My dear friend Jeanne was married to her high school sweetheart at age 17. They were farm kids from southern Indiana and together had five children and a long life together. When all their kids moved out of the house, they became tandem truck drivers and drove to every single US State together (Minus Hawaii) and worked/traveled together this way for over five years. Jeanne often talked about how that was the happiest time of her life and their entire marriage. They had ups and downs, of course, but I never saw so much love between two people like I saw with this amazing couple. A few months after their 60th anniversary, Robert died. Jeanne lived for years after his death, but she was never the same and struggled to live without him. She has since passed away. There life together was filled with hardships and difficulties, but their love story was so beautiful and really speaks to the power of connection, commitment, dedication, and evolution. Jeanne told me that she loved every stage of Robert. She said he changed over and over and over throughout their life together and she chose to love him through all that change and he loved her the same. Thank you for sharing this video today!
Sometimes I feel like you guys might want to consider being more open to compromise. It feels like you see compromise in conflict to be a threat to autonomy or your independent/ authentic self... But maybe it's not just that? compromise can also be an opportunity for connection. Freedom isn't not having to follow rules, it's getting to choose for yourself which rules to follow. Your relationship style may have many benefits but a potential pitfall could be that with such a focus on independence you could eventually comes across a problem that is too big to just empathize and then 'agree to disagree' on. Then you could find your partnership in a crisis. Have you ever read John Gottmans 'Why Marriages Succeed of Fail'? The chapter on conflict styles? I found it really interesting.
Also compromise is a lesson in humility as well as sacrifice. Both very useful things to learn . They make you a better person and a better person to those you love
autonomy, independence / authentic self. compromise. conflict. I have a desire to answer that. I am as a answer looking in myself. What exactly are you trying to present? Am understanding it correctly ? I do not see them as sympathizing and agreeing to disagree. Nor do they seem to me to be about independence and autonomy. They are about being honest, understanding themselves and each other. their focus is not on independence, their focus is about being healthy of mind. I am on my own proces in that. I find my mind skewered. That skewerdness is also unhealthy. It leads to shooting up school for some few in de USA. Finding that skewerdness in themselfs is what they are about. And healing it. That skewerdness is the only thing that puts us in any crisis. A relationship can not stay out of crisis if it has things that are false. if it has skewerdness. Unless the skewerdness matches. Like a dominate and submissive matches. A painter has to step away from the detail she is painting to see how it fits in the whole picture. An adolescent has to leave its parents house eventually. It is bad if the parents keep the adolescent at home. Not every relationship is meant to stay in being together. We get sick if a relationship we are in stays in a state that is temporary. Then we go to the doctor. By stepping out of the situation I am no longer influenced - obscured by the situation. I am then no longer unable from seeing the forest i was in. compromise, sacrifice to what ?
Actually, my parents have that happily ever after story. They've been married 27 years and still have not "fought." Obviously discussion and disagreement is there, but no heated arguing. They taught me so much about how to make a happily ever after happen for yourself. If both individuals strive to do their personal best, things will work out.
I think the issue a lot of people (including myself) have is that you don't talk about times when the two of you are upset about a situation. You always seem to use language that reframes difficult situations into a welcome challenge that you're happy to deal with and that doesn't resonate with our lived experience of sometimes wallowing in hardship. I get that you use words and phrases that help alleviate pain, so you can learn from it, but we don't see the process happen in a recognizable way. I might be alone in this, but if I'm not, it would be nice for us to see a video where you admit "yes, this sucks and it feels like it won't get any better" or "I yelled at him/her today, because I was mad, and the words weren't constructive until the next day when we tried to make up". That would be more relatable and would then make the rest seem doable.
Hi love, we think you'd really enjoy our membership content at conorandbrittany.com where we share more raw and emotional processing. Although we do share some raw in the moment content on RUclips, in general this platform is where we share our reflections on any given topic. We share what the ongoing process looks like through membership videos and this sounds like what you are looking for, hope that helps!
You’re definitely not alone in this and articulated everything I haven’t been able to put into words when I watch their videos. I can understand wanting to keep conflict and disagreements out of their videos for privacy, it’s their channel and they owe us nothing. But it is true-the language they use makes it seem like they’re above conflict and arguing and like they are super evolved beings. But that’s not real life to me.
Communication and language are skills. You can easily learn to reframe and learn too. They are not doing anything all of us can't learn to do. It just seems magical because you haven't learned yet. check out nonviolent communication for example. super easy and great for relationships.
This one made me cry y’all. “I’m going to love you forever. And I’m going to express that forever in ways that make sense as we evolve.” I needed to hear that. So powerful.
Hihi folks. My parents met when they were 16. They had 63 years together. I don't just mean years, they had kisses and laughter, a tap on the bum, survived 3 daughters lol Their love was beautiful. They passed away 3 months apart. I have been loved, grounded and blessed by them
Hand up here. Met my husband when I was 14. Married at 21. One child, financially stable, amazing life. Happily ever after and loving it. It does exist.
I have been following you since areally long time. I have taken much from your advice and views and I really enjoyed your early videos and thank you both for that! For the last year I must say my opinion changed a lot, and I must agree with some of the comments here, sometimes it really looks like you may just be needing to compromise a little more. And I do not even mean with yourselves as a relationship, but with life in general. I have the feeling you have become very rigid in your views and everything that is outside of your world you try to fit in your terms. "I have never seen a couple that I admire" - I truly do not believe so. There is people that there are as happy in a more regular familiar system as you are in yours. You could also borrow some things from the "norm" and adapt it to yourselves. Not everything in the "norm" is necessarily "wrong". I do think having expectations is good and necessary in life and relationships. It helps us shaping our world, thriving to be better, to achieve our goals, and gives us humans a sense of stability and order. That is not a bad thing. That expectations sometimes can be wrong and lead us to unhappy places ? Certainly! but here is where it comes the self-growting aspect that you talk so much about it: learning how to adapt our expectations, how to understand when they do not fit the current reality and learn to adapt them is part of our path of self growth. And as you said, it won't look perfect nor beautiful always, but one can learn from it. It does not mean we should live in a eternal state of full acceptance and no expectations whatsoever. Also I do not know why you say people live expecting a happily ever after. And if so, why not living that way? I think humans are more than clear that growth and life is a challenging thing. That nothing is granted and that one need to learn how to adapt and to live by your own values. I have never seen a couple marrying assuming the rest will be just easy moments and pink flowers. Not at all, is all the contrary I would say. Every time I see a couple getting marry is under the real acceptance that life will challenge them but they still want that person by their side to go through all that. No one is so foolish to claim that marriage is an easy thing, no one. Nevertheless, one do strive to be as happy as possible. And to be able to rely in the other as much as possible, and for that yes of course you build your expectations around that. I do not think that is cutting the freedom of other and not letting things "unfold". In general I would love to be able to reconnect with your message again. I just have the feeling that you have fixated your views so much that is difficult to connect with you. Also I have the feeling you are so constrained in those ideas that is difficult for you to see what us - your public since a really long time - can see very clearly from the outside. Anyways, I say this from the most humble place and not to hurt you or attack you at all. I am just wishing to find you again in a more authentic place of mind, because at the moment it really does not feel authentic what you say and is difficult for me to connect to your message as I used to. Best of wishes!
I remember growing up I was so upset that my mom didn’t allow me to watch the Disney Princess movies. She never wanted me to have a warped sense of reality and relationships❤️
As a healing co-dependent, trying to excavate my long-held (and learned) ideas of relationships and how they "work", I cannot tell you how important it is for me to see partners like you two doing the work with such openness, love, and honesty. Life is messy, love is even messier, and I like that you aren't trying to make love "shape up" and fit to a mold. Thank you for doing the work, and sharing your journeys with us.
I was...am....married 30 years, and had my Happily Ever After until I lost my husband and best friend Mike 2 weeks ago to Stage IV Cancer. He was gentle and kind and easy to love. The last thing he said to me with our 3 children is "I'll love you forever and forever". I'm utterly heartbroken to lose the love of my life. I'm grateful for the love we shared 💔
Here’s the funny thing about all the fairytales we were conditioned with... Mary comes in with her expectations based on the relationship fairytale she grew up with and John comes in with his own expectations based on the relationship fairytales he grew up with and boom! Recipe for constant disappointment and conflict. I’m with you... change is the only constant. Might as well just embrace celebrate change and go with the flow of the ceaseless evolution of life itself. Thank you so much for sharing! This was a beautiful reminder. ❤️🙏🏼
I am a complete person. I was married for 20 years, then widowed. My new husband and I both separately ( before we met) were looking for another whole person, not our better half. Now going on two years married. Is it perfection? Nope, it is real life. We just decided we like each other even when it isn't awesome. But that is just us. We want stability and growth vs just individual happiness all the time. True love for me is what is done, not said. Wishing you all love and happiness.
