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What My Worst Enemy Taught Me About Gratitude | Jim Enderle | TEDxBismarck
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- Опубликовано: 5 окт 2021
- While deployed to Iraq as a Navy Hospital Corpsman, an al-Qaeda militant we detained revealed he'd somehow obtained an envelope with my family's address. In the chaos of a rocket and mortar attack, I went to his compound to confront him but found him in his final moments instead. Close enough to hear each other's breathing, we stood there, our facial expressions softened before he died. Later, I asked my interpreter if I could know more about the militant and he provided the translated letters to and from his loved ones. After a difficult transition home after the deployment resulted in family separation and other troubles, I began to read the letters in my desperate quest to put my life back in order. If a path to a better life were provided and reconciliation were assured, would I listen if this path came from my worst enemy? Jim Enderle is a native Chicagoan, retired Navy Chief Hospital Corpsman, and Iraq combat veteran. After his 2007 Iraq deployment, and finished his military career as the Chief of Submarine Base New London’s (CT) Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)/Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) outpatient clinic.
Jim has a Masters Degree in the Education of Exceptional Students and is a regularly scheduled speaker on veterans’ suicide and transition conversations. He’s recently completed a manuscript for a memoir, Fight, Flight, or Freeze: A Love Story, in which he describes his path to reconciliation after war’s trauma.
A long-time DJ at Connecticut College’s WCNI radio station, he uses his Saturday night slot for interviews on mental health issues between free-format music. Jim has recently launched a RUclips channel, The World Needs More Middle Children. Jim lives with his wife, Cindy, of 28 years in Quaker Hill, Connecticut. They have two sons, Alfonso and Lorenzo. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
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Jim's story highlights the invisible wounds of war and the long-lasting impact they can have. It's a reminder that the battle these men fight rarely ends on the battlefield.
That battle for me continues, even sixteen years later. I still have amends to my loved ones for my maladaptive behaviors and ill temper.
"If your heart is a volcano, how shall you expect flowers to bloom?" What a beautiful quote to have found at just the right time. I wish a whole garden for you, Jim.
Gratitude can give way to generosity and feelings of abundance. When we allow ourselves to truly feel thankful, all the beauty of the world opens up to us in the most poignant way
Two men filled with gratitude find it impossible to wage war with one another. How beautiful.
Thank you, a gratitude journal is part of my daily morning ritual. It sets the day's tone!
I watched this talk a few weeks ago and it's really stayed with me. I've even looked up the poet that the quote about the sea is from and it's given me an amazing new appreciation for middle eastern culture.
In the second book I'm writing now, included are many more quotes, mostly from Nizar Qabbani, Rumi, and Mahmoud Darwish. Arabic literature and poetry are very rich and expressive, I hope you enjoy your reading. Thank you for your feedback!
Every morning and every night my husband makes a list of things he's grateful for, and I'm grateful that I'm on that list, everytime.
I'm sure there are reasons for your inclusions on his list, and his name on yours. My wife and I also keep gratitude journals now. Cindy lost her Mom this past year, but she has seen evidence of her Mom's presence and lessons everywhere, and we both feel it!
Well said Munnawar. See miracles in everything
I now believe we're surrounded by miracles daily and make a practice of looking for them in the most routine things. Thank you!
I was watching this on the train on the way to work and nearly cried... was not expecting any of this
Thank you for watching, I feel grateful to have learned this lesson from such an unexpected place.
These really pulled at all my emotions. Humans are such complex, multi-faceted people.
Thank you for watching, it's so true that humans are so complex. I'm grateful we have the ability to reflect on what has happened. I wonder if this has happened with other people. I often, over a period of time, find myself fonder of my experiences and remember mostly the best parts. Sometimes this takes a conscious effort though.
Man I can't imagine all of the things Jim has seen and endured. What a life.
Thank you for your feedback. While I was in the military I had a job, going to homes for the elderly to take x-rays. It never ceases to amaze me when I listen to others how much there is to learn. Some others have commented on this, but some great lessons often come from the most unlikeliest places, and I've been grateful every time. I'm happy if I've provided a lesson, I feel like I've given just a little back next to what I've received.
