What do you think of our guide to love? What would you add? Let us know in the comments below or we have a discussion going on right now on our app available free here for IOS, Android and Desktop: bit.ly/2BA37HO
The School of Life I have also found it is easier to forgive when you make the effort to understand. So many of us tend to believe (incorrectly) that others purposely set out to hurt us, when actually they are just trying to get their needs met as well and may not always recognize they don’t choose the best action. One important thing to note, however, is that my ability to look at others “with love” to understand them better came about as a result of my ability to do this with myself. Tough to do as I had to rid myself of the unnecessary toxic shame I carried from a lifetime of feeling devalued for not being perfect. But the hard work I did has definitely paid off in not only having more serenity in my own life, but being able to connect with other people better because I judge less and understand more. BTW....LOVE your videos!
You can be loving enough to understand the motive behind someone's dysfunctional behavior towards you and at the same time set boundaries and not accept to be treated in this dysfunctional or harsh manner.After a while you need to realize that you cannot choose what happens to you in life,but you are always responsible of what you make of it (how you respond to it).Holding people responsible for their unpleasant behavior towards you and refusing to be their emotional scratch post/doormat will be uncomfortable at first,but it is a radical act of self love and a huge step towards honoring your self growth.
People aren’t bad, they are simply damaged from past tragedies. Suspend judgement and recognize that you would be just like them if you grew up as they did. Recognizing this truth makes understanding, forgiveness and loving others much easier.
Okay this is absolutely true but how about when their tragedies actually transform them into these hateful persons or when they push you to your limits while you just try help them is this okay? They should also manage their lives and let others help and not just turn their anger on us.
I’ve discontinued some friendships after patterns of behaviour that I just couldn’t really deal with. While I understand the many mitigating factors, I didn’t feel it was my job to be someone’s personal scratch post. I think emotional hygiene is a thing.
I have PTSD from a violent upbringing (42 now). I walked away with the help of others at the age of 15. Never looked back. To me, life is empathy, which explains why I'm a likeable guy to many. To the monsters who were my parents? Well, like all who hurt me, I just let the universe serve up it's own poetic justice.
@@plathrop7737 I applaud your strength, as well. It's a harsh Club quite a few of us seem to belong to. Glad to see you're one of the survivors with a healthy attitude.
Summary: * 2:00 *Imagination* _Use your imagination to picture why someone might have done a regrettable deed and yet could remain a fitting target for a degree of understanding and sympathy - perhaps they got very frightened or were under pressure of extreme anxiety and despair._ * 3:09 *The child within* _Remember the child within them - our wrong doer may be grown, but their actions will always be connected up with their early years - and sympathize with the angry confused infant lurking inside._ * 4:24 *Patience* _Take your time and remain serene in the face of obviously unimpressive behaviour._ * 4:50 *Redeeming features* _Interpret everyone as having strengths alongside their obvious weaknesses - almost everything on the negative side of a ledger could be connected up with something on the positive._ * 5:52 *We are sinners too* _Be aware that we are also deeply imperfect and, at points, quite plainly mad - the enemy of generosity is the sense that we might be beyond fault._ * 6:22 *Conclusion* - _There is no such thing as a bad person - there is pain, anxiety, and suffering that have coalesced into unfortunate action._ - _This isn't merely an exercise of being nice, but getting to the truth of things._
In this video they're not talking about how you should treat sinners, they are just explaining an absolute truth! If someone is a guilty murderer we should absolutely put him in jail so that he doesn't kill more people. All this video is trying to do is to widen our perspectives and to help us see things as they are.
Hard thing to do Ryan. We are afraid to be judged and close ourselves of too much. As my favorite thinker Alan Watts says, "I love you" should be said to more people and more often!
Condemning people will make you resentful and fill you with hate. Sometimes it's perfectly justified. My dad was physically and emotionally abusive. I hated him for smacking my mother, me, and my younger brother around. I hated him with every fiber of my body. It was his childhood and strict religious upbringing that was his eventual downfall. I am in a much better place and so is my mom. It made me an avoidant person but if I didn't recognize that in my father, I'd never be able to work on myself.
@@l-lraito2863 but this is truth. There are some parents, who just want their peace of mind. They make their kids priorities on second or third option.
@@ryancalcaterra4946Lol I ain't no sucker. It's more about letting go, and using that anger to fuel you to better yourself rather than letting it eat away at you. When you let it fester it turns to bitterness.
I might argue Understanding the truth is a good candidate of such a thing called "a key of life". Empathy only gets us so far in imagining an experience, understanding implies much much more. It's important also through empathy not to feel or take on the feelings of others but to understand them
@@deadislander if we assume that with understanding or empathy (or any word to be the key to life) that we use it in life, then 'wisdom' trumps both of those words.
I've definitely noticed that when dealing with adults with anger issues, the best thing that works for me is to treat them like a child. Try to calmly calm them down by petting their head or arm, letting them know it's okay instead of arguing. The mentality of "this is simply a child having a tantrum" really works for me. Because of this mentality, I don't get scared of anger or shouting anymore, I don't try to argue and make the situation worse, I just pity it. Also, the mentality of "They are trying to make me angry" works too because I keep that in mind I really DON'T want to get angry. In the end, anger is just another way of showing that you are scared.
Sounds good. However, don't forget to check that you haven't maybe overstepped their boundary or mistreated them somehow. Sometimes people get angry because other people aren't listening to them. Anger is a valid emotion, and expressing it without attacking is vital. It doesn't justify poor behaviour of course, but sometimes, we need to get better at listening to angry people, and perhaps better at hearing them when they ask us quietly to stop doing something, and not dismiss them. We have a part to play in every conflict. Your approach does sound good though, as long as you try to understand them as well.
Careful, make sure to take into account who you are dealing with. Depending on the individuals culture, treating them as children may be viewed as an hostile act.
@@senzizwane8635 The entire western world seem to behave like that right now and we are on our way towards a demographic cliff for it. Not reacting to provocations can be a suicidal behavior.
@@michaelpettersson4919 Reacting to people's negative emotions is suicidal. We can't kill fire with fire but we can kill the flames with water or sand.
Oh, love is such a wonderful feeling. It's a feeling of letting it all go. You've got to be vulnerable. You have to, at times, make various sacrifices for one another, but you do it gladly, not holding any grudge or angst in your heart. Above all, it's a feeling of absolute bliss. It's a feeling of warmth at the edge of the cold, dark night.
It is completeness, wholeness and yes perfection. It's all about knowing that you don't know the answers to everything and yet you have no fear in not knowing. You love and you love and it never runs dry nor gets tired. It's because you are empty and yet so full, you just live.
I agree BUT the fact that someone had a rough childhood, or is struggling with anxiety or something else, doesn't give them the right to continuously hurt others. For example, I've been bullied as a kid, therefore, if I turned into a bully myself, you could say that there is an explanation for that and I should be understood and not judged. Still, the beauty of good (for the lack of a better word) people and adults in general is that they are able to fight their own demons and come out the other side stronger and more empathetic towards others who are struggling, instead of being more likely to put others down. Unlike children, who can't grasp how things that happen to them affect their being, adults are self-conscious enough to work out why they're behaving in the way they are, and then try to solve the problem for the benefit of all. This video made some excellent points, but it could also somewhat be used as a way to show how we're not responsible for our actions and words, and that we're not in control of ourselves in adulthood. That, in my opinion, is wrong.
