Exactly!...I was preparing in secret to move out for about 2, 3 years...saving for rent for a year and other expenses, buying all that I needed etc. I knew in my guts my parents would sabotage me, if they knew about it, so I told them only few weeks before leaving....the pressure and emotional blackmail was nuts, there were other enablers involved (grandmother etc.) also...I didn't know about narcissism then and I expected some crap, but I was shocked by the sickness they all displayed. They kept repeating what were people going to think by me moving (by the way I was 30 yo!).
I moved back to my parents place when I separated from my husband. This was going to be a short term thing until I found a place of my own. My mother tried everything to stop me moving out to share with a friend. She tried to make out that I was incapable of living my life without her support. When she came to visit one day at my new place she could barely put two words together as if somehow I had abandoned her. Very sad indeed.
When I went to college my mother would drink heavily and leave me really mean messages on messenger to find when I came home from class. She wouldn’t let my little brother see me anymore and stopped helping me in any way. I ended up moving 6 hours away and starting a new life with minimal to no contact. My brother ended up living with her until he passed this year and months after that was the first time she admitted to being a bad parent and tried to apologize for not trying to be more supportive of me while I was growing up. I still find it hard to trust her and we rarely talk. I learned to parent myself.
My mother would call incessantly when I moved out. I could hear my phone ringing from outside my apartment and it didn't stop (this was before answering machines) until I picked up. I counted 20 minutes of ringing and ringing. She blamed me when my brother purchased a home and moved out, as I was moving out at the same time. It got really ugly. To this day, (I'm 61) she texts me early in the morning on weekends as a way to control my sleep. I turn my ringer off when I go to bed as a way to set a boundary around that. I moved 3000 miles away and she would visit every 2-3 months for two weeks at a time. She finally moved (with my father) and now lives 20 minutes away.
As soon as my Mom saw the engagement ring on my finger she began what can be classified as post-separation abuse, which normally occurs in romantic relationships.
I went from scapegoat to golden child when my gc brother enlisted. She then triangulated us against each other. Only to find out later that she was talking to him behind my back!!!😖To me, she'd complain he wouldn't call her or ignore her pleas... He told me he sent her $$$ & talked on a regular basis. 😡
My partners parents and brother are narcissists, when we wanted to move to another country they sabotaged and his brother even threatened me. Once we have left His mom was faking illness and exaggerating her health condition in order for us to come back and take care of them. To this day they didn’t give up on the idea. It is so hard to deal with narcissists. They absolutely care only about their own well being.
My mother thought I would live with her till her death. Every time I told I want to move out she had this 'end of the world' anxiety expression on her face. Kept confusing me and guilt tripping me by making me feel in charge of her life. As if she dies if I start living my life seperately.
I’m 42, only child, and just recently I’ve come to realize about my mother being narcissistic. I’ve still single mainly because she would somehow get in the way or treat my partner so bad she would simply runaway. She has been following me around wherever I move, but now I’ve made the decision to move far away again, but this time I won’t even tell her where or answer her phone calls. Is this the right thing to do in my situation? Or is it a chance she would somehow change and let me have a family of my own and stop making me feel bad about leaving her alone? Thx in advance
Thank you for sharing! If your mother has continuously used guilt-tripping to control you and keeps following you around without respecting your boundaries, then I would highly recommend you don't give her your new address. If there is never any self-reflection from her, on how inappropriate her behaviour is, then it might be time to protect yourself completely.
Exactly!...I was preparing in secret to move out for about 2, 3 years...saving for rent for a year and other expenses, buying all that I needed etc. I knew in my guts my parents would sabotage me, if they knew about it, so I told them only few weeks before leaving....the pressure and emotional blackmail was nuts, there were other enablers involved (grandmother etc.) also...I didn't know about narcissism then and I expected some crap, but I was shocked by the sickness they all displayed. They kept repeating what were people going to think by me moving (by the way I was 30 yo!).
@@lejci38 Thank you for sharing! When they lose control, they always go nuts!
I am glad you planned things without involving them. Control and manipulation is the name of their game.
I moved back to my parents place when I separated from my husband. This was going to be a short term thing until I found a place of my own. My mother tried everything to stop me moving out to share with a friend. She tried to make out that I was incapable of living my life without her support. When she came to visit one day at my new place she could barely put two words together as if somehow I had abandoned her. Very sad indeed.
When I went to college my mother would drink heavily and leave me really mean messages on messenger to find when I came home from class. She wouldn’t let my little brother see me anymore and stopped helping me in any way. I ended up moving 6 hours away and starting a new life with minimal to no contact. My brother ended up living with her until he passed this year and months after that was the first time she admitted to being a bad parent and tried to apologize for not trying to be more supportive of me while I was growing up. I still find it hard to trust her and we rarely talk. I learned to parent myself.
Thank you for sharing your experience! I am sorry it's been tough for you!
My mother would call incessantly when I moved out. I could hear my phone ringing from outside my apartment and it didn't stop (this was before answering machines) until I picked up. I counted 20 minutes of ringing and ringing. She blamed me when my brother purchased a home and moved out, as I was moving out at the same time. It got really ugly. To this day, (I'm 61) she texts me early in the morning on weekends as a way to control my sleep. I turn my ringer off when I go to bed as a way to set a boundary around that. I moved 3000 miles away and she would visit every 2-3 months for two weeks at a time. She finally moved (with my father) and now lives 20 minutes away.
As soon as my Mom saw the engagement ring on my finger she began what can be classified as post-separation abuse, which normally occurs in romantic relationships.
I went from scapegoat to golden child when my gc brother enlisted. She then triangulated us against each other. Only to find out later that she was talking to him behind my back!!!😖To me, she'd complain he wouldn't call her or ignore her pleas... He told me he sent her $$$ & talked on a regular basis. 😡
They plan well in advance either coerce them stay longer or “Buy” their love, or debilitate their ability to become independent humans
My partners parents and brother are narcissists, when we wanted to move to another country they sabotaged and his brother even threatened me. Once we have left His mom was faking illness and exaggerating her health condition in order for us to come back and take care of them. To this day they didn’t give up on the idea. It is so hard to deal with narcissists. They absolutely care only about their own well being.
Thank you for sharing! Yes, unfortunately they only care about themselves!
My mother thought I would live with her till her death. Every time I told I want to move out she had this 'end of the world' anxiety expression on her face. Kept confusing me and guilt tripping me by making me feel in charge of her life. As if she dies if I start living my life seperately.
I’m 42, only child, and just recently I’ve come to realize about my mother being narcissistic. I’ve still single mainly because she would somehow get in the way or treat my partner so bad she would simply runaway. She has been following me around wherever I move, but now I’ve made the decision to move far away again, but this time I won’t even tell her where or answer her phone calls. Is this the right thing to do in my situation? Or is it a chance she would somehow change and let me have a family of my own and stop making me feel bad about leaving her alone? Thx in advance
Thank you for sharing! If your mother has continuously used guilt-tripping to control you and keeps following you around without respecting your boundaries, then I would highly recommend you don't give her your new address. If there is never any self-reflection from her, on how inappropriate her behaviour is, then it might be time to protect yourself completely.