Some TEDs give you food for thought, this one gives food for spirit ❤❤
Thank you for your response. I had an extra year to work on this presentation because of the COVID pandemic and it evolved into a better version I believe. I'm thankful I had more time to reflect on my lessons learned from our last deployment.
Yes, gratitude is so powerful and the more we engage in it the more things we find we have to be grateful for
Thank you, Munawwar's gratitude and curiosity had such an endearing quality, I felt honored and fortunate to have obtained his writings.
I know I probably shouldn't be but I'm amazed by Jim's eloquence and authenticity. He is truly speaking from the heart and it's so palpable.
Thank you for watching and taking the time to respond. It seems to me that every person has a great story in them, sometimes it doesn't occur to us until later. When it does, I encourage others to find a good, local storytelling group.
I think people forget that gratitude isn't about ignoring or denying a negative experience or emotion bur rather it's about finding meaning and purpose despite the challenges we face, and that's why sometimes our gratitude can come from very unlikely sources.
Thank you for watching and writing this. This reminds me of times I try everything I can think of and nothing seems to work, forcing me to open my mind to new ideas or ways of seeing things. Then an idea which I might have thought was preposterous before turns out to be a way to expand and move forward.
This talk is so incredible, how does it not have more views?
Thank you for watching. I was fortunate to work with a university professor who had done work on forgiveness with families of victims of violent crimes. At one point, I told her I hoped this Talk would have a wide reach and her response was that, like Munawwar's letters, I should prepare my presentation the best I can, and release whatever good I can into the world. Then, she was certain, the good would find its way to those who need to hear it, whether this means 100 people, or 100,000. Thanks again!
Beautiful. It’s like a poem. The poem of life and gratitude. Thank you Jim.
Thank you, Chantal, I hoped to match the beauty of Munawwar's words.
yes it is
I'm so grateful to Jim for the content of this talk. I've printed the quotes so I can be a person who sees miracles everywhere.
Thank you for watching Aaron. The writings of Munawwar were the most beautiful written words I'd read since Wilfred Owen's Anthem For Doomed Youth after WWI. I have one of his longer letters in my memoir Fight, Flight, or Freeze: A Love Story, and all of his written letters in my upcoming book. It has poems, his memories growing up in Heet, Iraq, and various notes, ideas, and observations.
Gratitude is such an underrated emotion. I've recently started practicing it a bit more regularly in my daily life, naming the things I'm grateful for before I go to sleep, and trying to view everything from that lens has really helped me work through some difficult things, I think Jim knows what I'm talking about here and one of the things I'm grateful for today is having found this talk. Thank you Jim.
Thank you for watching and your input. In another of Munawwar's letters, he claimed that just beyond patience is where we find our greatest lessons. I used so many of his experiences, those I would associate with negatives, to anticipate something better was on its way. That takes such strength. Your idea of naming things daily is exactly what he was teaching me, so you just gave me a reminder.
The take home message for me is to be part of the group that sees miracles in everything. To look, and find miracles every day in ordinary things.
I've read about people who write a daily gratitude journal and how this has a profound effect on setting the tone for their days. I haven't tried this yet, but I'm like you: I stop throughout every day and see miracles in the smallest things I might not have noticed before. Thank you for your feedback!
The quote about how people can see miracles everywhere or see none was like a lightning bolt in terms of understanding how staying grateful is the difference between making it and succumbing.
That really is one of the lessons Munawwar taught me. If I practice gratitude for others, even those who challenge or disagree with me, there is a chance for learning from each other.
It's amazing how a single encounter can challenge our perceptions and change our lives forever.
It is so incredible. I've been fortunate many times over, and this experience was one of the most impactful things I've ever been through.
"I didn't want to be seen as the murderer I came to his compound to be." Wow I can't imagine what a mix of emotions that would have been for Jim
Wayne Dyer said, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change" I think if you look at things with gratitude the change is even more powerful.
When I reflected after my deployment, I stumbled across just what Mr. Dyer said and replaced a sense of entitlement with gratitude. I realized how fortunate I'd been.
