Alejandro and Samuel, thank you for this interview. I'm a betrayed male who is now divorced for two years because my ex-wife did not want to go to any counseling and wanted to be with her affair partner. I now can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt so alone because the stereotype of a betrayed spouse is women; hearing from a betrayed male helps me keep growing in my faith in God and in believing that this journey is for my benefit and God's glory. Thank You.
I can relate to your story....I was married for 35 years and he would not go to counseling and just left. Its been trauma and grief even after 1 year and 8 months. Thank God for his help or I would not be here. Dj
I second that. I've been watching these videos for a long time and holding out hope my wife would end her affair and we could try to save our marriage and family because we have a son. She finally told me today she doesn't want to be married, and I'm hurt, angry, etc. I'm a little mad at myself for giving myself false hope, and not allowing my heart to know what my mind already knew, so I've been living in denial for a long time. Even after all the reading, praying, watching these videos, I still don't understand how someone could do this to their spouse, and not even try to reconcile at all, it's like she isn't the same person I dated and married. I'm so angry and resentful right now, that I never want to see or talk to her again.
Thank you for sharing. My wife’s affairs was the most utterly devastating and life altering things I have ever experienced. My wife at the time meant everything to me. I do believe there is healing that allows one to function and move forward, but it has taken an incredible amount of work and a support system to get here almost 4+ years later. There is still work to do. It took me forever to accept that my wife loved me but was not healthy enough to love me. I was very naive at first. I did not realize that her heartfelt promises to never hurt me again and tear-eyed reaffirmations of commitments and vows do not provide safety and assurances. Only recovery work does. It is sad that she really did want me. She just could not stop harming me. So I am building a new life. I remember what Samuel said once. It takes courage to build life and build a future. It really does. It is an amputation. Part of my heart is gone, but I am trying to build a new life one day at a time, work through fears of the future, and trying to build into my relationship with God rather than defaulting to destructive behaviors like drinking or isolation.
It's a crime that we end up alone! I'm just waking up myself. It's been 11 yrs. I'm 38. I asked him, "you're over 40. What are the next 10 going to look like? ?" That extra question mark is for me to answer.
@@developmentdestination5494 Going through the same thing man. Wife of only 3 months started having an affair. The rain falls on the just and the unjust alike. Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. It's not always God's will for sin to abound and to destroy something holy, but the main goal is to keep our eyes on God, our faith is in Him. Fire is always refining. The best thing is to cast into the fire what needs to be destroyed from our lives while it is still burning. May the Father give you peace and comfort and prosper you according to His will.
When a person cheats it has nothing to do with looks, smarts or personality. The cheater has issues within themselves that blind them to how much better their spouse is. If any of that mattered to them they wouldn't have cheated in the first place.
So glad this is a place for men to share and receive powerful testimonies! Men do feel reduced to ashes. Another great vlog (zoom or not)- it was awesome!
Thank you so much. Very good. Almost 5 years past D-Day and still with my wife of nearly 26 years and still trying to totally process forgiveness and get my heart in a good place for her unfaithfulness. Trying so hard to just move ahead, find peace, find reconciliation. Praying!
I can totally relate and please forgive me if I don't address you by your initials, that was name of one of my wife's affair partners, but after 14 years of marriage and 5 years after D-Day I struggle with the very same things you do.
I’m glad you interview divorce people. Even though you gave/give so much hope in wanting to save my marriage during my divorce. A lot of your stuff is for marriage people fixing their marriage from affairs. It’s a good to get a divorce perspective.
After having been through this in my own past, to hear it said that men feel so emasculated, humiliated, and reduced to ashes, etc. it is very much to the same types of feelings for women. I can relate so much to the things he said. It's really beautiful to see how he's grown, healed, and moved forward.
To say that these two guys rocked it, hit it out of the park, would be an understatement. Sometimes youtube actually does provide a useful, important, positive experience. 1001 golden nuggets.
Alejandro and Samuel, God bless you both. Thank you. As a betrayed, I needed this. That fear of taking those necessary steps, is a huge challenge for me. After 1.5 years of bring the only one fighting for my marriage, it does give me hope. There is progress, but who knows what will happen next week, next month, or 6 months from now, and I have to be okay with whatever the outcome is. And that terrifies me.
It is scary, I will not lie to you. However, we are stronger than we think and a life without the anxiety of your wife being unfaithful or not wanting to commit to the relationship is so much more peaceful.
I am the unfaithful spouse of multiple affairs. This was hard to watch because it took me so long to get myself on a healthy path. I have ruined my marriage of 20 years and it's taken some in-depth looks to see that I was the reason for all of the downfalls. We are in therapy now and we watch the affair recovery videos religiously, but videos like this are absolutely terrifying to me because I'm scared I'm not healing fast enough, It took me too long to wise up, he won't be able to heal from what has happened, etc. I know that videos like that that can offer insight for him can potentially be helpful especially with the points of him losing confidence and the emasculated feelings. I want him happy at this point because I know he has deserved it, and I know that I will continue to work to be a better person not just to save my marriage but to become a better individual. My family deserved better than the selfish creature I had become and I hope that working toward healing, and happiness for all parties, is the healthy way to live now.
Hi ladies, just read your posts. Thank you for your honesty. I’m also an unfaithful wife. It’s hard coming to terms with what I’ve put my husband through. Please feel free to give me any advice that might help my situation. Thank you 😊
Your ability to articulate your regret and owning the effects of your behavior is what I appreciate. If there is a contrite heart there is always hope. I pray that your husband is able to heal and that your marriage is restored to a higher level.
Am an unfaithful. Please, how are you guys doing. How are your husbands. How is your marraige. I feel like I am in a closed tunnel.... my husband is in so much pain....
I am a betrayed husband who stayed faithful and never hurt my wife or laid a hand on her. I can tell you it feels like this, take all the pain in your life and all the grief from losing all of your loved ones and combine all of it and then double it and that is now the “life” you live in. I say live but really it’s just surviving. My wife had already been cheating back when we were just engaged and I was away in BCT in the army busting my butt to provide a home and a life for her and us to start out. I know now it wasn’t anything I lacked or anything I could have done to prevent it from happening , that being said it doesn’t make it any easier to swallow. If I can give you ladies any advice at all it’s this, He deserves the whole truth not only what you think he can handle. If you really love him and mean that you would tell the truth and give his mind and heart that peace that only comes from the story “making sense” . He won’t have to focus on it all the time once that happens and if he decides to end it because you told the truth then so be it because he cannot show you he chose you and truly loves you if you know you kept things from him and stole his choice to prove he still chooses you and loves you! I’m still fighting everyday to forgive my wife but I know if the shoes were reversed I would hope she could and would have the grace I have shown because no one is perfect. When you keep secrets and lies and deceit in your heart how then can god ir your husband fill it with love ?
Thank you so much for this video. As a betrayed female it was phenomenal to hear the story of a betrayed male. It gave great perspective and released me from the guilt I carry after each of my spouses betrayals. After 34 years of marriage and him refusing to get help I am now released from my thoughts of separation being against Gods will. I love utopia and appreciate you Samuel for continuing to keep us in the know and for your years of transparency. God bless you both.