You two constantly push ahead down the “path less travelled” showing us real and authentic versions of your ever evolving relationship...regardless of what majority of your audience want to see (a happy ever after) you continue to show us what is REAL what is REALITY. Something a lot of you tubers don’t do due to fear of losing views. Thank you for reminding us what’s real we need to be reminded of this to save us a lot of heartache thinking we need to reach something that (for most) is unetanable .🙏🙏🙏✨
I authentically feel that this is probably the most important video you all have made. I am so glad that you each have reached this point through real love. Me and my partner of 23 years are at the same alignment as you both share here.
there is a love song (in french) ive always loved, witch has one of my favorite line. It translates to: in many years we will be old and changed, maybe even broken up. Our minds in a jumble, unable and worn out. but today i love you, today for eternity. And Ive always loved it because it is never about the length of the relationship but always about the love, the parnership and the growth. A successful relationship is one that helps you change for the best and accept every piece of youself. It is one that makes you feel loved and safe. Doest matter if it lasts for a few months or a few years or until you die, it will be as meaningful.
This fairy tail idea has gotten in the way of success. I’ve felt like I’ve had to act this whole time to deserve what I all ready have. Change is unavoidable at this point.
I am 50 years old in a new relationship and found your channel without looking for it. I cannot thank you enough for sharing your wisdom which is so aligned with my feelings. Conventional relationships have done nothing but hurt me in life. The moment I decided I would never again participate in a relationship based on the old fairytale ideals, I felt so free. Knowing I live in this world enjoying contentment with or without a partner attracted a wonderful person. Can’t wait to take in all your other videos.
You two are profoundly beautiful and you almost always leave me with something to think about and joy deep in my heart. I’m 60 years old, and the learning never ends. I am so grateful. Thank you
I love this, and love you both so much. Thank you for sharing this journey. I recently left a 21 year monogomous relationship with someone I will always love dearly. But we both had stifled ourselves and our truth so much, trying to achieve the "Happily ever after". Yes to truth, growth and authenticity. I was devestated when you two started having more challenges, and that is way too much pressure to put on people. Thank you for continuing to share this ever evolving, bad ass love. Your journey has helped me so much along mine, and given me hope that I can have a relationship that honors and values the truth of who we are all as people. Wishing you all the best.
This was really powerful for me to hear.... Something happened over the weekend in my polyam journey that I wasn't prepared for or didn't think would happen (that way) and it absolutely crushed me. I felt broken, like I broke into a million little pieces and like I was scrambling to put things back together, trying desperately to gain control and stop hurting. But I just kept hurting, in constant conflict inside of myself between what I felt, what I thought, and what I wanted to feel. At some point, I decided it was time to seek therapy again because when it really comes down to it, this triggered something internal, and I want to be ok with myself in order to be ok within the relationship. Even if the relationship changes (as you said, it probably will one way or the other because we're changing as individuals), and there is work to do what how things played out, I want to know that I will always be ok, that I will survive and I am enough.
My parents met when my Mom was 12 and my Dad was 14. They had their 66th wedding anniversary this past May. They grew up together and they stuck through the difficult times. They were both willing to change and grow and learn from each other and others as well.
You’re on a couch AND you have like full on clothes! You look so different! And Connor cute AF without the facial hair again. 😀❤️ Ok back to the video.
Thank you for this video and for sharing your truth about this shift in your relationship. My partner and I are currently undergoing a relationship shift as well and I’ve really felt like society and the people in my life have made me believe a shift is bad and indicative of a failing on my part, thank you for helping me challenge that and see this as a success and growth. I have felt so much shame about having to live separately from my partner at this moment in time and this gives me some validation and understanding that it’s okay for my relationship to change and evolve. Thank you deeply.
This is so interesting! I’m realizing for myself that happiness is not something that comes to you, it’s some thing that is created within yourself. You have to make the effort to change your own life and make it better.
My Aunt and Uncle absolutely had the most amazing, lifelong love. They found each other in their teens, which statistically should have never lasted. But, for them, it was like they were cut from the same fabric. As they grew, their love blossomed right along with them. The absolute definition of Yin and Yang, of soulmate. It was the most beautiful love and I was so privileged to watch them through the years. I would give my right arm to find what they had. They were married and monogamous for 68 years. One of the saddest things I ever witnessed, was my Aunt kissing him goodbye, as he passed away. You are correct, it’s rare and I wish I had what they had. I, at least got to watch their love story and it was amazing.
So, we were teens when I met my eventual husband. From the second we met we were inseperable. A year later we had our 1st baby. It was interesting raising a child as we were still growing up ourselves, lol. Now, almost 29yrs later we still choose to be together. We were lucky that we grew together rather than apart. For me, it's comforting knowing I'm with my soul mate/best friend. He's the only person I've ever been with in any adult capacity, and I love that. I've never wanted or needed anyone else. I think we (unintentionally) did the smart thing by not planning for the future. We enjoyed each day, and still do. Our current phase is loving being grandparents; who knows what'll be next? Thanks for the space to share my little story. Love to you both! 🧡💙
There is nothing inspiring about a happily ever after where you are together for the rest of your lives but yet have no challenges and hardships and everything is easy. It’s not much of a journey. Inspiring is a long-term or lifetime relationship where you face these challenges together and you continue to choose each other, you choose to grow together. My grandfather just passed in August. He and my grandmother were together for 50 years. I always appreciated hearing the entirety of their love story. Not just how they met and fell in love, but how they worked past real relationship issues and faced real life hardships together. They nearly divorced twenty years in, but were able to work past those issues and grow together. No, things still were not “perfect” even after that, but they loved each other deeply, and she was his primary caregiver throughout his illness. She helped transition him out of this world along with my mother and myself. Things like that inspire me more than couples that have charmed lives and relationships.
No matter how great your relationship is there will always be challenges. Imo polyamory just adds extra and unnecessary challenges. Life is full of em without the others so nothing is ever charmed. Believe me
I’m having such a good time seeing you guys on furniture and sitting in front of decor 😂 i love it and I love this video and I love you guys Thank you for sharing
Both of you have inspired me so much in how I have relationships. For some strange reason you are putting out just what I need to hear at the times I need to hear the message. It is weird and strange and I love it. It’s like “get out of my head.” Haha thank you for the authenticity and openness and sharing your growth both individually and as a partnership. ❤️
This helped me. I just married my best friend of 8 years in September and let me tell you, I have had my days were I think this won’t work what are we doing. I think we aren’t as happy as our friends or the people we see in social media, etc. Yet for 8 years we have worked really well together and have grown together. I think it’s key to remember every day, heck every second of our relationship we are changing and some days we change in a way that works for us both, and other days we change in ways the other won’t. I think as long as we can accept the change in the other person in those off days we are good to go!
A while ago, I worked at a store in Slovenia. One time, I met an Australian couple at that store. They had been together for over 60 years at the time (they were both well in their 80s). They were the definition of 'happily ever after'. Words cannot even describe the amount of positive and loving energy I felt when they walked into the store. And the way they took care about each other (he helped her walk down the stairs, held her bag as she was paying for what she picked at the store, etc.) was so sweet. Even by the way they looked at each other I could tell they get to live a life full of love. They told me they had saved up a large amount of money throughout their life, gave a part to charity, a part to their grandchildren, and the rest they used to travel the world in the autumn of their lives. They noticed I had an engagement ring on, so we talked about relationships a bit... And what I find interesting is that they said a lot of the things you did in the video, especially about allowing room to grow in a relationship, for the relationship and for the individual parties involved. Another thing that stood out to me was that they said something along the lines of 'no matter how hard it gets, try to be there for each other, try to help each other, from a place of love and acceptance'. While that was truly an inspiring couple, I firmly believe that that can only work if both (or all) people in a relationship give it their all. Sometimes, you really need to step back and love them from a distance in order for that person to live their truth.
Your video's have helped me quite the bit in my own healing journey. Not to say that being in a relationship equals healing. But to me personally, it felt like that. Thank you for sharing this much of your personal life.☕️
Wow that ending was just the sweetest thing! You darlings thank you for sharing your journeys. I have learnt so much about communication here and it has really created the most epic relationships and experiences for me. Rock on beautiful beings
You guys talk so lovingly with each other .. I guess it’s just hard for me personally to digest that you won’t have that as frequently living apart. That’s why I was one of the people that got REALLY upset when Conner moved out . But in retrospect, if not living together helps improve the quality of your relationship, I’d want that for you guys more than anything- even if it means I have to challenge my preconceived notions of a “couple”. Lots of love to you 💕
Everything you two are saying is SO TRUE! Almost all of us are conditioned to see this fairytale type romance, and that’s USUALLY not the real world. I appreciate you both SO MUCH! I strive to do life the way ya’ll do. It’s freaking beautiful!
