I didn't know I'm autistic until 29 years old | Asperger's syndrome
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- Опубликовано: 2 июл 2024
- This video is about how did I get my autism diagnosis? How does it affect me and what does being autistic mean to me?
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For 2 years ago I was diagnosed with asperger's and I felt so relieved,for now I can understand why I do certain things that the society thinks is normal but I dont,cant be around people,I feel drained and need to sleep for days ,love to be alone and walk in the woods it gives me strength to keep going..ty for your wisdom ❤
Thank you and I’m so happy for you! I understand how it feels, it’s same for me 🖤
Me to found out late 43 I have fybromyalgia which ses to.me the autism.just lost my mum.to severe ms obvously had Asperger's and now yesterday son's diagnosed had fatigue from birth do you have hypomobility
Beautiful girl: thank you for sharing your story with the world. It is incredibly important. My daughter is Autistic , almost 8 years old, and I knew something was different from the time she was born. She was so sensitive to everything. No one else believed me when I said I believed she had ASD and Sensory processing disorder. I kept advocating for her until the Doctors listened. She got diagnosed finally at 4 years old. We have pulled her out of school in kindergarten, because I saw how she was masking and pretending to be okay, but she was shutting down and feeling so overwhelmed. I am so in touch with her, that I know what is good for HER. I love who she is. I don't want her to be something she is not, to fit in, and act like other children. I knew the school system would cause her depression and to shut down.
Be YOU. You are unique. Celebrate who you are and do things in your own way. 🙏💚
Props to you, you literally saved her life.
@@lavallur 100% she is thriving now with Home Schooling!
Great video. You mentioned several things that really resonated with me. I too never get bored. My mind is constantly thinking about something and wanting to learn new things so being alone all the time is not a problem for me.
Same here
I found out in October this year at the age of 28. I got diagnosed with autism and adhd. You've described this perfectly!!
I found out I have autism - Asperger's disease through symptoms, I can't describe how I feel now, I'm 25, I'm going to the doctor for diagnosis and reassurance, I wish you happiness in your life ❤️
6.30 min: "it's hard for me to learn things and speak about things" --> I am struggeling so much with this!! Also difficulty with problem solving :( I always thought that I am stupid. I am also an diagnosed aspie women and I also have aphantasia (black mind syndrom, as you call it in another video). One difference to you is though, my ADHD makes me super hyper sometimes and I like loud concerts, which you don't :)
Спасибо Вам за это видео и субтитры.
У меня пограничное расстройство личности. Узнала об этом в 39 лет. Стало легче и понятней.
Я была бы рада такой подруге, как Вы. Которая не говорит о поверхностном ( о погоде, например), с которой можно просто помолчать рядом, не напрягаясь, что нужно говорить что-то, честной и настоящей. Тоже депрессия часто бывает, с кожей проблемы как у Вас. Только я люблю объятия с близкими людьми.
Дай Бог Вам сил и добрых людей рядом.
Спасибо большое за тёплые слова! Рада слышать, что Вы тоже узнали о себе важное.
Кстати, объятия я тоже люблю. Но не лёгкие прикосновения 🫠
Thank you! This is me nearly 100%. It was brought to my attention 3 years ago but I only found videos like yours a month ago and have been immersed in learning about it.
It's like I finally found my people!
Thank you so much for sharing! I'm glad my video helped 🖤
Это очень важное и познавательное видео. И да, я узнаю эти симптомы в одной из своих знакомых. Вы делаете полезную работу. Спасибо, Ксения.
Благодарю!
I was diagnosed when I was 25, a little less than 3 years ago. I'm so glad to understand myself better and know nothing is wrong with me
Am in the same boat. It's emotionally and mentally exhausting when interacting with the rest of human society at large but I think life gets better over time and we refine our own management strategies for our unique type of cognitive operating system. Asperger's / High functioning Autism can be a rare gift once we find out how to unlock its strengths, even if there are real struggles that come with it. Thank you for your openness on this issue that affects a lot of us.
I am in my early 40s and only recently found out that I have ASD, I am surprised how many people who are diagnosed late in life have very similar experiences coming to terms with this. A late autism diagnosis is simultaneously an awareness of who we are and an identity crisis.
So true do you have heds fybromyalgia to
Great video- thank you for sharing your experiences!
Like some others, I would like to commend you for your bravery, openness, and honesty. You are awesome, Ksana. I could never make a video like this. I'm 60 years old, just recently realized I might be autistic, and will have my first visit with a psychologist next month. I'm scared and excited simultaneously. You mentioned how it felt like your life cracked in two when you learned the truth. For me it felt like "the scales fell from my eyes" when I realized I probably am autistic. Now I can see clearly why people react to me like they do. It is NOT them, but me. Truth can be both liberating and frightening. Take care of yourself, Ksana, and I look forward to your next video.
Thank you so much! I hope you will find out everything with your psychologist and your life will finally make more sense! It is worth it.
Thanks for sharing this. I truely relate to the experiences you share here.
