Recent Comments About My Silver Hair (also a mini-rant about gaslighting)
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- Опубликовано: 7 май 2022
- I spent the last two years growing out my gray hair as part of my gray hair transition. My silver hair--while part of a growing trend--is still somewhat unusual out in the world, and attracts a lot of comments. The comments are mostly good, but every once in a while I receive one that is meant to make me feel bad. I share these comments and my thoughts about them to increase transparency and connection between us. I truly believe self-acceptance can lead to greater acceptance of others and is the key to peace here on earth.
I hope you enjoy!
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email me: infinitegardenbybethk at gmail dot com
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I didn't ask my husband that I was going to stop coloring my hair .....I told him .
LOL me too
Same here and when I'm having those bad days and wanting to give up he encourages me to just keep going.. which I'm very fortunate in that sense.
Same. I told mine. But he is wonderfully supportive of it all the same.
I told my husband I was gonna chop off all my hair to grown it out gray. That’s 2 whammies in one shot. Wasn’t looking for his approval, was just letting him know 😁
Your hair is simply gorgeous. Nuff said.
Thank you, Catherine! 🥰😘😍
I am 67 and have been growing out my gray for the last 3 years (love it)! That rude guy is VERY typical of men my age. Trying to be funny and relatable, but are just plain jerks. I detest high school reunions because all the men are like that. Ugh. Definitely a generational thing. You are absolutely stunning! ♥
Thanks so much for your comment and kind words. I’ve worked for YEARS (decades) with guys who like to joke like this, and I’m really just tired of it. Ugh indeed 😂
Congratulations on your grow out! 🎉 I’m so glad you’re loving it. 🥰😘
Some people have no manners for one and think their opinion should matter when it doesn't. I think the best comment would be no comment at all, just a hurt look would hopefully make realize that was a stupid and rude comment.
I’ve only had one comment that impacted me and it was my mom a few weeks ago. She was over at my house and we were outside so my hair was super silver. She said ok you can start dying your hair again. I said what why? She said because you look old and you’re only 42. I said I’m fine with it. She asked me since when? Since two years ago when I stopped dying it! I know she didn’t mean to impact me the way she did but it really made me feel self conscious. I had just received multiple compliments from men on a vacation with my husband so I know it’s just her own battle with aging. LOVE your response to that jerk! Your hair is stunning.
Ooof, I don’t blame you for feeling sensitive about that comment from your mom. I do think it says more about where she is. She probably still thinks of you as her little girl.
I’m getting the same thing you are-lots of compliments. The look may telegraph maturity but it doesn’t mean it isn’t great-looking. This isn’t easy every day. Sending you virtual hugs. 🥰😘🥰😘
@@InfinitegardenbyBethK 🥰
LOL. My mom is exactly the same.
@@chantalbanon9518 I’m sure it’s because that’s how it was for their generation. Glad we are changing that
My mum is the same ,she is still box blonde dyeing her hair at 74 and has the most gorgeous pearl coloured white hair under it but clearly my silver makes her feel older 🤷🏼♀️
Mr. 70’s Porn Stash was triggered by his own insecurities. How dare you flaunt your confidence around him! I firmly believe that the way we treat others is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves.
I also think there is a certain brand of men that seek opportunities to reduce women to their looks as a power play and often get away with it. I’m glad you didn’t let him have a pass. He probably didn’t deserve your mercy, but it’s good to take the high road. 😁
Heather, I totally agree with you about this as a power play. There are more dimensions here than I mentioned but I think that call is dead on.
I love our brother-in-law and didn’t want to spoil his party so stayed on that high road. Next time it’s on 😆😆
OMG firts thing I thought was what's he still doing looking like a porn star with a stash like that!
Thank you for sharing! I'm 10 months dye free. It's been a real challenge. I had to just stop dying my hair even though I didn't have full support from my husband😢 He has slowly come around. When I first asked him what he thought about me discontinuing dying my hair, he said he thought it makes women look older. So, i did it anyway. Its been challenging. My youngest daughter has encouraged me throughout and my other daughter and son have been a great encouragement too! Again, i think my husband is beginning to accept my gray hair. I'm still in a calico cat stage...multiple colors from copper Penny, salt & pepper. More salt than pepper however! I'm still adjusting myself. I'm 57 and have been coloring my hair since my late 30's. I appreciate you women who are willing to share your personal story. I think you look very natural, healthy and beautiful with gray!!
Thank you again,
Michelle
Thank you for this lovely, thoughtful comment, Michelle! 10 months is a crucial time-you’re probably feeling a little uncomfortable and anxious to be in the other side. My only advice to to be gentle with yourself and have fun exploring new styles. I really started experimenting with lipstick after my gray had come in.
I ditched the dye in 2020. My husband supported my choice and it grew out into a mix of platinum and silver. I love it. I'm also saving money, time and my health. I am receiving more compliments now than when I was blonde.
I can relate to everything you have said! Thank you for watching! 🥰😘
He saw you rocking your silver hair with confidence, and I think his comment would fall somewhere around "trying to knock you down a peg." You should have said that you're surprised that Hall & Oats plays at such small gigs.
LOL I love it. Sue, I think you're right. It definitely felt like a "knock you down a peg" sort of moment.
I guess everyone is entitled to their opinion but should learn to keep some of them to themselves. You rose above his negative comment and reigned supreme! Your hair is beautiful!
Thank you, Debra! 😘😘I thought the salute was a good sign 😂😂
Love this video! As a 42 year old woman with salt and pepper hair myself, I can say that it takes a real confidence to feel gorgeous with grey hair. I personally don’t give a rats ass what people think of my hair. Grey hair is an older look. Grey hair is not associated with youth. That being said I’m not trying to look 20 so I am ok with having an older look. You’re absolutely stunning with your hair which by the way is exceptionally shiny and looks luxurious. Thanks for the video. The man you speak of is probably feeling old and misses his youth. Sounds like that’s a him problem, you shouldn’t worry about his problem.
