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FEAR is the basis of RESPECT: people must hear you hiss
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- Опубликовано: 15 авг 2024
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A common refrain I hear in my consultations with men is feeling disrespected. These men feel as though other men look down on them, and that women tend to overlook them. And since I've been giving the same feedback in multiple sessions, I thought I would make an episode on the topic to spare guys the trouble. Basically, it's dangerous for a man to appear harmless, as it makes it more likely that he will be the target for aggression that others would like to direct elsewhere -- but are too afraid to do so. Whether we like it or not, fear is the basis of respect.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #respect #men
Spot on 🎯 is there a way that your advice can apply to women?
@@PR-cv1if Hiss, but with a pepper spray in yo purse
I disagree, fear is only the basis of respect when you are a coward.
When a guy cuts you off because he is in a hurry on the highway and then proceeds to have road rage, I don't respect that guy because he is a douche nozzle. That is called not making someone else's problem yours. See he has no respect for you as he endangers everyone's life by driving crazy and it is not an accident that he is habitually late to where every he is going. That guy is selfish and thinks that his time is more valuable then everyone else. Just because you recognize a pattern where dangerous morons are buckets of 💩 that you don't want to step in, doesn't equate to respect.
Is anyone afraid of Robert Downey Jr.? No not really. But he commands respect because he is a leader and everyone looks to him for direction and context. He is also very funny and gregarious.
Admiration is the basis of respect.
When you hear a brilliant speaker, see a beautiful painting, hear an infectious tune, revel in the machinery of a car or tourbillon watch, enjoy a delicious meal and every time you give a standing ovation..... that is Respect.
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
Proverbs 9:10
☦️ ✝️
@psychacks There is some truth to what you’re saying regarding the relationship between fear and respect. However I must respectfully disagree with your overall premise.
In my experience the basis of respect isn’t fear, but admiration. When people possess character traits and qualities that engender admiration respect follows naturally. Fear only leads to more fear, resentment, and anger. Someone relying on fear may gain a measure of obedience, for a time. But because of the resulting resentment building within the people they manage through fear they’ll never maintain control forever.
We should cultivate admirable qualities within ourselves, and recognize those qualities in others whom we respect in order to get respect. In the long term relying on fear and threats to gain respect will only lead to disgust, antagonism, and ultimately in the most extreme cases, isolation!
I stay calm in dangerous situations (gun shots, accidents, fist fights). Staying calm in chaotic situations is how you "hiss" that you are a dangerous person & not to be messed with. I happened to be a war veteran. This is what makes me calm in these situations.
You are NOT alone with this overstanding.
Cambodia '75 forged me.
Semper Fi
As a war survivor I have the same demeanor
War makes u raw I guess...
Exactly. The loudest one in the room is most often the weakest / most insecure.
@@enl8ghtenmenttv476
IT BARES YOUR SOUL
Doc, one of the biggest reasons for this is our active cultural suppression of masculinity. Society is teaching men that by being docile and embracing the feminine mode of operating more, they will thrive. Not only are men not thriving in this aspect, but they’re getting weaker overtime.
Fellas, take pride in your masculinity and be unapologetic about it. There’s nothing to be ashamed off, your anger, aggression and drive for power are healthy masculine aspects of that are necessary for you to evolve. Stop weakening yourselves and moving passively in order not to look “harmful” to others. You don’t have to lack power in order to control yourself.💯
Will to power. Nietzsche ❤
Jordan Peterson says the same. Be a monster, but keep it in check.
@@Ace.0.0.0. He sadly failed with that. His "Give them hell" statement regarding the Palestinians and Zionists was very monstrous.
It isn't society, it is your leaders in Washington, social media, & guillible sheeple following them. It is not the whole of society, it is only a minority but they are highly promoted in social media.
@@Ace.0.0.0.Karma is coming to those who harm others. Jews & Christians aren't immune to karms.
“We respect the people who have the power to hurt us but who choose not to.” 👌 I remember this particular convo between Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson where it’s mentioned that “it’s better to be a warrior in a garden than be a gardener in a war.”
BULLSEYE
Samwise Gamgee would prove otherwise...
@@crystalpearson924 - nope. He did draw his sword on at least one occasion, in some tower in Mordor and killed several orcs.
But it’s best to be a gardner in a garden than a warrior in a war.
@@Zummbot And a garden will never intrude on a war, whereas many a war has had its way with many a garden.
If you’re gonna hiss, eventually you’re gonna have to back it up with a bite. Otherwise it’s an empty threat.
I grew up a skinny pencil. Eventually, I began fighting rather than avoiding.
I never won a fight. It didn’t matter. The bullies started leaving me alone.
My experience exactly with bullies when growing up. Look them straight in the eye and not being intimidated and genuinely willing to fight if necessary.
Win or lose, not being afraid to 'bite' will earn RESPECT.
Indeed. "Violence is not the answer" is one of the most idiotic sayings there are. If it was true then how is the entire civilization built on violence? If you aren't capable of actually defending yourself then others will walk all over you, period. And remember too: eye for eye leaves half the world with at least one working eye.
@varmastiko2908 this is why the tick toc trend of young people constantly saying why they would not join the military is so insane to me. Where do young people like these think thier safety comes from?
