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How to Be Attractive on a Date
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- Опубликовано: 15 авг 2024
- A lot of dating advice suggests that, to be attractive, we should focus on our looks, our clothes and our ability to choose a good venue. But the true secret to proving attractive is to know how to reveal our vulnerability, our maturity and our degree of self-knowledge.
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FURTHER READING
You can read more on this and other subjects here: bit.ly/2KyzSZW
“The goal can be stated simply enough: the overwhelming priority, when on a date with someone we like, is to persuade them to like us back. But the simplicity of the mission masks the complexity required to achieve it. Typically, the advice focuses on externals: what to wear, when to unfurl a napkin, what to order… But such counsel, however well-meaning, is at odds with what we ourselves know about attraction: that it is profoundly focused on psychology.”
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Underlying message in this is that you're not winning by being attractive to people who aren't a fit for you.
By showing them a bit more of you, you're going to turn off the wrong people and turn on the right ones.
what yesss. I love this!
I'd like to think that's the way to go, but the times that I have done it have not ended well. It's easier said than done to give just the right amount of intimate information about yourself and your vulnerabilities. Withdraw too much, and you have trouble making a real connection;. Reveal too much, and you'll seem unattractive. It's not an easy line to walk, and in my experience, people are very unforgiving if you don't do it just right.
I don't think that's the underlying message. He stated the message quite clearly - you want to start from a point where you can both accept each others' imperfections as well as your own so that nobody is held to unrealistic expectations, and you're agreeing to work on improving (aka healing) those imperfections together.
That's more about social skills. Sadly even your picture shows you lack them.
@Laura Baptiste It's okay to only want to hook up if you're honest about it.
“We want to be seen for who we really are and be forgiven; not mistaken for someone else, idealized, and then condemned”
Literally me, I get worried guys think I’m like the Instagram influencers and then get disappointed when I’m not their idealized dream girl.
@vegan
Those words jumped out at me while I listened too.
They describe the relationship with a Narcissist, which is 99% of my dating experience.
The stages always begin with them idealizing you, and showing you their fake persona, the 'good guy' facade, the man of your dreams that you develop feelings for.
They suddenly get bored and devalue you. You can't do anything right in their eyes, all you get is criticism, antagonism, withdrawal of affection, and communication. You don't know what's going on.
They enjoy your pained response to their cruelty.
They don't break up with you, you end up making the break and going no contact.
and still you write a comment how you perfectly understood what he wants to say and you are oh so smart in brain.
I love that quote, it shows that we want to be loved for who we are and that we want to do the same for the other person
I have to watch these videos twice, because the first time i watch it I just get lost in that beautiful animation.
Similar here. I find myself lost in my own thoughts, then I have to rewind to the part I remember paying attention.
I thought it was only me who did it😄
Omg me too
I have ADHD diagnosed, you just explained my life!
^^
Well, I find it to be quite ugly 🤔 but the content is good nonetheless
- inform them your vulnerability
- ask for their vulnerability as well
- admit you're lonely
- compliments them
Keepin' it real homeboi
craig merrell if you're into that kinda stuff
Stitch Lee then shank them from behind the second they turn their back.
craig merrell use humour to fight against being vulnerable?
I disagree with the lonely part. Women desire alpha males. The moment you present yourself as lonely you seem undesirable to them which is unattractive in most cases.
1. Admit you’re a little mad
2. Give them a safe space to admit they’re a little mad
3. Reveal that we’ve been a bit lonely and sad lately. This is to show that no matter your external success, you too share doubts and insecurities just like your date. It makes you more relatable.
4. Pay compliments. Something that comes from the heart and something that isn’t easily noticeable about themselves.
Hear hear, pay compliments.
.
I feel like this advice only works on people with the same general state of mind and maturity. A School of Life dating app could probably work wonders. One set up in a way that makes it clear the intent is to bring people together to form strong long lasting/life-long relationships, not one night stands or flings.
Sounds like a business opportunity for School of Life and an app developer........
I could have sworn they announced a dating app at the end of a video a while ago, but now I can't seem to find it. There is a School of Life app with the description "Meet and chat with like-minded people from around the world" which could probably be used somewhat like a dating app if it connects you with nearby users along with its other features. I haven't tried it yet myself so I don't know any further details.