We even have the same first name! 😍 I’m so glad you’re here. You’re 100% right about grey hair being an older look. It’s shorthand for “mature” in marketing and even emojis 👩🏼🦳 and that’s okay. I’m not trying to look 20 either. Been there, done that! 🥰🥰🥰
@@InfinitegardenbyBethK I don't agree on the older look. 20 year olds go white. I don't look older I only have another colour.
These days even younger women are going to Grey.. its all the rage
I delayed ditching the dye as my family were unsure. Once I actually did they loved it and believe I look so much better. No-one noticed me with brown hair, but now I'm regularly stopped and given compliments. I feel more myself x
I love this, Helen! 🥰
I appreciate the thoughtfulness of your content
Thank you! I appreciate your feedback. 🥰
Wishing you all a very happy Mother’s Day-today and everyday. I hope you all have a great day and week ahead. 🥰
Great video, I'm 61 and finally came to the realization to drop the dye. Ten months in and I can't wait to see what my hair will look like. You handled the situation very gracefully.
Thank you, Jewbe! 10 months in is a great start. 🥰 have you noticed that your new growth seems healthier? I’m so happy you stopped by my channel.
yes and shiny too!. yep love your videos but this one touched me. My hubby did not support me at first now he does.
I’m so glad he came around! You deserve to make this choice 🥰😘🥰
Your hair is stunning and so are you! I too let my hair grow out during Covid and I am so happy with my silver grey hair. But, some people think I look old with it and would never let their hair grow out. I don’t care if my hair is grey I’m free from coloring it every three weeks which was bothersome and annoying.
Joanne, so glad you’re here! 🥰😘 I totally relate to the feeling of freedom from frequent dying. The inconvenience of it was my primary motivation.
Ooh love that comeback. Literally said ooh out loud. You’re gorgeous. I’m currently growing out my grays at 36.
Thank you, K Jo! 😆 I was proud of myself In that moment. That’s so cool that you’re starting at 36. Looking back, I would tell my 36 year old self to make the transition, too.
You’re gorgeous and you handled that situation perfectly. I wish I was as good with the comebacks. I’m just starting my transition and these encouraging videos are so helpful!
Thank you! I’m so glad these videos are encouraging to you as you begin your transition 🥰🥰 the process for me has been life-changing (for the better). It means a lot to me that you took time to comment 💗
I agree, your hair is so beautiful!!
Thank you, Elaine! 🥰😘
Well said! Your silver hair truly is a beautiful shade and you look beautiful!💜
Thank you!! 🥰😘
Thank you for this video. I truly understand. I am 43. I have been growing my grays out for over 3 years. Just this week at the gym with my daughter, my daughters friend have asked if I was grandma. I have been called that by ppl who I have known for over 10 years. I was just starting to think that I need to start putting colors in my hair to blend it out. After this video, I will leave it dye free. Thank you again.
Hello, Sakhoeurt! 🥰 thank you for the thoughtful comment. I can understand entirely why those comments could run you the wrong way (as someone exactly your age). Silver/gray hair is symbolic of a late stage in life so those of us who embrace it when it happens earlier are going to face those awkward comments. 🥰😘I hope you feel supported in your choice. I’m so glad you’re here.
I had my youngest child at 43, so many people thought I was his grandmother it is embarrassing
You and your hair are beautiful! You put him in a place he needed to be and made him think. Good job😄
Thank you, Toni! 🌸🥰😘
Thankfully, my husband is supportive of my decision to embrace my natural hair, and showing him your videos has helped. He thinks you look fantastic. Btw, blue flatters you.
Lisa!! Thank you so much for the kind compliment. I’m so happy you’ve made this decision and feel supported. 🥰😘🥰😘
Love this video!!! I have only gotten a few comments since ditching the dye but they do sting a bit. The other hundreds of comments I have received on Instagram and in real life have been so supportive! Your suggestions on how to deal with the negative comments is so helpful. Love your channel. ❤
Hi Stephanie! I think I just followed you on IG 🥰😘. I’m so glad you’re here.
You DID! So happy to connect with you.
Hi Beth, I applaud you for making this video! In addition, your reply to that gentleman was classy and direct. I had a co-worker who I had not seen in 15 months make a comment to me that I look like a "mama." Unfortunately, I didn't have the quick response but instead, the look on my face was pure disappointment and he then tried to retract what he said. Fortunately, I was able to get over it (after about a month of self doubt...lol). I'm in a better place about aging gracefully. You are lovely as always and your hair sparkles beautifully. You are inspiring me to get back on RUclips to make more videos. Cheers to you!!!
Tessie!! It’s so nice to hear from you. 🥰😘 thank you so much for sharing your story and your kind words. I’d love to see your future videos! It’s a marathon not a sprint so it’s good to take breaks. I love your channel.
You're beautiful and your hair looks amazing. I agree the incident with that guy was a power play, and it's good you pretty much let it roll off. Thanks for sharing, and showing us how to handle that incident with a good mix of grace and confidence.
Thank you, Cheryl! I tried my best. 💗 I’m so glad you’re here.
Your hair is beautiful! I love how luminous your skin looks with the contrast of your hair...you look stunning! It's crazy that so much discussion is had around people having natural colored hair when their hair turns gray. I think things are changing a bit, though, because I see more women growing out their hair - and, all ages, too. And then sometimes I talk to women who I can tell really want to be done with the dye, but feel society won't accept them if they go for it...even though the dye is damaging their hair and causing baldness. I feel like telling them to rebel and go for it, but I think going through this process is a personal decision one must come to. I've been letting mine grow out since April 2020 - I'm 53. I'm very fortunate my husband is supportive all the way. I told him I was going for it, and he encouraged me to do what I wanted. He understands that aging is what we do, and we should accept it as a natural process...and, he is four years younger than me! It really does help when you have a partner who gets this. I just ignore the haters. They are entitled to their opinion, although they don't always have to express it to your face, but we can't control others.