Love, love, love this! You both made such good points. I agree that the "happily ever after mythos" is ingrained in us from childhood and it isn't what real relationships look like. Authentic relationships take work for those involved. Thank you for sharing!
I am so in for this and I’m so freaking excited to go along this journey with you. Over the past 3 years you have changed my life, and I am continually inspired to continue on this journey alongside you both. Thank you for being your full authentic selves and sharing it vulnerably with us!
This is such a thoughtful, impactful and important message for everyone! The only constant in our lives is change! Thank you for sharing this. My admiration and love for you both keeps growing. My views on relationship and sexuality have changed for the better since opening my heart and mind to your perspectives and watching you do life together. It's such an honor to be allowed to see you experiment, change and grow. Thank you for sharing so honestly and authentically 💜
Thank you for this, you two are badass people. I was part of the followers who thought maybe this had gone 'the wrong way', but it feels so good to see you this happy and doing your thing.
My grandma and grandfather stayed together „happily ever after“, they are separated by death and I loved to see their dynamics. BUT that’s so rare and they have to endure so much pain (my grandma got blind at age 60 and therefore got also depressed). There is no prince-princess fantasy in real life. That’s because I love you. You crush dreams and are so authentic. Love you so much!
Yes thank you for crushing my dreams 😂. It has cracked the wall around my heart to allow me more and more openness to universal love. Even if parts of me don’t like to admit it through the discomfort. 🌈 Grateful to still feel inspired by you two and a renewed sense of faith. 😭🙌🏻
Thank you SO MUCH. 💕🤲 I am currently ending a 17-year marriage. It is terrifying at times, but I am trying to approach this new era with the most healthy, peaceful, happy, BRAVE way as possible. I am trying to be open in my heart and mind to receive the happiness, health, safety, peace, and ease that IS HERE and that is in the future. I hope you can talk more about remembering that whatever IS means that's what's aligned, and appreciating that. I'd also love to hear more about manifestation.
I adore my partner. She adores me. As time is finite, there is pragmatic value in loving each other well. It facillitates opportunities to enjoy all the other important facets of this precious life. Healthy boundaries, compromise and pragmatism do play an important role in the curation of a beautiful and bountiful life that serves not just ourselves but also others.
My great grandparents were married for over 60 years. They were both individuals and one. They made a point of checking in with each other, really checking in, every day. Love like they had...I don't know if it exists anymore.
Soooo many thoughts and a spark of energy at realizing this is so much of what I've felt almost 15 years into a marriage free partnership. CHOOSING one another everyday and adapting and advocating for the change we need and loving each other even when they don't necessarily align but we work through it and try things and are open. Just 🤯. Then the ENERGY! Are you trying to say that you're past some hurdles that prevented you from sharing certain aspects of your truth and you're about to post some crazy authenticity? I've felt such an energy shift and excitement lately. I crave so much more of that!
I'm so feeling this! I'm constantly shedding societal expectations I put on myself of what my relationship is supposed to look like, surrendering to, this is what my relationship looks like now, oh how exciting and hard at the same time, this is what it looks like to be intimate, messy and small steps ahead, and knowing it most likely won't be reflected in general society, this is what it looks like to work through trauma, to relearn trust, to be intimate. Thank you for the high pops of inspiration and call to enter this new phase! Love you both ❤
I absolutely feel other people's desire to see my relationship with my partner as an end product. But in reality (we've been 'together' for 16 years, since I was 16) it just has never been that way. It's always changing. Sometimes I feel that desire too, for it to be static somehow so I can...relax?! But usually that's when I'm resisting what is. Even during the flux times, if I'm accepting it typically feels good. It's the resisting that feels bad. Mostly I love that it feels open and we're totally open to however it is going to work *best* for both of us as individuals.
Ahhhh. Just taking a moment to sit in this moment to hear your story. Reflecting on how my fear of NOT having the fantasy has very nearly cost me the possibility of feeling true Love with my husband and best friend. The 2 of you have truly shone a light on the fact that my true fairy tale really is experiencing him in the most beautiful raw, ever-changing Love. What a gift! You guys...truly...thankyou! Thankyou for helping me see that being responsible for me and recognizing the honor I have of loving my husband is a gift. I want to grow and love what IS today and be the best of me tomorrow. Words cannot quite capture just how much you sharing your truth is allowing me to really face myself and then appreciate the opportunity for love around me. I am touched. I feel so welcome. I feel supported. You guys make me feel home. Sending you more love than you can imagine!!
I transitioned my ten year relationship this year, we were engaged for years but it became apparent that it wasn't working in that container. In the past I cut my exes out of my life completely and carried that hurt and pain with me, whereas this time we both acted with perpetual respect towards each other and remain best friends, something I never expected would be even possible. We were going to have babies and make a life together and I was so afraid to leave him even though my higher self knew it wasn't right for me and I think that fear came from the expectations of wider society than without those things at 35 a single woman is a failure or not worth anything anymore. A lot of the fear came from the belief that it had to work out or I would have nothing. Both of those fears are completely and totally unfounded. I live by myself now in a house that I have autonomy over, focussing on doing all the things I have always wanted to and living in my truth every day. Honouring myself and my needs first and foremost have healed my chronic fatigue, anxiety and depression. If I adhered to what others thought I should do or stubbornly refused to relinquish this one idea of what success and happiness looks like I would be miserable and probably not here anymore. So authenticity and loving myself has given me a beautiful relationship based on friendship with my ex who I will love forever and always have in my life if that is what I want and need. I now know I will not live with my partner full time, that I value my own autonomous space and that I don't necessarily need a full time partner to have a child. Many people don't get it. But they aren't living my life. Only I can do that. I'll admit I have been triggered by your (Conor and Brit) relationship changes but that was only due to the challenge it posed to my conditioning and internalised Disney narrative. My higher self knew it resonates by the animal part of me reacted in fear. Now I am not afraid and it's glorious. This year is going to be wonderful. Wishing you all the best on your continually evolving journey and sending all my love your way.
Conors wisdom is fire right now, truth that we all need 🔥 and in this moment possible through Brittanys loving gaze and holding of space! I love this idea of future projecting and what happens when it doesn’t happen! Yea! I love that normalization that shift and growth as an essential process INVOLVES CHALLENGE! Amazing relationship is alive shifting and authentic! The true fantasy IS WHAT YOURE DOING. Following your inner truth running life from inside out, giving unconditional loved
Love the couch!! Must say ,Conor - I see a huge shift in you of late. You just seem so much more comfortable in your own skin!! You appear more at peace!!! Brittany , you continue to rock and are as adorable as ever!!!
I'm monogamous, thus far in life at 40, but/and, this video is soooo relatable to how I've thought and felt and experienced relationships over the years. And I've been very frustrated not really being understood about it by those I deeply love, and sometimes not knowing how to really communicate it in a way that can be understood. Thank you both so much.
I have been watching you guys for a while and I find your relationship both motivating and interesting all at once. As I continue to watch I feel like your drive to be authentic is overpowering the actual authenticity. In the attempt at trying to be authentic, emotions are lost and it seems very rehearsed. I say this with respect but also with hopes of providing feedback as a fan of your channel.
Hi Lauren, we shoot our RUclips videos with a topic in mind to reflect on. For more candid raw and unplanned videos we definitely recommend checking out our membership videos at conorandbrittany.com 🥰
Thank you.... needed to hear this. Been watching for a while & really never fully understood your concepts on relationship/love but have been trying to understand it and how you deal w the emotions of the changes within your relationship. I’ve cried for you and felt sad for you but didn’t understand how you weren’t feeling such loss - Always felt very uncomfortable for some reason - like I couldn’t do that & hurt FOR you in your transitions. But this video really made it make sense in a way that it hadn’t to me before. Thank you for this & for sharing your journey with all of us. I’ve had difficult endings to relationships & hv suffered a lot and really wanted to understand how to put those things into perspective. This is so helpful. Love to you both.
