Love this Joni Mitchell quote on relationships - It said: ‘If you want endless repetition, see a lot of different people. If you want infinite variety, stay with one.’ What happens when you date is you run all your best moves and tell all your best stories - and, in a way, that routine is a method for falling in love with yourself over and over. You can’t do that with a longtime mate because he knows all that old material. With a long relationship, things die and then are rekindled, and that shared process of rebirth deepens the love. It’s hard work, though, and a lot of people run at the first sign of trouble. You’re with this person, and suddenly you look like an asshole to them or they look like an asshole to you - it’s unpleasant, but if you can get through it, you get closer and you learn a way of loving that’s different from the neurotic love enshrined in movies. It’s warmer and has more padding to it.”
Tanya, what would you say to me, my husband has just told me that he loves me but is not in love with me anymore and we should live together for the kids but I. Separate rooms, I’m 50 and if it wasn’t for my kids I would have packed and gone today.
Joelma Santos That’s a tough situation. I am 57. I’m divorced, it was devastating. It is never ever too late to grow and keep changing and evolving. To create a new version of yourself. It takes 2 people to make it work. I think as I have got older I’ve realised you must be true to yourself. There is no hiding from the truth. I follow a lot of very good women psychologists on Instagram - Sasha Tozzi, Dr Rebecca Ray, Mindfulmft, The holistic psychologist etc You need to fall in love with yourself again. The way I did it was - listen to the music I used to love, I started to walk in the sun ☀️ and doing things for myself, working hard, saving hard, a daily skincare routine, eating wisely and mindfully. Having a favourite cup or plate. Getting joy from the simple things. Life is a journey, so many different paths and chapters.....enjoy them all.
Tanya 🙏thank you so much! I really needed this advice, I feel lost and have to start from somewhere, so true what you said and I’ll definitely follow it because today while crying (been crying for the past 48hours) I played some old music that I used to like when I was single, and it did lift my spirits and I even sang along. I’m not going to concentrate on getting him back it takes two to get it wrong but two to want to fix it as you said. I’m going to concentrate on myself and enjoy life .🙏
Joelma Santos ....also Susan David, Emily Maroutian ...watch every you tube clip with Ester Perel in it! FYI at 50 after 23 yrs single I met my best friend/ life person ....he introduced me to camping ⛺️, hiking 🥾, ocean swimming 🏊♀️.....he’s 10yrs younger ..... 7 years in and we are still going strong ...even though it has not been plain sailing ......my adult daughter doesn’t accept him, he was divorced with 2 teenagers and I wasn’t interested in being a step parent ...my aging parents are demanding attention........we still make it work. You have one precious life, don’t waste it one persons opinion ...go out and get your big juicy one off life!!!
I agree, one of most well spoken authorities out there. I love listening to her, taking key phrsses and words. Her message is brilliant & refreshing too!
The essence would be the understood message...and the messenger would know it by the feedback received from the receiver.Then there could be added info for a continuity of conversation.
I am amazed at her insight and wisdom,it's very interesting ,whether her advice could have helped my relationship 31 years ago,would have been interesting to see.The usual route(relate) did nothing to help.
I’m lying down with two heat packs (it’s cold in Melbourne) and loving my podcasts. I am learning so much. People that watch TV have no idea what they are missing!!!!
Haven’t watched TV in at least 3 years, and yes.....I love my podcasts too!! So much good stuff out there from all over the world that one would never hear on television.
I’m really grateful for the access to her material. Many of us don’t get the right help to improve our marriages. It can literally take months and month to even get access to therapy. This access has literally saved my marriage from disasters in the midst of crisis from infidelity. Thank you Esther and a few other in the digital world for sharing your wisdom with those of us who couldn’t afford to pay for it. God Bless you !
She for me is the most learned, brilliant, impressive to lead us all about how to shape our relationships and lives. I want to listen her with all my attention.
When your in a bad relationship it makes you become a bad person ,or brings out the worst in you,and it changes you. This is so true ! If your in a bad relationship you can change for the worst. It happens with people.
Margaret Nicola B relationship is a mirror. Yes help us to see who we are and how good and how bad we can be. The trick is what’s the definition of good and bad? Bottom line is if you don’t like your current relationship, start the change within and evaluate what is the desire of being in this relationship. We always have choices to stay or to leave. We are not victim, we are victor and as long as we take responsibility we are in power. 🙏🏻💖
I agree that some relationships are toxic. You may find yourself in a relationship with someone who needs to treat people badly and it's not just because you bring out the bad side of that person. That may be a fixed side of that person or that person may see you as too gentle to be able to defend yourself. You could stay and try to bring out the best in that person but you may also decide that that is not how you want to use your time and energy. Also it may be dangerous for you to stay.
@@davidsonknight342 I agree with you, Also don't think that's what she said. Moreover I agree with her. It just shows how people read(or see)communication differently.