@@pradeepkharta5953 I don't judge people, nor do I have rage in my heart. Going back to my bullying example, I forgave everyone because I understand that we all make mistakes. My point is that we also all know the difference between good and bad, and therefore shouldn't let ourselves act however we want simply because we have negative and hurtful experiences lurking in our pasts.
@@SanyaTheShe i also suffered the same bullying but does it mean i should burn my heart from hate anger and frustration Move on and life will be more beautiful what you say .
@@pradeepkharta5953 I think you're failing to understand what I'm saying here. I have moved on, that's the point of my comment. People can forgive and cleanse themselves from anger and become better, and not use that as an excuse to keep up the vicious circle of treating others poorly. We are on the same side here, I basically agree with you.
Ayyyy majure green flag here :)))) Load yourself up with so much selflove you can start throwing it around like candy out of a pinata! accept the flow of candy never runs out and you get the decide who receives the sugary goods :3
Yes, but you can't just pick someone and have a relashionship with that person just because you have empathy towards them. You also have needs that needs to be met. Love is unconditionnal, relashionship isn't.
I remember in my senior year of high school, this was exactly my thought process on people. I would rarely ever get mad at people because I was able to analyze why they could have such flaws. After I went through major peak of depression for a whole year, all of that faded away and I became too cynical. I only saw the bad in everyone and even if I was still able to analyze why someone was "bad," I only worked it in my favor to justify why I still would get angry or upset with them. I blamed them rather than what I initially did in HS where I knew ultimately they were a product of some sort of mistreatment that they had no control over. Now after that peak of depression, I'm slowly trying to regain that mentality. This video just reminded me of how much I should work on it. Thanks!
To love is to value. To love is understand the essentials of human character and judge a person if they process quality of character or not. It is not to let people get away with dishonesty, laziness, stealing, hypocrisy or evil. You got it all wong.
Thank you Alain, for blessing us with your presence. I met this beautiful soul with many problems. I saw his inner child so early on, it's hard to let him go. I see past his addiction and struggles, I feel like I can always be there, somewhere, for him. Even when he says he isn't worth anyone's time. How can you not love a man who goes to bed thinking of his parents well being? A man who loves children, a man volunteering to be cradled to sleep like a kid when he finds the chance to, a man who controls his younger brother's breathing when he's asleep in the night? Some people struggle highly with the fact that life turned them into adults. They just want to crawl back to their earliest times, away from everything bad. We all want a warm embrace, a wing to be covered by. I find this compassion within me since the first times I heard this way of thinking. I love him. I love people like these. May God/life put such pure and childlike souls on our path and help us show them a better world than what seems to be there is.
If you want to know how to love first you must know what love is. The best description of love that I know says that: Love is patient and kind, it does not envy or boast, it is not prideful and it doesn't dishonor others. It is not self seeking (selfish) nor is it easily angered. It keeps no records of wrong doings(forgives) it does not delight in evil or someone's misery but it rejoices with the truth, it always hopes, it always trust, always protects and perseveres. Source: 1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 7 Too many people mistake love for a strong feeling of infatuation and idolism. Love is much more than that. It is much deeper and meaningful than the shallow definition it is given in tv shows, movies, celebrity life and high school relationships. Love takes time and it takes the maturity of two people willing to make their relationship meaningful and not just some past mistake or casual hookup every now and then.
Apart from the tiny typos.. I'll go with that Bible quote. I was about to criticise the entire video for being superficial and idealistic (I'm just crawling away from a partner who I knew had a terribly sad childhood.. But then so had I..-difference being- he is available totally untrustworthy cheating liar; I am an altruistic empath with an honesty obsession- none of which is covered in this video) til I hit your comment. Thank you. I'm an atheist but I might dig out Corinthians later. Seems someone had a good handle on 'LOVE' back in the day... ☮️
@@simonem.7385 I'm guessing that love does NOT delight in evil.... etc?? Wasn't dissing your grammar! I think I might beautifully stitch this whole quote for a frame. ☮️
I think the way you wrote this is misleading. i think i know what you mean. To love is to be willing to get hurt and to, also, even, *expect* nothing in return
THIS IS SO PROFOUND!!!!! I am lost for words...........................this channel should be required watching/reading at schools, universities and throughout life and business!!!! Once again one of the best (and maybe the most important lessons in life) has been strung together in few sentences with absolute clarity!!!!!! TOTAL WISDOM!!!
How do you do that when they methaphorically speaking always sing: " - Bully bully! Bully bully!"? I´m sorry I should never have watched Full Metal Jacket.
This video made me realise how increasingly "hard" I've become over the years ...I hope 2019 will be a love filled year for us all ..where we learn to have more sympathy and patience with others. Thank you for the message !
There are many books and psychological explanations in the terms of doing love right and not judging others. If you love yourself and seeking the dust of positivity in the storm of negativity, you're going to surround yourself with similar. We're far from flawless, each one of us. Temptations push us to limits. Even if it hurts to love someone, you can react. But don't get caught up in ideal beliefs about yourself, or the person you love. That's how you mess and fall emotionally. Where there is vulnerability and honesty, there is love and affection. Other then lies, pretending and false will. People filled with those personalities are actually harmful.
well i just found out that i'm looking at everyone through the eyes of love...and let me tell you something: they treat you like sh*t when you do that.
yes. agree. and same case is with me and over the past years i have learnt one thing that do good with the right person and don't expect anything back.
True but mother Teresa once said. " I have found the paradox that if u love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love" The right path is always the difficult one to follow and has the most obstacles. Those who take the easy way out will face a boulder later on. Be the lone wolf, ur behaviour represents u. Their behaviour represents them. Good luck
It almost goes without saying, but I would only add that viewing others through the lenses of Love does not mean you have to subject yourself to any amounts of undue torture and pain to love someone else. You can be understanding, insightful, and guiding, while also maintaining an appropriate distance if the other is toxic or abusive. ❤️
Tbh constantly understanding others is a pretty thankless job especially because most of the time is a one-sided road, and then people quickly understand that they are being understood and forgiven and happily settling on your all-loving neck. I truly believe that empathy and compassion are the saviours of the world but only if it's mutual
There are indeed monsters. On one hand I find the video's reasoning naive and self-deceptive. On the other hand I agree on the need to go deeper on people´s motivations and circumstances.
Zhaneta B that’s not true. What they are saying is that when you see it from a place of compassion and empathy, you will understand the reason why people do the things they do. They are not saying stay with someone who ill treats you, they are saying don’t take anything anyone does personally. It has nothing to do with you. When you truly understand this, you won’t be as offended by what people do anymore and you tend to move on from heartbreak quicker because you know that your value isn’t dependent on what people say or do to you. When you do this, you can love freely without fear. Cause if someone takes your love for granted and ill treats you, you forgive them easily and move on without the baggage and pain. I think you misunderstood what they are really trying to say.