Thank you for sharing. You are very well spoken. I am not autistic but I know someone who is. I forwarded her your video. Once I learned that my friend is autistic, it helped me to understand her so much better. 🙏😇🧚♂️
Thank you so so much for your honesty, and I hope you realise how big of a step it is for you to speak openly about you, especially since one of the challenges in your life -as you described- is speaking to others. You might not realize, but you spoke directly to so many desperate people's hearts❣️ Like mine
This video was heartwarming, thank you!!!
Great video. Thanks for sharing this.
As i have promised to you in my comment on your Russian chanel.i am visiting the English one. Language is just a communication code. It doesn't matter what communication code you use what kind of person you are that is what matters more than anything else in the world. I want to thank you for not being locked in yourself, for your bravery and sincerity. The content you are creating is very important for every educated and curious person in the world regardless of their native communication code. I wish you good luck in everything you do in your life 😊
Brilliant video, thank you 🙂
Thanks for the video. Please keep sharing.
My experience mirrors yours. I was diagnosed when I was 30 years old. Understanding myself was a relief, though it has been quite a journey to rediscover who I am.
I am crying. So moved by your way of expressing yourself.
Almost 40 and only now I'm learning this.
Realizing I have strong ADHD at about 25yo was a revelation but it didn't explain everything,
Now this hits me and at the same time it feels like coming home and finally relaxing, without further trying to fix my "ADDitudes" (or ASDitudes?) on life. Thanks for your affirmation 💙
Thanks for this video. It seems like I don’t encounter many people that experience autism in the same ways that I do. You gave me clarity on some things and I appreciate that. I’m currently undiagnosed and am speaking with different businesses on their assessment process. I know I’m autistic, but I need the confirmation. I need the label to help me process it. Listening to you talk made me think of my mother. I’ve been emotional lately (which is unusual) and your video made me even more emotional. Throughout all this learning about Autism I hadn’t thought about my mom. I’m just like her. She’s undiagnosed and I’m her son. She’s uncomfortable with talking about these things. I’m 43 and she’s 67. Hearing a woman’s perspective, seeing her face, hearing her voice express a similar experience to mine made me think about what my mother must’ve gone thru. How she’s felt all this time. I hope one day she’s open to talk about these things with me. Thank you for sharing.
I'm so happy for you. :) I definitely relate to never being bored, I haven't heard many people say that. Personally I wish there were *more* hours of the day because I just wanna make up for every second I can't do my special interests. :)
Such a kind video. You are so sweet
Hella brave and helpful
Much appreciated 🙏
Thank you so much for this :)
You are absolutely lovely! Thank you for sharing yourself. You are not only helping women and girls on the spectrum, but also neuro typical people to have a much better understanding of autism spectrum. I'm such an empath, my heart feels your suffering. Good for you, for facing it head on, sharing, and doing everything you can to manage it. You are an amazing woman. 👏
Thank you so much for the words of support! 🥰🖤
The algorithm brought you up in my feed. I'm not autisitc, actually knew very little about it. Thanks for educating me.
This was second video I watched from you. Thank you very much. I'm bad at saying thank you deeply enough to amazing people and to people I have huge amount of respect for. You are definetly one of them. You can share you thoughts as however you wish. Don't be afraid. I know its scary. I still choke up in groups of people because I'm afraid what will come out and what won't. I would never judge you if you mess up with words or forget what you was about to say. I'm exactly the same. My biggest issue is talk and language. But it never was bad enough to get speech therapy. I was just very quiet and shy or partly mute child. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much!!❤
I imagine my conscious mind as mahout, and my unconscious mind as a mammoth.
The mahout speaks for the mammoth, but the mammoth is running the show.
My mammoth is nonverbal, huge parts of my brain can't verbalize things, but they can send images and intuitions.
The role of the mahout is to interpret these messages, and try not to follow the unwise requests.
I can also imagine my own face in my head, facing me, from the position of the third eye.
Exploring my own brain has been amazing. It's like a panopticon.
Thank you for your video! Your beautiful way of speaking reminded of an old friend
Continue your work. It makes sense
Thank you dear.....for this beautiful vdo that you shared with us.....many people will realise that they hv many of these symptoms...and behaviours and why they hv it.Looking forward to more vdos like this...I hv subscribed ....love you....stay strong.....
Thank you so much for sharing, Ksana. I self-diagnosed about a year ago and share many of your experiences and challenges. Your sharing your journey authentically means a great deal to other Autistics and everyone else 🙏🏼🫂
Thank you so much! I had one year anniversary just some months ago too. I hope these videos are helpful and supportive as much as videos of other autistics were helpful for me once I figured out my nature 🖤
I suspect that I have autism, since I have gone through a lot of struggles. Watching your videos helped me a lot, so that I know I'm not the only one who is suffering from all these struggles. I was actually really surprised by how many we have in common :)
I am really glad I found your RUclips channel, because it helps me a lot to accept this condition. Thank you very much. I wish you the best. God Bless you. Greetings from Germany👋
Thank you. Greetings from Finland 🤍🙏🏻
☺️🙏🖤
Ksana, I’m so happy I bumped into your videos! You’re doing amazing work with them! I’m 30 and it’s only a few weeks ago when I’ve realised I’m autistic. It’s such a huge relief to get to know your true self!
