I have entire chunks of my life gone. I will suddenly become aware that I am somewhere I don't recognize speaking to people I don't know. I will be told I love foods that I hate. I will be told I'm close friends with people I have never met. This has been happening as long as I can remember. It's frightening.
It feels like you're an Actor who suddenly remembered themselves and you wonder why are you this character, who are they and when you started playing them.
This. So much this. Or as if you're an actor playing yourself as a character, and you forget if you're supposed to be the hero, the sidekick, the romantic interest, or the comic relief.
@@beyondtriggered I do have a form of Autism. Was Diagnosed when I was very little. I know that's not exactly Aspergers Syndrome, but i never knew that what I explained is a sign of Aspergers.
@@innerguardianXIII I think it's due to how people with Aspergers don't understand social interactions so they typically invent a character for themselves to play like they're in a scenario. It could be dangerous to act like real life is a movie though...
To me, dissociating feels like I’m watching a movie where there’s a slight delay between the sound & the visual. Someone will say something & it’ll take a few extra seconds for me to hear & process it.
That’s how I described it yesterday! I described the times when I had a lot of it like a bad quality movie where sometimes you can see what’s going on but it just blacks out a lot
It's pretty awesome being able to read the comments and see everyone pinpointed literally EVERY single exact thing that also happens to me when I dissociate.
The memory loss thing has been SO difficult socially. People misunderstand it as disinterest when I can’t recall their names, birthdays, meaningful moments we shared, etc.. It hurts them and it leaves me wondering if I’m a narcissist
The "not believing you" is so very frustrating and invalidating, and doesn't help at all when your dissociation is due to social anxiety. It gives you one more thing to be anxious about, a fear that you'll dissociate at the wrong time and no one will understand.
I never made the connection but so true. There is alot i dont remember and have always felt bad about it but this is why. I cant remember birthdays of any friends in the past 15 years.
Same!! My mom’s nicknames for me were “pokey” because I took so long to do things because I was always “in my own world.” There are so many stories of me just wandering away from my parents/family while in public as a child. For example, when I was like 5 or 6 yo at a fairly big department store, my mom would be frantic upon noticing I wasn’t with her; meanwhile I’m way across the store by myself browsing in the shoe section, completely oblivious and unconcerned. I got super lost at a huge amusement park as a small kid and apparently didn’t seem terribly concerned when I was found. That seems bizarre to me now. The only way to explain why I wasn’t really upset or at least concerned is that i must have just drifted off into my own world and felt totally comfortable there. I’ve done this drifting off into my own private world for as long as I can remember. Only recently did I realize that it’s dissociation and a sign of Complex PTSD. I believe I retreated into my own mental world to avoid the overwhelm of the chaos in my home when I was a kid. There are also huge chunks of my childhood I can’t recall. To the point that I once spent several hours “traveling” the streets of my childhood town and surrounding areas on Google Maps Street View just to try to bring back some memories and feel some kind of anchor to my past.
@@intothemystic4819 yes, I would say “mild” relative to other forms of dissociation. But it can also be very debilitating, especially if it becomes a habitual form of escape that results in memory loss and difficulty maintaining enough presence of mind d to do one’s job or connect with others. For me, it served a functional purpose when I was a small child needing refuge from difficult family problems beyond my comprehension; however, I still do it to this day, often when feeling overwhelmed, and I’m not so sure how helpful it is, esp when it’s more automatic and less voluntary and leads to a lot of wasted time.
That’s me. I’m always daydreaming also. Since I was a kid. I think a big factor is my deafness. Not being able to hear people. AlwYs being left out. But also cuz of so much chaos and dysfunction in my childhood. And most of my childhood is a blank with relatively few memories. My family would discuss various events from childhood but I rarely remembered anything. They would look at me funny making me feel like a black sheep. 💔
hi, i apologize if this is too forward of me but you should look into dissociative related disorders like DID and talk about your experiences with a psychologist, best wishes ❤️
@@iron4321 that's pretty awful of you for trying to pick on someone who's opening up about their experiences. Would you like it if I said your problems must be because of drug use? and you assume that it must be because of drugs and not some underlying condition. You're ableist and ignorant, please go read a book.
When I dissociate, my vision either gets very blurry, or objects appear to lack dimension. Also, I can have difficulty hearing, or will hear what someone is saying, but comprehend nothing. Sometimes I will slur my speech, or use very simple sentences. It feels similar to being drunk.
Yes! When it first happened I was so afraid and actually thought my eyesight was the problem and that I would now need glasses but it really was just me dissociating damn .. it's still freaking scary
Same, glad Im not alone It always feels like my eyes lose the “will” to see I also got scared that my eyes were getting bad and that I had to use glasses
I know it sounds weird but I actually remember dissociating many many times as a child when I was being abused. Just completely clocking out into another place in my mind where things felt unreal and distance then sounds and thoughts and feelings felt so distant. Not only that but I would experience hallucinations such as watching my mother's head shrink as she was screaming in my face and then that along with the dissociation it didn't affect me anymore. I did this a lot as a kid. I honestly thought I had a super power because of this when I was a kid to "be able to change my reality" when as an adult now I realise I was just HEAVILY dissociating.
I have actually repressed memories. I'm desperate now as n adult, to want to know what happened that made me block it all out. I left my mind and body at that time. It's the only thing that makes sense. Repressed memory. I dissociated and now I'm doing it all the time with alcohol
Dissociation for me feels like I'm dreaming, and I just can't keep myself grounded in the present. No matter how much I tell myself that what I'm living is real, it's still looks so hazy. And the worst thing is that it came to a point where I'm comfortable with dissociating, though I know it's something I want to stop. I want to feel alive.
Yup I agree .same experience. Except mine started by my stream and then led to bad axiaty. N now I know what this feeling is everytime I think about it .it seems to come back .its weird
I AM SO GLAD TO SEE THIS COMMENT THANK U. So i experienced this for the first time yesterday it happened a few times, I remember it well i had essentially i think been away too long as i am currently battling a subtstance issue. Luckily I had heard the word disacciation and i thought surely this is somethinng like this... I kept having to say to myself 'NO THIS IS NOT A DREAM THIS IS ACTUALLLY HAPPENING HURRY UP OR GET MOVING'
Not mine but my partner was suddenly shaped weirdly and umcanny. I think it's your brain disregarding it's judgement system. You can not make sense of what is accordingly because your Brain does not want the prior pain to be according to your reality. Just my guess here.
Yes. It's typically my fingers, hands and arms. I never connected it to dissociation though until very recently. So many dots still to connect. That in itself feels very overwhelming. Is that a typical sensation when dissociating?
Yes, it happens with my whole body. Sometimes it is so bad that it seems like my height changed and I actually see everything as if my height had changed, the roof seems further or closer the chairs are bigger, or really small... it is weird.
@@Katimorton Good! Lol it’s not talked about very often or ever listed with the other dissociation symptoms. It’s typically the only type I experience!
For me, dissociation looks similar to sleeping with my eyes open. When I'm too anxious to talk, I just retreat into my imagination, and there's a sudden shock when I snap out of it. I tend to freeze like a statue and do a sort of thousand yard stare. I still do basic functions like blink and breathe, but it feels like I slip into a different reality.
I did that at work and I thought I was sleep cause my brain was in some other reality and my lead was like hey chill and I came out of it. Idk wtf my body was doing
Snapping back to reality is the most alarming part for me because I suddenly feel like I'm on drugs and I panic wondering how long I've dissociated for.
yes i do this. i notice it mostly when im in the shower (cause i realise ive been running water for quite some time) but i do it all the time (sometimes on purpose!)
Thank you for this. So many people unintentionally dissociate or numb themselves from underlying trauma. They then carry a mental burden which makes it hard to heal. Self improvement begins with self awareness.
I had an extremely traumatic life. From age 4/5 until now at 52. I don't cry, feel anger...I basically just feel numb, depressed. I have been and out of therapy my entire life. I have had therapist's say that they aren't qualified to deal with my depth of Trauma. I have been told that I am stuck in "shock". I think that I am dissociated 99% of the time.
So true. I never knew that what I was experiencing was dissociation. I always thought of it as just thinking too much, or something like that. Now I can see more clearly how dissociation is just a defence against the overwhelming feelings I experience as a result of trauma.
@@candaceion9622 I have been where u r. I am 56 now n its only really In the last 3 to 4 yrs that I have really started 2 face n get in touch with the pain n grief of my childhood n adulthood family hurt. It runs very deep, God has help me understand how i truly feel n teach me that its is ok 2 have feelings, as my family wd shut me down n dismiss my hurt If tried 2 really bring it 2 the forefront. Do u have any family?
@@candaceion9622 me to but i am 37 , and everyone around me including family has given up on me and act like i dont exist. Mostly i feel like i am already dead because life didnt give me any chances to heal, it has just been 1 trauma after another. Over the last 10 years i had like 50 psychs that only made money off my mental problems.
1. Loss of memory 2. Watching yourself doing something- feel out of our own body 3. Feeling light headed - disconnection from our environment can cause this 4. Don't feel emotional or physical pain - squeeze ice 5. We don't know who we are or be confused about it. May not who or what you like.
@@angelwings7930 squeezing ice causes uncomfort and helps anchor you in the moment. I was dissociatimg last night during the worst panic attack I've had in years and I had to go sit outside in 12 degree weather for 30 mins with no jacket. It really helped.
@@Musarrat19 Spacing out; day dreaming Glazed look; staring Mind going blank Mind wandering Sense of world not being real Watching self from outside Detachment from self or identity Out of body experience Disconnected from surroundings It's a scary feeling. Your brain essentially disconnects from whats happening because it cant handle the stress of the emotions you are feeling.
this has happened to me a few times, it happens especially when im in a large group of people. i will completely space out and it will feel like im not even there or like im invisible and no one can see me and im watching everyone do their thing and watching different conversations but not really feeling conscious while also feeling conscious (like a dream almost) i have always thought this was normal. i didn't realise that this was dissociation. im not diagnosed with but 90% sure i have BPD and i know dissociation can be a symptom of BPD
There is literally not a day that goes by where I don't feel depersonalized/derealised. I almost always feel like I'm in a dream or like I'm mentally floating, if that makes sense. Lightheadedness is common and feeling like I'm watching myself do things or like I don't recognize myself in the mirror. In fact when you said that 50% of people have at least one dissociative episode I immediately thought, "Lucky. Some people get to have just one." I rarely even know what it feels like to not be dissociated. I don't even remember what I did two days ago. What do normal people feel like
..if it makes you feel less isolated, I can relate with you 100%. I’ve been popping out of dissociation a bit more often during the day since I started a strict routine. I live my life as close to a regimented plan as possible and avoid anything stimulating. ..sounds sad, but I prefer the 85% dissociation over the 100% with a brief second of reality hitting me every 6 months causing a mental and emotional collapse because I forgot what presence feels like. You probably get what I’m talking about.
I honestly 100% understand this, I used to not be able to go a single day without dissociating starting from elementary school until about my sophomore year of high school; something that helped me out a LOT was just doing basic mindfulness practices every day (5 minutes of describing everything around you with your six senses, 5 minutes of breathing and ignoring all other thoughts, 5 minutes of stretching, etc.). It’s really hard at first and it might not feel like you’re really “getting it”, but with practice just 5 minutes a day you can get a lot better at it. It may take a long time to feel truly connected to your body and everything around you, but even getting through a simple conversation with a friend without completely dissociating is a huge accomplishment!!! I still find myself dissociating some days but just remember that it’s a learning curve and with time and practice you can get little accomplishments that lead to big results, I believe in you!!
It’s almost comforting that someone else experiences this in the same kind of way I do. It kind of feels like I’m sleepwalking through life most of the time, and moments of actual grounded reality are few and far between. It’s really disorienting not to have a sense of time or self.
I was describing my symptoms to my psychiatrist and I didn't know what it was yet and he goes "oh so you deal with dissociation and depersonalization" and I was like "THERES A NAME FOR IT?????" having a name to how I'm feeling helped tremendously because I didn't feel as alone anymore :)
As someone who lives with a chronic illness, I teach clients with similar diagnoses how to intentionally spend some time during the day, every day, embodied and present to the here and now. Dissociation helps those of us who live with chronic pain and other difficult symptoms to get through the day. But if you stay dissociated, you lose a sense of who you are and what you need. Thanks so much for this breakdown of dissociation, Kati!