@@JenniferJohnson-ub3gtThose tiktokers are ill informed and should not be listened to but you're not exactly seeing the big picture either if you think the military brings safety. First of all, safety is always an illusion. Second, what I speak of here is that entities including militaries will walk all over people if they aren't defending themselves. What you call 'safety' can't be outsourced. Where's your big stick for keeping the powerful in line when they have the control of those armed forces and you don't?
The issue is there whether the military we speak of is foreign or domestic. It's one thing that people have given all their power away to entities like that; it's another thing that people don't even know who their enemies are. We're screwed all right, but I'm always trying to rattle the cage a little, perhaps some good little sheep will bat an eye every once in a while.
You're 100% right. Same experience
"Social media made y'all way to[o] comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it." - Mike Tyson
Not sure if this is truly a direct quote but it rocks regardless 🤘🫶
Speaking of Tyson, even he still gets treated with disrespect. That's because disrespectful people are the actual problem, and not the supposedly "weak" or "low value" person who is the receiver of disrespect. Bas Ruten is another example. People will randomly start fights with him to "prove" something.
Always delivering .Never found another channel like yours.
💯
It's so good right!
Agreed, because hes actually the few people on this platform that ACTUALLY know wtf hes talking about!
Agree. This and hoe math has helped me a lot recently
Cuz he's RPA, unlike JP.
This is why marriage is so dangerous and why women generally push for marriage. Marriage is essentially the transfer of power, leverage and wealth to the woman. She no longer has to fear her man leaving because she has the power, weight and venom of the divorce courts in her favour. If anything, he has to now fear her.
Nowadays, the only consequence you can impose on your girlfriend/wife if she disrespects you is to leave. Physical abuse is completely out of the question, talking to persuade her can only do so much (women vs. logic in an argument rings a bell?) so you must have options to have any power in a relationship. This is why the majority of men become simps: because they can’t punish their girlfriend bad behavior, but she can punish them by withholding sex.
Not true in religious marriage ** if she's actually religiously convicted ** . Useless if you have a false convert on your hands
@@CalinGilea if you are married with kids, it is almost impossible to leave a venomous wife unless you want to receive her fury in divorce court. So many men have no idea that they have thrown away their biggest trump card by getting married.
You don’t have to leave her physically to leave her. Women who love their men also care about their men’s opinions and admiration and love for them. If you can remove your feelings, or become disappointed with her or not respect what she is doing to you, then that would be tantamount to you physically leaving her. The problem, however, is that men are becoming such Simps that they don’t use their feelings for the woman in the negotiations, therefore, the feelings are taken for granted, literally
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 This can be the case in the US. In other countries things are different.
The most effective hiss is the ability to take a step back and show your absence. Whether it’s in relationships, work, negotiations, family or whatever. If you can communicate a hiss by simply taking a step back into the shadow, you have become a seriously respectable dude.
In the meantime, you have to improve yourself in all areas. Especially study human nature because when you come back they will think you are still the same. People perception of you don't change.
Very good comment. It applies to everybody.
No my friend. You will not gain RESPECT by creating absence
You know why? Because now u have demonstrated to that person that YOU ARE NOT RELIABLE. That you can just DISSAPPEAR. In time, you will loose VALUE in that person's mind because after ABSENCE they can no longer count on you KNOWING u got it in you to DISSAPPEAR then REAPPEAR like pick a boo-boo
@@j.f.almeida9081 That's a very valuable lesson, thank you for that information. I agree that people's perception of you do not change even after not seeing you for some time and it is up to you to show them how much you have changed during that time of your absence.
@@hemiltongrace6699 This is a rather interesting perspective. I guess like everything in this world, there is always an opposite side/argument. What is your suggestion, then in this situation?
Sad, but true. As a long time manager, I learned that if I was too chummy with my subordinates, I would lose control of them. Respect was far more valuable than like, but I always tried for both, sacrificing like if necessary.
I love this story. I'm a small man, and people tended to mess with me, until I started giving them death glares that meant that they'd catch these hands if need be. It went down a lot. Some people who used to mess with me don't anymore...
What went down? Like you had fights? Or you mean them messing w you decreased?
@@johnanon658 Less people mess with me, and when they notice my stare, some who still mess with me give up on it.
Small people with big voice and big attitude can command much respect.
Just look like a psycho and they leave you alone…works every time!🙂
@@johnanon658 Let me be more precise. It's an understatement to say that I'm not an handsome man. Some man publicly called me "Hey handsome!", to my face, and in front of other women. He was probably trying to impress them.
At first, I had decided to ignore him...but I decided F*** it!
Next time he saw me, he wanted to say something, but I looked at him like I was ready to fight him -and I was- . A few decades ago, a man who disrespected a man was challenged to a duel. No one should be able to disrespect you and get away with you. You know it happened to me when I was a kid too.
Anyway...I gave him a mean look, and like the good coward he is, he caught my energy, shut up . He ignores me now.
Had he tried to humiliate me again publicly... I would have publicly humiliated him too...
If people think they can get away from messing with you, they will do it. I make them afraid to cross me now.
I was a miserably unhappy man in a very unhappy marriage to an emasculating, disrespectful woman. I made the mistake of pledging to never leave her, even though she treated me like shit. And, not too surprising, I kept getting shit on. Until one day when I told it was over... And just like that she started to play nice
Hah. And what happened? You stayed? Or left?