@@dryzalizer, here it is:
theschooloflife.com/london/community/
maybe it's good to weed out the people who are not emotionally developed, lol
@Decent Fellow Well, at least then you won't marry the wrong person.
Who the hell are you? How do you know everything about life in such a real and true way! So freaking glad I found this channel, unbelievable.
ButterK cheers I’ll drink to that bro
It's Alain de Botton. He made TED talks, some other speeches and school of life and he's simply amazing. He's the therapist I can't afford
And !not a glimpse of scepticism..?
Yes to sharing quirks and fears on early dates
No to baring your soul like you're in therapy on early dates
If you find someone who is open and strong enough to meet you in baring everything this early kudos.
You can probably get there with most people but ease into it (like once you're past the introductory stuff and there seems to be connection)
Agree! 💙
what I also think this only works with emotionally mature men and women
@@ingridp4457 It might "work" pretty well to disqualify the people who can't relate or join you in being a little vulnerable.
Totally agree
@what
I agree.
Timing is the thing.
There has to be reciprocal and appropriate sharing, and an intuitive sense that what they're saying is true.
It takes time to verify what they're saying when you're barely acquaintances on the first date.
I find that it's better to be slow to disclose private information until you know the person better, because a Narcissist will lie to you to seduce you and show you their fake 'good guy' persona to make you fall for them.
They're always looking for vulnerabilities to exploit.
Further to that, part of their seduction involves casting a wide net for emotionally responsive individuals and they will paint themselves as the victim to some degree early on to engage your compassion and kindness, if not your pity.
They'll bring out their childhood abuse stories, their escape from home, their struggle stories, and it's an overload of information but with no verifiable specifics so that you can form an opinion as to the likelihood of its truth.
They'll tell you great stories of their achievements in their career, their bad bosses, their health problems...all of which you have no way of verifying.
It's difficult to engage them in conversations about things that you have in common, without them steering the conversation to your vulnerabilities such as your family dysfunction.
I read an article some years ago, that stated women who overshare early on in a relationship always regret it.
It leaves them feeling vulnerable, taken advantage of (manipulated) and more deeply rejected if the relationship doesn't work out.
I found it to be true.
I went out with this guy about a year ago who I liked soo much, he was so cute and we had a crazy amount of things in common. He was funny, a gentleman, etc. our 3rd date I had really bad anxiety and I told him, although it’s a blur I’m sure I blurted out a few stupid things out of anxiousness and stupidity, he assured me he understood but didn’t talk to me again after that. I had a hard time for a long while understanding where it went south, but I know that if a guy can’t handle my craziness he can’t stick around for anything else. It’s weird you still learn these lessons in your 20s
Vegan Buddhist Isn’t that contradictory to what this video suggests then.
@@Bebolife12345 Not really -- by showing him who she really was, instead of pretending to be perfect all the time, she found out that he couldn't handle that and, thus, was not a good fit for her. Even though it probably felt painful at the time, in the long run, she's better off finding out about that in the beginning of the relationship, rather than after she's invested months/years in him. Finding out those major incompatibilities early on is why this video suggests being more open about your flaws.
Just done be crazy instead of expecting someone to accept that
You will learn until you die. 20's is only the bigining. But stay yourself .
20s you say?? You have no idea! 20 is a baby!
I had a first date last night, and I talked about School of Life. Do I win?
You will :)
I talk about School of Life on every date I'm on, consistently. Its the easiest way to bring the conversation over to my biggest passion, emotional intelligence.
@@jayedwards7768
C'mon Jay behave 🤣
@@jayedwards7768
Bad boy 👈
@@jayedwards7768
Available upon request 😂
When everything is too perfect, it feels kinda unreal at times. I like the advice here, The School of Life!
first date; i´m a little crazy and depressive
great first impression!
thats pretty much how i and my gf got together, so yeah
That's what my previous first dates needed..