I'm so happy that Esther answered the whole "you must know or love yourself before you love someone else". It never made sense to me because if that were the case, how come people with low self-esteem (conscious or unconscious) be in a loving relationship? And how will you ever fully know yourself if identity is fluid and an ongoing process in our lives? I fully believe that we get to know ourselves through the relations we make with others and the relationships we create. Relationships are a great option for self-discovery, because they really help you reveal sides of yourself, you never thought you had
This is absolutely true. Im 29 and jusy got into my 1st serious relationship Ive had flings here an there, but that never made me look at myself the way it does now. And in 10months ive been in this, i parts of me i probably didnt see my whole life, which is crazy.
Learning to love yourself, as any other process in life, is something that happens while other things happens too. I was healing my cptsd while raising my babies, I just wanted to puase everything else and focus only in healing, he, he, no way. I could have not pay attention to my kids and just do my healing, but damaged to my babies would have been huge.
The distinction that needed to be made, in my opinion is "healthy" relationships require self love. There are many loving yet, dysfunctional relationships out there.
“Little did you know you were going to be the abusive brother, the adoring father” wow I love this paradigm shift and perspective!!! The stories we tell ourselves and the characters we play in the stories of others 🙏🏽❤️
Yes, Esther is my virtual therapist. She's an eye opener. I'm grateful to have known her. She's a blessing. I especially liked the thing she said about loving yourself first. Cause i feel that theres something lacking with that phrase. So beautifully said. I hope that i can apply her teachings in my life.
I'm a big fan of Esther, I discovered her on TED talks a few years back..... I lover her wisdom and knowledge with all things relationships💕🍀. ....I could listen all day💕🍀 and I'm a fan of Dr Rangan too, he has such an approachable and down to earth attitude to people, Blessings from Ireland 🍀 🍀 🍀 🍀
I've listened to 3 Esther interviews by different people today (and others in the past), and this one was by far the best. It honestly was great to hear you open up about your life too.. It helps us realise that 1) everyone else is human too, and not "perfect", and 2) the positive side that you managed to resolve things, and are still inspired to constantly improve things. Thank you both for brining this to us.
Thank you . I now understand that whileI live a very independent life, I was raised for interdependence. everything valuable for me is attributed to the interconnected spaces.
Thank you so very much. I have watched this 3 times. I am so wanting to repair my 28 year relationship. This talk has given me hope. I want to share it with the love of my life. Thank you 🙏.
It was so beautiful when she described relationship as the theatre and you being part of a play you didn't audition for. Makes so much sense, as one normally tends to blame oneself for a troubled relationship, but as she says it really does take two to tango and you respond based on how you are treated or communicated to.
*Meaning making = the stories we tell ourselves. 'Only know yourself through INTERACTIONS with OTHERS: the way I SPEAK is INFLUENCED by the way you LISTEN. The way I see MYSELF is INFLUENCED by the way you SEE ME. We are not just ONE PERSON, we might have core characteristics we are shaped by the relationship we are in. The RELATIONSHIP MAKES US'
Wow. Esther Perel always bring new insights. That’s not how that person is. That’s how that person is-with you. That’s really profound. Been struggling with making sense of my relationship dynamics with someone. This by itself helps me make sense of what’s going on.
Yes and that's why I truly believe that my ex brought out the best in me.. at no point have I been more motivated, open minded and ready to try new things. Maybe that's the one big gift she gave me short as it was. And she made me rethink a lot of my recent life decisions.. which is good and bad. But I'm not sure if it was the same the other way around.. not necessarily because of how I was in the relationship but rather how she perceived it. She was so anxious and there was no way to reassure her since I couldn't physically be there due to the whole situation. It didn't make it any easier and it might have been challenging under normal circumstances. I realize what kind of a person I'm becoming at my new workplace versus how I was with her and other people. It's almost scary to see how much it affects us.
Esther. This is the best answer and nothing else can be said. What you say is so true. 100000%. We are not the same people with every single person !!! It is the space between between Two people !!!
This podcast is so insightful . The change in the family community traditions to a liberating breakaway to a life of independence . The evolution to finding your new tribe and new liberal life without the expected rituals. I also think it is your education and thinking. It could be connection and like mindedness but some sort of soul connections and ability of communication. Relationships are complex. It takes effort and willingness to know each other.
I have seen many interviews with Esther, but in this one she has an incredible energy and she radiates light and life. Really enjoyed this podcast. Thank you both so much !
"Now, a few minutes ago, you called me master. What is a master? I would say that he is not someone who teaches something, but someone who inspires the student to do his best to discover a knowledge he already has in his soul." Paulo Coelho
What a wonderful podcast. Esther is so full of wisdom and expression; she helps so many to understand life and bring out the best of ourselves and others. Thank you so very much!
So true! A complain is often a wish. 😍 That example of the wife's comment is such a great example. I think we all have heard, or said, something like that in a long time relation. Great interview! 💕
wow, how does this not have millions of views !! Ester bless your soul for your words have made me feel like I can finally see after being deprived of sight. Thank You.
This information is actually making me feel not so bad about myself in my 31 year relationship. We have lots of challenges between us but that verbal volley “you do this so I do that” etc is the most challenging because he isn’t interested in crossing over that divide. I want him to simply say, “let’s try to make this work, I understand where you’re coming from”. Unfortunately he thinks he doesn’t do or say anything wrong and denies hurt he inflicts on me. Round and round we go, ugh!
