I feel like a good reason for simply befriending people, women in particular (for guys), is that it helps alleviate the "expectations" you have from interactions with women. When your only experience with women ends up being attraction/rejection, you get anxious about every interaction, because it can only end in either a failed prospect (rejection) or a jackpot (relationship). Expanding your social circle and simply going out of your way to befriend women with no further expectations lifts that anxiety of rejection of romance. You get used to interacting with women without that anxiety and you gradually condition yourself to be comfortable and at ease around them, which may help with actual romantic interactions. Actually, I believe that a good social circle is one of the best ways to meet women, so even if Dr K sorta joked about befriending women to increase his dating pool, if you actually make sure your social circle is filled with high quality people, it can definitely be a great source for finding a partner, via the people you know. A high quality woman who you may have no attraction for, but is a good friend is likely to have high quality friends that she can introduce you to. All of this is applicable to women looking for men, as well, imo.
And this goes both ways! It also makes the women you befriend less anxious around men and reinforcing that not all men want something from them, have ulterior motives or are only interested in a romantic or sexual relationship with them, like they have been socialised to perceive men. So it's really about creating an environment around yourself were you and the people in your circle can be comfortable and uplift each other and that is beautiful
@@pandapanda246 Well said. And these things are vital even beyond having a relationship. For example, taking a man's perspective, especially once you are already in a relationship, your male friends are gonna have partners as well, with whom you are undoubtedly gonna come into contact, so you've gotta be able to have platonic relationships with them, too. All of this is easier said than done, it's not as simple "well duh, just treat them like humans and make friends." Interacting with the opposite sex is a different dynamic from doing it with your own sex (or whatever type you aren't sexually attracted to), especially if you are already socially awkward or have been isolated for long. This is not an admonition to people in this situation, I don't mean to shame them for treating the opposite sex as objects or whatever else that might be inferred, this is a natural mindset to end up in, hell I've lived it, still do somewhat. Exposure to low-stakes platonic interactions with the opposite sex will build experience and make things easier over time, so while it is easy to be discouraged and you will meet bad apples even when it comes to befriending people (regardless of sex), plenty of people are in the same boat and will be able to relate to and empathize with you.
@@_Lumiere_ I really wish self-proclaimed incels to have access to and learn from your gospel, because this is really it. I don't mean that in a judgemental way. For their own sake and happiness I wish for them to realise what you described instead of closing themselves off and burying themselves in self-hate.
@Gamer that's interesting because for many college is were they make really interesting friendships with same aged people, especially in groups based on common interests and activities
@@pandapanda246 I wish the same. It really is easier said than done, though. The term incel has sorta been turned into an insult to shame all kinds of people, not just the really toxic types that it originated from. I remember seeing documentaries of relatively normal, but sad groups from many years ago that were basically just men who struggled with dating and had very real issues with it. I feel like these kinds of men still exist, but they struggle to find any real help because all they receive is hatred, in a way. Dating can be very competitive for men and some are left behind, modern dating apps have illustrated this dynamic quite well. However, these men become completely disillusioned with the whole idea since they deem themselves completely undesirable and they often let that resentment eat away at them or just succumb to extreme apathy and fade into obscurity. For them, the very first step is to learn to love themselves, as cliche as that sounds. To work on engaging themselves with productive things, work and hobbies that they enjoy and take pride in, to take care of their bodies. Make themselves proud to be themselves. Gradually, as they do this, they can venture out to build a good social circle. Doing so immediately while they are in such a state will make it difficult for them to be accepted by others, unfortunately, and rejection of even friendship at this stage would only make them feel much worse. As your self-esteem increases, so do your chances that people take a liking to you and so does your tolerance of rejection.
This is true lol, there's this one time my female friend introduced a new guy into our group of friends during the start of the semester, one of my friends already have feelings for him after a year lmao bcs they talk to each other A LOT, they have so many interests in common, and they have good synergy too.
It was "low stakes flirting" the reason is too take the edge off and not approach life with too many expectations which causes you to be in your head and miss out on the possibility in front you and people you can meet etc
No it's not both are bad advice. Everything he said was bad advice. What you need to do to conquer a fear is to face it. Likewise the way you gets killed at something is to do it over and over again. The more you do stuff over and over again the less intimidating it will be. You will not fix the problem by avoiding it. Low stakes dating is code for dating ugly girl and that is not good advice.
His advice is so solid , I met the love of my life with absolutely no intention of dating. I was just very friendly with everyone I met, and we gradually fell in love and since I met her with no intention of a relationship I didn’t have to do things I usually wouldn’t to “woo” her. She fell in love for who I am and not this fake persona
that's how it happened to me too. I was just looking for people to hang out with online when my future girlfriend stumbled across my page on some site and liked a bunch of my dumb meme posts. I took that as an opening to start talking to her and I said something like "hey after I'm done studying and take my midterms can we try hanging out?" She was up for that, we started chatting and at some point it transitioned to an actual relationship. That was around 5 years ago and we're still together and plan on marrying 🤟
Thank you for sharing that. That's how it usually happens, either like that or people intentionally dating for marriage. I always say, I know very few relationships that started off as hookups/other dumb stuff. I know, however, many relationships that started totally unplanned, without intention at the beginning, as a friendship etc.
I disagree with this. Usually with so called friends you have a narcissist or alpha figure and a bunch of yes men giving that leader attention so they get some in turn. You usually just get used up as narcissistic supply while getting little to nothing in return. Also you have the problem of social status. If your friends are loosers then being friends with them isnt going to make you figure out as to how you can get a girl. FACTS!
@@darkmater4tm I have no heckin clue what the handful of different people that befriended me did to befriend me, and it’s been a decade since I last saw the last of them, to me that’s not super helpful at that stage ^^’
the tip about being a bit flirty and cute with everyone is great. That not only gives you more opportunities even with people you might not have thought it to be possible, but it also makes you not the "guy who is only nice to people he wanna bang". win win
this!! i sometimes think guys think we don’t notice when they’re only nice to the people they’re attracted to. but we definitely notice. for example if you meet a friendship group of girls and only interact with the ones you deem “hot” and are rude to the others, those girls will 100% notice and talk to each other about it. just be nice to everyone! female friends are great! they don’t have to be girlfriends
@@elisiums That is true. I personally have a very hard time even befriending a person, who I know is rude or just completely ignore other people. I understand it could be bc he's nervous or something, but it is usually a red flag. Only date guys who are nice to everyone. That's the motto.
You can get rid of the panic by seeing her as just a person. The panic comes from putting her on a pedestal. Once you get rid of the pedestal, the panic alleviates itself.
That's just wrong. The panic comes from you being desperate for romantic attention and not getting any. The reality is that the greatest thing you can do for yourself when it comes to relationships and dating, is to learn to enjoy your own company because that's is what is going to happen most of your life anyway.
Dr K literally said let go of the expectation of an outcome of an interaction. You are just paraphrasing it, rendering it useless.Why do people do this? You want attention or what?
Problem with me is that I am very rarely in a situation where introducing myself or even talking to people seems appropriate. Gym, shops, bars, etc. most people have this “don’t talk to me” facial expression and it’s hard to break through that and talk to girls. So I do have fear of talking to girls but I also have the excuse that it’s not the socially appropriate thing to do and that it’s invasive. If I could eliminate that excuse then I’d just be reduced down to dealing with my fear of talking to women and rejection.
@@younga.k9145 Valuable comment with a lot of truth. I actually read that book recently and it makes some good points. A lot of times dating involves being vulnerable and putting your balls on the line. Most guys won’t be able to avoid that. If you’re not in high school then getting shut down by a woman usually isn’t a big deal outside, so don’t let your ego hold you back.