Tamika Brewster yeah tell that to all the dictators that have rape n murdered unicorns people including children it's because they are damaged yea let's show them more love
Blackman and Robin smh that totally went over your head. I don’t have to tell them anything. You are not giving love, you are seeing it through the eyes of love. So what’s better, let’s look at life through the eyes of hate and consume ourselves for no good reason. That making any sense?
Tamika Brewster no it didn't bro.. just hear me out you don't have to look at the world in a negative light like the first commenter said we have to be realistic u can't make excuses for every bad person yes some people make mistakes because they are misguarded or something bad happened in the past yes but, the fact is some people are horrible and lack no empty human history will show u this.. let us not forget that the only reason we have empathy morals is because of the prefrontal cortex the newest part of the brain in mammals so the ability n extent to which one can empathize differs from one individual to the next and morals are totally man made and with all of that people still murder and kill without remorse yes love is key but my problem with this video is it over generalize humans and the complexities if I wanna go deep into it I can write forever but the fact is some people are good some are evil that's life for you yes don't judge people through tiny lenses and people should be given a chance to prove who they really are but putting things d way d video does over simplified it. That is one thing the elites understand that's why they make weapons have armies to protect each themselves I don't support this n I would like everyone to love and leave in peace but it's impossible because people are greedy.. look what happened to the native Americans for example they showed kindness to the visitors only to be murdered and have their land stolen from them , now try and justify those actions with this video ..
People just need time, to know they can be who they are, so show their core and be accepted. It took me 6 years of growing and i was able to show myself to my fiance. Give people a honest chance to grow.
Very Good video! Really enjoyed it. The stamina necessary for love is much greater than we think. Solitary practice of love can lead to absolute depression if it is never reciprocated. 🙈🙈
That is very tricky though, as many manipulative people can also appear charming, making us think that they have their good moments and making it more difficult to maintain a distance or get out of that situation. I agree that we should not immediately jump to conclusions about people, but there is value in moderation - showing love and being patient, while also making sure we establish our boundaries and stand up for ourselves.
Personally I’m already like this and ik people will hurt me but at the end of the day what gives me meaning is that I am kind or at least I try to be kind and understanding. Ik a lot won’t agree but its just how I choose to live
There does seem to be a bit of a double standard there. You forgot the scenarios of the boy announcing his boyfriend, and the girl announcing her girlfriend.
I appreciate the fine line of language used in this script. Seeing through the eyes of love doesn't mean allowing toxic relationships to continue; finding explanation and truth for why a person's actions are what they are is helpful - in determining whether or not you can remain in contact with that person and still maintain your own safety and health. Understanding why a dog is rabid does not immediately imply that you may not euthanize the dog. At the same time, this sort of evaluation is more useful because of how hard it is: you have to take the time to think about it. Snap judgment is usually flawed. Even when it's about yourself! Well done.
This approach applies to most, but definitely not all people. Trying this approach towards those with certain pathological personality disorders would needlessly open one’s self up to endless abuse. I wish this channel would amend this video to make this important distinction.
A great proposal. I would like to be like that, but most of the time I can't. I like to be around ppl, but when I catch some of their flaws. I don't want to see them anymore!
This video, the philosophy behind this logic. I cannot believe this. I've felt alone in this way of thinking my entire life. To the point of literal psychosis in fear of being left in a world of people who cannot grasp the bigger picture, the deeper thought. Although this video does not touch on the intricacies of what leads ones mentality to deteriorate the comprehension of what makes us choose to ignore reality, I suppose that would make the video several hours long and that's just not realistic (sadly). With that said.. I am simply awestruck. I do not know what to think or even say. I can tell this channel is a group effort so I cannot even be sure this is the reasoning of a single mind. All I know is for once, in my miserable existence of 33 years, for once I have found someone who sees the world through my eyes. That no thing is or ever should be finite. That there never has to be an end if you truly understand the beginning. That who we are as people can be so much more if only we'd let ourselves hold onto what we seek for ourselves, in others. That the good in our souls matters more than the girth of our pride. To reach beyond the void of misunderstanding and to find that which we all truly yearn for. Jubilation. That's the only word I can truly attest to this path of reasoning. This truth. Thank you, thank you for making me feel not alone for once in all of my miserable life. Thank you so much. To all that made this video possible, I love you all unconditionally to no end. Thank you.
Hey, this is pretty much exactly what I try to do with people. I hate seeing people as just bad people and always rationalize why they did what they did
These videos are as great a gift to humanity as all the art of the Italian Renaissance, the philosophy of ancient Greece and the Music of the Germans , future generations will thank you for this
I just saved this to my "Holy Spirit" playlist. The "fruit of the (Holy) Spirit" is LOVE, joy, peace, PATIENCE, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. -Galatians 5:22
This is probably why I get confused by comments that put down criminals or people who have committed heinous acts. I'd rather not question the motive or the response, so my response is just to feel bad about myself for feeling differently.
After considering all of this for the last months, I only have one question: Where and Why do we cross the line? If we consider everyone's motifs, if we are infinitely patient, empathetic and forgiving of our partners (and anyone close to us) does that mean that people will walk on us, infinitely making mistakes and us forgiving them? That sounds like being fooled and liking it and accepting it. I am really baffled by this.
Think however you please, big OR small. Life's neither long nor short. It just is. And we're not awesome either. We're perfectly ordinary, and that's enough. The day people remember that being ordinary is enough they'll feel relief. Too much competition and striving these days. Have a cup of tea and look out of the window and think nothing. Bliss.
Completely understand what the point here is. Just begs the question at what point or criteria should adults be held responsible for their actions or is it never?
After losing my dad a few months ago, very unexpectedly, maybe something from these life lessons will teach me how to cope better.. Maybe work my way into feeling happy again, and learning how to live life again, letalone love properly, again. It's difficult, I have MS as well and I'm still learning and navigating.
But how long do you look at a person with love and understanding, before that turns to abusing yourself. When is it okay to okay to say, I've tried enough, and to move on with out feeling like a horrible person because you finally choose to love yourself
This isn't about letting people act however badly they want to, it's a general worldview. I do not believe in forces of "good vs evil", but recognize that "evil" invariably comes from profound pain and damage. Is it excusable to become a serial killer because you were abused as a child? Of course not. But seeing that inner hurt child and massive psychological scarring lets us see the murderer as a human being, rather than deeming them a "monster" and thereby comfortably distancing ourselves.
I think it was Nietzsche that wrote: do not judge a person's attitude until you've felt their pain. That said, it takes great strength of character to overcome the impulse to just shun toxic people. Strength most of us lack.