It’s so important to come to terms with what one values in terms of feeling satisfaction. Looking to make others full-field is the key difference in the ways cultures are defined. It’s extremely interesting in New York. As different cultures unite in marriages. Valuing the freedom of owning one’s free spirit is very beautiful. Finding a partner that supports one’s ability to want to keep growing is what one is facing.Relationships are totally changed from once upon a time. Thank you. What you say is very appreciated. Margo
We are definitely shaped by our relationships around us and sometimes it's hard to draw that line between who we are and what we are in the relationship. Thanks for sharing
Esther Perel is a beautiful being that is our gift. . Thanks to discovering her talks and more about intelligence in my relationship I've been having some really nice breakthroughs and I'm hoping that these things get through to my spouse
Such a wise woman! Thanks so much for this contribution Rangan! Its so nice to hear a discussion about our culture and how it contributes to our stories!
I love you Doctor Rangan, Your such a kind soul and we all appreciate your efforts and your honesty. You were very brave to give us that honesty in this convo and you are a joy to listen to. It does feel like we are sitting in on the chats you're having with other professionals and I know thats what you aim for. You guys edit this and you could've easily cut that out but your'e showing us that "even people like you" are vunerable and have feelings and wants and needs to be met. You are a trailblaizer and I for one love you sooooo much Lol, your nearest and dearest are lucky to have you !
And it's so refreshing to have an interviewer who asks a question then is quiet for the reply, without the need to butt in. Thank you, Dr Chatterjee, for NOT making this interview all about you and showing off what you know. Others could learn from this.
It was a blessing to meet Aimee, and break bread with all of you. It is hard to find people who can communicate spiritually, and still have relationship, Irma is a Jahova Witness, and can do well at what she has learned from her deceased husbands. She and Kaylee are used to what they do, they need to learn to travel; and trust God, in what He provides this day in God's Time !
I have been divinely led to you Esther ready to receive your word Knowledge brings power for change within You are extremely gifted and enlightening Thank you 🙏 💛💫
Great interview! Thank you, Dr. Rangan, for sharing some personal aspects of your life, which enabled Esther go deeper in her explanations. Greetings from Argentina.
The Open Marriage podcast is a good one too when you're between seasons with Esther and waiting for more. Very honest conversations about untangling some of these stories and narratives within a family, outside of the therapy office.
What I say is that the self is fluid because it changes in any and all our interaction... yes we display a variety of behaviors depend upon who we are relating to...
Perel's focus on the essentiality of relationships to our individual well-being is totally in line with the ground-breaking findings and teachings of Dr. Jean Baker Miller, the psychoanalyst, feminist, and social activist who founded the Wellesley Centers for Women, was a proferssor of psychiatry at Boston University School of Medicine, and died in 2006.
I agree with her when she says that we need others to reflect what we need healing. However, before going into a relationship people should ask themselves why they want to be in a relationship with that person… if the answer is to avoid loneliness etc then we don’t really need to go into the relationship, we can skip that and just work on ourselves. Then when we know ourselves better and love ourselves well then we can find a partner that mirrors that love. People don’t realise we attract who we are not who we want. If we don’t love ourselves we will always find partners who remind us of that. And she said it, in the end it always comes back to working on yourself, as the problem isn’t always the other person. We need to interact with others to know ourselves sure, but in so many cases we could skip that and just work on ourselves. Going into a relationship when we’ve got so many issues to heal within ourselves can be tough and leave even more scars on top of the ones we already have.
Big thanks to Esther! Our evolution of the new paradigm about relationships owes it to her work. I am deeply grateful for what she has been putting out in the world!
Esther is describing Diaglogical Theory which a lot of Relational Therapists have trained in. It's so true and such a rich therapeutic space to explore.
Thanks you very much. She provided a lot of helpful information I needed to hear. I've been single for years and the social isolation I've experienced since March during this lock down, and watching this interview and some others she's done reminded me why this is not a healthy way for me to live! I don't know how I'm going to meet people when this is over, but doing so is my first priority!
There are people who bring the best of ourselves out and there are those who bring the worst. The problem is that there are no constants in life and we go into big shock when that simple formula falls apart.
let me recommend you to someone who is a relationship restorer he can bring back your ex - girlfriend back to you clawing on her knees begging you to forgive her . All you need to do is massage him on WhatsApp for help
This is perfect listening for theatre directors like me. All we need to know to ever put better drama on stage is to better to understand relationships.
So so good! Esp. with regards to the history - 'it takes a village' - also the 'behind every criticism is a wish' - expectations are too high for men and women.......Love this podcast!!!
Thank you Dr Rangan Chatterjee, She is unique and sincere river of dynamics of understanding she transmits high waves to awaken the distorted outlooks of hardness in life. It's our first enemy. So, it's taking responsibilities of our action
Thank you so much for sharing this. Such wisdom an so well explained. A beautiful interaction between Dr Rangan Chatterjee and Esther Perel; good questions and eye opening answers.