@@younga.k9145 With that being said it still is very difficult for me (and I take it most guys as well) to approach girls out of the blue. Where I live at least the standard social convention is that at the gym, in class and almost all other places people simply mind their business and don’t talk to each other. Almost all of the experience I have with women has resulted from me breaking through social convention and forcing myself to talk to girls. A lot of the times there’s no other choice.
@@jackstratif6937 Absolutely. I find that in times where I've actually gone for it, I viewed the approach more as a challenge to be vulnerable and express myself openly to the world, rather than a quest to get some play.
Yesterday I asked out a girl I just met and flirted with, and got rejected. It's okay that I did. I said I really enjoyed our conversation and that she should have a nice day. And that was that. No freak out no nothing. It gets easier and the more you do it, the better you get at so when it really counts you can do it well. But before that happens you have to do. Ask them out.
Why approaching female is seen as something the epitome of life. Why doesn't the girl approach men and get rejected or celebrate about it? Just make it normal approaching men or women to opposite gender.
3:27 This sounds super calculating when he put it that way and that's why she reacted that way. But there is a lot of sense in just expanding your friend group, not so you can ask out their friends, but so you can spend time with their friends, and if you and one of those friends are interested in each other, it starts off organically and with no pressure
love to watch both of you together. I can literally feel the bond, your commitment to each other, how deeply you care for each other etc. Ngl, this gives me hope, every Time!
You see, I don't ever get anywhere with relationships because I'm not attracted to strangers really. It's only when I know someone well, and like them as a person, that I start to get feelings for them, but by that point I'm way into the friendzone.
@Thomas Serrano holy sht that's something I thought I came up with recently. I thought that maybe this could be studied, the correlation between fear of heights and suicidality..
I've known my #1 issue is that I don't love myself for about 10 years now, but have been unable to stop the self hatred and self sabatoge. I have social supports around me in abundance, and I've become a much better person over time, but seem unable to obtain any desire to care about myself and have been backsliding for a while. I just feel like I don't even care.
I just like to live by a motto of "A moment of discomfort leads to enduring pleasure." I made it for myself after realizing that I tend to not do things I want to do, just to avoid the uncomfortable feeling that comes along with something. This could be as simple as trying a new food or trying to write. And even if you don't enjoy the food or like what you wrote down there is still the satisfaction in the end of giving it a try as basic as the premise is.
Yet ironically, you feel double the embarrassment after sobering up from a night of drinking and talking grand, which doesn't do any good for you and your self-image in the long run. The double edged blade in liquid form.
i'm extremely introverted and kinda awkward but after a life time of being forcefully trained due to my parents and the environment i lived in, i had to manually train on how to deal with people until words would "naturally" come out in a conversation to make small talk and leading the conversation and eventually i was considered a "social butterfly" (more like a lab-made social butterfly) i don't know how to write this without sounding like a dickhead but i'm not the worst looking dude ever, i'm decent... on the other hand, my friend in college was the most average as you can get even less than average by a bit but he was a real natural social butterfly. if awkwardness was yin then he was yang. he wasn't a haha funny comedian, jokes would come out naturally whenever they do, he was able to become good friends with everybody. he's an actual nice guy as in, i once had an episode (i have clinical depression, sometimes out of nowhere my mental batteries go 0 like how you feel after hosting a big party times 20) and from the first day he called me, i didn't answer, by the second day he was calling up my dorm security asking them to check up on me and if i was all good. girls loved that dude, not the tinder match type of girls but girls that knew him got attracted to him after they got to experience him as a person. he probably got the second amount of girls in our guy friend group. the guy that got the most girls was my dorm mate next door, that dude looked like a swimsuit model and he was 2 years older so he already had recurring "customers" lmao
Honestly this is me typing before watching the video, I know it's cliché to say but being yourself is key. And when I say being yourself, I mean more than just that, I mean doing things for yourself more than for other people. It's obviously ok to do things for others, but when you constantly stop things you want to do to help out or spend time with others you sort of lose yourself, and I've been there and it sucks. Also a lot of guys make it their sole aim to spend time with their SO or someone they want to have more, but when in fact it's better to do things YOU like and if a person comes along that also enjoys similar things, then you're not compromising yourself for others. Hope everyone has a great day and remember to treat others how you want to be treat, and treat whoever it is you're attracted to as humans with thoughts and feelings! ♥
You can't subtract your fear and anxiety, but you can drown it out by adding a swarm of other emotions. This is what exposure therapy for phobias does. Humans only have one operation: addition.
What worked for me is thinking getting a yes isn't life or death. The goal of the interaction is the interaction regardless of the answer and knowing there are other people to talk to. Some experience that helps is a group called toastmasters who are meant to help with public speaking skills, and try to do charity fundraising going up to people on the street and asking for their time, even event tabling where you setup a table and have people come up to you and talk.
Nowadays I just don't initiate anything unless people initiate first. It's helped me since I don't need other people at all (which I realized later on), and people initiating conversations first etc. shows that they're interested and they care, which is very promising....
I only recently learned to value female friendship with a coworker I was into, but she was unavailable. Being her friend was probably the best thing I ever did. The connection is so much different with a girl than with a guy. There is a different depth to it that you can't get with a guy like that. It wasn't until she left the company that I realized just how good it felt being around her being nothing more than her friend.
Focus on building trust and friendship first rather than just making someone your girlfriend/boyfriend right away. Friendship is the main foundation that you need in any relationship.
I actually disagree with the idea of building a friendship first with someone you see romantically. I hope it's self explanatory from the first sentence. Otherwise I can elaborate further.
@@mr.unbelievable3502 Trust is not a friendship exclusive thing. Far from that. Formality and boundaries. Responsibility of doing your own part. Friendship is personal and relying on to the mood. Professionalism relying on consistency and predictability. Which is more reliable. You do not trust your doctor because it is your friend. Same applies for law enforcement. Whether they answer your call or not, it is not supposed to up to being in good terms with them. If the service rather base on personal relation than the sense of duty, your current phases in relationship, arguments on different opinions and other stuff that got nothing to do with the business will lead inconsistencies and unpredictabilities in the service. There is a reason it does not go well and especially many employers getting bitter results hurting business upon personalising their relationships with co-workers or employees. The very same persons was working in harmony together for years while they were keeping it formal starting to having issues affecting work places upon getting closer. More often than not, you rather forced to make a clear distinction between liking or disliking the person from the work you make together. That is why there are fields even taking measures with certain penalties in that regard. All based on past experiences. So no, not all relations meant to be based on friendship. Some of them are even rather better without it. "Professionalism" seem like the word you are missing in your vocabulary.
Think about it like dancing. A lot of people who don’t like or are afraid of dancing say that because they don’t know how. The same could be said for approaching people. Are you afraid or don’t know what to do? Competence comes from confidence. Many people here are confident they can walk from one side of the room to the other. Nothing against those who are disabled, but you get my meaning. You could learn how to approach people. What to say. How to say it. The mindset. All of it. A good mindset to have is going about it in a way that’s fun. Knowing you will be okay, regardless of what happens. What if you were going over to the person to hand over a million dollars? If they rejected your offer. Who’s missing out then?
As a woman, honestly I just want guys to talk to me normally. I don't want to be spoken to any differently than you would talk to a friend or some random person you casually chat with in public. If our personalities sync, it will happen naturally, but if you're only talking to women as if there is some game that you have to win by choosing the right dialogue options then you're not be genuine with us and we can usually tell and we don't want to date a guy who is being fake with us. I also find that when a guy comes into a conversation with the mentality that they have to like... trick or convince me to like them they tend to do things like boast or say weird shit that just makes me want to get away from them. I want to have a normal conversation with you so I can get a feel for who you are and if we get along. That's all.
trust me, even if you feel the guy is acting naturally, he doesn't do that with other men. We all treat women and men differently. After all, men and women have different interests and personalities. There are also different boundaries as well. Like for example, sexual jokes between men are different from those between men and women. Also, those jokes between men ain't flirty in nature. Woemn would feel disgusted about those jokes between men.
