The Science Of Self Control
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- Опубликовано: 15 окт 2023
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In today's video, we delve into the fascinating world of self-control from a scientific perspective. We'll explore the latest research and evidence-based techniques designed to enhance your self-discipline. Our journey will uncover the psychological and neurological underpinnings of self-control, providing you with practical strategies to apply in your daily life.
Join us as we discuss actionable insights and methods to boost your self-control, helping you achieve your personal and professional goals. Whether you're looking to improve your focus, resist temptations, or manage your impulses more effectively, this video is tailored to provide you with the tools for success. Don't miss out on this opportunity to empower yourself with the science of self-control!
▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:11 You don’t really listen to you
03:27 Understanding self control
05:22 What diminishes your self control?
10:03 Monitoring conflict is self control
12:20 How to monitor conflict yourself
15:40 Exerting self control
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#healthygamergg #lifeadvice #selfcontrol
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Dr K, but isn't monitoring internal conflict is essentially a ridiculously strong mana burner? For me, it seems that way
@@JakeMazurski Dr K always talks about not taking his word for it and instead try for yourself. Then you'll see.
@@JakeMazurski
you don't have to monitor it 24/7 from day 1.
Start with 5, or even 1, minute of intentional monitoring (i.e. meditation) per day and increase your load gradually.
Exactly what you would do if you're getting into any kind of exercise.
Babbel is really good, can recommend! Don't think you'll learn a language in 3 weeks, more like in 3 months, but that's still much faster than never. The lessons are engaging, although their app/website is a bit too slow for my taste.
I realise this might sound like a bot comment :D But whatever, I really like it!
I appreciate your sponsors keeping your content free. I would also appreciate hearing about Babbels audio data privacy policies during the actual ad read.
This also explains why journaling is so powerful. Because essentially journaling is all about feeling your feelings and paying attention to the internal conflict. I always feel better and more in control after journaling and this explains why.
I encourage people to journal “even if you have to throw it away or shred or burn it after” because it’s all about being present with yourself. Dr K is just so much better at the deeper explanations than I ever seem to be.
Journaling is like written meditation. I do meditation and I've started doing journaling and they both help a lot
What really journaling is about? Is it writing your own thoughts? If that's the case, there's a video on it made by Tomaz Filming, it's called you already have your own answers. Is it nothing but writing literally all your mind in that moment of self awareness?
@@PSTNH_D_DNT how I do it is writing down my emotions and why they are happening
I can understand journaling works for some people, but for me, I didn't reallt find it helpfull. I just want to mention it, because it's worth to try, but not a shame either if it doesn't work
This man puts out life-changing content consistently like it’s nothing
++
frrrrr bro i just watched 4 of his videos in the last 24 hours and I literally feel my brain has been rewired-when i when a grammy imma shout him out
EXACTLY, I feel like my life has significantly improved because of this man. I feel so much more aware.
Indeed! One of the very few channels I've Joined.
FRRR this channel is a whole freaking goldmine
Self control is about managing impulses. The best way to manage impulses is to monitor them long enough to ride them out, which means you do nothing while the impulse persists (you don't act on impulse). Once the impulse switches to something else that you are fine with, you can stop monitoring (and it will switch, that's how impulses work, they generally switch randomly).
thank you!
Agree. Except it's not random. You can reprogram and redirect yourself toward healthier behaviors.
For example, if you tell yourself enough times "I like salad," focus on eating salads, start to really enjoy eating salads, eventually you will likely eat a salad instead of a pizza without thinking much about it simply because you've turned your attention toward this behavior.
Ultimately, we are the masters of our own behaviors. 💛
@@drcatrinakingHow long do you need to do that though?
@@oo8962 Depends on the mind. Some minds are much stronger than others. Will power is increased through exercise and practice; some people are very intentional about their life and thus will have more power over it as compared to people who just live by the seat of their pants.
This explanation tracks perfectly with my experiences:
A year ago, I was in a deep depression. I knew I was depressed, I knew what to do to fix it (get out of bed and start doing things) and yet I couldn't do it.
Eventually I went to therapy, managed to become "normal" again, overcome the depression and suddenly these days self control feels relatively easy.
I was still afraid though, because I hadn't understood the process that makes me now able to be in control, yet made it impossible back then, so what's to stop me from waking up tomorrow and being back where I started? Therapy for me was essentially forced introspection with the help of a therapist to guide me along, so it tracks this model of self control perfectly. In that process I managed to overcome these issues and thus what used to be taken up in terms of mental bandwidth is now available again.
In retrospect I can see that my "capacity for self control" was taken up by avoiding some negative facts in my life, as well as depersonalizing and derealizing to avoid negative emotions, when back then I didn't even notice I did these things.
On a unrelated note:
I'd really appreciate it if we could get links to the relevant research/papers in the description somewhere. I think this video format is much better for the average viewer in terms of digestability, but giving those who want to the ability to read up more on the topic would be amazing. On top of that, it gives viewers the ability to cite the sources to people they talk with about these ideas (or their therapists). I get that it's a big ask as that means additional work to collect and post the research, but I for one would be very thankful.
How were you able to go to a therapist while deeply depressed? Asking for a friend
For me in that same situation, therapy was over zoom, so I didn't have to "go" anywhere.
I put the phone number of the therapist i wanted to get in contact with as my background wallpaper in the phone and also put her online website as the first page to open when i were to open Chrome, and after a month/month and a half i finally found the courage and strenght to call her. It's tough😅@@TehBrokenToken
@@TehBrokenToken Apologies for the late response, for some reason I didn't get any notification or anything.
There were three main reasons that managed to get me to go:
1. I had kept all my struggles to myself, mostly due to a tendency to retreat into myself rather than reach out for help. Something happened that forced me to "come clean" and tell my family. I was (and am) blessed to have parents who tried their best to understand (even if they didn't always manage to understand fully) and who were supportive. They were the main reason I managed to get a therapist, because getting one took some effort and I would have given up on myself multiple times during that process. However they were supportive and tried to help where they could (sometimes with simple things like remind me to look each day).
2. There's a system in my country (Germany) that guarantees an initial talk to a therapist within 2 weeks for diagnosis. I managed to find my therapist that way within a week and a week after the diagnosis I got a call from them that one of their patients had finished therapy and they had gotten a free time slot Mondays. I got really lucky there.
3. The first therapist I visited was an absolute jackpot. I had done some research and chose CBT as the focus I wanted, which was a great choice in retrospect. My therapist was willing to challenge my narratives about myself, but also ultimately respected my opinion, so she perfectly met that balance of giving me hard questions without ever seeming antagonistic. Add to that that I quickly got the impression that she was smart and capable and I was starting to gain some trust in the process and a small amount of hope that maybe this could actually work.
