As you said in another comment, I can’t express my feelings to the person I hope would change. When I did, it didn’t seem to make much of a difference. And this person is now 86 and has dementia. I have been burdened by my parents most of my life-I am the parentified daughter. I don’t have anything but resentment and I don’t care anymore about your needs and I just want to not be needed by you anymore. My hearts not in it. What words of wisdom are there for taking care of the aging parent that you had to draw a strong boundary with? You’re being pulled back into caregiver mode and there are obligations to love that no one else is there to help with. She’s in a nursing home. But I’m fried.
Thank you for sharing-it sounds like you've been carrying a heavy burden for a long time! Setting boundaries is especially hard when guilt and obligation are involved, but know that it’s okay to prioritize your well-being. That means putting YOU and your needs and emotional energy first. What boundaries are you holding with YOURSELF? Our boundaries with ourselves come first! They are the key!! I know you've probably heard this analogy, but you cannot pour from an empty cup. So being "fried" tells me YOUR cup is EMPTY so there is absolutely ZERO you can give to another person, regardless of how obligated you feel! How can you start refilling your cup? Only YOU are responsible for your own cup... no one else can fill it! YOU are also responsible for making sure it's not depleted! Make a list of 10-20 things that would add a little bit back into YOU - take a walk, read for 20 minutes, make a homecooked meal, connect with a friend, etc - and do at least 1 of them on the list every day! (No alcohol or drugs can be on the list.) Even though your mom is in a nursing home, finding ways to limit the emotional load (like leaning on staff, therapy, or support groups like Codependents Anonymous - it's free to attend) can also help protect your energy. You’re allowed to care from a distance and still honor your own needs. Sending you strength as you navigate this. I'd love to know what things you start doing to refill your cup! 🥰
@@Nonna3blessings I’m happy to hear that! I DO understand how caregiving can be emotionally and physically exhausting! My mom is almost 94 and I’m the only one living in the same state, so all her needs fall to me. She does still live independently in her own home, which can present challenges of its own. Caring for yourself is imperative!! 🥰
What if you know expressing your feelings will not change anything but just create extra stress? I’m reading Mel Robbins book - let them. It’s helping me release expectations.
@jennywaterswellness That can be a bit tricky. I’m assuming that you’re talking about expressing yourself with the person who “caused” the feelings? I would ask myself some questions: What is my intention for bringing this up? Can I talk about it with an unbiased person and work through it that way instead? I don’t think we always need to express everything we’re feeling, but we need to make sure we’re not *suppressing* what we feel. Telling ourselves it’s wrong to feel guilty or that I “shouldn’t” be feeling a certain way. That’s really where we get ourselves in trouble. Have I answered your question?
As you said in another comment, I can’t express my feelings to the person I hope would change. When I did, it didn’t seem to make much of a difference. And this person is now 86 and has dementia. I have been burdened by my parents most of my life-I am the parentified daughter. I don’t have anything but resentment and I don’t care anymore about your needs and I just want to not be needed by you anymore. My hearts not in it. What words of wisdom are there for taking care of the aging parent that you had to draw a strong boundary with? You’re being pulled back into caregiver mode and there are obligations to love that no one else is there to help with. She’s in a nursing home. But I’m fried.
Thank you for sharing-it sounds like you've been carrying a heavy burden for a long time! Setting boundaries is especially hard when guilt and obligation are involved, but know that it’s okay to prioritize your well-being. That means putting YOU and your needs and emotional energy first.
What boundaries are you holding with YOURSELF? Our boundaries with ourselves come first! They are the key!! I know you've probably heard this analogy, but you cannot pour from an empty cup. So being "fried" tells me YOUR cup is EMPTY so there is absolutely ZERO you can give to another person, regardless of how obligated you feel!
How can you start refilling your cup? Only YOU are responsible for your own cup... no one else can fill it! YOU are also responsible for making sure it's not depleted! Make a list of 10-20 things that would add a little bit back into YOU - take a walk, read for 20 minutes, make a homecooked meal, connect with a friend, etc - and do at least 1 of them on the list every day! (No alcohol or drugs can be on the list.)
Even though your mom is in a nursing home, finding ways to limit the emotional load (like leaning on staff, therapy, or support groups like Codependents Anonymous - it's free to attend) can also help protect your energy. You’re allowed to care from a distance and still honor your own needs. Sending you strength as you navigate this. I'd love to know what things you start doing to refill your cup! 🥰
@ thank you. I’m going to do more good things for myself.
@@Nonna3blessings I’m happy to hear that! I DO understand how caregiving can be emotionally and physically exhausting! My mom is almost 94 and I’m the only one living in the same state, so all her needs fall to me. She does still live independently in her own home, which can present challenges of its own. Caring for yourself is imperative!! 🥰
What if you know expressing your feelings will not change anything but just create extra stress? I’m reading Mel Robbins book - let them. It’s helping me release expectations.
@jennywaterswellness That can be a bit tricky. I’m assuming that you’re talking about expressing yourself with the person who “caused” the feelings? I would ask myself some questions: What is my intention for bringing this up? Can I talk about it with an unbiased person and work through it that way instead? I don’t think we always need to express everything we’re feeling, but we need to make sure we’re not *suppressing* what we feel. Telling ourselves it’s wrong to feel guilty or that I “shouldn’t” be feeling a certain way. That’s really where we get ourselves in trouble. Have I answered your question?
Thanks so much for this
@@Teemoo. You’re welcome! ☺️