Incredibly bravery from Alejandro for this interview! I'm a betrayed male who's waiting for the divorce proceedings to happen whilst in this lockdown period, and it's so comforting to hear from someone who's walked a mile ahead. Coming from a faith background, I too, lived in denial for long months before the trauma kicked in so hard I moved out. On my healing journey for now, kudos to you guys for putting this up!
Wow such a great and inspiring video. I finally decided to pursue divorce after many months since D-Day and EMSO class. It's scary as heck but I wasn't seeing progress, momentum or safety. And was still experiencing gaslighting, manipulation and trickle truth, along with repetitive contact with AP. It's scary but necessary in my situation. And I'm slowly starting to rebuild my life. I feel many of the things Alejandro referenced including being married to saving my marriage. I think it's very brave of you Alejandro to share your story!
Thanks for your feedback. I always told myself that I would share my journey once I was out of the fog. I knew that couldn’t be the only guy going through this. No one wants an amputation, but sometimes it is necessary for one to keep living.
@@developmentdestination5494 I know it’s been 3 years since you’ve been on this episode. But , I needed to hear this. I found out only 2 months ago that my wife had been talking to 2 other men. I totally destroyed me, 2 children 7 years of marriage but we’ve been together for 12 years. This past week, the week of thanksgiving was the hardest time I’ve been through. Being with my family with only my kids and having my family asking about her and making excuses about the situation. You know what though , I’ll own up to perhaps not being the best husband I could have been . However I’d never step out on her , our kids, our family, no female is worth losing everything , not even the finest 10 out there. I’m just putting the pieces together and just hoping she doesn’t do again. Honestly if we didn’t have kids, after discovering this I might have just taking all my stuff and left without a trace . My 2 kids are the hardest part of this all. I will admit right now I’m trying to hold it together at work , but I’ve lost weight , sleep and some days I’m a nervous wreck. Seems like she still wants to resolve our issues, but I’m still deeply hurt, and betrayed, so my guard is up . The guy she was seeing is my brother in laws best friend so it’s definitely created a rift between myself and her family. It’s hard brothers , it’s hard. Hope all is well for y’all.
Thank you, i have come out strong from my partners infidelity, we were 17 years strong, but she was tempted and weak. i craved a support group here in Australia we don't have one for infidelity, i do suffer from PTSD from the moment i discovered it by chance, i got the help but she did not, i helped heal my self with very much the help from you and your channel Samuel, yes we are the yeti, reduced to ashes the day i discovered her betrayal, but, my ashes are in a bag with me holding it sealed, looking into the bag occasionally to see what i have been through and strong enough not to feel like that any more, time, strength and lessons,
Excellent interview, I only wish that I could've found this type of support 9 years ago. My wife and I are still together and doing very well, but boy was I a mess for almost 3 years after I caught her. Never in my wildest imagination did I ever think that she was capable of having an affair, but she did, lasting 3 years, both emotional and physical. It's a journey that you wish you never had to experience, but one that is so valuable and life-changing at the same time.
Such a powerful and vulnerable conversation. I am grateful to hear this intimate story and feel so much empathy for the speaker. I am a betrayal trauma Coach and would like to share that women feel exactly like men when betrayed. We feel inadequate, not enough sexually, completely humiliated in every way. I think there is still a bit of misunderstanding in this area. Why are we surprised that a wife would cheat when all the husbands are cheating with a woman who is likely someone’s wife or girlfriend? It doesn’t quite make sense to me? We might need to revisit this idea that it’s seems so much more humiliating and surprising when a wife cheats. It’s all horribly painful and dark. I feel like it’s time to get on level ground with this conversation. I truly appreciate being heard.
I agree with you. Some research I read indicates that more women are having affairs now, it’s becoming an equal opportunity offender. In my experience though it was just harder to find resources from a make perspective. While I agree that all resources on infidelity can be useful, our ability to relate to others like us is a great source of comfort. At least for me it was.
So a good video. I am in the same boat. Two kids under ten. Going into 3 years in July. She asks for a divorce 2 weeks ago. I am in a good spot now. I think she is moving to her second affair. Look to join the hope group. He sounds exactly like me.
Wow!!! I can totally relate, I never expected that would have happened until it did, it blew me out of the water. Thanks be to God I have a wonderful God who hold me and heal my broken heart and send me support to help me through this process am still on my HEALING journey.
i am a betrayed wife and i thank you for sharing. i appreciate you. my husband wants a divorce, i don't, but i don't want him back either. i'm scared to death of moving forward and feel sadness for our 3 kids to find out.
@@aug07broken I know what you are saying my dear. I have two children from my marriage as well and I don't want a divorce, but at the same time I cannot stop him from doing what he want to do and I try not to focus on the situation p, I pray, read scriptures, watch videos, read books and working on me as best I can. I have been praying for the spouse that are hurting my eyes have been opened to the amount of persons who are hurting because of infidelity. God heals the broken in heart and he binds up all their wounds. Much love sis.
Jelette Christie oh thank you so much, you are so sweet! i've already been doing what u said. he already told me he doesn't see a future for us anymore, every now and then he asks me about divorce, so i know exactly what's on his mind. he's totally dropped me, he texts the kids, but doesn't communitcate with me anymore. all i can do now is think about myself and my kids. he's not coming back, it's been obvious for a year now. i'm so sorry for what u r also going through.
I would like to see more content on the mind of the unfaithful when they are ambivalent. It's been 2yrs and 7mos since my spouse has been involved with his AP and 7mos living with her but he hasn't filed for divorce but tells me he's not coming back. I've finally file for divorce but I want to know what's going through his mind at this time.
Thank you Alejandro and Samuel! This is so useful, and Alejandro's path and mine are similar in many ways. Yes, there is light on the other side. I respect the courage and honesty of this interview very much.
This is such an amazing video to listen to. I was a strong, independent woman until the rug was pulled out from under me. Accepting the reality and writing out the best case and worst case scenarios is such a simple, but productive suggestion to make (which I’m going to do this weekend)! I have been diluted for 3 years believing that things would change and not facing reality. Please, betrayed, while I’m grateful for my own personal growth during this time of denial, please get yourself help first. Look at the reality of the situation. Read books on codependency as well because I’ve had to own up to my own issues with that as during this. If he/she isn’t putting in the work, please focus on you! If you are a Christian or become a Christian through this (like I did), I still believe it’s ok to pray for the reconciliation... but we need to want His will more than we want the reconciliation. If it’s being prevented, it’s for a reason. What if He is protecting you ❤️
My wife cheated on me and I’ve begun discovering that it was the best thing that ever happened to me. 3 months a go I would never have imagined writing those words. 🙏
Thank you, Alejandro. I recently got to this video, I am going through my own hell and like you mentioned - sometimes it takes one video, one nugget to get you through the next hour/day. The talk with you gave me that a few times now and it also gave me some inspiration.
"Married to the idea of saving the marriage" Exactly what I was doing. The betrayal was a pattern that continued even during the recovery attempts. This man is an inspiration.
