Hey Kati, can you make a video called "watch this if you're thinking about ending our life" ? Somedays I just need a nice video to watch and remember some resons not to give up
It's so tiring fighting this isn't it. For me, I seem to compartmentalize the act of not doing it, reasons not to, what it will cause in my family, etc. Great suggestion!
Hi ! I had this situation 10 years ago, I can promise you suicide is not the answer ! You might feel bad and bored & stuck but you'll realize you needed time to find who you are and once you know, you will love and protect yourself :) If cheesy movies and youtube videos doesn't do the trick, I suggest you turn on scary movies. They're scientifically known to improve strength against stress & negativity, google it ;) Altho keep yourself busy with creativity, at the end you feel great and more productive. So how about you ask a friend or a relative to watch the Scream trilogy while eating HOMEMADE apple pie ? If you're 100% alone like I was, you'll survive and enjoy anyway !
Hey Kati. Can you make a video on how and why people are addicted to numbing (etc. Food. Social media. Working lots) (etc. Because they not living life as their true selves, not happy with life situation)?
How much of compensating for lack is based simply on a misleading view of reality as we actually experience it? What I mean is what is observable when you don't project some idea or ideal on it and expect whatever it is to match your expectation, which of course, leads to an inevitable disappointment. It is like expecting things to last when change and impermanence is what the Universe does. This can be a common and learned behavior in a culture that places primary value on acquisition of things and competition with others and considers behaviors and beliefs like that to be the most meaningful. That's something to explore for yourself with an open honest investigation, since there are many influences that can lead you to false assumptions about life and hence, there is suffering involved and the need to compensate for the perception of lack in place of the recognition and appreciation of what actually is right now and only now. When you notice that the drives or ideas that revolve around the expectation of some ultimate and lasting satisfaction, (in whatever shape or form you define it) are not at all realistic or true, then you see that satisfaction and other states are temporary; they come and they go like everything does. Coming to terms with that can actually be more satisfying, (well, addiction is an issue here) because what you experience is actually internal reactions and then, satisfaction is also something you generate as a reaction or response to what you imagine or think will be satisfying. So, it is in your hands and maybe even a choice then to cultivate a sense of contentment and satisfaction naturally rather than artificially by way of people and objects. Obviously, nothing and nobody is going to actually do that for long and you are bound to be dissatisfied, otherwise. Consider a sneeze. You can feel the sense of strong irritation as the sensation builds. Then, suddenly, you sneeze and there is a very pleasant sense of relief that then fades away. That's a simile for everything we experience when you pay attention. Why fool one's self by imagining a time or a place where, someday, when everything is right, it will all be okay, (as I imagine it) forever? That prevalent means of avoiding the flow in the present could really drive a person to compensate, overcompensate and even numb themselves as a futile attempt to avoid simply how experience functions. It might take some practice or tenacity to really see how unsatisfactory life typically is, but doing so aligns you with the way of life and that can, conversely allow your mind and emotions to function more naturally and authentically. You have to find out for yourself because it is a matter of experience, not just knowing and ideas. Often, the acceptance, by way of inquiry, into the way things are actually functioning is very connecting and brings about a sense of well being naturally.
Simply put, because the decades of emptiness and loneliness are unbearable...and yet inescapable unless we wish to take on even more abuse from others because we only ever attract abusive parties...and so we seek to distract ourselves from that pain. Consider my reality, I’m 48 and I have been an adult for 30-1/2 years now and, of those years, 30 have been spent living entirely alone devoid of relationships and most of those years largely, if not entirely, devoid of any friends either because my childhood was defined by many others abusing myself and then I made the awful mistake of attempting to date in early adulthood only to be faced with even more violence and abuse and once you realize that even those who would see you as worthy of love (something I can not see even in myself) seek to abuse you there really isn’t anywhere else to go but to isolate yourself from all the people you fear will just continue the abuse because so many in your life have been abusive towards you. So we desperately desire love and companionship but we have learned from repeated experience that such can only come at the expense of more abuse. I don’t know that I would survive much more abuse as it already destroyed my mental and physical health by the time I was 18 and left me permanently disabled, living with severe chronic pain and with Complex PTSD that I had to struggle with on my own for 30 years before I could find a therapist that I could trust enough not to abuse me in the same way those that came before her had. So we have a simple choice, numb ourselves by some means or commit suicide and those are the options many of us face (I left out the abuse that came 30 years ago when I made the terrible mistake of seeking therapy and that very nearly cost me my life years ago, so even therapy was no option). So, in short, we numb to stay alive even if we feel mostly dead. I’m not sure most viewers realize how incredibly recent even the concept of treating trauma is, and childhood trauma in particular (for a long time children were viewed as infinitely resilient and thus childhood trauma was of zero treatment concern - we were literally told that “you are an adult now, so you should just get over it”), so many of us had no treatment options and were left to cope as best we could for decades. But the concept of treating trauma was barely in its infancy in the 1990s and really didn’t become at all common or widespread until sometime well after the 2000s as it takes time for the newest batch of ,metal health professionals who were the first to be taught about developmental trauma to earn their degrees and get into actual practice...and even that only happens after educators finally get on board with teaching their students about childhood trauma and that took time too.
My former therapist always called me on it whenever I got too caught up in my thoughts rather than my feelings. I did it without even realizing it, and I did it all the time. She would ask me how I was feeling and I would answer, "I keep thinking that..." One time I brought up a difficult subject and started talking about the logic of the situation and my reaction, and she straight up cut me off with, "Jeremy, stop talking." I'd been working with her for years, so this was totally fine and I knew what she was doing. Of course the minute I actually paid attention to how I was feeling, I started crying (which I hate doing because I don't like to feel things that intensely or display that level of vulnerability, so much so that I will often physically resist the need to cry). I'm trying to train myself out of negating my emotions in therapy by always saying, "I know it's not logical, but I feel like..." After the fifth time I'd done that with my new therapist (in three sessions, mind you) he told me, "Okay, but feelings aren't logic, so forget about that." And it really struck a chord with me.
NLP - Diese drei Buchstaben haben mein Leben ruiniert........ ungefähr genauso wie als ich im Jahre 2010 in ein Diakonia LAden reingerannt bin und von einem Verkäufer Scientology belabert wurde Since I was debile!!!!
I think the first step is realizing that you’re doing it. Then, once you start noticing yourself doing it, you can try to stop overthinking everything and actually deal with how your feeling. I’m not very good at it yet but practice makes better (because no one is perfect)
When we see a therapist we can be helped to explore the feelings and situations we may have understandably not been able to deal with and face, in a SAFE environment which is really important. I hope you get the chance to do that. All care meant. x
On many occasions, I have felt that people were angry with me. I would obsess about it and try to figure out why. I finally came to the conclusion that it was ME who was angry with the person. I have since learned to check in with myself and the person I am having these feelings about.