I disassociate myself from everything to the point when I’m actually having to be in real life and actually participate in my own life i just can’t.. it always feel like life in general is too much for me. Its kinda hard to explain .. i feel like I’m living someone else’s life
I dont know how long you've been feeling like this, but i felt this way too a few months ago, it eventually went away and now im fine, hope you feel better with time:)
@@natashahindmarsh509 yeah same with me.. i felt like this almost all my life. To the point that i don’t even know how to live “normally”. Time never was the answer
@@natashahindmarsh509 i did that for like two years and it took a toll on me i got depressed and it triggered thoughts of self harm.. sleeping kinda helped in a way but didn’t .. like it helped me get through the day but it left me with a lot of dark emotions when i woke up. Which is why now i struggle with sleeping properly
I feel like im constantly monitoring my own perception because i have a fear of dissociation but this puts me into a constant state of anxiety that probably causes it more often
yes brother! i have been like that for 16 months like omg i dont ever feel present i feel cut off from reality like im in a dream omg this is dissociation etc and i used to fear that word so damn much but why be scared of it? being scared of it i feel makes it worse.
Yup I'm the exact same .I suffer from real bad axiaty n over think everything so wen I feel disconnected from myself it makes me panick more ..but I think to my self that everything is ok .and it happens to a lot of people .n jus relax .
Is this the real me now? Who is the real me? Am I human or machine now? Can i care or can i not? It's a horrible way to have to live your life and what's worse nobody sees it. You are a "normal" person one minute and a cold unfeeling person the next just because someone does or says something that hits a trigger. People might think your crazy but if you tell them about your PTSD then you're confirming it because they don't have it and don't understand what it's like. People see others in a wheelchair and can sympathize because they can imagine themselves in a wheelchair and how hard that would be, but a mental illness where you're not talking to yourself or imaginary people or screaming or have any overt outward signs people just can't understand.
I dissociated a lot as a child, I grew up in an abusive environment and I used it as a self protection mechanism. I've been out of that environment for years now, however I still experience it when stressed or overwhelmed.
My biggest signs of dissociating are spacing out and running on autopilot. It feels like my mind is running two programs at the same time, the present moment as well as the emotional flashbacks. When it happens, I say out loud that Im spacing out but Im aware of whats going on. I talk through what Im thinking and this talking grounds me in my body again.
I have had this all my life. I also can Astral project and meditate well. But the spacing out and auto pilot is with me nearly all the time. I do feel like it’s not me while looking in the mirror. This feels like part of my spirituality though. The real me is a spirit. Do any of y’all feel similar?
Is it unusual to feel like dissociation is comfortable? Sometimes I find it is like a break from it all. Let’s say I’m dissociating but then realise, I almost wish it had carried on?
i've been officially diagnosed and feel that way too every now and again. and it makes a lot of sense to me! our brain is trying to protect us, after all, be it from the outside world or our own feelings or trauma
There can be a sense of comfort in it for me sometimes. Especially if Im extremely anxious about a tangible event, once I begin dissociating I'm not worried about it anymore! But, on the other hand, its scary and can make me more anxious
a big thing with my dissociation is that I feel like time doesn't exist and that I'm stuck in this state forever. And even when I come out of it to an extent when I try to remember the feeling all I can associate with it is a sense of a long time even though it could have been only 30 minutes. But even with that feeling I get to a point where I tell myself that if I'm stuck in this state forever why worry about anything with the real me? idk if this made sense i'm kinda disassociating right now
I was at the dentist recently and I was so anxious. My brain kept trying to disassociate but then my gums would get poked or something and I would snap to. I kept wishing I could stay disassociated because when I felt far away, it was like I was floating in a dream or something. Much more pleasant than feeling all my tense muscles and the loud vacuum suctioning and the bright light and sharp instruments as they cleaned my teeth.
My therapist told me that I might be experiencing dissociation and I've been doing research on it and it actually makes a lot more sense now. Thank you for this video.
I've had anxiety and depression for years and this has been one of the weirdest symptoms. I remember the first time it happened to me. It was similar to the feeling you feel when you look down from a tall building or balcony. Like a huge whoosh of dizziness and horrible feelings that makes what you are and what see/feel unreal. It was like I couldn't believe what I was seeing like the image from my eyes was so foreign and new as if I just popped into existence and didn't know who I was yet. I've never had mushrooms but the way people talk about losing the ego or sense of self on mushrooms sounds so familiar to me.
This made me want to cry. I constantly struggle with memory issues, feeling light headed, not knowing what I did or things that happened. There's been a number of times when someone will bring up an event that I was in and I have no recollection of that at all. There is even a photo that was put up at work, of a celebration, with me in it, that I had absolutely no memory of and could not tell you anything that happened, where it was, or what it was about. I have to constantly write things down throughout the day. I can never tell the difference between anxiety, stress, depression, or dissociation. It has physical symptoms though. Chest pain, digestion issues, migraines, even an auditory rumbling when people talk that nobody has been able to tell me what that is. It's hard to stop and happens, seemingly, randomly. I've made progress. I can start to actually feel some emotions that I used to just act that I felt, when I concentrate on it. But I don't know if therapy is helping anymore. I don't know how to stop these automatic reactions. It's hard to live like this.
True, but if things aren't improving with therapy, it's possible that the right diagnoses have not/will not be made and the person needs to try other avenues or specialists. For example, this person didn't mention PTSD, but that may be something they might want to discuss with a specialist in case that's the reason for dissociation. There's also just a lot that even professionals can't explain at this point in time. Hopefully this person and their doctors don't give up.
You're off to a great start you've identified them. I had a flashback not long ago and I couldn't believe it but I identified the flashback and why it happened weird. There's an excellent book by Pete Walker called cptsd from surviving to thriving. He talks about ways to help flashbacks
Does anyone else get really afraid of their body/ having a body when they disassociate? I sometimes get overwhelmingly squeamish and distressed about having a body when i'm disassociating and I so desperately wish I was a wall or a tree. I also just wanted to say thanks for your videos. They help me a lot.
This video nearly confirmed to me that I'm probably dissociating during therapy. I hardly ever remember it and when I do only the easy bits. And often when I walk out the building, it's the moment my emotions hit me. I did wonder if the bad memory could be dissociation but this video made that thought a lot stronger. Thank you for giving me the info that helped me realise!
I went through the same thing! I made some reason like ADHD but this seems FAR more accurate. I mentioned my memory problems with my psychologist and he said that, as long as I ask again what he said/hear what he tells me again, it should still help me subconsciously and come to me naturally. Counseling truly is like magic.
I feel exactly like this sometimes I forget what we talk about and zone out all the time I also feel fine even great when I am leaving but as soon as I leave the lobby and I walk down the hall I feel just like a weight come down on me and it feels like I am underwater. I also find it really hard to remember thing while I am there and I have described before that I feel like I get tunnel vision not literally but mentally like I can only access a small part of my emotions and memories and vocabulary and I thought this was because of anxiety (I used to have selective mutism) but maybe I am disassociating? I’ve also like told my therapist certain things that in the moment I genuinely believed were true but than when I remembered those moments later I realized that it was very much not the case and I just totally forgot about things that are pretty important. Obviously you can’t give me any answers but I just wanted to say I relate a lot to this comment.
It's so interesting what you say about loss of identity, I never hear about that as part of dissociation before, but I can relate to that a lot, and would like to know more about it. I've experienced that both alone and along with feeling outside of my body (getting all clumsy) and not feeling anything. Self harm has always been the most effective way to keep myself tethered in those situations, like a hand to hold on to, because I can actually feel it - not always so much when I do it, but afterwards.
I've had very bad depersonalization and derealization for years. The two go hand in hand, and I have suffered from it every single day, since the age of 15. EVERY DAY, 90% of the day. I am now 31. I've learned to live peacefully with it. I've gotten so accustomed to it, it's now more stressful for me NOT to be dissociated. It's okay. I've come to accept it's just a part of who I am. I'm an artist, and I've learned how to use it to help my artistic expression in a positive way. It does hinder me socially. I'm not here to tell you NOT to pursue treatment, if you're like me. But I am here to tell you that, if you have it severely, and can only make minimal improvement, it's OKAY. It's okay. It's just a matter of learning how to use it to your advantage :-) Don't worry. Nothing is wrong with you. Sometimes, acceptance of our imperfections MAKES us perfect in the end. Whoever you are, suffering from this, I love you. And I'm with you.
I experienced this since I was 16. I've learnt to live with it. mine comes with emotional numbness and I use the numbness when I experience emotional stress
Wow, I’m speechless. Yes, I felt this way almost daily since my earliest recollections of abuse in all forms, etc. etc. will do that thank you for your sweet message.
I'm about to graduate with my psychology degree! Thank you so much for your help to discover what I love Katie. You've helped me with my classes so much, and to figure out what career I want to pursue.
What about eyes going out of focus? Spontaneously “blurring out” has happened all my life, and I’ve only recently noticed that it happens when I’m thinking about something stressful. It feels “comfortable” in such a way that I don’t want to pull myself out of it (but I can if I will it) and it’s kind of emotionally numbing, and I can actually function pretty normally during these episodes (unless the task requires a lot of focus). Sometimes I do it intentionally when I’m in public to take myself out of my social anxiety.
I think I understand the relaxed eyes blur happens when I zone out feel warm and calm and don't realize I've been doing this, not blinking, eyes dry and blurred a bit, but also have bad eyesight/corrective vision but this still happens noticeably because I literally could be wearing contacts and then suddenly feel weirdly calm and blurred vision
Yeah you're far too self aware of this issue for it to be dissociation. Lack of focus, daydreaming absolutely but you don't sound like you're expressing the disconnect of someone with this issue.
Then I DEFINITELY dissociated before, besides while on THC. I was working at a dog rescue and a dog fatally attacked another. I managed to stay present and do the cleanup, but after that I told my manager that I needed to go home. I started dissociating on the drive home and came to in a neighborhood off the freeway. Thankfully, I knew the area and had my family pick me and my car up. Which confused them, but it was definitely the safest move.
Thc is a mind bender. Disassociation is just people who live a fake unrealistic life and your mind detaches from the soul becuz they are misaligned. But smoking og kush can make people Ulta aware and wake them up. Front brain gets activated. Once you wake up you will never be the same person. Some mistake cannabis disassociation with waking up.
dissociation is one hell of a protective technique. It's amazing as a way to get me through really tough and stressful times, but when it happens for long periods of times, or when nothing awful is happening, it can really suck. Dissociation got me through high school and was a thick skin between me and an emotionally abusive music teacher. But I've lost several years to it, even the good times.
Its kind of comforting seeing this video pop up in my feed now that I am off medication and working slowly to unmask and live authentically as an autistic individual. I've known for a few years dissociation was what I was doing and paying attention to it as a sign that I've reached my limits and using that as a guide for how to better fine tune my life and accept where my actual limits are. As I work through it though, and work with my psychologist/therapist, I find it comforting, not concerning. And the loss of identity has helped me a lot in self discovery and finding who I really am.
Idk how to explain it but sometimes not too often when I’m with friends or a big group something comes over me and like nothing seems real or it’s like I’ll look at myself and I’m like “who am I, is this me? What’s going on? What’s real? Am I real”
Sounds like depersonalization or derealization is occurring. You should check these two terms out. I also experience both of these things as well as dissociation. Hope you get the help you need. :)
Yes! Thank you for sharing this. When I am very happy, especially surrounded by loved ones, I often feel like this isn’t my life and who am I? It’s like my brain can’t believe that people actually love me. :(
@@ancarter22 I understand that feeling… When people are nice, my brain goes, “But why…? What’s the catch?” 😮💨 Much love to everyone struggling with these issues. 💕
....This explains so much.... I.... I never realized I actually was dissociating at all when it happened or when I finally came to my senses afterwards.... turns out my mood episodes or triggers of other things in life have caused me to do this numerous times without realizing it....Thank you for putting into words what I could not.... I need to talk to my therapist about this in my next session this upcoming week! >.
And thank YOU for expressing what I wanted to say. I didn't know this was a thing that happened to others, I thought it was just me. I have let some close friends know that I sometimes "get lost". It helps that they can recognize what is going on with me when I can't. They bring me back to reality
Yup I relate to all the above. The loss of identity is truly the most painful. Thank you for validating this. I woke up feeling majorly dissociated this morning.