I definitely got lucky, but even then some days I couldn't actually motivate myself to go to appointments. She had offered that on those days I could write an e-mail and we could do the session online. I tried my best to appear in person, but some days I just couldn't, so online was a great substitute until I started getting better and managed to appear regularly.
Believe me when I say that I understand how easy it is to give up on the process, or how easy it is to fall into dumb thoughts like "Why brother" " This won't work anyways" "Do I even deserve to get therapy" etc.
It's really unfortunate that the moment you are most likely to give up on yourself, or have doubts, or fail to put in the effort is also the moment it is the most important to do.
All I can offer as encouragement is my experiences:
I had depression for years, originally I ignored some signs, then it got progressively worse until I was in about as bad a place as you can be without being actively suicidal (though that would probably have been the eventual destination without help).
I was derealized, depersonalized, depressed and basically a husk of a person without self-esteem or hope for the future.
Therapy was anything but easy, I had to face a lot of uncomfortable truths and accept (or attempt to fix) mistakes. I can say that I gave therapy my all, and I believe that to be a large part of why my progress has been so fast. I definitely put in work. Then after some initial 1 on 1 therapy I started group therapy as well, which was different, but also helpful.
Now, one year later, I have access to my feelings again, I have hope for the future, I regained some self-esteem and I can see a realistic path forward where I manage to live a life I can be proud of living. I regained a lot of old friendships and managed to make some new ones.
Do I still have shit days sometimes? Absolutely. Is may even relapse and derealize once in a while when in bed at night, but those moments are getting less and less.
A year ago I wouldn't have thought such quick progress was possible.
The process isn't "over" and I will probably always have areas I need to work on or be careful with, but in a really macabre way I might emerge from this experience a better person than before.
If I could tell myself from before therapy one thing it would be this:
Please give therapy a chance. You might not feel worthy of being helped right now, but just give it a chance. And do your best to cooperate, the more you put in the more you get out. You deserve a happier life and there's so much potential in you to give positive things to the people around you and the world. It would be a waste not to.
And while that might be what I would say to myself, I'd say the same to you. I am sure you have the potential to be so much more happy and so much more of a positive force in the world and I sincerely hope you manage to realize and experience that.
I've been doing what you explained without actually understanding it. I've been trying for a year now to quit smoking. And in the beginning, whenever I had the urge to smoke, I would push it away and distract myself. That didn't get me very far. But now what I do when I have the urge to smoke is pay attention to how that urge feels and have a conversation with myself about why I want to smoke and what it will do for me. Then, soon enough, the urge goes away, or I at least feel like I have more control over the urge. This method has caused more success.
I am also struggling to quit smoking for the past year and each and every time i relapse after two weeks of not smoking or sometimes a months
And what happens with me at the point of relapsing is that i just did it or i ignored and gave in I can't recall a single time that i was fully aware of my internal conflict and i failed to not smoke its just the point where i fully give in and ignore where i relapse
Great observation, yes the act of pushing the impulse away rather than sitting with it wouldn't actually resolve the problem, it would more likely just transfer that impulse into something else like binge eating or whatever vice a person might have.
Dr k actually discussed that before about how to stop addiction. You don't restrain it, you just do it, but be fully aware about the action. Don't ever do the addiction as an autopilot behavior
Same for me with losing weight... lost 46kg (~92lbs) this year and while doing so I had days where I catched my self in home office hours standing up going to the fridge searching for something... taking the moment and starting again to feel... do I really have serious hunger or is it just appetite... and on top... why the hell am I here right now... oh yeah I'm procrastinating my work which I have but don't like to do...
The inner dialog is veeeery powerful...
And another anecdote from my job space as an engineer. A System without Feedback is not able to regulate itself and will sooner more than later go out of hand.
4 years ago, I used to be addicted to hard drugs, and this is the method to deal with the cravings I use too. When you start to get a craving, look into yourself. You feel a certain desire, and that desire is there because of your emotional state. For example, usually when I feel like using (it's not that often these days, which is nice!) I able able to recognize that I'm probably just lonely and craving human contact. You let yourself feel the way you feel. You watch the urge fade away naturally and observe your mind becoming rational again. Then you can gently remind yourself of why you don't use anymore. After you've done this a few hundred times, the whole process can literally take a few minutes and it's not even a big deal, just another part of your mind that you have learned to be at peace with.
With ADHD it’s not a battle, it’s a full blown war every secound of the day. Before medication the only way I was able to do anything at all was in a state of fear, anxiety and adrenaline.
Also what has helped me was getting out of the Echo Chambers that would promote any learned victimhood, and "one-upping" others on how bad my ADHD was over theirs. I had to shut down what I thought were well meaning communities, when they actually were exacerbating the problems. I shut down validation seeking externally on how "bad" my ADHD was, and internalized more my awareness like this video described.
Putting up visual reminders of your goals can help.
I think one of the biggest reasons many try to trauma/symptom share with the objective of one-upping may stem from the fact that many with ADHD have only ever known alienation and lack of understanding from others through their lives. I still hide it myself, because people really just don't 'get' ADHD is a seriously miserable disorder. When you join an ADHD community, you are almost prone to need to "Validate" yourself, because as far as your concerned, the acceptance and understanding can be a bigger priority than trying to additionally empathize and absorb the hell of somebody elses symptoms. We are already up to the neck in symptoms, the Music is blasting, and it can be unberable to listen to everyone else's all at once. @@Learned333
@@Learned333 very good. It's nice to feel validated when maybe you're surrounded by people who don't take your troubles seriously, but unfortunately a lot of the mental health communities are toxic as hell, and don't help us as much as we'd like to think they can.
Could you elaborate the diagnosis process you went through?
Constantly being aware of every internal conflict is EXHAUSTING. What would help is being able to reduce the amount of conflict going on so you don't have to focus on a dozen different arguments in your head just to make individual choices. If this is something you could help with a video on that would be awesome!
I like to use Tony Robbins Action Signals
You’re right it’s very exhausting so I’d suggest focusing on one problem at a time. For example, if you struggle to brush 2x a day focus on being aware of the internal conflict of brushing. Do this consistently and you’ll come to the realisation that you’ve naturally formed a habit of brushing 2x a day, now you don’t need to mentally drain yourself constantly because you brush out of habit without even thinking about being aware of the internal conflict. Deal with your other problems the same way, one by one. I hope this helps.
Exactly! I‘ve bern paralized for over a month, essetially not doing anything because I‘m analyzing, meta-analyzing, meta-meta-analyzing and so on my inner self
dont focus on dozen different arguments at once.
also, it shouldn't be exhausting, you are doing it wrong. you are just supposed to sit and watch as the conflict brews between 2 sides, you dont need to participate in it or heckle one side while encouraging the other, no you just relax and watch and focus on a single conflict. and the negative/bad urge will be gone in a minute. you dont even need to observe closely, keep a distance from the conflicting emotions
Maybe rethink what being aware means to you. If he's speaking of awareness, then just be aware of the feelings and sensations as much as possible when they arise. Try to use every subsequent thought as more of a gateway into deeper feelings and thoughts instead of finding meaning in the words themselves. Awareness is so simple, looking for meaning in the form of words that makes it hard. Observe EVERYTHING even the resistance of wanting more meaning in the observation.
