Why the 'Cry it Out' Method Harms Babies | Erica Komisar, LCSW
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- Опубликовано: 3 дек 2017
- Often times, we as parents just want a little peace and quiet, especially at night. However, our babies aren't programmed to take this into account.
Although we are tempted (and told) to let them "cry it out", we shouldn't.
In this video, I explain why soothing a crying baby, especially at night, is especially important and why not all silence is good silence.
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Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood In The First Three Years Matters" is out now amzn.to/2xAq5P6
The book, Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood In The First Three Years Matters, has received utmost praise, especially by those in the field. Thomas McInerny MD, FAAP, Past-President of the American Academy of Pediatrics called it "Timely and much needed and should be read not only by current and prospective mothers, but also current and prospective fathers, those who care for young children in a variety of settings, including child care workers, pediatricians, nurse practitioners, psychiatrists, psychologists and social workers, policy makers, and elected officials.” 
Хобби
Babies are not small adults. It’s important to have realistic expectations of them.
They need an adult to meet their needs. Not to neglect them.
Unfortunately we have a culture that has neglected and in the case of this video overly imagined, what it means to show consistency and teach a safe structured environment. Indulging impulses completely mindlessly isn't the case only when you are able to describe the mechanics of impulse control. Offer nothing constructive towards the unavoidable reality of children needing conditioning... touchy-feely nonsense which amounts to pretty much a coping mechanism facing continuous ignorant behavior
Yes, but they are also very smart, and can learn.
@@FirstNameLastName-okayyoutube Some troll who thinks hes an intellectual.
@@gelatinouseaterofswirls8010You realize how foolish your logic is, correct?
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’m so glad I didn’t listen to my family members advising me to let my baby cry and not mollie cuddle him. But my heart never allows me to let him cry, as I know his only way of communication is through crying. They don’t cry out of spite, but because they have no choice.
From University of Michigan Mott Children's Hospital, one of the most reputable children's hospitals in the world:
"Letting a baby cry itself to sleep has been viewed as cruel or even dangerous by some parents due to fears that such nighttime turmoil could raise an infant’s stress levels and provoke future behavioral problems.
But moms and dads needn’t lose sleep with worry, according to a study published this week in Pediatrics.
Conducted by researchers at Flinders University in Adelaide, Australia, a recent survey of 43 babies found that those who soothed themselves to slumber saw no greater signs of attachment or emotional issues one year later when parental surveys were completed.
And their levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, were lower than measurements taken in babies from the study’s control group (whose caretakers were given informational literature, but no actual directive).
Perhaps more encouraging, the babies left to cope via a method known as graduated extinction - aka the cry-it-out approach - fell asleep 15 minutes more quickly. That benchmark came three months into the study, but better sleep often occurred within the first week.
It is why Heba Abu-Isa, M.D., supports the concept. About half of the parents she sees, she adds, use it.
“Most babies have to learn how to help themselves fall asleep,” says Abu-Isa, a pediatrician for the University of Michigan C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital - and a mother of three young children who has used the method in her own home. “You’re going to have a happier baby if they’re well-rested. It benefits them indefinitely in the long run.”
You might have a couple of rough nights, but once it’s mastered, it’s typically mastered.
Heba Abu-Isa, M.D."
But sometimes you have no choice but to let them cry, plus when you done spent a whole hour trying to get baby to sleep or stop crying.
@@doordye6503 that I agree with, when you've done everything you needed to, and they're still crying; there's nothing you could do but let them cry.
@@doordye6503 they could be colic at that point !
"His only way of communication is through crying" yes! So important
I loved your book "Being There" and I loved this video - you helped to confirm my decisions not to sleep train either of our children. With both of them we tried 1-2 nights of it and then realized we just couldn't justify it to ourselves - we ended up bed sharing with both of them and while our sleep certainly doesn't look anything like what it did before kids we do find that we get more rest overall and we know that our babies needs are being met and they know they are loved and safe. Our 2 year old daughter transitioned to her own bed in her own room when her brother was born without any issue and I think she was able to do that because we had met her night needs until the point where she was independent.
How and what age did you cosleep ? I have a 6 month old who has regressed and now waking up every 2 hrs max and my husband and I take shifts. We are exhausted. But safe sleep guidelines forbid cosleeping at this age due to the suffocation risk and I know someone who’s 8 month old fell out of the bed and died.
@@r.dennison5042😢this is scary! My baby is 14 weeks old and is going through the 4 month regression. It’s impossible to make him fall asleep. My previous methods don’t work anymore 😢and now I have given up and started to give him the breast in bed. 😢😢
@@danielaballesteros3264 that’s why we don’t co sleep, my husband and I take 5 hour shifts so we each get 5 hours of sleep. My baby’s 4 month regression has taken almost 3 months now. She’s finally only waking twice. So far. I won’t co sleep until she’s 18 months. I was on an infant loss group after my first baby died and there were too many women on there whose babies died from it. I would take shifts with your husband. One person can’t do it all alone all night.
@@r.dennison5042take a look to the book “safe infant sleep” with guide to safety cosleep at this age by doctor james mclennan
I'm a Pakistani & this would be considered extreme form of child abuse in our society if anyone got to know people do this to their infants. There's literally no concept of putting infants to sleep in separate room. Let alone let them cry. We never let infants cry.
My mother is indonesian and she's the same way. My son just makes a little squeak and she says "what's wrong?!"
@msmissy6888very funny sir
It has nothing to do with the subject here. You’re pressed about different opinions
You’re joking, right? There’s literally a video here on YT entitled, “Why is child abuse so rampant in Pakistan?” In 2022, you had over 4,200 cases of child abuse, and those were only the cases that were actually reported, with half of them being sexual crimes, especially in Punjab. If you consider letting a baby cry itself to sleep to be, “extreme child abuse,” then what do you consider all of the crimes committed in your country, where children are physically injured and sexually abused?
And before anyone says it, yes, unfortunately, child abuse occurs everywhere. No one is denying that. But we’re also not trying to morally grandstand by saying that, despite all of the evidence to the contrary, we care so much about children, we won’t even let babies cry. The website Al Jazeera said in 2023, a child was sexually abused in Pakistan every 2 hours, and 12 specific children in Pakistan were sexually abused every single day for the first half of 2023, according to the, Sahil report. You can fact check all of this if you feel compelled, it took less than 2 minutes of searching to find.
@@HumansAreTheScariestMonsters sorry bro but Ur long essay is not relevant to the topic here. But keep writing, May be one day you'll bcm shakespeare. Good luck
What? Isn’t Pakistan known for its rate of infanticide? Isn’t it common for parents to leave unwanted baby girls alone to die in dumpsters?
Many, many parents I know use CIO, and I think that adults think of it from a mature adult's POV and apply it to the infant's situation. An infant is not capable of understanding why the parent isn't coming to comfort them, so it makes perfect sense why going silent means they are "giving up" rather than thinking "oh, my manipulative crying is not working so I'd better be mature and go to sleep like I've been told to do." An infant isn't capable of logically thinking like that. An older child can understand why they can't get out of their room at night 10 times, but a baby is still learning about the world and cause-and-effect. Thank you for sharing this important information and going against cultural norms even when it is not popular!
This makes no sense. It's like you're agreeing with both sides
Yeah they’re crying isn’t working soo the give up and sleep well wake up and everything is fine they gotta learn some day that life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Pressure makes diamonds they will grow stronger soo toughen up and don’t spoil your baby.
@@Danigxxiii
Not spoil, but baby need secure attachment at least until three years old...
In some country baby sleep with their mother until they are sleep alone...can still grow up as independent individual...
@@Danigxxiiibabies don't need to be pressured.
@@Discordia5 I never said to pressure baby. I said pressure makes diamonds as in, tough situations cause you to grow. Baby will learn after a week of exposure, ok it’s time to sleep when I feel tired and crying. You need rest as a parent too.
I am astounded that mothers leave their babies to cry, when all they want is warmth and attachment.
And yet these same mums dont sleep alone ?? So if you can't sleep alone as an adult how is a dependent developing baby suppose to?? They need warmth and a sense of safety for these early years so much more than an adult.
Weak parents, weak childrens.
You can’t be attached to anything in this work this life is borrowed
@@mirceacrisan4108what you mean?
Now we know why this generation has so much depression and anxiety
I agree, it's surely one factor.
I think the food we eat has to do with this.
What you think the people before us had better methods ? You really think people had better tools and knowledge and studies back hundreds and thousands of years ago. The cry out method is the oldest and very first method and yet here we are still alive as a race
@Ssp ssp depression and anxiety are not anything new. People used to cover it up more with drugs and alcohol and silence.
@@emir0324 the cry out method only really took off since the 1980s and suicide rates have boomed since the mid 1990s.
My mum did the CIO method. We have a wonderful relationship. She shows me every day how much she loves me. I get the safest feeling around her. I know that nothing will ever change her immense love towards me.
That's because this person and everyone agreeing with her are full of shit and are doing their babies a great disservice by constantly coddling them.
From University of Michigan Mott Children's Hospital, one of the most reputable children's hospitals in the world:
"Letting a baby cry itself to sleep has been viewed as cruel or even dangerous by some parents due to fears that such nighttime turmoil could raise an infant’s stress levels and provoke future behavioral problems.
But moms and dads needn’t lose sleep with worry, according to a study published this week in Pediatrics.
Conducted by researchers at Flinders University in Adelaide, Australia, a recent survey of 43 babies found that those who soothed themselves to slumber saw no greater signs of attachment or emotional issues one year later when parental surveys were completed.
And their levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, were lower than measurements taken in babies from the study’s control group (whose caretakers were given informational literature, but no actual directive).