This was a wonderful conversation. I learned so much from it and even though I am not in a relationship right now, it was really insightful. I really liked that Dr. Chatterjee was open about his marriage. I think there are people out there who can definitely relate to it. What was interesting to me was the assumption that if a person is just like you from an Indian background and lives in the same country like you, that you assume that this person is brought up with the same norms and values like you. I have experienced this myself several times and the lesson is always not everyone is the same just because they share some things with you. Esther as always is amazing! Loved her explanation of having a difficult conversation with 10 yes and 10 no’s. Could recognize clearly an event in the past where I was about to have a difficult conversation, but everything was already in the “no” vibe, so the attacking and not actual listening controlled the conversation and the result was the end of the relationship.
She is fantastic truly great. Relationship are complex and they need a lot of talking and discussing in a honest way to find the core of the problem. I can't see myself being without that in a relationship white someone... No way
Dr. Chatterjee, you have just hit my radar screen with your TED Talk (which I truly appreciated) and this interview came my way because I've recently started curating Esther Perel's wisdom to help me understand myself these days - especially in my key relationships. So....it was fun to see the intersection of the two of you. Thank you for this very honest interview. Your sharing helped more than you can know. Thank you and I look forward to watching/listening to more of your interviews.
![Eminem - Fuel (feat. JID) [Official Lyric Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/t5H_CewqpKA/mqdefault.jpg)
Love this Joni Mitchell quote on relationships - It said:
‘If you want endless repetition, see a lot of different people. If you want infinite variety, stay with one.’ What happens when you date is you run all your best moves and tell all your best stories - and, in a way, that routine is a method for falling in love with yourself over and over.
You can’t do that with a longtime mate because he knows all that old material. With a long relationship, things die and then are rekindled, and that shared process of rebirth deepens the love. It’s hard work, though, and a lot of people run at the first sign of trouble. You’re with this person, and suddenly you look like an asshole to them or they look like an asshole to you - it’s unpleasant, but if you can get through it, you get closer and you learn a way of loving that’s different from the neurotic love enshrined in movies. It’s warmer and has more padding to it.”
Brilliant
Tanya, what would you say to me, my husband has just told me that he loves me but is not in love with me anymore and we should live together for the kids but I. Separate rooms, I’m 50 and if it wasn’t for my kids I would have packed and gone today.
Joelma Santos That’s a tough situation. I am 57. I’m divorced, it was devastating. It is never ever too late to grow and keep changing and evolving. To create a new version of yourself.
It takes 2 people to make it work.
I think as I have got older I’ve realised you must be true to yourself. There is no hiding from the truth. I follow a lot of very good women psychologists on Instagram - Sasha Tozzi, Dr Rebecca Ray, Mindfulmft, The holistic psychologist etc
You need to fall in love with yourself again. The way I did it was - listen to the music I used to love, I started to walk in the sun ☀️ and doing things for myself, working hard, saving hard, a daily skincare routine, eating wisely and mindfully. Having a favourite cup or plate. Getting joy from the simple things.
Life is a journey, so many different paths and chapters.....enjoy them all.
Tanya 🙏thank you so much! I really needed this advice, I feel lost and have to start from somewhere, so true what you said and I’ll definitely follow it because today while crying (been crying for the past 48hours) I played some old music that I used to like when I was single, and it did lift my spirits and I even sang along. I’m not going to concentrate on getting him back it takes two to get it wrong but two to want to fix it as you said. I’m going to concentrate on myself and enjoy life .🙏
Joelma Santos ....also Susan David, Emily Maroutian ...watch every you tube clip with Ester Perel in it!
FYI at 50 after 23 yrs single I met my best friend/ life person ....he introduced me to camping ⛺️, hiking 🥾, ocean swimming 🏊♀️.....he’s 10yrs younger ..... 7 years in and we are still going strong ...even though it has not been plain sailing ......my adult daughter doesn’t accept him, he was divorced with 2 teenagers and I wasn’t interested in being a step parent ...my aging parents are demanding attention........we still make it work.
You have one precious life, don’t waste it one persons opinion ...go out and get your big juicy one off life!!!
Her skill of verbalization is brilliant.
True! She is very eloquent!
She’s brilliant.
Her message is brilliant as well.
*Love ♥️ Esther !*
I agree, one of most well spoken authorities out there. I love listening to her, taking key phrsses and words. Her message is brilliant & refreshing too!
So true. I'm marvel at her ability to communicate complex ideas so smoothly. I wish I had that talent.
"The essence of a conversation is not what you say but how you listen" . Brilliant ! Thanks to both of you Esther and Rangan
Actually, it’s both.
rockin'12x 100%
@@Rubylove48 nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Thanks. This is most precious. If we listened to her advice we would avoid many a challenge in our lives!
The essence would be the understood message...and the messenger would know it by the feedback received from the receiver.Then there could be added info for a continuity of conversation.
Esther is my virtual therapist! Such aha moments every time I listen to her!
@Last Christmas I gave u my Fart Not "only" woman but I was also raised by woman like her. Strong.