I've just finished a great book called "How We Change (And Ten Reasons Why We Don't)" by Ross Ellenhorn. The title is cheezy, but this book is so deep. He explores all the ways we have this internal conflict. But the eleventh reason is, it's really hard without social support. Even the yogis had Sangha!! I feel like this is so important -- when you have social support, we can find comfort in others.
Do you have any advice on 1 how to find social support, and 2 how to come to someone and ask for support/help?
THIS is my problem :( I don't have a support system and I feel like it's very important to me...
@@cyrobbins2684 @gato_comunista3802 I wish I had a better answer to this question. I have found a lot of support online over the past year, but it's not the same as in-person support, right? Although, it's so much better than nothing. I try to do zoom calls with my online besties every few weeks. We check in with each other and that's a good way to get support without having to you know, explicitly ask for it.
I've had a hard time making new in-person friends since college, and college was a LONG time ago. The best way for me seems to be to find groups of people to do activities and then friends seem to form out of that. But lately I've been so overwhelmed that it's been difficult to take on new things.
I do keep fantasizing about taking classes at the Aikido studio down the street. I'm also toying with trying out the Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families meeting that I discovered really close to me. I'm not really into 12-step, but I'm going through rough shit with my fam and thought it might be helpful. A friend of mine decided he wanted to make more friends as well, so he's been going to mycology (mushroom hunting) meetings and also a beekeeping group.
Another friend of mine keeps suggesting that I start meetup groups myself. I'm like, geez I've never even attended one, but there are several spiritual meetup groups in the area that I could try out.
We all would probably do well to review some of the friend-making videos on this channel. The interview with the Surgeon General was quite inspirational in this regard. I hope you find some support soon.
What is social support?
The 'just do it' explanation was amazing and almost brought me to tears. My parents used to smoke since their 20s. From as young as I can remember, I was always fighting with them ( I was swearing, crying, breaking their cigarettes or throwing them on the trash can) and I remember I used to feel completely ignored and invalidated. I used to feel like a fool. One day they just stopped doing it. Nothing particularly happened. They just never touched a cigarette again. Even when I was in the icu in the hospital, it crossed their minds, but they didn't smoke.
Now I realize, what I was doing all these years is forcing them the internal conflict they were never brave enough to face. And, suddenly, out of fucking nowhere, at 11/1/2018, after 30 years of smoking, my mom calmly said "I'm quiting smoking right now". She didn't have any past 'attempts' to quit it. It was like it clicked in her mind, everything made sense out of 'nowhere'. It was literally nobody: my mom:
After some months the same happened with my father. I remember asking (teasing) him how come he ended up quiting after 10 persistent years of me pressuring him. I remember, he couldn't explain the reasons, it just didn't make sense for him to smoke anymore. He used to take the 'idk' facial expression when trying to explain it. Over the years, they were becoming more and more aware of the internal conflict that was existing inside their minds, and because of that awareness, it got resolved.
This was my parent's 'just do it' story.
Beautiful anecdote, thanks for sharing.
This video is very confusing and complicated, can you explain with an example what exactly I have to gain self control for example over pornography and exercise ?
@mihirshinde1706 self control is not an inherent property and doesn't exist as we typically think of it. What we think of as self-control is simply an aspect of being aware of the conflict you're having. A conflict in this case can mean any decision, like whether or not to satisfy a pornography urge
In the instance of pornography, say you find yourself having an urge to use. If you try and push the urge away and not think about it, THEN YOU ARE LOSING. That removes your awareness from the conflict, from the decision, and you become unable to control the decision. Instead, every time you feel an urge, you must become aware of the decision being made, or else the decision will be made without your control.
So, how do you increase awareness of the decision? First, acknowledge the urge is there, that you want to do it. Then acknowledge you also do not want to do it. You now have a conflict. Now, become aware of both sides of the argument. What are the pros and cons? List all the pros you can think of for watching porn. It'll feel good in the moment, it'll get your mind of something unpleasant, whatever. Just list them. Next, list the cons of consuming. Maybe it'll make you feel bad afterwards because you gave in. Maybe it will take time away that you could be doing something more valuable. Maybe it'd be hurtful to someone you love. Maybe it goes against your personal goals to quit pornography. Etc. Just list them. Then do the same for exercising, list all the pros and cons. After you're done, continue being aware of the conflict. In a case like this you will find the answer to be obvious. Once you are fully aware of the conflict, you will be able to control your decision.
I don't struggle with your issue, but this format has helped me exhibit self control in my life, and writing this served as a good exercise to solidify it with the insight brought by this video, so thank you for the opportunity 😄
@@Awuga so after I am aware of conflict and write down all the pro and cons, Do I read the list everytime I have Urges ?
@@mihirshinde1706not necessarily. The next time you get the urge, you just begin again-become aware of the conflict in your mind and hold on to that conflict as long as you can by doing things like listing the pros and cons. Don’t be stopped because you don’t have a pen and paper or whatever either, writing it down may be helpful, but it’s not the most important part.
The most important thing is to stay consciously aware of the conflict, you can list the pros and cons in your mind if that’s easier/more accessible.
It really is as straightforward as it sounds, the hard part is that the piece of you that wants to watch porn or doesn’t want to exercise or whatever *wants you to let go of the conflict* because that’s how it wins. That’s what you’re fighting, and all you need to do is outlast it enough to win yourself over.
Put another (corny) way: Captain America wins not because he’s super strong, but because he “can do this all day.” He doesn’t stop fighting for his values, and in doing so he wears down his opponents.
Finally, do not consider yourself a failure for losing to an urge. Consider every extra moment you fight it to be a win.
Sorry I’m so long winded, but I hope this helped. You’ve got this 😎
I went from 300lbs to 170lbs in the span of a little over 1 year. Self control was the key and what Dr K said in this video summarizes my experience. I was addicted to food, and one day, I woke up sober. I no longer wanted to be this person and I wanted control over my life.
awesome job man, that's a lot of progress
congrats man, well done
So how much time did it take you to internalize your conflict awareness - like meditation, journaling, thinking, etc. - and how sporadic or consistent did you get?
I had a very similar journey to you Man super proud of you I know personally it wasn't easy
people "want" a lot of things, but until they actually do something about it, it's more fantasy than desire.
what he is saying is : observe all kinds of thoughts. example: when you want to study, there is thought on your mind "i need to study for exams". observe this thought. then there is an impulse thought follows this: " i don't need to study now. i can study later". observe this thought too. observe this train of thoughts. if you do this, you automatically comes in the path of doing what's needed. because there is no resistance.
