Every thing you just said is my life. Everything. My mind is blown after watching this. I definitely have subscribed & will be checking out more of your content. This video just answered so many things for me. Thank you
Hi, Athina. Thank you for another illuminating video. I was really missing my mom, today, so this is very timely. Every once-in-a-while I need reminders about why I left her and the rest of the family behind. I am not who they portrayed me to be. I had to separate from them so I could find out who I actually am. It's been three years since I broke up with my mom and it's been very hard, because I did love her. But, I was no longer willing to accept that she was for anyone who was against me, or that she was against me, herself. I really needed to continue to heal my mind, body, and spirit, and I knew that I would not be able to, until I let her go. What I remember most, in my childhood, is that my little brother got most of the attention (though he had been neglected, too, and was in a horrible accident, because of it) and I was always the outsider. It didn't help that I was the only girl in a family with three boys, either. I felt very isolated. I never really felt loved by my mother. I don't think she was capable of love, honestly, and she would seem to support me on one hand, but then sabotage me on the other. I know that beneath her bravado about how awesome she is and how much she loves herself, she is horribly insecure and has never really dealt with her own trauma and shame, so she projects it onto those that she perceives as being weaker (more sensitive/vulnerable/authentic) than she is. I just wanted to share that, in case it may be helpful to someone else who is going through similar things. Blessings! - Claire
@@JazzedatHome Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is very tough to leave your family but also so necessary for your healing.I wish you continued strength!
@@CourageCoaching You're welcome, Athina. Yes, I agree. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, because I loved my mom and I tried to see if we could repair our relationship. But, she said that she didn't want to change. Also, I felt that her energy was not just toxic for me, emotionally, it was dangerous for me. I was in six "accidents" from the time that I last saw her, to the time that I last spoke to her. I believe that she was either cursing me or that our connection caused such a negative charge, that it was causing me to be in accidents. Either way, I felt that my safety and well-being were at risk. I was talking to my therapist about it, the other day, and she said that it would be easier to move on if I had been 100% sure of my choice, but I had felt very conflicted over it, and that's more challenging. Still, I had to take care of myself and sometimes we have to make sacrifices in order to do that. I appreciate the well-wishes and same to you, because I imagine (from what you've shared) that you've been through your own trials with your mom.
Terrible growing up in this dynamic my entire family is narcissist and turn me into Schizoid as defense mechanism gave me self esteem issues and other bad issues. Just self destructive gave me no alternative but to go no contact
(Pretty Hair!) I was denied love and then blamed for it. But they denied love not because of me. It was because of another reason. I think that reason was manipulation. So the idea that I felt that I was unlovable was not my fault. Thank you. This is key! 🗝
Feeling unlovable is never the child's fault! It is always the parent's inability/emotional immaturity! I am sorry you felt unlovable! Thank you for the compliment!
… 🙋🏼♀️ This was me! Just… wow. As an adult, I have had to learn to set boundaries with my parents. And I was blamed for my brother’s mistakes. He is 2.5 yrs younger than me. When they went out of town, he went on drunken binges; my parents would ask me how I could “let him” do those things…. Even as 28 yr old, when he visited me & got into trouble during a music festival- “how could you let me do that?” If I ever questioned my parents about their behaviors, or my brother’s, my dad would unleash his wrath on me as if I did not have the right for clarification. Another thing- religion was used as a distraction, I believe an avoidance strategy for addressing unpleasant issues. Instead of treating each other with kindness & taking responsibility for behavior, I had parents demanding to pray about situations (on the spot) as if then a problem would magically disappear.
As a scapegoat child, I am also a survivor of the troubled teen industry. My family quite literally sent me away to be abused for over a year before I was able to leave due to turning 18.
@@gamesrfun2725 I am so sorry this happened to you on top of your trauma. I have a friend who suffered this too and I know how awful those 'prisons' were.