Intellectualising. I do that all the time! Just recently I went through a really big crisis and I came up with this 6 point plan of how we were going to change things. I went into robot mode, I became all clinical and harsh, and one of my support people noticed and said "It's okay to be emotional right now. This is happening to you, you're not just dealing with another client." I kind of felt like my feelings got sent into a helium balloon up into the air until I had dealt with all the practical stuff, and then once the plan was in place, I got to a therapy session and I was given the space and the permission to feel the feelings, and given some tools to stay grounded when those feelings came up at home.
Oh my gods... Intellectualisation is definitely me. I always try to figure out how to fix things and get upset when people don't want to. I also tend to project, but I can admit and acknowledge that it's because that's been used on me a lot.
I’ve always felt awkward because I don’t use any of these defense mechanisms. My go to is isolation. If I’m upset I will cut off everyone and everything that made me hurt. I will lock myself up in my apartment and refuse to talk to anyone until I am “ready.” And that usually means that someone reached out to me enough to finally get me to talk or I snap out of it. I really need to get better at communicating, it just scares me.
Hey Kati! Would love a video on you talking about emotional intelligence - why people have better or lack EI? How to improve it & how it benefits you in relationships etc.
Thanks for identifying unhealthy coping mechanisms. When the video ended, I thought, "But what are the ALTERNATIVES to them? Why didn't she suggest ways OUT of resorting to these behaviors rather than just identifying them?!?" PLEASE make THAT video.
That is the hard part I guess... The alternative is to feel the feelings en work through them... As Kati shortly mentioned, try to talk about how you feel, and make a connection. It is going to take some work for me, and it is going to be hard, but together we can do it! :)
Hey Kati I know this is my second time commenting on this video. But..something just came up. So this is a big mouth full. So when I was 13 back in October I got sent to counseling because the school found out about my self harm. They called my mom, and my mom immediately sent me to counseling. Also if I didn’t go then the school would call CPS. I wasn’t quite ready to go, and through the whole process I didn’t get better because I just wasn’t ready to talk about everything. That’s way besides the point. Anyways my mom caught me in my room crying around 1:00am about two weeks, and I just said I was really depressed. She asked if I wanted to go back to counseling, and I said yes. She said she would call them the next day, and he called them and they said they would call back. Today I asked her if they called back, and she said, “No Why?” Then we went back and forth, not really getting anywhere. Then she was like don’t you think this is something you can work through on your own?? And I’m absolutely dead terrified of talking about this stuff to my mom, and so I was like ya I guess. So my main question is, “ how do I get her to take me seriously?” I feel like she keeps denying that I’m sick. I also feel like I only can get her attention if I start self harming again. There are also many other things that I have going on other than depression like Ed, trauma, bpd....not meaning to self diagnose but I’m almost positive I have it, add, and exdra.
Darriene Todd it’s really hard for parents to admit something is wrong w/ their child. Best thing u can do is get back into therapy. Really push going to therapy and keep asking if they called back. If you’re mom doesn’t follow through, u can call the therapist yourself or talk to someone at the school about getting back into therapy
When I feel something isn't right, my first reaction is to cut all social interaction with the people that love and care about me. It's hurtful to them and to me - I don't feel I have the strength to go and see people for help even when they reach out to me yet I can see they want to help. I'm working on it but the journey is hard and long, especially when it's so 'easy' for my mind to combat things around me like this.
Kati, what an insightful video! This is what I really love about your channel: you help me understand myself and those around me better, allowing for healthy conversation and development. Your videos genuinely make people more understanding towards others. What a beautiful thing you're doing :)
I'm definitely not a professional, but from what I understand maladaptive day dreaming is basically a form of escape from reality, so at the very least I think they're similar.
I too have the same doubt but what I think is that mdd is a mild form of dissociation to cope with mild trauma like bullying in school constant critisism from caretakers and the real dissociation like depersonalization, Derealisation are severe form of dissociation for severe trauma like rape,war etc
I am struggling with my partner because of these defense mechanisms, at yesterday that became worse. Never needed a perfect timed video more then today. Thank you so much!
Kati, I just wanna say, you look your absolute best here! Yellows, bright pinks, oranges, and lime green all look so amazing on you. You have a true vibrant spring complexion and this top is so flattering on you!
I'm glad you're giving out helpful tips and advice to everyone, and helping people be more aware of certain issues. Even though you said not to take any of your content as a substitute for professional services, its giving a lot of us an idea of what's going on with us, that we may not have seen or known how to deal with before. So it means a lot! Thank you Kati❣
Hi Kati. Wow, today's video was sensational. Everyone has defense mechanisms and by defining them, you have opened my eyes to how I react to my environment. I will try to be more cognizant in the future. Thank you so much for covering this topic!
Every time I have a panic attack I always have an “out of body experience” I always describe it as “sleep walking” but no one understands what I mean because it’s hard to explain :/ you’re the best! Thank you so much ❤️
Rachel Wyatt I do that too, it’s called Dissociation. There are several different kinds other then DID, like Depersonalization/ Derealization. I describe it as if I was watching a movie but the sound & picture don’t quite match. Check out Kati’s playlist on Disassociation Disorders! ruclips.net/p/PL_loxoCVsWqy8NqveX22SsMKlW5601YvQ
Projection sucks. I've been in situations very similar. I really try to calm myself and not let myself get carried away. I'll focus on just trying to relax and enjoy the atmosphere, listen to the music ( if any) basically just go with it even if i dont know anyone at all. I try to enjoy and focus on the simple things.😊
Reflection is the most powerful tool to figure out why we're behaving the way we are. It's one of the first steps you need to take to make any significant change.
I intellectualize a lot! It makes me feel capable, i didn’t realize it was a defense mechanism. I didn’t realize reaction formation was a thing! I learned to do that because my mom always made us give up things we love. So I learned to stop having hope or telling people about my true desires Dealing with repression right now. When the memories come back it seems like a dream but at the same time I know it’s real. I don’t want to tell anyone because I don’t think they’ll believe me.
Learning gentle honesty is a key tool. Being seen by ourselves as worthy of growth and accepting our flaws as part of being human and of being able to bring to consciousness in safety.
