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Thank you, Jenny! Yes, it was rough, but the best gift as it was what I needed to truly change my life. 🥰 Little shifts every day, right? I know YOU know that that’s the secret! 🥳

@@rosemarietolentino3218 Hi Rosemarie, can you say more about what you mean? 😊

Thank you for sharing-it sounds like you've been carrying a heavy burden for a long time! Setting boundaries is especially hard when guilt and obligation are involved, but know that it’s okay to prioritize your well-being. That means putting YOU and your needs and emotional energy first. What boundaries are you holding with YOURSELF? Our boundaries with ourselves come first! They are the key!! I know you've probably heard this analogy, but you cannot pour from an empty cup. So being "fried" tells me YOUR cup is EMPTY so there is absolutely ZERO you can give to another person, regardless of how obligated you feel! How can you start refilling your cup? Only YOU are responsible for your own cup... no one else can fill it! YOU are also responsible for making sure it's not depleted! Make a list of 10-20 things that would add a little bit back into YOU - take a walk, read for 20 minutes, make a homecooked meal, connect with a friend, etc - and do at least 1 of them on the list every day! (No alcohol or drugs can be on the list.) Even though your mom is in a nursing home, finding ways to limit the emotional load (like leaning on staff, therapy, or support groups like Codependents Anonymous - it's free to attend) can also help protect your energy. You’re allowed to care from a distance and still honor your own needs. Sending you strength as you navigate this. I'd love to know what things you start doing to refill your cup! 🥰

@ thank you. I’m going to do more good things for myself.

@@Nonna3blessings I’m happy to hear that! I DO understand how caregiving can be emotionally and physically exhausting! My mom is almost 94 and I’m the only one living in the same state, so all her needs fall to me. She does still live independently in her own home, which can present challenges of its own. Caring for yourself is imperative!! 🥰

No, thank you. 😊

I'm so happy you found it helpful! I have a couple other videos on my channel about selfishness; I'd love for you to check them out! And yes, that analogy is great; we were conditioned to believe differently though, right? We learned to help others first. Thanks for commenting! 🥰

@jennywaterswellness That can be a bit tricky. I’m assuming that you’re talking about expressing yourself with the person who “caused” the feelings? I would ask myself some questions: What is my intention for bringing this up? Can I talk about it with an unbiased person and work through it that way instead? I don’t think we always need to express everything we’re feeling, but we need to make sure we’re not *suppressing* what we feel. Telling ourselves it’s wrong to feel guilty or that I “shouldn’t” be feeling a certain way. That’s really where we get ourselves in trouble. Have I answered your question?

What a great lesson to learn… even though it’s painful while learning it! Way to put yourself back in charge of your life! Thx for commenting, Kandy! 🥰

Better late than never! I hear you… it took me so long too!! 🤗

@@Teemoo. You’re welcome! ☺️

@@alinan408 Thank you… and yes, I just went out to feed the ducks and record this video… and got treated with THAT!! 🥰

Awww, thank you so much for your comment and male perspective! 😊 It helps everyone to know they’re not alone if they’re feeling this way! And yes, for sure men can experience “grooming” and get “trained” to be compliant and obedient. I think even more so than women, most men are taught to stuff their emotions. All this early childhood programming gets stored deep into the subconscious. Luckily we have the power as adults to rewire ourselves… To install new more “user-friendly” software, shall we say. 😆 I’m curious… What things have you explored to create a new identity for yourself? There’s a free relaxation/rewiring audio that I created. The link is in the description of this video, if you’d like to grab it. Thanks again for being here! 😊

I am having a good time. Thx for the offer, but no thanks.

@@Jelinofficial-sr1vf Thank you! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too! 🤗🎁🎄🥳

@@jennywaterswellness YES, it is!! 🥰

I’m happy this resonated with you, Maggie! Yes, the programming can run deep. Luckily, we have the power to reprogram ourselves and don’t have to be stuck in this place forever! Thanks for commenting - it helps to know we’re not alone! 🥰

@@MasteringMidlifeWithHeidi Yes it's so great to know other people have worked through it. Sometimes I can know it's possible but it seems like the biggest mountain to climb. But bit by bit. Thanks for your videos Heidi 💛

You’re so right, Maggie - bit by bit is the perfect approach! Every small step adds up, and it’s inspiring that you’re staying committed to the process. You’ve got this… and I’m cheering you on! 🥰🥳

Thank YOU for sharing! On reflection, I can say I very rarely was in fight mode; it was flight or freeze (leading to fawning) bc I didn’t know how to speak up for myself.

Awww, thank you for your sweet message! Hugs received and accepted!! 🤗🤗

@ ❤️🤗

@ 🥰🥰

Thank you! 😊

@@Maggieloveslife Awwww, thank you for your beautiful comment and compliment! I’m happy you’re inspired to pay extra attention to your thoughts! I *did* burn myself as soon as I started recording! 😆 And lucky for me, I was dogsitting and she had her tree up already. All my stuff is still in the box! 🤦‍♀️ Thanks again for watching and commenting! 🥰

@@kandyduns184 oh, I hear ya! It can be a sneaky devil making us think if we compare ourselves it will help us improve!! 😢

Thanks 🤗

@@wendymassey371 YAY! Love to know what you discover! 🥰

@@alinan408 That sticky has been there a long time - you can tell by how faded it is! 😊 Thanks for commenting!