Thank you for this lovely, thoughtful comment. I’m so glad you’re here. I think things are changing, too. 🥰😘
I’ve ditched the dye and absolutely love it! Love your hair, you’re beautiful! I think when people says things like that it just brings out their insecurities
I agree with you! Thank you for the kind words.
Your hair is gorgeous!!! Love that comeback. Might borrow it. 😁
Feel free, Jacquelyn! 🥰😘🥰😘
Hi Beth,
First of all, thank you for this clever video and comments on what occurred related to your gray hair.
I am French , 50 years old and I ditched the dye when I was 42 .
I noticed that the best way to withstand means comments about my gray hair (which stay very scares), was to make sure I like my own image.
To this end, I often remember that, whatever the color of my hair, I like myself better when I dress my hair, put a little bit of make up and select garments I love.
You obviously do all of that already. I find you fabulous.
So, keep going 🎉!
Thank you, Lena! I fully agree that I feel the need to be even more polished. When I feel more put together, I feel confident. That may not be true for everyone but it has been for me. Thanks again for the very kind words 🥰😘🥰😘
Thank you for your honesty; it’s not always easy to lay oneself bare but please know you’re doing a public service! I’m not convinced this man’s issue was solely his fear of the aging process. A man who would make such an unabashedly rude comment like that perceives himself as catnip to 20 year olds and thinks he’s immune to the aging process. A 62 year old white male is a product of a bygone, outmoded era of entitlement where a woman’s existence was to satisfy the male gaze. I imagine he’s offended that a woman would have the temerity to satisfy her own existence; it’s a reminder that he’s a dying breed. I dated a man who confidently trotted me out to his employees, ex-wife and his daughter. But he snidely tried to reduce me to my looks behind closed doors. I saw right through that nonsense and I blasted him with both barrels. I felt sorry for him to be fair; 30 years ago women like me were at his disposal. It must be scary to see that power seeping away…
Thank you so much for your super thoughtful (and deliciously entertaining) comment. 😘😘 I’m so glad you’re here.
I stopped coloring my hair in 2015 and don´t regret it at all. I get compliments everywhere I go; women have even told me that they wish they could stop coloring their hair, but they don´t have the confidence to do it. I try to encourage these ladies to do what they feel is right for them and explain that not being a slave to the touch ups is very liberating and that I enjoy my white hair. You look gorgeous!
Thank you, Willow! 🥰😘 I think more people will find their confidence over time-the movement is growing! 💖
You look absolutely stunning 👩🏻🦳🌸 I think he thought you looked gorgeous and didn’t know what to say 😉 great comeback btw 👌 have a great day 💓
Thank you, Louise! Maybe you’re right 😉😉 you’re so sweet. Have a great day!! 🥰🥰😘
I love your silver hair color! You’re very lovely!
Thank you, Amy! I’m so glad you’re there. 🥰😘
New subscriber and I think you are beautiful. I really love the color,that being said, I don’t think everyone can look as beautiful. But we all should do what makes us happy! Loved this video 🤩💛
Hi Pam! I’m so glad you’re here. I agree 100% that we should do what makes us happy and that is beautiful on everyone.
You look great. Just keep on rocking the hair and doing you. One of the great things about getting older is learning to not give a flying you know what, about what other people think. If you like what you see in the mirror, that is all that counts. I am over 60 now and I know exactly how it is. I am in the process of growing out my hair for the first and probably only time in my life. Being a guy, it makes me a bit self-conscious to do this, but I've always wanted to try it. My hair is all gray as well, but I like what I see in the mirror and I am committed to taking care of it during my little experiment. If I can stay with it long enough I am going to get it cut and donate the hair. So, keep doing you. YOU LOOK FANTASTIC and don't let anybody tell you different.
This is an amazing comment, William, and I’m so glad you’re here! 🥰🥰I love that you’re growing out your hair. I know just what you mean about learning not to care what others think-at a minimum it’s not my business what others think of me. 💖
Your hair is stunning! I love it 😍
Thank you, Rachael! 🥰😘
You and your hair are beautiful! I am wearing my natural gray too. It feels good to be true and comfortable being natural. Stay beautiful!
I love your comment! “Comfortable being natural” is the theme 🥰😘
I’m so happy that I just found your channel!! Your hair is gorgeous! I just ditched the dye in Mid- April. I used semi-perm dye so it’s basically fading all over. I can’t wait until it grows out totally. Thanks again for your terrific content!😃
Hello, Laurett! I’m so glad you’re here! 🥰😘 I’m curious to know what color of dye were you using?
@@InfinitegardenbyBethK I was using Natural Instincts by Clairol 5G “Medium Warm Brown”. Now it’s a weird light brown fade. I’m getting about 4 inches cut off this week so I’ll have a chin length bob (I’ve had this style before so it’s no big deal). I’m looking forward to seeing g the progress as the months pass!
@@FCPA1997 thanks for sharing! I always like to hear the details 😂 good luck with your haircut! It will feel so good 😊
🔥🦁👊🏼Don’t start the shit but will be more than happy to end it! Love this! The resistance to aging is real instead of letting everyone just be real..✨❤️🙏🏼
Yessss that’s me all day 🔥🦁🔥. Please keep spreading the gospel of keeping it real. 🥰😘🥰
The guy sounds like one of those people that always says what he wants without thinking. I loved your reply to him and that he got what you were saying and kind of apologised. Some people just can't handle change. Says more about him than you TBH.
An update on MH hair journey for you.
I think I told you I am 59, turning 60 in July, and despite being one of the youngest of my group of friends I've known since school, I'm the first to embrace going grey/silver.
Last summer when I went home (to another country) the reaction from my friends was just ok, got the impression most weren't overly impressed with my half and half hair. My hair was about the same length as yours but bottom dyed half was a horrible orangey brown.