Olimpicus you don’t say it without context. You say it with confidence, the way you would tell your date what kind of shoes you were wearing, or what’s good to eat in town. If you aren’t afraid of your bad side, it makes it less scary for them
That's how the ball got rolling for my boyfriend and me. Us talking about our past and present mental issues sparked a connection which grew into love. Now we're dating with the intent of marriage. I didn't expect to actually fall in love with him at the time, but here we are.
Welcome to everyone on Earth
Went on a date once with a guy. He talked exactly the same like this!! It made me open myself more and he ended up compliment about how he enjoyed talking to me (which i felt appreciated by that). The date went well, we keep in touch on whatsapp, the feeling started to grow.
Turned out he has a wife.
Shit happened
These videos are perfect for manipulative people and I do not mean it in a derogatory way for the author...The harsh truth of life is you have to be yourself and you must be prepared to take the L for it most of the times.Through experience alone and not internet counseling you will learn to weed out the fakes. If you want a long term relationship that is...
@user-xw3wr4cu1s I feel like manipulative people wouldn't understand these videos. Except for psychopaths (you're screwed regardless), the mask will have chinks, brief behaviours inconsistent with who you think they are that are quickly hidden away.
“Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you”
- Carl Jung
Being sane is insane
The arrogance of psychology in one sentence.
This is great advice for older/matured people
@sky M dumbest shit I've heard
@sky M it all depends on what a person looks for in another person , some are into money , some into fame , some into apparence , some into intelligence etc
Very true. For young guys, always enter into a date with a self contentment as if you're sorta well known or have a big dick, but are kinda shy when asked about it. For young women, always enter into a date as you're the cool manager, that lets employees listen to music at work. And you're looking to hire a decent guy.
Not the common 16/11 year old?
@@mydroogies5529 gross
All great advice - unless you're dealing with a predatory, manipulative type :( They love this kind of information too, but for very different reasons.
Here comes trust. If you are willing to trust them on your first date with them.
The problem is they look identical - a genuine person and a skilled manipulator. Do you choose to trust anyway, just to give it a chance, or do you recoil and choke the possibility? We either chase the highlights with a risk of crashing, or we ride a dull, intolerable straight line. It may sound rhetorical, but plenty of us are trying to find a genuine answer. It's harder to choose the first after being taken advantage of before. Then you just have baggage, regrets, and you're still alone if you manage to get out.
It's bad advice
Facts! Don’t do it! The predators are waiting to pounce! 😂
That's a whole diff video...this is about a healthy, good potential partner.
First gotta find someone that wants to give me a date lmao
On the first date that I had, with my now boyfriend of 9ish months, I did something similar to this. I think part of why it's worked out was that we're both pretty down to earth and just generally a good match. But I think it's good to practice balancing wanting to make a good outward impression while revealing your 'flaws' (or unconventional interests?). On the first date I was a little more reserved because it's the point where you're just trying to get to know someone on the surface. But once we agreed to meet again I knew that the second date was where I'd make sure to show more of my quirks and insecurities. I basically finished the second date with something like " I tried to show you a little more of what I'm like most of the time because I think it's only fair that you see what you're getting yourself into" and at that point, if he didn't want to see me anymore then so be it. As for him, he was a little quieter and I could tell, and honestly looking back I was right, that he had his quirks and insecurities too but it would maybe take a little more time to show it. So the fact that I had opened up first really set the vibe that our budding relationship was a safe place where he could feel comfortable to be himself and not feel like he ever had to put up any fronts. 9 months later and we're practically like best friends (with benefits :P) and can talk about literally anything at any point. And all in all it's a great relationship because it was built on trust and understanding and acceptance of the other- because at the end of the day we're all human beings with different likes and dislikes and quirks and what have you. And this is coming from a 24ish year old, and he's 25. You don't have to be old to be mature and grounded. And you don't have to be mature and grounded to have a 'good relationship'. Cus not everyone is, and may not get there, or isnt there yet but will eventually. Just know that when you're seeking out a partner, a fling, a friend: you'll get and attract those who are in a similar state of mind to you. I think the main message of this video is that if you're open and real with someone from the get go, and especially if you tell them that you're making that kind of effort, it encourages them to do the same. And that's one case of many that create good foundations for long lasting relationships.