This is an amazing piece. I am in the middle of this and cannot thank you men enough for this narrative, wisdom and courage to tell us your story that I might be able to associate with. THIS IS THE SIP OF WATER IN THE MIDDLE OF HELL AS I KEEP GOING. Thank you Alejandro and Samuel
Wow..thank you for this 🙌 What especially resonated with me was the idea that I, as the BS, am good enough. I think we often forget that. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart 💖
Alejandro, Samuel.......bravo 👏👏👏 excellent video. Excellent articulation, delivery, user friendly interview. Thank you both SO much. 8 months since dd for me, a betrayed husband. Fear is my reason for not having left my marriage. Fear for the kids, fear for my future..... but I now realize if I stay I'm not choosing my wife, I'd be staying because I need her. I left my career and work for 8 yrs now to take care of our special needs kids. I fear that if I leave I'll not survive financially. But I want to leave my wife. If not for the kids I'd leave 100%. I'm at a fork in the road at the moment. My wife is waiting for me to decide. She's desperately wanting me to forgive her for her one time, short affair.
Oh, to be in 'control' of things in this situation. I am sitting here alone in my apartment in limbo wondering just what my wife wants and is thinking.
Please forgive her. I am female and I too had a short, one time affair. And my husband forgave me and though we have our ups and downs....we are pushing through. If I could go back, I would NEVER, EVER break my husband's heart. I regret ever having that affair. The pain I had that man in is unimaginable.
@@namboy2233 u don't stop loving someone after kniwing them for 20 yrs. So yes I still love her. If there were no kids my love wouldn't be enough. How much i love her is only paralleled by the pain, anger, rage, jealousy.....but if I stay, its because I put the children before myself. My hope is I heal, and forgive. Yes she's repentant
Thank you Alejandro. I discovered my wife had been having an affair for 9 years. I found out about after they started for several months. She promised it would end. She got back together with him after 4 years while having at least emotional affairs with other men. I discovered they were back together right before covid. It has been 3.5 years and she is still lying to me. We've been through 2 couples councilors and she lied to them and said it was because she couldn't connect with them. You have inspired me to consider leaving her as an option. Thank you.
I was an unfaithful partner as well. I regret everything that I've done, not because I got caught but because I hurt my partner. I had an emotional affair at the end of 2019. I was 5 months post partum with our second child and I believe alot of lies I told myself. I never want to be that person again.
Alejandro, thank you for gracing me with the faith and courage that I can not only make it through my husband’s ongoing affairs but that I can thrive spiritually! May our Lord continue to bless you 🙏
Thank you! Almost like my story, down to the kids ages. Only differences were that instead of multiple affairs, my wife kept denying, lying and gaslighting so I am in year 9 now of my own denial, by now crawling through hell. Feeling like a prisoner because I am very disabled and depend on others, but she successfully isolated me from everybody over the years making her my only "help". So I literally cannot "go forward" or away. I'm trapped in hell and by never giving up my hope I'm now 9 years deep and see no way out. The mental and emotional torture (and abuse) is getting worse. And I can't even afford a night away just to get some sleep. Yet this interview, for some unknown reason, gave me something. His words hit so close to home. If say hope, but she even took my faith from me, over time. But I am at fault for letting her do that to me, truly believing that I cannot survive without her. I may be the dumbest person alive, but I allowed this to slowly but steadily being done to me. Wasting 9 years fighting for MY D-day and full disclosure so I can start healing and forgiving. For an (emotional and physical) love affair that lasted "only" 9 to 11 months (as far as I know). Never to actually get MY "day". I should have seen THAT red flag 4 years ago when she, for the very first time (!) admitted that what I knew for 5 years was in fact true. And yes, she also - during the last month's of her affair - LITERALLY made me meet her AP and make us become friends, because "we have so much in common". How right she was, I just didn't know it yet. They played me for a fool for several months. In the end I even had an STD in common with him, for which she actually blamed me, as with EVERYTHING else. I have seen Hell. I'm still residing there. And sometimes it feels like she's my "landlord". Thank you again. Apologies for the long rant. I've been so isolated, I rarely get a chance to talk anymore. So thank you for listening. Please don't judge me. I know I'm stupid.
No one is judging you : -( and no one has the right to. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. My heart goes out to you. Love & prayers, all the way from the Caribbean.
👎 for the very last statement. Just because you were taken advantage of and manipulated doesn't mean you are stupid. Means you have room to grow. By watching videos like this, you can increase your knowledge of red flags and start doing something about it. If you are isolated, join a recovery group. You will find support there. Join a church. I've been/am in similar shoes. My health conditions have me trapped. I let him talk me into stop working, into letting go of my friends, etc. But that doesn't mean I'm stupid. It means I was manipulated and placed my faith in the wrong person. And depending on only one person for all your needs is not healthy for either you or your spouse. I don't know your disability, but there are things you can do to change your situation. Counseling, online groups, volunteering, etc. Find yourself again and grow. You have to get unstuck. (I'm kinda stuck myself right now with this covid thing disrailing my recovery from trauma, but I don't plan to stay here, I'm getting enrolled to volunteer which can go on my resume and eventually something will come of it, but in the meantime it will be rewarding to give back to the community.)
"LITERALLY made me meet her AP and make us become friends, because "we have so much in common"- my wife was telling me about this guy she worked with and that i could be friends because we had things in common. only to find out a short time later she was having an emotional affair with him. so messed up to even think or want us to be friends
No you not stupid at all, an nobody is going to judge you, what you are going through it is very painful but please dnt blame yourself, you deserve better as a child of God,, find a way to forgive and move on
With everything I survived through with my life for a while there, I wasn't sure if I can feel to love again. But thanks guys for doing what you did to help others who have no one to turn towards when everywhere they look life is so dark with their four walls of life closing in. From my heart, I love you brothers. I meant it because I felt it, not just the wording of its contents but the emotions of caring from within.
I am so grateful for this interview! The discussion of “magical thinking vs. reality” plus the hope of a life with peace was a refreshing glass of water to my scorched heart. Thank you Alejandro.
Alejando, so sorry to hear that your marriage didn't work out. Very happy to see that your doing great. I too was at the Hope Rising in 2018 and think we went to lunch together.
Amazing! Thank you. Can Alejandro possibly make a video about what it is like to share your kids with the ex and their affair partner? Thank you so much for this video. I am a betrayed spouse and have been through the HH program myself. ♡
So healing for me to hear this story. Couldn't stop beating myself up for not seeing the signs, but actually we innately trust as human beings and that's a good thing. It's and ABnormal situation for someone to betray trust (especially close love trust) so why should we be living in fear? Trust is normal and healthy and a beautiful thing for anyone to take part in and it has nothing to do with us that we were cheated on
Yes you have to face the reality. I hurt but would never ever touch him again. Who wants to be with a man who would ever do such a thing to another person. I can hardly comprehend it.
Thank you for this conversation. I’ve been through a similar path this year and find so many commonalities with Alejandro. As I keep growing spiritually, mentally, and physically, I keep finding nuggets like this one on my path that give me strength and courage.
I'm just want to say thanks for this coming across these videos when I just had D day 10 days ago this has helped me the most knowing there are others that have gone through what I'm going through makes it a little easier to see there is a light at the end of the tunnel so I appreciate it
Thank you. This has helped me a lot in many ways. Videos like this helps me make it through times when i just cant handle it anymore. Please Continue to inspire us. God Bless and more power.
This hit home. Thank you for this. Alejandro's insight and words are so powerful and offers hope to all those in similar circumstances like myself. I will be watching this again and again when I need to come up for air and know that there is hope at the other end. Thank you.