Reminds me of my ex-husband.
She'll be back at it before long because you haven't left. Your words are hollow because they are not followed by deed.
@@JenniferJohnson-ub3gt - are you confessing that you treated him like crap?
@@28pbtkh23, no. That he was the same as the woman who was horrible. He was an abusive asshole. He waited until I was vulnerable and pregnant to get really nasty. Never again will I allow someone to do that to me.
Unbelievable .
I NEEDED this as a teenager - I’m 63 .
Not a “ pushover “ ; but got married at 18 , and became a father of two children by 22 years old .
In short ; NEVER wanted to get fired at work , as my role first and foremost was to be a provider .
BUT - I became a pushover de facto because I never learned the lesson taught HERE !
THEN - even became a
“ simp “ in my marriage after the children grew up and moved out of the house - but that’s another story on the next OPRA Show …
Long story- short version , I ended up divorced at 51 . And after I realized it was just ME ; I found my testicles and did more than hiss in my sometimes toxic job of 33 years . Everyone was
“ taken aback “ as I ended up in H/R with close encounters that almost resulted in physical altercations . BAM ! Problem solved !
Thanks 🙏 for educating the
“ good men “ out here where our MEEKNESS is wrongfully mistaken for WEAKNESS ! Two totally DIFFERENT THINGS !
Peace ☮️
Give more detail about what happened at the job of 33 years. What problem was solved? Was it "solved" by them simply firing you?
@@exnihilonihilfit6316
Nobody fired me ; my bad if that’s what my testimony implied .
What the takeaway was that I failed to get across ; AFTER I no longer had small children and a wife to have to possibly face and explain that I lost my job ( if ) I stood up for myself at work and had gotten fired …
But I stood up for myself , got into altercations NOW because the chumps all expected me to take the crap that I
“ used to put up with “ and now I no longer do - now , to the point of this host , my HISS 🐍 is loud and bold and I put up with NOBODY’S crap . Not men on the job ( truck drivers and loading dock workers ) OR A- hole supervisors as well .
It’s just I need to be smart and have documentation showing that it was self - defense ,and that THEY started the crap , not me .
All good . Two to three of those episodes - word got out .
I feel like an ass that I didn’t carry myself like this YEARS AGO .
But better late than never , right ?
Strength, as in having some muscle, having a strong backbone by holding your ground in disagreements, exercising authority, and holding Frame. Orion has it right in his video here.
Or just the fortitude to leave if you don’t get the care/respect you need. No muscles needed, just that backbone.
You are absolutely correct@@justanothernick3984!
So true. This goes for women tenfold. They won’t respect you unless they know you can always leave. Sadly, you have to make women feel dread. I wish it could be different, but these women are my name.
You can't leave in Christian marriage. The source for fear there is the displeasure of God and threat of hell - because unrepentant disobedience is proof of false faith
Good one. Rec use only
Proverbs 1:7 states “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” hmmm......
I also add that you need to get some muscles and look like you can fight. I was scrawny but once i started to workout i noticed women told me i was intimidating and i noticed that they would act much different around me.
No longer i would get teased for being too skinny but on the other hand, they kept looking at my bicepts.
Even having a workout session with them and them seeing how much stronger than you are in comparisson to them will leave them in awe.
Legendary user name. Conclusion, do not get married. Marriage is just the transfer of leverage, power and wealth from the man to the woman.
I would love to tip you what your worth Doc, but I can't afford it! 😂 Great philosophy lecture today! Thank you! 👨⚕️🏥
That's a generous donation notwithstanding. I appreciate your support, brother.
There is so much to unpack in this short presentation. I am so grateful to have heard this, because it reinforces how much I have allowed people to disrespect me over the course of my life. However, it has been the result of not respecting myself enough. As I work to improve self-respect, I find myself tolerating less disrespect from others. In other words, super omnia dignitate.
4:48 "The power to do good has the root as the power to inflict harm"
This reminds me of a quote from the Christopher Nolan's film _Batman Begins_ .
"What you really fear is inside yourself. You fear your own power. You fear your anger, the drive to do great or terrible things" -Ras Al Ghul.
Having learned this concept some time ago I can tell you it makes life sooo much easier.
Once you've fully integrated this into you life/energy people will automatically intuit you're not to be messed with.
For me it's one of life's essential life hacks.
There’s people that inspire fear based on their genetic makeup. If a puppy tries to make you afraid it’s going to make you laugh most likely. You want to build confidence and stick up for yourself but hinting at being dangerous and capable of violence is not accessible to all men.
Looking back on my life, my biggest regret is letting others disrespect me. Great way to discuss having appropriate boundaries.
it's probably worth mentioning that this principle mostly applies to relationships of apparent equality... where competition is a factor. Most people don't have a competitive relationship with grandma, because she isn't a threat to anything you are trying to claim for yourself. So, being treated kindly doesn't imply the kind of respect we're talking about here. Granny respect is offered because you value what she's done and who she is. Respect for your contemporaries is actually respect for boundaries.... which only happens when your declared boundaries are accompanied by a clearly visible defense system.
Not really. Grandams often look down and disrespect, openly or not, children/nieces they perceive as weak, dumb, or pushovers.
And 'familiarity breeds contempt.'
Literally has 'family' in it.