Driving home after a DBT team meeting: I decided to lookup any new behavioral-based content and I come across your video - it was perfect! Exactly what I needed! I appreciate you ❤👍📚
I never even knew intellectualization was a thing... now I know what to call it😅 thank you kati... oh and what do you call it when you laugh at everything?
intellectualization. I find myself saying in my head "let me not feel this until the logistics are figured and life calms down THEN i can feel and heal" but ive come to realize that ive compiling a collection of feelings and pushing them aside and NOT EVER GETTING TO THE CALM PART OF LIFE. life is always changing so you gotta feel it when it happens
I love your videos. Would love to see an interview with Sean about what it's like to be the spouse of a therapist. Does he feel like every conversation is a therapy session? Does he feel like it's a nightmare of constantly second guessing his every word and deed, always wondering, "Is she analyzing me right now?"
I used Denial when my doctor wanted me to get checked by a neuro because of my balance. I have MS, but this was prior to my diagnosis, my dad also has MS. I developed a hand tremor and with that something told me it was MS. But if I didn’t go to my neuro, he couldn’t run tests and couldn’t tell me that I have MS so it wasn’t real... denial. Most of my childhood is repressed. I remember so little of it. I overcompensate a lot, I throw myself into my job (especially teaching) so no one asks about my mental health. Reaction forming... yup. All the time. Sublimation has been an absolute lifesaver for me. Quite literally. I dissociate more often than not. And passive aggression is something I worked on all last week in therapy. I do it a lot, and realized that I’m the one who gets hurt with passive aggression. I’m working on being the opposite, assertive. That’s been a lifelong battle.
Wonderful video, Kati! I'm on vacation from my 1st semester of Psychology, and this made me so excited for what I'll learn next. Lots of love from Brazil! :)
Passive aggression is my family's favorite defense mechanism (including me). It's like a 24/7 thing. I do try to stop doing it, but usually I only notice right after I did it. And the rest of my family, well, they don't even know (or want to know) they're doing it
Hi Kati. We've already heard about them, but this video made us understand defense mechanisms more. Now I think there is a pretty related topic on this - the Automatic Thoughts or Cognitive Distortions, usually discussed in Cognitive therapy. I think it's a great video idea. 😊
Love this topic and the way you bring about relatable examples. So helpful to be able to do homework from this Kati! Loved the ‘No’ from Sean! Haha. you guys truly make this world a better place.
Thanks for this video! God, I use so many of these and some I didn't have a name for. Now I can honestly work with my therapist to start coping in a more healthy way with things.
I use #12 a lot!!! Mainly because when I Express myself in the household it's either taken as answering back or being dramatic and too sensitive, which is so frustrating because you just bottle it all up, and repress it and even project it too. Basically I've done everything in the list... 😭😭😭
Hi Kati. I didn't know I dissociated untill a few months ago when I was out with my therapist as part of my cbt and I come round with him asking if I was ok and if I was still in there. Love and luck to all from Louise in Wales Uk.......
I see a therapist who specialises in all forms of dissociation. From her and from documentaries and education programs with psychiatrists speaking about dissociating as a defence mechanism, unanimously the spoke about it as the healthiest form of protection in the situations it is first used and what is done at the time during stress (or abuse etc) which if not used would have caused the person 's mind to literally go insane and have much worse consequences. Yes it can later make those who repeat and develop chronic dissociation more vulnerable, but its super important for it to be dealt with by someone who is qualified and understands it properly and helps us to understand both its value and which parts no longer work for us. Please be careful from a fellow dissociating buddy :D From Uk too :D
Intellectualisation is a huge one for me. I analyze my problems 148 ways to Sunday and try to figure out how to "fix it" even if the problem isn't really controllable.
This is so helpful. We're studying defense mechanisms In psychology class and this is a really simple and clear explanation with clear examples and im so thankful for this personally and for class
Hi kati, So I was wondering: can someone with a mental disorder become a therapist? I have social anxiety and I would love to become one...please let me know💕
Cookie03 3 yes, I have GAD and PTSD and they developed over my past year in grad school, I graduated in May. You will notice that the majority of the students in the field suffer from mental health disorders..
@@zarlet1 First of all congratulations!❤I was just wondering if you can become a therapist while struggling with a mental disorder or do you have to be fully recovered to actually accept clients?
My defense mechanism is building a concrete wall around myself. I never let anyone know ever how emotionally damaged I am because I fear judgment, cynicism or unsolicited advice (all of which I've faced when opening up at some point). They all think I'm happy and my life is perfect. I reserve my true feelings for only my siblings.
Kati thank you so much for this! I am a life coach and TBH, I have caught myself using some of these defense mechanisms in an unhealthy way in regard to my own feelings. Thank you for making me more self-aware and you're so right, open and honest communication is really the only way to truly fix the problem. This might be a silly question, but do you think it's possible to use more than one of these at a time?? Thanks so much!
I use distraction often; when I’m getting uncomfortable I’ll change the subject, sometime I’m caught and the main topic is revisited and other times not.
hi Kati, i have been through depression for the past 2 years, starting from my pre-high school, and now getting worse because i started to hurt myself, i kept thinking of suicide and even tried several times, it was very difficult to reach help, my parents is the type of parents who don't understand things like this, they just say you're stressed out, and i can't visit a therapist either , i always watch your channel hoping to help myself, and now i think i was so hopeless and broke, i really don't know what to do.
Angel Nation Please reach out to a professional! If you are currently in school, most schools have some sort of counselor on staff. See if u can set up an appointment. If you’re too nervous to ask for one, you can go to a teacher you like ( if you have one) & ask if they can set up the first appointment for you. Hope this helps and know that with the right help it DOES GET BETTER!!! ❤️
Hey Kati, can you create your own defense mechanisms? Music was my passion and it’s all I’ve ever loved. Then I found out that I had to get my wisdom teeth removed, and I knew that nerve damage was common and would make it so that I wouldn’t be able to play anymore. That really distressed me and caused a lot of anxiety and sadness. Then one day after my surgery I randomly hated band and music. I just stopped loving it for no reason at all. My friends wondered if it was a way to cope, kind of like a defense mechanism. Kinda like: “I’m going to lose this, so I have to let go of it first before I can feel the damage this loss could do.” But it’s been 7 months and my passion for music hasn’t come back yet, and I would assume that this defense mechanism would have died down by now. It has just gotten worse. So I was wondering if it was even possible for someone to create their own defense mechanism, or if this is a defense mechanism already.
Ha, you made me tear up at the end, with your kind words, I have been avoiding contacting someone that is important to me, I keep revising and writing down what I would say but it becomes a huge letter of anger and sadness so I dont do it, because I feel like it would be a burden to him to hear all of me out , because he has a separate family and all, I guess just simple talks would do, but I become sad when I contact him, knowing that he will not be there for me through and through so I dont.. He doesnt contact me either which makes me upset also...When I was a kid I didnt process what was happening so many years later I keep realizing the hole that have burrowed inside of me. As if I’m experiencing the separation all over again. Divorce is no joke, I keep feeling more miserable when I think about all those happy or sad times he wasnt there. I hope I’ll get some closure some day. And not feel like a piece of shit ( I hope I’ll learn to love myself also...)