Also, it kinda bugs me how monogamy-focused all those videos are :/
@@paloma4444 I think maybe their videos can be directed to anyone in any type of relationship. They just have a tendency to usually exemplify it a monogamous way most of the time. The points are usually centered around.... encouraging others to be the way they are or.. the importance of good communication or whatever. And those lessons can and probably should be applied to all kinds of relationships in our lives cus it simply makes for a better one. Even the non romantic ones. Anyway I think school of life has this underlying message in a lot of their videos that's directed at... people seeking a life partner and like... the complacency of being with one person for many many years. And that probably just comes from the experiences of the team that's in charge of making the videos so .. meh. You gotta take away what you wanna take away
Is he taller than you?
@@Dummerbrella987 yeah? Not a difficult feat if you're me though cus I'm only 5'2
Are you still together?
"vulnerability well worn and madness confidently understood" I love this
Just be yourself ... It's easy and helps you in long run
I agree because then you don't have to worry about people liking the fake you and having to maintain being fake, and the love tends to be more unconditional love because they're loving the true and real you.
I honestly did not like it when my twin brother told his roommates that I am cute and many boys like me. They were supposed to be compliments, but I felt like I had to fit into that image. And also did not like the fact those shallow traits came first before anything. Actually those two traits have been only things he've told besides the fact that I go to nice university as well...
But who among us really knows who their self is?
I broke the "we are human" conversation with my boyfriend and we talked about are bowel movements.
Patty Cake yes! Happy for you two!
Boundaries are nice too.
@@Pfsif we stay away from each others anuses. So theres that?
You'll probably marry him. LOL!
first date, a couple hours into the conversation. (this actually happened)
him: well I have social anxiety. and I'm bipolar. taking medication for some time now.
me: I am starting to see a psychiatrist soon. some diagnosed friends assume I have hypomania.
him: ... so, how was that thing you're talking about going?
...
we stayed for a couple hours more.
and met again the other month.
I guess he's in the deep depression episodes nowadays. will call him up soon for a movie date. but it's really quite liberating to know these this soon. it actually helps you see how resilient they are that they spend time with and try getting to know you no matter how hard of struggles they are going through deep inside.
Sue, do not date bipolars.
So... How's you and your bipolar b/friend?
I think this advice would work on the second or third date with the exception of respectful compliments. I still think you need to get to know the person first before disarming them with your vulnerabilities to know if they can be trusted with this info-if the conversation with your date happens to go in that direction, then yes of course divulge per your discretion. I’m just thinking in situations where the date is checking their phones, disengaged, and disappointing; you wouldn’t want to give them the “Hail Mary” to definitely continue/end the date. If they don’t respect your time, they don’t deserve to know you. (Also don’t be THAT date either-don’t check your phones and disengage).
This just gave me great pointers than speak straight to the truth of long relationships. I am 25, have aspergers, and have never been in a relationship. I am very interested in a girl I met through a support group. Because of my anxieties to woman I find attractive, I have yet to speak a word to her. But since the heartaches felt the days that I left without a word, I have decided it's next time or never. I cannot wait to finally talk to her.
Fellow aspie with bad anxiety here to cheer you on. You can do it! I too stayed quiet until my heartache outweighed my anxiety. When I did finally ask, though, I did not regret it. I believe you can do it, too. I hope and pray that you'll find the courage this time and that everything will go well for you.
@@songpoetry1 Thank you, so do I!
GO FOR IT BRO!
@@songpoetry1 So I talked to her. That was after admitting I was her secret santa at a christmas party. Once I admitted it, she gave me a hug. The smile I saw on her face when she saw what it was made me tear.
@@Helicopterpilot16 Congratulations, that's awesome!
British “mad” is different than American “mad.” Took me a while to figure out they meant “show them you’re a little crazy,” not “show them you’re angry”
Lol. Goddamit fuck this stupid waiter!
Tara, this vid has awful advice.
I'm pretty sure in America "mad" can also be used to mean crazy....not just angry. It's the same in both countries. I grew up in the US and I knew exactly what he meant when he said, "mad."
