Listen to YOURSELF: you likely already know the answer
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- Опубликовано: 1 фев 2024
- At this stage of my career, I conduct consultations with men from all walks of life from all over the world. One of the most frequent reasons men book my time is to receive an objective, third-party gut check on their relationships: should they continue to invest or cut their losses? After only a few minutes, it often becomes clear that these men already know the answer to their question -- though they may not want to face the consequences it entails. It's important for men to listen to themselves. If your story was coming out a friend's mouth, how would you respond?
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Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #relationship #men
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At this stage of my career, I conduct consultations with men from all walks of life from all over the world. One of the most frequent reasons men book my time is to receive an objective, third-party gut check on their relationships: should they continue to invest or cut their losses? After only a few minutes, it often becomes clear that these men already know the answer to their question -- though they may not want to face the consequences it entails. It's important for men to listen to themselves. If your story was coming out a friend's mouth, how would you respond?
Book a paid consultation:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations
Social Media
Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/
Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks
Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Orion's Theme: ruclips.net/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/видео.html
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com.
GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993
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ruclips.net/channel/UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin
Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #relationship #men
Very good advice and the other comments are also very insightful. Will share this video on other social media platforms.
It's true I'm trapped in a marriage with a woman that is always unhappy no matter what and even tells me. I need to make her happy, or says I don't make her happy and she deserves better. It's not your problem or responsibility.
How do I get ahold of you to hire you? I could use a lot help and advice
@@lycanmagic1664 Dr. Orion shares his contact details above. I wish you great success beginning to resolve your relationship issues with your wife.
So I was just gonna enthusiastically share your video when I noticed its for for men😄 I hope I am ok to like it as a woman too😂
A lot of men think a relationship is trying to make an unhappy women happy. It isn’t your problem
The issue is when she thinks the same thing and then gets mad at you for it.
Thats a worst case scenario. A more common scenario is the woman (happy or otherwise) inserting herself at the centre of the relationship and making the relationship about her. That's the VAST MAJORITY of heterosexual relationships and it's soul destroying for most men.
Women think it's perfectly reasonable. They will stare at you like you've got two heads if you question the dynamic. The truth however is that it's purely extractive behaviour that hollows the man out.
Word up bro word
@@sammyb1651you described my last relationship to a tee. I used to cry with my eyes bawling out because of how miserable and under appreciated I felt. She had BPD I'm sure of it. I was in that relationship for 8 months, the highest of highs, and lowest of lows. It was a complete roller coaster. I'm 7 months removed and I'm still healing. But I'm better off... It was the right decision.
It isn't just your problem, it's not something you can do. You can barely make YOURSELF happy, you cannot however make anyone else happy.
Experienced divorce lawyer here. I approve of this video. Many guys suffer from cognitive dissonance.
It's hard to see it when you're in it, there are blinders on, especially if sex is involved! Easiest way to get out of it, is if your friends told you the same things, what advice would you give them? That puts a lot of things into perspective...
Cognitive dickonance
There’s no way to unsee the truth once you cross paths upon it.
Do you have a website or professional number I could reach you at?
I usually spot your comments here and there within red pill/divorce content sir, let it be Rich Cooper, James Sexton or this channel himself and is refreshing to have a hands-on professional about these matters and why is important for men to take caution on their own relationships, hopefully you could collaborate with Dr.Oryon here in the future, that'd be a great video for sure!
“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.”
- Marcus Aurelius
Aurelius was a literal cuck.
What is a good man? 🤔
What is a healthy man? 🤔
What is a wise man? 🤔
What is a man? WAIT IM SORRY DONT FIRE ME!!!
Oh no you didnt@@kelvincasing5265
Irrelevant af to the video
"You didn't come here to make the choice, you've already made it. You're here to understand why you made it" - the Oracle, Matrix reloaded
This is some of your best advice ever.🤣😭🤣 I've recorded myself talking about my last relationship, and it was over 3 months later. All I heard was stress and emasculation trying to make sense of her chaos. This video is the definition of a therapist's level of tough love.
Remember when nagging, inlaws, and spending too much at the store were the main issues men talked about. 😅😂
This is the masculine version of journaling. You will do it when you need it, verbalizing the issue is itself cathartic, which provides short-term relief, and the ability to listen to yourself from the past, picking up the inflections of your voice, with good hindsight is really a good replacement for a conversation with a friend for those things you won't discuss with anyone else.