Last Christmas she will appeal to relationally oriented people, seeking to understand the dynamics of interconnectedness
You’re so lucky! Every time I view her website it says she’s booked and can’t take anymore patients!
Saaaaammmmeeee!!!
Llklo
"Behind every criticism is a wish" I really like this!
Positive spin on how to approach asking clarifying questions
I am amazed at her insight and wisdom,it's very interesting ,whether her advice could have helped my relationship 31 years ago,would have been interesting to see.The usual route(relate) did nothing to help.
I’m lying down with two heat packs (it’s cold in Melbourne) and loving my podcasts. I am learning so much. People that watch TV have no idea what they are missing!!!!
Indeed. I can't remember the last time I sat down just to stare ar the telly. There is so much to learn and not enough time to learn it all!
Melbourne is one of my favourite places in the world...
I too love podcasts...
People still watch TV? lol
The Horseback Heroine made i CV me
Haven’t watched TV in at least 3 years, and yes.....I love my podcasts too!! So much good stuff out there from all over the world that one would never hear on television.
I’m really grateful for the access to her material. Many of us don’t get the right help to improve our marriages. It can literally take months and month to even get access to therapy. This access has literally saved my marriage from disasters in the midst of crisis from infidelity. Thank you Esther and a few other in the digital world for sharing your wisdom with those of us who couldn’t afford to pay for it. God Bless you !
She’s simply the best! Straight, to the point, no nonsense and reflective in her answers.
She’s my teacher
She for me is the most learned, brilliant, impressive to lead us all about how to shape our relationships and lives. I want to listen her with all my attention.
When your in a bad relationship it makes you become a bad person ,or brings out the worst in you,and it changes you. This is so true ! If your in a bad relationship you can change for the worst. It happens with people.
Margaret Nicola B relationship is a mirror. Yes help us to see who we are and how good and how bad we can be. The trick is what’s the definition of good and bad? Bottom line is if you don’t like your current relationship, start the change within and evaluate what is the desire of being in this relationship. We always have choices to stay or to leave. We are not victim, we are victor and as long as we take responsibility we are in power. 🙏🏻💖
I don't think this is what she said?
We do not all have the choice to stay or to leave.
I agree that some relationships are toxic. You may find yourself in a relationship with someone who needs to treat people badly and it's not just because you bring out the bad side of that person. That may be a fixed side of that person or that person may see you as too gentle to be able to defend yourself. You could stay and try to bring out the best in that person but you may also decide that that is not how you want to use your time and energy. Also it may be dangerous for you to stay.
@@davidsonknight342 I agree with you, Also don't think that's what she said. Moreover I agree with her. It just shows how people read(or see)communication differently.
Am hooked on this lady she explains things in a whole different way ... deep
Esther is amazing. It's so easy for her to connect with people that she's able to turn every interview into a therapy session.
I'm so happy that Esther answered the whole "you must know or love yourself before you love someone else". It never made sense to me because if that were the case, how come people with low self-esteem (conscious or unconscious) be in a loving relationship? And how will you ever fully know yourself if identity is fluid and an ongoing process in our lives? I fully believe that we get to know ourselves through the relations we make with others and the relationships we create. Relationships are a great option for self-discovery, because they really help you reveal sides of yourself, you never thought you had
This is absolutely true. Im 29 and jusy got into my 1st serious relationship
Ive had flings here an there, but that never made me look at myself the way it does now. And in 10months ive been in this, i parts of me i probably didnt see my whole life, which is crazy.
TRUE, we live in such a self centered narcissistic world that nauseates me. I t is when we give of ourselves to others when we fulfill our purpose.
Learning to love yourself, as any other process in life, is something that happens while other things happens too. I was healing my cptsd while raising my babies, I just wanted to puase everything else and focus only in healing, he, he, no way. I could have not pay attention to my kids and just do my healing, but damaged to my babies would have been huge.
The distinction that needed to be made, in my opinion is "healthy" relationships require self love. There are many loving yet, dysfunctional relationships out there.
I definitely think is both!
“Little did you know you were going to be the abusive brother, the adoring father” wow
I love this paradigm shift and perspective!!! The stories we tell ourselves and the characters we play in the stories of others 🙏🏽❤️
Yes, Esther is my virtual therapist. She's an eye opener. I'm grateful to have known her. She's a blessing. I especially liked the thing she said about loving yourself first. Cause i feel that theres something lacking with that phrase. So beautifully said. I hope that i can apply her teachings in my life.
"If you want to change the other, change yourself". "Listen" Thank you for another brilliant, humane, meaningful discourse on relationships.
With limits and boundaries
Vivianna Tellis,your lovely smile can make the news!
@@kathleen4376 ok✌🏼
@@lioydwilliams1850 So kind🙏🏼
@@viviannatellis9500 you are welcome my dear.I am Lioyd from the States.You?
She is such a wise, lovely, intelligent, loving soul! Thanks for such a productive, profound conversation.