Katie. I’ve been going through postpartum depression and compounded trauma from a year abs a half of horrible events. I JUST realized this weekend that I spend almost half the day in dissociation. I realized yesterday I kept saying “I don’t feel real”. I feel numbed out and like I’ve been inside of my thoughts for so long that I feel like I’ve been in another world until about 4pm. I spend almost 12 hours a day along with my 2 year old while pregnant and I noticed it’s hard to get out of the house bc I feel so dizzy and spaced out that I’m afraid to drive bc I feel so sleepy alllll day. I want to thank you for making these videos. I never realized I also have maladaptive daydreaming due to being in isolation for the past 6 months due to pregnancy complications. Now I can actually catch myself doing it so I can actually feel present in my day. 🙏🙏🙏
I’ve had this so many times recently and it helps SO much to understand what it is! I’d feel like a senseless monster during arguments when I started to not feel emotions. I was scared I was heartless when in fact the argument was so hurtful my brain was trying to save me. It’s odd having a motherly brain in a society that may view it otherwise. We must love ourselves. Thanks Kati! ❤️
You are not a doctor and go see a real professionally psychologist because that was needs to be done and specialized in your condition. Yes this video on is to inform but also tell you if you have this problem then go see this type of doctor to help you with your life period 👏.
I've been in a chronic state of dissociation for 33 years. In the beginning it was so scary as it came and went. Now i'm used to it and it's at least better. No doctor understood my problem when I finally dared to speak about it. I have many times thought I was going crazy. I understood it was my minds way to cope. When I finally read about it everything clicked. Very strange when professionals don't know about it. In my case it happened after sexual trauma. I didn't tell people so didn't get help. So if this resonates with you - please seek help🙏❤
I think I’ve just realised that what I’ve described as “dissociation” is just the onset of a panic attack. For me, I feel something creep from the back of my head, the edges of my vision gets blurry and the noises around me get louder. I always assumed it was dissociation!
i never heard someone explain what i experience so accurately. u get what feels like tunnel vision, sounds become louder that you normally wouldn't pay attention to, and you feel confused and scared. i hate it.
Wow, recently i think i’ve been struggling with dissociating and have been talking about it for the last couple days and this video popped up on my feed and it really helped.
This just blew my mind! I thought it was just me day dreaming instead of being in the present situation. I have had all of these for years 😭 thank you so much for this info! Now i can better understand my self.
The best way to find out is to talk with a therapist about it. Usually having someone guide you through what memory you do have and working with you to uncover what you can will help. We can have memory loss for many reasons, dissociation, abuse or trauma, and much more, so seeing a professional is the best way to figure out why it happened to you. xoxo
I also don't remember big chunks of my childhood and also some of the last years of my life, it seems as tho It's been getting worse and worse as times goes by, like my memory is fucked up or something :\ very hard to deal with
@@Oceans780 Me, too. Kind of frightening. If prompted by a sibling who is recalling an event that I was present at, often the memory of the event, or parts of it, come back to me, which is really nice.
I feel like I’ve dissociated for so long that it just feels normal now and I don’t even know how to describe it when someone asks but I can identify when people point out what it is
Yes. I’ve been feeling like this since I can remember, since childhood. So im appalled when I can see people in the comments being able to call it scary or weird, as if they experienced it only once in their lifetime, or experience rarely foe short periods of time. I am so used to it i am more surprised when i feel normal for some time, when there is no tension for example for the first time in years. 😅
1:08 "for a minute or so" ... I feel like I've been HEAVILY DISSOCIATED my entire life. Memories, the foggy ones that I can actually kinda recall feel more like recalling a dream than a memory. It's depressing really. I am in this constant state of not remembering anything, not forming memory and not knowing who exactly I am.
I just experienced dissociation for the first time about 3 months ago. Since then I’ve experienced it a handful of times because I’m doing trauma work in therapy. Trauma work is scary, honestly.
props to you for doing it, though! don't forget that you should work through things at your own pace. you can ask your therapist to go slower at any time. have you told them about your dissociative symptoms? if not, that would certainly help them a great deal
@@nobody4911 yes I’ve told her about my experiences with dissociation. It has actually happened once or twice with her in session. She’s very good about giving me tips and ways to cope in the moment.
I've never seen anyone like you who can hit the nail on the head with 100% accuracy and I have reached out for the help with Dr's and therapist who after a couple of appointments and no warning drop me or cancel any future sessions and so with that said I am at the point of lonely and lonesome actions or reactions that I don't know whether I'm coming or going or even worse going through the motion of minute by minute life
I recently realised that I have memories of dissociating when I was a kid. It was like time had stopped or something, like I was disconnected from the room and my hands seemed like they had grown larger and larger. I’m not sure why I dissociated though.
Im stuck in it 24/7 its awful. I have every single one of these things from childhood abuse, still in childhood abuse so its getting worse. -Hard of hearing (Somebody sayts something and i cant hear it even with 20/20 hearing) -Eye Sights has declined since i got locked in 24/7 -I feel out of my body 24/7 like a vr game. My body is not my body. -I feel pain and don't really FEEL it. -Memory loss -Deperonilization Etc... All cause my dads and asshole and i don't get a choice about it.
My mom died last January of cancer. She had stage 4 for 6 years and fought until she couldn't anymore. I was very close to her. The night before she died I watched her suffer for hours; the PTSD from that night uprooted my entire identity of who I thought I was and I've started dissociating at random during my day because my emotions are so high and unmanageable. It's like I'm watching myself do things but I can't hear what I'm saying (like I'm muted) and can't feel anything. I sometimes watch myself drive home with no recollection of even looking out of my windshield. I have my first therapy session scheduled for next Thursday. I'm VERY scared but hopeful. Thank you Kati for your insight, information and compassion.
I can relate to your post so much. My mom died in June 2021 of lung cancer, and in July 2022 I had a series of severe panic attacks that led to derealization and depersonalization. I had experienced DPDR before due to anxiety but nothing like that episode. I was convinced I had schizophrenia for several months, and was in fight or flight mode 24/7. I'm currently on Lexapro and Buspar which I think has helped, along with doing therapy. My mind has calmed down somewhat but I still feel a disconnect from my old identity.
It’s funny, how I started watching your when I was 20 years old. Now I am 26 and I just completed my degree in Mental Health Counseling. Hopefully I can begin practicing as well. :)
Congratulations!! I'm going for the same degree! Are you going to post videos about experiences in the beginning of working in this field? If you do I'll follow now! Best wishes to you 💜
4:55 is really relatable. Me and my stepdad was picking up my little sister from school, and earlier that day I had a depressive episode when I was alone at home. So when we got at the school, she went in the car and she slammed the door really hard on my fingers, but I didn’t scream, cry or even figit. I literally had no physical pain, I only laughed, and no one even knew that that happened only when I said something, they were really shocked that I didn’t scream in pain. It was Kinda a good thing that I was dissociative at that moment, and also my fingers didn’t even break.
learning or realizing that disassociation is real was a difficult pill to swallow...I am in my 70s and only in the last few years did I come to know that disassociate stuff happens
As a kid I used to say to my mom "I feel like I'm not here". It scared me a lot but of course she had no idea what was going on to be able to help me. It happened all the time and still does. I feel like I'm seeing the world through tunnel vision and when it starts I push myself to act like a normal person and fake it 'til I make it. I try to just act like it will go away and eventually it does. It's so hard to describe! Could this be dissociation?
I had an episode for 3 months straight. It was horrible. Everyone looked like moving objects trying to give me pills so that I could sleep only to wake up 3 hours later feeling fully awake. Ew. My most recent is when I started watching ghost shit on RUclips, I started feeling like I was being controlled by a ghost. Obviously no ghosts, but ya know
I spent 2 years of my life dissociating. I was being bullied and s*xually harassed pretty bad. I started doing poorly in school so my parents and teachers would yell at me, causing me to shut down even further. I experienced a lot of loss too. I honestly didn't even feel real. The parts I can remember are also weird, the best way I can describe it is monochrome. I'm better now though, I still dissociate sometimes but it's not as bad now. I'm glad I can enjoy color again
I’ve been dissociating on & off for years but just recently was diagnosed with epilepsy where I only have seizures in my sleep. Having a seizure & then waking up in a dissociative state that’s lasted on & off 3 days has truly been the most terrifying experience in my life. I got family to take me to emerge because I was scared I may have died that night & was just imagining everything else. Even just watching this helps to remind me that my thoughts are just thoughts & everything’s going to be okay but I definitely think I should get in to talk to a professional. Hugs to all who needs them 🫂❤️
Been having intense dissociation since coming out of a friendship with a narcissist and being stuck at home with my abusive father and just being a general toxic household because of quarantine. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I hope everyone dealing with it is making their way towards healing
My *literal* exact situation. I wish you luck. This isn’t easy and is affecting my good relationships the most and they don’t deserve it and the guilt is powerful. Be well, friend. and hang loose 🤙 -it’s my new motto after discovering the emoji. Silly, but it does help.
@@katejenn Oh god same. It's like I finally get some good relationships in my life but they're being negatively affected so much by all the guilt I'm feeling and me just feeling so emotionally numb and agitated. I have hope life is more than this. I was happier before quarantine. I know we can make it out to a better life. It's a little wet, but sometimes I like looking up at the sky when things feel like hell and I think about the fact that the sky is what everyone everywhere has in common, and one day I hope to look up at it through happier eyes and think about how it was always with me. Good luck honestly
Yes. Get a tracker on your car connected to an app so you can be sure how often it’s happening and whether you should really be allowing yourself access to a car
Happened me something similar a few times. I had the image of the place where I had to go, and then not knowing how to get there. When I knew how to go there because I already went to that place
Where were ALL of you when I was a kid struggling with this ? You’re all my best friends and brothers / sisters from other mothers, etc. Big love from me 🙏🏼
I'm definitely dissociated right now. I feel so bad about it cause I see I can't manage to be authentic. I start going in automatic mode and become too nice, too agreeable. And although it gets me through situations it can also harm me cause I tend to not realize when a situation is bad for me.
Loss of self- identity was a major problem I couldn’t deal with for most of my life. It began in childhood . I had no dad around from the time I was three, couldn’t understand things that happened to me and my family, which is true of most kids. But I could never understand my mother. And as I discovered years later, it was because she had a persona that she created for herself to relate socially. You can’t know a person through a false persona. Then I began to follow that and was searching for my own persona. I began fantasizing about reality and the world. I looked at things from a warped perspective. People would tell that I was hard to know , and I had no idea what they meant. To me it became an enigma that I could not understand. I couldn’t know my true self or others, and others could not know me. I became despondent and resigned as well as depressed . I was not able to have normal relationships. But I never knew why. It’s a dreadful way to live , always trying to overcome a negative self-image , or, no self - image , by compensating for myself and looking for roll models to create a persona that could give me self-confidence. The mass of confusion makes life harder and lonelier. The answer I found was from a Native American teaching. You have to find your center, your true self, your heart , and then never let anything draw you off of it. They call this your shadow self . This is your identity. It’s like finding the eye of the storm- in the center there is peace and the storm is all around you; instead of being in turmoil and confusion, which is the storm in our heart that won’t let us rest.
I was unaware of dissociating until hours started disappearing and I didn't know where I was at first. It stole so much of my life, including letting my children go. The least painful aspect of CPTSD and probably the most destructive outside of violent flashbacks.
@@Paulstrickland01can you say how you have come to this diagnosis, please? I don't believe that you know enough about the current and past events in my life to say this, but thank you for your kind intention. It is appreciated and I am interested in your viewpoint.
I just realised that I basically dissosiated throughout my abusive relationship for 4 months. I don't have any recollection about most of the 4 months but I remember coming to when I started self harming
I had a relationship with an Afghan refugee while volunteering abroad and then long distance while trying to help him get asylum and leave the camp by meeting lawyers in my country. He’s in a better camp now but it’s still sad. We broke up after realizing he can’t come to my country. Anyway, yesterday I was thinking about my past relationships and I literally forgot about my Afghan boyfriend. I could only remember my bf from 2 years ago and the other from 5 years ago 😳 Then today I realized that I forgot him. Well, I dissociate a lot.
