations not working out, I'm kinda stuck in both camps (destiny vs growth)... If you ask me if I believe in love at first sight and soulmates I'd genuinely tell you no, but at the same time my experience is far too aware that we naturally gravitate towards certain people (sexually and platonically) and certain people we don't. I'm so aware of this natural gravitation and how great it feels that I have very little motivation to put effort into creating a connection out of thin air; I suffer from *needing* for moments to happen organically.
However, once in it, I'm not under the illusion that you can just ride that organic wave forever. Nor do I believe that she and I are meant to be forever. I believe two people have to grow together and have the patience and communication to do so. Her imperfections can be a great thing, sometimes even a turn on..but I also have my share of insecurities about my own imperfections that give me cold feet, as well as anxiety that I'll be unwanted soon enough no matter how great the honeymoon phase is.
I also suffer from hating the societal pressure of making it seem like that instant cupid-esque destiny is inevitable, but me knowing myself well enough to know that I would much prefer an organic, "earned" slow burn...yet me having little desire to initiate the latter because, quite frankly, if we just met then I have very little to read off of...yet feeling pressure to push for something anyway for fear of losing the opportunity (or judged for being uninterested, despite that not being the case, if I don't make a move fast enough), ...yet that pressure being the very thing that can turn me off.
If we're both interested and find each other interesting then it should just happen, is what my gut says...but my brain knows that life isn't like the movies. Translation: I can't get a text back lol
Thanks. You've just expressed what I had on my mind better than I've ever could done. Wish you get that text back
People don’t really have the same morals and boundaries as me sadly so I rather stick to myself.
So relatable!!
I'm such a "destiny believer" and honestly is so difficult because I'm always asking myself if I should be with the person when they do something I don't like. And honestly it can be hurtful for the relationship :(
You're sharing always Honest thinks🙂