Perhaps more encouraging, the babies left to cope via a method known as graduated extinction - aka the cry-it-out approach - fell asleep 15 minutes more quickly. That benchmark came three months into the study, but better sleep often occurred within the first week.
It is why Heba Abu-Isa, M.D., supports the concept. About half of the parents she sees, she adds, use it.
“Most babies have to learn how to help themselves fall asleep,” says Abu-Isa, a pediatrician for the University of Michigan C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital - and a mother of three young children who has used the method in her own home. “You’re going to have a happier baby if they’re well-rested. It benefits them indefinitely in the long run.”
You might have a couple of rough nights, but once it’s mastered, it’s typically mastered.
Heba Abu-Isa, M.D."
@@DW94576 43 is nowhere near a decent sample size. And there is zero account for how these kids will develop emotionally as a result. Also, could you tell me why no other mammal neglects to attend to their offspring wailing and crying? No time in human history have mothers just let their baby cry alone. It's fucking sick.
Thank you I had the same thing me and my brother and we are just fine I know that doesn't amount for all people but I don't see it from any of my cousins and friends in my general age group
@@DW94576 i bet you think infants can manipulate you to.
Plenty of kids grow up to have wonderful relationships with their parents inspite of earlier abuse. Having a good relationship with your parents as an adult is not an argument in favor of the crying out method. What about depression and other mental issues that may develop later in life or autoimmune disorders due to stress as a child?
And my mom wondered why I never told her when I was sick and instead cried silently in my room.
Oh this is heartbreaking 💔
@@beth90 It actually is, I feel sorry for my old self. But I'm happy now and learning about how to communicate my problems and pains ☺️
Same.
I dnt agree.... i was raised where my mother would never let us cry. She extra overbearing... and i still sat in my room and cried silently... ths crying it out has very little to do with it. Im sure theres many other factors that go into it.
That seems like a completely different issue
If screaming is fear, then my son was terrified of me trying to get him to relax for 2 and a half hours last night by reading to him, carring him up and down stairs, pushing him around in a stroller, signing, etc. I'm no doctor, but I put him in a cot, shut the door and 12 minutes later, he was asleep. That 12 minutes was painful to listen to and do nothing but the crying was just as bad for 2.5 hours before that so I know which option seems less stressful for both of us now.
Absolutely I had similar experiences trying yourself May feel like he’s never gonna fall asleep because you’re constantly moving and disrupting the soothing process rather the cio just sets up the soothingly consistent room for sleep without interference just his own crying and then he’ll get tired of it and sleep better than ever
How old were your babies? How are they doing now? I’m desperate for sleep!
@@r.dennison5042 Mine was a newborn when I wrote that. He's 9 months now. He sleeps in around 2-3 hours blocks still but he falls asleep much easier than he used to when he does wake up.
There have been a number of times when he would sleep very poorly for a week or two and they all sync'd up with the Leap Stages we have read about. Most recent was some serious attachment to my wife at around 7 months as he started to crawl. She couldn't leave the room without him screaming.
If possible, I think the only way for you to get some guaranteed sleep is to take shifts in the day and get some solid naps in.
These days, he sleeps mostly in his cot, without a side wall, pushed up against our bed. If he's fussing a lot, he'll end up sleeping on top of my wife.
How old is yours? The first few months were extremely difficult. Emotionally more than anything. My wife needed a break and I tried to take him for a while but he just wanted her. Difficult for both of us but we're all pretty happy now.
Read "Solve Your Child's Sleeping Problems" by Richard Ferber. For us it worked perfectly in 2 nights with no side effects.
Just read the side effects of controlled crying 🙄 or ur kids will when they r teens and probably resent you forever
The old school way is to allow the baby to cry it out. I use to hate when older people would tell me to let my babies cry it out. I stopped listening to them because it didn’t feel right to let my babies cry for long periods of time. Thanks for the video!
From University of Michigan Mott Children's Hospital, one of the most reputable children's hospitals in the world:
"Letting a baby cry itself to sleep has been viewed as cruel or even dangerous by some parents due to fears that such nighttime turmoil could raise an infant’s stress levels and provoke future behavioral problems.
But moms and dads needn’t lose sleep with worry, according to a study published this week in Pediatrics.
Conducted by researchers at Flinders University in Adelaide, Australia, a recent survey of 43 babies found that those who soothed themselves to slumber saw no greater signs of attachment or emotional issues one year later when parental surveys were completed.
And their levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, were lower than measurements taken in babies from the study’s control group (whose caretakers were given informational literature, but no actual directive).
Perhaps more encouraging, the babies left to cope via a method known as graduated extinction - aka the cry-it-out approach - fell asleep 15 minutes more quickly. That benchmark came three months into the study, but better sleep often occurred within the first week.
It is why Heba Abu-Isa, M.D., supports the concept. About half of the parents she sees, she adds, use it.
“Most babies have to learn how to help themselves fall asleep,” says Abu-Isa, a pediatrician for the University of Michigan C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital - and a mother of three young children who has used the method in her own home. “You’re going to have a happier baby if they’re well-rested. It benefits them indefinitely in the long run.”
You might have a couple of rough nights, but once it’s mastered, it’s typically mastered.
Heba Abu-Isa, M.D."
I’m the same way as a mom of 3..I don’t expect a baby to self-smoothe..adults have a hard time sleeping at night too! Smh. But now I’m a nanny and I’m having a hard time “nap training” because the mom and I are kind of different with parenting styles. Lol. I feel so bad for the baby too.
Not really the old school method. I think in older generations/ancient customs, it's always taught to soothe the child. Some experts later came in and introduced this, and thankfully latest research debunks all of this nonsense.
Oh and all babies are so diferent mine is a low sleeper 12 hours a day max even 10. But what did i expect? If i thrive on 6 hours a night or 5 🤷🏻♀️ i think babies are more like watch observe and learn, and come up with a particular alternative for your own baby.
@@mrsjade30Not all adults have trouble sleeping. Only the ones who can’t get manage a proper diet and who aren’t fat.
I have always felt crying it out was wrong since I was a kid and every adult around me told me it was fine for my younger cousins to be crying. I knew my intuition was correct. I hated the feeling that I was not cared about and I never knew where it came from. this mentality goes beyond just sleep and it hits deep in the emotional psychology of the child. They might seem fine now... But as they grow there will be things they might not ever tell you were wrong.
My daughter is just 7 months and I don't want to harm her, psychologically, long term by following methods that have been deemed socially correct. I want what's best for my daughter, long term, and this video has given me reason to believe that crying it out is NOT the best method. My wife and I will nurture and comfort our daughter, not ignore her.
Crying out is not a social method is a science proving method It's how I trained my kid... He's extremely smart at now 5 years old and sleeps by himself and even acts really chill.
Meanwhile my cousin did the opposite w her now 6 year old kid and for comforting her and giving her attention all the time, It's funny how that kid turned out... She's currently in Special ED and recieves therapies even after comforting her and treating her well all the time as a baby and never ignoring.
My 5 year old trained kid has no academic problem no social problem and is very well behaved for his age, He even told me there's this girl he likes...
Crying it out at times can help
I think, each baby is an individual and mesuring diferent outcomes with different babies its not accurate. You can be a confortong parent bur discipline is a virtue you have to teach at the right way for every age. I dont think i am teaching anything to my imature brained baby with cry it out. I do think i am teaching alot to a 3 year old when we have routines, schedules, rules, home obligations and not rewarding everything.
You sound like a good dad x
@@mrnacho2218I was smart as a kid my mum did this it had psychological effect that were detrimental to me All you need to do is just google how it affects people later on doing this.
For example because I was exposed to extra stress as an infant, I now have permanently heightened stress, hormones due to controlled crying I also have a crippling fear of abandonment that I have carried with me since I was a child I was unaware of why and in fact resented my mum for putting me through this, don’t make the same mistake or do, but just know that when your kid find out later on in life they will probably resent you to
Because it dosnt actually matter if ur kid seems good at 5 because even most mental health issues personality disorders things like psychopathy don’t show up until you’re a teenager and no one’s brain is fully developed until they are 25 but the beginning years of the most important for B and caring, and showing that your child can talk to you and express their emotions without being left
Over caring for your child does not cause them to be in special education, but it can cause narcissism. If all you do is praise or insult, your child. But one thing that will never ever benefit your child in the long run is controlled, crying. The only thing it teaches your child to do is not to cry when they need help comfort ect from you.
Kinda of late to the show here, but: I often try to look at what is best based on evolution. As in, what method did we evolve using? In this case cribs and separate rooms for the baby to sleep in are relatively new. I believe the first crib came around in the 19th century? Before recent times families were not wealthy enough or had the space for the baby to sleep separate from them. It would seem we evolved having our babies close to us at all times, even during sleep. Hell, there was a long stretch of time where having a baby cry for extended periods was downright dangerous to attracting predators (both animal and human). Now that we have the wealth and square footage to allow babies to sleep by themselves, is that right? A question I don't know the answer to but I tend to favor the method we evolved using.
Jesus Christ LMAO
yeah ppl didn't live for long back than either
@@djjones7039 your comment is irrelevant. The man is just stating facts. He is reasonable with good observation.
What a breath of fresh air to have someone educated who uses information from tangible studies. Sleep training is a massive money maker guaranteed to get results, so people generally side with it. They get defensive because it goes against what they did and to accept that it is a negative thing is to admit something was done terribly wrong - which no parent wants to do.
Or parents are so exhausted from having little to no sleep that they have to sleep train!