My thought process would be "Is the exam THAT important? If yes, study now and get it done. If it's not, then I'll just do it later"
So the result really depends on whether I think the exam is important or not.
Or even more extremely lazy version of mine is "Would I die if I fail this exam?" If yes, study. If no, fxxk it. Play video game for 5 hours straight.
Idk what's wrong with my brain. It just keep prioritizing useless fun
Self control is one of my best traits oddly. no phone addiction, no internet addiction, fasting diets, boringly enjoys looking at trees, okay let’s stop there.
When I saw my first video from you, I was like: "no way this is for free." so I am so happy that you have a sponsor now. Words can not describe how much I appreciate you and your work. I was lost and haven't even know it, my life improved so much from that time and there are still miles to go and I am so for it. It still isn't easy but at least it's simple. Thank you so much Alok Kanojia, you are the man.
Now I am thinking, how does ADHD interact with this?
@@procrastinathor4594 Basically everything that comes with losing self control x 10. It actually becomes easier to fight it, since a lot of things come with ADHD, both good and bad.
This lines up incredibly well with ADHD scattered attention, and how meditation is an ADHD treatment. It gives us the capacity to revaluate and stay on task
Yeah and then theres practices like trataka which just plain trains your brain skill of focus and keeping effortless attention. Incredibly useful for ADHD and even better, its very easy practice to do with ADHD. Dr.K has a great vid about it: Meditation to Improve Focus
Did anyone else think it was Spider-Man reviewing potato chips at first glance?
Yeah 😂
yeah+1😂
I had to watch this a few times to really understand it and I think there's a part of the explanation that's missing at the end. I would say that increased awareness of the internal conflict improves the definition of the conflict. Remaining aware of the conflict and thinking about it clarifies both sides and going from "this annoys me" to a clearer version which looks like "this part of my life causes X amount of pain for Y amount of gain, and X is greater than Y, so it's not worth it" which I think is where the just do it part comes in. People who reach that level of clarity now have a clear view of both side and there's an obvious choice.
This is exactly what I was wondering about. Your input just clicked it for me. Thanks
thank youuuuu, you wrapped this nicely.
thanks i imagine two person inside i just watch both sides argue and theres always a clear winner and i go with that .
so how exactly does it help choosing the better option? i can be fully aware which option is clearly better but i still wont choose it
This is a good one!
This is invaluable knowledge. It simultaneously explains and debunks the common advice you always get out there of "Don't think and just do it bro!", despite the "just doing it" part most likely having come after a long time of reflection and possibly self loathing.
This 💯💯💯
The odd thing is that letting go is focusing which actually leads to just doing it.
This video is very confusing and complicated, can you explain with an example what exactly I have to gain self control for example over pornography and exercise ?
@@mihirshinde1706dont try to find any logic or argue with yourself because your problem is emotional. Its normal if you dont understand you just have to feel like explained in the video.
You will not "understand", you will "realise" by the experience itself and this idea is what yoga teaches us.
@@mihirshinde1706what does it feel like to give in ? Etc...
Holy shit, it's like you read my mind. I don't normally write comments, but this video comes at a perfect timing for me and is truly eye-opening. It hasn't even been 2 weeks since I quit weed and yesterday was the hardest to stay away from it. Day 1 to 3 were tough, but day 10 I was really struggling with the thought of taking it. I was literally fighting that internal battle 4 to 5 times within a few hours and keeping track of it in the back of my mind. That is when my emotional awareness took over and I realized was feeling deeply sad and lonely, which was an experience that I haven't felt a long while to such a degree. I watched youtube video after youtube video until at one moment I thought "screw this" and took a few minutes to watch the sunset out of my window( tbf, I live in a pretty lovely environment, lots of mountains and woods). Feeling the heat of the last sunshine of the day and just taking a few minutes to look into the distance really calmed me down. A few hours later I basically binged a whole anime season, which I hadn't done in a sober state for quite a while and it felt amazing. The thought of getting high again appeared in my mind and I took a few minutes break from watching to deal with my internal state again. I was stressing about some work related stuff that I had to deal with today and having to wake up early for it, which made me feel uneasy as I got up pretty late that day and I knew I wouldn't be able to go to bed on time, so I knew I would not get enough sleep. Having processed that, I thoroughly enjoyed the last episodes of my anime and went to bed with a pretty calm mind lol. Actually everything went pretty well today and it wasn't half as bad as expected, I got everything done that I wanted to.
Long story short, I felt the internal process of what you're describing in the video for the first time even though I have known about the emotional awareness procedure for half a year. But only now after admitting to myself that I had to quit weed to truly reach my potential and feel fulfillment in life is when I finally felt what I logically understood months ago for the first time. The road ahead is still very long and there is a lot of stuff I want and need to do, but making the first steps felt very reassuring.
Thanks Dr K for yet another great video and for everyone who read until here! I hope you guys are doing well and I wish lots of strength for whatever it is you are going through!
Amazing comment. I am also dealing with a similar struggle. Been unemployed for a few months and the process of getting a new job in addition to just being home all the time made me really depressed. It’s been an emotional crutch for me and just something to do to pass the time. I’ve been trying to quit but this video helped me understand how I can attempt quitting again
@@Sonyemman97 hey man, thanks for your kind words. I really appreciate it. Yup, passing the day is a great way to put it. I was so bored and isolated that I just took it mindlessly in the afternoon/evening. Hang in there, it will be tough but as soon as the decision comes from within and you truly feel the need to change it will only be a matter of time. I used a week of holydays after a few stressful months to start, I kind of just woke up one day and wanted to stop. I hope I can stay strong when the thoughts get darker again. Wish you all the best mate!
This video is very confusing and complicated, can you explain with an example what exactly I have to gain self control for example over pornography and exercise ?
This actually describes my experience with taking ADHD meds so well. It was not like the impulses to look at my phone, get up and hug my bf, or start thinking about a completely unrelated new topic just stopped existing, I was merely able to notice them first instead of impulsively acting on them. I literally had thoughts like "oh, I see a notification, I want to look at it even though I'm working on something." And then I was suddenly able to resist. It just added this "pause" before wanting to do something and doing it.
i didn’t have the self control to finish this video
If we consider emotional dysregulation to be a core symptom of ADHD, I wonder if impulsiveness is caused by that rather than it being a core symptom itself.
Duh
00:00 🧠 The video discusses the science of self-control and evidence-based techniques to boost it.
00:16 🥦 The basic problem addressed is the struggle to engage in healthy habits and routines.
03:05 🧩 Revolutionary studies challenge the concept of self-control, suggesting it's more about conflict monitoring in the brain.
05:10 🧠 Self-control is not a fixed trait, but a diminishing resource that can be depleted.