@@CourageCoaching Thank you! I was sent to the Academy at Ivy Ridge. A documentary came out not too long ago about it - called "The Program" on Netflix. It was crazy how many people from my family messaged me saying how sorry they were, including my parents. The WORST part of it all? The fact that I didn't even mind being abused at that place because it was BETTER THAN BEING WITH MY DAD! How awful is that?? I was talking to my mom about things yesterday, and she finally admitted something that I suspected all along. She is the enabler, and she finally admitted yesterday that she made excuses for my dads abuse my whole life and that she stayed because of his money. She said that she saw her sisters struggling financially by themselves and she was so terrified of struggling like them that she knowingly subjected her kids to narc abuse so that she could be financially secure. Not gonna lie...although I appreciated the honesty - it also hurt knowing that she did that.
@@gamesrfun2725 I saw that documentary! I am so glad they brought it to light. It's good your mum was honest but she should have found a better way so you wouldn't have suffered. A mother's job is to protect her children. You deserved better!
@@CourageCoaching Yes my brothers and I both did! My older half brother unfortunately has slightly carried on the cycle, though his wife is an amazing mom and tough so she keeps it at bay. However, my brother and I are both completely focused on breaking the cycle and we do a lot of internal work around it. My brother is an amazing father and although I am not a mom yet, I am a stepmom to two wonderful little boys (who unfortunately have a mom who seems to be narcissistic), but they have an amazing dad and together him and I are very clear and communicative around how to create the happiest healthiest home. Thank god for cycle breaking!!
@@gamesrfun2725 Good for you and your brother and partner! Being a cycle breaker is the best thing and the bravest. You are very resilient despite all the adversity you have been through!
scapegoat child and could 100% relate to all you talked about it was spot on with my family dynamics
Every thing you just said is my life. Everything. My mind is blown after watching this. I definitely have subscribed & will be checking out more of your content. This video just answered so many things for me. Thank you
Exactly what happened to me.
Many members of my family could do with realising the truth in this video.
Im the scapegoat. I was also deaf as a child. I got away and went public. No deaf child should have to be the scapegoat too. ❤
Maybe I was a scapegoat. I was considered the rebel
If you didn't get stuff that you needed from them because "it was your fault"?
Same
I am enjoying the perks of being a member that I just tuned into, Athena.
@@CynthiaSchoenbauer I am.glad Cynthia! I will be adding a few more things for all members in the next few days too.
Hi, Athina. Thank you for another illuminating video. I was really missing my mom, today, so this is very timely. Every once-in-a-while I need reminders about why I left her and the rest of the family behind. I am not who they portrayed me to be. I had to separate from them so I could find out who I actually am. It's been three years since I broke up with my mom and it's been very hard, because I did love her. But, I was no longer willing to accept that she was for anyone who was against me, or that she was against me, herself. I really needed to continue to heal my mind, body, and spirit, and I knew that I would not be able to, until I let her go. What I remember most, in my childhood, is that my little brother got most of the attention (though he had been neglected, too, and was in a horrible accident, because of it) and I was always the outsider. It didn't help that I was the only girl in a family with three boys, either. I felt very isolated. I never really felt loved by my mother. I don't think she was capable of love, honestly, and she would seem to support me on one hand, but then sabotage me on the other. I know that beneath her bravado about how awesome she is and how much she loves herself, she is horribly insecure and has never really dealt with her own trauma and shame, so she projects it onto those that she perceives as being weaker (more sensitive/vulnerable/authentic) than she is. I just wanted to share that, in case it may be helpful to someone else who is going through similar things. Blessings! - Claire
@@JazzedatHome Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is very tough to leave your family but also so necessary for your healing.I wish you continued strength!
@@CourageCoaching You're welcome, Athina. Yes, I agree. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, because I loved my mom and I tried to see if we could repair our relationship. But, she said that she didn't want to change. Also, I felt that her energy was not just toxic for me, emotionally, it was dangerous for me. I was in six "accidents" from the time that I last saw her, to the time that I last spoke to her. I believe that she was either cursing me or that our connection caused such a negative charge, that it was causing me to be in accidents. Either way, I felt that my safety and well-being were at risk. I was talking to my therapist about it, the other day, and she said that it would be easier to move on if I had been 100% sure of my choice, but I had felt very conflicted over it, and that's more challenging. Still, I had to take care of myself and sometimes we have to make sacrifices in order to do that. I appreciate the well-wishes and same to you, because I imagine (from what you've shared) that you've been through your own trials with your mom.