That's a really beautiful quote
I feel like I learn something new each time I listen to this presentation. Your other TEDx Talk and your book where these stories are told in print are transformative. Thank you, Jim.
Thank you for your feedback. I'm grateful you've read the book. In this version, I had to leave out details for the sake of making everything fit into a fifteen-minute Talk. On the day this occurred, there was another young man who died, who should never have been there. His story, and his grieving father's, is told in detail in the book.
I think Jims stories really speak to the power of empathy, and how transformative it can be when you allow yourself to be compassionate and understanding, even in the midst of war and conflict.
Thank you for watching this presentation. I'm blessed that something outside of, and more powerful than me interceded.
Wow Jim I am blown away by your experiences, the way you've processed them and the meaning you've managed to extract from it all. It's truly inspiring to see someone whose witnessed the worst parts of humanity first hand but still managed to retain this level of appreciation for beauty and hope for the future.
There is so much poetic beauty in this talk Jim, well done
Thank you for listening. Sometimes when one thinks they're assigned an enemy, they're actually assigned a mentor. At least, that's how it worked for me!
Can't deny it, he really found light in pure darkness. That's incredible.
Thank you for your feedback. Sometimes in those times where we're just snowed under, if we're just able to somehow open our hearts, there are great lessons for us. I discovered this by accident and hope to share this. We have so much to learn from each other when we give others a chance.
4:47 - "The world is comprised of two kinds of people: Those who see a miracle in nothing and those who see a miracle in everything - let's be a part of the second group, you and I"
I need to go cry this one out. Thank you Jim
In my second book, I reveal from where this quote came. While Munawwar and his father continued their trek after the deaths of his mother and sister, they walked for a long while without talking. Munawwar was wondering in his mind how he could go on, and his father, as if reading his mind, stopped walking and said those words. Here, these men had lost everything, yet found something to be grateful for. That's so powerful to me.
@@jimenderle5865 That is really powerful.
I've seen a lot of TEDx talks Jim but this one ha genuinely moved me. I've never felt so many differing emotions in such a short space of time. Thank you for sharing yours and Munnawars story.
I'm in the process of a 2nd book which includes all of Munawwar's letters, the last of which he wrote the night before the deadly rocket attack. They're overlapped with the letters I exchanged with my family in the same period of time. Ironically, I wrote an entry the night before as well. Munawwar knew much more about forgiveness than I did, and his lessons there were also transformative and beautiful.
I think Munnawar would be feeling so much gratitude to know his memory was being honoured like this.
Thank you, John, I've thought so often that he wrote those words with no visible path in his mind to the world. But they did find their way. I believe now that good does find its way, even if it's to that one person who needs it the most.
This talk really emphasizes the universal desire for peace and the longing to break free from the cycles of violence.
Thank you for writing that. I belong to the "people are fundamentally good" school of thought. There are so many positive forces drowned by war and other seem to step in their place. Most Iraqis just wanted peace.
I think this talk is a very powerful example of how humanity can exist even in the most dire circumstances
This is so true, that humanity is there throughout every interaction with others. I try to talk to a person long enough to see they're just another person, doing their best with what they have to work with.
There are TEDx talks that stay with you long after you've listened and this is one of them. Jim's humility and the quotes throughout make it exceptional.
Thank you for listening Valerie, I'm in the process of writing a second book which focuses on the letters of two suspected militants who died on that day. Neither of them were militants at all, even though they'd been detained at the camp. They include the letters they exchanged with their loved ones and expressed their thoughts on love, war, and their dreams and futures. Some of the most beautiful things I've over read, and all this from men I'd seen as enemies.
Yes, I know I'll be thinking of this for a long time
The quotes from Munawwar's poets resonate deeply. They remind us that even in the darkest moments, there's a chance for growth and renewal. That kind of wisdom is timeless.
Thank you for watching this Talk. As I'm now writing a second book that details the letters of Munawwar and another detainee, their letters sent and received, I'm overlapping them with my own letters to loved ones. In one of my letters and theirs, each of us write of being haunted by the last looks of our mothers before leaving for war. That look where we thought they etched our images into their memory as if they'd never see us again. Only in my case did my Mom see me again.