I admit the first reaction to this video is hostile on my side, because I could never imagine trying to understand someone who hurts others, I only do that within my limits. Then I remembered a bad thing I did to someone, and how much I longed to be understood, because I was the only one who knew why I ended up doing it and no one asked me why. They all simply accused me. Which resulted, for me, in years of suffering because I felt like a monster, stuck in a neverending cycle of blaming myself and with a constant, lingering certainty that I deserved to pay for it. It's so easy to judge one's mistakes. It's much harder to empathize. But the thing is, I think it wasn't right to empathize with me at that time. First, because the victim had total rights not to, and secondly, because I wouldn't have redeemed myself if they did, and I wouldn't have learned shit from my mistake. What I really needed to do was to take the accusations, understand the whole thing, learn from it, forgive myself, never make the same mistake again and move on. Empathy can be a wonderful thing but in my opinion, it should only be practiced if there's enough self-love behind, and enough brains to understand when it's absolutely not the case to empathize. Also, please don't say there aren't people who are monsters. There are, and the people who suffered because of such monsters will only laugh at your video.
i like to think ppl are like mirrors and are (from tony robbins) speaking/acting from either love or fear/hurt n it allows me to just forgive everyone & work with them if their hurt bc there's just mud on their mirror. Not counting evil intent ofc that exists n it's hard to forgive
TutenSten yeah I wanted to say, I lived this way my whole life until last year because of where that got me. Scared people are extremely dangerous, looking at them lovingly and with forgiveness turned out to be really bad for me. I've been on the edge of life and death a ton of times because of this. Unfortunately it IS the right way to be BUT I've been the only one doing it- all those people were just trying to get a leg up and it has always been by standing on my back, face in the mud-unfortunately people aren't worth the risk anymore- I'm still trying to save my own life here, once I'm out, I'll never give one of them another chance where i don't come first- really sucks, I didn't give up on this for 30 years, now i have, now it's all about me I guess- I hope it shifts someday
I disagree. Looking at people in a loving way does not mean that you are not allowed to set boundaries anymore. It does not mean that you have to endure every and any kind of behaviour. On the contrary, it means to teach people in a caring, respectful manner to be nicer. Just like you would do to a child, you can tell them "I will not be treated like this. We can continue talking, if you show me some respect." And if they don't listen or get even nastier, you can always walk away...which then is called self-respect.
Friendly reminder (again): Mad = angry in the United States, crazy = insane. Replacing the word "mad" with "crazy" would better prove your point to Americans. Love your channel, thanks for all you do.
Sometimes seeing bad people with love ends up us being thought of as pushovers. Isn't that true? I choose either to ignore bad people. Or give them a bitter dose of truth by telling them honestly how wrong they are and how I felt by their actions.
While I agree that past experiences can sometimes affect the way we behave, I do not agree that it should always be used as an excuse for bad attitude. Sometimes, we need to call people out on their bad attitudes and in fact, cut them out if they become too toxic for us.
After applying all of this steps, I usually judge people through their own eyes and give them a chance to face their behavior. I've sadly found most people are not worth the effort. They like to judge others harshly but when they perform the same actions they expect to easily get away with it. They deny their responsibility as part of a conflict. I prefer to stay as far as possible from such fake hypocritical people. I can't see my mistakes reflected in their actions since that's not the way I behave, those aren't mistakes I would make. And I end up always having to forgive people for awful behavior they intended to show while they overreact for my regular behavior and demand apologies for things that aren't intended to hurt but rather were taken the wrong way in that particular moment. Like let's say I decided I'm not drinking alcohol for a week and a "friend" tries to convince me to drink even when I told them I won't, then gets mad at me for not doing as they said and demands an apology. I explain how it's disrespectful to pressure someone into doing something they don't want to and also that my actions exist separately from theirs so they can do whatever makes them happy without me judging and I can do or stop doing what I want without it being considered an insult towards them Later they ask me what I think about something they want to do and my honest reply is that it seems risky therefore I wouldn't do it but if it makes them happy I support them, and that kind of answer gets me on a serious argument about how selfish I am, trying to force people to behave like me... and I just stare at them wondering what's wrong with humanity.
![Finesse2Tymes & Og Boo Dirty - Real Recognize Real [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/3xb4bl5PWF8/mqdefault.jpg)
What do you think of our guide to love? What would you add? Let us know in the comments below or we have a discussion going on right now on our app available free here for IOS, Android and Desktop: bit.ly/2BA37HO
The School of Life thank you
for being here when I need you :)
The School of Life To me I feel that love is hard to find.
We need translation to Arabic
The School of Life I have also found it is easier to forgive when you make the effort to understand. So many of us tend to believe (incorrectly) that others purposely set out to hurt us, when actually they are just trying to get their needs met as well and may not always recognize they don’t choose the best action. One important thing to note, however, is that my ability to look at others “with love” to understand them better came about as a result of my ability to do this with myself. Tough to do as I had to rid myself of the unnecessary toxic shame I carried from a lifetime of feeling devalued for not being perfect. But the hard work I did has definitely paid off in not only having more serenity in my own life, but being able to connect with other people better because I judge less and understand more. BTW....LOVE your videos!
@markj6700 Love is a verb rather than a noun. It is something we do rather than something we find
You can be loving enough to understand the motive behind someone's dysfunctional behavior towards you and at the same time set boundaries and not accept to be treated in this dysfunctional or harsh manner.After a while you need to realize that you cannot choose what happens to you in life,but you are always responsible of what you make of it (how you respond to it).Holding people responsible for their unpleasant behavior towards you and refusing to be their emotional scratch post/doormat will be uncomfortable at first,but it is a radical act of self love and a huge step towards honoring your self growth.
People aren’t bad, they are simply damaged from past tragedies. Suspend judgement and recognize that you would be just like them if you grew up as they did. Recognizing this truth makes understanding, forgiveness and loving others much easier.
Some people actually _are_ just nasty and by their own volition, though.
Okay this is absolutely true but how about when their tragedies actually transform them into these hateful persons or when they push you to your limits while you just try help them is this okay? They should also manage their lives and let others help and not just turn their anger on us.
Nathan Is a Mouse what do you by « their own volition » ?
There is no volition without causes is there ?
Corvos 26 Corvos 26 You mean that even if we suffered very much there is no excuse to become a bad person ? That we always have the choice ?
Exactly. Thank you.
I’ve discontinued some friendships after patterns of behaviour that I just couldn’t really deal with. While I understand the many mitigating factors, I didn’t feel it was my job to be someone’s personal scratch post. I think emotional hygiene is a thing.
@Genevieve Tran I applaud your strength. I hope someday I have the same. Working on it.
I have PTSD from a violent upbringing (42 now). I walked away with the help of others at the age of 15. Never looked back. To me, life is empathy, which explains why I'm a likeable guy to many. To the monsters who were my parents? Well, like all who hurt me, I just let the universe serve up it's own poetic justice.
@@plathrop7737 I applaud your strength, as well. It's a harsh Club quite a few of us seem to belong to. Glad to see you're one of the survivors with a healthy attitude.
Good. By being their scratch post, you also allow them to continue their dysfunctional behavior.
I'm totally with you on this.
I think I've got a good handle on the love thing.
If you say JESUS backward, it sounds like SAUSAGE.
Your followers could use a bit more of your knowledge. Too bad so many of your churches are corrupted by political agendas.
Shut up Jesus *Peter Griffin voice*
Happy Birthday.. Sorry I am late
I'm not impressed, do it again.