Hi beauties! Here is what I have noticed; a few of my great aunts and uncles had those happily ever after relationships. They adored each other. I can say that one couple comes to my mind in my parents’ generation. I think that we, as a society, are now always looking over our shoulders. Not sure that the grass isn’t greener somewhere else. I think we give up quickly now. I’m glad you guys aren’t giving up 😊
I seem to have a "happily ever after"... I mean, I did a shit-load of suffering... but I'm just really happy with my partner of the last 16 years. We;ve been through thick and thin, choosing everyday to share the journey...but there comes a point when one can develop enough strength in the partnership that the important stuff actually begins to get addressed. Many times I tried to push my partner away but they were just incredibly devoted and that changed me. You guys often refer to how things "feel" and yet you have a lot of "head" stuff going on...It is a curious combination....plus you are both smart...I reckon you could pretty much rationalize any position you put your mind to...In fact you did it in this video....you started with "the fantasy will never happen and ended with...if you do it our way you can have "a happily ever after life of 'TRUE' love" (14:07). So for me, I have given up some aspects of myself for my relationship which I guess that is what Brittany would describe as not living in the fullness on myself. However, on the flip side, I discovered some delightful aspects I didn't even know I had in me by taking the path that I did. This is the same for my partner- he has grown in ways that he never thought he would grow in. I suspect that whatever you guys did you would make it a path of personal growth because that is what is in your nature- whether you lived together monogamously or lived apart with multiple partners you'd still be growing. On a different note, I'd be really keen to hear more about how your approaches to life reflect in your art making practices.
Thank you for sharing this. It immensely helped me realign with what I feel is my truth, and aided me in creating the “safety” within myself that I caught myself attaching to someone I deeply love. Your wisdom has truly helped process the feelings, thoughts, worries and confusion that today brought up for me. I am grateful for your authenticity and honesty, you are creating magical things!
Absolutely love that comment at the end Connor!! You two are an incredible couple! And it's your choice and freedom to love and have a relationship the way you want to !
3 года назад
I love you guys. In awe of you and your relation. You are such an inspiration
You being so open and loving towards one another (and anyone really) shows how strong you guys are. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your journey. And Conor, you also look great without a beard :)
Your relationship has inspired me for the three (?) years I've followed you, and it inspires me now. It inspires me to keep autonomy and has inspired me to take a step back with my partner and find out which parts of our relationship were a "Hell Yes." Continued stationary romantic relationships aren't the only happy ending. :)
I love this outlook on relationships; it resonates with what I value about my strongest partnerships. I have found this so difficult to convey to the monogamous folks in my life. So often their response to learning that I'm poly is to reminisce about their own relationship and how perfect they are for each other and how lucky they are to have found someone who wants happily ever after with them. Meanwhile, I feel grateful to have partners who are excited about supporting each other as we grow and change, and who are open to the myriad ways in which our relationships might develop. It's exciting, expansive, and - though challenging at times - is ultimately so fulfilling. Thank you for speaking about this so candidly.
Thanks for sharing, I see so much projection in your comments all the time. Especially since Conner moved out. I also think that the way people talk about break-ups/divorce makes it sound like you wasted your time and that relationship was useless. But lets say my partner and I break up next year, we still had a beautiful decade of love! That’s still valuable, even when things change.
This is beautiful, and this is why I appreciate yalls channel so much. What authentic, freeing, love looks like. Even when it's challenging. Uncomfortable situations is where the most growth happens.
So excited to see the journey going forward. You guys have completely blown up my perspective on love and relationships and I coulsnt be more grateful that you're sharing this!!
People don't know how to accept eachother. There for they think its better not to be in a committed relationship. Everything is in a constant change. Humans are not different a partnership is something beautiful that people are afraid of.
You know guys, this is so powerful and so actual for me. I am now coming out of a time in which I was craving stability LIKE MAD and I was constantly obsessed by the future. In terms of worrying. It was eating me alive and I one day I realized that it was also forbidding me to experience my life as it was moving forward, in the present moment. It was taking away my life, because I was in my head always somewhere else compared to where I was with my body. A life wasted. I don't know what changed, something really clicked and now I am somehow capable to live every day like it's a capsule in time. It is awesome. I have a lot of uncertainty in my life (my job, my house, my relationship) and I am not scared anymore because I am taking it one day at a time. I have also realised that everything I could have had to provide a sense of stability would have been an illusion. You get married? Well then you divorce. You settle down somewhere? Then you parents get sick and you must change your plans. You get a permanent contract at work? Then they cut the staff and you end up unemployed. Nothing is forever. There is no static situation until we die and honestly I AM DONE fighting this. Now I am SO ROLLING WITH IT and it's amazing. I am finally able to bring my best self in every single moment because for me this is all there is. Everything will end tomorrow? I die tomorrow? Well, then I want to LIVE TODAY. That's all we have. And by the way, not to be depressing or anything, but I am very much aware of my mortality and the illusion that I am going to live until I am 90 is the very first illusion. I could tragically die when I am 40. This is why I stay grounded in the now. Because I have learnt it is all I have, it's so precious I am not going to waste it anymore. And little insight on why I was so terrified? Because my inner child was scared to death of not making it out there. But thinking that a permanent spouse, a job, a house, or whatever it is will save you, is an illusion. I have learnt that I have to save myself. I have to care for myself. I AM CAPABLE of taking care of myself. Things will end, ALL OF THEM, but until I breathe there is one thing that will NOT change: and that is me being here and being responsible for myself. I know it sounds crazy but I swear, if I had to LOSE EVERYTHING tomorrow, I would have a big cry and then I would just keep rolling and being fine. There is so much to be grateful for: the sun, the air, potable water, food. plants. Let's enjoy being alive. Being alive is only NOW. The rest does not exist. IT DOES NOT EXIST.
The happy ever after that we've been taught is definitely not true in the fairytale sense. But it is possible to find one person and spend the rest of your life with them! My husband and I were each others "first love" and we've both only had a romantic relationship with each other and we're both still very happy and in love and growing with each other almost ten years and two kids later. So it's not impossible to find solace in a monogomous relationship. We are very happy and thriving and connected. Everybody is so different and there's not one way to do a love life. I think that's the biggest misconception in this culture. That we meet one person and only be with that person forever when that's just not true for everyone. But it does work for some people. I love you guys, even though I have a totally different relationship personally you guys bring so much value to any kind of relationship whether you have one partner for life or many. That's what matters! Thanks for sharing and exploring this. Always digging deeper to find truths and authenticity, you guys are awesome!!
I appreciate you guys so much. Reality versus real and authentic is so true. I absolutely love your way about expression and understanding. I want this!!
This view is so inspiring and makes me so exited to live life. Feels like I've been living in the dark and now seeing the light. So much love and vibration sent to you all.
seeing Brittany look at Conor at 0:28 like she used to look at him, with this amazement and excitment, and them talking about owing a sofa together, makes me super excited for this video :D i hope they are THEY again :D i havent been watchig lately so im excited to see
Brilliant stuff, Conor and Brittany! Thank you for promising to crush my dreams (i.e., useless fantasies that stifle personal growth)! You've been doing that all along & it's been a beautiful adventure & I'm ready for more!
I feel as though so many people see this life as, “How do I get to the finish line of happiness, success, and perfection? “ That’s not the point. I chose a partner who, at this time in my life, helps me GROW as a being. Something I strive for is to always be growing. I am not looking for an end game. And I think that’s where people go off a little in finding a partner. Just want to note this is totally just my opinion! And I value and acknowledge everyone else’s opinion, so I can grow in my own thinking.
Awesome, thank you! It's a scary process, but it's really worth it to have the courage and be authentic instead of curling up or running away (which I've done both).
My dear friend Jeanne was married to her high school sweetheart at age 17. They were farm kids from southern Indiana and together had five children and a long life together. When all their kids moved out of the house, they became tandem truck drivers and drove to every single US State together (Minus Hawaii) and worked/traveled together this way for over five years. Jeanne often talked about how that was the happiest time of her life and their entire marriage. They had ups and downs, of course, but I never saw so much love between two people like I saw with this amazing couple. A few months after their 60th anniversary, Robert died. Jeanne lived for years after his death, but she was never the same and struggled to live without him. She has since passed away. There life together was filled with hardships and difficulties, but their love story was so beautiful and really speaks to the power of connection, commitment, dedication, and evolution. Jeanne told me that she loved every stage of Robert. She said he changed over and over and over throughout their life together and she chose to love him through all that change and he loved her the same. Thank you for sharing this video today!
that is inspiring
Beautiful story reminds me of my grandparents
Sometimes I feel like you guys might want to consider being more open to compromise. It feels like you see compromise in conflict to be a threat to autonomy or your independent/ authentic self... But maybe it's not just that? compromise can also be an opportunity for connection. Freedom isn't not having to follow rules, it's getting to choose for yourself which rules to follow. Your relationship style may have many benefits but a potential pitfall could be that with such a focus on independence you could eventually comes across a problem that is too big to just empathize and then 'agree to disagree' on. Then you could find your partnership in a crisis. Have you ever read John Gottmans 'Why Marriages Succeed of Fail'? The chapter on conflict styles? I found it really interesting.