Acknowledge your weaknesses. Don't define yourself solely through your strengths. Find a common ground where both can grow together is the one thing I wish to find in a date.
your voice is therapy
Wow, thanks for that. Tonight I planned a date with very special women. Wish me all best !
This describes what I think a date should be. But in a time when online dating is the primary method for people to meet each other I have found that the minute they sense the slightest hint of perceived negativity or imperfection (for want of a better term) it's on to the next one. For this to work, and ideally it should, more people need to be on this level. I just don't think the majority of people these days have such self-awareness and empathy. Though I fully admit this may be a regional phenomenon.
Prob gonna delete later but trust me, a lot of people know that online dating/dating apps don't provide all the information necessary to know whether they're really compatible or attractive. I encourage you to travel :)
So very true and sad :(
"Anyone over the edge of twenty possessed with the idea that they are easy to live with has evidently not begun to understand themselves or their impact on others". That made me laugh hard...
If everyone who watched this video got together as a community soul mates would be found. Many, many of them.
I love the moment at 3:47. As the faces come closer together you can see how they grow closer together as people. The woman's head takes up a lot of space on the screen which remembers me of someone allowing me in her life, sharing her feelings with me and letting me know she feels comfortable. It is much better than a cheap kiss. It shows both people.
When i watched it a second time in the end i noticed how you can see that both their faces have practically become one face. Both knowing each other and speaking for each other. But also involving themselves and allowing the other to be involved. As being together involves the want to listen to someone as well as talking to that person. The most amazing depiction of how it feels to be in a wholesome and fulfilling relationship.
I feel like this is a bit much for first date but still figure out these things early on as to not waste time
Good advice for many human interactions, not just romantic relationships.
(Probably best to hold back a little when going for a job interview though).
I received the notification five minutes before when I actually went out on a date. ARE YOU WATCHING ME?
What isn't said is that you need to be quite confident in yourself to share your vulnerabilities.
If you're not, then hold back on doing so. I personally think that, on a first date, it's too much too soon.
I'm not big on small talk either, but there is a middle ground between skating the surface and sharing vulnerabilities.
If the date goes well you might find yourself sharing vulnerabilities naturally, which is a good sign and probably a better way to do so, than forcing the issue.
“So, how are you crazy?” While also leaning in.
Is this what I’m supposed to do now????
I think sharing a bit of your imperfections works. It shows you are human & opens to further conversation. But it also depends on the person you’re on a date with.
The official german translation puts date as in a calender date...
Shhshshshs omg same in portuguese
@@hanayaoliveira1988 Notei agora
Same here, it sounds really weird
Same happens in Spanish!
I think it’s worth studying logically about one’s own dating and evaluate ourselves. Most of the times we may find our own faults. It’s good to know the fact we can make it better ourselves.
"someone around whom we no longer have to be jolly in a brittle way" this is a brilliant way of saying stop faking the funk, folks.
Where was this video the other day? :')
Vulnerability is important in all relationships
There is a wording in the beginning that doesn't suit me in my point of view: "... is to persuate them to like us back."
It should be that we should spend the time to find out, together with them, wether they like us the same way back just the way we are.
With the whole rest i totally agree. Think not about how sexy and attractive and fun someone might be, but how this person makes your feel good as a person and how much this person means to you over time. Because in the end we'll be old and unattractive.
💯%. Just be real, authentic, open, and a bit vulnerable. Nobody wants to be on a date with a “perfect” person. It’s too intimidating! 😳😝 I prefer to know that the other person has struggles of their own, just like I do. That way, neither party starts off the potential relationship feeling like they’ll never measure up. Above all, be HUMAN-flaws and all. The rest will work itself out.
Once on a date the girl sitting across the table from me passed gas. It was not loud or smelly, but it was quite obvious. From my perspective I smiled knowingly before continuing the conversation. I learned the next day from her friend that my actions post-fart were monstrous. Perhaps I should have pretended not to have noticed, or, perhaps (as I was holding back gas myself) I should have just let one loose.