Summary:
* 2:00 *Imagination*
_Use your imagination to picture why someone might have done a regrettable deed and yet could remain a fitting target for a degree of understanding and sympathy - perhaps they got very frightened or were under pressure of extreme anxiety and despair._
* 3:09 *The child within*
_Remember the child within them - our wrong doer may be grown, but their actions will always be connected up with their early years - and sympathize with the angry confused infant lurking inside._
* 4:24 *Patience*
_Take your time and remain serene in the face of obviously unimpressive behaviour._
* 4:50 *Redeeming features*
_Interpret everyone as having strengths alongside their obvious weaknesses - almost everything on the negative side of a ledger could be connected up with something on the positive._
* 5:52 *We are sinners too*
_Be aware that we are also deeply imperfect and, at points, quite plainly mad - the enemy of generosity is the sense that we might be beyond fault._
* 6:22 *Conclusion*
- _There is no such thing as a bad person - there is pain, anxiety, and suffering that have coalesced into unfortunate action._
- _This isn't merely an exercise of being nice, but getting to the truth of things._
thanks for the summary, these lectures are so focused on visuals and audio that is sometimes difficult to extract the message for a spicy mind
Loving other people is all about making ourselves vulnerable.
In this video they're not talking about how you should treat sinners, they are just explaining an absolute truth!
If someone is a guilty murderer we should absolutely put him in jail so that he doesn't kill more people. All this video is trying to do is to widen our perspectives and to help us see things as they are.
But if we don't love people, we'll be very sad people
Hard thing to do Ryan. We are afraid to be judged and close ourselves of too much. As my favorite thinker Alan Watts says, "I love you" should be said to more people and more often!
You are stronger with love because you see the truth, the reality.
Maybe you are right, you first have to make yourself vulnerable to your own flaws to grow and become a stronger person
Condemning people will make you resentful and fill you with hate. Sometimes it's perfectly justified. My dad was physically and emotionally abusive. I hated him for smacking my mother, me, and my younger brother around. I hated him with every fiber of my body. It was his childhood and strict religious upbringing that was his eventual downfall. I am in a much better place and so is my mom. It made me an avoidant person but if I didn't recognize that in my father, I'd never be able to work on myself.
How horrible these people have parent like that.
@@l-lraito2863 but this is truth. There are some parents, who just want their peace of mind. They make their kids priorities on second or third option.
Religious? That guy was a dirty, rotten, violent animal with no sense of morality. I hope his little religious friends made fun of him.
sarah18497 This is exactly how I feel. Forgiveness is for suckers, isn’t it?
@@ryancalcaterra4946Lol I ain't no sucker. It's more about letting go, and using that anger to fuel you to better yourself rather than letting it eat away at you. When you let it fester it turns to bitterness.
Empathy is literally the key to life ... great video
I might argue Understanding the truth is a good candidate of such a thing called "a key of life". Empathy only gets us so far in imagining an experience, understanding implies much much more. It's important also through empathy not to feel or take on the feelings of others but to understand them
it's not.
Love it when People use "literally" when its actually a metaphor ^^
@@deadislander if we assume that with understanding or empathy (or any word to be the key to life) that we use it in life, then 'wisdom' trumps both of those words.
Please stop using the word literally if you don't understand what it means.
I've definitely noticed that when dealing with adults with anger issues, the best thing that works for me is to treat them like a child. Try to calmly calm them down by petting their head or arm, letting them know it's okay instead of arguing. The mentality of "this is simply a child having a tantrum" really works for me. Because of this mentality, I don't get scared of anger or shouting anymore, I don't try to argue and make the situation worse, I just pity it. Also, the mentality of "They are trying to make me angry" works too because I keep that in mind I really DON'T want to get angry.
In the end, anger is just another way of showing that you are scared.
I'm working on not reacting to people's provocations
Sounds good. However, don't forget to check that you haven't maybe overstepped their boundary or mistreated them somehow. Sometimes people get angry because other people aren't listening to them. Anger is a valid emotion, and expressing it without attacking is vital. It doesn't justify poor behaviour of course, but sometimes, we need to get better at listening to angry people, and perhaps better at hearing them when they ask us quietly to stop doing something, and not dismiss them. We have a part to play in every conflict.
Your approach does sound good though, as long as you try to understand them as well.
Careful, make sure to take into account who you are dealing with. Depending on the individuals culture, treating them as children may be viewed as an hostile act.
@@senzizwane8635 The entire western world seem to behave like that right now and we are on our way towards a demographic cliff for it. Not reacting to provocations can be a suicidal behavior.
@@michaelpettersson4919
Reacting to people's negative emotions is suicidal. We can't kill fire with fire but we can kill the flames with water or sand.
Oh, love is such a wonderful feeling. It's a feeling of letting it all go. You've got to be vulnerable. You have to, at times, make various sacrifices for one another, but you do it gladly, not holding any grudge or angst in your heart.
Above all, it's a feeling of absolute bliss. It's a feeling of warmth at the edge of the cold, dark night.
It is completeness, wholeness and yes perfection. It's all about knowing that you don't know the answers to everything and yet you have no fear in not knowing. You love and you love and it never runs dry nor gets tired. It's because you are empty and yet so full, you just live.
If you find the right person it can be like that.
I agree BUT the fact that someone had a rough childhood, or is struggling with anxiety or something else, doesn't give them the right to continuously hurt others. For example, I've been bullied as a kid, therefore, if I turned into a bully myself, you could say that there is an explanation for that and I should be understood and not judged. Still, the beauty of good (for the lack of a better word) people and adults in general is that they are able to fight their own demons and come out the other side stronger and more empathetic towards others who are struggling, instead of being more likely to put others down. Unlike children, who can't grasp how things that happen to them affect their being, adults are self-conscious enough to work out why they're behaving in the way they are, and then try to solve the problem for the benefit of all. This video made some excellent points, but it could also somewhat be used as a way to show how we're not responsible for our actions and words, and that we're not in control of ourselves in adulthood. That, in my opinion, is wrong.
Just think of it before judging some one it will make you gentle and reduce rage in heart
@@pradeepkharta5953 I don't judge people, nor do I have rage in my heart. Going back to my bullying example, I forgave everyone because I understand that we all make mistakes. My point is that we also all know the difference between good and bad, and therefore shouldn't let ourselves act however we want simply because we have negative and hurtful experiences lurking in our pasts.
@@SanyaTheShe i also suffered the same bullying but does it mean i should burn my heart from hate anger and frustration
Move on and life will be more beautiful what you say .
@@pradeepkharta5953 I think you're failing to understand what I'm saying here. I have moved on, that's the point of my comment. People can forgive and cleanse themselves from anger and become better, and not use that as an excuse to keep up the vicious circle of treating others poorly. We are on the same side here, I basically agree with you.
@@SanyaTheShe then what else can be done do you have an idea
“You love others because most of the time, you love yourself.”
Ayyyy majure green flag here :))))
Load yourself up with so much selflove you can start throwing it around like candy out of a pinata! accept the flow of candy never runs out and you get the decide who receives the sugary goods :3
Moral of the story is treat people like children. Got it.
Lol and people hated you for obvious reason. People doesn't want to treat like a child
No, the moral is to behave like a parent.
arshya peirov that's better... Sorta
Oh my gosh, I feel surrounded by kids. Some are harder to handle than others.😂😂😂 lol
@@l-lraito2863 it was a joke ya dork
Yes, but you can't just pick someone and have a relashionship with that person just because you have empathy towards them. You also have needs that needs to be met. Love is unconditionnal, relashionship isn't.