Anyway, two days before my next trip home I got my hairdresser to come round to give me a haircut. I was thinking I was about two or three haircuts away from getting rid of the horrible b/orange colour, but the more she cut it away, the nicer it was looking, so I told her to cut it into a graduated Bob leaving me a few longer bits at the front and I loved it.
When I arrived home the reactions this time were so more positive. Most friends loved it and even those who'd been less than complimentary before, admitted it looked nice. My brother absolutely hates it and says I have reduced my chance of finding a partner LOL. Don't you love brothers? 😁
One friend who has been wanting to go grey was asking me about my journey saying she really wants to go for it but is worried about the growing out period, seeing clients etc. Her hair is about shoulder length and is loose curls. I sent her a photo of a lady with a short funky hairstyle that my friend used to have before and suggested that if she went for this style her greys would transition in anout 5-6 months. The style is very short at the sides and a bit longer on the top. She is going to take the photo to her hairstylist and get him to give her that cut and she's going for it! I feel so proud of her for chose ing to ditch the dye and hope seeing me doing it gave her the confidence to go for it.
Who knows, maybe the rest of our crowd of friends might follow although there are some dye hard friends in there who probably never will.
Also a neighbour I haven't seen in ages saw me yesterday and complimented me on my hair. She thought it really suited me and said she'd love to stop dyeing hers. She is 17 years younger than me so I don't think she's ready to do it yet.
Us silver sisters are helping change attitudes and I love how freeing it is to not be tied to the bottle every 2-3 weeks. No going back ever.
Thank you so much for this super thoughtful comment! I always love hearing from you.
It makes sense that folks might have had a hard time visualizing the end result when you say them in the midst of your gray hair transition. There’s really just not quick way through (the only way out is through 😆)
Your brother is wrong and I think it says more about where he is in his heart and mind. You’re clearly an inspiration to those around you. I think it’s a good thing to lead by example. I’m so excited that you had a significant haircut, too! There comes a day when you just want to cut all the old dye away.
This week I’m getting the first haircut I’ve had in over two years that wasn’t a big chop in service to the transition. This will be my first one that will just be about how I want my haircut to look. So excited!
You are stunning and your hair is absolutely beautiful! I’m glad you carry yourself with such class. Your response was perfect! I’m a 66 year old with very long silver locks. I started my transition about five years ago bleaching and dying a silver blue. I was not brave and lacked confidence, but was done coloring my hair. My husband of almost 50 years has never once been anything but supporting, and I never once consulted his opinion. I know the man you speak of…I have met him several times and also his twin sister. I totally agree that it is their own insecurities that makes them believe they have the right to make any comment at all. In fact, I had a “friend” make such a comment to my husband one day and his reaction was priceless. He said, “well Karen, it’s a good thing my beautiful wife doesn’t let opinions like yours define her. And you my dear will never fill her shoes! “ Needless to say I’m one friend less lol! She too did a lot of back stepping lol.
You rock young lady and your confidence and heart shine bright. Proud to be your silver subscriber 💕
I absolutely adore this lovely and thoughtful comment. I’m so glad you’re here. 🥰😘 it’s wonderful that you have that kind of support in your life-you deserve it. 💖
Peoples opinions are nothing more than their elevated egos. They are self important! You look amazing 🤩 and your opinion is the only one that matters
You’re so right, Joanne. 🥰😘 thank you for your kind words and support! 💖
My opinion of this "person" is that he saw his own insecurities through your confidence.
I'm just starting my transition and by making this decision I feel so liberated and free. My husband is very supportive and loves the fact I won't be putting chemicals on my head. I was one of those girls that had to plan my root touch ups around my activities. I'm just excited 4 weeks in and roots are Poppin!!!
You look absolutely beautiful, that color blue looks so pretty on you and your hair and skin radiates!!!
Jodi, congratulations! Missing those first root touch-ups are very real acts of courage. I 100% know what you mean about planning your life around root touch ups. It’s so good to have that burden removed from your life. 💖💖. I’m happy you’re here.
You handled it with perfection. You are incredibly beautiful .
Laurie, thank you. I’m trying to be more careful with my words. 😇😂
I love your hair! It looks stunning ! I’m in my 60’s and also stopped dying my hair. It is now Platinum! I started turning Grey in my early 20’s. I had always wanted to be blonde! Now I got my wish! I could kick myself for not doing this sooner ! I love how it looks. My skin looks better as well! I’ve received lots of compliments . Only one negative so far. It was from a grade 1 student. I just laughed it off! She asked me if I was my coworkers mother. Which in reality I could be ! I’m embracing aging ! There are so many beautiful women with silver and white hair out there! Health is wealth and maturing is a gift! Embrace it!!
Judy, I know just what you mean about wishing you had done this sooner. 💗 also, that your skin looks better. My skin appears more vibrant now-less dull.
LOL from the 1st grade student-it’s sounds like a very pure comment 😂
Your hair is so pretty and classy. I love it! I ditched the dye 5 months ago and am loving the streaks of white and gray coming in with my natural black color. I see my ex-husband from time to time, and he compliments me each time about how nice the silver growth looks. He never complimented me on my dyed hair.
Thank you for kind words, Bella! Congratulations on 5 months. I’m so glad you love your new growth looks. 5 months was an important time for me in my transition where I felt like I could finally see what I was going to have in the end.
So interesting about your ex-husband. It must be a strange sensation to experience that kind of turn around. I don’t think my ex would have been supportive. At. All.
@@InfinitegardenbyBethK Yes, I was quite surprised that he actually likes the gray. Who knew? Thanks for sharing your journey and the encouragement you give us transitioners.
I love your reaction to the negative comment (basically the double standard that men can have grey hair and we can't). Bravo!!!!! I am thinking of transitioning for the last two years (I am struggling with the decision). My straight blonde always was part of who I was....I always got comments about my hair. I like your comments about a journal. I used to do journals during different stages of life. Maybe it is time again. Thank you so much for being brave and putting yourself out there.