Hello! Thank you so much! 🖤🥹 Congratulations on your discover!!
You are literally describing me word for word 🙂
Thank you for sharing your story. Late diagnosed autistic here as well (25).
43 for me
I was 39, love your chanel.
Im in my twenties as well!!!! I mask heavily but its hard.. Im visiting Latvia this summer ...it kinda sucks knowing youre nuerodivergent, but it really does explain my childhood and everything else.
I have similar experiences throughout my life. Life can be so exhausting and painful as an autistic person. I can empathize with you.
So relatable, I had depression and social anxiety for years before I tried to get help
Ksana Les, thank you. From: Irene from Indiana
Hej Ksana , thanks for the videos, especially the two videos in Russian. Greetings from Boston, MA ! Suspecting to be autistic myself after my 2 yo son diagnosis. I sent the link to your Russian language channel to my parents for educational purposes. 🎉
Wow I check almost all those boxes good video
Solidarity
Это сложно. У меня ПТСР ,сложности в общении,много тревожности особенно в общении с людьми(до паники),трудно заниматься делами в социуме, депрессии посещают и самоугнетение. Уединение особенно на природе приносит мне успокоение ,прилив сил и вдохновение. Мне нравится пересматривать любимые фильмы много раз подряд,меня это успокаивает. Трудно мне даётся то,что я не могу как все взаимодействовать и получать радость и легкость от общения ,внутри я хотела бы общаться и иметь друзей. Я от всего сердца желаю Вам и всем столкнувшимся с подобными проблемами найти ключик к себе,любить себя и заботиться о себе ❤. Очень благодарна Вам ,что Вы поделились сокровенным. Вы очень умная и смелая девушка. Кстати, в 29 лет выглядите такой юной, это потрясающе 😻
I am 65. I've only known now for 2 yrs now. I was happy to finally understand my childhood. And that I'm not alone. I can accept my unique self now. Thank you. Lord Jesus bless you ❤
Thank you for making this video. I can relate to the things you are talking about.
Glad you shared personal stuff.
I just turned 36 and i'm officially getting diagnosed right now.., always knew that something was wrong with me though and i knew someone with aspergers who said i had it in my early 20's but i didn't believe that was it at the time.. :-) , also dealing with depression and anxiety (panic attacks) for some years now..
Потрясающе, вы очень красивая девушка, а внутреннее ещё лучше, внутреннего покоя и свободы вам дышать полной грудью и идти своей прекрасной дорогой! Пусть рядом будут добрые друзья!
Thank you
Your Russian language videos of your autistic experience are so important as well because there is definitely a need to raise awareness among Russian speaking people! Thanks !!!
Mr Putin has it you think he would promote more
@@Truerealism747 I don’t know what he has but I know more autism awareness is needed there
@@TR-zu8zd it's not very good in UK I have it had to pay private for diagnosis I have fybromyalgia heds all linked to for which I had to find specialist for the heds my son's now diagnosed
Hyy dear your voice is too much lovely
Welcome to the neuro tribe, Ksana. I was diagnosed at age 44, in 2006.
Me 43 any pain issues
Thank you for speaking about your autistic spectrum disorder!
I find it very important and helpful.
I don't know if I'm in the autistic spectrum. I was never tested.
But when I was a child in Kindergarten and in the first years in school I had selective mutism too.
And I was always seen as a extremely shy person...
And some other things you mention in the video I deal with too.
I have a friend who was diagnosed as autistic recently. Yes, It is very difficult to get diagnosed as an adult! And to even get the idea that a autistic disorder could be the root of the problems. Because there exists the cliche that autistic people do not understand feelings and are not empathic and can not understand feelings of other people and so on and so on. There are so much cliches about autistic people which are not necessary true for all autistic people. As you mentioned. Everyone is different!!! And this is one reason why it is important to talk about it more. And yes, people always say you can overcome your problems just try more! You can do it! And this is so hard and a big stress. And one thinks why can I not do it? Am I completely stupid? and so on and so on. It makes so insecure...
I'm looking forward to your future videos about autism spectrum! Thank you again for doing it!
I just got diagnosed at 27, and it's bittersweet. Now I know what it is, but i will struggle all my life with symptoms.
But also u have gifts
You mentioned the defining word-struggle. Yes it's what one would have been attempting before diagnosis. We struggled, literally wrestling with ourselves, when we try to copy the "normal" attributes of others around us and fall short. That's painful and damages our very essence. It's like a salmon trying to climb trees bcoz a monkey could do it effortlessly.
