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Yes, this is really confusing because what are they supposed to do? I have an 8 month old and we read to him and help him to work things because what else are we supposed to do? If we leave them alone, isn't that not supporting their attachment to us? There's only so much cuddles my son wants...

My youngest brother got this type of attention… he’s 38 with his mom still.. I think I’m going to follow the doctors recommendation of trying the cry it out method from 4-6 months as my parents did us and we came out fine lol

I dont get the whole cortisol because crying thing. CIO method will usually work within 3-4 days with everyday approximately 45 min of crying. Well that is not something that is cronical in any means?

So you say that they can become emotionally detached and then show a clip of a ***Toddler*** screaming. "The mother is not there and no one and nothing in their environment will be there" is such a play on parents emotions it's disgusting. A newborn is not going to be thinking these depressing things. The moment it falls asleep and wakes up to you being loving and caring it's right back to being fine. Cry-it-out isn't the same as neglect. You can read to your baby at sleep time, even regularly come in and check on them and give them love, reassurance, and affection. Crying is communication whether you like it or not. If the only thing that gets a child to STOP CRYING is an unhealthy habit such as sleeping in the same bed as you every night then crying is the better alternative to developing poor habits. I don't recommend just neglecting your kid, obviously. Who sincerely would? But in a situation where you have to show your child that they are not in control of you, you need to stop being afraid of hurting their feelings. Regardless of intent, your baby is going to feel negative emotions. So pushing an agenda against "cry-it-out" by saying it's harmful to this extent is absolutely ridiculous.

So it’s not true we should introduce reading to them even at infancy? My health visitor would always tell me to read to my baby and when she reach one year old to read the book and point to her what I am reading

I agree!!

I have been saying this for years , nice to see I am not the only one. Too many new parents read these books by psychologist's telling them to ignore their crying babies. They forget the infant cannot speak and that in the womb everything was there for them. The only way to get fed , cleaned and warmed is to cry.( Unless a parent is caring very closely for the baby). Babies cannot feed , change or soothe themselves. They are not spoiled or mannipulative . I have had five children all cared for , loved and well adjusted. Never had a screamer or any temper tantrums. The same freinds that told me to ignore my babies , all have children with behavioral problems . Coincidence , i think not.

Ok but I’m depressed from sleep deprivation

The reason why parents from developed/commonwealth countries are in favour of this practice is that it makes their life "convenient" for them so that they don't have to attend to the babies every little minute and sacrifice their personal needs and desires. Which is why there are so many couples today who opt to be childfree since they are ready to be parents physically, mentally and emotionally. No point in wanting to be a parent but also set your own standards or right and wrong to make life convenient for you and it's unfair to your child.

This is total fear mongering.

Erica what do you do if you were that baby ...now an adult...that you spoke of above

My mom tells me that she let me cry as a baby and i cant bring myself to tell her this might be a part of the reason i have emotional issues and issues showing love... I also have high anxiety and struggle a lot with stress!!! Its awful

So why do lost or abandoned baby animals learn to love humans or other animals later when they are adopted??

So a baby told you all this ??

Are these tips and tools valid for after three years of age? My son is three years old and he showed all of the signs of anger and ambivalent attachment in his second year. He suffered a lot from my absence emotionally. Should I have him with a nanny now that I’m financially capable even though he’s 3 or having him at a daycare 25-30 hours a week wouldn’t harm him further?

I cannot belive that this fundamentally important video has only 2 k views for 6 years! Thank you, Erica!

My biggest criticism about people or experts against CIO is that they provide no methods or alternatives. Everyone who agrees with CIO has steps and methods and they give this info away for FREE. All gentle sleep training advocates or “experts” want you to buy their course/book. If you are so concerned about generations of babies suffering and not securely attaching to their parents, why don’t you freely offer advice and alternatives? Maybe they just want you to buy something from them. I think gentle sleep training just means parents will have to go without sleep for as long as it takes. They should just be upfront and tell that to parents. If there are no alternative methods that commonly work well, just tell me. FYI, I’m not comfortable with CIO and my 7mo wakes up 3-5 times a night. At 4 months old she only woke up once and I’ve never been able to get back to that routine with her. It is hard and I am so tired. I’ve tried sound machines, rocking, nursing, and so many products. I’ll wake up every time she cries to soothe her. So I’ve just accepted that nothing is working and it’s what I have to do. I just wish someone told me that. I spent a lot of time looking for advice that ultimately stopped at a pay wall.