The reason you feel you want to get away from them isn't because you detect that they are trying to trick you but you feel that they ain't confident and in control of their own life. Women only like men who are sure of themselves. So when a man can lie confidently as if he is everything he says he is and you don't detect all those nervousness in him, you get 100% tricked like they are talking normally but 100% no they don't talk like that with their own male friends.
@@howardlam6181 That's a ton of unsolicited advice man. The girl was just expressing her preference for how to be approached and I can totally dig it. Being genuine is generally good in my opinion. The part where you make heavier jokes with your friends have nothing to do with talking to unknown people. But as you get to know someone better (hopefully) you will understand how far you can go with jokes, doesn't matter guy or girl.
As cliche as it sounds, honestly, one of the biggest and most important things to remember about women is that they love a confident man. I'm not exactly a confident man by any means, but I fake it to make it. One thing that helps your raise your confidence is to adopt a "fuck it" attitude towards certain things. For instance, "I'm too scared and nervous to talk to that beautiful woman over there" Then you tell yourself "Fuck it. Just go for it and talk to her. What's the worst that could happen? Either she likes you or she doesn't. If she doesn't: "oh well you tried and time to move on. Fuck it" It's tough, but don't let it get to you. Sometimes you have to be able to say "fuck it and just move on"
lol his wife brings out the nerdy side of him more and when he goes through his go to group therapy phrases, she makes funny faces, but he's completely serious lol
Not gonna lie. I transcended the internet, disconnected from the collective internet(energetically/consciousness) and I felt 100% confident with 0 fear about talking to girls.
A true Alpha chad is our doc a strong confident supportive alpha not those fake alphas that put down the week to elevate them self in the eye of crowd.
Superiority complexes usually hide a sense of low self-worth or low self-esteem. People try to compensate for it by putting others down to feel "above them". The true chad doesn't feel the need to compensate for anything, so they're more willing to admit faults/flaws and improve themselves, as well as lift up others. Fake "chads' with superiority complexes are afraid of uplifting others in case those others end up "above them", while true chads have enough self-confidence to not worry about that.
Yeah, I remember in my first two years of highschool, I felt only fear when interacting with my class, but in my last two years, while I still thought about what I said, I started to grow a sense of fun when interacting with each and every one of them
One of the most helpful things I’ve learned in this environment is to put your attention of getting to know them, being keenly interested in the things that make them tick. Or to put it another way, visualize what they’re saying and stop paying attention to your thoughts. Meditation helps this - by controlling your thoughts and being able to quiet them. The colloquial saying is, “Just be yourself.” In being interested in them, you automatically become yourself.
I got caught practicing my flirting with a woman whom I wasn't really attracted to per ce, and I ended up getting into a 3 year relationship with them that ended up with me being cheated on. RIP.
I appreciate that some people think other humans are super cool to get to know. And that dating should be fun, "like oh my God this is soooo fun!" I cannot understand how going to events I don't normally go to, wearing "good" clothes, and making conversation out of thin air is fun or exciting. I can absolutely see how it's a fuck ton of work for no payoff. How it's making women's lives tots awesome without filling my cup at all. How it's playing a role and a character that isn't myself. But fun? Yeah I can't get there.
what if you do want a partner but have zero interest in meeting people in and of itself. Meeting new people just has never been fun and exiting to me...
To be fair, that was poor communication skills from Mrs K with the initial frisbee comment lol. If a girl I was talking to said "I would never play frisbee with you" that would sting and get added to the memory banks of reasons to be fearful of relationships. Women don't realise how deep their words cut lmao
Yeah I don’t think she realizes that these things aren’t some easy “just brush it off bro” mentality and that rejection at its core is really hurtful and can last a lifetime
@@eepersa4055 Everything is 'a bit generalizy' but it's true. Women usually don't have experience being the pursuers and so they're generally totally oblivious to how rejections like that really slice through the core of a man's being and self-worth. Mr and Mrs K obviously have a great relationship but as a 23 year old it's even more of a minefield of shitty communication like that one moment
As someone on the autism spectrum, and is taunted with insults often as not in this situation, I can assert with 100% confidence that cold-approach is not for everyone. Fear isn’t even the half of it
I just want to say, I have a feeling you guys didnt meet this person on the level hes at. Always been single. And then go with a "The moment will come, more emotions then fear" aaaa. Thats alot of "Heres my book find löööve" Bull
I agree, they probably should have been a little more serious about his case. I think they underestimated how discouraged this dude was. Like when you're that old and you still have issues confronting women, there are likely deeper issues that aren't so easily resolved by platitudes. Those things work for 19 year olds who haven't mentally matured yet and need basic guidance.
Talked so much about how you can't get rid of the fear but not about how to get *through* it in the moment. That talk about how those emotions *should* be mixed with excitement and confidence and that meeting people *should* be exciting. Yeah, I know that it *should* but it ain't. How tf do I change that
The fear will be there, but you can remove some of its parts. Approach someone you won't have to see again. Approach someone who isn't intimidatingly attractive. Be casual instead of just asking her out. Have else to do if she's no interested. None of the above improve your odds of getting a yes. But they give you a chance to learn how to ask.
Yeah, exposure is pretty much the only way. "Fake it til you make it" is a good way to get the exposure but at the end of the day you're not going to have a real relationship until you're willing to be vulnerable.
I feel that, for a lot of people, their "love" did "just come", and in reality its a type of thing that is taken for granted by many people. It is almost a given, and that is how it should be, with incels/loveshy/foreveralone types being outliers. As this is the case, it is not an easy job, even for a therapist, to really give any concrete "advice" on the situation, because, for most people including them, everything just kinda...came about. They met somewhere, eventually fell in love, etc. It honestly leads me to believe it's just pre-determined at this point, natural selection if you will. Some people will just get left behind and perhaps that is for the best.
You are right, that is why all those dating advices sounds silly to those who need them - those who advise you to did not never actually did it themselves or with so much less effort, that it was natural. One thing is wrong in your post thought - there is no something "for the best" in predetermined world, it just is, without reason or quality.
Heres a perspective. Pre-determined? OK then, how do know what is and isn't determined. And if you somehow do know, what are you going to do about it. Or have you already decided the future? Ultimately life's pre-determined and random. When a problem stops you in the path you set out in your mind, there's an unlimited amount of way s to overcome it or accept it. You can: -act on it, 'this isn't working let's try something different' - find a reason to accept it "Im not suppose to meet someone", "I'm not suppose to meet someone" -detour from you path "I'm do this so I won't acknowledge that" So much is out of your control but how you choose to navigate the problem is up to you. It might mean action, getting out more. It could mean internalizing, hopefully with a trained professional, to find out why you feel this way. Either way shits hard. And some people situationally have it easier. Most are more lucky then us. But if you believe you won't you probably won't.
If it’s predetermined and I’m destined to get left behind, I’m checking out of this world. Everything else is so incredibly, painfully unfair, but the prospect of it being so unfair I’m predetermined to have a life without love like all my other ancestors got to have is so incredibly depressing.