Was it dissociation?! Really? When I was younger, and something hurt me deeply emotionally, I shut down. Literally. It's like I had a switch that could turn all of my bodies functions off. The strange thing is that it was like stepping into another world. I could hear what people were saying, but it was distant. But I never went anywhere, and there was no fog, and I didn't see myself. It was more like there were two different realities, one physical, and the other..... well, not. I would shut down until I had my emotions under control and then restart everything. That can't be dissociation, but I don't see what else it could be. How bizarre.
Feige Katarina that definitely sounds like dissociation to me! When I get it, it’s like I’m watching a movie of what’s going on around me but it’s like the sound & the video are slightly off and don’t quite match upPeople only really think of Dissociative Identity Disorder when talking about Dissociation but there are several different kinds. Ck out Kati’s playlist! ruclips.net/p/PL_loxoCVsWqy8NqveX22SsMKlW5601YvQ
The one about intellectualization is interesting. The trouble is, as someone suffering from chronic anxiety, I probably go to intellectualization, because until I settle the nuts and bolts of a situation (what happens next, etc.), I can't go about processing my feelings. For example, to use your divorce example, I would have a really hard time grieving over the relationship when so much is up in the air, when I don't know who gets what and where I'm going to live. Those are kind of immediate concerns, first level of Maslow's hierarchy of needs pyramid. I can either work, do stuff that needs to be accomplished, or feel my feelings; I cannot do both.
So I like to think of bad coping skills as my thing that I'm really really good at, so good that no one on the outside notices that C-PTSD has completely controlled my life since I was like 8.... 31 now and about to start EMDR really excited/dreading it lol :)
WOW I really needed that. Can you or do you have any videos on how to counter this mechanisms when you detect them? If not, could you make a video giving some tips please?
I have used all of them at least once but there are a few that i use consistently. Great video and excellent advice. I am so glad that I clicked on this video because I always noticed something was up but its so nice to hear someone talk about this and actually put a name to these defense mechanism.
I think I experienced some type of derealization once. I was living through a super weird mix of high pressure/expectations and feeling really overlooked and . . . steamrolled? If that makes sense. . . . I was living on the brink of exhaustion; everyone around me seemed to see me as a blank slate to throw projects at, but otherwise I was pretty much invisible. So then I started feeling like, wherever I went, I was about three feet outside of the room . . . I was never quite where I was . . . never quite anywhere. I felt like I was being pushed out of my body -- maybe even out of the universe itself. Like, one day I just wouldn't exist anymore, maybe wouldn't ever have existed, and nobody would even remember I had been there. So, yeah . . . not even a super derealized derealization, but . . . plenty of room for terror.
@@eyesofthecervino3366 That sounds like some derealization. I once felt like I was a ghost walking the halls and that no one could see me. I felt like the world wasn't real, it was in my head. I thought my mind was going to float away from my body and I would be left in the dark, alone, forever. Scary stuff.
I've had this sensation that I have a real(er) body somewhere else, and all of this is an illusion. There is no exit, and I can't act to protect the source from whatever is happening to it.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
:30 Clear Definition of Defense Mechanisms
2:45 Denial
3:22 Displacement
3:42 Intellectualization
4:17 Repression
5:06 Projection
5:49 Overcompensation
7:03 Regression
7:29 Reaction Formation
8:07 Rationalization
8:56 Sublimation
10:10 Dissociation
10:43 Passive Agression
11:31 Advice on how to avoid using these.
Helpful while making notes off this video 😁😅
thank you :)
Thank you
Great.
ANGEL
Hey Kati, can you make a video called "watch this if you're thinking about ending our life" ? Somedays I just need a nice video to watch and remember some resons not to give up
Vitoria Kipnis Kati already has a great video!!! ruclips.net/video/6n3XEbloPRI/видео.html
That would be amazing.
It's so tiring fighting this isn't it. For me, I seem to compartmentalize the act of not doing it, reasons not to, what it will cause in my family, etc. Great suggestion!
Hi ! I had this situation 10 years ago, I can promise you suicide is not the answer !
You might feel bad and bored & stuck but you'll realize you needed time to find who you are and once you know, you will love and protect yourself :)
If cheesy movies and youtube videos doesn't do the trick, I suggest you turn on scary movies.
They're scientifically known to improve strength against stress & negativity, google it ;)
Altho keep yourself busy with creativity, at the end you feel great and more productive.
So how about you ask a friend or a relative to watch the Scream trilogy while eating HOMEMADE apple pie ?
If you're 100% alone like I was, you'll survive and enjoy anyway !
Vitoria Kipnis ya
Hey Kati. Can you make a video on how and why people are addicted to numbing (etc. Food. Social media. Working lots) (etc. Because they not living life as their true selves, not happy with life situation)?
plus using drugs
Zinnia27 yeah. Kind of comfort (good) vs numbing (getting in the way of life)
Absolutely! Something I've struggled with my whole life & am only now becoming aware of it
How much of compensating for lack is based simply on a misleading view of reality as we actually experience it? What I mean is what is observable when you don't project some idea or ideal on it and expect whatever it is to match your expectation, which of course, leads to an inevitable disappointment. It is like expecting things to last when change and impermanence is what the Universe does.
This can be a common and learned behavior in a culture that places primary value on acquisition of things and competition with others and considers behaviors and beliefs like that to be the most meaningful. That's something to explore for yourself with an open honest investigation, since there are many influences that can lead you to false assumptions about life and hence, there is suffering involved and the need to compensate for the perception of lack in place of the recognition and appreciation of what actually is right now and only now.
When you notice that the drives or ideas that revolve around the expectation of some ultimate and lasting satisfaction, (in whatever shape or form you define it) are not at all realistic or true, then you see that satisfaction and other states are temporary; they come and they go like everything does. Coming to terms with that can actually be more satisfying, (well, addiction is an issue here) because what you experience is actually internal reactions and then, satisfaction is also something you generate as a reaction or response to what you imagine or think will be satisfying. So, it is in your hands and maybe even a choice then to cultivate a sense of contentment and satisfaction naturally rather than artificially by way of people and objects. Obviously, nothing and nobody is going to actually do that for long and you are bound to be dissatisfied, otherwise.
Consider a sneeze. You can feel the sense of strong irritation as the sensation builds. Then, suddenly, you sneeze and there is a very pleasant sense of relief that then fades away. That's a simile for everything we experience when you pay attention. Why fool one's self by imagining a time or a place where, someday, when everything is right, it will all be okay, (as I imagine it) forever? That prevalent means of avoiding the flow in the present could really drive a person to compensate, overcompensate and even numb themselves as a futile attempt to avoid simply how experience functions.