Thank you, Sharon! I spent a very long time thinking about the transition before I made the final step. Take all of the time you need, but I can tell you it's been one of the most empowering decisions I've made as an adult. Hugs to you!
I am so happy to find your chanel. You are great.
Thank you, Annie! 💖 I’m so very glad you’re here. 🥰😘
Beth, I absolutely loved watching this video. I quit the hair dye three years ago and I feel such a freedom and sense of authenticity that I didn't realize would come with that decision. I never knew there was so much involved in the idea of not dyeing one's hair and what it can mean and show other people. My hair at 60 is still quite dark-salt and peppery and I do get compliments on it. I think that may be due to the fact that I did let it grow out naturally with no dye/toning/bleaching etc. and it is very thick and healthy. I hope I'm setting a positive example to my daughters who are 29 and 33. My mother wanted her hair dyed until her last days when she passed at age 92 in 2018, She was a gorgeous Japanese woman, but was unfortunately of that generation that thought it was important to cover gray hair. I hope she's smiling down on my grays but I'm not so sure of that!!! Thank you for your message. Your hair is beautiful and your quick wit is awesome!!!! The story you told of the 60ish man is priceless!!
Hi, Elaine! Thank you for this incredibly sweet and thoughtful comment. Congratulations to you for being three years dye free! I’ve noticed my hair is thicker and healthier now that I’ve stopped dying it. I’m learning how to care for a new head of hair! I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. I’m sure she’s smiling down on you 🥰😘😘
I may have to borrow your genius retort. I wish I had the gift of a quick verbal volley. Mine always comes in the dead of night. Brava!
Grazi bene! 🥰You may have it, Lorraine! 😘😘
Your hair is striking and a head turner.
I'm 68 and would love to have your hair color. People are so crude at times.
You look very youthful. ❤
Thank you! 🥰😘
it's projecting. he knows he's older and aging. his fears were on full display when he said that to you. i love your hair and your skin is luminous. thank you for sharing because you made a lot of good points. i would also say you sound like a kind, wise and forgiving person.
Yes, I agree that’s probably a more accurate term than “gaslighting”. Thank you so much for the super kind words. 💗💗💗 I’m glad you’re here.
In the workforce, men going gray don't get these rude comments and are considering "wise and sophisticated." Breaking this mindset that women aren't allowed to age gracefully and go natural is starting to happen.
You are gorgeous in silver hair! I will be 57 this year and I am on month two of ditching the dye. I hope I look as good as you! 🤞
Congratulations! 🍾🎊🎉 as I always say, take lots of pictures and keep a record of your thoughts. This is about so much more than hair 🥰😘
I wouldn’t say what he said was gaslighting, more like passive aggressive manipulation. Your response was excellent, although deep inside me I think I wished you’d gone with your feisty retort - whatever that may have been!!
I’m 15 months in to my grow out, and love your grey hair journey videos. You look radiant and beautiful and natural with yours. I just turned 50, and cut my hair from below armpit length which I’ve worn for too long, into a just above the shoulder length bob, and I am loving it! And it took probably a year and a half or more off my grow-out journey! I’m quite surprised that I have way more dark brown than silver. My silver is like highlights, which I love!
Thank you, Shelley! It was absolutely passive aggression-which anyone who engages in that shouldn’t be surprised if the conversation shifts to active aggression. 😆 Leave people alone! I probably would have made fun of his corny outdated shirt outlasting all of us or something childish like that. I’m glad I kept my head.
I am so happy to hear how your journey is going. It feels so good to cut away the old hair, even if you have to go a little shorter than normal.
Thank you so much for the kind words. 🥰😘😘Happy birthday!! 🥳
@@InfinitegardenbyBethK Or how about, “I was going to say the same about you, but I didn’t want to be rude”.
@@shelley37 gosh, that’s so clean and simple. 😃
I too have decided to drop the dye. I feel fortunate that I'm in between relationships right now, and the next person that wants to be in my life will understand from the beginning that they don't really have a say about my hair color for the age I look. I just love silver and gray hair on people
Oooh, this is such a powerful statement, Mariene. I wish you all the happiness in the world. 💗
Your color is stunning!
Thank you!! 💖💖
The great thing about growing older is I could care less what anyone thinks of me. Very freeing I must say.
Amen!! 💗 I am feeling that in my 40’s for sure. I wish I had known this when I was younger.
Your hair is amazing. Having just recently realized that I actually DO have a bunch of grays hiding out on my head, I'm constantly debating with the idea of dying it or just ignoring it. I keep going toward ignoring it because I don't want the time and expense of dying! Thanks for the inspiration!
Hello, Jill! I’m so glad you’re here. The best part is that you have complete control over whatever you decide 🥰😘🥰😘
Hello. I love how you said, "I actually do have a bunch of greys hiding out on my head"! 😅😅😅. I do, too. In fact, mines is all silvery gray. I decided a few days ago to stop covering it. I'm telling all my friends and family so they can hold me accountable if I waver on this. Lol! What did you decide to do?
@@Cat-qo3ht No dye so far! LOL
That colour blue is lovely on you x
Thank you! I love blue. 💙
I am literally at the start of my journey here - 2 mos no dye (but i'm committed to this - i am looking so forward to being all gray!). 2 things: 1 i will remember your retort because i know a few guys just like that, thankfully, i am not married to one. I let my husband know i was going to stop dying my hair and he is wonderfully supportive of it (including if i want to go to the salon for low lights, or just knowing that this is going to take a couple years to look really good all gray, as well as ditching any hair care products in favor of those that work better with gray/non-dyed hair). All that said, the 2nd thing is - i feel for your friend who doesn't have that support from her husband. I think on the whole most women (most, sadly, not all) are supportive of other women going gray. I think some men are oblivious to the impossible standards that women have been held to and don't have the slightest clue how hurtful their words and non-support can be. But hopefully someday all those impossible standards will be gone and we can all celebrate our years and our wisdom and the milestones that come with. BTW you are beautiful inside and out. PS i am really bummed i didn't think of doing this during quarantine, that would have been the perfect time to do this. What a missed opportunity LOL. But i guess i had to be ready for it and i am.