I agree with the sentiment of starting out small and working your way up to more anxiety producing situations, this is essentially the basis of exposure therapy. But I couldn’t disagree more that you should flirt with someone who you are not attracted to nor would go on a date with as some sort of practice technique. The person that you would do that to might also have a difficult time dealing with rejection and when you start flirting with them, you could lead them on to thinking you like them. Then when they want to move forward and test their own fear of rejection with a proposition and you reject them, or even worse, accept it to now get dating practice, you are now much worse than the average shallow person. This is because, not only do you not like the person, you don’t even respect their feelings and are willing to manipulate them emotionally to make yourself feel better. The fact that I have a difficult time with rejection is based off of people who led me on and manipulated me emotionally. It’s exponentially worse than normal rejection and a terrible thing to do.
And its not just people who struggle with women like you that have this concern. I have dated some really gorgeous ladies through online dating and have confidence but I don't like to cold approach.
1:24 or, learn to enjoy the panic or fear. It's not panic or fear anymore, it's a challenge that you know you can get through. I used to play at open mic nights. It was always terrifying, but the feeling when i was done playing a song, was so much adrenaline and relief
Oh lordy I hope none of my old friends see this but I literally would sit next to - and befriend - the guys that I knew had the prettiest girl friends.
Only thing I'm really scared of is comming across as creepy. Having aspergers doesn't help with social ques and I keep hearing stories from my family complaing about guys constantly hitting on them so I pretty much don't bother made myself content with being alone.
Same here. I have mild ASD and even still, it's exhausting having to decode the layers of meaning behind people's words and body language all the time. I inevitably end up making social faux pas and weirding people out. 99% of people are very unforgiving and judgemental too.
You do need to offer at least some value to women either in looks, wealth or personality... All young men should be going to college and trying to make something of themselves.. the whole get a minimum wage job and play videogames on your time off is very toxic if you ever want to have a solid attractive girlfriend.. It will likely never happen for 90% of the men who do this
His wife: "I would never have played frisbee with you" Dr. K: "Is it something about me or something about frisbee? I am confused." His wife: ... ... "No it's not about you." Suuure 😂
@@jimbotheimpaler4756 If he will be cool enough for himself he will expect women to come to him, because this is the only logical thing to conclude, given how cool he is.
I think Dr K is great and all but I wouldn't turn to him for dating advice, I mean he admitted he is clueless in romance and it was actually his wife who picked him up lol
Exactly, that's just some pure bluepill stuff right there. He sacrificed everything to get here, and it was still her choice. Guys, if you're not 10/10 then the one who's choosing is the women.
@@outsider1st This rings true of my own marriage. LOL I never gave a fuck about my then-friend-turned-gf before. I treated her like absolute dirt but she kept trying to be with me and it just happened and now we're still together years later. Women are strange and scary sometimes.
@@ryanscott6578 What do you think that he says doesn't apply anymore? I feel like a lot of people will brush off his advice because that's not something most people usually do, i.e. just being authentic instead of doing stuff like "10 signs that she's not into you", which is the example he gave. In reality, it's way better and effective to communicate the way that he's advising people to, whether it be dating or not.
Dr. K: "I was neither a doctor nor a chad."
Also Dr. K: Becomes legend by breaking into an all women's dorm to hang out with his girlfriend
"Hang out"
"Comes"
A chad level humblebrag
Chads can go through the front door tho
I love how when Dr K said everyone you meet has something to offer,
Someone in the chat typed: *gets corona*
Holistic viewpoint it would appear
Lol Jordan Peterson has been saying that for years.
covid absolutely obliterated my already very iffy social skills 💀
Ayyyy same lol.
Without Dr. K I won’t be hopeful about meeting new people and have new friends after covid. I’m looking forward to it rn
Mine were objective dog water beforehand so somehow they got better
@@BilliamTorpedo puppies need to drink water too 🐶
@@young98-cc5ls make sure remember that you made that progress before and that might make the progress easier the second time :)
I feel like a good reason for simply befriending people, women in particular (for guys), is that it helps alleviate the "expectations" you have from interactions with women. When your only experience with women ends up being attraction/rejection, you get anxious about every interaction, because it can only end in either a failed prospect (rejection) or a jackpot (relationship). Expanding your social circle and simply going out of your way to befriend women with no further expectations lifts that anxiety of rejection of romance. You get used to interacting with women without that anxiety and you gradually condition yourself to be comfortable and at ease around them, which may help with actual romantic interactions. Actually, I believe that a good social circle is one of the best ways to meet women, so even if Dr K sorta joked about befriending women to increase his dating pool, if you actually make sure your social circle is filled with high quality people, it can definitely be a great source for finding a partner, via the people you know. A high quality woman who you may have no attraction for, but is a good friend is likely to have high quality friends that she can introduce you to. All of this is applicable to women looking for men, as well, imo.
And this goes both ways! It also makes the women you befriend less anxious around men and reinforcing that not all men want something from them, have ulterior motives or are only interested in a romantic or sexual relationship with them, like they have been socialised to perceive men. So it's really about creating an environment around yourself were you and the people in your circle can be comfortable and uplift each other and that is beautiful
@@pandapanda246 Well said. And these things are vital even beyond having a relationship. For example, taking a man's perspective, especially once you are already in a relationship, your male friends are gonna have partners as well, with whom you are undoubtedly gonna come into contact, so you've gotta be able to have platonic relationships with them, too. All of this is easier said than done, it's not as simple "well duh, just treat them like humans and make friends." Interacting with the opposite sex is a different dynamic from doing it with your own sex (or whatever type you aren't sexually attracted to), especially if you are already socially awkward or have been isolated for long. This is not an admonition to people in this situation, I don't mean to shame them for treating the opposite sex as objects or whatever else that might be inferred, this is a natural mindset to end up in, hell I've lived it, still do somewhat. Exposure to low-stakes platonic interactions with the opposite sex will build experience and make things easier over time, so while it is easy to be discouraged and you will meet bad apples even when it comes to befriending people (regardless of sex), plenty of people are in the same boat and will be able to relate to and empathize with you.
@@_Lumiere_ I really wish self-proclaimed incels to have access to and learn from your gospel, because this is really it. I don't mean that in a judgemental way. For their own sake and happiness I wish for them to realise what you described instead of closing themselves off and burying themselves in self-hate.
@Gamer that's interesting because for many college is were they make really interesting friendships with same aged people, especially in groups based on common interests and activities
@@pandapanda246 I wish the same. It really is easier said than done, though. The term incel has sorta been turned into an insult to shame all kinds of people, not just the really toxic types that it originated from. I remember seeing documentaries of relatively normal, but sad groups from many years ago that were basically just men who struggled with dating and had very real issues with it. I feel like these kinds of men still exist, but they struggle to find any real help because all they receive is hatred, in a way. Dating can be very competitive for men and some are left behind, modern dating apps have illustrated this dynamic quite well. However, these men become completely disillusioned with the whole idea since they deem themselves completely undesirable and they often let that resentment eat away at them or just succumb to extreme apathy and fade into obscurity. For them, the very first step is to learn to love themselves, as cliche as that sounds. To work on engaging themselves with productive things, work and hobbies that they enjoy and take pride in, to take care of their bodies. Make themselves proud to be themselves. Gradually, as they do this, they can venture out to build a good social circle. Doing so immediately while they are in such a state will make it difficult for them to be accepted by others, unfortunately, and rejection of even friendship at this stage would only make them feel much worse. As your self-esteem increases, so do your chances that people take a liking to you and so does your tolerance of rejection.
Dr K is lowkey a giant chad for breaking into his wife's dorm in college lol
Dr K : *nervous sweating
Dr K: breaks into dorm
Future wife: take responsibility!
@@Consumer0001 Chads are Chads because of how they act not how they look.
@@LemonNation You're almost right except for the part where you're entirely wrong.
@@Labnarb I'm ok with that.