What an inspirational person ,I am a betrayed female ,6 months on from the discovery of a 15 month affair . Good to know there is light at the end of the tunnel
Thank you for sharing this, it helps me in ways that I am unable express at this time, I usually send these to my phone text to listen to when ever I am struggling, I am only 4 months in and really hope to salvage the marriage, she is now living with her partner in the house that me and her got, I don’t expect it to last very long, he doesn’t work and is an alcoholic, they are living in a complete fantasy world,
The trauma isn’t that different between betrayed men and women. I too NEVER expected this. I’ve spent months in the fetal position. Thank you for your story
I think that you are right, pain is pain, but it seems like men and women deal with it differently. We as betrayed men seem to try and keep it all inside it's terrible. Loyalty and pride is keeping me from telling anyone just to protect the person that hurt me, it's awful. Not diminishing anything that you are going through, just pointing out a difference. In the end it hurts so bad I would never want anyone to feel this pain even my wife 😢
My wife occasionally will bring up the threat of separation, and it’s heart rending when she does. This interview was helpful in Giving hope that a separation or divorce is not a death sentence and there can be life, joy, and peace on the other side. Although, the thought of over 20 years of struggling and battling to hold our marriage together going down the drain and being wasted is an excruciating thought if that were to happen. Thank you for being honest and vulnerable with us.
What a brave soul! Thank you both. His statement that he kept living in a fantasy that he could save the marriage - was so powerful for me to hear. The fright about ending it with young kids involved… met me right where I’m at. Thank you, Alejandro.
Thank you! You guys have given me a lil hope 2day.. i havent felt any of that in almost 6mths.. this is the most painful and isolated that ive ever felt in my entire life.. its hard to even find any happiness anywhere lately.. i dont even feel happy when I'm with my girls anymore.. they've always been my air.. im just suffocating now...
Thank you guys for these videos. I am that "Yeti", I was betrayed, then divorced by my wife. She wanted to live her single life, but then that life left her empty. Long story short, we just got remarried in 10/2019. Is re-married life all hearts and "I love yous"? Nope.... but our marriage is more Christ centered, and we are now learning to walk thru infidelity together.
I know how it feels to have a wife unfaithful she had a physical affair 30 some years ago and emotional fare a few months ago my D day was November 10, 2019 no I’m trying to get over the last one and I really would never was over the first one she refused to talk about the first one she said it meant nothing but it tore my world apart
Alejandro, thank you for your fierce vulnerability. It was very insightful to hear from a male point of view and also to help understand the dynamics. I am in the same situation as a female and it's so painful. Staying close to god was my greatest blessing. I blamed myself, my boyfriend blamed me which was even more damaging. The truth is I was a imperfect woman however I was loyal and responsible and was not in anyway someone that deserved to be deceived and lied too. I left and felt great about not going back because when the cheating came to the surface I felt like an ugly loser. Terrible how we believe it. Now as a survivor, and God has cheered me forward I see how beautiful I truly am. Your share is so wonderful. Thank you.
I have heard Alejandro at Hope Rising this past year and got so much out of it as well as this blog. I am the betrayed but was also the betrayer going into that same relationship. Thought it was love that we were brought together. Denial has been a big part on both sides but AR has really opened my eyes to a lot! God has showed me what real love is. God is the example and includes forgiveness of myself and the others. Legally separated and okay with that. Life is still good! Thank you all at AR and God bless all of you.
This is the 2nd time I’m watching this in the past year. I’ve come to the conclusion that the betrayed always seem to be “the better half” in the marriage. We’re good hearted people and they take advantage of it. We see the good in people first, which is why we didn’t see the depth of brokenness before the wedding.
Thank you so much for your testimony and strength. Right now I am dealing with a wife that chose to have a threesome 3 days before I came home from deployment. She says she wants the marriage to continue. However, she continues to have a pattern of behavior that shows her to be completely untrustworthy. I have given her a list of things that she can do to prove that she is trustworthy but she has stated it cannot come from me, it has to come from her. How do I ever trust her again when she refuses to do the things that I ask her to do?
Alejandro and Samuel, thank you for this interview. I'm a betrayed male who is now divorced for two years because my ex-wife did not want to go to any counseling and wanted to be with her affair partner. I now can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt so alone because the stereotype of a betrayed spouse is women; hearing from a betrayed male helps me keep growing in my faith in God and in believing that this journey is for my benefit and God's glory.
Thank You.
Great to hear about your recovery Robert. It’s wonderful to see that light right?
I can relate to your story....I was married for 35 years and he would not go to counseling and just left. Its been trauma and grief even after 1 year and 8 months. Thank God for his help or I would not be here. Dj
I second that. I've been watching these videos for a long time and holding out hope my wife would end her affair and we could try to save our marriage and family because we have a son. She finally told me today she doesn't want to be married, and I'm hurt, angry, etc. I'm a little mad at myself for giving myself false hope, and not allowing my heart to know what my mind already knew, so I've been living in denial for a long time. Even after all the reading, praying, watching these videos, I still don't understand how someone could do this to their spouse, and not even try to reconcile at all, it's like she isn't the same person I dated and married. I'm so angry and resentful right now, that I never want to see or talk to her again.
@@reshanner wow man that's tough. Hope you're doing much better these days.
Thank you for sharing. My wife’s affairs was the most utterly devastating and life altering things I have ever experienced. My wife at the time meant everything to me. I do believe there is healing that allows one to function and move forward, but it has taken an incredible amount of work and a support system to get here almost 4+ years later. There is still work to do. It took me forever to accept that my wife loved me but was not healthy enough to love me. I was very naive at first. I did not realize that her heartfelt promises to never hurt me again and tear-eyed reaffirmations of commitments and vows do not provide safety and assurances. Only recovery work does. It is sad that she really did want me. She just could not stop harming me. So I am building a new life. I remember what Samuel said once. It takes courage to build life and build a future. It really does. It is an amputation. Part of my heart is gone, but I am trying to build a new life one day at a time, work through fears of the future, and trying to build into my relationship with God rather than defaulting to destructive behaviors like drinking or isolation.
Well said my friend. I can totally relate.
It's a crime that we end up alone! I'm just waking up myself. It's been 11 yrs. I'm 38. I asked him, "you're over 40. What are the next 10 going to look like? ?" That extra question mark is for me to answer.
Repeated affairs...3 decades of lies. I wish I could financial leave.
He seems so intelligent, kind, a well-rounded person and he's good looking to top it off. She must have been blind. 🤦♀️ She really lost a good one.
Thank you for your kind words Elle.
@@developmentdestination5494 Going through the same thing man. Wife of only 3 months started having an affair. The rain falls on the just and the unjust alike. Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. It's not always God's will for sin to abound and to destroy something holy, but the main goal is to keep our eyes on God, our faith is in Him. Fire is always refining. The best thing is to cast into the fire what needs to be destroyed from our lives while it is still burning. May the Father give you peace and comfort and prosper you according to His will.
@@doompod only 3 months? That must have hurt like hell! Are you still together?
When a person cheats it has nothing to do with looks, smarts or personality. The cheater has issues within themselves that blind them to how much better their spouse is. If any of that mattered to them they wouldn't have cheated in the first place.