This is a TRUE 🙏☀️❤️🎶
I'm a big fan of Esther, I discovered her on TED talks a few years back..... I lover her wisdom and knowledge with all things relationships💕🍀. ....I could listen all day💕🍀 and I'm a fan of Dr Rangan too, he has such an approachable and down to earth attitude to people, Blessings from Ireland 🍀 🍀 🍀 🍀
I've listened to 3 Esther interviews by different people today (and others in the past), and this one was by far the best. It honestly was great to hear you open up about your life too.. It helps us realise that 1) everyone else is human too, and not "perfect", and 2) the positive side that you managed to resolve things, and are still inspired to constantly improve things. Thank you both for brining this to us.
Thank you . I now understand that whileI live a very independent life, I was raised for interdependence. everything valuable for me is attributed to the interconnected spaces.
Thank you so very much. I have watched this 3 times.
I am so wanting to repair my 28 year relationship. This talk has given me hope. I want to share it with the love of my life.
Thank you 🙏.
It's hard to tell who I love more watching this. Here are two beautiful humans working to help the rest of us.
A rewarding relationship brings out the best in us. A Character in a story....
Aaah want to write down every second sentence, to revisit and rethink, love her
Glad you found the conversation useful!
It was so beautiful when she described relationship as the theatre and you being part of a play you didn't audition for. Makes so much sense, as one normally tends to blame oneself for a troubled relationship, but as she says it really does take two to tango and you respond based on how you are treated or communicated to.
Thats what i did haha i created a qoute thread of things she said that resonated with me. Shes a gem of a woman!
RESPECT AND LISTENING TO ONE ANOTHER IS DEEPLY IMPORTANT. LOVE THE "TEA CATCHUP." HOW LOVELY AND REAL. THE RITUALS MATTER.
*Meaning making = the stories we tell ourselves.
'Only know yourself through INTERACTIONS with OTHERS:
the way I SPEAK is INFLUENCED by the way you LISTEN.
The way I see MYSELF is INFLUENCED by the way you SEE ME.
We are not just ONE PERSON, we might have core characteristics we are shaped by the relationship we are in. The RELATIONSHIP MAKES US'
Esther perel is indeed brilliant. Her communications skills, and the way she articulates is one of a kind
Great podcast, wish I knew of Esther in my 20's. However w out my painful relationship experiences her words wouldn't be so powerful.
Absolutely loved it.. Love Rangans vulnerability and honesty and Ester is the best, what a wisdom teacher.. Amazing
Wow. Esther Perel always bring new insights. That’s not how that person is. That’s how that person is-with you. That’s really profound. Been struggling with making sense of my relationship dynamics with someone. This by itself helps me make sense of what’s going on.
Yes and that's why I truly believe that my ex brought out the best in me.. at no point have I been more motivated, open minded and ready to try new things. Maybe that's the one big gift she gave me short as it was. And she made me rethink a lot of my recent life decisions.. which is good and bad. But I'm not sure if it was the same the other way around.. not necessarily because of how I was in the relationship but rather how she perceived it. She was so anxious and there was no way to reassure her since I couldn't physically be there due to the whole situation. It didn't make it any easier and it might have been challenging under normal circumstances.
I realize what kind of a person I'm becoming at my new workplace versus how I was with her and other people. It's almost scary to see how much it affects us.
Esther Perel you are the best of the best. These internet guys have been talking about carbs for months now. The subject has changed !!
Esther. This is the best answer and nothing else can be said. What you say is so true. 100000%. We are not the same people with every single person !!! It is the space between between Two people !!!
She is simply the best a living example of what she has explored in relationships through her therapy .
I believe that relationships are are spiritual teachers❤️✨. Thank you for this exchange!
Ooh lovely way to think of it x
@@cherylbadger2887 you look amazing! My name is Richard
With the way things are in my life right now. Esther is my best friend. Probably the only person who I can speak with.
Watching this video created a HUGE problem for me , now I’m in love with Esther 😃
Hahahahahah
This podcast is so insightful . The change in the family community traditions to a liberating breakaway to a life of independence . The evolution to finding your new tribe and new liberal life without the expected rituals. I also think it is your education and thinking. It could be connection and like mindedness but some sort of soul connections and ability of communication. Relationships are complex. It takes effort and willingness to know each other.
I have seen many interviews with Esther, but in this one she has an incredible energy and she radiates light and life. Really enjoyed this podcast. Thank you both so much !
"Now, a few minutes ago, you called me master.
What is a master? I would say that he is not someone who teaches something, but someone who inspires the student to do his best to discover a knowledge he already has in his soul."
Paulo Coelho
What a wonderful podcast. Esther is so full of wisdom and expression; she helps so many to understand life and bring out the best of ourselves and others. Thank you so very much!
So true! A complain is often a wish. 😍 That example of the wife's comment is such a great example. I think we all have heard, or said, something like that in a long time relation. Great interview! 💕
I love Esther . She is so worth the time. Whom ever she's interviewing with.
wow, how does this not have millions of views !!
Ester bless your soul for your words have made me feel like I can finally see after being deprived of sight.
Thank You.
Esther you are probably the most intelligent person in terms of value who walks on earth right now. Just life changing views.
The tech meltdown is the new intro! Funny lady, what a great guest Esther is!