@@AnniK243 - Another comment from you! It seems as though you are suffering from feeling guilty so feel the need to troll and abuse others to make yourself feel better. Just because you haven’t got it in you to soothe your child to sleep don’t go around slamming people that can do it
@@Ryan-bh9jp that didnt really look like trolling to me. just a comment of disagreement. See Reddit for actual trolling :P
@@NathanSStorey - - This message isn’t trolling you are very right. But I’ve seen this person comment on other posts trolling the shit out of people. I was just letting her know I have spotted her again and was calling her out on her nasty comments she keeps dishing out elsewhere. She attacks people who soothe there babies to sleep. She says people who soothe there children to sleep are torturing them. She try’s making you feel bad for being a good parent. She is the ultimate 🧌
@@Ryan-bh9jp 'troll and abuse'? Exactly which part of my sentence embodies that? 😂
You should try not making assumptions, since I have never sleep trained my child but I fully support parents who do wish to do that, especially since some parents sleep only a couple of hours every day for years which is extremely unhealthy for both the baby and the parent. I think you should learn empathy and kindness, is that something you didn't get from your parents? Have a good day!
Always a very sensitive topic. I don't know the "right" answer and it's really hard to know for sure. What I know is everyone in the family - my husband, me and my CHILD are much happier after the so called sleep training that shown its effectiveness in 3 days... Changing from waking every hour (even with co-sleeping) to waking twice overnight (at 4 months-ish old) due to hunger (I assumed) which he was attended to, fed and put back to sleep. He weaned himself off night-feeding (fully EBF baby) at 8 months old. The huge change was that we were all getting the minimal rest we need to function - my child was much more playful and engaging during the day (instead of being cranky and in constant battle of catching up with sleep), and I have more energy and capacity to be available to play with him too (instead of being cranky and irritable myself due to the lack of sleep), so were my husband. It improved our family relationship in a whole, the result was very clear. My son is 2+ now and has always been attended to on those special nights (separation anxiety/nightmares/sickness), we co-sleep with him in his room if needed. Knowing our child's pretty well now, there are times we know he would go back to sleep based on the way he cries/his body posture from what we observed from the camera which we will then wait and indeed he falls back to sleep and if he doesn't after a short-period of waiting we go in to comfort him. I am not saying all families should do the same but I genuinely believe what we decided to do benefited our family - that we are a much happier family. I also believe parent-child relationship is an accumulative experience and a feeling of the parent as a whole, not solely based on the moment going to sleep. In my perspective, those who claimed CIO has mentally injured them in long-run may have a mother/parent who is also generally emotionally not available most of the time during the day, so it's not the CIO that has harmed them but a mother who struggles to be emotionally available in general. I may have different perspectives in the future, who knows, but these are my current 2 cents...
Hey, I agree. I have sleep trained all four of my babies starting around 5 months and they take to it very well. They cry for about 45 minutes the first night (yes it is heart breaking) 30 minutes the second night, 15 the third, and by the fourth night they fall asleep within a few minutes, and from then on sleep through the night. I know not everyone has it this easy with sleep training, but it has worked wonderfully for my babies. They are so happy and well adjusted. I’ve been a stay at home mom for 13 years, and I’m a very attentive mom. I’m not convinced for one second that my kids are damaged from those few nights of crying. It’s a blip in time compared to the cumulative days, months, and years that I have attended to their every emotional and physical need. Sleep is very important to mental and physical health for mothers and children.
@@s.a.6082 well they fall asleep within a few minutes not because they've been taught to soothe themselves but because you've taught them that when they're alone in a dark and empty room, their caregivers aren't going to care for them and they have to manage that problem on their own. when they're older, guess who they're not going to approach when they are stressed or have a problem? i know parents try to do what's best for their kids, and you obviously don't want to damage your children but empathize with what they're feeling when they're crying:))
@@samantamendoza1620I agree
Wow.... And you qre so proud of yourself.. So selfish!! How can a mom not be empathetic with her own baby? That's so sick. How can you just leave your child to cry when he needs you the most? I will never understand this level of selfishness and ignorance and cruelty. I will never be able to do thia to any baby, child and even adult. If someone cries..they need love and understanding. They need comfort.. especially a baby. From their own mom. For me...that just cruel.
@@samantamendoza1620The baby must learn that they don’t need to be rocked to sleep and coddled. Otherwise they’ll never be able to sleep on their own.
My baby was waking every(!) hour at night since 4 months. I was desperate at the point of 13 months and used CIO as a last chance for all of us (including my LO) to have rest. In our case it worked magically - since night number 2 my child felt asleep in 5 minutes and slept through the night almost not waking. Can’t even compare to what it was, she started to sleep long stretches and was happier during the day as she rested good. Can’t agree with this video as I regret it kept me from trying it for a long time, the time we all could sleep better. CIO worked for us and I know many cases like that, I don’t see any difference in my kid, but I feel the difference in quality of the life of our family and it got soooo much better.
Same but we used it at 12 weeks since I had to go back to work. Within 2 days his sleep has improved so much! Before he would be overtired from not getting enough sleep cause I’d pick him up everytime he cried
You won’t see any difference in your kid until it’s too late even personality disorders like narcissism psychopathy, don’t present until teenage years I was someone whose parent did this to them and I can tell you now, it doesn’t help after much research, I even learned that babies and children that are exposed to Heightened stress when they r young
Have permanently Heightened stress later on in life and several other mental problems like abandonment issues problems talking about feelings ect it just takes 10 seconds to Google how controlled crying affects people later on in life then maybe you will understand how ur methods will only negatively impact ur kid later on in life
Thank you for this video.
I try to sleep train my 7 month old and I don’t let him cry because it breaks my heart. A little noise is alright. I think we all know when they need us. A few times he was upset when he didn’t get to fall asleep in my arms being breastfed but then a little singing and cuddling or bouncing helped him. Usually I have to go back and comfort him 3-4 times or more before he falls asleep. Obviously it’s not working every single time because babies have bad days too. So I also don’t think I mustn’t breastfeed him to sleep at certain times. I don’t care if these methods advise me to be consistent. My baby had a routine since he was born and now I want him to have another one. It’s not going to happen as soon as I decided to change it. They don’t come with the ability to fall asleep independently so we have to help and teach them with lots of patience. My baby is happy and I can see he improved a lot so I keep using my own method.
You are an inspiration ❤
I dont let my baby cry and i respond to her cues right away. Shes almost 6 months old and sleeps from 7-8 pm all through the night til 6-8 am
Brittany Calhoun how do you manage? My wife and I are going through this. Our 7m old son is super super active and we get him to bed at 7:30-8, then dream bottle feed around 11:30 then he’ll wake again around 3-4 and we feed him again hopefully before he cries too much and becomes too awake. Sometimes like this morning he is then too awake at 4:30 and hard to get him back to sleep. We are all for the CIO method but then stumbled across this video. It doesn’t seem practical too keep reacting to them each and every time which is why sleep training looks encouraging
Well, you just got lucky lol
Radwa Saleem not every baby is the same. if you don’t practice the CIO, you’re child will run all over you and scream at you when they’re 3-5 years old.
@Mira M unfortunately that’s reality sometimes
@@damarimoland1613 no they will not
Wow so glad I saw this in time! Thank you so much
this makes sense.
I totally agree about what happens to the baby......fearful they can become detached and emotion depressed. You need to comfort them and reassure them they are safe
People that successfully use this method report happier babies day and night bc they actually get the sleep they need. It’s like a world wind of difference. Also teaches them communication with their cries, crying isn’t just to be coddled but it’s now bc something is actually wrong.
This made me cry for some reason
My mom tells me that she let me cry as a baby and i cant bring myself to tell her this might be a part of the reason i have emotional issues and issues showing love...
I also have high anxiety and struggle a lot with stress!!! Its awful
Here’s my 2 cents as a proud dad of 3. No 2 kids are the same. Every single kid has different needs. Trust your instincts and the instincts of the kids mom, you both love your kids and want the best for them, even if you don’t see eye to eye on how to get there. Fundamentally, love is the most important thing. If you let them cry it out because you love them, or if you comfort them because you love them, it’ll be good for all. Loving them is what’s important. If you let them cry it out because you’re annoyed, or if you comfort them because you’re annoyed, it’ll end up badly for all. Your heart and your instincts will guide you to do what’s right, just listen to them.
I have been saying this for years , nice to see I am not the only one. Too many new parents read these books by psychologist's telling them to ignore their crying babies. They forget the infant cannot speak and that in the womb everything was there for them. The only way to get fed , cleaned and warmed is to cry.( Unless a parent is caring very closely for the baby). Babies cannot feed , change or soothe themselves. They are not spoiled or mannipulative . I have had five children all cared for , loved and well adjusted. Never had a screamer or any temper tantrums.
The same freinds that told me to ignore my babies , all have children with behavioral problems . Coincidence , i think not.
Super agree
I have the hardest time taking advice from someone that clearly isn’t going through the thick of sleep deprivation. My first baby was a decent sleeper and I didn’t let him cry it out. But baby number 2 is different... he’s 8months and simply won’t sleep on his own. I’m working on an adjusted cio method because I am not a functioning mother anymore. I let him know I’m there for him but have to let him learn that sleeping on his own is ok.
ennylekalb there’s nothing wrong with teaching them now to sleep, sleep deprivation is so hard to go through, I think this woman’s video is bull crap
At 8 months there’s the separation anxiety crisis and that’s why the babies wake up a lot during the night. You could research a bit about it and understand why your little one is waking up or not sleeping so much.
Why not sleep with him?
feel very sorry for you. it must be awful. the baby oil massage mentioned here is very good to calm babies. also very helpful for mothers...strengthening.
Maybe co-sleeping can help too. Firm mattress etc...there are tips for best results.
If they are fed, dry, and warm, it doesn't hurt to let them cry, as long as you check on them and reassure them they are fine, but I wouldn't try this until they are close to a year, but they do not need to be held 24/7
Agreed
Read the Continuum Concept.