This story highlights the profound impact of loss and the scars it leaves behind. It's a reminder to cherish our loved ones and never take their presence for granted.
In a matter of two weeks, Munawwar lost his parents and sister, then was arrested without charges. He represents one family out of millions displaced, exposed to sanctions and poverty as a result of war. Intergenerational trauma last for generations.
This is a really powerful talk Jim, thank you for sharing with such transparency
Thank you for listening. I'm thankful to share Munawwar's story of humanity. It came to me in a time I last expected it.
This is such a wonderful talk, Jim. Thank you for making me think on all the things I'm grateful for
Thank you for watching. I find new things to be thankful for daily now!
This definitely makes you reflect on the power of empathy and forgiveness.
Over the course of reading his letters, one thing I learned was that he had already forgiven me for being a part of the occupation of his country. He had only provoked me in his weakest moment. I'm thankful that I'm not only remembered for my worst moment and have the chance to learn and be better.
powerful reminder to choose gratitude, even when the world seems darkest
I believe one of the great lessons of their journal entries was that, as people, we always can count on the inherent nature of humanity to survive and advance.
I think Jim's experiences really show the full importance of accessible mental health resources for veterans. Their mental well-being at all times is just as significant as their physical safety on the battlefield.
That's so true. Very often, the return from unit in the field back to one's family is difficult. I believe this is because veterans struggle to see the end of their "mission" and the beginning of their role at home or in a relationship.
This talk makes me think of the issues in my own life and the anger I have towards certain people and whether or not I could let go of all of that
Such an interesting point. For each of us, the decision and circumstances are different. For me, gratitude led to forgiveness, but all of humanity is not the same. I hope whatever decision you choose brings you peace.
The things he said about gratitude and miracles really struck me. It really is all about your perspective, and giving yourself as much of a chance as possible to be in the kind of headspace where you're able to have a positive perspective
I've seen this, both in war and marriage, that a person with that experience be able to express a wish for discourse and discussion between and among those who disagree.
Jim's post-war experiences are a stark reminder of the mental and emotional toll that war can take.
Thank you for watching. Even now, the military has a lot of room for improvement on the pre- and post-deployment assessments of war veterans. I was pronounced "cured" more than once.
I think this talk is a great reminder of how the best ways to grow come from being open and connecting with people. It's so easy to just shut yourself away.
One of the largest miracles in my experience was that I'd never felt more shut off and entrenched in my belief. And I realized upon reading his letters, just how wrong I could be.
I think Jim's experience speaks to the importance of seeking common ground and understanding in order to bridge divides. It's powerful evidence that supports the potential for healing and reconciliation in even the most challenging situations.
I really admire his honesty about grappling with his complicated emotions and experiences. I think it speaks to the fact that healing is often a journey and a process and both of them take time.
Thank you for responding. I've found it difficult to find a counselor with an idea of how to approach this situation. But this, to me, is a common problem with returning veterans. This basically boils down to typically a man, like me, returning to his wife or family, and trying to explain something that doesn't have a proper set of words.
War is such a complex and heartbreaking reality. I can't imagine how taxing Jim's struggles were for him.
They will be with me always. I hope I can share these struggles before it must be experienced by others. If this is true, then I know other have been hurt in the meantime.
The intensity of the encounter between Jim and the man who threatened his family is palpable. It's a testament to the complex emotions that can arise when facing someone who has caused us great harm.
I've felt on one hand that most people would feel angry and want to protect their family, but I learned that every first reaction of what I perceive as an enemy, may not be. Maybe I'm better to consider again.
It's crazy how he felt empathy for his enemy in such a bad situation. This story really shows how complicated human feelings are and the power of kindness even in war.
Until that moment where we were staring into each other's eyes, I believed he would certainly kill me if he had the chance. It stopped me in my tracks when that look revealed an entirely different person that the one I'd perceived before. How many times are we wrong about others, when given a little perspective on who they are?