I love your comment ‘compromise can be an opportunity for connection’ that is so true especially when it comes to relationships and love.
Also compromise is a lesson in humility as well as sacrifice. Both very useful things to learn . They make you a better person and a better person to those you love
Could not agree more
autonomy, independence / authentic self. compromise. conflict. I have a desire to answer that. I am as a answer looking in myself. What exactly are you trying to present? Am understanding it correctly ?
I do not see them as sympathizing and agreeing to disagree. Nor do they seem to me to be about independence and autonomy.
They are about being honest, understanding themselves and each other.
their focus is not on independence, their focus is about being healthy of mind. I am on my own proces in that.
I find my mind skewered. That skewerdness is also unhealthy. It leads to shooting up school for some few in de USA.
Finding that skewerdness in themselfs is what they are about. And healing it.
That skewerdness is the only thing that puts us in any crisis.
A relationship can not stay out of crisis if it has things that are false. if it has skewerdness. Unless the skewerdness matches. Like a dominate and submissive matches.
A painter has to step away from the detail she is painting to see how it fits in the whole picture.
An adolescent has to leave its parents house eventually.
It is bad if the parents keep the adolescent at home.
Not every relationship is meant to stay in being together.
We get sick if a relationship we are in stays in a state that is temporary. Then we go to the doctor.
By stepping out of the situation I am no longer influenced - obscured by the situation.
I am then no longer unable from seeing the forest i was in.
compromise, sacrifice to what ?
this
Actually, my parents have that happily ever after story. They've been married 27 years and still have not "fought." Obviously discussion and disagreement is there, but no heated arguing. They taught me so much about how to make a happily ever after happen for yourself. If both individuals strive to do their personal best, things will work out.
I think the issue a lot of people (including myself) have is that you don't talk about times when the two of you are upset about a situation. You always seem to use language that reframes difficult situations into a welcome challenge that you're happy to deal with and that doesn't resonate with our lived experience of sometimes wallowing in hardship. I get that you use words and phrases that help alleviate pain, so you can learn from it, but we don't see the process happen in a recognizable way. I might be alone in this, but if I'm not, it would be nice for us to see a video where you admit "yes, this sucks and it feels like it won't get any better" or "I yelled at him/her today, because I was mad, and the words weren't constructive until the next day when we tried to make up". That would be more relatable and would then make the rest seem doable.
Hi love, we think you'd really enjoy our membership content at conorandbrittany.com where we share more raw and emotional processing. Although we do share some raw in the moment content on RUclips, in general this platform is where we share our reflections on any given topic. We share what the ongoing process looks like through membership videos and this sounds like what you are looking for, hope that helps!
You’re definitely not alone in this and articulated everything I haven’t been able to put into words when I watch their videos. I can understand wanting to keep conflict and disagreements out of their videos for privacy, it’s their channel and they owe us nothing. But it is true-the language they use makes it seem like they’re above conflict and arguing and like they are super evolved beings. But that’s not real life to me.
Communication and language are skills. You can easily learn to reframe and learn too. They are not doing anything all of us can't learn to do. It just seems magical because you haven't learned yet. check out nonviolent communication for example. super easy and great for relationships.
This one made me cry y’all. “I’m going to love you forever. And I’m going to express that forever in ways that make sense as we evolve.” I needed to hear that. So powerful.
💓💓
'happily ever after' is a matter of perspective and ultimately in your own control.
I totally agree!
Hihi folks. My parents met when they were 16. They had 63 years together. I don't just mean years, they had kisses and laughter, a tap on the bum, survived 3 daughters lol Their love was beautiful. They passed away 3 months apart. I have been loved, grounded and blessed by them
Hand up here. Met my husband when I was 14. Married at 21. One child, financially stable, amazing life. Happily ever after and loving it. It does exist.
I have been following you since areally long time. I have taken much from your advice and views and I really enjoyed your early videos and thank you both for that!
For the last year I must say my opinion changed a lot, and I must agree with some of the comments here, sometimes it really looks like you may just be needing to compromise a little more. And I do not even mean with yourselves as a relationship, but with life in general. I have the feeling you have become very rigid in your views and everything that is outside of your world you try to fit in your terms.
"I have never seen a couple that I admire" - I truly do not believe so. There is people that there are as happy in a more regular familiar system as you are in yours. You could also borrow some things from the "norm" and adapt it to yourselves. Not everything in the "norm" is necessarily "wrong".
I do think having expectations is good and necessary in life and relationships. It helps us shaping our world, thriving to be better, to achieve our goals, and gives us humans a sense of stability and order. That is not a bad thing.
That expectations sometimes can be wrong and lead us to unhappy places ? Certainly! but here is where it comes the self-growting aspect that you talk so much about it: learning how to adapt our expectations, how to understand when they do not fit the current reality and learn to adapt them is part of our path of self growth. And as you said, it won't look perfect nor beautiful always, but one can learn from it. It does not mean we should live in a eternal state of full acceptance and no expectations whatsoever.
Also I do not know why you say people live expecting a happily ever after. And if so, why not living that way? I think humans are more than clear that growth and life is a challenging thing. That nothing is granted and that one need to learn how to adapt and to live by your own values. I have never seen a couple marrying assuming the rest will be just easy moments and pink flowers. Not at all, is all the contrary I would say. Every time I see a couple getting marry is under the real acceptance that life will challenge them but they still want that person by their side to go through all that. No one is so foolish to claim that marriage is an easy thing, no one. Nevertheless, one do strive to be as happy as possible. And to be able to rely in the other as much as possible, and for that yes of course you build your expectations around that. I do not think that is cutting the freedom of other and not letting things "unfold".
In general I would love to be able to reconnect with your message again. I just have the feeling that you have fixated your views so much that is difficult to connect with you. Also I have the feeling you are so constrained in those ideas that is difficult for you to see what us - your public since a really long time - can see very clearly from the outside.
Anyways, I say this from the most humble place and not to hurt you or attack you at all. I am just wishing to find you again in a more authentic place of mind, because at the moment it really does not feel authentic what you say and is difficult for me to connect to your message as I used to.
Best of wishes!
I remember growing up I was so upset that my mom didn’t allow me to watch the Disney Princess movies. She never wanted me to have a warped sense of reality and relationships❤️
Conor seems like a totally different person...or have I just been away a while? Cool to be evolving.
As a healing co-dependent, trying to excavate my long-held (and learned) ideas of relationships and how they "work", I cannot tell you how important it is for me to see partners like you two doing the work with such openness, love, and honesty. Life is messy, love is even messier, and I like that you aren't trying to make love "shape up" and fit to a mold. Thank you for doing the work, and sharing your journeys with us.
I was...am....married 30 years, and had my Happily Ever After until I lost my husband and best friend Mike 2 weeks ago to Stage IV Cancer.
He was gentle and kind and easy to love. The last thing he said to me with our 3 children is "I'll love you forever and forever". I'm utterly heartbroken to lose the love of my life. I'm grateful for the love we shared 💔
Sending our condolences 💔
@@conorandbrittany Thank you so much sweet friends 💙
I’m so sorry. Sending you lots of love.
Here’s the funny thing about all the fairytales we were conditioned with... Mary comes in with her expectations based on the relationship fairytale she grew up with and John comes in with his own expectations based on the relationship fairytales he grew up with and boom! Recipe for constant disappointment and conflict. I’m with you... change is the only constant. Might as well just embrace celebrate change and go with the flow of the ceaseless evolution of life itself. Thank you so much for sharing! This was a beautiful reminder. ❤️🙏🏼
I am a complete person. I was married for 20 years, then widowed.
My new husband and I both separately ( before we met) were looking for another whole person, not our better half.
Now going on two years married. Is it perfection?
Nope, it is real life. We just decided we like each other even when it isn't awesome.
But that is just us.
We want stability and growth vs just individual happiness all the time.
True love for me is what is done, not said.
Wishing you all love and happiness.
In the words of John Mayer "love is a verb"...
You two constantly push ahead down the “path less travelled” showing us real and authentic versions of your ever evolving relationship...regardless of what majority of your audience want to see (a happy ever after) you continue to show us what is REAL what is REALITY. Something a lot of you tubers don’t do due to fear of losing views. Thank you for reminding us what’s real we need to be reminded of this to save us a lot of heartache thinking we need to reach something that (for most) is unetanable .🙏🙏🙏✨
We appreciate you!
I authentically feel that this is probably the most important video you all have made. I am so glad that you each have reached this point through real love. Me and my partner of 23 years are at the same alignment as you both share here.
Honestly, happy ever after is growing and changing and communicating with people as well as the both of you do.