Yeah I see what she meant honestly. It makes you seem pretentious, you hit the opposite of a sweet spot. Making fun of her a little (playfully) or ignoring it entirely would both have been better. Instead you left her to wonder what you thought
😂😂😂 perhaps u should have farted too in solidarity
Perhaps you should have pitched a tent and put it on display for her, leading to hours of flatulent ecstasy. Wedding bells are gonna chime!
Your actions were not monstrous; forgive yourself for not reacting perfectly to an unusual moment.
Well you should have said something like omg did you just fart you gas incontinent monster?!
Its amazing how this channel never lets down about every subject, topics that touches on.
Let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible ornament of a quiet and gentle spirit...
i love how the animations are so unique for each video
What kind of person never gives u their free time when they're off work. When they see their ex instead. When they tell u they wish they had you. That they wish things were different. When they tell u they will always love you and wish they could meet you and be with you. Yet they're not.... Why would I still believe some of these lines..?
Then I figured it out.
They didn't love me really and don't want to be with me or even try to. 💔
what i observed from the video , that the heads of participants in dating are much more smaller than compared to their body size. Still whenever there's a closeup , you can see the two heads having proportionately comparable head size, depict that dating is all an interaction of ideas rather than the physical form wearing baggy clothes is just an hoax of shield we wear to hide our intellect and prevent our vulnerable self to be out in the open.
Basically, be vulnerable. Show your strenghts and weaknesses, you can shoo away the wrong ones and attract the right ones
Many times dates are not intended for long term prospects.
And, physical attractiveness is the most important factor.
social status and wealth are the true "important" factors at play.
@@stevenwoods8267 for long term, but I know many guys that are broke yet attractive, and do very well
Looks play importance for flings and one night stands. Status and wealth plays importance when looking for a spouse. Different partners for different purposes.
@@laraking804 What an opportunistic approach...
ΓΕΩΡΓΙΟΣ ΚΑΡΑΜΠΑΜΠΑΣ it’s called common sense! The hot playboy who’s great in bed is great for a fling but no one wants to actually marry that kind of a man. If you’re looking to settle down of course it makes sense to look for someone who is looking for the same thing instead of trying to ‘convert’ a womaniser away from his partying ways.
Please don't auto translate you titles into Spanish
That’s not caused by the ones who make the vids it’s caused by your RUclips settings
and not into german too. please
Yeah, just remove the feature entirely. I would like to not be confused about which language the video is in.
Did you know that any of our viewers can submit translated titles to our videos in any language. Just follow the links below the video to do so.
no i didn´t... hmm..
Perfect timing as always, more beautifully illustrated and animated than ever. What a gift of a video to release on my birthday. :)
Brene Brown also talks a lot about vulnerability and how it is touchstone of strength and creativity and positive growth in our lives... This video echoes that thought so beautifully... Thank You!!!
This is good advice for people whom are matured and/or middle aged.
This is good advice for everyone, of any age. You don't want to date anyone who pretends to be perfect - no one is. So, we all should be at home with our quirks and be able to tolerate those of others. Otherwise, you're not ready for the bump and grind of a long term relationship. I feel sorry for young people nowadays. They may have youth, but they are slaves to social media, where they are peddled mostly lies about how everyone else is happy, perfect with a 21” waist, and has no problems. Lies, lies, lies. That's why we have an explosion of mental health issues amongst the young. Real life cannot match up to those fantasies. Once you accept that, you can learn to have compassion, even love for yourself as you really are. Once you have that, you can have compassion for and truly love another person as they really are. Good luck with your adventures. Have fun.
***It's good advice for maturING
@@BigHenFor I was very careful with the wording of my comment. I never said it was bad or not good advice for people of any age. In fact I agree that if you cannot handle this advice then you are not ready for a heathy long term relationship. But this video is titled ~"How to be attractive on a date"~ for which I feel this advice will only make you attractive to the very mature and/or experienced.
@@BigHenFor I agree the young are, for the most part, brainwashed slaves to the words of popular media.
