An Interview with a Betrayed Male Spouse Part 2
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- Опубликовано: 4 окт 2024
- Samuel provides a follow up to an earlier interview with a betrayed male spouse.
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Amanda, Florida
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairreco.... He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.
We need a 10 part series on this perspective of the betrayed male. I've searched all over the Web and there is just not enough information on this perspective. Please please have more male guests. Thank you for all the help you offer
you're very welcome. i'll certainly try so thank you for asking.
Elias I’m a betrayed Husband and would love to share my story with you and chat. I would also like to hear your story.
Elias Hernandez
Your correct
There is hardly anything for betrayed men
Thanks brother
This gives me a tiny bit comfort but I have so much rage buring hot anger immense hurt and wanting revenge...but I have no outlet for these feelings
Yes more resources....
It's also crazy that the man can be cheated on and be treated like they're the one that cheated 🤯.
I know right
Yup!
For whatever reason it’s socially acceptable to say “what did he do?” If she cheated
But it’s taboo to ask “what did she do?” If he cheats.
I’m not saying that you should say that, just the double standard on men after going through a really bad hand at life
Do not go back on your values to be vindictive. "The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury." - Marcus Aurelius
Like I commented on Part 1, these two videos should absolutely be the first videos a betrayed man should watch...I would have had a huge jump start if I had these videos years ago! It’s so spot on!
thanks so much Don. means a ton to John and I you'd say that. so glad they helped you.
I’m with you my betrayed brother
I agree. I found out about her 3 weeks ago. It is so rough!
Samuel, I am supremely grateful for what you have done and how you have supported the FORGOTTEN- Betrayed Males. May the Lord use these vlogs to inspire Hope, Peace, and ultimately Restoration!
means so much George. thank you brother for the kind words and the encouragement. we try and do what we can as so many men need this help and support.
This is what I’ve been waiting for ....dude was a 10 year convict but he told her what she wanted to hear
I also am grateful.this is everything I felt and experience. Thank you for having the Dr on to speak
Man I needed this. It's exactly what I'm going through. The entire process so far has been extremely exhausting. I'm going through all the emotions and try to be the only source of income. I'm a crew leader in commercial/industrial roofer, so it's pretty stressful dealing with my emotions plus lead men and keep them safe in stressful and dangerous environment, plus meet expectations from my boss. It's really tough.
“A long journey”. Indeed, here I am 22 years later still trying to come to grips with what happened. Her closing up early on in the process has doubled my hurt.
Same hear. 23 years for me and she just erased the whole thing without discussion. I suffer from ruminations and PTSD. Still with her but my marriage has been forever altered.
Thank you for the inspiration. I am the betrayed. D day was 2 weeks ago and she is very ambivalent. I know I have to recover for the sake of myself and my children. Working on myself now.
Keep going J. take care of you my friend. do the bootcamp which is free here: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp there are more free resources here: www.affairrecovery.com/free-resources-home
Good luck. I am now in the same position and this is the first day where I feel there is a future with/without her. I know it can change tomorrow but I’ll take it as a good one today.
I admire guys who where able to forgive and stay with a cheating woman. I think you should forgive the cheating spouse but to stay with a cheater is extremely detrimental to me. If she gets another chance it will be with someone else.
Thank you Samuel for these videos . I’ve said time and time again; these videos are saving my life. It’s. Flicker of light in the darkness of my despair.
so very glad they could help my friend. glad to have you on the site. thank you for posting.
This is so good. Every man that has been hurt by the woman they love should watch this. Very very helpful video. It is true, how the man feels betrayed is so different than how the woman feels betrayal. This really brings good insight from the male betrayed and understanding for them regarding the unfaithful female. Great content.
You need to do WAY MORE of these! There is so little info that is this bang on in relation to the betrayed Male. Please please more of this topic. I’m a year out from DDay and I’ve figured much of this out on my own and in couples therapy. I’ve watched almost every one of the videos on this channel. These 2 were the best for me. Thank you!
so glad they helped. thank you for the feedback my friend.
Please, please let there be more continuations on this topic. Like what was said, there is so little help for guys in trying to unpack the pain, reestablish their masculinity, work through the grief. All my friends and my Christian counselor never experienced their wives being unfaithful, so they had ZERO reference points of how to allow me to vent and understand the depths of discouragement, anger and pain I was going through.