''befriending a girl to get introduced to her friends'' 5Head Genius
Im am already doing that pogm3
"I'm in"
This is true lol, there's this one time my female friend introduced a new guy into our group of friends during the start of the semester, one of my friends already have feelings for him after a year lmao bcs they talk to each other A LOT, they have so many interests in common, and they have good synergy too.
In germany you basically date friends or the friends of friends..or thier friends.
Friendcest.
@@suides4810 whut
Or no I am probably the weird one so nvm
Dr K: Learn to appreciate people for their intrinsic value.
Kruti: Do some low stakes dating.
... brilliant combo
Appreciate people for who they are. Don't expect to get married on the first date 😉
Low stakes dating leads to regretful relationships just fyi
It was "low stakes flirting" the reason is too take the edge off and not approach life with too many expectations which causes you to be in your head and miss out on the possibility in front you and people you can meet etc
No it's not both are bad advice. Everything he said was bad advice.
What you need to do to conquer a fear is to face it. Likewise the way you gets killed at something is to do it over and over again. The more you do stuff over and over again the less intimidating it will be. You will not fix the problem by avoiding it.
Low stakes dating is code for dating ugly girl and that is not good advice.
@@mr.e7541 virgin Mr. E vs chad Dr. K
His advice is so solid , I met the love of my life with absolutely no intention of dating. I was just very friendly with everyone I met, and we gradually fell in love and since I met her with no intention of a relationship I didn’t have to do things I usually wouldn’t to “woo” her. She fell in love for who I am and not this fake persona
that's how it happened to me too. I was just looking for people to hang out with online when my future girlfriend stumbled across my page on some site and liked a bunch of my dumb meme posts. I took that as an opening to start talking to her and I said something like "hey after I'm done studying and take my midterms can we try hanging out?" She was up for that, we started chatting and at some point it transitioned to an actual relationship. That was around 5 years ago and we're still together and plan on marrying 🤟
And how good looking are you?
@@damien86
Probably average like everybody else.
Even then women are more likely to date someone less attractive than them. See it all the time.
@@damien86😂😂😂😂😂
Thank you for sharing that. That's how it usually happens, either like that or people intentionally dating for marriage. I always say, I know very few relationships that started off as hookups/other dumb stuff. I know, however, many relationships that started totally unplanned, without intention at the beginning, as a friendship etc.
The banter between this couple is so pure and special. I love these couple streams
she honestly doesn't come across well to me at all
Step 1: chicken soup recipe
Step 2: ???
Step 3: girlfriend
Yep
Instructions unclear. Now im asking her grandma for her cookies recipe. Help.
@@rick.2777 Step 3: gilfriend
All according to plan.
@@disaba100 is it really that easy?
@@rick.2777 Yes, with that attitude!
One of my favorite quotes:
"Do you think you can get a Girlfriend if you don't even know how to make friends?"
I disagree with this. Usually with so called friends you have a narcissist or alpha figure and a bunch of yes men giving that leader attention so they get some in turn. You usually just get used up as narcissistic supply while getting little to nothing in return. Also you have the problem of social status. If your friends are loosers then being friends with them isnt going to make you figure out as to how you can get a girl. FACTS!
Idk how to make friends tho it just kinda happens
@@vonelgamer3071 Because it's the other people who made friends, and you were the target.
Do to someone else what they did to you.
@@darkmater4tm I have no heckin clue what the handful of different people that befriended me did to befriend me, and it’s been a decade since I last saw the last of them, to me that’s not super helpful at that stage ^^’
Until he meets their fathers.
or until he becomes a father of a daughter.
*pours out soul*
Dr. K: No.
I laughed so hard on that 😂
he kind of does it with his wife too lol
haha right ; Dr. K = *GOATED*
the tip about being a bit flirty and cute with everyone is great. That not only gives you more opportunities even with people you might not have thought it to be possible, but it also makes you not the "guy who is only nice to people he wanna bang". win win
Just broadcasting you are open and aproaching you will not be as ackward.
@@JohnSmith-ox3gy Exactly!
this!! i sometimes think guys think we don’t notice when they’re only nice to the people they’re attracted to. but we definitely notice. for example if you meet a friendship group of girls and only interact with the ones you deem “hot” and are rude to the others, those girls will 100% notice and talk to each other about it. just be nice to everyone! female friends are great! they don’t have to be girlfriends
@@elisiums That is true. I personally have a very hard time even befriending a person, who I know is rude or just completely ignore other people. I understand it could be bc he's nervous or something, but it is usually a red flag. Only date guys who are nice to everyone. That's the motto.
Interesting, interesting
"What were your tricks?"
"Ineffective"
Well damn.
You can get rid of the panic by seeing her as just a person. The panic comes from putting her on a pedestal. Once you get rid of the pedestal, the panic alleviates itself.
That's just wrong. The panic comes from you being desperate for romantic attention and not getting any. The reality is that the greatest thing you can do for yourself when it comes to relationships and dating, is to learn to enjoy your own company because that's is what is going to happen most of your life anyway.
Dr K literally said let go of the expectation of an outcome of an interaction. You are just paraphrasing it, rendering it useless.Why do people do this? You want attention or what?
@@csanadtemesvari9251 I literally answered some random dudes comment and nothing Dr. K said lol, stop being so passive-aggressive.
@@csanadtemesvari9251 you're really worked up over this.
Very true
HAVE NO EXPECTATIONS. Makes life so much easier.
Problem with me is that I am very rarely in a situation where introducing myself or even talking to people seems appropriate. Gym, shops, bars, etc. most people have this “don’t talk to me” facial expression and it’s hard to break through that and talk to girls. So I do have fear of talking to girls but I also have the excuse that it’s not the socially appropriate thing to do and that it’s invasive. If I could eliminate that excuse then I’d just be reduced down to dealing with my fear of talking to women and rejection.
@@younga.k9145 Valuable comment with a lot of truth. I actually read that book recently and it makes some good points. A lot of times dating involves being vulnerable and putting your balls on the line. Most guys won’t be able to avoid that. If you’re not in high school then getting shut down by a woman usually isn’t a big deal outside, so don’t let your ego hold you back.
@@younga.k9145 With that being said it still is very difficult for me (and I take it most guys as well) to approach girls out of the blue. Where I live at least the standard social convention is that at the gym, in class and almost all other places people simply mind their business and don’t talk to each other. Almost all of the experience I have with women has resulted from me breaking through social convention and forcing myself to talk to girls. A lot of the times there’s no other choice.
@@jackstratif6937 Absolutely. I find that in times where I've actually gone for it, I viewed the approach more as a challenge to be vulnerable and express myself openly to the world, rather than a quest to get some play.
Thumbnails interesting for this one. You have the two marital roles,"wife" and "therapist" o.0
I laughed at the frisbee comment. Dr. K looked visibly disappointed lmao.
Yesterday I asked out a girl I just met and flirted with, and got rejected. It's okay that I did. I said I really enjoyed our conversation and that she should have a nice day. And that was that. No freak out no nothing. It gets easier and the more you do it, the better you get at so when it really counts you can do it well. But before that happens you have to do. Ask them out.
Why approaching female is seen as something the epitome of life. Why doesn't the girl approach men and get rejected or celebrate about it?
Just make it normal approaching men or women to opposite gender.
3:27 This sounds super calculating when he put it that way and that's why she reacted that way. But there is a lot of sense in just expanding your friend group, not so you can ask out their friends, but so you can spend time with their friends, and if you and one of those friends are interested in each other, it starts off organically and with no pressure
love to watch both of you together. I can literally feel the bond, your commitment to each other, how deeply you care for each other etc. Ngl, this gives me hope, every Time!