06:44 🧘♂️ Meditation is an effective tool for improving self-control, as it enhances awareness of internal conflicts.
13:21 🧘♀️ Learning to regulate emotions is crucial for improving self-control, as emotional suppression can deplete it.
14:30 🌪️ Stress externalizes attention, reducing the capacity for self-control, but re-internalizing awareness can help mitigate this effect.
17:30 🚶♂️ Paying attention to internal conflict is the key to improving self-control, as it activates the conflict monitoring system in the brain.
Doing good work! I love commentators who itemize and time stamp the topics of videos!
Thanks for the AI-assisted timestamps OP!
what ai timestamp are you using?
W comment
Which Ai tool is it?
Why did this thumbnail make me think Spiderman was trying to give up potato chips?
This makes a lot of sense: To be able to adress something you must be aware of it to begin with.
Dr K can read my mind
He at least read a lot about our minds.
Funny you say it that way. He's basically telling us that we need to learn to read our own minds in this video 😅
Ikrr? 🫡 @@straygoat4366
Kinda his job
I've always had affirming situations that the unconscious collective is a real thing, and a driving force behind social change or patterns of information gathering in communities, in general.
In my personal experience, the moment I realised, truly realised, that all my "vices" and unhealthy habits were either worsening my health and weight or losing me a lot of time, I could better control them. It took me a lot of time, but I figured out that drinking, the time spent drinking, and the time lost the next day from feeling tired and woozy, were all humongous barriers to any form of self-improvement, or even just limiting the things I could do throughout the day (chores I could get done or hobbies I could develop). For eating trash food and drinking soda, I simply started chugging water all day or just got some sliced meat to at least eat a bit more healthy if I was at work or outside.
Also realising that these habits were *actions* in of themselves, I just asked myself the question "Is it better to *put in effort* for a worse result or just abstain, do nothing, and be better off for it?"
The problem is when your vices actually have upsides, and the things you "need" to do are uncertain in whether they will actually be beneficial. Then, it becomes near impossible to be productive.
This is so interesting, I had so many people who are older than me telling me that the only way to self control is through "stress", which is completely backward but also makses sense. Stress is cause us to panic and go all in on the things we've been procrastinating, which feels like self-control, stress will also disable "real self-control", which is what causes stress in the first place.
There's nothing revolutionary here. It's really really simple, and the oldest knowledge that we don't apply. Self knowledge is the beginning of everything, just seek it and all the rest comes.
I'm historically a very anxious person, but have been gradually improving. I think a big part of it is that I've started to grasp a really deep concept that keeps popping up everywhere, and I think the lesson of this video is another expression of that same concept.
I called it a concept, but it's more of a feeling that I'm gradually getting more of a sense for. It's like this deep, relaxed state of mind where I'm able to really tune in and listen to whatever I'm focusing on at the moment. It's like I'm feeling more than thinking--I'm just present in the moment. Once I really manage to reach that state, there's a resultant, sublime sense of reassurance and calm. It's like I can trust myself in that moment because I'm alive and present and able to respond appropriately to whatever happens while I'm in that state.
I think the prerequisite for getting there is letting go of any external concerns in terms of eventual outcome, etc. With that, it becomes possible to relax and content oneself with accepting things as they come. Without it, I think there's a mental tenseness that makes it impossible to achieve presence of mind.
It's like a deeply liberating combination of detachment/relaxation and a driving sense of purpose/intentionality.
I first noticed it randomly as a vague, but growing feeling somewhere in my psyche a few months ago, and started to see it as a recurring pattern since then. For example, I find it critical when practicing Tai Chi, as well as playing really intricate/complex competitive games (like Melee).
I suspect it's the same thing great musicians tap into when playing, and the same thing meditation and Qigong techniques aim to achieve/strengthen.
Back to the video (lol), I think the point Dr. K is making is another expression of this same concept, specifically pertaining to the relationship between external stressors and self control.
Essentially, it seems to me that as long as your focus is on those external stressors, your ability to act intentionally and in accordance with all the elements of your current mental state is marred. But once you manage to let go of those external stressors to some degree, it becomes possible to be present within the landscape of your mind and act appropriately.
Some days I'm able to tap into it more than others. But I strongly feel that grasping this feeling on a broad/deep level is the antidote to anxiety and a key to life in general, and I hope I can nurture it in myself.
Thanks for reading my brain dump lol. Hopefully it's useful/interesting to some degree.
I played melee so I get it :'D
The zone.
It's really nice if your brain just can space out and at the same time you are fully aware of what is going on.
It's a good way to learn :)
Thank you for sharing!
Fantastic comment... you write beautifully. I recognize the truth of what you've said.
I've had a similar experience with anxiety. Right know I'm sometimes kinda weirded out that nothing bothers me that much ( becouse almost everything gave me anxiety before) and I attribute a lot of it to awareness and letting go of control. Trying new things and a lot of introspection and understanding yourself also help. It really makes you not care what comes in the future, because you believe you can take it head on.
Great comment!
The concept you're beautifully explaining reminded me of the way someone described the experience of "flow", it's a cool balance of calm yet intentional focus in the zone and it's a nice feeling to tap into.
The creator behind the video game Journey (Jenova Chen of thatgamecompany) did write a little thesis paper back when he was in college about "flow" as conceptualized by a certain psychologist with how he's designed stuff that's in the video games he's worked on. I managed to read a bit from the psychologist he was referring to and his thoughts on what he describes as a "flow state" was pieces together from studying folks from all sorts of disciplines and walks of life. Thank you for sharing this with us, hope you're enjoying the moment you got with you!
I used to (still kinda) have pretty bad anxiety but I know that feeling you’re talking about too. It really feels like those moments are the only moments where I’m actually living, free. It really feels like no matter what happens I’ll be good. And then the next day I feel like crap so who knows lol. Idk how to make it come up either it just does… but hopefully I can find a way to make it more consistent as well.
You have no idea how much I needed this today. Just wanted to say thank you.. From all of us. Hope you enjoy your spiritual retreat!!
What I find interesting about your video is that,it looks boring when I look at the title, yet as I click in and start watching it,it feels more and more interesting and makes me want to finish it
Thank you. Started my journey this last year and i got this exactly when i needed it... The yogis, researchers, people like you giving it their all. Giving back every day i can now ^_^
I just got through a one month long intensive therapy program to help with my weed addiction; and this video just helped me understand why I just woke up one day feeling like I just want to stop for good and actually managed to do it; and more importantly, why I haven’t been able ‘just stop’ with my other vices yet. Thank you Dr. K I’ve been watching your videos throughout, and so much gratitude for you spreading all this valuable knowledge on mental health on the web. Much love from Canada.
I seem to feel better after praying about the feelings I'm experiencing and my internal conflict, I'm able to fully express myself and really dive deep into why i feel the way I do.