Hello, Candy!! 🥰😛. Thanks for all of your kind words and congratulations 🎊 on starting the journey. I’m glad to hear you have positive support around you. 💖
Your hair is gorgeous! I stopped dying my hair because I got tired of damaging it and embraced my grays and received so many spontaneous compliments. A lady at Target literally chased after me to compliment me. As for that jerk, I wouldn't wast any time wondering why he made that unnecessary comment, people will do and say what they will. Don't waste any of your precious time and energy with someone like that. I am also very sad to hear about your friend who was considering going natural but didn't get the support from her husband. She should do it anyways, We are very blessed to have husbands that are supportive but it's sad to hear that not every husband is supportive of that. I know this video is a year old but I just came across this video now and had to comment on how gorgeous your silver hair looks. Thank you for sharing!
I love that you were chased down for a compliment! 💖💖 I know what you mean about the damage, too. My hair is loving life now that I’ve let it be what it is. 🥰😘
My hair is long and grey I went into it with a grain of salt WHEN I GREW IT OUT men who comment negatively or even sardonically I just always laugh at them I don’t care what MEN say it’s very empowering for me to do what I did I love that about me.
I love that about you too, Merri! 💖
I ditched the dye four years ago. What a life changing decision it turned out to be. No more worry about roots showing. No more running to cover my roots before a big day/interview/date etc. You look stunning ! I didn't even think you were 40. We should never be mad to feel any kind of way for embracing our natural color. I applaud those who have the courage to stop living up to society's standards. Cheers!
You are so kind, Bonnie! Thank you. I totally agree with you! I remember planning my whole life around my root touch ups. 🙄🥴 so happy to have that behind me 💖💖
Hello. Thank you for your YT channel. I subscribed after watching this, my first, video. I just made the decision this past week to ditch the dye. I am 60, fair skin, blue eyes. My hair is a pixie-Bob. I've dyed it for the fun of it and to give my fine-hair body and the ash brown more interest( having been told "warm" color is best for everyone, which I don'tike agree with),for many years. Everyone says how pale I am so I always thought I needed the color. But I'm tired of the short-lived help of dyeing roots only to have M total silver-covered head peep through in a few short weeks. It's like chasing the wind now. It just never stops😭 And, I just feel like it's time to let nature reveal what's in store and accept it. I have about an inch of growth. When I pullback my hair and show the silver around my face, I notice my blue eyes look brighter💙💙. I'm hoping my transition to all silver won't be take too long before it's all my natural color. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful video.
I have so much to say about stylists adding warmth where it isn’t part of the natural palette-I ran into this a lot because I’m a brunette with brown eyes. I’m not that warm, however, I’m more olive/neutral which can be coolish but not pink. This was a mystery to me until I let my silver hair grow in.
Congratulations on beginning your journey 💗 my best advice is to take lots of selfies to track your progress.
@@InfinitegardenbyBethK So you heard that, too, eh?, What's the big deal about having "warm tones"? I mean, why does everyone want to minimize what they have and add something else that others try to minimize while trying to attain what you're minimizing? (Rinse, repeat. Confusing, eh? 😅). I look better with silver jewelry, I'm fair but had ash brown hair growing up. As a child it was ash blonde. Orange based red looks awful on me but blue based reds are great. So it makes sense to me that cool tones would look best. My skin, although fair, has a yellow and pink tone to it. Next to my brother who had a pink face, mine would really show yellow. Lol! Anyways, I think your hair is magnificent with your skin. I believe that our natural, God-given pallette is best, now that I'm older I can definitely see the wisdom in this.
You came up recommended on you tube, may I say you're geourgeous, your hair is so beautiful, wish I had the courage I'm on mid 40's and husband wouldn't approve of me going grey I'm at the point were I need to touch my front monthly now
Thank you for the kind words, Sbella 🥰😘 I relate. I was on the touch-up treadmill for a long time before I finally stopped. It’s a big decision to go gray “early”.
Your hair is Awesome !!!!!!
Thank you, Brenda! 🥰😘
What a come back!!! Hahahaha I’ll remember that! Xxx
😆😆😆 I was glad something somewhat diplomatic made it out first.
I'm 55 and want to embrace my silver. I have been coloring my hair since high school. I have an appointment next Monday to put some low lights in to help with the transition as I have some darker hair mixed in. Will be interesting how it all grows out. I love your hair. It is beautiful!
Congratulations on your decision! I also had salon-assistance during my transition. I had super bright highlights added since I knew my hair would be mostly silver/white on top. I always give the advice to take lots of selfies as you go. The process is slow but steady and you’ll be glad you did💗
Thank you! I will say that I am a bit nervous! I hope it looks great! I actually hope that I have a lot of silver. I can see that my temples are definitely white. I don’t want it too dark.As long as the front is silver/ white, I think I will like it. I am keeping as much length because I don’t like my hair short and neither does my husband.Can’t go shorter than my collarbone.
Hi Beth. I've been dye free since 3/20 with support from my DH. Your hair is beautiful and your pooch is adorable. That guy sounds like a twit and reeks of "bach" (pronounced batch as in bachelor, and I don't mean that in any good way.) I get suggestions from my hair stylist to blend in my brown with my now mostly S&P or salt and brown. Maybe it's about money since I only go for occasional trims now and not spending $100+ for an every three week color job. It makes me feel like she thinks my hair is ugly. I'm not doing it. I may have to see someone else for trims. She doesn't suggest I cut it all off like one of my other stylists who is living in the 50s mentality that over a certain age we all have to have a boys cut. Back some years when still dying and my BIL commented about seeing my gray popping through commented - Oh, I see some gray!!!. I said Yeah, you look older too. You have made a nice space here on RUclips. Thank you.