I remember in my senior year of high school, this was exactly my thought process on people. I would rarely ever get mad at people because I was able to analyze why they could have such flaws. After I went through major peak of depression for a whole year, all of that faded away and I became too cynical. I only saw the bad in everyone and even if I was still able to analyze why someone was "bad," I only worked it in my favor to justify why I still would get angry or upset with them. I blamed them rather than what I initially did in HS where I knew ultimately they were a product of some sort of mistreatment that they had no control over. Now after that peak of depression, I'm slowly trying to regain that mentality. This video just reminded me of how much I should work on it. Thanks!
I knew of unrequited love before any other love..
I'm sorry...
It is the same for me. And, honestly, I wouldn't wish that for anyone.
The School of life has a beautiful video on that. "In praise of unrequited love"
I don't want to love everyone, i don't have enough lifetime for a psychoanalysis for every people i find bad.
You dont have to judge people not to let them push you around.
@@hteur1 I judge people and I don't care about being "moral" or "good", except for my family. I think not judging makes you becoming passiv.
To love is to value. To love is understand the essentials of human character and judge a person if they process quality of character or not. It is not to let people get away with dishonesty, laziness, stealing, hypocrisy or evil. You got it all wong.
You gave words to my thoughts
The more I learn about people the more I love my dogs.
iTony lol sounds like a recipe for clinical depression
I agree..
If you want a friend..get a dog..
I have this on a picture on my wall 🤣
Thank you Alain, for blessing us with your presence.
I met this beautiful soul with many problems. I saw his inner child so early on, it's hard to let him go. I see past his addiction and struggles, I feel like I can always be there, somewhere, for him. Even when he says he isn't worth anyone's time.
How can you not love a man who goes to bed thinking of his parents well being? A man who loves children, a man volunteering to be cradled to sleep like a kid when he finds the chance to, a man who controls his younger brother's breathing when he's asleep in the night?
Some people struggle highly with the fact that life turned them into adults. They just want to crawl back to their earliest times, away from everything bad.
We all want a warm embrace, a wing to be covered by. I find this compassion within me since the first times I heard this way of thinking.
I love him. I love people like these.
May God/life put such pure and childlike souls on our path and help us show them a better world than what seems to be there is.
💜💜
Lil Wayne's time to shine
legorocks99Gaming this made me smile.
Hahahaha
Comedy gold
Thanks for this laugh
This was my immediate thought when I saw the title
Yesssss 😂😂😂😂😂
If you want to know how to love first you must know what love is. The best description of love that I know says that: Love is patient and kind, it does not envy or boast, it is not prideful and it doesn't dishonor others. It is not self seeking (selfish) nor is it easily angered. It keeps no records of wrong doings(forgives) it does not delight in evil or someone's misery but it rejoices with the truth, it always hopes, it always trust, always protects and perseveres.
Source: 1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 7
Too many people mistake love for a strong feeling of infatuation and idolism. Love is much more than that. It is much deeper and meaningful than the shallow definition it is given in tv shows, movies, celebrity life and high school relationships. Love takes time and it takes the maturity of two people willing to make their relationship meaningful and not just some past mistake or casual hookup every now and then.
Simone M. A
.
Apart from the tiny typos.. I'll go with that Bible quote. I was about to criticise the entire video for being superficial and idealistic (I'm just crawling away from a partner who I knew had a terribly sad childhood.. But then so had I..-difference being- he is available totally untrustworthy cheating liar; I am an altruistic empath with an honesty obsession- none of which is covered in this video) til I hit your comment. Thank you. I'm an atheist but I might dig out Corinthians later. Seems someone had a good handle on 'LOVE' back in the day... ☮️
Interesting, thanks
@@sliewood Sorry about the typos haha
@@simonem.7385 I'm guessing that love does NOT delight in evil.... etc?? Wasn't dissing your grammar! I think I might beautifully stitch this whole quote for a frame. ☮️
To love is to accept being hurt and accepting nothing in return.
I think the way you wrote this is misleading. i think i know what you mean.
To love is to be willing to get hurt and to, also, even, *expect* nothing in return
THIS IS SO PROFOUND!!!!! I am lost for words...........................this channel should be required watching/reading at schools, universities and throughout life and business!!!! Once again one of the best (and maybe the most important lessons in life) has been strung together in few sentences with absolute clarity!!!!!! TOTAL WISDOM!!!
Loving those who hurt me is something I've been practicing a while, especially as a RUclipsr.. It's going to take more time for me. :-)
How do you do that when they methaphorically speaking always sing: " - Bully bully! Bully bully!"? I´m sorry I should never have watched Full Metal Jacket.
This video made me realise how increasingly "hard" I've become over the years ...I hope 2019 will be a love filled year for us all ..where we learn to have more sympathy and patience with others. Thank you for the message !
how did that go
Damn that didn't age well
There are many books and psychological explanations in the terms of doing love right and not judging others. If you love yourself and seeking the dust of positivity in the storm of negativity, you're going to surround yourself with similar. We're far from flawless, each one of us. Temptations push us to limits. Even if it hurts to love someone, you can react. But don't get caught up in ideal beliefs about yourself, or the person you love. That's how you mess and fall emotionally. Where there is vulnerability and honesty, there is love and affection. Other then lies, pretending and false will. People filled with those personalities are actually harmful.
well i just found out that i'm looking at everyone through the eyes of love...and let me tell you something: they treat you like sh*t when you do that.
They sure fucking do
yes. agree. and same case is with me and over the past years i have learnt one thing that do good with the right person and don't expect anything back.
🤣🤣
You refute yourself. You would not characterize their reaction as such if you were serious.
True but mother Teresa once said.
" I have found the paradox that if u love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love"
The right path is always the difficult one to follow and has the most obstacles. Those who take the easy way out will face a boulder later on. Be the lone wolf, ur behaviour represents u. Their behaviour represents them.
Good luck
It almost goes without saying, but I would only add that viewing others through the lenses of Love does not mean you have to subject yourself to any amounts of undue torture and pain to love someone else. You can be understanding, insightful, and guiding, while also maintaining an appropriate distance if the other is toxic or abusive. ❤️
Tbh constantly understanding others is a pretty thankless job especially because most of the time is a one-sided road, and then people quickly understand that they are being understood and forgiven and happily settling on your all-loving neck. I truly believe that empathy and compassion are the saviours of the world but only if it's mutual
There are indeed monsters. On one hand I find the video's reasoning naive and self-deceptive. On the other hand I agree on the need to go deeper on people´s motivations and circumstances.
I was looking for that comment! There are definitely monsters out there. But I agree with what you're saying.
his voice is so soothing! i need to try that kinda voice in my videos HAHAHA
This is definitely one of my favourite videos.
All this sounds like an invitation for empaths to keep putting up with narcissists. Sometimes we need to be more realistic, dont we?