Terrible growing up in this dynamic my entire family is narcissist and turn me into Schizoid as defense mechanism gave me self esteem issues and other bad issues. Just self destructive gave me no alternative but to go no contact
@@richardlew5316 I am so sorry it has affected you so badly. No contact sometimes is the only way.
(Pretty Hair!) I was denied love and then blamed for it. But they denied love not because of me. It was because of another reason. I think that reason was manipulation. So the idea that I felt that I was unlovable was not my fault. Thank you. This is key! 🗝
Feeling unlovable is never the child's fault! It is always the parent's inability/emotional immaturity! I am sorry you felt unlovable! Thank you for the compliment!
… 🙋🏼♀️
This was me! Just… wow. As an adult, I have had to learn to set boundaries with my parents.
And I was blamed for my brother’s mistakes. He is 2.5 yrs younger than me. When they went out of town, he went on drunken binges; my parents would ask me how I could “let him” do those things….
Even as 28 yr old, when he visited me & got into trouble during a music festival- “how could you let me do that?”
If I ever questioned my parents about their behaviors, or my brother’s, my dad would unleash his wrath on me as if I did not have the right for clarification.
Another thing- religion was used as a distraction, I believe an avoidance strategy for addressing unpleasant issues. Instead of treating each other with kindness & taking responsibility for behavior, I had parents demanding to pray about situations (on the spot) as if then a problem would magically disappear.
@@chip4003 Thank you for sharing and I am so sorry you experienced this pain. I wish you strength in your healing!
@@CourageCoaching Athena, your videos have been fantastic❣️
@@chip4003 I so glad they have been helpful! ❤️
As a scapegoat child, I am also a survivor of the troubled teen industry. My family quite literally sent me away to be abused for over a year before I was able to leave due to turning 18.
@@gamesrfun2725 I am so sorry this happened to you on top of your trauma. I have a friend who suffered this too and I know how awful those 'prisons' were.
@@CourageCoaching Thank you! I was sent to the Academy at Ivy Ridge. A documentary came out not too long ago about it - called "The Program" on Netflix. It was crazy how many people from my family messaged me saying how sorry they were, including my parents. The WORST part of it all? The fact that I didn't even mind being abused at that place because it was BETTER THAN BEING WITH MY DAD! How awful is that??
I was talking to my mom about things yesterday, and she finally admitted something that I suspected all along. She is the enabler, and she finally admitted yesterday that she made excuses for my dads abuse my whole life and that she stayed because of his money. She said that she saw her sisters struggling financially by themselves and she was so terrified of struggling like them that she knowingly subjected her kids to narc abuse so that she could be financially secure. Not gonna lie...although I appreciated the honesty - it also hurt knowing that she did that.
@@gamesrfun2725 I saw that documentary! I am so glad they brought it to light. It's good your mum was honest but she should have found a better way so you wouldn't have suffered. A mother's job is to protect her children. You deserved better!
@@CourageCoaching Yes my brothers and I both did! My older half brother unfortunately has slightly carried on the cycle, though his wife is an amazing mom and tough so she keeps it at bay. However, my brother and I are both completely focused on breaking the cycle and we do a lot of internal work around it. My brother is an amazing father and although I am not a mom yet, I am a stepmom to two wonderful little boys (who unfortunately have a mom who seems to be narcissistic), but they have an amazing dad and together him and I are very clear and communicative around how to create the happiest healthiest home. Thank god for cycle breaking!!
@@gamesrfun2725 Good for you and your brother and partner! Being a cycle breaker is the best thing and the bravest. You are very resilient despite all the adversity you have been through!