@@aldrnarienby4756 I think you are missing my point. Maturity is the gift of growing into yourself. Once you are comfortable with yourself, at whatever age that happens, your chances of having better dates and better long-term relationships improve. You will know what you want and what you need, and be able to recognise those qualities in others. That's why youth isn't necessarily a good time. We don't necessarily have the self-knowledge or confidence of maturity to see dating as an experiment and not to hang our self-esteem on the outcome of the process when we are young. Having a boyfriend is not just that: it is also a status symbol. Not to be dating, or failing to find a boyfriend is a negative. In that, there is a lot of social pressure involved in that process. I would ideally remove a lot of that by just treating first dates as experiments and just focus on getting to know my date better and enjoying it. I think that way because I'm more comfortable now letting things evolve without pressurising myself or my date. That's what this video is about: how we internalise those pressures, and with our own social anxieties can make dating difficult.
There's no point trying to convince someone to like you, nor is there any good that can come from auditioning people for a relationship you've already defined before even meeting them. The only goal of a date should be to find out if you actually do like each other. If you do, then time will tell what kind of relationship might be able to develop between you. If you don't, you're no worse off than before anyway.
How to be attractive enough for someone to actually ask me out on a date, on the other hand, is something I'm still working on...
Honestly, it's been a long time not dating...but I observe how a man treats a waitress... Does he treat her with respect her or order her around? Does he say thank you and tip properly? If I can see a man around children, disable, elderly or animals I like to observe him.
Men here, we're not pieces of meat, we're human beings, thanks
You are assuming your perceptions from observing are accurate. Ten people observing the same thing will have ten different interpretations.
Daniel I never said treat men badly. What I said was observe how they respond to situations. If someone gets angry or shows little patience with others, than they will quickly get pissed with me. It's better to know this before either party gets attached and things can end quickly. Frankly, why would you want to waste time on dates with someone who is a terrible match to you? As a man, how would you feel if a women never said thank you or showed appreciation towards you on a date? You would want to drop contact with that women because she would always disrespect or under appreciates you. This way you can move on to someone that makes you happy and skip some serious drama.
I'm approaching 40.... let's be honest women are treated like meat too... And I realize that my expiration date has passed to the vast majority of men. Should I blame men for this hard truth? No, it's genetic... most men want families and I will not meet that standard. If a women doesn't take care of her physical appearance, show a certain level of agreeableness and competency so isn't considered attractive to men. I will most likely live out the rest of my life single, but I don't blame men. Frankly, you can't expect a perfect ten partner if you are only a four yourself, I acknowledge my shortcomings. Both genders need to stop blame shifting and just work on themselves and become better individuals. Once you master your own thoughts and have your life in order you can be a blessing to a partner instead of a burden. Our society is messed up because we expect partners to become our saviors and shower us with unconditional affection.
If somebody tells me they're sad and lonely on a first date, I'd think that as a red flag.
Agreed. This vid is bad.
Moral of the story, be yourself and avoid all extremes
I think it`s alright to be open and friendly on your first date, but to be to be very vulnerable to a stranger (unless you already know them ), doesn´t seem quite right. Though I don´t fancy small talk, I believe it is a good place to start, and then getting to know your partner little by little, seeing if you are on a safe ground to share your deepest feelings. I find if the other person would tell me all their emotional problems right away, I might feel too overwhelmed, (eventhough I have quite a lot of emotional baggage myself).
1) have a good hip-waist ratio...
Lol
@Laura Baptiste yeah jokes makes you very sad indeed
Ellen good point
anything below 0.7 in women is attractive to men...and lesbians, I guess
that's barely the surface of what has to be done, mate.
Perhaps the trick of all this is to achieve all of this without having to say it.
Frankly, a superficial read on all this would result in one perhaps becoming overly vulnerable at a time when the date may not dictate that in terms of its flow.
You want to excite, captivate and be authentic. Being overly open and vulnerable too early on has the danger of appearing to be to needy.
All this on a first date! Hmmm?🤔
The german title is very irritating. If you translate date to "Datum" you are referring to a time and not a meeting between two persons. This would be a better german title: "Wie man sich bei einer Verabredung als attraktiv erweist." or "Wie man sich auf einem Date als attraktiv erweist."
