What to Talk About on a Date
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- Опубликовано: 13 июл 2024
- Even the most normally eloquent and chatty people have a habit of falling silent with embarrassment on a date; here is a complete guide to the very best topics to discuss in order to make a date feel natural and, most importantly, effective.
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FURTHER READING
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“Our initial impulse might be to pick up on a current event, some detail of the environment or a few impressive things about our careers. But if a date is at heart an audition for the emotional capacities required for the success of a long-term relationship, the real purpose of conversation must be to try to understand the deep self of the other person.”
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CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
Direction, design and editing: Kim Alexander
Animation: Kim Alexander, Anna Fyda, Ana García Sebastiá, Olga Makarchuk
Background art: Kim Alexander, Toby Alexander
Title animation produced in collaboration with
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What would be your ideal date conversation? Let us know in the comments below and to join your fellow School of Life audience members, be sure to download our new free app: bit.ly/2En3neL
Hi. i’m terrified to be writing in this video and i don’t know how to start this off, here we go:
i’ve never been in a relationship, and it’s really messing with my head. i’m only 17, so i know it’s stupid for me to be thinking like this but i can’t help it. i feel like the people i’m attracted to can smell the instability coming from my brain or something. or maybe i’m just ugly? i don’t know. but it’s getting to the point where it’s actually causing me distress and i just don’t know what to do about it.
i also don’t know what i’m asking for by posting on here. i guess i just need to get these thoughts out because they’ve been really getting to me. what do i need to do to show that i’m worthy of love? i’m so tired of feeling so alone.
Black Husband/White wife has the highest divorce rate in the United States
What if the other person is so simililar to me that i don't need to try to understand her because i already do?
Unsubbed due to the cultural marxist propaganda
I've seen it a few times on this channel, that instead of small talk we should ask "when did you last cry" and "what are you ashamed of", but I don't think that the person who suggested it ever spoke to a real person/been on a date. If you ask that, most likely you will hear 30 seconds of awkward silence with "uhhh" in the background and then a question "why are you asking those things?" with a raised eyebrow. The fact somebody tells you you are playing psychologist doesn't let you know you've asked fabulous deep questions, it means you're intruding way too much into personal matters without proper reason or invitation.
aye shawty u looking good today...take a seat....so. what traumatized you during childhood?????
-Hi
-Hi, nice to meet you
-Nice to meet you too
-What in your childhood damaged you?
Not the best first date haha
These questions are a sure way to get blocked in real time.
So you don't like the questions or are you too intimidated to ask them?
@@doreal The questions are worthy of a 3rd or fourth date. It definitely would scare them off in the first date.
I agree. In a S.E. Asian culture there would be a fear of showing "weakness", and it would be taboo to discuss your parents etc in a remotely critical light . There is a strong predisposition to present a "false image".
you can also ask yourself these questions to understand yourself more
Well said
Sounds more like a therapy session than a date lmao
then people wonder why they can not find someone who gets them, jump from one person to another, and divorce rates are sky high.
"So....what anime do you like?"
_partner leaves table_
Meh, that's a somewhat good scenario.
A worse one would be your date responding with recent, and hot Anime titles. I would struggle to continue the conversation since I'm still nowhere near to catching up with all the recent stuff coming out.
Jigoku Shoujo, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure.
Death note.
What was your name again?
Player 2 has left the game.
@@deepesh7337 Mine too
on a first date ? this would be too much for me. Being this vulnerable with someone you don't know that well ?
that is how you get to know them in the shortest amount of time possible:)
True, i wouldnt ask these on a fist date. But perhaps on some date a few weeks after.
Im struggling with my partner at the moment, we have been together for a couple months now and i'm considering asking a few of these questions on our next date to try to reconnect with her.
@@halast7 that's how one could turn someone off. In my freshman year of college, a handsome and respectful male classmate informed me that he had killed someone in self-defense. It really blew things to pieces. I'm glad he told me. Nothing is wrong with defending one-self. I never expected such an encounter.
After that date you would need therapy.
These questions feel like it's coming from a serial killer who wants to know how they'll make their victims scream louder...
my god, you made me laugh in the train!
it is the best kind of laughs
🤣🤣🤣
oh man...coffee everywhere 😆 too easily pictured of someone taking notes for that very reason.