A while ago I was in Alejandro's shoes so to hear his testimony was so awesome - both you guys helped to heal a lot of men today - God bless you both
So glad this is a place for men to share and receive powerful testimonies! Men do feel reduced to ashes. Another great vlog (zoom or not)- it was awesome!
Thank you so much. Very good. Almost 5 years past D-Day and still with my wife of nearly 26 years and still trying to totally process forgiveness and get my heart in a good place for her unfaithfulness.
Trying so hard to just move ahead, find peace, find reconciliation. Praying!
I can totally relate and please forgive me if I don't address you by your initials, that was name of one of my wife's affair partners, but after 14 years of marriage and 5 years after D-Day I struggle with the very same things you do.
Please can I ask the reason why you are both struggling to forgive after so many years? Thanks
I’m glad you interview divorce people. Even though you gave/give so much hope in wanting to save my marriage during my divorce. A lot of your stuff is for marriage people fixing their marriage from affairs. It’s a good to get a divorce perspective.
Thanks Brendan. That’s why I did this. I rarely found resources where the marriage was not saved and that is why I kept trying to save a sinking ship.
Development Destination this!! Well said!
After having been through this in my own past, to hear it said that men feel so emasculated, humiliated, and reduced to ashes, etc. it is very much to the same types of feelings for women. I can relate so much to the things he said. It's really beautiful to see how he's grown, healed, and moved forward.
To say that these two guys rocked it, hit it out of the park, would be an understatement. Sometimes youtube actually does provide a useful, important, positive experience.
1001 golden nuggets.
Alejandro and Samuel, God bless you both. Thank you. As a betrayed, I needed this. That fear of taking those necessary steps, is a huge challenge for me. After 1.5 years of bring the only one fighting for my marriage, it does give me hope. There is progress, but who knows what will happen next week, next month, or 6 months from now, and I have to be okay with whatever the outcome is. And that terrifies me.
It is scary, I will not lie to you. However, we are stronger than we think and a life without the anxiety of your wife being unfaithful or not wanting to commit to the relationship is so much more peaceful.
I am the unfaithful spouse of multiple affairs. This was hard to watch because it took me so long to get myself on a healthy path. I have ruined my marriage of 20 years and it's taken some in-depth looks to see that I was the reason for all of the downfalls. We are in therapy now and we watch the affair recovery videos religiously, but videos like this are absolutely terrifying to me because I'm scared I'm not healing fast enough, It took me too long to wise up, he won't be able to heal from what has happened, etc. I know that videos like that that can offer insight for him can potentially be helpful especially with the points of him losing confidence and the emasculated feelings. I want him happy at this point because I know he has deserved it, and I know that I will continue to work to be a better person not just to save my marriage but to become a better individual. My family deserved better than the selfish creature I had become and I hope that working toward healing, and happiness for all parties, is the healthy way to live now.
Stay encouraged my sister. I was an unfaithful female spouse as well.
Hi ladies, just read your posts. Thank you for your honesty. I’m also an unfaithful wife. It’s hard coming to terms with what I’ve put my husband through. Please feel free to give me any advice that might help my situation. Thank you 😊
Your ability to articulate your regret and owning the effects of your behavior is what I appreciate. If there is a contrite heart there is always hope. I pray that your husband is able to heal and that your marriage is restored to a higher level.
Am an unfaithful. Please, how are you guys doing. How are your husbands. How is your marraige. I feel like I am in a closed tunnel.... my husband is in so much pain....
I am a betrayed husband who stayed faithful and never hurt my wife or laid a hand on her. I can tell you it feels like this, take all the pain in your life and all the grief from losing all of your loved ones and combine all of it and then double it and that is now the “life” you live in. I say live but really it’s just surviving. My wife had already been cheating back when we were just engaged and I was away in BCT in the army busting my butt to provide a home and a life for her and us to start out. I know now it wasn’t anything I lacked or anything I could have done to prevent it from happening , that being said it doesn’t make it any easier to swallow. If I can give you ladies any advice at all it’s this, He deserves the whole truth not only what you think he can handle. If you really love him and mean that you would tell the truth and give his mind and heart that peace that only comes from the story “making sense” . He won’t have to focus on it all the time once that happens and if he decides to end it because you told the truth then so be it because he cannot show you he chose you and truly loves you if you know you kept things from him and stole his choice to prove he still chooses you and loves you! I’m still fighting everyday to forgive my wife but I know if the shoes were reversed I would hope she could and would have the grace I have shown because no one is perfect. When you keep secrets and lies and deceit in your heart how then can god ir your husband fill it with love ?
Thank you so much for this video. As a betrayed female it was phenomenal to hear the story of a betrayed male. It gave great perspective and released me from the guilt I carry after each of my spouses betrayals. After 34 years of marriage and him refusing to get help I am now released from my thoughts of separation being against Gods will.
I love utopia and appreciate you Samuel for continuing to keep us in the know and for your years of transparency. God bless you both.
Glad this could be of help to you Lori. God bless you.
Incredibly bravery from Alejandro for this interview! I'm a betrayed male who's waiting for the divorce proceedings to happen whilst in this lockdown period, and it's so comforting to hear from someone who's walked a mile ahead. Coming from a faith background, I too, lived in denial for long months before the trauma kicked in so hard I moved out. On my healing journey for now, kudos to you guys for putting this up!
Wow such a great and inspiring video. I finally decided to pursue divorce after many months since D-Day and EMSO class. It's scary as heck but I wasn't seeing progress, momentum or safety. And was still experiencing gaslighting, manipulation and trickle truth, along with repetitive contact with AP.
It's scary but necessary in my situation. And I'm slowly starting to rebuild my life.
I feel many of the things Alejandro referenced including being married to saving my marriage.
I think it's very brave of you Alejandro to share your story!
Thanks for your feedback. I always told myself that I would share my journey once I was out of the fog. I knew that couldn’t be the only guy going through this. No one wants an amputation, but sometimes it is necessary for one to keep living.
@@developmentdestination5494
I know it’s been 3 years since you’ve been on this episode. But , I needed to hear this. I found out only 2 months ago that my wife had been talking to 2 other men. I totally destroyed me, 2 children 7 years of marriage but we’ve been together for 12 years. This past week, the week of thanksgiving was the hardest time I’ve been through. Being with my family with only my kids and having my family asking about her and making excuses about the situation. You know what though , I’ll own up to perhaps not being the best husband I could have been . However I’d never step out on her , our kids, our family, no female is worth losing everything , not even the finest 10 out there. I’m just putting the pieces together and just hoping she doesn’t do again. Honestly if we didn’t have kids, after discovering this I might have just taking all my stuff and left without a trace . My 2 kids are the hardest part of this all. I will admit right now I’m trying to hold it together at work , but I’ve lost weight , sleep and some days I’m a nervous wreck. Seems like she still wants to resolve our issues, but I’m still deeply hurt, and betrayed, so my guard is up . The guy she was seeing is my brother in laws best friend so it’s definitely created a rift between myself and her family. It’s hard brothers , it’s hard. Hope all is well for y’all.
Thank you, i have come out strong from my partners infidelity, we were 17 years strong, but she was tempted and weak. i craved a support group here in Australia we don't have one for infidelity, i do suffer from PTSD from the moment i discovered it by chance, i got the help but she did not, i helped heal my self with very much the help from you and your channel Samuel, yes we are the yeti, reduced to ashes the day i discovered her betrayal, but, my ashes are in a bag with me holding it sealed, looking into the bag occasionally to see what i have been through and strong enough not to feel like that any more, time, strength and lessons,
so glad we could help my friend. i'm so sorry for your pain and agony. proud of you for getting help and being intentional.