The antidote is to know what our strengths are. Usually we have right brain gifts and a strong sense of justice and compassion. Don't waste time on weaknesses which are inborn anyway. Don't fight the diagnosis. Accept who you are with your unique gifts while loving and growing these areas intentionally. Learn to do somersaults in the water instead! 😉
@@sarahyip2825great words whomever for were addressed.
Η αποδοχή είναι το ήμισυ του παντώς!!!
Είναι το κλειδί για να απελευθερωθείς,
να αγαπήσεις και να κατανοήσεις περισσότερο, τον εαυτό σου και τους άλλους!!!
Η άγνοια γεννα χιλιάδες γιατι!!!
Η γνώση χιλιάδες τρόπους αντιμετώπισης!!!
Υπεροχο βίντεο!!!
Ευχαριστούμε!!!
Same thing, I am now in the research at age 28. I feel revealed.
Ты Молодец - очень красивое и откровенное видео. спасибо что делишься своей жизнью. прекрасный английски. охото твой голос слушать еще и еще.
What a great video!
Thank you!
I didn’t know I was autistic until 27 (I’m 30).
I'm in the process of this right now. I'm 28 and figured out I was most likely autistic about a year ago. Video showed up in my feed where someone was talking about their late diagnosis, and they could have been describing my life. I'm on a waitlist for an assessment, and hopefully I'll be getting that in the next couple months. I'm 99.99% sure that my self diagnosis is correct, but I still want to get that official diagnosis.
I hope things are going well for you!
Yes, I understand! It was important for me to get an official diagnosis too.
Спасибо!
I really am proud of you, being so opened to share your diagnosis with others! Experience is priceless, and there is possibility, your story will guide people to know themselves better.
Anyway, one thing i could debate about. Just imagine, your psychologist and other medical workers have mistaken on your diagnosis. You had already admitted it and found an excuses for all your struggles in life. But what if they where wrong? People are not machines, they make mistakes. Is there a real scientific examination that can identify such things? Maybe there's at least 1% possibility , that they were wrong?
I mean, A lot of people, including myself, goes through similar difficulties in socializing, memory, communication, but sooner or later it all can be developed. I suggest you not to fall in careless belief in diagnosis, but still consider yourself as a absolutely normal human being.
Maybe, it's just my problem and opinion - don't trust anyone so much, because of human factor, but on my personally experience - everything could be overcome : depression, lack of attention, weakness and other.
I'm also in depression stage right now, because of Corona took my father, and i definitely feel different from old me and from other people around, but i know, that i must keep going and still give something good to people there.
Good luck to you, hope you will have enough strength to handle the situation!
I think important point here is that autism is NOT temporary condition and can be overcomed just by trying harderd. Depression potentially CAN be cured (might not be easy jorney, hope you will), but autism - not really. This is actually a part of the issue. Major part of society thinks that everyone should just try harder, at same time person might already be running at max load or just function and behave differently from what is set as norm. Same as asking turtle to fly. And all of this leads to mental problems.
Thanks! I think it's a topic for another video, I guess one video is not enough to explain everything and my position as well :) Please, don't think I see autism as an excuse - I see the power in it because it actually helps me to overcome my struggles more proactively than before! All my life I've tried really hard, I know everything took twice or more effort from me than for other people. But I'm super stubborn and I used to deal with it.
And no, my psychiatrist's are not wrong :)
And I'm sorry for your loss, stay strong.
To add what others have said: it's true that it's a normal, human thing to have issues with communication, memory, and attention to some degree, and that we can definitely improve in those areas, however, for neurodivergent folks (ADHD and autism) we're slower to develop said skills. For example, there are research papers pertaining to executive function in ADHD; their prefrontal cortex, responsible for many things including planning, time management, etc, is developed on average at age 28, and in some instances even later compare to neurotypicals, who theirs fully developed by age 25. There are researchers who believe that this is the case with autism as well.
For anecdotal evidence, I can give you and example of my sister and I. We both have selective mutism. I started talking by grade 3 while her by grade 7. Obviously, it meant her social skills were behind. By the time she reached university, she matched her peers in communication skills, and now working, she acts as the diplomat should any "fight" happens. While I on the the hand, who is autistic and older than her, still struggle with detecting sarcasm and understanding intonations. Ironic, coming from a linguistic major lol.
Welcome to the club
Thank you for sharing your story. You're a beautiful person and you did a fantastic job. Hearing you recount your experience made me feel so calm and not alone.
I'm a 44m that was diagnosed with Asperger's at the age of 42. I'm curious as to how you were able to stop masking so much? I'm trying really hard but can't stop. I'm looking for autistic friends if you ever want to chat.
Thank you, I’m glad you found this video supportive 🖤
I observe my behavioir a lot recently, and I can say that I can’t stop masking completely as well. My behaviour would be very childish if I stop, and the thought that someone will see it frightens me. Also I get tired of communication and noises very quickly, and then I should mask that I literally experience an inner meltdown that actually look like shutdown. And I don’t know how to avoid all this. But I try to avoid making facial expressions at least, especially when I feel that my energy is low. I’m kinda slowly learning how to be okay with what I am in public. However I feel that people don’t understand my lack of facial expression and other things that I stopped faking, it feels strange, but I feel that it makes a little difference for me.