It might take some practice or tenacity to really see how unsatisfactory life typically is, but doing so aligns you with the way of life and that can, conversely allow your mind and emotions to function more naturally and authentically. You have to find out for yourself because it is a matter of experience, not just knowing and ideas. Often, the acceptance, by way of inquiry, into the way things are actually functioning is very connecting and brings about a sense of well being naturally.
Simply put, because the decades of emptiness and loneliness are unbearable...and yet inescapable unless we wish to take on even more abuse from others because we only ever attract abusive parties...and so we seek to distract ourselves from that pain. Consider my reality, I’m 48 and I have been an adult for 30-1/2 years now and, of those years, 30 have been spent living entirely alone devoid of relationships and most of those years largely, if not entirely, devoid of any friends either because my childhood was defined by many others abusing myself and then I made the awful mistake of attempting to date in early adulthood only to be faced with even more violence and abuse and once you realize that even those who would see you as worthy of love (something I can not see even in myself) seek to abuse you there really isn’t anywhere else to go but to isolate yourself from all the people you fear will just continue the abuse because so many in your life have been abusive towards you. So we desperately desire love and companionship but we have learned from repeated experience that such can only come at the expense of more abuse. I don’t know that I would survive much more abuse as it already destroyed my mental and physical health by the time I was 18 and left me permanently disabled, living with severe chronic pain and with Complex PTSD that I had to struggle with on my own for 30 years before I could find a therapist that I could trust enough not to abuse me in the same way those that came before her had. So we have a simple choice, numb ourselves by some means or commit suicide and those are the options many of us face (I left out the abuse that came 30 years ago when I made the terrible mistake of seeking therapy and that very nearly cost me my life years ago, so even therapy was no option). So, in short, we numb to stay alive even if we feel mostly dead.
I’m not sure most viewers realize how incredibly recent even the concept of treating trauma is, and childhood trauma in particular (for a long time children were viewed as infinitely resilient and thus childhood trauma was of zero treatment concern - we were literally told that “you are an adult now, so you should just get over it”), so many of us had no treatment options and were left to cope as best we could for decades. But the concept of treating trauma was barely in its infancy in the 1990s and really didn’t become at all common or widespread until sometime well after the 2000s as it takes time for the newest batch of ,metal health professionals who were the first to be taught about developmental trauma to earn their degrees and get into actual practice...and even that only happens after educators finally get on board with teaching their students about childhood trauma and that took time too.
My former therapist always called me on it whenever I got too caught up in my thoughts rather than my feelings. I did it without even realizing it, and I did it all the time. She would ask me how I was feeling and I would answer, "I keep thinking that..." One time I brought up a difficult subject and started talking about the logic of the situation and my reaction, and she straight up cut me off with, "Jeremy, stop talking." I'd been working with her for years, so this was totally fine and I knew what she was doing. Of course the minute I actually paid attention to how I was feeling, I started crying (which I hate doing because I don't like to feel things that intensely or display that level of vulnerability, so much so that I will often physically resist the need to cry).
I'm trying to train myself out of negating my emotions in therapy by always saying, "I know it's not logical, but I feel like..." After the fifth time I'd done that with my new therapist (in three sessions, mind you) he told me, "Okay, but feelings aren't logic, so forget about that." And it really struck a chord with me.
My whole family use humor to cope with difficult or uncomfortable emotions. I would love to know more about this one. Great video Kati!
My whole country uses that :))
@@kedithmiaff are you brazilian??? Ajdkdgisj
@@alecojaleco nope hahaha
I guess it could be overcompensation or sublimation? I'm also interested in this. Like, when it's all shit, let's joke about it.
It is not healthy
Me: “Stressful situation”
Brain:
“PULL THE RIPCORD!!!!!”
Totally xD
NLP - Diese drei Buchstaben haben mein Leben ruiniert........
ungefähr genauso wie als ich im Jahre 2010 in ein Diakonia LAden reingerannt bin und von einem Verkäufer Scientology belabert wurde
Since I was debile!!!!
Oh, yes! Or...
Me:
- Oh, I know how to solve this problem!
Brain:
- I'd be a shame if you got a tension headache, that'd trigger a migraine 😈
PuuuuLl tHe lEvEr cROnk
@@miriam3848 SAME
"Not so healthy right?"
Shaun: no
haha sorry that was just so good :D
I love how Kati smiled childishly there.
I started crying when you mentioned the "intellectualization" one because that's my main thing and I've never had a word for it before.
Same for me... I saw that coming though but I feel I might have cried a lot about it way before I know the actual word. =(
Wow, just realized that I’ve been using intellectualization to avoid actually dealing with my feelings. Thank you Katie
I don't get how I can stop doing that
I think the first step is realizing that you’re doing it. Then, once you start noticing yourself doing it, you can try to stop overthinking everything and actually deal with how your feeling. I’m not very good at it yet but practice makes better (because no one is perfect)
When we see a therapist we can be helped to explore the feelings and situations we may have understandably not been able to deal with and face, in a SAFE environment which is really important. I hope you get the chance to do that. All care meant. x
My fav therapist Kati Morton! Thank you for educating us all on so many things!
Awe xoxo Of course :)
On many occasions, I have felt that people were angry with me. I would obsess about it and try to figure out why. I finally came to the conclusion that it was ME who was angry with the person. I have since learned to check in with myself and the person I am having these feelings about.
i love how you seperate definitions with different colours. it helps me a lot to focus haha
Intellectualising.
I do that all the time!
Just recently I went through a really big crisis and I came up with this 6 point plan of how we were going to change things.
I went into robot mode, I became all clinical and harsh, and one of my support people noticed and said "It's okay to be emotional right now. This is happening to you, you're not just dealing with another client."
I kind of felt like my feelings got sent into a helium balloon up into the air until I had dealt with all the practical stuff, and then once the plan was in place, I got to a therapy session and I was given the space and the permission to feel the feelings, and given some tools to stay grounded when those feelings came up at home.
Oh my gods... Intellectualisation is definitely me. I always try to figure out how to fix things and get upset when people don't want to. I also tend to project, but I can admit and acknowledge that it's because that's been used on me a lot.
Ah you helped me realise part of why I project.thanks
How do you always know what I need to hear when I need it?
Ikr?
She's probably an INFJ. We can do telepathy........
Was just about to write the same thing!