Zhaneta B that’s not true. What they are saying is that when you see it from a place of compassion and empathy, you will understand the reason why people do the things they do. They are not saying stay with someone who ill treats you, they are saying don’t take anything anyone does personally. It has nothing to do with you. When you truly understand this, you won’t be as offended by what people do anymore and you tend to move on from heartbreak quicker because you know that your value isn’t dependent on what people say or do to you. When you do this, you can love freely without fear. Cause if someone takes your love for granted and ill treats you, you forgive them easily and move on without the baggage and pain. I think you misunderstood what they are really trying to say.
Tamika Brewster yeah tell that to all the dictators that have rape n murdered unicorns people including children it's because they are damaged yea let's show them more love
Blackman and Robin smh that totally went over your head. I don’t have to tell them anything. You are not giving love, you are seeing it through the eyes of love. So what’s better, let’s look at life through the eyes of hate and consume ourselves for no good reason. That making any sense?
Tamika Brewster no it didn't bro.. just hear me out you don't have to look at the world in a negative light like the first commenter said we have to be realistic u can't make excuses for every bad person yes some people make mistakes because they are misguarded or something bad happened in the past yes but, the fact is some people are horrible and lack no empty human history will show u this.. let us not forget that the only reason we have empathy morals is because of the prefrontal cortex the newest part of the brain in mammals so the ability n extent to which one can empathize differs from one individual to the next and morals are totally man made and with all of that people still murder and kill without remorse yes love is key but my problem with this video is it over generalize humans and the complexities if I wanna go deep into it I can write forever but the fact is some people are good some are evil that's life for you yes don't judge people through tiny lenses and people should be given a chance to prove who they really are but putting things d way d video does over simplified it. That is one thing the elites understand that's why they make weapons have armies to protect each themselves I don't support this n I would like everyone to love and leave in peace but it's impossible because people are greedy.. look what happened to the native Americans for example they showed kindness to the visitors only to be murdered and have their land stolen from them , now try and justify those actions with this video ..
Agreed
People just need time, to know they can be who they are, so show their core and be accepted. It took me 6 years of growing and i was able to show myself to my fiance. Give people a honest chance to grow.
I just learned this a week ago in social psychology class about the power of situation
Life is so much more beautiful when see thru the eyes of love.
Whenever I'm having a problem examining life and other people, a School of Life Video appears to help me. Thank you and keep up the great work!
Very Good video! Really enjoyed it. The stamina necessary for love is much greater than we think. Solitary practice of love can lead to absolute depression if it is never reciprocated. 🙈🙈
That is very tricky though, as many manipulative people can also appear charming, making us think that they have their good moments and making it more difficult to maintain a distance or get out of that situation. I agree that we should not immediately jump to conclusions about people, but there is value in moderation - showing love and being patient, while also making sure we establish our boundaries and stand up for ourselves.
Personally I’m already like this and ik people will hurt me but at the end of the day what gives me meaning is that I am kind or at least I try to be kind and understanding. Ik a lot won’t agree but its just how I choose to live
Boy: _Dad, I have a girlfriend._
Dad: _Congratulations._
Girl: _Daddy, I have a boy friend._
Dad: *picks up axe*
Cupid: _Am I a joke to you?_
Isnt funny
Friendship True.
@@asielmilian38 Fake :-)
There does seem to be a bit of a double standard there.
You forgot the scenarios of the boy announcing his boyfriend, and the girl announcing her girlfriend.
Idk.
The highest form of wisdom is kindness.
These are some of the most awear and mindful videos I've seen on this sight.
I appreciate the fine line of language used in this script. Seeing through the eyes of love doesn't mean allowing toxic relationships to continue; finding explanation and truth for why a person's actions are what they are is helpful - in determining whether or not you can remain in contact with that person and still maintain your own safety and health.
Understanding why a dog is rabid does not immediately imply that you may not euthanize the dog.
At the same time, this sort of evaluation is more useful because of how hard it is: you have to take the time to think about it. Snap judgment is usually flawed. Even when it's about yourself!
Well done.
This approach applies to most, but definitely not all people. Trying this approach towards those with certain pathological personality disorders would needlessly open one’s self up to endless abuse. I wish this channel would amend this video to make this important distinction.
A great proposal. I would like to be like that, but most of the time I can't.
I like to be around ppl, but when I catch some of their flaws. I don't want to see them anymore!
This video, the philosophy behind this logic. I cannot believe this. I've felt alone in this way of thinking my entire life. To the point of literal psychosis in fear of being left in a world of people who cannot grasp the bigger picture, the deeper thought. Although this video does not touch on the intricacies of what leads ones mentality to deteriorate the comprehension of what makes us choose to ignore reality, I suppose that would make the video several hours long and that's just not realistic (sadly). With that said.. I am simply awestruck. I do not know what to think or even say. I can tell this channel is a group effort so I cannot even be sure this is the reasoning of a single mind. All I know is for once, in my miserable existence of 33 years, for once I have found someone who sees the world through my eyes. That no thing is or ever should be finite. That there never has to be an end if you truly understand the beginning. That who we are as people can be so much more if only we'd let ourselves hold onto what we seek for ourselves, in others. That the good in our souls matters more than the girth of our pride. To reach beyond the void of misunderstanding and to find that which we all truly yearn for. Jubilation. That's the only word I can truly attest to this path of reasoning. This truth. Thank you, thank you for making me feel not alone for once in all of my miserable life. Thank you so much. To all that made this video possible, I love you all unconditionally to no end. Thank you.
Hey, this is pretty much exactly what I try to do with people. I hate seeing people as just bad people and always rationalize why they did what they did
Talking about love: I LOVE these animations!
I have became a love thinker over the past year ❤️
These videos are as great a gift to humanity as all the art of the Italian Renaissance, the philosophy of ancient Greece and the Music of the Germans , future generations will thank you for this
+-
The visuals help me understand with more certainty, I like the originality of the images
This is one of my favourite videos...everyone must watch this
I just saved this to my "Holy Spirit" playlist. The "fruit of the (Holy) Spirit" is LOVE, joy, peace, PATIENCE, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. -Galatians 5:22
This is probably why I get confused by comments that put down criminals or people who have committed heinous acts. I'd rather not question the motive or the response, so my response is just to feel bad about myself for feeling differently.
Rules I basically already know and live by I’m so happy someone has expressed this so intellectually
After considering all of this for the last months, I only have one question: Where and Why do we cross the line? If we consider everyone's motifs, if we are infinitely patient, empathetic and forgiving of our partners (and anyone close to us) does that mean that people will walk on us, infinitely making mistakes and us forgiving them? That sounds like being fooled and liking it and accepting it.
I am really baffled by this.
I'd like to think of this not just as a guide on how to love others, but how to love ourselves too.
This is exactly what I needed right now.
Truth is the path to love - Freedom is the expression of love.
*Think Big And Don’t Listen To People Who Tell You It Can’t Be Done. Life’s Too Short To Think Small.*
Think however you please, big OR small. Life's neither long nor short. It just is. And we're not awesome either. We're perfectly ordinary, and that's enough. The day people remember that being ordinary is enough they'll feel relief. Too much competition and striving these days. Have a cup of tea and look out of the window and think nothing. Bliss.
@@McFraneth True.