Ah, a date. That mythical creature. I heard unicorns and leprichauns are also wonderful creatures.
@@Chrisko1492 r/whooosh
What’s a date?
Can you eat it?
@@Chrisko1492 Harsh much. In my opinion most people on this channel are the intellectual types which makes sense because it's philosophical videos. Also this channel gets a lot of people to be honest in a world full of pretenders.
@Ndeye Delgado lmao dates are an old thing now it's sex only did you not know ?
once, during a date, i've been asked "what did you liked to play when child?". i've loved that question...
Your date would need to be either a very reflexive and open minded person or also a School of life's subscriber in order to not to be intimidated/overwhelmed by this. I don't think the average person would open to this kind of questions in just one date, it's more like a couple of months being a close friend to someone.
The FORD method always works... talk about family, occupation, recreation, and Dreams. You can’t go wrong.
Moses Emmet false. Never talk about other women in your life including moms sisters and grandmas.
@@li6706 STFU not sure if that's how it goes
Did you even watch the video...
*Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind*
Questions like this weeds out idiots who thinks these questions aren't important and toxic traumatized people who have not healed. Yes it's deep but life is short and most intelligent people don't have much time to waste on the wrong people. Healed people can answer these questions with ease. Thanks for advice!!
Lol. That’s one depressing date.
The conversation of a date shouldn't have a definite goal .
Just enjoy the presence of the other , enjoy the process of talking per se!
Don't ask them on first dates tho
Dude wants me to be a psychotherapist to my date‼️
Best Date Topics
1. Prior Felonies
2. Undying love for Trump
3. Your sex life with your ex
Best date topics
1. How are you woke?
2. Tell me about your nasty anti-trump derangement
3. Why aren't there more women in plumbing? Or whites in the NBA?
Oh hello there possible sex partner, can I remind you of something painful? Yes? So then, tell me, what has made you cry lately?
Am I the only one that mostly cries about beautiful things not sad things and thought about it this way first? Like, when I see a video of a person doing something really nice but unexpected for a loved one, that makes me cry. Maybe the question needs to be clearer then because talking about painful things is indeed a mood killer for a first date.
@@SunlessDawn Most crying in this world arises from pain and suffering. You should feel blessed that the first thing that came to mind were happy tears. Not being sarcastic.
Idk about adults, but I'm in high school and if I asked something like this on a first date, I'd be dumped ahahah
And what if someone ask you questions like these?
@@Suman_ She'd prolly run away as fast as she can lol. These questions are way to deep and personal to share with a stranger or a budding relationship. Imo if you make it to a third date then these might be appropriate questions.
@@chadatchison145 lol you are right, btw it's not mention in the video to ask these on first date.
As you said these questions are good for knowing someone deeply.
In first date I think knowing general info about other's life style would be better.
After knowing if her lifestyle fits in ours and ours in her the next step should be knowing her deeply.
@@Suman_ I agree. After getting the basic compatibility questions out of the way and you both are clearly still interested, then absolutely take a deeper dive into the more personal aspects of ones life, if for nothing else you can gauge the emotional maturity of either partners reaction to these questions.
And like the video suggest it should bring you closer to trusting each other with their more vulnerable side of themselves.
You are right, SoL didn't say to do this on a first date lol, Good observation. :)
@@chadatchison145it was a great conversation with you :D take care
What made you cry recently?
What was difficult in your childho... Oops, your date has run away 🤦♂️🤣🤣
I think like 90% of ppl would hate somebody playing psychologist and psychoanalyzing them on what is supposed to be a fun time out 🤦♂️ wtf man haha
Wow - that is one serious date!
I feel like there is a minimum age requirement for these questions lol
Strange because these questions show vulnerability and vulnerability is one of the keys to not feeling lonely and feeling true connection. It's just about being brave
This is all intriguing to me but I'll never utilize it. It just seems like you handed a whole bunch of people a a bunch of dangerous weapons of manipulation. No this doesn't necessarily mean they would use it to manipulate intentionally but that's part of the problem. I think the biggest thing two people can do on a date is try to figure out what to talk about instead of having someone else tell them.