One great way to help prevent disassociation is to practice body awareness. I teach Yin yoga and one of the main focuses of the practice is body awareness; tuning into the sensations of being in your body, notice sensations of pain, comfort, tension, etc. Doing this practice regularly can prevent disassociation by strengthening and nurturing our relationship with our physical body. ❤️
I dissociate quite often which goes with my diagnosed depression & anxiety and have for years. Sometimes it can be overwhelming, but most of the time it's just something I'm used to and actually even welcome it really. It's a buffer for my actual mental issues to me and helps me through a lot. I know it is frowned upon to use heavy psychoactives with mental illness but sometimes I even use a class of drug called dissociative hallucinogenics to really dive into this state of being/non-being when I am utterly at my ropes end. I call it a Great Reset.
I didnt know that’s what it was called, the things ive dealt with my entire life. Have been severely abused my whole life and have close to no memory from before I was 18. And the experiences I was having match up with dissociating explained here! My therapists have never told me that was the word it’s called! Thank you for this video!
You deserve to go to heaven for making this vid, it literally discribe EVERYTHING I'm going through this period, and it made me feel a bit more comfortable because I thought I lost my identity for ever, first time seeing your challenge, it deserve all love and support, thank you ❤️❤️❤️
No one deserves heaven. We all deserve hell and are condemned to it unless we repent and turn to Jesus. He is the only gate to the Father. For by grace we have been saved through faith and it's not of anything we do. It is the gift of God.
I once sat 8:24 for a final exam in college that required long written answers. I was very fatigued, and I became very jittery and nervous when I saw the exam to the point where I felt like I couldn’t even control my hand. I also became unable to understand the questions, and I would read them over and over. So I just kept writing, knowing that I had written a bunch of gibberish and went home very depressed afterwards. at the next class session, the professor asked for me by name, and I fully expected her to say that they would hook me up with the campus psychiatrist. But oddly enough, I had the highest paper in the class and set the curve. I do not remember any questions or what I wrote, and that was very unnerving to me. I guess that’s some kind a dissociative episode right there
@@r.coffman1431 I was just responding to the comment about writing answers on a test, feeling like they were gibberish, but they were the highest grade in the class. Did you read that comment? I’m not sure what’s confusing you.
I've had that happen, in fact I was having and anxiety attack but no one noticed because we had masks on. It was only a few seconds but my hands froze and it took a few seconds for me to write again... I couldn't remember what was on my essay. I did NOT get a high grade :))
This is the worst when you’re trying to conversation with friends and family. Trying to provide attention and let them know your interested but in my experience that memory loss hits me and I fk up talking and after that I can’t hold eye contact and start to fade away as I make ditch effort attempts to not make whoever it is feel I don’t care or think I’m too simple to comprehend pushin that state farther
Same. 20 something years ago I was diagnosed with DID. Fast forward to forgetting the diagnosis and Everything I had worked on in therapy for 15 years and now I'm aware of my system over the past year.. But I'm probably actually OSDD, but no one will diagnose me, but at least my new therapist actually listens to what I experience and has been ok dealing with my splitting.
I don’t even realize how stressed I’ve been for so long until you describe these things and then it’s like wow I’ve been stressed for along time I guess?
Thanks for this! My Psychiatrist says I dissociate a lot, but I still "struggle to understand" what that means/looks like. I think it's just that I might not want to admit I do it. It sounds "scary" and "crazy" and all those other words we shouldn't use.
Wow. I remember 'coming to' in school, a month after my grandad died and not having any idea what my teacher was talking about. I also do this during interviews.
Honestly the first thing that came to mind was all the times that I've been doing something in the present and have a flashback of a time when something similar happened in the past. I would get so wrapped up in the memory of it that I would end up spacing out and forgetting completely that there was a person just talking to me a second ago.
That’s similar to how I feel sometimes. It feels like I’ve done something before but I can’t actually figure out why or all of a sudden for no apparent reason I am overcome with sadness or depression and then I get distracted trying to figure out why I feel that way for no reason.
Oh my god oh my god oh my god this is insane I am just realizing how dissociated I have been and AM to this day! I had a date and I had a memory come to me consciously and then my vision got blurry and like my focus was off and I kept shaking my head like I was in a dream or something holy shit omg omg omg omg
Excellent explanation-concise. Having heard this, I recognize a few events through the years that were just chalked up to zoning out. Whether in adolescences, teen years, and ongoing adulthood, but the most recent, was all of the symptoms all at once, with no explanation but the circumstance I was in (no strenuous activity, etc). I removed myself from the situation until I re-clarified.
I didn't even think it was my case until you mentioned the self-harm episodes, I spent my whole adolescence doing it and sometimes I didn't even remember, I'd come to days later with scars. I think dissociation was, pretty much, my life until I got to my 20s, I don't remember most of it. Thank you Katie, you're wonderful.
I was today years old when I realized I dissociate. I thought I had all the symptoms of BPD except for that but it was because I didn't fully understand what dissociation was, but now I do and know that I experience that more often than I thought
Years ago I'd had many stressful days at work, feeling I was the sole provider for my family. I was depressed and so anxious all the time. Some days I would get about a mile from my house and turn the car around and go back home and call in. Well, this one day, and I don't remember when it started, all of a sudden I had driven halfway home and had no memory of it. I was at an intersection and all of a sudden I realized I had driven all that way and didn't feel like I had experienced it. I filed for disability two days later. I wasn't going to let that job kill me no matter what! I did tell my therapist about it and he was concerned. I never had another episode and now I'm on 4 different psych meds and I can actually say I feel so much better than back then. Thank you so much for covering this topic. I've learned so much from it!
I honestly feel this pretty much every day and it makes things really hard. It's bad when it happens while I'm at work, especially when I'm dealing with a customer or my coworkers. I always feel so bad because when it happens I can't process anything that's going on or remember
I've just understood that while spending my last days in Russia this autumn, before I left the country, I was often dissociating. It was, and still is, extremely difficult to process what's going on. Some days I woke up not remembering how i spent some previous days and some parts of those days. I talked to my psychotherapist about feeling of like i was going to fall down. And I didn't understand and still sometimes do not understand completely of who I am and what is the sense of many things in my life and in the world on the whole.
I experienced dissociation for several months when I was in high school, I could see through other peoples eyesight and imagine looking at things through their eyes. Looking back it feels like a super power but going through it was a nightmare, from blurry vision and racing thoughts to floating above myself while I laid on the couch for weeks straight. It eventually went away and I’ve forgotten that feeling. I’m glad I forget it because it probably won’t come back then.
I think i have this. I’ve had insomnia, anxiety, stress and depression all at the same time. I just feel like my brain forced a shut down on me. Like I’m hungover or high. Does anyone else with this feel mentally slow? Can I get my concentration back ever after this.
I have struggled with dissociation and definitely relate to that feeling of being mentally slow. It’s like a mental fog; you can’t concentrate onto anything people are saying or whatever you’re trying to learn. It’s definitely possible to get concentration back though, just difficult sometimes. I learned about grounding techniques to bring myself back to reality. Therapy helps too, just talking about whatever is causing your dissociation and learning coping skills is a huge help. You are not alone in the struggle and I wish you all the best
I’m feeling myself making progress and getting back to normal. Still not at 100% But I noticed what helped a lot was lifestyle changes. Like staying away from people who drain your spirit. Eating healthy, cutting sugar, saturated fats etc. doing yoga and exercise and breathing techniques (meditation) . But mainly stimulating the brain, even if it’s hard, like studying the dictionary since I had verbal memory recall issues, it helps the brain wake up.
I have all 4 plus ptsd. Lately my life has been you tube. If not you tube, I’m doing regular day to day stuff on auto pilot mode and the rest of the day I’m zoned out. I don’t know if it’s a dissociative disorder or focal aware seizures. I have an eeg scan on the 16th so we’ll see.
@@drea2232004 i also have ptsd and I feel the exact same way. I’ve also suspected myself of having focal aware seizures because I get weird sensations throughout the night . I would get internal trembling on my brain. Does it ever happen to you were you feel a presence near you or hovering over you when there’s no one there ?
I have entire chunks of my life gone. I will suddenly become aware that I am somewhere I don't recognize speaking to people I don't know. I will be told I love foods that I hate. I will be told I'm close friends with people I have never met. This has been happening as long as I can remember. It's frightening.
Isn't that DID?
That sounds more like DID but I don't know your experiences. Definitely talk to a psychologist and get some help dear!
Eh that ain't dissociation
No that's dementia or being hit as a kid omg 😂
@@Cornholers wow lovely support
It feels like you're an Actor who suddenly remembered themselves and you wonder why are you this character, who are they and when you started playing them.
This. So much this.
Or as if you're an actor playing yourself as a character, and you forget if you're supposed to be the hero, the sidekick, the romantic interest, or the comic relief.
Sounds a bit like Aspergers to me, have you ever talked to a doctor about it?
@@beyondtriggered I do have a form of Autism. Was Diagnosed when I was very little. I know that's not exactly Aspergers Syndrome, but i never knew that what I explained is a sign of Aspergers.
@@innerguardianXIII I think it's due to how people with Aspergers don't understand social interactions so they typically invent a character for themselves to play like they're in a scenario. It could be dangerous to act like real life is a movie though...
YES PERFECT
To me, dissociating feels like I’m watching a movie where there’s a slight delay between the sound & the visual. Someone will say something & it’ll take a few extra seconds for me to hear & process it.
That’s how I described it yesterday! I described the times when I had a lot of it like a bad quality movie where sometimes you can see what’s going on but it just blacks out a lot
I feel liek this too
Wow, if thats true, than I dissociate a lot during long programming sessions! Sometimes it takes me minutes to catch up to someones audio cue.
Yes
The accuracy 💯😭
It's pretty awesome being able to read the comments and see everyone pinpointed literally EVERY single exact thing that also happens to me when I dissociate.
Does anyone else feel a pressure in their head when they dissociate? Not like a literal pressure but like a heavy fog?
Yes 100%. It feels heavy.
Yes
Definitely
I feel like I’m in a fish tank it that makes sense or like at the bottom of a deep pool
Yes!
The memory loss thing has been SO difficult socially. People misunderstand it as disinterest when I can’t recall their names, birthdays, meaningful moments we shared, etc.. It hurts them and it leaves me wondering if I’m a narcissist
If you were a narcissist you wouldn’t care if you were. Hope that helps
I can barely remember my own stuff let alone other people's stuff
The "not believing you" is so very frustrating and invalidating, and doesn't help at all when your dissociation is due to social anxiety. It gives you one more thing to be anxious about, a fear that you'll dissociate at the wrong time and no one will understand.
I never made the connection but so true. There is alot i dont remember and have always felt bad about it but this is why. I cant remember birthdays of any friends in the past 15 years.
Literally
I really like the fact she recognises we enjoy self-injurious behaviour but still asks to choose safer option. Feeling empathy 😊
I didn’t know there was a word for this... my whole life I just thought that I was a massive daydreamer
Same!! My mom’s nicknames for me were “pokey” because I took so long to do things because I was always “in my own world.” There are so many stories of me just wandering away from my parents/family while in public as a child. For example, when I was like 5 or 6 yo at a fairly big department store, my mom would be frantic upon noticing I wasn’t with her; meanwhile I’m way across the store by myself browsing in the shoe section, completely oblivious and unconcerned. I got super lost at a huge amusement park as a small kid and apparently didn’t seem terribly concerned when I was found. That seems bizarre to me now. The only way to explain why I wasn’t really upset or at least concerned is that i must have just drifted off into my own world and felt totally comfortable there. I’ve done this drifting off into my own private world for as long as I can remember. Only recently did I realize that it’s dissociation and a sign of Complex PTSD. I believe I retreated into my own mental world to avoid the overwhelm of the chaos in my home when I was a kid. There are also huge chunks of my childhood I can’t recall. To the point that I once spent several hours “traveling” the streets of my childhood town and surrounding areas on Google Maps Street View just to try to bring back some memories and feel some kind of anchor to my past.
Daydreaming is a mild form of dissociation, which runs on a spectrum.
@@intothemystic4819 yes, I would say “mild” relative to other forms of dissociation. But it can also be very debilitating, especially if it becomes a habitual form of escape that results in memory loss and difficulty maintaining enough presence of mind d to do one’s job or connect with others. For me, it served a functional purpose when I was a small child needing refuge from difficult family problems beyond my comprehension; however, I still do it to this day, often when feeling overwhelmed, and I’m not so sure how helpful it is, esp when it’s more automatic and less voluntary and leads to a lot of wasted time.