Just came back to say this talk is so amazingly powerful. I've shared it with so many people and they've all said how it moved them to tears. Just incredible Jim, thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you very much for your feedback, throughout the preparation I felt I might not do a good enough job of telling the story. I knew how i felt about the experience, but I wasn't sure how an audience might hear my interpretation of it. Thank you again for your reply.
Wow the description of that mans final moments is incredible. I have no doubt that he genuinely went through all of those emotions
His initial intentions and the realization of shared humanity is both sobering and thought-provoking.
Thank you for your thoughts. Many studies back to WWII have revealed that soldiers are reticent to kill another human being, particularly when they are facing one another. At times, infantry units on both sides had to be ordered to lower their aims and actually shoot at the opposing side, the point being we would rather bluff our way through a conflict and hope the other side just flees.
What an incredible moral dilemma this story presents, I can't help but ponder the complexities of life. I am actually in awe.
Thank you for watching and giving your feedback. We really don't know where the great lessons in our lives will come from, so I try to keep my mind open and receptive to how I could possibly be seeing things in a limited way.
Such an incredible story of how, even in the darkest times, there can still be moments of humanity so powerful they change your whole perspective on life.
Thank you for watching and commenting. Human contact and eye contact can be life-altering and transformative. When I think of it, there are other times this has happened with other people, but none that compare to this.
I've never considered that having compassion might lead to some kind of personal transformation... I've always seen it as something that you have for others.
You are so right in believing that. I also thought it was something extended to others before I deployed to Iraq. Maybe that is my mission, to let others know that compassion can mean so much more.
I think it's really important to allow ourselves to feel that gratitude but also to engage with it and explore what that really feels like
I love the idea of exploring what gratitude really feels like, thank you for that.
"If I told the sea how I felt for you, it would have left its shores, its shells, its fish and followed me". Thanks for sharing that Jim.
This is a poem by Nizar Qabbani, a wonderful poet. I didn't know at first who the poem was written for until I delved deeper into his letters. My second book is almost exclusively their letters home and my letters to my family in the same time span. Thank you for listening.
Please correct me if I’m wrong (genuinely); but was the author implying that his feelings (good/bad/in between) for/about that person/situation are sooo strong, that the Sea he was talking to would’ve defied the natural gravitational pull & followed him instead?
asking for clarification 😅
I’m aware poetry/Literature can & sometimes is meant to be interpreted subjectively, or multiple different ways; asking bc I’m struggling lol
I think this just speaks volumes about why veterans struggling with post-war trauma should be met with empathy and understanding. It's the very least we can give them for what they give us
Thank you for watching and commenting. Sometimes even within the military, it's difficult to provide care for returning veterans. Often they say very little, and maybe trust one person when they do build the nerve to say they need help. When this is rejected in any way, the world may have lost another veteran to suicide.
Even our enemies can be powerful teachers if we are willing to learn
Thank you for this talk Jim, gratitude is indeed truly transformative.
It's fascinating to hear stories that completely shatter preconceived notions. It's like a heartwrenching novel with an ending that leaves you in thought.
In Fight, Flight, or Freeze: A Love Story, the story is told of my return from war, believing that militants had my family's address and would come to exact their revenge. I forced my family to leave, thinking they would be safe, and basically barricaded myself for months, waiting for them to storm my home in Connecticut. Over time, after I found and read the letters, I tried to reconcile with my wife and children. The last one-third of the book details Robert's counseling approach. I learned to love Robert.
The moment of connection between Jim and the man who threatened his family strongly reflects how humanity can transcend even the most hostile circumstances.
We can be so different from each other, yet so alike. The letters of these men, overlapping with my own to my family in that same span, shows the impact and emotions of families at war. On all sides.
This is a good man, a man who understands his footprint and what it means on this place.
Many of the men and women in my unit were really good human beings, deployed to Iraq, but committed to doing their best. It was expressed so often that they wanted to come home feeling that they had made life better there. Refugees like Munawwar and his family are heartbreaking to witness.
I can't imagine the emotional toll of war. Your struggle mirrors the internal battles many face, albeit in different contexts. It's a reminder that we're all fighting something.