Same with me. I know I can tell Jesus everything I feel, even my deepest abyss. Very often I experience something like questions arising in my heart during these prayer-times - like: „why do you feel that way?“ or: „when did it start?“. It’s not like hearing words, it’s more like an inner knowing. Then I sometimes get into a kind of mental state where it’s like as if I can see myself and my situation from outside or above. It’s a shift of perspective…..What is needed for this? Absolute honesty and a time of silence . The result is inner peace and a clear mind.
Thanks DrK, as usual, great reflections in plain simple language that makes it easy to grasp. How beautiful that all we have to do is gain awareness again and again until we can just do it. It’s true, I experienced it a couple of months away, but didn’t really realized how I had given up one of my most damaging addictions. For some weeks now, I had been trying to replicate the process for some of my lesser addictions and until I saw this video I couldn’t nail down why I am not being able to reach the “just do it” moment. So thank you so much, I’ll get to practicing my awareness right away.
I used to go to the supermarket to look for 1 item, and when I didn't find that item, I'd buy something else that I never intended in the first place.
As soon as I saw this phenomenon described somwehere, I became more aware of this behaviour, and now I do not buy anything that I don't require anymore.
A follow up video applying this concept to ADHD would be really interesting.
Agreed.
My experience with executive dysfunction is often one of exerting myself mentally in order to brute force myself through it and push past the fatigue and inertia. Needless to say, this isn't very effective and I will try and begin doing something like what has been described in this video, as it seems to be dramatically less difficult.
I am aware that I have developed a level of alexithymia (difficulty in interpreting, feeling, or experiencing emotions in the moment) due to my need to suppress my emotions in order to avoid the negative attention that has resulted from the difficulties I've had in regulating my emotions, so it will be more challenging for me than it could be for others, but there's nothing to lose when it comes to trying to reconnect with those severed neural connections because it's really only resulted in me exchanging one type of pain for another that I don't really know how to express and never leaves me.
ADHD is made up. Just giving people speed to function properly
I want to add something to this video, that I think might help who are now trying to become more aware of their inner conflict. I coincidently did a Meditation retreat two weeks ago, where I was taught Anapana ( becoming aware of your breath) and Vipassana ( Body-scan basically). There are two keys to those meditation
1) Awareness, its sharpness and descriptiveness ( also if you have trouble sensing or identifying your emotions I highly recommend listening to your body first, before rumanating over it in your brain)
and the one I want to highlight
2) Equianimity, how you confront, deal with and relate to the sensations, feeling, thoughts.
It is important not to avoid, force, argue, be frustrated or elated, crave anything that comes up during your meditation. You observe it, just observe it, like a scientist would its experiment. You try not to feed into it or try to stray away from it, you just be there and observe, not averting your eyes or focusing on anything in particular.
The reason for equianimity is that we don't want to overcharge, or flee from anything that comes up, because that in away is also going away from awareness and feeds directly or indirectly the emotion instead of holding it in awareness.
Awesome video. Thanks a lot Dr K and HG team ❤
Again, great video presentation. I have been consciously aware of my internal conflict. It wasn't until I sat with it, without judgment, that I began to relieve the battle within. Love your work Dr. Kay 😊
This was exactly how I stopped drinking energy drinks years ago. I had an internal conflict about the negative effects of it over and over for weeks and then one day I just completely stopped. Thank you for explaining it, it was very insightful!
This paired with the FOMO video really helps. In fact, just the other day I stopped myself from buying a large latte when I just noticed "oh right now I feel bored and I want the excitement that comes from the coffee".
Then I just didn't go :*
The internalized monitoring worked!!
I literally want to cry. I’m an addict for 11 years and I finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Your explanation in this video makes so much sense. I know I’m gonna win eventually.
Thank you K.
Thank you so much for this, Dr. K. Im so grateful for your advice. This is just what I needed to hear right now. ❤️
This is amazing Dr. I love the specific and simple explanation of your videos, they are great quality! I am excited to put this into practice, I can't thank you enough. Thank you for what you do~
I just read about the process model of ego depletion in my Self Psychology class in undergrad! I really appreciate that you were able to take the findings and help me figure out how to really put them to use :)
This was hands down best video on RUclips I've watched. I'm incredibly thankful that i got this video on my feed. This knowledge is extremely crucial and i hope more people can find this video
Very cool insight - Thank you Dr. K for always being there for us!
Dr. K, I just wanna let you know that your guidance and interpretations regularly open up my perspective and I’ve benefited greatly since finding your channel. Thank you for doing what you do. 😊
The issue is people set unrealistic goals. When you want to go to bed on time but you have to live so far away from the city because housing is expensive and your commute is long, this isn't reasonable. You will find yourself regularly having to decide between going to sleep on time or spending time with friends/completing a project your boss asked you to work on. We never stick with a goal if it makes us miserable. This is why people don't save because it would mean spending less time with friends or denying your kids that trip to Disney world.
Another important point, view your goal as your identity. Do not say I have to lose weight because I look fat, instead say I want to lose weight because I am the kind of person who enjoys going to the beach and I want to feel proud in my swim wear.
This video is so powerful. For the longest time I’ve had very severe “self control” issues in all aspects of my life. As I’ve gotten older and started to live an emotionally healthier lifestyle I’ve definitely noticed insanely positive changes in my ability to control myself in other areas of my life. I didn’t make the connection but wow I’m so glad I watched this video to see it. This is great encouragement to continue what I’ve been doing with regulating emotions so I can stay on this path of gaining better control. I can’t say enough how great this video is and how well everything was explained. Keep up the incredible work!
What a great video! SUPER useful and maybe the most important video on productivity I’ve ever seen. I now feel like I understand WHY meditation and journaling are so important and why such practices can be life changing and worth committing to. Thank you so much for this and also your other videos! I think this is one of the most important channels on RUclips.
Well said! This makes sense to me because I always felt like I could sort of meditate as I went through life and I didn’t need to formally sit down and focus on breathing. I felt that time spent just thinking was really valuable.
Yep, introspection and being in tune with your internal state/emotions. People who are reflective generally have great self-control. Understand yourself and you will figure out the rest.
This has helped me realize my addiction to a certain stimuli. I thought if I just suppress it’ll go away, which seemed to make the problem worse but now I’m learning to just be aware of it and that makes a huge difference.
I feel an energy inside of me being free rather then being controlled or restricted. I can feel a change coming! Thank you 🙏🏽
Hello Dr. K! I'm watching this video a second time to reflect and process everything. I've gotten too good at dismissing my feelings in the pursuit of working without them getting in the way, because that's how i thought my more successful peers were doing it. How wrong i was! Turns out, I simply lack certain effective emotional regulation skills that they have. It's taken me about a year to sort out my emotional world enough to stop depending on the validation of others so that i can even begin to feel independent and ready to practice self-discipline. We're getting there one day at a time, though. Thank you!
omg thx for sharing this, really great video
Don't put yourself in a position where you have to use self control. Avoid the enviroments and behaviors that lead to having to deal with the problem in the first place.
agreed like if ur addicted to porn reduce the stimuli like clearing the history , uninstalling apps that shows explicit stuffs and put some barrier on sites that have porn or just block it completely. so u dont have to fight everytime u got stimuli from these things cuz that can be exhausting . thanks for the comment .