My sleep trainer adivsed to let haby cry for 10 min bekfre coming in as long as she sounds finickey and not blatantly screaming. I hope im not doing the wronf thing

Absolutely amazing. Exactly what the world needs.

Where's the research though? There's been plenty of research as to why Cry It Out doesn't actually harm children. I was hoping for actual research behind this, rather than an opinion.

ruclips.net/video/P087SYOV6_I/видео.htmlfeature=shared

Here’s my 2 cents as a proud dad of 3. No 2 kids are the same. Every single kid has different needs. Trust your instincts and the instincts of the kids mom, you both love your kids and want the best for them, even if you don’t see eye to eye on how to get there. Fundamentally, love is the most important thing. If you let them cry it out because you love them, or if you comfort them because you love them, it’ll be good for all. Loving them is what’s important. If you let them cry it out because you’re annoyed, or if you comfort them because you’re annoyed, it’ll end up badly for all. Your heart and your instincts will guide you to do what’s right, just listen to them.

Its ok to let your child say those nasty things to a sibling? Shouldnt you correct them by saying thats hurtful. "Wish you were never born"

I think any child who has parents who love him and are doing their best is very lucky and will have a great start in life. So many kids suffer from actual neglect (not having basic needs met, being left to cry on a regular basis by parents who feel nothing for the child), are sold into slavery around the world, are beaten or sexually abused, or live in war-torn countries. As parents we need to realize we will make mistakes and there will always be someone there to tell you you’re doing it wrong. As mothers especially, there will always be someone like this lady who will prey on your postpartum anxiety to make you feel like ONE MISSTEP AND YOUR CHILD IS SCREWED FOR LIFE SO GIVE ME MONEY AND I’LL TELL YOU HOW TO DO IT RIGHT. There are selfish parents who sleep train (I just want my sleep so I can have more energy to YOLO the night away), and there are abusive parents who cosleep and babywear (my child is an extension of me and I’ll never allow them to be their own person). But most parents just love their child and are doing what they believe will be best for the child and for their relationship

What if the baby is crying and I need to pee, poop, take a shower ?? What if I havent slept in days and just need 30mins bc im beyond exhausted and dont even have the strength to pick her up

True words; thanks for posting

I know this is an older video but as a retired teacher i can tell you how much damage i saw as we added all day preK to public schools during covid with mask. We have feral kids who cannot function in a classroom so we can't teach.

Thank you, this was very helpful! Have a 2.5 yr old and came to RUclips for help. 👏🏽

Animals Don’t let their babies cry it out, so why would you. Follow your human instincts and give love and effection to your baby it works way better than ignoring your child. My wife and I together for 29 years and our 4 children are amazing . 💕💕💕💕

"The expert" Lol. This lady has no proof for what she is saying. Those who are spreading fake science should be in jail.

We need more videos ❤❤

I love all u talk about....we need more advocacy... please come to Africa and teach us these things..

Here because of the Lila Rose episode and I have a 5 year old boy

How many adults here that support the CIO methods for babies actually sleeps for 12 hours straight , solid, no waking up or know someone that does??? Isolating a human or even an animal in the dark for 12 hours is punitive in nature. Attempts to recreate the womb environment puts the baby at a disadvantage as it takes away opportunities for them to learn how to be a human in this environment.

Until how old for sleep training and independence?

As soon as she said "I'm a psychoanalyst" I knew I didn't need to listen any further to this drivel. If you are a parent, do yourself a favor, and read Parenting By The Book by John Rosemond. He tells you how to protect yourself from deceptive people like this.