This world is sad. Men are so blind. And yes professionals who sound good and are confident can be extremely misguided. Like our friend Orion here. He pumps out a mixed bag and people eat it like little kids eating whatever papa puts on the table today. Grow up and see how we'll he actually raised you. To put ones mind and life in the hands of another is no small thing. The Catholic Church is 2000 years old and has immense wisdom on how to live your best life as your best self. It isn't the latest psychobabble fad from another bobble head. It's tride and true. It's real and attested to by billions over the centuries. The largest charitable organization in the world and a place where heroic saints are born.
I totally agree. I'm 57 and can confirm, things don't get better in a relationship, especially after marriage. They will only get worse. Also, anything other than a definitive yes is a no.
"Like Fuck That" that's right there is the best line.
It's the second 'fuck that' that sold me.
@@tonybernard4444 haha yes the commitment to Fuck That is commendable! 😂
🤣🤣🤣
“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”
― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
And you can't trust yourself if you keep betraying yourself.
This was my consult exactly. Dr. Taraban was spot on.
#1 this consult most likely saved my life.
#2 Saying this stuff out loud was terrifying.
Worth every penny. Money well spent.
Thanks for everything doc.
I am a man who has decades of experience with women. I am no expert & still learning, but I can say that Orion is spot on. However, he’s also right that only YOU can make the decision. It’s not one size fits all. The biggest mistake men make is allowing the fear of being alone or sex to stay in bad relationships. Your in for a terrible life if you do that
Nailed itt. Don't be weak or needy. They can see it and then they will crush you. Be strong. Women need a firm hand.
I once advised a guy "You know that small voice whispering in the back of your mind? LISTEN TO IT".
*whimpering
Thanks I'll pass.
It's tells me to "Jump off" whenever I'm near a railing.
Take care brother@@Tushar_Talwar_09
"Picking fights with people in public and expecting me to come to her defense" 😵💫 that was me not too long ago..
aww man I had this happen to me and I grabbed her by the arm and told her "wtf are you playing at ? we ain't got time for this shit ..." and pulled her away ASAP like a parent dragging his kid around. It felt so wierd I realised how messed up she was. She wasn't happy and tried to give me shit for it but damn was I right to do so ... we separated a while later, she was too much trouble, not worth it ...
Patriece oneal wome are reactionary
RPA save you from that kind of problem.
She would get pissed @ me because i would try to descelate, but she always wanted me as irrational and irrate as her..
I think there is a difference between "get caught in conflict" and "starting conflict". If I am caught in conflict, I 100% expect my partner to come to my defense.
every man regardless of age should be subbed to this channel
Wow. That recording idea is brilliant. The therapist I hired repeated back to me what I had said then said, “why the f are you married to this woman?”
I couldn’t come up with anything.
Everyone has such great wisdom and insight for others, but everyone fails to take their own damn advice. Isn't that humanity in a nut shell. Love this channel
Its called Solomon's Paradox @pazzodi3
So true!
It’s been one year since my wife separated from me. 8 months since she served me with divorce papers. As Valentine’s Day approaches and a year of loneliness I contemplate reaching out to my ex wife. The depression and loneliness has obscured the memories of loss and betrayal. Listening to this self assessment was a breath of fresh air!
Thank you
It is difficult the first time to walk away, but years later you know you can survive and if you have a similar relationship in the future, you know you can do it. Walking away is a good skill to know that you can do.
We're all gonna make it brahs
You are not going to make it if you lose your money, house and kids on divorce. Trust me. You are only going to make it back to your parents home empty handed.
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 NGMI bro.
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540chill 😂.. We'll make it man
We're men over here. You sound DELUSIONAL. We don't need to *FEEL GOOD* emotionally, so I'm going to tell a truth that you wont: *Not All Of Us Are Gonna Make It.* Hell, most of us won't make it, simply because most men lack sexual discipline. Our need for sex is the primary reason we put up with so much nonsense from women. And *THAT* is the reason most of us won't make it. *Most men will STILL lead lives of quiet desperation.*
Most of us aren't gonna make and have a legacy. These ladies are out here destroying the foundations of Western culture.
It's mainly because most guys have a scarcity mindset, so we start to convince ourselves to accept bullshit because we may never find another person again. Which of course is all horse shit.
Yep, that's me for sure. You just identified my problem. I must change my mindset.