I love talking about food on dates. 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Title of this video should be: How to Never Get a 2nd Date/How to Be Put Into the Crazy Bin
1. What has made you cry in recent times
2. What was difficult in your childhood?
3. What do you regret?
4. To whom would you like to go back and apologize?
5. What would you want someone to forgive you for?
6. What have your exes not understood about you?
7. What would you ideally want to tell your mother and/or father?
8. In what ways do you feel like an imposter at work?
Y have people relive their painful moments in life on a first date. They are supposed to be fun and exciting and light oh and also to see if theres any attraction not to go through a therapy session.
1. What has made you cry in recent times ?
2. What was difficult in your childhood ?
3. What do you regret ?
4. To whom would you like to go back and apologize ?
5. What would you want someone to forgive you for ?
6. What have your exes not understood about you ?
7. What would you ideally want to tell your mother ? Or father ?
8. In what ways do you feel like a bit of an imposter at work ?
I think those questions create a too much tensed mood for a date. I would rephrase them as follows :
1. What is your best souvenir in this city ?
2. What's your happiest memory in your childhood ?
3. What's the craziest stuff you did in your life ?
4. When was the last time you strongly disagreed with someone ? What was it about ?
5. What would say your best friend about you ? Like if he had to give three qualities
6. Do you still write to your exes ? Why so ?
7. Are you likeminded with your parents ?
8. How do you like to spent your free time when you're not working ?
Sounds like a interview. I don't think those type of questions work.
@@ajanaya8055 Well, how would you rephrase them then?
I'd also like to pitch in my version of the questions as:
1. What's a really touching thing you've seen or heard about recently?
2. What was your elementary/high school/college life like?
3. Is there anything that makes you cringe when you think about it?
4. Anyone you miss back home?
5. Who do you think misses you the most when you're away from home?
6. Do you have an ex you kinda miss being around with?
7. How's your mom/dad? Are they doing alright?
8. What's a girl/guy like you to do for fun around here?
Good one
@@mr.fabulousmegardev6256 why is #6 ?
Why do people feel a need to talk about exes? I can't understand this except children are involved.
i’m in a long distance relationship and i’m going back to see him in april and i think i’ll have a go at these questions and see what happens!!
How is it going for you? How do you manage the distance?
I dont have a partner why i am watching this lmao
Ask about their job, but don't ask about their salary...
Why not? Cut right to the chase and ask how much is in their bank account...
@@sebastianelytron8450 and how will that info help you ?
@@Suman_ if one isn't of similar socio-economic backgrounds then u can walk away without investing months into person u would never accept.
The timing of these videos is insane, I just got finished with my first date and it went well.
Wow, I normally just ask how’s your dish..
My favorite is to play "36 questions to fall in love", you get a deep insight into their personality and your compatibility level with them.
P. S. Don't associate excessive thinking about the person with 'love' or 'attraction' post date.
Actually they did not say "first date" but "a date". A generic one. So maybe the 10th? And I guess you can ask those questions not all at once but on different dates, on the 7th, on the 11th...and so on. They are, we must recognize it, very deep and can show us who we are spending our time with.
Wow! Those are some personal, deep questions. I think they are great!
How do you guys feel about asking those questions on a date? Would you feel weird?
I'm not sure if I could ask these questions in a date in a way that the person don't reply to them defensively
I don't think these are weird but I would definitely think that the other person may think it's weird.
But it's okey if she thinks, That's how I would know she's not my type.😁😁
Black Husband/White wife has the highest divorce rate in the United States
They are really good questions but...perhaps not for the first date
@@samfranken4373 it's not mention in the video these are for first date
The the wisdom and impracticallity of these questions kind of proves schopenhour's point.
I would love to ask these questions (properly modified and articulated) on a date. The key is to really be able and willing to answer them too. It would save me so much time and effort.
Yes, when you start knowing yourself and what you want from a possible companion (not just another pleasant evening out), this conversation a great indicator of what's going to follow.
I’d run a mile if my date asked me what traumatised me in childhood 😂😂😂 what?!
Err, maybe not first date questions.
9- Do you follow the Kardashian news?
Fantastic video. One of my favourites in recent memory.