Not bad! The anatomy of control is "Start-Change-Stop". Decide to start an action, perform the action, finish the action. It also goes as you say: be aware of the annoying act, continue being aware of the annoying act, choose not to perform the annoying act. Thank you for your hard work!
I feel like this even applies to changing people opinions on things. You can’t really change them, but you can give people reasons, make them aware of things and issues and eventually it’ll click and they’ll have changed their opinions.
Dr. K, thank you so much for this video. Felt like a nice callback to the simple healing stuff my therapist gently guided me with learning how to navigate my emotional challenges in the past year since I got a clearer diagnosis of particular mental health conditions that were making life extra challenging throughout my life. Hope I can help my future self better by treating my present self more mindfully, one moment at a time forward.
I don't have enough self control to finish this video
I truly appreciate your videos. They really help me out. Have a great week Dr. K
One of the most helpful things I've heard this year.. Thank you
Everything you said makes perfect sense on why you should write it down. I love that you got into deep detail.
Literally one of the most valuable creators on this platform. Thank you for all you have given!
I never took cold showers to get into the habit of doing things that suck. I take cold showers because Andrew Huberman said they give a large dopamine spike with a very slow and steady decline, and properly regulating dopamine is an important issue for me.
I also tend to feel great after taking them, especially right after exercising.
I don't think that adding extra dopamine spikes to your life will regulate dopamine in any way:D
@@PedroMadiDellaColetta thanks. I'm not sure what you mean though by "we don't even know what it is." As far as I know, we do know what dopamine is.
Such an amazing video! Thanks for the upload💓
This channel has something! So much relatable! Thanks doc!
I have to say, this video was really incredible. I had to pause and go back about 20 different times as I took hand written notes to cement this into my brain. Hearing the science behind this concept of self control really helped contextualize a lot of things I've been working on for a long time and have just recently started having success with (although the journey is far from over) What you said at the end was absolutely spot on about people just "doing it" because it's exactly as you described. It's only after cycles and cycles of awareness practice that you can one day just do it.
Meditate for one hour a day. If you’re too busy to meditate…two hours. The being well podcast referenced Dr. K today. Thanks healthy gamer team and Dr. K. Y’all are doing good work!
So youre saying if we dont have the time, we actually need to meditate more?
@@FIFAxGUNNER that's the point - everyone "has the time" but the people (like you and me and millions of others) who don't think they actually have the time, need meditation the most.
Hard to understand but try to sit with that, or even better, talk to others about this idea about how it doesn't make sense...
then afterwards, talk about how it DOES/CAN make sense
Yeah but not everyone has that luxury of time. We have to survive, keep up with our connections, and god forbid chase goals that are outside of our career situation.
“Stop saying you don’t have time” really pisses me off. It’s capitalist propaganda to get you to do more stuff on top of what it demands of you already
@@zekielrodriguez5229I hear what you're saying but at the same time MOST people DO have one or two hours a day to devote to meditation or exercise, they just don't because it's difficult and not a priority. If you didn't watch this RUclips video today you would've had 20 minutes to meditate. You have the time. You watched RUclips instead. Get off RUclips and onto a meditation mat. Stop making excuses, it only hurts yourself. Doesn't hurt me if you convince yourself you don't have time to meditate. Doesn't hurt anybody but you.
@zekielrodriguez5229 I guarantee you don't work 24/7 and use entertainment here and there, so I'm sure u have time
Wow. Loved your energy. Just being aware of your thoughts and feelings can give you so much control. It works 100%. I just watched another TED Talk on secrets of self control and literally the key was to observe and be aware of your thoughts. I was craving a smoke at the time and when I said to my self " Im noticing im having a thought that im craving a smoke" the impulse diminished and I didn't smoke.
This is quite validating in that, I would go for weeks up to months constantly checking in on myself and trying to be self aware but I started to have doubts if it was even working because I had to CONSTANTLY do it. I was always doing it all the time so I started to think it "wasn't working". But the idea that as long as you are continuously self aware then you haven't lost the battle is nice. I think I had a misconception originally that I was supposed to be fixed by then and not be thinking abt stuff that bothers me, that at some point I was supposed to be "unaware" of the things stressing me out and just be naturally ok. I think I know better now, it's ok to be constantly aware of stuff!
Dr. Andrew Huberman did a great podcast episode on this. If possible, I'd love to see you on his podcast!
I was thinking exactly that
do you remember which episode?
@@jasmyne8502 The second most recent one.
@@jasmyne8502 tenacity and willpower
I thought of him when he mentioned cold water showers
When I suddenly started studying for a random diploma, I had a hard time focusing on it. I wanted to play videogames so badly. I was so used to come back from work to just play games.
The "internal conflict" talk was so spot on. Sometimes I need to stop for a moment and argue with myself to convince me on why I'm trying to exert self control in the first place.
What helped me study at peace was to either (1) separate a whole day to focus on gaming, and (2) make studying more fun/interesting. Once you find the enjoyable side of something, you suddenly stop thinking so hard about how much you want to be done with it ASAP.
Almost no self control was needed once I was set on not gaming for the day, or once I started focusing on the interesting side of that subject I was studying (even if I had to go a bit schizo sometimes, taking notes in a "gaming" slang just to make it a bit more engaging.)
That makes no sense. Setting a goal is easy but adhering to it is what requires willpower and self control. I tried too many times to set a goal or plan then to not follow through.
Thanks so much for this eye open content shared doctor k
Thank you so much for sharing and clarification.
does anybody else notice this man streams his own streams of consciousness, he doesnt read script and only looks away to collect his thoughts and to share his screen amazing man.
That's normal for gifted people.
As a doctor he ain't got time for that.
Every jump cut is an opportunity for him to review his script. There are many jump cuts in the video. He speaks well, and he might be right, but this isn't stream of consciousness.
His amazing, but he stated multiple times that he is able to speak so well to camera because he writes the scripts before and also advised that to all
We appreciate how well you've articulated your own insights on this matter. Keep up the good work.
Going through this and I came here to ground myself. I needed this exactly.
So, what is the "self"?
The "other me" that we talk with to get things done,
Is it inner speach?
is it a character we created in our minds?
A good relationship with your "self" is so valuable.
I do think depression and anxiety are related to a highly active inner monologue, constantly ruminating about the past or future
This actually makes a ton of sense for psychedelics abilities to help resolve addictions. Psychedelics prompt a lot of introspection/internal conflict monitoring. Which means it grants more self-control, thus supporting recovery 🤯. Incredible video!!