Agreed! Better rest for the mom equals better care for the child.
@@schmellen88 the what concept
I believe this to be partly true, however families need a balance. An adult's and baby's mental health are equally as important, not one more than the other. The baby needs to be calmed to avoid negative psychological impact. The adult may sometimes need to step away, to keep from becoming frustrated and angry with the baby. And taking care of yourself does not, in anyway mean you are causing detachment issues in your child. As a mom myself in the past 3 months, I have come learn balance is of utter importance to not our the adult, but the baby. The more calm and collected I am, the better and more efficiently I can soothe my baby.
That's why the nuclear family is unnatural. In a joint family, no one is too exhausted at any point of time
This is why parenting is so hard - often needs of parents are in direct competition with needs of a child. So taking care of yourself still means neglecting the child. But if time away helps parent to self-regulate, then that's the best that can be done.
This is probably the best comment I've read on here
I myself have two kids and with both of them i had to walk and comfort them to sleep from the day they were born i used to wake up 2 3 times a night maybe more . I believe this is what it means to be a parent you need to take care of your child i could not stand it watching my baby cry to sleep it hurt me .
I agree with everything she says in this video .
Good on ya! As for me, my kids are getting the "cry it out" method once they turn 2 years old, lol. Maybe I'm a horrible parent, but Im sure after the nighttime routine of teeth, pajamas, and bedtime story they will be able to overcome the traumatic experience of learning to sleep through the night ;)
Letting a baby cry for hours on end is ridiculous, but I do think we need to set the foundations for independent sleep habits from early on.
If you set your baby up for success such as feeding very well throughout the day, giving them appropriate nap opportunities throughout the day, setting a consistent bedtime routine (bath, breast/bottle, book and then bed) you will very likely not need to have a baby screaming at bedtime. If they are, review what's going on. Did they get enough naps that day? Did their last nap finish too close to bedtime? Did they not eat enough during the day? Are they unwell?
Another big problem is sleep associations such as rocking to sleep or pacifiers. When baby wakes up and these aren't there they don't think they can get themselves back to sleep on their own.
Also the sleeping environment needs to be good too. Firm mattress, no toys or loose blankets, no mobiles or pictures near the crib, a very dark room and a white noise machine.
It's all about setting the baby up for success and setting realistic expectations. We can't have a baby screaming for hours on end but it's also not great for a baby to not know how to put themselves to sleep and get back to sleep should they wake up during the night.
I do all these things and my 6 month old still wakes every 40 min -2hrs at night. How do you propose they teach themselves to sleep?
The first example fails to account if you stand there. I stand there and have check my child and then tell them I'm not going to pick you up just because you cry but I'm here and I will walk away and come back consistently. This has resulted in a very secure and happy child and I look forward to future success
Yes because when you're really distressed & crying you feel so much better if your husband just stands there & doesn't respond, don't you?!!
This method works Better with older children who are use to being comforted and now need to learn to control their emotions, i didn let my daughter cry it out as an infant or until she was 3 now I will tell her go collect her feelings ma then come talk to me using words. And she comes back and says “mommy you making me angry cause I want you to lay and cuddle with me so I can sleep” she’s been in my bed her whole life now struggles with sleeping alone. She is 3 and express her emotions effectively and better than most adults but she does cry and get frustrated which is fine but it’s not harming her at this point after she explains her feeling so comfort her and speak to her and let her know I understand but she getting older and sleeping in her own bed has to happen. And what ever other reasoning I may have she might cry again and I let her go be alone to figure it out and come back when she’s ready to talk. My child adores me tho am picking her up from school she always happy to see me and she use to being held 24/7 or on my boob she just let it go at 3. I let her be a kid but I’ve found when you see the able to manipulate to get there way boundaries need to be set and they have to understand and she apologizes without me asking when she feels she wrong and corrects others and makes them apologize very affectionate will kiss my head and hands and do what I do to her on the regular basis. But she also knows crying doesn’t get her her way anymore asking for what you want and compromise does but even then not always. At only 3 I get so many compliments on how verbal she is and how she learns fast and she is such a sweetheart and doesn’t like people arguing and fighting, she use to a calm environment and doing yoga with me working out with me and having big girl convos with me. I think I did a great job as a parent but you have to know your child to know what type of parent they need you to be because not all are the same.
I’m not going to sabotage my sleep daily and get really sick, making myself suffer with little to no sleep on a regular. I prefer not to be mentally insane by ignoring my sleep ..No. I’m good. I’m not like others where I’m addicted to getting myself sick over a cry and or having my life be controlled.
neither am I
Literally all the parents that are against cio will raise their children to be little brats that control their very lives but hey to each his own
You sound like a really good mom 😂
you're basically teaching your babies that you're not gonna be there for them when they are in distress and they need you, also if you're commenting it's because you watched the video and you know what impacts it has on babies, if you do not want to 'sabotage your sleep' don't have kids, it's part of the process, but don't damage a child just because you would be getting little sleep.
Don't have kids if you're going to value yourself over them.
I didn't even know about this til I saw a movie about it. We never practice it here in Asia and the families here have a stronger bond.
Okay, but please think about the parents like me who have tried literally EVERYTHING except CIO.
Every time I go into the room, he cries harder because I have to leave. Nurturing him does not work, he gets angrier when I leave. He's also gotten SO dependent on me coming into the room to feed and coddle him, now he's waking up every 1.5 hours at night.
So what the hell am I supposed to do now??! I CANT keep waking up every hour I'm losing my damn mind.
This is literally me.
how did you do it in the end. I feel the frustration in your writing
@@mainanawacho5322 He eventually grew out of it. We forced him to cry it out but eventually we fed him more. He is now 15 months old (at the time, 6 months old), and he still wakes up once in the middle of the night but at least it's a simple bottle-and-change fix.
@@thunderallstars that's great... I'm glad you didn't get discouraged! 😌
What a strange way to talk about your baby. They are born fully dependent on you. You haven't tried everything, because you haven't tried cosleeping. Such a weird western concept that babies should be independent from birth, going as far as keeping them to sleep alone in a separate room. Obviously he gets angrier when you leave because he's trying to communicate to you the only way he knows how, which is by crying that he needs you. Anyway, glad for the poor child that he got used to it and stopped relying on you as much knowing there's no point in it.
I think any child who has parents who love him and are doing their best is very lucky and will have a great start in life. So many kids suffer from actual neglect (not having basic needs met, being left to cry on a regular basis by parents who feel nothing for the child), are sold into slavery around the world, are beaten or sexually abused, or live in war-torn countries.
As parents we need to realize we will make mistakes and there will always be someone there to tell you you’re doing it wrong. As mothers especially, there will always be someone like this lady who will prey on your postpartum anxiety to make you feel like ONE MISSTEP AND YOUR CHILD IS SCREWED FOR LIFE SO GIVE ME MONEY AND I’LL TELL YOU HOW TO DO IT RIGHT.
There are selfish parents who sleep train (I just want my sleep so I can have more energy to YOLO the night away), and there are abusive parents who cosleep and babywear (my child is an extension of me and I’ll never allow them to be their own person). But most parents just love their child and are doing what they believe will be best for the child and for their relationship
I appreciate your response. I am honestly trying to figure out if you are right. It bothered me that she said "the research shows" but I was waiting the whole video for her to cite any research.
Thank you so much for making this video. It really breaks my heart when I hear neighbor's "sleep training" their babies. I once heard a baby cry for hours just across the street in another house (that's how loud it was!) I'm not sure it was sleep training, but I suspected it was because that's a common practice where I am. I hate to think of any infant having to suffer that. I was actually advised to let my baby CIO by a doctor; thank goodness my maternal instincts told me otherwise.
Vanessa T doctors think they know everything, but they don’t. About sleep training, starting foods at four months, or vaccines
@@hayleybickers6882 You had me there until vaccines.
Hayley Bickers I was all on board until you said shit about vaccines... smh you shouldn’t have kids
Hayley Bickers idiot
@@hayleybickers6882 you’re right about vaccines. No one even knows what’s on them and yet they blindly get injected with them because it’s recommended. There are large amounts of harmful metals in them that can even cause an adult to suffer from sleep issues let alone a baby. Don’t listen to these sheeple in the comments that tell you other wise. Clearly they rely on mainstream media and information from corrupt pharmaceutical companies 😊
1000% agree with this woman💯❤️
Wife an I have 3 daughters,2 1/2 18months and 6 months old.Did cry it out method and worked amazingly with all them..They cry intensely sometimes but they know were there, they all have the same routine every single night at the same exact times.They all know when its bedtime and try to run from us when it is lol, but they cried for about 4or5 nights less and less each evening than 4th or 5th night they went straight to sleep in a minute or less.I find it as a crock of crap that it hurts their brains and they get depressed later on etc etc.My daughters cling on to me and their Mom aka my wife and they smile every single time they see us and we love them so dearly and I think they recognize that more when their awake all day.I dont approve of what shes saying..Comfort your baby too much is when you cant get him or her to detach from you.We didnt do the cry it out method bc we needed sleep, we did it bc they needed to learn to sleep and when without continously needing us by their sides every night for the next 5 years.
My parents used the 'Cry it out Method' on the 3 of us, as children. I can tell you that what she says is absolutely true.
My mother, now in her 80's wonders what she did to her children that they are so 'independent'. She would like much more from them that what she gets.
I myself see that compared to some other adults, we do leave her much more on her own that other grown children do with their parents. There is a detachment.
It is very true, the emotions kind of shut down. Sure, we still did as we were growing up, just as you describe your daughters doing, smiles and love, but there is something, that shuts off. You will see this later in life when the children are no longer dependent on the parents.