I don’t know I would feel very uncomfortable asking such questions and then the answer could be even worse
this is one of your most beautiful peices and those illustrationsss.. tears that form a river and you sail in it with our loved one!🌈
If someone started asking me these questions I’d leave
Well, you know? I think reality doses should be administered gradually. It seems like a nice idea to just open up and show my most personal stuff on the first date, but, what if the other person isn't on the same wave? What if she's there just to kill some spare time and I'm there truly trying to connect with someone who will forget about me as soon as she stands up from the chair? What if she's childminded, machiavellian or plain crazy and I'm there, showing her my weak points for her to use against me? Smalltalk, first contacts, etc. have their place. A first date should be a moment where two people try to get along with each other and see if they can have a nice time together, not a deep intimate exam that could scare the shit out of them both even before thinking about starting a relationship. Time is necessary.
This reminds me a job interview questions not a real date conversation.
Beautiful! And that is for every and all kinds of relationships!
"What makes you cry?" *laugh track* HIMYM
Great questions and hopefully this date would be psychologically and emotionally able to answer them. And one should watch for the date who talks incessantly about themselves
These are good things to talk about, but not on a first date imho.
I absolutely loved these deep, necessary for self knowledge questions! ❤️ thanks so much for sharing!!! 🙂
*Those are really awesome questions!*
Thank you for this!
Winny out... _for now_ 😉
The idea behind this video is to make both person confident about the other and know themselfes better.
This said I find it sad that so many people think that's absurd and will never work !
Of course it has to be context, you must feel where is the good place and when is the good moment to ask this questions but if you feel it go and try !
Right on time.
Great questions!
Awesome and informative video
Translation tip: in the PT-BR version, date should translate to "encontro", not "data". Data only serves for calendary/days in portuguese. Going out with someone is called encontro :)
If she paying I’ll keep a REALLY good conversation
Thank you school of life
Just a suggestion.. Go for a movie first, then dinner. This allows more opinions to share on the table & no running out of things to talk abt. You're welcome. :)
Most important thing to establish is if she has roast beef or not. Hold up the Arby’s sandwich and ask her if it reminds her of something
I'm all about sharing the answers to these questions but to ask all these questions one after another, worded this way and on a first, second or third date would actually have the opposite effect on me. I would feel the other person didn't have a balanced lightness about life and was mostly emotionally troubled and looking for answers. If you really want answers to these questions instead look for them in the way you treat each other and in the stories that naturally come up in conversation. It might take weeks or even months get to all of those questions answered but in the mean time balance out these sometimes painful and hard to relive questions of the past with more of the beautiful moments of ljfe you two are sharing in the present.
The animation was incredibly effective in supporting the ideas and advice. I didn't care for the visual style, but the communication was intense!
I like how the characters look like the couple in the few previous videos
This sounds like the date from hell! Lashings of contrived intensity with a side order of miserable wallowing.
These have got to be the stupidest questions to ask on a first date.
Why am I watching videos like this again? Dammit brain!!! These videos are just making it harder to cope with the fact that I will be forever alone.
Now I need a date
Welp guys, you are saviours for introverts
Nah you're just socially inept
Definetly not for a first date lmao
idk about these exact questions, on a first date anyway. It could easily move from appearing deep to creepy real quick.
(Just a heads up, I dont have many experiences of dates)
I have some questions about the topic.
A. Wont those questions be too awkward to ask someone (Especially in this time and age when the majority of us tries to stay away from emotions such as trauma from childhood experiences etc) and is there an alternative, less "confronting" way of asking?
B. Is the danger of making the other person feel weird about us asking such emotion heavy questions and therefore not agreeing to seeing us again? I feel as if we were to ask someone such questions, the desire to learn and love someone in a romantic way will be gone and their attitude will change so they can finally look inward now that we've brought certain stuff to their attention.
C. I don't think these are the questions to ask on a first date. Maybe second?
I feel the same way, these questions are may be not right for the first time. But latter these questions can really help both understanding each other deeply
Which will result in more stronger and compatible relation.
Btw it's not mention to ask em on First date
@@Suman_ I know I know I'm just wondering on which date should these questions be asked
@@bicdittybench 😂let me know if you find out, I am sick of dating high school girls
Does this work as a way to persuade people into giving you informations that you want?