And of course, I would love to chat with you!
Вас очень приятно слушать
I'm 42yo and your issues and even your demeanor is exactly like me. I have the same exact speaking problems too which makes me terrible for any customer service jobs. I can also remember back to 4yo. Not diagnosed but could have. Went to be screened 7 years ago and at the end they told me they feel I'm "very high functioning". That was enough for me and didn't seem to get officially diagnosed. Reason why I don't want the label is that it affects your life negatively in certain aspects here in the States. Affects ability to have life insurance and certain other civil liberties.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Yes, I understand, the most important thing is to have this knowledge just for yourself.
Yes, in the states, talking to a psychologist can affect future employment and rights. And they get paid by the diagnosis.
Hi, could you please elaborate how talking to a psychologist in US affects your rights and employment? What about those corporate mental health programs? Are they outright dangerous for you? Thanks in advance
@@almond1739 if diagnosed with anything considered mental health it's a very slippery slop in the USA. There's the risk of losing or being limited on your 2nd Amendment rights and wouldn't be able to go into the military or law enforcement and with the Red Flag laws being widely put in ace around the country there's that risk of someone could say you a danger and could more easily get red flagged.
@@t2dwarrior209 Thanks for your response, I never knew that
My 9 year old is diagnosed on autism spectrum
I got mine at 30. It was weird, yeah, but had I gotten it as a kid, it probably would have shaped me. Now it was just an explanation.
My 31yo wife is autistic (aspergers). We didn't realize it until after our first kid and post partum depression kicked in. Prior, we just thought she was quirky. But post pregnancy it really showed up.
unfortunatly sir, aspergers is not a diagnosis anymore
@@naegleriafowleri2230 doesnt matter its still spectrum. her issues still exist
@@naegleriafowleri2230 the word that describes it isn't as important as the process which follows identification
Я стала лучше понимать близкого мне человека. Благодарю. Продолжайте ❤
Thank you.
Скажу только одно: всё лечится, но не кем-то, а самим собой. Работая над собой, уделяя себе время на единее с собой, используя для этого всё что даёт хоть малейшее ощущение спокойствия, начиная с медитацией или творчеством. Всем всех благ. Блага даю💟☯️☮️
🙏🏻❤
вас прекрасный английский!
Спасибо за видео.С самого детства я могла найти выход даже в самой запутанной ситуации, моя мама решила,что я психически ненормальная,потому что объясняла необычными фразами понятными только мне.Я боюсь общаться с людьми, потому что вижу сразу по внешности человека - его питание,характер,генетику, склонности и т.д.Узнать свой диагноз в 57 лет это жесть конечно.
Светлана, моя вам поддержка!!🙌
@@polinas.8619 спасибо большое.
❤
I understand everything you said in your video,when I had my diagnosis of ASD at the age of 42 I spent a lot of time researching autism/Aspergers, and like doing a jigsaw puzzle everything started to slot into place, would you advise antidepressants as I suffer bouts of anxiety and depression, it’s always there but seems to get worse every 5 to 6 months when I really feel the negative affects of this condition.this is the best video of this subject that I can relate to, thank you for being so honest.
Thank you so much for your comment! Actually i’m in the process of finding antidepressants too, I’m taking both antidepressants and neuroleptics, but i don’t think i found a perfect combination yet, so it’s a long way :( but it helps a bit and maybe it will be faster for you, so i definitely suggest you to visit a psychiatrist, there’s no need to suffer from all this! I wish you a good luck!
@@KsanaLes Thank you for your kindness.
Does it influence your relationships and intimacy?
Дякую
I often wonder if I am autistic because of my social awkwardness. I am shy and don’t know how to talk to people and like you said, think about where my hands are, my facial expressions, etc. I had selective mutism too between the age of 14-17. I would only talk to my family and my only friend. I began forcing myself to say hello to people. I can say hello to people now without issue…but my teeth chatter when I’m nervous, while I talk. And my words won’t come out right. I have a good vocabulary but the right words just have a hard time coming out…and it’s very choppy. Of course, those aren’t exclusive to autism…but I still wonder if I have it.
It actually sounds really familiar to me. You always can go for testing or try some online tests just for yourself. But it doesn't matter if you're autistic or not, the best you can do is to accept that this is your trait and there is nothing bad about it. I used to blame myself for being awkward every time I communicate, but this is the thing that will only make everything worse, including this communication issue. Now when I have trouble speaking I just tell about it to the person that I'm talking with and then I feel a bit more relaxed. Usually, people react positively. I wish you good luck!
I tend to go mute on occasion if I get into sensory overload. It has to reach a certain point to occur, but it does happen, just never for very long (like a few hours maximum)
Get tested. Those are some attributes to ASD. I had similar and was diagnosed on 2016.