You two have a superb chemistry, it's really fun to watch
You see, I don't ever get anywhere with relationships because I'm not attracted to strangers really. It's only when I know someone well, and like them as a person, that I start to get feelings for them, but by that point I'm way into the friendzone.
You'd be surprised how many women, or people in general, feel the exact same way as you do and also don't believe in the friendzone.
@@ThatSpazamataz A very thorough response, thank you.
I am a woman who also feels that way, in fact guys who come in strong when I first meet them put me off and make me uncomfortable.
I use to do one thing I was afraid of a day until I started being less afraid.
@Thomas Serrano holy sht that's something I thought I came up with recently. I thought that maybe this could be studied, the correlation between fear of heights and suicidality..
I've known my #1 issue is that I don't love myself for about 10 years now, but have been unable to stop the self hatred and self sabatoge. I have social supports around me in abundance, and I've become a much better person over time, but seem unable to obtain any desire to care about myself and have been backsliding for a while. I just feel like I don't even care.
Hi friend. Please see a therapist, if not a therapist, Dr k dating program. You need help. A therapist really helped me.
I like how he just leans back and straight faced says "No", and I also do agree with him.
I just like to live by a motto of "A moment of discomfort leads to enduring pleasure." I made it for myself after realizing that I tend to not do things I want to do, just to avoid the uncomfortable feeling that comes along with something. This could be as simple as trying a new food or trying to write. And even if you don't enjoy the food or like what you wrote down there is still the satisfaction in the end of giving it a try as basic as the premise is.
The hard part is getting over that very short-lived, but ginormous bump for the first time.
Nice pfp, Misery Signals is one of the best metalcore bands
"There's no cheat code to get rid of your fear of embarrassment" -Dr. K
Sure there is. It's called alcohol.
Better yet: MDMA.
True lol
The trick is getting on the right level of sobriety
Yet ironically, you feel double the embarrassment after sobering up from a night of drinking and talking grand, which doesn't do any good for you and your self-image in the long run. The double edged blade in liquid form.
@@aheenobarbushenocied9880 VERY true 👴🏻
the technique Dr K was describing at the beginning is known as 'spider webbing' amongst my friends
Just remember, there is no courage without fear. Gotta face it, and endure it. Then it will pass and you'll get a kind of tolerance to it.
This chat has such a good sense of humour, that's like one of the best things you can have to offer
They’re so wholesome together :3
Him: There is no cheat code to getting rid of fear and panic.
Me: Hold me empty beer bottle please
i'm extremely introverted and kinda awkward but after a life time of being forcefully trained due to my parents and the environment i lived in, i had to manually train on how to deal with people until words would "naturally" come out in a conversation to make small talk and leading the conversation and eventually i was considered a "social butterfly" (more like a lab-made social butterfly)
i don't know how to write this without sounding like a dickhead but i'm not the worst looking dude ever, i'm decent... on the other hand, my friend in college was the most average as you can get even less than average by a bit but he was a real natural social butterfly. if awkwardness was yin then he was yang.
he wasn't a haha funny comedian, jokes would come out naturally whenever they do, he was able to become good friends with everybody. he's an actual nice guy as in, i once had an episode (i have clinical depression, sometimes out of nowhere my mental batteries go 0 like how you feel after hosting a big party times 20) and from the first day he called me, i didn't answer, by the second day he was calling up my dorm security asking them to check up on me and if i was all good.
girls loved that dude, not the tinder match type of girls but girls that knew him got attracted to him after they got to experience him as a person. he probably got the second amount of girls in our guy friend group. the guy that got the most girls was my dorm mate next door, that dude looked like a swimsuit model and he was 2 years older so he already had recurring "customers" lmao
Honestly this is me typing before watching the video, I know it's cliché to say but being yourself is key. And when I say being yourself, I mean more than just that, I mean doing things for yourself more than for other people. It's obviously ok to do things for others, but when you constantly stop things you want to do to help out or spend time with others you sort of lose yourself, and I've been there and it sucks. Also a lot of guys make it their sole aim to spend time with their SO or someone they want to have more, but when in fact it's better to do things YOU like and if a person comes along that also enjoys similar things, then you're not compromising yourself for others.
Hope everyone has a great day and remember to treat others how you want to be treat, and treat whoever it is you're attracted to as humans with thoughts and feelings! ♥
You can't subtract your fear and anxiety, but you can drown it out by adding a swarm of other emotions. This is what exposure therapy for phobias does. Humans only have one operation: addition.
This is my exactly scenario! thank you, this was really comforting and helpful.
What worked for me is thinking getting a yes isn't life or death. The goal of the interaction is the interaction regardless of the answer and knowing there are other people to talk to. Some experience that helps is a group called toastmasters who are meant to help with public speaking skills, and try to do charity fundraising going up to people on the street and asking for their time, even event tabling where you setup a table and have people come up to you and talk.
Nowadays I just don't initiate anything unless people initiate first. It's helped me since I don't need other people at all (which I realized later on), and people initiating conversations first etc. shows that they're interested and they care, which is very promising....
I only recently learned to value female friendship with a coworker I was into, but she was unavailable. Being her friend was probably the best thing I ever did. The connection is so much different with a girl than with a guy. There is a different depth to it that you can't get with a guy like that. It wasn't until she left the company that I realized just how good it felt being around her being nothing more than her friend.
'Is there are way to get rid of the fear?'
Me: 'No.'
Dr. K: 'No.'
Me: 'OMG I'm a psychologist!!!'
Psychiatrist, there is a difference.
@@hj2479 5Head Kappa
Focus on building trust and friendship first rather than just making someone your girlfriend/boyfriend right away. Friendship is the main foundation that you need in any relationship.
I actually disagree with the idea of building a friendship first with someone you see romantically. I hope it's self explanatory from the first sentence. Otherwise I can elaborate further.
@@raderT90 Yes but if you see someone romantically you'll make decisions in hurry to live together. Don't you think so?
Friendship is the main foundation that you need in any relationship.
Do not agree the "any" part. Especially in business related relationships.
@@koray6261 What kind of relationship do you need in business? Trust? But isn't trust is a part of friendship?
@@mr.unbelievable3502 Trust is not a friendship exclusive thing. Far from that. Formality and boundaries. Responsibility of doing your own part. Friendship is personal and relying on to the mood. Professionalism relying on consistency and predictability. Which is more reliable.
You do not trust your doctor because it is your friend. Same applies for law enforcement. Whether they answer your call or not, it is not supposed to up to being in good terms with them. If the service rather base on personal relation than the sense of duty, your current phases in relationship, arguments on different opinions and other stuff that got nothing to do with the business will lead inconsistencies and unpredictabilities in the service. There is a reason it does not go well and especially many employers getting bitter results hurting business upon personalising their relationships with co-workers or employees.
The very same persons was working in harmony together for years while they were keeping it formal starting to having issues affecting work places upon getting closer. More often than not, you rather forced to make a clear distinction between liking or disliking the person from the work you make together. That is why there are fields even taking measures with certain penalties in that regard. All based on past experiences.
So no, not all relations meant to be based on friendship. Some of them are even rather better without it. "Professionalism" seem like the word you are missing in your vocabulary.
Think about it like dancing. A lot of people who don’t like or are afraid of dancing say that because they don’t know how. The same could be said for approaching people. Are you afraid or don’t know what to do?
Competence comes from confidence. Many people here are confident they can walk from one side of the room to the other. Nothing against those who are disabled, but you get my meaning.
You could learn how to approach people. What to say. How to say it. The mindset. All of it.
A good mindset to have is going about it in a way that’s fun. Knowing you will be okay, regardless of what happens. What if you were going over to the person to hand over a million dollars? If they rejected your offer. Who’s missing out then?