Can’t say enough how awesome this was. He’s amazing. I’m the betrayed wife and I resonated with this deeply. Thank you 😊
so glad the video helped you.
Excellent interview, I only wish that I could've found this type of support 9 years ago. My wife and I are still together and doing very well, but boy was I a mess for almost 3 years after I caught her. Never in my wildest imagination did I ever think that she was capable of having an affair, but she did, lasting 3 years, both emotional and physical. It's a journey that you wish you never had to experience, but one that is so valuable and life-changing at the same time.
wow this is something that I needed to hear. I am going through it right now. As a betrayal man, I am so thankful for you guys
Such a powerful and vulnerable conversation. I am grateful to hear this intimate story and feel so much empathy for the speaker. I am a betrayal trauma Coach and would like to share that women feel exactly like men when betrayed. We feel inadequate, not enough sexually, completely humiliated in every way. I think there is still a bit of misunderstanding in this area. Why are we surprised that a wife would cheat when all the husbands are cheating with a woman who is likely someone’s wife or girlfriend? It doesn’t quite make sense to me? We might need to revisit this idea that it’s seems so much more humiliating and surprising when a wife cheats. It’s all horribly painful and dark. I feel like it’s time to get on level ground with this conversation. I truly appreciate being heard.
I agree with you. Some research I read indicates that more women are having affairs now, it’s becoming an equal opportunity offender. In my experience though it was just harder to find resources from a make perspective. While I agree that all resources on infidelity can be useful, our ability to relate to others like us is a great source of comfort. At least for me it was.
So a good video. I am in the same boat. Two kids under ten. Going into 3 years in July. She asks for a divorce 2 weeks ago. I am in a good spot now. I think she is moving to her second affair. Look to join the hope group. He sounds exactly like me.
Here’s to your recovery my brother!!
Thank you Alejandro and Samuel for this interview. Funny how things pop up when you really need to hear them. ❤️
I know what you’re talking about.
Wow!!! I can totally relate, I never expected that would have happened until it did, it blew me out of the water. Thanks be to God I have a wonderful God who hold me and heal my broken heart and send me support to help me through this process am still on my HEALING journey.
i am a betrayed wife and i thank you for sharing. i appreciate you. my husband wants a divorce, i don't, but i don't want him back either. i'm scared to death of moving forward and feel sadness for our 3 kids to find out.
@@aug07broken Good luck to you.
@@aug07broken I know what you are saying my dear. I have two children from my marriage as well and I don't want a divorce, but at the same time I cannot stop him from doing what he want to do and I try not to focus on the situation p, I pray, read scriptures, watch videos, read books and working on me as best I can. I have been praying for the spouse that are hurting my eyes have been opened to the amount of persons who are hurting because of infidelity. God heals the broken in heart and he binds up all their wounds. Much love sis.
Jelette Christie oh thank you so much, you are so sweet! i've already been doing what u said. he already told me he doesn't see a future for us anymore, every now and then he asks me about divorce, so i know exactly what's on his mind. he's totally dropped me, he texts the kids, but doesn't communitcate with me anymore. all i can do now is think about myself and my kids. he's not coming back, it's been obvious for a year now. i'm so sorry for what u r also going through.
Man this was good. I was just in the fetal position yesterday. Lol
I would like to see more content on the mind of the unfaithful when they are ambivalent. It's been 2yrs and 7mos since my spouse has been involved with his AP and 7mos living with her but he hasn't filed for divorce but tells me he's not coming back. I've finally file for divorce but I want to know what's going through his mind at this time.
Stacye Doss Been there. The night I found out, I found myself in the fetal position out in the middle of the muddy lawn, pouring down rain at 2 am.
Sorry to both of you. Im 2 years since betrayal. Still dealing with it. Poorly at times still trying to make it with my wife.
His faith in Jesus was what helped him through it. Great testimony my friend, loved how you gave Jesus credit for your recovery. 😊
All day. I would not have made it without Him. His love and compassion for me during that transformed me.
Amazing. Loved the enthusiasm. Very helpful. I am going to save this one to reflect back on.
Thank you Alejandro and Samuel! This is so useful, and Alejandro's path and mine are similar in many ways. Yes, there is light on the other side. I respect the courage and honesty of this interview very much.
This is such an amazing video to listen to. I was a strong, independent woman until the rug was pulled out from under me. Accepting the reality and writing out the best case and worst case scenarios is such a simple, but productive suggestion to make (which I’m going to do this weekend)! I have been diluted for 3 years believing that things would change and not facing reality. Please, betrayed, while I’m grateful for my own personal growth during this time of denial, please get yourself help first. Look at the reality of the situation. Read books on codependency as well because I’ve had to own up to my own issues with that as during this. If he/she isn’t putting in the work, please focus on you! If you are a Christian or become a Christian through this (like I did), I still believe it’s ok to pray for the reconciliation... but we need to want His will more than we want the reconciliation. If it’s being prevented, it’s for a reason. What if He is protecting you ❤️
My wife cheated on me and I’ve begun discovering that it was the best thing that ever happened to me. 3 months a go I would never have imagined writing those words. 🙏
I hear you.
Thank you, Alejandro. I recently got to this video, I am going through my own hell and like you mentioned - sometimes it takes one video, one nugget to get you through the next hour/day. The talk with you gave me that a few times now and it also gave me some inspiration.
"Married to the idea of saving the marriage" Exactly what I was doing. The betrayal was a pattern that continued even during the recovery attempts. This man is an inspiration.
This is an amazing piece. I am in the middle of this and cannot thank you men enough for this narrative, wisdom and courage to tell us your story that I might be able to associate with. THIS IS THE SIP OF WATER IN THE MIDDLE OF HELL AS I KEEP GOING.
Thank you Alejandro and Samuel
Teo, how are you doing now? Unfortunately I’m on this tragic journey now
Wow..thank you for this 🙌 What especially resonated with me was the idea that I, as the BS, am good enough. I think we often forget that. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart 💖
You are welcome.
Thank you for sharing. I am a betrayed woman but can relate quite a bit to what you are said you felt
All of our stories seem to have common threads.
Excellent. Thank you Alejandro for your honesty and presentation of feelings that a man tackles.
What a powerful message that touched so many bases in my life and experience as the betrayed spouse. Thank you.
Such a good interview. I really learned a lot from the speaker. Hope to see him back soon
Thank you Linda. We do plan on doing more content in the future.
Alejandro, Samuel.......bravo 👏👏👏 excellent video. Excellent articulation, delivery, user friendly interview. Thank you both SO much. 8 months since dd for me, a betrayed husband. Fear is my reason for not having left my marriage. Fear for the kids, fear for my future..... but I now realize if I stay I'm not choosing my wife, I'd be staying because I need her. I left my career and work for 8 yrs now to take care of our special needs kids. I fear that if I leave I'll not survive financially. But I want to leave my wife. If not for the kids I'd leave 100%. I'm at a fork in the road at the moment. My wife is waiting for me to decide. She's desperately wanting me to forgive her for her one time, short affair.