I think while fear is a good motivator, used to make sure people will think twice about hurting or disrespecting you, love is the better half. If we all loved, we would all have respect for each other. However, those that don't love you, will only answer to the other motivator.
Fantastic comment. Exactly.
Love is the path in an ideal world.😢 however, we do not live in an ideal world and sometimes strength and violence are the only language some people understand and respect.
Think this is too much make believe here...idk what kinda pink pill or whatever that is,its simply not working...unity is achieved in duality, duality is achieved in unity...the stride u make makes an imaginary straight line, but the actual footsteps are always slightly off center of the line= sin wave...u must have 2 sides 2 be it 1 coin
No Doc. People respect their Elders, Children Disabled etc ... despite having nothing to Fear from these people. Thats because People actually respect certain Qualities, Customs and Values.
I may Fear someone's temporary ability to hurt me in the ways you suggest ... that DOESNT mean I respect THEM ... indeed they have no respect for themselves or anyone if their power is exercised arbitrarily (not supported by good reasons, values etc.). If it was genuine respect for the person we wouldnt walk away calling them an assh*le...or sometimes looking forward to turning the tables onto them as soon as the opportunity presents. True respect would mean we're actually willing to cut people some slack because of their qualities or values that we also agreed with or understood. Fear is not Respect...its just Fear. Why has Fear got to become something else? Lots of people with low self-esteem confuse the two already ... it's a vicious reinforcing cycle.... the mistake that Egos make in trying to earn Self-Respect by attempting to control the environment and people around them....instead of controlling themselves. Ask any despot in history.
@@johntim3491 I think he means another kind of respect. He means the attitude of not doing something bad against someone. Of course real respect is based on love, not fear. He just meant something else.
I think I've experienced this!!! I was once playing poker with a few friends. I folded on the River (last card of the round), and a friend asked me to show my hand. I refused, after which he turned my cards anyway without my permission. My adrenaline was racing and I felt my cheeks turn pale. I said in a low, soft voice that had that slight anger shake in it: "{friend's name}, if you ever do that again, I will never play with you again." I can still remember the tension in the room shooting up, and it being quiet for a moment. We carried on and after a few moments diffused the tension, but I can definitely remember that sensation of power in that moment. It was more effective than any shouting or fighting would've been. Nobody messed with my cards after that, and everyone was respectful! It felt great tbh. I've had it a few other times as well, but this was the first example that came to mind.
A strong, decent man with the capacity to harm when unnecessarily provoked.
I've heard the snake story before. Love it.
The problem with this is that sooner or later, people will choose to leave/avoid altogether the person that makes them fearful.
I grew up with a very strict dad - he loved us for sure - he worked 7 days a week to provide for the family, and he really built a very successful business because of this - but whenever we are around him, our anxiety levels just went thru the roof.
In our culture - it was EXPECTED that you took over the family business when you are of age - but because of his "fear me so you resepct me" approach, our relationship with him was very unhealthy - we respected him, feared him, but we also hated him (or at least hated the way he made us feel about ourselves) - eventually, NONE of his kids ended up working for him. And it was only when we stopped working for him - did our relationship really improve (now we want to see him for dinners, coffee, overseas travel, etc).
maybe fear is a really strong word for what should be presented. Maybe "Authority" is a better word and is different from fear. Authority does show competence and can lead to respect. I respect my boss and my professors who have authority when they are teaching me some material. I do not fear them but I do respect them. I agree if disrespect is rampant something has to change but the idea of fear is a bit too extreme, especially if you are trying to apply it to loved ones. Glad to see your relationship improved, god bless.
@@beowulf_of_wall_st the title itself is clear. FEAR is the basis of respect. And we were afraid.
@@per_growthyea you definitely got it wrong and pcap got it right. Your dad terrorized you and this is not what the video is about.
Orion is simply saying do not allow mistreatment from others and retaliate if necessary.
@@mynametrong5508 I guess there are just different interpretations for the video. When I saw the clip, that was how I interpreted it. Fear was what was used on us to gain respect.
@salvatoresanjuan8140 That is also the interpretation I got from the title of the video. Although watching it it seems less about fear itself and more about establishing some dominance, some "backbone" as other people call it which sounds reasonable. although what good is backbone from hissing if you cannot bite?
If I see a lion I am not scared that it roars at me if roaring or hissing is all it does, I am terrified when it chooses to charge me and inevitably eats me. Now in that scenario if I were to take my dad and he used violence to discipline me would I fear him? Yeah I would. Would I respect him? To be honest on a technical level yeah in the sense I would listen to him when he tells me what to do as many other people would.
If I feared my dad in that scenario I would respect him and be obedient, but would I love him? Would I care about his well being when he is no longer in a position to instill that fear? Would I be willing to risk death for him in any way? Possibly but the probability is really low and it shouldn't be a surprise if avoidance is the outcome of trying to force love from fear. Maybe the fear should be saved for those who deserve it (because whether we like it or not lions and other scary stuff exists so we as a people should learn to bite and not just hiss) and love for those who need it.
TLDR: Fear will get you respect, but probably not love from those you care about, don't be surprised people leave for good. Adjust fear and love accordingly and maybe thats the key.
I have long held that we "respect" the people we would have cause to fear, were they not on our side.
I've caught a lot of flack for that position.
Mostly from people I could never fear.