"competence comes from confidence" ... yeah no.
As a woman, honestly I just want guys to talk to me normally. I don't want to be spoken to any differently than you would talk to a friend or some random person you casually chat with in public. If our personalities sync, it will happen naturally, but if you're only talking to women as if there is some game that you have to win by choosing the right dialogue options then you're not be genuine with us and we can usually tell and we don't want to date a guy who is being fake with us. I also find that when a guy comes into a conversation with the mentality that they have to like... trick or convince me to like them they tend to do things like boast or say weird shit that just makes me want to get away from them. I want to have a normal conversation with you so I can get a feel for who you are and if we get along. That's all.
trust me, even if you feel the guy is acting naturally, he doesn't do that with other men. We all treat women and men differently. After all, men and women have different interests and personalities. There are also different boundaries as well. Like for example, sexual jokes between men are different from those between men and women. Also, those jokes between men ain't flirty in nature. Woemn would feel disgusted about those jokes between men.
The reason you feel you want to get away from them isn't because you detect that they are trying to trick you but you feel that they ain't confident and in control of their own life. Women only like men who are sure of themselves. So when a man can lie confidently as if he is everything he says he is and you don't detect all those nervousness in him, you get 100% tricked like they are talking normally but 100% no they don't talk like that with their own male friends.
@@howardlam6181 That's a ton of unsolicited advice man. The girl was just expressing her preference for how to be approached and I can totally dig it. Being genuine is generally good in my opinion. The part where you make heavier jokes with your friends have nothing to do with talking to unknown people. But as you get to know someone better (hopefully) you will understand how far you can go with jokes, doesn't matter guy or girl.
@@arkanoid77but wouldn’t you argue that you can make heavier jokes with guys in general, regardless of whether u know them
@@LondonMoneyCashEnterprise I wouldn't
As cliche as it sounds, honestly, one of the biggest and most important things to remember about women is that they love a confident man. I'm not exactly a confident man by any means, but I fake it to make it. One thing that helps your raise your confidence is to adopt a "fuck it" attitude towards certain things.
For instance,
"I'm too scared and nervous to talk to that beautiful woman over there"
Then you tell yourself "Fuck it. Just go for it and talk to her. What's the worst that could happen? Either she likes you or she doesn't. If she doesn't: "oh well you tried and time to move on. Fuck it"
It's tough, but don't let it get to you. Sometimes you have to be able to say "fuck it and just move on"
lol his wife brings out the nerdy side of him more and when he goes through his go to group therapy phrases, she makes funny faces, but he's completely serious lol
Not gonna lie. I transcended the internet, disconnected from the collective internet(energetically/consciousness) and I felt 100% confident with 0 fear about talking to girls.
average BRG post
Wtf this video just came out 2 days after my rejection. Great timing ig
I'll accept you to feel better, then you can let go
A true Alpha chad is our doc a strong confident supportive alpha not those fake alphas that put down the week to elevate them self in the eye of crowd.
Superiority complexes usually hide a sense of low self-worth or low self-esteem. People try to compensate for it by putting others down to feel "above them".
The true chad doesn't feel the need to compensate for anything, so they're more willing to admit faults/flaws and improve themselves, as well as lift up others.
Fake "chads' with superiority complexes are afraid of uplifting others in case those others end up "above them", while true chads have enough self-confidence to not worry about that.
his wife completely distracted from such good advice
Yeah, I remember in my first two years of highschool, I felt only fear when interacting with my class, but in my last two years, while I still thought about what I said, I started to grow a sense of fun when interacting with each and every one of them
My bros, the low stakes flirting is crucial. She knows.
You have to rehearse your ability to communicate. You might make someone's day this way.
One of the most helpful things I’ve learned in this environment is to put your attention of getting to know them, being keenly interested in the things that make them tick. Or to put it another way, visualize what they’re saying and stop paying attention to your thoughts. Meditation helps this - by controlling your thoughts and being able to quiet them. The colloquial saying is, “Just be yourself.” In being interested in them, you automatically become yourself.
Warning against “low stakes flirting” sometimes those girls will think there’s something there and then you have a whole new problem on your hands 😂
No chance of that happening with me. No woman would ever think anything is there.
@@SkeleTonHammer Hmm wonder why 💀
@@SkeleTonHammer you might be surprised
I got caught practicing my flirting with a woman whom I wasn't really attracted to per ce, and I ended up getting into a 3 year relationship with them that ended up with me being cheated on. RIP.
@@SkeleTonHammer you never know! Surely you have something to offer
I appreciate that some people think other humans are super cool to get to know. And that dating should be fun, "like oh my God this is soooo fun!"
I cannot understand how going to events I don't normally go to, wearing "good" clothes, and making conversation out of thin air is fun or exciting. I can absolutely see how it's a fuck ton of work for no payoff. How it's making women's lives tots awesome without filling my cup at all. How it's playing a role and a character that isn't myself.
But fun? Yeah I can't get there.
what if you do want a partner but have zero interest in meeting people in and of itself. Meeting new people just has never been fun and exiting to me...
If dont meet anyone new = you cant find someone to date.
You will hear bunch of contradictory non-sense in response, which will amount to "numb yourself up and do it indefinitely"
I love it when he does the voice. 😂
OO, WE ALL HAVE A PIECE OF DA DIVINE, MAAAAHN.
I got over my horrible social skills by not talking to people. Works every time.
you can’t get rid of the panic. best you can do is manage it.
I don't really struggle with pain of rejection. I just clicked to check out the wife and I must say well done ;)
To be fair, that was poor communication skills from Mrs K with the initial frisbee comment lol. If a girl I was talking to said "I would never play frisbee with you" that would sting and get added to the memory banks of reasons to be fearful of relationships. Women don't realise how deep their words cut lmao
Yeah I don’t think she realizes that these things aren’t some easy “just brush it off bro” mentality and that rejection at its core is really hurtful and can last a lifetime
kinda too generalizy a bit
She was actually joking
Also women don’t need to babysit you they got their own life.
@@eepersa4055 Everything is 'a bit generalizy' but it's true. Women usually don't have experience being the pursuers and so they're generally totally oblivious to how rejections like that really slice through the core of a man's being and self-worth. Mr and Mrs K obviously have a great relationship but as a 23 year old it's even more of a minefield of shitty communication like that one moment
As someone on the autism spectrum, and is taunted with insults often as not in this situation, I can assert with 100% confidence that cold-approach is not for everyone. Fear isn’t even the half of it
"It is all about the angle" 😂😂😂
heh
what’s that referring too?
@@Bookake-2 I think it's a pun referring to both "the different perspectives of yourself and others" and "the angle you throw a frisbee at"
@@WanderTheNomad my mind went to a dirtier interpretation and i feel bad now
@@Bookake-2 it is about life :)
Meeting somebody new is one of my scariest thing. I would prefer to attend a final exam instead.
I just want to say, I have a feeling you guys didnt meet this person on the level hes at. Always been single. And then go with a "The moment will come, more emotions then fear" aaaa. Thats alot of "Heres my book find löööve" Bull
I agree, they probably should have been a little more serious about his case. I think they underestimated how discouraged this dude was. Like when you're that old and you still have issues confronting women, there are likely deeper issues that aren't so easily resolved by platitudes. Those things work for 19 year olds who haven't mentally matured yet and need basic guidance.
I don't have problem with going on dates, and talking to someone, but that the relationship just dies out after a month of talking. Anyone else?
Happens to just about 95% of the chicks I go out with. And that is a GOOD thing. Means there's better opportunities out there.
Mine too...like me with almost all the guys i dated
@@DrAmrita14who asked who to do the needful?