My amygdala must be working soo hard! Hope it doesn't burn out before I have worked through it
I’ve always felt awkward because I don’t use any of these defense mechanisms. My go to is isolation. If I’m upset I will cut off everyone and everything that made me hurt. I will lock myself up in my apartment and refuse to talk to anyone until I am “ready.” And that usually means that someone reached out to me enough to finally get me to talk or I snap out of it. I really need to get better at communicating, it just scares me.
Hey Kati! Would love a video on you talking about emotional intelligence - why people have better or lack EI? How to improve it & how it benefits you in relationships etc.
overworking to avoid talking about relationship/dating hit way too hard. I didn't even realize I was doing this until now, thank you.
Thanks for identifying unhealthy coping mechanisms. When the video ended, I thought, "But what are the ALTERNATIVES to them? Why didn't she suggest ways OUT of resorting to these behaviors rather than just identifying them?!?" PLEASE make THAT video.
That is the hard part I guess... The alternative is to feel the feelings en work through them... As Kati shortly mentioned, try to talk about how you feel, and make a connection.
It is going to take some work for me, and it is going to be hard, but together we can do it! :)
Hey Kati I know this is my second time commenting on this video. But..something just came up. So this is a big mouth full. So when I was 13 back in October I got sent to counseling because the school found out about my self harm. They called my mom, and my mom immediately sent me to counseling. Also if I didn’t go then the school would call CPS. I wasn’t quite ready to go, and through the whole process I didn’t get better because I just wasn’t ready to talk about everything. That’s way besides the point. Anyways my mom caught me in my room crying around 1:00am about two weeks, and I just said I was really depressed. She asked if I wanted to go back to counseling, and I said yes. She said she would call them the next day, and he called them and they said they would call back. Today I asked her if they called back, and she said, “No Why?” Then we went back and forth, not really getting anywhere. Then she was like don’t you think this is something you can work through on your own?? And I’m absolutely dead terrified of talking about this stuff to my mom, and so I was like ya I guess. So my main question is, “ how do I get her to take me seriously?” I feel like she keeps denying that I’m sick. I also feel like I only can get her attention if I start self harming again. There are also many other things that I have going on other than depression like Ed, trauma, bpd....not meaning to self diagnose but I’m almost positive I have it, add, and exdra.
Darriene Todd it’s really hard for parents to admit something is wrong w/ their child. Best thing u can do is get back into therapy. Really push going to therapy and keep asking if they called back. If you’re mom doesn’t follow through, u can call the therapist yourself or talk to someone at the school about getting back into therapy
When I feel something isn't right, my first reaction is to cut all social interaction with the people that love and care about me. It's hurtful to them and to me - I don't feel I have the strength to go and see people for help even when they reach out to me yet I can see they want to help. I'm working on it but the journey is hard and long, especially when it's so 'easy' for my mind to combat things around me like this.
Kati, what an insightful video! This is what I really love about your channel: you help me understand myself and those around me better, allowing for healthy conversation and development. Your videos genuinely make people more understanding towards others. What a beautiful thing you're doing :)
Would you consider Maladaptive Daydreaming a form of dissociation?
I'm definitely not a professional, but from what I understand maladaptive day dreaming is basically a form of escape from reality, so at the very least I think they're similar.
maybe if you do it uncontrollably
I too have the same doubt but what I think is that mdd is a mild form of dissociation to cope with mild trauma like bullying in school constant critisism from caretakers and the real dissociation like depersonalization, Derealisation are severe form of dissociation for severe trauma like rape,war etc
I am struggling with my partner because of these defense mechanisms, at yesterday that became worse. Never needed a perfect timed video more then today. Thank you so much!
Mine is over compensating, I get really into things and just say I'm busy even if I'm not
Thanks for sharing :) xoxo
Kati, I just wanna say, you look your absolute best here! Yellows, bright pinks, oranges, and lime green all look so amazing on you. You have a true vibrant spring complexion and this top is so flattering on you!
I'm glad you're giving out helpful tips and advice to everyone, and helping people be more aware of certain issues. Even though you said not to take any of your content as a substitute for professional services, its giving a lot of us an idea of what's going on with us, that we may not have seen or known how to deal with before. So it means a lot! Thank you Kati❣
Wow this is so needed thank you so much! Your video is amazing and teaches everyone so much!
Hi Kati. Wow, today's video was sensational. Everyone has defense mechanisms and by defining them, you have opened my eyes to how I react to my environment. I will try to be more cognizant in the future. Thank you so much for covering this topic!
I am so glad you liked it and found it helpful!! yay!! xoxo
Your videos help me see myself with compassion. Thank You!
Just hearing you say 'welcome cheers me up.
Every time I have a panic attack I always have an “out of body experience” I always describe it as “sleep walking” but no one understands what I mean because it’s hard to explain :/ you’re the best! Thank you so much ❤️
Rachel Wyatt I do that too, it’s called Dissociation. There are several different kinds other then DID, like Depersonalization/ Derealization. I describe it as if I was watching a movie but the sound & picture don’t quite match. Check out Kati’s playlist on Disassociation Disorders!
ruclips.net/p/PL_loxoCVsWqy8NqveX22SsMKlW5601YvQ
Projection sucks. I've been in situations very similar. I really try to calm myself and not let myself get carried away. I'll focus on just trying to relax and enjoy the atmosphere, listen to the music ( if any) basically just go with it even if i dont know anyone at all. I try to enjoy and focus on the simple things.😊
I love this !! You're like one of the nicest people kati !
Reflection is the most powerful tool to figure out why we're behaving the way we are. It's one of the first steps you need to take to make any significant change.
I intellectualize a lot! It makes me feel capable, i didn’t realize it was a defense mechanism.
I didn’t realize reaction formation was a thing! I learned to do that because my mom always made us give up things we love. So I learned to stop having hope or telling people about my true desires
Dealing with repression right now. When the memories come back it seems like a dream but at the same time I know it’s real. I don’t want to tell anyone because I don’t think they’ll believe me.
Kati seems like someone who's mostly self-aware and that is awesome!
Learning gentle honesty is a key tool. Being seen by ourselves as worthy of growth and accepting our flaws as part of being human and of being able to bring to consciousness in safety.
Driving home after a DBT team meeting: I decided to lookup any new behavioral-based content and I come across your video - it was perfect! Exactly what I needed! I appreciate you ❤👍📚
Hope and Grace Welcome to the Community!
Thank you Kati, I've never seen a list like this, and just realized I am the master of at least 11 of these, and am working at the full trifecta.
I never even knew intellectualization was a thing... now I know what to call it😅 thank you kati... oh and what do you call it when you laugh at everything?
Elzanie Vorster omg I do that 😂😂😂😂
I was hoping she would mention this one too! I definitely use laughter as a defense mechanism.