One thing about the word "meek": it does not mean "weak". About 99% of people get this wrong. The actual definition is "controlled strength". Imagine a Navy Seal picking up his kid at Day Care. That man is easily the most dangerous in the building, but he restrains himself as the situation does not call for any force. However. Sold someone break in and attempt a robbery, that Seal would spring into fierce, immediate action and end the situation.
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Simple. Both. I want them to be afraid of how much they love me.” - Michael Scott
_”Aslan is a lion- the Lion, the great Lion." "Ooh" said Susan. "I'd thought he was a man. Is he-quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion"..."Safe?" said Mr Beaver ..."Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you.”_
― C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
Shid, this explains so much. I try to explain to people this concept that when I learned to hiss ( I didnt have the terminology) that people stopped disrespecting me. However some people are scared of themselves because they are like the Snake they bite to kill and they only save that for people who push them past their threshold. Which is correct but like you said if people are angry in life they pick a "safe" target a needy doormat that will do anything to be "liked" even take emotional, self worth, self esteem attacks that are vicious and uncalled for. Just to stay around... Very good content.. Tip Jar time.
Depends on how evolved the other person is, if the other is evolved then the only requirement for respect is love and fear is just an element, but if the other is not evoled then fear is definitely the foundation required for respect.
True
I totally agree with your statement. Although, if I may, I think the more accurate word is reasonable. When you are engaged in any form of conflict with another person, a solution can only be achieved if both parties are being respectful and reasonable. Similarly, in an argument, you will never be able to come to an agreement with a completely uncompromising and unreasonable person.
exactly
Great post. Thanks. Explains a lot about disfunctional families - as you alluded to: not everyone in a family views this similarly, and that's how long-lasting feuds are created. Keep up the good work!
"Better to be feared than to be loved if one cannot be both" Niccolo Machiavelli
This is so right on, and the root cause of most of my problems in life. It's why I was susceptible to joining a cult and spending years of my life in it. Cults most definitely work on the principle of fear, and learned helplessness, just as much as in any toxic marriage.
This is interesting i personally feel that if i have fear towards a man i dont respect him i just avoid him. If i feel safe around a man and feel as if he could protect me if need be then i respect him
I was a skinny, wiry kid growing up...numerous neighborhood/school bullies 'tried' to bully me...but only once.
Reason? I never backed down or acted intimidated and always fought back...I was hard rocks, and was then left alone.
No parental involvement. No teacher involvement.
" We are ALWAYS treated EXACTLY the way we allow others to treat us ", was what my dear Father taught us as children from a very tender age. RESPECT.
The maxim “An armed society is a polite society” comes to mind.
Robert A. Heinlein
Very well said. Throughout my career, I presented myself as harmless until I couldn’t anymore.
For me my “hiss” was in my relentless negotiating skills and willingness to walk away.
My leverage was my track record of providing high quality performances that are nearly impossible to replicate.
The issue is that such behavior as "hissing" has never been pushed for, at least in my up-bringing. I was taught to be humble, kind, and "to turn the the other cheek." You shouldn't seek revenge, but I saw others act on their desire to be vengeful and I would think, "Surely, they will find nothing good in it." However, what if they did? What if their is at least some satisfaction to revenge as opposed to the bitterness that seems to come with trying to "let it go." Or, perhaps I am failing to see it from the right perspective.
Regardless, the input is useful. And to add to it, here's a little anecdote: My Aunt started living in my apartment about two years ago; she always claimed to love and respect me deeply. However, consistently, she would eat the food that I cooked and prepared for myself and several times I asked her in a calm and meek manner to not eat my food. About 1 year into her move-in, and she was still eating my food. Eventually, I broke my foot and was forced to walk around on crutches. One day, I prepared a meal, a simple one as it was struggle to do anything on one leg and my aunt never seemed interested in helping me. I told her before I even made the food, "Do not eat my food." She did... And when I stormed into her room furious and screaming, she laughed at me and told her friend on the phone that her "kid" was having a "tantrum." An hour later, she came into my room and apologized, WHILE SNICKERING! I told her to get the fuck out.
Turns out she was drunk, but to this day I have never let that moment go and its been about a year now. One flaw that I am noticing now is my failure to really think critically about these values.
She still eating your food or not?😂
@@Bobby-hn3cu No.
Fear- not of harm but of causing displeasure to the object. If she isn't afraid of you being unhappy with her, she doesn't respect you and doesn't love you
This is much needed in modern day era. Explorinng masculinity is a goldmine. I had no father figure so I explore this now through interactions and videos like this. Feminine ways of operating have taken too much attention. I love your work.
This is especially valuable advice for new teachers like myself when it comes to behaviour management in classrooms
What a brilliant way to present the topic, it is exactly like that, for that reason Machiavelli said that it is better to be feared than to be loved. Fear is a feeling that can be controlled, but love is uncontrollable.
I can tell your wisdom comes from a life of experience. I appreciate it, thx
He is a psychologist....it comes from EXPERIENCE OF LISTENING TO PATIENTS
@@hemiltongrace6699he has also been with many awful women considering he lives in the U.S. That will teach a man many life lessons.
@@hemiltongrace6699real understanding doesn’t come through listening - it’s not enough. True understanding and wisdom comes only through personal experience.