Believe me, i try to ask girls about their feelings (because i'm interested in that kind of stuff) and it works 0% of the time. It wasn't like that 8-10 years ago... not in my experience. Now everyone seems to be closed off and/or uptight enough to the point of being goddamn uninteresting 😅
I made this :)
I would ask about the four dimensions of activity (profession, mission, vocation, passion) _ so what do you consider your job is, at the moment ? What part of your job do you enjoy the most/do you hate? And why. When do you take your Holiday and what do you like to do that you enjoy / that helps you un-plug from work, keeps you happy ans make you feel on Holiday during the week / the weekend. Do you have a passion a mission a vocation a profession ? Look up for the description of those for dimensions of doing-happiness, it is called Ikkigai. I love it !!! _ i hate the question '' what do you do for a living '' i find this IS a decent alternative. I mean i would feel nice if someone asked me that. I wouldn't feel judged if my passion is outside of my day job or if i don't feel i have a cool or impressive enough hobby. Or if i don't have a job but do feel invested by a mission etc.
Please do a video on being over vigilant 🧐
Well, sharing your deepest and most personal thoughts and moments with a love interest from your first date is not a great idea..
I have excel spread sheet on my phone with questions that you might ask other person... yes, I'm that bad at socializing in any form
Possible things to talk about with a partner you are getting to know more deeply. Not the sort of thing to say on a date with someone you are trying to have a good time with. As a guy you will either scare the girl, not get truthful answers as she does not know you or you will be come her 'best friend' which is probably not the situation you want as all of this will be non-sexual.
YALL HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I NEED THIS
Although this are really good questions, People, you dont approach someone and tell them "Hey, uhm; what was dificult in your childhood", Like no. You must be able to segway to those questions. For example, recently a girlfriend and me started speaking about our childhood, and the perfect opportunity to ask that exact question appeared. Needless to say, we are a bit closer now. But you need to be able to the point were it`s actually comfortable to ask those deep questions.
Now if your date is a bimbo that cannot hold a 5 min conversation, then that`s an entire different thing.
Why would you talk about exes on a date? It's a big turn off.
*Flash:* Fastest man alive...
_Which explains why you can't go on a date._
Is it a Chanel about life and success or a dating coach?
Can someone pls tell me why so many people in the comments have a problem with the represented skin colors in this video?
They thinks they are being forced to accept that they should like what they don't like.
_Does it makes sense?_ 😂
It is every where all the time and it's almost always a white woman and a Black/man of color. That is perhaps 3-10% of the population, but gets 75% air-time in media.
Black women and white men are getting especially annoyed.
White women eat it up because it inflates their sexual market value, in their minds, this keeping them from settling for lower value white men, this destroying white birth rates (white genocide) due to remaining single or dating outside race.
@@bdmenne stop using black women. Some don't like it however, black women know how to stand solo. Furthermore, black women aren't like white men that feel the need to control everyone. As a matter of fact, half of black women wish they could marry outside. But it is difficult bcos we r considered least attractive. U R EVIL!
@@aurourus6894 My last date was a mixed Japanese/Caucasian male. I'm AA. His family members were all living and ENJOYING their "best" life. It's 2018 multicultural and multiracial USA. U should go out with an Asian. Ignorance! It's not your business what others do with their lives. It's called FREEDOM.
@@rebeccafrost5542 Were talking about males here buddy, females have a completely different mentality towards this so don't change the subject.
If I would want to talk about this things I would rather go to psychoanalyst.
That's awkward and 99% will ruin the date.
Finally good animation, sometimes it was so bad that I couldn’t watch it
Memes, sex, and hating on people we hate.
Questions are much too serious for a first date. Would scare majority of people off... not a good idea lol.
Sabrina E. Agreed
Everyone saying it would be weird to ask These Questions: Omg, why would you take this literaly. These are just orientations where to lead the conversation to a meaningful place. This Video wont teach you how to use language, gestures or facial Expression. This Video is about WHAT you could talk about on a date, not HOW to act socially. That is something you cant learn through a video
I really disagree with bringing up all these negative emotions. I think, chances are these will be associated with you as a consequence. I suspect it is best to be positive and talk about fun stuff. Try and make jokes. Though when a serious topic does come along, show you listen carefully, and show acceptence. But hey, I have never been on a date before so what do I know
I am trying to edit the title's translation to portuguese because it doesn't make any sense.
can anyone reach out to me so we can fix that? thanks
(this is not a pick up line :D )
the first "school of life" vid that i actually don't agree with...this stuff is waaayyyyy too heavy and personal for a first date, or even a 2nd or third date tbh... like, this ain't a therapy session...