That is so true. We all are fighting something. I try to consider that when I find myself judging others without thinking, or just reacting.
Man there is so much emotion in the way Jim tells that story, especially the part about him reaching out to him... it really feels like it's still so clear and fresh in his mind. I guess something like that wouldn't exactly fade from memory too quick...
Thank you for watching. Because I learned that Munawwar loved heliotropic plants so much, as his mother did, I still think of his hand and picture him, each time I look at a sunflower (the most well-known heliotropic plant)
This story raises questions about the ripple effect of our actions. The fact that those letters escaped the burning pit and found their way to him - it adds a whole extra layer of poeticism and beauty
That's so true. Once I began reading those letters, I knew I wanted to fade into the background and tell that story to anyone who would hear it. I wanted others to see the suffering caused by war.
This is a pretty gnarly insight into what it's like in war zones. I imagine your adrenaline would be so spiked at all times, it makes a lot of sense to have such highly charged emotional exchanges
You're so right, When I approached Munawwar that day, we were still under rocket and mortar attacks and often the insurgency would stagger the volleys, hoping troops or medical providers like me would rush to the aid of the injured. So all senses were heightened for that reason. Still, looking into his eyes for that moment, made me forget everything else. I saw a person.
The conflicting emotions that Jim experiences when facing this experience is truly profound, and the way he has managed to turn such trauma into a purpose. You're a leader Jim, thank you for your work.
Thank you for watching. I hope there are lessons for others as powerful as those I learned from Munawwar.
The way he managed to find compassion and empathy for his enemy is pretty incredible. I guess a lot of stuff on the surface just fades away when you're watching the final moments of another persons life.
There have been studies that killing another living thing is not intuitive to human beings. Soldiers in WWI and WWII had to be threatened with courts-martial to prevent then from shooting over the heads of the enemy. They would rather have bluffed their way out of combat. Farmers, even though they kill animals regularly, have a reverence of those animals they kill. Hunters have reported something known as buck fever after their first kill.
There is such an amazing juxtaposition of fear and compassion in this story. I found it incredibly moving, thank you.
Thank you for your feedback. I had little intention of being compassionate with Munawwar, but now I feel that understanding him is part of a journey I must share with the world. I learned he was a good a redeemable human being.
I think the story of Munawwar humanizes the 'enemy' in a way that challenges the usual stereotypes. It's good to be reminded that behind every conflict there are the individuals caught up in it, each with their own stories, pain and struggles.
Your story is a testament to the strength of humanity. Your journey from anger to empathy is remarkable, and it's a reminder that even in the darkest moments, compassion can prevail.
Thank you for your optimistic comment. Compassion and empathy can overcome so much. I had many people praying for me.
As someone who has never experienced war firsthand, this story opened my eyes to the complexities of human emotions in such situations.
Thank you for writing that. I'm among those who believe that reducing the effects of war to veterans and their families, and reducing suicide, it to have more realistic accounts of what really happens in war. Ending the glorification of war is one place to start. I found nothing glamorous about it.
this whole talk is so captivating... like you know there's some really intense stuff that happens in war zones but the emotional impact of his experiences is really full on.
Sometimes there is a separation between what veterans describe of war experience and the perceptions of non-military people's idea of war. I believe veterans often are separated, as I was, from the person they believed they were until they saw combat. there is something so frighteningly personal about war that makes it difficult for those outside that arena to comprehand.
I can't even imagine the weight of that decision. It's heart-wrenching to be faced with such a dilemma. This story shows the true impact of war on individuals and the choices they're forced to make.
Thank you for your response. I believe this is why introducing the arts to returning veterans and their support networks - their spouses, significant others, children, parents. etc., has been so effective. Giving those affected by war a chance to express themselves and feel validated and a part of humanity benefits us all.
Remember, finding gratitude in life’s blessings, even amidst the hardest times, is a remarkable step toward healing. You're not alone in this journey.
It is a comfort to know I'm not alone. I hoped that by sharing this, the human tendency to multiply kindness and resilience is passed on to others. When we're able to see something salvageable in each situation, it's passed on, even without a word, to those around us. At least that's what I believe.