"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances." William Shakespeare How true!
I have never read that passage from Hamlet in this context before. Brilliant!
I think she means we are relational not that life is a performance...
This information is actually making me feel not so bad about myself in my 31 year relationship. We have lots of challenges between us but that verbal volley “you do this so I do that” etc is the most challenging because he isn’t interested in crossing over that divide. I want him to simply say, “let’s try to make this work, I understand where you’re coming from”. Unfortunately he thinks he doesn’t do or say anything wrong and denies hurt he inflicts on me. Round and round we go, ugh!
It’s so important to come to terms with what one values in terms of feeling satisfaction.
Looking to make others full-field is the key difference in the ways cultures are defined.
It’s extremely interesting in New York.
As different cultures unite in marriages.
Valuing the freedom of owning one’s free spirit
is very beautiful.
Finding a partner that supports one’s
ability to want to keep growing is what one is facing.Relationships are totally changed from once upon a time.
Thank you. What you say is very appreciated.
Margo
Why would anyone want to watch television when you can watch and listen to this brilliant lady?
We are definitely shaped by our relationships around us and sometimes it's hard to draw that line between who we are and what we are in the relationship. Thanks for sharing
Olympia Sophie,I admire your lovely smile
Her insights on human relationships are compelling and attractive. Esther Perel is a beautiful woman
Yup--'n' she is not only Bright, "brilliant"; she be darn purdy, too. . . And magically assertive.
Esther Perel is a beautiful being that is our gift. . Thanks to discovering her talks and more about intelligence in my relationship I've been having some really nice breakthroughs and I'm hoping that these things get through to my spouse
I love to listen to this woman... she is so charismatic.
She is smart and passionate about helping people learn how to improve their relationships. I love hearing her suggestions and wise words.
Such a wise woman!
Thanks so much for this contribution Rangan! Its so nice to hear a discussion about our culture and how it contributes to our stories!
No problem. Thanks for your feedback Kaia!
I love you Doctor Rangan, Your such a kind soul and we all appreciate your efforts and your honesty. You were very brave to give us that honesty in this convo and you are a joy to listen to. It does feel like we are sitting in on the chats you're having with other professionals and I know thats what you aim for. You guys edit this and you could've easily cut that out but your'e showing us that "even people like you" are vunerable and have feelings and wants and needs to be met. You are a trailblaizer and I for one love you sooooo much Lol, your nearest and dearest are lucky to have you !
Esther Perel is always a source of revelation! And some great questions from Dr. Rangan
Thanks Anna. Really glad you enjoyed it!
And it's so refreshing to have an interviewer who asks a question then is quiet for the reply, without the need to butt in. Thank you, Dr Chatterjee, for NOT making this interview all about you and showing off what you know. Others could learn from this.
It was a blessing to meet Aimee, and break bread with all of you. It is hard to find people who can communicate spiritually, and still have relationship, Irma is a Jahova Witness, and can do well at what she has learned from her deceased husbands. She and Kaylee are used to what they do, they need to learn to travel; and trust God, in what He provides this day in God's Time !
Hope to continue seeing all of U in better situations, not just for meals, but in Church, and home relationships !
HOLY SPIRIT is our helper, He can help us do all things, in God's Time !
I have been divinely led to you Esther ready to receive your word
Knowledge brings power for change within
You are extremely gifted and enlightening
Thank you 🙏 💛💫
Great interview! Thank you, Dr. Rangan, for sharing some personal aspects of your life, which enabled Esther go deeper in her explanations. Greetings from Argentina.
The Open Marriage podcast is a good one too when you're between seasons with Esther and waiting for more. Very honest conversations about untangling some of these stories and narratives within a family, outside of the therapy office.
Summer Killingsworth, hope you are with a good man!
It’s good to be vulnerable and share. It made me see I’m not alone.
I absolutely LOVED this interview! Thanks so much Dr. Chatterjee. Thanks so much Esther!
AMEN ESTHER! You only know who you are in relationship to others❤️
Esther Perel is a blessing to us!!
What I say is that the self is fluid because it changes in any and all our interaction... yes we display a variety of behaviors depend upon who we are relating to...
She's so brilliant. We are absolutely shaped by the relationship and yes, we make the relationship and the relationship makes us. 👌 🙌
Amazing, I love Esther, so many different perspectives and ways of framing
Agreed. A real honour to speak to her
Plamena Licheva, you got a lovely smile
Perel's focus on the essentiality of relationships to our individual well-being is totally in line with the ground-breaking findings and teachings of Dr. Jean Baker Miller, the psychoanalyst, feminist, and social activist who founded the Wellesley Centers for Women, was a proferssor of psychiatry at Boston University School of Medicine, and died in 2006.
Jeri Thanks
I agree with her when she says that we need others to reflect what we need healing. However, before going into a relationship people should ask themselves why they want to be in a relationship with that person… if the answer is to avoid loneliness etc then we don’t really need to go into the relationship, we can skip that and just work on ourselves. Then when we know ourselves better and love ourselves well then we can find a partner that mirrors that love. People don’t realise we attract who we are not who we want. If we don’t love ourselves we will always find partners who remind us of that. And she said it, in the end it always comes back to working on yourself, as the problem isn’t always the other person. We need to interact with others to know ourselves sure, but in so many cases we could skip that and just work on ourselves. Going into a relationship when we’ve got so many issues to heal within ourselves can be tough and leave even more scars on top of the ones we already have.