According to AyurVeda, much of a child's sleep issues can have to do with indigestion. That system of care suggests a much different method of feeding the child than is at all common.
Erica says they find the child is afraid also. Most mothers, it breaks their heart to hear the child continue to cry.
Sparkle Lee I think this is probably just your personalities. I have 6 older siblings and they were all allowed to cry it out and 5/6 of them are still very attached to my parents and still call and visit them frequently. We are all independent adults, but we are also very attached to our parents and spend a lot of time with them.
@@emilythompson7279 Hi dear, so glad to hear it.
Erica Komisar, says this due to studies that have been done. There are always exceptions. But your parents are not really very old yet and are completely more or less independent. A tiny baby is completely dependent on the parents. Many studies have been done on this, that she sites. The parent is the child's nervous system and soothing system, read her book and studies she mentions and see what you think.
The more a parent lets a child 'cry' and not come to its assistance, the more that will happen to the parent when they are old-the children will let them 'cry' when the parents are no longer independent.
It can be that maybe the parent made up for it somehow, and changed their ways, as the child grew. Americans tend to be detached. Is it due to the child's upbringing? Other countries, and cultures can be very much more attentive. What do you think?
Sparkle Lee Well I mean I’m Canadian and if you want a better example I can go up to my grandmother on my fathers side. Her and her husband were farmers and had 8 children and let all their children cry it our. Now my grandfather has passed, but my grandmother goes house to house all year round and is constantly around her children and is being helped with her blindness and deafness by them. She doesn’t even travel alone, as she is always accompanied by one of her children. I don’t think the cry it out method creates trauma that separates the child from the parent. It’s the parenting and care that happens when they’re awake that matters. I think that circumstantial evidence doesn’t provide much help, and it is most important to go on a child by child basis. The cry it out method works for some children, such as my father, aunts, uncles, and my siblings, but perhaps not for others. That simply boils down to personality however. I am very independent personality wise, but the same cannot be said for some of my siblings though we all had the same treatment from birth.
Sparkle Lee I think the way you say “change their ways” makes it sound like the method is cruel and unusual. The cry it out method is painful for parents too, but after a few days when the child learns to self soothe at bedtime it makes both parties more comfortable. That does not mean that every time the child cries they ignore it. Nor does it mean that they are generally inattentive to their children. I am very independent and I actually got a lot more attention than the rest of my siblings because I had a cleft lip and therefore there was more of a risk of something happening to me, especially after surgery. So I was super attached to my parents when I was very young but now I am probably the most distanced from my parents of all my siblings. Not for lack of love, but just because of my personality. I was always soothed as a baby but it has not made me more attached as I got older. I can’t blame it for making me less attached, because correlation does not equal causation
Thank you!!! ❤
You know all I hear nowadays is dont let your baby cry it out or let him cry it out omgosh crazzy i have 3 kids and 2 of my kids never really had problems sleeping and my last son just is very clingy he is 1 years old I have to get up at least 5 times a night to comfort him and I do and make sure his needs are met but I will tell you I've been using the cry it out method and it does help little by little but I go a check on him a lot and finally he gets the picture and goes to sleep my mom is 66 years old all my brother never cried it out and I didn't either 2 of my brothers hardly come around and my other brothers are here with my mom and me as well so when they say if you let them cry it out they will be more independent later in life and not come around well that's crazy it has to do with your whole child hood my opinion when we are a little baby like that we are not gonna remember 20 yrs later so come on peeps
THANK YOU!!
I agree 100%!!! It's all going to be ok, lol!
Yeah, your kid will be more independent, but not later in life from the moment they can comprehend independence. They will probably distance themselves from you or when they are a teenager they will be burdened with anxiety disorders. Fear of abandonment, heightened stress. All, because of controlled crying. It takes 10 seconds to Google the negative effects that only show up later from controlled crying
As someone who experience controlled crying, I don’t remember those moments, but they definitely make a dent in the brain because everything that happens creates a path in the brain, and when you’re a baby, it’s much easier to learn things so when babies are left to cry it out a pathway is made in their brain permanently, it will never leave them and always affect your child for the rest of their life because when your brain is developing, it is very important that you are aware of what can cause it to develop incorrectly for example, if someone was traumatised as a child, they may not remember it, but instead have flashbacks when they are an adult or teenager or maybe they don’t even have flashbacks, but just don’t remember any of their childhood or maybe they instead have mental health issues which are caused from your upbringing or environment
In a child the lack of comforting from his mother can do as much damage as mistreatment. Please be careful and never let your kid believe he is not welcomed, supported, loved and accepted.
It is simple, babies are programmed for caveman nomadic lifestyles with lots of adults around to take care of them. In modern especially western societies we don't do as much manual labouring carrying babies around and there's usually only mom and dad, therefore, mom and dad get tired because there is no other adult around. Also we have a fast paced life, we work a lot and don't have a lot of time off. We are unable to take our babies to work either. I'm starting to feel terrible for having a baby in the first place now.
Baby is going on 6 months, every time he has cried at night my wife or I have picked him up or she’ll feed him if need be. We can’t set him down without him crying, he has to be held constantly. We can’t get any sleep bc he wakes up 5-10 times per night. Which once held he instantly falls asleep. We tried the cry method and it was rough but after crying for an hour or so he slept all through the night!
What about sleeping w the baby? Maybe baby has indigestion. See Ayurveda, they teach how to help this.
Sparkle Lee what about killing your baby by crushing them ?
I am having similar experiences with my son(3 months). He cries and screams until I come and pick him up and IMMEDIATELY falls asleep. Then the second I place him in his crib he starts screaming. I may just be sensitive, as a mother hearing my baby cry... But I can't imagine a person that wouldn't have a hard time with that struggle
JDM Life did you continue and did he just start sleeping through the night after that?
@Deanna Andrade thank you for your comment. After looking at this video and reading some comments I started to feel horrible for letting my baby cry it was for maybe 10 minutes and he went back to sleep. My baby is 4 months BF and falls asleep while nursing mostly. He wakes up almost every time I put him down but he is so sleepy.
I am a FTM and I cannot stress how many comments I have gotten to just let my baby cry it out and self sooth! Hell no! My baby is barely 3 months old it really boggles my mind that many people think like this and think that it’s good advice to just let a baby cry it out. I freak out even hearing my baby cry for a second.
How was the testing for the emotional Detachment made?
Please cite your (evidence-based) sources to back up the claims you are making. I am doing research to help me make a decision whether to try the cry it out method and I would appreciate some proof from both sides as both are making opposing claims. Thanks in advance
Hello! It's difficult to get into the nitty gritty in a 3 minute video, but I have a full bibliography in my book, Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood In the First Three Years Matters as well as in resources on my website.
mariachristina55 he said she said... I say do what works for you. It’s not good to constantly hold your baby at night even feeding them at night isn’t good bc they’ll always expect that. Always want to sleep with you.
mariachristina55 why are you ‘doing research’. Use your brain, your intuition, and nature as a guide. Just love your baby and have a routine when possible. They are only babies for a short time. The sleeptraining/cryitout crowd are just impatient and selfish people who prioritise money and status over their babies. Your baby won’t even want to speak to you when they are teenagers so enjoy the neediness while it lasts. If you sleeptrain/cryitout your child will be screwed for the rest of their lives and it will effect you in the long run.
@@ML-wb5pj Just don't give your teen a cellphone, and they wont be so socially distant.
What did you decide
Thank you for the video. What about the methods when you stay by your baby while she cries in the crib and pat her rather than picking her up to rock?
To DandySpeedyAndy - My parents used the 'Cry it out Method' on the 3 of us, as children. I can tell you that what she says is absolutely true.
My mother, now in her 80's wonders what she did to her children that they are so 'independent'. She would like much more from them that what she gets. She was a good mother in tons of ways, yet she felt, as many do these days, that 'let them cry' is the best solution to creating self-sufficient children.
I myself see that compared to some other adult children, we do leave her much more on her own than other grown children do with their parents. There is a detachment.
It is very true, the emotions kind of shut down. Sure, we still did, as we were growing up, just as you describe your daughters doing, smiles and love, but there is something, that shuts off. The parents will see this later in life when the children are no longer dependent on them.
I won't do the cry it out method with my newborn. But once they turn 2 and are kicking and screaming about the toy they want from the store, then I'm gonna let those little sweethearts cry it out. I would rather my children be independent and unafraid to face the world alone than have my 40 year old son living in my basement. I've known so many kids that are afraid to go to college, go on a religious mission, travel to another country, ect. and they don't do it because of their "anxiety".
I feel very grateful to my parents for teaching me tough love. I have had a very smooth-sailing life because I'm not afraid to face the world alone, whereas I know some people who are afraid to death of being alone XD
@@remindyouofwho7201 Your child is very fortunate to have a kind mom. Erica does mention statistics and I have seen them on the net, that children that are mostly held the 1st year are more independent and secure than others. So it seems the more attention and holding a little one gets in the beginning, it seems to strengthen their nervous system / psyche. Erica says the parent is their nervous system when they are young. For these children, they are more independent, the opposite of what one might think would be the case. Seems when they get lots of nourishment emotionally when young, then they are strong emotionally and independent when grown. Also some studies show that the more a child is said yes to, or pacified, so that they do not have to cry when they are young, up to the age of: depending on the intelligence of the child , up to 4 if geniuses, smile, or 8 if a more simple child, the more secure, happy, independent, caring, loving, strong and self-sufficient they are when grown. The premise could be that if the child is strong from such attention and holding when little, they may not be so dependent on outside toys etc for fulfillment....good luck dear one.