This actually makes a lot of sense. It’s what I like about your channel. You are very very good at taking the things we understand from our subconscious, and making us aware of it consciously and how we interact with that.
Thank you.
great choice of words, shanesutton336. There is a concept in sales called "conscious competence" which speaks of a point in the salesman's learning curve at which he is no longer blundering his way through the sales presentation, and he actually understands what it takes to get the order. The starting point in the learning curve is "conscious incompetence", which means he knows nothing, and he realizes it. The intermediate stage is "unconscious competence", which is when he's got it partly figured out, but his results aren't consistent yet.
Transfer the same logic to dating, and most men weigh in somewhere between conscious incompetence and unconscious competence. Channels like this one are making more men consciously competent.
"If you keep the commandments, there will be blessings, if you don't, there will be curses" and look at our world today.
Doc, your reteachings of the wisdoms of the ancients is a gift to modern times. Thank you!!!
So true. This is why fathers are so needed. To put the fear of god in kids.
I remember as a kid I stayed with my uncles family.
Me and my cousins would cause a ruckus at bedtime. Our grandmother would try to get us to quiet down and go to bed. My aunt would too. Sometimes even hitting us (deservedly. We could be monsters). But we never listened. It would take my uncle saying something for us to quiet down. We would. Immediately. He never raised his hand at us. Not even his voice. We just knew better. And our response was immediate. Respect.
Hello Orion
I am 63, A retired veteran and you are correct that people need to hear you hiss - in order for them to not only fear you but I always do it in a way that guarantees me that they always go the other direction and I do this with my stare, the look on my face, my voice, my attitude, my body language and my authenticity - which all say the same thing, - screw with me and I will kill you and not think twice about what you have brought upon yourself.
Also I noticed in this video that you happened to leave out a specific group of us men who have never followed societies norms but have always walked the life of our journey alone and with the red pill philosophy and we are the lone wolves and I do not disagree with you on what you said.
I was married once for 15 year, but 18 years ago Cancer and Death finished that. Since then I have again lived life as a lone wolf - just as I did from the age of 10 to the age of 30 in my life, I watched observed and went my own way.
I am not anti women but I am anti-feminist but looking at todays society, I refuse to engage with the number of delusional, irrational, misguided ideologies of narcissisms that I see in many people and they show it easily when in a first contact with people - men or women.
One thing I will never do is allow anyone to interfere with my independence, solitude, unpredictability, standards, morals, ethics or values. By the way I am just an average sigma infj empath and a Gemini man who has built a comfortable life for myself that i will not endanger what I have built.
You are right - enlightenment if you start don't stop; I have been in hermit mode for the last 18 years but I am now looking again at re-involving myself on the edges of society and observing and watching.
My point is - the red pill is what we wolves have always been in society.
Thank You
Dennis Demars
From one retired veteran to another, thankyou for your service.
I Thank You for your service@@JenniferJohnson-ub3gt
One can never be too careful in the choice of ones enemies. Oscar Wilde
In the atomic world and even in biology...Fear is not the basis of respect. It's our direct energetic connection. I love all of your material sir. But as a theoretical physicist and an evolutionary socioligist, there's one more layer to go here.❤😊
As a Hindu, we have saying - क्षमा शोभते उस भुजंग को, जिसके पास गरल हो!
The Forgiveness only adorns the Serpent which have Venom!
Gandhi misunderstood concept of Ahimsa i.e Non-Violence and became completely Pacifist, costing us a lot!
True indeed!
Very true
Most people are not scared of gravity, but they respect it. When on a mountain they will enjoy the view from a safe distance from the edge of a cliff, but they don’t test that boundary. Respect is the ability to do harm, but with clear boundaries. Fear creates anxiety because people don’t know where the boundary is. A person waving a gun around on a street corner elicits fear, but not respect.
Women would normally not have much power over their husband until the marriage contract puts the lion’s paw of the state in the woman’s favor. Men need to be very careful about marriage.
Which is why your chance of reversing those changes is very small. One we are accustomed to having any power we won’t give it up easily.
I've spent a great deal of time on a LOT of psychology channels. There is are some quality channels out there, and this one is easily among the very best. Great channel. Awesome info
I'm getting addicted to your content, good doctor. This man delivers value beyond measure! This particular video is deep!
The path to enlightenment is an arduous one.
Excellent video. Appreciate the insight.
Dude you are approaching stuff from unknown angles! You deserve a Nobel Prize! 🎉
Fear it's only the basis of respect towards evil, but real respect comes out of love!!!! I repeat, respect comes out of love!!!! Respect is a byproduct of LOVE!
Fully agree..
Love doesnt work with evil people. Only fear keeps them in line. Criminals on the street who look dangerous are the least to be attacked by criminals
As always....one of the best channels on this platform. Thank you Dr.
I have a separate opinion.
Respect can stem from fear as well as admiration.
I respect my father with a bit of fear towards him. But my respect for my sister is due to my admiration for her.
And I feel if you admire someone, respect automatically follows.
By the way, I got to introspection only after watching your video. I really want to thank you Orion.
I'm a woman and i feel this applies to me greatly. I was married to an emotionally abusive narcissist for 10years. Definitely learnt i need to sharpen my hiss, and have a potential bite or big stick. I have been way too agreeable. Lost half my hair in the process! Thanks fir this vid!