Yes🙌🏼
there is a love song (in french) ive always loved, witch has one of my favorite line. It translates to: in many years we will be old and changed, maybe even broken up. Our minds in a jumble, unable and worn out. but today i love you, today for eternity. And Ive always loved it because it is never about the length of the relationship but always about the love, the parnership and the growth. A successful relationship is one that helps you change for the best and accept every piece of youself. It is one that makes you feel loved and safe. Doest matter if it lasts for a few months or a few years or until you die, it will be as meaningful.
This fairy tail idea has gotten in the way of success. I’ve felt like I’ve had to act this whole time to deserve what I all ready have. Change is unavoidable at this point.
I am 50 years old in a new relationship and found your channel without looking for it. I cannot thank you enough for sharing your wisdom which is so aligned with my feelings.
Conventional relationships have done nothing but hurt me in life.
The moment I decided I would never again participate in a relationship based on the old fairytale ideals, I felt so free. Knowing I live in this world enjoying contentment with or without a partner attracted a wonderful person.
Can’t wait to take in all your other videos.
You two are profoundly beautiful and you almost always leave me with something to think about and joy deep in my heart. I’m 60 years old, and the learning never ends. I am so grateful. Thank you
I love this, and love you both so much. Thank you for sharing this journey. I recently left a 21 year monogomous relationship with someone I will always love dearly. But we both had stifled ourselves and our truth so much, trying to achieve the "Happily ever after". Yes to truth, growth and authenticity. I was devestated when you two started having more challenges, and that is way too much pressure to put on people. Thank you for continuing to share this ever evolving, bad ass love. Your journey has helped me so much along mine, and given me hope that I can have a relationship that honors and values the truth of who we are all as people. Wishing you all the best.
I've been with the same man for 30yrs, hes my happy ever after...✌&❤
"A fairy-tale safety" that you have never experienced. Perfect statement! so many run on a "fairy-tale" and destroy a great relationship.
This was really powerful for me to hear.... Something happened over the weekend in my polyam journey that I wasn't prepared for or didn't think would happen (that way) and it absolutely crushed me. I felt broken, like I broke into a million little pieces and like I was scrambling to put things back together, trying desperately to gain control and stop hurting. But I just kept hurting, in constant conflict inside of myself between what I felt, what I thought, and what I wanted to feel. At some point, I decided it was time to seek therapy again because when it really comes down to it, this triggered something internal, and I want to be ok with myself in order to be ok within the relationship. Even if the relationship changes (as you said, it probably will one way or the other because we're changing as individuals), and there is work to do what how things played out, I want to know that I will always be ok, that I will survive and I am enough.
My parents met when my Mom was 12 and my Dad was 14. They had their 66th wedding anniversary this past May. They grew up together and they stuck through the difficult times. They were both willing to change and grow and learn from each other and others as well.
You’re on a couch AND you have like full on clothes! You look so different! And Connor cute AF without the facial hair again. 😀❤️ Ok back to the video.
I don’t see you as a “happy ever after” people but I’m constantly in awe by how constant you are working in self-growth and compassion towards others.
Thank you for this video and for sharing your truth about this shift in your relationship. My partner and I are currently undergoing a relationship shift as well and I’ve really felt like society and the people in my life have made me believe a shift is bad and indicative of a failing on my part, thank you for helping me challenge that and see this as a success and growth. I have felt so much shame about having to live separately from my partner at this moment in time and this gives me some validation and understanding that it’s okay for my relationship to change and evolve. Thank you deeply.
Sending all our love and support
Love the “set” / space you’re filming It feels good to look at and see you in it
This is so interesting! I’m realizing for myself that happiness is not something that comes to you, it’s some thing that is created within yourself. You have to make the effort to change your own life and make it better.
My Aunt and Uncle absolutely had the most amazing, lifelong love. They found each other in their teens, which statistically should have never lasted. But, for them, it was like they were cut from the same fabric. As they grew, their love blossomed right along with them. The absolute definition of Yin and Yang, of soulmate. It was the most beautiful love and I was so privileged to watch them through the years. I would give my right arm to find what they had. They were married and monogamous for 68 years. One of the saddest things I ever witnessed, was my Aunt kissing him goodbye, as he passed away. You are correct, it’s rare and I wish I had what they had. I, at least got to watch their love story and it was amazing.
So, we were teens when I met my eventual husband. From the second we met we were inseperable. A year later we had our 1st baby. It was interesting raising a child as we were still growing up ourselves, lol. Now, almost 29yrs later we still choose to be together. We were lucky that we grew together rather than apart.
For me, it's comforting knowing I'm with my soul mate/best friend. He's the only person I've ever been with in any adult capacity, and I love that. I've never wanted or needed anyone else.
I think we (unintentionally) did the smart thing by not planning for the future. We enjoyed each day, and still do. Our current phase is loving being grandparents; who knows what'll be next?
Thanks for the space to share my little story. Love to you both! 🧡💙
There is nothing inspiring about a happily ever after where you are together for the rest of your lives but yet have no challenges and hardships and everything is easy. It’s not much of a journey. Inspiring is a long-term or lifetime relationship where you face these challenges together and you continue to choose each other, you choose to grow together. My grandfather just passed in August. He and my grandmother were together for 50 years. I always appreciated hearing the entirety of their love story. Not just how they met and fell in love, but how they worked past real relationship issues and faced real life hardships together. They nearly divorced twenty years in, but were able to work past those issues and grow together. No, things still were not “perfect” even after that, but they loved each other deeply, and she was his primary caregiver throughout his illness. She helped transition him out of this world along with my mother and myself. Things like that inspire me more than couples that have charmed lives and relationships.
No matter how great your relationship is there will always be challenges. Imo polyamory just adds extra and unnecessary challenges. Life is full of em without the others so nothing is ever charmed. Believe me
lol..... "We will crush your dreams"..... love me forever EXACTLY the way I show UP!!!!!
I’m having such a good time seeing you guys on furniture and sitting in front of decor
😂 i love it and I love this video and I love you guys
Thank you for sharing
Both of you have inspired me so much in how I have relationships. For some strange reason you are putting out just what I need to hear at the times I need to hear the message. It is weird and strange and I love it. It’s like “get out of my head.” Haha thank you for the authenticity and openness and sharing your growth both individually and as a partnership. ❤️
This helped me. I just married my best friend of 8 years in September and let me tell you, I have had my days were I think this won’t work what are we doing. I think we aren’t as happy as our friends or the people we see in social media, etc. Yet for 8 years we have worked really well together and have grown together. I think it’s key to remember every day, heck every second of our relationship we are changing and some days we change in a way that works for us both, and other days we change in ways the other won’t. I think as long as we can accept the change in the other person in those off days we are good to go!
A while ago, I worked at a store in Slovenia. One time, I met an Australian couple at that store. They had been together for over 60 years at the time (they were both well in their 80s). They were the definition of 'happily ever after'. Words cannot even describe the amount of positive and loving energy I felt when they walked into the store. And the way they took care about each other (he helped her walk down the stairs, held her bag as she was paying for what she picked at the store, etc.) was so sweet. Even by the way they looked at each other I could tell they get to live a life full of love. They told me they had saved up a large amount of money throughout their life, gave a part to charity, a part to their grandchildren, and the rest they used to travel the world in the autumn of their lives. They noticed I had an engagement ring on, so we talked about relationships a bit... And what I find interesting is that they said a lot of the things you did in the video, especially about allowing room to grow in a relationship, for the relationship and for the individual parties involved. Another thing that stood out to me was that they said something along the lines of 'no matter how hard it gets, try to be there for each other, try to help each other, from a place of love and acceptance'. While that was truly an inspiring couple, I firmly believe that that can only work if both (or all) people in a relationship give it their all. Sometimes, you really need to step back and love them from a distance in order for that person to live their truth.
Hello from Slovenia🤗🤗🤗
I find it hard to not be direct. I prefer to work things out, good or bad, to resolve things. Communication is key.
Your video's have helped me quite the bit in my own healing journey. Not to say that being in a relationship equals healing. But to me personally, it felt like that. Thank you for sharing this much of your personal life.☕️
Wow that ending was just the sweetest thing!
You darlings thank you for sharing your journeys.
I have learnt so much about communication here and it has really created the most epic relationships and experiences for me.
Rock on beautiful beings
You guys talk so lovingly with each other .. I guess it’s just hard for me personally to digest that you won’t have that as frequently living apart. That’s why I was one of the people that got REALLY upset when Conner moved out . But in retrospect, if not living together helps improve the quality of your relationship, I’d want that for you guys more than anything- even if it means I have to challenge my preconceived notions of a “couple”. Lots of love to you 💕
Everything you two are saying is SO TRUE! Almost all of us are conditioned to see this fairytale type romance, and that’s USUALLY not the real world. I appreciate you both SO MUCH! I strive to do life the way ya’ll do. It’s freaking beautiful!