@@sparklelee4368 I think a lot of people on this video's comments believe that it's an "all or nothing" thing. You have to be 100% always there to stop your child from crying and comfort them and give them cuddles, because if you're not then your children are going to be this and that and this and that.
We all can be a loving and kind-hearted mom as well as a responsible one by teaching our children that crying isn't what will get them what they need and it won't help them get where they need to go. That won't damage them, especially if you ARE cuddling them when it really counts and they actually need it.
Mom's need to have a balance. You can't just be your child's friend all the time. Sometimes you need to be your child's cheerleader, which means that you let them face the pain on the field of life and cheer them from the sidelines. Like I said, with my newborns I won't let them cry because they can't manipulate. But once they turn 1 years old (1-2) they will cry just for the sake of it, and that's when the "tough love" is necessary and healthy for them ^_^
@@VedAroma I have a feeling the neglect that you are talking about wasn’t just a few nights of sleep. It was a pattern of neglect over years.
@@mollycule2792 THANK YOU. I keep seeing comments where they attribute their later in life problems to their parents letting them cry it out. My parents let me cry it out but were very much there for me the rest of the time and still are. I’m super close to my mom. No detachment here.
So what is the suggestion for a mom whose baby wont sleep more than 40 minutes without being held amd nursed? My second son is 14 months and i am at my end of being able to do this. My first was the same way and I cannot keep being sleep deprived. I have been holding my son to sleep all night the last 6 weeks just to "survive". My tailbone and middle back are hurting me terribly and i am getting really hopeless. My older son had some gentle sleep training with me feeling very uneased about it at 15 months but I was pregnant and at my end. i dont think my current toddler is ready or going to respond well. I need help! I am going through treatment for babesia and likely lyme when i get my results back but aside form that i am feeling hopeless and constantly panicked without sleep
Well, I know whose kids will be working for my kids in the future.
The first few months rare literally the hardest. The baby will almost never sleep consecutively for more than 2 hours through the night, you will constantly have to change diapers, make it milk or in a mothers case should she breast feed, breast feed, this is a very time consuming tiny human being that once had everything done for it in the womb in which it never had to ask for anything that wasn’t given to the baby through his cord. You literally have to be prepared for the rough patch that’s to come if you decide to have a baby. Some people are just truly not ready and have them anyway.
I agree!!
I used a modified babywise method. Fed him 7 times throughout the day and changed regularly. He slept through the night 12 hours at 2 months. The was some sleep regression to 8 hours total with two wake up times at night but then back to a solid 8 hours. The baby wise model is eat wake sleep. It was a life saver. He was 12 pounds at 2 months. I can't be carrying him around all day.
Thank you for your work, I think it is a very important topic. We tried a "cry-it-out" method at 6mo, but gave up after the 6 hardest nights of our lives. My wife still rocks our 14mo old to sleep but it's a grueling practice that results in a lack of sleep, frustration, and desperation. How can we get our little one to sleep on her own without having to always be there and spend an hour each time to put her to sleep? Is there a time or method we can use the cry-it-out method that isn't so harmful?
@Amy how many nights did he cry before he got the hang of it? Ours would stand, then sit all the while wailing. She would rock back and forth from exhaustion, but sometimes would hit the crib wall and startle and the wailing would resume. This would last for hours every night. We couldn't keep going...
@Amy yea, my wife went in and comforted every 5 then 7 then 10 eventually 20min. She'd come in and comfort but not pick up. Didn't help. Soon as she left the wailing resumed. This went on for 6 days without any improvement. Our kid is very determined and persistent.
This is not talked about enough. I can't imagine letting a baby cry it out.
@Erica Komisar
What about a modified CIO where the mother stays next to the crib and conmforts the baby by patting, singing but baby has to put himself to sleep instead of being rocked or nursed? Is this harmful because baby is still crying for a prolonged period? Asking for my 17 month old who still wakes half-hourly and is totally dependent on nursing between every sleep cycle!
Periodically checking in on your baby is not harmful because they know you’re not leaving them!! You’re simply telling them it’s bedtime and they need to go to sleep. This process can take days to weeks for the baby to get used depending on the child
I believe this is called the chair method where you take a chair and sit next to the crib and soothe without picking them up, which takes longer, but is still effective for many
Thank you!!! So very true!!! It’s also a strong bonding process! Newborns/babies NEVER cry without a reason
Lies I know babies that SCREAM all day and don’t nothing be wrong
Peachie Peach I will never believe that
Only Believe for the most part that’s true.. but what if you have a 8 month old who wants to be held all night? Sleep deprivation is real! Babies need to learn how to fall asleep on their own..
@@alanaliddell2437 co sleep
@@Nimish204 that's much more unsafe than high cortisol levels.
I can personally vouch for what is said in this video. My mother was old school and she let my twin sister and I "cry it out" when we were babies. Apparently, she left us to cry for long periods of time in our cribs. Later in life we both developed emotional problems (depression and anxiety) and stomach problems (IBS and Chron's). These problems began for us in high school and have stayed with us our entire lives. I'm not saying the "cry it out" method was solely responsible for the chronic conditions my twin sister and I developed but I believe it made us much more susceptible to them. I'm pushing 50 and even now, I cry when I think about how my twin and I were left alone to cry as frightened babies in the crib. I don't hate my mother for this (she has since passed on years ago) as this was accepted thought back in the early 70s. I'm just here to say that I believe letting your child cry it out is harmful and can lead to chronic problems later in life. Think of it this way, how strong can a tree grow to be if the soil in which it is planted is rocky and unstable?
Well humans need to develop less invasive ways of getting attention. No other animal is this neurodestructively annoying, screeching constantly and waking up the mother for years, they'd all be dead if they did that in the wild and maybe we need to develop something better too. And genetic engineering aside, it starts by ignoring the screams until they stop being selected for. That, or the sperm donor can step up and start contributing but that would be even more impossible to accomplish than selecting for better childhood vocalization.
Your problems were down to female hormones starting with puberty by the way, both estrogen and progesterone are known to cause depression and anxiety and that's not even the hell that's menopause yet from what I've heard. If you had those issues from that method, you would have seen them immediately after and onwards throughout your whole life. Ibs and crohns are also issues women like to have more of, Google it, due to hormones causing autoimmune sensitivities as well as longer intestines because they need to make room for bayyyyybiez.
No, your issues are due to the design flaws within your biological sex.
@@LethalRain9 Thanks, Doc but I think you’re full of shit.
I’m the opposite my mom would let us cry it out but she also said we naturally just slept and didn’t really have to cry it out and we turned out fine as far as sleeping goes
@@LethalRain9right well I’m biologically male and developed mental health problems from controlled crying. Is that due to the testosterone in my body? Obviously not. It’s a fact that controlled, crying, causes mental health issues.
@Erica Komisar what research? A bibliography wont cut it.
Erika, it is clear from your demeanor that you have a deep well of empathy, and that you are a kind and caring person. I feel this may be clouding your judgment on the practical reality that new parents face.
My wife and I have a 4 month old daughter and we have been extremely focused from the beginning on teaching her to fall asleep, and to stay asleep.
We consistently did not react to every cry from the baby, largely because we learned that sometimes babies cry while they are fully asleep, whilst shifting sleep cycles! If a well-meaning parent intervenes, they're actually walking up a sleeping baby, and that's bad for everyone (including the baby).
My wife and I always made sure that the baby was truly distressed before intervening.
At 2 months, she began sleeping for 5-6 hour stretches. She would occasionally cry for a minute, and fall back asleep on her own.
At 3 months, we stopped the night feedings (she's really chubby and eats plenty during the day). Also, she found her hands and began sucking on them. She began sleeping through the night, but walking up a few times to have the pacifier popped back in.
At 4 months, we felt she was ready for sleep training, since she was still waking up for us to pop in the pacifier a few times a night. We needed her to practice finding her thumb, and holding it in her mouth. We prepped her as well as we could, and now it was time for the final exam.
We had her sleeping in her bassinet from the very beginning, so she felt comfortable there. She knew how to put herself to sleep, she knew how to suck on her hands to soothe herself without a pacifier. The stage was all set.
The first night was awful. Our baby cried for an hour, but then fell asleep. She woke at her regular times, 3:30 and 5:30 (when we would ordinarily show up to give her the pacifier) but we did not intervene. Eventually she slept through until 8:15, and in the morning I was shocked to be greeted by a smiling, happy face. She didn't seem affected at all by the previous night's drama.
On the second night, she cried for an hour and a half, but then slept through until 6:30. Again, smiling happy baby looking up at me.
Tonight is the third night, and she went down without any drama at all. No crying!
If this sticks, and she now consistently begins sleeping 10-12 hours through the night, what benefits does that bring not just to the baby, but to the entire family?
Conversely, allowing the child to continue to require soothing throughout the night for an indefinite period of time, may create dependencies that will be extraordinary difficult to break later on. Listening to a baby cry for 90 minutes is hard, but I promise it'll be even harder at an age where that child knows you're in the other room, or screams out to you by name.
Most importantly, I feel the love and attention that you show your child while they are awake isn't going to be undone by a couple of nights of crying that ultimately lead to a months and years of restful, restorative sleep for the baby, and her entire family.
I agree
@@theGISEH I'm a nanny and we were always told this, if you hear a baby cry on a monitor at night give it a minute or two. If they continue crying then go to comfort, because yes, they enter diffrent sleep cycles and you're just waking them otherwise.
I think her point isn’t absolute. The main takeaway is that your baby is not the same as everyone else’s, and there is a potential chance of the issues she mentioned in the video. I think it’s important for these risks to be public knowledge.
@@shevasahara4038 the "your baby is unique" trope is both true and untrue simultaneously.
Of course, your baby is an individual. But also, your baby is a human being who has many of the same developmental characteristics as millions of other of babies.