Jim has such a quiet intensity I'm 100% unsurprised by all his stories
Thank you for your feedback. Because of the pandemic, I had an extra year to work on this Talk, so I had almost a year and a half to keep working on it. I was so grateful that I had a clear mind that day.
This is so heartfelt and emotional I was tearing up midway... it's so easy to dehumanize those opposite us in war but the humanity of Munnawar that he describes is so powerful and beautiful
After my interaction with Munawwar, my default when encountering someone different or seemingly opposing me, is that reconciliation is possible. He provided that miraculous new outlook and maybe I can do that for someone as well.
This story beautifully captures the transformative power of compassion and forgiveness. It shows that even in the face of deep-seated conflicts, there is always a glimmer of hope for reconciliation
You are so right about that glimmer of hope. As long as I can remember, my mother used to say to imagine walking in the shoes of the other person. Consideration was one of the highest ideals to her. That thought sat there, like compost in a heap, until that moment. when I looked into the eyes of a person who suddenly seemed as human as I was. The second book I'm writing goes into detail on all of his letters home.
This is a great reminder of how compassion and empathy can transcend even the most dire of circumstances once you acknowledge that underneath everything we're all just people trying to put meaning into our little lives
This is so true. I notice that very often, it's easy to take an action personally, before thinking about it and realizing I'm not the center of others' lives. And I've learned to be mindful of others and how what I do or how I act affects them, even unintentionally.
Jim, this talk was so well done. Thank you for your service and thank you for sharing so vulnerably about your experience.
Thank you, Mandy. The more I read through his letters and those of another detainee who died that day in Iraq, the more I felt a human bond with them.
This is such a great talk. So often we're conditioned to not see the humanity in someone we're in opposition with, let alone be in a position to learn anything from them.
Thank you for your feedback. I'm still learning lessons from this. In the United States, which is the most divided since I was ten years old and under growing up in Chicago., it's more important to try and give the other side a chance to speak their truth without preparing the answer as soon as they take a breath. Just having an open mind would clear ease many of the problems we face.
I can't begin to imagine being put in a position like that. The bravery and empathy and then having to go back to where this is space to process, nor support.
At least for me, this experience became a defining part of my life. I'm now writing a book about all of his letters and those of another young man who died with him that day, and all their correspondence, I hope that by bringing their thoughts and lives to light, people who might never encounter them otherwise would feel their shared humanity.
The theme of gratitude resonates deeply... It serves as a reminder to appreciate the blessings we have, regardless of our circumstances. This story has definitely made me reevaluate my own perspective and the things I'm grateful for.
Thank you for writing of your gratitude. Each time I feel fortunate or hear this in others after this story, I feel Munawwar lives on. He was not a militant.
Gratitude is one of the most powerful emotions we can experience... it's only been in the last few years that I've experienced it but it is so strong it'll have you believing in things you used to poo-poo on the regular.
Thank you, that's so true! I was driving to Chicago to see my family and was stuck in traffic on the highway. When I became impatient, my son, asked me to look around, that maybe there was some cosmic reason we were stuck right in that spot. It sounded ridiculous, but just the way he framed the question made me look for something good. I found a flower along the side of the highway and pointed it out to him. We both said "thank you, traffic!" After that, I felt so much more relaxed and accepting of a situation I couldn't control anyway. It was a beautiful day too.
Beautiful talk, Jim!
Thank you, Doug, I was so proud to put his good words into the world.
I'm amazed by how quickly he could go from wanting revenge to being a comfort while the other man lay dying... I imagine emotions are so highly elevated in war zones that it felt natural in the moment but I've certainly never been able to let go of my grudges in this way.
There have been studies done since WWII that once an enemy is removed from the battlefield and is no longer a threat, that the human relationship and even a friendship is possible. Americans transporting captive German forces in WWII documented times they shared cigarettes, played chess, and learned each other's languages once they just looked at each other as human beings.
Such a deep and moving story. Thank you for sharing Jim!
Thank you for your response. At times, even now, I wonder how I could share this story in a way that that reaches more people.