Love, love, love this! You both made such good points. I agree that the "happily ever after mythos" is ingrained in us from childhood and it isn't what real relationships look like. Authentic relationships take work for those involved. Thank you for sharing!
I am so in for this and I’m so freaking excited to go along this journey with you. Over the past 3 years you have changed my life, and I am continually inspired to continue on this journey alongside you both. Thank you for being your full authentic selves and sharing it vulnerably with us!
This is such a thoughtful, impactful and important message for everyone! The only constant in our lives is change! Thank you for sharing this. My admiration and love for you both keeps growing. My views on relationship and sexuality have changed for the better since opening my heart and mind to your perspectives and watching you do life together. It's such an honor to be allowed to see you experiment, change and grow. Thank you for sharing so honestly and authentically 💜
🤗🤗
Thank you for this, you two are badass people. I was part of the followers who thought maybe this had gone 'the wrong way', but it feels so good to see you this happy and doing your thing.
My grandma and grandfather stayed together „happily ever after“, they are separated by death and I loved to see their dynamics. BUT that’s so rare and they have to endure so much pain (my grandma got blind at age 60 and therefore got also depressed). There is no prince-princess fantasy in real life. That’s because I love you. You crush dreams and are so authentic. Love you so much!
Yes thank you for crushing my dreams 😂. It has cracked the wall around my heart to allow me more and more openness to universal love. Even if parts of me don’t like to admit it through the discomfort. 🌈 Grateful to still feel inspired by you two and a renewed sense of faith. 😭🙌🏻
Thank you SO MUCH. 💕🤲
I am currently ending a 17-year marriage. It is terrifying at times, but I am trying to approach this new era with the most healthy, peaceful, happy, BRAVE way as possible. I am trying to be open in my heart and mind to receive the happiness, health, safety, peace, and ease that IS HERE and that is in the future.
I hope you can talk more about remembering that whatever IS means that's what's aligned, and appreciating that.
I'd also love to hear more about manifestation.
Sending lots of love and support!
@@conorandbrittany thank you! ♡
My new fantasy in love life is truth and honesty, thanks to you guys!
I saw my father's cousins married forever. Slept over at their house as a preteen/teen and saw it. It was real. They are still together in their 70s.
I adore my partner. She adores me. As time is finite, there is pragmatic value in loving each other well. It facillitates opportunities to enjoy all the other important facets of this precious life. Healthy boundaries, compromise and pragmatism do play an important role in the curation of a beautiful and bountiful life that serves not just ourselves but also others.
My great grandparents were married for over 60 years. They were both individuals and one. They made a point of checking in with each other, really checking in, every day. Love like they had...I don't know if it exists anymore.
Soooo many thoughts and a spark of energy at realizing this is so much of what I've felt almost 15 years into a marriage free partnership. CHOOSING one another everyday and adapting and advocating for the change we need and loving each other even when they don't necessarily align but we work through it and try things and are open. Just 🤯.
Then the ENERGY! Are you trying to say that you're past some hurdles that prevented you from sharing certain aspects of your truth and you're about to post some crazy authenticity? I've felt such an energy shift and excitement lately. I crave so much more of that!
Thank you Brittany, what you say about: 'that doesn't leave space for whatever actually unfolds and for that to be what we embrace..and what we love.'
I'm so feeling this! I'm constantly shedding societal expectations I put on myself of what my relationship is supposed to look like, surrendering to, this is what my relationship looks like now, oh how exciting and hard at the same time, this is what it looks like to be intimate, messy and small steps ahead, and knowing it most likely won't be reflected in general society, this is what it looks like to work through trauma, to relearn trust, to be intimate. Thank you for the high pops of inspiration and call to enter this new phase! Love you both ❤
I absolutely feel other people's desire to see my relationship with my partner as an end product. But in reality (we've been 'together' for 16 years, since I was 16) it just has never been that way. It's always changing. Sometimes I feel that desire too, for it to be static somehow so I can...relax?! But usually that's when I'm resisting what is. Even during the flux times, if I'm accepting it typically feels good. It's the resisting that feels bad. Mostly I love that it feels open and we're totally open to however it is going to work *best* for both of us as individuals.
Ahhhh. Just taking a moment to sit in this moment to hear your story. Reflecting on how my fear of NOT having the fantasy has very nearly cost me the possibility of feeling true Love with my husband and best friend. The 2 of you have truly shone a light on the fact that my true fairy tale really is experiencing him in the most beautiful raw, ever-changing Love. What a gift! You guys...truly...thankyou! Thankyou for helping me see that being responsible for me and recognizing the honor I have of loving my husband is a gift. I want to grow and love what IS today and be the best of me tomorrow. Words cannot quite capture just how much you sharing your truth is allowing me to really face myself and then appreciate the opportunity for love around me. I am touched. I feel so welcome. I feel supported. You guys make me feel home. Sending you more love than you can imagine!!
Ahh so feeling the love in your comment, sending you a giant hug! xoxo
Your energies are so quirky and fun in this video 🤠 always enjoy you guys
I transitioned my ten year relationship this year, we were engaged for years but it became apparent that it wasn't working in that container. In the past I cut my exes out of my life completely and carried that hurt and pain with me, whereas this time we both acted with perpetual respect towards each other and remain best friends, something I never expected would be even possible. We were going to have babies and make a life together and I was so afraid to leave him even though my higher self knew it wasn't right for me and I think that fear came from the expectations of wider society than without those things at 35 a single woman is a failure or not worth anything anymore. A lot of the fear came from the belief that it had to work out or I would have nothing. Both of those fears are completely and totally unfounded. I live by myself now in a house that I have autonomy over, focussing on doing all the things I have always wanted to and living in my truth every day. Honouring myself and my needs first and foremost have healed my chronic fatigue, anxiety and depression. If I adhered to what others thought I should do or stubbornly refused to relinquish this one idea of what success and happiness looks like I would be miserable and probably not here anymore. So authenticity and loving myself has given me a beautiful relationship based on friendship with my ex who I will love forever and always have in my life if that is what I want and need. I now know I will not live with my partner full time, that I value my own autonomous space and that I don't necessarily need a full time partner to have a child. Many people don't get it. But they aren't living my life. Only I can do that. I'll admit I have been triggered by your (Conor and Brit) relationship changes but that was only due to the challenge it posed to my conditioning and internalised Disney narrative. My higher self knew it resonates by the animal part of me reacted in fear. Now I am not afraid and it's glorious. This year is going to be wonderful. Wishing you all the best on your continually evolving journey and sending all my love your way.
I needed to hear this so badly. Thank you both immensely.
Love you two! Your new studio space looks so good! Cuteness everywhere ❤️🌈🦄
Conors wisdom is fire right now, truth that we all need 🔥 and in this moment possible through Brittanys loving gaze and holding of space! I love this idea of future projecting and what happens when it doesn’t happen! Yea! I love that normalization that shift and growth as an essential process INVOLVES CHALLENGE! Amazing relationship is alive shifting and authentic! The true fantasy IS WHAT YOURE DOING. Following your inner truth running life from inside out, giving unconditional loved
Love the couch!! Must say ,Conor - I see a huge shift in you of late. You just seem so much more comfortable in your own skin!! You appear more at peace!!! Brittany , you continue to rock and are as adorable as ever!!!
I'm monogamous, thus far in life at 40, but/and, this video is soooo relatable to how I've thought and felt and experienced relationships over the years. And I've been very frustrated not really being understood about it by those I deeply love, and sometimes not knowing how to really communicate it in a way that can be understood.
Thank you both so much.
This is truly inspiring. I appreciate you guys and what you are giving here, so much. Wish you both the best ❤
I have been watching you guys for a while and I find your relationship both motivating and interesting all at once. As I continue to watch I feel like your drive to be authentic is overpowering the actual authenticity. In the attempt at trying to be authentic, emotions are lost and it seems very rehearsed. I say this with respect but also with hopes of providing feedback as a fan of your channel.
Hi Lauren, we shoot our RUclips videos with a topic in mind to reflect on. For more candid raw and unplanned videos we definitely recommend checking out our membership videos at conorandbrittany.com 🥰
Thank you.... needed to hear this. Been watching for a while & really never fully understood your concepts on relationship/love but have been trying to understand it and how you deal w the emotions of the changes within your relationship. I’ve cried for you and felt sad for you but didn’t understand how you weren’t feeling such loss - Always felt very uncomfortable for some reason - like I couldn’t do that & hurt FOR you in your transitions. But this video really made it make sense in a way that it hadn’t to me before. Thank you for this & for sharing your journey with all of us. I’ve had difficult endings to relationships & hv suffered a lot and really wanted to understand how to put those things into perspective. This is so helpful. Love to you both.