My pleasure! 😊

Yes, that’s what we learned to do and it became a habit - how can I fit into their life?! 🤦‍♀️ Thanks for your comment and sharing your experience! 🥰

Thank you! Yes, for non-people-pleasers, this isn’t something they struggle with… not often anyway. 👏

@@Jelinofficial-sr1vf 👍👍

OOOOHH, great labels... well, not so great, but yeah, "appear to be great traits" but are so detrimental! Thanks for commenting!

I know you struggle with sleep sometimes. Someone else commented she does it when she can’t sleep. I think that’s a great idea!

Right? And what IS procrastination anyway? Another "rule" we think we have to follow so that we're not judged as lazy!! 😆

@@jennywaterswellness Aaah, that’s a great idea for falling asleep! It’s a great signal to the body that this is how it feels to relax. 😌

Thanks for your comment! In my experience working with women who are people pleasers and having been one myself, the silent treatment is not a people pleasing behavior. Giving the silent treatment for not complying to what the other person wants is called stonewalling and is manipulative, but typically isn’t something a people pleaser would do because a people pleaser doesn’t want to be judged as selfish or not giving, and purposefully giving the silent treatment would be considered mean or bitchy by a ppl pleaser. Good for you for managing your energy with your mom in a way that considers your own well-being first! I applaud you for that! 🥰

@@Jelinofficial-sr1vf Thank you! 😊

@MasteringMidlifeWithHeidi you're welcome dear 🥰

@@deebee-ov8xc You’re welcome - I’m happy it helped! 🥳

@@jennywaterswellness Yes, self awareness is KEY!

@@wendymassey371 YES! And knowing that we are constantly evolving and learning and growing, which may include wanting more… and that’s ok!! 😊

@@Nonna3blessings I hear you!! 🤗 A place to start is to ask yourself: “Who do I *want* to be?”

I feel this too! It's so hard to even know where to start because of roles and conditioning for so long. This is a helpful video and channel!!!

@@michelleryan6888 I’m happy you’re finding it helpful! We will be diving deeper into identity and what we’ve been conditioned to believe about ourselves in the 12 Days of StressMas Challenge, which starts today. I hope you’ll follow along! Watch for day 1 video posting in a few hours.

@@Nonna3blessings Are you signed up for the 12 Days of StressMas Challenge? I’ll be sharing tools on how to rewire thoughts so what YOU want is supported by your brain! 🧠

@ yes

@@Nonna3blessings oh perfect! 🤩

@@Nonna3blessings You’re welcome!

Sometimes we don’t even know our values because we’ve “listened” to other’s voices for so long that we don’t know what’s theirs vs ours. Values and beliefs definitely go hand-in-hand and they will drive our behavior. Our values and beliefs reside in the unconscious and we cannot outperform our subconscious mind. So if you have limiting beliefs that don’t serve you, your behaviors will reflect those beliefs. For example, I tried for months and months to stop people pleasing (to say ‘no’ more often and put myself first), but I kept boomeranging back to my old ppl pleasing behavior. It was because I had a negative belief that was driving my behavior. I couldn’t “outperform” that belief. You may be repressing bc of a belief you have. I have a free clarity call if you’d like to chat further about this. The link for a call is in the video description.

Agreed? 👍 😊

​@@MasteringMidlifeWithHeidimostly people are selfish.In my life 'm not selfish but without thinking i never take any decision😊

@@kandyduns184 So you totally get the “selfless” thing!! Thanks for sharing a little of YOUR story!! 🥰

Well… thank you! 😊

Yes, great plan... RUN LIKE HELL!! 🏃‍♀🏃‍♀ Thanks for being here! 😃

Yes, it definitely *can* suck the life out of you! I’m happy my tools are useful. I invite you to sign up for the 12 Days of StressMas challenge where I’m bringing my whole “breaking free of people pleasing” toolkit! 😊 Signing up isn’t required, just so you get notified when new videos post.

Thanks for sharing! The beliefs and ideas we identify with are deeply seated in the subconscious mind. It’s like a deep groove in a road - it’s hard to *not* get pulled into that rut no matter how hard you try to steer *out* of it! Your brain DOES have the capacity to learn new beliefs to replace that identity that’s no longer serving you. Make sure to watch the 12 Days of StressMas Challenge videos as I will be diving into this. Register here if you want to get email reminders when new videos post: www.masteringmidlifewithheidi.com/stressmas Would love to have you in there!

I’m so happy I’ve simplified your journey! I know from experience that we can overthink things to the point that we get ourselves so worked up about it that we back out of taking that first step. We imagine the worst possible outcome… and retreat back to what’s comfortable and feels “safe,” and that keeps us stuck in the cycle. Let me know how I can support you further. Have you signed up for the 12 Days of StressMas Challenge yet? Here’s the link: www.masteringmidlifewithheidi.com/stressmas Would love to have you join in! (Signing up is not required, only if you’d like to receive email reminders when a video posts.)

Thanks, Jenny... and yes, I'm excited too for StressMas! It's the 5th time I've run it and the first time here on RUclips. 🎄