Soleja M. Di translation in Spanish is also lame
"They are showing us the fertilized soil in which our love would grow" i like that
When you're good looking vulnerable aspects of your character seem cute and humane. Otherwise they seem repulsive and crazy. We all want a partner who won't be a hump in the back. Especially women like men who won/will win in life. So fellow men don't say things like "I have difficulty waking up early" or "sometimes I want to quit my job" or "I am/was depressed for a long time". Create an impression that you are mentally stronger than her without being bossy or claiming that you're perfect.
The essence of the video is to show your true self and not to be fake
Yet everyone looks like crap in the morning.
Pharath Of Avondale Naturally attractive people don’t. 🤷♀️
This is the best video I have seen on this because it isn't about being calculating
How to be attractive on a date is just by being yourself, not being afraid to show who you really are and the right person will be attracted to you. 😃
This is the longest way to say “Be Yourself”
Ugh my date rejected me when I told him about my weaknesses. I think he wants someone who is completely confident and doesn't have too many mistakes... (Also, i had some strengths that I didn't put out)
Thank you, School of Life, where was this video 25 years ago when I needed it?
I love this channel, especially these with practical steps. I'm sure you're saving me thousands in therapy costs
My crush of two years (who had to move away for school) is coming back and asked me to spend time with him!!
This is indeed "The School of Life"
Perfection is a lie. If something or someone is perfect then there's nothing left. Not a single thing! Perfection only brings despair...
I would sometimes reveal that I have OCD and have used it to benefit my life. I’m fully functional, smart and attractive person, however, these women would stop talking to me thereafter. I realized later that it was because they thought I was crazy because of OCD even though I’m not. I’m not totally sane, but I would argue that being upfront is the best solution.
I believe this is too heavy for a first date ... First dates should be more playful and light. Just my opinion
Thank you for sharing life’s securities in such a normal and kind way, you are truly brilliant
Ok got it. Express all my issues onto them
Beautifully said!
It's like poetry for the soul and for the mind.
I feel understood.
The comment about not wanting to be put on a pedestal and then devalued really jumped out for me while listening.
Having experienced relationships with Narcissists all my life (from 16 onwards), being suddenly devalued and emotionally 'tortured' by a person that you have feelings for, and who seemed so happy with you at first, is crushing. You can see them thriving on your pain and your bewilderment as to what's now going on.
To have "emotional safety", and to be with a man who has built trust with me over time, and for him to be the same man at ten weeks that he was on day 1 would be heavenly 🥰
A man who is consistent across time....
Alas, the 'good guy' facade crumbles by that point (sometimes six weeks, sometimes it's the third date, or even the second), and it's over for me.💔
Sir... You who made these videos about life, seems to be a master at life. You must be scoring chicks left and right and winning at the game of life. I can imagine this guy balling it out day and night and everyone is just wet for this master of psychology and life.
In 20 and I’m going on my first date ever and I feel more prepared now
Oh..so this is how it's supposed to work! THANK YOU! *Light Bulb Moment*
This title got translated as "how to be attractive on a date" but in my language, there is a difference between the two meanings, a date is very much just a word to say "today is the" or "on the date of X something will go down" while a date in English can refer to both and also meeting someone in a romantic or work setting so I was really confused there for a moment.
4:44 He should really keep an eye on the road, dudes giving me anxiety
Lmao
I’ve had to tell a lot of guys that I can’t drink on our date because of my anti-anxiety medication and it hasn’t scared them off yet
Simply put, Be Real.
Is school of life spying on me, I was thinking of asking someone i like for a long time now in a date, and its amazing how timely this video is. Just like every video from this site.
Before seeing this video, I did this, and can confirm that it is highly effective.
If you are able to glean these same lessons from the seasons of Californication, then you're good. But then again, if you could, then you wouldn't need this video. Great video, thank you!
The way the animators in your videos present body type and gender is very very interesting and I would love to hear an interview with your creative director
Show your flaws and accept their flaws. Tell them you need to be loved and they have a good potential to love you better.
Bad advice
So insightful! And the illustrations are just perfect.
This seems to go against my experience and intuition as a man not to show weakness or doubt to a woman ...ever, let alone on a date.
Basically, be yourself
So be personable and keep it real? Well yeah that should be what we all do.
I Think this is the School of Lifes fantasy for what a perfect date is.