That’s me. I’m always daydreaming also. Since I was a kid. I think a big factor is my deafness. Not being able to hear people. AlwYs being left out. But also cuz of so much chaos and dysfunction in my childhood. And most of my childhood is a blank with relatively few memories. My family would discuss various events from childhood but I rarely remembered anything. They would look at me funny making me feel like a black sheep. 💔
@@MultiSignlanguage your perfect just the way you are so don’t let anyone make you think you’re less than
for me it feels like my brain decides to detach itself from my body and keeps floating above my head like the freakin' Sims diamond!
just here in your mentions to wish you a deep green diamond in the future
@@therabbithat omg! That's the sweetest thing I've heard in awhile 🥺💖
@@therabbithat I wish the same for you 🐇💗
I get jelly legs and zombie brain
I fell like I'm my bones but not my skin.
I felt dissociated for the last 4 or 5 years. My life feels foggy like a dream and I'm functioning on auto pilot.
same here!
hi, i apologize if this is too forward of me but you should look into dissociative related disorders like DID and talk about your experiences with a psychologist, best wishes ❤️
@@iron4321 that's pretty awful of you for trying to pick on someone who's opening up about their experiences. Would you like it if I said your problems must be because of drug use? and you assume that it must be because of drugs and not some underlying condition. You're ableist and ignorant, please go read a book.
@@mariacross2095 thanks. i will
@@natsukoizumi4466 thanks
When I dissociate, my vision either gets very blurry, or objects appear to lack dimension. Also, I can have difficulty hearing, or will hear what someone is saying, but comprehend nothing. Sometimes I will slur my speech, or use very simple sentences. It feels similar to being drunk.
Yes! When it first happened I was so afraid and actually thought my eyesight was the problem and that I would now need glasses but it really was just me dissociating damn .. it's still freaking scary
Same. I thought I was having a stroke or something.
Same, glad Im not alone
It always feels like my eyes lose the “will” to see
I also got scared that my eyes were getting bad and that I had to use glasses
Yes! And I can feel when the blurryness increase and decrease like tunnelvision 😅
Have you been medically checked for other things that could cause that?
I know it sounds weird but I actually remember dissociating many many times as a child when I was being abused. Just completely clocking out into another place in my mind where things felt unreal and distance then sounds and thoughts and feelings felt so distant. Not only that but I would experience hallucinations such as watching my mother's head shrink as she was screaming in my face and then that along with the dissociation it didn't affect me anymore. I did this a lot as a kid. I honestly thought I had a super power because of this when I was a kid to "be able to change my reality" when as an adult now I realise I was just HEAVILY dissociating.
Same here. I remember as far back as 10 years of age. 😢
Omg I thought I was the only one the heads either got bigger or smaller depending on the person 😂
To be fair, it is a superpower. To be able to survive your life when you can't escape is a highly intelligent mechanism
I've done this all through my life during abuse and traumatic events. It's hard to describe to those who've never experienced it
I have actually repressed memories. I'm desperate now as n adult, to want to know what happened that made me block it all out. I left my mind and body at that time. It's the only thing that makes sense. Repressed memory. I dissociated and now I'm doing it all the time with alcohol
Dissociation for me feels like I'm dreaming, and I just can't keep myself grounded in the present. No matter how much I tell myself that what I'm living is real, it's still looks so hazy. And the worst thing is that it came to a point where I'm comfortable with dissociating, though I know it's something I want to stop. I want to feel alive.
Yup I agree .same experience. Except mine started by my stream and then led to bad axiaty. N now I know what this feeling is everytime I think about it .it seems to come back .its weird
I AM SO GLAD TO SEE THIS COMMENT THANK U. So i experienced this for the first time yesterday it happened a few times, I remember it well i had essentially i think been away too long as i am currently battling a subtstance issue. Luckily I had heard the word disacciation and i thought surely this is somethinng like this...
I kept having to say to myself 'NO THIS IS NOT A DREAM THIS IS ACTUALLLY HAPPENING HURRY UP OR GET MOVING'
This is exactly my experience and I don't know how to get out of it. It's been about 6 years of this
Same I’ve been experiencing it for years and it hasn’t gone away yet
Same
Has anyone ever experienced the feeling that your hands or head or legs are bigger or smaller than they are as a part of dissociation?
Not mine but my partner was suddenly shaped weirdly and umcanny. I think it's your brain disregarding it's judgement system. You can not make sense of what is accordingly because your Brain does not want the prior pain to be according to your reality. Just my guess here.
Yes. It's typically my fingers, hands and arms. I never connected it to dissociation though until very recently. So many dots still to connect. That in itself feels very overwhelming. Is that a typical sensation when dissociating?
Yes, it happens with my whole body.
Sometimes it is so bad that it seems like my height changed and I actually see everything as if my height had changed, the roof seems further or closer the chairs are bigger, or really small... it is weird.
I have had a few viewers describe that as part of their dissociation.. so you definitely are not alone. xoxo
@@Katimorton Good! Lol it’s not talked about very often or ever listed with the other dissociation symptoms. It’s typically the only type I experience!
For me, dissociation looks similar to sleeping with my eyes open. When I'm too anxious to talk, I just retreat into my imagination, and there's a sudden shock when I snap out of it. I tend to freeze like a statue and do a sort of thousand yard stare. I still do basic functions like blink and breathe, but it feels like I slip into a different reality.
I did that at work and I thought I was sleep cause my brain was in some other reality and my lead was like hey chill and I came out of it. Idk wtf my body was doing
You explained beautiful.
Snapping back to reality is the most alarming part for me because I suddenly feel like I'm on drugs and I panic wondering how long I've dissociated for.
@@Little_Sidhe Yep, and to make it worse, I tend to feel completely drained after intense bouts of anxiety or anger. I just completely crash.
yes i do this. i notice it mostly when im in the shower (cause i realise ive been running water for quite some time) but i do it all the time (sometimes on purpose!)
Thank you for this. So many people unintentionally dissociate or numb themselves from underlying trauma. They then carry a mental burden which makes it hard to heal. Self improvement begins with self awareness.
I had an extremely traumatic life. From age 4/5 until now at 52. I don't cry, feel anger...I basically just feel numb, depressed. I have been and out of therapy my entire life. I have had therapist's say that they aren't qualified to deal with my depth of Trauma. I have been told that I am stuck in "shock". I think that I am dissociated 99% of the time.
So true. I never knew that what I was experiencing was dissociation. I always thought of it as just thinking too much, or something like that. Now I can see more clearly how dissociation is just a defence against the overwhelming feelings I experience as a result of trauma.
@@candaceion9622 I have been where u r. I am 56 now n its only really In the last 3 to 4 yrs that I have really started 2 face n get in touch with the pain n grief of my childhood n adulthood family hurt. It runs very deep, God has help me understand how i truly feel n teach me that its is ok 2 have feelings, as my family wd shut me down n dismiss my hurt If tried 2 really bring it 2 the forefront. Do u have any family?
@@candaceion9622 me to but i am 37 , and everyone around me including family has given up on me and act like i dont exist. Mostly i feel like i am already dead because life didnt give me any chances to heal, it has just been 1 trauma after another. Over the last 10 years i had like 50 psychs that only made money off my mental problems.
1. Loss of memory
2. Watching yourself doing something- feel out of our own body
3. Feeling light headed - disconnection from our environment can cause this
4. Don't feel emotional or physical pain - squeeze ice
5. We don't know who we are or be confused about it. May not who or what you like.
#4, squeeze ice ? What ?
@@angelwings7930 that was the advice given
@@angelwings7930 squeezing ice causes uncomfort and helps anchor you in the moment. I was dissociatimg last night during the worst panic attack I've had in years and I had to go sit outside in 12 degree weather for 30 mins with no jacket. It really helped.
@@ryan7050 how does it feel when you're disassocisting? I want to know how it's experienced to help someone I know
@@Musarrat19
Spacing out; day dreaming
Glazed look; staring
Mind going blank
Mind wandering
Sense of world not being real
Watching self from outside
Detachment from self or identity
Out of body experience
Disconnected from surroundings
It's a scary feeling. Your brain essentially disconnects from whats happening because it cant handle the stress of the emotions you are feeling.
My spouse describes their dissociation as being in the back row of a theatre watching reality from far away and as just an observer.
this has happened to me a few times, it happens especially when im in a large group of people. i will completely space out and it will feel like im not even there or like im invisible and no one can see me and im watching everyone do their thing and watching different conversations but not really feeling conscious while also feeling conscious (like a dream almost)
i have always thought this was normal. i didn't realise that this was dissociation. im not diagnosed with but 90% sure i have BPD and i know dissociation can be a symptom of BPD
I SO relate
its exactly like that for me too, its like im watching myself live my life, im not enjoy the momment, im watching myself enjoing it...
thats a great way to describe
that's a good way to describe it. I've described it to my boyfriend as everything feels fake, like a movie, except I'm in the movie
There is literally not a day that goes by where I don't feel depersonalized/derealised. I almost always feel like I'm in a dream or like I'm mentally floating, if that makes sense. Lightheadedness is common and feeling like I'm watching myself do things or like I don't recognize myself in the mirror. In fact when you said that 50% of people have at least one dissociative episode I immediately thought, "Lucky. Some people get to have just one." I rarely even know what it feels like to not be dissociated. I don't even remember what I did two days ago. What do normal people feel like
..if it makes you feel less isolated, I can relate with you 100%. I’ve been popping out of dissociation a bit more often during the day since I started a strict routine. I live my life as close to a regimented plan as possible and avoid anything stimulating.
..sounds sad, but I prefer the 85% dissociation over the 100% with a brief second of reality hitting me every 6 months causing a mental and emotional collapse because I forgot what presence feels like. You probably get what I’m talking about.
I honestly 100% understand this, I used to not be able to go a single day without dissociating starting from elementary school until about my sophomore year of high school; something that helped me out a LOT was just doing basic mindfulness practices every day (5 minutes of describing everything around you with your six senses, 5 minutes of breathing and ignoring all other thoughts, 5 minutes of stretching, etc.). It’s really hard at first and it might not feel like you’re really “getting it”, but with practice just 5 minutes a day you can get a lot better at it. It may take a long time to feel truly connected to your body and everything around you, but even getting through a simple conversation with a friend without completely dissociating is a huge accomplishment!!! I still find myself dissociating some days but just remember that it’s a learning curve and with time and practice you can get little accomplishments that lead to big results, I believe in you!!
It’s almost comforting that someone else experiences this in the same kind of way I do. It kind of feels like I’m sleepwalking through life most of the time, and moments of actual grounded reality are few and far between. It’s really disorienting not to have a sense of time or self.
@@sibyl757 it is oddly, morbidly comforting. I’m sorry though, that we feel this way. But yay, little less alone in it..
me too, i don’t know what is wrong with me
I was describing my symptoms to my psychiatrist and I didn't know what it was yet and he goes "oh so you deal with dissociation and depersonalization" and I was like "THERES A NAME FOR IT?????" having a name to how I'm feeling helped tremendously because I didn't feel as alone anymore :)
r u finnish?
As someone who lives with a chronic illness, I teach clients with similar diagnoses how to intentionally spend some time during the day, every day, embodied and present to the here and now. Dissociation helps those of us who live with chronic pain and other difficult symptoms to get through the day. But if you stay dissociated, you lose a sense of who you are and what you need. Thanks so much for this breakdown of dissociation, Kati!
I disassociate myself from everything to the point when I’m actually having to be in real life and actually participate in my own life i just can’t.. it always feel like life in general is too much for me. Its kinda hard to explain .. i feel like I’m living someone else’s life
I dont know how long you've been feeling like this, but i felt this way too a few months ago, it eventually went away and now im fine, hope you feel better with time:)
Me too
@@natashahindmarsh509 have you found a way to cope? ive been like this for 3 years and i haven’t been able to stop it
@@natashahindmarsh509 yeah same with me.. i felt like this almost all my life. To the point that i don’t even know how to live “normally”. Time never was the answer
@@natashahindmarsh509 i did that for like two years and it took a toll on me i got depressed and it triggered thoughts of self harm.. sleeping kinda helped in a way but didn’t .. like it helped me get through the day but it left me with a lot of dark emotions when i woke up. Which is why now i struggle with sleeping properly
I feel like im constantly monitoring my own perception because i have a fear of dissociation but this puts me into a constant state of anxiety that probably causes it more often
yes brother! i have been like that for 16 months like omg i dont ever feel present i feel cut off from reality like im in a dream omg this is dissociation etc and i used to fear that word so damn much but why be scared of it? being scared of it i feel makes it worse.