Hello, Eliza! I’m so happy you’re here. 🥰 honestly I would consider switching stylists. I don’t think I would enjoy my cuts if my stylist wasn’t supportive. You want someone who sees the vision and can help you achieve it. That’s just my two cents. 🥰😘
Your hair is beautiful and so is your skin. Since I have gone grey I have had negative remarks it is what it is going grey is so freeing that it's worth it even though there will be those people who make off-handed comments.
I love your attitude, Gail! 🥰🥰 Let them talk.
I'm 61 and Ditched the dye on 5 /13/2022 and my hubby of 43 years is my biggest cheerleader ❤️ You look absolutely beautiful and I am so excited to see how my silver comes in!! That man was rude and ignorant. You handled beautifully. Keep shining ✨️
Hayyyy, congratulations! 🎊 it’s a big step. Definitely take lots of pictures and even journal if that’s something you like to do. So glad to hear you have loving support. 🥰😘
@@InfinitegardenbyBethK thank you 😊 I have been taking pics and made my own personal video diary 😉 it's so interesting how something just clicked. I am sooo ready and looking forward to my journey 😊 I'm enjoying your youtube videos. This is a silver revolution for sure! ❤️💛
Sandy, sorry for my slow reply. I’m so glad you’re keeping a record. It’s good to honor this process 🥰😘
I suffered from hair loss every time I dyed my hair. The last time I lost it in clumps. So I ditched the dye. I figured it's time anyway as I'm almost 53.. I wish it looked like yours though as your hair is stunning!
I totally relate to this. Years ago I was on a vacation with a friend and she saw me combing through my wet hair after a shower. She said “I’m freaked out by how much hair you’re losing.” I hadn’t even realized how bad it had gotten.
And thank you for the kind words! 🥰😘🥰😘
The guy was extremely rude! Probably not comfortable with his own ageing process. Your hair is gorgeous I cant wait to catch up and trim of the last of my dyed hair but I have another year to go until I get to that stage! Keep encouraging us with your lovely videos x
Thank you, Pat!!
you hair is gorgeous and you are beautiful. People that need to criticize others just seem to enjoy making people feel uncomfortable.
Thank you! I have come to understand this as well- I don’t think someone could hurt me now with a sideways comment 🥰😘
Your hair is gorgeous and I love your attitude to the jerk with the unwanted opinion. 👏
Thank you, Faith! 💖💖💖
My mom always has comments to try and make me feel ashamed of my peppering coming in. I don't like the idea of dying my hair to constantly be hiding behind. She has always did her best to changer appearance to look younger. So once someone touches up their roots she will say, "Oh, Thank God they covered those roots!" Right in front of me so she knows I hear it. This is her in a nutshell and it's fucked up. It makes me proud to not have an issue with aging (I'm only 39) This will only bother her more as I age and stand next to her with all my greys out. It ages her too and it's my way of holding that middle finger high up in the air. Lol
I am not a fan with that type of communication-at all. I’m sorry you have to contend with that. 💖
You have the right to make your own choices, and feeling at peace with aging sounds like a great place to be.
I have two months without dying my hair 🎉 and that’s the kind of videos I’m needing ❤
Congratulations on starting your journey! I hope you love everything that comes next 💖
Your hair is beautiful! I have grey hair too but different, i get bad comments sometimes, usually from men, but i dont care. My hair hasnt been as long and healthy as now!🌸
Thank you! I’m so glad you’re here. I feel as though improved hair health is the very best unexpected outcome from this transition. Cheers to you! 🥰😘
That salute was a touché!
That’s how I took it, too! 😂
Wow. That man definitely crossed the line, what a jerk. Love your reactions to his dumb comments.😂 Your hair is beautiful.😍 you are beautiful.
Thank you, Mariana! 🥰😘🥰😘 he’s not the worst guy, but I had no desire to make him comfortable by laughing it off.
Guys like that often say things that seem negative, bold, and as you said, in the realm of “it’s-a-joke-so-it’s-ok.” But I think that he was probably surprised at the perceived sudden change in your appearance since he saw you. If you had makeup on and put together as you do, then you were surely stunning. Your hair is beautiful. It’s like the awkward kid who does something mean because he likes you!😉 Guys like that always are joking, and don’t know how to give genuine complements, but he probably meant it as one. Your come-back was gold!
Yes, I think you’ve characterized how I see it as well. It wasn’t the worst thing ever, but it wasn’t great. These things happen and I think it’s good to share our experiences. 💖
I'm 61 and wish I had more silver in my hair. Your beautiful.
Thank you, Jodi! Salt and pepper is so attractive, though! 😍😍
A fit woman living her authentic life is very attractive to most men (and women) IMHO🤙🏽👊🏽🤘🏽
In my early 20s I started graying. But I stopped coloring when I was in my mid 30s (without my husband’s “permission”). At that time I wasn’t very secure and I think I got negative comments because people could sense that about me. “You’re too young for gray hair.” Once I embraced it, way before Covid, people started saying I inspired them to do the same. I find that when people make negative comments, it’s because they’re not secure about their looks. So I believe that man isn’t secure about his looks AND age. Also might I add… he finds you attractive and is trying to fight that.
Amy, thank you so much for this wisdom! It sounds like we have a similar gray history-it’s weird when it happens early. I was 17 and still had braces when I found my first gray! I totally agree about embracing it-that’s what is inspiring.