I would like to express my gratitude for this channel. 💜💜
Read Erich Fromm’s Art of Loving. 👍🤙🏻
Really great book!
I was about to start with it today,thank you
The school of life videos
Are terrific. They give me a lot
To think about, but are very difficult for simple comments
Completely understand what the point here is. Just begs the question at what point or criteria should adults be held responsible for their actions or is it never?
Always. You can have empathy for a scum that had a rough childhood but you can't strip him of his moral choices.
After losing my dad a few months ago, very unexpectedly, maybe something from these life lessons will teach me how to cope better.. Maybe work my way into feeling happy again, and learning how to live life again, letalone love properly, again. It's difficult, I have MS as well and I'm still learning and navigating.
But how long do you look at a person with love and understanding, before that turns to abusing yourself. When is it okay to okay to say, I've tried enough, and to move on with out feeling like a horrible person because you finally choose to love yourself
I think love needs to be learned and practiced,I feel so lonely that no one around me shares the same values as me
To love is to accept that you will most likely be betrayed and hurt. You have to let your guard down
This was like sharing how the magic is performed but it does not give you the skill to do it.
The Christian in me is so glad you shared these secrets
I wish for car drivers to concider this a little bit more. But also those who insult car drivers.
This isn't about letting people act however badly they want to, it's a general worldview. I do not believe in forces of "good vs evil", but recognize that "evil" invariably comes from profound pain and damage. Is it excusable to become a serial killer because you were abused as a child? Of course not. But seeing that inner hurt child and massive psychological scarring lets us see the murderer as a human being, rather than deeming them a "monster" and thereby comfortably distancing ourselves.
I think it was Nietzsche that wrote: do not judge a person's attitude until you've felt their pain.
That said, it takes great strength of character to overcome the impulse to just shun toxic people. Strength most of us lack.
I admit the first reaction to this video is hostile on my side, because I could never imagine trying to understand someone who hurts others, I only do that within my limits. Then I remembered a bad thing I did to someone, and how much I longed to be understood, because I was the only one who knew why I ended up doing it and no one asked me why. They all simply accused me. Which resulted, for me, in years of suffering because I felt like a monster, stuck in a neverending cycle of blaming myself and with a constant, lingering certainty that I deserved to pay for it. It's so easy to judge one's mistakes. It's much harder to empathize. But the thing is, I think it wasn't right to empathize with me at that time. First, because the victim had total rights not to, and secondly, because I wouldn't have redeemed myself if they did, and I wouldn't have learned shit from my mistake. What I really needed to do was to take the accusations, understand the whole thing, learn from it, forgive myself, never make the same mistake again and move on. Empathy can be a wonderful thing but in my opinion, it should only be practiced if there's enough self-love behind, and enough brains to understand when it's absolutely not the case to empathize. Also, please don't say there aren't people who are monsters. There are, and the people who suffered because of such monsters will only laugh at your video.
Watching this so i can love my mother better ...relized that i've been empathyc with everyone but her ...
Some people deserve only to be hated, or better we shouldn’t waste one second of our life thinking at them
Understanding is the resolution.
Love is natural we cannot forcibly love anyone...that is how the nature is...
Empathetic love makes the best relationship
i like to think ppl are like mirrors and are (from tony robbins) speaking/acting from either love or fear/hurt n it allows me to just forgive everyone & work with them if their hurt bc there's just mud on their mirror. Not counting evil intent ofc that exists n it's hard to forgive
in b4 people with pristine rooms tell me i shouldn't forgive and should urinate on thy neighbours desk disagreeably
:o Putting us into others' shoes is so important
The most satisfying voice I've ever heard. Subscribed.
In brief: Love because it is power but reproach bad behaviours (that is educate) or we will be all lost.
Empathy is so important.
Basically we need more empathy and understanding for other people
I was expecting a serenade from Lil Wayne, but this will do just as well.
One must differentiate judging people from dealing with them.
Your videos always make sense to me. Thanks for this one.
But thinking like this ,makes others think we are easily available and take us as a low self respect individuals.
TutenSten yeah I wanted to say, I lived this way my whole life until last year because of where that got me. Scared people are extremely dangerous, looking at them lovingly and with forgiveness turned out to be really bad for me. I've been on the edge of life and death a ton of times because of this. Unfortunately it IS the right way to be BUT I've been the only one doing it- all those people were just trying to get a leg up and it has always been by standing on my back, face in the mud-unfortunately people aren't worth the risk anymore- I'm still trying to save my own life here, once I'm out, I'll never give one of them another chance where i don't come first- really sucks, I didn't give up on this for 30 years, now i have, now it's all about me I guess- I hope it shifts someday
Its all about balance
I disagree. Looking at people in a loving way does not mean that you are not allowed to set boundaries anymore. It does not mean that you have to endure every and any kind of behaviour. On the contrary, it means to teach people in a caring, respectful manner to be nicer. Just like you would do to a child, you can tell them "I will not be treated like this. We can continue talking, if you show me some respect." And if they don't listen or get even nastier, you can always walk away...which then is called self-respect.
@@mincastamtam
I agree with you! Sometimes we have to teach, and others we are taught!
Had to spend a lot of time hating to learn how to love. Time well invested :)
Friendly reminder (again): Mad = angry in the United States, crazy = insane. Replacing the word "mad" with "crazy" would better prove your point to Americans. Love your channel, thanks for all you do.
I would love if everyone in the world saw this video or got this lesson
Sometimes seeing bad people with love ends up us being thought of as pushovers. Isn't that true? I choose either to ignore bad people. Or give them a bitter dose of truth by telling them honestly how wrong they are and how I felt by their actions.
While I agree that past experiences can sometimes affect the way we behave, I do not agree that it should always be used as an excuse for bad attitude. Sometimes, we need to call people out on their bad attitudes and in fact, cut them out if they become too toxic for us.
You had a lot of crooks try'na steal your heart
. Never really had luck, couldn't never figure out
After applying all of this steps, I usually judge people through their own eyes and give them a chance to face their behavior.
I've sadly found most people are not worth the effort. They like to judge others harshly but when they perform the same actions they expect to easily get away with it. They deny their responsibility as part of a conflict. I prefer to stay as far as possible from such fake hypocritical people. I can't see my mistakes reflected in their actions since that's not the way I behave, those aren't mistakes I would make. And I end up always having to forgive people for awful behavior they intended to show while they overreact for my regular behavior and demand apologies for things that aren't intended to hurt but rather were taken the wrong way in that particular moment.
Like let's say I decided I'm not drinking alcohol for a week and a "friend" tries to convince me to drink even when I told them I won't, then gets mad at me for not doing as they said and demands an apology. I explain how it's disrespectful to pressure someone into doing something they don't want to and also that my actions exist separately from theirs so they can do whatever makes them happy without me judging and I can do or stop doing what I want without it being considered an insult towards them Later they ask me what I think about something they want to do and my honest reply is that it seems risky therefore I wouldn't do it but if it makes them happy I support them, and that kind of answer gets me on a serious argument about how selfish I am, trying to force people to behave like me... and I just stare at them wondering what's wrong with humanity.
Great visual work in this one! Loved it!
Great work! The visual work here is stunning!