Классно
Sometimes I wonder if I have autism, I do know that I prefer being alone with my dog's and staying far away from people. I lose track of time when I'm with my dogs. I have a hard time learning because I'm constantly conscious of my surroundings. Was the victim of a hate crime as a child do to my speech impediment.
You don’t look 29 at all more like 19. Is this common with those of us on the spectrum? I notice we look 5-10 years younger than our actual ages!
Maybe it's vegan lifestyle? I noticed there are many vegans/vegetarians among autistics
I wonder if it's because the minimal facial movement saves your skin from wrinkles?!
My cousin is autistic and she has very smooth skin even though she's almost 40. I'm a year older and have many lines around my eyes and mouth, because I move my face around so much. Only now in her late 30s have people stopped assuming she's a teenager!
She also sits very still and holds herself "small" like you do, I don't know how to describe it. (Not a criticism.)
She's not vegetarian, but she does have an obsession/special interest in health food, avoiding certain things and eating specific other things. Maybe that's part of it, too.
@@er6730it's part of perfectionist.
@@KsanaLesdo you have heds hypomobility that's why if so as myself weak collegen😊
I am 37 years old. And I am A male. And I am on the Autism spectrum I have PDD-NOS. And I live in the united states of America.
You're very welcome to my channel! ☺️
@@KsanaLes thank you. And I love your RUclips channel. And I subscribe to your RUclips channel.
A better operating system
Hi I subscribed not long ago. I’m autistic too. I like your art content
I wish You well, man. I will use this video in order to enhance my own life for the better. I hope you accept Christ God as your savior. Take care, young lady. May 2023. USA.
How can I talk to you ?
you can text me on Instagram @ksanales
Спасибо вам.
У меня проявляется чуть иначе (какие мы все разные, это правда), но сомнений у меня не осталось тоже с 29 лет.
Диагноз мне не ставили, я случайно заинтересовалась, начала читать и слушать, выдохнула, перестала себя терзать.
Потом поговорила с мамой, она сказала, что давно догадалась, когда во время моей старшей школы узнала про такое явление и изучила вопрос, поняла, почему я себя так вела и была "ужасным" ребенком.
Дальше был диалог:
- А почему ты мне не сказала?
- Ну ты уже школу заканчивала и уезжала учиться, мне как-то не надо было...
- А мне то есть это не нужно было?
Позже говорила с другом, детским психологом, который работал с аутистами 10 лет (правда с детьми и только теми, кто не вывозил и нуждался в помощи, а не со взрослыми, которым сумели научится выживать самостоятельно). Он, зная меня достаточно давно и хорошо, только отметил, что я страненнькая. Но когда я описала изнутри, сказал, что очень и очень похоже на правду.
-
В глаза не смотрела, прикосновения для меня неловкость в случае близких (в случае неблизких мне неприятно - ощущение оплеванности вплоть до надругания)...
Не использовала вежливые слова, физически сложно врать (чаще чтобы выжить) или даже промолчать (чувство справедливости)...
Стеснительная, на общение мне надо настроиться, больше 1 человека стресс, большие собрания стресс на пределе возможностей (чаще вывожу, особенно есть "сопровождающий", который со мной и даёт эмоциональный кокон). Тосты и выступления это кошмар. Иногда мне трудно выходить на улицу неделями даже за едой (ощущение уязвимости как если бы я голая и ещё без кожи)...
Ритуалы (в детстве истерики в случае нарушений, они же при сборе в и из гостей), игрушки в линии и коллекционирование, стимминг (постоянно кручу браслетик и кантики/верёвочки одежды) и разделение еды на компоненты (кстати, могу есть одно и то же пару месяцев, потом блюдо меняется)...
Устаю от шума за 15 минут и не могу уснуть при тихих звуках, ненавижу синтетику и неудобную одежду вплоть до неспособности думать о чем-то ином...
Готовка и уборка боль, также меня панически пугает любая бюрократия вплоть до покупки билетов и бронирования проживания (потом лежу три дня), планирование чаще в стиле откладывания на последний момент если необходимо, а если можно без то никогда...
Мозг работает то пусто, то густо, очень зависит от эмоционального фона, даже мелочь может вывести из равновесия на три дня, а не мелочь на месяцы, вообще эмоциональность, кажется, у меня с большими амплитудами, чем у нормальных людей, и менее устойчивая...
Эмоции и настроения я понимала неплохо, сейчас довольно хорошо (тренировка), но я не считаю нужным реагировать как нормальные люди. Светские беседы ненавижу, не могу скрыть чувство скуки, я всегда ищу содержательности. Мне часто непонятно, зачем люди живут так и поступают так...
Для Аспергера я просто гуру маскировки и коммуникабельности: у меня с рождения была подруга, с которой мы вместе, думаю, что львиная доля социализации - благодаря ей. Потом мне очень повезло с друзьями в старшей школе университете, которые дружили со мной, несмотря на все мои странности, и где-то помогали в социализации. Потом у меня появился специнтерес, ближний восток, его культура, и я там пробыла много-много месяцев в несколько заходов, между которыми смотрела в потолок от передоза общения (жила и общалась тесно с местными). Всё это сделала меня грандмастером маскировки и коммуникации даже по сравнению с нейротипиками.