This is a core problem with a lot of guy's mindsets. I was there before. I fought tooth and nail to keep my first relationship, which was horribly toxic and she lived in a different country. The stress and disrespect I allowed myself to go through is horrible to look back on. After that relationship, I had an actual good one and it TRULY opened my eyes to how a relationship should be. Now, I have proven to myself that I can be in a good relationship and be a good partner, so I'm not going to cling to just any girl that will have me. I know I am worthy of a good relationship and am secure as myself.
100% correct. And it's not just personal relationships, it's life: If the answer to whatever question isn't "F*ck yes," it's a no.
Yes and no. One needs to have experience in order to discern if it’s a fuck yes or a no. 🤓
@@raytekkers that's up to you and your judgement, right? Maybe your judgement is messed up, and if that's the case go back to the drawing board. Now listen, and this is my opinion, everyone knows truth when they hear it. Similarly, if you can't enthusiastically say yes to whatever opportunity shows up, the answer is no. We have to take a position and make it stick, right or wrong. That's called learning.
I understand precisely where you’re coming from. I’m referring to something, an experience that one has not tried before. For example, one needs to taste pizza before they can emphatically say fuck yes to it 😁
@@raytekkers HAHAHAHAHA!!! Good one. Enthusiastically yes.
Explains why I haven't said yes in 40 years
If it isn’t a “Fuck YES!!!” - it’s a No. The best advice I ever heard ❤
I retired Navy Admiral once told me "son always listen to your gut". This was after multiple combat tours.
Solid advice.
I spent 14 years hoping that being a kind and considerate partner would ultimately lead to some kindness and consideration in return… Nope, apparently I was just “hoping to change” her, and loving someone doesn’t require such a demand.
I got played. In hindsight, I had a bad gut feeling the whole time.
I take it you were married at some point?
Can relate that a bit..
Being kind , considerate and loving don't mean at all.
We can hope all we want .
There's a saying " If one feeds a serpent milk, the snake will simply increase his venom "
She was more resentful and cold . More I cared and loved her ..
Protect yourself better in the future
My man, you are literally dropping truth bombs as always. Not a freaking word is redundant!
Absolutely
Gentlemen, our good sir also indirectly mentions, keep self respect, dignity and worth paramount for us men. If excitement and comfort lasts only 2-3 months and then drama and control issues arise, communicate, not working, WALK AWAY. We men all go through that feeling of pain/fear/confusion. At that time, face it, take it. Hurts like hell at times for weeks etc. after that you’ll see something happens within mostly. Slow character development and self growth.
My mother said several times how some people think marriage is a magic wand that is going to fix problems in a relationship but it's just the opposite.
You a real one Taraban
Someone give Dr Taraban a Nobel Prize. What more does he need to do?
@marriagecausesdivorce7540 more specifically... the Nobel Peace Prize 😂 and, like Bob Marley, said: "No woman, no cry"
@@mann8098that's not what Marley meant. He was singing to console a woman not to cry, as in " Hey little sister, don't shed no tear...."
@manflynil9751 well that's embarrassing 😳 😂🫣 thank you
@@mann8098 but your interpretation applies.
Dont ignore your intuition. Your inner voice is your inner child trying to protect itself from experiencing more trauma. Think of that little boy, and woukd you put him through these things.....again ?
These worlds hit my soul bro
Man you are a really smart honest coach. I’ve looked all over the web for an answer and couldn’t find it. I’m 50 and I have learned so many things through hardship. Gentleman trust this guy.
Impossible to get clearer than this.
Agree 110%
Regards from Brazil 🇧🇷
True. If things are not absolutely fantastic in the initial dating stage, walk. As he mentions, that is as fun and easy as it is going to get. It is going to get more stressful and difficult as you go along. Also consider that during that stage the woman is trying to sell you on a long term relationship, marriage. If she can't even fake being cordial and enjoyable during the sales pitch period, that signals some emotional and psychological problems.
The girl I dated, within 8 months went off the handle with me 3x, even swore at me once, kept causing some drama and playing games. It was stressful as hell for months. I walked away
When in doubt, say no.
This motto has saved me countless times.
“There’s really no hurry to make a decision.”
Jesus this guy is complete fire.
This is so extremely true. I was in a situation where a girl started ignoring me randomly, and I let her go. After a month or so (I was still very attached to her then), she started showing interest in me again, but didn't talk, and because I was so attached, I took the plunge and started talking with her again like nothing had happened (I even started acting a little weak cuz I deep down got insecure when she pulled away), even though she should have been the one to fix it.