Big thanks to Esther! Our evolution of the new paradigm about relationships owes it to her work. I am deeply grateful for what she has been putting out in the world!
First 30 seconds and I’m in awe. Thought I was the only one who went by what you said about knowing ourselves through others
Esther is describing Diaglogical Theory which a lot of Relational Therapists have trained in. It's so true and such a rich therapeutic space to explore.
Adele Taylor, you got a lovely smile!
The way Esther sees relationship is so inspiring
Thanks you very much. She provided a lot of helpful information I needed to hear. I've been single for years and the social isolation I've experienced since March during this lock down, and watching this interview and some others she's done reminded me why this is not a healthy way for me to live! I don't know how I'm going to meet people when this is over, but doing so is my first priority!
Amy Whitman,so sad to hear your story 😪😪😪😪
Amy Whitman, you got a smile that can make the news
@@lioydwilliams1850 Oh my, what a lovely compliment! You made my day - thank you very much!
@@amritawhitman8112 you are welcome my dear.I am Lioyd from the States.You?
There are people who bring the best of ourselves out and there are those who bring the worst. The problem is that there are no constants in life and we go into big shock when that simple formula falls apart.
Exactly. It's a very delicate balance
She is the best ! I love her . I think she is helping me in my healing process .
let me recommend you to someone who is a relationship restorer he can bring back your ex - girlfriend back to you clawing on her knees begging you to forgive her . All you need to do is massage him on WhatsApp for help
This is perfect listening for theatre directors like me. All we need to know to ever put better drama on stage is to better to understand relationships.
So so good! Esp. with regards to the history - 'it takes a village' - also the 'behind every criticism is a wish' - expectations are too high for men and women.......Love this podcast!!!
Neela Prabhu, you got a smile that can make the news
Thank you Dr Rangan Chatterjee,
She is unique and sincere river of dynamics of understanding she transmits high waves to awaken the distorted outlooks of hardness in life.
It's our first enemy. So, it's taking responsibilities of our action
Yes, this is so interesting! This explains why I am a different person in different relationships!
You build yourself up, through your interactions with others and being in a relationship.
She is so great. I love hearing that we are all the same. So nice to know I'm not alone.
Hallie Belt, your lovely smile can make the news!
Thank you so much for sharing this. Such wisdom an so well explained. A beautiful interaction between Dr Rangan Chatterjee and Esther Perel; good questions and eye opening answers.
Love the synergism between these two brilliant minds, God bless.
Esther is real, vibrant, eloquent and on point.
Esther perel is simply brilliant 🙏thanks for bringing her on the show !!!
This was a wonderful conversation. I learned so much from it and even though I am not in a relationship right now, it was really insightful. I really liked that Dr. Chatterjee was open about his marriage. I think there are people out there who can definitely relate to it. What was interesting to me was the assumption that if a person is just like you from an Indian background and lives in the same country like you, that you assume that this person is brought up with the same norms and values like you. I have experienced this myself several times and the lesson is always not everyone is the same just because they share some things with you. Esther as always is amazing! Loved her explanation of having a difficult conversation with 10 yes and 10 no’s. Could recognize clearly an event in the past where I was about to have a difficult conversation, but everything was already in the “no” vibe, so the attacking and not actual listening controlled the conversation and the result was the end of the relationship.
Loved this discussion full of important tools for healthy relationships and much food for thought. Thank you.
Her advice has made me become very introspective (which is a good thing).
She is fantastic truly great.
Relationship are complex and they need a lot of talking and discussing in a honest way to find the core of the problem.
I can't see myself being without that in a relationship white someone...
No way
Thank you Esther and Dr Rangan. I wish i had found you earlier in life but I greatly appreciate your wealth of knowledge.
Dr. Chatterjee, you have just hit my radar screen with your TED Talk (which I truly appreciated) and this interview came my way because I've recently started curating Esther Perel's wisdom to help me understand myself these days - especially in my key relationships. So....it was fun to see the intersection of the two of you. Thank you for this very honest interview. Your sharing helped more than you can know. Thank you and I look forward to watching/listening to more of your interviews.
Lee Beaven, hope you are with a good man!
She is a gem !
*So many golden nuggets.*
♥️
I feel inspired with new vocabulary to have better conversations.
♥️
#staywell everyone
💜
2021 blessings 🙏 to all.
💚
Esther Perel is such a lovely, brilliant, human!
19:50 ''...most often, behind a criticism there is a wish''
32:00 The evolution of the view of marriage throughout the ages in history
We are the Gift we give to others 🌱
I love esther. Shes phenomenal
In my culture. We believe in we must know ourselves from within and then can live it outwards.
Love you both! More conversations like this. And so good to see a medical doctor engaging in the emotional side of things as well.