Но я так и не могу ужиться с работой, необходимостью хотя бы раз в 5 лет полтора года делать то, что мне не интересно, и выдерживать неконтролируемое вторжение в мою жизнь 8х5. Сначала думала, что дело в токсичном коллективе или в напряженном графике/давлении ответственности. Сменив, поняла, что не в этом, и грешила на депрессию от жизни в мегаполисе. На удалёнке поняла, что дело во мне. Выгораю через год-полтора полностью... точное описание "всё начинает сыпаться", и это по большей части по исполнительную дисфункцию, которая прыгает от 80% до 100%, и я не могу даже написать коллеге напоминалку в приступе тревоги от одной мысли.
Думала получить второе высшее, но от мысли о жизни в крупном городе (не говоря об общаге) начинается паника и истерика. Очень хочу, но боюсь, что не выдержу 4 года. Магистратуру не рассматриваю, так как образование у меня сугубо техническое, а я хотела бы теперь гуманитарное. Жалею, что не ушла перед защитой диплома 10 лет назад, хотя бы не пришлось выгорать, чтобы заработать на хорошее образование, и не было страшно выбирать/пробовать/менять (а вдруг не то - мне интересно несколько направлений)...
С отношениями с людьми вроде и неплохо, но не очень. Как раз после инсайта о своей нейроорганизации обнаружила, что две подруги, с которыми я на одной волне и которые меня понимают по-настоящему... в общем, они тоже Аспергеры. Тоже социализация половинчатая, и у всех нас разные пробелы. Обе живут ещё и с тяжёлым птср, у одной из детства, у другой из взрослой жизни.
В близком общении, где нужно больше личного комфорта и понимания, я чаще всего не нахожу достаточно понимания, есть только пара нейротипичных людей, которые меня принимают любой и стараются понимать. Наверное, остальные это уже не очень близкие друзья и знакомые. В романтических отношениях чаще было так, что моей искренностью пользовались, а мою мягкость воспринимали как то, что со мной можно не считаться и не воспринимать всерьез, зато продавливать свои интересы и получать плюшки (удобно и выгодно было им, короче).
Ну вот, накатала вам лонгрид.
Upd: Тревожность, депрессия, выгорание это спутники жизни. Когда отпускает (редко), то у меня приступ эйфории от того, что жить можно ТАК. Очень редко случались моменты, когда чувствовала себя счастливой.
Избегание социальных контактов и постоянная нехватка личного пространства (это я ещё живу одна).
Буллинг ещё как знаком.
Общаться могу либо никак, либо с полной отдачей, погружением в человека как в специнтерес. Меня бесит на час-два попить кофе встретиться и поговорить о погоде. Только серьезные и интересные темы + интересные люди + много часов, в идеале пару дней в гостях. Иначе это пытка.
Про специнтересы, кажется, писала. Мне важно выстроить полную модель в голове без пробелов и логических нестыковок, иначе у меня тревожная зацикленность от неполного понимания.
Трудно выбирать, если я не изучила все полностью в полном охвате опций. Это отнимает очень много времени, но иначе не могу.
Я довольно неуклюжа, мне тяжело осваивать моторные навыки типа танцев или борьбы, хотя я очень хотела, но всё пришлось бросить, моё тело нещадно тупит и тормозит.
Ощущение себя убогой, некультяпистой и т.д. часто испытываю, особенно когда начинаю стесняться, и скованность с неловкостью проявляются не только в речи/голосе, но и в движениях (роняю, не могу рассчитывать точность движения и силу и т.д.).
Из-за этого как раз и боюсь выходить на люди, думаю, так как в плохом состоянии это проявляется от одного присутствия любого человека в поле видимости на улице. Даже в хорошие дни меня физически словно отпускает, когда человек подходит мимо и больше не меня не смотрит/не может смотреть...
Причём до сих пор иногда говорю или реагирую невпопад, в плохом состоянии это учащается. И до сих пор с малознакомыми людьми не умею ловить паузы в разговоре и понятно для других показывать, что хочу что-то сказать. Там, где другой менталитет и социальный этикет строго регламентирован и соблюдается, мне легче, так как зная его, я знаю как себя вести в любой ситуации.
Фантазия у меня почти напрочь отсутствует. Со временем я научилась хорошо писать, даже образно по случаю вдохновения. Но я могу только наблюдать и описывать, придумать не могу, так как не знаю как это делается. К тому же, для меня это как ложь: живые люди могут вести себя совсем не так, как я придумала, и мне кажется нехорошо и глупо придумывать :)
Есть ещё момент: что мне неинтересно анализировать мир (в чем у меня сильная потребность) через фантазии, в отличие от реальной жизни, потому что опять же, если анализировать, то настоящий реально существующий объект.