And now you're over reliant on psychedelics, which means you replaced a thing with another.
@@meltygear5955phychedelics aren’t addictive. The experience of the trips is what help addiction
@@meltygear5955 There is no reliance on it, it can be used as a tool for help. Also being reliant isn't always a bad thing (especially when psychedelics aren't harmful). That would be like saying you're reliant on an alarm clock, or calendar, or etc. therefore its bad. Sometimes all it takes is 1 or 2 trips. If you've used psychedelics you understand it's an intense experience that can help you see things differently. It's not necessary to use it constantly and in fact you can't use it constantly b/c acute tolerance.
@meltygear5955 People rarely become reliant or addicted to psychedelics. Once you get the message, you put down the phone.
00:00 - Introduction to the topic of self-control and the problem of wanting to do things but struggling to do them.
00:33 - Sponsor message for Babel, a language learning app.
01:01 - Discussion of the importance of self-control and the desire to boost it.
01:31 - Mention of the limitations of current approaches, such as taking supplements and cold showers.
02:27 - Explanation that cold showers don't significantly boost self-control and that understanding the science of self-control is crucial.
03:23 - Introduction to the revolutionary studies that challenge the traditional concept of self-control.
03:52 - Reasons for the lack of widespread awareness about this new perspective on self-control.
04:19 - Discussing the historical understanding of self-control as a personality trait.
04:45 - Introduction of the idea that self-control is a diminishing resource rather than a fixed trait.
05:10 - Explanation of how self-control diminishes when faced with emotional regulation and stress.
06:09 - Stress and emotional regulation significantly deplete self-control.
06:39 - The role of the anterior cingulate cortex in monitoring internal conflict as the basis of self-control.
07:31 - When internal conflict monitoring ceases, self-control is lost.
08:04 - Self-control is all about monitoring internal conflict, not a separate process.
09:04 - Emotional regulation and stress explained in the context of self-control.
09:57 - The importance of re-internalizing awareness to improve self-control.
10:23 - Stress externalizes attention, leading to a lack of internal conflict monitoring.
11:29 - Tips for managing stress by re-internalizing awareness.
13:02 - The relationship between emotional regulation, emotional turbulence, and self-control.
14:02 - The revolutionary idea that awareness and self-control are the same thing.
15:04 - Awareness of internal conflict is the key to self-control.
16:03 - How meditation enhances self-control by improving awareness.
17:31 - Self-control is the muscle of conflict monitoring, and you can improve it by paying attention to your internal conflicts.
18:26 - Conclusion: Instead of trying to "just do it," focus on being aware of your internal conflict to improve self-control.
Summary by NoteGPT!
This video is amazing ❤ thank you for what you do!
This is the best content I've seen in a while. So helpful thank youu
I love the way Dr K explained this - “just meditate bro” might be great advice but it’s not nearly as compelling as this video was 👍
This is one of the things I learned from Headspace meditation. Dont try to suppress thoughts, but let them come and go. Noting whether they are good, bad, or neutral. Don't fight yourself in your mind.
Thank you Dr K. Thank you really for what you've done here
Big caveat here, is the control isn't enough. Even when you pay attention to your internal conflict, you then often still need to act. And knowing what will be the way forward is very important, self control is useless if you dont actually know what is healthy for you.
Just being aware is a big step, but it's just one variable in the equasion.
You're brilliant. Took 3 and a half-pages of notes. I found as I was listening, I was relating a lot of different little experiences I've had similar to this psychology-philosophy hybrid you're explaining, and that this IS how I am slowly improving my self-control muscle. I viewed it as going for a walk to best explain it (it still counts!): each step, no matter how small, is one step further, and it is the same motion over and over and over again that has gotten me further and further. Thank you so much for this video, Dr. K. I feel I can express this experience to others better now!
I would think another effective strategy is structuring your life in a way that doesn't require as much self control or monitoring your internal struggle. For example if you want to stop eating so many cookies at home, I would think instead of fighting that internal struggle of wanting a cookie that sitting on the kitchen counter all the time. The easiest way is would be to make them invisible. Either get rid of them completely or hide them in a place that you need to intentionally go to if you decide you actually want a cookie instead of the impulse of seeing them on the counter.
ya i also think reducing the stimuli helps . or putting some barrier in place to increase the effort in between . thanks for the comment .
man this talk is so important, yet free, people should seek more this kind of content...
when you said "beba agua y descanse" I was only listening, so I thought you said "beba água e descanse" and I was like: "oh, Dr. K is learning portuguese, how amazing"... União Ibérica feelings. Take a look at portuguese, Dr. K, its spanish's most beautifull dialect (or maybe is the other way around)
This was extremely helpful for me and calmed down a lot my anxiety. I made a decision to try two things based on this video. 1) Because of how I was raised, I keep my feelings to myself, and don't stand up for myself. Nothing convinced me more to stop doing that than being aware that that's literally destroying my focus. So last night I decided to tell my roommate when he was being sexist and not allow him to insult my intelligence. I think my tone (not angry, just sarcastic/playful) is what made it successful. I'm going to keep doing this and pointing out when I feel people are being problematic instead of keeping it inside. My hope is I can train people to change their behavior toward me by challenging it and not just taking it all on the chin.
2) I am going to try journaling. I used to have a lot of time for self-reflection when I was a kid, and time constraints and the easy dopamine fix of hitting the internet replaced that time. I'm up early and gokng to try morning pages.
They’d only change if they want to. You can’t make people change their behavior.
this video ended up explaining a lot about adhd as well. i'll be sure to use this in the future.
For me, I feel like the more I'm aware of my problems (the cause, the comflicts, the consequences) the more I'm prone to avoid them... It's been 8 months now and I still haven't fix anything... I still haven't had the 'JUST DO IT!' moment with myself. My self-control is non-existence. This is honesly the worst era of my life and I hope I can finally pull through it already so I could actually be free from myself, gdi.
This was very well made and very helpful. You are an excellent speaker and you made this concept easy to understand and follow. I’m so glad I watched this 💕
NO CITATIONS: I love this channel, but I would love it even more if all those claims of studies having shown something, there would be actual citations and references so we could take a look at the sources ourselves.
You should really cite your sources. I'm not doubting you or anything but you should really do it.
Totally agree
Unless you have access to academic journals/archives you won't be able to look at those sources. So why do you care?
Almost any undergraduate have access, even if that wasn't the case I can read the abstract and know he didn't make things upe
@@geordiejones5618 ? Bad take
He is literally a head doctor.
He is the source.
Or do you go to a medical professional and after they tell you your ear is infected you ask them to cite a source?
Stress is the biggest killer. I was on such a good streak this year and then everything fell apart these last few months. I don't know how much longer this will go on.