Maybe worth reconciliation (if she is really repentant and you still have any feelings for her)?? Also, kids might benefit from 2 stable parents??
Oh, to be in 'control' of things in this situation. I am sitting here alone in my apartment in limbo wondering just what my wife wants and is thinking.
Please forgive her. I am female and I too had a short, one time affair. And my husband forgave me and though we have our ups and downs....we are pushing through.
If I could go back, I would NEVER, EVER break my husband's heart. I regret ever having that affair. The pain I had that man in is unimaginable.
@@namboy2233 u don't stop loving someone after kniwing them for 20 yrs. So yes I still love her. If there were no kids my love wouldn't be enough. How much i love her is only paralleled by the pain, anger, rage, jealousy.....but if I stay, its because I put the children before myself. My hope is I heal, and forgive. Yes she's repentant
Sounds like you are in tough spot. My heart goes out to you brother. My question to you would be...what is your fear costing you?
Thank you for sharing your story. Prayers lifted as you continue to heal.
Great zoom. Samuel..
If you ever want to interview a betrayed male who DID NOT divorce and saved the marriage.....look me up
Hello....would love to hear your story.
@@AJ-ls7tn its a long story but with a happy ending
Me too!
@@MrTrevorjc1 Could do with some encouragement.
_Hear here!_ Let's hear this soon. 👍
Thank you Alejandro. I discovered my wife had been having an affair for 9 years. I found out about after they started for several months. She promised it would end. She got back together with him after 4 years while having at least emotional affairs with other men. I discovered they were back together right before covid. It has been 3.5 years and she is still lying to me. We've been through 2 couples councilors and she lied to them and said it was because she couldn't connect with them. You have inspired me to consider leaving her as an option. Thank you.
I was an unfaithful partner as well. I regret everything that I've done, not because I got caught but because I hurt my partner. I had an emotional affair at the end of 2019. I was 5 months post partum with our second child and I believe alot of lies I told myself. I never want to be that person again.
How is your marriage now
Alejandro, thank you for gracing me with the faith and courage that I can not only make it through my husband’s ongoing affairs but that I can thrive spiritually! May our Lord continue to bless you 🙏
Thank you!
Almost like my story, down to the kids ages. Only differences were that instead of multiple affairs, my wife kept denying, lying and gaslighting so I am in year 9 now of my own denial, by now crawling through hell. Feeling like a prisoner because I am very disabled and depend on others, but she successfully isolated me from everybody over the years making her my only "help". So I literally cannot "go forward" or away. I'm trapped in hell and by never giving up my hope I'm now 9 years deep and see no way out. The mental and emotional torture (and abuse) is getting worse. And I can't even afford a night away just to get some sleep.
Yet this interview, for some unknown reason, gave me something. His words hit so close to home. If say hope, but she even took my faith from me, over time. But I am at fault for letting her do that to me, truly believing that I cannot survive without her. I may be the dumbest person alive, but I allowed this to slowly but steadily being done to me. Wasting 9 years fighting for MY D-day and full disclosure so I can start healing and forgiving. For an (emotional and physical) love affair that lasted "only" 9 to 11 months (as far as I know). Never to actually get MY "day". I should have seen THAT red flag 4 years ago when she, for the very first time (!) admitted that what I knew for 5 years was in fact true. And yes, she also - during the last month's of her affair - LITERALLY made me meet her AP and make us become friends, because "we have so much in common". How right she was, I just didn't know it yet. They played me for a fool for several months. In the end I even had an STD in common with him, for which she actually blamed me, as with EVERYTHING else.
I have seen Hell. I'm still residing there. And sometimes it feels like she's my "landlord".
Thank you again.
Apologies for the long rant. I've been so isolated, I rarely get a chance to talk anymore. So thank you for listening. Please don't judge me. I know I'm stupid.
No one is judging you : -( and no one has the right to. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. My heart goes out to you. Love & prayers, all the way from the Caribbean.
👎 for the very last statement. Just because you were taken advantage of and manipulated doesn't mean you are stupid. Means you have room to grow. By watching videos like this, you can increase your knowledge of red flags and start doing something about it. If you are isolated, join a recovery group. You will find support there. Join a church. I've been/am in similar shoes. My health conditions have me trapped. I let him talk me into stop working, into letting go of my friends, etc. But that doesn't mean I'm stupid. It means I was manipulated and placed my faith in the wrong person. And depending on only one person for all your needs is not healthy for either you or your spouse. I don't know your disability, but there are things you can do to change your situation. Counseling, online groups, volunteering, etc. Find yourself again and grow. You have to get unstuck. (I'm kinda stuck myself right now with this covid thing disrailing my recovery from trauma, but I don't plan to stay here, I'm getting enrolled to volunteer which can go on my resume and eventually something will come of it, but in the meantime it will be rewarding to give back to the community.)
"LITERALLY made me meet her AP and make us become friends, because "we have so much in common"- my wife was telling me about this guy she worked with and that i could be friends because we had things in common. only to find out a short time later she was having an emotional affair with him. so messed up to even think or want us to be friends
No you not stupid at all, an nobody is going to judge you, what you are going through it is very painful but please dnt blame yourself, you deserve better as a child of God,, find a way to forgive and move on
With everything I survived through with my life for a while there, I wasn't sure if I can feel to love again. But thanks guys for doing what you did to help others who have no one to turn towards when everywhere they look life is so dark with their four walls of life closing in. From my heart, I love you brothers. I meant it because I felt it, not just the wording of its contents but the emotions of caring from within.
Glad this could help.
I had my suspicions but when you find out the reality feels you with utter dread.
I am so grateful for this interview! The discussion of “magical thinking vs. reality” plus the hope of a life with peace was a refreshing glass of water to my scorched heart. Thank you Alejandro.
Thank You Alejandro and Samuel.Amazing video, thank you so much for sharing. Countless others will benefit from the experiences you shared here today.
He seems like a lovely man. His courage, vulnerability & emotional intelligence is great. Wish him all the best & hope he’s happy in life 🫡
Alejando, so sorry to hear that your marriage didn't work out. Very happy to see that your doing great. I too was at the Hope Rising in 2018 and think we went to lunch together.
What’s up man, great to hear from you.
Amazing! Thank you. Can Alejandro possibly make a video about what it is like to share your kids with the ex and their affair partner? Thank you so much for this video. I am a betrayed spouse and have been through the HH program myself. ♡
Great suggestion. I guess we’ll have to see what we can do.
Thank you so much for your story and your bravery in sharing it.
So healing for me to hear this story. Couldn't stop beating myself up for not seeing the signs, but actually we innately trust as human beings and that's a good thing. It's and ABnormal situation for someone to betray trust (especially close love trust) so why should we be living in fear? Trust is normal and healthy and a beautiful thing for anyone to take part in and it has nothing to do with us that we were cheated on
Yes you have to face the reality. I hurt but would never ever touch him again. Who wants to be with a man who would ever do such a thing to another person. I can hardly comprehend it.
I don’t know how I missed this video. So many similarities. Hearing someone who walked through it. Thank you for the courage to share, brother.
The amputation analogy is great. How long do the Phantom pains last?
Blockchain NP No kidding
It probably depends on the individual. I still get one every now then with a trigger, but the pain is nowhere near as bad as it used to be.