Yup I'm the exact same .I suffer from real bad axiaty n over think everything so wen I feel disconnected from myself it makes me panick more ..but I think to my self that everything is ok .and it happens to a lot of people .n jus relax .
sounds like my ocd
I am constantly monitering my own thoughts and perception. It's awful
Is this the real me now? Who is the real me? Am I human or machine now? Can i care or can i not?
It's a horrible way to have to live your life and what's worse nobody sees it.
You are a "normal" person one minute and a cold unfeeling person the next just because someone does or says something that hits a trigger.
People might think your crazy but if you tell them about your PTSD then you're confirming it because they don't have it and don't understand what it's like.
People see others in a wheelchair and can sympathize because they can imagine themselves in a wheelchair and how hard that would be, but a mental illness where you're not talking to yourself or imaginary people or screaming or have any overt outward signs people just can't understand.
I dissociated a lot as a child, I grew up in an abusive environment and I used it as a self protection mechanism. I've been out of that environment for years now, however I still experience it when stressed or overwhelmed.
My biggest signs of dissociating are spacing out and running on autopilot. It feels like my mind is running two programs at the same time, the present moment as well as the emotional flashbacks. When it happens, I say out loud that Im spacing out but Im aware of whats going on. I talk through what Im thinking and this talking grounds me in my body again.
Maybe you're gemini.
This happens to me too, scary thing it happens when I’m driving too
damn I thought this action was being zen...😂 fk this is actually a disorder?!?
I have had this all my life. I also can Astral project and meditate well. But the spacing out and auto pilot is with me nearly all the time. I do feel like it’s not me while looking in the mirror. This feels like part of my spirituality though. The real me is a spirit. Do any of y’all feel similar?
Does the dissociation dissapear when u say out loud how you feel
Is it unusual to feel like dissociation is comfortable? Sometimes I find it is like a break from it all. Let’s say I’m dissociating but then realise, I almost wish it had carried on?
i've been officially diagnosed and feel that way too every now and again. and it makes a lot of sense to me! our brain is trying to protect us, after all, be it from the outside world or our own feelings or trauma
There can be a sense of comfort in it for me sometimes. Especially if Im extremely anxious about a tangible event, once I begin dissociating I'm not worried about it anymore! But, on the other hand, its scary and can make me more anxious
Absolutely I don’t want to come out of it
a big thing with my dissociation is that I feel like time doesn't exist and that I'm stuck in this state forever. And even when I come out of it to an extent when I try to remember the feeling all I can associate with it is a sense of a long time even though it could have been only 30 minutes. But even with that feeling I get to a point where I tell myself that if I'm stuck in this state forever why worry about anything with the real me? idk if this made sense i'm kinda disassociating right now
I was at the dentist recently and I was so anxious. My brain kept trying to disassociate but then my gums would get poked or something and I would snap to. I kept wishing I could stay disassociated because when I felt far away, it was like I was floating in a dream or something. Much more pleasant than feeling all my tense muscles and the loud vacuum suctioning and the bright light and sharp instruments as they cleaned my teeth.
My therapist told me that I might be experiencing dissociation and I've been doing research on it and it actually makes a lot more sense now. Thank you for this video.
Didn’t realize I had dissociation until you explained the memory loss... yep this is a struggle for me.
I've had anxiety and depression for years and this has been one of the weirdest symptoms. I remember the first time it happened to me. It was similar to the feeling you feel when you look down from a tall building or balcony. Like a huge whoosh of dizziness and horrible feelings that makes what you are and what see/feel unreal. It was like I couldn't believe what I was seeing like the image from my eyes was so foreign and new as if I just popped into existence and didn't know who I was yet. I've never had mushrooms but the way people talk about losing the ego or sense of self on mushrooms sounds so familiar to me.
i relate to everything in this comment
@@Zackyinked I relate to you relating to MrBurntheTrees.
I relate to you relating to them relating to MrBurnthetrees
this is the most accurate way i’ve seen the feeling described
How are you doing now?
This made me want to cry. I constantly struggle with memory issues, feeling light headed, not knowing what I did or things that happened. There's been a number of times when someone will bring up an event that I was in and I have no recollection of that at all. There is even a photo that was put up at work, of a celebration, with me in it, that I had absolutely no memory of and could not tell you anything that happened, where it was, or what it was about. I have to constantly write things down throughout the day.
I can never tell the difference between anxiety, stress, depression, or dissociation. It has physical symptoms though. Chest pain, digestion issues, migraines, even an auditory rumbling when people talk that nobody has been able to tell me what that is. It's hard to stop and happens, seemingly, randomly.
I've made progress. I can start to actually feel some emotions that I used to just act that I felt, when I concentrate on it.
But I don't know if therapy is helping anymore. I don't know how to stop these automatic reactions. It's hard to live like this.
I'm so sorry you have to live that way . I hope you find peace some day. What you wrote is my story as well.
If you cannot tell the difference then there is no logic in self diagnosis. All your symptoms could be explained in reasonable terms with enough time.
True, but if things aren't improving with therapy, it's possible that the right diagnoses have not/will not be made and the person needs to try other avenues or specialists. For example, this person didn't mention PTSD, but that may be something they might want to discuss with a specialist in case that's the reason for dissociation. There's also just a lot that even professionals can't explain at this point in time. Hopefully this person and their doctors don't give up.
You're off to a great start you've identified them. I had a flashback not long ago and I couldn't believe it but I identified the flashback and why it happened weird. There's an excellent book by Pete Walker called cptsd from surviving to thriving. He talks about ways to help flashbacks
Does anyone else get really afraid of their body/ having a body when they disassociate?
I sometimes get overwhelmingly squeamish and distressed about having a body when i'm disassociating and I so desperately wish I was a wall or a tree.
I also just wanted to say thanks for your videos. They help me a lot.
I wanted to ask, if I could, so dissociation comes and goes which means it is not a constant feeling of emptiness?
This video nearly confirmed to me that I'm probably dissociating during therapy. I hardly ever remember it and when I do only the easy bits. And often when I walk out the building, it's the moment my emotions hit me. I did wonder if the bad memory could be dissociation but this video made that thought a lot stronger. Thank you for giving me the info that helped me realise!
I went through the same thing! I made some reason like ADHD but this seems FAR more accurate. I mentioned my memory problems with my psychologist and he said that, as long as I ask again what he said/hear what he tells me again, it should still help me subconsciously and come to me naturally. Counseling truly is like magic.
I feel exactly like this sometimes I forget what we talk about and zone out all the time I also feel fine even great when I am leaving but as soon as I leave the lobby and I walk down the hall I feel just like a weight come down on me and it feels like I am underwater. I also find it really hard to remember thing while I am there and I have described before that I feel like I get tunnel vision not literally but mentally like I can only access a small part of my emotions and memories and vocabulary and I thought this was because of anxiety (I used to have selective mutism) but maybe I am disassociating? I’ve also like told my therapist certain things that in the moment I genuinely believed were true but than when I remembered those moments later I realized that it was very much not the case and I just totally forgot about things that are pretty important. Obviously you can’t give me any answers but I just wanted to say I relate a lot to this comment.
I appreciate your cheery lighthearted demeanor when discussing these heavy things.
It's so interesting what you say about loss of identity, I never hear about that as part of dissociation before, but I can relate to that a lot, and would like to know more about it. I've experienced that both alone and along with feeling outside of my body (getting all clumsy) and not feeling anything. Self harm has always been the most effective way to keep myself tethered in those situations, like a hand to hold on to, because I can actually feel it - not always so much when I do it, but afterwards.
When I read the title I had the great urge to say, “IS it?” Lol
"...or is it??" Vsauce music starts to play
Haha
I've had very bad depersonalization and derealization for years. The two go hand in hand, and I have suffered from it every single day, since the age of 15. EVERY DAY, 90% of the day. I am now 31. I've learned to live peacefully with it. I've gotten so accustomed to it, it's now more stressful for me NOT to be dissociated. It's okay. I've come to accept it's just a part of who I am. I'm an artist, and I've learned how to use it to help my artistic expression in a positive way. It does hinder me socially. I'm not here to tell you NOT to pursue treatment, if you're like me. But I am here to tell you that, if you have it severely, and can only make minimal improvement, it's OKAY. It's okay. It's just a matter of learning how to use it to your advantage :-) Don't worry. Nothing is wrong with you. Sometimes, acceptance of our imperfections MAKES us perfect in the end. Whoever you are, suffering from this, I love you. And I'm with you.
I experienced this since I was 16. I've learnt to live with it. mine comes with emotional numbness and I use the numbness when I experience emotional stress
Wow, I’m speechless. Yes, I felt this way almost daily since my earliest recollections of abuse in all forms, etc. etc. will do that thank you for your sweet message.
You got that right Kati. Especially the stress right now, I feel myself doing what I call "zoning out". Shutting myself off from the world completely.
I'm about to graduate with my psychology degree! Thank you so much for your help to discover what I love Katie. You've helped me with my classes so much, and to figure out what career I want to pursue.
❤️
What about eyes going out of focus? Spontaneously “blurring out” has happened all my life, and I’ve only recently noticed that it happens when I’m thinking about something stressful. It feels “comfortable” in such a way that I don’t want to pull myself out of it (but I can if I will it) and it’s kind of emotionally numbing, and I can actually function pretty normally during these episodes (unless the task requires a lot of focus). Sometimes I do it intentionally when I’m in public to take myself out of my social anxiety.
I think I understand the relaxed eyes blur happens when I zone out feel warm and calm and don't realize I've been doing this, not blinking, eyes dry and blurred a bit, but also have bad eyesight/corrective vision but this still happens noticeably because I literally could be wearing contacts and then suddenly feel weirdly calm and blurred vision
Yeah you're far too self aware of this issue for it to be dissociation. Lack of focus, daydreaming absolutely but you don't sound like you're expressing the disconnect of someone with this issue.
not thought about it until you said.... .....yes....
Yes 💯💯💯
no dude just focus
Then I DEFINITELY dissociated before, besides while on THC. I was working at a dog rescue and a dog fatally attacked another. I managed to stay present and do the cleanup, but after that I told my manager that I needed to go home. I started dissociating on the drive home and came to in a neighborhood off the freeway. Thankfully, I knew the area and had my family pick me and my car up. Which confused them, but it was definitely the safest move.
Damn I know exactly what that feels like, driving while dissociating is the absolute worst and really really dangerous I feel like
Thc is a mind bender. Disassociation is just people who live a fake unrealistic life and your mind detaches from the soul becuz they are misaligned. But smoking og kush can make people Ulta aware and wake them up. Front brain gets activated. Once you wake up you will never be the same person. Some mistake cannabis disassociation with waking up.
God that sound such a horrific event. I wouldnt be able to work there anymore. I hope you're OK.
dissociation is one hell of a protective technique. It's amazing as a way to get me through really tough and stressful times, but when it happens for long periods of times, or when nothing awful is happening, it can really suck. Dissociation got me through high school and was a thick skin between me and an emotionally abusive music teacher. But I've lost several years to it, even the good times.
Its kind of comforting seeing this video pop up in my feed now that I am off medication and working slowly to unmask and live authentically as an autistic individual. I've known for a few years dissociation was what I was doing and paying attention to it as a sign that I've reached my limits and using that as a guide for how to better fine tune my life and accept where my actual limits are. As I work through it though, and work with my psychologist/therapist, I find it comforting, not concerning. And the loss of identity has helped me a lot in self discovery and finding who I really am.
Idk how to explain it but sometimes not too often when I’m with friends or a big group something comes over me and like nothing seems real or it’s like I’ll look at myself and I’m like “who am I, is this me? What’s going on? What’s real? Am I real”
Sounds like depersonalization or derealization is occurring. You should check these two terms out. I also experience both of these things as well as dissociation. Hope you get the help you need. :)
Yes! Thank you for sharing this. When I am very happy, especially surrounded by loved ones, I often feel like this isn’t my life and who am I? It’s like my brain can’t believe that people actually love me. :(
@@ancarter22 I understand that feeling… When people are nice, my brain goes, “But why…? What’s the catch?” 😮💨 Much love to everyone struggling with these issues. 💕
Life feels like a constant struggle. But your videos help me get through. I can’t thank you enough.