So what is the suggestion for a mom whose baby wont sleep more than 40 minutes without being held amd nursed? My second son is 14 months and i am at my end of being able to do this. My first was the same way and I cannot keep being sleep deprived. I have been holding my son to sleep all night the last 6 weeks just to "survive". My tailbone and middle back are hurting me terribly and i am getting really hopeless. My older son had some gentle sleep training with me feeling very uneased about it at 15 months but I was pregnant and at my end. i dont think my current toddler is ready or going to respond well. I need help! I am going through treatment for babesia and likely lyme when i get my results back but aside form that i am feeling hopeless and constantly panicked without sleep

so they are smart enought to logically think that "no one is there and gives up" they know the concept of giving up? but they are arent smart enough to understand to sleep training at all and will be emotionally damaged from this? your speaking out of both sides of your mouth to sell books. Either they dont have the smarts or they do you have to pick. Same people that say a 4 year old is mature enough to pick what gender they should be the rest of their lives but not mature enough to be held accountable for killing someone and should be let out of jail becuase their brain isnt mature to know the decision they made. Grow up pick a side.

The first few months rare literally the hardest. The baby will almost never sleep consecutively for more than 2 hours through the night, you will constantly have to change diapers, make it milk or in a mothers case should she breast feed, breast feed, this is a very time consuming tiny human being that once had everything done for it in the womb in which it never had to ask for anything that wasn’t given to the baby through his cord. You literally have to be prepared for the rough patch that’s to come if you decide to have a baby. Some people are just truly not ready and have them anyway.

SHUT UP!

Why are these videos alway about only mothers??? As if fathers just don’t exist.😂

I am a FTM and I cannot stress how many comments I have gotten to just let my baby cry it out and self sooth! Hell no! My baby is barely 3 months old it really boggles my mind that many people think like this and think that it’s good advice to just let a baby cry it out. I freak out even hearing my baby cry for a second.

What is meant by "once out, once in"?

Always a very sensitive topic. I don't know the "right" answer and it's really hard to know for sure. What I know is everyone in the family - my husband, me and my CHILD are much happier after the so called sleep training that shown its effectiveness in 3 days... Changing from waking every hour (even with co-sleeping) to waking twice overnight (at 4 months-ish old) due to hunger (I assumed) which he was attended to, fed and put back to sleep. He weaned himself off night-feeding (fully EBF baby) at 8 months old. The huge change was that we were all getting the minimal rest we need to function - my child was much more playful and engaging during the day (instead of being cranky and in constant battle of catching up with sleep), and I have more energy and capacity to be available to play with him too (instead of being cranky and irritable myself due to the lack of sleep), so were my husband. It improved our family relationship in a whole, the result was very clear. My son is 2+ now and has always been attended to on those special nights (separation anxiety/nightmares/sickness), we co-sleep with him in his room if needed. Knowing our child's pretty well now, there are times we know he would go back to sleep based on the way he cries/his body posture from what we observed from the camera which we will then wait and indeed he falls back to sleep and if he doesn't after a short-period of waiting we go in to comfort him. I am not saying all families should do the same but I genuinely believe what we decided to do benefited our family - that we are a much happier family. I also believe parent-child relationship is an accumulative experience and a feeling of the parent as a whole, not solely based on the moment going to sleep. In my perspective, those who claimed CIO has mentally injured them in long-run may have a mother/parent who is also generally emotionally not available most of the time during the day, so it's not the CIO that has harmed them but a mother who struggles to be emotionally available in general. I may have different perspectives in the future, who knows, but these are my current 2 cents...

This is not talked about enough. I can't imagine letting a baby cry it out.

I am so happy I found you! Thanks a lot dear doctor, this what you’re doing is very helpful ❣️❣️❣️

You can tell the cry out method isn’t being used any more, specifically since the 90s.. now people need safe places and cry when the wind blows.

Great. Every 40 mins, i am rocking baby to sleep. All night long. He is 5 and a half months now. This is insane. I need to cook, clean, take care of a 2 year old, garden, do home improvement projects. Even if i only care for kids and do nothing else-- i am so exhausted and underslept i hate it.

My baby didnt even cry during Ferbers method training, just fussed a little and learned in 2 nights. He didnt seem anxious at all in the morning or “detached” from me. So I dont buy what you’re saying. There is no way that little bit of fussing even crying will mess up the baby for ever into their adulthood. So when you have a toddler who is crying for 30min in a tantrum, just cause you left the park, does that mean they are scarred for life? Yeah right!

Help my baby wont stop crying to put her down for bed and its tearing me apart i have to just her cry at times she's getting so heavy she wants to be help to sleep not to mention im on my own with her