This story left me reflecting on the choices we make and the impact they have on others. It's a reminder to approach every decision with empathy and to consider the far-reaching consequences
I came across this only after everything else failed, but seeing humanity in others was the beginning of a healing process for me. Thank you for watching.
The way this story unfolds makes you question your own capacity for empathy and the potential for change in the world. It's a lot to take in.
That's a good point. I'm grateful to have a story like this. I resisted empathy and believed my violent thoughts were honorable and justified, only to find out my perceptions of Munawwar were incorrect.
Munawwar's insights are profound. His understanding of gratitude and courage is a lesson for us all. It's amazing how wisdom can be found in unexpected places.
Amazingly, I've had a number of instances like this in my life, where the one person in the room I didn't expect, came up with something surprisingly profound. Now, I try to listen to everyone.
This brought tears to my eyes. War leaves scars on both sides, and your journey shows the capacity for empathy even in the most challenging circumstances.
Now that I've seen the body language of refugees and families in Iraq, a country at war and under sanctions, I felt I'd never be the same. When I returned, I've seen a different kind of struggle with those deployed and the ripple effects extending to their families. I've written this before, but the effects of any war outlive all of us. The number of suicides of veterans is horrific, but not reported are suicides among military spouses and dependents.
This talk beautifully illustrates the universal power of empathy and understanding. If we can all follow suit and seek to interact with one another with this level of compassion, the world would become a much better place for everyone living in it.
In my book, I write of an instance with a boy in our Chicago neighborhood who had an intellectual disability. Eventually, I became a ward of the state and found a way to contact me because I had always been nice to him. He asked if I could visit him in the home, but I never went. Our older son has autism and I wonder, and try to share, the sense that I always had time to be better to those in need around me. But in his name, I learned and have tried to be better each day. What a privilege it is to have a second chance!
The quotation from Munawwar about struggles being a privilege is truly inspiring.
I'm at the end of my first draft of the second book, in which I write in detail of all his letters and as much as I know of his life. So far, I'm overlapping his letters, and those of another suspected militant's letters, with my letters home in that same span of time. I'm hoping to show the shared humanity among us. I'm happy you viewed the presentation!
Finding hope in tough times can be inspiring for other people to see but damn it's hard to do. Harder than staying calm when everything around you is getting crazy
You're so right about that. I've felt inspired even by people who try for all they're worth and fail. Just in the process of trying in the most human way, we can learn from each other. I think remember each time I've witnessed this in others, and yet, something would keep them going.
Such a wonderful talk, thanks you for your humility Jim!
Looking back now, a decade and a half after the deployment, it seemed that just deployments to war zones mad each of us think of our mortality. We were often under attack from mortars and rockets and while they often didn't kill large numbers of us, one really thinks of the possibility of death. Since then, I appreciate every day and realize how short life is, and how quickly our health can change.
Healing is a journey, and your story illustrates that it's not always linear. I think that's why it's so important to have a fixed point of gratitude like this, something that you can always focus on regardless of which part of the cycle you're in
Thank you for your comment. What a great point! Our struggles in life don't ever seen to follow any pattern from one time to the next.
Gosh this is a beautiful story. Some of that poetry in particular, it's incredible.
I've become a fan of poetry since my return from Iraq. I began to read accounts from veterans returning from war, and poetry like Anthem For A Doomed Youth, which goes back to World War I. I was hoping to find a piece of myself in those writings, and I did.
I appreciate how honest Jim was with us, there are a lot of unsavoury aspects to this story and admitting that you allowed yourself to go that far down the dark path definitely is not easy.
Thank you for watching and bringing up an excellent point about certain aspects of the presentation. Over the course of Fight, Flight, or Freeze: A Love Story, I hoped to show that i was not a candidate for violence. There are some veterans who've expressed certain experiences of war can be intoxicating, the feeling of being threatened and acting against that threat. In the second of three parts, I describe as much as I can how my thoughts of violence and murder, manifested in my family life. In the third part, I try to show the resilience I learned through reading the letters (along with a wonderful counselor), brought me back in line with my original beliefs. It was a long road though.