....This explains so much.... I.... I never realized I actually was dissociating at all when it happened or when I finally came to my senses afterwards.... turns out my mood episodes or triggers of other things in life have caused me to do this numerous times without realizing it....Thank you for putting into words what I could not.... I need to talk to my therapist about this in my next session this upcoming week! >.
And thank YOU for expressing what I wanted to say. I didn't know this was a thing that happened to others, I thought it was just me.
I have let some close friends know that I sometimes "get lost". It helps that they can recognize what is going on with me when I can't. They bring me back to reality
Yup I relate to all the above. The loss of identity is truly the most painful. Thank you for validating this. I woke up feeling majorly dissociated this morning.
I've been waiting for this for so long after learning I've been suffering with dissociation for most of my life
Kati has a whole playlist on Disassociation! ruclips.net/p/PL_loxoCVsWqy8NqveX22SsMKlW5601YvQ
Katie. I’ve been going through postpartum depression and compounded trauma from a year abs a half of horrible events.
I JUST realized this weekend that I spend almost half the day in dissociation. I realized yesterday I kept saying “I don’t feel real”. I feel numbed out and like I’ve been inside of my thoughts for so long that I feel like I’ve been in another world until about 4pm.
I spend almost 12 hours a day along with my 2 year old while pregnant and I noticed it’s hard to get out of the house bc I feel so dizzy and spaced out that I’m afraid to drive bc I feel so sleepy alllll day.
I want to thank you for making these videos. I never realized I also have maladaptive daydreaming due to being in isolation for the past 6 months due to pregnancy complications.
Now I can actually catch myself doing it so I can actually feel present in my day. 🙏🙏🙏
I’ve had this so many times recently and it helps SO much to understand what it is! I’d feel like a senseless monster during arguments when I started to not feel emotions. I was scared I was heartless when in fact the argument was so hurtful my brain was trying to save me. It’s odd having a motherly brain in a society that may view it otherwise. We must love ourselves. Thanks Kati! ❤️
I feel that I dissociate from time to time, though don’t know a whole lot about it!! Very excited for this video :)
You are not a doctor and go see a real professionally psychologist because that was needs to be done and specialized in your condition. Yes this video on is to inform but also tell you if you have this problem then go see this type of doctor to help you with your life period 👏.
I hope the video was helpful!! :) xoxo
@@Katimorton It was, thanks so much!!! :)
I've been in a chronic state of dissociation for 33 years. In the beginning it was so scary as it came and went. Now i'm used to it and it's at least better. No doctor understood my problem when I finally dared to speak about it. I have many times thought I was going crazy. I understood it was my minds way to cope. When I finally read about it everything clicked. Very strange when professionals don't know about it. In my case it happened after sexual trauma. I didn't tell people so didn't get help. So if this resonates with you - please seek help🙏❤
I think I’ve just realised that what I’ve described as “dissociation” is just the onset of a panic attack. For me, I feel something creep from the back of my head, the edges of my vision gets blurry and the noises around me get louder. I always assumed it was dissociation!
i never heard someone explain what i experience so accurately. u get what feels like tunnel vision, sounds become louder that you normally wouldn't pay attention to, and you feel confused and scared. i hate it.
@@jules-dl2sm yes! it’s incredibly disorientating. I hope you’re okay, anxiety is no joke.
@@fleebwoodmac i hope you are too
Same! I didn’t realize that what I was experiencing were panic attacks. I thought I was going crazy.
Wow, recently i think i’ve been struggling with dissociating and have been talking about it for the last couple days and this video popped up on my feed and it really helped.
I am so glad it was helpful :) xoxo
This just blew my mind! I thought it was just me day dreaming instead of being in the present situation. I have had all of these for years 😭 thank you so much for this info! Now i can better understand my self.
I don't really remember most of my childhood; how do i know if it's just a childhood memory loss or was I dissociating that whole time?
The best way to find out is to talk with a therapist about it. Usually having someone guide you through what memory you do have and working with you to uncover what you can will help. We can have memory loss for many reasons, dissociation, abuse or trauma, and much more, so seeing a professional is the best way to figure out why it happened to you. xoxo
I also don't remember big chunks of my childhood and also some of the last years of my life, it seems as tho It's been getting worse and worse as times goes by, like my memory is fucked up or something :\ very hard to deal with
@Amanda Charlebois thank you for your comment! I'll ask my therapist about it
@@Oceans780 Me, too. Kind of frightening. If prompted by a sibling who is recalling an event that I was present at, often the memory of the event, or parts of it, come back to me, which is really nice.
Same for me. I only have a few memories from childhood and I still tend to forget a lot. I think it's a coping skill I picked up when I was young.
I feel like I’ve dissociated for so long that it just feels normal now and I don’t even know how to describe it when someone asks but I can identify when people point out what it is
Me too.
Same here
Yes. I’ve been feeling like this since I can remember, since childhood. So im appalled when I can see people in the comments being able to call it scary or weird, as if they experienced it only once in their lifetime, or experience rarely foe short periods of time. I am so used to it i am more surprised when i feel normal for some time, when there is no tension for example for the first time in years. 😅
Sameeeee 24/7 the world looks and feels unreal
1:08 "for a minute or so" ... I feel like I've been HEAVILY DISSOCIATED my entire life. Memories, the foggy ones that I can actually kinda recall feel more like recalling a dream than a memory. It's depressing really. I am in this constant state of not remembering anything, not forming memory and not knowing who exactly I am.
Wow, honestly this is extremely eye opening. I was aware of dissociation but never thought I'd ever be able to relate it to myself in this way.
Liar
I just experienced dissociation for the first time about 3 months ago. Since then I’ve experienced it a handful of times because I’m doing trauma work in therapy. Trauma work is scary, honestly.
I couldn't agree more!
It sure is!
props to you for doing it, though! don't forget that you should work through things at your own pace. you can ask your therapist to go slower at any time. have you told them about your dissociative symptoms? if not, that would certainly help them a great deal
@@nobody4911 yes I’ve told her about my experiences with dissociation. It has actually happened once or twice with her in session. She’s very good about giving me tips and ways to cope in the moment.
You’re not alone! ❤️
I've never seen anyone like you who can hit the nail on the head with 100% accuracy and I have reached out for the help with Dr's and therapist who after a couple of appointments and no warning drop me or cancel any future sessions and so with that said I am at the point of lonely and lonesome actions or reactions that I don't know whether I'm coming or going or even worse going through the motion of minute by minute life
me realizing I’ve dissociated a lot in my past after watching this
👁👄👁
Same, man. Trippy
Just happened to me.
@@cndy_gr_ how long did it feel like?
I recently realised that I have memories of dissociating when I was a kid. It was like time had stopped or something, like I was disconnected from the room and my hands seemed like they had grown larger and larger. I’m not sure why I dissociated though.
OH MY GOD YESS!! AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE THE SENSATION BUT THATS EXACTLY HOW IT FEELS!
Im stuck in it 24/7 its awful.
I have every single one of these things from childhood abuse, still in childhood abuse so its getting worse.
-Hard of hearing (Somebody sayts something and i cant hear it even with 20/20 hearing)
-Eye Sights has declined since i got locked in 24/7
-I feel out of my body 24/7 like a vr game. My body is not my body.
-I feel pain and don't really FEEL it.
-Memory loss
-Deperonilization
Etc...
All cause my dads and asshole and i don't get a choice about it.
My mom died last January of cancer. She had stage 4 for 6 years and fought until she couldn't anymore. I was very close to her. The night before she died I watched her suffer for hours; the PTSD from that night uprooted my entire identity of who I thought I was and I've started dissociating at random during my day because my emotions are so high and unmanageable. It's like I'm watching myself do things but I can't hear what I'm saying (like I'm muted) and can't feel anything. I sometimes watch myself drive home with no recollection of even looking out of my windshield.
I have my first therapy session scheduled for next Thursday. I'm VERY scared but hopeful.
Thank you Kati for your insight, information and compassion.
I can relate to your post so much. My mom died in June 2021 of lung cancer, and in July 2022 I had a series of severe panic attacks that led to derealization and depersonalization. I had experienced DPDR before due to anxiety but nothing like that episode. I was convinced I had schizophrenia for several months, and was in fight or flight mode 24/7. I'm currently on Lexapro and Buspar which I think has helped, along with doing therapy. My mind has calmed down somewhat but I still feel a disconnect from my old identity.
It’s funny, how I started watching your when I was 20 years old. Now I am 26 and I just completed my degree in Mental Health Counseling. Hopefully I can begin practicing as well. :)
Good luck. I hope people find comfort and I hope you enjoy your career!
Congratulations!! I'm going for the same degree! Are you going to post videos about experiences in the beginning of working in this field? If you do I'll follow now! Best wishes to you 💜
4:55 is really relatable.
Me and my stepdad was picking up my little sister from school, and earlier that day I had a depressive episode when I was alone at home. So when we got at the school, she went in the car and she slammed the door really hard on my fingers, but I didn’t scream, cry or even figit. I literally had no physical pain, I only laughed, and no one even knew that that happened only when I said something, they were really shocked that I didn’t scream in pain. It was Kinda a good thing that I was dissociative at that moment, and also my fingers didn’t even break.
learning or realizing that disassociation is real was a difficult pill to swallow...I am in my 70s and only in the last few years did I come to know that disassociate stuff happens
As a kid I used to say to my mom "I feel like I'm not here". It scared me a lot but of course she had no idea what was going on to be able to help me. It happened all the time and still does. I feel like I'm seeing the world through tunnel vision and when it starts I push myself to act like a normal person and fake it 'til I make it. I try to just act like it will go away and eventually it does. It's so hard to describe! Could this be dissociation?
It could be what’s called depersonalization where one feels as if they are somehow not real.
Same
I had an episode for 3 months straight. It was horrible. Everyone looked like moving objects trying to give me pills so that I could sleep only to wake up 3 hours later feeling fully awake. Ew. My most recent is when I started watching ghost shit on RUclips, I started feeling like I was being controlled by a ghost. Obviously no ghosts, but ya know
Have you ever tried being hugged by someone while experiencing that? It might help ground you in this reality.
I said the exact same thing lol “‘mommy am I even real” “ we are fake”
I spent 2 years of my life dissociating. I was being bullied and s*xually harassed pretty bad. I started doing poorly in school so my parents and teachers would yell at me, causing me to shut down even further. I experienced a lot of loss too. I honestly didn't even feel real. The parts I can remember are also weird, the best way I can describe it is monochrome. I'm better now though, I still dissociate sometimes but it's not as bad now. I'm glad I can enjoy color again
How did you get better?
How did you get well? Any treatment?
Jesus bless you endlessly he loves you like no other ❤
I’ve been dissociating on & off for years but just recently was diagnosed with epilepsy where I only have seizures in my sleep. Having a seizure & then waking up in a dissociative state that’s lasted on & off 3 days has truly been the most terrifying experience in my life. I got family to take me to emerge because I was scared I may have died that night & was just imagining everything else. Even just watching this helps to remind me that my thoughts are just thoughts & everything’s going to be okay but I definitely think I should get in to talk to a professional. Hugs to all who needs them 🫂❤️
Been having intense dissociation since coming out of a friendship with a narcissist and being stuck at home with my abusive father and just being a general toxic household because of quarantine. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I hope everyone dealing with it is making their way towards healing
My *literal* exact situation. I wish you luck. This isn’t easy and is affecting my good relationships the most and they don’t deserve it and the guilt is powerful. Be well, friend. and hang loose 🤙 -it’s my new motto after discovering the emoji. Silly, but it does help.
@@katejenn Oh god same. It's like I finally get some good relationships in my life but they're being negatively affected so much by all the guilt I'm feeling and me just feeling so emotionally numb and agitated. I have hope life is more than this. I was happier before quarantine. I know we can make it out to a better life. It's a little wet, but sometimes I like looking up at the sky when things feel like hell and I think about the fact that the sky is what everyone everywhere has in common, and one day I hope to look up at it through happier eyes and think about how it was always with me. Good luck honestly
Anyone here dissociative while they’re driving and forget how you got there or where you’re going? Just me?
Yes. Get a tracker on your car connected to an app so you can be sure how often it’s happening and whether you should really be allowing yourself access to a car
I notice it the most when I'm walking somewhere, even if it's across the room or upstairs.
Happened me something similar a few times. I had the image of the place where I had to go, and then not knowing how to get there. When I knew how to go there because I already went to that place
To some degree, a lot of people do this while driving, especially if it’s a route they often take, but the degree of dissociation does matter.