Now that my wife, son and I have moved six months ago 2500 miles from all of our family and friends, I feel more isolated than ever with no one to share with. I just have lots and lots of shouting times in my car with the windows rolled up as I'm driving down the Interstate. Nothing gets resolved because my wife shows no remorse, no emotional or physical support, never touches me, reaches out to me, never sympathizes with the pain that is ALWAYS there. Trying to exercise and read more to take my mind off everything, but Satan loves to constantly push the buttons of reminders and triggers. Just a lovely life and marriage!
C.J,
May you feel the presence and all comforting peace of Jesus! Read the book of Hosea in the Bible. It will exemplify how much God will go through to show His love for Israel- His beloved people! God's own people Betrayed HIM knowingly and repeatedly, but each time God was always there wooing Israel back! And He still does it today! So we are admonished to be imitators of God- and how much closer to imitating and emulating God's character than by showing/demonstrating MERCY! We all need MERCY...we just sin in different ways, my brother! You will live and make it because it's in your GODLY DNA! Take refuge and know that you are MORE of A Real MAN to show forth compassion and Grace and MERCY than allowing fear and false insecurities along with their close "kin"- ANGER- to overcome YOU!
Process your feelings...the affair(s) have/had nothing to do with you, it was what your life partner had going on within herself. Take care and know other MEN know EXACTLY how you feel and you will THRIVE! AMEN!
-Good Journey!😀👍
Im currently feeling the same things as you mentioned here. I found out just like a month ago and my wife shares very close similarities with what you said. I havent found any healing yet because im just coming to terms with my emotions. Starting work (im a pastor) just drives me crazy with all the emotions raging in. Not offering solutions but just want you to know that reading your comment here tells me im not isolated in my journey. Many men also are going thru the same experience that im feeling. Thanks for being open about them. I wish u all the best and pray that you too will find hope and healing as well.
A gem just like part 1. Maybe even better.
Thank you ALL so much to do a special series for us "forgotten" victims.
Please please please make regular segments part of your series. We may be a silent minority (maybe?) But our suffering is anything but silent and every video addressing the betrayed male is like a big warm hug AND a little boost for our crushed masculinity.
We should cry out for help more often and much louder, but, as you explained, it is very difficult.
Please DON'T forget us after this fantastic 2 part series.
It's almost been a year since I discovered my wife's six year! affair. It is so tough to go through and it is difficult to find help for the male betrayed online. I would encourage all to share these videos because it is so hard to find the right marriage therapist that has any experience in this area.
My wife had an affair with her boss for 7 years. She confessed with our pastor present. So I know what you have gone through in the past two years. I wish you well and hope you can recover better than me.
Any videos on the how we deal or how we feel or should cope on holidays aniversaries after the early period i find it hard to bring the joy if you have one please forward and if you dont can you make one. Because i find myself comparing and expecting and remembering
here are a few resources: ruclips.net/video/cDKSwnzSwRk/видео.html ruclips.net/video/M-RUSpb0_DA/видео.html www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/d-day-when-anniversaries-attack
Brilliant. Just like the other videos. I have been through this and all of this makes so much sense. Cannot thank Affair Recovery enough for putting the male point of view so loudly and clearly.
Thank you Samuel and John .Im a betrayed male . I have been thru hope for healing and it was the most helpful thing i have found . In short , my wife has still not done any recovery work on her own . Its been nearly 4 years since dday .Just want to say thank you guys for putting this video together , im still learning from affair recivery. So much of this is needed by so many !!
I wish i lived closer so i could get counseling from you guys . These videos are the next best thing !!!
Thank you again
Greg. 0450
I am so grateful to hear this discussion. The validation of the male experience, the stages, "GIFT", and the hope of growing through it. Thank you both.
Thank you for this it speaks to my heart in the best way
i'm so glad and you're very welcome.
thank you for watching and posting.
This video was wonderful. But those last few minutes, the ending… it really hit my heart in a way that I desperately needed…. Thank you very very much!
Both parts of this interview hit me personally, and this is what I have tried to convey to people of what I go through. Thank you for the videos.