I even thought that was disrespectful, but cuz I was so dumb and full of emotions, I didn't trust my gut instinct and made it a lot worse. Obviously she left again, lol
As a young guy you will make these mistakes and hopefully learn. Women already haveca black belt when you're just beginning.
happened to me too, buddy 😮😢 it hurts more to not let go
@@edheldudetrue af my dude
Denial is a long, long river for men. Every time a guy ignores his gut he pays the price
I have it on my calendar to have my son start listening to, reflecting on Orion's advice (yt clips) as soon as he turns 17.
This guy gives advice like the dad some of us didn’t have (even if they were present)
This video should be sent to every young man ...
I've liked this guy for a while now, but this video made me love him. lol Good stuff, brother
I reached that loving point when I had epiphanies back to back when binging his content the past few months.
I'm just waiting for his book to drop and for me to get out of my financial fasting so I can celebrate spending again by supporting him. This content is pure modern gold.
I felt suffocated in a relationship for months and suffered the emotional aftermath with physical health ailments and debilitating chronic anxiety for a year and a half straight. It all only lasted until I had the clarity to listen to myself and move on. This advice works like a charm, not just for relationships but for other areas of life too!
Haven't seen Orion that passionate (a little bit even angry on us) in his videos before - this tells a lot how we are not listening to ourself, men. Really good idea of recording yourself and listening as it would be your friend telling you it. Golden video and I wish Orion more subscribers and followers who can take his shared wisdom!
It’s one of your best videos boss. We need more straight forward talk like this 💪
The list of man complaints was hilarious 😂 😃
...sums up my 30+ year marriage. Wise words I wish I could have heard 30+ yrs ago. Young guys...listen up.
25 years in here and there marriage is falling apart. I appreciate your comment.
Killer clip Dr Taraban. Right on the money. I’ve experienced it all. Brothers, we have to dictate the terms and conditions of our relationships right off the rip. It’s the only way. As soon as she disregards the terms and conditions, pull the plug. Solitude is far better than a bad relationship.
7:37 LMAO 🤣 What a way to hammer down the point.
😂😅🤣
"Fffffff***k that. F*CK THAT."
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
Hands down one of your best videos. Fantastic work. ✨
Regarding decision making, I once wrote down "what is meant for you will always feel natural calm and clear, not forced or chaotic". Then you just summarized the answer as being either a 'F*ck yes or a F*ck no' and yeah, that works too.
Had I listened to myself and cut things off at the first sign of poor behavior, I wouldn’t have experienced the worst pain I ever have in my life last year. I don’t say this out of bitterness but my relationship that ended last year is hands down the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. I was better off cutting her off after 2 months like I originally wanted. Instead, we dated for 2 years and 3 months, 1 year and 10 months as an official couple. I thought I wouldn’t have been able to find anyway else. Not finding anyone else would have actually been better than dating the woman I dated.
Details, please.
@@thickseed honestly, I don’t want to go into details here. The only thing I’ll say is that there were signs of her lack of regard and respect for other people and their boundaries. She was always so full of herself and I let a scarcity mindset lead me into a relationship with her.
Always leave early man.. Always. I was dating a very hot attractive woman, super hot.. but her behaviour was terrible.. after 8 months I walked away. It's painful, but never as painful as 3 years down the line when she cheats on you or dumps you with a child in tow.
@@Vision-dd8fl trust me, I learned my lesson. I never want to experience what I experienced with her ever again.
F me, this is the voice of sanity, clarity and reason. All men need to listen to this.
I’m a woman and I approve of this message.
it's an intuition if something is wrong. believe that !
From my 30+ years of dating experience I can tell that you'll see the first red flag normally in the very few days max weeks of getting to know each other. Take heed and if it's there, run away as fast as you can. It'll save you lots of time and money, my dudes. There's nothing to think over if you have issues like those ones Doc has mentioned.
You're words are so damn true. Date 3 you know what my ex said to me? "I don't have a filter, if anyone annoys me, I just say whatever I want" Why did I dump her 8 months later? Because of her going into angry agressive rages at me..
She had the following red flags & I didn't listen to myself till my friend woke me up.