She has a video talking about that - racking my brain to remember what it's called, it's in her 100's of videos somewhere lol
Ash G i think it’s called inappropriate reaction or inappropriate affect. Something like that lol
Elzanie Vorster this is such a common defensive mechanism there’s a saying for it. “laugh to keep from crying”
I am sweating, is it normal to have experience with every single one of those defense mechanisms? And I mean, a *lot* of experiences?
Whether or not it's normal, at least now you know and you can start working on it!
hi kati!! i like your yellow, flowery shirt!!! i haven’t said it in a while but thank you as always for all that you do! :-)
Awe thanks!!! And of course! I am so happy to be a helpful resource :) xoxo
Your camera quality in your videos is what i live for
intellectualization. I find myself saying in my head "let me not feel this until the logistics are figured and life calms down THEN i can feel and heal" but ive come to realize that ive compiling a collection of feelings and pushing them aside and NOT EVER GETTING TO THE CALM PART OF LIFE. life is always changing so you gotta feel it when it happens
I typically dissociate, sublimate, regress, and project.
Hey Kati,
Id just like to say I love your videos and they are super helpful 😊
Hope you're having an amazing start to your week!!
I love your videos. Would love to see an interview with Sean about what it's like to be the spouse of a therapist. Does he feel like every conversation is a therapy session? Does he feel like it's a nightmare of constantly second guessing his every word and deed, always wondering, "Is she analyzing me right now?"
you are so refreshing to watch... I feel like all my problems are resolved by simply being here
Absolutely great topic. Thanks.
I used Denial when my doctor wanted me to get checked by a neuro because of my balance. I have MS, but this was prior to my diagnosis, my dad also has MS. I developed a hand tremor and with that something told me it was MS. But if I didn’t go to my neuro, he couldn’t run tests and couldn’t tell me that I have MS so it wasn’t real... denial.
Most of my childhood is repressed. I remember so little of it.
I overcompensate a lot, I throw myself into my job (especially teaching) so no one asks about my mental health.
Reaction forming... yup. All the time.
Sublimation has been an absolute lifesaver for me. Quite literally.
I dissociate more often than not.
And passive aggression is something I worked on all last week in therapy. I do it a lot, and realized that I’m the one who gets hurt with passive aggression. I’m working on being the opposite, assertive. That’s been a lifelong battle.
Love the topic! You explained it really well and the examples were very relatable!
Thanks kati!
This was really helpful. Can you do a series where you focus on each of the defense mechanisms? And something on cognitive distortions?
Q
Wonderful video, Kati! I'm on vacation from my 1st semester of Psychology, and this made me so excited for what I'll learn next. Lots of love from Brazil! :)
Passive aggression is my family's favorite defense mechanism (including me). It's like a 24/7 thing. I do try to stop doing it, but usually I only notice right after I did it. And the rest of my family, well, they don't even know (or want to know) they're doing it
tsukigalleta aww
This is one of your best videos lately! Thank you Kati!
I take my anger out on Sean
It’s not good, is it..?
Sean:......Nö
Hi Kati. We've already heard about them, but this video made us understand defense mechanisms more. Now I think there is a pretty related topic on this - the Automatic Thoughts or Cognitive Distortions, usually discussed in Cognitive therapy. I think it's a great video idea. 😊
Thank you for explaining all these defence mechanisms Kati! Especially giving examples is really helpful!
Love this topic and the way you bring about relatable examples. So helpful to be able to do homework from this Kati! Loved the ‘No’ from Sean! Haha. you guys truly make this world a better place.
You are truly amazing. I just hope someday I can help and inspire others like you do! 💗
Thanks for this video! God, I use so many of these and some I didn't have a name for. Now I can honestly work with my therapist to start coping in a more healthy way with things.
Im in mental health of my nursing program right now and this is by far the most helpful video ever
Excellent video! Very helpful!
I’m so glad your channel exists. Thank you for your work, Kati
I use #12 a lot!!! Mainly because when I Express myself in the household it's either taken as answering back or being dramatic and too sensitive, which is so frustrating because you just bottle it all up, and repress it and even project it too. Basically I've done everything in the list... 😭😭😭
Thank you so much This is so so helpful. I could think of times ive used almost every one of these
Hi Kati. I didn't know I dissociated untill a few months ago when I was out with my therapist as part of my cbt and I come round with him asking if I was ok and if I was still in there. Love and luck to all from Louise in Wales Uk.......
I see a therapist who specialises in all forms of dissociation. From her and from documentaries and education programs with psychiatrists speaking about dissociating as a defence mechanism, unanimously the spoke about it as the healthiest form of protection in the situations it is first used and what is done at the time during stress (or abuse etc) which if not used would have caused the person 's mind to literally go insane and have much worse consequences. Yes it can later make those who repeat and develop chronic dissociation more vulnerable, but its super important for it to be dealt with by someone who is qualified and understands it properly and helps us to understand both its value and which parts no longer work for us. Please be careful from a fellow dissociating buddy :D From Uk too :D
I needed this a lot Thankyou I took some good pointers and could relate to some of them, always love learning from you❤️ have a great day
Thank you for this!! Talking about this in therapy lately.
So helpful. Thank you, Katy, for sharing all of this invaluable information!
Thanks for this Kati!
thank you for your simple yet thorough explanation of defense mechanisms. Super helpful ;)
Intellectualisation is a huge one for me. I analyze my problems 148 ways to Sunday and try to figure out how to "fix it" even if the problem isn't really controllable.
This is so helpful. We're studying defense mechanisms In psychology class and this is a really simple and clear explanation with clear examples and im so thankful for this personally and for class
Hi kati,
So I was wondering: can someone with a mental disorder become a therapist? I have social anxiety and I would love to become one...please let me know💕
Kati has an older video on this topic here:ruclips.net/video/1rNrgPWhC6g/видео.html
Cookie03 3 yes, I have GAD and PTSD and they developed over my past year in grad school, I graduated in May. You will notice that the majority of the students in the field suffer from mental health disorders..
Yes, all good therapists have therapists :D
@@essteekay5695 thank you❤
@@zarlet1 First of all congratulations!❤I was just wondering if you can become a therapist while struggling with a mental disorder or do you have to be fully recovered to actually accept clients?
Out here, saving lives again, Kati SO MUCH LOVE AND RESPECT xoxo
I love your channel. Thanks for the help.
My defense mechanism is building a concrete wall around myself. I never let anyone know ever how emotionally damaged I am because I fear judgment, cynicism or unsolicited advice (all of which I've faced when opening up at some point). They all think I'm happy and my life is perfect. I reserve my true feelings for only my siblings.
This was such a great video! These behaviors come so naturally that I don’t even realize I’m doing it.
You help me think healthily. Thanks man.