Tornado is an apt description. And, yeah, the thought of my wife having an affair was such a foreign concept to me.
Thank you for this conversation. I’ve been through a similar path this year and find so many commonalities with Alejandro. As I keep growing spiritually, mentally, and physically, I keep finding nuggets like this one on my path that give me strength and courage.
Thanks it helped me understand what I put myself and him through. God bless you.
This is probably the most insightful sharing that may be applicable to my situation. Thank you.
I'm just want to say thanks for this coming across these videos when I just had D day 10 days ago this has helped me the most knowing there are others that have gone through what I'm going through makes it a little easier to see there is a light at the end of the tunnel so I appreciate it
Very insightful interview. I commend you for your strength and willingness to share you story.
Thank you. This has helped me a lot in many ways. Videos like this helps me make it through times when i just cant handle it anymore. Please Continue to inspire us. God Bless and more power.
This hit home. Thank you for this. Alejandro's insight and words are so powerful and offers hope to all those in similar circumstances like myself. I will be watching this again and again when I need to come up for air and know that there is hope at the other end. Thank you.
What an inspirational person ,I am a betrayed female ,6 months on from the discovery of a 15 month affair . Good to know there is light at the end of the tunnel
More betrayed male content? It’s a yes from me.
Thank you for sharing this, it helps me in ways that I am unable express at this time, I usually send these to my phone text to listen to when ever I am struggling, I am only 4 months in and really hope to salvage the marriage, she is now living with her partner in the house that me and her got, I don’t expect it to last very long, he doesn’t work and is an alcoholic, they are living in a complete fantasy world,
So sorry to hear that Stacy. Hang in there and keep working on your recovery.
My marriage survived but i still suffer with PTSD. I know this mans pain, his story and experiences mirrored my experience.
The trauma isn’t that different between betrayed men and women. I too NEVER expected this. I’ve spent months in the fetal position. Thank you for your story
I was now saying that to myself. Hurt is hurt...male or female. A broken heart is a broken heart, male or female.
I’m seeing that now, hearing from many of you. Thank you for sharing.
I think that you are right, pain is pain, but it seems like men and women deal with it differently. We as betrayed men seem to try and keep it all inside it's terrible. Loyalty and pride is keeping me from telling anyone just to protect the person that hurt me, it's awful. Not diminishing anything that you are going through, just pointing out a difference. In the end it hurts so bad I would never want anyone to feel this pain even my wife 😢
Thank you Alejandro. We are not alone.
Just listened for the second time. Every day is a challenge. Thank you again !!!!
This was such a great interview and awesome analogies. Found it to be very helpful. Thank you 🙏
This interview was incredibly helpful! Thank you so much for this resource!! God bless! Looking forward to viewing more zoom interviews.
My wife occasionally will bring up the threat of separation, and it’s heart rending when she does. This interview was helpful in Giving hope that a separation or divorce is not a death sentence and there can be life, joy, and peace on the other side. Although, the thought of over 20 years of struggling and battling to hold our marriage together going down the drain and being wasted is an excruciating thought if that were to happen. Thank you for being honest and vulnerable with us.
Save the man.
The marriage may or may not be saved.
Take care of self. Save your self. Work on your self.
What a brave soul! Thank you both.
His statement that he kept living in a fantasy that he could save the marriage - was so powerful for me to hear. The fright about ending it with young kids involved… met me right where I’m at.
Thank you, Alejandro.
Good for you! It's a tough road, proud of you!
Alejandro you my friend are a superhero! Thank you for sharing your story 🙏🏾
Denial is very powerful
Thank you! You guys have given me a lil hope 2day.. i havent felt any of that in almost 6mths.. this is the most painful and isolated that ive ever felt in my entire life.. its hard to even find any happiness anywhere lately.. i dont even feel happy when I'm with my girls anymore.. they've always been my air.. im just suffocating now...
Awesome ty for sharing 🤜🤛 my story similar, but I am the betrayed woman
Thank you. I’m a betrayed female and I can relate to just about every word you shared. Peace be with you
Yes. What a gift. Thank you Alejandro for sharing. Thank you Samuel for keeping it real.
Thank you for sharing your story. Feeling uplifted and inspired by this!
This guy is seriously good, please please get him back again!!
Excellent!! Loved the video.
Thank you for this .... this really helped me more and it helped me not look at myself as a monster!!!!! I’m on both sides of the fence...
Thank you guys for these videos. I am that "Yeti", I was betrayed, then divorced by my wife. She wanted to live her single life, but then that life left her empty. Long story short, we just got remarried in 10/2019. Is re-married life all hearts and "I love yous"? Nope.... but our marriage is more Christ centered, and we are now learning to walk thru infidelity together.
Oh my gosh. Thank you for sharing. This is a story that really has my ear and heart.
Wow! An amazing story! I’m so happy that you were both lucky enough to find one another again! 😊
Good for you Jesse. Incredible!
Can you speak about this on a public forum? I think many people would want to hear your story and advice for others.
Bravo Alejandro!
I know how it feels to have a wife unfaithful she had a physical affair 30 some years ago and emotional fare a few months ago my D day was November 10, 2019 no I’m trying to get over the last one and I really would never was over the first one she refused to talk about the first one she said it meant nothing but it tore my world apart
So helpful to see yourself in the mirror! It helped me understand myself. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing, Alejandro. You are an encouragement.
Alejandro, thank you for your fierce vulnerability. It was very insightful to hear from a male point of view and also to help understand the dynamics. I am in the same situation as a female and it's so painful. Staying close to god was my greatest blessing. I blamed myself, my boyfriend blamed me which was even more damaging. The truth is I was a imperfect woman however I was loyal and responsible and was not in anyway someone that deserved to be deceived and lied too. I left and felt great about not going back because when the cheating came to the surface I felt like an ugly loser. Terrible how we believe it. Now as a survivor, and God has cheered me forward I see how beautiful I truly am. Your share is so wonderful. Thank you.
As a woman who also gave her marriage 2 years trial after hearing about the affair I can totally relate to this.
This was amazing.
I have heard Alejandro at Hope Rising this past year and got so much out of it as well as this blog. I am the betrayed but was also the betrayer going into that same relationship. Thought it was love that we were brought together. Denial has been a big part on both sides but AR has really opened my eyes to a lot! God has showed me what real love is. God is the example and includes forgiveness of myself and the others. Legally separated and okay with that. Life is still good! Thank you all at AR and God bless all of you.
Thank you for this interview! You hit the nail on the head with so much of what you said.
This is the 2nd time I’m watching this in the past year. I’ve come to the conclusion that the betrayed always seem to be “the better half” in the marriage. We’re good hearted people and they take advantage of it. We see the good in people first, which is why we didn’t see the depth of brokenness before the wedding.
Thank you so much for your testimony and strength. Right now I am dealing with a wife that chose to have a threesome 3 days before I came home from deployment. She says she wants the marriage to continue. However, she continues to have a pattern of behavior that shows her to be completely untrustworthy. I have given her a list of things that she can do to prove that she is trustworthy but she has stated it cannot come from me, it has to come from her. How do I ever trust her again when she refuses to do the things that I ask her to do?
WOW. THANK YOU. I loved your analogies
Helpful advice and necessary information