I hella happens to me too, you're not alone on that
Where were ALL of you when I was a kid struggling with this ?
You’re all my best friends and brothers / sisters from other mothers, etc.
Big love from me 🙏🏼
I'm definitely dissociated right now. I feel so bad about it cause I see I can't manage to be authentic. I start going in automatic mode and become too nice, too agreeable. And although it gets me through situations it can also harm me cause I tend to not realize when a situation is bad for me.
I dissociate when I have a flashback. Everything stops. I am frozen. It feels like anesthesia.
Loss of self- identity was a major problem I couldn’t deal with for most of my life. It began in childhood . I had no dad around from the time I was three, couldn’t understand things that happened to me and my family, which is true of most kids. But I could never understand my mother. And as I discovered years later, it was because she had a persona that she created for herself to relate socially. You can’t know a person through a false persona.
Then I began to follow that and was searching for my own persona. I began fantasizing about reality and the world. I looked at things from a warped perspective. People would tell that I was hard to know , and I had no idea what they meant.
To me it became an enigma that I could not understand. I couldn’t know my true self or others, and others could not know me. I became despondent and resigned as well as depressed . I was not able to have normal relationships. But I never knew why.
It’s a dreadful way to live , always trying to overcome a negative self-image , or, no self - image , by compensating for myself and looking for roll models to create a persona that could give me self-confidence. The mass of confusion makes life harder and lonelier.
The answer I found was from a Native American teaching. You have to find your center, your true self, your heart , and then never let anything draw you off of it. They call this your shadow self . This is your identity. It’s like finding the eye of the storm- in the center there is peace and the storm is all around you; instead of being in turmoil and confusion, which is the storm in our heart that won’t let us rest.
I was unaware of dissociating until hours started disappearing and I didn't know where I was at first.
It stole so much of my life, including letting my children go.
The least painful aspect of CPTSD and probably the most destructive outside of violent flashbacks.
Don't overegg the pudding. You're emotionally catastrophising for no reason.
Hope things get better for you x
@@mairead788-6 thank you 💛
I'm sorry this happens to you.
@@Paulstrickland01can you say how you have come to this diagnosis, please?
I don't believe that you know enough about the current and past events in my life to say this, but thank you for your kind intention. It is appreciated and I am interested in your viewpoint.
I just realised that I basically dissosiated throughout my abusive relationship for 4 months. I don't have any recollection about most of the 4 months but I remember coming to when I started self harming
Saaame I realized I couldn’t recall memories from the relationship
Unfortunately for me it was like three years 🤯
I had a relationship with an Afghan refugee while volunteering abroad and then long distance while trying to help him get asylum and leave the camp by meeting lawyers in my country. He’s in a better camp now but it’s still sad. We broke up after realizing he can’t come to my country. Anyway, yesterday I was thinking about my past relationships and I literally forgot about my Afghan boyfriend. I could only remember my bf from 2 years ago and the other from 5 years ago 😳 Then today I realized that I forgot him. Well, I dissociate a lot.
One great way to help prevent disassociation is to practice body awareness. I teach Yin yoga and one of the main focuses of the practice is body awareness; tuning into the sensations of being in your body, notice sensations of pain, comfort, tension, etc. Doing this practice regularly can prevent disassociation by strengthening and nurturing our relationship with our physical body. ❤️
I dissociate quite often which goes with my diagnosed depression & anxiety and have for years. Sometimes it can be overwhelming, but most of the time it's just something I'm used to and actually even welcome it really. It's a buffer for my actual mental issues to me and helps me through a lot. I know it is frowned upon to use heavy psychoactives with mental illness but sometimes I even use a class of drug called dissociative hallucinogenics to really dive into this state of being/non-being when I am utterly at my ropes end. I call it a Great Reset.
I didnt know that’s what it was called, the things ive dealt with my entire life. Have been severely abused my whole life and have close to no memory from before I was 18. And the experiences I was having match up with dissociating explained here! My therapists have never told me that was the word it’s called! Thank you for this video!
You deserve to go to heaven for making this vid, it literally discribe EVERYTHING I'm going through this period, and it made me feel a bit more comfortable because I thought I lost my identity for ever, first time seeing your challenge, it deserve all love and support, thank you ❤️❤️❤️
No one deserves heaven. We all deserve hell and are condemned to it unless we repent and turn to Jesus. He is the only gate to the Father. For by grace we have been saved through faith and it's not of anything we do. It is the gift of God.
I once sat 8:24 for a final exam in college that required long written answers. I was very fatigued, and I became very jittery and nervous when I saw the exam to the point where I felt like I couldn’t even control my hand. I also became unable to understand the questions, and I would read them over and over. So I just kept writing, knowing that I had written a bunch of gibberish and went home very depressed afterwards. at the next class session, the professor asked for me by name, and I fully expected her to say that they would hook me up with the campus psychiatrist. But oddly enough, I had the highest paper in the class and set the curve. I do not remember any questions or what I wrote, and that was very unnerving to me. I guess that’s some kind a dissociative episode right there
Wow! Crazy that our brains can function without our consent or knowledge! So fascinating!
@@billiereyna7317 our brains have total control LOL, I do not understand what you are saying. Our brains know before we do, that we are dying....
@@r.coffman1431 I was just responding to the comment about writing answers on a test, feeling like they were gibberish, but they were the highest grade in the class. Did you read that comment? I’m not sure what’s confusing you.
Wow, that's quite a story! I'm sorry that you had to experience that but it is fascinating as well.
I've had that happen, in fact I was having and anxiety attack but no one noticed because we had masks on. It was only a few seconds but my hands froze and it took a few seconds for me to write again... I couldn't remember what was on my essay. I did NOT get a high grade :))
To me is like my eyes can’t focus
My vision is fine but, it feels like my eyes lose the will to see
This is the worst when you’re trying to conversation with friends and family. Trying to provide attention and let them know your interested but in my experience that memory loss hits me and I fk up talking and after that I can’t hold eye contact and start to fade away as I make ditch effort attempts to not make whoever it is feel I don’t care or think I’m too simple to comprehend pushin that state farther
Like you can look at words, but can't actually read them?
@@darthlynx5792 exactly
me, literally has a dissociative disorder: hmm, IS it dissociation? 👀
Same. 20 something years ago I was diagnosed with DID. Fast forward to forgetting the diagnosis and Everything I had worked on in therapy for 15 years and now I'm aware of my system over the past year.. But I'm probably actually OSDD, but no one will diagnose me, but at least my new therapist actually listens to what I experience and has been ok dealing with my splitting.
MOOD
but like...is it? 🤨
Lmfao sameee
@@suzannep What is OSDD?
I don’t even realize how stressed I’ve been for so long until you describe these things and then it’s like wow I’ve been stressed for along time I guess?
Thanks for this! My Psychiatrist says I dissociate a lot, but I still "struggle to understand" what that means/looks like. I think it's just that I might not want to admit I do it. It sounds "scary" and "crazy" and all those other words we shouldn't use.
Wow. I remember 'coming to' in school, a month after my grandad died and not having any idea what my teacher was talking about. I also do this during interviews.
I stare into space and it feels like I have to force my eyes to focus like it feels so good to just stare without blinking or thinking
Dang. I have been doing this so bad lately. Was healed from ptsd and now I see it again. Thank you
Honestly the first thing that came to mind was all the times that I've been doing something in the present and have a flashback of a time when something similar happened in the past. I would get so wrapped up in the memory of it that I would end up spacing out and forgetting completely that there was a person just talking to me a second ago.
That’s similar to how I feel sometimes. It feels like I’ve done something before but I can’t actually figure out why or all of a sudden for no apparent reason I am overcome with sadness or depression and then I get distracted trying to figure out why I feel that way for no reason.
Thanks!
This is my baseline , I live in dissociation...I’ve learned to live within it....I actually get anxious when I’m not dissociative 😂
Yes, same with myself. I used to have it randomly and rarely and now i've had it for a year and a half, daily. :(
This is how I am.
Oh my god oh my god oh my god this is insane I am just realizing how dissociated I have been and AM to this day! I had a date and I had a memory come to me consciously and then my vision got blurry and like my focus was off and I kept shaking my head like I was in a dream or something holy shit omg omg omg omg
@@JCTBomb how are you now?
@@coralkarina333 how are you now?
I just want to say thanks for making these videos 😊
Awe of course Yasmin!! xoxo
Excellent explanation-concise. Having heard this, I recognize a few events through the years that were just chalked up to zoning out. Whether in adolescences, teen years, and ongoing adulthood, but the most recent, was all of the symptoms all at once, with no explanation but the circumstance I was in (no strenuous activity, etc). I removed myself from the situation until I re-clarified.
I didn't even think it was my case until you mentioned the self-harm episodes, I spent my whole adolescence doing it and sometimes I didn't even remember, I'd come to days later with scars. I think dissociation was, pretty much, my life until I got to my 20s, I don't remember most of it. Thank you Katie, you're wonderful.
I was today years old when I realized I dissociate. I thought I had all the symptoms of BPD except for that but it was because I didn't fully understand what dissociation was, but now I do and know that I experience that more often than I thought
Years ago I'd had many stressful days at work, feeling I was the sole provider for my family. I was depressed and so anxious all the time. Some days I would get about a mile from my house and turn the car around and go back home and call in. Well, this one day, and I don't remember when it started, all of a sudden I had driven halfway home and had no memory of it. I was at an intersection and all of a sudden I realized I had driven all that way and didn't feel like I had experienced it. I filed for disability two days later. I wasn't going to let that job kill me no matter what! I did tell my therapist about it and he was concerned. I never had another episode and now I'm on 4 different psych meds and I can actually say I feel so much better than back then. Thank you so much for covering this topic. I've learned so much from it!
I honestly feel this pretty much every day and it makes things really hard. It's bad when it happens while I'm at work, especially when I'm dealing with a customer or my coworkers. I always feel so bad because when it happens I can't process anything that's going on or remember
This happens to me as well!
I've just understood that while spending my last days in Russia this autumn, before I left the country, I was often dissociating. It was, and still is, extremely difficult to process what's going on. Some days I woke up not remembering how i spent some previous days and some parts of those days. I talked to my psychotherapist about feeling of like i was going to fall down. And I didn't understand and still sometimes do not understand completely of who I am and what is the sense of many things in my life and in the world on the whole.
I experienced dissociation for several months when I was in high school, I could see through other peoples eyesight and imagine looking at things through their eyes. Looking back it feels like a super power but going through it was a nightmare, from blurry vision and racing thoughts to floating above myself while I laid on the couch for weeks straight. It eventually went away and I’ve forgotten that feeling. I’m glad I forget it because it probably won’t come back then.
I think i have this. I’ve had insomnia, anxiety, stress and depression all at the same time. I just feel like my brain forced a shut down on me. Like I’m hungover or high. Does anyone else with this feel mentally slow? Can I get my concentration back ever after this.
I have struggled with dissociation and definitely relate to that feeling of being mentally slow. It’s like a mental fog; you can’t concentrate onto anything people are saying or whatever you’re trying to learn. It’s definitely possible to get concentration back though, just difficult sometimes. I learned about grounding techniques to bring myself back to reality. Therapy helps too, just talking about whatever is causing your dissociation and learning coping skills is a huge help. You are not alone in the struggle and I wish you all the best
I’m feeling myself making progress and getting back to normal. Still not at 100% But I noticed what helped a lot was lifestyle changes. Like staying away from people who drain your spirit. Eating healthy, cutting sugar, saturated fats etc. doing yoga and exercise and breathing techniques (meditation) . But mainly stimulating the brain, even if it’s hard, like studying the dictionary since I had verbal memory recall issues, it helps the brain wake up.
I have all 4 plus ptsd. Lately my life has been you tube. If not you tube, I’m doing regular day to day stuff on auto pilot mode and the rest of the day I’m zoned out. I don’t know if it’s a dissociative disorder or focal aware seizures. I have an eeg scan on the 16th so we’ll see.
@@drea2232004 i also have ptsd and I feel the exact same way. I’ve also suspected myself of having focal aware seizures because I get weird sensations throughout the night . I would get internal trembling on my brain. Does it ever happen to you were you feel a presence near you or hovering over you when there’s no one there ?
This is exactly how I feel, I’m getting a brain scan done because it genuinely feels like my brain is giving up slowly.