I love that color shirt on you 🥰
Thank you, Nancy! 🥰😘 This light blue is a new favorite since I’ve been gray. 💙
Hello there Beth - I've recently found your channel and love it! I just had to comment about this older male acquaintance. It really got to me and this is why: it struck me that this person may be uncomfortable with the rapid changes happening in our world and saw you as a soft target (perhaps unconsciously) to take out his frustrations upon. A soft target because western cultures don't generally attribute much power to mature women. I don't know this person so I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt in that it sounds like a knee jerk reaction rather than consciously intentional (although it still speaks volumes about his values/ beliefs and self control in ways that are pretty off-putting). I feel quite ambivalent toward him. On the one side he reminds me of everything I am fed up with in white men of his generation and on the other hand perhaps there is a bit of hope for him if he sincerely felt remorse. Of course we will never know if this was his reason for trying to make amends. Bottom line - yuck!
Julie, thank you so much for this thoughtful comment. You’re intuition here is spot on. There are some more details here that I didn’t want to share, but your nose is good. I think he thought he could take a swipe at me and land one on my husband, too.
I’m just not the one to try that with-not if you want to see me wilt at least. He’s not a bad guy, but he’s affected by the factors you mention. 💖
Worst comments I’ve heard: “why are you doing this to yourself?,” and “you used to be so beautiful you’re too young to let yourself go”
Ugh!! This kind of controlling language really grates on my nerves. I hope you were able to shrug it off.
I have had a friend and my mom say it will make you look older. I just say something like my son’s high school thought I was a student when I was 47. So, at this point, I’m good with looking older 😏
That’s hilarious! 😂😂
Hey!! Just like Sue S below-. You could have said “John Oates called- he wants his mustache back!!” Lol your videos have been very encouraging to me. I’m 3 months in and it’s like 80% positive and 20% shady so far…. Not giving up:).
LOL - he would have probably laughed at that!
Jennifer, that is so wonderful to hear that my videos have been positive for you! 3 months in for me was the turning point where I started to feel comfortable. Enjoy the ride!
Es war EIN *TEST* für Dich, vom Universum. 😊. Du wurdest geprüft, ob Du zu DEINER Entscheidung stehst, oder ob Dich eine andere Person in's Wackeln bringen kann. Ich würde sagen: Du hast den Test bestanden. ❤
Hi I think your hair looks great don't let anybody tell you any different i I am going through the gray transition I think it makes me look older but I care more about what the Lord thinks rather than man I'm getting my crown of Glory
Thank you, Jacquita! Congratulations on your decision. I know just what you mean about getting your crown of glory. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why our culture tries to “steal our crowns” in a way by pushing us to change our natural hair. I am glad more people feel free to be themselves.
I am going to stop coloring my hair not because “I need to accept that I am getting older.” I know everyone ages and we all must get older. I am stopping coloring my hair because I am at the point of being sick of driving to and from a salon every two weeks and sitting in a chair for 90 minutes to have a chemical put in my hair so society is happy with how my hair looks and then forking over $70-$100 for a color and/or cut. I am putting my saved money in my 401K and will enjoy the money later in life vs coloring my hair. I’m just ready. I know there may be times I’ll have to bite my tongue or think about a good thing to say to an insult. I told my co-workers today and they had so many suggestions on how to hide the transition. That’s a personal choice as well. I’ve colored since I was 28 and I am just done.
👏👏👏👏👏👏
And no one can argue with “I’m done.” I know just exactly how that feels. 🥰😘
You really have beautiful silver hair
Thank you, Sandy! 🥰🥰🥰
I used to dye my hair for fun but now having to dye to cover grey was getting rediculas and not fun ..been 6 mths now with half dyed hair. I also know what you mean about that guy was being mean and nasty and unnecessary.....I had a brother-in-law law tell me I look mature ...humm he's been grey for yrs.. I didn't have a good come back like you ! But I'll will use if i need to in future thanks for that tip.
The nerve!
Your hair looks beautiful, personally I would focus on positivity and leave negative comments with the person and mind they came from.
Helen, I think that’s the best policy. I’ve been working on controlling my urge to snap back.
I’m an older gray haired woman with a lot of brown left in it some of my gray is really shining then some is not. What would I use to help me look a little better? Should I look for a coloress?
Hello Kathy! I’m so glad you’re here. I have had great luck with clarifying shampoos and a light hand with purple toners. The clarifying shampoo might be drying so I usually follow up with rich conditioner.
Gorgeous hair! Some call them haters but I call them fans.
This is 100% the truth. Thank you, Dina! 🥰🥰
@@InfinitegardenbyBethK You are welcome 🥰
I'm almost 63, and my naturally dark blonde hair started streaking in a few white hairs about 3 years ago. I've decided to let it go gray, I'm not going to color it. I see so many kids dying their hair silver now, it's weird to my generation because people who turned gray early in their 20s, 30s or 40s were conditioned by society (and Clairol) to color their hair and many still do. I remember when my mom (with black hair) started to get salt and pepper in her early 50s used to color it, and I liked the gray look better than the dull monotone look. Funny how fashion changes!
100%!! I felt as if there was no opening for me to NOT dye my hair, and because I had significant gray in my 20’s, I wasn’t emotionally ready to push against prevailing group think. But the fashion winds changed, I had matured and it was time 💗💗💗
Gorgeous Hair!!! Sounds as if this guy had a closet thing for you, and because of that type of person he is he had to say a negative comment to make himself feel good...but what a great comeback on your part. I've been on my grey journey now for 19mos I think at my 2yr mark I'll get a haircut and get rid of the last of the dye! 😃
LOL maybe you’re right 😆😆 19 months is such an accomplishment. Did the time fly? It seemed to for me- I can’t believe it’s been over two years. Best of luck on your haircut! I had butterflies all day when I got my dye cut off.
@@InfinitegardenbyBethK Yes time has gone by fairly quickly...who would have thought by ditching the dye a person can find themselves and learn to love themselves.💙
@@jeannie6661 you said it better than I have in any of my videos! 🥰😘
Your hair is very beautiful...love it...
Thank you!! You’re so kind 🥰😘
I'm 29 months in,,my hair grows slow,I guess...but wish it looked like yours...a couple more trims I should be complete...