Both parts being part, one of the interview and part two we spent so much time trying to fix the relationship that we forget about ourselves so the cycle continues for me. Personally, I found out so I had to fix myself before fixing a marriage or a relationship.
This is gold. Thanks my brothers....anyone going through this needs to get involved with your affair recovery team asap. Your team has helped and keeps helping as I move forward . God bless you.
thanks so much diesel. so glad you're here. thank you for the kind words and encouragement for sure.
Thank you so much for those closing words. I really needed to hear them today
i'll tell john for sure. thanks for watching and posting my friend. glad you're here.
Loved both parts I & II.
Thank you for imparting this knowledge, this understanding, to those of us struggling through this! Knowing that all the traumas I've struggled through are "normal" (to the process), and that the wrong-turns I had taken were not only normal, but that I could CORRECT from that mode of operation.
I'm looking into attending an EMS weekend. Thank you for speaking to this. I see now: that there IS a path.
🌟 & ❤️
This has been huge, thank you.
Everybody’s story is unique and different, but there’s pain all the same. I’d like to say this perspective is very much needed more. With the corona and full time job, there are men who need help wrapping their heads around what they’ve been forced to accept. Where was this video when I needed it 6 months ago, lol I’ve been loyally watching for months. Sometimes wish Austin was closer
Part 3 please
i'll bring him back again again. it's too great not to.
The man is most often so much less than you, because cheating women aim down. That is really useful information. As hard as it is to deal w/ the rest, it wasn't lack from you, it was what was lacking w/ her.
Unfortunately that's not how the world sees it .
I gave my spouse space and I owned my stuff but he decided to get revenge and has had 2 yr affair with another woman that he is now living with. What do I do with that?
that's on him my friend. that's his choice unfortunately. it's really something that requires you being willing to look at your options and see what you want to do. two wrongs never make a right and I'm so incredibly sorry he's done that to you.
Both parts are very deep and insightful. Thank you so much.
Can you make a video on an unfaithful male who then gets betrayed by her wife ? So basically how does he feel when he gets the taste of his own medicine.
glad you're here. I did...try this one: ruclips.net/video/hD5UJt-HAtk/видео.html
@@samshealingpodcast Thank you for the link.
Thank you. You have no idea how helpful this was. Keep helping.
It’s been many many years and I’m still jaded and feel unloved. We just coexist
I think the responses are sociological, not biological. Men are conditioned to always be “strong”, and we see things like crying, showing a wide range of emotions, and being vulnerable as being “weak”, and men don’t want to be seen as weak or they are shamed
Again, another very helpful interview. Please keep doing these! How do we navigate protecting our children’s spiritual, mental and emotional welfare when the courts only seem to care about their physical safety? My ex’s paramour wanted me and his ex wife to die, so he could be with my wife spiritually, (not adultery). I’m struggling because we’re 3 years in now and I can’t put my battle armor down... They’re constantly still scheming and covering up their relationship... Not sure why though.
thanks for the encouragement my friend. means a ton. we cover up what we're ashamed of my friend. i'm sorry for the journey you're on, but you sound brave my friend. continue to be brave and courageous.
This is amazing!..thank you both so much!..God sent for sure!
this is a beautiful video. thank you.
thank you, thank you. so loving and kind words.
thanks so much , i have been blessed by your sharing....
Very helpful video, thanks.
so glad. very welcome
Lots of men stay in an unfaithful relationship because of the kids as they are worried it will mess them up too badly. The only thing it messed up was me in staying as long as I did. Now my kids have a better dad as a result. Sure a broken home isn't ideal for your children, but as long as they are surrounded by love, it will be better for everyone in the long run.
I definitely feel de masculinated because of my ex fiance who was having multiple affairs with multiple guys. What kind of man, cannot keep his woman from spreading her legs for other guys?
Warren Beetar nothing to do with you
Are you saying going non contact is the best ...I love my family
Epic!
Can you please, please dig into the fact that many of these infidelities occur or start from being the ‘friend couples phenomenon’ relationship and why/how?
thanks for the suggestion. i'll see what I can do.
Friend couples?