Sixty y.o. now and I wish I had had a mentor and been taught this lesson as a kid, it would have saved me a life time of disrespect as I woke up late to that knowledge.
This advice, right here, is the root of many evils. If you are a young person, please understand that this is a childish interpretation of what respect (in all it's many forms) is. Fear is NOT a long term viable method for earning respect. Long term respect stems from humility, understanding, and personal growth.
Humility is being humble. It is an act of contrition. You must accept that you don't know everything, and are open and willing to learn from other people - from their triumphs, and most importantly, their mistakes. You listen to their stories and share your own. This communication is a way to bond, but you must be willing to LISTEN. You need patience to do this, as many other people don't know how to do this well, and may 'run over' your opinions - leaving you FEELING disrespected. But this is just a feeling, and probably not the reality.
This brings us to understanding. As you get older you will more effectively understand why some people are incapable of being humble and communicating w you in a 'respectful' manner. Maybe they're afraid. Maybe no one's listened to them before. Maybe they're overcompensating for some pain in their past. But you won't know unless you humble yourself and listen. In the process of listening, you may learn some things about yourself and your past. This learning curve is also the basis for the next key to a mature 'earning' of respect: personal growth.
As you learn about others and yourself in the course of humbly listening, sharing, and reflecting - you will come to some logical conclusions about what you want in your life. About what types of people and circumstances you can accept, and things you won't accept. HONOR your well earned conclusions, and don't accept people in your life who won't respect those conclusions or boundaries. Set those boundaries and stick w them. People will respect them, and you, because you are firm in your opinion. They know you will slowly remove them from your circle if they violate your boundaries. This isn't fear on their part (you aren't attacking), this is genuine respect and admiration of the confidence you will exude as a byproduct of your humility, understanding, and personal growth. It's a journey, but worth the effort. This long-term form of repect evolves from genuine affection, and definitely NOT fear.
There's no need for 'hissing' when you live your hard-learned truths. Your actions will speak for themselves, and you will have the respect you've earned.
Spot-on!
Eloquently and precisely presented. Wonderful. Wouldn’t have know enough to express it as well, but always understood, and lived by, its message. No regrets
This is the way we all learn respect, especially from parents who enforce obedience through fear. But I would mainly call it "fear of consequence".
True respect is born of understanding, when you have full power to inflict harm on someone but don't because you simply understand what kind of pain you might be inflicting.
And polite society has a huge lack of real respect, people just behave nice because of fear.
The moment that fear is lifted we quickly get the most vicious/conniving outbursts from people you would never expect, this is probably the whole underbelly of cancel culture.
There is so much wisdom here with understanding...fear equal respect so love and consequences so hand and hand. Love and respect are values like hate and disrespect has no value in our lives. Consequences should be valued.
Outstanding episode. Very informative. Thank you, Orion.
Thanks!
Perfect timing with this video. I'm currently renegotiating terms of service for my business with an important long term client for the 2024 year. Super stressful, but you need to hiss and have leverage to continue forward and grow. Never fun but it's a necessary discipline in business.
Respect does not equal fear, nor is it a part of it. If someone suddenly starts "respecting" you after they are scared of you, they don't respect you. It is possible, however, that somebody seeing you stand up for yourself or seeing you become more confident, may make them respect you a bit more. If a woman loves you, she will express that. It is very simple. This isn't even a man vs woman thing or a poly vs marriage thing.
This is true outside relationships, like when we respect a role model, celebrity, historical figure, etc. But in the context of any voluntary relationship, each side exerts leverage by setting appropriate boundaries and requiring appropriate behavior. In other words, either party can and should be able to walk away any time. Fear of this keeps things working well both ways. As soon as someone tolerates misbehavior, they become a doormat and no longer demand respect.
This is true. I learn this the hard way. All this time, I always do what is "right", no matter what other people do. I was wrong.
All the so-called "values" won't make people respect you in return.
I know that most of my comments on your videos voice disagreement, but in this case, I think you did a very good job with your explanation. This video is so much better than the one where you compare men to rattle snakes. This one reflects the responsible use of fear to gain respect. As one of the few women I know that engages in shadow work, I agree with you in saying fear is the basis of respect. As a long servings member of the military, I have seen the efficacy of deterrence first hand. The key is that harmlessness is not a virtue. Being dangerous but not using it unless it's absolutely necessary is.
Absolutely right ✅️
Without fear, the majority of people become bullies .
As an African,you have answered what I have been saying about our dire situation on planet earth!
This was a gem thank you
As an MMA fighter, I can share with you that 90% of people would rather not engage in conflict with me. They know Im not someone that would hit people left and right, but they know I am capable of.
Thanks for all the advice, it has been much needed in my life
Not the message that I wanted to hear, but the message that I needed in hear.
I watched 2 of your videos and my life was changed for the better. Amazing!
That is a pretty darned good parable
Powerful analogy!
Actual hissing or growling tends to turn the crowd against me.
But if ever certain boundaries of respect are crossed, whether on me or someone innocent and less powerful, I have a death stare that has stopped people in their tracks. I can & have backed it up. I never flex, and I never back down.
My body has some minor scars, but my backbone is still solid near retirement.
My Last throw down with more than one person was in my 50s against two punks at a rest stop gas station. Maybe half my age. Blocked and restrained them, cops picked them as the perps.