01. Raised in a fatherless household, her father was an alcoholic & died.
02. Her relationship prior to mine was toxic.
03. Has been on Anti Depressants.
04. Has slept with 12 men by age 24
05. Is often aggressive & combative.
06. Has been disrespectful on a few occasions.
07. Had lots of male friends.
08. Has some low quality female friends.
09. Has several large tattoos.
10. Drinks alcohol & has shown signs of being irresponsible with alcohol.
11. Addicted to social media.
12. Doesn't apologize
13. Used to go to bars/clubs
14. Throws chit tests, quite often.
Honestly when you're emotions are involved, we become so blind to the dangers.
I felt this.
As if any other woman would ever apologize
Sounds like most women in today's dating market. RUN
Yes.Your internal voice is often your best friend.
Thanks Doc.
Once again Orion is 100% spot on. We have all fooled ourselves ignoring the important clues.
Love the no-holds-barred, no filter, exclamatory approach -- and the rage, and the humor. One for the ages.
Ending is pure gold. Therapy is useful at least on individual level as I found myself. However there is a general thinking that everything can be worked out in couple's therapy. Yes, but there is a baseline level of mutual compatability that has to exist without the whole therapeutic process.
Thanks for providing guidance and being the voice of reason for many. Not just for this one video, but for the library you have created.
Orion goes off on this one! The examples of things his clients have said are unbelievable.
You sir, will leave behind an amazing legacy
Heavy Duty 💯!! 🙌
I can really feel the frustration that you have to endure dealing with the countless sessions covering the same subject. 🤦♂️
Hang in there Dr. 🙏🏻
Dr taraban comin wit the heat. Right before the Superbowl too
As usual, everything he's saying here is true. I'm the 67 year old man who occasionally comments here, and for years I have done a version of this myself. Whenever I have a problem, I think, "if somebody else came to me for advice on this same problem, what would I tell them?"
This is the most RAW Unfiltered video of yours I've ever seen. Spitting truths left and right. Thanks Doc
Wow, it's strange this video was the answer I needed right now. Thanks!
I think this is good advice for non relationship stuff too.
The HERO we needed!!
So true! I made this mistake for 9 years and lost so much time knowing that the relationship was not right from month 6!
This!!
My relationship wasn't right from day one, I actually dumped her before the first date 😂😂 because of her agressive attitude
Thank you. It's one of your best yet.
You provide so much value. Thanks.
Another spot on video!
Awesome video!! One of your best!
Brilliant!
This is the best piece of advice you've given in any of your videos.
Love that! I just sent this to my Son. Thanks
You deserve all the success that is coming along with your growing channel. Thank you
You nailed it bother🔥
This video came 100% in a clutch for me. I needed your thoughts in this matter. Thanks!!
This episode rocks. Great job!!!
This is amongst the best advice I've ever heard, simple, and to the point.
This one was such a banger. Thanks Ryan!
So much passion! Thank you for your work sir.
some of the best advice i've heard in a long, long time
This is one of your best vids. 🤝🏾
I have watched a tone of your videos and I must say this was amongst your best :)
YOU'RE THE MAN! Amazing how you know exactly what I needed to hear at the exact moment I needed to hear it...
Orion - I can’t say thank you , what words of wisdom you give for free ( I’ll make a ‘contribution !) - I would have done anything to save my marriage . I was 2 weeks as an inpatient at McCleans outside of Boston , ($27K+ /week , nope insurance does not cover ) - then 4 weeks all day DBT work . Then home to my “therapist “. How is it in physical therapy the goals is “your OK , now you can head out on your own , or do ‘this’ at home etc , whereas in mental health therapy there never appears an end or resolution that “you got this “ - which is why you are so great . Thanks for the real advice , nope it will never get easier than today ( and it still might not be easy or cheap !) 🙏 gratitude to you Orion
Thank you for helping us out. “The few ones that will actually listen and use it”
This fits with my experience.
Thanks for sharing. I am really enjoying your thoughts. On point.
That was well said & delivered with a punch to all the men out there... very bold of u, Doc. 💯
Thank you, I needed to hear this today. I know it’s gonna hurt for a while
Thank you Dr Orion for such practical and to the point advice!
You’re awesome! I’ve learned so much and you have a great way of explaining it.
Very, very, veeeery good Mr. Oryan. Keep on gooing!
I needed this advice as a young man, I don’t need it now with all the scars but your are doing men a service with this advice
This is one of the most awesome videos ever.
This video is a confirmation that I made the right decision a while ago. Thank you!