Kati thank you so much for this! I am a life coach and TBH, I have caught myself using some of these defense mechanisms in an unhealthy way in regard to my own feelings. Thank you for making me more self-aware and you're so right, open and honest communication is really the only way to truly fix the problem. This might be a silly question, but do you think it's possible to use more than one of these at a time?? Thanks so much!
I use distraction often; when I’m getting uncomfortable I’ll change the subject, sometime I’m caught and the main topic is revisited and other times not.
hi Kati, i have been through depression for the past 2 years, starting from my pre-high school, and now getting worse because i started to hurt myself, i kept thinking of suicide and even tried several times, it was very difficult to reach help, my parents is the type of parents who don't understand things like this, they just say you're stressed out, and i can't visit a therapist either , i always watch your channel hoping to help myself, and now i think i was so hopeless and broke, i really don't know what to do.
Angel Nation Please reach out to a professional! If you are currently in school, most schools have some sort of counselor on staff. See if u can set up an appointment. If you’re too nervous to ask for one, you can go to a teacher you like ( if you have one) & ask if they can set up the first appointment for you. Hope this helps and know that with the right help it DOES GET BETTER!!! ❤️
I’m so glad I stumbled upon this channel! 🙌🏻
Barbara Dunn Welcome to the Community!
Hey Kati, can you create your own defense mechanisms? Music was my passion and it’s all I’ve ever loved. Then I found out that I had to get my wisdom teeth removed, and I knew that nerve damage was common and would make it so that I wouldn’t be able to play anymore. That really distressed me and caused a lot of anxiety and sadness. Then one day after my surgery I randomly hated band and music. I just stopped loving it for no reason at all. My friends wondered if it was a way to cope, kind of like a defense mechanism. Kinda like: “I’m going to lose this, so I have to let go of it first before I can feel the damage this loss could do.”
But it’s been 7 months and my passion for music hasn’t come back yet, and I would assume that this defense mechanism would have died down by now. It has just gotten worse.
So I was wondering if it was even possible for someone to create their own defense mechanism, or if this is a defense mechanism already.
Ha, you made me tear up at the end, with your kind words, I have been avoiding contacting someone that is important to me, I keep revising and writing down what I would say but it becomes a huge letter of anger and sadness so I dont do it, because I feel like it would be a burden to him to hear all of me out , because he has a separate family and all, I guess just simple talks would do, but I become sad when I contact him, knowing that he will not be there for me through and through so I dont.. He doesnt contact me either which makes me upset also...When I was a kid I didnt process what was happening so many years later I keep realizing the hole that have burrowed inside of me. As if I’m experiencing the separation all over again. Divorce is no joke, I keep feeling more miserable when I think about all those happy or sad times he wasnt there. I hope I’ll get some closure some day. And not feel like a piece of shit ( I hope I’ll learn to love myself also...)
Was it dissociation?! Really? When I was younger, and something hurt me deeply emotionally, I shut down. Literally. It's like I had a switch that could turn all of my bodies functions off. The strange thing is that it was like stepping into another world. I could hear what people were saying, but it was distant. But I never went anywhere, and there was no fog, and I didn't see myself. It was more like there were two different realities, one physical, and the other..... well, not. I would shut down until I had my emotions under control and then restart everything. That can't be dissociation, but I don't see what else it could be. How bizarre.
Feige Katarina that definitely sounds like dissociation to me! When I get it, it’s like I’m watching a movie of what’s going on around me but it’s like the sound & the video are slightly off and don’t quite match upPeople only really think of Dissociative Identity Disorder when talking about Dissociation but there are several different kinds. Ck out Kati’s playlist!
ruclips.net/p/PL_loxoCVsWqy8NqveX22SsMKlW5601YvQ
Intellectualization is my go-to mechanism LOL! I look into the facts and details so much I get nothing done!
excellent video
Thank you so much for making it
Hi, can you do a video about the negative side effects of the birth control pill on our mental health?
The one about intellectualization is interesting. The trouble is, as someone suffering from chronic anxiety, I probably go to intellectualization, because until I settle the nuts and bolts of a situation (what happens next, etc.), I can't go about processing my feelings. For example, to use your divorce example, I would have a really hard time grieving over the relationship when so much is up in the air, when I don't know who gets what and where I'm going to live. Those are kind of immediate concerns, first level of Maslow's hierarchy of needs pyramid. I can either work, do stuff that needs to be accomplished, or feel my feelings; I cannot do both.
Your videos are so helpful with self realizations and growth!! (:
So I like to think of bad coping skills as my thing that I'm really really good at, so good that no one on the outside notices that C-PTSD has completely controlled my life since I was like 8.... 31 now and about to start EMDR really excited/dreading it lol :)
Katie Wheeler You got this! ❤️
Another great informative video. Thanks
WOW I really needed that. Can you or do you have any videos on how to counter this mechanisms when you detect them? If not, could you make a video giving some tips please?
NiniHallow that’s kinda what mindfulness and emotion regulation is about. I’ll link some videos on this!
ruclips.net/video/ftL7l4KiHag/видео.html
I have used all of them at least once but there are a few that i use consistently. Great video and excellent advice. I am so glad that I clicked on this video because I always noticed something was up but its so nice to hear someone talk about this and actually put a name to these defense mechanism.
Derealisation isn;t always a safer feeling, it can be utterly terrifying.
@@Robespierre-lI I have gotten terror from it. Now that I know what it is, I don't get the terror. sometimes I appreciate it when it sets in.
I think I experienced some type of derealization once. I was living through a super weird mix of high pressure/expectations and feeling really overlooked and . . . steamrolled? If that makes sense. . . . I was living on the brink of exhaustion; everyone around me seemed to see me as a blank slate to throw projects at, but otherwise I was pretty much invisible.
So then I started feeling like, wherever I went, I was about three feet outside of the room . . . I was never quite where I was . . . never quite anywhere. I felt like I was being pushed out of my body -- maybe even out of the universe itself. Like, one day I just wouldn't exist anymore, maybe wouldn't ever have existed, and nobody would even remember I had been there.
So, yeah . . . not even a super derealized derealization, but . . . plenty of room for terror.
@@eyesofthecervino3366 That sounds like some derealization. I once felt like I was a ghost walking the halls and that no one could see me. I felt like the world wasn't real, it was in my head. I thought my mind was going to float away from my body and I would be left in the dark, alone, forever. Scary stuff.
I've had this sensation that I have a real(er) body somewhere else, and all of this is an illusion. There is no exit, and I can't act to protect the source from whatever is happening to it.
@@Acetyl53 That sounds awful, I'm so sorry.
Wow, I really needed this-thank you, Kati🙏🏾