This is a good story, but he left the cheating wife and married someone else. Do you have a case where the betrayed husband actually healed and has now a good marriage with the same woman who cheated on him?
I’m very sure if I had left right after D day (like he did) I’d have been better today. But I just couldn’t leave my 2 little boys behind ( one of them is HF Autistic)or taking them away from their mother. What a heavy cross it is to live like this, though!!
Hi Jules. John didn't have a choice as his unfaithful wife didn't entertain the idea of trying to heal and save the marriage. Here's a video where the betrayed husband stayed with his unfaithful wife and they now have an amazing marriage: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/infidelity-mentor-videos
Jules Gardet. I’m right there with ya brother. If it wasn’t for my children I would of been divorced years ago. I can’t/won’t have my kids in a broken home. I’ve learned to get along with my wife so they can have us both in the same house. It’s hard as hell but worth it in the end
@@SeekTheLordJesusChrist7 same with me. I stayed for our small children. All my kids turned out well as a result. It was a huge sacrifice on my part. Still married after 33 years but it has been hell emotionally.
Is there anything current (Dec. 23')? This is great information, but am wondering if there is anything else to glean from more people going through this?
So very helpful.
My wife even cheated on her affair partner. How do you address that? Behavioral disorder?
Revenge affair!? NO!! Two wrongs don't make a right. It'll just cause more problems down the road.
My husband's first wife cheated on him and became pregnant. He tells me that he was the angriest he's ever been. He also grew up in a family where his father was a serial cheater and he witnessed it firsthand when he went to work with his father. My first husband also cheated and left when I was 6 months pregnant with our 2nd child. When we married we both made another promise not to be unfaithful when I married my present husband. Year 7 of our marriage and he informs me that he's been unfaithful. I was devastated. He attempted suicide from his remorse. We've not really discussed his infidelity though I was able to piece most of the elements of his unfaithful episode. Anyway, how do I as a spouse help my husband come to terms about his 1st wife unfaithfulness and his infidelity so that we can build something better. It's been 20 years since his Dday but we have this elephant in the living room and I feel no security in our relationship. Yes I'm starving for intimacy but he treats me as a piece of furniture in the house. What can we do to grow and help us have a healthier marriage
I WOULD LOVE TO BE INTERVIEWED AS THE BETRAYED PARTNER.
what do you do to address the pain and hurt
It’s amazing how the story is the same over and over and over…
I just dont understand why the betrayed male would be chasing the unfaithful wife. I cheated on my boyfriend and I have been trying so hard to get him back and he is not at all afraid that I am going to leave him, and he is not chaisng me at all. I'm wondering how as an unfaithful female who is chasing the betrayed male, I can try and get him back and make things work with him
Children and marriage are a far more committed stage of life. You've invested your all. While the offending partner checks out, the betrayed is blindsided.
Thank you
What should my wife disclose about her affair?
here is a helpful article and video on it: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/survive-an-affair-how-much-to-tell
I think the betrayed female feels exactly the same as the male. Betrayed just needs to feel.as if the unfaithfull cares and has remorse and wants to try to make up for the level of pain that they created in their partner as if they actually cared.
My question is
Ive being together with my other half for 4yrs now.... in the one that betrayed my other half .
I did not plan nor did it was in d making.... but it just happen and she find out .... at first i said notting and she find out but about 2 to 3 wks after i confess i did what i did .....
And now she is saying that its to late for us to be together ..... so my questions is how can i fix this
I really do love her and im so so sorry for what had happen.... so how can i ?
try going directly to their website and see if they have material that may help you
Is there a Christian at Affair recovery that can answer 1 simple question for me please?!? I’m pulling my hair out!!!!
It happened to me over eight years ago and I fell like it happened to me yesterday she wont let me talk about it or deal with this and I'm soo lost the things I found out just keeps killing me now I cant talk to her or look at her she was having sex with him will on the phone with me and she denies it when I could her him with her and she says I'm crazy when I was trying to build trust with her I come to find out she was with several men I how I k know is I saw her computer and it has over 8 men she has pictures of and she has grafic photos of her self and she continues to lie and say I'm crazy and qobt let me talk about it to her what do I do now she blames me and wont me honest all I want is to be able to move on but I'm stuck.