Ещё что-то хотела написать, но забыла :)
Тоже не могу держать в уме несколько пунктов, ухожу вглубь первого (привет зацикленности на деталях!) и забываю о половине остальных.
Ну и писать и слушать одновременно не могу, меня всегда поражало, как люди на работе умеют слушать конференцию/совещание и одновременно работать - я могу только одно.
(Добавлено) Вспомнила!
Ещё меня бесит, когда медленно. Я слушаю Ютюб на скорости 2 (Шульман 1,75) и иногда мне все равно медленно. Английский 1,5-1,75, если все слова знакомые (уровень у меня очень средний, бытовой, но зато беглый на 200%).
Для меня "привет-какдела" общение стресс. Особенно если регулярно и люди обижаются, если я против.
Звонки и особенно видеозвонки стресс, я могу привыкнуть, что с каким-то человеком это так. Или если это очень-очень близкий человек. Но чаще я стесняюсь до заикания и изменения голоса и борюсь с желанием уползти под стол (а пока на меня не пролили кипяток, я проползала под столом, чтобы выйти, но никого не заставлять вставать и не привлекать к себе внимание).
Я часто краснею по поводу и без.
Наверное, мой самый любимый и мощный вид сенсорной стимуляции/стимминга - качели. Наверное, у других аутистов такое, когда они кружатся или раскачиваются. Это как съесть божественную шоколадку после долгого воздержания от сладкого + напичкать себя успокоительным. Огромное удовольствие и умиротворение. К сожалению, у меня нет шаблона поведения "стресс/тревожность/апатия -> пойти покачаться" (зато есть проблема, что страшно показаться на люди).
Залипать в тишине на природу (а ещё плавать, гулять) могу часами. Мне потом со стороны сказали, что все это обсуждают, думают, что со мной что-то не так, и предлагают выдернуть меня из этого состояния.
Но мне обычно тяжело забыть про людей вокруг и перестать беспокоится, что меня ждут и вот-вот сейчас скажут идти обратно. А в дороге, в случае кемпинга или оговоренного целого дня я могу расслабиться.
И да, понять, что ты просто такая, а не что-то не так делаешь и недостаточно усердно себя заставляешь, вызвало огромное облегчение.
Спасибо вам ещё раз большое!!
Ох, спасибо за этот комментарий! Мне было очень интересно услышать, как у других, и в очень многом у меня аналогично! Почему-то запомнила, что бесит, когда медленно что-то происходит, меня тоже ужасно бесит 😂 Когда люди медленно ходят и шевелятся, медленно нарезают еду и тд. Хотя сама я медленно соображаю 🥲 Но всё остальное - делаю быстро 😆
@@KsanaLes ой, я вспомнила.
Когда собираются три часа и опоздывают на два, это ужасно))
Спасибо за ответ, мне очень приятно вас слушать и рада, что взаимно.
Lovely young lady, so happy you're diagnosed.
I don't think I am autistic, although I score highly on every test I take, but I have no official diagnosis. I am very odd in many ways and I spent my childhood refusing to talk, except to a small group.
I would certainly not speak to an adult. I still play mute occasionally, when stressed, I just can't speak, frightened.
Look forward to more of your videos, I already follow a lovely lady in Canada, for about a year, I am also new to social media.
All the best from the UK.
I dont know you obviously, but that sounds a lot like autism. It is very common for autistic individuals to speak later than other kids. And you don't have to be offially diagnosed in order to have autism. Wish you best luck!
@@mara9119 thank you so much for your kind words, it just reminded me that as a child I loved hiding under our large dining table where I wouldn't be noticed, but could observe my family. Don't know why I suddenly remembered that trait.
I don't know me either! 🤨
Thank you! It sounds really familiar to me. If you find answers for yourself in autism it doesn't matter if you are diagnosed or not. For me, it was helpful to dive into this topic, read books of other autistic persons, etc. I can relate to many things that I used to feel really insecure about, and it gave me self-acceptance. I just want to say that you should use it if it makes you feel better.
Quote:
"Autism is not a disorder or disease to be prevented or cured, but a lifelong neurological variation that is both genetic and highly hereditary.
Autism is just as valid as any other neurotype.
Autistic self-advocates have been striving to popularize the concept of 'neurodiversity' to counter the ongoing pathologization of autism and its framing as a global epidemic and huge financial burden.
Only autism acceptance will guarantee our inclusion and allow us to participate, and lead, without fear of repercussions. [...]
Autistic persons' right to participate in public affairs, guaranteed by the CRPD, and the fight against stigma and abuse must begin withour involvement in any and all public policy decisions with regard to autism.
Autistic adults, and not just non-autistic parents of autistic children, must be consulted and included in all matters relating to autism policy at all levels of government. Actually autistic persons must be appointed to any and all public bodies concerned with the development, implementation, monitoring, and evaluation of mental health and autism policy.
engage and consult with autism self-advocacy organizations, run by and for autistic persons themselves[1], at all levels as well as provide funding and technical support to such organizations, so as to enable them to represent our interests. [...]"
Statement by Autistic Minority International