Doesn't it strike anyone as odd that baby experts repeat this notion of how unique your baby is, whilst simultaneously offering the same advice to thousands or millions of people? Your baby can't be *that* unique.
In our culture, we seem to focus more on how unique our babies are rather than how alike they are, and that's to our detriment. It leads to an à la carte parenting style that is disjointed and inconsistent, and confusing to parents.
My baby is fiifteen months old and has been sleeping 10-12 hours through the night now for almost a year. I can't stress enough how good a decision it was for both the baby and my marriage to sleep train her when we did, and my heart goes out to those well meaning parents who have been struggling with sleepless nights because they felt that they were harming their kids by not teaching them how to put themselves to sleep.
Thank you for your comment! I agree 100% with you and I believe the babies that gone through the cio method are emotionally better than the ones who didn’t. Also the mental health of parents matter! I am 100% into the cio method because I saw how many benefits is brings to the baby and the parents in the long run.
I am an infant teacher in a day care. Very few of the babies we get know how to sleep in a crib. They are noise sensitive, and are used to sleeping in a swing or with the mother. Coming to day care is very hard for them and takes them alot longer to adjust. Parents need to train there babies from the very beginning.
How do we know the babies assume no one will ever come to them? How can we assume we know how they’re thinking? Wondering because I’m getting to the point where we might have to sleep train if my baby doesn’t start sleeping more than 2 hours overnight 😵💫😵💫
If they’re 2 months or under they’ll literally almost never sleep two or more hours straight.
After raising my daughter to 12, I would’ve never thought I’d have the opportunity to have another baby in my care since I made the choice to not have any more.
A family member is going through a lot at the moment and she had a newborn baby the month prior, so long story short here I am fostering this baby… it is super tough! He doesn’t really settle on his own and needs a lot of attention. I’m kinda used to it now, but the first month was about the roughest thing I’ve endured in a very long time.
There have been studies that show that even if babies stop crying after some time of going through this method, their stress levels remain just as high and show they feel in distress. They stop crying not because they have healthily adjusted, but because crying was just no longer effective.
@@giannarose6503these studies are looking at actual neglect, not one or two nights of brief crying. That said, we don’t have any evidence that CIO doesn’t have any negative effects so it’s probably best to try starting with gentler sleep training methods and escalate to CIO if nothing else is working.
If the amount of crying involved in most sleep training amounted to neglect and then attachment, then none of us would have secure attachment because responding perfectly 100 percent of the time is just not realistic.
They don’t it’s usually internalised because their brain is so underdeveloped that they cannot make sense of it and later when they are usually a teenager the mental health problems caused by their childhood quite often present just like how personality disorders only show up later after childhood mental problems caused by controlled crying only show up when it’s too late so stop now or don’t knowing that it will affect your child later on in life
From University of Michigan Mott Children's Hospital, one of the most reputable children's hospitals in the world:
"Letting a baby cry itself to sleep has been viewed as cruel or even dangerous by some parents due to fears that such nighttime turmoil could raise an infant’s stress levels and provoke future behavioral problems.
But moms and dads needn’t lose sleep with worry, according to a study published this week in Pediatrics.
Conducted by researchers at Flinders University in Adelaide, Australia, a recent survey of 43 babies found that those who soothed themselves to slumber saw no greater signs of attachment or emotional issues one year later when parental surveys were completed.
And their levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, were lower than measurements taken in babies from the study’s control group (whose caretakers were given informational literature, but no actual directive).
Perhaps more encouraging, the babies left to cope via a method known as graduated extinction - aka the cry-it-out approach - fell asleep 15 minutes more quickly. That benchmark came three months into the study, but better sleep often occurred within the first week.
It is why Heba Abu-Isa, M.D., supports the concept. About half of the parents she sees, she adds, use it.
“Most babies have to learn how to help themselves fall asleep,” says Abu-Isa, a pediatrician for the University of Michigan C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital - and a mother of three young children who has used the method in her own home. “You’re going to have a happier baby if they’re well-rested. It benefits them indefinitely in the long run.”
You might have a couple of rough nights, but once it’s mastered, it’s typically mastered.
Heba Abu-Isa, M.D."
Thank you! I agree with the method and I worked with kids. The babies that had the cry it out method were emotionally stronger than the ones who were soothed all the time. And I saw multiple type of approaches. The cry it out method is what turned out to have better babies in the future.
@@Raquelzinha404 what about the babies in orphanages in Romania left in cots with just enough care to prevent them dieing of hunger I watched documentary on this most were stunted emotionally as adults closed off and would show the same to their own offspring if they ever had any.
@Helena Howard That situation is totally different. Those children were never shown any love at all. They were never given any emotional support or comfort. They were never held and soothed even outside of bedtime. The whole situation was dysfunctional. That is totally different than loving and emotionally supportive parents, who doesn’t pick up their baby at bedtime.
I know it's easy to say soothe your baby but I still have problems with calming him he's 4 months, I feel hopeless sometimes because a lot of times he doesn't sleep properly, I don't know what to do to comfort him, the only thing I know is to pick him up and rock him but picking him up too much will spoil him and I don't want to do that too much.
you can't spoil a baby. it's okay be there for him as you would want someone to be there for you.
They also talk about a similar thing when babies don't have their hunger cues met
For the parents saying their kids are fine from crying it out, I wonder if that's only on the surface? I worry when my son cries too long for any long term psychological effects that's might have and only because I've worked with mentally disabled folks for nearly 10 years and seen cases where these individuals are dealing with psychological handicaps because during infancy and those core developmental stages after birth their parents didn't tend to their needs with urgency. Of course that's usually just in severe cases of emotional neglect. When I say neglect I don't mean necessarily abuse but their parents just didn't take it as seriously as they should've and it causing deep rooted emotional or mental difficulties that generally may people don't talk about with their parents or even understand well enough to be aware they should be talking about it. People see other act out in anger or a severe case of depression and don't tend to make the connection with how methods such as crying it out may have played a key role in creating within these individuals. Behavioral issues aren't just people being assholes or acting out, it's how their brain have wired them in their development. Little do you know maybe when you're child is acting it, maybe it could stem from there brain being trained to react in ways that aren't healthy for them. Or if you have adult children, I have plenty of behavioral tendencies and ways of thinking and reacting that I know stem from my early development. I've attempted suicide 4 times. Issues I haven't/can't talk to my parents with, and that they don't understand well enough to even understand recognize they might want to ask me what's going with me, internally that causes me to act or think one way or the other. That's what counseling is for as unless you have trained eye, you're gonna probably think everything is fine and little did you know deep under the surface they've been battling some demons you didn't know about.
Do sleep trained babies have a higher chance of sudden infant death syndrome?
Of course not.
I agree with her 100%
What i can say is when I left for work in the evenings, my husband only can make baby sleep in rocking chair! Because baby go sleep with my breast usually.. how he cries! omg!!!!
When I came back home I heard how baby struggled with breathing after crying for 30 minutes! But then he learn how to sleep with his dad
And now he go to sleep in seconds when daddy goes to rocking chair with him....
now I’m thinking how to make him sleep in a crib! Because literally it was CIO method for him, when I wasn’t near and there was only daddy
So there is one study that ever showed crying it out was harmful when done at the age of 6 months or older. That study showed somewhere around 10% of these children showed some sort of mental illness linked to abandonment issues later in life. Every single other study had shown when done at 6 months or older it had a beneficial effect on their independence, self confidence, and critical thinking skills. Basically, once of the appropriate age, quit coddling your kids. Independence is a good thing.
link the study
I have yet to hear anyone address the same stessers taking place at nap time. The hell some babies and children go through every time they are put in their bed. Too much time in the crib where they are trapped. Thanks for the video.
I know it is not a modern day idea - but co-sleeping w the baby relieves much:
lifespa.com/co-sleeping-baby-safe-ayurvedic-perspective/
Absolutely, from the inside of a crib, looks like a prison cell. Poor babies
My baby boy is 4 months old & he sleeps in my arms... My whole body is in pain & I dnt know what to do to make him sleep in bed & still I can't let him cry it out because I feel guilty & bad... HELP
Sou Ghandi same here almost 4 months now... I’m desperate! He won’t go off my hands! My back hurts so much! How are you doing now?
Have you tried putting his bed right next to your bed? I have a pack in play that has see through mesh and she can look at me while shes falling asleep or ill play with her hand
Oh you posted this a year ago lol
I still swaddle my baby to make her feel more comfortable and of course the pacifier. She is 4 months old
Crying isn't going to kill him. If he had the chance to realize that screaming for no good reason won't get an award he would actually be allowed to learn to self soothe. Parents these days think they have to be baby slaves and each generation is more useless than the last.
need help!!!!!!!!!!!!! my boy is 14 months he use to sleep in his crib good but not anymore i just let him cry it out right now but his cry was so sad just looking at me like he needed me and i also have a e month old baby so plzzzz any thoughts
What if the baby is crying and I need to pee, poop, take a shower ?? What if I havent slept in days and just need 30mins bc im beyond exhausted and dont even have the strength to pick her up
You can tell the cry out method isn’t being used any more, specifically since the 90s.. now people need safe places and cry when the wind blows.
Yup never let my kids cry it out as babies! My mom always told me I’d spoil them sooo she must have used it with me and I’m all kinds of messed up lol
Wow! Horrible. I tried the "cry it out" thing and lasted all of about 2 min. before I went back to my instinct. I had six children who co-slept and breast fed. They are grown now. They have issues from the bad marriage, not from me attending to their cries, or sleeping with me.
From University of Michigan Mott Children's Hospital, one of the most reputable children's hospitals in the world:
"Letting a baby cry itself to sleep has been viewed as cruel or even dangerous by some parents due to fears that such nighttime turmoil could raise an infant’s stress levels and provoke future behavioral problems.