Thanks for sharing this here Natasha❤❤
Deeply inspiring message. This truly brings me so much peace. You both look so beautiful here 😍
Hi beauties! Here is what I have noticed; a few of my great aunts and uncles had those happily ever after relationships. They adored each other. I can say that one couple comes to my mind in my parents’ generation. I think that we, as a society, are now always looking over our shoulders. Not sure that the grass isn’t greener somewhere else. I think we give up quickly now. I’m glad you guys aren’t giving up 😊
the no beard look of Connor is sooooo cute
I seem to have a "happily ever after"... I mean, I did a shit-load of suffering... but I'm just really happy with my partner of the last 16 years. We;ve been through thick and thin, choosing everyday to share the journey...but there comes a point when one can develop enough strength in the partnership that the important stuff actually begins to get addressed. Many times I tried to push my partner away but they were just incredibly devoted and that changed me. You guys often refer to how things "feel" and yet you have a lot of "head" stuff going on...It is a curious combination....plus you are both smart...I reckon you could pretty much rationalize any position you put your mind to...In fact you did it in this video....you started with "the fantasy will never happen and ended with...if you do it our way you can have "a happily ever after life of 'TRUE' love" (14:07). So for me, I have given up some aspects of myself for my relationship which I guess that is what Brittany would describe as not living in the fullness on myself. However, on the flip side, I discovered some delightful aspects I didn't even know I had in me by taking the path that I did. This is the same for my partner- he has grown in ways that he never thought he would grow in. I suspect that whatever you guys did you would make it a path of personal growth because that is what is in your nature- whether you lived together monogamously or lived apart with multiple partners you'd still be growing. On a different note, I'd be really keen to hear more about how your approaches to life reflect in your art making practices.
Glad you guy's are keeping it REAL!👍 ALL RELATIONSHIPS TAKE WORK. And people seem to forget this. It takes both to make it work. Not just 1.
Thank you for sharing this. It immensely helped me realign with what I feel is my truth, and aided me in creating the “safety” within myself that I caught myself attaching to someone I deeply love. Your wisdom has truly helped process the feelings, thoughts, worries and confusion that today brought up for me. I am grateful for your authenticity and honesty, you are creating magical things!
Absolutely love that comment at the end Connor!! You two are an incredible couple! And it's your choice and freedom to love and have a relationship the way you want to !
I love you guys. In awe of you and your relation. You are such an inspiration
You being so open and loving towards one another (and anyone really) shows how strong you guys are. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your journey. And Conor, you also look great without a beard :)
Thank you so much!
Your relationship has inspired me for the three (?) years I've followed you, and it inspires me now. It inspires me to keep autonomy and has inspired me to take a step back with my partner and find out which parts of our relationship were a "Hell Yes." Continued stationary romantic relationships aren't the only happy ending. :)
I love this outlook on relationships; it resonates with what I value about my strongest partnerships. I have found this so difficult to convey to the monogamous folks in my life. So often their response to learning that I'm poly is to reminisce about their own relationship and how perfect they are for each other and how lucky they are to have found someone who wants happily ever after with them. Meanwhile, I feel grateful to have partners who are excited about supporting each other as we grow and change, and who are open to the myriad ways in which our relationships might develop. It's exciting, expansive, and - though challenging at times - is ultimately so fulfilling. Thank you for speaking about this so candidly.
Good for you guys!!! It’s very brave of you to be examples of change and how you deal with it. ✅
Thanks for sharing, I see so much projection in your comments all the time. Especially since Conner moved out.
I also think that the way people talk about break-ups/divorce makes it sound like you wasted your time and that relationship was useless. But lets say my partner and I break up next year, we still had a beautiful decade of love! That’s still valuable, even when things change.
This is beautiful, and this is why I appreciate yalls channel so much. What authentic, freeing, love looks like. Even when it's challenging. Uncomfortable situations is where the most growth happens.
So excited to see the journey going forward. You guys have completely blown up my perspective on love and relationships and I coulsnt be more grateful that you're sharing this!!
This feels so good to hear
People don't know how to accept eachother. There for they think its better not to be in a committed relationship. Everything is in a constant change. Humans are not different a partnership is something beautiful that people are afraid of.
You know guys, this is so powerful and so actual for me. I am now coming out of a time in which I was craving stability LIKE MAD and I was constantly obsessed by the future. In terms of worrying. It was eating me alive and I one day I realized that it was also forbidding me to experience my life as it was moving forward, in the present moment. It was taking away my life, because I was in my head always somewhere else compared to where I was with my body. A life wasted. I don't know what changed, something really clicked and now I am somehow capable to live every day like it's a capsule in time. It is awesome. I have a lot of uncertainty in my life (my job, my house, my relationship) and I am not scared anymore because I am taking it one day at a time. I have also realised that everything I could have had to provide a sense of stability would have been an illusion. You get married? Well then you divorce. You settle down somewhere? Then you parents get sick and you must change your plans. You get a permanent contract at work? Then they cut the staff and you end up unemployed. Nothing is forever. There is no static situation until we die and honestly I AM DONE fighting this. Now I am SO ROLLING WITH IT and it's amazing. I am finally able to bring my best self in every single moment because for me this is all there is. Everything will end tomorrow? I die tomorrow? Well, then I want to LIVE TODAY. That's all we have. And by the way, not to be depressing or anything, but I am very much aware of my mortality and the illusion that I am going to live until I am 90 is the very first illusion. I could tragically die when I am 40. This is why I stay grounded in the now. Because I have learnt it is all I have, it's so precious I am not going to waste it anymore. And little insight on why I was so terrified? Because my inner child was scared to death of not making it out there. But thinking that a permanent spouse, a job, a house, or whatever it is will save you, is an illusion. I have learnt that I have to save myself. I have to care for myself. I AM CAPABLE of taking care of myself. Things will end, ALL OF THEM, but until I breathe there is one thing that will NOT change: and that is me being here and being responsible for myself. I know it sounds crazy but I swear, if I had to LOSE EVERYTHING tomorrow, I would have a big cry and then I would just keep rolling and being fine. There is so much to be grateful for: the sun, the air, potable water, food. plants. Let's enjoy being alive. Being alive is only NOW. The rest does not exist. IT DOES NOT EXIST.
There aren't even WORDS to express how much I love this!!!! More, please. 💖💖💓💞💕💟❣💝💝💗❤❤❤
The happy ever after that we've been taught is definitely not true in the fairytale sense. But it is possible to find one person and spend the rest of your life with them! My husband and I were each others "first love" and we've both only had a romantic relationship with each other and we're both still very happy and in love and growing with each other almost ten years and two kids later. So it's not impossible to find solace in a monogomous relationship. We are very happy and thriving and connected. Everybody is so different and there's not one way to do a love life. I think that's the biggest misconception in this culture. That we meet one person and only be with that person forever when that's just not true for everyone. But it does work for some people. I love you guys, even though I have a totally different relationship personally you guys bring so much value to any kind of relationship whether you have one partner for life or many. That's what matters! Thanks for sharing and exploring this. Always digging deeper to find truths and authenticity, you guys are awesome!!
I appreciate you guys so much. Reality versus real and authentic is so true. I absolutely love your way about expression and understanding. I want this!!
This view is so inspiring and makes me so exited to live life. Feels like I've been living in the dark and now seeing the light. So much love and vibration sent to you all.
I love you both for sharing this journey. I wish everyone going through the struggle would sit and watch this video...❤
seeing Brittany look at Conor at 0:28 like she used to look at him, with this amazement and excitment, and them talking about owing a sofa together, makes me super excited for this video :D i hope they are THEY again :D i havent been watchig lately so im excited to see
Brilliant stuff, Conor and Brittany! Thank you for promising to crush my dreams (i.e., useless fantasies that stifle personal growth)! You've been doing that all along & it's been a beautiful adventure & I'm ready for more!
I love your new recording studio! It's so beautiful!
What a beautiful vision and a wonderful gift to share with your audience and the world! Thank you so much!
I feel as though so many people see this life as, “How do I get to the finish line of happiness, success, and perfection? “ That’s not the point. I chose a partner who, at this time in my life, helps me GROW as a being. Something I strive for is to always be growing. I am not looking for an end game. And I think that’s where people go off a little in finding a partner. Just want to note this is totally just my opinion! And I value and acknowledge everyone else’s opinion, so I can grow in my own thinking.
Heck yes!
Awesome, thank you! It's a scary process, but it's really worth it to have the courage and be authentic instead of curling up or running away (which I've done both).