Talked so much about how you can't get rid of the fear but not about how to get *through* it in the moment. That talk about how those emotions *should* be mixed with excitement and confidence and that meeting people *should* be exciting. Yeah, I know that it *should* but it ain't. How tf do I change that
I'm so glad he said it's all about the angle. My brain was having a conniption at "the physics make no sense"
Stop caring what others think. Go do what you got to do!
The fear will be there, but you can remove some of its parts. Approach someone you won't have to see again. Approach someone who isn't intimidatingly attractive. Be casual instead of just asking her out. Have else to do if she's no interested.
None of the above improve your odds of getting a yes. But they give you a chance to learn how to ask.
Yeah, exposure is pretty much the only way. "Fake it til you make it" is a good way to get the exposure but at the end of the day you're not going to have a real relationship until you're willing to be vulnerable.
"How do I get rid of fear and embarrassment?"
Chat: "ALCOHOL"
I feel that, for a lot of people, their "love" did "just come", and in reality its a type of thing that is taken for granted by many people. It is almost a given, and that is how it should be, with incels/loveshy/foreveralone types being outliers.
As this is the case, it is not an easy job, even for a therapist, to really give any concrete "advice" on the situation, because, for most people including them, everything just kinda...came about. They met somewhere, eventually fell in love, etc.
It honestly leads me to believe it's just pre-determined at this point, natural selection if you will. Some people will just get left behind and perhaps that is for the best.
You are right, that is why all those dating advices sounds silly to those who need them - those who advise you to did not never actually did it themselves or with so much less effort, that it was natural. One thing is wrong in your post thought - there is no something "for the best" in predetermined world, it just is, without reason or quality.
Heres a perspective.
Pre-determined? OK then, how do know what is and isn't determined. And if you somehow do know, what are you going to do about it. Or have you already decided the future?
Ultimately life's pre-determined and random. When a problem stops you in the path you set out in your mind, there's an unlimited amount of way s to overcome it or accept it. You can:
-act on it, 'this isn't working let's try something different'
- find a reason to accept it "Im not suppose to meet someone", "I'm not suppose to meet someone"
-detour from you path "I'm do this so I won't acknowledge that"
So much is out of your control but how you choose to navigate the problem is up to you. It might mean action, getting out more. It could mean internalizing, hopefully with a trained professional, to find out why you feel this way.
Either way shits hard. And some people situationally have it easier. Most are more lucky then us. But if you believe you won't you probably won't.
If it’s predetermined and I’m destined to get left behind, I’m checking out of this world. Everything else is so incredibly, painfully unfair, but the prospect of it being so unfair I’m predetermined to have a life without love like all my other ancestors got to have is so incredibly depressing.
Needed this
My trick is to not ask girls out anymore. They don't get bothered by some dude they don't like and I don't get rejected. It's a win-win, for sure.
I just focus on my own life and if people want to be in it then they will make an effort to do so.
I think this just has to do more with how society views the dating scene. Why is it still the norm that guys have to ask girls out lmao
Nah man the best way scenario is to have unrequited love relationship
Simping on Twitch and OF is zoomer dating
@Matricx700 honestly true the problem with chasing is you going to have to become clingy at some point
Why do these videos end up on my timeline at right times 🗿
Don't ask a woman about dating and the anxiety of asking someone out.
They know nothing of that.
I agree with the sentiment of starting out small and working your way up to more anxiety producing situations, this is essentially the basis of exposure therapy.
But I couldn’t disagree more that you should flirt with someone who you are not attracted to nor would go on a date with as some sort of practice technique. The person that you would do that to might also have a difficult time dealing with rejection and when you start flirting with them, you could lead them on to thinking you like them. Then when they want to move forward and test their own fear of rejection with a proposition and you reject them, or even worse, accept it to now get dating practice, you are now much worse than the average shallow person. This is because, not only do you not like the person, you don’t even respect their feelings and are willing to manipulate them emotionally to make yourself feel better.
The fact that I have a difficult time with rejection is based off of people who led me on and manipulated me emotionally. It’s exponentially worse than normal rejection and a terrible thing to do.
"JUST go out and meet people". Don't know if that's addressing the issue here.
@Trexula says who?
''Recommended to you"
Thanks RUclips....
Alok looked genuinely concerned about the frisbee comment lmao
They are so adorable together!
I love this video! So much wisdom
And its not just people who struggle with women like you that have this concern. I have dated some really gorgeous ladies through online dating and have confidence but I don't like to cold approach.
1:24 or, learn to enjoy the panic or fear. It's not panic or fear anymore, it's a challenge that you know you can get through. I used to play at open mic nights. It was always terrifying, but the feeling when i was done playing a song, was so much adrenaline and relief
"okay we're going to the next one"
"sounds good"
*On to the next video I guess*
No way anyone's gonna be feeling "excitement" when they're feeling PANIC...
Panic and excitement are next door neighbors.
@@JimmySal1 Sure, like horror and joy...
Oh lordy I hope none of my old friends see this but I literally would sit next to - and befriend - the guys that I knew had the prettiest girl friends.
The first question is like it was written by me... Same age, same situation!
That initial answer after reading out the question is so discouraging.
Only thing I'm really scared of is comming across as creepy. Having aspergers doesn't help with social ques and I keep hearing stories from my family complaing about guys constantly hitting on them so I pretty much don't bother made myself content with being alone.
Same here. I have mild ASD and even still, it's exhausting having to decode the layers of meaning behind people's words and body language all the time. I inevitably end up making social faux pas and weirding people out. 99% of people are very unforgiving and judgemental too.
you can only be creepy if you are ugly.
You do need to offer at least some value to women either in looks, wealth or personality... All young men should be going to college and trying to make something of themselves.. the whole get a minimum wage job and play videogames on your time off is very toxic if you ever want to have a solid attractive girlfriend.. It will likely never happen for 90% of the men who do this
@@michaelangst6078but how do you get women before u finish uni then
A+ thumbnail good job editor :D (or whomever made the thumbnail otherwise)
His wife: "I would never have played frisbee with you"
Dr. K: "Is it something about me or something about frisbee? I am confused."
His wife: ...
...
"No it's not about you."
Suuure 😂
Dr. K is still a legend!! ... nothing has changed lol
I can’t imagine thinking that I’m cool enough for a woman
Be cool enough for yourself, the rest comes later :)
@@jimbotheimpaler4756 If he will be cool enough for himself he will expect women to come to him, because this is the only logical thing to conclude, given how cool he is.
Well if it's hot outside and hes cool I guess people will gravitate to him 😳 ....please clap (Jeb)
thumbnail is top tier. Love it
Mrs. K's voice is so pretty, I love it.
I think Dr K is great and all but I wouldn't turn to him for dating advice, I mean he admitted he is clueless in romance and it was actually his wife who picked him up lol
Plus they're both boomers who don't fully understand how the dating landscape has changed
Exactly, that's just some pure bluepill stuff right there. He sacrificed everything to get here, and it was still her choice.
Guys, if you're not 10/10 then the one who's choosing is the women.
@@outsider1st This rings true of my own marriage. LOL
I never gave a fuck about my then-friend-turned-gf before. I treated her like absolute dirt but she kept trying to be with me and it just happened and now we're still together years later. Women are strange and scary sometimes.
@@ryanscott6578 What do you think that he says doesn't apply anymore?
I feel like a lot of people will brush off his advice because that's not something most people usually do, i.e. just being authentic instead of doing stuff like "10 signs that she's not into you", which is the example he gave. In reality, it's way better and effective to communicate the way that he's advising people to, whether it be dating or not.
The chat is fucking priceless... I am dying laughing watching this shit