I couldn’t afford getting my jeep tossed, so I had to use restraint. But I would rather die fighting than live afraid. No regrets (outside of relationships - I missed the true value a couple of times.). But I am glad that I became a bit of a bad boy.
I learn who my true friends & acquaintances are easily Ditto my adverseraries and the NPCs. easily.
Often just my focused intense stare will alter tbings for the better. But I have and will continue to deal with any problems I meet.
Once morewith feeling: F ALL chomos.
NOTHING that gets done is anywhere near as bad as what they have done to children for life.
But I am proud of my father RIP after he found out, he told me that he & his hunting buddy. the sherriff,fixed it so he would never be able to hurt me again. Not the only time I saw him be the standup guy in a situation.
I know that I am rambling but it is all true.
I don’t care what anyone else thinks I say you are on the side of the angels on this one.
Excelente!! We do carry a big stick here in Mexico and respect is what you get. Here people think twice before they offend others, here there is no such thing as "i am going to sue you" "I am calling the cops" here if you don't respect you will get bite.
Last time I when to California two people gave me the finger while driving in one day!! I was really surprised and offended. It never happened down here, you never know who you are messing with. Saludos y un abrazo!!
Switzerland did not stay safe because they control the money. Switzerland has an army of over 100K people on active duty at any given time plus over a million in reserve. That's a very strong army for a country of this size.
Keep telling yourself that. numbers doesn’t mean strength. You can have a million soldiers, if they have no real experience they are useless.
This advice is gold, thanks Orion
This is like a gift for the situation I'm under this very moment🙏. Found you in the beginning of the year and keep up with your work ever since. I Wish You Good Health And A Very Happy Chrismas🙏🎉
I absolutely agree. If the depth of cruelty doesnt extend as far down as the heights of kindness the culture around will beat you back down to your place of power. My tattoo of the three of swords with the eye of providence is like a keepsake to that idea.
This is a very interesting video that makes a lot of sense when dealing with others who are "intuitive" enough to identify what the "big stick" is and who holds it. However, I wonder how well this concept works on others who aren't intuitive enough to pick up on the "nuances" of others' "big stick"? I suppose they are the ones who get the worst consequences.
Ignore the "stick" at your own peril.
Thanks. I love the content
Love how you show that all emotional systems have an "economy" of supply and demand, high and low pressures
My mate was a Southern gentleman. Most people realize that good manners and warmth does not mean pushover. He was 6ft2in and had been a high school and college boxer. Bit he had a cool relaxed demeanor and sailing was more his preferred style...he'd been a sailing instructor at a sailing camp in Morehead, N.C.
HOWEVER, some people are just dumb and think Southerners lack intelligence because their speech is slower. And some think having manners and being chivalrous with women means the guy is a weakling. They never made that mistake with my mate a second time I can tell you. He was tall and slim not hugely muscled (didnt take workout drugs)though he worked out. With one look men would back off if they made a mistake thinking him weak. I saw how men respected him..once they KNEW HIM they respected his compentencies but strangers on occassion took him for a fool or a weakling. He never had to touch anyone. With one look he could convey contained physical power retrained, as well as immense self-confidence. He was a millionaire by 30(developing land and building houses in the Southeast in the 60s just as boomers wanted houses) and was bankrupt by 37, which is when I met him thanks to another Southerner, Jimmy Carter's interest rate hike double rates. It didn't matter, "you can't keep a good man down". We worked together to build back...we did just fine fimamcially, retired at 50 (I was a professor) and 55 to sail the Caribbean. We built a beautiful home abroad where I am living now. He passed away 18mos ago a credit to his gender.
I shared this with my sister who has a husband and twin teenage sons that consistently steam roll over her. Thanks so much
So true. In Marine Corps boot camp back in 1969, if you disrespected a drill instructor in any way, shape, or form, they would smack the crap out of you. -instant respect, and it didn't matter how big you were. The trick was to learn (quickly) what they found to be disrespectful. I hear that they no longer haze anyone these days, but rather just yell at recruits and make them do all sorts of PT. In my experience as a high-school teacher, while you can't go around hazing teenagers, there are consequences for bad behavior, and you need to use them if you want a respectful classroom. The biggest one (in my view) is to inconvenience those who are disrespectful , e.g., a visit to the office, a detention, extra time spent doing something that they don't want to do. People really don't like to be inconvenienced. Finally, there is an appropriate saying from the 14th century Spanish writer Don Juan Manuel that applies here: Si al comienzo no muestras quien eres, nunca podrás después, cuando quisieres. -If at first you don't show who you are, you will never be able to later, when you want to.
4:34 "We respect people who have the power to hurt us but choose not to". Well said Doc. Jordan Peterson also covered this topic in one of this lectures. Instead of choosing to be harmless we need to learn how to tap into our inner darkness, conquer it, and become CONTROLLED monsters.
Great parable thank you for sharing with us how true.
I was just thinking about how it applies to countries too and Orian went straight into it 👏👏 We in Ukraine have learned it the hard way, twice falling into the illusion that we shouldn't invest in our army and could promote peace with neighbors instead, once in 1920 when we lost our independence to the invading army of Soviet Russia, and once again facing it in the current war after we gave up nuclear weapons in exchange for peace guarantees from the UK, US and Russia.