But moms and dads needn’t lose sleep with worry, according to a study published this week in Pediatrics.
Conducted by researchers at Flinders University in Adelaide, Australia, a recent survey of 43 babies found that those who soothed themselves to slumber saw no greater signs of attachment or emotional issues one year later when parental surveys were completed.
And their levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, were lower than measurements taken in babies from the study’s control group (whose caretakers were given informational literature, but no actual directive).
Perhaps more encouraging, the babies left to cope via a method known as graduated extinction - aka the cry-it-out approach - fell asleep 15 minutes more quickly. That benchmark came three months into the study, but better sleep often occurred within the first week.
It is why Heba Abu-Isa, M.D., supports the concept. About half of the parents she sees, she adds, use it.
“Most babies have to learn how to help themselves fall asleep,” says Abu-Isa, a pediatrician for the University of Michigan C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital - and a mother of three young children who has used the method in her own home. “You’re going to have a happier baby if they’re well-rested. It benefits them indefinitely in the long run.”
You might have a couple of rough nights, but once it’s mastered, it’s typically mastered.
Heba Abu-Isa, M.D."
@@DW94576 How bout babies fall asleep 15 min faster cuz they learned to GIVE UP!
Any parent that has a baby and needs to torture an infant so they can sleep needs to NOT be a parent! I've had six children and allowed them to co-sleep and nurse with great success.
Why do we have a need to have babies, then expect they be "independent", and "self soothing"?
It's bizarre to me!
@@withfootnotes same!! And ya that's just crazy and inaccurate what @DW is saying!! Babies communicate with us by crying it isn't just oh hey I'm crying just to cry!!!!! smh!! and ppl like DW really make me sick! My niece who is a first time mom told me her pedi told her to let her 2 month old cry it out and if she didn't she would regret it! I am like are you kidding me ?! I had her change pedis! That is insane as a medical professional to hear a pedi telling a young first time mom to let her baby cry! smh! And what about the study's the nazis did on babies with this method and the babies all passed away!! ugh I would never ever let my babies cry it out! And my older kids are perfect and never did I let them cry!
I dont get the whole cortisol because crying thing. CIO method will usually work within 3-4 days with everyday approximately 45 min of crying. Well that is not something that is cronical in any means?
Could you tell me what to do when my baby only want to sleep if I carry him? He doesn't want to sleep at all if I put him on the bed. I have to carry him with a hipseat for hours and stand up just to let him sleep. Therefore, I got major post partum depression caused by lack of sleep, tired, injury, etc. My body feels like wanna broke into pieces. I have no time for myself, I have to time to eat, I have no time to take a bath, I have to hold when I wanted to pee and poop just to carry my baby. I have tried all the method -mention it out- but it doesn't work. My baby is almost 5 months and he never get to sleep as required which is minimun 14 hours. The only method which finally work on night is only cry it out method. It has a dramatic changes on night but still need a lot of dramas for day time. Could you explain how to handle this?
Hi,
Huda Jamilah, I used to have the same problem, but i have a short guide that could help you. if you wanna get it, please write to my email kw977755@gmail.com and I'll send you.
Did you ever figure out how to get your baby to Sleep on their own? I am in the thick of it now and would like help.
You mentioned that it’s bad in the first 6 months. I have heard that the Ferber method is best to start between 5-6 months. Of course not letting them cry it out all night, but checking in/comforting without picking them up every few minutes. What is your expert opinion on starting this around 5 1/2 months?
I don’t wanna do the cry, it out method
How do I get him to sleep in the crib during naps? He sleep on me all day. I love it but I need to make meals take care of myself and clean the house.
You said more so for less than 6 months old. My son is 1 and he will not sleep unless rocked/bounced with a bottle. He must be fully asleep before I put him down otherwise he stands up and screams. He wakes up 5 to 10 times a night. Nothing will stop his crying except being rocked and sometimes may need another bottle. How do I break this? How can I put him down awake? There is no soothing him and putting him down he just screams if I leave him awake.
I've got a girl same age and character you described. Did anything change for you in the 2 months since this comment?
@@GodmanBG a few weeks after this post, my wife and just couldn't take it anymore. We decided to do the cry it method. And thank the lord we did it. We rocked him to sleep like normal. And put him in his crib. As usual, after about an hour, he woke crying. This time we didnt go in. He cried for about 45 minutes and then laid down and went to sleep. He sleeped about 4 hours before waking up. And we went in and changed him and had a small amount of milk to rock him back to sleep until morning.( we put him down at 8pmand he is usually up for good around 630-730am. We did this for a few nights. make sure no bottles or blankets are in the crib because it bothers them and wakes them up and of course safety reasons. After the few nights of doing that. He practically sleeps through the night now. He might wake up once through the night. We can tell when he actually needs us now. Because he will wake up and go back to sleep within 5-10 minutes. If its reaching 20-30 minutes, then we will go in and check his diaper and rock him back to sleep. It's like a night and day difference in our energy and our son's because all 3 of us arent tossing and turning and waking up so often. And at the end of the day. The baby will cry no matter what sleep training you decide. You arent neglecting your child. 30 minutes to an hour for a few nights will not ruin your child's brain.
@@zzjus10zz85 I agree 100%. Everyone will have to use the "Cry it out" method eventually unless they want a 5 year old screaming and crying on the grocery store because he didn't get the toy or candy he wanted.
What to do to help baby nap in day… not always on you and how to increase 30-45 min naps to 1-2hrs, especially if noticing more tired and grouchy?
I wish my mother in law would see this, all she says and my own brother is that I’m spoiling my child and that she will never leave my side if I keep responding to her cries , when I actually learned that there is so such thing as spoiling a baby, you’re responding to their needs as a BABY not a 5 year old that’s throwing a fit. I love seeing the evidence like this video so I have a smart way to respond to their Ridiculous remarks 👍👍👍
You are doing the right thing. Children need so much more that people realize when they are growing.
I've heard that, too- that you can't spoil a baby. But you very well can establish unsustainable sleep habits that are *much* harder to correct the older the child gets. My philosophy is to avoid establishing these kinds of habits entirely, or correct them before they have a chance to take root.
Yes, Dr. Gabor Mate talks about this too. Can't spoil an infant, but you can spoil a child. Pre-speech, early years, children need to feel safe. And having a safe base is what allows them to become independent.
Until how old for sleep training and independence?
I think we should share this video as much as we can
I agree
Nah it’s a myth
I know of tons of parents who went into deep depression because they didn't let the baby cry so the baby would see that and cry and scream eveytime when put down or left and that because the moms would alway tend to the babies eveytime they cried. So in these cases the baby would cry all the time when not in the moms hands. These were the same advise given to these parents. But as soon as the parents would not tend to the babies for every second they cried thing became alot better and the other family member in the house were able to bond with the babies because of the mother's not rushing to the babies and let them cry it out sometimes they were able to bond with other family and not just the mother and the mothers were able to get some time some rest and peace because the baby was not spoiled with the crying eveytime for the mother and her picking them up now other family could help and the baby didn't cry as much. MOST IMPORTANTLY the babies was very happy and healthy and played more with their brothers and sisters instead of only crying for mom.
I also heard that if you calm your baby later the person can ceep calm by himself.
Please dont shake it! Never!
Then what do you do when your baby don't sleep for up to 30 minutes straight, needing constant attention 24 /7 the moment he feels like the is no one around him he wakes up , if you don't let your baby cry out and sleep too you might develope the stress home and just always feel worked out or angry
I have a strong personality good self confident and its good for my work i think its this method shape me to this day...
Vash?
“Cry it out” doesn’t have anything to do with your strong personality and self confidence… just trust the science because individual cases aren’t what you should base parenting on. It’s too risky /:
How many adults here that support the CIO methods for babies actually sleeps for 12 hours straight , solid, no waking up or know someone that does???
Isolating a human or even an animal in the dark for 12 hours is punitive in nature. Attempts to recreate the womb environment puts the baby at a disadvantage as it takes away opportunities for them to learn how to be a human in this environment.
Erica what do you do if you were that baby ...now an adult...that you spoke of above
The reason why parents from developed/commonwealth countries are in favour of this practice is that it makes their life "convenient" for them so that they don't have to attend to the babies every little minute and sacrifice their personal needs and desires.
Which is why there are so many couples today who opt to be childfree since they are ready to be parents physically, mentally and emotionally.
No point in wanting to be a parent but also set your own standards or right and wrong to make life convenient for you and it's unfair to your child.
I know for a fact my parents used the cry out method, and from the time I could speak my favorite phrase was, "leave me alone, I can do it myself." I learned from the time I was two that I couldn't rely on my parents for anything, and I was a very difficult child... And I still am 24 years later.
:( thats sad
That’s just you
I hear that. My parents constantly let me scream myself to sleep and my first words after the cliche "dada" were "Me Do".
I'm 35 and still extremely hyper vigilant and anxious.
At 24 you are responsible for your own crappy attitude. Get some help.
@@Danigxxiii it’s not bro, it takes like 10 seconds to google the negative effects later on in life caused by controlled crying
Thank you! Glad I saw this before trying it. Very informational, but I would've like some alternative
Help my baby wont stop crying to put her down for bed and its tearing me apart i have to just her cry at times she's getting so heavy she wants to be help to sleep not to mention im on my own with her
The baby should have a secure attachment with the mother. Babies have no way of taking care of themselves they need the mother to care for them. The baby will develop frustration toward the mother and this can harm the development of the brain as well as cause psychological issues. Babies have phases they will eventually become more independent and explore as they get older.. no need to force independence on the baby.